#anyway sorry. im 100 years late to any media

[n04s]

ok so. I saw Scream (1996) and here's my hot take: I don't think Billy actually killed Sidney's mom. I think he's just taking the credit for it. Who gives a shit what the sequels say...horror movie sequels are never actually trying to continue the story but just to have more horror movies. anyway here's my proof:

Billy is an established liar and plagiarizer. Not only is he plagiarizing all of the murders, but he also copies what Randy says about the killer's motive when prompted about his motive. In fact, the main theme of the movie is that the two idiot killers don't have an original idea in their heads at all!

Another main theme of the movie is that nobody believes Sydney when she's right. She was right about Billy being the killer, but he was let off the hook when there was evidence otherwise. I believe her when she says that her mom wouldn't sleep with Cotton Weary, and that she says Cotton killed her mom!

I believe that Billy heard about what happened with Sydney's mom and this, in fact, prompted him to become a killer himself. He identifies with the killer as he also has plenty of reason to hate Sydney's mom.

I mean, the murders that happen in the movie are basically copycat murders from the murder of Sydney's mom anyway. I feel like it's pretty much setting up that the killers are just copying what they see.

HE'S A LIAR AND AN EDGY TEEN OF COURSE HE WOULD TAKE CREDIT FOR A MURDER HE DIDN'T DO. I bet he didn't even kill the principal either...they clearly establish that anyone could be under that suit. I think there was some other kids getting murderous imo

[insert-some-nice-emo-pun]

this is about the lynz drama

i didnt wanna write this post

when this shit first started i told myself im not gonna say anything about it cause a)i hate drama in any form and b)no one cares about my opinion

but today i got so fed up with everything ive seen on twitter that here we are

im just gonna kind of explain what happened and share my opinion i guess? and feel free to share yours in the comments as long as you respect other people

so everything pretty much started when someone asked lynz about people accusing jimmy urine of sexual assault

(first of all why would they ask lynz?like i know theyre in the same band but still shes not responsible for his actions)

her responese mightve indeed seem strange, like she was defending herself tho nobody attacked her and it overall felt kinda off

then the whole argument started (most of the tweets are deleted now so its kinda hard to find out what exactly happened)

so first thing im gonna adress is how everyone seems to be "cancelling" her for saying you shouldnt believe victims, but what i understood after reading all of her tweets was that she said always believe victims unless you know theyre a manipulative liar and i think theres actually nothing wrong with saying this? please correct me if you think im wrong but i dont really find this problematic (the tweets are at the end of the post!)

i know that the first tweet, the only one that isnt deleted seems really off and she defo couldve answer better and you can critize her for this but i think she thought the person who asked her was reffering to smth jessicka said which kind of explains everything

jessicka has been saying messed up things about lynz for years, so i think we can understand why she reacted in this way

now why dont i believe anything jessicka says?

because she always talks how she has "a proof" that lynz said/did smth but she never actually shows that proof

even now, when lynz mentioned her in one of her tweets she responded yelling about the proof but didnt actually say anything new

one thing ive learned while being in different fandoms and stuff is never believe that someone said/did something unless you have a video of them doing so or they confirmed it on their offcial account on social media

if she really had the proof, why dont just show it to people?

now the second big thing that happened was the whole family thing

people have been talking about her family situation for years (im more of a new fan so i wasnt here back then so please correct me if i make a mistake here or anywhere in the post)

what we knew before is that she cut off her mother and sister - she didnt want to talk to them nor send them money

her sister claimed it was because they arent rich or famous

now scroll all the way down again to see the tweets

her mum and sis recorded a video responding to this

now this is totally subjective opinion of mine, but i got really bad impression from watching their vid and things they said later on twitter (search for amy greene on twitter, youll find everything there)

now you can believe me or not, but i have experience with this kind of family situations

my opinion on the subject is that when it comes to family problems no ones really innocent but sometimes things get so messed up that you shouldnt really judge people based on that

we basically get two sides of the story, and i believe that both of them probably got some things right, but im gonna stay on lynzs side

i 100% understand cutting off fanily memebrs, even as close as your mother and after watching this video i felt really sorry for lynz (again its just my opinion, but the things they both said about lynz reminded me so much of the situation from my family)

ive seen a lot of people bringing up that they said nice things about gerard, so they must be telling the truth because if they wanted fame theyd go after him instead or smth like this

i disagree with this opinion because its once again a behavior i know

noone said anything about gerard before

the whole thing was only about lynz

so why would they even bring him up?

well imo if their intentions were clear they wouldnt say anything about him at all, because what for?

if they said anything bad about about him all of the fans would attack them, get mad, and maybe not believe the rest of their story, so it was in their interest not to talk shit about him

but why did they say nice things? (ITS JUST MY OPINION PLEASE IM NOT SAYING I KNOW IT) 90% of people who would watch the video are mcr fans. and what is the best way to gain someones trust? be nice to them. say nice things about their idols, interests etc, its a known trick and its really manipulative. again i dont want to accuse them but it just seemed really off to me, and it also makes lynz look even worse, like if theyre trying to say that everyone here is nice and shes the only bad person around (yet again something i know really well)

so in my opinion they only talked about g to have mcr fans take their side and if its true its really manipulative but its just my opinion and i totally understand if you dont agree with me because i have no proof for this

i think this post is coming to an end so i want to say that i believe lynz is a good person

not a saint, not perfect, but not someone we should cancel or hate on

you have a right to dislike her, i understand and respect it, same with everything i said here - i accept that you disagree, you can write me a comment about it, just please dont spread hate

i hate going on twitter and seeing all of this drama

i havent been following her for a long time, i wouldnt even call myself her fan, but ive always seen her being really nice to fans on twitter and interacting with people a lot, well ive heard people talking about her being mean to fans in the past but i couldnt really find any concrete proof (video of that happening, im sorry but i really dont believe in posts from fan accounts from years ago)but im not saying it never happened, if you have a video feel free to send it to me

i doubt anybody read all of this, but thank you anyway

also here are the screenshots i could find

feel compeltely free to share your opinion in the comments, i sure will read it but im done with this whole drama

i just needed to get this off my chest after seeing all these people going crazy on twitter, im sorry if some parts dont make sense or have any kinds of mistakes, english isnt my first language and its also really late now

[kirishwima]

Sorry I sent you the same ask earlier but I'd rather it be anon! How about RFA + Saeran headcanons with a professional dancer MC? Like dancing that's a bit more "close" like tango. How do they feel about her career and do they ever get jealous? Or do they just see it as her job? How do they feel about her dancing partner? (Assuming her dance partner is just a really cool standup guy who respects his partner's relationship)

so, quick funny story: i signed up for a dance class last semester as an EC, thinking it’d be fun workout dances like zumba...turns out no,  me and my other 3 friends signed up for a classical dance class where each girl had signed up with her boyfriend, so people just assumed we were 2 lesbian couples for the whole semester lmaoanyway that’s just to say-i got u covered with this headcanon lmao

YOOSUNG:

* When MC told him about their profession he was really excited! He immediatly went to youtube to watch some of MC’s competition videos, ready to whole-heartedly support her work

* Even though MC told him she focused more on latin and classical dances, and that she had a dance partner, Yoosung didn’t really put two and two together until he clicked on a video of her performing a waltz with her dance partner

* Seeing her so close to him, his leg nearly slipping between her thighs as he held her close by the waist and whirled her around the stage...Yoosung couldn’t help the jealousy churning in his gut, but more than that, he couldn’t help but compare himself to MC’s dance partner-imagining how different it’d be if he were the one dancing with her, his guilty jealousy mixing with his insecurities into a sticky concoction that made his chest heavy.

* He wouldn’t upright tell MC he was angry or jealous-but MC’s no fool. If she came home to Yoosung giving her the cold shoulder, she’d understand where that’s coming from and sit down with him to talk.

* Honestly, all Yoosung needs to hear is that she and her dance partner are simply good friends and colleagues, and that she’s in love with Yoosung, no one else.

* Having Yoosung meet her dance partner would also help-and whilst Yoosung’s jealousy may never fully go away, it’ll mellow out, and he’ll simply be glad to see MC enjoying her work, and you can be dang sure he’ll be there for her 100%, supporting her in each competition and recital.

ZEN:

* Whilst he’s a very, VERY jealous guy, he’s also a professional, so he’s actually quite calm when MC explains her profession and how she has a dance partner.

* Zen would insist on meeting this guy, wanting to be certain he has no ulterior motives dancing with MC-he’d never be rude to the guy, but he’d be a little stiff at first.

* Once he understands that he’s a standup guy that simply views MC as a friend and colleague, Zen will be more than satisfied. After all it’d be ironic for him to make a fuss when MC never fusses over him having romantic scenes with other actors, now wouldn’t it?

* He’s very supportive, and actually helps MC practice some dance moves whilst at home!

* He doesn’t really know much about classical dances, but he’s had some lessons before so he knows the basics at least, and if it comes to alternative dances or latin ones, he’s definitely good at them

* Besides...he’ll never pass up on an opprotunity to hold MC close to him, sliding his hands onto her hips as they sway together along to the music *wink wonk* 

* Just a supportive boyfriend really, plus, he’d totally gush about his fantastic dancer girlfriend on his social media lol~

JAEHEE:

* She’s honestly probably the only one to not be jealous...at all

* She finds MC’s profession wonderful, and is super supportive-as much as she is with Zen’s carreer!! Will never miss a competition or show if she can help it, and will even help MC practice at home as much as she can-even though when MC gets super close to her to practice some moves she’ll get really flustered about it lol

* The only thing that might bother her is that MC seems so graceful thanks to her years of dance training, that Jaehee wonders if MC feels that she’s too ungraceful. When she brings that up to MC though and MC furiously denies it, saying she loves Jaehee as she is and that she’s wonderful, then even that worry completely disissipates, and all that’s left is genuine excitement and support.

* She does want to meet MC’s dance partner eventually, if only to also congratulate him on their successful career; and if she finds out he’s a nice and kind guy she’ll be happy he’s MC’s friends (and hopefully hers too!)

* Honestly though...just imagine a lazy afternoon with Jaehee, the sun’s lower in the sky but still peeking through the curtains, illumianting dust particles in the air, Jaehee’s brewing coffee as MC chooses a dance track to play on her phone connected to a speaker, and as the music starts she sneakily comes up behind Jaehee, wrapping her hands around Jaehee’s waist, swaying them both to the beat. Jaehee laughs, her cheeks red as she turns around to kiss the corner of MC’s lips, when MC finds the opprotunity to take Jaehee by the waist and swirl her around, dancing with her in the living room, only instead of proper dance steps they just sway each other around, giggling every time they step over one another.

* im sORRY im a useless bisexual that dreams of having a girlfriend to do this with ok, let me live T-T

JUMIN:

* He’s actually a very posessive guy, and has been fully trained in classical dances, so when MC tells him about her profession and her dance partner, he sits there with his arms crossed over his chest, a frown on his lips.

* “And this dance partner of yours...how did you meet him? How long do you know each other? Is he in a romantic relationship? Has he ever expressed interest in you that goes beyond friendship?”

* It’ll take a while for MC to calm him down and will require yet another discussion about boundaries and posessiveness-while it can be cute to be jealous sometimes, obsessing over the other person isn’t, and Jumin never wants MC to feel that he’s pressuring her or being over-protective; so he’ll apologize, but ask to meet this dance partner, if only to ease his worries.

* Turns out the guy is not only a really respectful dude, but he also has no romantic interest in MC, and clearly says so to Jumin-mainly bc the poor guy’s terrified of the cold stare Jumin pins him with lmao

* Other than that, Jumin is fully supportive, and will never miss a show MC puts up for anything in the world-though sometimes he’ll bring Elizabeth the 3d with him so she too can experience the grace of dance lol

* He’ll oftentimes ask MC to dance with him, be it in buisness parties or simply during lazy mornings at home, happy for any excuse that lets him hold MC this close to him. 

* He’s actually an amazing dance partner, and MC will ask him to help her practice new steps from time to time when he’s at home

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG/LUCIEL:

* Of course he already knew about her profession since he did a background check and all, and he knew about her dance partner too-he even did a background check on him, back when he was trying to figure out who the hacker is, in case he might be the guy they’re looking for.

* He finds MC to be so, so graceful, and seiing her dance up close is a blessing; he really thinks she looks weightless in those moments, even more beautiful than usual as she seems to genially enjoy her time dancing

* He’s not of much help, but he loves grabbing MC and twirling her around when music plays, and even with no music playing, he’ll hum a tune himself, relishing in MC’s giggles as he holds her close to him

* They’re that adorable silly couple that dances around in their pyjamas whilst making breakfast, ending the little dance session with a kiss and the sound of laughter echoing across the house. 

* He can’t always make it to MC’s shows due to his job, but he’ll hack into the cameras of the theatre later on to make a DVD out of her preformance to watch at home later on-sometimes MC will join him in watching so she can take note of things she’d like to change or improve.

* When it comes to jelaousy, it’s true that Saeyoung does feel a pang of it when he sees the chemistry she and her dance partner have when they dance; but it’s not hard to notice when Saeyoung feels this way, and a kiss to his cheek followed by an ‘I love you’ can melt the negative feeling straight off of his body.

V/JIHYUN:

* He too finds MC being a dancer amazing, and is absoloutely supportive-he honestly not once even felt a tange of jealousy at her closeness to her dance partner, he was simply and whole-heartedly supportive and excited for her carreer. 

* He’d shyly ask if he could observe some of her practices to draw some sketches-it’s the best chance to study things like the line of action, and how a motion sketch can then be transferred into a full proper painting.

* Even though he’s pretty much given up on photography and switched to painting instead, he’d love to sneak some photographs of MC when she’s practicing her steps around the house; if MC notices him and asks him to join her in dancing he’ll turn bright red, insisting he can’t possibly match her, a professional dancer, when it came to dancing

* And yet he’d be yet again underestimating himself; he’s had dance lessons ever since he was a kid up until his late teens, so sure, he’s not a professional or anything, but he’s no novice either, and with some effort he can absoloutely keep up with MC

* This leads to frequent impromptu dance sessions around the house-Jihyun hates silence so there’s always music playing across the house, and MC will never waste an opprotunity to take a hold of Jihyun’s hands, prodding him to move forward and dance with her; she’ll have to guide his hands to her hips as he’d be too shy to do it himself at first, but once she gets him into it he’ll let himself relax, holding her close as they move to the beat, smiling as he leans his head to the crook of her neck.

* Just picture this: It’s early morning, Jihyun’s wearing his hair in a low ponytail as he’s setting down cups of coffee on the kitchen table, when a song MC loves comes up on the radio. He turns to her with a sheepish smile, knowing exactly what she’ll do-still in their pyjamas, MC runs around the table to Jihyun with an excited grin, grabbing his wrists as he lets her take the lead, letting her pace their first steps before he gets the hang of it and starts leading the dance instead; his movements are smooth and effortless, and he even dips MC down at the end, his hand on the small of her back, his one leg between her thighs as he supports her weight with one hand. He’ll smile, big and toothy and so unlike the usual poised Jihyun, giving MC a quick kiss before laughing and getting back up to give her her mug of coffee, taking a long sip from his to hide his blush in the bitter flavor.

* I have Big V Feels I’m Sorry :’)

SAERAN/RAY/UNKNOWN:

* He too knew all about MC and her profession from his background check before he brought her to Mint Eye; he didn’t think much of her dance partner at first, but as he started to develop feelings for her this jealousy grew and grew in him.

* While at Mint Eye he’d constantly ask MC questions about her dance partner, if they were close, if she liked him e.t.c.

* But everytime MC told him she likes Ray/Saeran, the jealousy would melt away, replaced by a deep infatuation instead

* After the whole Mint Eye ordeal and during his recovery, he’d love to watch videos of MC’s past competitions, and would never miss the chance to watch her dance up close; he’d never ask himself, but if she invited him to come to any of her practices he’d be more than thrilled, quietly observing her movements with an excited interest.

* It’d take a LOT of courage from him, but he’d eventually come up to MC, his cheeks red as he looked down and away from her. “I um-I’ve never-I never learnt to dance. And seeing you look so graceful I-”

* “Of course I’ll teach you Saeran!” she’d giddily agree before he could continue, and he’d be so shocked but happy-he genially wants to learn!

* She’d teach him some of the basics at first, but then during off season she’d bring him with her to practices so that her dance partner can teach her some things too since the steps are different for men and women in classical dances.

* He’d furiously blush everytime he danced with MC, biting his lip when she’d tell him to move closer to her.

* “Saeran you chest has to be as close to mine as possible-no, closer than this. Closer!” she instructed as she held his hands in hers, her chest flush to his as he slowly backed away embarassed.

* As he got bolder though....

* “Saeran, come closer than this.” 

* Well MC, if you insist...he took a hold of her hands, tugging her forward to him-before she could tumble over he slid a leg between hers, letting her head fall onto his chest, and before she could look up and speak, he’d lean down to kiss her.

* “Is this close enough?” he asks with a smirk and at that moment MC knew. She knew she’s created a Monster

* But she wouldn’t have it any other way ;)

-send me mystic messenger headcanons for character reactions!-

-masterpost-

[tobesobri]

yeah you’re probably right. i think also the whole larry thing too drove a wedge between their friendships as well. but yeah, imo harry always outshone them and i feel like if he hadn’t been in the band they wouldn’t have been as big as they were. but anyway! i think in 2014 esp its obvious harry was like breaking away from all of it just with his stage presence and what he wore alone, he was definitely thinking about his future going solo and not about the band. and im probably more biased ig because i wasn’t really into 1D at the time, i just still kept up with harry but like i was glad they broke up bc i wanted harry to go solo and i never once wanted them to regroup. and yeah like you said he would just outshine them (which you’re 100% right about and have no reason to be sorry for saying it lol). harry just has ‘the it factor’ or whatever like he’s gained tons of extremely loyal non-1D fans since going solo and the others really didn’t so much, especially not louis and liam.

One Direction contract with their management and the label was up in early 2016 and you can kind of see cracks starting to form between them around the time they were promoting for so in late 2014. I think that Zayn and Harry didn’t want to resign but their management I think Niall was on the fence about it but I can tell that Liam on my way definitely didn’t want to and they wanted to resign and they wanted to continue with a group. But when harry did his interview with Zane Lowe he talked about how they always knew that they were going to take a break at the end of 2015 but I think with Zayns physical health and his mental health plummeting and being an all time low I think that he just couldn’t do it anymore and he decided that he wanted to leave. I also think that the hiatus was brought more into discussion after Zayn left and they were renewing contracts the next year. They said it was a hiatus because the didn’t want the media frenzy of the had announced the break up. But I also heard a lot of rumours in 2016 that the other three of thought that it was going to be just a hiatus and were blindsided when Harry didn’t resign with modest or their label in 2016 and proceeded to sign with Columbia records and star in a new movie. I think that Harry was going to go solo after their contracts ended no matter what

im a terrible harry fan and never watched the full zane lowe thing 😬 but yeah that all sounds like what probably happened i really didn’t see harry staying with them like he was definitely putting distance and however humble he is, he and i imagine jeff thought he’d make it way bigger on his own and they were right and im glad he did what he did lol also like you could ask any solo harry fan and none of them want 1D back nor expect them to come back but there’s quite a few who are fans of the others that think they’ll come back still (or at least used to a few years ago pre-covid)

[kyunsies]

Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ 

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!! 

[swiftedbethy13]

I’m now going to tell you about the most magical and amazing experience I’ve ever had and ever will have. This post is SO long so go grab some popcorn 🍿

So on October 2nd I was working a nightshift. It was little to do and just went in and checked my emails. I saw two emails from twitter saying Taylor Nation had sent me a DM!! I panicked so bad and went on my twitter to check if it was real. And on my twitter I have two DMs from Taylor fucking Nation. I stared shaking so bad and could barely breathe. The message said *CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE* and that they have a secret, special event they would like to talk to me about, and to send my full name, phone number and best time to contact me. Have you ever tried typing in details like that while your hands are shaking so bad like you’re on drugs?! ITS HARD MAN! I obviously gave them my details (duh), and told them my lips are sealed and it sounds so exciting! Then I panicked cos I thought my reply was too late, and had to ask if I was too late, and then I apologised for sending them so many messages 😂 They said “haha you’re all good, thanks doll”. Then I was supposed to take care of newborns and their moms and stay calm at the same time. IT WAS SUCH A STRUGGLE! I had to go to the bathroom to try and breathe.

We were not supposed to tell ANYONE, but I just had to send my friend Lyndsay a message saying it’s important to check you DMs on twitter often. And she replied “I know, you too…” and I just KNEW she had gotten a message too. If she replied with something different I wouldn’t have told her anything. We started freaking out together and it was beautiful.

I didn’t know when to expect a phone call, all I knew was that I need to have my phone on sound at all times. Like you can’t miss the most important phone call of your life! I had an evening shift the next day and told work I just have to have my phone on sound cos I’m waiting for a very important phone call. Every time my phone rang I just immediately panicked 😂. I can’t remember the time but I was at work and in a patients room when my phone started ringing. I quickly said “sorry I have to take this” and ran out of the room. I look at my phone and it’s calling from New York 😱 I die and start shaking and answer. It was Ali calling from Taylor Nation!! She confirmed it was the right person she was talking too and gave me some more details. It was going to be a secret special event in London on Friday the 13th of October from 4pm-11pm. She asked if I was going to be able to make travel arrangements and I was like “duh YAS OF COURSE”. She told me I could bring a plus’s one, and since I knew that Lyndsay was already going, I gave them my friend Alex’s details. She told me again that this was confidential and I couldn’t speak about it to anyone except my parents, guardian and boss at work. I was going to get more information early the week following. I probably sounded like the most bored person cos I was IN SHOCK, like I was just “yeah” “uhu”, “yes”, and didn’t show any excitement at all 😂. She hung up and continuing work was the hardest thing EVER!

I made travel arrangements and sorted hotels with my friends. I was already going to London on the Sunday till Wednesday before the event on Friday, so I knew the week would go quick anyways. On Sunday evening I out of the blue get an email. I was at the hotel with my mom having a pamper evening, and I was SO THROWN OFF COS I THOUGHT I WOULD GET IT ON MONDAY OR TUESDAY. My mom filmed my reaction to getting this email and it shows how Taylor Swift makes me feel nearly 24/7 😂. The email again said that it was confidential and not to post anything about it or tell anyone. They gave us an address for a Holiday In hotel where we were going to meet up. They said not to bring too much personal belongings cos this was going to be taken off us as well as our phones. AT THIS POINT I STARTED TO BE MORE CERTAIN THAT I WAS GOING TO A SECRET SESSION. Hence my reaction to getting the email lol. I still tried to not get my hopes up, and tried to tell myself that maybe I’ll get to hear a new song and have a swiftie party. Good thing I was in London and could get myself an outfit. OMG IVE NEVER BEEN MORE STRESSED ABOUT FINDING AN GOOD OUTFIT EVER!! I did find it by the help of my really good friend!

THIS STORY IS GETTING SO LONG, sorry 😂 Well done for getting this far. I’m going to skip forward to Friday now (aka the best day of my life).

So, FRIDAY THE 13TH. I get up at 4am to catch my flight to London. My stomach is doing backflips trying to catch butterflies cos I was so excited and nervous and anxious at the same time. I couldn’t listen to any Taylor music cos I would just start to cry, so I ended up listening to P!nks new album (which is amazing btw). When I get to London I meet up with Lyndsay, Megan and Alex. We head to the hotel where we are going to stay and to meet up. Here we get dressed and as I was to put my makeup on I realise that I’ve forgotten all my make up and I go in a full on panic. IM SUCH AN IDIOT! Luckily Megan had makeup I could borrow. After we got ready we headed down to outside the hotel. There were loads of girls with red lipstick and dresses so we knew we were in the right place 😍. We qued up outside, they were running late, think we stood outside for 40 minuets maybe. We then got to the front of the line and inside (finally cos I was freezing my ass of). Taylor Nation was there ready to sign us in!! We signed a confidentiality contract and showed our ID and GOT OUR WRISTBAND!!! (KANDJFJRJDJ)!! It said United Kingdom on it, written in reputation font!!! SO EXCITING! We then went down the stairs to a room with lots of chairs in. There were refreshments, and hot drinks (yay for cold me!) for us while we waited for further instructions.

Then we were told to leave our stuff behind, including phone, and the first 25 people went on a bus. Me and Alex got on the second bus. Now I stared getting SO nervous, it’s ridiculous. Before we went on we where scanned by security. Then the bus took off! We drove a title while and was driving through the most posh neighbourhood EVER, like I WANNA LIVE THERE! The bus stopped and we were told to be quiet while we went off. I realised we were at a house, and you could only guess I was thinking we were at TAYLORS HOUSE!! There were lots of security while we were taken in a back entrance of the house and in through the basement. I had to knock on the door 😂 (so I could say I knocked on Taylor Swifts door, I know I’m extra 😂). We got scanned by security again before we were taken up to the kitchen. GUYS, THIS HOUSE IS AMAZING!! ITS SO HUGE. We still haven’t by this point been told where we are, but duh 🙄. I KNEW we were at Taylor’s house. Her kitchen is beautiful! She has 4 ovens!! There were lots of snack on the counters. Homemade chicken nuggets, fruit, cheese and fizzy drinks. There were also REP cookies!! And REP m&ms! SO COOL! Andrea and Scott was also in the kitchen talking to other fans. Me and Alex just hung around and talked to a few people. Then Lyndsay and Megan arrived, we hugged each other cos they also realised where we were. We then ended up talking to Scott. He has never been to Norway!! And I told him he neeeeeds to come here.

Her house smells AMAZING. I obviously had to see which candles she was burning so I could by them 😂. We were then told to get in a line as we were going to a different room. This was after everyone had arrived and had some food. Me, Alex, lyndsay and Megan were quite up front as we were taken to a living room. There were cushions on the floor and we sat down. I sat down not even thinking about where. Me and Alex chose a high cushion and shared it. A 100 people was going to fit in this room and it got really tight! When everyone had found a spot there was some whispering and the door opened a little. THEN THE QUEEN THAT IS TAYLOR SWIFT WALKS INTO THE FUCKING ROOM AND IM SCREAMING. We were so loud! I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH ��😭 Like I couldn’t believe she was like right there in the same room as me. As I was having difficulties breathing she sat down like 2 meters away from me and Alex, we had such a good view of her like OMG. Then she said we were going to hear the whole FUCKING ALBUM AND WE DIED. We now knew this was A FUCKING SECRET SESSIONS PEOPLE! SHE ALSO SAID SHE HANDPICKED EVERYONE! I FUCKING DIED! TAYLOR HAS LURKED ME FOR A YEAR WITHOUT ME KNOWING 😭😭 I’ve never had a like or a follow, and I don’t have many followers on any social media. STILL SHE FOUND ME! I’m got eye contact with her so many times during the listening 😭😭😍! SHE IS SO HAPPY TOO!! I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH! AND IM TELLING YOU GUYS THIS ALBUM IS BLODDY AMAZING. (If you think you are stupid enough that I’m going to tell anything about the album, you are being funny, don’t bother asking 😉)

After she had pledged the album we got to look through the magazines!!! THEY ARE AMAZING AND IM SO HAPPY I WILL BE ABLE TO BUY ONE WHEN THEY COME OUT!! Then we waited to meet her JENFBDJSSHHSHDB 😭. I was getting so nervous by this point. Like I was going to meet the one person who has been there for me for so many years and I get to tell her how much I love her. We were one of the earlier ones to be sent in to meet her. Megan and Lyndsay were in front of us and a free they finished it was our turn.

I RAN OVER TO HER AND HUGGED HER AND SHE DIDNT LET GO UNTIL I DID 😭😭 I just couldn’t believe what was happening. She then hugged Alex and told me SHE FUCKING LOVE MY OUTFIT! She said “I love this whole outfit situation going on” I died. I told her that it’s not something I wear a lot and she said “you should definitely do!” IM OBVIOUSLY NEVER TAKING THIS OUTFIT OFF. Alex then said he wanted to wear the same outfit but we couldn’t match so he said I could wear it, and she laughed 😂 I love how we had a sarcastic conversation with Taylor Swift 😂 She then laughed at Alex’s apology for his bored resting face. I’m SO PROUD OF HIM SPEAKING TO TALOR, you have no idea! ❤️❤️ Then we were told to move to the side a bit cos they were going to open up the front door (so no one could see she was living there). This gave us more time with her and I’m so grateful! I then asked her about anxiety with singing and she gave me tips on singing and performing in front of people. TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT GAVE ME ADVISE ON SINGING AND PERFORMING!! JJDNDJDJFJRJD. Alex then thanked her for giving him the best friends ever and she hugged us both again 😍 Then it was time for picture. We didn’t plan a pose, we just took one. SHE RESTED HER HEAD ON ME AND I SISNT NOTICED BEFORE I SAW THE PIC! It’s so adorable 😍 There were so much more I wanted to tell her, wish I had a few more minutes but I guess she had ALOT of other people to meet.

We then went out in the hallway and ended up talking to Andrea. She reminds me so much of my mom!! She is also a bit similar! I told her about my mom and that she was worried I was sleeping in the airport by my self the following night. We then talked about how happy Taylor is and she was tearing up 😭 It was so beautiful to see how happy her parents were for her 😍😍 We gave her a biiiiig hug and then walked down to the basement again. There we stood trying to comprehend what just happened. I still don’t believe it, don’t know if I ever will? We then got merch!!! We got a REP tote bag, pop socket, t-shirt, a sticker, a cap and the best thing ever, a exclusive keychain that only us on the secret sessions London got. IT WAS SO NICE OF THEM! We were then sent on the bus back to the hotel. There we spoke to Ali about confidentially again and what we could talk about and not. She is so sweet!! Megan and Lyndsay old us TAYLOR KNEW WE WERE IN NASHVILLE TOGETHER 😭😭 OMG!!

When we came back to the hotel I called my mom and SOBBED. I couldn’t even talk to her cos I was crying too much. Then I posted online on my social media about what happened and my phone wouldn’t stop buzzing.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR TALOR SWIFT. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR THIS!! And thank you to Taylor Nation for giving us this opportunity, it means so much to us ❤️ The picture ended up perfect and I’m going to hang it on my wall so I can stare at it everyday 😍 I’ve been crying since Sunday cos this has been so so emotional to me. I can’t even tell people what happened without crying.

@isturkeyanickname

I’m sorry this story is a mile long 😂

Thank you so much @taylorswift and @taylornation

[minblush]

These goals the boys (bighit) are begging for are promoting such a toxic atmosphere in this fandom. Almost cult-like. But you are a breathe of fresh air bc even some big blogs i liked for being "real" are now into this sheep mentality, this is scary.

Anonymous said:+ kinda funny Pied Piper exist when they are demanding so much lol

i agree that it doesn’t help with the atmosphere in the fandom, it’s gotten so much worse correlating with how much the boys asked of us and how much more the company focused on promoting them based on the records and numbers :( and i also think it’s pretty ironic coming up with that song now with how much they and the company had been asking and doing to get money out of us… i’m also bitter with bighit’s treatment of foreign fans because of what happened today, but anyways.. wish they gave us better things to focus on, at some point we are going to reach the limit and their goals will never be met and the fandom will always remain feeling guilty about it, so i wish the boys had more vague or personal goals instead of giving us specific numbers

anonymous  asked:

personally i think most of the fandom shows so much blind faith to the boys, to the point that it’s very unhealthy. of course, there’s nothing wrong with people wanting to show support for their faves, but some people show unwavering dedication to whatever they want. it’s kind of annoying and they think it makes them look like better fans when in reality they just show they’re in capable of anything realistic

i think it’s like that with most fandoms that are built around real people, because it’s so time consuming and there are a lot of things you have to deal with, but it reached pretty critical levels in our fandom, any time anyone says something negative it’s just HYSTERICS about how fake of a fan you are, or that you’re too dramatic for even thinking outside of anything the company/group wants you to… but yeah i agree with you, always gotta look at things with some level of realism

Anonymous said:ok in the beginning i didn’t really agree with you but now i do. i totally see ur point. ofc they have goals and they should have, but when what they achieve is because of us it can kinda feel like we’re stepping stones??? if u know w i mean. it’s great with ambitions but when you achieve something pls revel in it a bit more before being like “ok BUT now we want more thanks”. or have goals such as development as musicians and vocalists or smth that isn’t based on numbers… i sound bitter lol

yeah that’s how i feel too, and i think they shouldn’t make us feel that way as fans, they used to have many goals like that, about self-development, making good music, connecting more, expressing themselves better, but this time around it’s all charting and records and yeah, and what more it’s even specific numbers, and that’s just blergh.. you know the fandom will be disappointed with itself if we don’t get them to hot 50 next time

Anonymous said:I miss the time where the only things I understood about kpop were that the groups were large and that the members could sing and dance. I’ve never given a fuck about 1st places in music shows and daesangs tbh I still don’t get how all of this works properly. But i started making a big deal of it since the boys first win and at the time it was meaningful but like right now? I don’t even check if they won or not because I know they did. (1)

Anonymous said:It doesn’t feel the same because these wins and prices and stuff just don’t feel as rewarding as before idk how to explain it. I kind of have a feeling that all of this happens just because of the popularity so it’s just meeeh to me (I mean I’m always delighted and super happy whenever they got something, it just doesn’t feel the same anymore, kind of a routine, I got used to it too son I guess) anyway, about the streaming drama that is happening. (2)

Anonymous said: I’m sure that if I ever dare speak these words into life under an URL I’d be destroyed but, I didn’t change my location when streaming the album and I didn’t let my laptop run overnight to stream the MV. I mostly stream because I want to hear the songs and because I want the boys to get some money out of it. It’s great that they achieved the hot100 and it would be great if they make it into the top50, top20… Of course. (3)

Anonymous said:Call me dramatic but the achievement doesn’t feel that genuine to me, because they made it through people streaming while working, sleeping, eating, doing everything but listening to the songs iywim so it’s just because the fandom worked extra hard not because the song made it into the mainstream ears?  Idk nothing feels right lately and the boys have their mind flying over the moon and I hope they will get a break soon so they can reflect and think (4)

Anonymous said:about everything and put their wants and goals straight again. Because they give me the impression that they won’t stop because everything is going so fast and nothing feels impossible to them rn they really need a break. I have a lot to say but I feel that this ask is messy enough as it is. Thank you if you read all of this (5)

Yeah it’s true and only natural that the more awards / wins there are, the less it means to everyone, both us and the boys. I don’t think we’ll get a moment like their first daesang again tbh, i’m really grateful i experienced that moment live.

and you’re right that people are really awful with the streaming, i saw so much guilting everywhere.. like sorry, i work full time,i can’t leave the mv playing 24/7, i do what i can as a fan, everyone tries to help within their means.

it’s just that now it feels like even those sacrifices we make aren’t enough, because in the end we will always be asked and expected to do even more.

and i agree with you, honestly this album felt from scratch like it was made to get them a lot of success, but it lost a lot of what people like them for in the process (the boys’ input, their sincerety about the result), i was hoping that once they would achieve that HUGE goal that they talked about for years, that they and us would breathe out and feel like, yeah we got there, now we can do what matters. but i guess there is still more and more, they just want more sigh, i just hope that once it all starts going down (which it has to eventually) that it won’t be too harsh on them, i know they worry about it a lot

Anonymous said:1. I agree w everything youre saying rn. Before the live stages i honestly only liked mic drop and now gogo is up there too - all because of the vibe their stages give off. If not for that id continue feeling detached from it all, from them. This is my first proper comeback aswell ( other than the ynwa repackage ) and its honestly not what i expected. Esp w wings and now the theme of love yourself, i really expected more… sincerity? Idk if thats the right word. But that could be explained byAnonymous said:2. The fact that the boys didnt have as much of an imput in the album as their previous ones. Which i get w the company wanting to make the most of how big they are and wanted to make sure the album was great but. Idk, i feel like they couldve trusted the boys more since it was them that got themselves here in the first place ( not that bighit was just sitting back chilling but i hope you know what I mean ). And although I was starting to fall back into the hype of the comeback

Anonymous said:3. The recent vlive kind of put me off.. theyre all exhausted, thats so clear. Tae barley said anything and they all just need a rest tbh. And this may just be me being petty and sour, but when Namjoon started saying how they should talk about how they felt after their billboard win nobody really responded? And even Namjoon cut himself off and food became the main topic. Which is good, im glad theyre eating, but i hope you see what i mean? Man idk. Sorry for the length of these

yeah it was like that for me too, but seeing them up there reminded me of why they are the best for me ;-; i also wish for that, cause tbh the songs where boys could say something more were the the best ones on the album and made me FEEL things, while other songs, even if they were fun, they were just empty to me, like empty radio bops, sadly. i’m sorry the vlive put you off, i thought it was cute, though they were tired. i didn’t pay much attention to tae not talking, because he is often like that during broadcasts tbh, he isn’t as talkative as the others during group settings, and secondly he is a rEALLY moody kid, so since they are all tired (they did this between fansigns as well) ofc he would be sitting there with his arms crossed, that’s just how he is. however i agree that the billboard part was weird, the broadcast was to celebrate it but when namjoon tried talking about it they changed the subject after a minute when nobody was enthusiastic at all.. it just makes you feel like, you work so hard to get them these awards to make them happy, right? but if they’re not even really all that into it, then it’s all about the sales and the media play and the cred, so what are we doing it for? but that is me being bitter i guess ;-;

Anonymous said:my first comeback too and i’m a bit disappointed with the (i forgot the word) “theme” of the album compared to hyyh and wings (started when i saw the highlight reels… they’re beautiful but shallow lol). dgmw i love the songs they’re bops but something’s missing and i kinda hoped for “deeper” goals and messages. my other fave bands have goals such as individual and musical growth, learning new things, feeling better about their music and lyrics etc. i love them this won’t change that but still

the word is concept, and yeah me too. i agree with everything you say. i want to hear something more sincere next time, both music wise and their goals wise. like did y’all read the statement bighit had namjoon say after they got onto the hot 100?

“Our dreams are coming true this week with a number one entrance to 73 countries on iTunes, and we are excited to share it with ARMY. We are very thankful for Billboard’s support from the beginning, and excited that Love Yourself: Her is charting at No. 7 on the Hot 200 and No. 85 on the HOT 100 for "DNA” on the Billboard charts.”

this is the most robotic and number focused speech ever and it just makes me feel really -_- just be real with us dakjsd please

Anonymous said:honestly thank you so much for staying real and not being all up their asses.. like you can love a group and still be logical about things and staying true to yourself. it’s refreshing

ha thank you, i wish this wasn’t something i had to be thanked for though… i’m just hyper focused on making sure all my opinions are my own, otherwise i’d lose track of myself as a person

[aparoxysm]

☼☼☼☼ i don't even know how many i pasted but GIMME

this is literally going to be so long i talk so much YOURE GONNA REGRET THIS

☼ KYLE & DEANNA ☼

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation

WELL, i think this would be kyle tbh. like no okay, he’s usually a responsible guy but hes SOOO easily manipulated and pressured into things ok??? the puppy would just have to look @ him and he’d just be like “no buddy im sorry i can’t………………… alright fine jump in the backpack ill be your obi wan we’re outta here”

who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them

deanna 10000000%

who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy

i actually feel like both? i feel like kyle is usually the instigator but since being around him all the time, deanna’s really going to get to embrace a dorkier side of herself. he likes making people laugh and she likes him making her laugh so basically he is gonna make her come to the dork side sooner or later~

who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them

HAHA probably kyle.

who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them

SO i have finally decided that kyle is really interested in history and archeology. i think hes gonna really commit to college this time around soon and deannas gonna be pouty when he cant shower her in attention lolololol. so definitely her distracting and succeeding.

who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated

both!!

who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do

i don’t know if deanna really has a temper but given that she’s got italian blood in her, i’d say genetics prove that she’d be the one to walk out. kyle would 10/10 be upset if she did.

who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows

kyle. netflix nerd.

who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky

deanna.

who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car

both. 10/10.

who has more fun decorating the house during holidays

kyle LOL hes such a dweeb. there’s him in an ugly christmas sweater and antlers.

who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other

…..deanna? maybe? im not really sure, again, i dont know what her temper is like. i don’t know if shes a need space person or not yet, but kyle wouldn’t be able to stand ignoring her.

who plays with the others’ hair more

i definitely see deanna playing with kyles hair on the reg.

who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored

i think deanna’s already proved this one LOLOLOLL and i love it so much, its such a normal organic thing in relationships to hang off each other and i definitely see that being her thing. 

who tries to kiss the other as often as they can

deanna. i think kyle’s more of a hugger, he always likes to just have an arm around her somehow. shes the kisser.

who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up

WELL kyle would never @ her like that but LOLOLOL i bet once the novelty of his blabbing has worn off and theyre an old married couple deanna might sometimes just be like stooooop

who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up  

deanna is for sure the instigator, as if that isnt 100% obvious by now hahahha and god yes sometimes kyle will be like NO OMG MY MOM IS IN THE OTHER ROOM or I HAv E TO GO TO cLASS so yep he gonna have to walk away and its gonna kill him 100 times over probably.

who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one

kyle forgets it but also has to hold it because hes such a tall freak, hed be like good ol’ hunchback notre dame with deanna holding it LOL. but he’d also just like, get wet if it meant keeping her dry and warm cause hes a ~gentleman

who demands showering first in the mornings

hmmmmmmmmmmmm i feel like deanna. unless shes a night shower-er. in which case, shes a freak and kyle owns the morning.

who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings

well this has deanna written all over it so.

who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games

kyle’s a wimp, he’ll win her a goldfish and not throw up (y)

who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond

deanna. kyle probably fell asleep LOL

who always forgets to charge their phone overnight 

hmhmhmhmhmhmhmh deanna??? maybe??? i mean maybe not always but i just see her being more connected to her phone than kyle, like surfing social media etc. and like i bet hes an iPad guy. so like maybe he steals the wall socket a lot and shes like k remind me to steal ur charger before we go to bed and hes like k *forgets immediately*

who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets

both? but i feel like mostly deanna. always givin’ him the heckin spooks because hes dumb .

who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can 

both.

who is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet

deanna feels more rambunctious tbh.

☼ EMILY & MILES ☼

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation

WELL IF THERE’S ANYTHING MORE SOLID ABOUT EMILY AS A CHARACTER ITS THAT SHE HAS A N UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH DOGS. she is every dog lover tumblr post ever. barney, her UNNECESSARILY HUMONGOUS bernese mountain dog is her pride and son.

who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them

maybe miles but like more as a joke because like emily adores photography, she used to do a lot of it when she was a teenager for school because her dad was really interested in vintage cameras (see also: her box brownie collection she considered selling) and so thats a nice part of im to hold onto for her. he gave her a polaroid camera which she broke in one of her first big mental break downs. then some years later, a boyfriend at the time bought her a new one which she used a lot for a while. then they broke up and she hasn’t really touched photography since. anyway basically i think miles would probably know most of this (all her polaroids are probably still packed up in a box) so he’d pick up her camra sometimes like “photograph me like one of ur french women~” and shed be like omg stop ur being a silly goose ily.

who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy

miles @ emily. sometimes shes such a sad rain cloud and so i think he would resort to any small stupid thing just to make her smile.

who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them

emily would rather die than watch a horror movie i think LOL. 2 spooky.

who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them

i think miles respects emily too much to bother her when shes working, knowing she takes it all very seriously. but likeeeee, at the same time, maybe if he noticed she was already distracted he would try to egg it on cause maybe he’d think like why miss the opportunity to do something together instead if shes not gonna be busy??? idk. thats a real stab in the dark, i hope all my assuming isnt way off LOL

who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated

emily. worried mama bear.

who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do

miles is the stormer, emily is the cryer. 100%

who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows

emily. she doesn’t sleep very well anyway so she’ll read or watch obscure film/tv.

who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky

miles?????????????? probably??? emily is such a shy little squirt when it comes to sex, i think shes very happy to recieve whatever he’s willing to give her but as for her own actions shes too scared to be very adventurous.

who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car

miles. if only they could afford a car… /sheds tear/

who has more fun decorating the house during holidays

emily !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shes the person people hate at christmas time. but see also australia has like no game when it comes to inter/national holidays. our chrismas is in the summer so like reindeers and snow and hot cocoa and fireplaces and shit doesnt make sense. its an entirely different culture. same with halloween, its in the spring, there’s no fall colours, orange pumpkins, etc. having these holidays to REALLY celebrate into overkill in the states is probably her favourite thing about living there.

who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other

miles feels like the angry silent type. emily is the non-confrontational silent type. so both, depending what the argument was about.

who plays with the others’ hair more

i kind of see miles, like if theyre on the couch watching tv or whatever, his arm slung round her and distractedly playing with a lock.

who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored

hmmm, neither.

who tries to kiss the other as often as they can

when emily is a happy clam, shes very loving. her mood really changes her physical interactions. when shes sad or distracted or stressed or focused, she is very recluse and really just likes to be left alone. but when shes feeling inspired and happy, she’s all for hugs and kisses and touching.

who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up

miles? LOLOL if emily would EVER tell him to be quiet. a highly unlikely scenario though.

who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up  

i think that miles is mostly the one to always start it, but never with an expectation that she’ll want to? because he knows how much of an awko taco she is about it? its kind of like a very hesitant, curious sus of the situation~ and if shes down then cool if shes not well then theres always next week maybe LOL. but real talk, i think its really special when emily initiates. its very like Big Moment™ and a real surprise and relief to miles’ stress levels cause otherwise he’s always feeling pushed out ja feel? so i think that the simple answer is miles and hes used to her shutting it down if shes not in the mood. but like everything about them its complicated LOL.

who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one

miles forgets and emily brings like 5. i feel like shes the cutie who holds it and he keeps an arm/jacket around her to keep her from freezing to death bc old married couple :’)

who demands showering first in the mornings

i mean emily likes routine but i feel like miles is the early riser for work and is always gne by the time she gets up probably.

who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings

either or neither, depending on the night before :P 

who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games

emily is also a wimp and i dont imagine she likes heights very much. miles strikes me as the “big panda winner” type.

who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond

emily if shes either a) worried or b) unsure and keeps tacking on after thoughts.

who always forgets to charge their phone overnight

ehhhhh, neither? i expect they both rely heavily on them for work so no point with a dead phone.

who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets

miles.

who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can

emily.

who is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet

neither? i mean emily is basically a mouse but yeah. neither.

☼ ADAM & JULIE ☼

who would be the one to randomly adopt a puppy without consultation

adam. 200%. he has no impulse control.

who would force the other to take aesthetic pictures of them

adam AHAHAHA, i bet he would take photos of himself on her phone a lot. as if he’s doing her some public service. change his name to “hot adam” in her phone and take a snapchat filter photo of him with some dumb sunglasses on or something. use one of those dumb filters that put your face on the body of some dancing thing and set it as her wallpaper. basically he is so vain.

who would do stuff they think is stupid just to make the other one happy

adam. he doesnt get embarrassed easily and one day hes gonna like julie a lot and notice theres a dark raincloud in there somewhere he needs to chase away. so might as well do that with laughter.

who picks out the horror movies to watch just so the other will cling to them

adam but he’d want her to cling to him so it would be this whole elaborate plan. like “here let me set up the situation this is how its gonna go its gonna be great” and julie is gonna be like omfg stop and then hes gonna finish the movie wanting to vomit like “well that was not fun at all why did you talk me into this ur a bad friend”

who is constantly studying and who is constantly trying to distract them

julie strikes me as the hardworking type. adam is 100% the literal child wanting her attention.

who initiates the facetime calls whenever they’re separated

adam ofc. but then it could be cute, like julie could start seeing dumb shit and text him like “i saw a guy who got thrown out of walmart today bc he tried to steal a the simpsons on dvd” and he’ll immediately laugh and call her like “WAS IT THE BEST THING? TELL ME EVERYTHING” bc his job is a lot of boring sitting around most of the time. he’ll learn when her lunch breaks are and call her to annoy her but also bc lonely.

who is more likely to storm out after a fight and who is more likely to cry when they do

adam would storm. idk if julie would cry?

who stays up way too late binge-watching their favorite shows

hmmmmmmmmm, maybe julie? if its something shes really into or is anxious and cant sleep? bc adam is 100% that guy whos like “pf what no ill be up for HOURS” zonks out @ 9pm

who bites the other’s ear when they’re feeling frisky

adam, hes a kinky shit. but HEY maybe she is 2. we might never kno  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

who sprays the other with water when they’re washing the car

adam. literal child.

who has more fun decorating the house during holidays

i feel like julie has WICKED eye for interior? maybe she doesn’t, but her pinterest board lead me to believe shes stylish af. so i feel like she’d have a good time decorating. unless shes got deep family / body issues rooted to holidays which i could also see being a thing. people stareotypically eat a lot at christmas and thanksgiving omfg, so maybe she hates holidays. IDK. IDK THE ANSWER TO THIS ONE but im also pretty sure adam would dress as a sexy santa like u wouldnt even have to ask he’d be so down. i mean this is probably his favourite christmas related thing tbh (NSFW). im also aware that still doesnt answer the question.

who is more likely to give the silent treatment when they’re mad at the other

adam. bye falicia~

who plays with the others’ hair more

adam but in an annoying way LOL

who is more likely to climb all over the other one when they’re bored

the image of adam climbing all over julie is weird af LOL. so like. maybe neither, idk?

who tries to kiss the other as often as they can

adam. hes so convinced he’ll get her to give in one day. ONE DAYYY.

who pouts when the other one tells them to shut the fuck up

adam.

who initiates the sex and who walks away when the other is riled up  

adam sTILL. hes so annoying hahaha.

who always forgets the umbrella and who holds it when they actually have one

adam forgets, julie holds. mostly cause he probably gets them all wet cause hes an adhd kid half the time. 

who demands showering first in the mornings

hmmmm, maybe julie? adams probably a freak and showers at night.

who sneaks into the shower with the other one in the mornings

adam 200%

who prefers riding the roller coasters and who prefers playing the games

adam would LOVE rollercoasters. i dont know about julie?

who will text the other one thirty times in a row until they respond

have you met adam “pay attention to me” kane ???

who always forgets to charge their phone overnight

hmmm, if it had to be one of them, probably adam.

who comes up behind the other and slide their hands into their back pockets

adam. anything for the ass grab.

who tries to get hugs from the other as often as they can

i dont know this one tbh.

who is louder and who constantly has the tell the other to be quiet

adam. obnoxious piece of work.

[wizard-in-olympus]

1 - 102 and if you answer them all i'll do the same.. thats the deal

its a deal then

this is gonna be long

                                                         1. Think of the last person who said I love     you, do you think they meant it?                                    

it was mydad so, yeah                           

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age     you are now?

        im 18, so obviously i would

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated     and happy at the same time?

when i left college, 5 months ago. i’ll be back next semester

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i’ve done it, what’s the big deal?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re     dating/talking to the person you are?

i dont think she knows and i dont think she’d even care

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of     someone today? 

yeah andit was awful

 7. What exactly are you wearing right     now?

i’ve heard that line right there too many times, you sound like a 15 yearold trying to get nudes. anyways, im wearing blue pjs

8. How often do you listen to music?

on long rides, while studying, while doing chores, while reading, whilewasting my time on social media. so, most of the time i guess

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? 

jeans

10. Do you think your life will change     dramatically before 2015?                   

ok its 2017 already but im gonna change it to “...change dramaticallybefore 2018?″. not so much, it has changed a lot in a year already

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

social

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name     begins with the letter ‘A’?

yes, my guy best friend, we were both drunk, shit happens. it kind ofbrought us together as friends hahaha

13. What about ‘R’?

no

14. Can you drive a stick shift? 

thats the only type of vehicle i drive

15. Do you care if people talk badly about     you?

i’d like to say no but yeah, i do. it depends on what people tho

16. Are you going out of town soon?

probably tomorrow. i go “out of town” a lot

17. When was the last time you cried?

i dont remember. about two months ago i think

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeah.huge mistake

19. If you could change your eye color, would     you?

maybe i’d change my eyes from hazel to a deeper green

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely     everything for?

i thinkso

21. Name something you dislike about the day     you’re having.

i haven’t finished the essay i was gonna present today, now i’ll have topresent it tomorrow                                                      

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your     forehead?

i loveit, yesss

23. Are you dating the last person you talked     to?

no

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my couch

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family)     tell you they love you?

my bestfriend

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t     have?

i do

27. Who was the last person you talked to     before you went to bed last night?

mybrother

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, i get colds once a year, twice a year tops

  29. Where is the shirt you are wearing     from?

idk, idc

 30. Does anyone hate     you?

i thinkso. im sorry

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles     hidden somewhere in your room?

no, im asocial drinker

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

hate them

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

hell no

34. If you had to delete one year of your life     completely, which would it be?

either 2014 or 2015. big parts of 2016 too... maybe a little bit of thisone but its been the best year i’ve ever lived since 2013.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

yeah, the seniors in my old high school were 10x better than last yearseniors -when i was a senior- and teachers loved them (teachers hated mygeneration) and they all graduated from IB and had their diplomas linned up inthe hall (i didnt graduated from IB or get the diploma and everyone hated me bci was the only student in my generation that failed and so no one could say“gen16 was a 100% IB generation! the first one in this high school!” bc of me)

36. When was the last time you told someone     you loved them?

a coupleof weeks ago

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

i hopenot

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

a couple of people, tiny andd small feelings but i now they do

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you     right now?

maybe wondering what happened to me, yeah. but probably no one is

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

yes, areally good one

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a     relationship?

not a serious one but yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out     with a girl?

yeah, lots of girls. but im a girl and i like boys so who cares if ihang out with a girl

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to     ever lose you?

yes and lots of times and they did lose me. i just couldn’t handle themany longer, my patience couldn’t take it anymore, it had been YEARS of dealingwith the same shit and enough was enough. but i couldn’t break theirheart so i just told them i had changed and left. that probably makes me anasshole but idc

44. What’s the best part about school?

meeting new people all the time, learning new amazing things and gettingto test them and the late night bar celebrations when we nailed a test

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

of course, why wouldn’t i?

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in     school?

i used to do that in 7th grade, not anymore

47. Do you replay things that have happened in     your head?

yes i wish i could change so many things, so many situations in which idid the wrong thing

48. Were you single over the last summer?

oh yeah and i had never been so happy of being single

49. Is your life anything like it was two     years ago?

just a little bit but it has changed A LOT and im grateful for it

50. What are you supposed to be doing right     now?

finishingmy essay...

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a     conversation with?

im hating him rn but most of the time i love that guy. stupid guys

52. Are you nice to everyone?

most people. im not nice to one single person but im nice to the rest ofthe human population. fuck that bitch tho

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t     expect to?

i’ve only liked people i didn’t expect to. except one guy probably.

54. Do you think you can last in a     relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve never cheated, i think i can last a lifetime without cheating.cheating is a horrible thing to do, i don’t wish it on anybody

 55. Are you good at hiding your     feelings?

i used to be very good, lately i suck at it but idc anymore, its ok

56. Do you think you like someone?

kind of

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts     with a ‘J’?

yes and i would do it again

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or     boys?

girls are sketchy, boys are chill. i get along better with guys but theyare also clueless idiots so... some guys

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you     cry?

yes

60. Do you hate anyone?

no

61. How’s your heart?

confused but healthy and happy like it hasn’t been in years

62. Is there something that happened in your past     that you hate talking about?

plenty ofthings

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

no and i dont plan on ever doing it

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap     about you right now?

the same boring bitches that always have, “”friends”“ and also their stupidparents that care too much about what i do with my life. fuck off

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

no

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

i really hope not, not again

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry;     correct?

no, i hate sensitive, dramatic people. if he cries for a good reasonthen ok but i wouldn’t love it, i’d be sad for him too

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in     public?

no

69. Who was the last person you were on the     phone with?

my bestfriend from Peru

70. How do you look right now?

ok, butmessy

71. Do you have someone you can be your     complete self around?

plenty of people (family and friends), im an open book                 

72. Can you commit to one person?

yes, but it looks like however made this questions cant

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex     you can tell everything to?

thought i did, turns out i dont

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

yes, a couple of times. always by friends tho

75. Did you wake up cranky?

not today, i had an amazing night of sleep

76. Are you a jealous person?

no

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yes yes yes, SO WORTH IT. you just have to find the right person

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

not rn

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

more like craving to see him. fuck my life

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

turn in this stupid essay i’ve mentioned twice already

81. Last person you cried in front of?

bestfriend

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

yeah

83. Do you think the person you have feelings     for is protective of you?

a littlebit

84. If the person you wish to be with were     with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably taking a walk and talking and staring at his beautiful smile

85. Are you over your past?

most of it. the latest “past” is still haunting me but im getting overit slowly

86. Have you ever liked one of your best     friends of the opposite sex?

not morethan physical attraction

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING     to?

three tofour people

88. If your first true love knocked on your     door with apology and presents, would you accept?

if i had one i could answer this. i think i kind of did and i wouldn’taccept it

89. So, the last person you kissed just     happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

what do you want??, what is the matter with you??, what on earth are youdoing here?? FUCK OFF.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your     friends hated?

yes                                                 

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

no

92. Is there anyone you know with the name     Michael?

yeah

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

i live in Costa Rica, im latina. guys here have names like “Jose, JuanPablo, Andres, Gerardo, Alonso”, not “Matthew, James”. so of course i haven’t

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

no and i lived the single life at its finest

95. Were you happy with the person you liked     in March?

no

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you     texted attractive?

he’s a fucking model for fuck’s sakes, he’s a GOD. he’s so hot. why am ifriends with him?? itcomplicates everything

97. Who do you have texts from?

my best friends, my guy friends, my family group chat, my girl friendsgroup chats, my crush

98. If the person you like says they like     someone else, what would you say?

thats great, and do you think she likes you? hey good luck! *pretends idont have feelings and keeps on being a good friends*

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than     you?

the first person i ever kissed was a year older than me

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

ok in my tumblr icon im with my best friend, in my whatsapp, twitter andfacebook profile pictures im alone

101. Ever kissed under     fireworks?

no

  102. Has anybody ever given you     butterflies?

no

done!  that took me like an hour damn... sorry to the people who’s dashboard i interrupted with this post

[hueman-blog]

Answering Personal Questions

I made a user I follow, @razzledazzlefoshazzle , answer all of these on his blog. I’m feeling guilty so I’m gonna do it too. I know none of you asked but HERE GOES MY PERSONAL INFO!!!

200: My crush’s name is: Averi 
199: I was born in: Place? Lancaster, PA, USA. Year? 1999 
198: I am really: Bored and unmotivated 
197: My cellphone company is: Apple 
196: My eye color is: Brown 
195: My shoe size is: 8-9 Women’s US 
194: My ring size is: Idk, something little 
193: My height is: 5'4" I’m little 
192: I am allergic to: Stupid people 
191: My 1st car was: Never had one 
190: My 1st job was: Cashier at California Tortilla (a fast food Mexican franchise around D.C.) 
189: Last book you read: Cradle and All 188: My bed is: My safest place, my true home, and also too empty 
187: My pet: Doesn’t do much 
186: My best friend: Is my girlfriend 
185: My favorite shampoo is: Shamu 
184: Xbox or ps3: Deck of cards 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute decoration, inefficient coin collector 
182: In my pockets: I’m in pajamas 
181: On my calendar: Work, as that’s the only thing in my life scheduled. Also a haircut within a few days 
180: Marriage is: Great for legal benefits, stupid for expensive ceremonies 
179: Spongebob can: Please end soon it turned idiotic long ago 
178: My mom: Is abusive (sorry to bring the mood down) 
177: The last three songs I bought were? Who buys songs anymore?? 
176: Last YouTube video watched: History of the World 
175: How many cousins do you have? On my dad’s side, 8. On my mom’s side, no idea 
174: Do you have any siblings? An older brother 
173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 
172: Are you taller than your mom? Probably not 
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 
170: What did you do yesterday? Absolutely nothing just like every day

[ I Believe In ] 
169: Love at first sight: Nope 
168: Luck: Yes 
167: Fate: Nope 
166: Yourself: Not really 
165: Aliens: Yeah there’s gotta be some life out there 
164: Heaven: No 
163: Hell: No 
162: God: The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Hell yes. Be boiled for your sins 
161: Horoscopes: Nope and frankly if you do I find you uneducated 
160: Soul mates: No 
159: Ghosts: Nah 
158: Gay Marriage: Believing??? In love,??? And commitment??????? Between two people???????? Obviously! 
157: War: Never 
156: Orbs: I believe in Orbeez 
155: Magic: No it’s just science we can’t explain, or illusions we can’t see the entirety of

[ This or That ] 
154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 
153: Drunk or High: Music 
152: Phone or Online: Online on my phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: Hot 
148: Summer or winter: Summer 
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 
145: Night or Day: Night 
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 
140: Mac or PC: Mac!! 
139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip Flops 
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and sweet are opposites now?? I guess sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Fruit Punch 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 
134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 
133: Coach or Chanel: Money to spend on actual useful things 
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who??? 
131: Small town or Big city: Big City 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both suck, but I’d choose Stiller 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure. My feet are too ticklish 
127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast USA 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I don’t like being the center of attention 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: What is a sport? How do??

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 
122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing 
121: George Bush: “Mr. President, what are your thoughts on Katrina?” “We’re gonna find her. And we’re gonna bring her to justice.“ 
120: Gay Marriage: Its a marriage between two people in love. Celebrate, but don’t go broke in one day 
119: The presidential election: Media and rich people control it basically, and I’d rather it be an actual democratic popular vote. Trump is a clown and should have never won 
118: Abortion: Its a woman’s right to choose. Personally I think the world is overpopulated anyway and more people should adopt rather than try to conceive 
117: MySpace: Never had one 
116: Reality TV: Scripted, not reality 
115: Parents: Good or bad, they influence your whole life because they were there at the start. Mine went bad and ruined me 
114: Back stabbers: Oh I love them- what?? They suck. No one should be betrayed like that 
113: Ebay: Never used it but it got the ball rolling for Amazon 
112: Facebook: I only use it to message/call my friends, and to see unlimited amounts of dogs 
111: Work: It’s a necessary evil 
110: My Neighbors: Quiet, the only one I met was a total bitch though 
109: Gas Prices: I don’t drive 
108: Designer Clothes: C'mon people there are way better uses for your money 
107: College: Shouldn’t be expected of teenagers 
106: Sports: Boring, overhyped, the players overpaid 
105: My family: Worthless, judgmental pricks 
104: The future: Uncertain

[ Last time I ] 
103: Hugged someone: Sunday (3 days ago), when my friend picked me up from work 
102: Last time you ate: Italian ice about 1.5 hours ago (8:15pm) 
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A month ago 
100: Cried in front of someone: A month ago maybe?? 
99: Went to a movie theater: Many many months ago 
98: Took a vacation: A year ago 
97: Swam in a pool: Two years ago? 
96: Changed a diaper: Never 
95: Got my nails done: My 16th birthday I think (almost two years ago) 
94: Went to a wedding: Eight years ago? 
93: Broke a bone: Never 
92: Got a peircing: I was 14 and got my ears pierced (almost 4 years ago) 
91: Broke the law: Never 
90: Texted: A minute ago

[ MISC ] 
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Brad. He’s so inappropriate but his jokes I cannot stop laughing at 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Not paying bills other than Internet 
87: The last movie I saw: Coraline 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving to California 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: Paying for rent in California 
84: People call me: To friends: Lys. To family: Alyssa. To my girlfriend: Lyssy. To everyone else: annoying 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: Get up out of bed every day 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope I do not drive 
81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer 
80: The first person i talked to today was: My friend Jessica 
79: First time you had a crush: Preschool, this boy in my class Marshall 
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Myself 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday, idk? 
76: Right now I am talking to: My phone in the way of typing 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Survive hopefully. I also wanna be a flight attendant 
74: I have/will get a job: Have a job as assistant manager of an arcade 
73: Tomorrow: I’m going food shopping and seeing my annoying cousin Barbara (she has two boyfriends and they both treat her like shit. It’s not poly it’s just cheating) 
72: Today: I actually made a meal that was nice 
71: Next Summer: I’ll be living in California 
70: Next Weekend: I have to face my parents for the first time since February. I hate it 
69: I have these pets: A ball of moss named Mo 
68: The worst sound in the world: My girlfriend crying 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My father 
66: People that make you happy: My girlfriend Averi 
65: Last time I cried: A few weeks ago?? 
64: My friends are: Averi, Raven, Jessica 
63: My computer is: My phone 
62: My School: Is nonexistent 
61: My Car: Is also nonexistent 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hate on others for no reason 
59: The movie I cried at was: Toy Story 3 
58: Your hair color is: Black 
57: TV shows you watch: None 
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr usually 
55: Your dream vacation: California 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Once I got constipated a few months ago for 48 hours. I screamed 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium 
52: My room is: Either super messy or super clean. Right now messy 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Jacksepticeye 
50: Where would you like to be: In my girlfriend’s arms on a beach 
49: Do you want children: Right now I don’t think I ever would but if I ever did I’d adopt 
48: Ever been in love: Yes I am now 
47: Who’s your best friend: My girl 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl friends 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Sleeping 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: AVERI 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Stalin did 
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope 
41: Have you pre-named your children: I did with my ex. Never again 
40: Last person I got mad at: My grandmother 
39: I would like to move to: California 
38: I wish I was a professional: Sleeper [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish Fish or Nerds 
36: Vehicle: Volkswagen Beetle 
35: President: Biden 
34: State visited: California 
33: Cellphone provider: Cricket 
32: Athlete: Me, running from my responsibilities 
31: Actor: Eddie Redmayne 
30: Actress: Anna Kendrick 
29: Singer: Laura Jane Grace 
28: Band: Against Me! 
27: Clothing store: Thrift shops 
26: Grocery store: Safeway 
25: TV show: Adventure Time 
24: Movie: Wall-E 
23: Website: Pornhu- I mean Tumblr 
22: Animal: Red Panda 
21: Theme park: Disney World 
20: Holiday: Christmas 
19: Sport to watch: Extreme Chess Mega X 
18: Sport to play: How Late Can I Get Up Before Concerning My Family 
17: Magazine: :enizagaM 
16: Book: The Underneath 
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: Any beach 
13: Concert attended: Fall Out Boy x Paramore 
12: Thing to cook: Pasta with alfredo sauce 
11: Food: Bacon egg & cheese on a bagel 
10: Restaurant: TGI Fridays 
9: Radio station: Night Vale Community Radio 
8: Yankee candle scent: Ass 
7: Perfume: Averi’s 
6: Flower: Averi 
5: Color: Orange - the color of Averi’s voice 
4: Talk show host: John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham 
2: Dog breed: Corgi 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Hell yeah I wouldn’t lie to you

[plinys]

dear yuletide author (2017)

hello and welcome to my letter!

i am so happy to have you reading this letter and going to be writing a fic for me! why? because you dear writer are an amazing and wonderful person, deserving of all the kudos in the world!

please remember as you look at these prompts, that if something in my likes inspires you more than any of my specific prompts, totally feel free and run with that, and know that i will enjoy any fic that is gifted to me!!

ao3/lj handle: plinys

now lets get down to business:

the fandoms i’ve requested this year are: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator,  Galavant (TV),   Legion (TV),  Powerless (TV 2017),  Star Trek: Discovery,  Young & Hungry

but before that, my likes/kinks/dislikes/triggers:

likes: alternate universes, characters that are in character, lady-centric fics, angst, fandom cliches, dysfunctional relationships, friendships, friends/enemies to lovers, soul mates, road trips,  hanukkah fics, jewish characters, bisexual characters, poly relationships, character studies, origin stories, ambiguous endings, meta fic, slow build, fics that incorporate social media, crack treated seriously, drunk confessions, miscommunication, 

kinks: threesomes, competence kink, phone sex, masturbation, crying during sex, hate sex, shower sex, praise kink, guys going down on girls, rough sex, first time, spanking, daddy kink, sex in front of mirrors, voyeurism, make up sex

dislikes: pwp, main character death (unless it really makes sense/happens in canon), character bashing, non-con, mpreg, a/b/o, 1st person.

my triggers (please no matter what do not include these): school shootings, cancer, terminal illness, riots, child abuse.

and now to the fun stuff -

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator

requested characters:  mary christiansen, joseph christiansen, crish christiansen

where to find: it’s a video game on steam, you can purchase for about $15, otherwise there’s plenty of walkthroughs of people playing it on youtube. recommended routes: joseph, robert, and damien to get the full christiansen story family backstory. 

anyways first play through i did josephs route and he broke my heart, and i was like wow mary deserves better and then after playing robert and damien i was like no wow mary deserves the world, so as long as your gift doesn’t include mary bashing im happy

would love any backstory on this family (featuring robert in any way is totally welcome), whether its weird family stuff, crack fic, the cult stuff. like im pretty open on this one

specific prompts:

cult backstory, give me that hidden cult ending. give me them joining the cult together when they were young. give me them scheming together or scheming separately. or give me mary realizing she’s married a gay demon only after the fact and its too late to get out. like honestly give me anything cult

the mystery of crish? i can’t believe he’s in the character list and now i want someone to explain why we’ve never met him? does he really exist? this can (and probably should be total crack)

remember how i mentioned robert was an option, feel free to mix in his connections with the family, the affair that clearly happened. being part of their cult. mary just bonding with her best friend and being drunk together? joseph fucking robert while mary is aware of what is going on. how they even became friends with all that happened?

honestly, there’s just so much not explained about the christiansen family, so anything about them is 100% up my alley. 

Galavant (TV)

requested characters:  madalena (galavant), gareth (galavant)

where to find: both season are on netflix!

so im biased because i was convinced to watch this show because of my mallory jansen, so madalena is of course my favorite character. and then this ship hit me out of nowhere, so now here i am

im either looking for madalena centric fic, or shippy fic with the both of them

specific prompts:

the end of s2 left so many openings that weren’t explored because we never got a s3 but give me madalena learning to do the d’dew, and getting to finally be the evil queen that she deserves wow

also feel free to give me that shippy stuff with gareth going to save her, and then realizing how much they love each other (as they should have wow)

alternatively a fix-it for the finale where madalena chooses gareth over the d’dew and they figure out where they can go from there. rebuild that trust, just be happy together though still sorting things out because now they do’t have a kingdom

smut? this ship is built for smut? madalena literally has a body built for sin, give me that sin

alternatively, give me fluffy, them finally getting to be “happy” together, madalena learning to have emotions and to love

also for non shippy plot any future fic for madalena or character study set during season 2/post season 2 would be the dream

Legion (TV)

requested characters:  cary loudermilk, kerry loudermilk

where to find: honestly i have no clue? fx? pirating sites? i watched this one live when it was airing. 

this show hit me with so much backstory and explanation not given and like that’s the aesthetic of the show, but i was specifically drawn to these two and their unique set of powers and i just ?? need more??

while i’m mostly into gen for these two, if you want to do weird stuff, like, i’m curious and not opposed (does it count as incest if they’re technically the same person?)

specific prompts:

BACKSTORY, any thing with their backstory, build on what canon told us and give me more, like what is it like for cary to keep aging on while kerry stays younger, what are the limits of their powers, how much can they feel

that hurt comfort after the stuff that happened towards the end of the season, like these two need to bond and recover after all the trauma 

5 times they were overly protective of each other

just man their dynamic is so weird and i need that to be explored, feel free to ship them with any of the other characters or ?? with each other if youre into that?? just like give me more of these two

actually, does it count as incest if their the same person is now a prompt, like maybe someone asks that? idk man just discuss

Powerless (TV 2017)

requested characters:  beatriz da costa | green fury (powerless), emily locke

where to find: this is another i have no clue situation im sorry

this show got canceled because it was like bad dc sitcom airing the same night as arrow but before it did it gave me this hint of femslash potential and tbh this is why im most offended that it was canceled

specific prompts: 

so if the show had lasted longer i am convinced that beatriz and emily would have been gay together, so give these ladies the show they deserved and tell the story of them falling in love

the news already thinks their dating so what about super villains, how many times does emily get kidnapped for being the green fury’s girlfriend before they actually art (or before she realizes she actually is)

how does dating a superhero effect her work life

also just emily loves superheroes, so she’s probably so pumped to be dating one like “wow babe can you believe im dating a superhero” and beatriz like “we were just making out obviously youre dating a superhero”

give me cute gay girls honestly 

Star Trek: Discovery

requested characters:  michael burnham (star trek: discovery), saru (star trek: discovery)

where to find: cbs all access! its ongoing, as i write this letter on its second episode!

okay since this show is ongoing these prompts might get joss’d but it’s too late to go back because two episodes in got me interested in the dynamic between these two

this can be gen (and feature other ships if you want) or can be shippy for these two. im pretty open since this show is so new. 

specific prompts: 

so they were together on the shenzhou for 7 years according to canon so lets get some back story between these two, how did they get to where they were. was there rivalry between the two of them from the very beginning? how does saru feel about someone who has never been to the academy out ranking him? bridge disagreement shenanigans? their captain locking them in a room until their sort out their issues

like, do you want to write alien sex? because a part of me wants to receive alien sex so like? this is an option?

what about them now both on the discovery together, that distrust because of what happen on the shenzhou? building up into something  new? better than before? building into feeling that may have been hidden all along?

on the discovery, forced to work together to save the team and putting their issues asside for the good of everyone else

honestly i just feel like they were supposed to be the spock/bones dynamic of the shenzhou before things went bad and like ??? i want that ?? 

Young & Hungry

requested characters:  caroline huntington 

where to find: it’s all on netflix (though caroline only appears in season one)

yet another show i watched because of mallory jansen, and her character is only in the first season and really all i cared about on this show so guess who i want backstory for

specific prompts:

caroline character study? i mean, she’s written as the rich bitch girlfriend rival in the show but let’s just say she deserves better, flush her out and give her life for me

she definitely deserves better than josh, and i like femslash so pair her with one of the girls in the tag set if you want

just more on her and the horse from young & pregnant this is mostly crack but like also

consider for a second that instead of the plot being gabi sleeps with josh on the first day and starts all of the show drama. what if instead she sleeps with caroline, and we get the aftermath of “oh hey i slept with my new boss’s finace, this isnt awkward at all” rewrite of season 1 with 95% more femslash 

just give me more caroline

ANYWAYS, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY LETTER AND I’LL LOVE WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO WRITE ME!

[checksecondaryblog]

“heyy, all of the questions please ;)”

IM SO SORRY I DIDNT DID THIS SOONER!!!!

SCHOOL WAS CRAZY AND STUFF, OMG I ALWAYS COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT  GETTING ASKS BUT WHEN I GET THEM I DONT ANSWER THEM  IM A BIG MESS!!!

AND ALSO HOLY FUCK 70 QUESTIONS....but i guess that was my fault for not putting a limit and bcs i said i was bored ...so is okay...

lets just start....

1. Do you have a good relantionship with your parents?- I mean, i guess i just a “normal” relantionship, sometimes we dont really talk to each other, but others we are together watching movies or playing games, so i guess is ok.

2.Who did you last say “i love you” to?- Written, to a friend bcs... San valentines day, but verbally, probably my mom or my family in general.

3. Do you regret anything?- LIKE 80% OF MY TRASHY LIFE.

4. Are you insecure?- yES

5. What is your relantionship status?- Lonely af

6.  How do you want to die?-.uhmmmm... anything that is not painful, i really dont want to die slowly or painfully.

7.  What did you last eat?- Tacos bcs im a mexican :v.... ok now it was soup.

8. Played any sports?-i used to play basketball twice a week, im trying to play voleball now but idk really.

9.  Do you bite your nails?- i also bite my pens....

10.  When was your last physical fight?-i mean, im more of a pacifist who evades all physical accion, so... “”technically”” when i was 7 yrs old... but literally i just hit a boy and ran away... it wasnt even hard enough to make him mad at me....(i think he didnt even noticed....)

11. Do you like someone? you mean like someone who is real and even knows me.... nope

12. Have you stayed up 48 hours?- not really, my record is 20 something...

13. Do you hate anyone this moment?- like half my fucking classmates.

14. Do you miss someone? a friend who moved to another state... we still chat, but it was funnier when we actually saw each other.

15. Have any pets? Not right now, but i want to...

16. How exactly are you feeling at the moment?- feeling the stress of all the work i havent done.

17. Ever made out in the bathroom?- i havent even made out in a “normal” place ever....

18. Are you scared of spiders?- ehhhhhh.... i dont scream and panic when i see them, but i dont have the guts to kill them or get too close... i just kinda.... stare at them until they leave and hide again in my house... they are gonna take over someday....

19. Would you go back in time if given the chance?- Not really... what if i fuck my life more?!

20.  Where was the last place you snogged someone?-*mexican ass doesnt known what “snogged” is, so she searches it* nOPe

21.  What are your plans for this weekend?- Just lay on my bed procrastinating all my work.....

22.  Do you want to have kids? How many?-not really, i would be the worst mother and i dont think i could deal with having a human being in my watch... i can hardly take care of myself.....

23.  Do you have piercings? How many?- i wanna... probably one or two... i dont wanna go over the top with them.

24.  What is/are/were your best subject(s)?- according to my grades..... physics and english!

25.  Do you miss anyone from your past?-... not really....

26.  What are you craving right now?-CHIPS

27.  Have you ever broken someone’s heart?- HA! as if....if someone would end up heartbroken it would be me...( maybe i did but i never knew... oh fuck)

28.  Have you ever been cheated on?-OK LETS MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR. im still kinda young (12+ tho) AND I HAVENT HAD A RELANTIONSHIP BEFORE, IM SO BORING AND LAME I KNOOOOOW.

29.  Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?-PLEASE REFER TO QUESTION 28...

30.  What’s irritating you right now?-everthing....

31.  Does somebody love you?-family and friends i guess.

32.  What is your favourite color?-  red and purple

33. Do you have trust issues?- no, literally i blindly trust everyone and everything I DONT KNOW WHY THO.

34.  Who/what was your last dream about?-mystery boy who just kissed me and i woke up.... wut

35.  Who was the last person you cried in front of?- if i remeber correctly.. a friend.

36.  Do you give out second chances too easily?-emphasis in “too” IM TOO NICE!!!

37.  Is it easier to forgive or forget?-DAMN THIS IS DEEP. ok too many mayus.... probably forgive... because, in the end, you will have a small memory of that thing... or at least i think so...

38.  Is this year the best year of your life?-march just beGAN... AND ITS GOING HORRIBLY ( jk, mayus are fun)

39.  How old were you when you had your first kiss?-what kiss?

40.  Have you ever walked outside completely naked?... only in a large blouse and underwear....

51.  Favourite food?-( JUST NOTICED THIS JUMPS FROM 40 TO 51 WHAT THE) chips.

52.  Do you believe everything happens for a reason?-Yes...what did i do for my life to be such a mess?!?!?

53.  What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?- trying to update a wattpad fanfic...

54.  Is cheating ever okay?-nooOOOO

55.  Are you mean?-im an asshole to myself.

56.  How many people have you fist fought?-nope.

57.  Do you believe in true love? i just... dont know....

58.  Favourite weather?- THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAYYYYYY ( too fucking tired of  that song tho...)

59.  Do you like the snow?-here in mexico we only have artificial snow... AND I HAVE BAD EXPERIENCES WITH IT.

60.  Do you wanna get married?- i guess it would be nice... if someone liked me enough to do so... ( it will never happen, im gonna die aloooone)

61.  Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?-they have... never done.... but still i dont like the idea of it....

62.  What makes you happy?- staying at home, without worries in the computer in social media doing noting productive and eating chips... exactly what i always do but WITHOUT WORRIES AND STRESS.

63.  Would you change your name?- yES, i hate my name so much.

64.  Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?-again... WHAT KISS?!?!

65.  Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?- i would try to keep a comfortable friendship if i dont like him back, but if the feeling are the same then yeAY.

66.  Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?-not really, only my female friends know my real self 100%.

67.  Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?- a classmate.

68.  Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?-idk, im not that much of “deep stuff” im so awkard when talking about that... so i just stick with dorkiness and such. ( also i cant legitimally remember who or what )

69.  Do you believe in soulmates?-Kinda...

70.  s there anyone you would die for?-i dont think sooo, im such a coward....

ANYWAY, again sorry for answering so late, and this didnt took as long as i expected to... ( bcs there were like 10 questions missing but lets ignore that)

so sorry if my answers are boring ans such but... thats meeeeee...

so bye

[raiponces]

what's the story with your gaslighter anyway, if you don't mind me asking? i know you've been mentioning them here and there for a while now. are they still you roommate (i think)?

she was my best friend lmao but yes she’s still my roommate, but we don’t talk anymore because my other roommate is now her bff

i dont really want to go into the details because it’s WAY too long of a story and i don’t want to relive it but ill put in some tidbits :0)

it started off small but over the summer when i took summer courses and lived in the same house as her things started going downhill really fast and but i blindly trusted her in things she said ( “____ said this about you” / you did this in front of ________ you just don’t remember it [i have a really bad memory] etc etc) and even during the school year my gut was saying something was wrong but i chose not to believe it because my train of thought was she’s my best friend/why would she lie about that etc etc and it ended up getting so bad over the summer that even tho my parents were begging me to come back home since i didn’t have any more classes i was too afraid to go back home bc something i believed threatened my safety/my friends safety/my parents safety i couldn’t even go on social media or text any of my friends to tell them i was ok (i got a lot of worried text messages/voicemails i feel so bad) the only people i could talk to were my parents but i couldn’t tell them anything that was happeningmy grades also took a major hit because i could never go to goddamn class because i literally had to stay in that hell house with her 24/7 

she did things to reinforce my bad memory like taking my contacts out of my lens box overnight when i was asleep, moving things around and saying i did it but i just didn’t remember, and since she was my best friend she knew my passcode on my phone and she sent texts to a boy named nate (who both of us liked) and told me i did it and i just didnt remember since we drank that night - the texts talk about how im better than her and that he should give us a try because i love him/he should stay at our uni bc he was planning to transferbut anyways i was basically 100% dependent on her because i thought i couldn’t trust my own memory anymore because of a lot of things similar to this that happened

i had to do stupid tasks against her (sorry i won’t say why) but it was basically to prove how she was better than me at everything and how i was never good at anything i did but the tasks were always in her favour so i could never ‘win’ anyways  and they normally started late at night up until 5 or 6 am in the morning every day and basically every time i lost i would be told that i was “pathetic/disgusting/selfish/worthless/unloved/attention seeking/didn’t care about anyone else other than myself” lmfao i cried every single goddamn night that summer

i was with her every single day for 24 hours straight basically i literally had to drive her to her volunteer places/work and wait for her there and do nothing

i don’t know why she did it but i have a feeling it’s because of all the attention i was getting freshman year people she was kind of interested in (ex: kamyab) and when me and nate started getting closer and closer (i know she was pissed for sure about me and nate both sitting together when we were drunk and feeding each other french fries and the times when i was with her and he snapchatted me shirtless all the time/he invited me into his room to talk/flirt when he was shirtless) 

there are a lot of things i should’ve took as warning signs because it just felt wrong/unreal but i didn’t because i honestly couldn’t believe a friend of mine would lie to me like that? and when it came to the point where i was like, “alright this is a really bad situation to be in” i was too scared to do anything about it 

sorry i couldn’t tell you the full story!!! i would if i was over it but there are a lot of parts of the story that i keep beating myself up over because i keep thinking things like i should’ve notICED this or that was an obvious sign or like wtf….you were so gullible to believe that how could you etc etc !!

also sorry i think i rambled a lot in this and i dont think i made a lot of sense at some points sorry

also sorry abt me mentioning nate shirtless like a gazillion times i just know that bothered her a lot

[jojokhaleesi]

Day #1

Pretty sad today because I had to unfollow him on Instagram, and delete his friend on snap. I was innocently scrolling through my snap chat.. and by “innocently” I  mean most definitely that i was looking through his friends snap to see if he was in it. And lucky enough for me he was!! But he was hooking up with another girl. Like I expected. Girls have like hella intuition for this shit I swear. But it’s legit always the same. Single people are bound to hook up.. and of course he WOULD hook up with someone in this trip. It’s like I am slowly doing better like FINALLY delete him on snap and then the next day his friend is posting shit of him making out with another girl. Like thank you!! 

Tumblr has horrible options for GIFs just PSA I had to move social media platforms to get more GIF options. @staff​

Anyway!! Honestly I am definitely moving on and I get annoyed that he is on my mind so much. Men are LITERALLY able to shut off the part of the brain where attachment is so moving on for them is legit just flipping a switch. Aka every man is a sociopath. 

Shouts out to weed tho for getting me through this! Legit when I was watching the snap I honestly thought I would have a panic attack (which has happened from seeing him/receiving shit from him before) but instead I was kinda just like well, there it is. It was like shock but then immediately I was like I don’t wish that was me... like honestly good luck with that!! Weed can put you in this mindset that just completely separates you from the situation. With weed you are 100% feeling what is going on in that moment. So for me it is like if HE (almost typed his name out... ooopssieeee) is not in the current moment with me, then any pain I feel from him can not affect me. Which is pretty dank. So gracias. 

What else... honestly took a hit after that last post so got a little unemotional again. :~)

Ooo yes this is a good one. So today I was listening to 98.7 and they played “Careless Whisper” (RIP George Michael) and I honestly never really listened to the lyrics so I was like you know fuck it I’ll just watch see what happens and literally I start relating to it and I’m just like WTF!! Legit look at the lyrics: (skipping first lines)

IM JUST LIKE GEORGE MICHAEL FUCKING ME UP!! Everyone just thinks of the sax in this song but it is honestly relatable af and I’m just like should I listen more? shiiit. Oldies break up songs are honestly pretty dank

Guess I should post some things I have learned to help me move on...

I have come to terms currently that it is best for me and him to not talk anymore. I understand that. Every time we have interacted since the break up it has lead to MORE PAIN than the initial break up was. And the pain definetly outweighs the good. The last time we were together it wasn’t good. It was wrong, and painful. We are broken up. We need to move on in our own lives. This is just another chapter of life. In 2 years even a year, life will be so different. And in time, you aren’t going to feel things you feel now. It will all be a distant memory. So I am trying to positively think about the past. Because when I think of our real relationship, it was so long ago, life was so different, and the situation was different. And that is not now, and that is reality.

I think I was getting too comfortable in life again and something needed to come switch it up. Like honestly, after high school I had to move away and lose a BF to realize that things can get better and there is more to life than what you are currently experiencing. And I think that I was becoming too dependent on the current moment and on another human being that I wasn’t living my life to its fullest. I was terrified for the future because I thought that meant I had to be without him and I couldn’t bare thinking about being without him. And that’s not healthy. That’s not what a relationship in your LATE TEENS-EARLY TWENTIES should be. It just shouldn’t be, no one should feel restricted because of a person. Being 20 and going through your twenties is all about figuring yourself and life out and adapting to change and that should be EXCITING... not scary and terrifying. My life legit was not that great and I genuinely didn’t want to leave it. I didn’t want to EXPLORE EUROPE because I wanted to just stay with my boyfriend. That is no chill. I realize that now as I am so hyped for all the adventures, but legit I did not want to go!!! That’s crazy. 

I don’t know what I want from someone, I don’t think I want anything with anyone for awhile, because everything is always so quick moving. Also I don’t trust someone to be ride or die with me. If I can’t get a boyfriend who isn’t ride or die then it’s just not gonna work out. Everyone has flaws and I am extremely compassionate and forgiving so I deserve someone else who is like that. But being in a relationship when you’re young is super stressful and overwhelming because the idea of marriage is really crazy. Like there is this pressure to have the job have the significant other have the social life have the money and it’s jut like holy shit i am gonna be 22 do you realize how young that is and ANYTHING COULD CHANGE?? like uh??? .... currently can’t figure out my point so need to re-read and figure out where I was going with this lmao 

Mmm... found the point of the rant. It’s just me..

Realizing Things. My life currently. Sorry for the shitty screengrab Kylie.

I guess this is over now.... bye??? lol