#anyway we have (in order in case you couldnt tell)(which fair):

[squidcave]

early war shenanigans is this anything

[tomodachi-z]

A different take on their relationships

So I was scrolling through the genshin thread and soon came to a realization that most of the relationship Hc’s were pretty fluff based, which got me thinking - was that really all there was?  Even if Genshin was a heartfelt game i couldnt really believe that all of them would be pure husband material - which sort of spiraled into this.

- This is purely my take on how some of the Genshin boys would approach relationships, its just some random thoughts though so take it as you will.

Characters: Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, Childe

Tw: angst, abuse, toxic relationships, mentions of death, just overall scummy behavior.

Slight NSFW

Minors DNI

Zhongli

Honestly, out of the whole lot of them i think he’d be the most civil. Apart from his bad traits that is.

First of all I dont believe Zhongli would actively pursue a relationship, however he would be open to it, though the chances of it being a special “love at first sight” is practically zero. Hes lived thousands of years and seen humanity evolve as a whole, hes met millions of people over the years and peoples faces really arent that different, they just blur together at this point. So if we were to go by that logic, his love interest would have to be someone he interacts with on a day to day basis - or at the very least weekly.

If he was starting to develop an attachment to you, I believe he would also be fairly upfront about it, asking you out and courting you wouldn't be anything new, he’s had lovers before after all.

But this is where it starts to get a bit off-putting. Even if your relationship is sailing along fine, he’d still compare it to the others he’s had. Your taste in clothing, your choice of books, how you style your hair. Every now and again he’d utter something like “Ah ___ used to style their hair like that.” Or “Your eyes are so familiar, just like ___...” in which case the blank space is a previous lovers name. Not that he’d divulge that to you. Even if you ask him about the people he keeps mentioning he’d brush you off and change the subject. Though sometimes he forgets himself and calls you by a different name.

He would also never tell you he’s a God. And you wouldn’t find out either.

 Hes hidden it from the whole of Liyue, why would you be any different? His role as Archon was over anyway so there would be no point to it.

So you would live your life never finding out about him, not ever truly reaching his heart, because his heart is already filled to the brim with memories, and whatever little space you occupy there would also fade along with your passing. You would have no children, for I truly believe that Zhongli just would not want children, his one and only child would remain Liyue, and your name would be uttered in passing, when he confuses his next lover with you.

Happy Ending?

Zhongli would still love you

He would cherish and comfort you

But there was nothing in this world more lonely than immortality.

He would love again but it would only repeat the cycle unless he truly comes to terms with himself.

It would take a lot of time, perhaps even an eternity, but I believe that his past relationships would actually help him realize something.

That even though humans were much the same he loved you all individually.

At the end of time he would recount each one of your names, in the hopes that you would take him with you, so that he could finally apologize.

Diluc

I honestly believe he just does not want a relationship. Not now anyway, not when hes 20+ years old. So the thought of him forming a crrush on you or any sort of real romantic attachment would also be pretty slim. He’d be your friend, sure, your best friend even, but when it comes to being your boyfriend? It wouldn’t be what you think it is.

If he does form a relationship with you its because you confessed, and you asked him whether or not he was willing to give it a go, and considering you already know each other so well he didn't really see a reason why not. Though it wasn't out of love that he’d agree.

I do believe that he’d still be a gentleman, he would send you flowers, and he would take you on walks, he would also give you gifts, but all of those were just out of courtesy. He was taught to behave like a gentleman, and so he would.

He would never be available, always working, always busy, never in a good mood. “Don't bother me, I'm busy.” He’d coldly order. And if you tried to do something nice to him like cook him a meal whilst he’s working he’d just tell you not to bother, the butler can make it better than you so why even try.

You would be a hitch in his schedule, an added task every day, another time consuming detail he had to take into consideration. But considering he was the one who agreed to the whole idea, he would simply have to deal with it.

As for intimacy, it would be rare. He’d kiss you just because he was curious how it would feel, he’d fuck you just because you asked him to, and sure he might have enjoyed it, you even said you enjoyed it, but it wouldn't become a regular thing between you two. He would come home exhausted, sore and half asleep, so on most days you can expect him to share simple words of greeting before he falls asleep.

If you got tired of it he would just let you go, both of you could see it wasn't working, so why bother try to fix it. You deserve better than him, a man that would love and cherish you, but right now, he simply cannot.

Those are your parting words, he wishes you luck and thanks you for your patience, whether or not you remain friends after that is really up to you.

Happy Ending?

What Diluc needs more than anyone else is time

Time to really heal

Time to forgive himself

Time to start loving the world again.

And I believe he would learn to do those things if time was given.

He would one day realize that his heart yearned for something other than day to day work, something that you tried to show him long ago.

He would fall in love eventually, perhaps not with you, but he would finally open his heart.

He would love earnestly and faithfully till the end of his days.

Kaeya

He’s well known as a flirt in Mondstat, he’s slept with people around town and chances are that’s how he first met you. Whether you slept with him or rejected him didn’t matter, what he was after was your looks after all.

He’d seduce you with praise and compliments, he’d lavish you with gifts and roses, as long as you give him something in return that is.

If you didn’t it wouldn’t really bother him much, he’d simply abandon the thought of you and turn his eyes on another pretty face, if you ever ask him about why he suddenly stopped he’d respond with “I don’t like wasting my time sweetheart.”

However if you give in to his seductions I believe he would eventually start enveloping the idea about being your boyfriend, the idea of you being his and him being yours was tempting for sure. It would take a while but he would also stop flirting so shamelessly with other people, he no longer saw a reason for it now that you were his after all.

But he would never truly yield his heart to you, always keeping secrets, always masking his emotions with sly words. I don’t think he’d ever really open up about his past or about the depths of his mind. But he would love you, and he would protect you, he would cherish you the only way he knew how, by keeping you in the dark, lest you regret your decision in loving him.

Happy ending?

His habits would change as he grows older

They would truly shift when he sees his first child in your arms.

He would cry, not even knowing why

He would fall so helplessly in love with the thought of a happy future and he would be terrified by it

But if you stay by his side, if you make him believe he can have a happy life and a future with you

He would give you the world, if only you make him believe those words.

Childe

Honestly the worst out of all of them.

Now, I firmly believe that he also would not pursue a romantic relationship if given a choice, but his heart is fickle and easily swayed by his own emotions, so when he sees you pop up every now and again he’d undoubtedly would act on his feelings.

He’d charm you, wine and dine you and treat you like a princess if you so wished. He would make sure you had everything you had ever wanted, he’d make promises of love and marriage, but after he gets what he wants, he would leave you.

Just like that, without a word, without a note, nothing. So when you see him after months of confusion, guilt and regret you would ask him why he had left, and all he would say is “What else did you expect?” He’s a Fatui after all, and he has no time for thoughts of tomorrow or promises for the future. His eyes would hold no warmth as he noted that the interaction was rather fair in his eyes, he had treated you like a princess after all.

He has no time to think of anyone else but his family and his duty to Tsaritsa, you were just a toy he liked playing with for a while till you got boring, now move before he breaks you.

Happy Ending?

Now I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone

Even for someone like Childe

But that someone would have to be exceptional - someone with a commanding sense of self respect, someone with purpose and belief, someone with a fate of their own.

They wouldn't have to be a fighter or even an adventurer, but they would have to be a force of their own to be able to show Childe what kind of life he was truly living.

He knew he was in hell, but meeting someone like that would make it all the more apparent

But if they reached out their hand to him, if they gave him a chance.

He believed he would see a world in colors he never knew existed.

And he would love truly and openly, he would shed his heart to them and only them.

[iunatiqe]

MY BEST FRIEND — s. stilinksi

“ youre my best friend and i love you “

pairing: stiles stilinski x gn! reader

!!! warnings: death threat, panic attack

word count: 2,311

     I CROSSED my arms over my chest securely as i walked, i was wearing one of stiles’s old sweatshirts that i had taken from him during a past sleepover during one of the chillier months. sleepovers used to be an often thing that the two of us did, having been best friends for so long, but they suddenly seemed to fade out of our schedule as lydia martin, a girl who had captured my best friends heart in the third grade, started actually acknowledging his presence. to be fair, lydia has no choice as stiles was one of the few people who knew about the supernatural world, a world that she was now part of while stiles and i remained the two humans in our friend group. 

      i didn’t have much against lydia, most of her faults of being rude and pushy were just a facade in which she wore to escape the torment of other high school students. i wish it wasn’t fake, upon getting to truly know her - i found that she was smart, caring, and a generally good person for the most part, it made her a lot harder to hate. i had hated her since the third grade, because while stiles fell in love with her. i fell in love with him. 

      it was a stupid cliche to fall in love with my best friend while he was infatuated with the pretty, popular girl. i felt like i was stuck in some dumb movie, but this wouldn’t end with him realising that i was always right for him, by the way things were looking now: it was much more plausible for him to end up with lydia rather me. i try to shake these remaining thought from my mind as i approach the stilinksi household, simply walking in like i was used to, making my way to stiles’s room. 

     just before i could make it, i slowed to a stop as i heard a female voice come from his room. i silenced myself as i listened in on the conversation. 

      “what do the different colored strings mean?” i could faintly hear, this was a definite moment where i wished i was a werewolf swimply to make the voices clearer, but even so- i could tell that it was lydia speaking, knowing that she was most likely talking about the strings that were skewed across the boys room in order to make his crime board. i would know, i helped hang some of it up. 

      “uh, just different stages of the investigation.” i heard stiles’s quick explanation, going on to tell the girl what all the colors meant and i could hear the pretty strawberry blonde girl in his room make a note of how the whole board was unsolved. i scoffed under my breath, stepping a bit closer as they changed the subject. nothing was wrong with their discussion, but it felt too late to just barge in, plus i knew that if i did then stiles would give me a look that meant he was upset with me for ruining his moment with dream girl. 

      “did you get detention for pulling the alarm?” the girl asked.

      “yep, everyday this week...it’s okay though, we were onto something.” 

     “even though we couldnt find any proof of barrow being there?”

      i was now glad again that i hadn’t barged in, since the tone of their talk took a quick change once stiles heard the worry in her voice, it became harder to hear as i imagined he calmed her in a low voice. a voice i was used to hearing myself when i needed comforting. 

      “you have been right every time something like this has happened, okay? so, dont start doubting yourself now.” 

      “no scent. no bomb..” she stayed silent for a moment, “and i got you in trouble.” 

       their voices got too low for me to hear again and i cursed silently, trying to imagine what he could be saying to her that would make her all gushy towards him out of nowhere. while also wishing that it was sitting on his bed as he whispered comforting words to me, just sitting with him and talking. suddenly, even their hushed whispers ceased before i heard quick footsteps coming my way. 

      i tried to act casual as they stopped in front of me. 

      “when did you get here?” stlies asked immediately, i gulped.

      “uh. i just walked in, why? did i miss something? where are we going?” i tried to deflect, and stiles was quick to believe me, offering me a small smile. though reassuring, it didn’t stop lydia from squinting her eyes at me, letting me know that she didn’t quite fall for my lie. i was lucky enough that she didn’t mention it aloud though. 

      “to the school, did you walk?” stiles continued our conversation, i nodded along as the three of us made our way to his jeep, with me crawling into the back so lydia could ride shotgun as stiles continued to fill me in on what we were doing and me acting like i knew we weren’t double checking the school for proof that barrow was there. 

----------

       soon enough, we arrived at the school and stiles was leading the way to the chemistry room as their biggest suspicion was the chemical closet. 

      lydia slowed and grabbed ahold of my sleeve to slow me down so we could talk discreetly.

      “listen, i don’t know how stiles can’t tell your lying, but i know that you were eavesdropping on our conversation. are you hiding something?” she accused making me shake my head. 

      “no, i just,” i sighed, “i didn’t want to disturb you guys, trust me, i would let you guys know if i had information to give.”

       lydia didn’t seem quite convinced as she watched me for a moment longer and i stared up ahead at the back of stiles’s head, not missing the small gasp that lydia let out.

       “you like stiles.” she stated proudly with a smile, my head turned quickly to look at her with eyes that pleaded with her to quiet down in case he could hear.

       “i do not, he’s my best friend.” i stated, “plus, you should know that he’s been hung up on you forever.” i brought, not feeling guilty for telling her since stiles was quite obvious with it anyways. i tried to quell my jealousy as i spoke so she couldn't pick it up, but all i heard was her scoff.

      “sure, best friend. as for stiles, i think that he likes you too.” i rolled my eyes and held back a laugh at her words.

      “yeah, right. i have as much of a chance with him that i do coach.” i joked. 

      “whatever you say,” lydia sighed out as we approached our destination and began to pick up our pace to be even with stiles, “but best friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.” she whispered with a wink before catching up with the boy in question. i frowned lightly as i followed pursuit, if this was supposed to be some joke - it wasn’t funny at all…

       i caught up with the pair as the three of us entered the chemistry classroom, “what are we even looking for?” i questioned, but was left unanswered as stiles made his way to the chemical closet and simply opened it. i felt the air around us get heavier. 

      “that’s supposed to be locked.” lydia mentioned, stiles let out a sigh. 

     “yeah, i know. notice anything else?”

      “it smells like chemicals…” lydia concluded, “they wouldn’t have been able to catch his scent.”

      i coughed awkwardly, “um, guys.” i brought their attention to me only to direct them to the pile of staples and blood next to stiles’ feet. “oh god, he probably stitched himself up.” i gagged.

       “so, he was here.” stiles sighed out, “and he was probably planning on killing someone.” he stood from his crouched position as we all made our way back into the main classroom.

      “but who?” lydia questioned, finding her way to the board as stiles glanced around the classroom for any other clues. i found myself standing next to lydia as she stared at the numbers on the blackboard.

      “what? does it mean something?” i asked her. 

      “its a formula.” she mumbled, “i bet it’s a clue.” she said before stepping closer. stiles came to stand next to me while lydia went on to explain how the numbers on the board were elements. she explained each letter until it came to an end and she had solved the puzzle. she stepped back to allow us to see what was on the board and i was sure that all of our werewolf friends could hear how fast my heart was beating from wherever they were as the clue was a name. my name.

      i could feel stiles tense up beside me, but everything else felt too still and quiet, but too fast to understand at the same time. i could feel my knees buckle underneath me, but strong hands wrapped around me, allowing me to fall softly to the ground with him.

      “hey, hey. it’s alright.” cames stiles’s soothing voice in my ear as he tried to calm me down, telling me that he wouldn't let anything happen to me. this wasn’t what i had meant when i mentioned i wanted to hear his soft voice calm me down - i was expecting more of a bad grade panic, not a death threat. this was new, i wasn’t supernatural, i wasn’t usually the one that stood in the eye of danger. so what did barrow want with me?

      i couldn’t feel any air enter my lungs and i began to heave, i could hear lydia and stiles arguing about what to do but i couldn't make out any of the words they were saying as i clutched onto stiles’s shirt. i figured that the two of them had come to an agreement on how to calm me as their buzzing voices stopped, stiles looked down at me and i expected him to try and break through my fuzzy hearing to help my breathing, what i didn’t expect was for him to stoop his head down and kiss me.

      albeit a bit shocked, i felt my body relax as i sunk into the kiss with him, but it was quickly ending as he pulled away and we stared into each others eyes. 

      lydia cleared her throat awkwardly to remind us that she was still there, i barely let my eyes flicker from the eyes of my best friend as i turned my attention to her.

      “holding your breath can help stop a panic attack,” she explained, “i figured that if stiles kissed you then you would hold your breath.” 

      i could feel stiles shift from next to me, “we- uh- should probably get going.” he switched the topic as he helped me back onto my feet. he gave me a look to question if i was still okay and i nodded, but he stayed next to me as we followed behind lydia now to the exit.

      “i’m sorry about kissing you.” he whispered, not glancing my way as he exited the classroom, i could sense he was nervous and i wondered why. i guess it was just uncomfortable to have to kiss your best friend while they were having a panic attack, but i figured that we were close enough that he could just dismiss it. maybe it was because it was all in front of lydia, the love of his life. 

      “it’s okay, i mean- it helped.” i brushed off the event, taking a short look at him. “and don’t worry, i bet it made lydia jealous enough to realize she’s madly in love with you.” i said dramatically to tease him, but his reaction was not what i predicted as he frowned lightly.

      “well,” stiles glanced ahead to lydia, “what if,” he continued as he noticed she was far enough away to not hear any more of our conversation and he finally looked at me, “what if i don’t really want to be with lydia?” he said softly, i saw his eyes flicker across my face as he tried to gather a reaction. 

      “what do you mean?” i let out a nervous, breathy laugh, “you not like lydia? that might be the biggest plot twist our lives have taken yet.” i joked again, stiles looked down at his feet dejectedly with a shake of his head.

       “i don’t think i ever really liked lydia.” he confessed, “i mean, i did for a while, but i don’t think that she was ever really the one that i wanted to be with.” he said, “and before you try to deflect this by joking about how im in love with scott then im just going to tell you- its you.” 

      “me?” 

      “you can just forget about it,” he changed, switching back to his quirky demeanor to reject anything else that i might say, he shot me a sad smile, “i just thought you should know. don’t let this ruin anything between us, okay? that’s exactly why i didn’t tell you.” he finalized before moving forward to catch up with our strawberry blonde friend, but i gripped the back of his shirt to pull him back and kissed him again. i can’t believe this idiot didn’t think that i was in love with him.

      after pulling away, i smiled up at him and finally met cheerful eyes. despite everything, we had one another and that’s all i needed to feel safe. we didn’t have to speak to understand each other as we both turned to meet up with lydia to fill in our friends with what we had found. i knew that everything would be okay with my best friend. 

[lucidpantone]

I know this is a controversial question so i would totally understand if you choose not want to answer, but im curious enough to ask anyway. Can you rank your fav remakes in order? Maybe add a comment about what you most appreciate about each remake (to soften the blow of any sensitive readers). Ofc if you couldnt connect with a remake you might wanna totally leave it out of the ranking...

Disclaimer this is gonna be long asf. So I like all the remakes so this is gonna be hard because of that. I don’t like one remake in its entirety I can find one season in each remake I wasn’t super stoked about and if you’re skamfr I can find 3 seasons hahah. So I am actually gonna do this by fav original 1-4 seasons and original seasons (OG excluded).

Season 1: Eva Skam Espana (Isa SkamNL is a super close 2nd)

I am gonna be frank my least fav season is Eva’s season in the original seasons. I don't dislike the plot its more like I just find the other plots of the other seasons way more interesting. However if I am gonna pick my fav adaptation its gonna be Eva from Espana. Mainly because some remakes take their jonas to far and they don’t know how to balance being inexperienced and immature with just being a plain dick (am looking at you wtfock and Austin). I hate when remakes take it to far and make the couple completely irredeemable. Also Jorge is just the best man. He tries so hard for Eva he tries to make things right and its just timing, immaturity on both parts. Also I love that above all Eva and Jorge are friends. Alongside with Lucas they are just like family and they can push aside their personal issues to be their for one another and I just think thats such a beautiful quality in Jorge and Eva.They both have good souls and I am happy they ended up together but I also feel like if they didn't they would be genuinely be happy for the other if they found someone else and fell in love and thats why I love them so much.

Season 2: Zoe Wtfock (but Nora Skam Espana is a close 2nd)

Here is what I love about Zoe’s season is that we see the pov of not just how Zoe was changing because she was opening herself to love but also how much Senne was changing as well and trying to address some issues he had been ignoring because he wanted to be a better man for Zoenne. For me Zoenne and Norandro are so amazing for this reason. We not only saw the girl processing how love was effecting her development but we got to experience Senne and Alejandro trying to become better men and really transitioning from boyhood to manhood via this self assessment period of themselves. I adore these two couples for this because I am so heavily invested in both the outcome of the girl and the guy. I guess with love stories there is that saying there is two sides to a story and then there is the truth and I feel like the noorhelm storyline has always been about hard truths. About young women challenging their perspectives on feminism, about young women acknowledging when they have been a victim of a crime/emotional abuse and not blaming themselves for it but knowing that they did nothing wrong and were undeserving of the act that took place. Also s2 plays on the concepts of manhood too. How approaching situations through the lens of rage and violence can develop into harmful and even predatory tendencies. Overall these two remakes stand out to me because they really speak to the lesson of how does one define themself in the whirlwind of love and what boundaries do you need to set so you don’t lose yourself in the process. Season 3: IT’S SO HARD PICKING JUST ONE!! (Am going to base this selection entirely off my fav Isak and their narrative arc versus the evak pairing because ultimately this season is about the Isak character not Isak & Even) Matteo Druck

Let me tell you no other Skam character has haunted me as much as Matteo. I think with Matteo his story was just so raw and unfiltered. Here was this boy he was so lonely, isolated, lost and really just didn’t think he was worthy of much. Matteo was approaching life expecting the bare minimum because he in many ways didn’t think he was deserving of much more. Matteo hid himself so deeply in what I refer to as the wall paper of life. Trying to blend in and stay invisible even tho this way of thinking was seriously effecting his mental health. I don't think he realized how far from shore he was before David slammed into his life and drag him out of the grip of the ocean’s current. Matteo was on the verge of drowning he just didn’t know it. And then came David and he just loved Matteo as is and I think a big reason for that is because no one had ever told either boy that they were perfect just as they were until they said it to one another. Both boys were going through life just accepting the bare minimum one because of societal barricades around gender and the other societal stigma concerning asking for help when suffering from mental health issues. In the end they found one another and said fuck it and fuck society as long as we have one another then we’re gonna get through this. However... having said that davenzi is not my fav evak pairing but Matteo is my fav standalone Isak. The prize for fav evak tho would go to Sobbe because I literally can’t picture two more in love people. Man the day Sobbe met I feel like inertia collapsed in on itself in their respective worlds. It really was the case that time stopped and that they were destined to find one another. They are so in love it just radiates off them. Also random note my fav Even is Joana. Hence why choosing an s3 is so hard because I like different components of s3 seasons.

Season 4: Sana Skam Italia

(this is a copy/paste my original why I love Italia s4 rant)

Say what you want about the casting(this is a fair argument) but I am really happy that SKAMIT gave us a love story centered around two muslim individuals and their differing approaches and interpretations of Islam. I think for me its that we are always trying to dilute Sana’s season with this western need to educate non-muslims and though I appreciate that I also want to see a love story that’s purely about the journey of young muslims and the issues they experience themselves and not via a western glazing. The thing that stood out for me in SKAMIT is how many different perspective of how Islam is practiced came to the forefront. Sana’s journey to understand and come to defend queerness. Muslim men (Sana’s brother) being offended because she assumed he was homophobic. Laui being in a healthy relationship as a muslim queer man. Malik openly talking about Islam and his separation from it but still a believer in a greater power(and not because he wants to drink and party). For me this was what the Sana season was suppose to be about putting the muslim experience front and center and unapologetically so.

Original Season: Nora Druck

I mean what a fantastic take on building new and improved squads with more diversity in race, sexual preferences and perspectives. I will say that I also do like the new squad from Skamfr. Its nice to see newgens that am truly excited about getting to know. Like I need to know everything about Ava pronto she is bae. I do have one random surprise about my next fav original season which for me would be Arthur for Skamfr. Honestly if we would have gutted the cheating plot we would have had a really interesting season about a young adult’s life being rocked by disability and trying to find themselves in this new landscape. Similar to Nora in Druck with MI and also the long term effects of experiencing violence in the household in Skamfr but yea so far Druck has been the only one to get a sound original season out and they should be commended for that.

[godrics]

NCT DREAM BEYOND LIVE CONCERT!RORY

gif made by x

NCT DREAM BEYOND LIVE CONCERT!RORY

UNDER READ MORE  (bc it’s actually really long now that im on tumblr)

okay so the concert started with the vcr/video from the dream show ..

rory's little scene was her as a teacher !!! so cute

OOH and then the transition into her into her teacher clothes into a suit .. thats my girl

her hair is still like this. much more vibrant than it was because she redyed it oops

first song was GO!! change ur ways

she was wearing this [ black cargo pants, a black crop top, belt, along with chains lmao idk how to describe. oh and black boots ] for go, drippin', we go up, and stronger performances!

it was kind of awkward at first but then she saw nctzens' faces so she was happy

"to the world, this is the nct! we are nct dream”

she clapped excitedly, jumping up and down

"beyond the dream show~"

when haechan asked the time where the fans were, she read the comments, squinting funnily at the screen before gasping

"one of the czennies said it was 3am!"

the other boys gasped in shock before clapping slightly

"thank you for watching us even though it's 3am!" rory said to the fans. "but go to bed as soon as this is over~ or whenever you're feeling tired, that's okay too!"

"for our global fans, we prepared something special, right?" haechan said and rory nodded, smiling

"so we prepared our greeting in various languages"

rory's greeting was in french! fans went crazy bc she sounded SO good and her pronounciation was good too

after that she says, "renjun took english from me" in english and playfully glared at the older boy who laughed.

she turned to the fans and said, "but um, wendy-unnie taught me that so .. if it sounds bad it's all her fault." she claps as the other boys laugh

when they were talking about how they felt, rory said "i watched superm and wayv's concerts so i was excited because i knew we'd hear from the fans just like they were here with us in person. they were really loud, too" and laughs

when renjun told them to scream, she hit him lightly and said "yah, don't you remember what i just said? some fans it's 3am there!"

"oh dont scream then," renjun laughed, making her laugh before she went back to waving at the fans as they waved their lightsticks

when the fans appeared behind them, her eyes widened and she immediately ran to the screen, waving in all directions

she noticed when she got close to a fan's screen, they'd start waving their hand/lighstick even harder and it made her laugh

"rory, come back!" jaemin laughed, tugging her with him back to where the other 5 were

"wow, pretty grass" rory mocked mark as she stared at the lightsticks where the audience were supposed to be and on the screens

haechan had to hide a laugh

then there was we go up performance

woo fun

then stronger! she loves that song is2g

okay for the next vcr

she was in a school uniform standing in between jeno and jaemin

"you guys suck," rory laughed, watching the boys try to succeed

when renjun comes over and succeeds in under one minute and one hand, she gasped in shock lightly before watching him walk away coolly and put his head back down on the desk

jaemin nudged her as she laughed, "you guys are just losers!"

and then it ends on her walking over to renjun and bending down to face him and tapping him on the shoulder

he jumps from how close she is and she laughs, grinning at him, "that was cool" before going back over to the boys and he watches her

next video of the vcr oo

she gets hit in the head by the basketball(she's after chenle) and luckily saves it before it falls to the ground and throws it towards the basket, renjun jumping up to hit it in

why is she always getting hit in the head rip rory's head

next performance is dunk shot!!!

she hated the outfits tho jfc

she was wearing white loose shorts that ended midthigh and a pink button up over a white t-shirt

yeah super plain im so sorry rory that the stylists did you dirty like that

(to be fair the boys looked bad too like what was that matching .. there was NONE)

NEXT IS CHEWING GUM!!

AND THERE WERE HOVERBOARDS

SHE MISSED THE HOVERBOARDS SO MUCH

she hyped up jisung so loud during his solo dance

and had a huge ass smile on her face during it

she was in the middle of renjun and chenle at the bottom

AND THEY LEFT A SPACE FOR MARK IN BETWEEN JAEMIN AND JISUNG SHE ALMOST CRIED

"i think chenle changed the most" rory laughed, talking about the difference from now and almost four years ago when they debuted

"you changed a lot, too" chenle poked her and she huffed out a laugh, choosing not to respond to him and shook her head

when it was time for the interactions, she had to hide her wince because since she watched wayv and superm's, she was worried about how it would go because some fans' wifi connections were bad(so were sm's but anyways--)

oh luckily the first fan spoke korean !!

"hi!" she waved excitedly at the fan

when the fan said her name, she quietly repeated it to herself but it was still heard from the mic

"there's a song called 7 days in your album. what do you guys mean to each other?"

rory's mouth went dry at that question as she rubbed her hands together, looking at the boys silently as they ahhed and oohed

she smiled slightly as she saw how big their smiles got at the question

chenle said that the members were his family. they're literally siblings

she laughed at that

hyuck said that the members were apart of himself and that he grew up with all of them

jisung said bc they're older than him, they're like his younger siblings

rory had to look away in order to not laugh at his answer LMFAO

she couldnt contain how big her smile got when jaemin said that he couldn't live without them

she literally almost cried from tears of laughter from jeno's answer "onion"

renjun said that the members are youth to him

and him bringing up the stupid bottle to his face . i s2g she quickly yanked that from him so quick while laughing

and then finally it was her turn

"um, thank you for the question, siyoung!" she clapped slightly before continuing. "to me, the members are .. my childhood" she nodded slightly as she spoke. "we all grew up together so each of them have a piece of my childhood that i dont want to leave"

renjun pulls her into a side hug as jeno says "cute~"

wolfies(rory's stans) cried

when the fan said she'd stick with nct dream seven days a week, she laughed from the sudden overwhelming feeling at her words and bowed towards the fan, keeping her eyes to the ground so the camera wouldn't catch her teary eyes

too bad the camera did once she looked back up

"nct dream have 8 members--" when haechan said that, rory smiled big and nodded her head

"infinity" rory cheered, the members following behind

the next caller was up!

"ooh, poland" rory smiled

the fans question was "what are your biggest dreams" which she translated for them

rory's answer was "i have no doubt that nct dream will stay together forever so ... i my biggest dream is nctzens staying with us forever. even when we all grow up and have our own lives, i hope nctzens will some day think of nct dream and smile"

jaemin literally walked over and pinched her cheek, cooing at how cute she was

rory rolled her eyes playfully but let him

ah yes to this day he's still the only one she'll allow to give her skinship in public

rip other boys

she felt so sad when the third caller's connection was bad

"ah ... difficult technicalities"

she put a thumbs down

anyways next was don't need your love!!!

she LOVES this song so much guys its unreal

her place at the start is right in between renjun and jisung again lmao

shes leaning against chenle and jaemin

she loves hearing the boys' english btw

also in this version she has more lines but im not gonna tell which ones that's too much work

and next is we young!!

watching the part when they take a pic .. made me cry so it made rory very nostalgic

rory's wearing a professional suit but like . with a skirt i forgot what its called rip

she's standing in between hyuck and jeno

when jaemin laughs she laughs

she has that pic in her phone case btw

along with an ot8 pic

when they're talking abt the 50 years later OO im gonna . cry again

"so we can see how we change"

"um, we're gonna look older" rory laughed

btw grandma rory literally still looks good as hell sorry i dont make the rules

rory: "chenle would look like steve jobs but like .. chinese"

chenle was so offended bye

rory: "jisung if you grow a mustache i will never forgive you"

"wHY DOES IT MATTER?????"

"bc you'd look stupid i cant be seen with someone looking stupid"

the other pic where renjun jumps .. her face is literally so genuinely shocked in that pic LMAO she didnt expect that

NEXT IS BEST FRIENDS OH MY GODD I LOVED IT SO DID SHE

SHE JUST WISHED MARK WAS THERE .. AND HE KINDA WAS

btw she was wearing a black blazer but it was shorter .. and another black skirt with a white crop top underneath rip

OKAY HYERI MADE NCTZENS CRY SO HARD

so theyre uneven rn right?

so instead of her being a third wheel(not really)

when it's her part, she's backstage and as she's doing her part, she reached into an open closet and .. pulls out a cutout board of mark :((

yeah she cried too when she thought of it and luckily sm let her!!

at the end of her part towards the end of the song, she smiles and says, "right, mark-oppa?" and forms half a heart up to the camera

(taeyong later sends her a video of mark reacting to her parts and when she does the heart he puts half a heart up next to hers <3)

next is candle light! they dont really have a choreo to this one either

anyway candle light wouldnt have been her first choice bc she'd prefer to perform dear dream .. BUT ANYWAY

next is PUZZLE PIECE and 7 DAYS!!

the camera catches her and jisung doing their little handshake . so cute

she then hugs chenle so he wouldnt feel left out

end posing of puzzle piece, she's in between chenle and jisung AGAIN SLDJDJL

they form a heart with her doing the bottom and chenle and jisung doing the top/sides

when they read the comments after performing jeno reads one that says "rory is so talented, her vocals are so good"

and then hyuck read "rory's parts in best friends was so cute"

she blushes so cute

when they talk abt the album

rory says in english, "thank you for supporting us and we hope you guys enjoyed listening to the album as much as we enjoyed making it .. think of it as our gift to you for always loving us!!" cute baby. and then gives a little finger heart

special guest is mark, jungwoo, and doyoung!!

she expected mark but was surprised about jungwoo and doyoung

she couldnt stop smiling the whole time because literally all she had to do was see 127 and smile immediately like they dont even got to do anything

the technical difficulties .. rory said in english again "i think you need to get your wifi checked, mark"

"no mark-oppa?" he teased and she laughed

when they were complimenting them, jungwoo said that mark really enjoyed rory's parts in best friends and she full out giggled from nervousness, blushing from embarrassment

doyoung complimented her vocals and rap and shes never been so proud of herself

compliments from 127? her greatest achievement

jungwoo then said she was so cute wow more blushing

she found the challenge boring and wouldve preferred if 127 picked the damn challenge themselves bc then it wouldve been funnier and more fun but alas .. sm >:(

she picked puzzle piece tho

THE FUCKING NEXT VCR .. so emotional when she watched over it

she literally just watched her and her friends grow up in literal seconds

there's a clip of her from chewing gum on mark's back while he's riding the hoverboard

.. also somehow they got a clip of her hugging jaemin when he came back sigh

emotional manipulation!! she was kinda pissed that was in there bc it was supposed to be private but what can she do .. it's sm

there's a video of her chasing jeno during we young era while on the mv set

and another one of renjun literally dragging her on the ground because she wouldnt let go of his legs in mfal era

in mfal era she's seen running over chenle when he's out of their little cars

its funny he almost fell if jeno didnt catch him LMAO

but its ok dont fret he was in the grass

mfal era where hyuck tries to make a basket but fails and she steals the ball from him and makes it in .. he pouted FOREVER after that

the video of them in chewing gum era and then goes to ridin' era ..

her clip is her smiling shyly at the camera WITH HER CUTE PIGTAILS OH MYGODDD SO SOFT SO BABY

and then it goes to her in ridin' era with her leaning against the car and a lollipop in her mouth, staring dead straight at the camera somehow intimidatingly

n then ofc the music changes and the videos go more recent

theres clips of her behind the scenes in we young, go, dnyl, and boom

also some of her at that dream show concert

the ridin' stage was prerecorded but anyway she's wearing the same outfit she does in the mv

she saw a clip of the car cg and she yelled at the members jokingly saying it almost ran her over

wearing same outfit for quiet down which was live

they had one more song after :( she was really sad and she made sure nctzens knew that

"i wish we could perform more songs for you guys but .. only one more :(" and then sighed really loudly

"i wish you guys were here in person as well but your health is way more important and until then .. well, hopefully we can see each other again in the future! i miss seeing all your pretty faces" she then pouted as the other members oohed loudly and she laughed

after the other members continue she then reminds them all to "wash their hands and wear their masks over their noses if they have to go out"

when renjun says bonjour her eyes widen and she says "wow, so you stole my english and now my french?" she jokingly raises her hand to hit him but all he does is laughs and grabs her hand to 'stop her'

last is boom!

they shouldve performed dear dream or mfal but i guess booms good too not like they havent had to hear that song for 9 months

anyways

at the end she sneakily gives the camera a finger heart

[sweetestt-devottionn]

Hug Me

AN: This was inspired by a fic that i read before hope u enjoy it! sorry for any grammar mistakes english isn’t my first language, i’m open to criticism tho:)

==========

It seems like yesterday I was happy with nothing. Today, I make a wish to the moon. I told her if I can see you once again, I'll do one last dance with you to this song.

To remember you forever,

Just one last dance...

==========

Have you ever heard the word 'breathless'?

It has different meaning of its own if you put it in different use. One could describe the meaning of extreme surprise where you just froze in your spot, mouth hung agape as you look at the most precious thing in you possession in awe.

It truly was a wonderful description to appreciate such blessings.

Yet, in another meaning, one that you make sense of literally, has such a different effect, with a stark contrast between light and darkness, akin of a nightmare in the middle of a day dream.

==========

Breathless

[breth-lis]

1. without breath or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting:

2. dead; lifeless.

==========

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was just standing there in her comfy clothes, casually washing the dishes then the next moment. She saw her lying on the floor as the plate she was holding dropped and shattered against the hard wood floor. It might be just at the spur of the moment, where she exists and everything fell apart. She was rooted to the spot, head staying on the same spot her love used to stand just moments ago. Slowly, but surely everything came rushing back, like a river current overcoming any hindrance. Her hands were shaking when she finally got control of her body.

"LISA!" She screamed then, heart gripped with the panic brewing inside her at seeing her lover so frail, surrounded with the broken glass scattered around her body. She was shaken with pity that at such a tragic misery her love was still attention's sweet centre. Painted was the tragically beautiful story of their journey, started with her world brushed with dark muddy colours.

“oh mygod ohmygod,”

Jisoo swore she never ran so fast in her life.

In the blink of an eye, she was holding her lover's head on her lap as her fingers fumbled with her phone, the trembling digits struggling to call 9-1-1.

"I need your help please... She fainted....I-" That was the last thing Lisa heard as the black spots on her vision finally swallowed her whole. When the last sigh left her lips, her body became slack.

And that,

was the night everything changed.

==========

The trip to the hospital was not one on her favourite list of trips but, at seeing her lover sudden decline of health, she wondered just how long it would take for the ambulance to reach the hospital. She sighed over and over again as she held Lisa’s hand close and kissed each of her knuckles.

She choked back a sob as her eyes welled with tears and the state Lisa was in. Oxygen mask covered her face, and somehow in the span of minutes she had only just noticed how pale and gaunt her love actually is, a drastic difference to her usually fair and healthy body. She cursed herself, hating the fact that she had failed to see the symptoms that might have had explained the ongoing situation.

“I’m sorry baby, I should have looked after you better and stayed home more, fuck I’m- I’m fucking sorry I shouldn’t have I-,” Her speech was cut off due to the sob threatening to burst out.

“pl-please just wake u-up please…”

It may seem unusual for those close to her but,

She prayed that night.

To whatever gods there are out there, she just hoped they’d listened.

When the sound of cars honking filled her hearing and the pounding of her heart reverberated throughout her body, she closed her lids tightly. Lips mouthing an inaudible prayer as tears welled in her eyes. She held her lover's hand a little tighter, yet somehow, she still refused to cry.

‘Me and my pride’ she muses.

She refrained herself to believe anything but her lover being okay again.

She had to be okay..

She just had to...

==========

The short trip to the hospital turned out to be a long one. The seconds and the minutes turned into hours as she waited outside the ER. She paced back and forth for she knew that there was something wrong, though she refused to believe it. Realising she might have to tell Chaeyoung, she steeled herself against the obvious thunderstorm and pressed call.

It doesn’t take long for the said best friend/ sister to pick up, and for some reason she felt guilty, like it was somehow her fault when the first hello filtered through the phone.

“Jisoo unnie? Are you there?”

“Umm… Chaeng, I-I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what just happened I-“

“Unnie? Please calm down, what happened? Is Lisa okay?”

“She-“

“She’s just been admitted to the hospital, Chaeyoung-ah…”

“WHAT?! JENNIE WE NEED TO GO NOW!”

“Chaeng- I..” She tried to say when the phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

They came 15 minutes after she hang up their call, appearance so dishevelled some might think they’re some kind of a hobo.

“Is she okay?” Jennie asked as Chaeyoung was currently feeling too wrecked to even function.

“I- I don’t know , Jen.. One minute she was standing and the next she was suddenly on the floor unconscious.” She explained as her hands swung wildly in her manic.

Jennie said nothing but pulled Jisoo into a tight hug in which she immediately melt into, followed by Chaeyoung as the three of them relied on each other for the comfort they badly needed at the moment.

Their million questions were finally answered another hour later. In midst of her mini panic, the doctor handling Lisa's case came out of the room and approached her jittery self.

"I'm sorry...”

That was all Jisoo needed to hear to know that, she was not okay, her lover never was. She knew, Lisa knew that she didn't have much time left and yet, she still smiled and act that bubbly personality of hers. Always unyielding, always without flaw, not even once.

A gasp was heard, yet she couldn’t care less.

Jisoo pondered, just when did Lisa became such a good liar?

"I hate you so much..." She sobbed as her back slid against the white hospital wall. Its horror and constant dullness that painted her peripheral stayed unflinching. Leaving her, to fend for herself after the heart wrenching news that might just destroyed every good thing she had left in her life.

‘such a tragic life of a dreamer’’Such a pity’

I wonder Lisa,

I do wonder...

==========

Jisoo spent a restless night back at home. She laid on her side of the bed and took in the unusual coldness of her own personal sanctuary. Her stare resided on the empty right side of her bed. The golden sparks in her eyes had faded hours ago, only the remnants of it stayed. It had turned tedious brown in its departure.

She breathed deep, trying to remember her scent. Truth to be told, it had been hard for her to leave her love alone on the hospital bed, but she was not one to defy doctor's order. Though she really gave the nurses a run for their money when they need to forcefully dragged her away from her lover's limp body.

She decided then, she should have fought against their grasps harder, for Lisa was worth every struggle.

Every. Single. One.

==========

Days passed in a blur after the news. It was broadcasted on their social media accounts that they will be taking a long hiatus with the reasons unknown. It sure did cause an uproar in their fandom with their seemingly abrupt disappearance but in the end they couldn’t do anything but to accept their idols’ decision.

Realising the ticking time that was eating away her love’s life, Jisoo brought her everywhere her heart wished for. Her heart clenched every time she saw Lisa's face light up when she brought her to places she had never been before, knowing any moment now could be her last.

She smiled bitterly at that. Her time was limited and she was fucking desperate for any kind of miracle. She prayed every night, for something, anything, to happen.

Because she would give it all just for her to be okay again. That way, they would be able to do the future they had planned out together. In their future, they would be living in a 2 storey mansion with Dalgomie, Leo, Luca and 4 kids running around the house. They would grow old together, wasting their time watching the sunset every evening with a warm cup of tea.

Fate always said otherwise, because the one time she actually found someone who loved her for her. They took her away from Jisoo.

Even sometimes, love was not enough...

==========

It was another cold evening on the midst of December. The couple was snuggling on the couch just enjoying each other's warmth. Jennie and Chaeyoung were out, buying food for their dinner. No words were spoken, though the comfortable silence of the empty dorm was broken when Lisa called out to Jisoo.

"Jisoo?" Lisa asked quietly, head laying slack against Jisoo's chest.

"Hmm?" She responded, hand moving to stroke Lisa's hair gently.

"Can we sing right now?"

Her hand stilled from her movement as she looked down at her. Usually, Jisoo would have laughed at the random request but the look on Lisa's face, left her stunned. Absentmindedly, Jisoo started to sing one of her favourite song, Long Live.

It really was ironic.

"I said remember this moment

In the back of my mind...” She started, voice wavering a bit.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Lisa suddenly sat up and started pulling at her hands, urging her to stand with her.

“The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the kings and the queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same ..."

At this point, they were both dancing around in their apartment, not caring about what would happen in the future. Live in the now they said.

“You held your head like a hero...”

Lisa sang, voice sounding off key but none of them care anyways. She crossed her arms and posed as superman pretending to be showing her ‘spectacular biceps’ that had become bony and last muscular over the past few months. She nodded her head at Jisoo cueing at her to sing the next lines.

"On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age..."

Jisoo stayed quiet and instead, she only looked at her funnily. Lisa had no choice but to continue singing with a grumpy voice.

"Come on CHICHU!! I SAID ONE, TWO, THREE... SING WITH ME!!" She held out her hand between them as if to share the microphone for the both of them.

"Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered...”

This time Jisoo did join the fun, screaming with her lover as they belted out the lyrics. They might just sound like dying whale and the neighbours would surely filled out a noise complaint but seriously, they could careless right now. No headlines, no media, no worries. Just Jisoo and Lisa singing off key in their penthouse apartment.

"I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

Wishing for right now..."

Lisa continued as she looked at Jisoo and pulled on a funny face, successfully bringing a long overdue smile on her girlfriend's face.

"We are the kings and the queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown..."

Jisoo gestured to Lisa's head as if to put on an imaginary crown on her. Lisa smiled at the gesture and did an over exaggerated curtsy before standing up straight to urged Jisoo to keep singing as she swayed from left to right, doing some weird dancing of her own.

"When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "This is absurd"

'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world..."

Jisoo belted the lyrics as she knelt on the floor like a rock star. Lisa was having the time of her life as she rolled down on the floor laughing her ass off.

"Love live the wall we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders..." Jisoo sang loudly.

I'm not afraid," Lisa continued with a big grin on her face.

"Long live all the mountains we move

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall..."

Jisoo actually sang beautifully this time, giving it her all as she pour her heart for their impromptu Lichu-karaoke session. As she opened her mouth to sing the next stanza, Lisa had already beaten her to it.

"Will you take a moment,

promise me this...

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in,

And force us into a goodbye..."

Lisa sang the lines softly to Jisoo as she put her hand over her heart as tears welled in her eyes.

"If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures,

Please tell them my name..."

Her voice cracked as she sang it, knowing the reality of it all. Jisoo rushed to comfort her but one hand motion from Lisa and another plea of "I'm okay," left her with no choice but to continue the song.

"Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life, with you...”

Jisoo presented Lisa with a teary smile as she pointed her fingers at her. She furiously wiped her tears away, and when she belted the next line, she was determined to end this in a good note.

All smiles no frowns.

"Long, long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid..." She sang as she put on a brave face and a salute at Lisa, getting a smile out in return. Jisoo gave her a signal and they sang the last lines together.

"Singing long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered..."

They finished the song quickly and enveloped each other in a tight embrace, tears still streaming down their faces.

"Long live us...” Jisoo whispered against her head.

"Long live you...” She added with a smile, before pressing a light kiss on Lisa’s forehead.

You will be remembered...

==========

Lisa did last longer than expected as she somehow managed to get past through her birthday and Jisoo's. Though another incident might have barraged their way at her.

On the morning after Jisoo's birthday, Lisa had stupidly fell off her bed. But that, was not the problem. It was the excruciating pain that followed after that. She swore she had never screamed so loud in her life.

Hearing her screams, Jisoo bolted upstairs towards their shared bedroom. Fingers fumbling with her phone ready to call 9-1-1.

This was giving her a sense of déjà vu. Added with the fact that in dire times like this, Jennie and Chaeng always seemed to be away at an important meeting with their management, leaving Jisoo alone to deal with a crying Lisa.

Seeing her Lisa laying helplessly on the floor, screaming her head off, Jisoo panic level accelerate to 100 real quick. She knelt down beside the whimpering girl and wafted her hand through her hair, while whispering sweet nothings to soothe her pain.

"You're gonna be okay, baby.."

You will,

You have to...

==========

"She fell the wrong way, Chaeyoung. I've said this to you a million times. Why won't you believe me?" Jisoo hissed at Chaeyoung as they walked down the hospital halls to Lisa's room. She was being prepped for immediate surgery because apparently her stupid fall could possibly cause paralysis. Stupid bed and stupid floor, she had said.

"Wow unnie , Okay I believe you, but seriously you need to chill. You're basically on fire right now.." Chaeyoung tread carefully, afraid to get Jisoo madder than she already was.

"You're dealing with this better than I ever was Chaeng. How are you okay with her dying?" She ranted, frustrated.

"I'm not, and I never will be okay with her dying, so don't even try to say that. But, do you know what makes me strong unnie? It was her wish. She personally told me that she wanted her last days to be full of smiles, not tears; not frowns. So I tried, I really tried my best every day to keep the smile on my face, to keep the happy thoughts on my head as if she wasn't dying. I had to respect her wish. I had to, unnie..." Chaeyoung confessed as she blinked rapidly to avoid the tears from falling, knowing Lisa would caught up with her act once she saw a faint tear marks on her face.

"I'm sorry Chaeyoung-ah, I-I didn't know,"

"It's okay unnie, please just trust me on this. You need to respect her wish too okay?"

"All smiles?"

"All smiles."

==========

It had not been great.

Lisa was paralysed from the waist down. But she had not reacted poorly. She had taken a moment of silence after the news, both her lover and best friends looking at her expectantly, gauging her reaction. What happened next was not expected by the both of them.

With a defeated sigh, Lisa had looked back up towards the doctor and asked a simple question.

"Can I go back home now?"

The meaning behind her words were clear, she didn't want to talk about it and it was to be expected. Yet, that split moment when she looked at Jisoo at the word 'home', really messed with Chaeyoung's emotion. She had lived, knowing that her best friend and sister had found her home. A place for her to belong, yet, it was wretched from her grasp just after she found it.

Home…

Lost.

==========

Today was the day the two brotp? finally get to hang out. Though, Jennie realised she should have done this sooner. She had immediately became fast friends with Lisa after their first meeting with each other during their trainee days. She had said, the only reason they got along so well was because their ‘stupid aegyo tendencies and annoyingly cute gummy smiles ’ cheers to Jennie for that. She knew her gummy smiles are valuable winning weapon. So to speak, with their fast growing friendship and what not, this news had truly affected Jennie deeply.

They were strolling around the central park, not a lot of people were in sight which was a plus to the both of them.

"Jennie, if you didn't stop thinking, smoke might came out of your head any time now," Lisa suddenly said, causing her to pause in her movement.

"Shut it Manoban, or do I have to hit you to do so?" Jennie clapped back at her best friend who now appeared offended. She put a dramatic hand over her chest and said.

"Really? You'll hit a cripple? WHERE ARE YOUR MORALS?"

"Where yours are?" Jennie sassed.

"Shit, let me call Satan. He has them. Along with my list of fucks I do not give."

"Oh please, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS GIRL SHE'S ANNOYING ME," Jennie was all but shout.

"Watch it Nini or I'll tell Chaengie about your behaviour."

"You are such a tattle-teller, you b*tch. You disgust me," Jennie said in her best Kim-Kardashian-accent as she flipped her hair to get her point across.

"My energy should not be wasted talking to you, move along please I need to get my ice cream," Lisa commanded from her wheelchair bossily.

"You're lucky you're cute or else I would've left you somewhere," Jennie complained as she grudgingly started to push the wheelchair to the ice cream shop.

==========

Miracles do happen, sadly it didn't always last.

==========

Lisa knew her time was coming, knowing she had outlived the doctor's predictions; this was bound to happen anytime soon. It was a little after the New Year. She was being woken up, with severe chest pains. She screamed which immediately woke Jisoo up.

"Lisa baby, what's wrong?" She asked soothingly, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

Jisoo didn't get an answer from Lisa except for her occasional whimpers which caused her to curl further into herself, hoping to make the pain stop.

She knew her time was coming,

But she sure as heck was not ready for it.

==========

Lisa was hooked to a ventilator that night, her lungs had failed her and she didn't expect any less. Seeing her lover so fragile against the hospital bed, Jisoo made a beeline to the chair beside the bed and held her sleeping hand tightly.

She leaned her head closer to the bed and rests it at the edge of the pillow. It might have been an uncomfortable position but she wanted to, she need, to remember her.

I don't want to forget...

Right before she continued her restless slumber, Jisoo hummed sotto voce. She sang a song very dear to her as a prayer, and God, she did hope Lisa would listen close in her slumber.

“Please stay by my side,

Please stay with me..

Please don't let go of me, the one who's holding your hand...

I love you,

I love you...

In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming

From my foolish and weak heart..."

==========

The goodbye was the hardest.

==========

Lisa was looking at Jisoo as best as she could through her half lidded eyes. She could she the hudled figures of her best friends standing on the other side of her hospital bed. God, she was so tired, and she had long accepted her fate. She stared at Jisoo with any adoration she could muster and smiled weakly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She suddenly said, breaking Jisoo out of her trance.

"I want to remember you."

"Don't do this to yourself baby, please"

"I- I can't Lice, please I can't forget you. I don't want you to go. I LOVE YOU! Why is that not enough?" She sobbed as she desperately cling to her hospital gown to discard any possible distance between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not physically beside you, unnie. Please don't cry, love, I'll look after you from the sky. You won't forget me because I'm here with you. I stayed in your heart. I'll visit you in your dreams, there you can relinquish all your joys and sorrows to me. You'll remember me, just like the way my heart will call out to you in the after life..."

"I love you, Lice. I'd give it all just for one more day with you..."

"Don't dwell- on your sadness please, all smiles, okay?" Lisa had to stop in between words to catch her breath as her lungs started failing on her.

“Unnie, if it is time for me to go, can you take care of Jisoo unnie for me?”

Lisa never said it to anyone  in particular neither Jennie or Chaeyoung, but the message was clear. They responded with a tight squeeze on her arm and a teary smile.

Their last moments together were spent with Jisoo brushing the remnants of Lisa hazel brown hair, as they enjoyed the silence that sang lullabies for those in passing. It wasn’t long when the silence was broken by none other than Lisa.

"Can I get one last kiss before I go to sleep, Chu?"

“Anything for you love,” Jisoo smiled a bittersweet smile through her red eyes and puffy cheeks before leaning in as they lips met in passion.

So desperately, trying to make it a kiss, one could remember forever.

"Sing for me please, Chichu…" Lisa whispered her last wish. She moved her body a little bit as she sagged against the hospital bed, eyes fluttering close.

"Hallelujah,

You were an angel in the shape of my love

When I fell down you'll be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go...

And when God takes you back,

He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

Jisoo wait until her breathing became no more, before she stopped. With one last cold kiss to the lips, Jisoo muttered her prayer against her skin.

"In peace may you leave the shore;

In love may you find the next.

Safe passage on your travel," Jisoo finished and wipe her tears away. She leaned her face closer to Lisa's and mumbled against her lips.

"May we meet again, Lisa..."

==========

It was nothing special, another day, another time, another dawn. They recalled that time when a young Lisa Manoban swore that when she died she would do it in such honour, with lots of people crying for her.

They had laughed it off then, saying that she wasn’t even close to a hero or a president. It was a stupid dream to begin with.

Lalisa Manoban didn’t die in such great honour, she didn’t die with the sound of trumpet and manmade tears marring people’s face as they pretend to show empathy to the fallen grace.

She died, on a normal Wednesday afternoon, with 3 of the brightest stars in her life, and I guessed for her,

It was more than enough.

==========

"One last kiss to a cold lips, to seal the prayer."

==========

[missjackil]

Glad I Came When I Did...

I came to Tumblr in July of last year, I had only been watching SPN since the March before, but I had watched everything from the beginning and was all caught up, and well into my rewatches when I got here, and I am so thankful that was the case. When I got here, and saw what many of you say about the show, characters, writers and show runners, I wondered what show you all are watching.  For one thing, the show wasnt “better” in the Kripke era, it was just different for the first 3 seasons, but that was just laying the foundation for what the show was building up to. Sure, it was nice to have just Sam and Dean in every episode and not muddied down with side characters, but this show literally being an epic, needed to get bigger. It wouldnt have lasted 13 years and counting,if it just stayed Sam and Dean hunting shifters and vampires. Season 4 changed everything, and keep in mind this was Kripke, not Gamble or Carver, we got Cas and other angels, it got darker and more personal when Dean went to Hell and was tortured and ended up breaking the first seal, and Sam was drinking demon blood and became addicted, and ultimately raising Lucifer, we learned that that the brothers were part of a big Heavenly plan, and even had Gospels written about them. The great battle of Armageddon would be fought by them! Had the story not exploded like that, the show never would have gotten a 6th season. So many of you just said “It never should have gotten a 6th season anyway” but youd sit there and whine for the next 2 years about how badly it ended. Sam sacrifces himself to save the world and ends up alone in the dark? Dean ends up with a chick he hardly knows? How does this make a good ending to such a great story?  Next, Dean is not an abusive masogynist, and Sam is not the pseudo-female that bends to Dean’s every whim. I’ll agree that Dean hit Sam too much in the early seasons (remember? back with it was “so much better”?) but Sam is a big guy and it was always a fair fight whenever he faught back, he just chose not to fight sometimes. Not because he’s afraid of Dean, but because its Sam’s nature to just not want to fight, Those of you who treat Sam like a battered wife from the 50s, or Stockholm syndrom gone wild, are just really projecting your political agenda on a show that wishes to not take part in ANY political agenda.  Sam and Dean fight. In any drama with brothers, they fight. Since early S7, Dean hasnt hit Sam without being under a supernatural influence, and no one seems to want to accept that that part of Dean has changed. Why? Because youre putting Sam in the battered wife position, where you would tell a battered wife, that the abusive husband wont ever change. Not where he SHOULD be, as a big, strong man, fully capable of kicking Dean’s ass if he wants to, but he doesnt because he loves Dean, and knows Dean loves him, even if he hasnt always known the right way to show it. 

On that same topic, Sam is not the female architype of this story, though sometimes a male/female formula is used. Normally however, Sam and Dean are Butch and Sundance or Luke Skywalker and Han Solo the way Kripke created these characters. Sam has feminine qualities, and so does Dean, but all men do, and all women have some masculine qualities.... thats just being realitic. I am just as tired of hearing about Dean’s “Toxic masculity” as I am about hearing that Sam is a woman with a penis... well, we’ve never been shown he has one, so a woman with facial hair? I dont know.... but feminize either of them in your fan fic if thats what youre into, but don’t write it into the show, when that’s not what the show is telling us.  Neither Sam nor Dean are bisexual, and I dont care if Sam has never said he’s straight, or if he sumonned a male crossroads demon, or Dean and Cas breathed the same air, or Dean made a mix tape. After 12 yrs, if neither of these boys have canonically dated a man, we can safely assume they never will. Even if Wincest was canon, it wouldnt mean they have any interest in men aside from each other.  Sam gets blamed for a lot, he does, but not everything all the time and Dean never blamed Sam for anything (after S4) that he didnt blame himself for too. in S5 Fallen Idols, Dean reminds Sam that he broke the first seal, and tells Sam he couldnt have known killing Lilith was a bad thing, In S8 when Dean tells Sam what things he could confess, he isnt throwing blame on him, but acknowledging that these werent good things, and may need confessing.... ignorance is no excuse for the law right? And Dean puts blame on them both for releasing the Darkness. In my time of watching this show, free from Tumblr, never once did Sam come off as stupid, evil, or less important than Dean. Either in the show or where the writing was concerned.  Dean may asstert himself as the boss or the leader, and most of the time, he is the leader, and thats alright, theyre a team, it doesnt minimize Sam at all, he has said basically he prefers to follow because it’s easier than leading, but he certainly can lead when necessary. Dean is the infantry and Sam is the tank. Thats not making one greater than the other, thats stratagy. But as far as being Sam’s boss, look again.... Dean barks orders at Sam sometimes, but Sam gives orders subtly, he tells Dean to stop, he stops, he gives him a bitch face, he stops, he puts his hand out, Dean doesnt get cake, he says “dont kill him” Dean doesnt kill him, Sam flashes puppydog eyes and gets basically whatever he wants. Sometimes Dean defies Sam, and sometimes Sam defies Dean... see that? The narative does not favor Dean over Sam. Again, I state that Sam has never looked weak or stupid or habitually wrong in my time of watching. A few times Dean says “Im always right” but that doesnt mean he is written to be always right. Its just a Dean thing. Dean is not the “fav” of the writers because he has more speaking lines either. Sam is a quiet character, and since Jared isnt comfortable with long monologues, that works out pretty good. Sam has more personafications than Dean, more pain and affliciton... this isnt “HEY WE HATE SAM SO LETS MAKE HIM SUFFER!! HAHAHAHA!!” This is showcasing how well Jared acts pain, or takes on a different personality. This doesnt put Dean/Jensen down, his strong points are comedic parts, making long dialogue not sound boring, and showing full emotion while still being able to speak clearly. Put these exceptional talents together and it makes for 2 awesome main characters that are defined individuals and not mirrors of each other, and yet they stay similar enough to be believable brothers, best friends, and soulmates. I dont begrudge anyones opinion on anything It’s yours, you have it, and I respect it, but it appears that a lot of you are wasting your time on a show you hate, that goes against everything you stand for, and treats your favorite actor/character like a meaningless extra, and sadly, some are following you and theyre not having their own experience, they’re living yours. I cant tell you how often I hear someone hasnt watched a certain episode, or a certain season because Tumblr people hated it, so they thought it not worth it. and I have to explain that Tumblr people hate everything, and mostly wont ever be happy with the show unless whatever ship they ship becomes canon, which none of them will. So may I suggest, lighten up. take the show at face value, dont sit there, arms crossed, phone in hand waiting to meta on something you want to be there that isnt, and just laugh and love and cry with the rest of us :)

[jzogymti-blog]

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[somedaypast-thesunset]

i feel neutrally tired about all of this. you know, i’m not angry or sad or stressed, i’m just kind of tired of this whole routine. it’s become glaringly obvious that this man is very very spoiled and ungrateful. 

yesterday was a fine day. he took me to the farm to get a pumpkin like i asked. he bought me food and was overall really nice and in a good mood - he was focused on pei and the things he would do or need for his trip. i felt comfortable and relaxed despite not even having weed and not having much sleep. 

this morning when we woke up, we had sex and i went about my morning - made a tea, had a smoke and he had a shower. he asked his mother for the survey plans for their cottage in pei so he knew what to prepare for when he wanted to build this garage (the whole 6 month master plan’s goal). she said she would have to look. this set off a chain reaction - he went to look for a crock pot the family owned but he had never used ad couldnt find it immediately, when his mother offered cookig advice he freaked out ad then when she asked him about a few set of chores he was supposed to do, he freaked out again.

at this point i had literally spoken no words from when we had sex. i was just passively floatig throughout the house, gathering my things just to be organized. i went to look at what he was actually making and he said something like “i’m going to drive you home after this i want to do my own thing and i dont want to be around you”. to be fair, he couldve said “people” - i’m ot entirely sure what i heard but it more likely sounded like you. i simply turned around, got my bag from downstairs, got my stuff from outside and walked home. i did not even reply or say goodbye - theres not even a point. like i would get either some argument about how he said he would drive me home or a grunt goodbye; both still equally rude replies. 

but i was kind of proud of how i reacted very immediately and without hesistation. i didt think like ~what would he want or ~whats appropriate to do. i just did what i wanted to do which was leave. it wasnt like oh i think id like to sped the day alone, do you wat a ride home - it was just ‘fuck off’ without being ‘fuck off’. and i don’t deserve that. 

on top of this, during sex he asked outright if anyone else has touched me. not like ~oh no one else ca touch you or ~would you let anyone touch you - just outright ‘have you let anyone’ and its not a light thing. its not joking. if i said yes it would hurt and we’d probably stop. but the parameters he stil puts forth is that he “cant” cheat. but what about me? and why am i used like this? i literally spoke _no words_. 

its very unhealthy. and i dont believe its about me. i’m glad ive come so far in personal relationships that i am able to seperate myself from them and not take things personally.and like i do feel “used” but its not like this is the absolute worst part of it. he said to me, “you havent been around long enough - this is what i do, im excited about something until im not and then i drop everything and go to the next thing” -- as if i havet been witnessing this the entire time weve been together. its all one exciting thing to the next and nothig is ever what its hoped to be. 

and hes very negative. which i guess is a bit ironic coming from me. but everything - everything sucks. and like to its greatest pit of whatever terrible thing it could have. you know - “king of the losers”. acknowledging that “i’m” okay but its really just being on top of a pile of shit. 

its just.. its getting too hard to remain optimistic about a future with him. whatever my life is doesnt affect him nearly as much as his does me. my whole life is built around being available to him and i was okay with this becuse it was like “investing” in a future i wanted to have. or i do want to have. i want a partner. some “family”. but i just dont feel optimistic like this is going to lead to idyllic happiness. not the way he sees it. and why should i spend my time following such a volatile perso who is unable to commit to anything. i guess it was easy to walk away because i thought like - what if i was across the country? what if i coulnt just walk away from this rude person and i was _stuck_? i dont want that and i guess if i dont want that, i dont want him. i’m just... too scared to live with him. like i want to live with him. i reall really do but everything in my being says omg no. no no no no. anyone i told that this was a thing would tell me absolutely do not move across the country with this person. its not like.. dont change. dont live somewhere else. its that this particular person is very ... not the right person to do this with. maybe i need to be a ifferent person too. maybe i need to be a very strong indpendent individual who works super hard and hustles lots of cash an then its all just fun and games and wooo life. but i cannot be dependent on this person. they are not dependable in any way shape or form. they are a fucking prayer. and in order for me to make such huge changes in life i would be very dependent on this person. especially right now. maybe in two years ill be a better version of me but the me right now would need a lot of hand holding an encouragement to make such drastic life changes and decisions. 

if it was plausible to just get a nice apartment in this city together - great. thank you. not even long term, lets just exist with each other before making giant life decisions. thats a marriage. with no commitment. i cant. i just cant. 

and you know - i’m very sympathetic. i know exactly what it feels like. to have no fucking clue what you want, where to go, what to do, who to be friends with, who to have a relationship with - i get it. i’m really confused too. and this is such a shitty time - i dont know if other times have been more shitty but this seems like a pretty shitty time after society going through so many wars in the past 100 years that have grown more powerful under the advancements and like we, collectively, are different people from 50 years ago so what was “right” and “good” 50 years ago is not relevant to today and we are floating without guidance. how do we survive now? weve evolved to a different mental state and we dont know how to nourish this. its like falling into great advancements with no mental capacity to understand their affect on the social psyche. 

theyre right.  the colective “they” - your parents have little to do with your chances. their social standing and coping amongst evolution to bring them to such standing has a lot more to do with your chances but if along the line you figure out your way of coping in evolution then you may rise above or find your own level of “happiness” which is mostly fulfilling basic personal needs. but when evolution continually transitions through different ways to fulfill these basic needs or possibly gives you even more ways to do this, it becomes more difficult to realize how you will find your way to cope in evolution. milennials are realy seen as weak and a joke; like re-branded hippies but focused on mental health and emotions, “refusing” employment to ‘feel better’ in life when there was a time when people just took any job because the only way to cope within that evolution was to exhance your service for money or boarding itself. thats not the case anymore. society evolved in such a way that this generation is capable of fulfilling may basic personal needs sometimes by just existing; perhaps their parents pay for food and shelter and provide them with clothing well into their “adult” years. many older generations started working to SURVIVE at 12 - 14 years old. our generation worked because “thats what you do” or to save up for an iphone. most of our grandparents worked to buy bottles of milk or to help the family or for their own vehicle but why save for one when your parents let you drive theirs anyways?

and again - it’s not the parents fault. it’s now easy in society for parents to do this. a large majority of parents, nd the majority leads the collective society. could my parents? no. but a lot of people around me did have parents that did this and my parents cared for me in other ways. society allowed them to breed children who would become introspective because they were no longer in such dire straits for survival. and older generations are upset about this - dont you know they had to want to die regularly to survive? why shouldt we? 

so as we gain this introspective into ourselves and “new” psychological ideas come up and vast people are “diagnosed”, it becomes harder to accept things which harm our psyche. so we get a big rise in racial inequality and gay rights and things which seem “liberal” but is simply termed this way because some people - maybe a large amount even, could not refuse employment and worked to survive even in this era. that was the generational hand down - exchange your service for money or starve. and theyre not “in the wrong”. other things affect how you build your coping tools - where you live, the climate of politics etc. maybe you realy just had to do that and there wasnt time to invest in this modern evolution of introspection. you dont have time to look within when youre starving on the outside. so this resentmet and bitterness builds between these two sides which may even exist in the same generation but neither of them is wrong. should one work to survive? probably. animals hunt most of their lives. we should probably work to survive. no one can just be handed food ad shelter forever unless you’re a very unique and special person in royalty. and 99.9% of us are not. but should we also kill our psyche? animals dont deal with smart phones and insurance rates and credit scores and bankruptcy. they just go out and take what they want and our society has evolved past this. so we cannot just assume you just work to survive when survival has been complicated. it takes a higher level of thinking which wemay not fully even comprehend at this stage in the evolution. 

i think psychology is very important because we dont understand why people are people. we dont know. we know why the sky is blue but we dont know why we are people. and not just psychology but science and the belief of how our being, our physical being on this planet came to be. we collectively have not agreed despite the very obvious misgivings of current theological theories. 

how or in what way should you survive on this planet? why are we required to exist as we are in this society upon birth. like all of these rules and obligations an responsibilities of being a “good human” are placed on you for the rest of your life and all you did was be born. all you want are basic needs fulfilled but you cant even do that until you acknowledge the land you were popped out on to does not belong to you so you abide by these rules now whether you want to or not. and thats just government and law but on this deeper spectrum its an obligation to be a ‘good child’ a ‘good citizen’ - pay your taxes, go to work, have children, buy a house; these are the quest objectives. but why? i think our generation is not the first to ask why but the first in a very long long time to ask why are we doing it this way. not so much why are we here. many of us have decided for ourselves. but why are we livingin society in this particular way and what can we do to survive in a society which is not designed to really benefit anyone. its not about that homeless man geting up and feeding himself, its about taking responsibility to feed that person. animals do a better job at this and we feel we’re in evolved thinking. 

society has become very convoluted and confused which has bred confusion in its most recent generation. ive lived a very unique life and yet feel the same way abou these things as my peers because the “temperature” of the environment is the same. its hot, we all know its hot an we’re trying to figure out ways to deal whether its running through a sprinkler, going to a public pool or looking ridiculous in a kiddie pool on your front lawn. it’s gross, it’s not a good time, no one wants to do anything and we’re not feeling it. and this evolution is like climate change. there is absolutely still people capable of coping under this stress, farmers still work, lumberjack still cut wood but theyre fucking miserable and they do it because theyre used to feeling like they want to die to survive. but its getting hotter and its getting harder and even though they feel it the only thing they know is to keep working until they cant anymore then die crippled and miserable. being popped out inexperienced and then thrown into a change which even the experienced are struggling with creates a lot of unrest. a lot of anxious and depressed people. 

what do we do? what should we do? you cant change society you can only follow the ebb and flow like flock of birds or schools of fish. this is how we cope as humans, to live as a society. and if society is in upheaval it directly affects the ability to easily obtain our basic needs. 

i used to feel envious of stupid people. like atleast they didnt ~know this shit. because this felt depressing. like being stupi would be easier and id be happier but those who choose to remain ignorant or passive hurt a lot and they struggle through some of the barest traps society has created durig this shitty time and now i feel sorry for them. spinning your wheels over and over, dragging yourself through the mud, throwing away money, living extravagantly and ignorantly but going absolutely no where. not going up, down, side ways - no where. i’m there too. i’m right there too on the train stopped at the station waiting to fucking go and we’re here nd we’re buying shit from the dining car and we’re chatting and excited but we’re not goig and we’re not really sure why and we’re all talking about why we’re not going but we’re still not going but hey atleast hey still got cookies. 

no one person is driving the train either. its like a group effort where everyone on the train has to believe youre moving forward for it to start but if one jack ass thinks youre not, then its a complete halt. 

life is hard but i dont think alot of people realize exactly how hard it is. im trying to learn to appreciate the little things. people with greater minds who had better understanding and less luxuries of the era coped with appreciating little things. taking bike rides in the fall in the nice downtown streets; it’s been a highlight of the season. painting in a studio this week; sure it was not glamorous or anything but i actively went out and created art with others. my room is neat and clean and organized. i did laundry with ease on my own time for free. 

i wasnt upset i “had to” walk home. i apreciated the fall weather & buzz of halloween approaching, time to think without screens of distraction, exersize and activity, the ability to buy cat food & cat litter. im not angry about it. i’m tired of being angry about a train im not really driving. if i can never truly conceptualize what i want because of society why keep trying. why cry over spilled milk. 

[samanthasroberts]

The Time I Took My Date To A Porn Cinema

With my reputation as a pervert in mind, you would think anyone I asked on a date to the cinema would know to expect more than a trip to the local Odeon and a family sized bucket of popcorn.

James, however, apparently hadnt anticipated that my plans for our evening together would revolve around large-scale cinematic penetration, projected to a room of willing strangers.

More fool him.

Now, when I tell people this story I think most of them envisage a dark, sweaty room full of frantically wanking men on wipeable seats a place where sticky floors are nothing to do with an extra large spilled Coke.

But I am (for the most part) fairly careful to tread the fine line between entertainment-with-a-twist and all-out sexual debauchery. So, what exactly is half-way between a visit to a semen-covered sex den and a trip to see the latest Pixar?

La Freak Smut Cinema is a pop-up event that moves around predominantly East London, normally finding itself a home in classy-but-quirky cocktail bars with suitably dim lighting. The event is run by two madams – in their own words: shes the scholar and Im the slut – and is a naughty and fun alternative for people who are simultaneously too horny and too broke for Secret Cinema.

Upon arrival, its clear that despite the potential for manic masturbators, it is frequented mostly by trendy, middle-class couples who are probably looking for a sexy alternative to having a threesome with the babysitter. And yes, ok, Ill admit it- there was one shifty looking bloke on his own, but his penis, at this stage at least, was nowhere to be seen. Anyway, when you are sat in a room watching porn with strangers, who can really judge who as being a pervert?!

Now, confession time (as if this entire blog wasnt confession enough)- I had actually been to this particular cinema before, as a last ditch attempt to re-ignite the dying embers of a past relationship. It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only. But being a rather enjoyable and slightly saucy experience, I didnt see the harm in coming again (no pun intended).

It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only.

But there is a problem with attending a porn cinema twice: you look like a bit of a sex pest. Some things, like a love of Celebrity Big Brother or penchant for Pot Noodles, should remain hidden until your prospective suitor is invested enough that they are willing to ignore a vice or two or eight or ten And so, I had neglected to tell my date about my previous public porn experiences.

Any attempts to keep this secret, however, were thwarted on arrival when, as my date suspiciously took in his surroundings, I was greeted by a swift paddle to the arse and an exclamation of Darling, so good to see you again!.

So much for patron confidentiality.

Cat out of the bag we headed to the bar, where I smiled sheepishly, shrugged and ordered a large and very alcoholic drink.

With two, probably quite shocking, revelations made in the space of about five minutes I was impressed that James was still standing. But with giant cocks about to be thrust in his face (not literally, of course) I was worried that a sensitive disposition may suddenly reveal itself and thought it best to change that, so we took our seats and settled in.

Of course, events such as this should, by their nature, attract people of a more free and easy persuasion. But no matter how liberal people consider themselves to be, once confronted by a room in which the loudest thing that can be heard is the unmistakable suction noise of a penis repeatedly entering a vagina, its very easy for them to revert to the typically British stance on publicly viewed sex that is, that it should only occur when watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

To be fair, the challenge of acclimatization wasnt exactly helped by the fact that the first film which, to avoid being implicated in operation YewTree, I should point out was a CARTOON focused on a little girl masturbating. We looked on quietly horrified, but again too British and too polite to protest, while she rolled around amongst the flower buds with a finger on her, uh, flower bud. After what seemed like a fucking eternity these enveloped her in a climatic ecstasy before she re-emerged, a fully fledged and, thankfully legal, woman.

It was, I guess, meant to symbolize sexual awakenings and burgeoning femininity. A theory that I was now desperately trying to convey to my probably-terrified date. I attempted this through what can only be described as a series of gymnastic eyebrow movements. This and the other, equally, if not more, important message of by the way I am not a pedophile. Luckily, while obviously perturbed, his capacity for the downright-fucking-weird/borderline-illegal seemed strong, something that would stand him in good stead if we were to continue dating.

The rest of the porn was, all in all, less controversial something not hard to achieve considering how wed started and catered to a variety of kinks, including bondage, dildo usage and gay sex. In places it was even arty enough to be considered cultural rather than simply perverse. An effort that was possibly wasted on me.

All of this meant that, despite a rocky start, I soon felt a hand on my knee. This was, of course, a welcome development but I couldnt help but check that it was 1) who I thought it was and 2) an invitation and not a cry for help. And yes, on inspection, I found that James expression had changed from one of terror and trepidation to something like the look an extremely hungover person might give a Maccy Ds.*

And, actually, it wasnt just him. It was clear to see that, for others too, the hormones had started to flow and the blood to pump. This, of course, could have been something to do with the wine that had flowed and the beer that had been pumped. Public porn watching, it could be concluded, is all about achieving the right level of lubrication who would have thought it. Either way, people were horny as fuck. Myself included. Although I still kept a wary eye on the bloke on his own in case of any rapid and repetitive arm movements.

Now, if my experiences at weird events have taught me anything, it is to always expect the unexpected. But what came next shocked even me. And I had just been forced to watch cartoon kiddy porn for Gods sake.

Someone only went and fucking proposed!

I kid you not- down on one (probably quite sticky) knee, amongst a sea of twitchy hands and awkward public boners. Im not sure who was more surprised: the gaggle of horny audience members or the blushing bride-to-be. But if she was hesitant about getting betrothed in front of a 20 foot vagina, or in any way wondering how she would relay this story to her grandchildren, she didnt show it as she gleefully accepted. It just goes to show, sometimes the thing more shocking than a guy in a gimp mask having his testicles trodden on, is true love.

Overall, despite the multiple opportunities for awkwardness, embarrassment, and general fucking weirdness, the evening was a success. So much so that the audience, having revealed their true perverted nature, requested the porn reel to be stuck back on while we finished our drinks. Although we were informed, we were going to skip the weird, pervy and paedophilic cartoon from the beginning. It turns out even porn peddlers have their line. And so, our date came to a close to the soundtrack of gentle moans and a now rather drunken Madames proclamations of Its alright for you lot, Ive got to stay and clean up. Youre all going home to fuck each others brains out!

Did we? A lady doesnt kiss and tell.

She does, however, watch porn and write about it.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/

[adambstingus]

The Time I Took My Date To A Porn Cinema

With my reputation as a pervert in mind, you would think anyone I asked on a date to the cinema would know to expect more than a trip to the local Odeon and a family sized bucket of popcorn.

James, however, apparently hadnt anticipated that my plans for our evening together would revolve around large-scale cinematic penetration, projected to a room of willing strangers.

More fool him.

Now, when I tell people this story I think most of them envisage a dark, sweaty room full of frantically wanking men on wipeable seats a place where sticky floors are nothing to do with an extra large spilled Coke.

But I am (for the most part) fairly careful to tread the fine line between entertainment-with-a-twist and all-out sexual debauchery. So, what exactly is half-way between a visit to a semen-covered sex den and a trip to see the latest Pixar?

La Freak Smut Cinema is a pop-up event that moves around predominantly East London, normally finding itself a home in classy-but-quirky cocktail bars with suitably dim lighting. The event is run by two madams – in their own words: shes the scholar and Im the slut – and is a naughty and fun alternative for people who are simultaneously too horny and too broke for Secret Cinema.

Upon arrival, its clear that despite the potential for manic masturbators, it is frequented mostly by trendy, middle-class couples who are probably looking for a sexy alternative to having a threesome with the babysitter. And yes, ok, Ill admit it- there was one shifty looking bloke on his own, but his penis, at this stage at least, was nowhere to be seen. Anyway, when you are sat in a room watching porn with strangers, who can really judge who as being a pervert?!

Now, confession time (as if this entire blog wasnt confession enough)- I had actually been to this particular cinema before, as a last ditch attempt to re-ignite the dying embers of a past relationship. It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only. But being a rather enjoyable and slightly saucy experience, I didnt see the harm in coming again (no pun intended).

It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only.

But there is a problem with attending a porn cinema twice: you look like a bit of a sex pest. Some things, like a love of Celebrity Big Brother or penchant for Pot Noodles, should remain hidden until your prospective suitor is invested enough that they are willing to ignore a vice or two or eight or ten And so, I had neglected to tell my date about my previous public porn experiences.

Any attempts to keep this secret, however, were thwarted on arrival when, as my date suspiciously took in his surroundings, I was greeted by a swift paddle to the arse and an exclamation of Darling, so good to see you again!.

So much for patron confidentiality.

Cat out of the bag we headed to the bar, where I smiled sheepishly, shrugged and ordered a large and very alcoholic drink.

With two, probably quite shocking, revelations made in the space of about five minutes I was impressed that James was still standing. But with giant cocks about to be thrust in his face (not literally, of course) I was worried that a sensitive disposition may suddenly reveal itself and thought it best to change that, so we took our seats and settled in.

Of course, events such as this should, by their nature, attract people of a more free and easy persuasion. But no matter how liberal people consider themselves to be, once confronted by a room in which the loudest thing that can be heard is the unmistakable suction noise of a penis repeatedly entering a vagina, its very easy for them to revert to the typically British stance on publicly viewed sex that is, that it should only occur when watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

To be fair, the challenge of acclimatization wasnt exactly helped by the fact that the first film which, to avoid being implicated in operation YewTree, I should point out was a CARTOON focused on a little girl masturbating. We looked on quietly horrified, but again too British and too polite to protest, while she rolled around amongst the flower buds with a finger on her, uh, flower bud. After what seemed like a fucking eternity these enveloped her in a climatic ecstasy before she re-emerged, a fully fledged and, thankfully legal, woman.

It was, I guess, meant to symbolize sexual awakenings and burgeoning femininity. A theory that I was now desperately trying to convey to my probably-terrified date. I attempted this through what can only be described as a series of gymnastic eyebrow movements. This and the other, equally, if not more, important message of by the way I am not a pedophile. Luckily, while obviously perturbed, his capacity for the downright-fucking-weird/borderline-illegal seemed strong, something that would stand him in good stead if we were to continue dating.

The rest of the porn was, all in all, less controversial something not hard to achieve considering how wed started and catered to a variety of kinks, including bondage, dildo usage and gay sex. In places it was even arty enough to be considered cultural rather than simply perverse. An effort that was possibly wasted on me.

All of this meant that, despite a rocky start, I soon felt a hand on my knee. This was, of course, a welcome development but I couldnt help but check that it was 1) who I thought it was and 2) an invitation and not a cry for help. And yes, on inspection, I found that James expression had changed from one of terror and trepidation to something like the look an extremely hungover person might give a Maccy Ds.*

And, actually, it wasnt just him. It was clear to see that, for others too, the hormones had started to flow and the blood to pump. This, of course, could have been something to do with the wine that had flowed and the beer that had been pumped. Public porn watching, it could be concluded, is all about achieving the right level of lubrication who would have thought it. Either way, people were horny as fuck. Myself included. Although I still kept a wary eye on the bloke on his own in case of any rapid and repetitive arm movements.

Now, if my experiences at weird events have taught me anything, it is to always expect the unexpected. But what came next shocked even me. And I had just been forced to watch cartoon kiddy porn for Gods sake.

Someone only went and fucking proposed!

I kid you not- down on one (probably quite sticky) knee, amongst a sea of twitchy hands and awkward public boners. Im not sure who was more surprised: the gaggle of horny audience members or the blushing bride-to-be. But if she was hesitant about getting betrothed in front of a 20 foot vagina, or in any way wondering how she would relay this story to her grandchildren, she didnt show it as she gleefully accepted. It just goes to show, sometimes the thing more shocking than a guy in a gimp mask having his testicles trodden on, is true love.

Overall, despite the multiple opportunities for awkwardness, embarrassment, and general fucking weirdness, the evening was a success. So much so that the audience, having revealed their true perverted nature, requested the porn reel to be stuck back on while we finished our drinks. Although we were informed, we were going to skip the weird, pervy and paedophilic cartoon from the beginning. It turns out even porn peddlers have their line. And so, our date came to a close to the soundtrack of gentle moans and a now rather drunken Madames proclamations of Its alright for you lot, Ive got to stay and clean up. Youre all going home to fuck each others brains out!

Did we? A lady doesnt kiss and tell.

She does, however, watch porn and write about it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161538409377

[allofbeercom]

The Time I Took My Date To A Porn Cinema

With my reputation as a pervert in mind, you would think anyone I asked on a date to the cinema would know to expect more than a trip to the local Odeon and a family sized bucket of popcorn.

James, however, apparently hadnt anticipated that my plans for our evening together would revolve around large-scale cinematic penetration, projected to a room of willing strangers.

More fool him.

Now, when I tell people this story I think most of them envisage a dark, sweaty room full of frantically wanking men on wipeable seats a place where sticky floors are nothing to do with an extra large spilled Coke.

But I am (for the most part) fairly careful to tread the fine line between entertainment-with-a-twist and all-out sexual debauchery. So, what exactly is half-way between a visit to a semen-covered sex den and a trip to see the latest Pixar?

La Freak Smut Cinema is a pop-up event that moves around predominantly East London, normally finding itself a home in classy-but-quirky cocktail bars with suitably dim lighting. The event is run by two madams – in their own words: shes the scholar and Im the slut – and is a naughty and fun alternative for people who are simultaneously too horny and too broke for Secret Cinema.

Upon arrival, its clear that despite the potential for manic masturbators, it is frequented mostly by trendy, middle-class couples who are probably looking for a sexy alternative to having a threesome with the babysitter. And yes, ok, Ill admit it- there was one shifty looking bloke on his own, but his penis, at this stage at least, was nowhere to be seen. Anyway, when you are sat in a room watching porn with strangers, who can really judge who as being a pervert?!

Now, confession time (as if this entire blog wasnt confession enough)- I had actually been to this particular cinema before, as a last ditch attempt to re-ignite the dying embers of a past relationship. It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only. But being a rather enjoyable and slightly saucy experience, I didnt see the harm in coming again (no pun intended).

It had worked like a Spice Girls reunion, i.e for one night only.

But there is a problem with attending a porn cinema twice: you look like a bit of a sex pest. Some things, like a love of Celebrity Big Brother or penchant for Pot Noodles, should remain hidden until your prospective suitor is invested enough that they are willing to ignore a vice or two or eight or ten And so, I had neglected to tell my date about my previous public porn experiences.

Any attempts to keep this secret, however, were thwarted on arrival when, as my date suspiciously took in his surroundings, I was greeted by a swift paddle to the arse and an exclamation of Darling, so good to see you again!.

So much for patron confidentiality.

Cat out of the bag we headed to the bar, where I smiled sheepishly, shrugged and ordered a large and very alcoholic drink.

With two, probably quite shocking, revelations made in the space of about five minutes I was impressed that James was still standing. But with giant cocks about to be thrust in his face (not literally, of course) I was worried that a sensitive disposition may suddenly reveal itself and thought it best to change that, so we took our seats and settled in.

Of course, events such as this should, by their nature, attract people of a more free and easy persuasion. But no matter how liberal people consider themselves to be, once confronted by a room in which the loudest thing that can be heard is the unmistakable suction noise of a penis repeatedly entering a vagina, its very easy for them to revert to the typically British stance on publicly viewed sex that is, that it should only occur when watching an episode of Game of Thrones.

To be fair, the challenge of acclimatization wasnt exactly helped by the fact that the first film which, to avoid being implicated in operation YewTree, I should point out was a CARTOON focused on a little girl masturbating. We looked on quietly horrified, but again too British and too polite to protest, while she rolled around amongst the flower buds with a finger on her, uh, flower bud. After what seemed like a fucking eternity these enveloped her in a climatic ecstasy before she re-emerged, a fully fledged and, thankfully legal, woman.

It was, I guess, meant to symbolize sexual awakenings and burgeoning femininity. A theory that I was now desperately trying to convey to my probably-terrified date. I attempted this through what can only be described as a series of gymnastic eyebrow movements. This and the other, equally, if not more, important message of by the way I am not a pedophile. Luckily, while obviously perturbed, his capacity for the downright-fucking-weird/borderline-illegal seemed strong, something that would stand him in good stead if we were to continue dating.

The rest of the porn was, all in all, less controversial something not hard to achieve considering how wed started and catered to a variety of kinks, including bondage, dildo usage and gay sex. In places it was even arty enough to be considered cultural rather than simply perverse. An effort that was possibly wasted on me.

All of this meant that, despite a rocky start, I soon felt a hand on my knee. This was, of course, a welcome development but I couldnt help but check that it was 1) who I thought it was and 2) an invitation and not a cry for help. And yes, on inspection, I found that James expression had changed from one of terror and trepidation to something like the look an extremely hungover person might give a Maccy Ds.*

And, actually, it wasnt just him. It was clear to see that, for others too, the hormones had started to flow and the blood to pump. This, of course, could have been something to do with the wine that had flowed and the beer that had been pumped. Public porn watching, it could be concluded, is all about achieving the right level of lubrication who would have thought it. Either way, people were horny as fuck. Myself included. Although I still kept a wary eye on the bloke on his own in case of any rapid and repetitive arm movements.

Now, if my experiences at weird events have taught me anything, it is to always expect the unexpected. But what came next shocked even me. And I had just been forced to watch cartoon kiddy porn for Gods sake.

Someone only went and fucking proposed!

I kid you not- down on one (probably quite sticky) knee, amongst a sea of twitchy hands and awkward public boners. Im not sure who was more surprised: the gaggle of horny audience members or the blushing bride-to-be. But if she was hesitant about getting betrothed in front of a 20 foot vagina, or in any way wondering how she would relay this story to her grandchildren, she didnt show it as she gleefully accepted. It just goes to show, sometimes the thing more shocking than a guy in a gimp mask having his testicles trodden on, is true love.

Overall, despite the multiple opportunities for awkwardness, embarrassment, and general fucking weirdness, the evening was a success. So much so that the audience, having revealed their true perverted nature, requested the porn reel to be stuck back on while we finished our drinks. Although we were informed, we were going to skip the weird, pervy and paedophilic cartoon from the beginning. It turns out even porn peddlers have their line. And so, our date came to a close to the soundtrack of gentle moans and a now rather drunken Madames proclamations of Its alright for you lot, Ive got to stay and clean up. Youre all going home to fuck each others brains out!

Did we? A lady doesnt kiss and tell.

She does, however, watch porn and write about it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/07/the-time-i-took-my-date-to-a-porn-cinema/

[irregodless]

so i just finished virtues last reward and im kinda angry because now life is strange kinda makes sense

DISCLAIMER: so its been like.... what.... two or three years since i even watched someone play it? im going off of what i remember which means POSSIBLY i didnt remember an explanation or didnt pay proper attention to it, so be warned

DISCLAIMERx2 COMBO!!!: this is probably some old ass news but even in the height of its popularity i kinda came into the story late and even then i wasnt crazy about it. it was good. i really enjoyed it. but it was easier for me to kind of passively mock it for having bullshitty trumped up time logic. the reason for this AND FOR MY FIRST DISCLAIMER MOSTLY is because the game doesnt really explain it to you or why anythings happening. which is fair i guess. max isnt really a time travel geek or a scientist and short of having mr “time guardian” come out and exposition dump there wasnt much to do. maybe if warren was our protag he wouldve figured it out but i cant really blame max for NOT. especially since it was reality for her. to us we can examine it objectively and understand the rules governing it as we observe the limitations. i mean for all she knew she couldve gone back in time three times and it be over and she could never do it again ever

for my explanation ill be referencing 999 and its sequel zero escape virtue’s last reward as well as homestuck (because for all intents and purposes it makes intelligent use of time travel and with colloquialisms that make it sort of easier to digest than just abstract names.) naturally some spoilers may apply to all three as well as life is strange (obviously)

if you boil the story of life is strange to its most core element, itll start to make sense. life is strange in its simplest form is this: “max caulfield solves a murder/kidnapping mystery.” everything else that happens is just kind of extra or a direct component to that outcome.

i would often complain about how max could get mr jefferson arrested and save kate with her time travelly powers but not chloe when she couldnt have done anything about those things without her power either. i was under the assumption that her abilities were an anomaly and the universe was trying to fix itself by voiding out her effects on the timeline (ie saving chloe). but in retrospect thats kind of really dumb!! why make a story where the protagonist can travel through time but then have the story ultimately be about the universe trying to make it so that everything was the same as before??? it’s silly!! so heres the thing: it was not about that. it was about max getting the information she needed to ultimately solve the mystery (and save kate i guess. im not sure how contingent her survival was to the timeline being “alpha” but if you want to say God or the Sentient Timespace Universe [”Skaia”] were in control of the outcomes and thus dictating maxs actions mayb u could say They wanted to reward kate for being such a devout follower??? maybe her life or death was ultimately inconsequential to the outcome and it couldve gone on with or without her and max was just a good person and saved her. its hard to tell.)

in homestuck there are doomed timelines. timelines wherein something goes wrong that was NOT preordained by skaia (the self-aware universe, essentially, trying to maintain homeostasis in itself) or that directly cause a paradox. one example is davesprite. an action that causes a doomed timeline is john getting himself killed (with a little help from terezi) which leads to a strand where rose and dave are stranded in their game for months. dave then goes back along the timeline to the point that determined whether or not it became doomed. although incidentally, it was the act of him going back in time to stop john from killing himself that splintered the timeline between doomed and alpha (the right one)

thus the doomed timeline was necessary for the alpha timeline to be sustained. and thereafter it ceased to be. in other doomed timelines it either disappears entirely as with davesprites timeline, or everyone just DIES like in the one where vriska and gamzee collectively get everyone killed. it’s the price u pay for not playing the part the universe wrote for u

so in order for max to go along her story to figure out mr jefferson was.... who he was, she had to slip through doomed timelines. timelines that ultimately purged themselves if they went on too long by the means of the big storm. something similar happens in 999 where a certain character gets sick if the story goes in a direction that would lead to a paradox and cause them to not have existed. and if the timeline becomes too far gone, they vanish entirely. this is basically the role of the storm. its not to eradicate the stuff max had done with her powers because she “shouldnt have had them” but because that timeline shouldnt have BEEN to begin with! max was SUPPOSED to have her powers. whether it was all morphogenetic fieldy sciencey reasoning or if “skaia” gave them to her to solve this case, who knows, but its not really all that important.

i could probably explain some of this more easily by using the name of paradoxes, but i forgot most of the official names for them and my computers being kinda silly so i dont feel like taking the time to look them up srry

anyway

max alters the timeline by stopping chloe from dying. they then go on this great big adventure where chole is the ONLY person who could have possibly helped max unravel the mysteries. which i think is fair to say she was the ONLY person to be capable of it bc of her stepdad and her rebellious attitude!

so the two go on adventures and discover what i figured out within the first five minutes of story: MR JEFFERSONS A HORRIBLE PERSON

and chloe dies a bunch along the way because while shes needed to solve the mystery, shes STILL doomed. its like in final destination. you can run from death and avoid a few attempts on your life for a WHILE, but youre still slated for death and gonna die eventually. im not sure it was the universe trying to clear her out like an antibody so much as it was... she was just more susceptible to danger. it also could have been to make maxs powers stronger. the 999 series puts an emphasis on the psychic-y powers being strengthened and honed through LIFE THREATENING SCENARIOS

now in both 999 and vlr (i havent referenced the latter nearly as much as i thought i would!) the events of the games essentially unfold because certain characters figure out that... well... thats what happens!!! so they recreate the event so that it DOES happen so that they CAN have these abilities. they hone their abilities to see and interact through time so that they can avoid MAJOR DISASTERS and fix them, all the way establishing the very parameters that allow them to do so in the first place!

so small summary:

max gets the power to swap out her consciousness from a certain place on the timeline. she does so to save chloe (as a good person and for sentimental purposes) chloe proves to be the key to discovering the mystery behind the shady shit going down at the school she was still ultimately supposed to die though so she dies a bunch along the way because thats just what she does best by working alone doomed timelines where chloe is the only one who can help unearth the mysteries (and to be fair she deserved to be there too since it DID involve her ex-girlfriend) max finally discovers mr jefferson is basically straight up evil and can go back and use the information from her travels to bring him to justice chloes still supposed 2 die tho so shes either wiped out with the timeline by means of the storm that fucks up everyone elses life or she dies unceremoniously in the bathroom because one way or another: SHE WILL DIE max then uses the information to expose jefferson. its kinda weird but i guess paradoxically makes sense that the alpha timeline dictated that for life to progress properly, max had to just MAGICALLY know it was him. (maybe it meant to import me into the game so i couldve called him out as soon as i saw him. or maybe it was only one option. like kate living or not. max can expose him and save the day OR it can go on and be terrible. but that one doesnt have any justice in it so.....) kate lives and thats important? maybe?

basically it was not about trying to undo maxs “rulebreaking” powers

but it was about ENABLING them to do the job the universe/”skaia” (not that life is strange even.... HAS a skaia, but its easy for terminology) had planned for her. which was to fuck over jefferson HARD

the only problem is that to my memory the game never explains this is whats happening. and so when chloe dies youre like “wow nothing mattered.” but the game was never about saving chloe. it was always only ever about solving a kidnapping/murder mystery

it was ALWAYS about that

chloe was never going to stay alive. ever. the final choice was whether or not to return to the alpha timeline or not stay with her as an act of love and get wiped out along with the timeline

but the game doesnt explain this. or how the time travel powers came about or how they work or what they are AT ALL (from what i remember) so it all just seems convoluted and bullshitty

but in reality there IS something driving it. it only took me playing two other games to actually understand what that was.

which is why im not sure i can actually give the writers credit for it because i dont even know if THEY knew what was up or if they just made it up and it was just convenience i was able to apply meaning to it

the fact they (again as i remember) didnt address it in the game makes it really suspect though! and it makes it hard to support them as having done something intelligent. especially when it ended up with tons of players feeling cheated because it fell in line with popular “the illuion of choice telltale style” game lines. so when the final moment came it confused them because nothing informed them that it was ALWAYS a quest of futility and despite maxs emotions or feelings about it, it was never about saving chloe. she was only a tool to achieve the goal of outting jefferson

which i cant say i totally approve of from a general point of view! especially in light of “bury your gays.” but from a time travel-esque mechanic point of view.... yeah it makes sense....

but it doesnt really leave a good feeling. because max and by proxy the player were always under the misunderstanding they could save chloe when in reality they never could.

and the entire game was just. a quest of futility. (in that regard)

but we didnt know. to make it proper, the game shouldve let us into the secret. even if max didnt know and felt cheated at the end, the audience wouldnt feel the same. itd be dramatic irony. wed feel bad but wed know why it had to happen.

anyway, as the Old Woman says in virtues last reward:

“Death was always inevitable.“