#anyway that doesn't matter its not that serious im just angry and being angry around something makes me sound very serious
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I'm a little high right now but for the first time in my life I actually understand why some people are able to push past severe suicidal ideation out of spite alone
#i thought about killing myself and then got so incredibly pissed off#because my family would be like ''no we had nooo idea'' and they'd give me a stupid funeral and straight up lie about me#''she loved her family'' and ''she was very sweet and outgoing'' suck my fucking dick#this will go away tomorrow im sure but right now the idea of that is so appalling that i WANT to live#i want these motherfuckers to see me on my own in my own living space with my accomodations and hobbies#and realize thatthey never EVER fucking knew me at all and i want it to hurtand for them to feel shunned and Other and Wrong just like i did#my grandmother loves me differently (positive) than her other grandkinds so she can come over#but the rest of them are not fucking invited into that space. absolutely not#i will lose the nerve to say no but i will lie and make excuses. i will not let them poison that too#im so pissed off right now#also there has GOT to be a better word to describe the ''i want to kill myself'' feeling besides suicidal ideation#because bestie its not a fucking idea#im gnawing my own arm off trying to escape a trap I SET so i can jump off a cliff#idk if i would aquit that to something as simple as daydreaming about dying#anyway that doesn't matter its not that serious im just angry and being angry around something makes me sound very serious#i need to live long enough to get out of here. i need to feel that peace#i need to. please god i need to#i can be lonely. i can be poor. i can be depressed and suicidal but i cannot be here anymore#i am going to make it through this year if it kills me
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Ok so ive had this idea stuck in my head for WEEKS at this point and i need to tell someone about it so im invading your asks
(ages for this au, id imagine Damians around like- 12 or 13 and Tim/JJ's like- 17)
What if a version of Damian (like from ine of the good happy batfam universes) was sent to to a universe with Joker Junior where the rest of the bats were killed by the Joker and JJ was never reacued and brought back to being Tim?
And Damian is like- terrified because he doesnt know where he is or how to get back home and then hes found by JJ.
And like- at first JJ would probably try to leave Damian but once he gets a good look at this kid baby brother, thats his baby brother- he would realize that he recognizes this kid. So he keeps him!
The only problem with that is the Joker. Now the bats are all dead (or theres circumstances preventing them from doing anything) in this universe so theres nobody around to stop the Jokers shit. And we all know that the Joker isnt above murdering or tourturing kids. (Id imagine the JJ of this universe has done stuff like that once or twice, but he doesnt like to. He's a smaller equally manical yet WAY less bloodthirsty version of the joker)
So JJ keeps Damian hidden from his "Papa" until the bats of Damians universe are able to find a way to bring him back home. In the meantime tho, Damians under JJ's care, and its terrifying, but at least he tries!
Now in my mind Joker Jr. is kinda like Jinx from Arcane with mood swings, visual and audio halucinations, so so smart but so so crazy and confused and SCARED and oh so close to finally snapping until he actually does.
And this boy that he kiddnaped rescued confuses the fuck out of him. Because Junior recognizes him from somewhere and he doesnt know why.
(I hope this all makes sense its kinda just like a word vomit lmao my lizard brain just want crazy older brother Joker Jr. [Also there isnt enough JJ content out there and that is a crime])
(Older brother JJ content??? Fuck yeah)
TW: JJ, torture, child abuse
JJ... Recognizes those glaring emerald eyes and scowling face. He doesn't know why, but it causes reality around him to pulse with uncertainty as it teters between JJ's world and someone else's. Someone Papa doesn't like.
JJ won't talk to them. He knows he's not supposed to. Papa will become angry. So Junior tears his eyes from the bird kid baby bat and turns to leave. A tsk stops him.
Another wave of familiarity crashes over JJ, but he doesn't know that child. He doesn't. He really really doesn't know him.
So, Junior should move. Papa won't he happy if JJ can't move.
Well, unless Papa is teaching JJ a lesson.
His nerves light up at the memory of cold metal tables, electric probes, and buzzing.
JJ needs to go, but that kid. He can't leave him. He also can't take him with either. He knows what happens to the kids Joker meets.
Junior would never disobey his papa, but the ever-present buzzing noise isn't a deterrent for bad behavior. With how often he's punished, it hardly matters whether JJ is being a good child or not. He's always in trouble. Instead, that buzz is a reminder that he can't be caught.
JJ is smart. He's clever and sneaky. He's also great at lying, even to bats. While he may not know why lying to the nocturnal creatures is important, he knows it's an accomplishment he's proud of.
He can hide the child from Papa! It'll be a fun game! Junior's little surprise.
Junior isn't sure what he's winning, but he knows what will happen when he loses.
Death to the bird and punishment to JJ! A great joke!
Though Junior doesn't know why the kid is a bird.
Oh well! JJ will take great care of the little bird. All he has to do is feed him and keep him hidden! It will be like all the other things JJ hides from Papa. He'll never admit it, but Junior thinks Papa is a little dumb. As long as JJ plays pretend with the older man, he'll remain unsupervised.
Anyways, JJ has more of a demented, childish voice while Tim is more analytical and serious.
Damian, to start with, doesn't recognize Tim. JJ has green hair, bleached skin, cut cheeks, and way less muscle mass. The behavior is drastically different as well (also, we're not gonna speculate any specific mental disorders for these AUs. JJ and Tim are considered different due to their characterizstions, but I don't want to put harmful connotations out there [especially since I don't have any relevant conditions to insert accurate and mindful interpretations]).
In this AU, the Bats are all dead. JJ did kill some of them, which drastically reduced his ability to recover and remember that he's Tim.
He didn't kill Damian, though. Tim also feels extremely protective of his younger siblings (Duke included). Unfortunately, they're dead in this AU :/
JJ oscillates between being terrified, peppy, silent, crying, and content at rapid rates. It takes several days for Damian to feel out some of the triggers.
The Bats from Damian's universe are trying their damned best to get there as soon as possible. Sadly, Joker finds out about Damian before then.
JJ, by this point, has bonded with the kid. That kid is HIS. He may have some slightly fucked up notions on how to show care, but he will not let anyone harm the bird (not even Papa).
So, JJ does his best joke yet. He kills Joker.
Only after killing the Joker do the other Bats show up. They offer to take JJ with them (particularly because that's Tim!!!), but he refuses. He doesn't want to go with his family. He doesn't remember them and he killed some of them.
He can't stay with them.
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