#anyway when the hell will fucking Marvel ever be a substitute for knowing one's own history. that's not representation chale

[orchres]

Nuclear take but the premise of Black Panther imo entrenches the tensions between continental Africans and diaspora Africans by making it seem as though we on the continent were left having a fine and dandy time while our kin were being kidnapped and sold into slavery in America and the Carribbean. especially the fact that Wakanda is allegedly in East Africa. like clearly the creators have 0 fucking idea how extensive slave trade was in Africa for all of history. in the East it was Arabs kidnapping and selling us off and tbh that shit has never ended because even now every other day I see on TV how there's hella ppl from my country stuck in Saudi Arabia or the Emirates facing all sorts of abuse working 12 hour days n having their wages stolen and their passports burned. not to mention settler colonialism is still happening. and like, why do something like that? antiblackness is a global phenomenon likeee bestie there's a reason we are all so disadvantaged. this idea that there's some niggas who magically escaped both slavery and colonialism to sit pretty in isolation while the rest of us suffered and continue to suffer is actually pretty sickening.

[headoverhiddles]

Pixels: Untold

This wacky ass thing happened out of something on here someone said about Pixels!Josh (Ludlow) x Dracula Untold!Luke (Vlad), so I wrote the thing! It’s set after the events of Dracula, and during the events of Pixels. 

This seemed like such a crack pairing, but they’re actually kinda cute together guys 😭

For those who wished to be tagged: @solesisita @@gafou1 @impossiblyshamelessearthquake @wibbly-wobbly-wonderland @lovingtheshow @therobotalien @xxvillainous-crushxx @sincoe @abbessthegoddess 

It's been centuries. Vlad Tepes is enjoying a coffee in NYC one day when the entire town falls into anarchy- lucky for him, the most ill-equipped, insecure, and clumsiest man he's ever met is determined to save the day...

Ludlow Lamonsoff may have no luck with Lady Lisa, but if he plays his lives right, he may have a little with this sexy ass vampire who seems to be the one protecting him at the moment.  

Vlad sat on the patio of the coffee shop, sipping the cappuccino he had been enjoying for an hour or so. It was a lovely day, one of the loveliest times of year, Vlad had noted over the centuries. This decade was a particularly nice, albeit busy one, everyone bustling by him on their mobile devices- he owned one just to keep up with the times, but rarely used it at all.

Everything seemed ordinary about this spring day... until he heard a  window crash two streets down, and the sky began to cloud over with strange looking ships.

What in the fresh depths of hell is going on?

Vlad had never seen anything like it.

The vampire just took another sip of his coffee- he'd seen worse in his time, and he'd be damned (again) if he was going to leave this delectable square of cake they called 'banana bread' he had bought. It was a marvelous substitute for human blood, truly, and it made him wonder frequently how he or his people got on without it back in his native time.

Taking another bite and humming to himself thoughtfully, he saw another chunk of the building across the street fall off as a gaggle of pink pixels smashed into it.

Curious. Hopefully no lives were lost... Vlad thought about doing something, but he was hesitant. He had already spent decades building up a respectable persona in this city, he didn't need superhuman speed, morphing into a colony of bats, or fangs to ruin it just yet.

As he was licking the sweet residue of the bread off of his thumb, he heard the sharp sound of footsteps approaching in a run. He calculated they were far away but fast approaching, and prepared himself for an attack.

That's when he heard the loud, high voice running right in front of him.

"Come with me if you want to li- HOLY SHIT, WHAT AN ATTRACTIVE MAN!"

"I beg your pardon?" Vlad asked, eyeing the short man with the ray gun in front of him. He had curly black hair, glasses, and a fuller figure. Narrowing his eyes and inspecting him closer, Vlad raised an eyebrow. He wasn't bad looking, in that dark blue and black jumpsuit... he was intriguing, and his scent was uniquely sweet, something Vlad hadn't come across before.

"No, no, no, let me start that over, I messed it up." The man cleared his throat as Vlad frowned at him, then he lowered his voice a couple of octaves and roughened it up, posing with sucked in cheekbones.

"Come with me if you want to live." After the line, he beamed widely, displaying a row of white teeth with a small, adorable gap in between the two fronts. "Better?"

Vlad considered this, stirring more sugar into his capp. "Significantly."

"I've always wanted to say that. I mean... let's be honest here, you probably won't live if you come with me, but I'd be really happy if you did, 'cause... you're kinda perfect."

Vlad looked back up. "Am I?" he smirked- not smugly, just in amusement.  

"I don't get many run-ins with perfect men." The short man thought for a second. "Y'know what, no, that's a complete fabrication. I do, but it usually involves laughter and/or mocking. On their part."

"Mocking?" Vlad asked, finishing off his coffee with a slow gulp. "Why would anyone mock you? You seem like a..." he searched for words that would suit these times, "Cute, capable fellow."

"You think I'm cute?" the man asked, a huge smile blossoming on his face. Just then, a huge pixilated block dropped right beside them, and Ludlow screamed at the top of his lungs. Vlad raised an eyebrow.

"Cute, yes... possibly less capable than I initially imagined."

"Come on," the man suddenly said, scrambling forward to tug Vlad up, "Capable or not, the city's under attack and Brenner and President Cooper sent me to help civilians."

The vampire rose, if only to appease the man, and followed him inside the cafe.

"Oh. I'm Ludlow," the man grinned, holding out a hand as they hid under a booth, "Ludlow Lamonsoff." Vlad shook it, nodding once politely, but tensed slightly as Ludlow's eyes rolled back and his mouth opened.

"Ohhhh my god, your handshake is so firm," he murmured, biting his lip, and then grimaced. "I'm sorry. I'm not smooth. I may be a good gamer, but don't expect A game from me in that department."

Vlad's interest was piqued again. It was no secret he was a sexual creature, and if Ludlow interpreted their interaction as something more than friendly, then... he wasn't opposed to anything.

"Pleased to know you. I'm Prin- I'm Vlad Tepes."

"Jesus Christ, please tell me you were born with that name. I won't judge you if you changed it, because that's totally something I would do, but dude- that is badass."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, like something out of a game!"

"A game," Vlad deadpanned.

"Yup... Vlad. Huh- wasn't that Dracula's name or something?!"

Vlad opened his mouth slowly, unsure of how to answer that, but thankfully (or not) a huge pixilated block fell behind them, caving the roof in. Ludlow let out a piercing, effeminate scream, and Vlad grabbed his arm, pulling him out from the wreckage and leading him out. They looked up, and dodged just in time another few pixels that ended up crashing and setting aflame the table Vlad had just been occupying.

"Damn mushrooms. They're not supposed to fall..."

Vlad began to get very confused.

"We've gotta go, Drac," Ludlow mumbled, tugging Vlad's sleeve, "Now."

They both ran down 5th avenue, dodging cars that were flying across the street and  more burning pixels dropping from the sky.

"It appears you know a lot more than I do about what's going on!" Vlad called, "Care to enlighten me along the way?"

Ludlow whipped around, expression nervous and eyes wide. "Umm... you're going to think I'm nuts."

"If I told you my entire life story, you would think I was mad as well."

Ludlow seemed to take comfort in this, and after a few seconds of mulling it over, he came out with: "Okay. Aliens kind of found a time capsule we, as a nation, collectively shot out into the sky in the 1980s, and interpreted it as an act of war. Now, they're challenging us to these... games?"

"Aliens," Vlad muttered, running a hand through his shoulder length black locks, "And I thought Turks were bad."

"Turks?" Ludlow frowned, "What the f-" Just then, Vlad grabbed him roughly by the collar, yanking him out of the way of a toppling hot dog cart. Ludlow blinked up into Vlad's eyes, then his gaze flickered down to the red lips that were inches away from his own...

"That wasn't a moment, was it?" he squeaked softly, still far too close to the taller man, "I'm imagining this. It was just you saving me, right? Not a moment..."

"It could... be a moment," Vlad swallowed, eyes never leaving Ludlow's, "If you... wish it to be one."

Ludlow breathed out, hands closing around Vlad's biceps, but they were interrupted by the obnoxious honking of someone's van.

"Hey! Lud! Fuck're you doing to that poor civilian?!"

Ludlow's eyes slid closed, and Vlad looked up to see a man, middle aged, almost past his prime, squeal to a halt in a tech repair car. The man got out, and shook his head.

"Sorry sir. He gets this way sometimes with beautiful people, it's a condition- I've seen him lick arcade screens before, be glad he hasn't gotten that far with you yet. Anyway, jesus, what the hell were you doin', Lud?"

"I was... uh..."

"Saving me," Vlad cut in, shrinking his proud, princely posture just a little for effect, "This man was saving me. I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when out of nowhere- aliens! And then Ludlow here came along, and told me to come with him if I wanted to live. Who was I to argue? So I did, and he's saved my life multiple times on the way here."

The guy who pulled up blinked in disbelief, and turned to Ludlow. "That true?"

"Fucking ass, Brenner, of course it's n-"

Just then, a radio crackled inside the van, and Brenner cursed. "There's a situation in Central Park. Keep sharp. Gotta go!"

"Yeah, you... go!" Ludlow called after his friend weakly, then slumped back.

"That wasn't a... fabrication, you understand," Vlad smiled slightly, "You're incredibly brave."

Ludlow deflated, looking genuinely dashed. "Yeah, sure... in the video game universe. I could fight Pacman with a joystick, easy, and my Mario could probably get the Peach... but in real life... I'm just a loser who lives in his grandmother's basement."

Vlad was about to offer him some sort of consolation, but he really had no case to- he was born in a castle.

Ludlow went on ranting. "I mean, that's not even mother's basement level weird- that's like, one generation weirder. And she's always asking me for diet root beer, like I don't have a life or something."

Vlad studied his mannerisms, his nervous ticks, and was surprised to find himself growing fond of this man and his slightly nasally voice. Just as they resumed their intent stare from before, something huge passed over them, and seemed to hurtle down directly toward them. Vlad knew what he had to do.

"Wait!" Ludlow shouted, "Don't do anything to their bodies- it's all in the headshots!" With this, he shot at the creature's head, but Vlad had already transformed- he circled the pixel centipede with his colony of bats, and tore it apart- into six more centipedes.

"Shit on toast," Ludlow muttered, not knowing if he meant the extra centipedes or the fact that the hot guy who saved him that he was crushing on just turned into a bunch of actual bats.

"Ah..." Vlad murmured, once he had morphed back into human form, "I didn't mean to..."

"There's six!" Lud shrieked, "I don't know how to... I c-can't- I'm- when I was a kid, the most I ever took in this game was four, but-"

"Wait," Vlad said, grabbing him by the arms and fixing with a stare. Ludlow tried to ignore the fluorescent red he saw in Vlad's dark eyes- he was imagining this, right? It was just another trick from the aliens, don't fall for it, Lud. "You said you were working for this country's leader- how did this come to be?"

"What?!"

"Why are you working for the president?!"

"I..." Ludlow swallowed, then thought about it. Vlad was right. He was working for the president. And for what reason? "Because I'm a badass," he nodded, locking and loading his gun, "Here comes the Wonder Kid, baby!"

With that, he ran underneath the centipedes, blasting away as purple and green pixels fell around them like dead flies. Vlad helped deflect the debris so that they wouldn't fall on Ludlow, incinerating each piece. Soon, the skies were clear... for now.

"That's what happens when you mess with me and motherfuckin' Batman!" Ludlow shouted at the sky, opening up his arms cockily, "YEAH!!" He sighed, and scratched his head. "Wow. That happened." He suddenly looked over to Vlad, cautiously this time. "Hey. Was that... god, please tell me I imagined that."

Vlad shook his hair off of his face, and exhaled. His chest wasn't rising and falling nearly as much as it should be, and he should have a lot more scratches all over his body after that... "I'm afraid you didn't. I'm..."

"You're legit Dracula?!" Ludlow squeaked, "Fangs and the whole deal?!"

"Well," Vlad murmured, "I'm known to the Elder as Dracula, yes."

"The 'Elder', oooh, sounds like some boss you've gotta beat to move onto the next level."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"Vlad, are you actually... a vampire?" Lud asked hesitantly.  

"Aliens and such falling from the skies and attacking us? I could argue I'm not the strangest thing here," Vlad shrugged, smirking.

Ludlow huffed a laugh. "At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the US army turns out to be highly trained werewolves." He squinted at Vlad. "You're sensitive to silver?"

"Coming in contact with it is less than pleasant."

"And what about sunlight? It's sunny today."

"I've grown accustomed to it over the years."

"Dude... this is fucking awesome!" Ludlow screamed, and Vlad walked a little closer. They shared a look, and the shorter man began to stumble over his words. "Now I get why you're so handsome... you're other-wordly." He suddenly teared up. "Why is everyone I like either 8-bit or undead?"

"Listen to me- I find you... interesting," Vlad told him, reaching out to fix Ludlow's crooked glasses.

"Seriously?" Ludlow asked, lifting his eyebrows.

"Mmm. You see... there has only been one other person who has intrigued me in this way. We were husband and wife at the beginning of our time, before she..." he looked down, as if centuries did nothing to dull the pain of it, "Slipped through my fingers." Ludlow sniffed, and wiped his eyes at the story. "Over the lifetimes, we've grown apart, and our destinies have aligned separately- I was told it was a possibility. But you," Vlad's eyes narrowed, "You're new. Refreshing."

"Refreshing," Ludlow managed out, voice cracking, "You make me sound like I'm sangria. Human sangria."

"I escaped the... drinking aspect of the curse, if that is what you mean," Vlad smiled assuredly, "I no longer crave blood. I do, however... crave a date with you."

Ludlow blinked, suddenly dumbfounded. "Did I just get hit on... by a sexy vampire? Furthermore, did a sexy vampire just use a cheesy pickup line on me?!"

"It appears one did," Vlad nodded, allowing his fangs to grow a little teasingly as he grinned. Ludlow swooned, then righted himself.

"You're really charming, and this is absolutely crazy. I'm inclined to say yes, but the last time I said yes to a stranger, I accidentally spent $4k on an old Atari console that only ended up playing the Super Mario 3 theme on repeat. There was no off button, Vlad. Made me wanna fucking end it all, until I discovered my grandma's shovel. Buried the bitch, 6 feet under. The console, not my grandmother."

Vlad tried to mask his confusion again with a smile. "W-well, whatever you're comfortable with. I've got nowhere to be for a long while, so I'll always be around."

Just then, Ludlow looked across the street at a couple who were crying and kissing each other in relief, hands all over each other, and his eyes narrowed.

"On second thought? I'm not gonna let this one slip through my fingers." With that, Ludlow stood up on his tippy toes, and brought his lips to Vlad's. The vampire breathed in, filling his lungs with that sweet scent of the man in his arms, and kissed back with a passion he hadn't reciprocated in decades. After a few blissful moments, Ludlow pulled away, grinning and wishing this uniform jumpsuit wasn't so tight on his dick.

"Well... we may have beat this game with barely any XP to spare... but it looks I'm gonna high score tonight!"

Vlad winced. "Never say that again, as long as you live."

"Yeah, sorry."  

You can also find this oneshot on ao3 haha. 

[leggylegs]

I would like a missing scene of the proposal/wedding!

You would XP

“What do you want for breakfast?” Oswald asks, still half awake and sucking down his first cup of coffee, nose buried in the newspaper even though he isn’t registering half the words on the page.

“I think I’ll make something we haven’t had in awhile. Crepes, maybe.”

“The orange ones are the best,” Oswald adds, and he turns the page to continue this illusion that he’s fully awake and aware and not fighting sleep while sitting up at the table. “And after that? Do you have any ideas?”

“I’d like to marry you,” Ed says.

Oswald nods. “That sounds lovely.” Then he blinks, and sets the paper down on the table, gaping at Ed, who’s grinning ear to fucking ear. “What did you just say to me?”

“We should get married.” Ed says again, and Oswald boggles at him. “Today, if I was being unclear.”

“Today,” Oswald repeats, and Ed nods. “You want to get married today.”

“I do,” Ed says, and he laughs.

Oswald sets down his coffee and quietly folds the paper, then he picks his mug back up and sips at it gingerly. He watches Ed’s face as his cheerful smile begins to fall, and then his eyebrows droop in that kicked puppy sort of way they do, and Ed bites his lip. “Oswald? I had assumed that you would be receptive, but if I’ve overstepped some boundary you have I am very sorry.”

“I just wanted to surprise you back when I said yes, Ed,” he says, grinning over his mug, and Ed beams at him. “Now I’m going to assume you’ve made no plans.”

“I haven’t,” he replies, giddy. “We need rings,” he says, more serious. “And a witness.”

“And some money,” Oswald adds, with the intent to bribe a few people, but he supposes there are certain legal costs associated with a marriage. “I think we should have time before lunch, if we want to get something afterwards.”

“I suppose that doesn’t leave time for new suits,” Ed muses, but he shrugs. “I suppose that isn’t a problem if we’re not planning on having any photos.”

Oswald sighs, “I think that’s not something we can really risk, in any case. Not outside our home.”

(Home being a lovely apartment on the water, with a view of the river and large picture windows, plus an entire mezzanine level for Ed’s books.)

“Well, I’ll begin breakfast,” Ed tells Oswald, “and following that we’ll go get the rings, and then we’re off to the courthouse.”

“I’ll go find some clothes,” Oswald stands up and stretches, taking a moment to go over to the counter and refill his mug. “And I’ll see if I have a contact or two available to be our witness.”

Oswald makes it to their bedroom and sets down his mug before his eyes water, and he laughs, wiping his eyes and looking to the mirror above their dresser. “Today, Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, you are marrying Edward Edwin Nygma. And you are going to look like a horrible mess if you put any effort into your makeup.”

-

“I was thinking something with a bit of green,” Ed whispers as they peruse one of the back counters at Gotham Silver and Gold, scanning the display, which Oswald has deemed lackluster for the most part.

“I’m sure you were,” he tells Ed. “And I’m sure you know I’m looking for something with a bit of purple.”

“Of course.”

“Well, since we know each others tastes, why not find each others rings?” Oswald suggests, and Ed smiles fondly. “We don’t have time to surprise one another with any sort of engagement rings, so his can substitute.”

“Then we better start at opposite ends of the store,” Ed suggests. “I intend to thoroughly surprise you.”

“Likewise,” Oswald says, and Ed scurries away to the far end of the display, leaving Oswald to stare down at the silver and gold rings, willing the perfect one to jump out at him so he can start peeking over Ed’s shoulder. He’s terribly excited, and also horribly impatient, not a great combination, but time is ticking away far too fast, and he wants to hurry up and get to the courthouse.

“Excuse me,” he waves one of the clerks over and gestures to the cases, “could you just pull out anything with green? Thank you,” he says, standing back and watching him pull out a few trays, frowning when it appears to do little to narrow down his choices, but he is appreciative of the ability to handle a few of the ribs, getting a feel for the weight and size, and writing off gold bands entirely. Ed looks dashing in silver, and Oswald wants him to look good.

He picks up a tri-banded ring, and initially he writes it off, but upon closer inspection he pauses, and moves to a complementary magnifying station to get a better look. There isn’t a stone, but there appears to be a band of onyx next to the band of marbled green inlay, surrounded by silver on both sides. It’s a lovely shade of green, not that tacky, overnight green Ed became infamous for, and when Oswald glances over at Ed as he speaks with the other clerk he holds up the ring so it’s visually near his face. He smiles, triumphant, and indicates that this is the one he wants.

“It’s an inlay of-”

“I don’t need your sales pitch, thank you,” he holds the ring in his hand and tries to put it on for size reference. It’s too small, but just a hair, and Ed’s hands, while longer than Oswald’s, are thinner, especially through his knuckles.

“That’s a very nice one, Ozzie,” Ed whispers in his ear, and Oswald covers his hand, turning in a huff.

“That’s hardly fair.”

“As if you wouldn’t have done the same,” he teases, and Oswald tilts his head side to side, silently relenting that, yes, he was planning on peeking around Ed’s shoulder, although he has no plans of admitting it verbally.

“Unless you’ve also found something I’d say you’re just being cruel.”

“Oh, I have,” he smiles and presents a ring to Oswald, holding his hands similar to a small box and opening the top one, and Oswald marvels at the ring in his hand. It also has no stones, and while Oswald is sure his younger self would object the omission he finds himself falling in love with the silver and purple ring. The silver is braided, or perhaps just twisted, he’s not sure, but the purple is just the right shade to bring out his eyes, should he ever plan to wear his ring in public.

He gets a bit sad, then, because as lovely as these two rings are they can’t honestly expect to wear them in Gotham, not without becoming giant targets against one another, but he smiles, and takes the ring, handing over Ed’s and trying his own on.

“It fits,” he smiles, and Ed nods, waving his hand triumphantly while wearing his own. “We’ll take them.”

“We can put in an order for your rings right away,” the clerk tells them, and Oswald chuckles. “Is that funny somehow, sir?”

“He means we’re taking these,” Ed tells her, and she looks between the two of them. “How much?”

“But those are the store models-”

“And they fit perfectly, how fortunate,” Oswald beams at her. “Would you prefer cash or check?”

“I can’t really sell those to you,” she says. She’s squirming uncomfortably, and looking across the store at the other clerk, shrugging helplessly.

“Nonsense, everything has a price,” Oswald tells her. “And we are going to buy these. Now, if you could tell me how much we’ll get out of your hair.”

-

“So is this your version of not seeing the bride before the wedding?” Zsasz asks him, and Oswald curls in on himself just a bit tighter. “Not complaining or anything but I had some stuff I wanted to do today.”

“What if we start hating each other?” Oswald asks. He’s been somehow going through an entire month’s worth of neuroses in the span of a half hour, and somewhere Ed is out there, possibly feeling stood up, probably regretting his spontaneous suggestion this morning. “We can’t even be publicly married. He probably forgot all of that, but when he remembers-”

“Boss he loves you,” Zsasz tells the stall door, and Oswald nods to himself. Ed does seem to love him an awful lot. “Who else would bother?”

“I’m sure you meant for that to sound comforting, and not insulting,” Oswald sneers. But still, is Zsasz wrong? Who else in this hell city would go to these lengths just to be privately married to Oswald? “Alright, fine, I’m coming out.”

Zsasz is standing by the mirror, twin ring boxes in his hands, and smiling, and Oswald scowls at him before turning to the mirror and looking over his face. “My eyes look tired. Do they look tired? I think they’re awful.”

He’s busy dragging at the skin around his eyes when Zsasz holds up something in his right peripheral. Oswald turns and grabs what he determines to be his eyeliner, and he Huff’s, irritated. “What do you expect me to do with this?”

“I was pretty sure you already knew that.”

Oswald shakes his head. “I will not have my makeup running at my own wedding, Zsasz. I refuse.”

“Good thing I found the right one then. You have like, twenty of those by the way. Might want to clean out your supply.”

Oswald rolls his eyes and looks at the eyeliner. Standard black, his preferred thickness, and, “you grabbed the waterproof one? I am giving you a raise. You’re a saint,” he croaks, his eyes start watering, just a little, and Zsasz’s smile becomes a little queasy, but he nods. “Well, I can’t imagine it works well when I’m already tearing up,” he laughs, dabbing at his eyes. “Shoo. Go tell him I’m nearly ready.” He waves Zsasz out of the room. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

-

He’s giddy, elated, the past fifteen minutes went by so fast. Oswald remembers almost nothing aside from the actual “I do” part. Admittedly he spent the entire time looking at Ed, eyes watering but never fully crying, but his eyeliner stayed perfect regardless. And they exchanged rings, held by Zsasz until the exact moment they were needed, and signed their license Misters Nygma and Cobblepot. Neither took the others name, neither really feeling quite right in its own, and either option to hyphenate just sounded clumsy on their tongues. Zsasz had “helpfully” offered use of his name, which they “regretfully” declined. The name isn’t the important part anyway.

Ed’s hair, which he must have styled in one of the other bathrooms, is getting horribly blown about in the wind, but then again so is Oswald’s, and really, this has been such a whirlwind day already. What’s a little wind on his wedding day?

He clutches their license to his chest as they stand in the cover of the founders statue, smiling to each other, giggling. He feels so damn young doing this, being so spontaneous with such a life changing decision, but as he and Ed pry their eyes away from one another long enough for Zsasz to capture the moment with his phone, hideous statue and all, he acknowledges that it feels much more like “finally, we did it, this for real” and, at least in this moment, he couldn’t be happier.