#anyway this last month was fun can't wait for what will happen in march!

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[redleavesinthewind]

elliot's 2023 fic wrap up

2022 version

alright friends it is once again time for me to review the (many) fics i read in the previous year and try to write a more or less concise rec list of my absolute faves (i wish i didn't have to chose but heh i'm not gonna subject anyone to 332 fics in 1 post - also wait only 332 fics? that's like. over 100 less than last year, what the fuck. anyway)

okay now first the part that interests no one but me (yes you may skip this) and that's the numbers part! i'm not making a whole elaborate spreadsheet to then not throw around cool numbers. anyway.

i've read around 4,932k words in 332 fics across 18 fandoms. that is much less than last year, and yeah, i've been generally less productive in 2023 but we don't have to talk about it. at least i have more variety of fandoms this time (let's ignore that it's only 2 more and also that from fandom 13 on there's only 1 fic per fandom)

i started out the year strong with 847k words across 72 fic in february (followed by 753k across 42 fics in january, and 621k words across 63 fics in march). it goes downhill for the rest of the year. eh it wasn't my year so what! 2024 is gonna be more filled with fic reading again!!!

my top 3 fandoms are so entirely unsurprising to me i am almost disappointed in myself. when did i become so predictable. top fandom is young royals with 166 fics! congratulations young royals, you are a very persistent hyperfixation, you didn't peter out after 2 months like i expected. Spot number 2 is taken by avatar the last airbender with 41 fics! giant leap there, but it's also funny because i fell into an atla rabbit hole late 2023 (as i do every few years) and it still got up to 41 fics despite uni not allowing me to read last semester (uni is evil). Same as last year, spn takes third place with 38 fics. speaking of persistent hyperfixations.......... *big sigh*

and that is it the boring part is over let's go to the fun section LET'S REC SOME FIIIIIICCCCSSSSSSS (under the cut)

JANUARY

bet you you'll ... (noraverse) (series) by @gh0sthugs | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 52k words

a kid fic!! and such a sweet one too! i'm kinda weak for kid fics ngl, and nora is so sweet and wonderful, and the relationship that slowly forms between wille and simon is beautiful and comfortable. this whole series is just such a good time

spreadsheet notes: ah to fall in love with the dilf next door who also happens to be the ex crown prince of the country

A Royal Intervention by AnxiousAnaconda | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 18k words

erik is being such a dumbass in this one. like, he means well, but he's kinda messing up and pissing people off (understandably). it's nice to get a view on erik that's not portraying him as this perfect guy though, and the fic is actually so much fun to read. and hey, the prime minister of luxembourg gets mentioned, which i was kinda waiting for in yr fic ngl

spreadsheet notes: big sigh... erik you fucking idiot. stop listening to august. also shoutout to xavier bettel apparently (edit: this aged poorly, fuck xavier bettel)

and each slow dusk by @if-fortunate | young royals, wilmon | mature | 49k words

okay. ooookay how do i even begin with this one. ohhh boy. okay. so. world war three. wille gets stuck in bjärstad with simon, many many things happen, it's about finding hope in a horrible situation and trying to live life despite everything falling apart around you. it's incredibly well written and something about it just has me in awe

spreadsheet notes: i don't know what it says about me that this is without a shadow of a doubt the best fic i have ever read in my life

Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 50k words

i once again don't know what to say, this one is sooo good. simon is suffering and both wille and i hate it, but... but wille is there for him and ugh, they just... they just can't be apart. a story of reconciliation and healing from both physical and invisible wounds, and of making the right decisions for yourself

spreadsheet notes: ugh. UGH. my guys. MY GUYS. yeah let's go blackmail the queen

Department Six by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf | gen | 4k words

a fun short one about stiles and danny working for the fbi and being delightfully weird and mysterious

spreadsheet notes: HILARIOUS i'm in love with outsider pov always

FEBRUARY

There Are No Wolves in California by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf, sterek | gen | 5k words

you know, sometimes you see a fic you know is going to hurt you, and you've never clicked on anything faster. this is definitely one of those fics

spreadsheet notes: let's be wolves today yeah well derek what if i just break down and cry instead

you got my body, i got your body by @prince-simon | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 9k words

this one's technically part of a bigger series (which, definitely read that one too), but i'm highlighting this one cause... damn... this made me feel things... like, gender things... which is really weird cause wille's gender in this is very much different from mine BUT STILL

spreadsheet notes: how almost 9k of pwp gave me so many gender feelings i will never understand

Changing Channels: Queer Premiere by @emeraldcas, @fellshish | spn, deancas | gen | 27k words

this might actually be one of the funniest fics i've ever read. dean and cas are so stupid (affectionately) and all the crossovers are delightful (bonus that i knew all the other shows). everyone go read this it's gonna be the best time

spreadsheet notes: mel and fells have genuinely outdone themselves this is the most hilarious shit i've ever read

Catalyst by @stretchoutfics | young royals | teen&up | 3k words

a backstory for boris! this fic is within a series of other side character ficlets, but this one has a soft spot in my heart

spreadsheet notes: AAAAHHHH HE KNEW ABOUT THE RECKLESS DRIVING BUT DIDN'T BRING IT UP but also... him being a gay man trying to help the queer crown prince navigate his sexuality that's kinda nice actually, like boris understands at least a bit

The most beautiful boy by lovelysarcastic | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 88k words

there's something incredibly grounding about this fic. the way it develops, the way wille rationalises his thought processes, the way the relationship between wille and simon develops... this fic just kinda sucked me in and spit me out again feeling... content and calm and... it's just... this fic is so beautiful

spreadsheet notes: dude i love this so much??? they're both so stupid??? i love them???

MARCH

All's Fair in Love and Hunting by @badjoices | spn, deancas | mature | 20k words

they're playing gay chicken but also are being incredibly competitive and stupid about it, and i'm just sorry about the shit sam has to witness. so many shenanigans in this fic

spreadsheet notes: they are both so stupid omg

["mi cotufita" started sharing their screen] by @omar-rudeberg | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 60k

so... this is a follow up to one of my favourite fics and it is a delight. very horny but also very sweet? and also for some reason there's porn. fun times! oh, and this fic made me cry. it really has the range

spreadsheet notes: how are they so horny it's so funnyyyyyy, but also if i were wille i could never look linda in the eyes again

A Light To Guide You In The Dark (Warmed By The Fire's Glow) by 80shairmetal | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 19k words

this is just... people taking care of each other out of the kindness of their hearts. finding comfort in strangers who become family. growing and helping each other. there's such a beauty to this one

spreadsheet notes: this is just..... comfort

did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise? by @tooindecisivetopickaurl | young royals, wilmon | mature | 67k words

fake dating my beloved. they're so in love with each other but they're pretending not to be while pretending... to be? i'm obsessed with them. but they're so respectful with each other and cautious of boundaries and they really are best friends who also happen to be obliviously in love

spreadsheet notes: love a good fake dating au they're so stupid i love them

flash like a setting sun by @playedwright | 911, buddie | explicit | 22k words

because you only realise you're in love with your best friend when you're scared you're losing him. that's the fic. and it's beautiful

spreadsheet notes: oh this is sooooo beautifully written and ugh just <333

Other people's secrets by @sflow-er | young royals, walty & wilmon | mature | 239k words

yooooo hello? so first off this is an outsider pov on wilmon which i am always obsessed with anyways but the focus isn't just on them, this is henry's story. it's a beautiful story about how friendships form and warp and change, how feelings manifest in different ways, how decisions and actions have consequences. it's an incredibly mature take on post-s1, and it's probably my favourite of the year. also ace representation!!!!

spreadsheet notes: ace henry my beloved <33 also love seeing wilmon from an outside perspective! such a good, well thought out fic with lots of healthy comminication <33

APRIL

if i stare too long by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringroveson | explicit | 191k words

i haven't seen st s4 (and probably won't watch it) but that definitely won't stop me from reading harringroveson fic. i mean, who wouldn't look at those three and immediately want to see them together. the way their dynamic is written in this fic is peak, i don't even know what more to say. i also very much trust these authors with billy, and again i wasn't disappointed. there's just something in his head that's intriguing.

spreadsheet notes: this whole fic is such a vibe it makes me feel of hot summer chillin

MAY

Rewrite the Stars (series) by @in-amor-veritas | young royals, wilmon | mature | 137k words

definitely one of the highlights of the year, simon's whole life in new york... those scenes, they just show such a wonderful life simon has built for himself, and his relationship with wille doesn't change it, but he manages to fit in (after, you know, fun rom-com drama shenanigans). also. this is a kid fic. kid fics are my weak spot. rasmus is my new favourite little guy. also shoutout to luis best side character ever

spreadsheet notes: YELLING i love this fic sooo much it is everything

Where The Wind Will Carry Me by @1-life-to-give | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 49k words

AND THEY WERE ACTORS PLAYING LOVE INTERESTS. do i have to say more? the tension guys the TENSION. also erik's side-plot i'm in love

spreadsheet notes: hopping up and down like a hyperactive chihuahua EN I LOVE THIS

Your love is my turning page (the t4t wilmon as girldads au) (series) by @willesworld | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 17k words

i know i know another kid fic BUT!!!! t4t wilmon. makes it automatically superior. i'm not even kidding, add trans characters and i will like your fic (that i probably already like a lot) aroun 300000000 times more. but also this series comes for your feelings. it hits

spreadsheet notes: i am weak for t4t wilmon AND them having a biological child there's something so beautiful about it like that could be meeee ; siiimon i need to hug him and i need to hug wille they're gonna get out of this i prommy ; recovery and one step forwards a hundred steps back, but they made it there in the end ; they were so happy :((((

JUNE

A trace of dew by nuncflore | elden ring, this is too complicated | gen | 13k words

very elden ring-esque writing style, wonderful representation of whatever the hell is going on in the lore. hehehehehhe fucked up family ehhehehehe DIVORCE. my friends are so talented :))

spreadsheet notes: CAP I AM EATING YOU

Hanging from the Ceiling by @spicymiilk | spiderverse | teen&up | 6k words

for like. a week after i saw the new spiderverse movie i made miles 42 my entire life. that also meant reading this fic. and damn did this fic hit. i am still thinking about it

spreadsheet notes: i need more miles 42 content he is my favourite guy ever

The Darkest Little Paradise by @yourdemiurge | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 79k words

*holding you at gunpoint* read this fic. read it now, in this moment. you are not gonna regret it. believe me when i say you NEED this fic, you really do. doesn't even matter if you've seen yr or not. you're gonna thank me later

spreadsheet notes: THIS IS INSANE I CAN'T BREATHE MADY WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

JULY

Protected (series) by bastuba | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 69k words

hey do you ever read a fic and you just feel. so incredibly grounded because something about the characters feels grounded? like, they aren't grounded, but they still give off that vibe? idk how to explain this properly but that's this fic. also wille and simon cook together (i haven't read all parts of the series yet btw)

spreadsheet notes: incredibly grounded very mature how is wille like this ; i'd be like wille, always complaining about the heat ; they're soooooo. idiots. getting tattoos for each other ; i too would come out on a podcast about food ; SAFE SEX

AUGUST

The Season of Rebirth by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 30k words

part of a series, but i'm picking out this one specifically because it's soooo sweet!!! the title fits the fic so well, like yes it is the season of rebirth, but simon and wille's relationship is also rehashed in a very cool way, this fic is like one giant easter egg, i love it so much!

spreadsheet notes: wille taking the season of rebirth to recreate their early relationship, i am obsessed with him he's such a dumbass romantic

The Upgrade by @groenendaelfic | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 13k words

it's about the moment simon realises who wille is. that's why this fic is here. i mean of course also because it is very good, but mainly because of that moment

spreadsheet notes: the moment simon realised who wille is i am wheezing

Right Where You Left Me by @armandgender | spn, deancas | explicit | 94k words

if you're wondering why this fic is on my 2023 list instead of the 2022 list.... well that's because it took me almost a year to read the last chapter, and in terms of how my spreadsheet works, that makes it a fic i read in 2023. anyway. if you haven't read this fic yet, what are you even still doing here. click on that link right now. you want complex emotional situations? intricacies of ill-advised marriages? you wanna pick through abusive behaviour and encourage infidelity? well you're at the right place! also this has one of my favourite jack characterisations ever. it also made me go on multiple rants

spreadsheet notes: I FINALLY FINISHED IT AAAAHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC THE CABIN THE CATS JACK!!!!!

Alejito y Marimar (series) by th0ughts | red, white, and royal blue | teen&up | 18k words

OBSESSED WITH THIS DYNAMIC YOOOOOO. seriously the friendship between alex and martha is an expansion of the rwrb universe that is much needed, trust me

spreadsheet notes: the friendship i didn't know i needed in my life <333 ; they're just chillin!!!

SEPTEMBER

Change of Address (series) by hearmerory | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 134k words

okay. oooookay. strap in for this one, it is a lot. emotionally. like yes zuko is autistic, yes yes yeeees, i agree, also azula is treated like an actual person with actual mental issues, she deserves to be treated with care and this author definitely does that! this is the kind of series that makes me want to disappear in it, but it's also the kind of story i need breaks from, because it is so heavy (definitely check the tags for this one). zuko's relationship with sokka is written so thoughtfully and iroh is characterised incredibly and the author even included ursa in a way that didn't undermine everything that happened in the series before she appeared again. i can only recommend this one!

spreadsheet notes (there's lots of parts to the series, so this one is long): hhhh if i were ms jamieson i would have snapped after two days probably ; be nice katara!!!!! he's nervous ; i need to murder ozai ; and i need to murder zhao as well ; iroooohhhhh he should have just. taken the kids with him that first time he noticed something off ; yeah i think there was a reason why iroh never took zuko to the movies ; ozai needs to suffer ; i need to destroy ozai. violently and painfully ; iroh is the best uncle ever, zuko deserves all his kindness ; azula...... you don't have to fight for affection, it's not a competition..... they love you ; iroh should have taken her with him the first time around, she was like. 10, he could have just picked her up or sth ; ..... hakoda you idiot ; IROH BACKSTORY IROH BACKSTORY ; sokka and the plan that changed his life <3333 ; they are so soft with each other ; they all deserve all the therapy and support and yes sokka obviously you have adhd get with the program ; URSA??????? also i am living for sokka and azula's dynamic they are everything ; i don't. i don't understand her. i don't fucking understand her how could she not want her own children. how can she talk about them like that. like she knows them she doesn't know them she LEFT

Every night my teeth are falling out by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 9k words

i was in need of some good zuko angst and oooohhh boy was i lucky to find this author. PEAK zuko angst. this fic in particular is very dear to me because it explores how mental illnesses would be handled in a world where there's practically no resources to help. i think we need that more

spreadsheet notes: yes well. how DO you deal with a schizophrenic fire lord in a fantasy world? (you stay with him and support him that is how)

OCTOBER

for years or for hours by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 52k words

listennn i love myself some good polyamory fics, and this is the first fic i read for this ship and now i am OBSESSED with them. but this fic in particular.... the concept alone, like. what do you do when you thought the man you love was dead for 800 years, and then when he comes back you have another man you love. the answer is simple. polyamory. the two men you love also love each other. perfect coincidence.

spreadsheet notes: YO the concepts of witchers in modern times alone is sooo cool but adding in everything else? hello yes?

this is a love story by @achillestiel | supernatural, deancas | mature | 3k words

listen, i've never seen fleabag, but that's not the point. this is intriguing and funny, that's the point

spreadsheet notes: fucked up families and you want to fuck the priest hell yeah

The road not taken looks real good now by @stretchoutfics | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 90k words

it's not even the wilmon part i love about this fic (i very much enjoy it of course don't get me wrong) but wille and his kids. like, i don't want to spoil anything but like. wille's interactions with his kids are so important in this fic, and they're written so well. like, emilia is my favourite character in this, i kinda wish there was more with the kids honestly. this fic is definitely a highlight of the year, and to get back to wilmon, i do love how they're portrayed in this fic, how their dynamic plays out, and specifically how certain decisions do not depend on simon

spreadsheet notes: no but. the care put into this story. i can't--

NOVEMBER

Averno (series) by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 12k words

a fascinating take on a fire lord zuko that was never part of the gaang

spreadsheet notes: HE JUST DESERVES KINDNESS but also he's a little fucked up WELL NO WONDER GIVE HIM KINDNESS ; i mean.... what makes a monster really ; well then let's get him out of his cell shall we (also hiiiii suki hello <3333)

Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by @hmslusitania | 9-1-1, buddie | teen&up | 34k words

another kid fic!!! but in a different fandom this time!!! seriously, giving buck a child fills so many of my life's needs it's ridiculous

spreadsheet notes: THEY'RE A FAMILY (thank you for giving that man a child)

a soldier (who carries a mighty sword) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 92k words

everything about this fic is wonderful!! the world(kaer morhen!!)building, the developing dynamic between geralt, jask, and eskel, ciri and yenn, the conflict, jask as a teacher!!!! aaahhhhh!

spreadsheet notes: they're my new favourite guyssss this whole fic is so cool, what they've done with kaer morhen <3333

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic & VSfic | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | teen&up | 143k words

this fic asks what if sokka had been stuck with zuko since the end of s1 and delivers a delightful answer. this is the adventures of zuko and sokka (and sometimes iroh) travelling through the earth kingdom. shenanigans ensue

spreadsheet notes: i am obsessed with this i'm just. i know it was only shortly but their life in ba sing se. obsessed

DECEMBER

Grudge Match by @catcas22 | elden ring | gen | 17k words

i'm not entirely sure how to explain this. it sure is an elden ring fic

spreadsheet notes: i don't even know what to say. this is ridiculous and brilliant and stupid and genius all at the same time. hell yeah suburban demigods

Lonely Digging by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 3k words

this is hilarious. go read it to unlock intense life-threatening flirting

spreadsheet notes: best way to flirt billy's doing everything right

***

(quick note: i’ve tried to find everyone’s tumblr handle, but i’m aware that not all the authors have tumblr/have it on their ao3, however if i somehow missed someone, i can go back and rectify that!)

if you’ve made it all the way down here i am giving you a kiss <3

[account-name]

Phone Guy Month 2024

4- Night 4

i tried to write a little something :3 (i haven't written a fic since middle school so idk if this is good but i tried my best)

(this still uses he/him for phone guy since she's still an egg here and i don't want spoilers for if i decide to make this into a larger thing )

He knew he wasn't going to make it. He had been expecting this. He took the night shift knowing full well that he was never getting out of this job alive. Hell, as much as he didn't want to admit it, he had honestly been hoping this day would come.

It's not like he had much of a life waiting for him. He lost everything, and he had no one to blame but himself. All those kids, killed because he didn't want to accept that something was going on. Surely it wasn't what it looked like, right? But it was. And he did nothing to stop it.

And then there was Fritz. Oh god, Fritz. His own son was killed and it was all his fault. He thought it would be fun to bring his kid to work with him. Have some nice bonding time. But he got caught up with work and didn't notice his son being lured to the back room. If he had only paid a little bit more attention, Fritz would still be here.

And now, as he watched the last bit of power drain away, he would soon join him. He didn't exactly deserve to survive anyway. Not with the horrible things he let happen.

Even so, although he knew death was coming, and he knew it was what he deserved, that didn't stop the pit in his stomach as he tried not to think about what was about to happen to him. He didn't want to die. Well, he did, but he was scared. It wasn't exactly a pleasant thought, bleeding out slowly in the back room, completely and utterly alone. What would even happen to him? Was it going to be horribly painful? Would there be anything waiting for him after? Did he even want to know the answer to that question, with all the horrible things he did nothing to prevent? All the things he actively aided in covering up? Surely, if his soul were to move onto something after all this, it wouldn't be anywhere good.

No. He can't think about that right now. He desperately tried to push those thoughts aside. He needed to leave a message for the new guard.

He picked up the receiver and cleared his throat.

"Hello, hello? Hey! Hey, wow, day 4. I knew you could do it."

His voice trembled. He didn't want to think about what was coming. He couldn't.

"Uh, hey, listen. I may not be around to send you a message tomorrow. It's- It's been a bad night here, for me."

He heard an animatronic bang against the doors. There wasn't enough power to hold them in much longer. He swallowed.

"Um, I-I'm glad i recorded my messages for you, uh, when i did."

The animatronics continued to pound against the door. There were multiple now, cornering him in his office.

"Uh, hey, do me a favor. Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? I'm going to try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won't be so bad

He was lying to himself. He knew it was going to be bad. But maybe there's a chance it wouldn't be as painful as he was expecting. Maybe it would be quick and painless. He had to find some kind of bright side. That was all he had left he could hope for.

"Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads back there... you know.."

The lights shut off. His power finally ran out. The doors flew open and the animatronics made their way into his office. They were all there, surrounding him on all sides. One of them let out a groan, He couldn't tell which one. He was holding his breath. This was it. He could hear Freddy's music box coming from the doorway. The Toreador March.

The lights in Freddy's eyes flickered on and off to the tune of the music; a feature implemented meant to help children feel safe in the event of a power outage. They could stay entertained and keep close to the animatronics while the adults would work to fix the problem. He never thought anything of it at the time, but it was haunting to see now. The animatronic staring at him lifelessly, his eyes gleaming in the dark.

He felt a plush paw grab him from behind. He turned around to see what looked to be one of the old fredbear suits from the back room. How did it end up in his office? It's head cocked to the side and it let out a horrible low groan.

"Oh no-"

Before he could finish, the five animatronics lunged at him together, as if the attack had been orchestrated. They grabbed at him, yanking him around like a rag doll. He looked up to see Foxy, once his favorite animatronic, slashing his chest and shoulder with his hook. Before he could react to the pain, he felt Chica bite his cord, pulling it violently with her beak. He desperately gasped for air to no avail. Bonnie grabbed his arm and pushed it against the desk, likely breaking it. He couldn't tell at this point. He couldn't breathe. He caught a glimpse of his own blood and resisted the urge to vomit. It was everywhere. There was so much and it was everywhere. Oh god.

He looked up to see the yellow one. Upon second glance, no, it wasn't Fredbear. This was something different. The others loosened their grip on him and there was a moment of silence. Until the yellow bear lunged at him.

And then it all went dark.

That was the last thing he could remember. That, and the pain. The metal crossbeams and wires digging into his skin. His body mangled inside the suit. And he was left there to bleed until his consciousness slipped away.

(i've already posted this drawing but i wanted to stick it here to accompany the fic for funsies )

[nancypullen]

I Did It Again

I ended that last blog post with "until tomorrow", forgetting that I'd have a house full of crazy for the weekend. The Edgewater gang arrived Friday after school and the grandgirl kept me entertained through Saturday. We looked through toy catalogs wondering what Santa might bring (costumes, lots of costumes). We painted and heavily glittered a wooden Christmas tree for her to give to her other grandma in Tennessee. She'll be down there for Thanksgiving so she might as well arrive bearing gifts, right? We played many hours of "Princess School" (Grancy's trick for practicing reading), an equal amount of time with Barbies and, of course, fairies. We read several books and explored places on her globe. Time well spent. It could also explain why I slept like I was in a coma last night. Anywho, fun weekend and now I'm prepping for Matthew to come home for Thanksgiving. He'll arrive Saturday and depart the following Saturday. I can't wait! I always get excited when Matt comes home because when we're together weird things happen. Sometimes it's a kooky encounter with someone, sometimes it's natural phenomena, sometimes it's just something we screw up that becomes hilarious. Whatever it is, I enjoy it. Also, I'm looking forward to roasting the bird and making all of those forbidden, fattening side dishes. None of us need them but we all want them. I finished designing our Xmas cards and ordered those, I was able to stack two coupons and get them for over 50% off. Score! I'm browsing websites, hoping to find the perfect birthday gift for my dear sister. I want it to be special. What do you get the gal that has everything? A purse to put it in? Nah. It has to be more special than that. No one on my Christmas list seems to know what they want to find under the tree. That makes it very hard to give sweet surprise to the people you love. I want to make everybody happy, and make Christmas merry, but I also don't want to waste money buying things that won't be used, worn, or read, ya' know? We're all of an age where we like what we like and it's often hard to choose for another.

Don't even get me started on my mother. She'll be 88 in March, is probably in better shape than I am, stays active mentally and physically, and doesn't need a darn thing. She doesn't want her house cluttered with "stuff", and would probably prefer to choose her own things anyway. You'd think that paying for a service might be a good idea - yard service (she's got one, but still does most of the work herself), maid service (she wouldn't allow it), meal deliveries (she'd tell me she's perfectly capable of making her own meals, and she is)...and I don't think she wants to be a member of any fruit of the month or jam of the month clubs. She's a voracious reader, but chooses her own books. I usually resort to getting her a gift card for books, and then various small things that I think she might enjoy. I always make a big batch of Cranberry Noel cookies for her, and at least I know she likes those. But what small things does she need this year...new slippers? a warm robe? She's not your typical 87/88 year old, so she's not a candidate for any of those "elder helper" gadgets. She's loaded, so she doesn't need monetary gifts. It's looking more and more like she'll be getting a kitten from me. I mean, isn't that the perfect gift? It's what I'd like for every holiday. Just kidding, I'd never give a pet as a gift unless it was specifically requested. Please don't email me. I'm at a loss, so I guess I'll just wing it. Seems like every year I am less on my game for the holidays. I used to have a plan of attack and exhausted myself making everything pretty, sparkly, delicious, and merry. Is this normal? Did I burn out? I still want everything to be perfect, I just don't seem to have the drive. Part of it probably has to do with living in Denton. Nowhere to shop, not much is decorated, no holiday music playing on hidden speakers in mall parking lots, etc. - no cheer! There will be one small Christmas tree lot at the fire station, proceeds go to the volunteer fire department. Ridgley will have a Christmas festival that will be so dark you can hardly se your hand in front of your face. I'm hoping that we can go to Chestertown's Dickens Christmas Festival. I'll have a hard time not comparing it to the one we used to go to in Franklin. Still, it should be fun. I refuse to become a Grinch because of geography. I'm Team Whoville!

In other news, I'm scheduled for my flu shot and Covid booster on Wednesday. Hopefully that'll make me bulletproof. Even better, Centreville (about 20 miles from us) has opened a brand spankin' new YMCA with a POOL! They've got water aerobics, Zumba classes, an indoor walking track and all sorts of stuff. It all sounds very promising. We're going to go over and check it out. Because we're old it's a pretty cheap monthly fee. I'm sure if we join that's when the library will finally call and offer me a job. I may have finally found a way to fill my time and get some exercise. I should probably stress to the library that I'd really like that tasty part-time position. Alright, I won't subject you to any more of my rambling, disjointed thoughts. Just thought I'd check-in. Maybe I'll have something of interest to share tomorrow, but so far my plans are to pull up a bunch of stonecrop and replace it with some of the mums I bought this fall. I can't imagine that will make for an exciting blog post unless I accidentally uncover a next of hornets or something. Let's all hope that doesn't happen. I'm off to have a little dinner and catch up on some true crime viewing. I'll meet you back here tomorrow. Until then, stay safe, stay well, and send some Christmas spirit my way! XOXO, Nancy

[woozi]

the main reason i liked cheers already was because of the lyrics 🥺 so so proud of them i've been waiting for them to release something like this, tbh the chorus where song goes in continuous "cheers cheers cheers cheers cheers" mode, the autotune got to me a little on there hdjdkd maybe if they tuned it down a little bit on that specific part, song would've been a complete 10 for me. it's 8/10 for me hdhdjd. there was this reaction i watched after few days of cheers release it made me appreciate it even more. i do get why this one isn't easy to like, on first listen i was also like 🧍🏾‍♀️ what. by 2nd, 3rd listen i was like yess this is my jam 😭 idk how that happened

speaking of song which are a grower,, im v v happy to inform you, i do like ash now 😋 idk what it was on face the sun medley video i listened to first few seconds and closed it dhdhdjbdjd and even while listening to the album i didn't pay much attention the one/two times i gave it listen. i only now listened to it with my undivided attention while i was listening to the repackage album dhhddjdk. it shocked me sm i was like "did they change something? " i was questioning the song arrangement 😭. anyway she's fire. maybe not my most favorite but definitely up there with shadow and march. something i will enjoy listening to.

yes shadow was the one which they choreographed/practiced in two days or something. i love it sm both song and choreo are banger they're so sexy for this. and noo i only watched ( will be watching hdjdkd ) through live streams, not irl dhjddk.

SAUR TRU you're so real for putting songs from don quixote till 'bout you on equal rank.!

i think after repackage it's circles > if you leave me. i love both equally but on listening regular basis circles is little uplifting in mood 🥺 while iylm makes me sad hdjdkdks it needs a certain vibe ykwim

also it's really fascinating how if you leave me and cheers are in same album. like these two songs came from same three people dhdhdj and same composer i love woozi sm. if you leave me having lyrics written leaderline makes it more emo for me 😭 lol

WHAT? they did don quixote during soundcheck?? i didn't see 🥺 i also don't remember much. i have zero memory of watching them perform don quixote 😭😭😭 maybe my memory is lying dhdjjd which one of ours is playing imposter 👁️

I DO!!!! woosung and woodz songs cater to my taste so much <3 also so happy to know the rose is back, it will be my first cb as their fan ( whenever they decide to do comeback that is, they're resting rn) i stanned them and everything went wrong for them 😭😭😭😭 ( half joking hdjdjs) felt so sad i was like new music when and 😭. the rose is the only band which serves songs according to my taste.

this reminds me i have to let you know bc last time i forgot, i am so obsessed with sunmi's heartburn song. the way she serves everytime. i am not even a fan (might as well be atp) i don't keep up with her releases but they somehow end up making their way to me and im like wow i like this song. same happened with you can't sit with us.

is your summer break still going on? hope you had fun and relaxing time :3 so happy to know you had good sleep during break! ive been having dreams which are breaking my sleep lmao so i just wake up at 3-4 am and just exist 🧍🏾‍♀️ i hope weather and month both are treating you kindly (even if it's summer 💔) it's monsoon here and everyday i am like "i hate monsoon send tweet" 😭 thank YOU for always hanging out with me <333 hope you get to enjoy your birthday to fullest and eat lots of good food 🥺🤍

i love you 🥺🤍, take care yza

you're SOOOOOO valid <3

it's giving old svt mixtapes and diss tracks tbh 😋 also worm omg a LOT of carats have been watching that one, maybe i should watch it now too 👁 aLSO ME TOOO!!!! didn't hate it in the first listen but i wasn't obsessed w her, but look at me now……. i'm a big Cheers enthusiast 😋

HELL YEA??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? all my homies love ash <3 i already was intrigued by it during the medley but hearing the full song with ww's chorus just made my soul leave my body tbh 😭 ALSO UP THERE W SHADOW AND MARCH HELLAUR??????????????? that is an HONOR tbh

love that for u!! the streams are also very fun and u get no covid risk so u also win JFJKJDS

ALSO YES DEF GET U????????????????????? circles really is that girl </3

AND I KNOW FJDSJKDFS the svteenie range truly is so fascinating 👁

found out where we were getting confused they DID sing don q during soundcheck but i cant find one from the con itself so im guessing they DIDNT perform it at the con 😭

woosung and woodz u are SOOOOOOOOOO <3 also did not know sumn happened to the rose 😭 pls u are so funny JKFDSJKDSJKF

IM SO GLAD?????????????????????????????? sunmi really has been consistently serving us Real Good Songs over the past decade <3 i enjoy her music sm

i still have a month left of summer break apparently 😋 ALSO NOOOOOOOO OMG WHAT IS GOING ON LATELY 😭😭 my friend has also been having nightmares… leo season is kind of ominous lmao 😭😭 ALSO NAURRRRRRRRR </3 hoping u get better weather :/ i'd gladly exchange w u tbh <3 i love the rain but i get how inconvenient it is especially when u have to go out on the daily 😭😭

AND U REMEMBERED?????????????? PLEASE 🥺😭 thank u that is so sweet of u </3 think we will be going out, i initally wanted to go skydiving/bungee jumping but my mom is SCARED of me going (not even her ksjdjkjsdf) so 🤡 thank u for even thinking of me and for always being SOOOOOO outrageously kind </3 i love u even more <33 hope the days are also always kind to u <3 MWAH

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

[m0e-ru]

eight months in somebody actually asked me abt visualive instead of me immediately annoying ppl about it without former notice. I might actually write properly for once 😳😳😳

OK OK!!!!! In this essay I will.... I will.... Visualive Adachi.... Visu/BURSTS INTO TEARS/

OKAY OKAY for real I just care Visualive so much (as someone who can’t fully understand Japanese AHAHA)

First I’ll add some foundation about what Visualive really is, then I talk abt Adachi in the latter parts of it because this is technically the first time I’m properly talking about this hehe 🐿

T....table of contents???

Visualive

Visualive the Evolution

Masami Itou

Visualive Adachi

Visualive the Evolution Adachi

Terms and Legend

VL - Visualive

VLE - Visualive the Evolution

stage - shortened for “stageplay”

面白い - omoshiroi (it’s just that specific)

Yuuya - VL Hero name

Hayato - VLE Hero name

Baba - Hero

Masami - Adachi

Taniguchi - Dojima

Saotome - Daisuke

Mamiya - Izanami

I add honorifics but sometimes I forget the hyphen intentionally or unintentionally I’m sorry if it makes it hard to read lol

all links have automatic timestamps for easy viewing. i mean. i hope the timestamps work

VISUALIVE “Persona 4.” A stage adaptation of SMT: Persona 4 by Atlus. It adapts the first part of the story, from the hero’s arrival to after recovering Mitsuo Kubo from the TV world. It also ends on a cliff hanger, showing a teaser of Shadow Naoto being projected on the screen.

It takes up a speedy recapitulation of the hero’s spring life, before slowing down and showing in depth his school life in summer. A day before Morooka-sensei’s death, there is a little skit with Kou, Daisuke and Adachi. The hero walks into the conversation before the two other boys leaving, and Morooka-sensei walking in on the student and detective. The next day follow’s the teacher’s death and the Investigation Team (IT) begin investigating their new lead.

From the words “visual” and “alive,” the niche of this stage was meant to be the fusion of live acting and visual digital projections. All seen from the stageplay with the colorful cast of actors and CG animations being projected on the screen. This offers an opportunity for characters to summon their personas, perform cool visual effects, change the backdrop, or even confront their own Shadows.

Performed in Sunshine Theater from the 15th to the 20th of March 2012. The screenplay was written and directed by Shintaro Asanuma from the theatrical group “bpm.” The video production produced by Shutaro Oku, a film director and visual planner. He later takes over as director for VISUALIVE THE EVOLUTION, the sequel stage. The stage music was produced by Shunsuke Wada, with a special show exclusive vocal track sung by Shihoko Hirata.

On this note, I haven’t seen any sort of original soundtrack released for any of the stages and I’m SO SAD. The last song in Mitsuo’s boss fight was such a BANGER and literally EVERYTHING ELSE Marvelous, Wadasan please take my MONEY

Regarding the cast, there were some special accommodations for Teddie, Rise, and Nanako, all of which did not have live actors at the time. During the casting, actors for the three characters could not be found or simply left the directors unsatisfied they couldn’t cast anybody. An exception for Rise, who was able to have a live actor in the sequel stage. It has been stated that there weren’t any “pretty boy” actors that fit the “Teddie Criteria.” While there weren’t any child actors that were believed to portray Nanako well.

Teddie was only ever seen in his bear costume while Rise was busy talking through a call, all voiced by their video game cast. Nanako has never appeared on stage, only being scarcely mentioned in the script. Again, this is different in the sequel stage where her role was extremely important and was shown as a screen projection.

VISUALIVE “Persona 4” THE EVOLUTION. A sequel stage. Beginning abruptly in the middle of Shadow Naoto’s boss fight, the story continues from there until the “true end” of the game’s original story. *Certain characters are introduced while others have been reintroduced. And on a personal note, when it’s all comedic in the beginning, it’s all for what’s coming right after.

I don’t know if I’m salty or just find it really funny AHAHA I might go talk abt it some other day with more context ehehe

Performed in The Galaxy Theater from the 3rd to the 9th of October 2012, only a few months after the PSVITA Persona 4 Golden release, which is July 2012. The screenplay was now written by Jun Kumagi while directed by Shutaro Oku. And music production finally taken over by Shoji Meguro himself.

---

HAHAHA this is starting to look like a wiki page. moving on. I might start rambling rn

(warning LONG !!!! aaa,,)

My thoughts on the stage adaptations. For the first Visualive (VL) I believe it’s pretty close to canon! I enjoy the characterization and how much love and care was present when handling the entire production.

Actors were busy playing the game itself, wherein a PS2 was present in the practice room. Along with magazines and game guides explaining the game’s story and the characters itself. Actors performing together and even improv acting together to get a grasp of their characters. All of them knowing well of Persona 4 as a well loved game, delicately handling their characters and hopefully performing them right while making the audience happy.

The staff taking care of each other while the director and video producer, Asanuma-san and Oku-san, working together well to make their vision into a reality.

The same thing happened with VL the Evolution (VLE) and literally every other good stage. Except... I feel the script kinda got out of hand with too much liberty where it feels a bit more disconnected from canon. But! It makes up for it in its content, whether comedic or (INCREDIBLY) dramatic! It’s great as its own story at that point. So in this case, I like to take the first VL and get to connect it canon, while I don’t know what the hell happened in VLE to the point I’ll just enjoy it as its own content.

These opinions deserve its own essay, post whatever bc I have SO much to say abt this. ANYWAY. VL ADACHI

---

Tohru Adachi is portrayed by Masami Itou (伊藤マサミ), a screenplay writer, director and an stage actor himself. He does have a single character voice role along with a fellow troupe member in the same franchise, but mostly works as the former three. He is part of Asanuma-san’s entertainment group “bpm.” On a similar note, Masashi Taniguchi, Dojima’s actor, was also part of their group from 2011 to 2016, which may explain their good synergy as the boss and the bumbling fool dynamic. I mean, somebody’s gotta get hit in the head every few skits.

With Masami-san being an important part of the cast, he doesn’t appear as often as Taniguchi-san in backstage content like the VL bonus disk or the official blog. Mentioned in his own personal blog, he had been busy with his roles as assistant director (I am assuming also for VL).

Also fun to note, because his role is mainly comic relief, he has been using his liberty to change up the material almost everyday making each performance exciting. This also leaves some other actors jealous of his freedom in his role, such as Saotome-san, Daisuke’s actor.

---

VL Adachi really has a... how do I say this? an adorable speech pattern (THE SAME SPEECH PATTERN THAT DROVE ME MAD TRYING TO DECIPHER I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CITY BOY OSSU OSSU MY ASS /shakes you violently/). Overall, he really fits the loose lipped bumbling fool, and his accent really makes him seem more casual and invested. What I’m saying is... VL Adachi either actually has genuine empathy or he actually has more energy to fake it (compared to some other edgelord. i mean you saw my p4ga analysis. I’m sick of him lol ahaha).

One of my favorite ways to explain this (OTHER THAN CHAIR CAR ADVENTURE MY BELOVED WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER) is the rice field scene with him and Dojima. It’s overanalyzation time 🎉

(43:04)

While investigating, Adachi whines about being tired while Dojima smacks him in the head. In this case, it’s established that Adachi doesn’t want to be there, yes? It’s the country, it’s hot and it smells like green.

"Ah... Dojima-san..! Why don't we take a break? (...) There really is nothing out here... Is the criminal still even here at all? (...) I wonder if I've passed being a rookie yet. Haha, but this city doesn't even have convenient transportation. I can't go to leisure lands (recreation, amusement parks, arcades, ect.) and head home at all."

Adachi then tries to tell Dojima a story. “when I got to this city after being newly assigned, I met an interesting guy (...) Yeah, I remember that the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed yet. So, I was driving my car and got near the station and--” Dojima gets a phone call.

Adachi politely puts his hands down waiting for his boss to finish so he can finish the story. Again and again, Adachi attempts to talk to Dojima about a story he’s so persistent trying to tell someone about. It was so 面白い that he would find someone to talk to about it. Even being polite and patient enough to wait for a chance to speak. He even gets fed up with it and blows up in front of his boss, clearly irritated he’s not given a chance to talk.

Sure, it could be Adachi feeling fed up like a normal person where someone agreed he to listen to him, before being constantly ignored. Or Adachi trying to be a more annoying whiny brat, depending on where you look at it.

If the story wasn’t too “interesting” to Adachi, he would’ve just brushed it off and stopped talking to Dojima entirely, or start up new small talk, or even complain some more. But no, he had a story he wanted to voice out so bad that he got irritated that the one person in the vicinity couldn’t listen to him.

Only after Dojima told him to continue their investigation elsewhere did Adachi finally stop and focus on something else. Maybe that story was for another day, or maybe it was never meant to be told.

What if it was just original (game) Adachi? He’d find a way to squirrel out of the investigation as usual, or push Dojima to “investigate” elsewhere. “Hey boss, don’t you think it’s hot? Why don’t we go elsewhere? We’ve seen this place too many times to count and I doubt anything new’ll turn up. How about we take a break at Junes, y’know? Where it’s cool? C’mon boss,” something like that.

og Adachi is just really annoying and silly to me. Some grown man thinking he can freeload because he never gets anything out of putting in more energy and effort? I don’t care how tall he is, I will smack him in the head.

Yeah VL Adachi whines, too, but at least it doesn’t look like he’s going to escape and waste his time somewhere else. He just sucks it up stops trying to leave the situation.

Or maybe I’m getting this all wrong and VL is exactly the same and my rage just gets dampened because of Masamisan’s execution of character hmm...

SO. What was his story about anyway? The one he really wanted to share to Dojima?

I mean... it’s obvious enough

First day in town? Spring? Actually mentioned driving a car when literally out of every single persona 4 media at the time was there not a SINGLE mention of Adachi having a car OTHER THAN the same stageplay it’s being mentioned in?

A story, from somewhere around uhh four? five months ago? was something that he remembered so dearly and was willing to share despite it obviously embarrassing him even if he puts the blame on a certain somebody in the same story?

Or maybe it’s because he really had nothing to talk about ever since he realized all his stories from the city weren’t actually that funny or interesting in the first place.

BUT then that would mean out of all the things he could talk about—more whining, complaining, complimenting, small talk—he insisted about talking about this story in particular.

Okay, look. I’m just. Just. As someone who talks too much, of course I have things I actually want people to hear out of all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. And if the thing I actually want people to listen to doesn’t even get heard, I’d go mad.

Sure, Adachi’d be fine when his complaints or intentionally unfunny jokes get brushed off. But a story of a guy that he thought was so funny, interesting, 面白い gets ignored, he really blew up, even just for a split second, maybe.

And ALL the things that happened in that story—on his first day in Inaba! His car got dented, he had to deal with a weirdo dumbass employee that knew zero personal space, yelled in his ear, who didn’t know how to do their job, got his station reputation messed up on the first day, got his ass grabbed, got (unintentionally?) mocked for his lame stories, and got his car dented for the SECOND time. Probably MORE

And he STILL wanted to talk about it /punches through concrete wall/

yes I’m overthinking about this of course i am

This little tidbit of VL Adachi kinda makes me go insane sometimes—his entire characterization in VL in particular. It was really refreshing to see and how they included both of his characters in it, his facade and how irritated he is of a lot of things underneath. And how flexible his character is immediately working with other characters when there’s sudden improv to balance the situation. Like him and Dojima, Morooka, the attendant, or even Yuuya (hero) himself.

I’ll take Taniguchi-san’s messing around in the VL bonus backstage disc in place of Masami-san being so busy he couldn’t appear in it as often as other characters.

For stagetime that lasted for fifteen minutes or less, my appreciation for VL Adachi, even if he was just comic relief, really rocketed. I say VL, bc Adachi the edgelord he’s supposed to be in literally every other media is something I analyze separately.

I haven’t even gotten to VLE oh my GODDDDD

Like I said, I don’t really regard VLE close to canon but as something to be appreciated for what it is by itself. But the way Adachi was characterized there, in or out of character, still struck me.

---

Yes, there was his strange fan-agreed-canon which is,,, now canon obsession with cabbages (not that that’s a bad thing lmao). There was also him being a lot more jumpy and intimate in a clowny way, patting people on the shoulder or even downright hugging them just to mess around. Even FORGETTING who the same goddam loser who grabbed his ass almost a year ago is. But like, can’t blame him they literally changed their actor (and screenplay writer) AHAHAHA

ha... no more comedy, only dorky sword fights now

(speaking of sword fights I think it’s a fun thought how Mamiya-san [Izanami, also one of the youngest in the cast] admitted it was his first time doing sword fight choreography and even thanked Masami-san and other staff members for guiding him)

One thing unintentionally in character was Adachi accidentally nabbing the sushi overdosed in wasabi. Masami-san didn’t actually account for a joke sushi and didn’t immediately eat it—until Taniguchi-san (who also made Dojima go off his shits compared to VL) jokingly yelled at him and even riled up the audience for him to eat it. He even went off stage to get water just for him to eat the goddam sushi.

And Masami-san did! (kinda choked, but he’s fine).

Continuing from the same scene, while being overly giddy about sushi dinner (and I mean overly--he was singing about it while hopping to the Dojima residence), he tried to remind the two, Dojima and Hayato (hero), that Nanako was sleeping. Probably where she was sick if the scene was translated from the game.

(30:07)

And... the dramatic parts of VLE

Adachi was the one who reported to the IT that Dojima was chasing Namatame in the rain. While Naoto was discussing Namatame’s journal entries, Adachi, as giddy as he is, took it from Naoto’s hands and reveled in the discovery of evidence so childishly(?). He even ran to Dojima when he began regaining consciousness and immediately called the nurses to help him wheel Dojima to the ER.

Then, The Hospital Scene™️, right after Nanako flatlines.

(1:02:02)

Adachi, who recently walked into the scene, immediately worries about Dojima and IT who were ALL crying. He looks down, devastated—before yelling how Dojima’s heading to Namatame’s room.

He yells in terror and the same grief at his injured boss, all while running past and even jumping over children, who fell to the ground sobbing, to get to him. He continues yelling in a pained fashion while immediately reprimanding Dojima to stop. He gets carried by the collar before being tossed to the ground at Hayato’s feet, all while being pat by the same boy.

Dojima makes his speech about how unfair it is for the ‘killer’ to be alive when his daughter isn’t. When he finally falls to his knees, Adachi rises from the ground, humbly saying he’ll do his best to take care of Dojima (or something like that I’m in tears I literally can’t do VLE’s hospital scene i h8 this). He finally starts crying along with everyone else, being pushed away again but still tries again, trying to usher his boss away from the door.

With the help of the guard in front of the door, they all disappear off stage

please... I know this scene doesn’t need that much translation because of how important this scene is in the entire story. and I know my narratives aren’t enough so just,,,, just watch it please it’s so much more than this. everyone’s acting was just spectacular

(1:08:47)

So, after the IT (YOSUKE. JUST YOSUKE. good job Mae-chan) stop themselves from k wording Namatame, it was ADACHI who reported Nanako’s miracle recovery. He ran to the same corridor where they all cried in, even panting and falling to the ground in relief trying to report the good news. Then he pats Hayato on the shoulder and says he’s going to Dojima.

With this... /slaps roof of half of VLE/ ALL of this....adachi.... adachisan.... he Cares™️..... holy shit.....

now. comparing to the game. do you even remember what og Adachi did? did he.. even do anything?????

(56:39)

NO!!! he just stood there!!!! being a bumbling fool but.... inappropriately!!! man. he didn’t act concerned enough.

adachi: /walks into a bunch of kids crying outside a hospital room/ “lmao why tf are y’all crying? did uhhh what’s her face uhhh nanako. did she d word or something? rip, I guess lol” LIKE????? CAN YOU IMPLY FASTER

and then he’s like “wgat hmm Where’s Dojima-san Heading Because That’s Not The Way To His Room 🤔” and only when he’s asked he actually mentions he’s heading to Namatame’s room and still needs to get choked by a first year for the room number like..... zero consideration

and his boss??? where his daughter he loves so much just??? di*s???? and he’s so devastated he’s doing what he can that very moment while he’s so numbed of thinking of the consequences???? And adachi goes “uhh boss that’s illegal” LIKE. BITCH. /punches through a concrete wall but harder/

---

And??? His confrontation scene??? Like, I know they mashed it up w his tv confession scene to save stagetime for other scenes BUT IT WAS SO MMBMBMBMMGN /gestures in a good way/

(1:15:56)

UM?? guy behind everything??? in a vulnerable area where he could easily get physically assaulted bc hes not in the tv world w his persona?? Trash talks women like he absolute misogynist he is??? getting yelled at by a bunch of kids and YELLING BACK IN THE SAME AGITATED MANNER even TAUNTING THEM then and there to GET HIS ASS?????

og Adachi was such a pussy he got caught and just scurried off into the TV world where he ended up having powers like...ok....scared of getting beat down by a bunch of highschoolers unless you have powers...ok....

he only taunted them to get him when he was in the tv world too.....he rlly couldn’t say shit in the real world huh... lol

(yeah yeah this shows how VLE Adachi knew abt his TV world powers which would make you think if he ever went into the tv world and came back out alive. Or he’s really just a badass who doesnt give a shit abt anyone’s opinions and CAN beat anyone’s ass. i have a separate thing abt this but bc i like to laught at vle rather than overthink its own lore i might. not. idk lol)

and ??? VLE Adachi can??? He can swordfight??? he doesn’t even NEED a gun—he even reflects bullets w his blade (but apparently he can still get slapped by a flying fan more often than any other attack). His fight choreo was just...so poggers. He’s like short villains done good—like??? he’s short compared to everyone else!!! but he makes up for it for stuffing all the energy inside him while is bursts out making him him the over energetic gremlin he is!!! go VL adachi!!!!

(am I low key making fun of Madono-san in the TUUSH stageplay I’ve seen four minutes of? maybe)

OK!!! Yes I was gushing abt Masami-san again back to Adachi.

It’s portrayed that while not being afraid to admit his crimes, he also goes out of his way to be a bastard and have the gall to get a bunch of kids to fight him, one on eight. He can use a katana, probably a narrative dark reflection of the hero, Hayato which I thought was nice—and he can fight!!! It also shows his persona, yes, but...it doesn’t make it clear if he’s overwhelmed by his Shadow like in the game, where his eyes were yellow and he was emitting a dark aura.

But it gets interesting how he sees he’s getting overwhelmed and starting to lose his edge towards a bunch of kids. He falls to the ground even banging the floor like a whiny brat while literally the IT tries to tell him to turn himself in. Again, like a brat he tells everyone to shut up—before getting incapacitated. While some of the IT rejoice, he bolts up unaccepting of his defeat—before getting hit in the stomach.

(1:23:54)

And his words from when he drops his katana, “Why..?” He grabs the foldable chair against his stomach, and with a remorseful look in his eyes, he says “I’m sorry..!”

THEN HE BACKFLIPS—then Hayato slashes him.

In a tone of disbelief, he goes “no way...” and collapses to the ground, being possessed by Ame-no-Sagiri.

Blah blah blah then Teddie rockets himself into the eyeball spy cam and then they both explode aaaaa

Teddie survives but I really don’t know where Adachi went. Not even a mention by Dojima if he turned himself in or was ever found—or I need to review VLE for the 48274827482nd time hehe

WHOO then the whole cast appears for the dance number at the end of show YAHOO

[girlwithshipsshitshow]

Part 15

(Rose and Eri sat on the beach, their hands laced with each other, they watched the waves crash onto the sand. Eri pushed up the sleeves of her light white hoodie she was wearing, and dug her toes into the sand, her black leggings were rolled up to her knees, Rose wore a similar outfit, a light red hoodie and blue leggings).

Eri: (Picks up a clump of sand and throws it towards the water). This is nice.

Rose: Yeah, its feels good outside too.

Eri: Hey, I had fun last night.

Rose: Yeah, so did I. Want to come spend the night again?

Eri: I can't, I have to work tomorrow, Isaka only let me have a few days off and I promised I'd come back tomorrow to get some stuff organized.

Rose: Okay, I understand. I go back to night shifts this weekend.

Eri: Maybe we can do Lunch friday?

Rose: Yeah, sure!

Eri: But, hey it's only noon, still early, we have the rest of today!

Rose: That's true! What do you want to do? you hungry?

Eri: Sure, lets go get a burger.

Rose: Yeah, I know a great Place, it's called "Blacows" it's about twenty minutes from here.

Eri: Sounds great! (Stands up, pulling Rose up with her, they grab their sandals and wipe their butts off, then they head up the beach to Rose's car).

(Misaki walked out of the bathroom towel drying his hair, he peeked on the couch, good, Usagi was still fast asleep, he quietly walked up to the the his bedroom, he loved that he moved into Usagi's bedroom, at some point they wanted to knock the wall down and expand into the extra bedroom so they'd have more space. Misaki, threw his towel on the floor, slipped on blue boxers, Black sweatpants, and a white tank top, and white pullover, he walked down out of the room down stairs and looked through the pile of take out menus, he really wasn't in the mood to cook, and they were running low on food that isn't junk. Misaki found a menu for Priya Japan, they hadn't had indian in a while, it sounded really good in fact, Misaki picked up the food, walked outside to the balcony, and leaned over the brick wall).

Priya: Priya's how can I help you?

Misaki: Yeah, I'd like to place an order for delivery?

Priya: Sure, what can I get for you?

Misaki: Can I get an order of chicken Tikka Masala, two orders of Palak Paneer, four orders of garlic nan, two orders of cheese nan, and two orders of basmati rice.

Priya: Is that all?

Misaki: That's it.

Priya: Okay, your total comes to nine thousand eight hundred yen.

Misaki: Okay thank you.

Priya: And can I have the address?

(Misaki gives the restaurant the address, hangs up, and puts his phone in the pocket of his hoodie, it's twelve-thirty, he hopes Usagi will be up in time to eat, but he also wants Usagi to get his rest, Usagi also need his nutrients. Misaki sighed he looked out into the city, it was a beautiful sunny day, tomorrow would be cloudy an awfully bad day to take a test, but at least it was a his last test on a thursday, and he was definitely prepared for this test, he loved psychology sometimes he regretted not going into that field. After this test he had friday and the rest of next week to relax before his graduation March twenty second, the only thing that would suck his figuring out what he and Usagi would do, it's not like they only had sex, but a lot of their relationship consisted of it, and until the day of his graduation, they needed to find something else to do. Maybe they could play cards, he recently learned a card game called "kings in the corner" It's like solitaire but multiplayer. Misaki heard the the door to the balcony open, he didn't turn but he waited for Usagi to come beside him).

Usagi: (Groggy voice). Hey, what are you doing out here?

Misaki: I was ordering lunch, You were still sleeping, I didn't want to wake you.

Usagi: (Pulls Misaki into a hug, gives him a kiss on his head), thank you Misaki, but you could've made the in the house.

Misaki: I know. (Turns to face Usagi, he puts his arms around Usagi's neck, smiling at him). Look, I just want you you to get your rest, speaking of which, tomorrow is my final test, are you going to be okay alone for a few hours?

Usagi: (Usagi put his arms around Misaki, pulling him closer to him). Misaki, I think I'll be okay on my own for a few hours, plus it's your last test, you have to take it and pass so you can graduate and we can go on a trip.

Misaki: What kind of trip?

Usagi: Well are you sure you don't want to go on your graduation trip with your friend?

Misaki: (He shook his head and looked up at Usagi), No I want to stay with you Usagi. So if you want to plan a trip for us after my graduation you can, just keep it in tokyo. I don't want to go far, maybe for our honeymoon.

Usagi: (Takes a hand off of Misaki's waist and holds up a finger) Wait a minute, you're saying that when we go on our honeymoon, I can pick the place and you won't yell at me about the expense?

Misaki: Yes Usagi.

Usagi: I'm going to need to get that in writing.

Misaki: Ugh, whatever.

Usagi: Um, but you can get mad at for our trip after you graduate because I already got the tickets, but I did keep it in Tokyo.

Misaki: Fine, but we need to go inside because i'm sure the food will be here any minute.

(Misaki grabbed Usagi's hand and the second they closed the back door, the bell rang, the food had arrived, they spread the food on the table.

Usagi: Oh, Indian smells amazing, we haven't had that in a while.

Misaki: Yeah, I was looking through the take out menus and had the same thought. (Looks up at Usagi) Why do we even have take out menus when everything is on our phone?

Usagi: Because, the ones we have here are from our favorites.

Misaki: (Laughs as he walks into the kitchen), Usagi there's like twenty, we don't have that many favorites. do we?

Usagi: Well of we have that many menus we have that many favorites.

Misaki: Okay Usagi, do you want something to drink.

Usagi: Wine.

Misaki: What kind?

Usagi: Red.

Misaki: Okay, (He grabbed some plates, a bottle of wine and two glasses).

Usagi: ( Takes plates from Misaki, distributes food on the plates while Misaki pours the wine, they sit down in their normal spots). This looks good Misaki.

Misaki: (Mouth full), It taste good.

Usagi: So, what's bugging you?

Misaki: (Shit, Usagi always knew when something was on his mind) How'd you know?

Usagi: Misaki, no matter how much you try you try to hide it, I can always tell when you're upset about something.

Misaki: Well, it's kinda a few things.

Usagi: Okay, (Takes a sip of wine) what are they?

Misaki: Well at some point we need to, um-

Usagi: Tell the public about us? Aikawa is working on setting up an interview unless you want to, it will be part of your job?

Misaki: No, she can do that. When is she planning on doing it?

Usagi: After graduation, before our trip. Is that okay?

Misaki: Yeah.

Usagi: Is that what the problem is?

Misaki: My problem is what will happen if we tell the public? What if people don't accept you, I mean you know how the ladies love you, Usagi you could lose a lot of fans, this could end your career.

Usagi:(Rolls his eyes) See this? (Holds his hand out with his engagement ring).

Miskai: Your engagement ring?

Usagi: Yeah, this bonds us Misaki, you knew that when you proposed. So that means when we come out to the public, whatever happens, happens. I've always told you, I don't care what happens as long as I have you.

Misaki: I know. I love you so much Usagi, everything will work itself out. (Places left hand on top of Usagi's left hand).

Usagi: Yes it will. So what's your other problem?

Misaki: Oh, it's really dumb.

Usagi: What is it?

Misaki: Well, tomorrow is my last test and after that i'm going to be around for a week and a few days, which usually isn't a problem, but since we can't have sex for a while we have to find something to occupy ourselves, like playing cards or something, so while i'm gone tomorrow, you need to figure that out. Make a list of stuff okay?

Usagi: Yeah, I was actually thinking about that too, but I was really hoping you would bring it up first so I wouldn't have to.

Misaki: Well thanks. Anything you want to talk about?

Usagi: Nope, I just think we should eat before this food gets cold.

Misaki: Agreed.

(Rose stood at Eri's apartment door, their hands laced together)>

Rose: Are you sure you can't stay at my house again tonight?

Eri: (Grins), I wish I could, but I have to work tomorrow.

Rose: I thought Akihiko had like four months off.

Eri: (Laughs) Yeah, well Akihiko isn't the only person I edit for, but he is the main one, plus I have four months of transcripts from him that I have to edit, if I get them out now, well that will be huge for the company and him and Misaki.

Rose: Oh, yeah well that's awesome, when can I see you again?

Eri: We can meet for lunch tomorrow?

Rose: Sure, yeah I start back at work again tomorrow, but I should be able to make lunch before my night shift.

Eri: Okay cool, i'll see you around noon?

Rose: Sure.( Smiles and softly kisses Eri on the lips) i'll see you tomorrow.

Eri: Okay.

(Rose kisses Eri one last time before walking off, Eri sighs and walks into her apartment, sit her turns on her hall light, slips her shoes off, she walks to her couch flipping on the telvelstions before flopping on her couch. It was two pm, the time of day when nothing good was on. Eri sighed and flipped on her side, she decied she needed a nap).

(Misaki sat on the opposite couch while Usagi laid stretched out on the other one, he typed away on his computer looking for property).

Misaki: (Sighs, glances at Usagi whose focused "Greys Anatomy, which he was currently binging again. He sighed louder hoping he would get Usagi's attention, but he still didn't. He loudly cleared his throat).

Usagi: Misaki, what's wrong?

Misaki: What if I was dying, and you just now noticed that I needed you?

Usagi: Well you aren't dying, you're on the computer, what are you doing anyway?

Misaki: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, I was thinking, have you ever thought about selling this place?

Usagi: It's crossed my mind a few times why?

Misaki: Well I was thinking (He gets up and sits on the edge of the coffee table taking Usagi's hand). I Want us to buy a house, a-a-and not just buy a house, I want us to buy some property and build a house, or at least design it and have people build it for us.

Usagi: (His blue purple eyes lit up, he gave Misaki a half smirk). You wanna buy land a build a house together?

Misaki: Well yeah. Why, is it dumb? it's dumb right? Look, nevermind, it's just I found this amazing property in Kanagawa and its sixty two acres, the going rate is one hundred twenty-eight thousand three hundred eighty-nine yen. It's huge Usagi, and it could be perfect for us.

Usagi: Really? (He sits up grinning at Misaki), what makes you think that?

Misaki: Us getting married, and I had a dream about us buying land and building a house, and I want us to have a family, plus I love this house, but it's not mine it's yours, I want us to have a house together, one that we can grow old together in.

Usagi: You've really given this a lot of thought haven't you?

Misaki: I have, Look we have until June before we really start work again, and Maybe we can look at the property on friday?

Usagi: And where does that leave us the rest of the week?

Misaki: Making design plans, on pintrest.

Usagi: Pinterest? Like that dreamboard app thing?

Misaki: Yeah.

Usagi: Okay, I'll call my realtor tomorrow and see if he can help us.

Misaki: Really?

Usagi: (He smiled running his hands up and down Misaki's thighs) I think us buying land and designing a house together is amazing, I mean we need people to help us clearly because we don't know how to do that.

Misaki: I know, I said that earlier.

Usagi: Let's start by looking at the house.

(Misaki grinned, and leaned forward kissing Usagi softly).

Misaki: I'm going to start making pinterest boards.

Usagi: Have fun with that, I'm going back to watching Greys.

Misaki: have fun that.

(In the early hours of the morning, before Misaki raced to get ready for school, Usagi pulled him close, kissing his head, running his fingers through his soft hair, this always relaxed him, and even though Misaki was extremely confident about this final test, he wanted to stay in Usagi's arms for as long as he could, especially since they couldn't have sex, it felt nice just to cuddle, their body heat filling each up).

Usagi: Misaki, are you sure you'll pass this test?

Misaki: Why are you doubting me, you know psychology is my favorite.

Usagi: Still, I just want to make sure you're prepared.

Misaki: (flips on his side to face Usagi), I am, why don't you believe me?

Usagi: I do, but sometimes overconfidence doesn't mean anything you could still fail.

Misaki: Why are you being mean to me?

Usagi: I just need you to pass so you can graduate and we can-

Misaki: Can what?

Usagi: Begin our lives together.

Misaki: Beautiful save, but I already know about the trip you're planning for us after I graduate because you told me.

Usagi: Oh yeah.

Misaki: What time is it?

Usagi: (Reaches behind him and raises his phone to check the time), six.

Misaki: (He groaned burying his head into Usagi's chest) I gotta get up. I have to shower, my test is a eight.

Usagi: So why aren't you moving?

Misaki: You're comfortable.

Usagi: Go shower Misaki, go to school, kill the test.

Misaki: What are you doing?

Usagi: Going back to bed. I Love you.

Misaki: I love you too.

(Usagi sits up up giving Misaki a small kiss before he walks into the bathroom).

(Usagi leaned back in his chair, his phone ringing, wating for the person on the other end to pick up).

Ren: Akihiko Usami, it's been awhile.

Usagi: Yeah, what thirty two years?

Ren: Yes sir, are you moving out?

Usagi: You didn't think I was just calling to check on your kids did you?

Ren: (Laughs) No sir, so what's making you move, you've lived in that space since you were sixteen.

Usagi: My fiance and I want a space, well he wants to build a space or a lot to build our dream house.

Ren: Wow, Akihiko getting married, that's something I never thought I'd hear.

Usagi: Yeah, well he found a place, can I send you the address, we want to look at it tomorrow.

Ren: I think I can work that out.

Usagi: Well thank you, and we might need some carpenters.

Ren: I have people to help build your house, and interior designers, anything you need to help you build your dream house, my company and I can help you.

Usagi: Thank you Ren I appreciate it.

Ren: Of course.

(As Usagi hung up, another call came through, it was Misaki, Usagi grinned, even though they've been together forever, his heart still raced and he got butterflies whenever Misaki's name came across his phone).

Usagi: Hey you.

Misaki: Hey Babe.

Usagi: How'd your test go?

Misaki: Great, it's being graded now.

Usagi: Ah, and how long will that take?

Misaki: Not sure, it's a small class so maybe twenty minutes at most? Enough about me, how was your morning?

Usagi: Well slow, I had enough time to talk with my realtor, we might be able to have a look at the property in the morning.

Misaki: Oh that's awesome!

Usagi: (Chuckles) I'm glad you're excited about it.

Misaki: I am, I'm really happy.

Usagi: Okay, well i'm on my way to come get you, we can grab lunch.

Misaki: Okay, i'll see you soon.

Usagi: Alright, I love you.

Misaki: Love you too.

[lovelyyy-luna]

✶march 13, 2021✶

It's alright, I'm right here

Why did you choose me? \ You know very well why Y/N

I can do it myself

I'm a monster \ no you're not

Please hold me

I'm begging you please don't lock yourself in your room

Give me one single fucking reason why I shouldn't leave

That wasn’t a question

Don't listen to them

Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that

I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect.

You don't have to be alone

This is illegal

Your tutor is pretty hot

Why have you been so secretive lately?

I think we should take a break

How come you're the only one that can see me?

I just wanted to hear your voice

I'm not helping you babysit

Did we sleep together?

If you don't do it I will?

You're scared? Really?

This place is abandoned, don't worry

This was a stupid idea

This is crazy..none of this is real

You need to believe me, please!

Close the door

It’s three in the morning

I should have told you a long time ago

Why are you helping me?

You're in love with her

We could get arrested to this

Love is overrated

Watch me

I've missed this

Was it all a lie?

This is all your fault

Are you happy now? Huh? Does this make you happy?

Maybe I'm meant to be alone

Did it ever occur to you that I'm hurting too?

You said that you'd always be there for me. What happened?

I'm sorry what are you saying? I keep getting lost in your eyes

If I ever see you anywhere near her, you'll have to deal with me

Is that a challenge

Get behind me now!

Here I have an extra weapon

You scared the shit out of me, I'm never letting you go

I am not jealous

I think I love you

Don't be silly I want to stay up with you

How about a kiss?

Dance with me!

We’d make a cute couple

Do you trust me?

if you don't want to talk about what happened, then say so. Don't just lie and say it's fine.

Stop staring at me

I said I don't know anything

You don’t think its a bit much

Call me one more time to see what happens

Put some clothes on for the love of god

Can you just give me a hug? Just once?

That was the last time. Im serious this time

It’s pitch black in here and I can see you're blushing

Am I supposed to be scared of you?

I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It'll save water

You're just not the same anymore

It's midnight where the hell are you

What the hell if your problem

Why do you run away from all your problems?

You can't keep it all inside you know? Bottling it up won't do you any good

Hey I know you're hurting but you're not alone okay

I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression

You can't just lose your temper like this every time you get a bit upset

Calm down you're scaring me

Don't look at me like that

Were you ever going to tell me?

Sorry doesn't fix everything

I loved you first

You broke my heart

I was alone

We have to stop

You left me

I can't do this anymore

Your hair is really soft after you wash it

Shh stop fussing I’m just braiding your hair

Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you

If you steal the blankets I am going to put my cold feet on you

Here let’s share the blanket

You Are comfy

You are my new pillow

But I want to hear you sing

We can talk over dinner

Don't get up I’ll do it

Stargazing was a good idea

I'll be here to protect you

It’s okay I couldn't sleep anyway

I heard you talking in your sleep

Your bedhead is really cute

I love your hugs

You mess with them you mess with me

I don't want to sleep alone tonight

I love you, you know that right

I'm Coming to get you to stay there

Okay so don't freak out but I got flour everywhere

Woah I never knew you had a tattoo

Stop moving

Im worried about you

What happened to you

You can't stay in bed all days 

You're a terrible liar

Don't act so innocent

Do you believe in soulmates?

What if something happens to you

Are you sure about this

I gotta say I’m a little surprised

I'm not a child

You're screwed

You called me to remember

Do you need to go to the hospital?

Sleep is for the weak

I don't like the way they look at you

I don't want to be friends

Let's get out of here

Maybe you should sit down

You're burning up

I've got your back

Walk it off

I wish I could sleep

I'm going back to bed

Your heart is pounding

It's too early for this

Get on your knees

I thought you said you knew where you were going? Yeah I lied

Shit you're freezing let's get you warmed up alright

What happened to me

Im not letting you sleep on the floor get up here

Everything I’ve done for you’s the only thing in the world that matters to me

Feel like another round?

You were great last night

Wow you look even better in daylight

My clothes look better on you than they do on me

I had no idea you were into that stuff glad I found out

You should play with my hair more

I don't remember ever having this many hickeys but I don't mind

I don't know your name but you can share it with me so I know what to scream this time

The fun doesn't have to end

I think I can convince you to stay

Are you even listening to me?

Leave right now

What more do you want?

I hate you

Can you just shut the fuck up already

What the hell is wrong with you

I can't do this anymore

Oh my god I don't care

That hurt you son of a bitch

Pack your shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight

I can break your nose if I wanted 

Meet me on the bridge in an hour

No one needs to know

No one will ever hurt you again

None of that matters now

Oh my god! You're in love with her/him/them!

Please don't cry

Please don't leave

Please listen to me

Please say something

Promise me you won't let anything happen to him/her/them

Promise me you'll stay

Shit are you bleeding

Shut up and kiss me

Somebodies in love

Sorry I thought I was alone

Stop0 talking about love for a minute and help me with this bullet wound

Tell me a secret

You said you'd always be there for me so how did this happen why weren't you there for me

Did it occur to you that you're hurting me toto

We can be friends instead

I tried to move on but nobody is you

Does it look like I moved on

I don't remember a fight or a reason so what happened why did we make up

Can I at least buy you coffee for old time’s sake?

I can’t take large loneliness anymore

What are you talking about your married

I feel like everyone forgot I exist

I gave you a chance and you used it to stab me in the back

I've been alone for so long

But you promised

I think you'll be happy to know I’m not wearing any underwear

I want you right here right now

Isn't this illegal probably

You're really drunk right now. I don't think you're gonna remember any of this. Non im not drunk at all you're just blurry

I have a feeling we should kiss. Is that a good feeling or a bad feeling

I love the way your hand fits in mine

You can call me whenever you want. Even if you don't have a reason to

I'm bad  at calling first so I always ending up hoping you will

Wait don't pull away not yet

You look really cute in that sweater

No like it just I can’t believe you’re  actually wearing my clothes

God you always make me blush so damn much

You've been trying to get ready for like an hour and a half because I know you're going to look so good and I need to try and match up

The first second I saw you I couldn't get over how beautiful you were

I wanted to say I love you for the first time without stuttering but that failed

Could you hold my hand?

You can't leave without letting me hug you first

I really love holding you darling

As you're blushing like a rose

Your lips are really warm

I can't get over how a few months ago I wanted to learn your name and now you're having breakfast with me in my seater

My friends get so annoyed by how much I talk about you sometimes

Wanna like I mean if you're not busy we should get lunch or even just coffee if you don't have a lot of time

Wow I didn't think you could make me smile this big

Quit smiling at me I can't stop messing up my sentences when you look at me like that

Your hair is so soft

It's too cold come back

No im not letting you go it's too early to get out of bed

Care you can sit in my lap until I’m done working

Shh you're safe I won't let you go

I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified

I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again I promise

Look I know we don't know each other all that well but im still worried about you. No one deserves to be alone

If I could I would kiss away all your scars

I think I might be falling in love with you

Your lips are soft I could kiss them all-day

It's not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a stronger person

Mmm you're so warm

You're cute when your half asleep like this

Please talk to me about his

I would've had breakfast ready but you were sleeping on my arm and didn't want to wake you up

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[imjustaboredfan]

I guess this is kinda like a secret letter

Hi love,

don't know when you're reading this or if you're gonna read it at all but I'm writing it anyway because I need to get this off my chest. Also you're the only one who knows about my Tumblr so you know this is for you.

(besides, this app is dying so who cares what I post).

Where to start? I guess that trip to Rome was the beginning of everything, even though you'd been in my mind for months before that. Seeing you in every other class (because your attendance was pretty much non-existent tbh) made my day. There were days in which my anxiety was so bad the only reason I wanted to go class was because I would (or at least hope to) see you. I'd spent whole lessons just fantasising about us talking or discussing some thoughts on philosophy class. Even the tiniest interactions made me so happy, you don't even know.

That's why I still wonder what would have happened if I had never got on that plane, or went up to your room on the last night or agreed to that coffee on a Saturday afternoon.

Those days in the Italian capital now genuinely feel like a dream. I spent the seven days with butterflies in my stomach for just having you closer and noticing something was going on between us.

I'll never forget that feeling.

You already know I had that fanfic kinda dream where there was some problem with our hotel rooms and we had to "sadly" share one and we ended hooking up on the shower. I'm not proud, ok? But don't dare deny it's not funny to think about now.

I was so so nervous when you walked me home after that coffee and you stayed on my building entrance. The thought of you just being polite and the fear of making it all up in my head crossed my mind like a thousand times. I kept repeating myself "nothing's gonna happen, he's just making sure you get home safe, it's all in your head".

Until it happened. You just stayed there, staring at me, slowly approaching me, reducing the distance between our lips, your hand grabbing my hip. I don't know if you noticed but my hands where shaking. When I went up the stairs I stayed there for a while before entering my house because I just couldn't believe it. You, you of all people, just kissed me on my front door. You, the boy I had had a massive crush for months. This wasn't the kinda thing that happens to me. I pinched my skin a couple times searching for proof that I was dreaming it all, that it all was another stupid dream. But it wasn't, it was pretty damn real.

Since that 30th of March I've realized some things. I've realized how cloudy the sky is usually and how difficult it is to see the stars. I've realized that I actually like bad bunny's music and how much peace it brings me to just lay down with you and run my fingers through your hair. I've realized I'm actually into Tarantino's films and how pointless it is to tell you to not tickle me because you do it anyway (although I do the same thing to u so I actually kinda get it bc I love your laugh when I tickle u).

I've realized how songs can remind you of someone and teleport you to some places (your dinning room for example). I've realized I need to express my thoughts, that it is ok to say no, that I shouldn't always agree to whatever the other person says, that I don't have to use sex as a reward (which are things I didn't do before and put me in some bad situations I'll explain to you someday). Basically I've realized what a healthy relationship is. And how much better and happy I am now.

I've realized how funny and embarrassing it is to drink peach licor at seventeen. I've realized it's not that hard to make friends and to be more open and friendly. I've realized I love going to museums.

I've realized what intimacy truly is. I had never been so comfortable with anyone ever (I'm not just talking about sex but on all levels). I've realized it is ok to cry, even in front of people, that I should talk about my feelings as a way to let the crap go away. I've realized how insane it is that you talk about me with the people in your life (kinda normal since I'm your girlfriend but it is still crazy to me).

Also, as dumb as it may sound, I've realized that I am lovable. Yes, it still crosses my mind the thought of you getting tired of me or meeting someone much more interesting or prettier or smarter at any time. It's not a secret how insecure I can be sometimes. But you've proven to me more than once how much you love and value me and I think it's time I start truly believing it.

And most important, every day I'm realizing how much I love and care about you —It's really gonna sound cliche but the more days that pass the more I love you...— staying away from you for a few weeks has really proven to me how important you are in my life and how much I care about you. I'm having fun here but there's been too many days without your kisses and hugs already and I can't wait to get home.

Yes, it hurt me a little to know you thought me cheating on you was some kind of possibility and that's what made me wrote this. I wanted to emphasize what I told you the last night we spent together. When I'm with you I forget about anything else. My feet rise up from the floor as if I am flying in some kind of dream.

Because that's what you look like to me still. A dream. Something unbelievable. I still find hard to believe you choose to spend time with me and you having me as your girlfriend honestly feels insane (maybe that's why I asked you to repeat it for me on the phone the other day, hearing it in your voice is priceless). I would never betray your trust like that. "Impossible" I told you, and that answer hasn't changed.

I've also realized how seeing you smile and laugh and feeling joy, makes me feel it too. I want to experience all kind of things together. I wanna really get to know you. When I'm with you life doesn't seem so scary anymore. You make me wanna be reckless.

I'm writing this in Asturias, 762 km away from you, holding one of your T-shirts and counting the days left to see you again.

Love, Sara