#anyway yeah hi I'm alive I'm feeling p good & I'm?? gonna have a nice new laptop next week????

[byanyan]

can't tell if it's just a good day or if this epiphany/shift in thinking is actually gonna last 🤔

[howlingday]

I will like if Jaune is Adrian's donor and Pyrrha was alive and with Jaune. Pyrrha would were an " I am not the step mom I am the mom who stepped up shirt" and take a ton of selfies in it while holding Adrian.

I love this idea, I really do, but just so you know, the reason what you're about to see is because "I'm the mom who stepped up" reminded me of my favorite character from my absolutely favorite podcast.

I present to you and all the good folks at home,

Pyrrha Nikos as Ron Stampler

=================================

Blake: So what is Pyrrha Nikos' plan for Adrian Cotta Arc?

Pyrrha: Adrian...? Oh! Adrian! Cotta! Arc!

Blake: You step-son.

Pyrrha: Yeah! I'm making him some instant oatmeal because that's what he asked for. But then Jaune pointed out that I need to put water in with the oatmeal, and I can't just put the packet in the bowl. Which, uh, is really getting into the nitty-gritty there, and I don't exactly need that extra flourish, but I'll do it anyway, because I love my step-son. Adrian. Cotta. Arc.

Blake: Pyrrha?

Pyrrha: Yeah?

Blake: Adrian hasn't been at the table for the last hour.

Pyrrha: Oh... Then I guess somebody's not getting their instant oatmeal.

Pyrrha: Arin- Adrian? Adrian? Where are you at... buddy?

Adrian: (Outside) Uuuuuuugh...

Pyrrha: Mommy? I mean, Adrian? Is that you?

Blake: You should probably head outside and check.

Pyrrha: (Sees Adrian) Hey, Adrian. I know that... I haven't been there for you. Because I wasn't married to your husband- MY husband, your dad, before you were born to your moms, who both died and I've written several pages of words, trying to emote on paper what I can't always do in person. And I'm working on that.

=================================

Pyrrha: (Knocks on the door) Uh, hi, Oscar! It's me, Pyrrha Nikos, noted supporter of men and-

Oscar: (Door swings open, Haggard) I'm... I've been trying my best to make magical weapons for you, but it's just... there's so much I have to put into just one part of each weapon and-

Pyrrha: That's great! I appreciate you and your hard work!

Oscar: ...Yeah, no, I'm very convinced by that. You sound like a real ally. What the fuck do you want?

Pyrrha: Uh, I was wondering if you could help me... again?

Oscar: ...Wow. Huge surprise. What is it?

Pyrrha: I was wondering if I could talk to that doctor you menioned. That "Doctor Not Oz"?

Oscar: (Actually surprised) Oh! Uh, yeah, sure, just come on in, get comfortable, okay?

Pyrrha: Should I close the door?

Oscar: Yeah, yeah, please close the door. I'll just grab Doctor Not Oz.

Pyrrha: Should I sit on the couch, or...

Oscar: Sit wherever you want. Just be comfortable.

Pyrrha: (Sits down)

Oscar: (Magically dyes hair white)

Oscar: (Pulls out crooked glasses)

Oscar: (Puts on buttoned, green coat)

Oscar: (Sits, Reaches out hand) Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Doctor Not Oz.

Pyrrha: Uh, so, my name is Pyrrha Nikos.

Oscar: Pyrrha, I am so glad to see you here. Attending therapy is very important, if not the most important first step to admitting you need help. Everything you say between us is strictly confidential. Let's talk about your mother.

Pyrrha: That's actually the biggest thing to get into right away for me, so-

Oscar: Okay, okay! That's fine! Let's talk about anything else. How are you feeling right now?

Pyrrha: Scared of my mom.

=================================

Yang: (Walks out of the woods) Oh, uh, hey, P-Money! How's, uh... How's it going?

Pyrrha: (On the verge of tears) Uh... It's going.

Yang: I was gonna help Ruby make some weapons. You want in?

Pyrrha: Sometimes, I feel like my emotions are the weapons!

Yang: Come here, Pyrrha! (Hugs, Cries)

Pyrrha: (Hugs, Cries)

Nora: (Comes out of the woods, Instantaneously hugs and cries) I don't know what we're hugging and crying about, but I am in!

Weiss: (Struts out of the woods) Hey, guys, good news! I fucked so much that I'm no longer able to be one-shotted!

Pyrrha: Holy shit...

[palaugranetes]

🍔M🇦🇷S🇺🇾N🇧🇷C🇧🇷🍔

18 december 2018

Ney: Anyone home???

Ney: ???

Ney: 😒

19 december 2018

Ney: Are you guys still alive????

Luis: No

Luis: Go to sleep it's 2 am

Ney: But I'm bored

Luis: Then SLEEP.

Ney: you are such a grandpa🤦🏽‍♂️

Luis: Bye

20 december 2018

Luis: Hey guys.. I have a question

Luis: I know I am asking about this for the 24284935th time but I really have to know

Phil: No, the pink permanent ink on your upperback does not show

Ney: PINK PERMANENT INK?!?? WHEN TF DID THAT HAPPEN???

Luis: 🤦🏻‍♂️Phil

Phil: 🙊🙊 sorry sorry

Ney: WHEN WHO AND WHY

Luis: 5 days ago. Gerard. Because he can

Ney: 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂

Ney: HOW COME I AM JUST FINDING OUT ABOUT IT NOW!?!

Luis: Because you are 5 years old

Ney: 😒

Ney: What was you damn stupid question

Luis: Ah yes.. I just want to know

Luis:

Luis: What is this?!?!

Ney: Hair fashion💁🏽‍♂️💇🏽‍♂️. Something you clearly know nothing about abuelo👴🏻. I understand you have many questions.. I will allow 2

Leo: @Luis again with this??

Luis: It is my job, my obligation.. nay my duty to question his stupid life choices!

Leo: Let him do whatever he wants you will not get him to change.. You're wasting your time bro

Ney: Awwh Leo! Thank you! I knew you'd like it

Leo: Don't put words in my mouth kid. I did not say that

Luis: See @Ney not only me

Ney: Who asked you abuelo.. I was talking to Leo.

Leo: I am dealing with children I swear

Ney: @Phil you think it looks good don't you mano?

Ney: We youngsters have to stick together

Phil: Why are you dragging me into your battles. I told you right after you did it how I felt

Luis: And how did you feel Philippe?

Phil: I told him to give his head a rest.

Luis: HA!

Ney: The betrayal!! The deception..

Phil: I told you to not drag me into your battles I am not gonna lie to Leo and Luis.

Ney: Whimp..

Leo: Can we move on from this?

Phil: Gladly.. So how is this OTRO thing going?

Leo: It's quite fun

Luis: Yeah.. although I have to deal with broomhead again but it's all good

Ney: YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

Luis: See.. even you think you have a broomhead

Ney: I.. I did not.. I hate you

Leo: Anyways.. yeah getting to know new people is nice. I'm happy with it.

Ney: Yeah it's awesome I got to see some old friends and by old I mean literally old @Luis and got to know new people. So much talent on this team.

Leo: Yeah and also Toni and Lieke added some different perspectives. It's amazing. Such talented ladies

Luis: Indeed.. and the Blaugrana blood being dominant.. another pro😉😏

Leo: Always😏

Ney: Yeah... right..

Phil: Well that's great!

Ney: Now about the pink permanent ink?

Luis: drop it.

Ney: Never.. I cannot believe you are still being punished😂😂😂

Luis: har har har very funny

Ney: what's it been so far.. blue hair dye, blue powder in the face, permanent pink ink.. wow

Phil: Oh and more

Ney: THERE'S MORE?!?!?!?

Luis: Philippe for the love of God!!

Phil: Sorry I thought he knew!

Luis:🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Leo: Yes but we are not gonna talk about all the 12 other things now.

Ney: TWELVE?!!

Luis: Thanks a lot Leo

Leo: oops

Luis: yeah yeah.. oops

Ney: Spill!!!!

Luis: No!

Ney: Coward!!🐓🐓

Luis: Let it go. We are done with this

Ney: I am not letting you sleep tonight until you tell me about all of them

Luis: For crying out loud😩😩😩😩😩

Ney: S P I L L

Luis: Fine.. fine.. but not here

Ney: Dude anywhere you want you can even write me a letter for all I care.. I just wanna know

Luis: I hate y'all

Phil:🙊😅

Leo: Suerte bro🤭🤪

Ney: 😁😁😁😁😁

[mittensmorgul]

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever… :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack… 

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.