#anyway pray for me. I'm trying to make changes for real this time instead of falling back to negativity and ''I can't'' and

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Pattinson is doing more weird and seemingly effed up scifi and nobody told me?

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Seven Days to Fall Again | Monday | Jeon Jungkook

Inspired by the MV "Seven" by Jung Kook ft. Latto (obvi lol) Summary: Dinner and a Breakup. You're ready to end things but Jungkook asks for a second chance, not willing to let you go. Paring: Reader x Jungkook (almost exes to lovers lol) Word Count: 3.4k Warnings: No real warnings honestly just an argument. Start from the beginning

I watch from outside the restaurant window, seeing as he has already been seated and has ordered his favorite wine along with what I can assume is mine right across from his. 'You got this. It's better for the both of us if we just end things here and go our separate ways' I coach myself, hoping to gain some sense of resolve to help carry me through this dinner and do what I've been meaning to do for a while now.

As soon as I grab the handle I see that I've finally caught his eye and he stands up waiting patiently for me to come sit down with him. "There you are" he says with a warm smile and goes to give me a quick kiss to which I turn away a bit, making his lips ultimately land on my cheek. He pull away, giving me a questioning look and I make quick excuses, not wanting to start a fight right away. 

"Lipgloss, sorry. I know you don't like the feeling of it on your lips after kissing me" I say giving his as genuine of a smile as I can muster up, given the circumstances. "I don't really mind it," he says giving me a kiss on my forehead this time instead, "but thank you for telling me anyways" he says with his hands on my cheeks looking at me lovingly, placing a quick pec on my lips before he leads me over to my chair and pulls it out for me to sit down. 

"I thought you had forgotten about me" he teases while he walks back around to sit back down. "Traffic was horrible and I lost track of time" I say taking a quick swig of my wine, praying the alcohol hits my system as fast as possible. Needing what they always refer to as 'liquid courage' to help take the edge off. "Slow down love, let's get some food in you before you start on that" he says, his brows pinched together in confusion. Clearly puzzled as to what might be causing this sudden change in character.

"I just forgot how much I love this wine" I say taking another big gulp, not paying attention to maintaining a lady like image until this alcohol mellows my senses. "We can pick some up whenever you like Noona" he says amused but still concerned at my sudden excitement in my poison of choice as some might say. 

After having what is now my temporary fill of my wine Jungkook suggests we order so the alcohol doesn't hit me too hard, both of us knowing how messy I can get a times but not really voicing it. "Do you know what you'd like to order?" he asks, trying to maintain some sort of conversation between us. "I'm not too sure, I'm trying to decided between these two an-" "Are you ready to order?" our waiter asks while also taking the liberty of refilling our glasses. 

"I think we'll need another minute or so" Jungkook answers for the both of us. "Oh it's okay I think I know what I want now" I say butting in before the waiter leaves. "Oh no that's okay honey we can take an extra second for you to think a little more" he says waving off the waiter, disregarding what what I had said and making the choice for me. 

"Okay" I say dragging out the last syllable a bit and mumbling that I was ready and will order the same thing no matter how much time he thinks I need under my breath. "What was that love?" he questions, catching onto how my demeanor has changed a bit. "Nothing don't worry about it" I say and go back to scanning the menu.

Once the waiter has taken our order Jungkook decides to start asking me about my day. "It was okay, I wasn't too busy at work so it was kind of boring" I reply, giving somewhat of a vague answer but not enough for him to get suspicious. I decide to ask him about his day in turn so he can ramble off for a bit while I try to figure out how to go about this. 

"Jungkook" I say grabbing his attention after he's spoken for a while, cutting him off. He hums in acknowledgment, not bothered at my sudden interruption. But before I'm able to say anything else our food is brought out to our table.

"Was there anything else I could get you?" the waiter asks cutting off the conversation for a moment, another interruption by him added to the tally. "Oh no that's okay I think we're fine" Jungkook answers again for both of us before checking in with me and once again the waiter is sent on his way.

"Now what were you saying love?" he asks now bringing his attention back to me but the rumbling in my stomach leaving me unable to focus. "Nothing can we just eat now? I didn't realize how hungry I was" I laugh off awkwardly.

"Of course go ahead. I hope you end up liking what you ordered" he smiles. 'I had more than enough time to think about it thanks to you' I say to myself, irritated by that previous event that happened moments ago yet again.

"I'm sure I will" I say and take that first bite, realizing it's not what I ordered. "What's wrong?" he says immediately noticing the look on my face. "No I'm fine, it's just the wrong order" I say and take a drink of water to wash out the flavor, being caught off guard by the taste. "I can call the waiter back if you want to send it back" he says and takes a quick look around trying to find him. 

"No it's fine don't worry about it. I don't mind" I say and go ahead to make the effort and take another bite, now tasting a bit better since I know what to expect this time. "But it's not what you ordered" he says, but before he's able to lift his hand up to wave them down I take his hand in mine bringing his attention back over to me. "Jungkook it's fine, let's just go back to eating" I say sternly to which he finally pays attention to, now clearly using my age as a reminder to get him to listen to me.

"Okay Noona. But can we at least switch dishes? I know you'll like mine better than yours!" he offers, hoping this will provide some sort of solution. "Sure" I say and give him a sweet smile after seeing his doe eyes go round, genuinely wanting to find a way to make me happy. We switch plates but end up spilling some water on the floor in the meantime leaving a big puddle right next to us. 

"Waiter!" Jungkook calls for someone to come help. "I'm so sorry do you think you could give us some napkins so I can clean this up?" he asks, clearly embarrassed by the situation once they reach us. "Oh don't worry about it sir, I'll have someone come out to clean it up" the waiter says before scurrying off to the back to find someone to help with the mess. 

"I'm sorry" I say and try to come out from around the table and help pick up some of the bigger shards of glass. "Don't apologize, it was my fault" he excuses. "And don't worry about picking up the glass, I've got it" he says going to grab a smaller piece but pulls his hand back after having sliced his finger right on contact. 

"This is why you need to leave things to me sometimes" I say sitting back up and giving him a napkin to wrap his finger in to stop the bleeding.  "I'm sorry Noona I-" "Keep some pressure on it and go to the bathroom to wash it off" I say sternly cutting him off, not looking for any arguments to which he mouthes a silent 'okay' and heads towards the bathroom to do as I say.

"Is everything okay over here?" a bus boy says, coming over to clean up the mess. "Um yeah everything is fine" I say not really wanting to get into it. "If you're planning on breaking up with him then go for it. It'll be less messy if you just get it over with.

"How did you know?" I say widening my eyes at him once the words have left his mouth. "Girly it doesn't take a genius to tell that you're unhappy" he says before turning to leave, me now confused more than ever. "Are you okay?" Jungkook asks me, somehow sneaking up on me on his way back. 

"I think we should break up" I blurt out, surprising even myself by how easily it came out after talking to that bus boy. Who knew that it would just take one last push for me to finally speak my mind. "What? Why?" he asks completely caught off guard by the abrupt nature of the statement.

"Jungkook, I haven't been happy for a while and I know you probably haven't noticed that you're unhappy as well because you've just become too comfortable in this relationship" he tries to interrupt but I stop him by raising my hand and he gets the memo and sinks back in his chair to listen.

"We've been together for two years already and I feel like we're at the same place we were back then. It feels like I'm the same person I was back then and so are you. We haven't grown and changed at all, as a couple or individually. I feel like my life is going in slow motion, I'm still working on my damn degree because I cut down on my class load to get a job to help pay for our bills and I've lost all motivation to continue pursuing it" I say and take a deep breath.

"You could always quit your job so you can focus on your studies. I told you before that I make enough to support the both of us" he says, having been given an opportunity to jump in. "That's not the point. Do you know how horrible I would feel if I was living off of my younger boyfriend's money? Do you know what people would say about us, about me?" I say, him adding more fuel to the fire unknowingly. 

"They would say I'm a gold digger and that I was too lazy to try and make something out of my life. That I'm taking too much time to finish college and I should just give up on it all together and get a real job" I continue. "I thought you didn't care about what people think" he says quietly infuriating me even more since he obviously knows the answer to his stupid question but decides to make that comment anyways. 

"Well I obviously do" I say and sit back taking a breather for a second, giving him a chance to say something since he obviously feels the need to interrupt. "Did I do something? Did I say something that might've caused you to feel this way? I'll fix, it just tell me" he says trying to understand my reasoning. 

"Oh so now you want to put in an effort? Jungkook you're hardly ever around, and when you are, you're too tired to spend time together. For the most part just heading to bed or getting back when I'm already sleeping. Do you even know how long it's been since you've even bothered to touch me? How long it's been since we had a conversation that wasn't accompanied by a meal. How long it's been since we watched a movie together" I list off and the realization of the actual state of our relationship washes over him.

"Baby I'm so-" "You know it was my birthday last month right? I waited around all day hoping you just weren't saying anything because you had a surprise planned for me but at the end of the night all I had received from you was a simple good morning kiss and then you went about your day, paying no mind to me at all. Holed up in your office on your day off, working and making phone calls, not even bothering to come out to eat dinner" I say getting upset all over again at the memory. 

"Let's celebra-" he tries again. "This isn't about celebrating my birthday! This is about the fact that it feels like you don't even care about me anymore. Every time I try to make an effort to spend time together you cancel at the last minute and come home with a bouquet of tiger lilies asking me for forgiveness and promising to be there next time. Even the simple dinners that I've made when you told me you would be home early enough would go cold, leaving me to eat alone yet again with no call, no text, nothing" I say and I see him hang his head a bit finally seeing things from my side. 

"Is there someone else? Someone else in your life that you're wasting your love on, leaving just a shell of a person to come crawl into bed with me. Then in the morning I wake up alone, the only indicator that you even been there being some new clothes in the laundry basket and the rumpled sheets next to me. I've been thinking recently, 'What are either of us getting out of this relationship?'. At this point we could honestly be roommates and not much would change at all compared to what's going on with us right now" I say and see that he's been holding back from saying anything so I give him a chance to say his piece. 

"There's no one else and you know that" he says sternly, clenching his jaw at the thought that I would actually think that he would cheat on me. "How would I know that" I lower my voice and lean forward trying to provoke him but he's not taking the bait, too concerned about the people around us. "I only have eyes for you and it's been like that for years. I don't even find other women attractive anymore now that I have you". "Flattery will get you no where Jungkook" I roll my eyes at him. 

"Well you're just going to have to believe me then" he says sitting back, fixing his suit jacket a bit to straighten himself out and takes a deep breath. I wait for him to say something else but he just stays silent, I can see the wheels turning in his head but from the looks of it he just can't seem to formulate them the way he wants to. 

"That's another thing, I hate the fact that you're so cautious with me. Always carefully formulating your sentences so they come out perfectly, making choices for me because you think you know best, never even trying to do something new together because you don't want to push me out of my comfort zone" I argue, continuing to point out all of the big things he's done that frustrate me. 

"I just want you to enjoy everything we do together. I don't want something to not meet your expectations and then it all goes to waste" he explains, trying to get me to see some of these things from his perspective. "I understand that, really I do, but people are meant to grow and change and learn new thing, but I feel like since we've been together we've done none of that. Our first few months of course were exciting and new but we soon started to settle into a routine and that's not what I want. To me that's not living" I explain to him, making sure he sees my side as well. 

"This relationship just isn't good for either of us. We're stifling each other's growth and it seems like our ideas of how we want to live are at odds" I say trying to wrap it up. "What's wrong with the way we live? I thought you liked our apartment?" he asks clearly not understanding where I'm going with this.

"Jungkook I literally just explained to you everything that I was unhappy about with the way that we're living. It's not the material things it's us. The day to day with how we do or don't interact with each other. The consideration of making sure you'll follow through on something instead of just expecting forgiveness when you decide to apologize for failing after the fact. The way that I don't even feel like you love me anymore, you're just used to me now so you don't feel the need to put effort into our relationship" 

"But I do love you" he starts but I cut him off without a single care. "You know our anniversary was three days ago right? I wouldn't be surprised if you just took a shot in the dark and picked a random day and convinced yourself into thinking it was the right one" I scoff. "Really?" he asks softly, embarrassed that even now he's messed up. "Yes Jungkook why would I lie to you I-" I start but I cut myself off when the waiter comes by. 

"Would you both like some more wine?" he asks with bottle in hand and as soon as I'm about to accept, hoping to cool myself down a bit Jungkook places his hand over my wine glass, preventing him from refilling it. "No, I think she's had enough don't worry" Jungkook says and takes that as a not so subtle note to not come back over until he asks for the bill. 

"This is exactly what I was talking about Jungkook! You haven't listened to a word I've said have you?" "No I have I ju-" "I want to break up and I don't want to fix thing" I say stating my case, feeling like this whole conversation was meaningless and decide to stop explaining myself. "I'm sorry it was just a habit. I'm listening I promise, if you just give me some time I'll clean up my act and put more effort into us" he pleads with me.

"I said no! End of discussion" I huff, tired of playing his games. "One week, that's all I'll need" he asks, doing better than I am at maintaining a sense of decorum. "I said we're done! Why is that something that you just can't get through your head?" I argue. 

"Please Noona, can you keep your voice down?" he pleads with me, noticing a few more people have taken notice of our conversation. "You can't tell me what to do Jungkook. I'm still your elder whether we are together or not so you do not get to disrespect me like that!" I say getting up from my chair making moves to leave.

"All this time you've been messing around and playing with my heart and I'm done Jungkook. I'm sick of yo-" "Noona watch out!" he yells, grabbing me by my arm and yanking me towards him. "What? What happened?" I say after looking around once I've regained stability.

"There was a fire at that table and it got pretty close to you so..." he trails off getting embarrassed, now noticing that he's the only one that go scared by it. I turn around and take a look a said table where the supposed fire was and see that in fact is a fire over there. 

"It was a flambé Jungkook that's normal and it's far away from us anyway so I don't see why you would act like that" I say turning my vision back over to Jungkook and just now taking notice of how close he is to me. I look at him and I look down and realize that in his panic I somehow ended up on his lap. 

He gives me a shy smile which soon turns into a look of panic when I get up off his lap grabbing my stuff and walking towards the door. "Noona wait please" he says and grabs onto my wrist but I pull it out of his grasp, turning around to face him at the same time.

"Don't bother coming home tonight. Stay at a friend's house or wherever you want, just leave me alone. We'll talk about this later" I say and he calls out to me one final time but I leave before he's able to stop me again.

Teaser / Tuesday

Series Masterlist

a/n: I really hope you like Monday! I said I was going to post something else but I had this done already and I was too excited so I decided to post it! I really hope you guys like it! Also barely edited so have mercy on me. Thanks for all of the support recently on my fics as well! Love you guys <3

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[alamhiganelezen]

Shamagi's Wrestling Corner - NXT No Mercy (2024)

//Sorry for taking so long with this one. I had other things going on. Anyway, enjoy my 2nd installment in this series for what was a very good PPV. My next one will be for AEW All Out (2024).

The NXT x TNA collaboration is the best thing to happen to NXT since the Black-and-Gold era. Getting to see so many talented TNA wrestlers get the spotlight on WWE TV and PLEs (even if it's mostly just NXT) has been an absolute treat and this PLE continued to deliver.

NXT Tag Team Title match: Axiom & Nathan Frazer def. Chase U (Andre Chase & Ridge Holland) (c) - TITLE CHANGE!!! (****)

What better way to open the PLE than with some high flying tag team action. Both teams put on an absolute clinic. Nate and Axiom also get their titles back, and then Ridge Holland turns heel on Chase U to shock the crowd. Not much else to say, really.

Zachary Wentz def. Wes Lee (****1/4)

No title, just a really intense blood feud between two former brothers in arms. The start was a little lackluster, but the rest was essentially a 5 star match to make up for it. They were pounding each other senseless to try and claim superiority and going all out from bell to bell. Then Zach get the assist from Trey Miguel to take the win. I can't wait to see how this feud continues to develop.

NXT Women's North American Title match: Kelani Jordan (c) def. Wendy Choo (**1/2)

The only real stinker on this card. This match could have been a lot better, but it really feels like Wendy Choo is being held back by the character she's playing as she's demonstrated far better in ring ability elsewhere. Instead it felt like Kelani was doing most of the heavy lifting to try and make this match passable. I'd skip this one.

NXT North American Title match: Oba Femi (c) def. Tony D'Angelo (***1/2)

Good effort, Tony. Until now no one had ever kicked out of Oba Femi's powerbomb. But if anything, this only proves that you can delay the inevitable. Oba Femi is an absolute monster and I'd love to see him get a Gunther-like reign with this belt to solidify him in that role. The best part is, he still has a lot of potential to be even better. He'll be tearing it up on the main roster soon enough.

NXT Women's Title match: Roxanne Pérez (c) def. Jaida Parker (****1/2)

My pick for Match of the Night. Roxy continues to put on banger after banger, with this one being one of her best yet. She and Jaida were on the top of their game, and while I honestly would have been fine with Roxy losing I'm glad she retained because we then got to witness the debut of Giulia in WWE! I am so fucking excited for what she's gonna do and I think she'll be the one to dethrone Roxy, most likely as soon as Halloween Havoc. Plus she's half-Doman like me!!! DOMA REPRESENT!

NXT Title match: Ethan Page (c) def. Joe Hendry (special guest referee: Trick Williams) (****)

I'm gonna be honest: this would have been 5 stars if Joe Hendry won. That said, I did go into this match expecting him to lose as he's a TNA wrestler and there's no way WWE would have allowed a non-WWE wrestler to take one of their titles. Still, there was one reason I was invested in this match as much as I was: BELIEF! The whole crowd was behind Joe Hendry. They were singing his theme, they were chanting "We believe!" the whole time, and Joe absolutely fed off of their energy the whole match. He is legitimately the most over babyface in wrestling right now and to have Ego retain feels like a huge missed opportunity. Not to mention the ending kinda fell flat, with Trick Williams (playing the role of guest referee) stopping the count of the backup ref to bail out Joe only to count the pinfall to 3 when Ethan Page hit Ego's Edge for the win. Regardless, this match was really fun to watch and I pray Joe Hendry wins the big one, at least in TNA.

Overall rating: ***3/4

Unfortunately Kelani vs. Wendy was bad enough to drag this show below a 4 star rating, but the rest of the card was so good that it only just barely missed the cut. The tag team match, Zach vs. Wes, and Roxy vs. Jaida are all certified bangers, and while it could have been a lot more the main event ultimately delivered.

Now, sing it with me one more time:

SAY HIS NAME AND HE APPEARS

I BELIEVE IN JOE HENDRY

I BELIEVE IN JOE HENDRY

CAUSE THEY LOVE HIM IN LIMSA AND ISHGARD AND ALA MHIGO

TULIYOLLAL, THAVNAIR AND SHARLAYAN AND WACHUNPELO

THEY SAY "I BELIEVE IN JOE HENDRY

I BELIEVE IN JOE HENDRY"

WAVE YOUR HANDS FROM SIDE TO SIDE AND SAY

"I BELIEVE IN JOE HENDRY

AND JOE HENDRY IS THE PRESTIGIOUS ONE!"

//I really need to make Shamagi do Joe Hendry gposes

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #29: Going Ahead, And Lothar's Pre-Xmas Traurigkeit

Hallöchen! 👋 Perhaps, this is not going to be the last post of this year... But that will depend. Anyways, here's a couple of new WIP screenshots to begin the post on a very jolly note (well... kind of 😁):

(haha, I didn't think about that when I decided to choose a screenshot to post here, but the latter one makes a real good "Chapter 6 in a nutshell" potential meme. And I hope the nut is a walnut. I love those; they're yummy and healthy)

It's been steady. I've been working on "Time & Again" relatively frequently and non-stop, which is great. I post the screenshots on Krista forum thread now (usually in batches), so you can track them down 👉HERE👈. Nothing very special or out of ordinary to report for now, just the progress on the steady work I've been doing. Little by little, sporadically (as per usual for me), and certainly in style 😎.

Unlike before, I now tend to work on the foregrounds and backgrounds altogether, not on the foregrounds first and then followed by the backgrounds. This does not always happen, so plenty pages are still lacking proper backgrounds - because I need to do, let's say, some cultural research prior to taking on them full force. But I'm trying to achieve a certain balance, for sure. It goes good)))

But there's something indirectly concerning "Time & Again" that I've been thinking about and that I regret doing (or NOT doing, depending on how you approach the question). I kinda regret publishing it under my name - I should've gone anon instead (under the name of TheDuckIzWatching, or 100001st_Revenant, or something more generic like YourAverageBirdNerd23, for example). And it's a moot point right now, since everything has already been decided on, and moreover the books have been shipped for printing. And everybody already knows that Frosty is the author of "Time & Again" thanks to some of those socials I rarely update, this blog inclusive. Why the peck am I focused on that crazy idea?.. Well, that's simply because my name doesn't matter for I strongly believe in the idea that the author's creation in no way should be perceived through the audience's stereotypical view of its author, and because forced approaches are always incredibly limiting. Or, simply put, I think it's a good idea to go anon and be as invisible if possible. I don't matter - only my work does. That's all there is to it. My readers don't need to know neither my face, or my name, or who and what I am, or what kind of peanut butter I like on my toasts, or which cardboard box I live in.

well ok, I don't mind sharing what kind of peanut butter is my favourite. the one without additives and/or sugar, that is. yum!!!

Not long ago, my Editor-in-Chief, my friends, and myself had a very interesting and thought-provoking conversation about The Death of the Author theory. I briefly learnt about it on my literature classes. It's not that my conception and understanding have changed, but rather our friendly discussion proved that my thoughts on the matter were right to begin with (as long as I remember myself musing on the matter). I must admit, I find myself in great awe every time I think of the artists who go completely anonymous or take numerous monikers/pseudonyms/masks to hide their identities - or share incredibly little information about themselves, because, in relation to the art they create, it doesn't matter (if ever at all). Not only it's good for avoiding unwanted popularity and/or becoming a celeb, but there's also a certain fracture of art in it. Once you take a moniker, you undergo a transformation and become a character. And the character is not necessarily yourself 😁 I deeply respect bands such as Ghost, Priest, Laibach, Batushka; I like the mystery of the artist who goes by Banksy. Because why, pray tell, would you even want to advertise yourself (your face/your hairstyle/your toothbrush/your bum)?

But that's probably enough about that for now; I might expand later if I come across different thoughts in my head that might contribute to the topic.

Earlier in this post from the last November I was musing about Lothar's preferences on the Christmas dish, most likely based on his childhood. Which was a nice thing to think about, since it's entertaining and could help me understand my own son better (parents and children relationships are always a bidirectional work, right?!). And to help understand the character progression and how he changed (if at all) throughout his lifetime. And, to top it up, I actually like Christmas (deal with it 😎). But there's something crucial I have forgotten about (or intentionally ignored). I revisited those musings again and tried to expand on what I was thinking about last time. And now I think that... Lothar hates Christmas. And absolutely not for a reason that your average ape-related planet Earth inhabitant would potentially hate it. His hatred towards Christmas stems from his family history - or, to be precise, from the day it was all taken away from him. Perhaps, Lothar really enjoyed Christmas, especially when Edgar was around, and the family had a happy festive full house. Most likely, he enjoyed his yearly Christstollen as well as Gänsebraten and luxurious Raclette in the company of his lovely relatives. But then Edgar was gone. And then the rest of the family was gone, too. So there wasn't anybody else for Lothar to share the magic of the family holiday such as Christmas. There's only his boss, who is also a sort of Lothar's late teenagerhood Vaterfigur - but it's not the same. It's a different type of family. Lothar pretty much doesn't have anyone. ... maybe Jeanny will help him learn to enjoy Christmas again, if he meets her in another timeline?.. We'll see about that.

And that's all for today, folks! Happy holidays 🎄, and see you soon! 🤗

P.S. Steam Replay reminded me of that yet again, and I've been thinking about this for a long time: if ready, I might [read: possibly, but not guaranteed] post the list of games I beat in 2024. And yes, there's gonna be a special subsection about Doom mods I beat within the last 365 days, too, just as expected of me (which, to my shame, is incredibly modest this year).

Originally, I thought that this blog wouldn't be dedicated to my art only: as indicated in the very first post, I was thinking of also posting, intermittently, my reviews and in-depth exploration summaries for the other people's art pieces and particular art styles (including videogames and albums) - or, if all else fails, simply posting something like that. Alas, since I virtually stopped making YouTube videos due to the lack of time/spark/social-network-appreciation (and they require writing, too, for I don't go rush into them headlong and all impromptu - I can haz no meowstery such as that yet), I haven't done much of the review writing IN YEARS now. As of today, my Steam account only has 2 reviews, one of which was actually written by Brian 🤣😅 I used to be quite a prolific review writer back when I was a teenager and a young adult. I used to practise a lot, I enjoyed reviewing videogames (also tried writing walkthroughs for them, like those on GameFAQs; yup, good old days), music albums and separate tracks, and even movies (well... until I stopped watching them completely around my 20's). But sadly, those days are now went.

So I don't think I can easily just hop back in and magically revive that tradition of the artistic review writing - nevermind to find enough quality time to actually invest into that. But I believe, occasionally, some truly rare reviews might suddenly appear on this blog 🙃

[caizen]

a velvet box of faults | gojo s.

sometimes, letting go has its disadvantages too.

1.8k | prfr | angst | warning: fighting

reblogs are appreciated ♡

"what do you—what do you mean by that?" satoru asks you, hoping that he didn't hear you right.

by now, his head is empty and all he's thinking about is your words, silently praying that if he did hear you correctly, you'll smile right after, laugh, give him a hug and an apology with how you're just kidding.

but with the way you look at him, it's slowly starting to feel real.

(it is real.)

he's slowly starting to get convinced you're serious, and he despises it.

(he won't accept it.)

(he doesn't want to.)

(he has to.)

"satoru," you call, hands in cold sweat folded on your torso, trying to stop yourself from shaking and breaking in front of him. "you know what i mean," you say, in an as a matter of fact tone.

he does nothing but shake his head. at an attempt of comforting himself, he assumes that he's just really tired and a little dizzy that he's beginning to mix up your words. it's late at night after all. he knows it's pathetic of him, but he does it anyway.

you really can't be serious about this, he thinks to himself.

"hey, hey, all of this is—" he stutters, shaking as he steps closer to you. "—all of this isn't real, right? you're just trying to get back at me for all the time i've teased you, aren't you?"

he forces a smile, but it's quick to go away when he sees nothing but honest eyes.

satoru thinks you look wonderful even if you're tired. your face, illuminated by the white light above you, the bags under your eyes obvious.

(yeah, you're still stunning.)

the warmth in your eyes are gone when he looks in them. looking at you makes him feel chilly. it's probably the lighting. hopefully.

hopefully it is, because he doesn't want to look at you and hurt.

with the way your eyes blink slowly, he's sure you want to sleep. still, he doesn't ask you to rest and talk this with you tomorrow because he knows you won't let him. it was now or never.

nothing's changed in him, and the same goes for you. you're both the same people as you were years before, still running away from reality.

"we don't have to make this any harder for us," it's hard trying to keep your hands to yourself with the way he's so close to you, tightly gripping your arms, kiss his lids, the gloss in his eyes tempting you to take his face in your hands, and wipe them away like every other time he's had too much on his shoulder that he breaks down and bursts in front of you.

"why?" he frowns, because the least you could do was tell him why you've come to this decision, so that he can be better for you.

he can try to be for the next time you're back.

(if you will ever be back.)

he pleads, because he doesn't want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

unable to look at him in the eye when all you see is them shining under the cold light of the lamp nearby, and not in a good way like four years ago, you close your eyes.

(it's been so long.)

but even if you do, there's no denying that the reality still lies in front of you, and that you have to deal with it. there's no running away this time. it's what led to this in the first place.

you coudn't lie to him, and even if you could, that'd be too cruel for either of you. it'll just end up on your list of things that keep you awake at night, and probably his too.

"we're getting nowhere, satoru," you sigh gloomily.

satoru's always been one to fix problems fast, but that's only with his job. there's so much he's confronted already, but he always finds himself hiding from and ignoring the ones with you.

it scares him—facing them—because his thoughts consume him and tell him that it'd lead to this. unfortunately, the other happens instead.

again, he feels pathetic.

"i'm asking you, what does that mean? do you—do you want to go somewhere? maybe you want to—"

"i want someone to grow with."

his brows crease, eyes narrowing at you. "am i not someone you want to grow with?"

"satoru, no, that's not what i meant," you wince at his misunderstanding, "i just—i want to, you know. i want it to be you. so bad. but it's not—we're still in the same place we were back then.

"you're still a child, and so am i. everyone's moving on and we're still at square one because—"

"who cares if we're still at the start? this isn't a race!" he retaliates, every single word carrying his frustrations he's tried so hard not to burden you with.

"we can't act like kids forever! we're adults! you're still in denial, and so am i!" you retort, having had enough of him. "we're not improving or growing up!"

"so what if we're not?" he fumed, flailing his hands in the air. "let them hate us! let them love us! who cares what they say? we have each other, don't we?"

clenching your fist, it takes a whole lot of self-restraint not to punch his guts with how his words come out mindlessly. "'we have each other'? are you hearing yourself? you're not even here when i need you! but i am when you need me!

"and this isn't about anyone else, so quit trying to drag other people into this! it's not about a matter of being loved or hated, it's about us actually getting somewhere and becoming better people!"

he scoffs, "oh, quit it with that righteousness stuff! it makes me sick! and you know why i'm not here when you need me? because i'm busy and you don't even bother to tell me how you're feeling! you make it like it's some guessing game!"

"busy? made you guess?" you ask, incredulous. "you never paid attention to me in the first place! i've always reached out to you, but you're always in your own world, arrogant and full of pride and forget that i'm even here! you don't even ask about me at all either!"

"oh, so i'm arrogant and full of pride?" he points to himself in disbelief. "i never ask about how you feel? you don't even tell me when i do ask! what's the point of trying if there's nothing i gain from it!"

"you're unbelievable! and you– you– this is, this is what i mean! we're still acting like children—you're acting like a child!" you cry out, your throat feeling sore and scratchy from the yelling.

"there's so much," you take pauses in between your words, letting yourself breathe. "there's so much more to us than what we are now, but we're still the same because—" you stop midsentence, hesitant to say the words since it contains the truth and you two have always run away from that.

"because what?" his voice is much gentler and softer now, mellow and calm.

you swallow the lump in your throat. "because we're scared."

when he opens his mouth to talk, you're already shaking your head no, exhausted and panting, despite being unaware of what he wants to ask before he even gets to make up his mind to find the right words for his questions and sentences.

don't let him say anything.

just let him stay quiet and keep the peace.

maybe then you could both pretend that nothing's happening. that there's no problem at all.

so he lets the room wallow in silence.

he wraps both his arms around you, and rests his head on your chest.

your heartbeat rings his ear, and it's still racing.

he feels his tears soak up your clothes before he even knows he's sobbing.

satoru was insufferable himself, and so was seeing him cry. as a try at comforting him, your fingers run through his hair gently.

he's always found it relaxing whenever you do that; it lulls him to sleep whenever he comes home restless, reminding him of the times you stayed awake until past midnight for him, telling him that there was good in this relationship.

but right now, it doesn't help him calm down. he presses his face harder into your shoulder to muffle his cries yet they still resonate vaguely in the room, while a hand of his holds yours on his hair, steady and begging you not to remove it.

nothing about this was calming; the silence was only letting the tension build up, the stillness of the room stood as a reminder that there was no life to it already, and even more so by tomorrow.

the more that he thought of it—of how this was going to be the last time you're ever going to do this—the more he feels himself going insane.

the night feels colder the deeper it gets, and you can't let go even if you desperately want to.

it was presumably just the air conditioning. nonetheless, satoru doesn't even feel warm to you at all. he doesn't bring you the same relief as the beginning of this relationship of climactic events because satoru's always been one to be big about things.

the sky in his eyes rain, pouring harder by the minute, pooling at your clothes and flooding on the floor.

if you stay longer, then you're more likely to be convinced that you'll be okay even if you're going to be staying at the same place, regardless of how you're conscious of the regret it'll bring later. that as long as satoru's here, then you'll be okay, but you can't be dependent on him.

how were you going to be, when even just a glimpse of him already feels so heavy?

"let go, please," you whisper, only to feel his arms around you tighten. "gojo, let go of me."

satoru has no idea how much damage he's done until his name leaves your lips. what's done is done, and no amount of regret will take it back.

he pauses, eyes widening at you, only to have them close again and shed even more tears.

"please, stay."

he doesn't care how desperate he seems, because he just doesn't want to lose you.

he can lose anything but you.

but alas, your choices go against his wants, and he can't always have what he wants.

it doesn't seem like it to satoru, but he's just as dependent on you as you were on him, and hopefully he learns that later on as you did yet kept to yourself way too long ago.

so he does as you say, because he's doing what he wasn't supposed to do: pull you back.

he caves in and presses your lips against him one last time, passionless and salty, a short sincere apology and wish that you find each other again.

the next day, he wakes up alone with sore eyes, a text on his phone.

geto suguru

how was the proposal?

a/n: who knew i would actually put so much effort in gojo's fic 😐 i mean it's angst anyway so.....

[fktonofwhatnow]

ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

[thecandywrites]

Blood For Gold Chapter 13

Wooo! It has been a while dearies. Let's see, my baby sister's husband, so my brother in law got diagnosed with Lupis which at this point is a relief that it's not his cancer coming back so there's that. My parents rushed down to AZ to be with my dying grandparents and are trying to let them pass from the comfort of their home without having to go into a nursing home, hospice called us and said 'you should come down and say goodbye while they still know who you are' so we all rushed down to do just that and I just came back from a week down there doing that which was emotionally draining and devastating. My other sister's dog tore a ligament and needs a 5k surgery to fix it. This particular sister has no kids and her dogs are her kids, which is perfectly reasonable and valid. And my Chron's Disease is flaring and trying to kill me for the...I've lost count of how many times it's tried to kill me for the 25 years I've had it, (I'm 35, just to put that into perspective) and I have an emergency colonoscopy on the 6th that I need to prepare for.

So sorry for the delay on updating this story, I've been meaning to update this for A VERY LONG TIME and mentally I knew exactly how I wanted to write it, I just had no time, energy, drive or opportunity to write UNTIL TODAY. So you are getting this hot off the presses and I want to pick up and GO GO GO before my life completely falls apart.

Again so many thanks to @kriskukko for letting me use her still gorgeous, still amazing, still epic REGENCY ERA ORC ART. Just...still in love with it.

Thanks to @punkhorse96 for all your amazing feedback. Now, we get into THE DANGER ZONE. Much plot, so sex, big TORN. Enjoy. *evilly cackles*

Blood For Gold

Chapter 13

Your family completely monopolated your time the moment they came and wouldn’t let you out of their sight and you couldn’t get a moment’s peace or solace, except when it came time for the masquerade ball at the Midnight Peacock, then everyone seemed to disappear and leave you alone to change and you couldn’t hardly wait for tonight, Axal told you that The Red Velvet Rope was hosting this particular masquerade ball so all of the brothel’s workers would be there along with almost all the other moura individuals in all of London would be there tonight.

It was going to be your first time going and you had brought out your new masquerade dress that you had made in your “widowhood” because while you recovered from your mourkatilli addiction, and healed from the other trauma and abuse, you needed a project to keep you occupied.

It was a special one, it was reversible with a twist. It was really four outfits in one. A skirt with two different layers, and each layer was reversible and a top that was sewn and embroidered in such a way that it was four tops in one, each one to also coincide with one of the layers of the skirt. So if you wore it “normally” and “inside out” and “right side in” on each layer, you would have four unique outfits and you had embroidered all four layers in two of the styles of tops, when not being worn on the outside would roll up and give you something of a push up bra, so that it would appear in such a way that it would look like one scene one way and in the reverse, a completely different one but still in the same shapes in an elevated double embroidered piece. It was some of your best work to date. And you had a fabric mask pinned into each skirt so that the masks you wore changed with it, and you wore your hair in such a way that it could change, from up, to half up and half down to fully down and in a variety of ways and Axal had told you that Ramsey had confided in him that the place had “changing” rooms where you could change your outfit as needed, in case you needed to change yourself throughout the night. So you left the Palace of Windsor in one of your more “flashy” and luxurious facets, complete with a cape that was also reversible with your family.

Once at the place you immediately left your family and “changed” into the most simple and understated of the four, a black embroidered top and simple black skirt with no embroidery, it was simple yet elegant and began looking for Demsey Draft, because you needed to warn him about the other mouras that had come as well break off any connection with him so that you couldn’t be implicated later because the last thing you wanted was for Duke Demsey Voyambi to know that you had ever set foot in a whorehouse. You wanted him to feel and know that if the attraction you had to him was returned by him, that you would be loyal to him and he would have your complete fidelity and you would leave Mr. Demsey Draft where you found him, in your hopefully long forgotton past. A woman was allowed to go a little wild in her mourning right?

Meanwhile Demsey had done the same, only he didn’t have any reversible outfits, instead he went straight to the “coat room” and “rented” a change of clothes, he had to find Audra Draft and break things off with her, and solely pursue Sultana Audravienne.

And like clock work, only moments after going around the place, looking for Mr. Draft, when you found your prize, coming out of the changing room, dressed how you thought he’d be, simple, rather plain but dignified.

“Mr. Demsey Draft?” You asked once you found him.

“Miss Audra Draft,” He smiled in relief that he found her, or rather, that she had found him although why she insisted on calling his last name of Draft, maybe she was trying to give him a pseudonym to protect his real identity as you were thinking the exact same thing, although tonight would be the last time you would ever answer to such a name as your moura marks lit up like fireworks again, practically glowing and pulsing through your clothes and on your skin as Demsey flushed with desire because that was going to be one of the many things he was going to miss about Miss Draft.

“Might we have a word?” You asked, even though your heart was screaming for one last release with him before you cut things off with him completely.

“Yes, by all means.” He agreed as you took his hand and led him away to a private booth in the little restaurant side of the place as most had gathered in the dance hall and were already beginning to dance the night away.

“Before anything else, I must tell you that after tonight I must break all contact with you, you see, I’m going to be pursuing a very wonderful woman, and I can not do so with any prior attachments or engagements, she is the kind of woman who deserves whole hearted and whole souled devotion.” He began as your heart was relieved and happy for him but broke at the news as your moura marks stopped pulsing and flashing, instead, simply faded to a rose gold then stopped which broke Demsey’s heart to see as he recalled how the Sultana's marks flashed rose gold when she was upset or sad. It still must have been a universal moura thing, he supposed.

“Well isn’t that a coincidence, I came to find you to tell you something similar. I also found someone, a wonderful man actually, who I wish to pursue whole heartedly and without reserve.” You replied.

“So...The Red Velvet Rope is no longer…” Demsey began.

“Part of my life? No. Never, you?” You asked.

“Same, I will never set foot into it again.” He professed.

“Probably for the best. So, I know you wish to probably keep certain things private, and I don’t expect you to tell me who it is that has captured your attentions and affections, and whoever she is, I can only hope and pray that she is worthy of them.” You offered, feeling much more than a pang in your heart, much more than you were expecting anyway, the whole day you had prepared yourself for this moment, rehearsing what it was that you wanted to say to him. He was, after all, just a manwhore in a whorehouse, you shouldn’t have any real emotional connection with him and it should be easy to walk away, but now that it was happening, your heart, soul and body screamed for the reverse. It felt like it had been too long since you got to hold him in your arms, kiss his sweet mouth and marvel at the way his body seemed to always meld and mold to yours and bring you the sweetest of releases.

“Thank you, and likewise.” Demsey graciously offered.

“Out of curiosity, you don’t have to answer if you don’t wish to, but the woman you are going to be pursuing, is she an orc like you?” You asked curiously.

“No, she’s actually, um,” Demsey began before he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“She’s moura.” Demsey confessed.

“Oh, well in that case...I know...or rather, I have heard.” You rephrased, not wanting to tell on yourself too much as Demsey smiled sadly at you as you cast your gaze away from him guiltily as you felt tears prick your eyes as a strange panic seemed to grip your chest.

“I have heard that there are many mouras here, and new ones have come into England fairly recently. Please beware, there are some mouras who are not “typical” and perfectly lovely and good people and others who are actually true to the typical type cast. Surely you have heard the saying that “a moura’s beauty is always outmatched by their greed for wealth and power.” There are some who prove that saying false, and some who prove it true. Please beware of the latter and make sure that the woman who has caught your eye is the former, for only ruination follows the latter’s footsteps.” You tried to gently warn him, fearful he had seen Benny and fallen in love with her like any other orc male had.

“I will, and if you will do me the same honor. Would you tell me what kind of man has caught your attentions and affections?” Demsey asked, even though part of him didn’t want to know and part of him was wishing it was a proper moura, so she would be with her own kind who would understand and sympathize with her and treat her the way she deserved, which was an invaluable treasure, whether she was "tainted" or not.

“He’s an orc. Although I do not know if he leans more towards the old orcish ways and culture or if he will hold true to the English ones although I guess there are some things that are similar in both cultures. I am at a loss as to how to pursue him and what will reach him and prove that myself and my own intentions are true, and how to prove to him that I’m one of the atypical moura’s unless he has already judged me to be typical then I am at a loss for I know at least one member of his family already has but I’m hoping he does not share their views. Because first impressions are usually the most firmly set and hardest to prove otherwise, no matter the word or deed.” You confessed and Demsey felt his rage begin to flare, the moura before him was clearly not the power hungry type. Anyone with half a wit could discern that about her, much less see it with their own eyes.

“Is he….is he a commoner or is he gentry?” Demsey asked, feeling actual panic whirling in his chest, he knew his brother had gone to The Red Velvet Rope and if Sierge had found her, he could be charming and could talk his way into any woman’s knickers if he really tried but Sierge would no sooner bed her before he shamed her for doing so. Sierge was his brother but Sierge was also a rake and downright dangerous to any woman’s honor.

“He is in the gentry. That’s why it gives me pause, so far he has been a dream, a perfect gentleman and he comes from a good family and noble business. There is nothing about him that gives me hesitation except that I do not know if he shares the attraction. He may just be very polite and friendly and I’m reading too far into his gestures or he may already share his opposing family’s views of what a moura can typically be. But...he’s worth pursuing if he does share the attraction, I was hoping I would find him tonight and I could feel him out for it, if not, there are others that are pursuing me. And...I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, or if...if I should just forget all of it and be better off alone.” You confessed as your own panic settled in that you would never see the man across from you in this tiny little booth, barely big enough for two, ever again. It was like you were magnetically drawn to him and you were helpless to fight against it in his company.

“But in any case, I will miss you, and I will remember our brief moments together with fondness.” You offered as you fought the tears in your eyes as your gold moura marks faded to a dull brass color, Demsey had never seen anything like it before, it gave him the most worry, since he had almost become accustomed to reading the Sultana’s marks like her facial expressions.

“You are too good.” Was all Demsey could say, his own heart breaking that he was going to lose, forever, the one other woman he felt any real connection to.

“So are you. Whoever she is, if she ever gets to bed you, she’s in for a treat.” You tried to tease with a grin but the bittersweetness in your eyes cut him to the core.

“Goodbye Mr. Draft, may life treat you well and may the woman who captured your attention be worthy and return it and show you the same loyalty and respect you will surely show her.” You offered as you did your best to get out of the small booth to get away before you cried your eyes out right there at the table as you damned yourself for being unduly attached to a manwhore in a whorehouse rather than Duke Demsey Voyambi who you were sure was probably a much better man but still, your heart already ached at Demsey Draft’s absence.

He seemed to take your cue and got out of the booth as well as you curtsied in place as he bowed respectfully before you turned on your heel and tried to get away.

But you had barely taken two steps before Demsey quickly took three steps to catch your arm in his hand which caused you to stop and turn and turn right into his other hand that framed your face and brought it to his own as he gave the hottest, most soul scorching kiss of your life and you’d be lying through your teeth if you tried to say that you protested. Your body betrayed you as you kissed him back and glued yourself to him as your marks revived and started to pulse and flash again.

“One last time?” Desmey pleaded when you broke for air.

“One last time.” You readily agreed before you grabbed his hand again, saw along a far wall a room with the words “pairs dressing room” above the doorway and quickly ran with Demsey following you, his hand tightly grasping yours, weaving through the crowd and pushed a five pound note into the abbess’s hand and took the last available “pair’s changing booth” which was really just sex booth with a bench in it as you pushed Demsey to sit down as you readily straddled his lap as he undid his pants as you hiked up your skirts and stripped out of your Dorierran panties and seated yourself onto him and began to ride him in earnest as he partially undressed you, undoing your top and tossing it aside, still marveling at your moura moura marks as they pulsed and glittered even in the low light as your eyes practically glowed gold as well in the lower light of the darkened closet since there was only a lone candle burning in the corner as his hands went under your skirts and grabbed good handfuls of your arse and helped move your pelvis over himself so that your ground down deliciously before reattaching his mouth to yours and kissed you for all he was worth, pouring every ounce of his heart and soul into it before leaving hot, lisentious kisses on your neck and chest, capturing those oh so precious pulse points as you undid his collar so you could feast on his own neck and chest and once it was revealed you bit down his neck as he growled dangerously and hissed in pleasure and moaned when you soothed your mark with your tongue before inflicting a second, a third, and fourth and losing count after that as your mouth then moved to his collar bone and his very sensitive nipples, which he did appreciate your attention to as he did the same to you, because for this brief moment, you were his, for the last time, he was going to leave evidence that you were his, for this all too brief, but glorious moment, that nothing else mattered but your pleasure and once you shuddered and keened as your legs shook from the first orgasm as your moura marks lit up the room and glowed like soft sunshine as the orgasm seemed to flood your senses, he was picking you up and pinning you against the wall and driving up into you almost mercilessly but you loved every bit of it as you clung to him.

“Please Demsey, my dearest, darling Demsey, please, cum in me, fill me.” You pleaded desperately into his ear as you were near tears from how amazing and spectacular this was.

“Not yet.” Demsey cooed in your ear.

“Demsey please.” You begged as you felt another orgasm approaching and he still would not stop and that one nearly made you black out from pure ecstacy as the room lit up even brighter because that orgasm was bigger and more intense than the last and then he set your practically limp body down on the bench and went to his knees and replaced his cock with his mouth onto your already overly sensitive sex and ate you out like it was his first real meal after months of fasting as he settled your legs over his shoulders as the light that continued to pulse and glitter on your moura marks on your thighs and legs and lower belly provided all the light he needed as you laid back onto the bench as your pelvis rested in his hands as he moved you how he wanted you and you were powerless to stop him as a third orgasm bloomed in your body and lit up the room like a fire had started inside it as you did your best to hold onto your very soul so that it would not leave your body completely as you cried out in almost painfully blissful ecstasy as your hands gripped the edge of the bench pitifully, your knuckles going white, not caring in the least who could hear you and that’s when he finally relented and had you sit in his lap on the floor, with your bare chests touching and caressing the other and there was so much love and tenderness in his desperation to fuck you senseless as he held you fast to him and drove up into you and upon the fourth orgasm, the biggest and brightest of them all, did he finally relent and fill you so full it overflowed and you spent the longest moment just clinging to each other, neither of you wanting to let go of the other as you both basked in the ever so intense afterglow as the light from your moura marks slowly faded to nothing as once was desperation, was replaced with tenderness, softness and sweetness was you ran your fingers through his hair, feeling the waves and subtle curls in his thick, luscious locks as your fingertips scratched ever so deliciously on his scalp as he scratched your back in turn, savoring every precious second of having you in his arms, trying to commit every detail to memory, not wanting anything to go missing when he would want to recall this later. Whether it would torture him or bring him fondness or joy, only time would tell.

Soon though, there was a gentle knock on the door.

“You two alive in there?” Came the abbess’ call.

“Yes, we’re almost done. Just a moment please.” You answered back as you reached around him and adjusted your mask back into place since it had become slightly askew so that he would not discover your true identity as he seemed to do the same before you reluctantly untangled from each other and helped get each other get redressed and recomposed.

“Goodbye Mr. Draft, it was always a pleasure.” You offered as you took his hands and kissed his knuckles tenderly before you left the small room and quickly weaved your way through the crowd to the other end of the Midnight Peacock to get changed into another side of your outfit, this time, one of the lighter, more luxurious ones as you took a vial of perfume that was in your necklace and put some around your neck and chest to cover up any “evidence” of Mr. Draft’s presence on your body even though you had taken a moment to savor the scent of it one last time as Demsey seemed to do the same, changing out of his “rented” second outfit and back into his original one that he came in wearing and didn’t care to notice how the outfit seemed to be given to another orc who had come in, this one, more bluish in color who quickly changed into it to enjoy the party himself once Demsey had traded it in for his old clothes at the counter.

“Is there a bar here?” He asked the person overseeing the single dressing rooms once he came out redressed in his original outfit.

“Yes, it’s right through there, you can’t miss it.” She answered as he followed her direction to find a young lady, dressed is discrete luxury already sitting at the bar, drinking absinthe.

“Sultana Audravienne?” Demsey took a chance and asked which perked you up as you turned to see him.

“Duke Voyambi, I thought you would be dancing.” You offered, even though, your legs were still jelly from Mr. Draft’s endeavors.

“Usually, yes, but um, tonight, I’m not...I’m not really inclined to dance.” Demsey confessed because he was worn out but also he just let the greatest lover of his life so far slip through his fingers and he was in no mood to dance.

“I’ll be honest, neither am I, would you like to join me?” You offered.

“Yes, I’d love to.” He readily agreed.

“Well it seems since we both seemed to guess who the other is, there is little point of these then is there?” You asked as you pointed to the second mask you had pinned into the top you were currently sporting.

“No there isn’t.” Demsey readily agreed as both of you took off the masks and set them neatly on the bar as he got up onto the barstool next to you as you had already taken your hair down, letting your thick braid lay down your back.

“Absinthe?” He guessed, looking at the glass you were drinking from and recognizing the green liquid that filled it.

“Yes,” You readily confirmed.

“May I have one?” He asked the bartender who nodded and poured him a small glass of it, letting it pour over a cube of sugar and offered it up to him.

“Is this your first time drinking it?” You asked him.

“Is that obvious?” He asked as he took a few tentative sips.

“Absithe is the only “dangerous” drink they have here.” You answered.

“What would you prefer to be drinking right now then?” Demsey asked.

“Cyanide.” You answered without hesitation before he practically choked on his drink.

“Cyanide?” He repeated as he wiped his mouth with a handkerchief.

“Mouras are immune to poison, remember? Cyanide is to me what wine or whiskey is to you.” You explained.

“But absinthe is still just a little poisonous right?” He asked.

“So is tobacco, but yet that doesn’t stop anyone from smoking it.” You shrugged as you looked out over the already cloudy room, filled with smoke from other patrons practically smoking up like chimney’s.

“Touche.” He had to chuckle.

“Do you like tobacco?” He asked.

“No, although hashish is popular back in the stables, if the sultanate states were still open, alcohol is illegal but hashish which is like tobacco but not quite since it comes from a different plant- is perfectly fine. But both can be hard on your lungs and mouras can be very sensitive to both, but here in England, it just depends on what’s fashionable at the time.” You reasoned as Demsey seemed to nod along with that sentiment as he took a longer sip of his drink.

“True.” Demsey agreed.

“So how are you liking it now?” You asked as you nodded to the drink.

“It’s growing on me.” He admitted.

“Yeah it does. Anything sweet usually does.” You grinned before you heard a cheering boom behind which inclined you to turn around to see what was going on to see Ramsey and Axal flamenco dancing with each other, their feet stomping very fast and rhythmically on the wood floors as Axal was wearing his matador masquerade outfit, it’s bright pink color and bejeweled state catching everyone’s eye but not to be outdone by Ramsey’s equally impressive baby blue one as well as Yalin and especially was cheering her son on while your mother and other members of your family were around cheering Axal on as well as you just shook your head, two peacocks flaunting their feathers at each other as Demsey looked on and just shook his head as well, having already exerted his own herculean amount of energy and spent it on Ms. Draft, wherever she would find herself now, although a quick scan of the crowd, he couldn't see anyone that looked even remotely like her. But he was with who he really should be spending his time with and now that he was with her, it was a different kind of comfort and happiness, but it was sadly tainted by guilt and strangely disappointment that didn’t make a bit of sense. Wasn’t this exactly what he was hoping for? To be with Audra, the real, authentic Audra, somewhat privately and all to himself? Then why, when he looked at her, he kept seeing glimpses of Miss Draft and why was he wishing that he was actually sharing this drink with her? What had happened in that room to change his mind? This morning he had been so sure that Sultana Audravienne was the one for him but something in Miss Draft had him hesitating and it didn’t make any sense at all.

But the way you were looking at Axal and Ramsey, caught his attention, you were...disappointed, or disinterested and clearly unimpressed as you just shook your head and turned back around and finished off your absinthe and got a menu as Demsey asked for one as well before you went ahead and shared yours with him.

“So what sounds good?” You asked him as you looked it over, already picking a few things out in your mind.

“Uh the lamb kebabs sound most appetizing.” Demsey answered before you grinned. It was a Medetteranian dish and right up your alley.

“The lamb kebabs it is then, the portions should be good size too, let’s share.” You suggested.

“Absolutely, I’ll defer to you, order whatever sounds best to you.” Demsey offered which got you to beam happily before the bartender came back and got your order as you went ahead and ordered everything that sounded good to share with Demsey and before you knew it you had taken up a good portion of the bar and had begun sharing a surprisingly good and wonderful meal together.

But what surprised you was how Demsey was correctly eating each dish.

“What?” Demsey asked as you paused in eating to watch him eat.

“It’s just, you’re the first Englishman who has known the right way to eat this. Most have no idea you’re supposed to use the bread instead of a knife and fork.” You explained as you copied his movements, using the bread to dip into the different sauces, scoop up the rice and the bits of grilled meats before bringing it to your mouth.

“Uh, well…” Demsey stuttered as he flushed with some embarrassment, because it had been Miss Audra Draft who introduced him to these dishes and had shown him the proper way to eat them. But he couldn’t tell you that, for fear you would think less of him for visiting a whorehouse, because the thought of you thinking less of him was worth than anything else he could imagine at the moment.

“Uh, there’s some orc dishes that are similar in how they’re eaten, it just...seemed natural and the right way to eat it?” He supplied, hoping you couldn’t see right through him.

“Some things just make sense I suppose.” You shrugged, having thought you’d have to explain everything but instead both of you had just dived right in.

“They do.” Demsey nodded as he quickly tried to stuff his mouth so he wouldn’t say anything else.

“So um, you obviously know much more about this cuisine, what can you tell me about it?” He asked after he swallowed.

“Well since you asked…” You grinned happily before you went through it again as Demsey was struck by how similar Miss Draft and you were, so similar in voice and mannerisms and gestures. It was almost like he was sitting next to her again as his heart almost strangely ached for her. But that was not fair to you. You were not her and she was not you. But the dishes themselves must be common knowledge among all mouras, he supposed.

But you couldn’t help but notice that while Demsey was still watching you and listening the best he could, the look in his eye and in his expression, it was like he was missing someone and you began to fear that there was perhaps another in his life, someone he had known before you ever met him. Someone his sisters did not know and maybe before Kate Whitesale. But one who clearly knew the Sultanate Quarter or Hanging Garden Quarter rather, of the stables because that’s where these dishes came from. What if the only reason he liked you, was that you were the legitimate copy of what he really desired? There were so many more mouras here in England than you realized and more than a few were a striking resemblence to you and most of whom, were actually commoners. What if you were the gentrified version of what he really wanted?

That would make sense. What if he came here, looking for her and couldn’t find her and instead settled for your company?

“Are you alright?” You asked.

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine, just...I think the smoke is getting to me in this room too.” He tried to excuse, damning himself for not being completely present with you.

“Can I get a bottle of spiced rum please?” You ordered from the barkeep as you started dumping and piling everything on the largest platter as Demsey took your cue and followed your actions until everything was on the large platter before he paid the tab at the bar before he put the lid over the large platter as you grabbed the bottle of rum and followed you through the place where you found a staircase and climbed up it as Demsey followed you before you found what you were looking for, a balcony on the roof of part of the first floor. And on the balcony is where you found Calla and Tzane already sitting at one of the tables and eating something similar.

“Audra!” Calla called you over as you happily went over and pulled out two chairs before Demsey sat the platter down onto the table.

“I thought you two would be dancing.” Tzane noted as he sat next to Calla, the two of them practically sitting thigh to thigh and as close as could be without actually sitting in the other's lap.

“Not in the mood to dance tonight.” You confessed as you sat down as you noticed that Calla and Tzane had also foregone their masks that were on the table as well as you sat yours down as well as Demsey's since his hands had been full carrying the platter.

“But always in the mood to eat.” Demsey grinned happily as he took the lid off the large platter.

“Oooh, that smells really good.” Tzane praised.

“The Hanging Garden Quarter has some of the best food in all of Dorierra,” Calla grinned.

“Well I think this is too much for the two of us, if you want some, have some,” you readily invited as Tzane and Calla didn’t need to be told twice before they got their plates and loaded them up before they dug in themselves before Calla walked Tzane on how to “properly” eat it as the four of you fell into very easy and wonderful conversation before Calla noticed movement in the balcony of the second floor and her eyes went wide as she grabbed Tzane’s hand under the table and squeezed it hard which got him to look over to her before he followed her line of sight to see Ramsey and Axal making out on the edge of the balcony on the second story as he started to choke on his food.

“You ok?” You asked as Tzane punched Demsey in the leg under the table and subtly pointed in the direction he wanted Demsey to look before Demsey gave the direction a curious look just in time to see Ramsey finish kissing Axal before he went down to his knees and undid Axal’s pants and started to suck him off right there on the balcony and choked on his own food as well before you reached over and pat his back.

“You ok there Demsey?” You asked, concern clearly written on your face and in your voice before you head Axal groan a moan which caused you to turn your head just as Axal seemed to notice who was around and moved so that Ramsey was between himself and the balcony that looked down over the first balcony so that Ramsey was hidden from the view from below.

“Hey Axal,” You waived happily, pretending to be oblivious as Demsey, Tzane and Calla looked in horror at each other.

“Hey Audra.” Axal waived.

“Getting your cock sucked by the son of Pharoh?” You asked in Arabic since you knew Axal well enough to know that pleasured look on his face and didn’t want the rest of the table to know that you knew what was really going on.

“Yes.” He confirmed.

“Well enjoy the night air, it’s a nice night tonight, keep everyone out of my hair, I’m with who I want to spend the evening with.” You called back in Marinai as Calla tried to recapture her composure.

“Will do!” Axal called back with two thumbs up.

“Uh...what...what did you say to him?” Demsey asked you as he tried to keep composed himself as Tzane was trying to gulp down the rest of the wine he had gotten for himself and Calla, down from the bottle.

“I asked if he was enjoying the night air, and when he said yes, I told him to keep enjoying it since it’s beautiful weather we’re having tonight.” You answered sweetly, continuing to act oblivious.

“Yeah, he’s enjoying it alright.” Tzane coughed into his fist as Demsey glared at his little brother as Calla just flushed as she drank down her glass of wine as well.

“Aren’t we all?” You asked with a scheming grin.

“Well, yeah, maybe not as much as he is though.” Tzane answered as he kept his gaze down at his plate before he tried to fill his mouth with food to keep himself from saying anything else as Demsey glared dangerously at Tzane before Benny and Sierge came out to the balcony as Benny was taking her hair down from its original style as the two still had that giddy, love drunk look with each other as it was clear that a tryst had just transpired between the two.

“Oh hey guys.” Sierge greeted cheerfully, as he came over before you scooted closer to Demsey who also scooted closer to Tzane so that Benny and Sierge would have room at the table.

“Oh good, you guys already ordered food, we worked up quite the appetite on the dancefloor.” Sierge said as he grabbed unused plates from the next table over and gave one to Benny before he helped himself the spread on the table.

“Among other places.” Benny cooed with a playful wink to Sierge who ducked his head and grinned bashfully as you simply smiled knowingly as you gave Benny a meaningful look and she gave a subtle nod that had you nodding along with her.

“Good.” You simply noted as you happily dug into your own food.

It wasn’t until the bluish orc came out, still wearing the rented suit that Demsey had been wearing earlier with Audra’s essences on it- came onto the balcony too with another lady with him before Sierge sniffed the air, turning his head and sniffing the air deeply in his direction.

“What does your bloodhound nose smell now? Does he have better food or what?” Benny teased Sierge.

“Uh, no, uh, I’ll tell you later.” He told her with a meaningful look as she looked intrigued as he sniffed that scent again before he turned back to the table and began sniffing again before his nose seemed to land on you before he quickly turned his head to stare at the platter of food as his eyes went wide for a moment before he seemed to try to be recomposed.

“Yeah, this food smells the best.” He tried to play off casually but he still gave you a weary look as he looked at Demsey who was staring at him in confusion as Sierge pointedly looked at Demsey, then at you then at the bluish orc then back to Demsey pointedly as Demsey just looked at him in complete confusion but sadly, your parents found you and pulled you back inside because they had requested the Hanging Garden Official Dance Anthem and felt you should dance too just as Ocearian found Axal only moments after Axal had cum down Ramsey’s throat and had gotten redressed and adjusted as you let your mother take your hand and lead you away as Calla and Bennie followed as Sierge grabbed Demsey’s arm to keep him from following along too.

“What?” Demsey asked.

“Audra, the Sultana, she has a lover, he’s that blue orc over there.” Sierge accused.

“What?!” Demsey balked.

“My nose doesn’t lie, I can smell her all over him.” Sierge insisted as Demsey looked from his brother to the orc in question.

“Find out for sure.” Demsey said before he left and quickly tried to catch up to you to see you already on the dance floor, surrounded by family as you all danced the danced in synchronized steps.

“Good evening sir, can I talk with you for a moment?” Sierge asked the gentleman.

“Uh, in case you couldn’t tell I’m kind of busy right now?” The guy answered.

“I’ll give you five pounds for five minutes of your time.” Sierge offered.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” The guy immediately told his companion before he got up and followed Sierge a short distance away.

“What?” He demanded.

“First, what’s your name?” Sierge asked.

“Robert Wainsright.” He answered.

“And your orc name?” Sierge prodded.

“What does it matter?” He protested.

“Ok fine, who have you been with tonight?” Sierge asked.

“Her! That’s the only one I’ve been around all night! Why does that matter?” Robert demanded.

“Because the scent on your clothes says otherwise, now tell me again, have you been intimate with anyone tonight?” Sierge demanded.

“What are you the fucking coppers? What business of yours is it who I’ve been with?” Robert protested.

“Because the smell on your clothes implicates you.” Sierge growled dangerously.

“Implicates me in what? A fucking murder?” Robert demanded angrily.

“You know what, fine, if you say you haven’t been with anyone other than the lady at the table, then I have no choice but to take your word for it, who is she by the way?” Sierge asked as he took out his wallet and began going through his bank notes to find the right one.

“She’s one of the workers for The Red Velvet Rope, she works in the kitchens.” Robert answered as he took the bill from Sierge’s hand.

“Thank you, that’s all I needed to know.” Sierge grinned triumphantly before he left and went back inside to see Demsey watching appreciatively as you danced with your family, with a bright happy smile on your face which brought a fond one to his own hands.

“And?” Demsey pressed Sierge.

“The guy’s name was Robert Wainswright and he claims the only one he was with was the lady he was eating with.” Sierge reported.

“Ok, well maybe your nose is wrong for once.” Demsey nodded and went back to watching you dance and enjoying yourself as Sierge fought with himself whether he should tell his brother or not but now was not the time or place and when the dance ended you ended up pulling Demsey to the floor to dance with you as Demsey, despite previously having no stomach for it, was suddenly all too happy to try to dance along to these strange dances with practically hypnotizing music but the best and yet the worst part was, to see your moura marks on your skin flow, pulse and flash like fireworks was both amazing yet, plagued him with guilt that he, once again, was forced to recall Audra Draft’s marks and how they would do the same thing. He needed to get over her. Maybe it would have been better if he had not seen her tonight and not been drawn in by that vixin's siren's call. Because then he would have focused completely on you. You deserved his undivided attention and affection and having you compete with any other would be a crime against the gods.

But he did feel kind of smug that if Ramsey got any closer to you, he had his own ace up his sleeve, to know that Ramsey was actually having intimate relations with your brother no less, you had told Demsey yourself that you were the jealous type and would not share your partner with anyone, much less a family member and when and if you ever found that out, you would immediately rid yourself of Ramsey for good, all he needed to protect himself from now on was his own implications with Miss Draft and he was as good as gold and as long as you never found that out, he was sure to win your affections honestly and wholeheartedly. Miss Draft had just been a bad mistake, made...thrice, but only thrice and no more.

Demsey didn’t care if he looked ridiculous, he was dancing with you, almost holding you on the dance floor and being so close to you, to have you smiling up at him like he was the only man in the world you had eyes for had his heart soaring and his pride beaming and his possessiveness over you almost insatiable. In this moment, yet again, he was overcome by his gut telling him that you, were the only woman in the world for him and that Miss Draft would from now on, only live in his past, never again in his future.

[msilwrites]

(A 3AM Update) A True Gentleman, Chapter 21 - A jealous husband?

A/N: Chapter 21 is up! Isaac confronts Diana, like a jealous husband! By the way, Henry, Diana's cousin face claim is 'Henry Cavill', and Sam McLean's face claim is Sam Heughan.

Oh, before I forget, if you don't like the story, please do move on to others, the internet has lots of them. Please don't hurt writers, ya? Good! so without further ado...

TWENTY-ONE

A jealous husband

"Diana!" her cousin, Henry approaches her. "That was a stellar performance!" he compliments.

Every time Henry and she are seen together, people often mistake them for siblings. The blue cold eyes, thick eyebrows, strong jawline, and dark hair were the signature that belonged to their family.

"Thank you, Henry!" was her grateful reply. "But I know why you are here for, go and lead the way!" she says, as he leads her to where her father sat. She knew what Henry approached her for. It was time for her father's interrogation and lengthy sermon.

Francis watched Henry, followed by Diana, approaching him where he sat.

"Relax Uncle..." Henry says, as he taps his uncle's shoulder, telling him to listen instead of scolding Diana. He then walks away to give the two space.

He took a deep breath before turning to his daughter. " Why don't you take a seat..." he offers, patting the empty space beside him, which she took.

"First of all, why are you singing at a wedding?" he tried to sound calm instead of being confrontational.

" I was trying to earn money to buy a 3D Printer," was her direct answer.

" Why?"

"I'm trying to build a small workshop studio, and I need a 3d printer..."

"Oh..." Francis was taken aback, he didn't expect his daughter to have such plans. "But what happened to the money you got from the sale of your old penthouse with Jesse?"

"That, I'm keeping it to the side. I plan to use it to buy real estate and most probably have the place rented for passive income. If not, I'll turn it into the workshop studio. I planned to save money, but I think I'd earn more if I were to rent the place out."

His eyes widened in disbelief, was this still the same Diana whom he met a few weeks ago? No! This Diana has ambition, plans and direction. She was actively taking charge of her life. "Wow! I did not expect that... That is actually a good plan"

Diana smiled and just nodded.

"Do you need help?" he offers, sincerely this time, without a hint of being condescending.

"Maybe? From time to time, Thank you! Da!" Diana says gratefully. "Your advice and input would be helpful from time to time" she adds.

"That was a stellar performance by the way!" Francis complements his daughter. " Those wedding songs reminds me of a time when I was..." he said trying to find the word.

"Hopeful? Yes, I did feel the same..." she admits to her father.

Francis sighs. " You know, I really did love your mother. It may have not gone well for the both of us, but not once did I regret loving her,"

Diana looks at her father, surprised at his sudden confession. Not once did her father open up to her about this issue.

"Why?!"

"Why what?"

"Da! She hurt you!" she exclaims.

"Yes, she did... and I may have done things that I shouldn't have, but what happened to us in the past, is what makes us who we are now. We grow and become wiser,"

"I guess you do have a good point..." she agrees. It made her think about her past abusive relationships, and what it thought her. Though it was terrible, it made her learn and it made her wiser.

"So how did you exactly end up here?"

"That's a really long story..."

" We have a lot of time,"

She began her story (omitting some parts of course) and told him about the music director Aedan looking for an alto-soprano which led her to where she is now.

"I see... I am glad you're able to use your classical training, anyways, when is the date of your performance?" he inquired.

"Why?"

"I want to see it of course!" he declares.

**********

"I see trees of green. Red roses too, I see them bloom. For me and you. And I think to myself, What a wonderful world..." Diana opens the dance floor for everyone, with the song 'What a wonderful world'. The strings followed, in harmony with her voice.

Couples, young and old, approached the dance floor and began dancing to the sweet tune.

The night was about to end, and she was grateful that her performance went well. Hopefully, she would also perform well with the orchestra at the outdoor theatre.

"I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do They're really saying I love you..."

She scanned the area and saw her cousin, Henry, being surrounded by girls. She stopped her from rolling her eyes, knowing that he was a known ladies man, even since they were young. On one side was her father who seemed to be enjoying himself, chatting with others. The atmosphere felt jolly that she swore she'd try to catch up with Henry or talk some more with her father after finishing the song.

"I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll ever know. And I think to myself... What a wonderful world Yes, I think to myself... What a wonderful world. Ooh, yes I think to myself... What a wonderful world..." and with the last verse, Diana closes the song and the audience applauded. She smiled and thought, that it was still somehow a wonderful world despite everything she had gone through, there was still things she was thankful for.

With a sigh, she gives a toast to the newly married couple, and then turned to the quintet and thanked them, which gained her another set of 'Thank you's coming from them.

She looks around and found the bar, wanting a cold drink, preferably a beer. It's been weeks since she had anything cold and gassy. It wouldn't hurt from time to time to have an ice-cold beer after a long day of singing.

Wasting no time, she requested a pint of ice-cold craft beer on tap from the bar-tender, and he quickly poured her one large pint, its surface bubbling.

"Good job out there, you earned it, enjoy!" the bartender says, before moving to other requests.

"Thanks!" was her response.

She looked around trying to find Henry or her father in the crowd, whilst drinking her glass. However, before she could even make a move. Her father had already gone up to the podium, about to start his 'godfather' speech and before she could even look for Henry, a handsome guy had already sat beside her and tried to engage her in a conversation.

"Hello..." was his greeting, his voice deep. She looked at the colour of his kilt's Tartan, and immediately knew which family he is from.

"Wait! your name is probably something McLean!" she declares.

"Oh! wait, are you a Scott too?! Well, I am Sam McLean..." he said, stretching his hand for a handshake which she gladly took. She felt a little confident today, and talking to a handsome man isn't so bad thing to do to pass the time. Unless he actually is an asshole otherwise. She already has an escape plan.

"You may call me, tonight..." was a flirty yet witty reply from her, causing Sam to laugh. "Or you may address me as, Diana"

"Well, Diana, that was a stellar performance throughout..." he compliments.

"Thank you! I'm glad you like it,"

"You have a very nice voice! So... may I buy you a drink?!" he offers.

"Of course! Or you could get me food since I haven't had my fill yet..." she said sheepishly, not having eaten anything yet.

"Oh! of course! what do you want to eat? I'll get it for you!" he offers.

" Cake" she implores, placing both her hands together as if praying.

"Of course, I'll be right back!" he said, immediately taking a small slice on a plate for her.

"There you go! Enjoy!" he says, pushing the small plate to her.

"Thank You, Sam!" she chuckles at the mention of his name. It was the same as the pseudonym she used when she wrote those 'love' letters to herself. "Thank you. I'd say 'God Bless you!', but it looks like He already did." was her flirtatious reply followed by a wink.

Sam bit his lips and laughed. He didn't know how to respond to that. "Thanks... I guess..." he holds his laughter, and clears her throat, "So Diana, what do you do? Besides singing? "

"I am independently impecunious..." was her answer.

Sam throws his head back laughing, knowing that he had found a hilarious person and the night will definitely not be boring.

"Enough about me, Sam! Let's talk about how attractive you are!" she adds.

Sam takes a deep breath but ended up laughing once again. " You're too funny for words!" However, before he could even say more...

"Sammy, laddie, hands-off! that is my daughter you're flirting with!" Francis chastises Sam from the podium after he finished his speech, causing everyone to turn their attention to Diana and Sam at the bar, upon finding out that she is Francis' daughter.

"Well, nice to meet you Diana!" he says. "Yikes..." and slowly backs away from her. It didn't matter how beautiful she is to him, she was Francis's Rutherford's daughter and there is no way she would want to incur her father's wrath.

"Sam? wait!" she says, perplexed at his sudden change.

**********

"Sam is an international playboy, he isn't the ideal man to date!" Henry says as he fiddled with his phone. Seated beside him inside the car is his cousin Diana, whom he ended up sending back home instead, as his Uncle, Francis, still had to stay at the wedding reception.

"Oho! You're one to talk Henry! " Diana chuckles, knowing her cousin's reputation.

"It can't be helped..." was his response.

"Should I tell the girls who chase after you, the same thing you told me?"

"It won't work... they'll chase after me more!" he declares, and both of them erupted in laughter, including their chauffeur in the front seat of the car, at how true the statement was.

"Well, aren't you afraid I'd chase Sam more?" she asks.

"You won't" was his quick reply.

"Because life has already knocked some sense out of you..." was his confident statement, aware of what Diana had gone through, all those years.

"I guess you're right," she sighs and smiles at herself, turning her attention to the view outside the car, whilst a classical piano rendition of 'Moon River' played inside the vehicle, making it a relaxing atmosphere.

"Lady Rutherford, we're here..." their chauffeur announces, and he gets out of the 'Ghost' to open the car for her.

"Thank you, Higgins!" she says, referring to Henry's chauffeur who opened the car door for her.

Henry followed after, alighting at the other side of the car. "Let me send you to your door..." he offers.

"Yes, walk me there," she says, as Henry walked beside her.

"We should have lunch sometime, eh? It's been a long time since I caught up with you!"

"Yes, we should do that" she agrees.

" If you don't mind, Mum wants to catch up with you too, can she come along?"

"Of course Aunt Minerva is more than welcome! How long has it been?!" she realizes suddenly that she had met her immediately family for years now since she started her relationship with Jesse, that was no longer the case now.

"It's set then" he declares, trying to find a spot inside his phone's calendar. "I'll set the time next weekend..."

"Alright! Well here's my door" she says turning to him to give him a quick hug.

Henry gladly returns her embrace " I'm glad you're in a better place now!" he adds, giving her shoulder a squeeze as an affirmation. "Well, I have to go, I have an early day tomorrow!"

However, before Henry could leave, the door opens to reveal Isaac, glaring at him.

"I'd normally say get a room, but this isn't a hotel" was the first thing Isaac said, the moment he opened the door, and 'caught' Diana, and some man, embracing each other in front of his door.

Henry looked at him puzzled, and when he realized that Isaac got the wrong idea about them, he released Diana from his arms. "Eww..." he grimaced and quickly turns around and gave a two-finger salute before he left "See you, Diana!"

Diana took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to burp before entering the house. She had four large pints of beer and 2 slices of cake which made her feel bloated, which made her feel regretful going on a drinking spree.

"Diana?" Isaac called, which she almost didn't notice because she was busy nursing the bloatedness.

"Mmmmm?"

"Remember you had 10 things you have to do for me?"

Diana just nods and covers her mouth, trying to burp as silent as she can. "Yes..."

"Well, I'm gonna use 1, let's have a talk..." was his stern reply.

"Dr Skovgaard? can we do this tomorrow?" she pleads, as she was bloated and tired.

"No, because I don't know where you will disappear to again..." he reprimands.

She sighs as she follows him to the dining room where a long session of scolding and preaching awaits her.

She sits down, resigned to her situation and prepared herself for Isaac's long preaching.

"Diana, you often disappear and reappear to I do not know where to, it's like I'm living with a Ghost. And when I message you, you do not respond..."

"But I do respond!" she reasons.

"Yes, two days later..."

"Oh... hehehe... I'm busy, sorry, please don't be mad at me" she apologizes, and laughs softly, struggling to also hide her drunkenness.

"Busy with what exactly??!!" he inhales sharply.

"Uhhh.... you know, things? work? earning a living?" she says a little sluggish. "You know, I gotta earn my keep..." the Scottish accent of hers, starting to come out.

"Men!?" he adds.

"Ahahaha yes... men" she giggles. "I'm not really busy with them, they're busy with me, which in turn... takes up a portion of my time, they're handsome, eye candies! So I guess it's worth the time..." she laughs.

"Unbelievable!" he throws his hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Dr Skovgaard, what are you really scolding me for?" she says, trying to suppress another burp.

He sighs " First, you disappear to who knows where and then reappear a few days later! You leave my message on 'read' and respond to them a day or two later as if I'm a weird guy you have been avoiding, and then you came home late, drunk! In the arms of another man! Do you know how I felt, do you know worried I was?!" he stressed out.

Diana stares at the tall ceiling and then laughs at the realizations " You make me sound like a stray cat who just comes home to eat!"

"I never said anything like that." he shakes his head in disapproval.

"I know... I'm just visualizing..." she adds, waving it off.

"Diana, you're not taking any of this seriously-"

She didn't know if it was drunkenness, but she felt a little brave, and without warning, got up from her seat and wrapped her arms around Isaac. "Alright, my love... I'm sorry, so sorry, I promise not to do it again!" she says, as her arms tighten around his waist.

Isaac, caught off-guard, stood there, frozen, unsure of how to react. "Diana?"

Diana just laughed, as she brought her hands to his cheeks. If anyone were to see them right now, it would look like they were a couple making up, after having a banter. "Oh, Dr Skovgaard... you sound just like a jealous husband!" she exclaims and laughs at his face. "You know I'd normally kiss you, but I'm not your beau..." she adds, tapping his cheek. "So, let's end this argument, and call it a day! I'm sorry, alright?! Good Night!" she says, kissing his cheek.

Isaac jolted in surprise due to her actions. He felt his cheeks, starting to get warm.

She releases Isaac from her embrace and sluggishly walked back upstairs, to her room, whilst singing a funny Scottish folk song and laughing halfway.

He sits down for a moment to collect himself and tried to process what had just happened. Trying to make sense of the feeling he currently has in his chest.

A/N: I have most probably made some grammatical errors, here and there... so I'd do some soft editing. I hope you enjoyed this one! I would also love to hear from you in the comments below.

[thatonegirljessy99]

Loving Myself and You (part 2)

Word Count: +2,000

Warnings: none

Summery: Tsukishima and Y/N have been something for a little while how. What were they exactly, definitely more then friends, but not even close to being together. You finally have had it with whatever this is and decide it is time to move on and put yourself first. So with Tsukishima out of the way, how will you progress with the friendships you never really got to form?

Part 1

*********************

Saying that the first week was easy was a complete and utter lie. Kageyama and Hinata had found you on the second day back at school, crying in the hallway quietly to yourself on your way back from the bathroom. Tsukishima had only called you once in the past four days but the fact that he seemed so unbothered by what had happened was what was making you cry from pure rage.

At first the two boys were a bit confused since they were unaware of what had been going on, but after taking you up to the roof to get some fresh air and a round of milk boxes provided by Kageyama, you filled them in on the situation-ship you had been in with Tsukishima. How for almost the whole last year Tsukishima and you had been seeing each other in secret, meeting after your respective practices and hanging out on the weekends going on small dates, having dinner at each others houses, the late night calls, the random texts, and the jealousy whenever someone of the opposite gender spoke to the other.

“Wow, I would have never guessed that Tsukki was in a relationship,” Hinata stared at you in shock.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if I would call that a relationship. Only a jerk would keep a girl hidden like that. I don’t even remember seeing you at any games,” Kageyama pointed out as he finished his juice box, sighing as he leaned against the wall.

“That is because of my busy schedule with dance and Tsukishima not wanting anyone to catch on to us,” you sighed before laying down on the floor to look at the clouds floating by slowly,” He is a jerk… but that jerk has a soft side I have been lucky enough to see for most of my life. I mean we have always gone to the same school so I have been able to see all sides of Tsukishima. The dummy even had me believing that whatever we had was a real relationship.”

The rest of that conversation was just Hinata laying down next to you while Kageyama sat down so his back was still against the wall, Hinata and you pointing at clouds and saying what they looked like between spells of silence.

After that day it was rare to see you alone anymore during class. Hinata did his best to stay by your side whenever possible to make sure you were okay, sometimes just sitting next to you while you did your class work, other times dragging Kageyama along to grab lunch with you. It worked in brightening up your day at school but it didn’t help too much for your mind after dance practice. But that was most of your day being taken care of.

Eventually it just became part of your routine to hang out with Hinata and Kageyama during the school day, Daichi and Sugawara joining you three for lunch on the roof from time to time. It was nice, you actually were able to finally get to know the people you had been forbidden from seeing basically before. After dance practice you would find one or two of them waiting for you outside to walk you home. Yachi and Asahi even became a part of your little circle at some point, Yachi hanging out with you after dance so you could do homework together and having her sleep over so she wouldn't have to head home so late.

It got to the point that you were so happy you could hardly think about being upset with Tsukishima, especially on opening night of your ballet show. You hadn’t seen the team come into the hall right as the lights went down, all of them rushing from practice, Kiyoko helping them fix their dress shirts as they took their seats. After the show you were a little sad, smiling still, as the dancers were received by their friends. You sighed thinking it would just be your parents waiting for you with their little bouquet of white roses for you. 

Instead, when you walked into the center of the reception hall you gasped seeing the team chatting up your parents, Nishinoya and Hinata complementing your mom on her dress, everyone rushed over to you with small bouquets of flowers. Normally it was just your parents that would greet you after performances, don’t get me wrong it was great, but the feeling of having all your friends there made it feel like this was your first time performing all over again. Your heart almost felt like it would burst from how much joy you felt when you went home to see that your mom had made a big meal after Hinata and Yachi reached out to your parents to see if everyone could join you guys after the performance for dinner.

It was weird seeing so many people in your small house. Everyone was laughing and praying your dads cooking, everyone kept making a big deal about how perfect you were on stage, Kageyama being impressed at how all the dancers could dance on their toes, everyone spread out on the couch, table, and floor since there wasn't enough chairs at your dinner table for a whole volleyball team. Everything was great until someone knocked on the door causing you to get up from the table to open it. 

"So I guess I'm no longer invited to these events?" Tsukishima glared down at you as you mentally prepared yourself for the apology you'd have to give your family and friends for what's about to happen.

"You mean practice ended early enough for you to care? Nice. Next time try changing into a nice shirt before coming over, yeah?" You smiled, your eyes glaring right back at the tall blond before opening the door all the way so he could see inside," as you can see, I don't think you would have gotten in trouble for wanting to cut practice a little short for a friend."

The room was silent behind you, no one moving as the tension radiated from where you and Tsukishima stood.

"They are my teamma-"

"They are my friends Tsukki," you smirked as you saw his eye twitch," what's wrong? You don't need to worry about people getting the wrong idea about us."

"You know, when you said you would clean up for us I figured it's because you weren't interested in going to her show, I didn't think you would be rude enough to ruin her dinner," Kageyama spoke up from his spot on the couch.

"I live in this neighborhood, idiot. I was just walking by and saw I didn't get invited to dinner," Tsukishima snorted, you pinch your nose with annoyance at his presents.

"Look Tsukishima, as much as I hate having you near me, it would be nice if you tried to not be a complete ass to my guests in my parents house. So, you have seen who is here, and now you can see your way back to the other side of the neighborhood, unless you would like my dad to give you a ride so you don't get lost," you smiled bitterly, knowing that if you really needed him to, your dad would step in.

Instead you heard some people move behind you and were a little surprised to here voices come from so close to you once they finally spoke.

"Actually Y/N, we can show him back to his place. It's getting a bit late and we should probably be heading out anyway," Daichi smiled at you, placing a hand on your shoulder so you could step aside to let him out. He gave you a quick hug and looked at Tanaka and Asahi who did the same, Tanaka yelling at your dad to thank him for the meal.

"Alright Tsukki, time to talk about how not to treat a girl, especially one that has her temper," Tanaka started up loudly as the three boys began to walk away.

You laughed a little as you closed the door to see everyone still just staring at you.

"Are you okay honey?" Your mom asked coming over to hug you.

"Yeah, I'm fine mom. You know dads temper, always getting me in trouble," you laughed patter her back as you hugged her back for reassurance.

"My temper? You mean your mothers temper. There is a reason she runs the house," your dad chucked, the tension finally fading away in the room as everyone started to chit chat again. 

It wasn't too long after when everyone started to help clean up before heading out for the night. Suga and Nishinoya took the trash out with them after thanking your parents for letting them come over, Yachi, Kiyoko, and Hinata all helped with the dishes before they left, and everyone else just helped straighten up the living room and dinning room before leaving. The last one there after your parents had said their good nights and headed off to bed was Kageyama.

You were both just sitting on the couch watching a movie at your request. Well…. Maybe not request, maybe whining was a better word to describe it. Everyone was already leaving but you wanted to stay up a bit longer and watch a movie so you chose Kageyama as your victim.

"What are we even watching," he mumbled as he looked at you getting comfortable in the corner of the couch.

"I don't know, I really just still feel really hyper from tonight. It was a great show and, if I'm being totally honest, I didn't expect all of you to be there and it kinda made me really happy. Ya know?" You laughed, smiling at him widely.

"Yeah, you seemed pretty happy tonight," he smiled back before getting up and pulling a small box out of his pocket," oh, I almost forgot. Um, my mom said I should bring you a present since this was my first time coming over and seeing you dance."

You looked a little confused as he handed you the box, but you smiled regardless before opening it to see a silver necklace with a small pearl hanging off the chain.

"My sister was the one to help me pick it out," he admitted, looking away a bit embarrassed.

"Aww, I really like Kageyama. Thank you," you smiled a bit sheepishly," although I'm not sure if I can wear it while on stage."

It was just then that Kageyama realized he had never seen you wear any jewelry other than the props you had during the show.

"Why would you only wear it on stage? I think it would look nice on you any day," he asked, a bit confused.

"I don't know, I just don't think I have the looks to try and wear jewelry other than when I have makeup on. Why do you think I always have the same look for school? Hair in a bun, regular uniform with no extra stuff. I'm just meh off stage," you shrugged, starting to feel a bit weird talking about yourself.

“I think you are amazing on and off stage… I mean you work just as hard as we do with school and dance and everything.”

A smile spread across your face as you looked at the necklace and then at Kageyama.

“That’s really sweet of you to say, I mean, I try my best. I know it costs my parents a lot of money for me to be able to do what I love so I try to do my best,” you sighed before looking back at the clock.

“Hey, Kageyama, it's getting really late. Do you want me to ask my parents if you can sleep on the couch-”

“No, no, it’s okay. I can still walk home. It isn’t too far from here,” he chuckled, walking over to the door with his bag,” tell your parents I say thank you for letting me come over for dinner.”

“Yeah, of course! Thanks for coming to my perfo-”

Your sentence didn’t even get the chance to get out before your vision went blurry and your fel backwards before Kageyama could catch you. Your head slammed on the hardwood floor, Kageyama rushing to your side as he screamed for your parents to get up.

Good thing there was no school tomorrow or practice.

[the-fiction-witch]

Circumstances P1

REAL LIFE X ROYALTY (1960's)

COUPLE TBS X READER

RATING SMUTT

I sighed as I stood dressing the window will all the latest things for the store listening to the radio play it's rock and roll tunes. As I put the multicoloured mini dresses on the plastic figures laying out cardboard replicas of new records across the floor near a one of the record players we had in stock. I did my work often having to fix my hair a little as my headband kept falling down my head. I glanced at the busy London street outside the window with the people rushing everywhere the cars and motorcycles passing in on the road.

As I looked a saw someone across the way.

It was a man, a very skinny man. With a mess of blonde hair he sat on a motorcycle that was pulled over at the side of the road. His helmet on the seat with him he had a rather large and impressive camera that he was looking though it aimed at the window.

Whatever people often take photos of the window displays or of the front of the store here in London as most people visit. He took the camera away a moment as he fixed his hair, he saw me looking at winked at me making me blush a little before he put his camera away and slipped his helmet back on starting up his bike and disappearing into the madness of London.

I finished up my work heading out the shop trying my best to just blend in with the crowds as I headed to Hyde Park, I sat on a little bench looking at the sunshine as most where having a late lunch or early dinner around this time of day, I looked at the beautiful flowers and grass until I spotted something.

I saw that guy again, I had almost forgotten about him.

He sat in a bench not far from me, his camera in his hand again taking more pictures of things I smiled and went over while he was looking away

"Hey" I smiled making him lower the camera Messing with his blonde hair his brown eyes looked me up and down rather devilishly

"Hey" he smiled "something up?" He asked

"I was wondering what you were taking pictures off?' I asked

"And pray to tell, why is that any of your business?" He asked taking another of something

"I'm just curious, I've seen you twice today, you sparked my curiosity is all"

"Oohh did I now?" He smirked "come on, I'll show you" he smiled tapping beside him so I sat in the beach as he dug around in a tattered leather side bag a moment before getting out a block of Polaroids secured together with an elastic band there must have been at least fifty there he pulled off the band and smiled to me handing them to me

"Thank you" I smiled as I began to flip thought them most flowers and trees, rivers and ponds, nice cars and motorcycles, then I saw me. Stood in the shop window,

"You looked beautiful" he smiled "still do actually"

"Thank you" I blushed to continue to look and I found another of me walking down the street a couple of days ago "have you been watching me?" I asked

"Goodness no, I just happen to see you every so often and you normally look really beautiful" he smiled I continued looking at the beautiful pictures till I flipped to one that was equally beautiful but wasn't a car or beautiful scene it was I assume him laid almost naked on a bed "oh shit! Sorry" he says taking the pictures away "I'm very sorry about that" he blushed

"It's alright" I laughed

"Hey... Did you wanna go get a drink somewhere?" He smirked "or maybe just... Head straight back to your place?"

"Isn't that a little forward I don't even know your name" I argued

"Just call me Thomas, and you are?" He asked

"Y/n" I smiled

"A very beautiful name indeed, so drink? Or your place?" He smirked...

I unlocked the door of my flat trying desperately to keep thomas' hands off me for a moment as soon as we where inside he pushed me against the closed door and kissed me harshly I kissed back his lips so smooth and soft. I locked the door again and tugged him through to my bedroom I sat in my bed and he smirked leaning in my bedroom door as he shut it he smirked shutting my curtains I was a little confused but I didn't have long to ponder it as he slipped off his shirt and knelt on the floor at the edge of my bed kissing my ankles and up my legs till he reached my panties, he kissed around them a little before pulling them seductively off my legs he then stood smirking at me so I giggled undoing his belt and his pants dropping them to the floor leaving him in a pair of tight blue boxers and his hard erection obvious he smirked pulling me up and unzipping my dress almost ripping it off me he pulled me back to kissing him as he fiddled with my bra and pulled it off me before pushing me onto my bed he kissed me deeper pushing inside me

"Ummm fuck! You feel good" he smirked ...

I smiled as I laid in my bed the bedsheets around me tightly as Thomas got dressed

"Sorry beautiful I've got to get going," he says

"Ooohh... Sure" I nodded sitting up a little more "did you wanna maybe meet up for dinner on Saturday?"

"Sorry beautiful I've got stuff going on," he says "look if circumstances change I'll pop in and see you" he smirked giving me a kiss "okay?"

"Okay" I nodded

I stood making some dinner when there was a knock at my door I was a little puzzled who would be coming to see me at this hour so I went and opened the door seeing Thomas stood leaning on the door frame, I had been seeing him every so often over the last few months even if he doesn't often stay long.

"Hey beautiful" he smirked

"Hi Thomas" I smiled

I sat on my bed my head laying on thomas' chest my covers wrapped around us tightly

"Why don't we ever go to your place?" I asked

"You wouldn't like my place beautiful," he says

"Why don't we have dinner or go dancing?" I asked

"Because we come here and fool around? I thought you like it?"

"Course I do but... Maybe we should do something different every once and a while?"

"Maybe" he sighed

"Thomas?" I asked

"Humm? What's up?" He asks playing with my hair

"What are we?" I asked

"Why do we need a label on it?" He laughs "your pretty, I like coming to visit And I like having sex with you? Why do we need anything else?" He laughs

"But Thomas... I really like you"

"I know... Look y/n if circumstances where different, I'd have married you by now" he says kissing my head

"What circumstances?"

"It's hard to explain"

"Are you married?" I asked sitting up a little to see his face

"No" he laughs

"Are you... Engaged?"

"No..."

"Then what?"

"It's my family..." He sighed "hey, how about on Sunday you come over for dinner?"

"Aww I'd love to" I smiled hugging him a little tighter

"Okay, just... Uhh be careful" he warns and I was a little confused.

I stood having had my shower getting ready to go out and meet thomas' family for dinner I stood in my underwear drying my hair in my mirror when there was a knock at the door 

"who is it?" I called 

"It's me beautiful!" Thomas yelled

"Ohh it's open," I told him as I finished drying my hair and began deciding what kinda makeup I was going to wear when Thomas came into the bedroom 

"Hi hun" He smiled kissing my cheek

"Hi" I smiled 

"Have you picked out what you wearing tonight?" He asks

"On the bed," I told him

"Ooohhh hell no your not wearing that" he warns "Lucky I bought this then" He smiled and I noticed he did bring a bag with him "Here i picked out a dress for you" he says as he sat on my bed looking through my stuff I looked at the bag and it has the name of a rather high-class London designer on it, I was shocked especially when I opened the bag and the dress inside was indeed from that place the price still on it to

"Uuhh Thomas! I can't wear this! It's more then I make in a year" I argued

"Yeah but I bought it, so come on else we'll be late" he says

"Thomas I can't-" I began but he kissed me

"Your wearing that beautiful, now come on finish up else I'll never hear the end of it" he told me

Once I was ready Thomas lead me down to the street where a car was waiting, I assumed he was going to open the passenger door for me but instead the door opened and a well dressed man opened the back door for us Thomas tugging me inside

"What's going on?' I asked

"I'll explain when we get there beautiful" he whispered as the car started up and began driving off. I tried to make notes where I was going but it was almost impossible in the darkness.

Until atlast it stopped and the drivers let us out Thomas put his hand over my eyes as we did so I couldn't see.

"Beautiful you remember how I said my family was uhh...  Complicated?" He asked

"Yes..."

"And we waited this long to let them know you excited due to-" he began

"Circumstances" I laughed

"Yeah well... There kinda-" he began removing his hands from my eyes as we stood on gravel the car driving off from behind us, the whole area was miles apon miles of woods and gardens with lanterns illuminating beautiful garden features, a stable now converted to have one side for horses and the other for rather expensive vintage cars, and in the centre of all this luxury stood a manor house taller and more elegant then any fairy tale

"Wh-whats Going on?" I stuttered in shock

"This is Elmwood. Elmwood manor. Yeah this is the uhh family home" he says

"The family- you grew up here?"

"Yeah, my whole life, I still kinda live here. I want a place on my own but they don't agree not till I'm married anyway, so come on we'll be late for dinner" he says tugging my hand inside.

I was overwhelmed seconds after opening the door, the paintings, the sculptures, the magnificent rooms and staircases I felt like I was being lead thought a palace until we reached a room full of people all of them drinking

"Thomas my little darling" a woman smiled hugging him

"Hello mother" he smiled briefly "mother this is y/n" he said indicating to me

"Hi" I smiled and she frowned glaring at Thomas before walking away to talk to others "is it something I said?"

"Try and sound... Not so common beautiful" he says as we continued to walk

"Common? But this is how I talk?"

"I know and I love it Beautiful but your going to get us in trouble" he warns as we went around meeting people I mostly just nodded hardly saying a word as I was afraid of upsetting anyone if I did say something

"Aww she's a pretty little thing, hardly says a word, I really do need a wife like this myself" one man said

"Course uncle" he sighed before he lead me away down a corridor with some grand paintings "I'm sorry I know it's a bit overwhelming, I really didn't know how to ease you in so I figured hell I'll throw you in the deep end first see if you can swim" he explained

"Or I drown?"

"Kinda yeah" he shrugs

"What is with everyone? Why are they all so... Posh?" I asked

"Fine you really wanna know?" He asked and I nodded so he pulled me along down the corridor to a painting with family of four "this is my grandfather, and my granduncle"

"Wait? Is... Is that the crown?" I asked seeing the adults in the picture had crowns and other such jewelery

"It is, it was handed over to my granduncle when there father past, and there family has had the crown ever since" he explained

"So you grandfather is the king's brother?" I asked

"Yep" he says sipping his whiskey

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

A Perfect Mess

This fic is based off chapter thirteen of @matchacakesareforfoxes fic Domesticity: The Random Files

I love their fic and if you haven't already, please go read it and the chapter this fic was inspired by. It was a privilege to write your and I just hope I managed to do it justice @matchacakesareforfoxes

In this fic the reader makes a mess

__________

You had tried to do this before, but you hadn't tried to do so in this place. In speaking about this place, you meant in the warmth and familiarity of his kitchen; whose tiles, corners, and fascinating collection of mugs were almost known by name; of the items which hadn't been given a name, they still had a purpose but weren't as remembered or remarkable. You've cooked other things here, like lunches and dinners, and breakfast on rare occasions, but baking here had been avoided. It hadn't been because Zeta-7s kitchen was lacking. On the contrary, it was a delightful space and he had all manner of ingredients; you weren't in want of possibilities or lacking imagination, but you held a reluctance.

Talent, for a better word, was not what you had when it came to sweets. It wasn't an art like cooking, but a culinary science which you knew Zeta-7 had studied down to the smallest degree. Still, you were going to try. Oh, but trying was different than doing.

You leaned towards an upper shelf for the bottle of good vanilla and found you couldn't reach. If this hadn't been as much of a surprise as you wanted it to be, you would've accepted his assistance. You would've admired the outstretched arm which would've found no challenge in grabbing the amber bottle; filled with the essence which forever permeated a few of his favorite sweaters and at times was detected on his skin. Yet, those were sentiments which could flourish on another occasion, because you were going to do this on your own.

____________

Perhaps you should've prayed instead.

The song McArthur Park came to mind when you stepped on the eggshells which missed the trash can. When the baking soda spilled all over the counter you couldn't recall, and you realized you were dusted with flour as though you had applied it like an after shower perfume; you thought maybe you should've quit. Yet, despite losing the recipe you had pinned on Pinterest and the ungodly amount of sugar which had been used, the batter was mixed together and placed in the oven. Great, that was done but now there was the mess. Oh man, where to begin.

Glancing at yourself, you thought maybe you should change, but you'd have to swing by your house to do so. Decisions, decisions; it just felt like too much work. During the span of time when you had wondered as to what you should do, the scent of burning passed your nose. That part though was simple to figure out; the oven was on fire. Wait……the Oven was ON FIRE?!

“RICK!”

Wherever he had been in the house hadn't mattered, for not only did he rush in, but his three robot clones had as well. If you hadn't been so panicked, you might've wondered why they hadn't joined in past cuddle sessions. Zeta-7 wasted no time when he scooped you up in his arms while clones one and two extinguished the fire. "Are y-y-you okay?"

"I'm um… I'm fine, but I'm not sure about the oven."

Clone three removed the burned contents of what would've been cookies, and determined that nothing had been damaged, but it would take a while to clean. Seeing that his robots had it under control, Zeta-7 eased you down onto the couch not caring if you would leave a mess and inspected you until he was satisfied that you hadn't injured yourself. "Ricky, I told you I was fine."

"Y-you're right, I'm s-sorry."

"No," you sighed; disheartened but all the more so embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I can't believe this all happened. I should've asked where the fire extinguisher was first. That, or bought some baking skills at Bed Bath and Beyond. I'm pretty sure you can find it in the abyss of the Beyond section."

Now that death was not imminent, you were a jumbled mess and just babbled as though it would make things better or possibly make sense. Zeta-7 for his part studied you, and the more he did, the more you wished you could crawl under a rock. You deserved to be yelled at, scolded, or anything where you would be punished for daring to believe you could keep up with this man skills. And when he opened his mouth to speak, you thought you were in for it, but instead, he laughed; the kind which spoke of his relief; you hadn't quite expected that reaction. You were partly confused, partly annoyed that he hadn't been upset when he should've been, but your pouting only encouraged his amusement; his laughter filling the house with this happy noise.

When he was like this, you couldn't stand how much you loved him; how you were won over, and enamored by the radiance he exuded easily; all the lines around his eyes and mouth prominent but reassuring of his happiness. Soon enough, having watched Rick collapse over himself with mirth, inspired giggles of your own to bubble forth. It would be a few minutes when either of you was rational; at least enough to explain what had transpired a half-hour before.

You wanted to bake cookies and surprise Rick while he was working. That was it; just bake cookies then surprise Rick with said cookies; possibly earn a few brownie points; any points for that matter, but no, the Baking Gods were against such aspirations for you evidently. Rick for his part, placed his hands lightly on your shoulders and gave them a squeeze, leaning over enough so you both would be eye to eye. “I don't think any Gods had a hand in this, I think y-your power is just too great for baking cookies.”

You tried not to, but you couldn't help it and began another fit of laughter with Rick not far behind. "I don't think I have any powers worth mentioning, but they are weak against chocolate. As well as other things."

The laugh which had been ready to escape him seemed to die as he took a glance at your lips, then away as though whatever thought sprang up in his head wasn't worth elaborating further. You really wished he would've because then you could've elaborated on a thought of your own.

__________

When you two had found your composure, you set about cleaning up the kitchen together; hopefully, it would be easier now that you had gotten the taste of pyromania out of your system. “Rick, you don't have to stay here. I can clean it up on my own.”

Zeta-7 wouldn't hear of it and simply smiled. "It's okay. Besides, it's no fun cleaning up th-the dishes by yourself.”

You blew a raspberry at him, petulant. "Are you sure? Or is spontaneous combustion also a worry for you?"

"N-no not at all."

“You just don't want me to be in here by myself anymore, huh?” you teased; flashing him a wink.

Confusion; the silent inquisition which occurred when you danced in between the barrier of enigmatic and odd. The questions which he had never came up, for the confusion melted into something like a smirk as he flicked some suds on your nose with the dish sponge. With mock surprise, you grabbed a spoon from the soapy water and placed it under the faucet; effectively splashing him and also yourself. "That did not go as I planned it."

Rick shook his head at you, but instead of responding he dipped his hands in the water and splashed you with more soapy dishwater; you responding in like kind; splashing each other and getting water all over the floor and yourselves; completely soaked in a matter of minutes. You didn't want to know how much worse you must've looked. However, when you calmed a little from your hysterics, you realized he had stopped laughing; lost to his ruminations. You wondered if you had pushed him too far, or if he was upset about the wet floor, but what followed was not what you had expected.

He was staring at you past his drenched bangs, his electric blues immovable in their intensity; this in itself was not uncommon, but it gave him this otherworldly quality; as though they would glow in the dark if the lights went out. The front of his sweater clung to him; the outline of his lean muscles impossible to ignore. You felt warmth in your cheeks; warmer yet when the hand which had been holding a sponge earlier, came up to cup your cheek and an arm was slipped about your waist. "Rick, I'm a mess. You don't…you wouldn't want to..."

"Gosh, y-you're so beautiful." he interrupted.

"What? No," you retorted, trying to pull away from his grasp as though you didn't deserve it. "not like this. I'm a mess and the dishes still need to be washed. If anything, I'm a disaster."

Tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear, he softened. "Y-you're not a disaster."

"Yes, I am. I disrupted your work, almost burned down the house and dirtied your cute sweater."

"Gosh, it was only a-a happy accident."

"In what way?" you wondered.

"I-I got to see you. I don't know when I-I would've stepped out of the garage. Possibly whenever I finished working on my latest invention, but I should've been here instead. We could've baked together."

"I didn't want to bother you. You had your welding helmet on and all those processor chips. I wasn't sure if you were making a computer or a doomsday device, but you were busy. I know how important your work is to you."

"It is important but not as important as you. I'm sorry about that. I - an idea had struck me and I was dying t-t-to get started, but it seems I wouldn't have been able t-t-to get that far anyway since I didn't have all the parts required. This means I-I did have time."

"I didn't know. I just wanted to make you happy with a sweet surprise."

"Gee, I'm happy having you here. That alone is enough. I got t-t-to see a whole new side to you that I haven't seen before. I don't - I'm not talking about the way you're dressed, but unlike those other times we've cooked together, I feel as though I saw the real you. You don't - I know how you feel when it comes t-t-to baking and how frustrating you find it, but finding you there amongst that mess, wearing an apron that's a-a little too big for you and the flour on your cheeks, why it was…"

"A mess." you frowned.

"An adorable mess; a beautiful mess; a-a perfect mess."

"Dear, I don't think those words go together."

"I guess they don't, but I meant it when I said I was glad t-t-to see you're alright, and here all in one piece. That's all I could ask for. I thought an intruder had managed t-to get into the house, or that one of the security bots had malfunctioned, which was why I unleashed my robot clones, but seeing that it was simply a-a cooking accident was the best thing I could've seen because it meant that I-I hadn't lost you."

The hand which had cupped your cheek slipped itself into your hair and smoothed it down, gently, and with purpose. The seriousness which you had seen in his eyes earlier had returned, and the arm around your waist tightened. "Rick," you softened. "it'll take more than burned cookies to take me away from you."

"Really?" he brightened.

"Of course."

Looking at you, in that funny, darling way as he did from time to time, he pressed a kiss upon your temple and lingered there; finding comfort in the closeness. You rubbed his back, and told him it was okay; that you were okay and that he didn't need to worry. Though, in reality, you realized that you needed to be more diligent next time you decided to bake. However, knowing that he had your back if you put yourself in danger again was comforting in its own right.

And when it seemed that he had been comforted enough, he pulled away a little, only to return with an unknown confidence and captured your mouth in a soft kiss; his insistence winning you over, and made you forget what it was either of you was supposed to do; all there being was you, him, and the fading world. Entranced, you seemed to mold into him, and melted with every second that passed. If you hadn't needed to breathe, there wouldn't have been any force in this universe that could've made you two part. Yet, part you would, and when he pulled away, you wondered. "What about the dishes?"

Whether he was aware of it or it was done unconsciously Zeta-7 chased after your retreating mouth. With cheeks aflame, he answered before kissing you again. "The dishes can ugh - can wait."

Fin

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.

[shall-we-imagine]

Through thick and thin. (ShiroyaxReader *AU*)

Requested: 46. "Dance with me." + 48. "Why are you crying?" From this prompt list. Also it's perfectly fine don't worry about sending another it's good you clarified cuz I almost wrote for the wrong prompt list 😅

Genre: Fluff/Angst

(Third person point of view)

Fingers curled in a delicate fist, the princess knocks on the glass window. She secretly sent a wish to the god above that her boyfriend wouldn't ignore her for some sleep or worse- knock her off the ladder while overenthusiastically opening the window.

After a few seconds of no response, she brings her soft knuckles to the cold, glass barrier once more. "Come on, Shiroya." She mutters under her breath.

The sound of shuffling, followed by a loud thud brings a grin to her face. Due to it being dark in his room, she couldn't see what was going on inside, but the scene including her goofy lover falling off the bed wasn't foreign to her at all. She could see it all in her head.

A few moments of silence follow, making the brunette fear he merely decided to finish his beauty sleep on the floor, but just as she considered knocking again, the window flings open.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing her boyfriend flung.

In a rush to avoid the baseball bat, (Y/N) ducks, immediately losing her footing on the ladder. A squeal escapes her lips before she regains composure along with the help of the reason she almost fell in the first place. Shiroya had managed to catch her arm, adding more balance for her to stand straight.

"Thanks a lot for that, ninja-san." She mockingly tilts her head forward; she would've given a full 90 degree bow if she weren't trying not to fall and break her neck.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Shiroya laughs, helping her inside his dark room through the window.

"Yes, I'm the one that almost knocked myself off the ladder with a baseball bat." She nods. Amusement and disbelief glimmer in his eyes; not wanting to give in to her tactics, he looks away, hiding his grin.

"I meant I wasn't expecting you today; shouldn't you be preparing for the ball or something?" Tension spreads like fire; she'd almost forgotten the reason of her surprise visit.

The princess laughs nervously, "Yeah, about that.."

"Yeah?" Shiroya may be the biggest dork you could meet, but he wasn't stupid. He immediately caught on to the fact that something is wrong.

She blinks away the tears beginning to well in her eyes, "You know, it's actually not that important; I'll tell you later. There are other things we need to do now." She gives him a mischievous smirk.

It's clear the boy remained sceptical, but he didn't find it necessary to press the matter if she doesn't want to talk about it now, so he gives in with a matching smirk. "What things?" He wiggles an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing dirty, you pervert." (Y/N) pokes a finger at his chest. "Come on; change into something presentable and follow me." She begins exiting the window the same way she came in.

"But there's a perfectly good bed here- and you're already out, okay." He stops protesting with a sigh and follows his girlfriend down the ladder after changing out of his pyjamas.

"Where to, m'lady?" Shiroya bows down, a teasing grin plastered across his face.

"You're such an idiot." The princess shakes her head in content disbelief. "To an adventure of a lifetime!" She dramatically throws her fist into the air, earning laughter from her companion.

"Off we go then!" He links his arm with hers.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"You sure this is a good idea?" He takes his eyes off of the convenience store to stare at his girlfriend in uncertainty.

"It'll be fine, Shiroya; don't be a pussy." She smirks and marches past him and into the store.

The main reason she'd picked this specific store was because of how old it is- same goes for its owner. In fact the owner is so old, she doubts he even knows how to use a cellphone. The only step he'd taken towards keeping his store safe was the giant security mirror hanging at one corner of the store.

She struts towards the owner confidently, pretending to browse items along the way. She doesn't react when she hears her boyfriend enter the store and walk to a different, more hidden aisle of the store, but a few seconds after it, she proceeds to walk to the cashier and smile at the grumpy man behind it.

"Could you help me out with something?" She begins directing the man's attention to herself and not the giant mirror, for example. She just hoped her boyfriend wouldn't do something dumb and get them both arrested; it wouldn't do her any good if her face was all over the news for stealing. Her father would never let her hear the end of it.

After multiple hopefully subtle glances behind her, she could finally see Shiroya was done. "Hey, I'm sorry, but where did you say the m&m's were again? Could you show me?"

Frustrated by the amount of unnecessary conversation the girl whose real identity he'd never guess was making, the owner sighs but complies anyway, probably in hopes to get rid of her as soon as he could.

She follows the old man to a different aisle, queuing Shiroya's exit. The sneakiest of all, Shiroya, had stuffed some items into his shirt and took off running outside the store. The princess silently prayed for the street to be as empty as it was before they went inside, because if not, they'd be in huge trouble to say the least.

"Just who takes off running after sneakily stealing something from a store?" The princess laughs before placing a gummy bear into her mouth.

"I panicked, okay?" Her boyfriend blushes.

"It's good no one saw you, and we made it here safely." She sprawls onto the grass, taking in the beautifully dotted sky.

"Yeah." Shiroya follows.

A few moments of silence pursue; it was normal to Shiroya by now, since he and the princess had gained a habit of lying down to gaze at the sky, but he knew something wasn't right the second he heard her take in a sharp breath.

His head jerks to the side, panic taking control of him quicker than he'd like. "What's wrong?! Why are you crying?"

She sits up; giving no answers, she continues to sob into her palms. Shiroya could do nothing but hold her close to him, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly in hopes she'd calm down.

"It's okay. We can fix it; whatever it is, we can fix it together, remember?" He assures gently.

The princess's sobs merely get more violent, but her shaky hands find their way to the front of her boyfriend's shirt. She clutches onto the fabric tightly, sincerely scared of letting him go.

She takes a few deep breaths to steady herself, but it all fails her when she tries to speak, "They want-"

Her sobs fill the air. Shiroya's panic could only increase by now; he didn't know what could possibly do this to his girlfriend, who's always glimmering with joy and mischief, but he knew if it would break her like that, it wasn't gonna do any less to him.

The princess began to mumble; most of her speech sounded like gibberish to Shiroya, but a few comprehensible words already gave away the reasond of her misery. Marriage. I don't want to. I love you.

Shiroya visibly trembled at the thought of having to give up the princess for a royal wedding, but he couldn't let her down; he couldn't be discouraged so easily. He fights the urge to break down in tears and curse the universe out for his own misfortune. Instead, he puts his every bit of energy left in him to keep a positive and comforting attitude. His voice audibly shaky, Shiroya hugs the princess tighter and speaks up, trying to keep the quivering of his lips to a minimum. "We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out like we always do. It's okay." To him, it felt like he was assuring himself more than anyone, and perhaps he was, but he couldn't afford to break down- not now, not here.

And for a while, they silently held each other, wishing the world would go away along with their problems, leaving nothing but their happiness and love to prosper.

"We'll figure it out." She finally looks her lover in the eye. "We always do." She nods.

"Yeah." He gives a weak smile.

The princess tears herself away from Shiroya's embrace. She gets up and smiles at him, extending her arm towards him. "Dance with me."

It takes him a few moments to recover and react; he was used to his girlfriend's spontaneous behaviour, but he hadn't expected anything at this very moment.

But, surely, he takes her hand and gets up. "No music?" He teases.

"I am the music, Shiroya." She beams, placing a hand on his shoulder while the other tangles itself with one of his hands.

Shiroya's free hand reaches her waist, gently pulling her closer to him. And soon enough, her soft voice pleasantly captures his heart for the billionth time. Their bodies sway gently to the melody she effortlessly brought upon them, hypnotizing him into only focusing on her in that moment and nothing else. No problems, no pain, just the beautiful woman he'd somehow won over.

He eventually joined her singing, and even though his voice couldn't compare to hers, he could see the happiness she felt in his actions, and that was enough to keep him satisfied. It was the only thing he could hope for, to always see that happiness dancing in her eyes.

[sinsofafangirl]

Chapter Three.

"You're just a stupid little girl who has done nothing but ruin everything I've ever worked for - your father would be ashamed"

"I'm glad your father's dead, he doesn't have to see what a wretch and a cancer you've become"

"Police Academy?! Ha! Maybe I'll get lucky and someone sensible with half a brain will shoot you like your failure of a father"

Ava woke with a start, her body jolting upright, her eyes still heavy with sleep unable to focus on her unfamiliar surroundings as her heart pounded erratically and her chest heaved as she struggled to shake off the remnants of the all too familiar dream. Too caught up in regaining her composure she never noticed the bucket of water or the person throwing it until she was drenched and spluttering. Her hands came up to rub her eyes in an attempt to once again clear her vision before throwing a glare at the offending person "'bout time you woke up, almost thought you'd died and saved me a whole lotta trouble" a roll of her eyes indicated she'd heard him, she just refused to give him a reaction. Of fucking course it'd be Jacob Seed to get her wet in the frosty early morning air and not in the good way. "Fuck off, Seed" came her irked reply mentally slapping herself for actually responding to him "someone wake up on the wrong side of the cage this morning?" a question asked without an ounce of genuine care and a smirk so fraudulent it made her old Barbie dolls seem a hundred per cent real in comparison. Ava didn't reply and instead huffed in annoyance; she was exhausted and her entire body ached from having to sleep on the dirty floor all night so she was in no mood for being patronised by an asshole choosing to focus on trying to untangle the mess of brunette hair with nothing but her fingers - unsuccessfully I might add which only worsened her already sour mood. Refusing to give up her hands continued as best they could to untangle some of the easier knots and avoiding the still tender area of where she'd been struck a few hours earlier.

Cerulean blue eyes watched as she stubbornly refused to give up enjoying the small huffs of frustration he'd hear occasionally. If he was any sort of gentleman he'd offer her an extra set of hands but he found watching her struggle much more entertaining. Instead the former army marksman took the opportunity to study the young woman sitting awkwardly in his cage; always know your enemy he thought as his gaze wandered over her. Now that it was daytime he could get a good look at her; hair a chocolaty brown and even though it was currently a mess you could see she took care of it, she must have been about 5"2 and a hundred and five pounds if that which surprised him considering she put quite a bit of force into the kick to his face last night - not enough to hurt him too much but she still managed to draw blood. That didn't mean anything to him though, she was still weak and he looked forward to putting her through her paces and beyond but for now his studying continued now noting her eyes that were a sea green "you getting off on this, Seed?" then there was that mouth of hers always too quick with a smart remark and a sarcastic comment - that would soon change, he'd break that bad habit first. "You could have avoided all of this if you and your friends had just walked away" which was true but Ava wasn't about to admit that especially not to Jacob who currently sat upon a metal chair, his large arms folded across his chest whilst his legs stretched out before him crossing at his feet; dickhead came to mind as she finally gave up on trying to tame her unruly hair and turned her attention to the eldest of the three siblings. Easier to see him properly within the early morning rays of sunshine peeking through. The photos provided within the manila folder didn't give much detail; too grainy to actually make anything out but now in the morning light she noticed just how beautiful his eyes were and yes, she hated herself for admitting it and yes, she almost threw up in her mouth but she couldn't deny that they were strikingly beautiful and one of the first things she'd noticed. His scars and his burns weren't even on her radar as she casually studied him whilst his attention was momentarily elsewhere, of course they were noticeable and of course she was curious about them; how had he gotten such severe scarring? Did they bother him? Then she snorted realising what a stupid thought that was - it was Jacob Seed as if anything bothered him.

Her snort caught his attention and his eyes snapped back to her making her look away "somethin' funny?" completely ignoring his question Ava rose to her knees and shuffled until she was at the front of the cage "to answer your previous statement. If you and your freakshow of a family acted like decent human beings none of this would have happened" she spat venomously, her facial expression twisting into something that conveyed hatred. Within an instant Jacob's demeanor changed from one of mild amusement and boredom to that of white hot rage, his hands came up to slam on the bars of the cage as he shot forward making the young woman fall back in fear and shuffle as far back as possible - everyone knew not to slander his family in anyway but apparently Ava didn't get that memo and instantly regretted running her mouth as she saw the sheer anger in his glare and the way his hands gripped the bars hard enough to turn his knuckles white. She wasn't afraid to admit that she was terrified right now but her wide green eyes couldn't look away "don't ever talk ill of my family" his voice despite being low was filled with rage and a fierce protectiveness that almost sounded like a growl, it made a chill run down her spine. If making situations worse by running your mouth was an Olympic event Ava would get gold everytime, it was a talent and right now it was one she wished she never had.

His gaze lingered on her for a few more moments as if contemplating his next move and Ava just prayed to whatever higher power that existed that it didn't involve him opening the cage. Instead Jacob released his grip, stood swiftly from the chair and moved towards two of his Chosen; unable to hear what he was saying Ava closed her eyes and made a mental note not to mention his family again. When she reopened them she noticed Jacob had headed inside the Veterans Centre and the men he'd been talking to heading her way "time to get cleaned up little lady, brother Jacob's orders" cleaned up? Wonderful she thought knowing it wasn't about to be a warm bubble bath waiting for her. When she hadn't moved quickly enough the cage door was wrenched open and a dirty hand grasped her hair making Ava his in pain as he dragged her kicking and screaming across the compound "quite ya flappin' girly, it ain't doin' ya no good" she didn't listen and despite her ankle throbbing she managed to get a lucky hit on the shin of the second man who cursed loudly before regaining his composure and back handing her for the trouble making her head swing back, almost seeing stars from the impact.

Ava was thrown unceremoniously onto the hard floor of a dimly lit concrete room, her hands and knees stinging from taking the brunt of the impact, this made her glance over her shoulder and glare at her two 'knights in shining armour' but they'd already left leaving her to her own devices for the time being. Her mind wondered what their version of 'getting cleaned up' was because judging from the state of them and the smell she had to endure on the way over they hadn't bathed in quite some time; hypocrites.

Ava noticed the medium sized drainage hole in the middle of the room and the large hose pipe hanging neatly on the wall near the door but her muddled mind didn't put two and two together and paid no attention to it, instead she focused on the door and wondered if they'd been stupid enough to leave it unlocked. It couldn't possibly be that easy to get off here, right? As if she'd be able to just open the door and go? Seeing as she was cold, exhausted and hungry Ava didn't think she had much of a choice and even with a bad ankle she could suffer through the pain long enough to get away from this place.

Without hesitation she slowly pushed herself up off the unforgiving floor and hobbled towards the door; her ankle protesting every step she made but she wasn't about to let that stop her when her freedom was so close that she could almost taste it.

A shaky hand reached out towards the handle, her fingers brushing it gently but to her horror it moved and the door began to open making her recoil from the fiery haired brute who had just stepped inside "goin' somewhere, pup?" he asked, his face showed no emotion and neither did his voice which didn't bode well for the brunette now sat on the floor - the momentum of trying to move away quick enough meant she fell ass backwards and her ass had no padding so no doubt that would be yet another bruise for her.

"Strip" came his clipped demand, his gaze fixed and hard on the woman in front of him. His arms were folded across his chest again and Ava wondered if that was a natural stance for him or if it was to stop him from possibly murdering her. Her brows furrowed in confusion at his demand "what?" "you heard me, I said strip" again, his tone was short and clipped but that didn't stop Ava who scoffed and point blank refused. There was no way she was going to strip for him "and if I don't?" she asked raising an eyebrow as if to challenge him which with all things considered was probably pretty stupid on her part but up until this point her life had been a series of stupid events so why not continue?

It was then she realised her mistake and her eyes widened in absolute fear as Jacob stormed across the room and it was in that moment she saw that rage within his eyes from earlier and prayed that whatever death was coming it'd be quick. All of a sudden she found herself pinned to the cold, harsh floor with one of his hands around her throat, his grip hard enough to leave bruises whilst his other hand pinned both her wrist above her - she had nowhere to go because her legs were useless at this point and even they weren't she doubted she'd have enough strength to fend him off long enough to reach the door. His face was now right above hers, his breath hot on her face as she struggled to for air "you'll learn why I'm the best at what I do and you'll either play nice and fall in line remembering that you're nothin' more than meat that's expendable" as if to emphasize his point his grip around her throat became that much tighter that she'd started to squirm beneath him, panic mode had kicked in as her vision became cloudy. She truly thought she was about to die and in the back of her mind she found she was okay with that because that would mean she would finally meet her father. In her current situation she was completely powerless to stop him from choking the life out of her and snapping her neck like a twig but apparently he wasn't feeling that murderous today and released his grip just enough for her to gasp for air " - or you'll be culled, tied up and used as live target practice for my Chosen, so what will it be, princess?"

Ava gasped and spluttered again fighting for air unable to give him a physical answer Ava weakly nodded as much as his grip allowed making a cruel smirk replace the scowl he'd been wearing previously" good girl, you know what to do" within an instant he'd relinquished his grip on both her wrists and her throat and had returned to his previous position. His gaze hardened and cold as watched her pathetically regain her composure.

With no other option but to do as she was told the young brunette cautiously and fearfully began to slip out of her deputy uniform as shaking hands fumbled with zips, buckles and buttons. His never wavering gaze didn't help her much either and not knowing if he would strangle her again also didn't help but soon enough she'd managed to discard her uniform leaving her in nothing but her bra and underwear; surely I can keep these on, right? This made Ava look over towards him and in return he merely nodded making tears spring to her eyes as she tentatively reached for the clasp of her bra at the back to unhook it before letting it drop to the floor. Ava gulped down the feeling of nausea before scrunching her face in pain as she winced - her throat would be sore for a good while and no doubt the bruises he left will last weeks before they fade.

Refusing to let him have the satisfaction of seeing her cry, Ava thumbed the elastic of her underwear before tugging them down over her hips, thighs and legs before discarding them with the rest of her clothes. Every part of her was open to him, she felt extremely vulnerable wished she was anywhere but here. Her earlier bravado had been stripped from her and now she naked and exposed in front of him. A face full of cold, harsh water soon broke her train of thought as the force of the pressure slammed her against the nearest wall making her cry out but this only resulted in more coughing and spluttering from the woman. Not that she could see but she could already tell that her skin had probably turned a nice shade of red if pain was anything to go by.

No matter how hard she tried to cover herself from the onslaught of water it just never made a difference, instead she gave up and pressed herself against the cold wall waiting for it to be over.

After what felt like an eternity the water stopped and she was left sore, drenched and very, very cold if her shivering was anything to go by. It's the type of cold that works its way into your bones and then it's icy tendrils wrap itself around your core and you genuinely wonder if you'll ever feel warmth again. "Get dressed" a flurry of definitely used clothes that consisted of ratty dark jeans and a fade flannel shirt hit her but Ava was that cold she would have worn a garbage bag to get warm at this point so she hurriedly threw them on making a note of just how big they were on her, not that she was about to complain especially if it meant being stripped again.

By now Jacob stood in front of what he could only assume was a drowned rat, her hair now forcefully untangled hung dripping onto the flannel she wore as he grasped her jaw he noticed how she flinched but said nothing, his grip just hard enough to have her attention and possibly leave bruises "when you behave yourself you get privileges like clothes but if you keep running that mouth of yours and misbehaving those privileges get taken away and you'll get punished. I'm sure my men out there would love to see the sight that I just saw and I mean, who knows what would happen if I'm not around" his not so subtle threat was quickly understood; the possibility of getting raped wasn't something she wanted "have I made myself clear?" "y - yes" Jacob quirked an eyebrow and gripped her jaw that little bit harder; more bruises to add to the collection she thought as she painfully cleared her throat "y - yes, sir" her voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk but her answer seemed to satisfy him because relinquished his grip and strode to the door, an arm keeping it open as he glanced at the sorry state of a deputy.

"Time for your trainin', let's go, pup" Ava meekly nodded; too tired and too fearful at this point to put up a fight. Her stomach filled with dread as she made her way towards the door.

It couldn't get any worse, right?

[user-manual]

hi (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!)

♡ 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔡: (*˘︶˘*)ु.｡oO thoughtful

I'm having a difficult time staying alive right now. My cats think it's attention time because I stood up from my chair to hit the bong, so they're scratching the trim to get my attention and my instinct is to yell "STOP!" and then I end up choking to death on smoke. PLEASE pray for me and make me more powerful.

Last night I ended up watching the entirety of this youtube video, a 2hr 30min video essay about Inside by Bo Burnham. It's one hell of a video, touching on topics like transhumanism, the modern horrors of late stage capitalism, and uh, just about everything else. I'm stuck on the proposition, "We are already cyborgs, living inside the internet, through our phones; it doesn't have to be a chip implanted in your brain." That's a bit paraphrased, but this absolutely struck me! I have always felt that I lived here, that these online spaces were my homes, and here I am literally in my home on the internet. And he just put it into words like that! It's true, we do live our lives through the internet now. As much as I dislike Twitter, if I deleted it, I would NEVER know what's going on. I found out about the mask mandate returning in my state through the Twitter trending page, and it had a wealth of information that I could fact-check at my leisure. I simply do not watch the news on TV! I trust information more this way, where I can easily see and research the sources, so I can know if I'm being told the truth or not. News from the people is more important than anything corporate-owned talking heads have to say.       I spent the earlier part of my day at work being deeply upset, frequently hiding around corners and going to the bathroom to tweet about why I was upset, because if I had to hold it in I would literally explode into tears. Then I spent the rest of the day anxiously checking my phone, hoping to see someone respond to me so I didn't feel like I was screaming into the void. It wasn't until I clocked out and went home that someone responded, and for some reason that upset me even further. I thought "Hey, this is not normal! Wait, yes it is." LOTS of people do this because we live on the internet, and this is real to us. It's kind of embarrassing to admit to, because "haha it's just the internet" - to some extent, sure that's true, but it is difficult to deny the very real way in which it's changed the way we socialize as a society. Everyone is online now, to the point that the POTUS account on Twitter is always passed on to the next president. My younger cousins ask me if I have Snapchat instead of asking for my phone number, because that's how they keep in touch with people. When I move overseas, I will have to figure out a way to speak to my entire family online, keeping in mind their varying degrees of technical knowledge, since international texting/calling fees are insanely high.

Anyway, this video struck me on a deep and personal level, brought up lots of my fears and anxieties, and made me think about an uncomfortable amount of things. It's extremely long and fast paced but incredibly worth the watch. I somehow learned a lot about myself while learning about Bo Burnham, and CJ has SO MUCH to add to the conversation presented in Burnham's work.

Here, have a picture of one of the two devils trying to kill me. This is Kissy investigating a rubber band that we left on the table after unwrapping our new bong (we broke the last one). Everyone say hi to Kissy!!!

(Originally posted 27/08/21)

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 2 - “Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk” - Joshua (through Autumn)

I hate flag-making challenges. I will not be helpful at all, and I hope that someone else can take the reigns and lead us to victory. I honestly feel safe going into a tribal council, but I do not want to test that theory.

Next morning

With Chips and Jules working on the crest designs, I feel confident that we will do well in the challenge. Maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst. I still have the same anxious feeling that my tribe is not active enough for my taste, but I will just have to live with it for now. Besides, at least this is not immunity because that we increase my anxiety by so much. But, I keep forgetting to search the idol hunt which is my bad, but it is just so hard and long that I do not really feel like searching all the time lol

ART CHALLENGE <333 i love these challenges. Jess made my picture 110% better and its super cute. The note that she wrote with it is also hella cute and I love the whole HP aesthetics bc i never got to go to real hogwarts ;-; but i'm sure most of yall can related. The boys weren't too helpful but nick was better than jacob who is sick. Nick was way more active aka jacob said 3 sentences the entire challenge sooooo…. if we lose idk I might just save jacob anyways bc pregame relations.

Won reward, but now we have to win immunity again. I really hope that this reward helps us continue to survive. I don't want to have to vote anyone out. We've been getting first, but I really just want to survive this challenge, its known to be hard.

I think I have been stuck with the second most challenge inept tribe in the history of my ORG career. I literally said so many answers in my version of the story and Jules just fucked it up. And then they got the girl's name wrong. And then they started mixing up characters. I know I did well, but fuck these people. God. Now we need a tribe to get 0 which is very unlikely. I will just resign myself to tribal. I hope and pray that these people have some common sense and do not want to vote me out

Listen. Listen. Listen. I dang knew this story was going to be Harry Potter based. I knew in my brain and in my heart that I shouldn’t have been the one to start that thing. What do I do? Start the dang thing. Oh well. We did alright. I would be shocked if we won tho but if we don’t I’ll be relieved. I def don’t feel confident enough but I really had a lot of fun with my tribe. I really miss this and really hope that my time isn’t cut short! I feel really good about my tribe mates sincerely. And that’s kind of scary! I would hate to see any of us to go and how it’s going to affect the bond we have if we vote someone out. In this moment with Max sitting out, it may be him who goes if we go to tribal. I hope that isn’t the case. I’ve got my fingers crossed for us. Huff Puff strong!

Honestly Jules dropped the ball sis!! But it’s okay, I love her. She’s really nice and I know she tried her best. Plus she’s in an alliance with me and Owen, so we should have the numbers against Joanna or Miguel if we go to tribal. Personally, I’d prefer Joanna to go. She’s kinda domineering, but she’s also an asset in challenges thus far. She is organized and direct. I’ve also talked to her a bit more than Miguel, so I guess I don’t really care who goes.

I’m happy I didn’t fuck up the reward comp and the shit that I drew got us a win!

I really hope I don't bomb that challenge, I answered everything that Kevin talked to me about.... I think!  The rest of them tried very hard but I am SOOO glad that I asked to do my part at the end because my memory of repeating things is horrendous but I'm usually pretty good at bullshitting test answers... too bad I got some of the multiple choice stuff wrong.

I think that if we do lose I am still in a good spot on this tribe and hopefully I won't be in danger.  I feel like I'm on everyone's good side and Max kind of just disappeared so maybe we could just vote him out this round? Idk.

Hopefully we don't have to worry about it.  I smell a swap coming up pretty soon and I just hope I'm either with Owen or with some of the people from my tribe.  I have no idea if they know anyone or are close with anyone in the other houses.

I'm still feeling the closest to Lily and Kevin but I have been talking to Landen a good bit too these days so hopefully we'll be safe or we can all just agree on Max.

16 minutes later

OOOOOH IS LANDEN PAVING THE WAY FOR A MOVE TO SEND MAX PACKING???

He just told me that me, lily and kevin are precious angels that must be protected and that he likes Max when he's around too so that sounds like something... HMMM...

I can't get cocky, I always go home when I get cocky. But I like this.

my host chat saw this first (shout-out to Drewie and Dennis): Y’all I’m an idiot. I thought I only knew 2 people in this game (Owen and chips). Then I remembered I also know Jess, Autumn, and dan. Literally love and respect each of you my brain just don’t got the strongest memory no more. I’m so sorry!!!! I literally just told landen I only know 2 ppl. I’m just gonna try to not remember it happened.

Ugh.....I need to get it together.

I love my tribe talking to each other now that we have to!! Everyday I'm like damn either I'm on the bottom or I'm not the only one with piss poor social game. Ok so... the moment the hosts said we got 1 point, I started getting ready for tribal lmaaaooo. No sense crying over it either because all the tribes basically just had to show up in order to beat that

Like how could we not go to tribal with a score of ONE? That shit's embarrassing hahaha. That's like when your teacher passes the test back to everyone sitting around you but not you so you KNOW it's bad. But you know what? It's all good cause I'd rather us take the L now and get it out the way and we can all laugh about it cause losing won't be funny after long. The real question is: will Gryffindor do this the easy way or the hard way caaauusse we all know who the weakest link is. I just wanna see if someone puts two and two together without my prodding. Chips already said we voting together right and I'm like yes sir. There's no better place than being on the same page

WE WON OMG!! Jules basically gave me nothing, which is fine, i understand, but i'm so impressed that we pulled that off. Absolutely killing these reward challenges really helps!

"Y'all. Vote me out fr cause I'm inactive as fronk."

Tonight we learned Joshua is a feminist selfless man that I stan because he's volunteering to go home without me having to put his name out, which I was going to do. Like imagine if every guy had that kind of self-awareness, to recognize why he should be the vote and then embrace it instead of wreaking havoc. And wanting to see others succeed more than yourself? King shit! He knew when to hang it up and did just that. Like the number of times I've seen a vote get complicated for no fucking reason because everyone wants a fight to the death. Enough- I'm old, tired, and cannot exert too much energy at once. We got a long game ahead of us, not to mention quarantine. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Joshua. We need more players like you and I appreciate your service

im back back BACK AGAIN with another confessional! not much has changed but a few updates for the sake of these being required :) 1. max has become even more inactive, he's not reached out to me personally since the first day and any time i messaged him after that he's sent me nothing back that i can build a convo off of, so we just have stopped speaking. Luckily this challenge only required four people and everyone else SHOWED UP!! or at least spoke about their availability, while he did not. However in his defense he said he was having some issues at home and i feel for him but his inability to connect has been an issue before he spoke about anything in our tribe chat with us. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but this point my relationships with the other 3 are leaps and bounds ahead of where I am at with Max. Maybe he can pick up some speed if we continue winning challenges but, it's not looking too hot. SPEAKING OF CHALLENGES, well first we lost reward AGAIN, but we won immunity.. AGAIN! thank goodness for not being first or second boot, i always love being able to avoid these early tribals and if i can get to a swap without seeing one that would be ideal, but also if we do go and maybe vote out max? wouldn't be the worst thing. Moral of the story we won and thats exciting! however.. if we didn't.. the first big push of strategic talk came up with landen when he hinted at being frustrated with max's lack of presence which I also share. I do believe if we lost me and landen could have most definitely picked up ruthie and lily to form a four against him, if he even came to tribal. That would be my ideal situation and if we continue on this tribes hopefully it gives me a nice cushion to fall on if we do lose so i dont have to entirely blow up my social game within the first few rounds by voting out someone i've built a connection with. If max can go and the remaining four hufflepuffs can make a swap I would feel good about that, and maybe in the right circumstances we could work together on the swapped tribes because i genuinely like all of these people (yes max too but in this specific scenario he wouldn't be included bc... well..) anyways to close this off i still absolutely ADORE lily, she is fun and our conversations are really good, and same goes for ruthie, hopefully i dont have to see either of them or myself go home before we can really start playing because i think we could do some damage. :) ok anyways this was longer than i thought it would be goodbye

I'm still not over the fact that I was able to answer 7 of those questions right. I have the memory of a plastic fork.  I also love that we are SAFE!

I do kind of hope things get spicy and we swap this round and become two tribes of 9. That'd be cute. I don't want VI to get bored and crack on me. BUT ALSO I think I have solid enough relationships with almost everyone on this tribe... so who knows?!

Also... these hoes really out here trying to search for an idol in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC. WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?

Dear diary, seems like we keep winning challenges, which is great but tbh i feel like every time i give a disadvantage to my team because english is not my first Language, and so far its been a vocabulary test and a listening and speaking test. I mean I knew I signed up for school but damn. Give me some macarena  or drinking tequila challenge and I'll crush it

bippity boppity boo im back again with almost no content kdfasjhdskjfh

Ravenclaw working smarter and we keep winning, period!!! Thankful that y'all put Dan and I together....bc truly we will be unstoppable in these competitions. I kind of want to lose soon though to see how things would shake out, but I don't really have bad blood with anyone. Joanna seems passionate enough in the tribe chat and the challenges, even if she's dry in PMs. Miguel still won't give me anything other than a "how are you," but I hope the best for him in life lol

Still love Jules and Dan, and we made a three person alliance, but I haven't talked with either of them much one on one since it happened.... I really need to step the social game up eventually, but right now, I'm coasting, and maybe that's what I need before I find the time and resources in this game to strike!!

The idol hunt is hard but Dan seems onto something. Honestly he's gonna be a big threat sooner or later so he's sticking around as long as I can keep him! The last two games I've been in I've seen "goats" get dragged to the end and locked in final 3 positions, and then these perceived goats have ended up winning. so I want the big players in this game to rise to the top and fight it out in the end!

let’s say i am como we dice.. fed up with a lot :flushed: a lot meaning joshua starting to get on my nerves a bit! he’s genuinely sweet n all but.. the way he complained about us losing by putting down others work HHH pissed me off. which is why i will be voting him out hehe.. but so far my misting has worked because no one wants to vote me out! mwah

Slytherin killed the memory challenge. We thought we were all gonna flop bc all of us thought we sucked at memory stuff. um well we knocked it out of the park? Ravenclaw got 4 and huff/gryff got 1. We got 7 so oops. I do hope things turn out well for Gryffindor but no one I really know/care about is in that house so I'm not too worried. I hope they continue to lose or even hufflepuff since ravenclaw has 2 of my friends in it.

I have been TERRIBLE with confessionals but only because there's really not been much going on? I have an alliance with Dan and Owen, and even though I wrote off Joanna I was DEFINITELY wrong in doing that. Miguel is sort of the outlier. Our team is kinda iconic though? We've done so well on all the challenges. I might be the weakest link? More to come.

it's pretty sad but the whole tribe has agreed to vote max if we lose, basically he's just never around because of what's going on at home and like thats sad but... we gotta do what we gotta do *shrug*. I'm really feeling good about Hufflepuff moving forward, i've never bonded this much this easily with EVERYONE on a tribe and i just feel like if we keep winning or even if we lose and have to vote out max, we could be a great group for the future. especially i feel great about working with kevin, we dominated eve's game after eve came between us in 2020 that dastardly witch... :P (juuust kiddin. love ya!) but now we could totally do well in this game too i think.....

lily and ruthie are just so sweet and we really bond talking about pretty much anything,, especially lily is a great conversationalist and i just find it so natural to talk to them both. i'd love to work with any combination of people from hufflepuff in the future, hopefully i start sucking a little less at all these challenges. i think i did pretty great on memory :D

So here is the summary of what has happened since last time

We had a reward challenge that was drawing. Mine sucked. Apparently 3/4 so no reward.

We played Telephone. My team didnt realize that details are the most important parts of that and didnt share then with Autumn so Autumn didnt share them with me. Then I didnt know them when asked about them.

We scored 1 point and lost. Since I still have no alliance I'm scared that it could be me. So I kind of got an idea how everyone was feeling.

Juls let me know she wanted to vote Joshua and- it's not me so that's fine!

Then I was talking to Autumn about it and - OOP! Josh asked to be voted out. So unless he plays an idol I'm supposing he is leaving after asking to go.

woo my tribe won immunity!! we are safe! i’m glad bc i’m forming good relationships with ppl on my tribe. i think we all get along rly well so i hope we keep winning. the challenge was fun and i slayed bc i’m skinny mwah

Ya know what’s refreshing? Being on a tribe that actually wins!!! The last three games I’ve played I’ve been on flop ass starting tribes.

Now we’ll lose every challenge

10 minutes later

This sickening bitch just found a hidden immunity idol!!!! Good until f6 L A D I E S!!!!!!

HI BARBS SO I WAS GROUNDED SO I MISSED THE CHALLENGE BUT MY HUFFLEPUFF BABS SLAYED SM SO IM LIVING

CONFESSIONAL 2.1 —

Not much strategy has happened this episode, just simply tribal bonding! We are SlytherWINNING, getting reward and immunity this time! How wonderful.

Regarding my tribe mates, I love all three. I pray, pray, pray we make swap, i do Noh want to be a dirty bad guy and have to vote one out.. yet. Haha.

I was drunk during immunity, one full glass of rum & coke, so I am shocked that we won immunity. Honestly, I feel silly admitting I was drunk to my tribe because... if I can do that when drunk, imagine if I was sober. Competition Beast, duh.

I also gave up my run this round for the tribe to use. Was partially social, partially I just do not understand how to do the Hunt, so I might as well help the greater good. Either way, it comes off positively.

Hoping for a smooth journey for a little longer!

x nick

Joshue has basically quit at this point so I have no fear going into tribal