#anyway yeah autism is confusing me 👍

[daz4i]

i feel like a straight man bc lately whenever i go out i get girls who work in like, shops or cafes talking to me abt like my hair or nails and such and telling me about themselves and i immediately go "hm. is she hitting on me" no bro you just look so obviously gay and she wants your nail care tips. or for you to give her a bigger tip. be fr

[evilneo]

Mal, you have quite the name hoard! If you don't mind me asking, how did you find them? Do you have any tips or sources for other people trying to figure out their own names?

my name list if anyones wondering! :)

RIGHT SO. i have an easier time getting attached to names that arent traditionally names, yknow? like phrases from songs, concepts etc. also character names. my top tip is if something resonates with you, whether it be a phrase or a song, look for something you can call yourself. you can name yourself an entire phrase if you want fuck it we ball ! also if you think MY name hoard is impressive you should see some of my friends and partners <3 one of them has 80+ names and its SO SWAGFUL (HI BINGO! SHOUT OUT!)

how I found my names:

Neo: the funny guy! his autism resonated with me. i wanted to feel as free to express myself as they do :)

Artificial Intelligence: in headspace, I'm a robot alter and i thought id be funny :) what solidified it as My Name was one of my friends said that i could shorten it to Artie and itd be cute so i do <3 AIs resonate with me anyway bc of like. autism and my schizo-spec swag :p

Evil + Antagonist + Malice + Vice: all of these names mean like. the same thing. The Evil.... I was having a rough time with it at the time of picking these names and thats how i coped 👍 and im still like. really attached to them :3c

Malware: mashup of the above 2 reasons ALSO an autism moment. I love you y2kvr <3

Spam: i will be real with you. Smapton. our autism and psychosis icon <3

Video: OOOOHHHH YEAH BABY. THE SONG! I have a lot of personal attachments to the song Video Killed The Radio Star and like. its a good fucking song.... i need more song names TBH

honourary mentions of names i dont use anymore n why:

Gordon: OH YEA BABY! AUTISM! started using it bc i do have an attachment to the guy. stopped using it bc theres 11 Gordon Freeman fictives in my system and most of them still use it as a name to SOME extent. also i know 1000000 Gordon fictives.... it got too confusing KSGSJSKSK

Tommy: similar reasons to Gordon except it wasnt in my system JSSJSK

Moth: this was like my second chosen name and ppl irl still call me this JSBSHSVSHSVSJS i picked this bc i thought it was kinda cool and also i wanted a 4 letter long name. sorry for being a hs fan when i was 14 </3

Ash: FIRST CHOSEN NAME when i was like 11 AOAUG. named myself this to match an ex FP/boyfriend. DONT DO THIS 👍 BAD IDEA!

[transsexualhamlet]

Sending you more bc these r fun 2 7 (second question) 41 50 63 70 😸

SO TRUE THANK YOU BESTIE MY BELOVED

2-Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

Yeah, I really do. I feel awful for my mom a lot of the time, because she's like,, she's kind of an old mom, her mom died when I was just a little kid and I barely remember anything about my grandma before I got cancer, all I know about her is from the pictures of them and her old things and my mom's stories and she seemed like such a wonderful person. I have a kind of, complicated relationship with my mom yknow, eldest daughter and mom who was the eldest daughter and the *grandma* being the eldest daughter type but she deserved the world and she got none of it because she married a crappy man, got a shitty hand and did so amazing with it anyway, always did the right thing and had so much enthusiasm and life and love and never got to see how much she impacted my mom and her kids too. She died when i was like, eight, and every day my mom still tells me she wishes she could tell her mom things, ask her mom things, show her me because I'm apparently so much like her and my mom needs her mom and she just doesn't know what to do. She always wishes she could show me things I never got to experience, like the countryside she grew up on that's all basically ruined now because of climate change. And her family home, the one that my grandma lived on and all of my mom's stuff from when she was a kid is all destroyed now because my grandpa is a senile old fuck and everything is gone or covered in garbage and she hasn't been able to go in there for years because of the mold. We're just going to burn the whole place when he finally dies, which really should be soon considering how much he keeps refusing any medical help even though he keeps mismanaging his diabetes and having to get more and more Limbs Amputated haha lol, and when he does and we burn the whole house and the whole old farm property down so much of her childhood and her mother is going to go with it but there's no way to save a single bit of it.

Sorry that got Heavy but man. I think about it a lot.

7-Are you in love? Do you want to be?

oh boy you really picked The Question huh. /pos So, I'm arospec, I'm somewhere on the spectrum and I really can't tell where, cause esp with the Autism it is so difficult to tell what even constitutes romantic vs platonic feelings, especially separate from sexual attraction, which I just don't feel for real people at all (though that doesn't mean i can't choose to be sexual or enjoy sex, i just am not, like, *attracted* to people that way)

I think I'm greyromantic, cause I barely barely ever feel romantic attraction or tell the difference between platonic/romantic attraction but I certainly do feel very warm and fuzzy feelings towards people sometimes very infrequently and thats the closest I can get to really understanding it

The reason why i keep switching from aro to greyro and whatever else and i am so confused is i think you have somehow become my exception slash srs

sorry that is totally out of pocket but!! i have feelings for you. not sure which ones they are. i think it would be so swag if we were in the same place so we could hang out hhghdshfgfg 👍

And yeah, I think that those moments of love that i sometimes feel (and that isn't limited to romantic at all, i just have moments sometimes where im like omg i love my friends so much. i wanna be with you guys forever. i love helping you and i love being with you. lets hug YAKNOW) but although it is 100 percent not necessary to feel those, I think it's an amazing feeling and it really gives me hope for life and humanity that I just don't usually get, yknow? I don't seek it out and I don't feel it's necessary for me to live, but it's a really nice treat sometimes and it can give me a lot of meaning.

41- What fundamentally matters do you?

I don't know, I just think that consciousness is really important and that appreciation of the things we experience is just so good. I know it sounds like im saying literally everything fundamentally matters but idk?? We're born to observe and to think and to exist and to interact with our surroundings and watch little bugs and big waterfalls and look at the stars and conflict with each other and touch fuzzy blankets and cry and wonder what we're here for because what else are we supposed to do!

50- What do you expect from a friend or partner?

Hmm, I just think the only thing that really matters is human connection. That two people could just get something out of being together and understand each other and have shared experiences and thoughts and can just exist as a collective. I like people who we can mutually provide support and happiness to each other, yknow? I sound like a sap omg just like. If you enjoy being around someone and they enjoy being around you any interaction is sacred. atoms can't do shit on their own except sit there

63-How confident are you, really?

That's a good question!! I think a lot of the time I'm super overconfident but then I realize how much I constantly question myself about every little thing down to my own personality and i realize lmao no i am not. I tend not to worry about a lot of things I really should worry about, mostly relating to my success and academic ability, but when it comes down to social interaction, that is not the case. So I'd say yes I'm overconfident in school? In regards to like, my abilities and stuff? But anywhere else no i am not

70- What’s the tragedy of your life?

KAKHFSDHFF i would feel soooo ridiculous to try to come up something for this omg

Like, I don't feel like I've had nearly as much trauma and bad experiences as so many other people I know, and generally, I've kind of had it ok, even though I'm not doing wonderful. But no one really is right now, to be honest.

I think really for me the year everything started to go to shit was 5th grade, you know, all my friends leave me at once bc im too autistic and poor to care about and then i get lyme disease and lose every ability that my dad was so proud of and have them think im just trying hard enough for two years and constantly letting them down

cause i used to run 5ks as a kid? like, as a little kid and elementary schooler? I ran FAST 5ks and i was in girls on the run and shit and i was GOOD and my parents had really high hopes for me and enrolled me in track and cross country then boom i got bitten by the climate change bug. Then I'm still stuck in sports and the teachers yell at me and I cry while I run and lay down on the courses and see myself not being able to make times i made in kindergarden and watching my parents lose all fucking hope in me

but yknow. i'm kind of over that now and at least they understand i'm not just being a little bitch baby for no reason now

i just, yknow. really wish things could have been different

WOW THIS ASK GAME REALLY IS TRAUMADUMP TIME KAKGHSDHFS BUT U ASKED FOR IT