#anyway. flamewar <3

[newgroundstier]

put some fur on that beast intermission: stupid girls will inherit the. cybertron

[yozzers]

hehe i love ur little transformers au!! if u don't mind me asking, what bots do u have in it? would love to know! <3

I'm assuming ur talking abt my nyon port town au, need to start tagging those cuz ik my stuff kinda crosses between "falls under a continuity" and "looks like an au" anyway

the AU focuses on flamewar being mentored under kup alongside hot rod who was a previous kup mentee. He's only recently struck out on his own. Reoccurring characters in Nyon are Springer and his couriers: Arcee, Blurr, and Drift who come and go. Other residents in Nyon are Nautica, Perceptor, First Aid, Orion Pax, and sometimes Slipstream.

The world obv extends beyond them, you can assume about every bot is there in some way. I'll get more rambly under the line.

Iacon

Magnus is somewhere in government. probably. im still deciding some events in the au. good end he's just a lawyer bad end his like elite guard.

Research/Recovery Facility (Ratchet, Pharma, Wheeljack)

Security Firm (Red Alert*, Ironhide, Prowl)

Radio Station (Blaster, Jazz*)

Dock Center (Ariel, Brawn*, Huffer)

Circus (Windblade, Starscream, Skywarp, Thundercracker, Bumblebee, Cliffjumper, etc.)

Actually I'm getting kind of lazy at this rate, but just imagine about everyone has a place in this AU I'm just not worried about them since they aren't my main focus or just don't have a gimmick I care enough about to show. Also this AUs just been a fun thing for me to make my favorite characters interact (and I love sea vehicles and I want to make my faves sea vehicles).

Anyway thanks for reading, here's a messy relationship chart for the Nyon group (sans Perceptor who. is just Nautica's co-worker)

[quietbluejay]

Tax Evasion and Favourite Characters

so, a while back, I was going "I can't believe I have a blorbo who actually pays his taxes???" then I found out Guilliman does in fact evade taxes. Equilibrium was restored.

SO I decided to evaluate characters by tax evasion status. Yes I have other fandoms but the list is long enough so I just stuck to "chewing on furniture about in the past 3-4 years"

Fate: Shirou: he is a minor so he shouldn't have to pay taxes HOWEVER he's being paid under the table by a bar so I feel like this should count Sakura: also a minor Sola-Ui: has an army of accountants to handle her tax evasion for her Waver: is scared of the british tax agency whatever it's called so tries to do his taxes however Reines evades taxes for him, thus adding to his stress levels Kirei: are churches tax-exempt in Japan? he pays his taxes and makes everyone feel guilty at even the slightest thought that they might not

Transformers: Windblade: I don't think she tries to evade them but she might be exempt as a cityspeaker anyways Starscream: CANONICAL TAX EVASION Prowl: does his taxes but always gets refund Scoop: sends out reminders that taxes are due! Dreadwing: definite tax evader Flamewar: definite tax evader Pyra Magna: pays her taxes while grumbling Getaway: has never actually been in a position where he needs to pay taxes Verity: manages to evade taxes up until she steals Overlord's money Hunter: has a "taxation is theft" t-shirt somewhere. Nevertheless, pays his taxes. Sixshot: definite tax evader. do u want to die lol

Warhammer 40k: Guilliman: CANONICAL TAX EVASION Huron: CANONICAL TAX EVASION Iobel: standard Inquisitorial tax dodge. If something along these lines isn't canon, I'll eat one of my beautiful hats. Mortarion: evades taxes badly Perturabo: pays his taxes Yriel: he does, in fact, pay his taxes but only via civic duty of killing things, I don't think Eldar do taxes the same way. In spirit, he is a tax-payer except for when he was off being a pirate. Thiel: tax-exempt as part of Guilliman's tax evasion

[talenlee]

MTG: Soundwave Superior

MTG: Soundwave Superior

It’s weird given that I write about Magic: The Gathering and Transformers that I let the official printing of Magic: The Gathering Transformers cards. Oh and they’re all legendary and weird and Commander cares about legendary cards that shape the deck they belong in and are also weird. Oh and they’re all illustrated to look like screenshots from G1 Transformers, except they’re not, because of subtle hints like how Flamewar didn’t exist and Megatron is a tank and also they’re illustrated to look really good, and G1? Did you get this? It looks like ass.

There are fifteen of these cards. I’m not going to run through all of them, because there are fifteen of them and I need to think about how much time I spend talking about a card game full of elves (and now hobbits and cyber squid) especially when it crosses over with broken toys I got from the Salvos up the street from Woolies except I didn’t really, I’m pretty sure a bunch of those were Go-Bots, anyway.

Each of these cards creates an example of a play pattern. For some, you want to cast them early, letting their value accumulate over time. For some, you don’t want to cast them until you’ve developed a board that can benefit from them. Soundwave, Sonic Spy, for example, wants you to have tokens on the battlefield that can evade opponents’ attacks, and also stocked graveyards to eat up. Once you have that set up, you can use his hard-to-block tokens to feed further graveyard plunging.

That’s a bunch of different competing wants: He’s going to want mill cards, cards that create tokens that can get through (or can go so wide it doesn’t matter), he wants spells with modal mana values so you can get Ravage or Laserbeak out of him. Oh, and he looks at all the damage dealt by your tokens, so if you have three 1/1s that all hit, you can exile a 3 mana card. Going wide’s not worthless.

Now, that said, what I’d look for to build a Soundwave deck is cards that meet two or more of those competing wants. Something that makes tokens that are hard to block, something that mills people, something that lets you cast spells with different mana values. I think that because Laserbeak has flying and hexproof, he’s the more desireable thing to get, meaning that you want the cheaper sides of cards to be the even ones.

Mana value trickery comes in a couple of forms; sure, there are X-spells, and there are some great ones there. Split cards have two mana values (potentially) too, though. Consider that while Depose/Deploy, a beloved card of mine, has two even card values, Discovery/Dispersal doesn’t, and that card’s a banger. Same with Far/Away and Profit/Loss. Hell, Profit/Loss is probably a really good card for a go-wide token strategy in Esper. And hey, Warrant/Warden is another example, where it can be even or odd and it provides a big fat token.

Buyback spells and kicker spells also change their mana value depending on how they’re cast. Consider Recruit The Worthy – mana value of 1 or 4. This gives you a cheap Ravage in a pinch and a reliable Laserbeaking if you want it. In Modal Double-Faced cards land, there are five that mismatch front and back that are also spells – Cosima, Alrund, Selfless Glyphweaver, Tergrid, and Wandering Archaic (don’t put Tergrid in a deck, she’s definitely something you should talk to people about ahead of time).

For cards that have variable costs and make tokens, I’m particularly tickled that Clown Car hits your needs (hypothetically). Multiple Choice is a very useful utility card that can have a variable mana value and make a token, and more. Occult Epiphany looks like it might be good, since a deck like this might run a lot of mixed types of cards. Blot Out The Sky is also a big spell for converting Soundwave that also can do duty as a board wipe if you need it.

That opens another point – because he convers into a noncreature artifact, you might imagine you can run Soundwave with Wraths, but nope! He doesn’t spend much time in converted form unless that’s something you’re actively trying to do. That looks like a build that cares about stax and channel effects, but also crucially, not going to have access to a lot of wraths that avoid triggering his conversion.

Finally, there are some permanents that work with the token theme and the milling one. Zellix, Sanity Flayer for example, presents a way to mill and make tokens while also holding the ground, and the Necromaster Dragon can mill and create more bodies for you. Lillia, Death's Majesty is kind of obvious, since she creates tokens and mills. Then there are recurrent token generators like Pride of the Clouds, Piper of the Swarm and Skycat Sovereign. Reservoir Kraken generates tokens that are really hard to block if people don’t let you have the great big beater, and Combat Calligrapher lets you build up tokens while discouraging attacks on you. Special mention goes to Obscura Ascendancy which also cares about variable mana values – you can probably power this one up pretty fast with all these X-spells.

But you’ll notice I’m listing spell after spell after spell – I don’t know what the creature base is like. If there are a lot of creatures that create tokens on entering the battlefield in this deck, you might find something like Altar of Bhaal works out really well – with a card like Marsh Flitter, Sengir Autocrat, Cloudgoat Ranger, or Whirler Rogue, you can generate more creatures than you started with in a loop. See also the Staff of the Storyteller, which gives you a token and rewards you for other tokens. Then there’s Tasha, the Witch Queen, who gives you a token when you cast other people’s spells, and let you do that while also drawing you cards over time.

And that’s… just brainstorming.

What I’d do for this kind of deck is make a list of my eight things I want in the deck, for an 8×8 plan.

Mana support

Card draw

Removal

Board sweepers

Token Creators (momentary)

Token Creators (permanents)

Token Support

Mill

Then, the task is to look at these eight categories, and see what cards belong where. When I’ve done that, I can start picking through them, and this is all fine tuning and nitty gritty. Do I put Tasha in as a card draw card, or is she a permanent token creator? I know where I’d rather her, but maybe you find she fits better on the other side.

A good sign of a commander card, in my opinion, is if it’s easy to describe what they should do or not. Some cards are boring to think about because oh yeah, you just do that, and then the deck builds itself. Not a complaint if you want simple cards, and I want more of those robust, basic, ‘do the thing your colours want to do’ cards, but for writing articles, what I want to do is look at cards that ask you questions in conflict with one another.

Weird that I started with a sycophant who asks no questions. He wasn’t even my first choice, it’s just how I got sunk into this project. I wanted to talk about Starscream, but we’ll get to that another time.

One final note about these cards: I am deeply fascinated by the idea that we might one day, somehow, get a Universes Within version of these cards, especially since those cards will probably not use ‘convert’ but will use ‘transform’ instead, and they’d have to re-keyword ‘more than meets the eye’ too and I’m just … just overwhelmed imagining the idea of what these mechanics could be used to represent when you don’t have the pre-existing theme of ‘they are robots that turn into machines and vehicles.’

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Games #Magic:TheGathering #Transformers

[lohikaar]

i simp so hard for flamewar you go you funky evil motorcycle

[echoweaver]

Check in Tag

Thanks for the tag, @anamoon63​

Why did you choose your url?

I’ve been using the username Echoweaver, or Echo Weaver, for probably 20 years. At the dawn of the commercial Internet, I used Echo because I loved the Greek legend of Echo and Narcissus. That username quickly became impossible to get, so I stuck it together with the name of an online fiction club I was president of at that time, World Weavers.

I love it because you can take it so many different ways. Weaving a tapestry of echoes seems like a callout to roleplaying or writing fiction or other flights of the imagination :).

How long have you’ve been on Tumblr?

Buh. I looked this up for a different tag some point in the past. I burned out and dropped from Simdom for three years and then returned during the pandemic when I needed something to do other than read news. It was a good decision.

Do you have a queue tag?

I don’t know what a queue tag is either. I have a queue, and I try to usefully tag my posts. Does that count?

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I’ve been blogging Sims 3 on-and-off since 2009. The Samples have literally been running since then. Ha! At some point I discovered that a lot of the Sims blogging had migrated to Tumblr so I checked it out. As you learn when I have a fit of the grumps, I’ve never really adapted to the format over here. But I like the people and the stories, so I try to adapt.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

My icon is my simself petting a turtle from my short-lived, long-hiatus Waypoint challenge, where my simself foundress was marooned on a desert island. I don’t have a turtle, but I thought the animation was so full of wonder and delight.

Why did you choose your header?

It’s a pic of sims being chaotic. I love that about sims. Even though I gravitate toward mostly-serious stories, I never want to lose the whimsy and absurdity that is Sims.

What’s your post with the most notes?

Definitely the post I made about how to optimize your TS3 game. I still get notifications of it being shared around.

How many mutuals do you have?

I deliberately don’t check. I feel pretty much the same as @anamoon63, which is that mutuals are people I interact with. In the last few months, I’ve been feeling like I’ve finally reached a point of RELATIONSHIPS here that rivals my heyday on WordPress. So.... maybe 10? If that includes you, thanks 🥰

How many followers do you have?

I hover around mid-200s. That’s not going to win me any awards, but I’ve had to stop following back and even trim some of my follows because I’ve hit my limit of what I can read. I basically think this is a phony number anyway. See question above.

How many people do you follow?

Somewhere in the low 200s, which is still a bonkers number. I read the folks I follow.

Probably half are pre-hiatus folks who don’t post anymore but who I want to hear from in case they do.

Have you ever made a shit post?

I spent a stupid amount of time pondering the answer to this, but I think no.

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

I was going to say once, but I guess it’s been three times. Only one on Tumblr. The other two were on the official Sims 3 forum.

The first time, I fell in love with a Harry Potter world that someone else had created and posted to a thread on thesims3. The creator had since disappeared, and the Pets patch had broken the rabbithole rugs used in the world. I updated the rugs and posted the fix with credits to the creator, but the user WrittenReg accused me of plagiarism. It became a bit of a flamewar, and they recruited folks from some other thread to come harass me. I left, but I didn’t take down the updated world. The creator never came back, and folks continued to download mine until a DIFFERENT creator did a bigger update to the world and posted that. I’m not sure if that creator dealt with plagiarism accusations.

The second time was my fault and very brief. I joined a thread on thesims3 celebrating toddlers with an emphasis on pressuring the devs to add toddlers to TS4. I discovered that the ringleader of that thread was following staffers around on other media and posting complaints, and that hit a button for me. I said she was not a nice person and stalking staffers was bad and left. I got a warning from EA later. I’m not sure why I reacted SO strongly. What the ringleader was dong was rude but not nearly as rude as what Sims staffers deal with on a daily basis. She wasn’t doxxing anyone.

The third time was here. It was short but got under my fingernails in large part because it wasn’t about sims. I hooked up with a simsblogger I had followed in the WordPress world whose work I loved. We started chatting and had a brief honeymoon of mutual admiration. Then she started posting essays about gender. Now, if you have been following me for long enough, you might’ve learned that my spouse is a late-transitioning trans woman who came out (to me and herself) almost four years ago after 16 years of marriage. My LIFE has been gender for years. I’m taking notes for a book. I am a bisexual woman who was active in helping my wife discover and accept herself, and I was completely blindsided by how difficult it has been to adjust to her transformation. I have tried to be active in helping transitioning spouses find their voice and learn that they are not alone. One thing I say to sum up my experience is, “You may think gender is complicated, but it’s more complicated than that.” So... it turned out to be actually painful to read a series of essays by someone who reduced gender to high heels and lipstick and claimed that she was unaffected by gender because she grew up in an environment where femme appearance wasn’t valued. I tried to engage with her about my experience of how deep gender really goes, but she ignored me. So I finally commented something like, “You seem to be really attached to this story you’re telling about gender, but it’s not real. Since you’re not responding, this is the last time I’ll comment about this issue.” She unfollowed me and posted a big public essay about how she was coping with internet hate that was clearly about me. I ranted to my wife and posted a vague tumblr about staying away from the crazy, and I left it at that. But it has haunted me for a while. I thought I was being restrained, and though I may be being overly kind in my memory of what I commented, I actually put work into NOT making it accusatory. I guess social networking is what it is.

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I don’t reblog anything that carries any kind of guilt trip to share.

Do you like tag games?

I do! It’s a way to get to know people in my community. I sometimes get overwhelmed by how many tag/ask games are circulating, and I have weird self-consciousness about tagging other folks.

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Probably berrysweetboutique, who I’m not going to actually tag because in this context it feels weird. Overall, though, I don’t pay that much attention.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Lol. If you  mean crush on someone’s CREATIVITY, then totally. I take myself fairly seriously as a writer, though I haven’t done much serious writing since my kid was born 11+ years ago. I use my sims game to build emergent stories from the gameplay, and I like it as a low-pressure way to keep my creative braincells from atrophy. But some of you folks tell AMAZING stories using this game. I try not to let it hit me in the self-esteem 😅.

Dur.... so can I tag somebody? What if they don’t like being tagged?? Argh! Maybe @rebouks, @zosa95, and @nocturnalazure?

[transformers-fan-continuities]

Spotlight: Autobots Roll Out!

Not me forgetting for ages and ages to finish and post this! </3 Anyway, here’s the previous one, but today we’ve got Autobots Roll Out! over at @transformers-autobotsrollout !

Q) Give us a run down of your cont! What’s it about, what’s it called, what’s it like?

Autobots Roll Out! is arguably a black comedy/action Transformers series. We open with Optimus and his friends trying to get to another planet, only to be thwarted by the evil Decepticons who blow up their ship! Or, at least, that’s what Hot Rod’s nightmares consist of. There’s a mystery element to the predicament Optimus and his friends have found themselves in; everyone is convinced they’re dead with the exception of Hot Rod, who’s faith and optimism haven’t wavered a day in the cycles they’ve been gone. But trouble’s afoot in more ways than one, and both teams are going to have to confront everything they thought they knew to solve it.

Q) What characters take the lead here? Any personal favorites?

Well, you can’t have a Transformers series without Optimus Prime! He’s joined by Jazz, Bumblebee, and Perceptor! With Optimus’ social awkwardness, Perceptor’s lackadaisical glee, Jazz’s spirtuality, and Bumblebee’s teenage sass, you can imagine how they get along stuck on this distant mudball. Back on Cybertron, Hot Rod, Arcee, and Springer are an unbeatable triad… and hey, sometimes Blurr hangs around to make sure they don’t get themselves killed.

I was admittedly a little sick of Megatron ALWAYS being the main force of the Decepticons, so instead of him taking the spotlight, we get the motley crew of Blitzwing, Astraea, Motormaster, and Flamewar to harass the trio back on Cybertron. These creeps are a delight but not the biggest threat, though. That would have to go to the mysterious and beautiful Flipsides, who’s probably my favorite villain in the whole series. She’s got a LOT of baggage to go with that pretty face of hers, and I can’t wait for y’all to meet her. There are some other threats on the horizon, but let’s keep those under wraps until their moment in the spotlight.

On Earth, we have to deal with Sixshot, a modified superhunter who's been sent after Optimus to ensure the only way he'll be coming back is in a coffin. His young ward Chop Shop has a very fascinating relationship with the humans, too.  It's almost like he wants to become one of them... and peculiarly, Starscream's found his way onto Earth as well. Hmmmm.

Q) Is there a bigger point to this, like a theme or some catharsis? Or is it just fluffy fun?

[looks directly into the camera] War is bad and only benefits those who sell the weapons. Also, I wanted an excuse for my favorite characters to interact with each other, so there ya go.

Q) How long have you been working on it?

Back in August 2019, I dabbled in the idea of an original continuity. It was gonna be called Young Optimus Prime, and it was MASSIVELY different from any of this. It had been years since I’d consumed any Transformers content and I was going fully off TFwiki descriptions of random characters and secondhand info from my friends.

Batshit would be an understatement.

Blurr was a girl. Starscream was Megatron’s son that he brainwashed from Thundercracker into being an emotionless killing machine. Bumblebee was a baby robot that would grow up to be a Seeker. Arcee was going to be a stereotypical mean girl that bullied Elita One and tried to steal Optimus from her. Outback was a main character. There was an entire lake of Quintesson blood that turned people evil if you drank it. The true main villain was gonna be goddamn Tyrest. This story concept fizzled out quicker than a sparkler and frankly I don’t know if I regret it enough to keep it totally buried.

On October 12, 2020 Autobots Roll Out! started out the same way, with some utterly insane story elements that I made for the sake of being cool rather than linking together coherently. Plotlines such as an anarchist brigade led by Ultra Magnus, Beastformers being irradiated mutants that were the victims of a nuclear war, a direct depiction of police states, and most shocking of all – Starscream getting a redemption arc – are things that I knew I’d have to drop once I’d gotten the story on the road.

Q) Give us a behind-the-scenes look! Show us a secret ;))

Would you like to see Flipsides’ nightmares?

All noise vanished from the room. Every other bot had become faceless masses of twitching neon polygons, at least the ones that had been by her side. She couldn’t even tell what had happened to the rest, as the room had become an endless black void asides Megatron and the slab he was on. Beams of colored light shooting out from behind her squawked and chirped as they smacked into the once-living bots and slammed into invisible barriers.

Flipsides paid no mind to the chaos as she stepped forward, but the slab and he both seemed to get farther away. She tried to run and catch up to him, only to fall with an inelegant splash as what had once been the floor was now a reflective black pool of fluid. She resurfaced in an instant, trying to regain her bearings as she swam to Megatron’s side, the table somehow floating atop the still surface. He laid on the slab, spark exposed and optics dull grey, as if they’d never been alighted. Another version of herself was at his other side, one hand clutching his and the other holding his shoulder.

“Megatron?” she asked, pulling herself up. “Megatron, please.”

The other her raised her head and stared. The black fluid that covered the floor was seeping from her blank, featureless face.

Q) Where did you draw inspiration from? What canons, what other fiction, what parts of real life?

Oddly enough, this entire thing feels like a giant Kingdom Hearts fanfic at times. There’s a lot of pomp and circumstance about how you can’t lose yourself to despair and how the power of friendship is way past cool… in an anime way.

To be more serious, though, I took a lot of inspiration from Transformers Animated, Generation 2, Beast Wars, and Tranformers Cybertron. In hindsight, I wish I added more from Robots In Disguise 2001, but I’ve never been that big a fan of sentai shows, and RID 2001 was basically a Transformers sentai show despite how much I like it.

Q) Show off something you’re really proud of, a particular favorite part of your cont.

I love the character designs I’ve done for this series. I feel like I’ve improved so much with my artwork working on this series. Here’s my top five favorite designs in no particular order.

Q) What other fan canons do you love and why? Would you like to see them interviewed?

Man, I can’t really choose. I just get tickled seeing everyone’s interpretations and reimaginings of this series that I think there’s something special about every single one. Sorry if that’s a cop out!

Q) No worries, with such a menagerie of good content it’s tough to pick!

And that’s that! Thanks Orb for giving us a neat glimpse into ARO! Sorry for leaving this for so long oof. I gotta check my list for who’s up next for a spotlight, but stay tuned!

[magicsmutshop]

When You See My Base Line - Pt 1

part 1 of 4

Pairing: Jung Hoseok/Reader Genre: Multi-chapter smut Rating: Explicit Word count: ~2500 Warnings: Alcohol, swearing, drooling over Hoseok’s perfect face and body Summary: You need a hobby, so you take a figure drawing class. Hoseok is the nude model. Note: this is my first fic so please take good care of me! Navigation: part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Who is that man talking to Namjoon by the desk? You’ve never seen him before, but as you look him up and down, you definitely like what you see. Dark, wavy hair with blond streaks flops over his finely-drawn eyebrows. The man’s eyes appealingly crinkle as he beamed at your art teacher, showing off a wide, heart-shaped grin.  He looks a bit short standing next to Namjoon--but who doesn’t, next to that tree of a man? More importantly, his loose hoodie and baggy yellow shorts reveal swathes of honey skin and lean muscle. He has the look of a dancer, slender but powerful. Your eyes catch on his exposed thighs (those shorts were really rather short, weren’t they?). Damn, those are truly something to behold. You’d never considered yourself a leg woman before, but those yellow shorts are changing your outlook. 

As you drag your appreciative gaze back up his body and face (was that a freckle on his top lip?), you realize Yellow Shorts is looking right back at you. You get lost in his dark brown eyes for a moment until it dawns on you that you’ve just been busted checking this gorgeous man out. His smile grows impossibly wider as your cheeks grow hot. Damn your easy blushes.

You quickly break eye contact, busying yourself with digging through your leather satchel, pretending to look for your pencils. Your hands are actually trembling a bit, and you can feel your heart pounding. How can a 5-second eye lock have such an effect on you? Yellow Shorts is still talking to Namjoon, but every time you accidentally look in their direction (who are you kidding? Your stare is drawn to him like you're magnetized), you can feel the weight of his gaze on you.  

Suddenly, Namjoon breaks the tension by clapping his hands together, drawing the attention of everyone sitting at their easels. You turn your attention towards your teacher, but out of the corner of your eyes, you notice Yellow Shorts slipping away towards the screen in the corner of the studio. Is he the model for tonight? You could only be so lucky.

“Hey guys, welcome to week three! Glad you could all make it out on this rainy evening.” Namjoon addresses the class, a dimple appearing in his right cheek as he smiles. “By now, you’re all pretty familiar with the drill, right? We’ll start off with 5 minutes of quick warm-up sketches, and then move into some 10-minute poses. 15 minute coffee break at the hour mark, and then we’ll do a 45-minute pose. Sound good?” He nudges his black-rimmed glasses up his nose as your classmates murmur their agreement. 

As you pull your sketchbook out of your bag, you think back to how you’d ended up in this studio in the first place. 

---

You’d just ended an 18-month long relationship a few months prior. It was a reasonably amicable breakup--no cheating or dramatics. You had just… fallen out of love. In fact, you weren’t sure if you were ever actually in love. Your relationship had quickly fizzled out of the honeymoon stage, so towards the end, you were in a rut of watching bad tv together on the couch nightly, your ex playing Overwatch on his laptop while you browsed Twitter on your phone. Your sex life wasn’t any more interesting--you hadn’t even “Overwatch and chilled” in quite a while. One night, you looked over at him and realized you had no desire to do this for the next 40 years, and told him it was over. He shrugged, barely looking up from his game.

However, no matter how boring it had been towards the end, it had been comfortable companionship, so your apartment now seemed empty at night. Even the stereotypical post-breakup gym routine couldn’t fill the hours, although you had never looked better. You thought about getting back into the dating game, but the selection of men on the apps was, to put it lightly, terrible. 

One night, you were out at a bar with your best friend getting wine-drunk and complaining about your boredom. Ashley took a long sip of her drink before looking at you over her glass. “You know what you need? You need a hobby. And no, Twitter and Tinder don’t count.”

“Twitter is a perfectly valid hobby. I’m keeping up on the latest political news and memes! Plus did you see the latest posts from Mark Ruffalo? That guy is a genius.” You drained the last of your glass and looked around for the server. You needed another drink.

Ashley scoffed. “You’re not even keeping up with politics. You’re getting into flamewars with people over the latest episode of the Bachelorette.” Damn. Your best friend knew you too well. She turned her head and effortlessly flagged the server over while checking her watch. Twenty minutes left for happy hour specials. “Hi, can we get two more glasses of the rosé please?” 

You resisted the urge to check your Twitter account and incur more of Ashley’s scorn. “What do you suggest, then?”

“My coworker, you know the one that had the breakdown after she walked in on her husband fucking the babysitter?” Ashley paused as the server dropped off the fresh drinks.  You nodded--that was a juicy story you wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. “Anyway, she started taking art classes at the rec center. She does everything from pottery to watercolors. Apparently, her psychologist recommended it, but she loves it. She never stops talking about how healing it’s been.”

You wrinkled your nose. “The rec center? I thought those classes were for kids and senior citizens.”

“She did mention there are a lot of old people in her classes. But get this--the drawing teacher was this really hot Korean guy. With dimples.” Ashley gave you a meaningful look. She really did know you too well.

“Ehh… art class? I don’t know if that’s really my thing. I haven’t touched a sketchbook in years.” You had actually been a decent artist in high school, but had dropped it in college as you got wrapped up in your classes and parties. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you’d done anything artistic, outside of mandatory bridesmaid crafting duties for bridal showers and bachelorette parties.

“Hot. Korean. Guy. With. Dimples.” Wine splashed out of Ashley’s glass as she jabbed your finger at you for emphasis. “Plus, getting some culture could be healing for you. It worked for Jessica. You really need to get out of the apartment more.”

You gently grabbed Ashley’s glass, rescuing the wine from her flailing and promptly. pouring it down your throat. “I’ll think about it.” You weren’t going to think about it. There was no way you were going to take an art class with a bunch of senior citizens, even with the lure of a hot instructor.

Two drinks later for each of you, Ashley was squinting at your credit card, trying to type the numbers into the rec center’s shitty website on her phone. “Boom, you’re signed up. Class starts Monday so you’d better get your supplies this weekend.”

In your rosé-induced haze, what you hadn’t realized is that Ashley had signed you up for a figure drawing class. You were in for a double shock when you walked into the rec center 10 minutes late that first Monday night. The first shock, that the teacher, Namjoon, really was that hot (with fantastic dimples)--and the second shock, that there was a nude middle-aged man posing on a couch on a small stage.

Much to your surprise (and Ashley’s smugness), the figure drawing class really was enjoyable. Namjoon was a great teacher--patient and encouraging--and you’d forgotten how good it felt to create something rather than just passively consuming media. You’d even gotten used to the nudity as you focused on capturing the model in efficient pencil strokes in your sketchbook. Your first few figure sketches were horribly amateur, but you soon got caught up in the art, and the first two classes had flown by. The second week’s model had been a young college-aged woman with the most amazing tiger tattoo covering her back, which had been a lot of fun to draw. You had been looking forward to what week three would bring, but you had no idea what was really in store for you.

---

As you finish setting out your pencils and erasers, you notice motion from the corner of the room again. The hot guy from earlier emerges from behind the screen… and he's no longer wearing the shorts, but is wrapped in a knee-length gray robe. Oh holy shit, he really is the model for the night. One of your pencils goes flying out of your suddenly-clammy grip and clatters across the floor, rolling to a stop in front of Yellow Shorts. Your face bursts into flames again.

His face scrunches up into a warm smile. “Oops! You might need this.” He bends over (don’t look at his ass, don’t look at his ass), scoops the pencil up, and saunters over to your desk.  The pencil appears in your line of vision where you're staring fixedly down at your sketchbook. Slowly, you look up and meet his twinkling eyes. His smile doesn’t dim as you stare blankly up at him and the little dimples in his cheeks, but he waves the pencil in front of you again. Your attention caught by his hands, you suddenly notice how long and elegant his fingers are. He wears a silver ring on his middle finger, and a delicate chain on his wrist. 

As if in a dream, you finally take the pencil from him. Your hand brushes his. His fingers are warm and dry, but you feel your breath catch at the light touch. He drags a fingertip across your palm as he lets go of the pencil. Your eyes snap up to his, which look decidedly darker. But his light tone of voice doesn’t match his eyes as he simply says, “Here you go! Please use it to draw me well!” He turns away to join Namjoon in front of the stage.

Namjoon chuckles quietly. “Everyone, this is Hoseok, our model for tonight. Some of you might know him already. He’s the dance teacher here at the rec center, but moonlights as an art model in his free time.” A dancer, of course. That explains the muscle. Your blush still hasn’t gone down and your palm is still tingling as you try not to stare at his toned legs. Namjoon turns to Hoseok and claps him on the shoulder. “We’ll start with the 5-minute warmup first, so just change your pose every time you hear the timer beep.”

Yellow Shorts--Hoseok--nods cheerfully. “Aye aye, boss!” He steps up on the stage and unceremoniously shrugs out of his robe, laying it to one side and sitting down on the chaise lounge. All of the blood that had previously been in your cheeks is now rushing down to lower parts as you’re treated to an uninterrupted view of his sinuous body. He’s perfect. His collarbones catch the light as he turns his face to the side, revealing a sharp profile. His biceps flex lightly as he lowers himself down on one elbow, accentuating the line from his elegant shoulders to his narrow waist. A very defined v-line draws your eyes from his lean abs to his relaxed cock resting on one of his gorgeous thighs. You subtly squeeze your legs together under your desk at the sight. Shit, even his dick is perfect. You genuinely think your heart might stop--but what a way to go.

Suddenly, your lustful reverie is broken by the sound of the timer going off, indicating that a minute in the quick sketch period had gone by and it’s time for Hoseok to switch poses.  You haven’t drawn a single line in your sketchbook yet. You’re fucked.

read part 2

[annakie]

I’ve been meaning to make a post about my love for Mystery Science Theater 3000, and how it’s influenced me for so much of my life, and about the new episodes, and now this.

So, getting to see Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conriff riff live last night is a good of an excuse to do it as any.

Long post and a few more pics, including some kinda cool Manos stuff, below.

Like a lot of MST3k fans of old, I discovered the show by being bored and channel surfing in the 90′s, finding this show where these 3 guys kept talking over a movie, and eventually sticking around long enough to see a few host segments and start to enjoy the show. 

I honestly couldn’t tell you what the first MST3k episode I sat through from beginning to end first, though it may have been Frist Spaceship on Venus, in a rerun.  I know I became a fan before Joel left, my senior year of high school.  I clearly remember watching the last few Joel episodes, being sad he left, and then being shocked when Mike showed up.  I liked Mike just as much and was in awe when I found USENET about a year later and read through many of the great Joel vs Mike flamewars on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc.

I didn’t post a whole lot on the group, though I did a little.  At the time, MST3k to me was this really cool under-ground-y feeling thing, few people I talked to knew what it was (though I converted many), the first fandom I participated in online, and my favorite show.  

My family didn’t always have cable, it usually depended on how bored my dad was, he’d subscribe and cancel on a whim, so when we had it, I recorded the hell out of the episodes.  When we didn’t, sometimes my grandma did, so when I could, I’d head over to her place with a VHS tape and hang out with her while we watched the show.  I think she didn’t really love the show, but she loved me coming over to hang out with her.

I still have a box full of my MST3k VHS tapes.  I even used to circulate them sometimes, for awhile when we had 2 VCRs at the house, thanks to help from USENET tape trading circles.

In 1995 or so was when I realized I was living in El Paso, going to UTEP, and it dawned on me that I might be able to dig up information on Manos: The Hands of Fate.  The Internet was a much smaller place back then, and we didn’t have the benefit of things like IMDB, so even after digging online I couldn’t figure out an exact timeframe for the release of the movie.  I spent probably 12 or so hours skimming through months and months worth of microfiche scans of the El Paso Times and El Paso Sun Herald looking for some mention of the movie.

 I eventually hit jackpot and found not only some advertisements for the premiere, but also the review that was written the next day after the premiere. I printed out scans of the movie poster advertisements and snail mailed them to the guy who ran the biggest MST3k fansite at the time, then typed out the transcript of the reviews and another short article about the movie for USENET.  I’m fairly certain we wouldn’t have the movie poster image for Manos online if it wasn’t for me, and the guy who put them on his site.  

The images have faded and the pages have gotten a bit stuck together after 20ish years, but I still have the printouts I didn’t send.

I also remember the night the show premiered on Scifi, I drove to Las Cruses with a friend after a long day at a water park where I got super sunburned to watch the episode with my brother and sister-in-law.  I was so dehydrated and sun-sick that I think I had to run to the bathroom a few times, but it was worth it.  MST3k had been saved.

Round about 1996 I decided I needed a solid Internet name that would stick, especially since I was chatting on IRC a lot and joined the Scifi Channel’s IRC channel, since MST3k was now on Scifi, and became one of the regulars on the server.  I’d managed to pick one of the very few copies of the MST3k Amazing Colossal Episode Guide that had come to El Paso, so I flipped through the book until I landed on episode #422 - The Day the Earth Froze.  That was already one of my favorite episodes, and the heroine of the not-that-bad-for-a-MST3k-episode was named Annakie.  That felt just weird enough to be an internet handle, and just obscure enough that only MSTies might get the origin.  

I’ve been Annakie on the internet ever since.  I wouldn’t learn for a good 15 years that Annakie is actually some people’s real name, and so the last few years it’s been harder to snag my name on sites, but I try.

I joined the fanclub. MSTie #54377.  I still have several of my old newsletters.

(Uh the newsletter wasn’t “from Sergio”.  My boyfriend at the time had sent me a Christmas present, my mom wrote that on the newsletter when she left them both in my room that day.)

The Scifi channel IRC server would host chats with the stars of various shows, and occasionally that included MST3k. Once, Kevin Murphy picked his nose at me.

I was so excited to be spending the summer in Dallas the year the MST3k movie came out.  It was showing at a theater, in a location I was near to, the first week I was in Dallas.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have control over where we were going that evening. We did go to a movie that night, but not MST3k.  The people I was with promised we’d go see the movie next week (or at least drop me off.)  

It wasn’t in theaters anymore the next weekend. I was quietly devastated and only simmered with rage for a few weeks. :)  I eventually got to see it, by special ordering the VHS for more than I could afford to spend many months later.  I still have that VHS tape, damnit.

When the end came, I was living in Dallas, but couldn’t possibly afford cable. I scavenged the show when I could. The syndicated one-hour version of the show hosted by Mike-As-James-Lipton was a particular godsend.   I’d been unable to watch most of the last couple of seasons, but managed to get a friend’s parents to record the last episode for me.  

Eventually, I was able to afford a house, and cable TV, and managed to catch up on most of the SciFi episodes that I missed before they, too went off the air. The morning that the final MST3k rerun aired on SciFi I sat on my couch, drank a mimosa and cried a little when it ended.  

By that time MST3k had been a part of my life, and one of my favorite things for about a dozen years.  I had a giant poster of Mike, the Bots and the Mads that had been stuck up and pulled down from my childhood bedroom, to a dorm room, back to my room in my family’s house, then four apartments in Dallas. I hadn’t put it up in my house because the corners were torn off and I wanted to get it framed.  Never have.  It’s around here somewhere.  I instead took an 8x10 glossy I’d picked up somewhere, probably ordered it online, and framed it.  A few years later, I managed to snag a rare MST3k The Movie poster on ebay for something outrageous, like $75 or something. It was worth it.  It’s still framed and hanging in my house.

So yeah, so for awhile, that was the end.

I followed what all the alums did, like many did.  I read Timmy Big Hands, but Rifftrax was exciting.  I haven’t gone to as many Rifftrax shows as I should have or bought as many as I should have, but I do support them when I can.  When Cinematic Titanic was new, they came to Dallas and I went to that show.  At the time, the biggest thrill I’d had.  I didn’t stay after to meet them, I’d promised a friend we’d go out when I got out of the show and I am still really, really kicking myself for that decision because I could have had that meet and greet moment with Trace, Frank, Joel, Josh and Mary Jo.  It was a really great night, and at the time, one of the most awesome nights of my life.

A few years later, I’d gotten super into The Thrilling Adventure Hour, and finally got to go see my first show in LA at Largo for the 2014 Sparks Nevada’s I’m from Earth Day Special.  One of the episodes was written by Bill Corbett and he also guest starred in it.  I was thrilled to get to see and talk to several Workjuice Players who I had met three weeks earlier at Emerald City Comic Con, but honesty, my best memory of that night was getting to meet Bill Corbett, even briefly.

Last year when Joel announced the Kickstarter, I took a serious look at my finances and came up with a number I felt was OK to donate.  It was enough for a few decent rewards, and best of all, my name in the credits of an episode.  (I haven’t gotten to that episode even yet but I included “Annakie” as my middle name when I filled out the backer kit questionnaire.)  

I was skeptical, but if Joel was behind it, I decided to trust it.  As great as Rifftrax is (and it is!) and Cinematic Titanic was, there’s just nothing like MST3k itself.  So I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the Kickstarter was funded and watched the live stream at the end of the campaign.  I was a bit trepidacious about the new cast, though I’m a fan of Felicia, am OK with Patton and had never heard of any of the other guys.  I felt better once it was clear the rest of the cast was invited back and some agreed to make appearances. 

I decided basically to trust Joel, and go in with an open mind.  The big MST3k reunion show where Joel and Jonah riffed together set any doubts that I still had at ease anyway.  Netflix picking up the show was a huge relief.

I’m still not done with the season.  I watched most of the first episode the day it came out, then decided to stop and give my views to Netlfix.  

I love it.  Jonah is fantastic, and I love him just a much as Joel and Mike. The hardest thing for me to get over has been a new voice for Tom -- Barron is GREAT, we just had the same Tom for so long.  The new Mads are great.  I like the riffing pace. It’s still the same show, still my favorite show.  I actually want to write a lot more on this but this post is really long.  But suffice it to say, I agree with almost everyone else on the new show.  When do we get a season 12 pickup?

So despite the fact that I follow both Trace and Frank on twitter, and the Alamo Drafthouse near me, I somehow didn’t notice that The Mads Are Back was coming to Dallas until last week.  Luckily, there were still (very few) tickets left to Saturday’s performance.  Apparently, they did an entirely different movie on Friday, but that was sold out.  

I didn’t know they were going to be doing a meet and greet before the show, and since I was going alone I ended up not arriving until about 15 minutes before the show started.  I managed to hop into line just before the line got cut off behind me, and, though it was rushed, I got to shake both Trace and Frank’s hands, thank them for coming to Dallas, and got my now very used and fragile Amazing Colossal Episode Guide signed, right on the “The Day the Earth Froze” page.  I mentioned I was having them sign that page since I go by Annakie on the internet, and so they signed it to Annakie. :)

(You can see how the pages are starting to fall off the binding there.  I’ve read the book once or twice.)

I wore a Thrilling Adventure Hour shirt, Frank commented on it, which made me particularly happy.

The show was great (except for the really annoying people sitting near me, who nearly got thrown out and I guess eventually were too drunk to stay), and they did a Q&A afterward.

I think we MiSTies are so lucky these days.  The show went from cable access, to Comedy Central, then to SciFi. We eventually got Rifftrax, and Cinematic Titanic, and now we have The Mads doing their own thing, and.... the show itself is back.  Aside from following a few MST3k related blogs on tumblr, a few groups on Facebook, and most of the cast on twitter. I haven’t really been in the central part of the fandom in a long awhile, (though I have made a few gifs) but when I dip my toes in, it’s still a pretty good place.

It also brings me a lot of joy to see so many new people discovering the show.  People who were born during or even after the run of the show jumping in and loving it, too, is just so awesome.

Next year, the show turns 30, and it’s still as great as ever, and maybe even stronger than ever.  Whatever they do next, I’m on board.

[aikainkauna]

What Ao3 Means to Me: An Essay

I left this as a series of comments on Ao3′s celebration post of them having broken the THREE MILLION fanwork mark. Fucking hell, you guys! They asked what Ao3 meant to you, and I went on a fair bit about the importance of fanfic (and the accessibility thereof) in general, so I thought I’d crosspost it to my blogs for posterity. So here’s the Tumblr edition.

***

Ao3 makes it possible for me to write and read exactly what I want, how I want, and for my works to be as accessible as possible.

-Therefore, Ao3 is the exact opposite of what I don't like about the publishing world and the world of media in general. Here, users are able to exercise an unprecedented amount of control over the sort of content they want to, or don't want to, read--bookstores or Amazon will not be truly able to tell you whether a book contains a rare kink you want to read about, or, conversely, whether there's going to be triggery material you've had enough of for a lifetime.

-You don't have to pay to read anything, which completely removes the painful exclusion suffered by those who want to read certain materials but can never afford to do so, and the frustration of having wasted your already-limited money on a terrible book. While Internet access and language barriers still limit access to even online fiction in various parts of the world, a free-of-charge website is nevertheless the most egalitarian, the most accessible method of distributing reading materials in human history. As someone who grew up in the pre-Internet era in a small town in the middle of the tundra where she had no way of getting in contact with people who shared her tastes or philosophies, I have known what it's like. Still living in the same small town in the middle of the tundra, I continue to know what it's like with no local friends into the same fandoms, and where international postage costs for things I want to buy off international websites limits my access to a great many things. I also saw the end of the zine era and had to deal with the elitism of those fans who thought that if you couldn't afford a $25 zine with $30 postage (more than an average novel), you didn't deserve to read their precious fanfics anyway. (And as was very often the case, the only well-written explicit fics in the fandom were by zine-only elitists, and when only 1 -3 fics in a zine with 12 fics in it were any good, it was incredibly frustrating.) Therefore, I remain grateful--more than grateful; on my knees praising the fact!--for the existence of not only the Internet, but for fanfic archives where I can easily find the things I want to read, for free.

-On Ao3, I can write about taboo subjects that I could never write about in a published novel, without there being an absolute moral panic over such things. On the contrary, Ao3 has readers who--for the most part--understand the difference between enjoying something in fiction and practicing it in real life. While fandom has, indeed, been suffering from a stupid amount of such moral panics ever since fanfic became mainstream, my darkfics have still mostly had positive comments and understanding from readers who get it, even if many now have to preface their comments with "this isn't my kink, but..." or "these characters are crazy and evil, as you yourself admit, but..." disclaimers thanks to the Tumblr antis. Every time I see such a disclaimer, it merely proves the need for such stories--in fact, my most-read story is an entire cavalcade of taboos and wrongnesses and moral darkness, my having deliberately written it as an exercise to understand what makes a pair of very ruthless, very perverse pair of incestuous bastards tick. But society at large would just indulge in knee-jerk condemnations, and think a story of a precocious teenaged girl's sexual awakening with an older man was pandering to paedophiles (again shifting the focus to the male in the relationship, and silencing what might be going on in the girl's head, which was a major point; hers is the story that never gets told, and my readers--many of them girls and young women themselves, none of them dirty old men--have repeatedly pointed out that the adolescent girl's POV was the exact thing what lured them in). So, yeah, I couldn't publish a story like that anywhere else without people completely missing the point. And I'm very grateful to be able to speak about things I couldn't speak about elsewhere on here, and to engage in a truly multilateral discussion about the subjects, too, without flamewars.

-In addition to that, I don't have an editor, I don't have deadlines, I don't have publisher's guidelines telling me what I can do and what I can't do. To a disabled person who can't do deadlines because she never knows what sort of condition she'll be in on a given day, that's a godsend; to someone who enjoys writing about rare types of characters and at times rare kinks, it's another. Having someone tell me to cut down a sex scene when I want to linger in it for maximum sensual pleasure--it'd be like someone standing beside my bed, telling me how to make love! Because in so many ways, the act of writing and reading fanfic *is* lovemaking--it's making love to your beloved characters, it's making love to the world you found so engaging in the original source material. You've had that one intoxicating kiss in the original, but what's this? You mean I couldn't have more? That's not how love works, really--hence, we spin these stories on and on and on, writing tens or even hundreds of stories of our favourite OTPs getting together. Therefore, someone else controlling how you should do it is frankly preposterous, even brutal. I regularly write 7000-word sex scenes and write poetically, Romantically, because that's how I feel and that's how I love, and tend to gravitate towards the sorts of characters who are sexually voracious and Romantic anyway. But an editor would tell me to hack it down to just a couple of pages, tell me to remove an unfashionable (or even unacceptable) kink and to cut out the purple prose. Fanfic, on the other hand, lets me write--meaning, love--as I will.

-I can write about the sorts of characters that wouldn't, publishing-wise, sell. Romance publishers would slap beefy guys with six-packs on the covers, guys exuding heterosexuality; the ladies would most certainly not be curvaceous. But in fanfic, I can write about tall, skinny, androgynous men in relationships with soft, curvaceous women who'd be deemed overweight by today's standards--and I can write them in polyamorous, bisexual BDSM relationships. Likewise, I can write romance that's intelligent and feminist-informed, but without having to make it either heteronormative chick lit about shopaholics--nor do I have to write what seems to be the only other alternative for a story to be considered "serious" by a female writer: horrible, bleak realism with constant abuse and abuse and abuse. I can write about medieval Muslim women having happy, healthy sex lives without modern politics or the neverending oppression stories being brought into it; I can write about queer characters without endless gayngst. I can write strong women who don't sit around being neurotic, or girls gone wrong who've made mistakes and who aren't feminist paragons; I can write emotionally expressive men who respect women and who take their time in the bedroom because it's the natural thing for them to do. I can write sensitive, androgynous, even femme men who aren't 100% gay (!) and who can be dominant as fuck in bed (!), and strong women who dress femme and are attracted to femme women, with no male expectations or normativity entering into it because that's their genuine orientation.

-I know fanfic readers want character-based, emotionally involving porn, and I don't have to suffer any degradation for that, the way modern media sees those things as less valuable. Frankly, as far as I'm concerned, fanfic is the best kind of fiction there is, and Ao3 serves me and other people who feel the same.

-Ao3's policy of accepting everything without any moral judgements is one of the greatest, most important stands for free speech ever made, and touches millions of people worldwide, the vast majority of them women and minorities. I would compare it to the Library of Alexandria if it weren't even more important, because it doesn't touch only our brains but our genitals and our hearts; it's a safe haven for millions of *souls.* Through fanfic, we court again and again the most important matters of all: human relationships and our ways of navigating them, our very ways of being and existing in the world. We don't only write or read here: we live, love, laugh and orgasm here.

But you know what the most important thing of all is? Ao3 allows many of us to live, love, laugh and orgasm in more ways, more expansive ways than what real life would ever allow us because of the way said real life suppresses, polices and violates our bodies and our orientations and our minds. In many ways, only on Ao3 can we fully be our complete human selves--and transcend ourselves, even--far beyond what others would ever allow us: it's only in a world like this in which we can truly live, breathe and be.

Thank you, AO3.