#anyway sorry for the delay i decided last minute i wanted a gif!

[ssspringroll]

DL (sfs, no ads)

With all the plantsims on the dash recently, I figured it's high time I finally release these badboys. They have been sitting, more or less complete, since about 2021. Unlike my last mushroom cap, this set has 0 original meshes. All 8 mushroom cap shapes have been ripped from in-game objects. Yes, there are 8 shapes!

They are found on the hat slot ONLY, and are available for all ages, infant-elder. There are 53 swatches per cap, all modified EA textures. Each cap has a normal and glow variant, which will slowly pulse a friendly warm light. Infant through child ages have only 1 tilt option, because EA only provided 1 shape of hat chop for those ages. Teen and up have 2 tilt options per cap: one that lies fairly flat, and one that tilts back much more noticeably.

They come in one big merged package only. Custom thumbnails for all ages and genders. Shouldn't be enabled for random, but I have no idea anymore.

This is a hefty pack of ~80 CAS parts. Everything is fairly low poly and has all LODs, but you've been warned.

Check below the cut for a gif preview of the glowing effect!

[babylooneytoonz]

Fear - Tommy Shelby x Fem! Reader

Requested by: Anonymous (Thank you! ❤️)

Summary: Tommy and his second wife, Reader, an independent, successful business woman are living a fairly happy marriage until the reader finds out she's pregnant. Things take a wrong turn when their work life clashes with this news and in the end, the Reader takes a devastating decision. Without consulting her husband.

Warnings: Light angst , mentions of abortion, unplanned pregnancy

A/N: Not my best work, I'm so sorry if it wasn't that good.

Gif credit: @nofckingfighting , @thepeakyfookinblinderss ❤️

By the time you and Mr. Thomas Shelby were celebrating your first wedding anniversary, you were swimming in riches, riches not given to you by your husband in love, but gifted to yourself by you, as a part of self pampering. You had been your parent's only child, a girl, and this is how you had been brought up, extremely loved and pampered, but still carved out in a way to face the hardships like a man. While men and young boys left England to fight the war, which included your father, who never returned, you took it upon yourself to take over his business of running the pub he owned, which automatically fell to you after his death.

Soon, your twenty third birthday was upon you, and you found yourself going to Birmingham city for the first time, with the motive in mind to expand your business and open a pub in Birmingham city as well. But for doing that, you realized you needed a plot, and of course, you needed the Peaky Blinders backing you– because Birmingham City was a city of gangsters, latched to each other's throats, fighting their own internal wars and an independent business run by a woman would hardly grow in a city like this.

So, you'd done what any other person would have done in this city. You had met the leader of the Peaky Blinders, who you had no idea would be your husband just two months after that encounter, with the mind to strike a business deal with him.

Of course, you didn't get the plot you had your eyes on– he was not ready to sell it to you for any price that you named, but you did end up piking the gangster's sudden interest. It was only two days after the meeting you started unknowingly bumping into him at all the odd places– the supermarket, the theater and even outside the railway station when you were travelling to and from London.

Finally, giving in to your own secret temptations– it would have been a lie to say that his icy blue eyes did not haunt you at nights, when you were alone in your cold bed ; or that you didn't think twice about his cheekbones, or imagined his taut chiseled body underneath his ivory shirt– you finally agreed to go out with him. And it was amazing. Tommy Shelby courted you for two months until he finally propped the question of marriage.

You could feel Aunt Polly's piercing gaze on you, but you didn't look up from the file you were going through, doing your math in your head, your glasses pushed over the bridge of your nose.

"Jesus, (Y/N), when was the bloody last time you had anything to eat?"

Polly tapped her manicured fingers against your desk, loud enough to make you snap your head towards her. You almost shrug your shoulders incoherently.

"In the morning? I don't remember."

Polly's lips broke into a weak exhale, her hand reaching out and grabbing your file, pulling it away from you.

"What the fuck?" You protested, trying to take your file back but Polly had it securely held, tucked under her arm.

"Enough, love. I'm not going to bloody sit and watch you starve yourself."

"Pol, I'm really not hungry." You whined but let the older woman drag you along towards the dining room anyway because you really needed to stretch your legs.

You and Polly stepped into the dining room of the Arrowe House, sliding yourselves down on chairs next to each other. While you slowly nibbled on a loaf of bread, Polly sat comfortably, her back resting against the backrest of the chair, a lit cigarette in her hand, her eyes on you. You grabbed the cloth, wiping the remainder of your food from the corner of your lips when a loud gasp escaped your lips. You looked down to see Polly's hand groping at your breast, causing you to wince and slap her hand away.

"For fucks sake, Polly? That hurts!." You snapped at her, only to watch a smirk break out over the corner of her lips.

"Sore you say?"

"Its-Its nothing." You whispered, your face suddenly feeling flushed. It was not a surprise to you, for you had known it since a week. The midwife that lived in back in London, the one your mother often went to, before her death, had confirmed it for you. It had been a week of planning and plotting, worrying endlessly, and you had still not made up your mind whether you wanted to have a baby yet or not.

"Does my nephew know?"

You couldn't help but swallow the bile forming in your throat. You had no answer because you couldn't build up the courage to speak to Thomas about it. You wondered how he would react. Of course, he was just as busy with work as you were. You two had two very similar lives. You were two devoted people, devoted and swimming in work and business. You doubted if there was a place of a baby in either of your lives.

"I peg your silence for a no. Let me ask you this, love. When do you plan on telling him? This is indeed a good news."

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Polly spoke again. You drew a faint forced smile over your lips, a pathetic attempt to mask what you were feeling inside – emotional turmoil. As if on cue, Polly's warm palm took your hand in hers, her fingers clasping shut around yours.

"What's on your mind?"

You parted your lips, unsure of how and what you were going to say to her. How were you supposed to tell her that you didn't think that neither Tommy nor you, were perhaps, ready to be parents yet? Your mind was distracted and your hand unknowingly flew to your almost non existent bump, unconsciously stroking over it. Finally, with a finality in your eyes, you pushed your head up and gave Polly a stare down. You knew what you were thinking was the biggest sin in the eye of God, but somehow, it scared you, thinking how this baby's life would be if you actually decided to have it. You feared how this little life that you had created with Tommy would be subjected to a life neglected by the both of yous. Worst of all, you had this deep, lingering fear coiling deep within the pit of your heart, that maybe Tommy wouldn't want it. So before you could let your own heart shatter, hearing him say how he didn't care for the baby that was growing inside of you, how he would ask you to visit this woman who was an expert to deal with these kind of situations, you will confront him yourself and tell him that before he can say it to you.

"I just – I don't feel so well, Pol." You pursed your lips and lied blatantly to her.

• ───━━━━─ ● ─━━━━─── •

Your eyes were fixed on the massive pendulum of the grandfather clock in the dining room, swinging sidewards, your palms nervously tapping against the surface of the dining table. You were waiting for your husband to return home because you couldn't delay speaking about this anymore to him. A part of you felt guilty for having kept this a secret from him from such a long time, after all, the baby was his as much as it was yours.

He had every right to know, even if you didn't want to keep it.

Your thoughts were disrupted by the sound of the front door opening. You waited a few minutes until a familiar silhouette approached the dining room, the footsteps getting louder and louder, probably owing to the fact that the lights were switched on. Tommy poked his head through the door and when his eyes fell on you, his eyes softened and he walked inside, towards you.

"Why aren't you in bed, love?"

You could see how tired your husband was, his eyes were droopy, dark bags crimson underneath his swollen eyelids, his face a paler shade. He never listened to you – he just worked and worked and worked, pushing beyond his capacities often, pulling in all nighters, mostly when you didn't even have a clue where he was or what he was doing. The truth was, it were all these reasons that made you feel not ready to be a mother, yet. What were you supposed to do alone? You didn't want to raise this child alone. Just having Tommy's name as his father but hardly ever getting to spend time with him, that scared you.

"I wanted to speak to you." There was a deep silence lingering in the room, only to be broken by the sound of your weak voice.

His lips parted in confusion, his usually calm ocean like eyes slightly widened. He gave you a shake of his head.

"Tommy, I –" You swallowed the lump forming inside your throat. Your heart was wildly hammering inside you chest and it felt like it was going to pop out any second. You took a step closer to him, nervously fiddling with your fingers.

"You want a divorce? Is that what this is?" Tommy's words caused you to take a sharp intake of breath.

"No! I – A divorce? No. I just – Tommy, I'm pregnant." You blurted out.

Tommy froze for a split second, only to finally relax in his posture and reach for his box of cigarettes while his eyes were fixed on you.

"Is it true? Are you really?"

His voice was neutral, you couldn't figure out if he was angry or ecstatic.

"I know Tommy, I know we are fucking busy people, and there's no room in our marriage for a baby. Which is why I'm going to go see that woman the next town, to you know–" Your eyes had watered up and your throat suddenly felt parched. You slowly turned to your side, your face now shielded from Tommy's views. You quickly brought up your sleeve to your eyes and wiped your tears.

"You want to go to that woman next town? To get rid of–" It was as though Thomas was repeating your words to himself, his index finger swaying in the air. Suddenly, he took a step closer to you and snatched the lit cigarette from your hand, bringing it up to his lips, casually. He looked so casual, how could you even know that a storm of rage was brewing up inside him.

"Should I not, Thomas? Are you ready for a baby? Are you then?"

A part of you wanted to hear him say yes, a small maternal side of you, that had already started to love that little foetus inside you deeply. That part of you wanted Thomas Fucking Shelby to stop you and tell you that you two could work through it, that he would make this work. A baby. He would love to have one with you.

"I think it would be for good. You should take Polly with you."

It would have been a lie to say that your heart didn't break at his words. Of course, he wasn't ready. You gave him a weak nod of your head and turned around, walking into your bedroom.

Three days passed and the tension between you and Tommy didn't wash away. He barely spoke to you twice in these three days– not that you had wanted him to– you were as mad as he was. With each passing day, your anxiety and your reluctance had grown. But finally, the day was here. Today, Polly was taking you to this woman the next town.

You and Polly sat at the back of the car, a young Blinder boy driving you to the the location. You couldn't bring yourself to meet her eyes at any cost, so you kept your eyes placed on the passing silhouettes of the old, greying buildings.

"Look at me, will you?" Polly's voice beckoned to you, forcing you to sharply turn your head towards you.

Her eyes were soft, you could see pale wrinkles under her eyes. Her warm palm took yours in hers and squeezed it.

"Us fucking women have been always forced to make difficult choices, love. You know I–" Her lips trembled, her eyes started growing moist. "– If I could bloody go back in time, I would stop myself from giving up on my children. I curse myself (Y/N), every night, even though Michael's here with me now, but I missed his childhood. I missed watching him grow. You know you don't have to do this."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and parted your lips, struggling to push words out of your mouth, to vent out how you really felt, so you lied.

"Polly, we are not ready to be parents. The life we live, as long as it's just me and Tommy, it doesn't worry me. But bringing a child into this world of crime, of death, it would be wrong of me to be so fucking selfish."

"And isn't it selfish of you to deny your baby the chance to choose his own life?"

It felt as though someone had wrapped his palms around your neck and blocked out your oxygen supply. Lucky enough, the car came to a halt and the Blinder boy turned towards you, his eyes drawn to Polly as he informed that you were here. Polly nodded and stepped out, you following.

The street was quiet and lonely, with not many souls in view, unlike the bustling streets of Small Heath. The woman's house was the corner most so you and Polly, wrapping your coats tighter against your bodies to shield yourselves of the chilly wind, walked along until you both were standing against an old looking door with a massive lock on it.

"What the fuck?" You cursed, frowning. "Are we at the right address?"

Polly nodded and shrugged, pulling out her box of cigarettes.

"Of course we are, this is where she lived. Wait, I'll ask the neighbours."

You kept standing there, underneath the porch as Polly walked up to the house next door, her heels clicking against the gravelled floor. You saw her talk to a woman with greying hair, their eyes momentarily turning and fixing on you, making you feel uneasy. Soon, the woman had shut the door and Polly was making her way back to you. You could see that there was a faint smirk ploying across her face.

"Well, seems like your husband was here."

"What? Tommy?" Your eyebrows perked up.

She hummed and nodded, her hand mechanically moving up and her cigarette pressed to her lips.

"The woman said that the Peaky Fucking Blinders paid the woman a visit, and ever since, the woman's gone."

It all made sense now. Of course, Thomas Fucking Shelby. You wondered if he had killed the woman, or just threatened her enough to run away.

"Do you know anyone else?"

"Unfortunately not, but I will see what we can do. For now let's just go back love."

• ───━━━━─ ● ─━━━━─── •

You were fuming.

To say the least, your cheeks felt like they were on fire.

Three days.

Tommy hadn't looked you in the eye.

But today you wanted to confront him.

Ask him the reason why he was interfering in women's business.

So you were waiting. Sitting on the loveseat in your shared bedroom with Thomas Shelby, tapping your fingers against your thighs. It was almost midnight when the door to your bedroom finally opened and Thomas walked in, as usual his cigarette held in his fingers. He had probably hoped to find you in bed , sleeping but when he saw the empty bed, his head sharply turned towards you at first before he forced himself to ignore you and move towards the closet to grab his t-shirt and his boxer shorts.

"Where is that woman Tommy?"

You saw him stiffen for a second before turning around and raising his eyes, until his blue eyes were fixed on yours.

"London, Bristol, I don't care where the fuck she went."

You stood up, walking up to him until you were standing in front of him.

"Why Tommy? What the fuck?"

"Why. Why? WHY? If you can decide and fucking come to a conclusion without even letting me know, why can't I eh?" He screamed, causing you to flinch and step back, still furious.

"This isn't fair Thomas, this fucking isn't fair. These are our matters."

Tommy suddenly grabbed you by your arms, his nails almost digging into your flesh as he almost shook you.

"What did you expect me to do? To just let you go and end what we had created?"

Your heart skipped a beat, your eyes filling up with water.

"You said you didn't care." Your words came out a mere whisper and your body felt like jelly, almost ready to melt into his arms.

"Of course, I fucking care. Is that what you fucking think about me? For fucks sake, I - I know I might not be a good father, I might even fucking be like my own father but that doesn't mean I want you to fucking go and end what we created." Tears were brimming in your eyes and when you blinked, they spilled out, warm salty water rolling down your cheek, a faint smile breaking out on your lips. Tommy's expressions softened and he found his palm reaching for your face, his thumb stroking over your cheek, over your tears. "Why did it even cross your mind? The fucking thought of doing what you were going to do."

You closed your eyes for a brief second and fluttered them open again, leaning into his touch.

"How can we be good parents Tommy if we have a life of our own? Where you can't stop risking your life everyday and I'm not even sure if I would fucking see you again?"

Tommy looked like he could kill you. He had a burning red rage lingering in his eyes but yet, he had a soft look on his face, a look that was only reserved for you. He slowly let go off your arms, looking down at your stomach for a quick second and then back up.

"That child deserves to be allowed to live as much as you or I did, (Y/N). I don't care if I have to change my lifestyle. I don't care if I have to give up on some things that I did before this. I want this child, love. I want this. With you."

A small smile broke out against your lips, but as soon as it had broken out, it washed off again, when the realization hit you.

"Tommy, it's not easy. It's a lifetime commitment. From you. From me. It means keeping our baby safe from whatever it is that could potentially harm it."

His warm palms grabbed your cheeks, pulling your face upwards to meet his gaze.

"I promise you love, no one would lay a fucking finger on you or our baby and live."

You knew what he meant was true – every single word of it – and you didn't doubt on what Thomas Fucking Shelby could do for his family. This scared you a little but you closed your eyes, telling yourself to trust on the man that loved you, and who loved the baby growing inside of you, he would never let any harm come to you or your baby.

[ Tagging list : @captivatedbycillianmurphy @theamuz ]

[criminalminds4days]

Family Matters |  Chapter 4: Saying Sorry is a Virtue

Hello my beautiful souls!!

I hope this of you who celebrate Christmas had and amazing time, and those if you who don't had a great Friday!

I had a really chill holiday, and although I was supposed to be home and that didn't happen, I'm still glad I had a good time. I got a watch for Christmas and I'm obsessed!!

Anyway, I also wanted to let you guys know I'll be posting the story on Wattpad, and thanks to @meowiemari I also have a cover. I have attached it below! My wattpad user is @criminalminds4days so feel free to follow and read along!

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. It's one of my favorites. 💙💙

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 3.6k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

*************************************************

(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 4: Saying Sorry is a Virtue

It had been a little over three months since her absolute wrecking of the family retreat. She had managed to get her mom to get past it, and though she had promised to apologize to the rest of her aunts and uncles, she had not gotten around (well, more like she didn't think it was necessary, they probably had already forgotten, and she did actually mean every word she said).

Her team and she had evaded more danger than possible in the last couple of weeks, and she had a feeling today she would not be returning to her bed to sleep. She also had to figure out what she wanted to get Spencer for his birthday. She was so excited to celebrate with him that she wanted to spill her idea of a surprise birthday party to him, but she needed to remain strong. She just hoped he would like it, and that she could find something to give him. She knew him so much better now and had so many things that he would like, but she wanted this gift to be unique, something that reminded him of her. Not that she wanted him thinking about her all the time because that would be weird, but maybe once in a while?

A knock on her door made her get out of her head. She walked to see Tyler Hemingway standing on the other side.

"Can I come in?"

"Why?"

"I just-" He looked at the floor, nervous. "I was just hoping we could talk."

"We can talk right here, what do you want?"

"I just wanted to say I am sorry, for what happened."

"What exactly? That you humiliated me in front of my family, or that your wife called me and my boyfriend liars."

"All of it, I should have known better."

"Yes, you should have." She debated whether to say something else but decided against it. "I honestly don't understand where this is coming from, it was two years ago."

"I know, and I am also sorry it has taken me so long to say anything. I just didn't know how to approach the situation, and what we had was so special, I wish I hadn't ruined it."

She had waited to hear those words for so long that how wrong what she did, didn't occur to her until the damage had been done. Even if her feelings for the man in front of her were not the same as they were two years ago, those words were enough to make her become less hostile towards him. She let Tyler in, forgetting Spencer was waiting for her to pick him up in about twenty minutes.

"Spencer? Why are you late?"

"Because she didn't pick me up like she was supposed to. I assumed she may be running a little late, so I waited and then I called her, but it went straight to voicemail." He responded to Emily.

"That is so not like her, should we be worried?"

"I don't know, but I already am, maybe we should go see if she's home or something."

The elevator doors opened once again as Spencer and Emily were preparing themselves to raid her house in order to find her. She stepped out, a look of immense guilt present as her eyes landed on the brunette. He did not seem upset, more like relieved she was there. Emily dropped her jacket and embraced her, a huge weight lifting off her shoulders after seeing her. When she was released from the woman's hug, she directed her eyes back to him.

"I am so sorry; I was on my way-" before she could explain Aaron Hotchner told them to join the rest of the team at the round table to discuss the next case.

"This one is a bad one," JJ said as she read through the file. "These people are killing families. Not even the children are spared."

"Yeah, and it's only getting worse." Said Penelope as she shared the pictures of the crime scenes. She wished she could concentrate but Spencer kept glancing at her with worry. He knew something wasn't right, but she didn't know how to explain it without sounding like she was digging herself in a bigger hole.

She avoided him on the jet, as she pretended to be asleep and then engaged in a very interesting conversation with JJ about diapers and toddlers. As much as she loved the blonde, she sometimes didn't appreciate learning all these baby facts, it took the wishes to have children away faster than anything else.

She was now in a black SUV, with Spencer in the back seat and Emily driving. She sat in the front seat as they drove towards the hospital. One of the girls had been spared and they were hoping to talk to her about the unsubs.

"So, why were you late this morning?" Emily questioned, "You left Cinderella over there without his carriage."

"Yeah, I know. I am so sorry Spencer."

"It's okay, I just got worried."

"I know, and I am so sorry." She took a deep breath, preparing to explain to them why she had been delayed. "I just got some unexpected company this morning."

"Was it Anna?"

"No, she has been radio silent for these past couple of months, I'm assuming she is building a bulletproof alibi for when she decides to murder me."

"Is there something I should know about?" Emily asked as she stole glances at her.

"Spencer and I went to my family retreat a couple of months ago and when we were there I may or may not have basically told my aunts and uncles to go fuck themselves."

"You explicitly told them to do so." Spencer clarified.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because they all sucked. Emily if you would have been there, you would have done the same." Spencer responded. "But going back to the main topic, who came to your apartment today? Was it your mom?"

"We need to have a conversation about this whole family retreat thing!" The woman behind the steering wheel complained.

"I will tell you all about it tonight." She assured her. "And no, Spence, it wasn't my mom, it was someone a little closer to Anna."

"Her mom?"

"No, Tyler."

There was no response to that, Spencer looked like he didn't know exactly what he was feeling, while Emily seemed like she had returned to watch her favorite show only to find out she missed a whole season, and she had no idea what happened to the storyline she was following.

"Who's Tyler?"

"Anna's husband." She clarified, "he came to apologize for everything, and to say that he didn't think what Anna did was okay."

Reid scoffed, "and you believe him?"

"He seemed very genuine about it."

"Unbelievable."

"I am so lost right now."

"Spencer, are you upset about this?"

"Me? Why should I? It's not like I pretended to be your boyfriend to prevent him from making you feel any worse than he had already, and you ended up right back at where you started."

"Are you implying I slept with him?"

"I never said that."

"Well then what are you saying? Because need I remind you, he is a married man. I would never do something like that." She crossed her arms, becoming defensive of the situation. "He simply wanted to talk, so I listened. It was a conversation, and it's just going to be a dinner. Nothing more."

"Oh, so you're going on a date with him too?"

"It's not a date! Did I not mention he was married?! To another woman!"

"Being with someone else has never stopped him before."

"What is happening right now?" Emily asked, to no one in particular.

"Seriously Spencer?"

"Did I lie?"

"Why are you so worked up about this? It doesn't even concern you."

"I am upset, because even after he told you in front of all your family that he was in love with your cousin and married her, breaking your heart, he says, 'I'm sorry' and suddenly he's back on the top of your priority list." He spits out, his emotions running high.

"This man did what now?" Both looked at Prentiss as if remembering she was there all along.

"I can't believe you just said that! I confided in you."

"And I trusted you."

"It was one day! I forgot to pick you up one day and suddenly I am the worst person on this planet, really?"

"Are you seriously so oblivious to think this is about some stupid ride?"

"Guys,"

"No? Then what is this about? Is this about me making you look bad or something?"

"No, it's about the fact that after all we've been through and the fact that I have done all I can to help you and be there for you I am still less important than Tyler fucking Hemingway."

"Guys,"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Guys,"

"It doesn't even matter anymore, enjoy your dinner." He undid his seat belt. "Why didn't you tell me we were here Emily?"

"I have been trying."

"Let's go then." He said as he exited the SUV marching up to the hospital entrance.

"What is his problem?" She asked Emily, still heated by the discussion.

"Well,-"

Before Prentiss could respond she was cut off. "I mean, yes, this guy broke my heart but that doesn't mean I have to hold a grudge forever, right? I might as well move past it, don't you think?"

"If you ask me-"

"And it was one conversation, and we're going out to dinner to finish it, there is nothing wrong with that. I don't know why he got so worked up about it, do you?"

"Yeah-"

"You know what, screw Spencer, if he wants to be a jerk for no fucking reason, let him do it. I am not going to lose sleep over it, nor am I gonna give him explanations. Who the hell does he think he is?"

"I think-"

"Yeah, you're right Emily, when Reid decides to get his shit together he can talk to me, in the meantime, we need to find out who these unsubs are before they hurt anyone else." She undid her seatbelt and opened the door, Emily still sitting there, trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. "Aren't you coming?"

"Yeah, sure." She followed suit and they both entered the hospital. Spencer was speaking to the girl's nurse as they approached, he didn't make any comments, but he also didn't acknowledge her, nor invite her into the conversation as he did to Emily. He was acting professional and doing his job, but his stance and emotions were very clear by the lack of interactions between them unless it was absolutely necessary.

As soon as Emily entered the room to interview the victim, the silence that engulfed them made her heart tighten. Spencer and she had gone past this already, they were friends, there was never a silent moment between them, and now all of that seemed to vanish in the air, all because of her decision to let Tyler Hemingway apologize.

She chose to ignore the situation until further notice. Emily was right, Spencer was being a dramatic prick and she was just gonna give him the time to realize that he was wrong. So when she got to bed, grateful for a bit of peace knowing one of the killers had been identified and was going to be caught soon, the last thing she wanted to do was have a conversation with Emily about the topic this same one had told her to not think about.

"I didn't say to just ignore it. As a matter of fact, I didn't get one sentence out during the whole drive to the hospital."

"That can't be true."

"Oh, but it was. Now I know how Reid felt when Gideon left." She fixed her shirt and continued, "well, regardless, what happened between you and Tyler, and what exactly does Dr. Genius know?"

"Spence knows pretty much everything, it kind of came with the territory." She recounted the story and this time she didn't leave any detail out, well, almost didn't leave any detail out.

Emily learned about Anna and their rivalry, Tyler and him choosing her cousin over her, the only thing she never even brought up was her dad. Only Spencer knew about it and she wanted to keep it that way. She finally landed on the weekend in question and the words she had shared with her cousin. Though that wasn't exactly what Prentiss found worrisome.

"You and Reid kissed?! Like on the lips?!" She screamed.

"Yeah, it was just so they would stop bugging us. It's not even the first time we kissed, so why is it a big deal?"

"Wait, you've kissed him before that day?"

"Yeah, at my cousin's wedding."

"Holy shit! I was not expecting that. My OTP is getting all these moments that will eventually lead to the ship sailing and I didn't even know about them!"

"Have you started talking another language by accident or something? I don't understand anything of what you just said."

"Don't worry about it. On a scale of one to ten, how good of a kisser is he?"

"Eleven." She responded immediately, "but that has nothing to do with this whole situation."

"It definitely does! Now it makes sense, Reid thinks you still have feelings for your ex, and he's jealous. He probably doesn't even know it, and he's probably trying to understand why he is so upset with you. Oh my god, he's jealous!"

"Emily, he's not jealous. Spence and I are not dating, we pretended to be a couple." She explained, thinking the woman hadn't understood her.

"Yeah, I know that, but I also know that any fake dating movie or book has always reached a point where the two main characters become unconsciously aware of their feelings. This is it! THIS IS IT!" She shook her and laughed, then suddenly came to a stop. "Oh my god, I am the best friend. I am definitely the friend that gives some wise advice that makes it click in your brain, let me think," she looked around the room as if inspiration would pop out of the bed. "I got it: get your shit together and marry Spencer." She stood and walked out the door, before fully closing it she spoke again, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go talk some sense into our little genius. Love you, hope I am invited to the wedding!"

Though after the break in the case they had found themselves relieved and on their way back, the nagging feeling she called Emily Prentiss kept insisting that both doctors were actually in love and that all they needed to do was kiss and become a couple. It was so constant that even when she wasn't around she could hear her echo. Like right then when she was trying to brush her hair and mentally prepare herself for whatever this dinner with Tyler was going to bring. Though she and Spencer had not yelled or continued to argue, there was nothing else left of their friendship, at least that's what it seemed like. It was as if the past months were a dream and they were just back to being coworkers, and that feeling was burning her up inside. She did not realize how important he had become in her life until he wasn't a part of it anymore.

"You look great," Tyler said as she entered the restaurant.

"Thanks, Spence helped me pick out this shirt when we went to the mall a couple of weeks ago. He said blue always looked good on me."

"That's great." The man responded, clearly uncomfortable. "So, I know you had to leave for work the other day, but I was hoping now we could talk more about what happened between us."

"Yes, of course."

She didn't really understand how she had gotten to the point of having an actual conversation with the man sitting across from her, because she had been angry at him for so long, that it never occurred to her as a possibility. He had once again apologized and given her a tale of how he had let his emotions guide him without realizing he could hurt others, and while that didn't excuse his actions, she still accepted his apology, choosing instead to move on from their current limbo. They had quickly changed the conversation, like if two old friends had reconnected after so long. Tyler was a great friend when he wanted to be, he was pleasant company, to say the least.

"And the other day, Spence was trying to learn to play the piano, and I told him there was no way he could learn in a week. So what did he do? He-"

"Stop, just stop!" He interrupted her, and she furrowed her eyebrows confused. "I have been sitting here for an hour listening to you talk about your stupid boyfriend and his IQ of 187." He rubbed his hands through his face and tried to calm down. "Was this the plan all along? You heard me tell you that I wished I hadn't ruined our relationship and decided playing with me was perfect revenge? Accepting dinner only to humiliate me by ignoring me and choosing to talk about that Spencer guy? Is he in on it or something?"

Oh. My. God.

Reid was right, this man was not looking to mend old friendships or start a new chapter, he was looking for a mistress. 

"You, are the worst type of jerk I have ever met. I actually believed you wanted to be friends, to turn the page but all you wanted was to get in my pants." She stood, grabbing her drink and spilling it over him. "I hope I never see you again. Go fuck yourself Tyler." She walked, but before she exited the restaurant she returned and gave him a fake smile, "and also, Thank you for humiliating me in front of my family, you showed me how little you were and that I could do so much better. Say, an FBI agent with an IQ of 187." Once again she turned and this time she didn't even bother looking back.

The drive to her apartment was long, mostly because she didn't drive there, but to Spencer Reid's home. She felt her palms sweat, she hated admitting she was wrong, but she hated not having Spencer around much more than a bruised ego. She knocked on the door and Spencer opened, he looked confused, but as soon as he registered her in he simply raised an eyebrow and changed his confused demeanor to a completely neutral.

"I came to tell you that you were right. He just wanted to get in pants." There was no response, and she fiddled with her hands. "I actually thought he wanted to apologize, and I think part of me just wanted to believe that for the first time I was not being used, that people actually cared about what I felt."

"There are people that care about you, they are just not the wants you wanted to."

"No, they are! I thought I needed the people who wronged me to fix it, to show me that I was worth the trouble when in reality all I needed was for me to understand that I was. And I just needed a reminder that the people that care about me are the ones that should matter the most." A trace of a smile formed on his lips. "I am so sorry about how I acted, and I am sorry I left you here waiting for me. Spencer Reid, you are my best friend and you come before any other jerk out there. I need you to know that this time in which I didn't have you with me was miserable. I missed you so much I spent the whole dinner with Tyler talking about you."

"You did?" He seemed genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, I did. I missed you, and I hope we never fight again, I don't know what I would do without your friendship."

"I missed you too." She bit her lip, and he smiled. "Wanna come in and watch TV?"

"I would love that."

"That's good to hear, I am trying to get Spence here to watch Dance Moms with me but he refuses, maybe if there is two of us, he'll change his mind." A voice inside his apartment spoke. He opened the door to reveal Emily Prentiss wearing Pjs with The Hunger Games symbols on them. "May I say, you look hot. Blue suits you."

"So I've been told."

"Are you sure you can handle being in that close all night though? Maybe Spencer can lend you one of his shirts." She said, winking at them.

"Has she been drinking?"

"It's her third bottle of wine."

"We need to cut her off."

"Yeah, we do." He smiled at her, "She's right though, if you want to borrow something more comfortable let me know."

"Careful Spencer Reid, I might take you up on that."

"Awwww, YOU TWO ARE ADORABLE!" The woman screamed. "Just get married already!"

The pair laughed and made their way to the sofa, she closed the door behind her and sat down, feeling whole for the first time this week. Emily and Spencer were the best friends a girl could ask for, and she couldn't think of a better way to spend the rest of her night than watching trash TV with the two of them as they laughed and joked.

It was home. 

[writersrealmbts]

A Natural: Part 5

Description: Hybrid!Taehyung x Reader: You’re a single mom, and your son is your entire world. When you take him to get his first hybrid, his choice is pretty bewildering, until you realize that he was picking out a dad.

Posted: 05/24/2020

Tags: Taehyung, Hybrid Taehyung, Human Reader

Wordcount: 1,906

A/N: Oh look, another series that was never supposed to be a series. And I had to pick a new series gif because it wouldn’t show up. 

Taehyung woke you up gently, pressing kisses to your cheeks, nose and forehead.

You sighed and stretched. “Mmm, what time is it?”

“Seven,” He whispered, tilting your chin slightly so he could kiss your lips. “You said you wanted to get there early.”

You nodded. “It’s his first day of physical therapy. He was scared. Jin send any updates?”

“Haven’t checked. You okay?” He asked, feeling your forehead.

“Just tired. Always tired. I wish there was a miracle cure that I could give him. Or that I could take his pain and he could continue to be my rambunctious baby.” You buried your face in his shoulder, sighing in frustration.

The past three weeks had been exhausting. You couldn’t recall a single night where you felt like you went to bed with some scrap of mental, emotional, or physical strength. They had woken Theo up about a week and a half after he was admitted, and he had taken it well since he was still so groggy. But you hardly left his side for the first three days. The only reason you left on the fourth was because of work. You had to pay for the medical bills somehow. Now they were thinking he was healed enough to start some very minor physical therapy. He didn’t have feeling from about mid-shin down, but his brain had healed well. The doctors didn’t think there was any lasting damage now. He got the casts off of his legs and his collarbone was healed, so they were really happy with how he was recovering so far.

Taehyung spent most of his days at the hospital, and Jin and Jimin alternated nights to help you two out.

Yoongi bought you lunch most days, and visited Theo on the weekends. Bringing movies to binge and board games to play.

Theo always perked up when Yoongi got there on Saturday morning.

Namjoon brought Hoseok whenever the two didn’t have too much work, and he would bring in music stuff—instruments or tracks—to entertain Theo.

Theo loved Namjoon’s music visits, just as he loved music class the most.

Hoseok still had to catch up on some grading, and recovering his class from a week with a substitute teacher on top of his own bit of physical therapy for his leg injury. He still obviously felt guilty, but he also helped Theo learn things he was missing in class. He had told you that the kids would ask after Theo, and they even sent in get-well-soon cards.

Theo kept saying he couldn’t wait to go back to school.

Jimin drew cartoons on Theo’s casts before they were removed and Theo loved them so much that he insisted Jimin teach him how to draw, and now there were drawings everywhere.

Taehyung kissed your collarbone. “Hey, you okay?”

“Just…waking up.” You curled into him.

He chuckled sleepily. “No, you’re not.”

“Are you telling me that you’re awake?”

He gave a sleepy sounding hum. “Not really, but I know we need to get up.”

You nodded, yawning into his chest and then rolling away from him and getting up in one movement.

“Hey, Jimin texted me to call him,” Taehyung said, frowning at his phone.

You sighed. “It probably has something to do with his parents. You better call him.”

He made an almost growling sound at the mention of Jimin’s parents—who had been a continual pain in the ass through this whole process—but he calls Jimin.

You don’t pay attention much while he talks to Jimin, getting ready for the day, and only noticing that something was wrong when Taehyung growls again.

He’s pacing along his side of the bed, not saying anything but there’s a steady growl in his throat. “He starts his therapy today!”

You flinch when he scoffs, and worry fills you at the frown creasing his forehead.

“What am I supposed to tell Y/n, Jiminie?!”

“I’d suggest the truth if you want everyone to live,” You said, eyes narrowed.

He looked up and gulped. “Can I make him explain it?”

You were already in front of him, taking the phone. “What’s going on?”

“My parents…they caused a scene here and the doctors decided to reschedule his physical therapy…since my parents ordered a DNA test.” Jimin sounded apologetic.

“What do they expect to get from a DNA test?” You asked, feeling bile rise in your throat.

“I don’t know, but I’m on top of it, they won’t make a move I don’t know about. I’ll stay with him all day, okay?”

“Jimin, why did they order a DNA test?”

He was quiet, and you heard him huff out a breath. “Because they want to see if he’s actually who we claim and maybe add him to their will if he is,” He said, sounding frustrated.

“Which means they’d try to take him away from me?”

“Possibly. If you didn’t want to comply with their standards.”

“Which I won’t.” You glared at the wall. “Your family sucks.”

“I know. It’s probably better if you stay away, though, that’ll delay things because they need your permission to do the DNA testing.”

You froze. “But—”

“I’ll keep her away,” Tae said, loud enough to be heard, and taking the phone. “Call us if Theo needs her.”

You stared in disbelief as he said goodbye to Jimin and then hung up.

He looked back at you. “It’s for the best, anyway. You’re exhausted.”

“I can’t sleep, not now,” You argued.

“There’s more than just physical exhaustion,” He rebutted, then leaned in and kissed you. “He’s safe with friends. Yoongi will be there later today, with Namjoon and Jimin, just like they planned and they’ll play games with Theo.”

“I barely ever there—”

“You practically live there,” He cut you off with a whine. “Please, I know you’re tired. I know. It’s been a really hard month. But Theo’s being looked after really well. All of the nurses adore him because he’s so sweet and polite. It’s time to take care of yourself.”

You tilted your head, at a loss for words.

He stepped closer, and arms wrapping around your waist after he tossed the phone onto the bed. His lips met yours softly. “It’s time to forget you’re a mom for a few minutes. Just…be you. Be who you were before you were a mom.”

“I don’t know who that is,” You whispered.

“Then just be the person you are with me,” He whispered back, voice low and deep.

You sighed and surrendered to him, allowing him to pull you into a series of lingering kisses.

“Dress up a bit, lets go out.” He murmured, tail swooshing behind him. “Or, well…let’s go for a picnic.”

You stepped back slightly, uncertain.

“Please, Y/n. We both need to let go for a while.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek.

And you gave in, nodding. “Okay, but…I don’t know…I don’t want to deal with other people.”

“Then we’ll have a picnic in the backyard. You get ready, and I’ll go get things set up and then if you could make us sandwiches?”

You nodded.

“Then we’ll have a nice little date,” He said, grinning at you as his fingers brushed your cheek. Then his shoulders scrunched happily with his face and he practically skipped out of the room. “Remember, wear pretty clothes!”

“O-okay…” You called back, then frowned at your closet door. “I don’t know if I have anything?”

You went into your closet, looking for something pretty that was also middling between casual and Easter Sunday high teas that you used to go to at your grandmother’s senior home while she was alive.

Instead you found frustration and work clothes. Some clothes you might wear to parent-teacher conferences, or to one of the school events.

But the only date-like thing you found in your closet was from before Theo was conceived and you weren’t about to try that on. You knew how your body had changed since then and didn’t need the reminder from your closet. You’d sort of squeezed into it the last time you’d worn it anyway, and you had more hip now.

Sure, you probably had more clothes in that box, but you knew most of the clothes in ther

Taehyung came back when you had been in there for too long. “What’s wrong?”

“No clothes,” You muttered. “Nothing to wear.”

He tilted his head, then came over to look through your clothes. He pulled out a sweater and a skirt, handing them to you. “It’s a little cold outside, so maybe leggings?”

You looked over the outfit and then at him, surprised. “Um…yeah…okay.”

He nodded and walked out. “I’ll make sandwiches!”

You heard your bedroom door close, and started changing. You were surprised at how well he managed to find an outfit for you, but then again, he dressed so well himself, even on a minimal budget.

And it was a nice, casual date outfit.

You did your hair a little, and your makeup a little more. Actually put on earrings and a necklace.

Taehyung was plating sandwiches, making things look nice.

You looked outside in surprise. “It’s raining?”

He looked out as well. “Yeah. It just started. But we can still have a picnic. It’ll just have to be a living room picnic. I already cleared the space and….” He trailed off when he looked at you. His expression softened and he smiled. “Wow, y/n. You look so beautiful.”

You could have blushed, and you might have blushed from the way he was looking at you. “It’s been a while.”

“You always look beautiful,” He added, sincerity in all of his features and gestures. He took your hands in his, tail slowly swishing. “Thank you for agreeing to do this with me.”

You nodded, looking at the ground, unable to meet his gaze.

“Ooh, can I put a fire in the fireplace?”

You nodded again, stealing glanced at him as he excitedly went to turn on the gas fireplace.

Then he dimmed the lights some, and finished arranging blankets and pillows.

“Alright, I think that covers it, sorry we’re only having sandwiches.”

“I can live with sandwiches,” You replied softly, letting him lead you over to sit in the picnic area. You got comfortable while he hurried back to get the plate of sandwiches. You didn’t know your living room could feel so romantic.

He brought over the food and drinks on the bed-tray, setting it down. “It’s just grape juice, but I thought the glasses made it feel more romantic.”

You smiled. “Does. I didn’t even know the living room could look like this.”

He grinned. “We should make it look like this more often.”

You laughed a little.

He kept your laughing a little as the two of you ate, telling you stories and drawing stories of your family out.

You moved the tray and sat beside him, leaning on his shoulder.

He was still for a moment before relaxing into it. He kissed your forehead, then kept telling you about a movie he had seen.

You stared into the fire, listening to his voice. It was so soothing, so wonderfully perfect.

His lips met yours softly, then parted to lightly brush your cheeks. “I love you, y/n.”

You sighed happily, eyes staying shut. “I love you, Taehyung.”

Previous.  Next.

Taehyung Masterpost.  Masterlist.  

Taglist (must comment on taglist to be tagged from now on)

Tagging: @rosita7703, @ephemeral-mindset @forvever-ddaeng  @ncttzuuy @givebuckysomelove @alex--awesome--22  @missmoxxiesworld  @bryvada @knjhe  @i-dont-even-know-fck @young-yellkie @veryuniquenamegoeshere @lottohsehunnie​ @briramirezalipio​ 

Unable to tag: @bunnyboyenthusiast (think you changed to @kthstrawberryshortcake​ please let me know if I’m wrong or right because I have you listed for multiple stories)

[towerfandoms]

So this is based off of @hopoffmyschlong idea so thank you ✋😌 but I really liked @darkkidplaidopera idea about the fridge 😔 so if yall want a FRIDGE!reader x Khun (where reader is a fridge and khun has to carry her) then lemme know. 🥵🥵 N E WAYS LETS GO. This is also VERY loosely based off of karmas and nagisas fight in ass class here (yes I am using an ass class gif for a khun fic what about it 😌😌) *repost cuz first one did show up in tags*

“Do we reallyyyyyy have to do this, Khun” you whined, rubbing your arms shivering slightly. “It’s way too cold in here and I’m tired!”

Khun didn’t even give you a choice that morning. He just entered your room, grabbed your wrist dragging you out of bed and leaving you in a heap on the floor. Well to be fair to the blue turtle, he had asked nicely three times but you were too busy dreaming of being Nagisa in that gif (don’t lie 🙈)

“Come on, get up. We have to train now before everyone else wakes up.” You laid there on the floor, refusing to move after the rude intrusion. Seeing as you were making no effort to move, Khun sighed loudly in annoyance. In one swift motion he threw you over his shoulders ignoring your quiet protests and threats and carried you down to the icy cold training room.

“Stop making so much noise or I’ll drop you again” He whispered in a hushed tone when you two passed by everyone else’s room. At last admitting defeat, you went limp and let him carry you down fireman style. If you were being honest you’d prefer bridal style but it was still comforting to feel Khuns warmth. Unbeknownst to you he smiled slightly at your unusual obedience but when yous arrived at the training room he just had to let go suddenly and drop you on the floor. When questioned, “its to build stamina,” was all that was said.

Hence your current predicament.

“Of course we do! You may be good with a sword but you still haven’t mastered the basics of hand to hand combat.” he replied exasperated. He had explained everything on his way down but you were dead set on delaying this as much as you can. “We can stand around doing nothing for as long as you like but the rest of the team will be here soon. Do you really want them to see how terrible you are at this?”

He did have a point damn it. Gritting your teeth you meekly shook your head no.

Khun clapped his hand and gave you his signature smirk. “Excellent, just as I thought. Now get into place and when I say start, come at me. And remember-”

“I know, I know. No shinsu or anything. Just hand to hand”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, then countdown. Three, two-”

“ONE, GOOO!” You shouted, running at full speed towards him and startling him in the process.

Khun barely had time to dodge as you tried to swing at his head. He rolled to the side but unfortunately for him you suddenly had a burst of energy. Like hell you were gonna let this arrogant jerk make this much fun of you. You tried punching him again, still aiming for his head. You missed once again but continued your ruthless attacks nevertheless. You only stopped once Khun jumped back, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead.

“You didn’t even let me finish counting down” the blue haired man yelled.

“It’s the element of surprise, innit luv” you cheekily replied, poking you tongue at him.

“Oh for Gods sake!” He placed a hand on his head feigning a headache. Or maybe it was a real one, you were good at giving him those.

He stopped still and slowly looked up. He suddenly gave you an evil smile, sending shivers down your back. You knew what that look meant.... he was pissed off. You were in danger. And a lot of it.

“Ok, this time when I actually count to three, we’re gonna retry that. But word of advice, stop aiming for my head only. It leaves the rest of your body,,, defenceless”

Yup, today you were going to die. You quickly thanked god that the last thing you were gonna see was his handsome face and just as fast took up a fighting stance. You wanted a painless death so you didn’t want to risk pissing him off more-

“Three, two, one. BEGIN”

This time Khun was the one who ran at you but fortunately you were a bit faster so you managed to jump out of the way.

“I-I th-hah thought we were trai-hhh-ning” you panted, hands on your knees.

“The real world doesn’t adjust to your need... luv.” He began jumping towards you again, ready to attack.

That son of a bitch- how dare he use your words against you. He probabaly didn’t even know the reference. However you didn’t have time to ponder on Khuns appropriation of British culture as he narrowly missed your face. Thankfully you managed to block him just in time otherwise that would’ve left a bruise.

Guess there’s no choice but to attack back, you grimly thought to yourself.

You decided to use a different method. (Like deku) you realised you had legs and thought it was time you used them.

This time when Khun came at you again you held your arms up as if you were about to block. But at the last second you jumped and swung your leg, hitting him full force in the face sending him flying. You watched as Khun fell face first and laid in a crumpled heap on the ground, his back to you.

You regained your stance once again, expecting him to get up and finish you off once and for all. However Khun didn’t move but he was still breathing... luckily? He wasn’t gonna be happy when gets up anyways.

You slowly walked over to him. “Khun... ahhaa are you alright” you nervously laughed. When he didn’t respond you walked all the way over to him, standing above him.

“Khun- AGH” just as you were about to bend down to check on him when he pulled you down, crawling on top of you. He pinned your arms down, affectively trapping you. His blue eyes bore into yours causing you to squirm, shifting your gaze awkwardly.

“You haven’t got anything more to say hmmm?” He was grinning from ear to ear now, like the big bad wolf.

“Not really no...” you mumbled back, feeling your face heat up.

He leaned down closer, talking directly into your ear. “Honestly, I’m surprised how naive you are. Do you really think a single kick was really enough to knock me out.” He chuckled softly, his laughs directly in your ear. You could feel his breath on your neck sending shivers down your spine.

“Ahaahaha,, K-Khun. I-” you tripped over your words not able to form a coherent sentence. Hell you couldn’t even think properly. Not with Khun staring so intently into your eyes with that look. You turned your head to the side, trying to avert your gaze. However, as you did so your eyes fell on another blue head by the doorway.

“AHEM!” Ran cleared his throat loudly. He crossed his arms, clearly annoyed.

How long had he been standing there? you thought miserably to yourself.

“Ran?!” Khuns whole demeanour changed. He quickly clambered off then lent a hand down to you, helping you up. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh sorry I must’ve interrupted something,” the little brat did not look sorry. “Anyways, Rachel needed to talk to you AA but I suppose she’ll understand if you’re doing something....”

What happened to the Khuns to make them all so cold, you mentally shuddered inside your head. Luckily, as you were no longer under Khun you managed to compose yourself.

Khun sighed irritably.

“Ugh, what a pain that woman is. Why now for gods sake.”

“Hey, don’t blame the messenger. I’m just telling you what’s what.” And with that retort, Ran turned and left the training room with his hands in his pockets. Fortunately for you Ran could not care less about what was going on with you two so there was no need to worry about him telling the others.

“I suppose I better get going now too. Y/n, we can continue tomorrow. Besides,,, you probably wanna go get changed. You’re still in your pyjamas yknow.”

“And who’s fault is that.”

“Well maybe if you woke up when I asked nicely. Anyways, I’ll see you at breakfast. Bye bye for now.” He waved you off and left the training room

You watched his retreating figure, stifling a yawn. That man... he was the reason you were going to jail for 1st degree murder. Still you couldn’t deny you did enjoy that morning.

Looking at the clock you were brought back to your senses, remembering you had to be there for breakfast at 7. You had 10 minutes to change and wash up. And so you ran from the training room, your the tips of your ears still warm from the incident.

And scene guys, gals and nb pals 🥰🥰 anyways I hope this was to your liking cuz ngl I had sm fun writing this fic.

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

(Note, if this post shows up twice or massively delayed or just looks weird, it’s because it was flagged for adult content [??!] because I had a picture of Willem Dafoe’s face in a gif. I am not even kidding. Do with that information what you will. I’ve removed it and I still don’t know if/when this can be publicly viewed, I’m kind of lolling. So if you see a blocked out photo that looks like porn in your post, I swear it’s just a gif from The Lighthouse!)

Hello, amazing people. This weekend, I’m putting the final touches on my last draft of Baghdad Waltz Chapter 39, which will then go to the beta for one more round of edits. I imagine I will have the chapter posted in 1-3 weeks, which is close to record speed for me, especially since it’s around 30k words. I’m going to be talking about my writing process (at unfortunate length) for one of the asks, for those who are interested. 

Please forgive me. I’m feeling quite verbose and a little squirrely. I blame living alone during lockdown. 

It’s also Memorial Day weekend in the States, which is when we are meant to honor those who gave their lives in military service to this country. This is often confused with Veterans Day (November 11), which is honoring anyone who has served in the military and is no longer serving. This gets further confused with Armed Forces Day (rotating date, May) which is to honor those currently serving in the military. I know, super confusing. 

There’s a wide range of opinions on how Memorial Day should be commemorated, which often involves gathering with friends and family for a barbecue or some other social activity. It’s the first major holiday after a huge holiday drought throughout the late winter and spring, which often makes people look forward to it immensely. Some people feel it’s inappropriate to celebrate Memorial Day with barbecues and fond social gatherings because it’s dishonoring the memories of those who can’t be here, people don’t take time to remember those who have died, people have no idea what the day is actually for, etc. Others, even some very vocal veterans, maintain that people died so that we could be here to celebrate in freedom, so why not relish this life we have? Many offer the caveat that it’s appropriate to at least acknowledge the purpose of the day, even if it’s just in a few minutes of quiet reflection. 

Anyway, I offer this as a little food for thought for this upcoming long weekend. 

(And in case you missed it, I posted a BW Timeline for your reference.) 

Contains spoilers through Chapter 38.

[Takes deep breath]

I’m so glad that you are enjoying the read and that you’re finding it inspiring for your own work. I think my dedication to research for BW is threefold. 1) As this story evolved, I decided that I wanted to create the most realistic depictions of military, civilian, emotional, and physical life that I reasonably could. I will fully admit to lapses in this, deliberate and unintentional, because sometimes the plot just needs to go and I can’t wait around for a year-long medical discharge process for my character. 2) I’m in an academically stringent occupation, and because research is such a prominent part of my work life, it’s bled to my hobby. (IS THIS EVEN A HOBBY ANYMORE?) And 3) I get very easily and passionately obsessed with things and delight in getting “into the weeds” with a subject. Almost every research divergence usually takes me off track for at least an hour. And you will never catch me without an MTA subway map open in at least one tab.

But that wasn’t even your question! Sorry. Are you beginning to get a sense of why BW takes me so long to write?? I cannot keep my shit on track. As for the bibliography, YES! I plan to include that in my author’s note at the end. I wish I had kept better track of all of my works consulted over the past three years, but I will definitely discuss the importance of some of the main ones. I’m so thrilled that you are interested, and I’m excited to share them!

Thank you. This is such a kind thing to say, and I’m humbled and delighted to hear it, especially because our fandom is so blessed with some AMAZING fics. And asks certainly don’t have to be questions! I appreciate them all (except the flaming bag of dog shit ones, which I haven’t had in a while, hooray).

(Re: Chapter 37) Good question! I imagine Claire would want to keep the 1:1 conversation somewhat limited, as she is treating the couple as a patient rather than them as individuals. If anything, she might have somewhat superficially checked in to see if he was okay rather than dive into anything regarding the relationship with Bucky not around. That could be seen as a betrayal of trust to Bucky and could be interpreted as favoritism, which Steve craves and which Bucky is probably terrified about.

I am always pleased when people re-read and enjoy it or get new things out of it, even if it’s sometimes a re-read is a function of my slow-ass writing. I really want a story with good re-read value.

You make an excellent point about Bucky’s relationships. His friendship with Jack also had no real closure. Sometimes this is a factor of circumstance and sometimes it’s because of his avoidance, like a self-fulfilling prophesy almost. He’s learned that people betray you, either by hurting you or dying, so he creates conditions sometimes (often unwittingly) for things to go sour and end poorly, or he will simply make himself disappear so that he’s not hurt and doesn’t have to wait to see if he will be abandoned or betrayed. He’s not a guy who is good with goodbyes.

As for Thor, I totally see how it would read that way. I think Thor started out fishing for longer-term possibilities in a romantic relationship but then realized Bucky is really not a guy who is comfortable settling (which, as we can see, is true). As for why it seems more serious, one thing is that Thor still wanted Bucky in his life as a friend, possibly one with benefits. They have a lot in common, and it’s hard for veterans - and, more specifically, special operators - to find people in their lives they can relate to with these very intense life experiences. I wanted this to be a real relationship, but maybe not necessarily one that was bound to become a RELATIONSHIP. I think Bucky was very intriguing and attractive to him, and he very well may have struggled with his own vacillation between whether to take it seriously or whether to remain friends+. This can lead to mixed messages.

And we also have to remember Bucky’s notoriously unreliable narration, where he will see what he wants to see. Our perspective comes from him. We see the details he zooms in on, miss the one he ignores, view the relationship through the lens of his own contentious desire for a real relationship, even as he consistently demonstrates the lack of capacity and his fear about getting serious. I imagine Bucky has having an extremely poor ability to distinguish friendship from romance, and why wouldn’t he, given the most recent bit of history we have learned about him with Jack? He’s had a series of friendships become sexualized, and I think this affects his capacity to be discerning. Bucky’s radar for relating, whether friendships, romance, or potentially dangerous sexual situations, is terribly mis-calibrated. How confusing for him and for the people in his life. Of course, everyone is free to interpret the dynamics of any relationship however they choose. These are just some of my thoughts.

I really appreciate observations from the re-read! Thank you!

I watched the video and you are right! This is definitely a Bucky song. Bucky’s sense of self is by turns profoundly distorted and lacking in grounding, especially now that he’s not in the military. He’s been in a low key existential crisis since he was a kid and has turned to drinking and sex and war to fill this horrible void, and although I can’t speak for what the artists here intended, I certainly sensed those elements here for sure. (Also, what an interesting choice for a music video…)

Thank you for sharing! I’ll add it to the unofficial BW playlist in the author’s note, which consists of various songs people have associated with BW and shared with me.

Good question! I started off this story picturing the actors who represent the characters in the MCU, because I figured we’d be picturing that when we read the fic anyway (though my beta told me she doesn’t see them as the actors, more like artists’ renderings of the characters, which I find interesting). So when describing their physicality, I tend to refer back to the MCU, since this is technically an MCU AU. But the longer I go with the story, the murkier the resemblance feels to me, especially when I think about Bucky, IDK why. I have also been considering doing something more with BW after I finish it (i.e., converting it into a proper not-bajillion-word novel, sunk cost and whatnot), in which case I would definitely change the characters’ appearance, names, cut MCU Easter eggs, etc. So when I try to think of who these people might be in future iterations of the story, things get even more blurred in my mind when I imagine them.

I wonder how other people see them??

So, with regards to PTSD clinical teams, there is some variation across VAs in the system. Some focus more on military-related trauma, whether it’s war, military sexual trauma, accidents, etc. as a way of concentrating their services and managing supply and demand. From talking with providers in these kinds of systems, sometimes you just NEED a military-related trauma, but you can be treated for, say, a childhood trauma if it’s more pressing. Other VAs are very open in their criteria, and you can see them for pretty much any kind of trauma that qualifies diagnostically for PTSD (or sub-threshold PTSD) without question. That’s why I love the expression “If you’ve been to one VA, you’ve been to one VA.” That said, it kind of doesn’t matter what kind of PTSD clinical team is at the VA in Manhattan, because Bucky has so much military trauma that he would very likely qualify to receive services in any PTSD clinical team. They just might focus on childhood stuff (if Bucky actually let them, which is another matter entirely).

This is a great question! Thanks for asking.

I love a snarky asshole Bucky so much, and I’ve tried to temper this version of him with enough hard-earned genuineness to offset it a little bit. It’s such a tender balance with him, because if you back him too far into a corner, he’s going to let you have it. But if you give him too much space, it’s hard to pin him down and wring something honest from him. He’s definitely learned to use humor and sarcasm to deflect from painful or uncomfortable situations, and it’s a very adaptive short-term strategy that makes him both endearing and infuriating to others.

But ugh, yeah, shit gets so rough around Chapter 28/29. I don’t know how to feel when people have really strong emotional reactions to this story, because one part of me doesn’t want to contribute to the crappy feelings people may already be struggling with — especially in the times of COVID — but I don’t want to be afraid to dive into the hurt these characters are experiencing. That’s why I recommend checking in with oneself before reading to get a sense of how much emotional bandwidth is available to manage the immense problems of two people struggling so much. I also think that for some people it can be cathartic or otherwise not-bad maybe (?), based on the feedback I’ve received. I also really try hard to balance out the painful stuff with growth, even though it can be terribly difficult to locate sometimes.

In comments to folks, and here, I often talk about adjusting the ticks on your measuring stick for progress, where instead of leaps of progress over feet/meters, we may be observing things on an inch/mm scale. This story is my most sincere effort at a “recovery is not linear” narrative, which I think is so much more reflective of real life for a lot of folks than a straight upward trajectory. Humans are such creatures of habit, and the lessons these characters have learned through their lives about themselves, trust, relationships, and how to manage emotions are very deeply ingrained — often through traumatic means. These are the lessons learned the hardest, with the greatest perceived consequences for change, and it takes real courage for us to be able to try new things even once, let alone to establish a reliable pattern of behavior. This can lead to a lot of frustration for us as readers/writer, and I come from a place of this being okay, because we are encountering a parallel process with the characters, who are frustrated with each other and themselves about the same things. I do hope the pain/progress/joy ratios are not horribly out of whack most of the time. That’s another reason I like long chapters, because if this was just blips of sometimes terrible episodes in shorter form, I think it would be very challenging to not lose hope entirely.

But I’m so glad you’re finding the read meaningful, even if it’s sometimes painful and difficult.

(YES.)

And FINALLY -- (this is all soooo long, I’m so sorry.)

Oh, thank you for this question! My spreadsheet ended up getting too difficult to manage, and I actually had a small crisis six months ago about how the fic was going to end, because it just didn’t feel right. I had to scrap it and go back to the drawing board and really ask myself - what would these characters really do? Naturally, as a factor of their psychologies and circumstances, how will they bring this story to an end? Some advice I once heard about a “satisfying” ending is that it’s the place where there’s simply nothing more to say about the characters. There’s no more story to tell. I had to abandon all of my desires  and ideas for a particular ending or concerns about making people sad or happy or excited or disappointed. I know that the only ending that will be satisfying is one that makes sense for these people. Anything contrived or backward-engineer-y wouldn’t feel right to anyone. I do have a couple of specific character arc things I want to happen, so I set those down as touchstones and said, okay, what would happen next? What would Steve do with this? And what would Bucky do with this? And what would they do with the thing the other person did? I take a very psychology and prior-behavior-based approach to plotting, almost all character driven. The rest is just figuring out what is supposed to go where and how to organize it.

I’ve converted everything to a Google Doc and have a very basic outline where I write plotty-plot stuff. I also have a “garbage dump” doc where I write certain lines I want to use or certain details I want to include somewhere. When I get into a new chapter, I’ll check the dump doc as I outline and write to see if I want to pluck anything from there. I have my outline open regularly to add to it. Sometimes I write scenes out of order, dialogue first, but that’s only if I really am excited about a particular scene and cannot contain myself. Otherwise, I write completely chronologically and have no buffer. I post things as soon as I write them.

As for your specific questions, I do have a “process” for getting into my characters’ heads. It helps to know them so very well and to have a firm sense of their idiosyncrasies and patterns of behavior. As you may have noticed, they repeat their patterns all. the. time, as humans do, but I also want to have them change their behaviors a little as things go and they progress. So I may wonder what they could do a little differently, why they would WANT to behave differently, and imagine what they would need to do to change their behavior. Do they need to take breaths? Do they remember the last time some shit went down? I really try to think of the “how” and “why” of every single action - from big blowouts to eye rolls.

So once I’ve figured out what they are going to do, I try to pinpoint the associated emotions I want to highlight. This is a whole separate process, because I have to think also about their internal versus their external emotional states. Steve, for example, will often have a discrepant inside and outside, because one of the truths about his character is that he is a chronic suppressor. There is also the issue of unreliable narration and interpretation of behavior. Steve might do something in a scene, but that doesn’t mean Bucky is going to interpret it the way it was intended. I have to think about their individual filters, which often reflect their internal beliefs about themselves. Bucky is more likely to read Steve’s actions as reflections of how BUCKY feels about HIMSELF (e.g., he’s disgusted by me because I’m disgusting) rather than imagine what Steve is really thinking based on his own experiences and beliefs about Bucky. I also attempt to convey some of the more second and third layer emotions that people have in situations, rather than only highlighting the primary emotion. Sad things don’t always just make people sad. Powerful emotions, for example, might make Steve feel out of control of himself, which could generate secondary emotions for him like frustration because he’s losing control. Part of the process in the construction of the narrative is also scrubbing what I’ve written for POV, because Bucky’s word choices aren’t the same as Steve’s, and in order to try to preserve the “voice” of each character, I often have to change the words I’ve opted to use, as well as the syntax.

So, as you can see, there’s a lot of layering that is happening all the time. As for the dialogue, I have no compunction about saying the lines aloud, “acting” them to see how they sound, to get a sense of what tone I want them to say things in. Now that I think of it, I do a bit of movement-based stuff, thinking about how people sit and stand, figuring how many steps it takes to get from A-Z, what it would look like to lean against something, how it would feel on the body, etc. I try to get the most felt sense of things as I can. If I’m imagining a scene, I try to put myself in the shoes of the characters to the point where I feel the emotions, just so I can know how it reflects in my body and my mind and behavior. I have more than once gotten drunk and drunk-written drunk Bucky then gone to clean it up later, as drunk writing can generate some great content I never would have been able to come up with sober, but the form, grammar, spelling, etc. is often rubbish. I also talk a LOT to my beta about all of this stuff, and I have certain friends and acquaintances in the fandom who are my consultants for various things.

So, I’m somewhat method I guess?? Is that a thing?? I dunno. It’s not hard to do when you live and breathe a story. It’s required a deep level of interest in - quite possibly an obsession with - the characters and their lives. I adore my characters, not in a self-congratulatory way, but because they feel so real to me. So it’s a joy to plan and write -- though I do hate first drafts with a passion.

OH - I also sometimes fast-draft chapters, which I did for 39. That is, write as FAST AS YOU CAN with no regard for how shitty the writing is. I wrote 10k words in a week, which was a finished fast-draft for me, and thus I had a very good felt sense of what was going to happen in the chapter, which felt amazing. It requires intensive outlining before, and nearly every word had to be rewritten, but one of the greatest frustrations of a story for me is having blank space ahead. Re-writing is way more fun than first draft writing. I have fluffed it up twofold with higher quality content, which I did all in less than two months…!! 

-------------------------

Well, this is surely my most unnecessarily yammering YAIT in history. But I hope it at least conveys my enthusiasm for these wonderful asks! It’s so lovely to hear from all of you, even if I take an eon to get back to you. Hang in there, everyone!

@grimshady @hutchhitched​ @b0n3l3ssm1lk​ 

(And thank you to @bae-buckyaboveeverything​ for the shout out. You made my day<3)

[vampiregirl1797]

Hopeless: Chapter Four

Klaus Mikaelson x OC

GIF Not Mine

Click Here For My Masterlist

It was two days later that I decided to brave the possibility of Klaus’ wrath again. I needed to feed again and I also needed to find vervain. I hadn’t had the chance since I last went to town—Klaus had been watching me like a hawk and while Elijah was kind, it was clear he was suspicious of me. Both of my sudden appearance and his brother’s sudden friendliness towards me—both of us were surprised by that one.

 Klaus had received news that Katherine’s had been delayed by a few days due to the storm that they had gotten caught in. They had to stop and wait for it to pass before continuing to travel. Klaus wasn’t as irritated by that as I thought he would be, simply saying that there was plenty of time before the full moon—even though she would arrive the day before—and he wasn’t looking forward to “pretending to woo her” anyway. I’d snorted and thrown a cushion at him for his remark, startling and amusing both Mikaelson men.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and I turned the doorknob to my room slowly, very aware that while I couldn’t hear him, Klaus could hear me. It was night-time, which was the only time that both men weren’t watching me so I figured it was the best time to sneak out. I closed the door almost all of the way—it would make it easier to sneak back in. Without wasting another moment I flashed to the front door, repeating the same movements before I was out.

 I flashed to the woods and couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face—I had always loved the night, before I was a vampire, now that love had grown. It was so peaceful, so serene. You felt like you had the whole world to yourself because almost everyone else was asleep. I inhaled the night air, enjoying how cold and crisp it felt in my lungs before forcing myself to focus. Food and vervain. That was all I needed. I nodded in agreement with myself and tucked my hair behind both ears, allowing me to hear my surroundings better. It didn’t take long for me to pick up a heartbeat a few miles away and without another thought I flashed in that direction. I had already known it was human—their heartbeats tended to be slower than most animals—so when I reached him I didn’t waste anytime. He was walking along the road, his feet scuffling against the gravel. After using my hearing one more time to make sure no one else was around I flashed in front of him.

 ‘Excuse me, miss, I didn’t see you there.’ He apologised and I cursed—this would have been easier if he had been a dick over it.

 ‘That’s quite alright,’ I stepped forward and compelled him, ‘don’t make a sound and don’t move. This isn’t going to hurt.’

 I made sure my compulsion had actually taken effect before bringing my vampire face forward and gently biting into his neck, once again groaning at the taste. Before I had become a vampire, I was sure that nothing tasted better than chocolate, but I was wrong. The taste of blood was completely and utterly blissful. I forced myself to remain in control and concentrated on his heartbeat, repeating the same movements I had with the last man I had fed from. A few more minutes later he was healed and on his way without a memory or care in the world. I flashed back into the woods before he could spot me and started my search of vervain. Thankfully I knew what it looked like—I had helped both Stefan and Damon with collecting it on separate occasions. If I hadn’t been able to identify it, the search could have taken a lot longer thanks to the various types of flowers littered throughout the woods. I had come back to my original spot—about a hundred yards from the Mikaelson house—when I saw it. It was planted in the ground in a perfect circle and reached up to my knees. I approached it slowly, preparing myself for possibly burning myself. But thankfully I had a brain wave and wrapped the cloth of my dress around my hand before plucking a couple of stems from the ground. I’d just slid them into my pocket when I heard something. Twigs breaking.

 I frowned and focused harder, trying to determine the direction it had come from but I was met with silence. The lack of heartbeat meant it was a vampire. The big question was if it were friend or foe. I got my answer when Klaus stepped out from behind a nearby tree, scaring me half to bloody death.

 ‘Jesus Christ,’ I bought my hand to where my heart used to beat, ‘you scared me!’

 ‘Sorry, love.’ He smirked, clearly not sorry at all, ‘care to share why you were seeking out a flower that is toxic to our kind?’

 ‘It’s pretty?’ I offered unconvincingly, fighting the urge to make a break for it—he could catch me, he’d proved that once before.

 ‘Not planning on using it against me are you, Evangeline?’ The sound of him saying my name made a small shiver run down my spine.

 ‘No,’ I shook my head, taking a step backwards, ‘I just didn’t fancy the possibility of being compelled again.’

 ‘Really?’ he stepped towards me.

 ‘Yes. You need to start trusting me, Klaus.’ I berated him and for a reason I couldn’t explain, my eyes drifted to his lips for a split second before I looked away just as quickly.

 ‘That works both ways, love.’ He smirked, stepping even closer, I tried to move away but I was met with a tree trunk, ‘you clearly don’t trust me, or my brother.’

 ‘That’s because I know what you’re both capable of. I know how unlikely it is for you to trust anyone outside of your family, so forgive me for being on guard against the false sense of security you’re trying to lead me into.’ I snapped, glaring at him and trying not to be affected by his scent. He smelled like the woods, rain and whiskey.

 ‘That doesn’t seem fair. You’re judging us for crimes we have not yet committed.’ He scolded me lightly, but I could see a genuine flash of sadness in his eyes before it fell away.

 ‘The crimes you commit aren’t what matters, it’s why you commit them, that doesn’t go away or change.’ I said, biting my lip to stop myself from apologising—why did I feel bad for being cautious of him, knowing what I knew?

 ‘I plan to earn your trust, love.’ He told me confidently.

 ‘Why?’ I sounded bewildered, ‘what’s the point? Why do I need to trust you to do what I told you I would?’

 ‘I suppose you don’t need to,’ he admitted, looking down at my lips before he met my gaze again, ‘but I want to.’

 ‘I don’t understand.’ I shook my head.

 ‘Neither do I, since you arrived I have wondered why I didn’t kill you on the spot. Why you have captivated my thoughts for the past two days. Why I was so quick to trust you, even knowing your true intentions after I compelled you. Why I want that trust to be returned. You tell me, love because I want to know.’ He said and I was taken aback by the sincerity in his voice and his eyes.

 Before I could ponder his words, my attention was focused completely on Klaus as he moved even closer to me, his hands going to my waist and pulling my body flush against his. I was hopeless to stop the gasp that fell out of my mouth; both from the feel of his body against mine and the lustful look in his blue eyes. He was captivating me, I was a moth flying too close to the flame and for the life of me I couldn’t think of a single reason why kissing him was a bad idea. So I moved my hands that had been resting on the tree trunk behind me and bought them to his shoulders, biting my lip as his hard muscles tensed underneath my touch. He rested his forehead against mine, the movement causing his lips to brush against mine ever so briefly. The electricity that arose from the action surprised me, and went straight to the growing desire in my centre. I blamed the fact that I hadn’t been touched romantically by a man in a very long time for what I did next. I tilted my jaw and bought my lips to his, kissing him fully.

 It took him a moment to respond, I assumed he was surprised, but when he did I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my lips as his tongue entered my mouth and battled with mine. Neither of us were the submissive type, so the kiss was full of passion, lust and a fight for dominance that neither of us surrendered to. While we kissed my hands went to his curls, running though them and tugging gently at the strands, causing him to groan into my mouth as his own hands wondered. One hand went to my ass while the other travelled down my right thigh before pausing at my knee and hitching the leg around his hip. We both groaned at the jolt of pleasure created from the friction. His lips moved from my mouth and down to my neck where he placed open mouthed kisses and allowed his fangs to trace over the skin. I felt him smirk when I shuddered; when he didn’t bite into the skin I found I was a little disappointed. I hadn’t been fed on before—even as a human—a part of me had always wondered what it felt like, or what it could feel like. But those thoughts quickly left me as his other hand pulled down the fabric of my dress, allowing his sinful lips access to my chest. I moaned his name when he took one of my nipples into his mouth, his tongue swirling around while his teeth playfully grazed the flesh. He smirked again and deciding he needed to be teased too, I used our position to grind my hips against his, adding fuel to the desire that was burning in the both of us. He released a growl that made me shiver, when his eyes met mine I bit my lip at the hunger I saw in his blue orbs. No one had ever looked at me with such pure uncontained desire.

 He bought his lips to mine again, but this kiss was rougher, more commanding and I found myself submitting to him instantly, secretly loving the approving growl that escaped him as he did. His hands moved to reach under my dress and I found myself practically twitching in anticipation. The need for him was too great, I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything and I decided to question the implications of that later, when I was satisfied. He was just about to pull off my undergarments and I bought my lips to his as he started to move them down, moaning as his hands caressed my skin as he did—

 ‘Lord Klaus?’ A voice cut through the air, inevitably breaking the moment.

 Klaus’ hands dropped my skirt back down immediately, shielding me from whoever had joined us in the clearing. Klaus turned around and I gathered from the tone of his voice that he was a little pissed, personally I was glad to not be on the receiving end of his anger in that moment.

 ‘Yes, Trevor?’ he growled.

 ‘We have received news that the destroyer is heading towards the Americas, my Lord.’ He said nervously, and I couldn’t blame him.

 ‘Is that all?’ Klaus asked, a little less annoyed but not much.

 ‘Also Miss Katarina Petrova will be arriving a day earlier than expected. I made sure her driver continued travelling through the night in order to gain back the few days lost by the storm. She will be here three days before the moon, as planned.’

 ‘Very well. You are dismissed.’ Klaus sighed, running a hand through his hair and I sighed myself, the reminder of the doppelgänger he would soon be courting destroyed the mood beyond repair.

 A part of me wanted to question him on “The Destroyer” but I sensed it wasn’t the time, and if the tension in Klaus’ shoulders were an indication, he didn’t want me to ask. Once Trevor had left I moved out from behind Klaus and kissed his cheek, offering him a small smile when I pulled way.

 ‘Goodnight, Lord Klaus,’ I couldn’t stop the teasing tone of my voice if I tried.

 ‘Goodnight, Evangeline.’ He returned, a small but genuine smile on his face; if my heart were still beating, it would have been going wild in that moment.

[thenamesseven]

Warnings: None, not yet.

A/N: It’s finally here! Sorry for taking so long but changing the gifs, editing pictures and stuff from life delayed the update a lot! I’m also experiencing a bit of writer’s block so writing this chapter was kind of difficult, hope you all enjoy it though!

Word count: 2.6k

What happened right after Jackson finished reading the note you left him were blurred memories. One moment he was sitting down on the edge of the bed, staring at the crumpled piece of paper in his hand as tears rolled down his cheeks and then, minutes later, he had managed to get to the JYP building, ready to put all of his frustration and anger out on the people that were responsible for this. 

Jinyoung? He could be blamed, after all, he was the first one that placed all those awful ideas of your relationship in your head. He was the one that used fear to push you away from him and Jaebum.

Ha. Jaebum. He was the most guilty person in this issue for Jackson. Jaebum was your boyfriend, a person whose opinion and thoughts were quite important for you, and Jackson was sure that the fear that Jinyoung made you feel only got worse when Jaebum indirectly rejected you the other night. He should have fought for you, Jaebum should have been on your side but he had let you and him down. He was about to pay for it.

Jackson walked down the JYP’s building empty halls in a fast pace, not running but walking fast and loud enough to attract people’s attention. His steps were strong and determined, you could see in his eyes that there was no way in this world to stop him from whatever he was about to do. What shocked people was the way his gentle and sweet smile was nowhere to be seen when he exchanged greetings, Jackson looked like a total new person that was kind of scary. Could you really blame him though? You weren’t here anymore, you weren’t besides him and the pain your absence, your disappearance was making him feel was starting to become absolutely unbearable.

The male stopped as soon as he reached the door of the practice room, he stood in front of it quietly, listening to their new songs being played in a really loud volume. Jackson assumed the guys were inside, going over the set of steps the choreographer had been teaching them these last few weeks for their upcoming comeback. Without willing to waste any more time Jackson pushed the big doors in front of him opened, surprising his friends and the staff that was working there with them. Jackson had expected this, he knew there were going to be cameras recording along with a poor choreographer who would end up being involved in this whole mess without even knowing what was truly going on. The reaction everybody had was kind of obvious, everyone stopped dancing abruptly and turned around to face Jackson incredibly confused but realizing something was definitely wrong with him.

The first one to break the silence was the choreographer, obviously disappointed and frustrated with him “Jackson, you’re late” Jackson looked at him, letting the other male know he had heard his words and decided to ignore him. This behaviour was definitely not common for him, Jackson was not the kind of guy who usually challenged the authorities.

His eyes travelled across the room, going through every single one of his friends before they stopped on Jinyoung “You” He muttered shakily, hand coming up to point at him, accusing him with his language and gestures “This is all your fault” Jackson’s tone was low, he wasn’t screaming and shouting but it somehow made him look even more scary, more threatening “This is all your fucking fault” His voice broke at some point, showing weakness, giving the rest of the people witnessing the moment a peek of how broken he felt in that moment.

“It’s my fault you’re late?” Jinyoung huffed with a small smirk, crossing his arms over his chest “Are you sure about that Jackson? Maybe something distracted you this morning enough to forget about our dance practice?”

Jackson forgot how to breathe for a few seconds, his vision turning red at Jinyoung’s words. He didn’t know what hurt him more, the fact that he disrespect you enough to refer at you as something or his stupid smug behaviour that needed to end before he decided to punch his face.

“Give us a moment alone, please” Jaebum asked everyone, standing besides Jinyoung in case Jackson lost control and started a fight with him in front of everybody “There’s an issue the three of us should fix before the situation gets unbearable” He said politely, not wanting to get in trouble

Jackson’s eyes landed on the other male. He looked incredibly tense, fidgeting with the cloth of his pockets with a small frown between his eyebrows that signaled he was confused. Jaebum had only seemed Jackson act like this a few ways and it was always when the other male had got extremely furious or upset about something, he had never let it get involved with their job so this reckless behaviour was something surprising, to say the least. As much as he tried to imagine what had happened to make his boyfriend act this way, Jaebum could only get to the conclusion that it was involved with you. An overwhelming feeling of guilt squeezed his chest.

Caressly, the infuriated male stepped forward, his eyes glued to Jaebum as if he was the only person standing there “Jackson calm down” He said quietly, stepping closer to him but Jackson was too gone to listen to Jaebum, he was too gone to think of the consequences that making a scene with the choreographer in front of them would have.

“Calm down?” Jackson smiled sadly, ironically as if he was about to explode “Jaebum don’t ask me to calm down because I swear to god I won’t hesitate to throw hands, man”

“Jackson!” The stern voice of the choreographer caught the male’s attention “I don’t know what’s wrong with you but get a grip of yourself! You can’t show up here late and act like a cry baby because you’re having a bad day!” Jackson stared at him quiet, trying not to snap at him and make everything worse

“This is not your business, like Jaebum said, there is something we need to fix between us” Jackson said not even looking at him, keeping his eyes on his boyfriend as he unclenched his fists, taking deep breaths to calm himself down

“We needed a break anyways!” Bambam said, trying to ease the tension in the room. Yugyeom nodded besides him with the choreographer looked their way, he looked mad but he also seemed to not be in the mood to get in whatever the mess was between Jaebum and Jackson.

“Yeah, let’s get some water and rest outside and then we’ll keep practicing with Jackson” Youngjae added, grabbing a towel to dry the sweat from his forehead as they all walked to the door, acting as if the problem that Jackson had wasn’t that bad as it really was.

Before anybody else could awkwardly try to convince him to stop practicing, the choreographer sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he walked outside too “You two have twenty minutes” He muttered glancing back at both of them “If things aren’t better by the time I get back you two will have to talk with JYP about this, comeback performances are near and I don’t want to be fired because you all didn’t make a good performance” 

After saying those words the choreographer exited the room leaving Jackson and Jaebum alone to discuss their problem. Jaebum looked at Jackson hesitatingly, not knowing if he should approach him or not. Things between them had been tense since the other night, he also didn’t know what was wrong with Jackson yet which only made things more difficult for Jaebum.

“You’re late” Jackson took the initiative, breaking the silence between them as he coldly stared into his eyes. Using the same words as the choreographer told him, Jackson only confused Jaebum even more.

“Me?” Jaebum asked, cautiously getting closer to him but stopping as soon as Jackson shook his head silently telling him to not get any closer, he needed space, he didn’t want to be near the other male at the momento “I-I came here on time Jackson, you came in-” Times when Jaebum stuttered were really rare, the leader tried to never show he was that nervous or uncomfortable, the fact that he was stuttering right now only meant the situation was being overwhelming for him.

“SHE’S GONE!” Jackson roared. Jaebum jumped scared at his loud voice, a sound full of pain and sadness. Suddenly all his strength abandoned his body, causing his knees to give up. The words he just pronounced brought his anxiety back, it made all the pain stronger “She’s gone” He repeated lowly this time.

Jaebum didn’t dare to move. 

Looking down at his boyfriend Jaebum felt the pain radiating from Jackson’s body for the first time, he tried thinking of something to say, his mouth opening but closing after a few seconds when no words had came out of it. What did he mean when he said you were gone? Did something happen to you while he was at the dorms? 

“Jackson I don’t know what’s going on” He answered honestly, kneeling down on his post to be at the same height level as Jackson, he kept their distance though not wanting to overwhelm the other male again “I really really am lost here” Jackson glanced up at him, attempting to hold the sobs that were threatening to get out of his chest.

“She’s gone” He said again, shaking his head as he looked down at this own hands. Jaebum waited but Jackson didn’t say something else, he seemed to be stuck on that, as if he didn’t want to keep explaining what had happened.

“Can you...Explain to me what happened?” Jaebum tried again, being patient with the other male. He rested his back against the big mirror in the room, keeping his eyes on Jackson as he also kept the distance between them to avoid getting snapped at again. Not that he didn’t deserve it, Jaebum knew he had been an asshole the previous day and his behaviour was probably one of the reasons that pushed you to take whatever stupid decision you took. “Take it easy, we’re not in a rush here”

“We woke up” He muttered quietly, the more time passed the worse Jackson’s anxiety seemed to get, he could barely breathe without wincing. Jackson had always thought he understood the feelings Jaebum explained whenever he wrote a songs about heart breaks, about losing a person you loved but now that he was the one feeling it, it felt as a completely different story. “She was worried about you, so we wanted to check up on you after taking a shower” Jaebum sighed relief when Jackson included himself, using the word ‘we’ instead of saying that only you wanted to check if he was alright after spending the night away “By the time I got out of the shower she was already gone” His voice broke again, Jackson’s eyes filled up with tears that started rolling down his cheeks before anybody could stop them “She left a note, I-I broke it, I just don’t know what happened, she seemed so happy, so calm this morning” He sighed shakily, groaning quietly when the pain in his head only became worse “I would have never imagined...I….I should have noticed something was wrong”

“She is pretty good when it comes to hiding things from us” Jaebum said with a small sad smile, sliding himself closer to Jackson once he was almost sure the other male wasn’t that mad at him. Jackson was just frustrated and hurt, he needed your comfort and you weren’t here to give him to him. You had always compared Jackson with a needy puppy and Jaebum could have never agreed more with you as he looked into his eyes, he looked like those abandoned puppies their owners leave on the streets. “We’ve never found her secret place where she hid our Christmas presents or the stuff she bought for our birthday” Jaebum felt his eyes becoming watery, he quietly reached out to grab Jackson’s hand gently, squeezing it softly “Don’t blame yourself for it, if she had in mind a plan to run away without us finding out then she would have done it sooner or later”

“We need to bring her back” Jackson’s determined voice broke Jaebum’s heart, what he was saying would be an incredibly difficult task but the guys, with a little help from their friends, would hopefully bring a way to bring you back. You belonged with them “She belongs with us” Jackson spoke Jaebum’s thoughts out loud and it only made the other male squeeze his hand tighter, holding back his tears. Jaebum felt guilty for everything and if one way to fix this would be being strong for Jackson and pulling him up from his depressing mood he would do it, Jaebum would fight for it without hesitation.

“We’ll bring her back, we will find a way to do it”

                       ----------------------------------------------------------------

Jinyoung sat by himself as he drank some warm, sugary coffee. His eyes were glued to his phone as he scrolled through the news, reading some articles and ignoring some of them. His mind kept drifting to Jackson’s behaviour and he could only assumed you finally listened to all the explanations he gave you and decided to step away from your horrible relationship before things got too bad for you. 

His thumb kept mindlessly scrolling as he thought about what would happen now. Would Jaebum and Jackson break up too? Would he finally have the chance to fix things with Jaebum?

Right as Jinyoung’s eyes drifted down to his phone screen he saw a few pictures of Jackson had been taken, walking out of his apartment with his cheeks tear stained and he almost choked on his coffee, surprised somebody had managed to capture the moment. It probably had been a paparazzi that had been following him, somebody who had been waiting for the perfect picture to start some rumours.

Well, guess what?

Jinyoung could help, he might or might know the exact reason why Jackson had been crying but he had an idea of who caused this mess.

Scrolling down the page he saw a section to send anonymous messages, somewhere you could send some information without your name being shown. It was the perfect opportunity, this was exactly what the three of you needed to stop loving each other and focus on your own personal lives. Jinyoung wouldn’t give details.

But your secret was going to be leaked.

                       ----------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, almost when the day was over, you were walking back to your motel room from the store. You felt like shit and had decided to spend some of your money on a bunch of ice cream, different chocolates and sweets. Fuck the diet, your anxiety was over the roof and you needed to eat some sugar before it got out of control.

Humming to distract your mind from your horrible break up thoughts, you took out your phone just to realize you had a bunch of missed calls, unread messages and your social media was about to explode with some many people interacting with you.

You didn’t have time to clear the situation. Fans had already found you.

“Isn’t that the bitch?”

‘The bitch?’ You thought confused, frowning but willing to avoid problem you decided it was better to just walk away and ignore whatever was going on.

They obviously thought different.

Somebody pushed you hard enough to make your ass meet the ground painfully, you weren’t given the chance to look at your attacker since somebody pulled your hair from behind so hard that you closed your eyes in pain.

“Where do you think your going, whore?”

[taexual]

Rear View / WinWin x Reader

You aren’t able to juggle your studies, work, and a boyfriend at the same time, so Sicheng tries to put you both out of the misery of a neglected relationship.

pairing: Sicheng x Reader

warnings: ANGST! + strong language

words: 3.2k

disclaimer: please let me know if the gif belongs to you so i can give proper credit

ANON REQUEST: Hi my dear, could I request a NCT Winwin angst, the scenario can be anything you want!

Sicheng has never been in a similar situation before. He’s seen you late plenty of times in the two years that the two of you had dated, but it’s been over forty minutes now and you showed no signs of arriving at the restaurant that he was waiting for you in. You weren’t even answering your phone and he didn’t know whether something had happened to you or if you just forgot.

“Would you like to order, sir?” the waiter asked for the fifth time that night, trying not to show his impatience. Sicheng didn’t blame him, there were people waiting for a table and he was occupying one without bringing any profit.

“One minute,” he told the waiter, trying to give him an apologetic smile as he got his phone out to send you another text message. “I’m very sorry.”

“It’s alright,” the waiter replied, no longer sounding as polite as he did the first few times he’d tried to take his order.

After receiving no response from you yet again, – Sicheng didn’t know why he was still expecting you to reply, to be quite honest, – he sighed heavily before he finally gathered his things, left a lot more money than the glass of water he’d ordered cost, and walked out of the restaurant before the waiter could return.

He debated heading straight home but then he realized that he couldn’t live with himself if something had happened to you and he didn’t check, so he decided to go to your place first. It was likely that you were just busy working but he wasn’t willing to take the chance of the reason for your disappearance being something else.

Unsure if he was about to be disappointed or terrified, he rang your doorbell. He rang it again twenty seconds later just to be sure but the door wouldn’t open. It was clear that you weren’t home and yet Sicheng was still too concerned to leave so he dialed the phone number of your closest friend and co-worker. If she’d tell him you weren’t at work, he’d head straight to the police station.

“Sicheng?” your friend picked up on the first ring and, for the first time in his life, he was almost relieved to hear another girl’s voice.

“Yes, hi,” he said. “Listen, uh, have you seen my girlfriend today?”

“I—of course, she’s across the room from me,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We’ve been working overtime the past few nights because our boss is a huge dick – but you know that – and I think her phone might have died. Is everything okay? Do you want to talk to her?”

“No,” he said with no hesitation. His mind decided to fill his entire being with unavoidable disappointment and he wasn’t sure if he could bear hearing your voice right now. He felt almost pathetic, really, so he chose not to reveal how long he’d waited for you at that restaurant, “can you tell her I’ve canceled the reservation? I tried to call her to tell her before but—”

“The reservation?” your friend interrupted and judging from the silence that followed, Sicheng concluded that she was looking at the calendar. “Oh my God, it’s your anniversary tonight!”

“Yeah, uh—”

“What?” Sicheng heard your voice in the background of the call. “What day is it today?”

“I have to go,” he said, his voice rushed. “Tell her that I have some stuff I need to do, so I, uh… I might be unavailable today, okay? Thank you.”

“Maybe I should—”

He hung up before your friend could say anything else – or worse, pass the phone to you – and headed towards the elevator and then out of your building.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go home because he knew he’d spend the remaining night thinking of you and what was left of your relationship. He’d beat himself up and probably end up calling you in the middle of the night. Not to mention, he knew you might show up, guilt-ridden and teary-eyed, and he’d forget you everything as soon as he saw your tears.

So, needing to get himself together, he gave Yuta a call and then agreed to meet him at the bar of the nearest hotel. Perhaps Sicheng could stay there if he still didn’t feel like going home after a few drinks.

“And she didn’t mention that she was staying late, working?” Yuta asked as the two boys settled down in a booth at the very end of the too fancy of a bar in a hotel downtown.

“No,” Sicheng sighed. He seemed to sigh a lot since his friend got here and the first round of drinks came. They were only on their third now and yet both of their minds seemed to be buzzing. “I know she’s busy. She’s studying, she’s working, she has her family, her friends… but I asked her specifically if she wanted to go for dinner on our anniversary and she said yes.”

“When was this?”

“Two nights ago,” he said. “I made the reservations in advance, of course. I would have canceled if one of us wasn’t able to go. I wouldn’t have been pissed if she said she couldn’t make it or anything, it’s just—it’s shit now because she said she’d be there.”

Sicheng didn’t mean to make it sound as if he was annoyed he spent so much money and time on getting that restaurant reservation but Yuta understood. He knew you both well enough to understand that the two of you rarely ever worried about superficial things like money when it came to each other.

“Did you talk to her today?” Yuta asked.

“She texted me before she left for work,” Sicheng replied. “It was just a usual good morning text, though. I’m sure she doesn’t even feel herself texting me anymore, it’s become a habit. I replied, wanting to make sure she was really able to come tonight and she never answered. I called a few times, but I heard nothing back. Obviously, I didn’t want to stand her up, so I went to the restaurant anyway, thinking that maybe she’d show up after all, but…”

Yuta sighed, finishing his glass. “I’m sorry, man. This sucks.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng agreed, responding to his sigh with one of his own, but not finishing his drink just yet. With every glass he emptied, he could feel his stomach fill with an undesirable sense of sorrow that no amount of alcohol could drown. “I don’t know what to do. She’s probably worried now that she’s realized what’d happened.”

“Well, are you mad at her?” his friend tried to ask, hoping to help him understand his feelings better but, really, Sicheng had no clue what he was feeling.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “If I say I am, it’ll seem unfair: as if I don’t understand how busy she is while she's been putting up with my schedule just fine.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever left her hanging like this, though.”

“No, but—” Sicheng sighed again. “Does it matter? I’m not mad at her for not showing up. I’m… I’m mad because it doesn’t feel like we have a relationship anymore.”

“Have you felt like this for a long time?” Yuta asked.

“I think so,” he answered, uncertainty evident in every word he said. “I think I just pushed the thoughts that something was wrong away, you know? I didn’t want to admit it to myself but now it’s loud and clear. The last time we’ve gone out together–just the two of us–was two months ago. We talked on the phone a month ago. We just… text. Sometimes.”

“How have you gone so long without talking to her about this?” Yuta continued. He might have suspected that there were problems in your and Sicheng’s relationship but he wasn’t aware of how bad it really was.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Sicheng said. “I want things to go back to what they used to be. We’ve been together for a long time. We’ve gotten to know each other really well. She’s one of my closest friends but… it feels like I don’t know her at all anymore.”

Raising his hand to order another round of drinks, – tonight was going to be a long night, – Yuta patted Sicheng’s thigh, no longer wanting to ask him anything else because he could tell that Sicheng didn’t need any more questions. He was looking for answers.

“You’re going to have to talk to her eventually,” Yuta told him.

“I know that,” Sicheng agreed, his mind already conjuring up the image of you crying as he tried to confront you. He wasn’t sure if he could put either of you through this. “I-I just don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t want to be the third person here, so I can’t help you with that,” Yuta replied. “But honesty is usually the best policy. Especially in relationships.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng located his phone and absentmindedly tried to check the time before he realized that he’d turned his phone off, wanting to avoid all that was inevitable for just one night.

It hurt him to know that you were probably worrying about missing the date but he couldn’t dismiss all that happened and say that it’s fine, and he didn’t feel like arguing tonight, either. He needed some time.

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” Sicheng decided and felt his chest contract painfully as he continued, “I feel like I’ll break both of our hearts and I don’t think either one of us is ready for that.”

Even though he’d lost count of how many times the waiter stopped by their booth last night, Sicheng didn’t blame the hangover for his headache. He knew it wasn’t the night out that was causing him pain that no amount of aspirin could get rid of.

The clock barely showed nine on a Sunday morning and, even though Sicheng couldn’t remember falling asleep, he didn’t feel tired in the slightest. He was anticipating what was to come and chose to stop delaying the confrontation with you by turning his phone back on. Missed calls and text messages from you immediately poured in. He was surprised that his phone hadn’t died yet, despite being turned off.

However, before he got a chance to open a single text, he heard a knock on his door. He didn’t have to ask who it was to know. He’s been with you for so long, he could basically feel your presence already.

“Sicheng, please,” your voice behind the door rang through his room. “I know you’re home. I called Taeil, he told me you’d be here.”

Sicheng groaned. He should have warned Taeil not to say anything to you beforehand.

Not having prepared what he was going to say to you once he saw you, Sicheng opened the door and inhaled deeply in a last-ditch attempt to prepare himself for everything that was about to happen.

You looked beautiful. Your eyes were red, you had no make-up on, your hair was everywhere, – clearly, your night was as rough as his, – and he still couldn’t help but feel his heart swell.

He loved you. So much more than he probably should have.

“I’m so sorry,” you said as soon as your eyes met. “God, you have no idea how sorry I am.”

Walking away from the door, he opened it wider. “I think you should come in.”

You were in the middle of another hasty apology but you closed your mouth at the sound of his stern voice and chose to walk into the room instead of saying anything else.

Perhaps your apologies had to wait, Sicheng looked like he had a lot to say to you. However, he did not speak for the first few minutes after he closed the door, the two of you – and the thick, painful silence – being the only ones in the room.

“Have you eaten?” were the first words he finally allowed himself to say.

“No,” you replied. “I’m not hungry.”

He nodded thoughtfully, not quite liking the answer but not having an appropriate response to it ready. It was difficult to switch the topic to something that was very literally life-altering, and Sicheng spent a good minute considering if he should just forget all that happened last night – and all the months leading up to it – and just move on. That’d surely spare you both the pain of having to discuss your relationship.

“We should probably talk,” you ended up saying after he stayed quiet. “I-I’m very sorry about last night.”

“I know,” he said, exhaling slowly as he tried to get his thoughts to stop running through his mind. “I’m sorry, too. I should have called you. I guess I just needed some space.”

“No, I understand,” you said although you didn’t really understand. You nearly ran out of tears last night after you realized what you’d done. You just needed to explain yourself to him and he wasn’t willing to listen. “It’s my fault. I’m very sorry. Work has been overwhelming lately and I have finals coming up, you know what it’s like.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sicheng nodded, sounding understanding but looking distant. “I’m sorry if I’ve put pressure on you by forcing you to make time for me, I—”

“You’ve never forced me to do anything,” you disagreed and, although he stopped talking, you could tell that he wasn’t hearing you. “I want to spend every minute of every day with you, you know that. I just—I can’t right now.”

“I get it,” he said. “Maybe you need a break. From me. From… us.”

It was easy to say it, after all. The difficult part was looking at you after the words left his lips.

He felt like he wasn’t being fair by staring at the floor, though, so he dared to look up at you and immediately started to wish he hadn’t done that. You looked almost feverish. Your red eyes glistened under the flourescent lights of his room and your entire body was starting to shake.

“Are you saying we should break up?” you asked slowly, every word twisting the knife Sicheng had inserted into both of your hearts deeper.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, choosing to follow Yuta’s advice and be as open and honest with you as it was possible. Perhaps you two could find a solution together because, clearly, dating wasn’t really working for you. “I don’t know what the right thing to do here is. I’ve never been in a similar situation before.”

“Well, I haven’t either,” you replied, not noticing how high-pitched your voice was getting. “But I’m sure that breaking up is rarely ever the right choice.”

“What is, then?” Sicheng asked. “We don’t see each other anymore. And you know I’m not exaggerating. Last time I saw you was when I brought you lunch two weeks ago. And I only got to hang out with you for ten minutes. I can barely even remember our last  proper date because it was so long ago.”

You found this rather unfair.

“I wait for you,” you said, unsure what would come first – the anger or the tears. “Every time you’re busy, I wait for you. We’ve gone months without seeing each other when you’re promoting. What’s different now?”

“Everything!” he countered. “It was never like this. We talked on the phone every night when I was away. We stayed awake long enough to Facetime with each other even if we were in different timezones. None of that is happening right now.”

“I-I don’t have the ti—”

“I know!” Sicheng said and then lowered his voice when he noticed the first tears fall from his eyes. It took him everything to restrain himself from crossing the room and wrapping his arms around you. “I don’t blame you. I don’t think you’re doing this on purpose. I know you’re busy. And that’s exactly why I feel like we need a break.”

You shook your head, wiping the tears away from your cheeks. “There’s no such thing as ‘a break.’ It’s just a prequel to a break-up.”

“Okay,” he nodded, biting his lip as he looked away from you, his heart tearing itself apart inside of his chest. “So be it.”

You sniffled, trying to keep the tears in. A part of you saw this coming – every night you spent alone, counting the hours and then the days since you’ve last seen your boyfriend, you had a feeling your relationship was headed towards its end – but his words still seemed to take you by surprise. Evidently, you couldn’t really prepare yourself for an end to one of the most important chapters of your life.

“So, this is it?” you asked quietly, not finding enough strength in yourself to put up a fight because, deep inside, you knew you’d have been fighting for a lost cause. “We’re giving all of this up?”

“I love you,” Sicheng said closing his eyes as the next words burned his throat, “but I don’t think there’s anything left to give up anymore.”

You couldn’t look away from him – your eyes were glued to him as if you were afraid that this would become real as soon as you looked away – but tears were slowly starting to cloud your vision, bringing you back to the cruel reality: your relationship had fallen apart and there were no words—no apologies—that could have saved it. If relationships had an expiration date, yours was already way past it.

Admitting that you were essentially powerless against time and could not go back to the old days when everything was still fine—when both of you still managed to find time for each other—was the most difficult thing you’ve ever had to do. You’d never wish for anyone to give up when all they wanted to do was fight because your entire being hurt from the utter helplessness.

“I’m sorry,” you said for the last time, “I should have tried harder.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Sicheng agreed, his eyes losing its shade and slowly turning empty. “Maybe the timing wasn’t right for us.”

“Is it ever?” you asked, trying to smile and failing miserably. You had a feeling you weren’t going to genuinely smile in a long time after you left. “Time isn’t very generous with perfect opportunities.”

“That’s true,” he said. “But I still hope for an opportunity to see you again.”

The hidden meaning of his words was that he was hoping for another chance with you. Perhaps neither of you would grow out of this love. Perhaps your love could endure the test of time and allow you to try this again.

Or perhaps both of your hearts were so desperate for any kind of comfort that they were willing to believe anything.

“Yeah,” you said. “Maybe we’ll get lucky for once.”

Silence – so cold and unfamiliar – seemed to engulf you both when there was nothing left to be said. The only noise in the room was the sound of your heart tearing itself in two and leaving one half of it on the floor of Sicheng’s room. You’d never ask for it back.

“I love you,” he reminded you as you headed for the door. His voice broke as he spoke, the change in octave stomping on your already exhausted heart. “Despite everything. I really do.”

“I know,” you whispered, not turning around to face him anymore. “I love you, too.”

You knew that we all got only one shot at first love and you were afraid that this was the only bullet life had given you. You’ve made your shot already. It took two years for the bullet to travel – and it never reached the target.

You didn’t know if you’d ever get a chance at another shot again because you’d wasted this one. You didn’t know how long it’d take for you to fix the damage you’ve done. How long it’d take for you to mend your broken heart. To stop loving him.

It was ironically sunny on the worst Sunday of your life and your eyes were the ones that provided the rain, attempting to wash away the truth: the once promising future with your first love had ended before it even began.

[drarry-with-a-side-of-harry]

Journey into the MCU XII

Avengers: Endgame

I just watched Endgame. Part of me doesn’t even know what to say. Some bits were brilliant and exactly what I wanted them to be and then some bits were just... a bit shit?

Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. Whenever something happened I was screaming ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT’ you know, in the best way :) ...But... I had to love it, you know what I mean? Seriously though, don’t really know what the shit I just watched (in a good way lol)

So, I love the fact that it started with Clint - that already got me crying (the first of the 41 instances of crying due to this film and probably the fact that I’m hormonal lmao). I adored Tony and Nebula’s interaction playing the game in space and I was like ‘Ah shit here we go again he’s adopting another one’ lol. I honestly had no idea how they were going to get back to Earth until That Bitch™ turns up - I actually waaaaay prefer Carol in this film to Captain Marvel!!!

STEVE RUNS TO TONY WHEN THE SHIP LANDS! I CAN’T! HE’S BY HIS SIDE BEFORE PEPPER EXCUSE YOU BITCH WHAT!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH

I love them so much :’) sorry I’ll stop

Tony’s whole ‘zero zip nada no trust liar’ just. Wow. Very well done to both RDJ and Evans because that’s improvised right? I love!

I really like Thor, Protector of Lesbians and That Bitch’s interaction. Instantly a yes from me.

I enjoyed Thor’s desperation at just slicing that purple twat’s head off.

I’m trying to do this chronologically but I’m gonna start fucking up. Whatever.

I HATE what they did to Bruce. I wanted to see Bruce Banner being distraught and instead they wrote in all this unnecessary humour which personally I didn’t think was too funny maybe because I was too mad and made him permanently green?? Excuse me? The Russos have gotta be clowning right? The dared do THIS to the strongest avenger? Fuck off honestly. Think about what that man has been through - tried to kill himself and this is the treatment he gets?! No.

I like the fact that Thor is depressed because that was a natural decline. And I mean, he was depressed waaay before 2023 right? He has lost EVERYTHING and can’t really relate to anyone else because most of his loss was different, but he manages to maintain some of the humour we see from him in Ragnarok, HOWEVER I feel like the Russos were just trying too hard to make the humour happen and it just didn’t feel right?

LOVE THE FACT THAT THEY GOT OUT OF THE ‘OH SCOTT’S STUCK IN THE QUANTUM REALM’ PLOT HOLE WITH A RAT SCURRYING ACROSS THE CONTROLS. BITCH. I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT THAT. THAT’S JUST ICONIC.

Also, Tony Stark really is one of the best dads, huh? Along with Mr. Lang of course. AND NEITHER OF THEM GOT TO SEE THEIR KIDS GROW UP SORRY MORE ON THAT LATER.

I understand that Tony wasn’t on board at first, despite being a bit annoyed at him being selfish, I got it. And then bitch gets on board and everything’s happy for 20 minutes.

The Time Heist was ICONIC aND no one can tell me otherwise!!! Honestly just the fact that it was called the time heist and it was Scott’s plan and Scott is still tHE biggest fanboy - we stan.

I knew about the time travel shit before watching and thought they were gonna fuck it up because time travel is difficult with regard to not just going ‘so now we’re gonna go back and fix everything, job done’ but I actually think they did a pretty good job and did well explaining how *this version* of time travel was gonna work.

I really enjoyed Bruce’s interaction with the Ancient One and when she realises there must be a problem in the future if Stephen saved Tony’s life for the stone.

STEVE, TONY AND SCOTT WERE EVERYTHING AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THESE GUYS BACK IN 2012!!! I love Tony making Scott induce a heart attack. ICONIC. I live for the fact that we see all this sort of ‘behind the scenes’ action of The Avengers 2012 and the stuff that happened after the event and the ins and outs of everything. I will NEVER be over these whole shenanigans!!!!! I already knew about Cap V Cap but nOTHING could’ve prepared me for tHAT. This will be a continuing theme lol. I had no idea the whole ‘that is America’s ass’ thing actually happened jfc. SIDE NOTE: Tony really does say ‘I forgot that suit did nothing for your ass Cap’ bITCH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA why you looking though you bi little shit lmao I’m not sorry. Steve whispering Hail Hydra was iconic and I was screaming ‘FUCK YEH BITCH FUCK EM UP NOW THEY DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON HELL YEAH STEVE!!!!!!’ and at first I was like ‘wait, are they gonna recreate the CATWS elevator fight sequence?’ and then they did tHAT. ICONIC. And then I also knew that they go back further because I knew Tony met Howard and I knew about Dr. Potts and Capt. Stevens (lol) BUT NOTHING COULDVE PREPARED ME FOR THAT EITHER!!!! That shit got me FUCKED aND he hUGged him! He hugged his dad! I was! Not ready! For that!

Anyway so their time heist was really nice and I loved it so much it was everything I could’ve hoped for.

Thor and Frigga’s interaction I thought was really nice and she MUST know by the way he’s talking that in his future, the near future, she’s dead. I just find it so lovely and she completely restores Thor’s confidence in himself.

NOW

CLINT AND NAT

ABSOLUTELY NOT

That totally fucked me up. I knew Nat died at Vormir but turns out it didn’t matter that I already knew because nothing could’ve prepared me for that either.

For one, they hint at it quite a bit after they’ve finalised the plan - you know, that someone’s gonna go there and die. Nebula knows and we know that whoever’s going to Vormir ain’t coming back - well, one of them. oops

Secondly, I had no idea that they *playfully* fought it out to decide who it was gonna be and I was sOBBING from the moment they got to Vormir till- uhhh- well tbh it never stopped but you get the point. The whole fact that Nat realised that *this* was her purpose and after what Clint had been doing for the last five years, he thought he was too far gone and didn’t deserve his family anymore, even if they could get them back. It just totally fucked me up. That was one of my favourite scenes.

Sad Steve. AHHHH.

Then a whole load of shit happens and Thanos learns about the plan. I like the way Thanos talking about his future self is written, so kudos to the writers on that one!

I also appreciate the fact that there’s no delay between Thanos, Squidward and the rest of his crew coming to the future and the fight. That’s it. All of a sudden we’re straight into it! Great!

AHHHHHHH so now it’s time for The Big Three to confront Thanos and I just LOVE this sequence so much I honestly can’t express it and I was so so sooooo hoping that I would see these three on their own (plus purple numpty of course). At this point Thanos is just completely psycho because he wants to destroy the universe and create a new one which is an addition I really like - creates a new sense of urgency I suppose.

In other news, Steve Rogers is worthy! Which I love because somewhere around CATWS I started stanning this bitch!

Dr. Strange’s portals? ICONIC. Hotel? TRIVAGO.

Peter’s back and his and Tony’s whole interaction and hug had me in fucking tears jesus fUCKING christ nope. That shit hurt. THAT IS HIS SON RIGHT THERE. FUCK.

RIGHT.

TONY MOTHERFUCKING STARK.

The fact Stephen knows - has known for 5 years - what must happen.

The look on both their faces when Tony realises.

Nope.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Made me wanna die.

Then he does it. Fuck. I’m completely fucked now. Thanks. And then Peter’s by his side and Peter’s whole speech while Tony’s just dYING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT. I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE HURT LIKE THIS. AND RHODEY. AND PEPPER. AND PEPPER HAS TO PULL PETER OFF. NOPE.

THEN they dare just cUT TO THE FUNERAL??!!?!

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Get the fuck out honestly.

Tony’s recording. No.

The placing of everyone at the funeral was just perfect. The funeral was just beautiful in general tbh. The Proof That Tony Stark Has A Heart on the flowers. HARLEY!!!!!!! NO.

AND MORGAN WANTED CHEESE BURGERS JFC HAPPY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST UNCLE WOW!!!

Did I know Tony Stark was gonna die? Yes I did. I would’ve had to leave Tumblr to not have found out. There’s only so much that tagging can hide and you see something that hints at it and then you see a quick gif and then you just know, you know?

Did it prepare me? Fuck no.

Now, Steve.

What tHE ACTUAL FUCK?

What was that?

I’m not buying it.

Love the fact he passed Cap onto Sam, but to spend the rest of his life with Peggy? Fuck no. Some girl he knew too seconds vs spending the rest of his life with his BEST FRIEND who was irreplaceable. Fuck off. Bucky’s face throughout the whole sequence. The poor man was fucking devastated. And I’m writing this from a canon perspective because I’m all for stucky you know? Then I asked my self: ‘How could Steve do that?’ Conclusion: he couldn’t and he wouldn’t - the writers were playing silly games and none of us, none of us are buying it.

Did I know all this was gonna go down? Yes. Was I prepared? No.

Not for Bucky’s fucking face jfc. All they got was a line and a quick hug. They were BEST FRIENDS. I honestly can’t stress that enough. Wow.

The deleted scenes. Of course I have watched them aND WHY IN THE SHIT WERE THEY DELETED??? Russos are fucking clowns!!!! They all fucking kneeled for him and that was cut? You having a laugh mate?! And Gerald the Alpaca was cut because??? The extra Howard and Tony didn’t make the cut? Excuse you? Tony’s talking about how he doesn’t think he’s done enough, and then he goes and does the aBSOLUTE MOST???? :’) fuck. And uhhh Rhodey having the ONLY brain cell in the avengers with the whole ‘well you coulda jumped out the plane beforehand Cap’ lmaooo brilliant!!!

So they may be deleted but let me tell you, they released them so now they’re fucking canon.

So in conclusion, did I know all the major spoilers before watching this film? Yes because I wasn’t going to be a tumblr hermit, but managed to pretty successfully ignore them until today. SO WAS I PREPARED? FUCK NO!

Surprisingly I LOVED Clint in Endgame - not that I didn’t like him before but I just really respect how broken he is in this. His family. Nat. It really adds up and I really enjoyed what they did with his character.

I did really love it generally but just wasn’t entirely happy with some of the character choices - because they seemed pretty damn out of character! There’s development over 5 years of not having seen them, and then... there’s... some other situations.

Would I have enjoyed it more not knowing any spoilers? Completely! But I wasn’t gonna stay clear of Tumblr for 4 months lol.

Main thing I will take away from watching this. I miss Tony Stark so much and love him so much. And no I will not shut up about it. And was I crying for a good hour after the film ended and then some whilst I was watching the extra content? Maybe.

Also I’m so emotional that this is IT for Downey and Chris. Wow. Ok I’m done :’)

[thismanateelovestowrite]

Spoiling tired Eunwoo

Thanks for requesting! ^^ I would like to apologize for the long delay in me posting this >< I hope you still find this enjoyable despite how long you had to wait for it! And, once more, I’m really sorry~ 

omg kill me i’m so soft for that gif T-T

Words: 1382

Fluff with some cheese

Requested by anon ♥

You crossed your arms, your lips curving to form a smile. Dongmin looked shabby wrapped up in his blanket, to say the least. You felt bad for him since he was sick but you couldn’t help but giggle at the sight in front of you.

He only whined with a pout.

“I’m sorry,” you stepped inside the dorm and closed the door behind you before turning around to look at him again. “You just look so cute.”

“I don’t feel cute,” he said with a voice that made it obvious that he had a cold.

He waddled to the living room like a little penguin and you watched him while taking your shoes off. You giggled silently and walked in to the kitchen with the big plastic bag that was filled with food. You had stopped by the grocery store nearby before coming to the dorm.

“Are the others practicing?” you asked with a loud voice and started to place the items in the bag to the fridge that was empty as always.

You heard him hum in response. “Hyung told me to just rest for a few days,” he said in the living room, referring to the group’s manager. “I don’t feel like it, though. I mean, I’m sick, yeah, but we have so much to do and I feel like I’m just being a burden to the others.”

“Nonsense,” you said and closed the fridge after emptying the plastic bag. “Everyone gets sick sometimes.”

The dorm became silent for some time. You started preparing food - noodles - since you knew it would make him feel better. With that in mind, you planned on making the best noodles he had ever tasted.

“What are you doing?” you could hear his voice ask when you opened the first bag of noodles.

“Cooking,” you answered.

You had also bought some snacks and chocolate for him. Just the thought of him getting happy over the food you had bought made you smile widely. It made you feel warm inside, the thought of possibly being able to make him feel better.

Some time passed in silence once again. You prepared the noodles with care. When you had placed the instant noodles inside the pot along with seasoning and spices, you placed the lid over it.

Now just wait for a bit.

You turned around just in time to see Dongmin appear in the doorway of the kitchen. He had left his blanket somewhere.

“I’m sorry for making you come over,” he mumbled and walked over to you.

You shook your head with a smile. “I don’t mind at all. I’m actually quite happy about this situation since it gave us a chance to see each other,” you said. “You’re so busy these days…” you pouted ever so slightly.

He looked apologetic.

“But don’t worry!” you said before he could say anything. “I know that your career is important to you and just so you know, you have my total support.”

He looked a little hesitant but eventually smiled. Seeing that, you couldn’t help but give his cheek a quick peck before turning around to check on the noodles.

“I’ll set the table,” he said and you hummed in approval.

So, he started setting the table while you made sure that the noodles didn’t get overcooked. When you figured that they were almost done, you grabbed the pot and walked over to the table with it. Dongmin had put down a potholder on the table and you placed the pot on top of it.

You both sat down and started eating. For you, the main point wasn’t eating. You had already eaten before coming over so you weren’t too hungry. Besides, you enjoyed watching him eat much more anyway. And, he got some extra food.

“At times like these,” he started after finishing the food. “I’m really thankful that I have you in my life.”

“At times like these? You don’t at other times?” you teased him.

“You know what I meant,” he said. “And I’m serious.”

You smiled. “No need to get too emotional,” you told him. “I already know you love me.”

He looked amused by your statement and you chuckled before getting up. You took the dishes to the sink and were about to start washing them but he interrupted you.

“Let’s wash those later,” he said and you gave him a look.

“Isn’t it easier to just get it done now?” you asked.

He shook his head. “No.”

You looked at him. “Okay then, I guess.”

His lips curved into a smile and yours did the same when you looked at him. He turned around to walk into the living room and you followed him.

“Should we watch a movie?” he asked and walked over to the TV.

“Sure,” you agreed with a smile.

You two took a good fifteen minutes trying to decide on what to watch. You had both seen all the movies they had so it was a little hard to decide which one to watch again. In the end, you two decided to randomly choose one movie and watch that.

You cuddled next to each other on the old couch in the living room and hid yourselves under a big soft blanket. At first Dongmin was against the idea since he was a little worried about you ending up with the cold but you insisted. You didn’t mind.

“Doesn’t this seem like a scene from a movie?” you asked him when the movie was just about to start.

He hummed. “Kind of.”

You both smiled at each other and the movie started.

***

You played with Dongmin’s hair. His head was resting on your lap and you found it entertaining to play with the strands of his hair that stuck out from the rest of his slightly messy hair. He had fallen asleep about mid-way through the movie. You kept watching the movie by yourself while playing with his hair.

The atmosphere was calming and warm. You hadn’t felt that genuinely happy in a while.

This guy sure makes me happy.

You smiled warmly while thinking about how happy you were with Dongmin. Despite not being able to see each other very often and having occasional fights, the relationship felt right. It felt special in a way.

“Is the movie over yet?” he asked with a sleepy voice.

“No,” you smiled. “It’s a long one, remember? You fell asleep last time too and you weren’t even sick.”

He smirked. “Oh, yeah, I guess I did.”

There was a short silence. You placed your hand on his forehead. It felt a little warmer than usual but it wasn’t hot.

“What’s the diagnosis, doctor?” he asked jokingly.

“You’ll live,” you played along.

He chuckled.

“I assume you’re feeling a little better?” you started playing with his hair again.

“I don’t mean to sound cheesy but yes I am and that’s all thanks to you,” he opened his eyes and you cringed a little, causing him to giggle.

You both started focusing on the movie again, knowing it would end soon. You didn’t get to watch it till the end though as someone entered the dorm ten minutes before the end credits. You turned to look who it was while Dongmin kept watching the movie, still resting his head on your lap.

“Oh, hi,” Bin greeted you with a smile while passing by, on his way to his bedroom.

“Did you guys practice hard?” you asked as the rest of the members slowly came in too.

“Don’t we always?” Sanha asked and you smiled.

“I guess you do.”

“Hyung are you feeling better?” Minhyuk asked.

“A lot,” Dongmin said, still not taking his eyes off the TV screen.

“And he said it’s all thanks to me,” you couldn’t help saying it.

You wanted to share the cheesiness with the rest.

The guys each cringed, accompanied with sounds of disapproval. One by one, they all soon disappeared in to their rooms.

“They felt it in their souls,” Dongmin chuckled.

“No doubt,” you giggled.

And so, you two spent the rest of the day lounging around in the living room, getting weird glances from the members when they passed by the living room. Every time it happened, you two just giggled in amusement.

[d-s-winchester]

Unglued

(gif credit to the creators)

Part One - Drink A Beer

Master List

Pairing: Misha x OFC Word Count: 2,887 Warnings: death, grief, drinking A/N: Here it is, my new Misha series! I know I have like a thousand going but I just can’t stop myself! I’ve been listening to a lot of Luke Bryan (what else is new) and because of that, this was born. Each part will be inspired by one of his songs. Title comes from Drink A Beer by Luke Bryan. If you’d like to be tagged let me know! Hope you guys like it! Anyway, feedback for this is awesome! :)

The minute Lucas enlisted in the military Lorelai knew that this could be an outcome. That didn’t make it any easier for her to pull on the black dress that morning, though. She fashioned her long auburn hair into a bun at the nape of her neck before fastening the string of pearls around her throat. Looking herself over in the mirror she let out a sigh, she barely even looked like herself. No amount of concealer could cover the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep since she’d heard the news. A knock on her hotel room door pulled her from her thoughts and she crossed the room to answer it.

 Her father was standing there, looking as bad as she did - if not worse, giving her a small smile.

 “Ready?” he asked as she moved away from the door to let him in.

 She nodded and slipped her feet into a pair of black pumps. Grabbing her purse from the dresser she followed her father out of the room and out toward the car that was waiting for them. The ride to the church was silent, neither of them knowing what to say. They had spent the better part of the week crying and talking, it seemed like by that point they’d run out of both tears and words.

 When they reached the church and headed toward the front pew it was like Lorelai was operating on autopilot. She accepted the condolences of her family and friends with a fake smile plastered to her face and when the service finally started she sat there, her expression vacant. When it came time for the eulogy she walked up to the podium and read through her carefully written speech without missing a beat. It was as if her mind wasn’t letting her comprehend what was actually happening around her.

 It wasn’t until they reached the cemetery that everything finally seemed to register. It felt as though everything was happening so quickly around her she couldn’t cope. From the twenty-one gun salute, to her father being handed the folded American flag, to watching her brother’s casket being lowered into the ground -- it was all too much for her to handle and she finally broke. The tears were spilling out of her eyes faster than she could even attempt to control them. As she watched the casket sink lower and lower she found herself wishing she convinced him not to enlist, thirty was too young to be gone, twenty-seven was too young to lose her brother.

 Lorelai stood there until the casket was finished being lowered and most of her friends and family had left. She knew she should head back to the car with her father and make her way over to the restaurant for the repast but she felt like she couldn’t move. It took her a few more minutes to muster up the strength she needed to move and once she did she started walking back toward the car. Her father was standing next to the car, talking to her aunt, as she made her way toward him. As she walked she noticed someone leaning against a tree, his hands in the pockets of his suit pants.

 She could remember the last time she saw him as clear as day. It was the summer after Lucas had enlisted and because of that she was spending the summer with her mother in Massachusetts, not sure when the next time she saw her brother would be. Being fifteen had her mother more than apprehensive about letting her go to the party at Lucas’s friend’s house, but wanting her children to spend as much time together as possible she relented and let her go. That party was the last time she’d seen him and it was the last time she’d seen him with Lucas. She hadn’t even known they still kept in touch.

 He noticed her at the same time she noticed him and he pushed himself off the tree and started walking toward her, a small smile on his face. He hadn’t changed much in the twelve years since she’d last seen him. His eyes were still just as blue as she’d remembered them being and his face looked the same -- just slightly older -- with the exception of some stubble adorning it. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. It was the first time she’d genuinely smiled in days and it was refreshing.

 “Dmitri,” she grinned when she finally reached him.

 “Hey, Lore,” he smiled pulling her into a hug, “I’m so sorry.”

 “Thanks,” she said, stepping away from him, “it’s been...rough.”

 “Yeah, it’s been rough for me too.”

 “I had no idea you guys still talked once he left.”

 “Not very often. Whenever he came to see your mom we would grab a drink, nothing too crazy. He’d send me letters occasionally too. Told me to read them to my classes, show them what life in the military was really like.”

 “Sounds like him,” she chuckled. “You teach?”

 “High school US History,” he nodded.

 “That suits you.”

 “Does it?” He chuckled and she nodded.

 She went to say something else when she heard her father calling for her. She held up a finger to him, indicating that she would be there in a minute and turned back to Misha.

 “Are you coming to the repast?”

 “I wasn’t planning on it but if you want me to…”

 “I do.”

 “Then I’ll be there.”

 She gave him a small smile and told him she’d be seeing him again at the restaurant and walked over to her father.

 “Who were you talking to?” her father asked when they got in the car.

 “Misha Collins.”

 “The boy who lived next door?”

 Lorelai nodded. “He and Lucas were still friends after we moved. Still talked to him after he enlisted, too.”

 The repast went as well as any repast would. Lorelai mingled with the guests and reminisced about all of good times everyone had with Lucas. It was far less depressing than she was anticipating and she was thankful for that. As the day wore on, though, Lorelai found herself wishing it was over already. As the last of the people started to file out of the restaurant she found herself relieved while she talked to Misha.

 “Thanks for coming, Mish.”

 “Of course,” he said, “if there’s anything I can do just let me know. Don’t be a stranger, ok?”

 She nodded and thanked him, promising him she would stay in touch when she overheard her father mentioning the boxes of Lucas’s things still in his house that they had to sort through. Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath.

 “I can help you with that if you want,” Misha suggested, “that way you and your dad don’t need to do it alone.”

 “Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to come out to Tennessee if you don’t have to. I’m sure you’ve got things to do this summer.”

 “I’m on summer break, the only thing I’ve got planned is a short vacation in a few days and it can be delayed. Really, Lorelai, I want to help.”

 She smiled at him, a fresh wave of tears welling up in her eyes.

 “Thank you, Misha, really.”

 “Don’t mention it.”

 She gave him her father’s address and told him she would be heading back there in the morning but wouldn’t start working on the boxes until the day after. He promised her he would be there and hugged her goodbye before going to say goodbye to her father. She watched him leave the building and was more than thankful that he’d been there.

 Lorelai stood in the doorway of her brother’s room, a cup of steaming coffee in her hand, staring at the boxes. She’d gotten to her father’s house a little after seven that morning when he left for work and she’d gone back and forth between staring at the boxes and finding something else to do. It had been hours and she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She hadn’t heard from Misha since the funeral and figured he wasn’t going to be showing up to help her which made it seem that much harder.

 Glancing at the clock told her it was just past noon and she let out a sigh. She knew if she didn’t start soon it was never going to get done, and she’d promised her father she would have them taken care of by the time he got home from work, but every time she took even half a step into the room she found herself backing out again.

 “This is ridiculous, Lorelai,” she muttered to herself shaking her head, “it’s just some boxes. You can do this.”

 She took a long sip from her mug and stepped into the room. Feeling the tears well up in her eyes, for what felt like the thousandth time that day, she stepped out of the room. She turned down the hall and walked back into the kitchen and dumped the contents of her mug down the sink and splashed some cold water on her face. She took a deep breath and dried herself off before turning off the sink.

 Deciding it was now or never she made her way back to Lucas’s room. As she passed the living room she heard the doorbell ring. Taking the doorbell ringing as a sign that the room could wait a little longer she headed toward the front door. Pushing herself up on her tiptoes, she looked through the peephole and saw Misha standing there. Without a second thought she unlocked the door and pulled it open, greeting him with a smile.

 “I was beginning to think you ditched me.”

 “Not at all. I got in later than expected last night and slept through my alarm. Then I felt bad about sleeping through my alarm and figured I better not show up empty handed so I made a stop,” he smiled picking up a case of beer from next to his feet, “thought you might need it with what we’ve got to do today.”

 “You thought right,” she smiled and stepped aside to let him in, “the coffee wasn’t cutting it anymore.”

 “How much have you gotten done?”

 “I haven’t even started,” she sighed, leading him to the kitchen to put the beer in the fridge, “can’t bring myself to do it.”

 Misha gave her a sad smile.

 “Well, good thing I’m here then.”

 He pulled two bottles from the fridge and twisted the tops off before handing one to Lorelai. She smiled at him and lead him through the house to Lucas’s room. Knowing she needed someone else to start the process for her, Misha walked into the room and put his beer down on the dresser before opening the first box.

 “Anything good?” Lorelai asked, leaning against the door frame.

 “Why don’t you come take a look,” he suggested.

 Realizing there was nothing stopping her now, Lorelai walked into the room and knelt down on the floor next to Misha and the open box. The only things in the box were clothes, all things she knew she could give to goodwill. Noticing that the first box hadn’t been so difficult made it easy to move onto the next. Lorelai quickly realized that most of the boxes were clothes and even though she was planning on giving most of them away she found some that she wanted to keep for herself.

 By the time she’d finished her third beer they had cleared most of the boxes. Some of the stuff had been mundane household things, like pots and pans and a coffee maker, and she was grateful that it hadn’t been anything too meaningful. Misha had taken to opening each box first, in an effort to help her keep it together, and it had worked out well so far. While Misha went to grab them each another beer Lorelai took it upon herself to open one of the boxes and as soon as she did she wished she hadn’t.

 Staring at her was her brother’s smiling face. She was standing on his left, her arm around his waist while his was around her shoulders, while Misha was standing on his right using Lucas’s right shoulder as an armrest. The picture was taken the night of that party and the longer she stared at it the more she felt the tears coming. She pulled the picture from the box and set it on the ground next to her before looking at what was underneath it. The next picture was the two of them with both of their parents when she’d graduated from college, it was the last picture of all of them before their mother died.

 Suddenly it felt like the room was closing in around her. Her chest was tightening and she couldn’t breathe. She needed to get out of that room as quickly as possible. As she went to leave Misha appeared in the doorway holding two beers.

 “Lore? You ok?”

 She shook her head. “I can’t.”

 The tears finally started to fall and she pushed past him before running out the back door. Misha walked into the room and looked around to see what had gotten her so upset. When his eyes landed on the pictures on the floor he wished he would have asked her to get the beers. He swallowed down the lump in his throat at the sight of his best friend in those pictures and left the room to go find Lorelai.

 He walked out the back door and scanned the area for her. Across the spacious backyard he saw the dock jutting out into the lake on the back of this property. He could see her sitting at the farthest edge and made his way toward her. When he finally reached her at the end of the dock he stood and watched her for a few seconds, unsure if he should sit down next to her.

 “I’m ok,” she said without even bothering to look back at him.

 “You sure?”

 He took that as his cue to join her and sat down on the edge of the dock, the soles of his shoes just barely touching the water beneath them, and handed her a beer. She took a sip and let out a sigh.

 “No.”

 “I’m here if you want to talk about it.” He offered. “Or if you want to sit here and not say a word I’m good for that too.”

 They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking their beers, before she said anything.

 “The day Luke died I was at work. I haven't been at the firm long and jumping into this whole lawyer thing has been kind of overwhelming to say the least. I was working on going through the transcripts from a deposition when I got the call from my father. I had a meltdown. I know most people go into shock but I didn't, I flipped out. I threw things around my office and everyone thought it had something to do with the case but it was just losing my shit about Luke. The senior partner came in and I was huddled in a ball in the corner sobbing. Today was the first day since it happened that I've felt somewhat normal and then I opened that box and saw the pictures and it was like finding out he was gone all over again. It's just, I know we didn't see each other all that often because of the divorce but he was my best friend and now he's gone. How am I supposed to deal with that?”

 Misha sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before turning to face her. There were fresh tears streaming down her face, her gray eyes completely blood shot, as the gentle breeze blew some stray pieces of hair in her face.

 “I know this doesn't help right now but it will get easier. You learn to move on with your life and live day by day and you'll still think about him and love him but it won't hurt so much.”

 “I know you're right,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes, “it just seems impossible.”

 “I know. It seems impossible for me too.”

 “But you seem like you've got it all together. How do you cope?”

 Misha thought for a second before answering.

 “Ya know, I'm honestly not sure. Sometimes I think about him and it hurts all over again, but I've just managed to convince myself that he's in a better place. I know it's stupid but it's the only thing keeping me sane.”

 “At least I know I'm not alone,” she said managing a small smile.

 “You're never alone, Lore, not while I'm around.”

 “Thanks, Misha. For everything.”

 “Of course,” he smiled and finished off his beer, “how about we go finish going through those boxes, together? If either of us needs to break down we've got each other.”

 She nodded and finished off her own beer. Misha stood and helped Lorelai to her feet before the pair made their way back to the house to finish their impossible task.

[secondstartotheright-imagines]

A Ghost From The Past.

Request from @arabellawolfheart: Hi! How are you? good i hope, can you please do an imagine where the reader and Captain Hook have feelings for each other and are in town (before the curse) and the reader is confronted by her abusive ex that Hook knows about and things go down. Thank you💝

Note: I’m sorry for the delay on writing up this request. I hope it was what you were looking for <3

Killian Jones/Captain Hook x Reader

Words: 1, 754

Warnings: Unwanted attention, abuse, violence....but some fluff too!

Disclaimer: None of the GIFs used are mine so all credit goes to their creators <3

“Oh come on love. I thought you would have been used to this by now.”

An amused chuckle escaped the pirate’s lips as he held your hair back away from your face and waited for you to finish throwing up the contents of your stomach. During the smallest of breaks that your body decided to give you your head turned to face the handsome man long enough to throw a scowl in his direction.

“Seriously Killian? How do you exp-expect….” Nope. The rest of your words refused to leave your lips as you found yourself hurling overboard again. This was beyond awful. You had been through some terrible times in your life but this just took the biscuit. “Are we….Are we nearly at the port yet?”

When you finally felt like every single morsel inside your stomach had made a new home in the sea below you a single hand came up to your lips to wipe any remnants away before you turned to face the amused pirate. You loved the man before you with all your heart, had done for a number of months now, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t irritate you every now and then.

“We are just a few minutes away my sweet.” His hand let go of your hair, allowing your [h/c] locks to fall down over your shoulders, before he placed his good hand against your cheek. The palm of his hand was rough and calloused from all his years on the sea but it still managed to send your heart fluttering within your chest even all these months down the line. “You know….loving a pirate means that you kinda need to love the sea too.”

“I know I just….I’m trying okay? One day maybe I will even get to the point where I long to be on the sea just as you do but it will take time.”

Until you had met him in the tavern you had worked at in the Enchanted Forest you had never even come within 10 feet of the sea and yet now you were living on a ship over 90% of the time….that was a huge change to try and adjust to. But you would do it for him.

“How about I make it up to you? Take you for a couple of drinks in the tavern where we met?”

He rose his hook up to your hair and used it to tuck a few stray strands back behind your ear as his sharp blue eyes locked onto you. You don’t know what it was you had done to deserve the ridiculously handsome man stood before you but you were so very glad to have him.  Growing up you’d never had the best impression of pirates, not when the people in your village had such strong opinions against them all, but he had always been different.

Yes he liked his treasure and he was a force to be reckoned with but he had a love in his heart that no other pirate cared enough about to share with another. He was prepared to put his life on the line for you and that, in your eyes, earned him respect that most pirates didn’t get.

“Okay. I think that could work.”

A smile tugged at your lips as you brought your lips to his. It probably wasn’t the most pleasant of kisses for him given that you had just been throwing up but you didn’t care. You wanted to feel him close to you before his men started to swarm the deck as they neared land.

                                             * * * * * * * * * *

The tavern was about ready to burst with the amount of patrons drinking inside of it and instead of enjoying the time with Killian you found yourself with a frown beginning to make its way onto your face. It wasn’t that the tavern was busy, per say, after all you had spent most of your adult life working in one so you knew all too well how busy they could get, no, the thing that was irritating you beyond belief was the fact that the majority of the people drinking here were the crew mates from the ship….the ones you already had to deal with far more regularly than you would have liked,

“Is this really your way of making it up to me? Bringing your men along on our little date?” Picking up the glass in front of you the remaining drink inside of it didn’t last long as you threw it down your throat before angrily placing the empty glass back down onto the table between the two of you. “I’m getting another drink….I suggest you decide whether you want to spend tonight with me or that rowdy lot because you’re not having both.”

There was no time for him to utter a single word before you stood up out of your chair and headed towards the bar. You would give him until you had finished this next drink to make up his mind – then you were going to leave.

“Another glass of your wine please.”

The owner of the tavern nodded his head in acknowledgement before pouring the drink and handing it to you before turning his attention to the others stood at the bar.

“Having a bad day are we sweetheart?” Your mouth hadn’t even come to rest on the rim of your glass when you heard his voice. The voice you never thought you would have to hear again, the one you had been so convinced you had managed to rid yourself of when you had left with Killian that night. Even now after finding someone you truly loved and who loved you in return it still made you feel sick to the stomach. A feeling which wasn’t made any better when he pulled his stool up so close to you that you could feel his arm brushing up against yours. “Well don’t worry, now you are back where you should be I can change that for you.”

“Get away from me Oliver.”

Your hand tightened around the flute of your glass as you steadied your breathing enough so that he wouldn’t be able to see just how nervous you really were.

“Aw now I know you don’t mean that.” His hand came to rest on your thigh but it wasn’t done gently as his fingertips drove into your skin so hard that even under the couple of layers you had on they were already leaving bruises behind in their wake. “After all we belong together [y/n]. Always have done…..” In a flash his lips were by your ears as his drunken words fell down into your ear. The menacing tone used caused your face to drain of all its colour. “….always will do.”

Your fear soon turned to anger and as it did the grip you had on your glass became so tight that eventually the glass shattered there and then in your hand as your jaw clenched. The broken shards of glass suddenly became very enticing and you didn’t think twice about picking up one of the bigger pieces and turning towards him.

You had been more than ready to use it against him but despite his drunken state he still seemed to be one step ahead of you as you found his hand driving hard into your cheek. He had hit you with such force that your head whipped to the side violently and for a few moments your vision was no more than a few black dots dancing about in your eyes.

“Lay your hands on my lady again and you will find my hook gutting you alive….mate!”

Killian’s angry voice hit your ears and as your vision came back to you properly you turned to see that he had Oliver up against the bar, his hook scraping along his top that hid his stomach underneath, you had seen him angry before but the level he was displaying now was like nothing you had ever seen before. In fact you could have sworn that at one point his eyes turned a deep black.

“Killian, wait.” Your face was stinging like a fire was currently spreading through it but you rested your hand on top of his shoulder anyway to try and bring him back down to a more reasonable level of anger. “I know him. It’s…..It’s Oliver.”

Big mistake.

Telling him the identity of the man before him did nothing to diffuse the situation and the next thing you knew was that Killian’s flesh hand balled up into a fist and made its way into Oliver’s face with a bone crunching force. He was definitely going to be facing a broken nose in the very least….maybe even a broken cheekbone.

“You are never going to touch [y/n] again do you hear me?! She may not allow me to kill you right now but I can tell you this…..if you so much as look at her in the wrong way again I will not hesitate in taking your life.” His face was so close to Oliver’s that a sheet of parchment wouldn’t have even been able to pass between them and the very man who had spent so long beating you, acting like he was so much better than you, was now cowering underneath the man who now had your heart. “I will cut you limb by limb before tossing you to the deadliest Kraken…..and it won’t be done quickly.”

Silence seemed to envelope the whole bar at this moment, everyone’s eyes on the intense confrontation taking place, the only thing breaking it was the sound of water pouring onto the floor. With a slightly perplexed look on your face you looked down towards the floor to see that Oliver’s fear had made him lose control of everything including his own bodily functions.

This delighted Killian to no end and as he stepped away from the terrified man he threw him to the ground so that he landed in his own pee before making his way over to you and quickly carrying you out of the tavern.

“You didn’t need to do that you know. He would have left eventually.”

“Yes I did love.”

As he carried you back to where the Jolly Roger was moored you nestled your head into his chest, listening to the thumping of his heart, and a small gracious smile lit up your bruised face.

“I love you Killian.”

“I love you too [y/n].”

Permanent tag list: @fallenfairy16 @brieflybigwonderland @gayvvarden @sammysgirl1997

[wyre-interactive]

Devlog - April 2017

Finally, it’s here. I’m sorry for the delay.

Now, this month’s devlog is going to be different, primarily because it isn’t just about Overwritten! Yes, that’s right, I did other things! I do this occasionally, however, I’ve never done it since I started devloging.

Mage game animation system

To begin, I’ll talk about the most insignificant thing I’ve done. I wanted to experiment with animating two viewmodel hands separately, similar to Dishonored, for use in a mage game. I don’t intend on doing much more work with said mage game, but I’ll pick up on it at some point. Here are some gifs videos. Yeah, from now on I’m not going to do both gifs and mp4′s, instead, I’ll only do one or the other. Why? Well, it’s very simple, you see, Gyazo changed the way they handle free accounts so I can only access my last 10 captures. For me that’s not enough, and I’m a cheapskate, so I switched to ShareX.

These clips can be up to a minute long. Sometimes, puush’s servers can be a little slow. Sorry about that.

Showing off the dual hand animation system. Each hand is handled individually, meaning that you’re able to use each hand’s animations in any combination.

In this clip, you can see how the system works from the backend. You can very easily change the type of power each hand uses, meaning that you could construct a game where you find and equip powers.

Reformatted: A spinoff horror prequel to Overwritten.

Here’s something more interesting. You probably have no idea what the fuck is going on by that heading, but basically, I’m making an hour long first person horror experience to be released and set before Overwritten. It’ll be free, as you’d expect from an hour long game, but the main purpose of it is to get something out there. I haven’t released a new IP since I did up The Doors To Constantine, so I want to do something.

Reformatted, as aforementioned, will take place before Overwritten. And by before, I mean like it’ll end minutes before Overwritten begins. Can’t reveal much yet though.

One thing I’ve done heaps of work on is lighting and presentation in this game. I’ll start off with a screenshot;

And that’s with SSAO disabled because it tanks the framerate in the Unity editor. Here’s a similar screenshot with SSAO

Now, if you’ve been at all following our devlogs, you’ll be thinking: “Hang on, those textures look awfully similar to the textures we’ve seen in Overwritten”. Well of course they ruddy well are, it’s the same place. “But why is it so dar-” YOU’LL FIND OUT!

Another thing you might remember is a gif featuring screens that looks something like this;

Yeah well, we’ve got a lot of screens in Reformatted, because it’s a horror game and how the fuck else do you tell a story in a sci-fi horror game.

Here are some screens.

We’ve even done a mini operating system in one of them and added a nice animation to show the TAB to return text, oh yeah and we changed the button to TAB so that you can type in the screens.

Even if you haven’t been following our devlogs, you still may have noticed that it looks like whoever’s holding the camera is either drunk or has a thing for falling over during recording.

Basically, the camera is never static. This is also the case in Overwritten, except in Reformatted we’ve turned it from 1 up to 11. It’s almost xenic the amount of swaying that goes on. I don’t think it’s annoying or distracting, but it is intended to be kind of unsettling as opposed to anything else.

Most of what we’ve done with Reformatted is mechanical and atmospheric stuff. What you should know is that it’s going to be an hour dark psychological horror experience that should be played before Overwritten. Overwritten is a different type of game though so... maybe someone will play it on YouTube for you to watch?

Overwritten

Ah yes, the main event that we honestly don’t have much to talk about this month. Most of what we’ve been doing is stuff like world design, story, progression, that sort of thing. There’s not a lot of visual stuff to show for it.

We’re going to overhaul the terrain textures because currently they look kinda off. Again, not much to show.

We’ve been designing the first bit of the game through Reformatted. Again, not much to show that we haven’t already.

What we can show you is how we’ve slightly changed bits of the graphics. The first section looks a lot warmer than it did. We’ve still got a shitton of lens flares, and there are definitely going to be some very cool areas in the game (as in colour, I’m not boasting about my level design).

Here’s a video of walking in that area with max settings minus motion blur because it looks awful at downscaled framerates.

You also might notice that you can now have both mouse movement tilt and strafe tilt on at the same time. More info on what that means in the last devlog. I’m going to dull down some of the tilts too.

Community Spotlight

Richeefer, who a few months ago played The Doors To Constantine, longed for more. And so, on his quest, he discovered the sanctioned jewel that was: Shift.

I’m joking I actually just sent it to him and he decided to play it but ANYWAY HERE’S THE VIDEO!

Indie Spotlight

In these new indie spotlight sections, we’ll put up a game someone else has released (early access included) for you to check out!

This month, you should check out Jalopy! It’s a rogue-lite first person road trip thing featuring a car that you need to repair and upgrade to reach your destination.

http://store.steampowered.com/app/446020/

Enjoy!

That’s all for this month, thanks for reading!