#anyway still love buck and he's the awkward rep we deserve
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one one hand it's nice people are getting into 9-1-1 because half of a common fan pairing that the fandom loves became canonically bi. on the other please remember there's been an openly lesbian black woman with a wife and her fair share of drama and growth as a main character since season 1.
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language-rxgers · 7 years ago
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Best Boyfriend You’ve Never Had (Bucky x Reader)- Part 7
Summary: You and Bucky have another coffee date and you reveal your history with Ryan. You prepare for your sister’s rehearsal dinner. 
Characters: Bucky Barnes, Reader, OMC Ryan, OMC Thomas, OFC Catherine
Warnings: mentions of cheating, fluff
Word Count: 2570
A/N: Okay, you guys, I totally owe you a double update for keeping you waiting, so part 8 is coming right up!
Masterlist
Part 6 / Part 8
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Previously…
 “Ryan?” You breathed out. The man’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, full lips forming a hint of a smile.
“(Y/N), I didn’t expect to see you here. Thomas didn’t mention you were in town…” He let out a soft, hesitant laugh, almost apologetic, as if he were still apprehensive around you after all those years. “You look really beautiful. Well, you still do, you always did.”
You had no idea how to react to this. Here, standing in front of you, was the last man you had ever considered yourself to love.
(look how well that turned out)
The man who, right now, deserved a door in the face, if not more. But you steeled your expression, straightening your shoulders.
“Hi, Ryan. It’s been a while. Yeah, I flew in last week. It is my sister’s wedding after all. I didn’t know you knew Thomas.”
Ryan nodded, a few strands of light brown hair falling against his forehead. “Yeah, we went to college together. What a small world.”
What a small world indeed.
“Hey, Hansen! How are you doin’, man?” Thomas appeared in the doorway behind you, reaching out to take Ryan’s hand and pull him into a hug. You stepped out of the way silently, still recovering from the shock of seeing Ryan again. Why was he here? Why hadn’t Catherine told you he was coming?
You jumped when you felt a cold hand settle around your waist. You looked up into icy blue eyes and felt sick to your stomach at the confusion that floated in his patient gaze. You didn’t want to talk about Ryan, you didn’t even want to think about him right now. But you knew you’d have to buck up and put on a happy face to keep the light mood that was instilled when Thomas was reunited with his old friend. You gave Bucky a tight smile and a look that said you’d explain later. You turned back to Ryan in time to see his eyes dart up from where Bucky’s metal arm was around your waist, and he stepped forward, left hand outstretched.
“Hey, man, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ryan.” Bucky paused for a moment, staring at the outstretched hand, and you knew he was contemplating whether he should take it with his metal appendage or if he should offer his right hand instead. You clenched your jaw at Ryan; the smug son of a bitch knew exactly what he was doing. You took in a breath as Bucky removed his arm from its place around you and gently took Ryan’s hand in his. His whole body was stiff, and you could see the metal plates of his limb lightly rippling as he clenched his arm, trying to keep all the tension out of his hand. Ryan’s eyes glinted in astonishment, giving Bucky a firm shake of the hand before letting go. “Wow, I really hope this isn’t crossing a line or anything, but that’s kind of awesome, man. I’m a big fan of yours.” Ha! Now that’s the biggest load of bull you’d ever heard. Ryan was a radio talk show host for one of New York’s top radio stations, and in between channel surfing while driving you sometimes came across his show. Before you could change the channel again, on a few occasions, usually after your more publicized missions, you’d heard him ranting about the Avengers and the dangers of their vigilantism, the uncontrollable members like Bruce and Wanda, and the fact that they had the Winter Soldier, world’s most deadly assassin, on their team. You knew for a fact that Ryan was not a fan of Bucky, but the idea that he was too scared to speak his opinion, for once in his life, because of Bucky, brought a strange warmth to your chest.
“Thanks, not everyone shares the same opinion, so I appreciate that. How do you know Thomas and (Y/N)?” He returned his arm to your waist.
Ryan gestured to Thomas. “Oh, Tom and I went to college together and were roommates for a while. And (Y/N) and I go way back…” he eyed you fondly. You narrowed your eyes at him.
“Yes, Ryan and I used to date, but that was years ago.” You felt Bucky’s arm slowly stiffen around your waist.
Thomas’ eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh, really, I had no idea. I’m sorry, (Y/N), if it was gonna be awkward I’d have-“
“No, Thomas, really, it’s fine. It was so long ago, I can hardly even remember it.” You silently relished in the stung expression that shocked Ryan’s face. “I’m glad you’re getting the chance to catch up with your friend.” You forced on a smile. “Anyway, Bucky and I were going to head out for a bit, so we’ll let you to it.” You subtly nudged Bucky towards the stairs, and he went along with it.
“Yeah, um, it was nice meeting you, Ron,” Bucky nodded.
“Oh, it’s Ryan,” the hazel-eyed man corrected meekly. Bucky paused and held Ryan’s gaze for an intimidatingly long four seconds. He chuckled lightly.
“Right, sorry.”
You smiled apologetically to Thomas and ushered Bucky up the stairs to your room. When you closed the door, Bucky turned to you. “Really, (Y/N), that guy? What a schmuck!”
You pinched the bridge of your nose, sighing deeply. “I know, I don’t know what I was thinking when I dated him. Let’s just say it didn’t end well and I learned my lesson.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked gently.
“Let’s go somewhere and talk, okay?” You gave him a forced smile, which he wearily eyed.
“Okay,” he said softly. “Are you okay, doll? If you don’t want to talk about it we don’t have to, but I have a feeling this is something that’s been shoved down for years.” You nodded, looking back up to meet his icy blue eyes.
“Alright, let’s go then.”
“Okay, doll, you ready to tell me what happened between you and that Ryan guy before I jump to conclusions and knock his teeth in?” You laughed softly, nursing your hot chocolate.
“It’s not even that big a deal, I should have seen it coming. I mean, I’m really more pissed off than anything about it.” Bucky frowned, leaning forward and taking your hand, silently allowing you to continue. You took a breath. “Okay, so I met Ryan the summer before my last year of college. We met through a mutual friend, and of course I’d heard about him before, because he was quite popular on campus. He seemed nice at first, and I think that’s what clouded my judgement, because I’d assumed he was some arrogant, obnoxious jackass like the rest of his friends, but he covered it so well I was taken aback. He had the nice guy facade down pat, and just like many girls before me, I’m sure, I fell for it. Which is incredibly embarrassing and so I’m just gonna skip to the part where I got what was coming to me.” You took a sip of your hot chocolate. “We had been dating for about four months, which was the longest relationship I’d ever had, and I was in love with him. Or, at least, I thought I was. It felt like love, but I didn’t really have anything to compare it to. Anyway, he was slipping, and I was starting to see changes in his personality. He wasn’t as polite, and he was acting more and more arrogant. It was little things that I noticed, like him stopping holding open doors and paying for me when we went out, telling me not to wear something because it wasn’t flattering, stuff like that. He was getting more distant, less attentive, and I was starting to get suspicious. My friends had warned me that he wasn’t who I thought he was, but I didn’t listen. I said they just needed to get to know the real him. Oh, my God I sounded like such a priss…” you dropped your head in your hands before snapping it back up and clearing your throat. “Anyway, one night we went out with friends. I went to the washroom and while I was in there, I overheard some girls talking…”
“Holy shit, Mel, how much perfume are you putting on?” A high pitched voice giggled out outside your stall.
“Shut up, just enough to cover up the booze smell.” It was quiet for a moment save for the clattering of a purse against the porcelain sink. “Anyway, did you talk to Kat?” The same girl asked.
“What about her?”
“Well, apparently she was at Bryce’s party on Thursday and she and Ryan Hansen hit it off, ya know?” The girl, Mel said nonchalantly. You did a double take.
“I thought he was dating that (Y/N) girl?” You heard a scoff.
“Oh, please, everyone knows he fools around. He did the same thing to Lindsay Ashton sophomore year.”
“That was just a rumor, I thought? He said they broke up because she was moving away.”
“Of course he said that! Heather, he’s so good at keeping his rep squeaky clean even he believes he’s not doing anything wrong sometimes.”
“God, you’re such a psychology major,” Heather commented lightly. Mel continued.
“It’s a game to him, he takes some poor unsuspecting girl and plays house with her while he’s chasing tail on the side. I just feel bad for (Y/N), she seems really nice.”
The sound of heels clacking against the tile floor slowly faded as the two girls left the bathroom, and you finally let out the breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. Of course, you thought. You should have known a guy like Ryan was too good not to be rotten. You felt embarrassed, cheap, and used. Your chest was fluttering like you were on your last breath as you tried to calm your lungs, your heart lodging itself in your throat. This was what you got for falling in love.
“… and so I went and dumped him, told him I didn’t want to hold him back anymore, thanks a lot for wasting my time, and I never looked back,” you shrugged. You had meant it when you’d said you were no longer hurt, just angry at him for having wasted your time and played with your emotions. Bucky was silent, eyes burning a hole into his coffee mug. “Buck? You okay?” You asked tentatively. You could see him clenching his jaw repeatedly, and his breathing was deep and nearly aggressive. You frowned in concern. “Bucky?”
Icy blue eyes shot up to meet yours, a strangely pained fire burning within them. “Bucky, it was years ago, I’m past it. Honestly, him being here is mostly just a nuisance, but I’ve realized that he was just some immature ass who didn’t deserve me in the first place. Besides, I’m sure he’s changed.” You weren’t sure if you even believed yourself, considering the ignorant and obnoxious rants you’d heard on his show, but you would probably have said just about anything in that moment to extinguish the rage that flamed in your best friend’s eyes as he sat across from you in that small coffee shop.
“I still really wanna knock his lights out,” Bucky replied. “He took you for granted and treated you like you weren’t worth all his attention. How did you not kick his ass yourself?” He gritted out. You couldn’t help the dry laugh that tumbled from your lips.
“It was eight years ago, Buck, I think I’ve had time to heal. I mean, yeah, I’m still pissed off about it and I’m never going to want to be friends with him, but I’d like to think I’m above being petty. I don’t like to dwell on my past.” Bucky toyed with the corner of his napkin before looking back up to you.
“Well if he couldn’t appreciate what he had in front of him, I’ll sure as hell gonna show him what he missed out on.” The corner of his lips turned up in a wholesome smile and you looked away from his glowing gaze, trying to cool the burn in your cheeks.
The next day was hectic, to say the least. Catherine was all but a blur of caramel hair as she rushed around the house trying to organize everything for the dress rehearsal that night. You tried to help as much as you could, but to be honest, you were a little distracted. After your coffee date with Bucky during which you’d revealed your history with Ryan, he had been even more attentive than ever, if that were possible. He’d paid for your coffee despite your objections, just like the first time you’d visited this café (you had visited once more after that and you’d managed to get your money out first when Bucky wasn’t looking and paid the waitress), and on the drive home he had taken your hand in his, gently rubbing your knuckles with his thumb. Even when you went to bed, he had given you a sweet kiss on the cheek and a warm ‘goodnight’ before turning out the light. While this wasn’t far from unusual for his behavior on this trip, it was certainly not helping the pesky feelings that had begun to come full bloom as of late. God, you hated how much you loved him, and he had no idea. He had no idea the effect he’d had on you since day 1, and you were truly conflicted now. You wanted to stay like this forever, to pretend he was truly yours and that all this was real, but you were also constantly tormented by that little voice in your head reminding you otherwise. You couldn’t take this sweet torture for much longer, and while it was lovely while it lasted, you were desperate to return to the Tower and have things go back to how they were before so you could clear your mind and shake yourself out of this poisoned illusion.
At about 5:00 that night, you were adjusting your necklace when you heard a soft knock at your door. You smoothed out your dress and called for whoever was at the door to come in, not looking away from the mirror. You caught Bucky’s gaze in your reflection behind you, and offered a soft smile as you gave yourself a once-over for any flaws in your appearance. Well, any flaws that you could fix. You gave him a smile in greeting, which he returned. “You look beautiful,” he breathed out. “I mean, you always look beautiful, but-“ you shook your head, giggling.
“No, I get it. Thank you, Buck. You look very handsome yourself.” Bucky looked down shyly as he tucked his hair behind his ear. He was wearing a simple grey button up tucked into black slacks with the sleeves rolled up- a perfect mix of formal and casual for your sister’s rehearsal dinner that night. You felt a warm tingling sensation spread from your chest to the ends of your fingers at the thought that you would have the privilege of having a man like Bucky on your arm for the entirety of the night- no, scratch that, there were no other men like Bucky- you would be having Bucky on your arm all night. The blue-eyed soldier held out a hand for you, which you took graciously. As you walked down the stairs, you could hear Bucky softly humming “Here Comes the Bride” under his breath, to which you scoffed lightly, all the while grinning like an idiot. 
Part 6 / Part 8
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