#anyway the fucking audacity of some of you truly astonishing

[my-weird-heart]

-

[iworshipkeanureeves]

Denim Dreams (Scott Favor x Reader)

A/N: This is My Own Private Idaho fanfiction requested by @jadore-keanu30​, I also managed to slip in a small part about Scott being ticklish as requested by anon. And maybe let’s imagine this is AU where Mike is not in love with Scott.

Summary: Your friend Mike introduces you to Scott Favor, but you hate him at first. Scott, however, persistently tries to get your attention.

Warnings: language, smut

Words: 2,7 K

Woken by a doorbell, you rolled out of bed grunting. You were never a morning person, so it made you internally scream at whoever was behind that door. To your surprise, it was Mike, and even though you were sort of friends, he would rarely show up at your doorstep, especially this early.

“You can come in, my mom’s at work,” you invited Mike in, but he seemed hesitant to go.

“I thought we could get breakfast,” Mike suggested, leaning on your door frame.

“Are you asking me on a date?” you chuckled teasing him, when you knew this was never going to be the case.

“You’re not exactly my type,” he replied giving you an impish smile, and you rolled your eyes tying your hair up in a messy bun.

“Just give me a minute to change,” you said still wearing pajama and disappeared into your room, leaving him at a doorstep.

------

Mike and you were supportive of each other, but you weren’t particularly that kind of friends who would hang out together much, so all of this was a surprise.

“What’s the occasion?” you wondered as you and Mike were entering a diner.

“I wanted to thank you for saving my ass yesterday,” he replied, with his eyes stuck to the ground, as usual.

In fact, you had saved Mike’s ass many times before. Working at a movie theater, you would help him hide in one of the auditoria, usually from his clients and sometimes from the cops too. You had an understanding of what Mike was doing to get by. Yet, you two had an agreement that he wouldn’t involve you in his business further than that.

After much consideration, you decided to get a burger, which wasn’t a typical breakfast food, but you had a strong craving and it was already after 11 AM, so technically it could have been almost considered lunch. Mike was silent as usual, munching on his waffles, occasionally lifting his eyes to stare into a quiet street, and you could never tell what he was thinking about.

Just as you were about to take a next bite, you sensed the seat next to you caving in. Suddenly, you were being accompanied by a tall dark haired guy. He and Mike exchanged “Hey”s, so you assumed he was probably one of Mike’s friends. You didn’t know him, and it felt weird how he sat next to you instead of Mike. Not that it made you uncomfortable, but you found it rude, especially because he was coarsely invading your private space.

“I’m Scott, I’m Mike’s…”

“I know who you are,” you cut him off, after hearing the name. You recognized him from Mike’s stories. “Mike has told me about you,” you added and went on with another bite of your heavenly delicious burger.

Even though Mike had spoken only favorably about Scott, from what you had heard, you couldn’t approve him. You didn’t like the fact that Scott was privileged with his trust funds and did what he did only for fun. You believed that he would leave Mike any day to get back to his prosperous life, and you knew how much it would hurt your friend. Therefore, Scott was your enemy, even if you hadn’t met him before.

“She’s Y/N,” Mike mumbled, after a long silent pause around the table, and you choked a little looking up to give him a discontent glance.

“What a chatty girl,” Scott hissed ironically, raising his hand for a waitress to come.

“She’s just not an early bird, it’s too soon for her chirps,” Mike intervened, trying to cushion the conversation after seeing your face all frowned.

If Scott really wanted to talk, you decided to go at him.

“Don’t you feel like a fraud here?” you spoke calmly. “This life you’re living for the moment, isn’t it just one of your whims, until you choose to move on to something better?”

You already knew the real answer, you were just curious to see what Scott saw in all of this.

“So just because I’m going to inherit my family funds, it means I can’t live the life I honestly enjoy? Does it always have to be connected to money?”

His emphasis was on enjoyment, and you knew well, it was a brittle, fleeting thing. Yeah, even if this was the life he truly fancied, it was for a short moment only, and that moment was about to end meaning that someone would get hurt. Your dear Mike, most probably.

After finishing the last few sips of your drink, you gather you stuff and were about to put your jacket on.

“Leaving so soon?” Scott scoffed with his obnoxious exhale, and you could almost feel your blood beginning to boil.

“Work,” you looked at him with a painfully fake smile. “Some of us here”, you said pointing between you and Mike, “have to actually earn a living, we have no rich daddies to run to.”

You looked at Scott, implying he should really move, but he seemed to enjoy annoying you and wasn’t going to go anywhere. Playing his game, you decided to just climb over him, sticking your tight-fitted ass right in front of his face, wiggling it a little to tease him even more. Approaching the door, you turned around to give Mike one last goodbye, proudly witnessing Scott’s hand in a pocket, adjusting his emerging boner.

------

It was your usual day at work operating cash register, putting up a smile to everyone and kindly accepting their complaints about high prices and lack of interesting movies, as if it was personally your fault that this theater was kind of shitty.

Just as you thought it couldn’t get worse, it surely did.

What the hell, you thought, looking at Scott entering the movie theater, weirdly alone and still not losing that annoying smile of his.

“Hey there,” Scott spoke, leaning with his elbow on top of your desk. It left you speechless for a moment, as you were astonished by his audacity to come visit you at work. “Come get a drink with me,” he demanded.

“Don’t you see I’m working?” you couldn’t believe his oblivion. How self-centered could he possibly be?

“What about later?”

“Later? Oh yeah, still working,” you smiled mockingly. Scott seemed to be getting a little frustrated and there were no words to describe how much you enjoyed it.

“Fine, then one ticket to Bird on a Wire,” Scott requested, reaching for his wallet.

“Magic word?” you kept taunting him, squeezing every bit of his patience, though he seemed to be holding on surprisingly well.

“Please?” he grunted, slipping you a few bills.

“Rich boy with no manners, what could be worse?” you grinned, shaking your head, handing him the ticket.

Scott only cracked a smile. “See you around,” he said leaving your desk.

You really hoped this wouldn’t be the case, but oh boy, he was not wrong.

------

Scott came in the next week to see Back to the Future III, no stupid flirting this time. He directly asked for the ticket, and even added please, learning from his mistakes. Of course he was nice, it was probably his tactics to get you go out with him, but you knew better than that.

The problem was Scott’s persistence, as he kept on coming every night, and you would chat a little more each time. It was usually about Mike, but other things too. There was something frightening about letting him too close and you would have to remind yourself to keep a distance.

Every time you wanted to change the topic, you could turn to movies, because at some point Scott had probably seen more of those than you had. He saw Total Recall, Dick Tracy, Robocop 2, Days of Thunder, Die Hard 2, well, basically everything the theater was screening for the moment.

Indeed everything.

It seemed like you were unintentionally seeing Scott more than you were seeing Mike, and it drove you crazy. You started asking around if he also came on nights when you weren’t working, hoping that maybe he had just discovered his passion for movies. But that wasn’t the case.

------

One night Scott showed up looking different. His hair was messy, jeans were tighter, and he had a denim jacket on. It was buttoned up, but you could see that he was wearing nothing underneath. You felt bad for finding this tempting, but you couldn’t help it. Anyway, you didn’t have to like Scott as a person to admit how sexy he actually was.

“Hey,” you greeted him. “I don’t think we have a movie that you haven’t seen yet,” you continued, getting rid of all the scorn that you used to have in your voice before. Honestly, you were tired of torturing him, and he genuinely seemed not that bad. At least better than you had expected him to be after the first day of meeting him at that diner.

“Well, then I’ll have to watch Die Hard again,” Scott giggled, suggesting that he didn’t mind it, he just enjoyed coming to the theater.

After handing Scott the ticket, you realized that there might be a day when he wouldn’t come anymore. Or even worse, he would bring someone with him, another girl maybe. You couldn’t believe your thoughts, and how upset it made you. It felt like you were betraying yourself, but there was nothing you could do.

Fuck. You were falling for him

------

It was getting late and the majority of tonight’s screenings had ended, you were washing your hands in the ladies room, thinking about what needed to be done before closing up for the day. You couldn’t believe it when you caught yourself looking in the mirror to adjust your make-up and a few stray hairs, thinking you might meet Scott again.

After all, this wasn’t a bad decision, because just as you were leaving the restroom, your eyes met Scott, who was inspecting movie posters in the empty hallway. He must have heard the door shut, because he immediately turned your way. Was he following you? Waiting for you? You couldn’t tell, but honestly, you didn’t care any longer. You mind was captured by his unbuttoned jacket, exposing his bare stomach, and a scar running along his abs line, leaving you powerless against him.  

Coming closer to meet Scott, you felt yourself giving in. He had already put too much time into all this, for it to be just another of his games. Scott was being nice to you, so why push him away? It’s not like you were going to marry him and live happily ever after, but giving him a chance would be something. Something you might even enjoy.  

Scott was inches away, glancing down into your eyes. His messy hair was casting shadow over his dark gaze, making you weak in your knees. After looking around, very timidly you ran your fingertips through his exposed scar, feeling his radiating skin. You wanted him so badly, you could feel the heat accumulating between your legs just thinking about it.

Felt like it was now or never, and you decided to go for it.

“Do you have a condom?” you whispered, glancing at him.

“What if I do?” Scott asked, trying to play cool, but you could see the surprise in his eyes.

“Then it’s your lucky day,” you giggled dragging him back to the ladies room, into one of the stalls.

“What if somebody catch us? Aren’t you going to lose your job?” Scott slowed down a little.

“I hate this job,” you smirked, closing the door and wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer into a kiss.

You were delicate at first, slowly tasting his fleshy lips, your hands wandering along his sides, slowly reaching inside the jacket, your fingertips brushing his satin skin. Just as you reached Scott’s ribs, you felt his muscles tense and he bounced back a little with a giggle leaving his mouth.

“What a sensitive boy,” you smirked, pulling him closer again, invading his mouth with your tongue this time, writing your name inside his throat. Scott’s palms were on your ass, squeezing it tightly, his bulge pressing on your stomach, throbbing in his tight jeans.

Scott was slowly lifting the hem of your skirt, his hands getting closer to your heat, fidgeting with your skin, and then you felt his fingertips tucked inside your panties, dragging them down. His fingers were navigating through your folds, finding your swollen clit, and rubbing circles on it, while he was passionately kissing your lips.

An unexpected moan left your mouth and Scott had to cover it firmly with his palm, giving you a displeased stare. Finding this funny, you naughtily took two of Scott’s fingers in your mouth, sucking on them, hollowing your cheeks and gazing into his dark lustful eyes, while his other hand was skillfully working your clit. You wanted to scream at how good it felt.

As you were unzipping Scott’s jeans, you felt two of his fingers smoothly sliding inside of your throbbing pussy, slowly stretching you before you take him.

“You’re tight, baby, I want to prepare you a little bit,” he whispered, but the time wasn’t on your side, knowing the theater would be closing soon.

“We have to be quick,” you moaned, dragging his jeans down, and pushing him onto the covered seat. Scott’s thick fingers fell out of you and he took them in his mouth, slowly licking your juices off, maintaining a sultry eye contact. The sight gave you shivers, and the pressure in your lower stomach was getting unbearable.

“So sweet,” he said licking his lips, and went into his pocket to grab a silver packet.

While Scott was giving himself a few strokes and sliding a condom on, you stepped out of your panties that had been left hanging between your ankles and straddled him. Feeling his tip brushing against your slit, you helped him line with your entrance and lowered yourself gradually. He was really big and you felt flames in your walls, but Scott was patiently waiting for you to adjust, his fingers softly brushing your hair.

Getting more comfortable, you started moving faster, taking him all in, feeling his length hitting you in the right spot. Scott’s hands were on your hips keeping your balance, and his lips were placing wet kisses all over your neck. Every thrust was audible with your skin slapping against each other and your wet pussy splashing every time he went all the way in.

Scott had noticed that your thighs were getting tired, so he stood up with you hanging around him, your legs wrapped across his waist. With your back set against the wall, Scott drove into you with force, you could feel and hear his balls slapping your ass and you felt your release coming.

“Scott, I’m close, please just don’t stop,” you whimpered, with incoherent cries leaving your throat, as you felt him pushing even harder. Your abdomen cramped and you came undone with moans that were probably too loud, but you couldn’t care less.

Scott was still jamming into you vigorously, grunting as he came hard, stalling inside of you, with his throbbing cock pulsating against your walls. He was panting, as he looked up to you and smiled, “You’re good?” he asked, catching his breath. But you only managed to nod eagerly, as he was letting your feet to the ground, pulling out of you slowly.

With remaining tingles in your belly, you put your panties on and carefully peeked out to see if it was safe to leave. Leading the way, you held Scott’s hand and asked him to wait outside the restroom until you fixed your hair and make up, again. You wanted to hate yourself for this, but instead of feeling guilt or regret, you could only feel ecstasy in your veins. This was too good to let go.

As you were leaving the restroom, Scott greeted you with a wide grin, taking you by the hand. “I know this isn’t the exact order of how relationships go, but how about that drink now?” he asked modestly.

“Fine, just let me drop my uniform,” you smiled, rising on your toes to give him a little kiss and disappeared into the staff room.

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

You’re a WHAT

Kanene’s Notes:

I’m weak for carzy scenarios  and glitter, so BOOOM!! Why don’t get these two things together??? :D)/ This fic marks the end of my break, I will be (trying to) going back to my old projects and probably won’t be writing for some weeks kjnhgfvghjkjhg. Wish me luck! <33

This wasn’t suppose to take so much to be written but I lost my PC and life got in the way :v   Buuuut! I manage to finish it and I already count this as a victory! xP

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* That fanfic has Remy and Roman. They’re friendos yay :3. Oh, and this is pretty crazy. Context: The morning after Black Friday when you’re grumpy and wanting to kick the society in the face. A LOT of swearing, Patton does not approve.  

* This characters do not belongs to me. They all belongs to the amazing Thomas Sanders in his series of Sanders Sides.

* Something around 2.900 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!

* Tô com preguiça de postar a versão em português brasileiro aaaa! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Try and have fun with new hobbies, be safe, talk with the one that you love, drink water and sleep well! Byeioo!~

                             [~*~]

Roman thought himself as a really lucky human being. Unbelievable lucky.

 It wasn't due to the apartment where he currently lived - Too much dull for his personal taste and space, getting even smaller from the day he admitted a messy, sassy and with sleep problems roommate, since Roman just started his musical career and couldn't afford an own house yet. - or the fact that was finally able to pursue his dream after years and years of just picturing, painting this moment on his future, only to find out his fantastic breathtaking and incredible goals weren’t nearly close of the cold reality, at least for now (Who would know that, after umpteenth days of hard studying and training he would need years and years of experience in order to even START wondering in get out of his partial-time job on that Electronic Store) or any other reason someone would be able to consider himself a receptacle of pure, brute luck, enlightened by the spotlights of the good, pleasant destiny...

 ... Or at least the most pleasant it could be in the horrible and exhaustive middle of the night after a whole day filled with his attempts to survive and treat respectfully the unmerciful, dirty jungle that humanity was at Black Friday. Something around fifteen  hours working with massive hordes of unscrupulous zombies starved for a sale and able to even kill and die (more likely the first option) to get what they want and with souls (if they still got one) free of any slight sight of education, patience and morals to be inserted in a society which, as it seemed, was equally rotten as them. View point only proved as Roman was obligated to be working after his shift to "clean all the mess" - more like hide the bodies of exhausted warriors after such bloody battle. – the store because those sons of a...

 "... Bitch, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!" The poor, frustrated employed shouted to nowhere specific, his face turning towards the sky, seeking in some way to show his all his hate to the cinematography - because this was too much coincidence to NOT be part of a movie or some random fanfic on the black hole that was internet - rain falling at full force leading the weather to became even more freezing as soaked them both with its cool, thick drops.

Anyway, what he was daydreaming about?

"Roman." Oh, yeah, the reason why he viewed himself as a truly lucky person. "My gurl, if you try to impersonate a fucking, dramatic, bitch crow in my ear even again, I swear in the name of my life juice bean that I'm going to KILL you with my bare hands and these sunglasses."

 At least his best friend since, honestly, diapers, who coincidentally was his roommate and even more coincidentally, his coworker was just screwed as Roman himself. Which automatically made the duo less screwed, however equally pissed off, something that neither of them discovered if that was a good or bad thing, yet.

 "Fuck you, Remy" Roman whispered between an tired yawn, too much tired to even think about some nickname or to put real heat in his words as he got instinctively closer to the other, the one called taking off his jacket and lazily throwing it over their heads, doing his best to cover they both with the small available black leathered fabric, the act intertwined with grumpy grumbling and motions which would probably slap Roman's face if he wasn't careful. "I'm the one who buys your coffee."

 "Having my incredible, unique personality in your life should be motivation enough for you to buy me the entire Starbucks Company, be glad I'm weak to your cute face and am going easy on ya."

 " 'Cute'? Excuse me, I'm the most handsome, hottest and fabulous man you will ever met in your lowly life, mortal."

 Remy snorted at this "Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe, but if it's going to be like that your ego soon will have to pay his part at the rent."

 "Well, this 'ego' here was the only thing between your highness and jail after stopping you from committing all those murders today."

 "Bold of you to assume I wouldn't use my contacts to hide the evidences." Their tune were already completely sleepy, bodies instinctively leaning onto each other as the words stumbled, mixed and almost lost themselves in the soundly wind as slipped from their lips. Roman just laughed.

 "Well, if by ‘contacts’ mean 'Virgil' good luck getting him out of his bed on his free day. You would became the fucking new King Arthur." Roman rubbed his eyes, trying to physically force his eyelashes to not close, a new yawn finding its way to his mouth. He didn't even know about what they were talking anymore.

 "I roll the dice to cast Badass Nerd Bitch."

 “Logan??”

 “He likes to study nature stuff, especially at night, I’m sure he already knows some good spots to hide bodies. Glasses.”

 “Glasses?”

 “Glasses.”

 “OMG, the anime character with glasses.” Roman stopped, his mouth wide open as if all the secrets of the universe had been revealed to him.

 “Exactly.” Remy extended each syllable, grinning smugly.

 “I’ve never-“

“THIS IS A ROBERY!!”

 The sentence, which appeared to came out from nowhere, cut the air in a harsh, sharp tune, breaking the barriers and tying them up in the same place in a frozen position and wide eyes staring astonished the hooded form and their unreadable features under the bad illumination of the light poles helped by the increased storm. The wind trespassed them, stirring their clothes and making the muscles shake both of the alone employees in the middle of a dark, empty street at the dawn, even if the dangerously shiny knife directed towards their direction still in a hatred silence. 

 “My.” Roman knew he probably should be afraid, the freezing feeling running across his veins and frightening his brain and actions as infected his words in an unspeakable terror impossible to ignore nor escape. “fucking.” However, the only thing that slipped through his next was the purest, deepest, truest... “ASS.” Indignation.

 Roman thought about a lot of things. He thought about running away, grabbing Remy’s arm and sprinting across the street, about scream in the top of his lungs the waterfall of swearing already racing half way to his throat and even about kicking the knife out of the other’s hands and then kicking him - with a couple of cool moves he saw in some actions films - together with their frecking audacity to try to rob him of all the people in the world. Roman, who asked himself if he would have enough money to eat in the next week with a concerning frequency, who wondered if this is the life he will have until the end of his existence, if he will ever be able to accomplish his dreams.

 His gaze changed to Remy, who was paralyzed, trembling between the poor light of the street and the massive rain. Roman swallowed. Everything was in his hands.

 For a piece of Roman felt the strange urge to spill to the figure before him the story of his life, all his tries, all his battles, his everyday fights to make his dreams real. Blow by blow. Day by day. A life destined to go after everything he wished to himself, everything he wanted to life, to experience, to savor, to do everything in his hands to ignore and one day maybe, hopefully forget all the ghosts - these ones always accompanied by those emotionless, sharp whispers - asking, doubting nonstop if he ever would be able to do all of this, if he was doing the rights thing, if it was really worth all of it.

 However, before the first word even slipped of Roman’s tongue or his mind came fully back to Earth, Remy was already positioning himself strategically between the robber and his friend, the currently only one with the leather jacket falling on his shoulders. However, Remy didn’t seem nearly soaked as he should be, and for a heartbeat, the same one which Remy moved his hands to his jeans’ pocket, his fingers touching and firmly holding something there, Roman could swear that the unexpectedly shiver running across his spine wasn’t due the cold wind.

 Nor the sentence hurled in the clouds.

 “You know what?? Fuck it.”

 And then he unsheathed his magic wand.

 Roman loved with the entirety of his heart all kind of magic, he could easily spend an entire afternoon (which he already had, by the way) listing his favorites movies, musicals and stories with that theme. That also could be easily said by the thousands and thousands of worlds, universes and lifes he invented – in and out of his head - about the subject trough his childhood and handful of teenage years, random ideas and inspirations appearing and dancing in his mind until nowadays. If that only wasn’t enough to convince someone then the umpteenth memories of mornings and afternoons bathed in the smell of books, rocked by the calm silene of the public library as he turned one more page, his back lightly aching by the bad position assumed behind the shelters, in a place he strategically found and claimed as his own Bridge to Terabithia, enjoying every moment as if nothing else mattered. Perhaps you wouldn’t even need to swim in such deep, ancient waters to find out his love, since at least fifty percent of his day was dedicated to shout, hummer or murmur Disney songs.

 However, as rays of pure energy  - shiny and kind of glittery one - involved and swirled from Remy’s, who now was floating a few centimeters above the ground, wand in stripes that got lighter and lighter, begging to spin faster around the aforementioned, creating a spere of a power stunning and big enough to stop the rain in the corner.

 The silence resulting from the lack of the storm didn’t had the opportunity to fill the moment, being obligated to give its space to a soft, intense melody whispered in their ears. The notes standing some more moments in the air, the beating following the changes in the shadowed figure inside the spere. Hesitations taking over the loud, quick heartbeats when the song finally stopped.

 The power’s spere finally exploded, the impact leading to an unbelief and intensive force push both human meters away.

 “Get. Out.”  Remy’s tune still the same, his form – Now adorned by a gleaming crop top, his fluttering skirt over shorts floating in synchrony with the veils which surrounded his clothes and wrapping his arms, the ending spreading in the air as a bunch of angry powered and fancy snakes. - even with the new vestments full of glitter (this probably would be a hell to get off, later) still the same, his gaze, powerful – a new meaning pouring from this word – strong, still the same. But yet…

 Yet his wide eyed, heart hammering in his chest friend since he could remember found himself struggling to connect the same Remy who he had known – if he could still say that? -  all his life with the same being who gleamed dangerously before him.

 The magic wand danced in a quick flick and a trash can came of what seemed nowhere to hit the wobbled and absolutely terrified robber, who fell with a soft thumph in the ground, unconscious.

 “-man, Roman!!! Don’t just stay standing there like a tree, help me here, gurl!” Suddenly the called snapped from his own sea of thoughts, submerging and astonished blinking in Remy’s direction. The rain started to fell on them again, and when their eyes met, when Roman saw the same guy who spent afternoons climbing trees and pretending they were knights and dragons attacking or saving the world, when he recalled the silent sleepovers where they just sat near of each other enjoying the mutual company, the grumpy mornings in their apartment, the comfort hugs, the looks full of words, the smiles filled with meaning, the friendship stuffed with so many, many memories... 

 Nostalgia. The feeling that everything was changed albeit something… something important always stayed. Roman felt, truly felt it and fixed his glare into that brilliant – quite literally - glare adorned with a ‘I’m about to punch your cocky face if you keep fucking narrating every freaking second of your life, ya bitch’ he realized... 

 It was Remy.

 He took a deep breath, moving closer and gradually relaxing as the aforementioned focused in trying to lift the guy, swearing more frequently than raindrops fell from the sky.

 “Remy?”

 “Yeah?”

 “First crush.”

 The other stopped, frowning confused. Roman didn’t quiver, feeling he deserved some sort of answer. At least about this. “What?”

 “My first crush. Who?”

 “Kovu.” Remy maybe was a bit cold hearted, maybe he wasn’t the best with human interactions or knew exactly what Roman wanted with that… but he knew Roman enough to realize this was important. Essentially when the said seemed to relax, his form untensing itself and being allowed to get closer of the magic being.

 “Okay. Okay, okay…” Roman took a deep breath, grounding himself. Their gaze met, his next words coming a little calmer. “Okay.”

 “Please don’t make me sing that serenate you made for him. I’m gonna fucking quit.”

 “Oh, shut up!! Our first love is something special, mister I-Can’t-Choose-Between-The-Beast-And-The-Beauty.”

 Remy decided to ignore the words, slightly lowing his sunglasses with his special Judgmental ‘Bold of you to assume I have enough shame to be mocked’ Look. Roman just flipped in his direction, taking advantage that the other’s hands were occupied.

 It was still Remy, with a whole more of style and glitter – Why are there so much glitter here?? - but it was just Remy. Like just any other day.

 Before he even realized, Roman was already at his friend’s - and as it seems a magical being - side, helping him to carry the robber’s body to somewhere dry so he wouldn’t die of hypothermia.

 “Why don’t you- Ouch!! My feet, dammit!” His breaths came out as puffs, the effort leading to his already exhausted muscles only protest even more and very much probably curse him later with sore movements for the audacity to transport anything heavier than a pen. “Why don’t you use your... Wizard magic or something to carry him??”

 “Oh. My. Gosh. Roman, you are sooo intelligent, why aren’t you in Harvard? Ow! Ow! Ow!!” Remy’s sarcasm was cut when the other kicked, or did his best to with their actual position, him in protest.  “Homophobic.” He exhaled a mix of irritation and a snort, receiving a playful punch in his arm by their inside joke.  “I’m your Fairy Godmother, brainless. Unless it was you laid in this stupid, cold ground I can’t use my magic anymore... Except if this is someone of your family but I doubt-”

 “Wait, wait, wait, WAIT!!! YOU ARE MY FAIRY GODM-”

 “No, no way, nope, we are NOT having this conversation right now.” Remy, the Fairy Godmother let go of the unconscious body in a way that probably will make the guy wake up sore, perhaps with a concussion even, directing his index finger in Roman’s direction in a deep, determined stare full of darkness and things that Roman could swear would make Remy be expelled from the group of Friendly Fairy GodmotherS  or whatever... thing he was inserted. “Let me tell you what we are doing right now: We are going to home, change our clothes then I’m getting coffee and you will get sleep so I don’t have to face nor care about the freak consequences of my damn actions.”

 ...

 “That...” Roman stop, as if was considering his next words. Remy’s face just scrunched in a bigger, firmer frown. “That would be hella scary if you didn’t look like someone who just stole a store of glitter and got attacked by the gay, glitterly, shiny fairies who protected the place.”

 “Go fuck yourself. I’m locking you outside when we get there.”

 “Noo, please don’t! My evil stepmother didn’t let me go to the prince castle and now I need help! Crying emoji, crying emoji.” Roman mocked, imitating sad sobs and sniffles as quick his pace to follow the other, who flipped him.

 “I’m this far from knock you out with my magical wand and then you will see who is the evil stepmother.” His wand gleamed in warning, the red color getting mixed and trembled by the fast movements of his veils, one of them getting dangerously next to Roman’s face, who cleverly got silent for some heartbeats, the sound of the rain slowly calming their heartbeats and rocking them, the tiredness gaining the space which, piece by piece, was being unhanded by their adrenaline.

 They arrived home, both still quiet, feeling free as a relieved sign left their lips. Remy threw his soaked jacket in some dark corner, the bed being the only thing which was allowed to take over all his thoughts and will. 

 An awed gasp echoed behind him and he immediately regretted his move.

 “YOU HAVE WINGS????”

 Before his eyelashes closed, the shiny of the wand disappearing gradually as an ungodly amount of sleepiness gained complete control over his body, relaxing each one of his fibers and as a warm, magic good feeling fills every single cell in his being, Roman wondered if ‘Fuck it’ was the name of Remy’s spell.

[wrestlewriting]

#10 [Seth Rollins]

Requested, #10: “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.” (Prompt from here.)

Author note: This is some straight up angst/drama.

@superkixbaybay @hiitsmecharlie @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @valeonmars @pjanina13​

And the award for, the best lie goes to you. For making me believe, that you could be faithful to me….

Regret was not an emotion you were used to feeling, not truly anyways. You often thought ‘maybe I shouldn’t have done that’ or ‘I wish that hadn’t happened’, but chalked all things up to learning experiences.

Right now though, as you surveyed the backyard full of your coworkers, you regretted bringing yourself here.

At first, you had flat turned down the invitation to come to the house of Cesaro and Sonya, his long-term girlfriend and a close friend of yours. But Sonya had kept on. And on. She kept stating this was the perfect time for a backyard BBQ, as the weather was still spring-warm and not summer-sweltering. There was also mention of how you didn’t go out much anymore, to see anyone, and that you needed to stop that behavior.

You quickly located the reason you hadn’t wanted to come. He was stood further back in the yard, in a black t-shirt and gym shorts. His hair was pulled back in his typical messy bun, a stupid brimmed-hat askew on his head.

It was the first time you’d been in a social setting with him since your break-up three months ago. You’d managed to avoid him backstage for the most part. And if you were in the same room or near one another, there were always other people around to keep you distracted and distanced.

You’d successfully avoided any speaking since the day you’d left him. Since the day you’d found out he had cheated on you.

You felt so stupid to think that history wouldn’t repeat itself. Every person that told you the old adage ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’, you had blocked out in the beginning. He was so kind, charming, funny, supportive…you thought he’d learned from his past mistakes, made himself a better person from them.

How wrong you’d been to think you would be any different from the woman he’d been with for multiple years.

“LOVE!” Sonya’s voice broke your wretched trip down memory lane. You plastered on a smile, accepting her into your arms, sharing a tight hug. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Yea, me too,” you replied, trying to muster up some sincerity in your statement, as you parted from your friend’s embrace. “I left the wine I brought in the kitchen.”

“Oh, good! Well come on, let’s get you a drink and food and enjoy this beautiful day,” Sonya planned, looping her arm through yours, giving you no choice in the matter. Despite all the emotions that were weighing down on your body, you couldn’t help but feel lightened some by Sonya’s positivity and happiness. She was nothing if not infectious with her personality.

Hours later, you’d eaten more food than you should have and drank a few cocktails. You’d played a couple horrible games of cornhole, your throws being nothing to be at all proud of. Laughter had been shared with various coworkers and significant others, reminiscing and story-telling, and catching up on life outside the WWE machine.

Deciding to open the wine you brought, you wandered in to the kitchen, continuing your conversation with Dean on the way. He was telling you about his plans to take Renee on a surprise trip, and asking your advice on every single part of it. Dean was, admittedly, not a big romantic, but he wanted to do something, and wanted it to be completely right. You had all but swooned at him over the plan.

After you both got drinks, you sat down at the counter and continued to chat. It wasn’t long before the hair on the back of your neck stood up, as you heard the voice of your ex-boyfriend getting closer and closer. He finally entered the area, with two people you only knew as coworkers of Sonya’s.

You didn’t know what they were talking about, but they were animated as they made their own drinks at the counter. You kept your eyes downcast, Dean silent beside you.

“The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids,” Seth maintained, obviously in response to whatever they were discussing.

“The ladies love a guy who can stay faithful,” you muttered, rolling your eyes to yourself.

The entire room went silent. It took you a moment to notice, but when you did, you slowly looked up from your glass, finding everyone’s stares on you.

And that was when you realized you had said that out loud. That wasn’t just in your head. People had heard that. Seth had heard that.

“What?”

Yea, Seth had definitely heard that.

“Er…uh…just talking to myself,” you awkwardly tried to explain away your comment, picking up your drink and taking a slow sip from it, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

“You wanted me to hear that,” Seth accused.

Dean quickly scrambled from the room at that point, hastily squeezing your shoulder as he passed. The others, more subtly, slid from the area as well, leaving you and Seth alone in the kitchen.

“I didn’t,” you insisted. And you really hadn’t. You’d successfully avoided him up until this point. This was basically the last thing you’d wanted to happen. Why did you have such little control over your brain-to-mouth behaviors sometimes?

“If you have something to say to me, you’ve lost your chance to.”

“Excuse me?”

“I tried to talk to you for weeks, and you ignored me. You’ve avoided me for months now,” Seth highlighted. “So you don’t get to make snarky comments now. Your time has passed.”

“…are you…you’re fucking serious,” you realized as you finally looked at him, genuinely astonished he had the audacity to say these things to you. He had been the one to ruin your relationship, not you.

“Of course I’m fucking serious,” he stated. “You walked out on me.”

“YOU CHEATED ON ME!” you shrieked, standing up abruptly from the counter, your barstool sliding precariously backwards. “How in the hell can you think you get to be the one mad here?!”

“Oh, I’m not mad. Irritated, maybe, that you can’t let it go. And annoyed that you treat me like a leper and make things awkward for everyone around us. But not mad.”

Your jaw was slack, mouth opening ever so slightly as he spoke.

“You need to grow up,” Seth decided. “I fucked up, and I know that. And I was willing to work past it, with you, in whatever way you would have let me. But instead, you cut me off completely, never gave me a chance to make anything right. So, all of your righteous indignation is bullshit. Because it doesn’t need to exist, if you’d only gone about this differently.”

There were no words you could come up at the moment to rebut with. He was seriously blaming you right now, and you were in disbelief.

“I loved…love you,” Seth stated, his tone gentler. “I got caught up and stupid, and fell back in to old habits. I got scared of where things were going with us, so I sabotaged us instead. It wasn’t my best move, I admit. But you never let me tell you that.”

“I was hurt, Seth.”

“So was I! The woman I loved walked away without even trying to make things right.”

“Because I refuse to be yet another stupid girl who lets her boyfriend get away with things and stays with him after,” you avowed. “I’m worth more than that. I won’t be the fool.”

“You are worth more than that,” Seth concurred. “And if you let me, I’ll prove that you to, again and again and again.”

The way he was gazing at you…his eyes so soft…sincerity pouring from every part of him. You had to admit, prior to the end, you had some of the best times of your life with Seth. He was always up for adventure, travel, nights in and nights out. The conversations the two of you had could range from tear-inducing hilarious to heart-swelling profound.

Was he being genuine? Was this something you were willing to work past with him?

Should you have given him a chance to explain and atone before? Would things be different now?

“…I’m leaving,” you decided, sticking to your resolve. “This, us…it’s never going to be the same. I will never trust you again the way I once did.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“Not now I’m not. But back then, I did,” you agreed. “When I thought I was important to you.”

You felt justified in your choice to walk out of the kitchen. You didn’t need to be with a man you didn’t have confidence in. A man that felt running around with another woman was a forgivable offense. You were better than that; you deserved to be with someone who cherished you and showed it all the time. Your dignity didn’t need another blow to it, and your self-respect had to be your driving force.

That’s what you kept telling yourself with every step anyways.

Or else you’d turn around and be back at square one.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that’s alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie….

[preservationandruin]

The Tower

Here it is. The big one. The one we’ve all been waiting for. Sadeas and Dalinar’s joint-plateau assault on the Tower. 

BRING IT. Alliances, betrayal, freedom, the truth--or part of it--about Jasnah, the truth--or part of it--about Voidbringers, a strange arrival, and the end of the book. 

Dalinar is so hopeful this might be the turning point of the war, and in all honesty it could have been, had Sadeas not been an asshole. 

The Tower is really strange in many ways for the Shattered Plains--covered with rock formations. Is it where the teleportation to Urithiru happens in the next book? I can’t remember. It definitely seems like it might be. 

Anyway, Dalinar is still hopeful and it’s still crushing if you know what’s going to happen. I remember when I first read this, I had an idea Sadeas was going to pull something, but the moment he told his army to pull back still astonished me with the casual cruelty of it. 

And Dalinar does offer a quick prayer for the bridgemen, which is nice of him. All these moments with Dalinar looking at Kaladin or Kaladin looking at Dalinar are very interesting here, and pave the way for the ending in a great way as well as stitching the plots together. Also, we’ve started flipping perspectives more often--a sure sign you’re getting to the end of a Sanderson book. 

Also, while Dalinar is crossing, Sadeas is keeping his men in the area with the bridgemen. Interesting. Dalinar and Adolin have begun their attack. Gloryspren are spreading around Dalinar. They’re winning. He’s so optimistic, feeling as though he’s truly living. And then the thrill gets cut off again as he realizes he’s facing a young parshendi boy. or girl. Dalinar assumes a boy, but Alethi tend to assume men do all the fighting. 

And then a second Parshendi army arrives. And then Sadeas’ army pulls back, not alerting them, not doing anything. And taking the bridges. 

back to Kaladin. He Notices that Sadeas is retreating, is confused, and then sees that Dalinar’s group has been stranded. Kaladin: “This was treachery on a grand scale, terrible enough that it made Amaram’s betrayal of Kaladin seem trivial.” Kaladin is even close enough to see Sadeas just turn away from the battlefield with a note that he always said Dalinar’s honor would get him killed one day. 

seriously FUCK THAT GUY

Adolin is taking this time to, while fighting, unload a massive and well-earned “I told you so” on Dalinar. Dalinar even knows Sadeas well enough to know the lies that Sadeas will tell when they get back to camp. Dalinar is just staring at Sadeas like I saved your fucking life, you piece of shit. 

Dalinar is too good of a person. Tactically speaking, he should have left Sadeas to die, although of course that would be hardly better than what Sadeas is doing at this moment. (Still better; it wouldn’t be planned treachery.) 

And Adolin finally takes a moment to cut off Dalinar’s self-incrimination to say it’s not his fault, because what would hve have done differently? Become like Sadeas? That’s not the answer. And Dalinar lets this settle him--comes to terms with the fact that his guilt was, essentially, selfish. He’s no longer uncertain. 

Jesus, we are all so lucky that Kaladin has honor. 

Dalinar gets his “today is not that day” moment: “It is time for us to fight. And we do so not because we seek the glory of men, but because the other options are worse. We follow the Codes not because they bring gain, but because we loathe the people we would otherwise become. We stand here on this battlefield alone because of who we are. Death is the end of all men! What is the measure of him once he is gone? The wealth he accumulated and left for his heirs to squabble over? The glory he obtained, only to be passed on to those who slew him? The lofty positions he held through happenstance? No. We fight here because we understand. The end is the same. It is the path that separates men. When we taste that end, we will do so with our heads held high, eyes to the sun.” (note: one could say, it’s the journey that’s important, not the destination.) 

“I am not ashamed of what i have become! Other men may debase themselves to destroy me. Let them have their glory. For I will retain mine!”  I feel that this speech would be more effective with “FUCK YOU, SADEAS” at the end, but it’s pretty great. 

Bridge Four is on the retreat. They’re slower. “The sheer awful audacity of what Sadeas had done twisted at Kaladin’s insides. He thought what had been done to him had been horrible. But here, Sadeas callously condemned thousands of men, lighteyes and dark. Supposed allies. That betrayal seemed to weigh as heavily on Kaladin as the bridge itself.” 

Rock even makes the point that it’s their shame as well--they were following orders, but everyone and their mother knows that’s not a reason. It never has been, it’s just the justification of cowards who didn’t do anything when people were morally repugnant. 

Kaladin also notices that this is the perfect time for them to escape, but decides he’s going to stay behind. 

And then he sees Syl, the size of a human, looking back at where Dalinar’s army is, with the expression of a child watching a brutal murder. And Kaladin realizes that they have a bridge. They have a bridge. 

And Kaladin doesn’t want to put his neck out for a brightlord again. Not after last time. But...Dalinar always fights at the front. And he remembers Lirin’s words: Someone has to start caring. And Dalinar came to help Kaladin’s men when he didn’t have to.  Life before Death. Strength before Weakness. Journey before Destination. Helping Dalinar is what’s right. 

And all of Bridge Four agrees to go with them.  Kaladin yells “BRIDGE UP” and the others cheer. “With a shout, he led his men in a charge back toward that abandoned blue banner.” 

I love this series’ take on honor, by the way. You don’t need to forgive your enemies. You just have to do the right thing in spite of them. I can get behind that. 

Dalinar and Adolin are getting beaten. Dalinar doesn’t have the thrill, and is glad for that. And then Dalinar, looking toward Sadeas’ army...”Blood of my fathers, what is that?

That is, apparently, the only other person on the Shattered Plains with a sense of fucking honor. Kaladin saved so many lives with the decision to go back. 

“This is my choice, he thought as the Parshendi archers formed up. It’s not some angry god watching me, not some spren playing tricks, not some twist of fate. 

It’s me. I chose to follow Tien. I chose to charge the Shardbearer and save Amaram. I chose to escape the slave pits. And now, I choose to try to rescue these men, though I know I will probably fail.” 

Along with Dalinar’s speech, this is one of the most motivational and inspiring parts of the books. Someone’s gotta choose to do what’s right. And Kaladin also draws like 50000 arrows all into his shield and fucking explodes it. The Parshendi of course noticed the EXPLOSION OF LIGHT as ALL OF THE ARROWS WENT TO ONE SHIELD and call him “Neshua Kadal” --possibly a term for Radiant. Or Windrunner. In any case, they fucking ran. 

Kaladin is pulled to the side while the others carry the bridge, but it’s not enough. He has a flashback to Tien’s death--to the horrible “Turn a liability into an advantage whenever you can” when the advantage is using children as meat shields. 

And Lopen had brought a single spear onto the battlefield. And the fact that Parshendi wear stormlight-infused beads as jewelry--well, that turns out not to be a great idea. 

And he speaks the second ideal-- “I will protect those who cannot protect themselves.” 

Kaladin fucking explodes with energy, tossing the Parshendi around with stormlight, and then he starts actually fighting. 

Teft notes that stormlight doesn’t increase skill-Kaladin is a master of the spear all on his own. He’s just had his abilities amped up to ludicrous levels, making him a one-man army. Fortunately, Teft notes they’ve gotta start fighting to stop the Parshendi from getting the bridge--and also to get Kaladin an unbroken spear, because he’s doing all of this with a broken one. 

Dalinar also notes that the bridgemen are fighting, which dumbfounds him. Welcome to life around Kaladin Stormblessed, Dalinar--literally anyone is a threat because he trains everyone he knows with a spear. “It was the most amazing, most glorious thing Dalinar had ever seen.” 

Dalinar immediately sends Adolin to give them support with the Cobalt Guard. 

AND ESHONAI APPEARS FUCK YEAH. Although Dalinar thinks she’s a dude. Dal, no. 

Kaladin issuing battlefield promotions to lighteyes, but frankly are you going to argue with the person who basically singlehanded defended your one escape? Yeah thought not. 

Also, we get the first time Kaladin runs in to help Adolin fight a superior force. Kaladin yells at Adolin to leave, gets asked who he is, and replies with “I’m the man who saved your life.”  And then he starts ordering Adolin along, along with promising that he’ll go in for Dalinar, which he does. Adolin agrees, because he almost can’t walk anymore. 

So Kaladin goes in for Dalinar, along--actually--with Gallant the horse, who refused to leave Dalinar behind. And Dalinar, for a moment, thinks that Sadeas came to save him. 

Nope, it’s Kaladin. Dalinar actually sees him glowing, and Kaladin--fortunately--knows how to fight a Shardbearer, and thus gets Eshonai seriously hurt--and the others realize he’s gotta be a Surgebinder and start freaking out. Dalinar assumes that he imagined Kaladin glowing. Also, Dalinar was going to try to kill Eshonai, but Kaladin makes the eloquent and pissed-off point that Dalinar’s army won’t leave without him, Kaladin’s crew won’t leave without Dalinar’s army, and Dalinar needs to get on his fucking horse and go.

Dalinar also notices that the bridge crew are coordinated and disciplined, and has to go over and talk to them. Also, he notices Kaladin is trained in field medicine.  Dalinar’s like “why did sadeas send you back” and Bridge Four is like lmao he didn’t

Also, Dalinar promises to repay Kaladin if Kaladin and crew return with him, and Kaladin--cautiously--accepts. 

Meanwhile, Navani is pissed. 

She notices that Sadeas’ force really doesn’t look like one that just suffered a disaster (because, spoiler, they fucking didn’t) 

Level of Navani’s irritation and stress: “What would sadeas do if she just started screaming?” 

Honestly, that would be great. Also, Renarin has arrived, and is terrified. Sadeas offers his condolences at the loss of Dalinar, Renarin gasps, and Navani is furious. She just says “You will explain” and fucking stares down Sadeas. It makes him nervous, as well it should. Someone brings a chair, Navani refuses it, and Renarin--who’s having a panic attack, understandably, takes it and Sadeas, being an ableist asshole, starts Judging Him. 

Saying it right now, Sadeas couldn’t have managed half of the things Renarin has at this point in the story. He’s a weak asshole. Navani realizes that Sadeas had all of the bridges. And demands a large brush. And in blood-colored ink, starts painting on the ground, and paints a prayer for Dalinar. A giant glyph saying Justice in the center of Sadeas’ area, set on fire. 

Navani is the best. 

And then a runner delivers the news to Sadeas that whoops, the army is coming back. 

Hey, Sadeas, turns out having no honor got you exactly jack shit. 

Dalinar tries to send the bridgemen--who are wounded--back to his camp, but if Dalinar is confronting Sadeas, Kaladin is staying with him. And the other bridgemen don’t want to leave Kaladin.  And Dalinar is also positive that the discipline of the bridgemen is entirely because of Kaladin and completely not because of Sadeas. 

And then they see Renarin and Navani waiting for them. Renarin is actually outwardly joyful and we get Dalinar hugging Renarin--god bless, this is too pure--and Renarin grabbing Adolin and pounding on his shardplate. God, i love the Kholin Family. 

And then Dalinar and Navani get to embrace, which is heartwarming for them and supremely awkward for Adolin and Renarin who are like uh Uh UH DAD WHY ARE YOU HUGGING OUR AUNT LIKE THAT UM DAD UHHHH

And then we basically get a bit of a confession from Dalinar that he doesn’t give a shit what other people think anymore. And then they look over and see that Adolin and Renarin are Very Uncomfortable. 

Dalinar: Someone had burned a giant “thath” glyph into the courtyard, and Sadeas stood at its center. 

I know the framing here is a little melodramatic but it totally works so I’ll let it slide. Also Sadeas is literally treading on Justice. 

Sadeas is playing this off as “oHHH IM SO GLAD YOURE OKAY MY OLD FRIEND” which is such rank festering bullshit. 

And Sadeas admits that in the end, he just wanted Dalinar gone. And Dalinar tells Sadeas that Sadeas as good as admitted Dalinar was still a threat. 

And Dalinar’s like “yeah these bridgemen are mine.” And Sadeas refuses, at which Dalinar offers a ludicrous sum of money, and Sadeas refuses out of pettiness. And note: Dalinar’s army is also willing to fight to protect the bridgemen who saved them. Dalinar flat up says “Do not press me on this, Sadeas.” 

And Dalinar summons his shardblade. And drives it right into the center of the “Justice” glyph. And he exchanges the blade for all of Sadeas’ bridgemen.

Kaladin, understandably, is like, wHAT THE FUCK, and we get a great exchange:  “What is a man’s life worth?” Dalinar asked softly.  “The slavemasters say one is worth about two emerald broams,” Kaladin said,frowning.  “And what do you say?”  “A life is priceless,” he said immediately, quoting his father.   Dalinar smiled, wrinkle lines extending from the corners of his eyes. “Coincidentally, that is the exact value of a Shardblade. So today, you and your men sacrificed to buy me twenty-six hundred priceless lives. And all I had to repay you with was a single priceless sword. I call that a bargain.” 

And then Dalinar goes to find Elhokar. And beats the snot out of him, and gets him to admit he cut his horse’s girth himself. And then Elhokar is like “...are you going to try to kill me?” 

“Storms, no! I love you like a son, boy.”  Elhokar rubbed his chest. “You....have very odd paternal instincts” 

And then at the end of it all Dalinar is just like “oh by the way I’m dating your mom.” 

(as an aside, please look at this, the comic which has ruined and also made amazing this scene for me: http://dalinarkholin.tumblr.com/post/130292538016/i-just)

And we enter part five, with a Shallan POV, as she puts some things together--Jasnah ate the bread but wasn’t poisoned, Jasnah didn’t notice the jam was bad--and realizes that Jasnah had to be still soulcasting. Without a caster. So she goes to find Jasnah. And flat-out says that both Soulcasters were fake. 

And she also shows Jasnah the picture of the Shadesmar that she drew, and manages to actually leave Jasnah Kholin without words. And Jasnah tries to call a bluff--saying that Shallan is delusional from stress, and Shallan is like, okay, let me prove it, and calls to the cryptics again. The truth she tells is that she’s a murderer who killed her father. 

Jasnah has to soulcast a raft and save her, but it proves Shallan’s point. 

And so Jasnah decides to take her on as a ward in earnest. 

We move over to Szeth, who has been sent to “kill” Taravangian. And so we get that Taravangian is behind several things in this, and we also see his hospital--the one where he kills people to get death rattles. 

And he adds Dalinar’s name to the list. 

Of course, it’s not going to be that easy. I have mixed feelings about the Diagram in general--I’m pretty certain that while it’s the most certain way to save the world, it isn’t the most moral, and that’s where the conflict is. It’s where conflict lines have already been drawn up--do you sacrifice the moral for the pragmatic? Amaram does, although he also has an inflated sense of his own worth. Taravangian does. Dalinar and Kaladin don’t. 

Anyway, Jasnah is now telling Shallan some about soulcasting. She apparently assumed that Shallan was like her, an Elsecaller, but realized that didn’t fit Shallan’s personality at all. And we get the revelation that Parshmen are what remain of the Voidbringers. 

Back to Kaladin; we get that Syl trusts Dalinar, but hates his shardblade. Also, Dalinar made sure Bridge Four got medics before the lighteyed officers, which is remarkable. And also apparently Adolin is still bitter about Kaladin telling him what to do, although he recognizes it was what was smartest. And Dalinar offers Kaladin the position as his bodyguard, with the rest of Bridge Four. 

And Kaladin requests exactly the things he would need for the job, which Dalinar notices. And so Kaladin officially gets the title of “Captain” so Captain Kaladin Stormblessed is ready to go. 

And he gets a Kholin Coat. Dalinar’s own, hand-me-down, with khokh and linil sewn in carefully, and Dalinar explains that he considers the people who wear his colors his family. 

Also, it totally fits Kaladin’s blue color theme. 

And Bridge Four has stew night, because of course they have Stew Night, they’re bridge four. Lopen also thinks being able to glow will get Kaladin girls. Sigzil immediately wants to empirically test Kaladin’s powers. 

Rock suggests throwing Kaladin off a small cliff to help him get a feel for his powers. Kaladin is unamused. And Kaladin recognizes that he’s finally managed to save people. 

It’s a good moment. 

Shallan and Jasnah are going to set out in a ship for the Shattered Plains, to get to the heart of the Voidbringers. She also says that the Ghostbloods are after similar secrets to her, and their overlapping diamond pattern is the same used by the people who interrogated Shallan’s brothers. Shallan admits to Jasnah that her father might have been part of the group. 

Back to Dalinar--and Navani, who is there. It’s a highstorm again. Navani’s also a little pissed at Dalinar for what he did to Elhokar, understandably. 

And Dalinar finally gets face-to-face (Sort of) with Tanavast, we get confirmation that Cultivation can see the future, and Dalinar realizes that Tanavast could never hear him. And Tanavast admits that he is dead. 

And then we enter the epilogue, starting with Wit talking to himself, continuing with his declaration that timing is what’s most valued by people, and ending with Taln showing up, saying he’s failed. 

And then the book ends. 

[teamwynn]

The Night Voice Retrospective, Pt. 12

[Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 11.5 | Part 12]

Well, here we are. The final scene. The last precious few moments of the saga. And they are, naturally, utterly wasted. Please, join me in reviewing this thrilling conclusion, and marvel at how dead I am inside.

Welcome Home, Wherever That Is (I guess we’re just done now)

Okay, so now that Team Wynn is fucking decimated with one exiled, one dead, and one suicidal, let’s see if Team Magiere can swing a happier ending. Let’s return to where the prologue left off.

The unbelievably good news is that Team Magiere is still all together. And I mean that “unbelievably” literally, because Chap is now about 50 years old, which is 350 in dog years. I’ll chalk that up to being majay-hi or Fay or whatever, but Jesus. Chill, man. Anyway, they’ve returned home where Leesil--in this book’s shining moment of having someone actually be in-character--apparently just keeps adopting, like, hordes of children. This horde includes Wayfarer, but Magiere’s already made it clear that she was going to adopt Wayfarer, anyway, so no surprise here. It also includes, at this point, at least 6 unidentified boys. And we receive confirmation from what was hinted at in the prologue that Wayfarer and Osha, at some point between the main ending and the epilogue, got married--

Okay, you know what. You know the fuck what. Fucking.

I need a moment.

…

Okay.

So, if the series tried to pull this kind of thing in Between Their Worlds, I probably could have bought it. Without the knowledge of The Dark and the Dark through The Night Voice, I could have bought that Wayfarer and Osha were able to work their way through the bullshit that Osha pulled on her. If it had skipped from BTW to this epilogue, I could have reasonably believed that Osha apologized and made up for abandoning Wayfarer at the end of BTW and that she would forgive him.

But! That’s significantly harder to swallow knowing what we know from the rest of Series 3, which is:

Osha’s     motivation for abandoning Wayfarer was entirely centered on his effort to     get Wynn to make out with him again and no other reason

Osha     deadnamed Wayfarer multiple times in FaLS

Even     after Osha appeared to learn his lesson about why deadnaming Wayfarer was     wrong later in FaLS, he continued to do it in TNV

Wayfarer     pretty explicitly indicated in TNV that she no longer had a crush on Osha,     and not only that, but that she didn’t want to be friends or even speak to     him anymore

Their     last on-page interaction before the epilogue is Osha freaking out over     Wynn being blinded while Wayfarer is right there and basically going, “I     mean, I’m risking my life in the middle of the battle too, but yeah, no,     keep throwing a fit about this like Wynn’s the only person in mortal     danger here. Asshole.”

So how did we get from that to married? And could it possibly get worse?

Why do I even pretend to ask. Of course it could. This scene is like 3 pages long, but it somehow packs even more bullshit into fewer words than the previous scene.

So, not only are Wayfarer and Osha inexplicably married, but when Magiere asks about how Osha is doing, Wayfarer indicates in no uncertain terms that he’s still hung up about Wynn--30 years later and after seemingly not ever speaking to her in that entire time--and that he might be dying from that weird elven sexual-imprinting thing because of it. That’s alarming news! How is Magiere going to react to that?

Why, naturally by laughing it off and making oblique references to Osha’s current profession, which is something that is entirely unexplained, though it’s doubtful an explanation would clarify the nonsense that is Osha the Reindeer Farmer or whatever the fuck he’s doing with his life. Again, Magiere’s reference to his current occupation is pretty fucking vague beyond that it involves those magical deer that Osha hated. Oh, that wacky Osha! Always playing with deer and literally dying of heartbreak! What a scamp!

There’s not really much more detail beyond that for either Wayfarer or Osha’s endings that I haven’t already covered, except for these uncomfortable observations about how they fit into Team Magiere’s family structure:

Wayfarer,     who had a massive crush on Leesil in Rebel     Fay, is now calling him “Father.” NO THANKS.

If     Wayfarer is Magiere and Leesil’s daughter and Osha is her husband, that     makes Osha Magiere and Leesil’s son-in-law. What. The fuck. How is that an     actual thing that happened in canon???

Okay, now that we’re all sufficiently grossed out, let’s go more over the core team’s ending. Of course, returning to Miiska is something that has been a long time coming for Team Magiere. They haven’t been home since Child of a Dead God, when Magiere and Leesil had their wedding surrounded by loved ones and held the reception at the Sea Lion Tavern, the Ground Zero of all this vampire nonsense. So their ultimate return home should be at least as celebratory and communal as that, right?

Obviously this scene is set some time after they arrive back home, so it makes sense that they wouldn’t necessarily still be partying about that, but there’s still something suspiciously… I don’t know, absent about their homecoming. Like… all the people. And the town. And the tavern.

Did… did they even go back to Miiska? The town and the tavern were both mentioned by name at least once (maybe exactly once), but there’s not really any sense of the characters actually being there. And none of the townspeople (those minor characters from Dhampir, etc. that I mentioned a few posts back) are present at all, even though a number of them should still be perfectly alive to share in this happy (?) ending. What we get instead is Magiere and Leesil existing in this textureless void with their family of nameless, faceless young boys and Wayfarer on the side predicting the doom of Osha as well as Chap (both of whom are off-page this whole time, mind. Oh, did I forget to mention that Chap doesn’t even appear in the epilogue, despite somehow unbelievably surviving the entire saga? Because he doesn’t.) But Magiere gives about as much of a fuck about any of that as she did about Wynn dying, which is to say, not at all.

So, what is… even happening here?

Well, aside from Wayfarer helpfully reminding everyone that Death Comes For All, Magiere is just kind of blandly resigning herself to the reality that that includes Leesil, and that someday it’s just going to be her and Chane, eternally avoiding each other. (And Pawl, too, but obviously I’ll give Magiere a pass on not bringing him up because she never even found out that Pawl existed.) There’s also some weird musings on Magiere’s part about the fact that Chane probably has a soul, which has never been in question before so I don’t know why she’s so amazed by this probability. Like, vampires having or not having souls have never been a part of the lore in the series, and even if it was it doesn’t pertain to anything now. And for some reason she essentially lies to Leesil about not killing Chane--it’s neither clear why Leesil is gunning so hard for Chane to be dead at this point, nor why Magiere was unwilling to admit that she didn’t kill him again. She just kind of avoids Leesil’s questions about the matter and goes on blandly commentating for a few paragraphs about Osha and Leesil’s army of children. But I guess Magiere is happy with her existence in this vague void, waiting for the clock to run down on all her loved ones, comforted only by her smugness from seeing Chane cry. And… um…

No, seriously, what is happening here?

Did the epilogue already waste up all its emotional weight on contriving Team Wynn into the most melodramatically tragic situation possible that it’s just completely burnt out here? This whole scene just feels like a shadow-puppet of Magiere strolling across a completely blank background going, “I have family, death happens, sad but also happy, END.”

You know what, Magiere? You know what? I’m glad END. This book couldn’t fucking END too soon. Over 400-pages of complete fucking gibberish to cap off my favorite series of all time, because it wasn’t enough for the Noble Dead Saga to END poorly, but it had to make a goddamn show of it. I am genuinely amazed at how little this book delivered on actually ENDing anything. The number of plot holes and loose ends and retrograding character arcs is truly impressive, and on top of all that, this book had the audacity to not be audacious with all of that. This wild departure from the rest of the saga couldn’t have included alien invasions or dinosaur clones or any shit like that, no--this book managed to be an utterly convoluted counter-narrative to all the books that came before it while also maintaining a complete cardboard blandness. Truly astonishing that a book so contrived could also be so utterly ankle-deep shallow. This book fucking tangled itself in knots with teleportation trees and dog armies and battles in the center of il’Sanke’s mind and whatever the fuck either the wraith or the necromancer were doing in this book at all, and at the end of all of that, Magiere’s happy ending is just being kind of quietly pleased that her husband isn’t dead yet.

I am beyond myself in amazement. And I am so, so fucking tired.

Well, that’s it for every plot point in TNV that sent me into a frothing rage. Tomorrow I’ll be writing up a conclusion to all of this, because god damn I need some proper closure somewhere.