#anyway yada yada i know its a funny haha

[storytellering]

the moment I see someone unironically make a "deadweight" nero joke or seriously refer to him as "deadweight" i know i can't trust them

[disneygirl626]

Peter Parker x Reader :Journey: (2/2)

(Y/n) stood sideways in front of the mirror, a frown etched deep in her features.

“If you keep frowning like that your face is going to get stuck.”

She jumped and turned, watching her husband walk over to her. “Haha, very funny.”

“What’re you doing anyway?” Peter asked with a chuckle.

“Pete, look, the baby bump is already showing! They’re going to see right through me!” (Y/n) said, looking back at the mirror and placing her hands on her stomach.

While she was right, there was a bump, that’s also all it was. A bump. Barely even that, to be honest.

“Honey, I don’t think they’ll notice it,” Peter said, wrapping his arms around his wife from behind. His hands landed on her stomach and she smiled.

“What time is dinner again?” (Y/n) asked.

“Pepper said to be there at 6, but Tony said 7 so I have no idea,” Peter said, earning a laugh from (Y/n).

“May and Happy are coming too, right?” (Y/n) asked.

“Yep. How do you think we should tell everyone about the baby?” Peter asked.

“I don’t know. There’s so many options!” (Y/n) had been watching YouTube videos all day in preparation. She figured this is something they should’ve planned beforehand, but time had gotten away from her and before she knew it it was the day of the dinner and they still had no plan.

“We could do the picture thing,” Peter suggested.

“But who would take it?” (Y/n) asked as she went back to getting ready.

Peter plopped down on their bed with a bounce. “Oh yeah… Why don’t we do the onesie thing? Where it says ‘coming soon’ or something like that.”

“I think you have to have those custom made,” (Y/n) said.

The couple sat in silence, each racking their brains to think of something.

“What do you think of the ultrasound idea?” (Y/n) asked.

“Nah, it needs to be more creative,” Peter said, making his wife smirk.

“What’s that look for?” Peter asked, grinning.

“You’re just adorable,” (Y/n) said.

Peter’s grin widened before it slowly started to fade. “Have you.. have you thought anymore about telling your parents?”

His wife’s smile faded as well. After (Y/n) had gotten engaged to Peter, she and her family had gotten into a huge argument with her family. Her parents highly disapproved of Peter and wanted (Y/n) to go back to school instead of settling down so quickly.

They’d been invited to the wedding but no one had shown up. When Tony found out about that, he had offered to walk (Y/n) down the aisle and give her away. To say that she had started crying was an understatement.

Anyway, she hadn’t heard from her family since before the wedding so she hadn’t planned on telling them about the baby.

“I’ve thought about it. I just don’t know, Peter. There’s only two ways this could go and neither of them are good.”

“It’s completely up to you, (N/n). I’ll support whatever you choose,” Peter said. (Y/n) gave him a small smile.

She finished getting ready, but couldn’t shake that thought out of her head. If she did try to call them they could either ignore her or answer and give her a lecture about how she’s too young to be a mom and yada yada yada.

Her and Peter discussed how to surprise the rest of the family during the whole ride to the compound and came up with the perfect plan.

(Y/n) began shaking with nervous excitement as they pulled up to the compound.

“You ok?” Peter asked, frowning a little bit.

“Mhm,” she replied, climbing out of the car as May came to greet them.

“Hi guys!” she said happily. She ran over to (Y/n) and squeezed her in a hug. “I’ve missed you both!”

(Y/n) laughed as she hugged May. “We’ve missed you too!”

“Are you ok? You look… different. Not bad different, just different. Like you’re… glowing almost.”

(Y/n) froze for a split second. Peter saved her from having to answer as he walked over and squeezed his aunt in a hug.

May eyed (Y/n) suspiciously as the trio headed inside, but she didn’t say anything else about it.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Tony said with a grin.

Peter rolled his eyes but (Y/n) just smirked. The night continued on with (Y/n) on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She was sure they saw right through her. What if they weren’t happy about it? What if they thought they were too young to be parents? Her mom had been in her life, but she wasn’t exactly the best mom in the world. What if she wasn’t a good mom? What if-

“Hey.”

(Y/n) pulled herself out of her spiral of worry and looked up to find her husband watching her with a frown. “You ok?” he whispered, giving her hand a squeeze.

She forced a smile and nodded. “I’m ok. Just… tired I guess.”

Peter didn’t look like he believed her, but they didn’t have the chance to talk about it before FRIDAY announced the takeout they ordered had arrived.

As they sat around the living room and munched on the food, (Y/n) caught her husband’s eye and nodded, biting her lip in a smile. Her hands trembled as she handed May and Happy and Tony and Pepper a small gift as the conversation died down.

“What’s this?” May asked suspiciously, eyeing the small rectangle box with a little smile.

“A present,” (Y/n) replied, sitting next to Peter and taking his hand.

The couple’s opened their respective boxes, pulling out a sandwich baggie with ‘Spider-baby coming soon!’ written on it and a positive pregnancy stick in it.

Pepper was the first to catch on. She let out a happy little scream and jumped up, throwing the baggie at Tony in the process.

(Y/n) stood as Pepper practically bounced over and threw her arms around her and Peter. (Y/n) laughed as May caught on next, having about the same reaction as Pepper. Happy and Tony caught on shortly after that. They were excited but their reaction was a bit calmer than the women.

The months seemed to fly by after that. The first trimester had been rough. Morning sickness had hit (Y/n) like a brick wall. Most of the time she could only eat a couple saltines and drink some chicken broth.

There had been one point where they’d almost had to go see Helen, but thankfully everything worked itself out. They did call Dr. Cho a couple times, but without being able to actually see (Y/n), she had to guess it was from the radiation that changed Peter’s DNA.

“But-but he or she isn’t going to be an actual spider-baby, right?” (Y/n) had asked, having gone pale.

“No, I don't think so, (Y/n). He or she might have some powers, but I highly doubt it,” Helen had replied.

During the second trimester, the morning sickness gradually left and (Y/n) was hit with a whole bunch of cravings. The second trimester became (Y/n)’s favorite part of the pregnancy. She was able to actually eat normal food without puking her guts out ten minutes later and she felt great!

“(Y/n), are you sure you should be up there?”

“Ned, relax, it’s just a ladder.”

“Exactly, it’s a ladder! It could topple over at any second!”

“It won’t if you’re holding it.”

Ned tightened his grip on the metal ladder as he watched one of his best friends attempt to paint the wall in front of her. They were keeping the baby’s gender a surprise until he or she was born, so they had been a pretty sage green for the walls.

Peter was returning tomorrow night from a  business trip with Stark Industries, so (Y/n) had called Ned and MJ to come help her decorate the nursery to surprise Peter.

The puking from the first trimester had taken its toll on (Y/n). She was a lot thinner now, except for the growing bump, and got dizzy pretty easily.

(Y/n) inched closer to the wall, much to Ned’s dismay. “(Y/n), do I need to call MJ?”

“No, I’m perfectly capable of doing this,” (Y/n) said, tongue poking out the side of her mouth as she concentrated on not hitting the ceiling.

“Capable of doing what?” MJ asked as she walked in. She carried bags from various baby stores, which she set in a pile in the middle of the room.

“(Y/n)’s trying to give me a heart attack,” Ned replied.

Said woman glared at him. “Am not.”

“(Y/n), do you really think you should be up there? What if you have a dizzy spell?” MJ asked, crossing her arms.

“I’ll be fine. Just let me get this last part then I’ll - oh!”

MJ and Ned raced over, but (Y/n) didn’t fall. Instead, she dropped the roller as her hand flew to her bump.

“What? What’s wrong?” Ned asked.

“He or she kicked!” (Y/n) said, grinning. She got down from the ladder and grabbed her friend’s hands, placing them on her belly. The baby kicked again, making grins pull at Ned and MJ’s lips.

“I wish Peter was here!” (Y/n) said, smiling bigger than she had  in a while.

“(Y/n)?” someone called, making all three heads turn to the living room.

“Peter!” (Y/n) said happily, running to the doorway. She planted a kiss on his lips before grabbing his hand and putting it on her belly.

“(Y/n), what-?”

“Shh! Just watch!”

Sure enough, the baby kicked Peter’s hand. “Whoa!”

He grinned and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

The third trimester brought cramps, swollen feet, and weekly checkups. As the baby grew bigger, (Y/n)’s body began having a hard time adjusting. She became iron deficient and was confined to bed rest within the last couple weeks of her pregnancy due to other complications.

“Peter, I swear, I’ll be ok. Go be Spider-man for a little bit. I’ll call you if anything happens,” (Y/n) said, giving her husband’s hand a squeeze.

“But-”

“No buts. Baby and I will be ok, I promise.”

“What if you have to go to the bathroom? Or what if you get hungry?” Peter asked.

“I called MJ. We’re going to have a girls night,” (Y/n) said, one hand rubbing her large stomach while the other held her husband’s hand tightly.

Peter hesitated. “You swear you’ll call me if anything happens?”

“Yes,” (Y/n) said with a loving smile.

“Fine. I’ll only be gone for a few hours though, ok?”

“Ok. Stay safe, love,” (Y/n) said, pecking his lips before he got up.

“You too,” Peter said. He gave her belly a kiss before suiting up and jumping out the window.

“I will never get used to that,” (Y/n) sighed.

MJ showed up half an hour later and the girls filled up with junk food and cheesy rom-coms.

“So when are you due?” MJ asked as she left to refill the popcorn bucket.

“Two more weeks. But we don’t even know if it’ll actually happen on that day,” (Y/n) said, resting her head on the pillow behind her as she scrolled through Instagram.

A sharp pain shot through her body, making her wince. She didn’t think much of it, it’s been happening a lot lately. Then water began pooling under her thighs. She paled and muttered a curse.

“Uh.. Michelle?”

“I’m coming! Don’t play the movie yet!” MJ called back.

“MJ, my water broke!”

A crash came from the kitchen as MJ ran back into the bedroom. “Are you ok? Does anything hurt?”

“No-no, I’m ok. What-what should I do?” (Y/n) said as the situation began to set in.

“Call Peter. I’ll get your bag and your shoes,” MJ said.

(Y/n) had never been more thankful for her friend’s calmness before now. She tried her husband five times before giving up and leaving a message. She then tried Tony, who answered on the third ring.

“Hey, (Y/n), what’s up?”

“Tony, my water just broke and I can’t get a hold of my husband. I sent him out to be Spider-man for a little bit, but now he’s not answering!”

“OK, stay calm, (N/n). I’ll go look for him and make sure everything’s ok. Are you by yourself?”

“No, MJ is here with me. Call me when you find him!” (Y/n) said as MJ ran back in with (Y/n)’s sandals and hospital bag.

“Will do, kid.”

They hung up and called the hospital. Due to all of her complications so far, they told her to come in right away.

So MJ hailed a cab and helped her very pregnant friend down the stairs and into said cab. ON the way, they call Ned who met them at the hospital.

(Y/n) was called back into a room almost immediately with her friends by her side.

“Anything from Tony?” (Y/n) asked MJ.

As if on cue, her phone began ringing. MJ put it on speaker and said, “Tony? Did you find him?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. We’re on our way now. How’s she doing?”

“I’m fine, just get here quickly please!” (Y/n) said.

“We’re almost there!” Tony said before they hung up.

Well, after that phone call things rapidly went downhill. They gave her an epidural, and shortly after that (Y/n)’s blood pressure began dropping drastically, resulting in some panicked nurses and doctors.

(Y/n) began having trouble staying awake and the epidural wasn’t even working, which meant she was still in pain.

“MJ!”

MJ and Ned looked up from the seat they’d claimed as Peter and Tony ran in. Peter had a black eye and a cut on his cheek, but other than that he looked ok.

“Where is she? Is she ok?” Peter asked.

“Her blood pressure is dropping. They kicked us out,” Ned said.

“She’s in that room,” MJ said, pointing discreetly to the room across from them.

Peter raced in to find his pregnant wife pale and asleep while a doctor and nurse talked next to her. They both looked up when Peter walked in.

“I’m Peter, I’m her husband. What’s going on?” he said quickly.

“We’re going to have to do an emergency c-section, it’s not healthy for your wife or your baby if we try to wait,” the doctor said.

So that’s what happened. Almost three hours later, the Spider-baby was brought into the world and (Y/n)’s blood pressure started rising back to normal. She woke up almost thirty minutes after the baby was born to find Peter sitting next to her bed and holding her hand.

“Is the baby ok? Where-what happened?” she asked weakly.

“The baby is great. They have her in the NICU just to be safe for a couple days, but they said as soon as you feel like it we can go visit  her,” Peter said, a soft smile on his face.

“Her? It’s a girl?” (Y/n) asked, smiling.

“We have a daughter, (N/n),” Peter said.

They found (Y/n) a wheelchair then went straight to the NICU.

“You must be Baby Parker’s parents. She’s doing great, she should be able to leave in a few days,” a nurse said with a kind smile.

“Thank you,” Peter said.

“Pete, she’s so beautiful,” (Y/n) said with tears in her eyes.

“What should we name her?” Peter asked.

“You pick the first name and I’ll pick the middle name,” (Y/n) said.

“Clara,” Peter said almost instantly.

“May,” (Y/n) said, just as quickly.

They smiled. “Clara May Parker.”

——

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! I know I brought up the parent thing, then never did anything with it so I was thinking of doing a little spinoff oneshot of this later on. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these twoshots!

[ihopethisendswell]

The part where you get basic info on my Pokémon oc's so you don't get confused when I post about them.

This is gonna be a long post. I have like 8 total. 16 if your counting the secondary protags (my version of May and Lucas for example,which I won't be going over in detail cause I'm not insane). Might want to check my timeline 9 it's pinned or just check bulbapedia if your confused about the ages. If you have any questions feel free to ask. I hope you enjoy :)

Name :Jin Amachi

Gender: " I am nonbinary. I they/ them pronouns, but I'm alright with he/ him as well.

Age:

12( when started journey in Hoenn( Emerald)

22 by SM/USUSM

26 by SWSH

Basic info: With all things said and done, Jin is grateful for their journey. They learned a lot, even if they had to stop two extreme environmentalist along the way. They know the two meant well, but it's just too bizarre for it to happen. Though the two seem to be in a better place now. They're happy for them. They're father and them talk more now. It's still awkward, but better. They know he's trying his best, and they will do the same. It's much better than back then. But no need to worry about the past.

If anything, they're more worried about the others.

Kenji Elm

Gender: " I'm getting sudden dejavu. But I'm a boy! The best boy! Don't call me a girl, I will cry. And because I'm not one! So don't. Anyway have you heard of-" * starts to ramble*

Age:

10 when journey started in Johto( HGSS)

17 by SM

21 by SWSH

Basic Info: Kenji Elm is not the biological son of Professor Elm. He was adopted at a young age, and he doesn't know who is birth parents. Not that he cares. He's more than happy with the family he got( though he wonders when they'll throw him away like his parents did). Energetic and always willing for an adventure, Kenji is generally on the move!( He's so sorry if he's being annoying please don't leave please)

He has a vast amount of interests, but his two favorites are painting and battling. Battling is obvious, he's the champion of the Indigo League, but he always had an artistic eye. But his favorite pastime is hanging out with his friends! When he gets the time of course. He's sometimes wonder how he was able to hold the title of champion for so long though haha ( his win was a fluke he knows it he knows it) .But yeah! That's Kenji! Always there with a smile! Our little golden boy! 😁

Name: Danica Yamamoto

Gender: "I'm a girl. She/her pronouns. They/ them is cool too. Don't mind Kenji, he talks a lot." *Offended Kenji noises in the background*

Age:

11 when journey started in Sinnoh( Platinum)

18 by SM)

22 by SWSH

Basic Info: Giratina and Arcues are quite alike, the more she thinks about it. Though, the rest if Sinnoh, quite possibly the whole world would disagree with her. Giratina is " the lord of darkness". It's followers have a history of not being....the best. Giratina resides alone in the Distortion World, paying for it's past sins. Clearly, Giratina and Arcues are nothing alike.

Hm? Oh. Right. Pardon.

Danica grew up in Twinleaf town, with her best friend Barry. Those two are almost polar opposites. Barry is always moving, going fast, and doesn't wait for no one( except Danica and Emmet). Danica can go fast, possibly faster than Barry, but likes to take things slow. Both can be quite chaotic.Barry has a bit of a temper, Danica's chill. Both are cases where you should run when they are angry. Like. Very angry. The two bounces of each other well,and hang out regularly with Emmet, even with their busy professions ( Danica as champion, Barry as Frontier Brain and Emmet as a professor). Danica loves baking, and would often be making poffins and other baked treats for her, her pokemon and others ! She's also a bit of a nerd, so you'll also find her in a library or two. Her pokemon are her babies, and she hopes to have plenty of battles with them in the future!

.....

But really. They are quite alike. Both are beings of great power. Both have a following, even if one is less seen. Both are feared. They are feared greatly. Do they fear each other? Did Arcues banish Giratina in fear of the world or in fear of losing control? Did Giratina learn it's lesson after eons of being in the Distortion World? She could never tell. It doesn't really open up much, only going back to said Distortion World on its own Accord( it felt wrong to be it's "owner"). Though it do comes back, surprisingly. Maybe because she asked it to. To make sure Cyrus doesn't die in there. He still won't come out. She doesn't understand why. It's been years. Has he learned his lesson? Giratina seems to be fond of him. Affectionate. Cyrus never objects to this. So he must right? Right?

Ah, getting off topic. They're quite alike, being feared by the masses. Even if Arcues is mostly beloved. It's a god. It has such power. They're both feared. They themselves must fear as well . It must get lonely....... She thinks she gets Cyrus now.

Name: Alexis " Alex" Jones

Gender: " Um, hi? I'm just a dude. Use he/ him pronouns.....yeah"

Age:

14 when journey started in Unova( BW)

18 by SM

22 by SWSH

Basic info: It's so funny, the more he thinks about. He was so excited, despite his worries. He was going on a journey. A gym challenge. Pathway to champion. He was going to do that! With his sister and his friends! On his birthday! It was perfect! It should have been perfect! But everything just went wrong.

The bodies, the blood, the pressure to " be a hero"( intentional or not), it was all too much. Too much. Then- then he was a coward. He fled it all. Even after saving the day. It was stupid. So stupid. And the people in his life had a right to be angry. Why wouldn't they? He deserved it, really. But now things are better(?). He has a daycare to co-run, he's gradually learning his way as a pokemon medic, and he still has his pokemon( the ones that were lucky enough to survive). He's so grateful for them. He doesn't battle, though. No, he's never doing that ever again. He's caused enough harm( he hates how he stares at trainers battling). He's no good anyway( he hates how bored his team looks half the time) . He doesn't understand why people insist that he is( he hates that he has this itch, this desire). He doesn't understand why they look so disappointed when he says he doesn't battle anymore( he hates that he misses the rush, the strategy, the freedom of it all). He's fine with what he got. He's no hero.

.....Why is his aunt calling him?

Name: Evangeline " Eva" Ortiz

Gender: " Hiya! I'm a lovely lady! I use she/her pronouns, please and thank you!"

Age:

14 when journey started ( B2W2)

16 by SM

20 by SwSh

Basic Info: Eva! Eva my Beloved. Eva's fun, y'know? Always moving, helping, laughing, smiling. Life of the party! She rivals Kenji with that winning smile. Not to mention that she's a great battler! It's almost like she was born for this. Maybe she is! Who knows. But what she do know is that she's Unova's Champ and she gotta defend her title! And protect her region! Though she probably would have done that without the title anyway haha! Hmm what else? Oh! She loves technology! For some reason that surprises a lot of people that don't really know her, but she does! She's a bit of a tinkerer if she do say so herself. She likes it when people compliment on her skills it makes her more confident in them. Even Col-

No.

....

Ahem.

Anyway she's pretty talented. But that comes from a lot of hard work! And luck. But lots of hard work.( And also luck). Aaaah, that should that's it? Well, she does tend to be distant, b-but she's busy, yeah? Don't worry about it. Oh! One more thing. It's not really a big deal, just a random fact.

She hates the cold.

Name Jude Bellrose

Gender: "...... Why do you care ?" ( E: Jude don't be rude! Al: No no, she has a point.) *Ooc: Jude is genderfluid. Right now, in this post, she's using she/ her pronouns, but she also uses he/him and they/them*

Age:

18 when journey started in Kalos( XY)

20 by SM

24 by SwSh

Basic info: Death has a way of teaching you things. Jude learned a lot from it. She learns to not take it for granted, both death itself and the one that is dead.She learns to be humble. She learns to be kind.

Jude was, and still is, prickly. She's not rude my any means, unless she is, but she's just hard to become friends with. She used to have this philosophy of trainer and pokemon; they should be no emotional bonds. They're not here for that. They're here to win. And she did. Until she didn't. Her first pokemon died. It devastated her. Her pokemon, surprisingly, comforted her. And then another one died, and her pokemon comforted her again. Star, her Staraptor, was strong. So strong, and yet it died, and she cried and get pokemon cried with her. She never felt so loved. Not saying that her mother doesn't love her, the opposite really, it's just things have been....complicated. Couple that with strangers turn( begrudgingly) friends, and Jude's heart turned all warm inside. Not that she'll ever admit that outloud.

Jude is a kind person, despite her prickly nature. She loves the world around her, loves her friends, loves her pokemon. She respects death, despite the pain she causes her. The world itself of beautiful as it is, which it's such a shame that a capitalist fool a certain someone couldn't see that way( poor Sycamore).

Jude is a good trainer, despite her loss. She knows this. She'll prove it too the moon and back. If only a certain someone thought the same for himself.

Aster Mahina

Gender: "...." "Mizzz Aster is a girl! She uses she/her pronouns! Zzt."

Age:

11 in SM, where her journey started

15 by SwSh

Basic Bio: Aster doesn't hate Kanto. She doesn't. She was born there and lived there for 11 years. She just doesn't want to back. But she has to, cause she's " the first champion of Alola and as champion" yada yada yada. Like. She gets it. Being Alola's first and currently only champion, you gotta make an impression. She gets that. She still doesn't want to go. Even when she's been there, like, 4 times now. There are some good things in Kanto though. Lillie is there. And seeing Lillie physically is always a plus. She also gets to see Uncle Red, Uncle Green, and Aunt Blue. Kenji, while not living in Kanto, is champion of the Indigo League, and it's always fun with Kenji( she loves his art). But. Like. She still doesn't want to go.

But she also likes being Champion. That means she's strong. And since she's strong she can protect her mom. But she can't protect her mom when she's all the way in Kanto! What if he comes back? What if goes to Alola when she's away? She knows that her mom is strong, she knows that but still!

No. No it's okay. Her mom is strong. Lillie is strong. Gladion is strong . Hau is strong. Guzma is strong. They're all strong. She's strong.

She is strong.

Name: Naomi Einar

Gender: "I-I'm a girl! She/her pronouns please!"

Age:

15 in SWSH, which is the start of her gym challenge in Galar!

Basic Info: Hop is pretty convincing, she realizes. Or maybe she's very weak willed. " Let's do the gym challenge together!" He said. He had that look in his eye. She couldn't say no. Or she could, but that would make him upset, and that's the last thing she wants.

If she's being honest with herself, she's scared. She doesn't like big crowds, the attention. They'll be so many eyes on her. So many. A-and then there's Lee and her cousin, Alexis. Hop has made her sit down and watch almost every single match Leon has had. He's an amazing trainer. A-and her mum would tell her stories about Alexis. He was a hero! He stopped an evil team and everything! She can't live up to that! She never even battled before, why would Hop-

No. It's okay. It's okay. She- she'll just quite after failing the first gym. She can handle the embarrassment. And then she'll cheer Hop on when he wins against his brother. Yep. She'll do just that. Okay. Okay.

.....

Everyday, Slumbering Weald seem to intrigue her more and more. It's almost like it's calling her. Da?

No. It- it'sprobably nothing.

[seahorseharry]

AUS I’M STILL WAITING FOR aka im full of ideas but i cant write for shit

train joke:

Au where harry prints this (dont know why) and louis finds it and thinks that’s the most absurd joke ever , he def needS to call that person. He is not planning on befriend them , just laugh. Yada yada yada louis ends uP meeting his soulmate

grilled cheese:

larry au where louis writes this and harry answers (this sounds like both of them tbh but we all saw louis pancakes)

cake joke

bakery au where niall goes to this new place and orders a cake for louis’ birthday

harry: what should i write?

niall: happy bday dick haha dont write that his name is louis

niall takes the cake anyways thinking its hilarious and when louis asks wtf is that  niall tells him: the guy at the new bakery thinks penis jokes are always funny and he is def your type.

louis acts like he doesnt care but the next day he DOES NOT go to that bakery, he does not walk up to the cute guy behind the counter and he definitely doesnt say:

“hi i’m dick, i think you owe me a cake?” with a cheeky smile

the last one explains itself

[xllxxrbxg]

hmmm gold digger prank yaya call my aliens from mars and tell them to get the gold

hmmmm idkkkk. update ko lang sa life rn may bebe na me. karlo is his name. he's a nice guy. takes me out (not as a hitman) occasionally. I like how he treats me; he gives me freedom. And it only means he trusts me very well. I dont have any idea where he gets the energy to trust me, but that's how it goes. Kinda shocking ba na may bebe na me hihi kakasabi ko lang sa las entry ko na ayoko maging taken GAGI tapos here i am parang clown. Pero anyways, masarap lang din sa feeling na may nakakaappreciate sayo nang ganun. Tho we just met palang and since day 1 of that meeting him personally, magkalandian na kami agad AHSDHAHDHA kasi sa chat di naman kami nag flirt in any way usap lang lagi. And di ko rin sya feel non sa chat kasi parang ang kulit na ewan, pero LOOK AT ME. So ayon naglaplapan kami the other other week pa. Make out game strongk naman kahit papano pero man his hands ... they long asffff. Anyway ayon I asked for a hickey, gave me one, and the next morning I was scolded by mom lmfao WAS FUNNY TBH BECAUSE i didnt even try to hide it. And my tito also saw it he was like "ano yang nasa neck mo? bat may pasa" and i was like "ah hehe yung ano kasi yung necklace" AHASDHHADHASH AND MOM WAS THERE SHE WAS LIKE "yung necklace nya nagtala sa pagtulog nya *sips coffee bites bread* HAHAHAHHAHAHA OMFG but later on when we went to camalig she noticed it was a real hickey and yeah I got scolded because Im so pasaway daa. Anyways LOVE YOU MOM UWU! HEHE. So ayon nga ayoko na magpromis na maglolog in ako dito daily kasi di naman natutupad. Pero kahapon kwento ko lang mars nagsakay ako sa big bike GARA PAREH as in lahat nakatingin sa tormots nung kasama ko. Nameet ko lang din sa bumble tho tig vibe check ko man sya for several weeks. And sya rin kausap ko nung time na suicidal ako so goods naman. Ok naman sya may dead air lang kaso sometimes baka nagkakahiyaan and stuff. nilibre nya ako ng milk tea, AND HAHA KASI ang weirdt tho nagtanggal ako mask. Di ako usually natanggal mask, heck si jeff na bff q never pa ako nakita personally na walang mask HAHAHAHA Anw ayon was fun tho napa Holy Mary ako habang nakasakay sa likod niya. Kasi first of all the ride was bumpy, second of all the seat was small ASS!!! and walang hawakan sa likod. Anyway people were staing hihi I DO LOVE ATTENTION! I was wearing a tank top, cargo pants, combat boots, and on top of it all I had a tatt on my arm. DAMN SHAWDDIE @ ME. LOL. Loved the temporary feeling of royalty. Gara ba naman ng motor. It was green and black in color and it was a cool ass expensive motor !! it was worth 300k+ if irc. ANW ayun had fun naman. Tho I mostly did it so that I would stray from depression but I am still depressed. I have to do something about it INTERNALLY and deal with it with myself. And stop going out with people as a shortcut to heal the depression. But anw ayun I am glad there are people that go out with me because I am sad. Plus I am grateful Karlo allows me to go out with my other friends despite that they are guys. Man that guy trusts me so much, I will not break it. Anyways he's a nice guy, but at the same time you cant have it all yk. I dont like it when he walks ahead of me just cause he has longer legs and bikes, but we can work on that. Anyways, people underestimate people on bumble. Some guys don't look like it but theyre actually rich. First example i have is AJ. he aint lookin rich man. If anything, he looks like he smokes 8 packs a day. But I was wrong he actually smokes 9. CHAROT. Mans was like teasing me most of the time and I GOT PISSED SO I FIRED BACK. but days passed he sent me 1.3k--- LIKE WHAT FOR WHAT????? I was mean yet he knew I needed something to cheer me up and HE SENT MONEY?? WHO THE FUCK SENDS 1.3K AHAHAHHAHAH SHET GANDALANGTALAGAMINSANMARS Then the other one I met just yesterday was dustin. He goes to school at UST manila and he treated me outside too. He owns the 300k motor BUT TELL YOU WHAT HE AINT LOOKIN RICH ON HIS PROFILE. If anything, I wouldnt swipe right tbh but apprarently, I did. So lesson here is dont judge people by their looks,

actually try to have a conversation with them, and treat them fairly and not be mean just because its online. Also, mostly the goodlooking ones on these dating apps are the asshole ones lmfao. Tho there are guys who look like literal shit and are assholes too. Lol anyway the third one is Karlo which I started seeing a month ago. I met up with him because I was visiting Naga temporarily and then I got bored. Supposedly I would meet up with miki because we were talking for sometime already but he was not making things happen so I just grabbed whoever was available that time and it was Karlo. Was hesitant at first, because I didnt match the vibe he had online and was too makulit for me. But to my surprise on our very first meeting, he picked me up with a fortuner. I thought he'd bring a clanky ass car or somn when he said he'd borrow from his father. Anw, was nervous when I entered the car because I was unfamiliar with the person and it was sinking into me that it could be my last day on earth. So I was like yeah he might have a car yada yada yada didnt pay much attention just yet. So we went to this field apparently people call it naga view. not much too see just overlooking the city. IT WAS A DAMN FIELD!!!!!! IDK WTD BUT HE TOOK ME THERE I WAS READY TO FIGHT FOR MY LIFE I HAD A CUTTER WITH MEEE anways.... was fun date. we had to return the car by 3 we were kinda late. so we went to his house was a nice house it had an office. was then again surprised to see a signange with their surname on it and it entailed they had a realty firm. And also turns out they own a damn resort. bro. both of his parents are engineers and are real estate brokers. and it ain even show on the pfffppp man people on bumble really be keeping it lowkey. Pero yeah he isnt rich, his parents are. that makes him a rich kid. But anw di ko naman habol money ew im not like that. I may like free stuf, but I dont chase people for money unless theyre my client or if i lent money lmfao. Just surprises me how people be rich. like damn his bike is like 130k...... man what in the wealth.... also theres zef. another good friend of mine. his dads a lawyer. idk but they seem rich plus his bike costs 65k...... thats cheper than karlos but like........... yall underestimate bikers too. man they RICH. tho you can get budget bikes but idk how youll keep up with guys that has feather weight expensive ass bikes that they hoist up single handedly LMAO. eat the rich. anyways i guess this is what this entry is all about. Me making kwento about people that are rich. I will get rich soon too. I know God will help us get what we deserve after all that losing, it is time to win. <3333

[ecotone99]

[HM] A random (hopefully funny/entertaining) tale about a young man, a Chevy Spark, a few life lessons, and a car accident.

So this was about a year and a half ago. I was 21 and desperate to get CHEAP/new car. First of all let me start off by saying I was young and dumb (still young and dumb). I tend to make irrational and quick decisions when i’m excited about something. For personal reasons that I don’t wanna get into I was not able to receive a license until I was 21. So when I finally got my license I needed, let me re-phrase that...had the biggest urge/desire to buy a car like the day before my license came in the mail. Also getting a car would allow me to start a new career.

Now for financial, and impatient reasons I was going to finance the car. Now when I say finance I really mean have the LOWEST monthly payment possible. My job requires me to drive 100-200+ miles a day mostly highways so leasing was out of the question. I also did not, and still do not want to buy used. Which is a whole separate argument for a whole different day. Anyway I was literally looking for the cheapest 2018 model car ever created.

It’s a week before fourth of July and the cheapest car I could find was a 2018 Chevy Spark for around 13k. I figured what the hell I’ve waited 21 long years on my skateboard I can wait another week to try and get the “fourth of July deals” to increase my wheel size from 59mm to 200mm.

Boom after checking “cars.com” everyday, on July 7th 2018 I pull up with my dad to a chevy dealership 90 miles away from home. Me, feeling like a Russian mobster (I’m Russian haha) on the outside, and as excited as a young school girl on the inside walk inside with my dad. I pull out my phone and show the sales guy the ad I saw. 2018 Chevy Spark for $10,001 in a lightish blue.

Keep in mind I did NO research. I read NO reviews. My mind was set on this Chevy Spark. You could tell me 9/10 Chevy Sparks are reported to have a mind of their own and drive off of cliffs at 50k miles and I would still buy it without a second thought.

Now I’m sure all of you can relate to a certain degree. You know the feeling of being so damn excited for something. The feeling of wanting something so damn bad that you would do irrational things to get it. In that moment you don’t want to hear anything negative about your decision. You just want IT. At the time it was the only thing I could afford so in my mind it was either the Chevy Spark or never drive a car again in my whole life.

Back to the dealership, the sales guy asked if I wanted to test drive it, and for that 90 second circle in the parking lot (I didn’t even take my time I just wanted to get back and sign the paperwork) I fell in love what felt like for the first time. I didn’t even fall in love with the car I fell in love with the feeling of driving hopefully my neat future car.

This is a Chevy Spark LS. I’m talkin manual windows, no power locking, no center console, cheap speakers, feel ever pebble on the road, get blown off the highway when a gust of wind or even ANY car passes by. I’m talkin a car that teaches you what claustrophobia is. A car that feels like you’re sitting inside one of those electric cars for toddlers. You get the point this was a bare skeleton with a piece of plastic around it. But I loved it.

I had pretty good credit at the time so I was able to finance my first big purchase. 7.9 APR at 178 a month. At the time thats literally all I could afford. Ya know with insurance being so stupidly expensive if you’re young. So after a long day of paperwork and the sales guy telling us he literally can’t even drop a penny off the price I drove my baby home.

Fast forward to January 1st 2020 around 5pm: “DAD I NEED YOU TO COME TO ME I JUST SLAMMED INTO A PARKED CAR GOING 60”

Okay okay I know you’re excited to hear what happens next but let me back up a little.

For my job I spend A LOT of time on the road and in my car. 200+ miles/6+ hours a day is not uncommon. I’m about 5’7 and 150 pounds so I’m not the biggest guy. I’m a nice guy, but the Chevy Spark taught me what it feels like to be uncomfortable. It taught me what anxiety is. It taught me that you can have road rage at yourself.

A little insight on my job; Im an in home sales man for home improvment. The owner of the company I work for (he took a liking to me because he is also Russian) knew I was planning on getting a car. He told me when I get a car he will train me in becoming a sales rep. Promoting me from my position as a telemarketer. So knowing this made me that much more in a rush to buy a car. We drive to appointments everyday, and sometimes just sit in the car to wait/chill in between appointments. So basically 2/3 of the work day is spent in the car, and the work days can sometimes be 9am to 11pm.

Me being naive and irrational did NOT think about these things when purchasing a car. I did NOT realize how important comfort is when sitting in the car all day. Sure the first 6 months I was so excited about having a car that I did not think about these things, but things quickly changed.

I started to get really angry and started to despise working. I would wake up KNOWING I’m about to be very uncomfortable and annoyed inside of my car.

Every detail about the car is horrible. My left elbow rested on what felt like rough old cement, and the rigid surface would leave marks on my arm. My right arm would always be itchy from the cheap cloth armrest. My left leg literally had no where to go. THE WORST PART ABOUT THE CAR THOUGH, my left knee would literally almost ALWAYS be touching the manual window roller handle. Half the time the handle was either directly on top of my knee or directly in front of my knee. I had nightmares about crashing the car only because I knew when I did that handle would be the end of my knee.

There was no storage compartments in the car. I had no where to put my phone, my change, my wallet, anything else comfortably. Because it’s a tiny hatchback my back seats would ALWAYS have to be pushed forward to fit all of my work stuff (giant bags). MEANING I could not push/lean my seat back enough. It was the equivalence to those people in the asian countries that live in the tiny apartments that look lime walk in closets.

Now I’m a music guy so listening to music is a must. Not even a year and my speakers started to blow... The speakers sounded like an old nokia phone in the first place. Or a better description would be when your earphones break so you have to pull out the old trusty $9 backup earphones from ross. Constantly I would think about installing better speakers but just never got around to me

There are 2 lessons to be learned from this pointless post, but one of them is how important comfort is when picking a car to own. I will now NEVER sacrifice comfort in the future. Not just in a car, but in anything.

Okay now....January 1st 2020 at about 4:30pm on a very main road. My new years resolution was to stop smoking cigarettes so this was day one!

So around that time of year it can get slow for my job. So as a side hustle I started doing Uber Eats. Let me take a quick second to say CHEVY SPARK DOES NOT QUALIFY FOR RIDE SHARING BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE 5 SEATBELTS. I was EXTREMELY mad when I found that out AFTER I bought the car.

Since the car is so uncomfortably small it took many many attempts to find a phone mount/holder that was just okay. I finally found one that required my phone to be right in the middle. Keep in my mind this is my first day using it. Also keep in mind I am Russian and it was just new years. RIP to my liver the night before.

Here I am driving 60 on a very main road. My phone is right in the middle and I’m looking at it trying to figure out where I’m supposed to deliver this burger to. Uber eats; pick up food from restaurant and deliver to customer As I’m looking at my phone in the middle, while singing along to my music, most likely thinking about life, 100% hoping my headache would go away, wondering what my girlfriend is doing, admiring how warm my new north face jacket that I just bought is. Basically doing everything but paying attention to the road (And I’m sorry my grammar is getting worse as this post is going its 3am and I stopped caring as much LOL). I’ve been driving for a year and a half now I’m so confident in my self I can drive with my eyes closed using my feet.

Anyway, BAM I look up and my car is basically inside of an Audi SUV. “FUCK!!!!!!” “Fuck fuck fuck fuck” close my eyes cause its a dream open them cause I’m waking up after a nightmare “FUCK”

This is my first accident. I was going 60mph, at this point I’m completely speechless and very shocked. Every one always told me that car was a death wish but after about 5 seconds of stating in front of me I immediately climb over the airbags and exit the smoking, pulverized hunk of plastic.

I slammed into a parked car on the right side of the road. Really horrible too, thank you seatbelt. I don’t even know what to do in this situation so I’m dumbfounded. Witnesses are asking if I’m okay I was so all I could say was “yeah I’m okay”

I called my dad, and after what seemed like a minute he shows up. The owners of the parked car came out of the restaurant all normal accident stuff. I had a sprained finger, bruises yada yada.

Now my insurance wanted nothing to do with is since I was doing uber. I filed a claim through uber’s insurance and they said I’ll be covered. Awesome, score, BUT I didn’t know what gap insurance was at the time. I failed to do my research which I always end up having to learn a lesson cause of sometimes heedless decisions.

I had 8 thousand left to pay off my car loan and 40k miles on the car. I for sure thought it was over. I was done, game over. Every one told me the insurance would pay me 5 MAYBE 6 thousand for the car leaving my to pay off the rest.

Now I’m not religious but by some kind of mystical higher power I was blessed. I pretty much hit the jackpot. My payout was $11,200...

I purchased the car for $10,001...

I got my loan payed off AND received about 2k.

Now if that doesn’t scream second chance I don’t know what does.

To wrap up this long long meaningless story I just want to say a few things.

If you read up to this point I applaud you. It wasn’t a hell of a ride to read this story. It wasn’t the script to the next big summer blockbuster. It was more like, a carnival ride for children ages 3-6.

But there are some important lessons and morals to be taken from this. 1. Fuck the Chevy Spark 2. Comfort in a vehicle is very important 3 Do your research and please get a car that you will love even 2 years down the line. Get something you like. If you cant afford it wait until you can if you can be patient 4 GAP INSURANCE 5 Don’t make hasty decisions like me

After lots of research I am getting ready to finance a 2020 Toyota Corolla SE next week, and I’m very excited!

We live and learn. We make mistakes and we learn from them. I know when it comes to stubborn minds like myself we won’t listen/pay attention to advise that much until we have to pay the consequences. I try to listen more and look things into a different perspective as I get older because the older you get past 18 the more bad decisions screw you over. The consequences weren’t as bad as a teenager but now wrong avoidable decisions can really change your life for the worse. Adulting isn’t easy but thats just the game we call life. Goodnight ya’ll I have to be up in about 4 hours to drive my rental 100 miles to go sell some windows.

OH AND MY LEFT KNEE DIDN’T GET HURT

Ps: Still haven’t smoked a cigarette

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