#anyway this method reminds me of when I was a kid and I'd set my clock 40 minutes ahead

[rosehathaways-sidepiece]

you ever try to trick yourself into writing more, like I'm setting my daily goal to 300 in scrivener and then I keep resetting it every time I hit the word count goal to convince my brain it's not that much. bizarrely, it is working

[lilliesforya]

Being tired all the time

Mid to late October

Yesterday, I went to my middle school in the afternoon because of a schedule change, usually I'm there all day. The teacher that I work with told me about the conferences going on for the third years. The school system here is different from the states in that kids work really hard to get into good high schools as opposed to us working hard in high school to get into good colleges. The kids have to meet with the teachers and their parents and talk about what school they want to go to, and the exams they will have to take. The third years are US ninth graders. Their high school is only 3 years. I felt unqualified to choose my university at 18, so I can't imagine having to choose a high school at 14/15 especially because the high school chosen will affect the colleges one can get into. The teacher has to go to all of these meetings back to back and they happen like once a month ish from now until they apply (I'm not sure of the whole timeline). He was like “this is why teachers are always dead during the fall”. And I'd agree. I have never seen that teacher not extremely busy. 

I try to remind myself that this is supposed to be fun. Despite being here to work, my work isnt particularly difficult and I ought to be having fun. More fun? I'm not sure. Considering I have set hours of about 8-4 during the week, it is difficult for me to do much. Though, today is Monday and I am going grocery shopping after work and I'm excited to pick out desserts. Last time I got these waffle pastry cookie things? They're waffles but encrusted in sugar but they're not overly sweet. I love them. I'll also be getting tricolor dango. Anyway, I want to do more stuff over the weekend. But I'm so tired on the weekends that I often don't do that much. It can be difficult to plan things because some information is not accessible to me (websites will be not updated, hard to understand, all in Japanese, etc). Or the events hosted by the Chiba AJET (chiba prefecture jet association) group are so far from me it becomes an all day event and then some. 

Even trying to convince myself to do solo traveling is difficult because I don't think that's my preferred method of traveling. Despite being in a beautiful, new place I am the same person and I have to relax my expectations of how I should be spending my time. Just yesterday, I went to a cafe in the middle of nowhere with a lady from the English circle club in my town. She is very sweet and has lived in California on and off for years, so she speaks great English. The cafe was someone's house but also not? It had a homey feeling, eccentric decorations, and the people there all knew each other. There were also 2 cats that were so cute and friendly. I hadn't seen animals in a while so this was big for me. I got curry rice for 600 yen and it had so many vegetables and beans in it and my friend told me everything was fresh from their farm or garden. I think the cafe was open late for a small event because of the full moon yesterday. My point is that I didn't know I would be going to this place until the morning of when she invited me. I hate doing things spontaneously because it makes my brain anxious and nonfunctional. I agreed despite not wanting to go in the moment because I knew it would be a fun experience regardless. I wonder if pushing myself to do things alone would have the same effect. In the same vein, I could also just let myself enjoy my solitary hobbies in peace. 

Things I've been enjoying:

Waffle cookies 

Genshin Impacts most recent story quests 

Talking to friends and loved ones back home 

Listening to music in my car 

Trying new sweets from the conbini or supermarket 

Making my students laugh/ giggle/ smile 

When the kids say hello or good morning to me at school or wave to me when they see me in the teachers office 

Trigun anime 

The sunsets lately 

The days where I make moms chicken nuggets for dinner 

I bought a winter coat for like only 30 usd and it resembles a coat one of my favorite anime characters wears

[erving-goffman]

titane thoughts

- i'm not a carfucker so like the synopsis & concept of the film itself wasn't that compelling to me on paper BUT i'm trying to actually watch the stuff people recommend to me more often & i really liked Raw so i thought i'd give it a chance. and i ended up liking it way more than i thought so :)

- anyways the dance sequence set to doing it to death - the kills at the beginning is what sold me on it. the dizzying close-up shots with the zoom-out on the crowd at the end, alexia's gold two-piece set with the neon fishnets, the women dancing while men are watching both them and the car with the same gaze...... gorgeous.

- that's the only needledrop i recognized but the rest of the soundtrack suited the moments well. also the sound editing itself was so well-done? like that moment when alexia stabs the guy in the ear and the sound dulls out while we watch him die.

- that said, the stabbing in the ear reminded me of aomame's killing method in 1Q84 lol

- the serial killing made sense to me! we get to alexia at the tail end of her career, when she's grown more accustomed to killing & is getting reckless w it. she probably started when some dude gave her grief & she had to get rid of him for her safety, then kept going when that worked (the TV said 4 men had died). she doesn't have a high regard for other people's lives, and i think when she gets comfortable killing for her safety she gets comfortable killing for stress relief (like when she killed her date after she couldn't abort her baby - the rest of the housemates were collateral damage).

- i don't think the titanium plate had anything to do with the serial killing actually. from when she's a child alexia's shown to be impulsive, and it probably grew into inconsiderateness as she grew older & her parents didn't care for her like she needed. like i think it made her fertile for car sperm but the serial killing is separate from that.

- the pregnancy horror was really interesting to me. i think it contrasts with say Lyle or Rosemary's Baby because in those films, the babies are wanted, and the pregnancy turning sinister wrecks plans for the future. alexia does NOT want this baby, but the pregnancy turning sinister is what makes her accept them. i will be thinking about this more.

- i don't think i "got" this film in the end bc i didn't really care emotionally about her connection to the dad. i wanted to know more about the serial killing and the pregnancy horror. the version of the film i would've found more cathartic would've had alexia & the dad fight it out at the end i think. but i do like intellectually how this ending wraps up the themes.

- the scene where alexia dances on top of the firetruck is so clever & gorgeous. like in the beginning she's surrounded by cars and men, but she's not trying to look sexy, she's dancing for herself and no one else, and the men are Seeing him apart from the truck and even if they think he's goofy he doesn't have to worry about it.

- maybe my ears don't work right but i swear at the end of the movie the dad calls his kid "alicia" not "alexia". if i'm right that's kinda neat: even though he's supposed to know his true identity then, he still gets it wrong, but it still doesn't matter.

ok that's the important stuff 😌

[misomilk]

MISO SENPAI. MISO SENPAI. MIIIIISOOOOO SENPAI!!!!! ( ˘ ³˘)❤ THIS IS NOT WHO YOU THINK IT IS. OKAY, THAT'S A FUCKING LIE. IT'S WHO YOU THINK IT IS. I SAW THAT CHRISTMAS OTP PROMPT THINGY, AND LIKE - I'D LOVE TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH OISUGA. 👀 PLEASE, AND SANK YOU.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Gosh, senpai, who are you calling senpai?! Clearly, I am the kouhai between the two of us. 😘 I am SHO SHO SHO SHO SHOOOO HAPPY that you have come to my ask again. ;AAAAA; It has been so long. I know I’ve been gone from tumblr for more than a few months, been back for like two, but only now do I truly feel like I’m back in tumblr. Now that you have returned to my inbox. 😍 You know how it is. I am only truly home with you. (/o\)

ANYWAY (/o\) IM SUPER HAPPY YOU SENT THESE TWO. ;AAAAA; I’ve missed them dearly!!!! Let’s see what I can come up with, hmm?

Christmas OTP Questions: oisuga

Who wakes the other up excitedly on Christmas morning? Which one begs for five more minutes of sleep? I imagine they’re both the types to sleep in, cuddling each other because of how cold it is. (That year, Oikawa’s heater is broken again? But the following year, Suga should have successfully convinced Oikawa to move in with him. (/o\)) They both sleep in, but when Oikawa opens his eyes and realizes it’s Christmas, he’d immediately perk up and start pestering Suga. “Kou-chan, Kou-chan, it’s Christmas. KOU-CHAN WAKE UP IT’S CHRISTMAS.” Suga would smack him in the face and demand more sleep. LOLOne Christmas, Oikawa wakes up to the smell of something sweet in the air. Turns out Suga-chan surprised him and baked their Christmas cake that year!!! Super cute and sweet. 😍

Which one hangs the mistletoe? Oikawa. Rather than hanging it around his place, because he knows Suga would avoid stepping through them on purpose, he keeps one in his pocket and lifts it up over him and his boyfriend so he can kiss him. XD One time, Suga hangs a mistle toe over Oikawa’s bedroom, which he takes weeks to notice??? Oikawa is a silly fool. Suga makes fun of him, then makes out with him under the mistletoe, and then guides his boyfriend to bed. (/o\)

Which one cooks? Do they cook together? Do they go out to eat? The first Christmas they spent together, to add to the chicken + cake combo that they get from the store, Suga made some nabe, and doesn’t realize immediately that it’s one of the first meals Oikawa doesn’t yap on about having nabe with “Iwa-chan” years before. HAPPY VIBES. \0/When they start working, it’s Oikawa that treats Suga to some fancy chocolate Christmas cake that he had to be in line for a little over an hour to get. (He took time off work just for that!!!) It’s the year Suga realizes how big a space he occupies in Oikawa’s heart, and just falls deeper. (/o\)

Which one can’t sleep the night before? It’s not that they can’t sleep, but they stay out as late as they can on the 24th, walking through various illuminations set up across the city. Tokyo is really grand about illuminations, 20x 30x more so than Sendai. It’s amazing how the city just– shines. They once stayed for an hour staring at the moving illuminations at Roppongi, sipping on their limited edition Christmas-themed coffee.

Which one dresses like they’re straight out of a Christmas movie? I’d say none of them. They’re not too hyped up about the holiday for that. XD

Which one sings Christmas carols loudly and off-key at random times? SUGA. Which surprises Oikawa because he normally has such a lovely singing voice, but for Christmas carols he’s just– He can’t sing them. He just cannot. Oikawa makes fun of him and, of course, gets punched on the arm by Suga for it. No dinner for him that night? But ofc he doesn’t learn his lesson and keeps teasing Suga anyway. XD

Which one tears open their packages? Which one slowly, methodically unwraps every single one? Suga methodically unwraps his presents, up to a certain point. Like, when he gets through 75% he just goes ‘OH WHATEVER’ and tears it apart. Oikawa tears his presents from the start.

Who opens their biggest gift first? Who opens their smallest gift first? Suga opens his presents according to how important to him the giver is. He starts from general gifts he gets from classmates and such. Then his ex-clubmates’. Daichi’s. Saves Oikawa’s for last.Oikawa starts from the biggest gift, and kind of gets too distracted about the amazingness of such big gifts that Suga has to remind him there are other presents to open.“Hey, Tooru, remember there’re more here.”“Yes, but LOOK at this sweater, Kou-chan. You think it fits me?”“-roll eye- You look great. Now, here. I think this one’s from your mom?”“KOU-CHAN, I wore it. Tell me I’m handsome.”“(blankly) Wow, you’re handsome now open this one.”“Let me get my camera.”“TOORU.”Which is why Suga doesn’t bring out his gift until everything else has been opened, else Oikawa may just forget about it. XD

Which one makes the sappy Christmas speech? Rather than a speech, it’s just a moment they look at each other, no words needed. One emotional “Merry Christmas.”

Which one’s family do they spend Christmas Day with? Does the whole family get together, or is it just your OTP, and any kids they have? They rarely ever go back to Sendai on Christmas, since spending it just the two of them is enough. When they do, they spend the Eve at Suga’s and Christmas day at Oikawa’s. Suga gets so flustered when Oikawa’s mom keeps commenting that he’s so pretty. But when Oikawa’s all “Ikr, mom? I’ve got such a good eye.” Oikawa gets kicked in the shin when no one’s looking.Also, they each totally make sure they do it in each other’s beds. Burning away the bed’s memories of past lovers, maybe? :P (YAY ANGST but not so angst)

Which one buys a gift for their pet? They have a pet fish once, which Oikawa gets so attached to, and regularly feeds. When it dies, he was inconsolable.

Who dreams of a white Christmas? Suga. He’s used to it snowing in Sendai, and gets disappointed it didn’t snow the first year he was in Tokyo. He hopes and hopes and hopes to spend Christmas in the snow with Oikawa, but it just hasn’t happened yet.

Which one munches on candy until lunch time? I’d say both of them. Oikawa starts, and Suga has to tell him to stop eating because he’ll lose his appetite. In the end, he joins in and they have a fun time eating sweets.

Which one goes to bed first that day? Which one stays up, being nostalgic? Suga sleeps first, tried from all the activities of the day, and Oikawa watches him sleep, thinking about how lucky he’d been to find someone who sticks with him no matter how annoying he gets.

Which one is ready to start de-decorating on the 26th? Which one wants to keep stuff up until after January? Well, it’s typical in Japan to take down Christmas decors by the 26th to start preparing for the new year, which is the grander holiday for them. They don’t have much decor up in the first place, but it’s Oikawa that complains and says, “Let’s just take them down next year” bec he’s too lazy. XD Poor Suga will have to trick him into helping him take down and keep their decors.

Thank you thank you thank you for sending these two !!!!!!!!! It was soooo sos o much fun thinking of these. ;AAAAA; Thank you. I LOVE U SO MUUUCH