#anyway this is funny that i'm writing this after the drama with my mask post that i deleted
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sureuncertainty Ā· 1 year ago
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officially covid negative!!
#win rambles#that experience was godawful and not because of the actual covid symptoms but bc of my ocd#and it made me realize how many people are developing ocd and other anxiety disorders for themselves with this pandemic#the way everyone is assigning morality to covid is honestly disgusting#i had some of the worst intrusive thoughts i have ever had in my LIFE due to the attitudes of people about covid that i see online#and it also made me realize that i need to really limit my time on the internet#i really do think everyone on this site (and the internet in general tbh) just hates people with ocd#anyway i'm over it now and covid is around and here to stay and i know it sucks but getting mad about it is literally not productive#some people are just REALLY pressed about things they ltierally can't control#which is yknow where anxiety and ocd stems from#it's much better to just. try your best to let it go#and live your life#i wanna make a more in depth post about this and all the thoughts i've had#but the truth is that there aren't protections or precautions being taken at large for covid anymore#and you can get really upset about it and live your life with debilitating anxiety or you can just. accept that it's here to stay#and make the choices you need to make to live with that#if there's one thing i've learned from having emetophobia my entire life it's that overanalyzing everything you and others#do in order to avoid getting sick is literally like. not a way to live. not a good way to live anyway#anyway this is funny that i'm writing this after the drama with my mask post that i deleted#but you know what. i've grown. i've learned. i've changed#i still hold to that original point but the thing is?? most people aren't masking anymore. and that sucks#but i literally cannot control what they do! so i'm not gonna give myself more anxiety stressing about it!#life is hard enough as it is
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nothingunrealistic Ā· 6 years ago
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oof hey i hope i'm not bothering you, and i asked jury this already (and deffo got a good answer but i need all the info i can get because i am crushingly insecure)- do you have any tips on characterizing/writing the deh characters? i struggle with it immensely and I have no idea why, and you're one of my favorite writers for this fandom. so. no pressure to respond i was just curious!
sure! the only characters i write regularly/feel confident in writing are evan, jared, and alana, so those are the characters iā€™ll talk about the most, but iā€™ll try to say something for all of them. also this will feature a good number of quotes from writersā€™ notes (here) and interviews because those are the main sources i draw on for characterization after, you know, actual canon
evan
Smart, sincere, and cripplinglyself-conscious, Evan prefers to hover in the background, asupporting player in his own life, too afraid to step forward into thespotlight and risk ridicule or, what might be worse, no one noticinghim at all.
this description captures a lot of the things i think are key about evan, but one big thing itā€™s missing is that heā€™s kind of an asshole. he usually has good intentions, and he tries to be inoffensive and considerate and Nice, but he sucks at that because itā€™s just not how he naturally is. heā€™s bitter and angry about a lot of things - his lack of friends, jared (ostensibly) not caring about him or taking him seriously, heidi rarely being present, and perhaps most of all, his own perception of himself asĀ ā€œbrokenā€ and a burden, which he genuinely believes that heidi agrees with and that everyone else would if they knew what he was truly like. heā€™s frequently sarcastic and occasionally pedantic (see:Ā ā€œpresidentā€Ā ā€œco-presidentā€ andĀ ā€œitā€™s sulaā€Ā ā€œwhat did i say?ā€Ā ā€œsuluā€). but these are things he doesnā€™t like about himself, which is why he tries to be either Nice or invisible, especially when he feels uncomfortable. the times when heā€™s most comfortable acting like himself are, in my opinion, when heā€™s just with jared, who in turn finds it most fun to spend time with evan when heā€™s not putting up a front.
major pet peeves in fic: being written as a ~delicate anxious bean uwu~ or anything along those lines; dialogue with stuttering that doesnā€™t resemble his actual speech patterns at all; making a big deal out of him using profanity; portraying his relationship with jared as evan just letting himself get pushed around until someone (usually connor) comes in to bravely show evan that He Doesnā€™t Deserve That
jared
Droll and sarcastic,Jared claims to be forced by his parents to hang out with familyfriend Evan, for whom he ostensibly has nothing but disdain.Jared covers his own obvious insecurities with a well-practicedbraggadocio and a know-it-all arrogance.
I think this is the playlist that Jared puts on in the morning on the first day of school to pump himself up for the dayā€¦ Ultimately heā€™s terrified of going back to school, but heā€™s trying to psych himself up. ā€¦ Every one of these songs is a JAM. No ballads here. And theyā€™re all slightly sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek songs about unrequited love. Jared can relate to that. [x]
Jared Kleinman is too cool for the music of the times. He is proudly a walking 90ā€™s movieā€¦ but he doesnā€™t mind sneaking a little of his parents Manischewitz and listening to a dusty Bette Midler record. [x]
(there are like a dozen interviews with will roland that i could cite here but thatā€™s practically a post unto itself)
the best way i can sum up all the major points of jaredā€™s characterization is that thereā€™s always a reason for the things he says. he doesnā€™t make harsh remarks to be deliberately cruel or mean; heā€™s either pointing out an uncomfortable but important truth, or heā€™s aiming to make a joke and inadvertently crossing the line. when he does make jokes, itā€™s often another way of delivering the truth, an attempt to get people to laugh and thereby validate that heā€™s clever/funny/worthy, or an effort to deflect something that makes him uncomfortable or scared. redirection, derision, and showing off are some of his major defensive tactics; he doesnā€™t do self-deprecation out loud, but he is, as will has said, repressed and self-hating. he and evan are similarly asshole-ish, but where evan tries to hide it, jared tries to hide behind it.
he wants people to be impressed by him in general, but he really wants evan in particular to think well of him and be his friend and openly care about him - the problem is that jared canā€™t bring himself to openly care about evan, because that entails emotional honesty & vulnerability that heā€™s just not prepared to deal with. hence their interaction on the first day of school, and then jared agreeing to help evan more and more with his increasingly complex lie despite claiming not to care. (the key word in that first quote isĀ ā€œostensibly.ā€) when he is actually is at ease (which is pretty rare, at least in canon), heā€™s a bit of a drama queen, which evan may pretend to be annoyed by but quietly enjoys.
major pet peeves in fic: being written as straight and/or homophobic and/or leaping to make jokes about how evan and connor are Clearly Doing It immediately after finding out that theyā€™re becoming friends (as if he isnā€™t utterly convinced that evan is 100% straight); making excessive/forced references and jokes to modern pop culture/memes (everything he shouts out in any form of canon is at least ten years old and usually decades old, and that doesnā€™t happen often anyway); relentlessly treating evan like shit/being incredibly domineering in their friendship; constant bickering with connor; calling evanĀ ā€œhansenā€ all the time when he only ever addresses him asĀ ā€œevanā€ (or, like,Ā ā€œdudeā€ orĀ ā€œbroā€ orĀ ā€œsonā€) and even only does THAT when heā€™s especially emotional or letting his guard down; just generally giving him dialogue that in no way resembles his actual, very distinctive speech patterns
(i have. a lot of thoughts and feelings about jared)
alana
Alana is an incredibly genuineperson. Everything she does comes from a place of deephonesty and tremendous feeling. All of the characters inthis musical put up masks of sorts. For Alana, itā€™s a faƧadeof cheerfulness. She is always ready with a smile, a note ofencouragement. This hides the loneliness underneath.Ā 
often prone to melodrama, high school senior Alana has few friends but lacks the self-awareness to understand why; beneath her extroverted demeanor, Alana is in fact haunted by a terrible and abiding loneliness; tired of always being an outsider, Alana seizes the death of a classmate as an opportunity finally to find a sense of belonging. [x]
Study break! ā€¦ Alana spend a lot of time in the books. This playlist allows her to either kick back, have a lip sync battle, or a jam session. ā€¦ We have classic up beats like ā€˜Uptown Funkā€™ by Bruno Mars cause she loves to dance and be silly. Sheā€™s also a romantic. Girl reads Jane Austen, so a nice healthy batch of love songs to daydream to. Sheā€™s also a feminist! So naturally BeyoncĆ© has the perfect perfect pump up jams for the feminist in us all.
alana has Big Feelings, and they drive all her actions. she wants to achieve great things and succeed in life, yes, but more importantly, she wants to help people and make the world a better place. when she commits to a course of action, itā€™s because she truly believes that itā€™s the right or most beneficial thing to do in the end, even if the means themselves are questionable. much like jared, she struggles with vulnerability and connection with other people, and often tries to form connections with other people by making herself seem more impressive, but unlike jared, she also tries to build up and support other people, rather than tearing them down. sheā€™s also committed to supporting Truth in a general sense, and struggles when this comes into conflict with Doing The Right Thing. this is especially obvious after good for you, when she resigns herself to continuing the fundraiser even though sheā€™s certain itā€™s based on a lie.
all of this makes alana seem incredibly serious, but thatā€™s not the entire picture. she strives to be upbeat and optimistic, and even when sheā€™s not trying, she loves to have fun! she likes to be silly and tell jokes and laugh at other peopleā€™s jokes and daydream about finding a great romance! she thoughtĀ ā€œfuck finnā€ was the height of comedy! sheā€™s not a killjoy!
i also hold with kristolyn lloydā€™s theory that alana was very close with her grandmother and struggled with feeling unable/not allowed to openly grieve her death, or to express any kind of loneliness or other strong negative emotion. however, i do not hold with kristolynā€™s theory that alana had a crush on connor, because alana is a lesbian.
major pet peeves in fic: being written as pedantic and joyless; overly formal dialogue (sheā€™s perfectly capable of using colloquialisms and slang) in which she is never sarcastic, ever (she absolutely can be when sheā€™s frustrated)Ā 
zoe
a sensitive, sophisticated high school junior; cool without realizing it, Zoe could care less about the status games and popularity rites of high school; funny and bright, she has grown up in the long shadow cast by her volatile older brother, Connor, tyrannized along with the rest of her family by his out-of-control behavior; few rooms are as familiar to her as the inside of a family therapistā€™s office; Zoe compensates for her brotherā€™s darkness by striving to be warm, nice to everyone, the kind of person who goes out of her way to learn the names of the kids who sit by themselves at lunch; she feels a terrible ambivalence over her brotherā€™s death, finding it difficult to forgive him for all he did, and at the same time forgive that part of herself that feels nothing but relief in the fact that heā€™s gone.
this sums up just about everything i could say, but i will add: the disembodied voice calling zoe aĀ ā€œstuck-up bitchā€ during ywbf reprise is NOT a voice youā€™re supposed to agree with.
major pet peeves: anything that states/suggest that zoe is a bitch; those connor/evan fix-it fics with background zoe/alana where the premise of zoe and alanaā€™s relationship isĀ ā€œtheyā€™ve actually been best friends this whole time!!ā€ even though this contradicts canon on multiple levels
connor
An angry, disaffectedloner, Connor has been a troubled kid for as long as anyone canremember, an enigma and a source of endless consternation to hislong-suffering parents and sister.
i honestly donā€™t have much to say about connor, because i donā€™t think about him very often, but i will say that:
- if your portrayal of him can be described asĀ ā€œedgy,ā€ youā€™re probably doing something wrong. heā€™s just as awkward and anxious as evan, it just manifests very differently
- him addressing evan asĀ ā€œhansenā€ all the time is admittedly much more plausible than jared doing it, but still just as annoying
heidi
Overworkedand stretched too thin, Heidi loves her son fiercely, but fears theyhave begun to grow apart. She is prepared to do anything to repairthe damage.
heidiā€™s torn between trying to connect with evan and trying to provide a better life for him, because for her, achieving the latter currently requires spending too many hours away from home to really achieve the former. thatā€™s why sheā€™s so upset and demands to know whatā€™s going on in evanā€™s life when he seems to be acting out of character and doing things she doesnā€™t expect him to do - sheĀ feels sheā€™s being left out of the loop. much like alana, she strives for optimism, trying to find the bright side of any situation. and, as steven levenson pointed out in the annotated script (regarding the line about fabulous tips that evanā€™s stepmother may or may not have made from cocktail waitressing), she doesnā€™t have a fully developed sense of healthy boundaries, which is an interesting nuance that tends to get lost in fics that flatten her out into a generic Cool Mom. sheā€™s trying to raise a teenager while not wanting to fully grow up herself.
cynthia
To Evan, she seems to be the perfect mother, nurturing, available,and willing to talk about anything. To her own children, itā€™s a bitmore complicated.
evan idealizes all the murphys, and cynthia is no exception. she tries her hardest to be a good and accessible mother, but sheā€™s deeply dissatisfied with being just a mother. she works to support and empathize with connor, and to remember him positively after his death, but she frequently neglects and minimizes zoe and her problems in the process.Ā Ā 
larry
Though often tense and taciturn, Larry shows a different face tothe world, representing for Evan the dad he always wished for:strong, confident, and, more than anything, reliable, someone to becounted on.
is larry going to call his children slurs or disown them/kick them out of the house for being lgbt? no. is he going to research How To Interact With Your LGBT Child and drive connor and zoe to the local pride parade? also no. the once-popular (and possibly still popular?) characterization of him as a demon straight from the ninth circle of hell is just as inaccurate as evanā€™s perception of him as the Worldā€™s Greatest Dad.
i hope this helps! and thank you for asking - i really enjoyed answering this, and iā€™d be happy to expand on most of these points if you want.
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