#anyway whatever i guess il just eat my instant noodles and go to class

[squimp]

disregard. contemplations of The Misery

okay liek not to be a doomer or anything but seriously genuinely how does one survive going about living their daily life in a world where no matter what your neutral everyday actions are just helping corporations and the government and shit putting the planet in a meat grinder. i kind of just live in a mire of catholic guilt over the plastic packaging every time i order takeout from being too exhausted from being a full-time student to cook (and for what? a degree I wont even use?), or like eating freezer meals and shit. like when i walk into a walgreens r whatever the fuck to go pick up my meds i see shelves full of crap and literally all i can see when i look at it is all the pounds of plastic that are going to end up in a landfill in probably. less than a month. my apartment building doesnt even have a recycling dumpster. and recycling in this country is such a dogshit joke anyway, not to say that plastic doesn't get recycled at all but you know most of it ends up in a landfill anyhow to the point where it's like the thing that companies say makes it okay to buy their product to alleviate guilt in the consumer when it's pretty much a bald faced lie. and with the economic situation being what it is, people have to work 2 or 3 jobs just to have to choose between rent and medical bills and student debt, billionaires and oil execs lining politicians pockets keeping us from getting anywhere policy-wise in terms of environmental policy or labor/unionization, while they tell us voting will fix it all -- i just can't understand any way to live in todays USA (or other places in the world you know,) without wanting to straight up off myself, unless you just stick your head in the sand and Not Think About It which is exactly what they want you to do? to stay entertained and docile and not take any real action?

like obviously the 'answer' here to feeling guilty over not, like, leading the revolution or whatever is to organize. even on a small local community level. but like. what does that even mean. what does that look like. how do you even get started. I dont even really live in the place I go to school, where i spend over half the year. I don't want to participate in anything here I don't like living here I kind of just want to get out. is that selfish? even in the city where I'm from, there is no sense of community that I've ever been able to discern. i wish the hard truth wasn't that there isn't any easy path towards a future that is even a little bit just. and there is no way to anticipate how things will evolve in the face of new tech, its all so scary. its kind of shameful to admit this but i think to myself so often that i would so much rather live in like roman times or whatever the fuck and deal with chamber pots in the street, you know, that shit, than have to live with the looming knowledge of climate change and feel so powerless. then again maybe this powerlessness is kind of the same way people felt under tyrannical god-kings. THEN AGAIN they didn't have to deal with microplastics in our god damn uterine linings or whatever. it all kind of just makes me wish I'd never been born

All this, AND I'm behind on my finals