#anyway next week im going to die actually

[bunnyboy-juice]

awawawawawawa

[officialjimmybuffett]

im sooo fucking screwed for this exam

[omanu]

finished the song of achilles and i loved it and i cried hard but i cant believe apollo was a little bitch like that wtf i used to like him!!

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[jimingyue]

Cat Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

🖋️ meowful-musings Follow

🕊️ birdwatching Follow

what's wrong with dry food??? my humans feed me it all the time and i think it's fine

💀 elusivehider-deactivated948204

op wheres the natural feeding option

🌲 outdoorsy Follow

you guys are getting fed?

#im a barn cat so maybe im missing something here #meowtthew don't look

7,192 notes

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

YOU ARE NOT LESS VALID IF YOU ARE NOT A SPECIFIC PEDIGREE!!!!!

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

extra special shout out to cats who have "common" coat colors. grey tabbies and black cats i am rubbing against your head affectionately <3

🪤 m0usetrap01 Follow

as a grey tabby i really needed to hear this :"3

#i feel like i never see positivity posts for moggies even tho we're the most common type of cat....

154,688 notes

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

i cant believe there are cats ACTUALLY advocating for kittens to be separated from their mothers before 12 weeks??? kittens still need to learn how to interact with other cats before being placed into their furever home omg you guys know you're advocating for undersocialized and aggressive cats right

❤️ loving-paws284 Follow

um op some of us??? matured early??????? i was separated from my mother at 7 weeks and i turned out fine... interesting how you assume that kittens being separated from their mothers at a younger age will lead to the degeneracy of the next generation...hmm i wonder where i've heard that before...

🐈 fluffy-the-cat Follow

OP got bit too hard during a play-fight as a kitten and it shows XD

🐟 tunafeesh Follow

also op have you ever considered that just because somecat is kind of scared and unable to deal with strange cats or humans, it doesn't mean they don't deserve to be adopted?? you sound like a vet psyop honestly

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

oh meow god saying that kittens should be fully weaned before leaving their mother is NOT veterinarian rhetoric and i never said that they deserve to be euthanized!!! my mother literally died when i was 3 weeks old and it seriously messed up my development so stop putting words in my mouth, thanks

anyway friendly reminder that underweaned kittens are prone to illness and often struggle with basic cat behaviors like litterbox usage, and in some nyavinces it's even considered kitten abuse

#discourse #cant believe "kitten abuse is bad" is controversial now

32,456 notes

🍃 naturalliving Follow

BORN TO DIE

WORLD IS A FUCK

猫神 Kill Em All 1989

I am trash cat

410,757,864,530 DEAD BIRDS

#outdoorliving #outdoorcats please interact #outdoorcat friendly

48,971 notes

🎣 salmonpurina Follow

can't believe cats are uncritically reblogging that born to die world is a fuck post. i know it's funny but op is literally an outdoor cat truther

#like cmon now you just have to go to their blog #lulu speaks

34 notes

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

gentle reminder that pushing cups off the table is not cute and can cause a lot of distress in your human!!!! gentle reminder that our teeth and claws can easily hurt them more than they can hurt us!!!!

🐰 evil-tabbystripes Follow

evil reminder that the cup should always be pushed off the table. evil reminder that you should always bite and claw at your human no matter what. you can do whatever you want forever

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

make your own pawst

💀 laser-point-deactivated8574721

umm i know a tomcat who did that and his human ended up putting him down so...

👬🏻 nyasunaruenjoyer Follow

Nyaverage shelter cat behavior

#not nyaruto #re-nyab #pickles shut up

545,460 notes

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

saw two male cats sleeping together on the porch today. homeow behavior imo

💡 discourse-meows Follow

hey um what the fuck??? it's really not okay of you to go assuming other cat's sexualities, especially cats you don't even know???? as a queer cat i'm VERYY uncomfortable. real-ass cats didn't consent to your nyaoi fetish, thanks

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

1. i was making. a joak

2. i'm literally gay???

#literally what's your pawblem

7 notes

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

reblog if you've ever caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

i know you fuckers are lying

🍭 gaykittens Follow

this tom hasn't caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

shut the heull up

988,653 notes

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

grey toebeans >>>>>>>>> pink toebeans and don't let the haters make you believe otherwise

🐁 ladymouser Follow

op shut the fuck up ALL toebeans are beautiful!!! just bc you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean you can bring others down based on things they can't control

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

oh so the cat-human separationist wants to preach to us

[sharlsworld]

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆ opposites attract — 𝐎𝐏𝟖𝟏 ❁

( 𝗈𝗌𝖼𝖺𝗋 𝗉𝗂𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗂 𝗑 𝗅𝖾𝖼𝗅𝖾𝗋𝖼 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 ）

（ 𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 ）𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗁𝗒 𝗈𝗌𝖼𝖺𝗋 𝗉𝗂𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗂 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗎𝗇𝗇𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗎𝗍𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅 𝖻𝗎𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖿𝗅𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗈𝖼𝗄，𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗋𝗅𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝖾𝖼𝗅𝖾𝗋𝖼𝗌 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗒 𝗌𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋

✫ my first oscar smau in honor of the australian gp 🥹

🝮

yn

liked by pierregasly and 1,845,556 others

yn me when the waiter said they don’t offer shirley temples

francolapinto i like shirley temples too…i can make you a shirley temple

⤷ yn i think i’m too young for you

⤷ francolapinto aren’t you 21?

⤷ yn yeah i thought you liked 31 year olds??

⤷ francolapinto OH umm….

⤷ alex_albon Damn she clocked you

⤷ francolapinto OH WHO IS YOU 😒

arthur_leclerc biggie

⤷ charles_leclerc Don’t be rude Arthur

⤷ yn yeah arthur ur just mad i didn’t bring any food back for you fattie

⤷ arthur_leclerc oh so i get growled at for calling her biggie but she doesn’t for calling me fattie?

⤷ charles_leclerc No you’re older you should know better

⤷ arthur_leclerc i can never win 💔

alexandrasaintmleux my favorite date 🥰🥰

⤷ yn my favorite sugar mama 🙂‍↕️

lilymhe How does one look so pretty whilst doing the most normal things?

leclerc_pascale My beautiful baby girl 😍🥰🥰

⤷ yn love u maman 🩷🩷

lando when are you gonna stop stealing your brothers girlfriend and get your own boyfriend?

⤷ yn whenever i want butt muncher. not like anyone lives up to my standards anyways

⤷ lando i might know someone

⤷ carlossainz55 No

⤷ yn and who would that be

⤷ charles_leclerc stop trying to get my little baby sister to date your gross friends lando

alex_albon why are your last 7 posts pictures of you eating

⤷ yn what is it a crime to enjoy good food now or what??? GOSH JUST SAY YOU HATE ME AND YOU THINK IM UGLY AND WANT ME TO DIE

oscarpiastri I love shirley temples

⤷ arthur_leclerc 🤨 whaddomeanbythat

⤷ oscarpiastri What is it a crime to express my love for shirley temples now or what?

⤷ nicolepiastri I’ve never seen you drink a shirley temple in your entire life

⤷ oscarpiastri Mommmmmmm

⤷ georgerussell63 Shhhhhh little Oscar is finally shooting his shot

⤷ alex_albon With his auntie?

⤷ georgerussell63 Not now Alex go have Lily read to you or something

🝮

yn

liked by oscarpiastri and 1,717,426 others

yn went to milan for pasta, and to support charles ig, mostly lewis…but not really…i miss carlos. sorry not sorry CHARLOS4LIFE

georgerussell63 Ooh girl you’re radiating black cat energy

⤷ alex_albon I was bouta say

alexandrasaintmleux My babyyy 🥰🥰❤️

⤷ yn my sissy 🥹🩷

carlossainz55 My ride or die 🤞🏽🤞🏽

⤷ yn they could never make me hate you carlos sainz 💙💙 i’m williams’ number 1 fan now

⤷ williamsracing @scuderiaferrari got your girl 🤣

⤷ scuderiaferrari awh HELL NAHH

oscarpiastri Did you get your shirley temple this time?

⤷ yn indeed i did

⤷ oscarpiastri And how was it

⤷ yn i guess it was alright, it could be better

⤷ oscarpiastri I could make you a better one next week in Australia if you like

⤷ charles_leclerc Wait a damn minute

nicolepiastri You beautiful girl

⤷ yn thank you mama piastri 🥰🥰

⤷ pierregasly YOO IS BUG FINALLY GONNA GET HER FIRST BOYFRIEND???

⤷ yn ho did you just…

⤷ pierregasly I apologize but this is so exciting

francisca.cgomes Ooh lala 😍😍😍

lilymhe I miss you queen I’ve actually been having conversations with Alex to pass by time 💔

⤷ alex_albon Oh thats great to hear 🥲

danielricciardo I just know you fcked some pasta UPPPP

⤷ yn yardy know it dan

lewishamilton Thank you?

⤷ yn you’re welcome dafuq

hattiepiastri face card is insane

⤷ yn oh stop it you 🤭

⤷ pierregasly YOOO BUG GOT THE WHOLE FAMILY HYPING HER UP

⤷ yn pierre…

⤷ pierregasly Once again, I apologize I’m just so invested in this I actually can’t help it

charles_leclerc I’m kinda hurt Leo got to go but I had to stay at the hotel…

⤷ yn i didn’t want to turn into the third wheel

⤷ charles_leclerc yeah right i turn into the third wheel whenever you and alex are together

arthur_leclerc the B in bug stands for biggie

⤷ yn i just watched you pound back 5 chocolate croissants in 3 minutes fattass 🤣🤣🤣 try eating a salad for once double wide

⤷ alex_albon DAMNNN SHE CLOCKED YOU TOO

⤷ oscarpiastri No one humbles you like your own sister

⤷ arthur_leclerc oh who is you 😒

⤷ yn shut up porky go scarf down a hamburger or something butterball

⤷ alex_albon clockedddd

⤷ pierregasly Defending Oscar????? Omg I love this so much please please please never stop 🙏🏽

🝮

yn

liked by kendalljenner and 1,063,782 others

yn i’m here australia

pierregasly Everyone shut up my show is on

maxverstappen1 This early? 👀

⤷ yn boi why you stirring the pot 🤨

mclaren papaya on top 🧡

⤷ yn fosho 🧡

arthur_leclerc Put the food away lil bro

⤷ yn eating all this food AND not working out AND i’m STILL skinner than you 🤣🤣 try harder you fuckin loser 🤕

⤷ alex_albon DAMNNNM ik arthur HATES to see bug coming ⏰😭

mercedesamgf1 Pretty gal 🤩🤩🖤

⤷ yn 🖤🙂‍↕️

alexandrasaintmleux And who took this picture cause I know it wasn’t me 🫣

⤷ yn you’re supposed to be on my side

williamsracing 😍😍

⤷ yn 😘😘💙

charles_leclerc Hey why are you there before me??? What are you up to 🤨🤨

charles_leclerc I better not see any pictures or videos of you with a certain aussie on tik tok

lando i spy papaya. and who drives a papaya car? oscar piastri. and where is oscar piastri from? australia. and where are you? australia. THEY’RE DATING GUYS I CRACKED THE CODE!!

⤷ yn onto something or on something??

scuderiaferrari OUR girl 🥰😍😍

⤷ yn 🫣❤️❤️

oscarpiastri Care to join me for a shirley temple later tonight?? :)

⤷ yn sounds lovely ;)

⤷ pierregasly YOOOOOOOO :’)

⤷ charles_leclerc WOAH WOAH WOAH OSCAR THAT IS YOUR AUNTIE YOU SICKO

⤷ alex_albon HELL YEAH OSCAR SHOOT YOUR SHOT BRO

⤷ danielricciardo Oscar gettin rizzyyyyy

⤷ lando that’s my boy 🥲 they grow up so fast

f1 collecting f1 teams like infinity stones

🝮

yn

liked by haileybieber and 2,819,164 others

yn what a view

pierregasly YOOOOOOOOOOOOO

arthur_leclerc who dis r

leclerc_pascale So cute mon amour 🥰

⤷ nicolepiastri It was so nice meeting your daughter Pascale! She’s just a ray of sunshine, I’ve never seen Oscar smile so much 😂

⤷ leclerc_pascale Thank you Nicole! Your son is the sweetest he’s been treating y/n so well while she’s been in Australia she’s loving it so much over there it’s gonna be hard to get her back home 😂😂 we’ll have to meet up soon!

⤷ nicolepiastri Yes we’ll have to go to lunch with the kids so we can embarrass them with their childhood stories and pictures LOL! 😂

⤷ pierregasly No one knows what this means to me fr

⤷ charles_leclerc YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS MAMAN???? YOU KEPT THIS FROM ME??

⤷ leclerc_pascale Let your sister be happy Charles and be glad she’s talking to a kind man who treats her well instead of one who is mean to her.

⤷ charles_leclerc Wait you lowk right

⤷ charles_leclerc Wait sorry I forgot I was talking to my mother

pierregasly kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ francisca.gomes kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ carmenmmundt kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ georgerussell63 kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ alex_albon kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ lilymhe kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ charlotte2304 kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ lorenzotl kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ charles_leclerc what the hell it’s not like i can keep you from dating any longer. kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!

⤷ lando KISS DAMN IT

⤷ oscarpiastri Okay

⤷ pierregasly YOOOOOO BRUHH I DID THAT

🝮

yn

liked by lewishamilton and 3,371,405 others

yn i love you australia

pierregasly YOOOOOO CALL ME RN OMGGG

⤷ yn pierre…

⤷ pierregasly CALL ME BUG

⤷ yn ok damn

⤷ francisca.cgomes maybe it is a good thing that f1 is back this week…

charles_leclerc ❤️

⤷ pierregasly YOOOO HE GOT THE APPROVAL

nicolepiastri Australia loves you too ;)

⤷ pierregasly yooo 😏🤨

lorenzotl “Australia” sure

⤷ yn 🤫

⤷ pierregasly YOOO

arthur_leclerc at least you’re eating fruit

⤷ yn yeah you should try it once in while fuckin pot belly pig

⤷ alex_albon CLOCKEDDD

⤷ arthur_leclerc Do you really have nothing else better to do?? 😒

⤷ yn DO YOU HAVING NOTHING BETTER TO DO YOU FUCKING LOSER

⤷ alex_albon ⏰⏰⏰

oscarpiastri I love you Monaco

⤷ leclerc_pascale Monaco loves you too ;)

⤷ pierregasly YOOO THIS IS CRAAAZY

⤷ oscarpiastri Do you just constantly refresh instagram to see new comments?

⤷ pierregasly Durrrr

danielricciardo Okay just out here lookin all radiant and shit

lando oi who’s that handsome bloke in the last slide? 😏😏

⤷ yn 8️⃣1️⃣

⤷ pierregasly YOOO QUIT TRYNA BE ALL SNEAKY AND JUST HARD LAUNCH!!!!!!!!!!

⤷ charles_leclerc Yeah guys it’s pretty obvious you two are already dating

⤷ charles_leclerc I mean you started dating a week after meeting but who cares it’s obvious you guys are never breaking up

⤷ yn wow thanks for outing us thick neck bitch

mclaren Welcome to the papaya family! 🧡

⤷ scuderiaferrari Hey that’s our girl

⤷ mercedesamgf1 Guys…cmon…she’s literally obsessed Toto, she’s ours

⤷ williamsracing You’re all fighting for second, we got Carlos so that means we got y/n

⤷ yn ladies ladies there’s enough of me for everyone 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

🝮

oscarpiastri

liked by charles_leclerc and 1,407,583 others

oscarpiastri I’ve been taking up photography lately, what do you guys think?

pierregasly YOOOOO BRUHH YOU GUYS ARE LIKE BASICALLY MARRIED NOW

charles_leclerc No funny business 🤨

francisca.cgomes oscar don’t know what to do with allat

⤷ oscarpiastri Trust me, I do

⤷ pierregasly YOOO GETTING FREAKY ON THE MAIN?? OSCAR PIASTRI???? FREAKY?????

lando So you guys basically have me to thank for this whole relationship 🤷‍♂️

yn get my good side 🙂‍↔️

⤷ francisca.cgomes girl every side of you is good 😘

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux So photogenic it makes me mad 😾

⤷ yn you guys literally look like angels all hours of the day

leclerc_pascale Mon petite fille 🩷🩷

danielricciardo I bet Oscar took this picture just to take it like she didn’t even have to ask like he’s just the type of guy to do that

⤷ maxverstappen1 Oscar is the type of guy to see something his girlfriend would like and buy it on the spot

⤷ alex_albon Oscar is the type of guy to take pictures of cute animals and sunsets to send to his gf and be like “thought of you”

⤷ georgerussell63 Oscar is the type of guy to go to the wake up at 3am and make his girl food because she said she was hungry

⤷ pierregasly Yoo my boy Oscar is the type of guy who would let his girlfriend put her feet on his face and be unbothered

⤷ lando oscar is the type of guy who would be to scared to be rough with his girlfriend in bed

⤷ yn you’d be surprised…i know i was

⤷ pierregasly YOOOOOOOOOO

⤷ lando oscar you dirty boy 😈😈

⤷ maxverstappen1 Where did polite cat Oscar go?? 🤨

⤷ danielricciardo Oscar you naughty naughty boy what have you been up to this week 😈😈

⤷ oscarpiastri I put my phone down to make y/n grilled cheese and tomato soup and this is what I come back to?

🝮

yn

liked by leahkateb and 1,938,241 others

yn this is my husband guys we eloped 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

pierregasly YOOO ARE YOU FR????

oscarpiastri We didn’t elope guys we literally just started dating last week

⤷ charles_leclerc The talking stage lasted barely 6 days before you asked her out so we wouldn’t be surprised

⤷ leclerc_pascale When you know you know

⤷ nicolepiastri One day he was introducing her to us as his friend a week later he texted the family group chat “we’re dating btw” 😂🩷

oscarpiastri In a few years baby 😂

⤷ pierregasly Yo this got me feeling all giddy and shit 🥹 oh young love

⤷ yn bro’s gonna be 30 next year 😟 old asl you’re gonna get arthritis soon

⤷ georgerussell63 I know Oscar is never bored with bug

⤷ oscarpiastri Definitely keeps me on my toes…don’t be surprised if I start graying in the next few months guys

⤷ leclerc_pascale Mon chou quit giving Oscar such a hard time please

⤷ yn i can’t help it maman it’s just who i am

⤷ oscarpiastri I’ll gladly take worry lines and gray hair as long you’re by my side ❤️

⤷ yn omg stoppp do you like me or something 🙂‍↕️

⤷ oscarpiastri I like you a lot

⤷ oscarpiastri Give her minute she had to step outside to calm down

⤷ yn omg i like you too

⤷ arthur_leclerc they’re commenting all this while sitting by each other btw

charles_leclerc Out of everyone in the world I’m glad you ended up with Oscar because I didn’t think anyone else had the patience to deal with you and your standards other than your own family

⤷ yn ok rude 🖐️ fuck out my face slut

⤷ oscarpiastri Let’s go get some ice cream and take a walk on the beach honey

⤷ yn comingggg 😋😋😋😋

⤷ danielricciardo And they lived happily ever after

pierregasly yo 🥹❤️

[4giorno]

girl this is why i hate playing multiplayer games like this ⚰️

[katiascraft]

﹙LH44﹚ ── ❝ but then you happened ❞

── .✦ winter break, 2025

f1gossipgirl just made a post

liked by user23 , user67 , user1 and 24,678 other users

f1gossipgirl: 📸 SPOTTED! Formula one driver Lewis Hamilton was seen out and about in New York City next to some friends and a mysterious girl. Sources told us they were kissing and showing a lot of pda! Unfortunately, the source couldn’t take any more pictures. What do we think about this? Seems lewis it’s ready for date life again!

view more comments

── .✦

summary - how you went from friend of a friend to lovers with the love of your life <3

warnings - age gap +10years. Reader’s on her twenties and lewis almost forty. Just use your imagination along the ride! also a bit suggesting but nothing explicit at all. I used many different girls from Pinterest.

blog masterlist

¡ tap to continue reading ू♡ ࿔ ۪

── .✦ silverstone, 2024

yourusername made a post

liked by yourbff, yourbrother, georgerussell and 1,432 other users

yourusername: so I’ve just learnt that my brother’s bestie regina. I mean, George. Drive cars in circles so I went to one of his races and this guy won the race and he was supercool. A lot of cars chasing each other with pretty handsome drivers and they have radios and I said don’t fuck it up loser to George! Insane! And I drank champagne and met a daddy called toto and his wife and I made a friend called Carmen. And now I know how cars go vroom vroom and yeah, better luck next time George! You can win! (I’m afraid you won’t anyway). So I learnt a lot this week. It was super productive I recommend! Also, anyone knows the @ of the guy that won??? It was George’s team mate (wich I didn’t know there were teams). But can’t remember his name so any help is welcomed! If you see this super kind and sweet guy, please talk to me I don’t bite ;)

view more comments

georgerussell: I feel insulted in SO MANY ways

⤷ yourbrother: maybe because you were ????

⤷ georgerussell: and you are not gonna defend your brother from another mother????

⤷ yourusername: i'm his sister

⤷ georgerussell: well, he didn’t choose you but he did indeed choose me so I'M SUPERIOR

⤷ yourusername: and then you want me not to HATE you

⤷ yourbrother: just fuck off both of you

⤷ yourusername: it’s MY comment section

⤷ georgerussell: it’s HER comment section

⤷ yourusername: stop copying me

⤷ georgerussell: you stop copying me

⤷ alexalbon: wasn’t I supposed to be the one fighting with you and not HER

⤷ yourusername: excuse me? Who tf are YOU?

⤷ alexalbon: you said my hair was disgusting

⤷ yourusername: OH YES!!! I like you. I recommend you to use elvive because you are worth it babe!

⤷ alexalbon: I don’t know if I should cry or feel loved

⤷ georgerussell: die

⤷ yourbrother: things are getting out of hand

landonorris: nice to meet you y/n, welcome to the madness!! He is @/lewishamilton . The best driver in the world at the moment!!

⤷ oscarpiastri: actually☝🏻🤓 that is max

⤷ maxverstappen: facts are not factering

⤷ yourusername: who are all of you???

⤷ oscarpiastri: im the one you called polite cat or cutie pie didn't hear you well

⤷ maxverstappen: i’m the one you said you didn’t like :)

⤷ landonorris: i'm the love of your life

⤷ yourusername: oooh you were the norizz kid!! Just to let you know I pucked 🩷

⤷ landonorris: I don’t like you.

⤷ yourusername: I thought you loved me?

totowolf: it was nice meeting you y/n! You’re welcomed anytime!

⤷ yourusername: if I could I would have stayed forever!

⤷ georgerussell: NO THANK YOU

francolapinto: you can look at his @ at the Mercedes page babe @/mercedesamgf1

⤷ yourusername: thanks all rizz kid <3

⤷ landonorris: now I hate you

── .✦

mercedesamgf1 made a post

liked by lewishamilton, yourusername , charlesleclerc and 1,432,567 other users

mercedesamgf1: THE GOAT IS BACK ! Congratulations @/lewishamilton !

view more comments

carmenmmundt: @/yourusername

francolapinto: @/yourusername

oscarpiastri: @/yourusername

⤷ yourusername: we’re gonna be besties I just know it <3

⤷ yourbrother: I told you he is too old

⤷ yourusername: I just wanna look at him leave me alone it’s my life

⤷ georgerussell: “look” more like “touch”

⤷ yourusername: then you ask yourself why I don’t like you

⤷ georgerussell: I actually don’t

⤷ carmenmmundt: he loves you

⤷ georgerussell: CARMEN UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY TEAM

yourusername: @/lewishamilton congrats champion! Was great meeting you <3 hope I can bump into you again and spill more beer in your shirt!

⤷ lewishamilton: @/yourusername it was nice to meet you! You’re welcome anytime!

⤷ yourusername: to the garage or your heart?

⤷ yourbrother: WHAT

francolapinto: a mi me gustan mayores, de esos que llaman señores 🎶 @/yourusername

⤷ yourusername: ok now you’re annoying.

user234: am i the only one aware they are all fighting here and lewis is reading everything ??????

── .✦ monza, 2024

f1gossipgirl made a post

f1gossipgirl: 📸 SPOTTED ! formula one driver Lewis Hamilton has arrived to Italy this morning along with model Cindy Kimberly! We don’t know yet if they are dating or why they came together.

view more comments

user888: I don’t like her.

user753: CINDY???? REALLY???

user638: he’s just a man

user873: how shitty comments for real 🙄

francolapinto: @/yourusername

⤷ yourusername: so depressed now 😭

⤷ francolapinto: you lost the battle

⤷ yourusername: I made him laugh so much I though bro fell in love 😭

⤷ yourbff: babe stop embarrassing yourself in front of the entire world please

⤷ user972: WHO IS THIS GIRL WHY SHE KNOWS FRANCO AND WHY SHE WANNA DATE LEWIS

⤷ user2: everybody wants to date lewis

⤷ user23: i think she’s a friend of George and Carmen

⤷ user89: yeah Carmen posted her, apparently they know each other for a long time now

user3: FRANCO JUST CONFIRMED THEY ARE IN FACT DATING

── .✦

@/lewishamilton started following you.

── .✦

yourusername made a post

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, magui_corceiro and 784 other users

yourusername: this weekend I came prepared but not as I should cos monza you were insane! Amazing weekend with amazing people creating a lot of memories <3 congrats @/charlesleclerc I cried my eyes out!

view more comments

alexandramsaintlux: you’re so cute!! Glad to meet you girl!

⤷ yourusername: omg queen I already LOVE YOU

georgerussell: can’t believe I’m on the dump 🥹

⤷ yourusername: I can delete you

⤷ georgerussell: I love you too

lewishamilton: 🖤🖤🖤

⤷ yourusername: omg the cute super kind and sweet guy just noticed me!! im dead my spirit it’s talking

⤷ lewishamilton: you’re the nice one

⤷ yourusername: 🥹

⤷ georgerussell: you’re stealing my man

⤷ yourusername: was he ever yours? Heard he had a chick

⤷ georgerussell: he didn’t. He had me until you appeared.

⤷ yourusername: you invited me and no one can resist my charm

⤷ georgerussell: lol chill ur not Franco

⤷ yourusername: i’m better 😍

⤷ francolapinto: no one can beat me sorry

⤷ lewishamilton: oh she did bro

⤷ yourusername: omg 🥰

⤷ yourbrother: this is disgusting

⤷ yourusername: be GONE

charlesleclerc: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

user75: fav part of this weekend is this comment section for sure

── .✦ Las Vegas, 2024

yourusername made a post

yourusername: las vegas baby you were A M A Z I N G! Brother won 1000 extra so i'm able to eat now for the rest of the month! I'm so happy :)

view more comments

francolapinto: I HAD A CONCUSSION

⤷ yourusername: I didn’t yay!

georgerussell: AND I WON

⤷ yourusername: no one cares! Max is champion!!! 🥳🥳

georgerussell: I WON I WON I WON I WON I BEAT LEWIS

⤷ yourusername: no one can beat him. It is a shitty car.

⤷ mercedesamgf1: 🤨

⤷ yourusername: I won’t apologize

⤷ georgerussell: I WON WITH THAT CAR

lewishamilton: we should hung out sometime! You look good in that motorbike

⤷ yourusername: whenever you want sir. I must confess i’m really good at riding 😛😉

⤷ yourbrother: oh lord burn my eyes please I beg you

oscarpiastri: charles and I need some extra money to eat too

⤷ yourusername: you’re millionaires

⤷ oscarpiastri: we want to be humble.

landonorris: WHY HE GOT A PIC AND I DIDNT I BOUGHT YOU CHIKEN NUGGETS AND BURRITOS

⤷ yourusername: bc he didn’t think he had a chance with me

⤷ landonorris: EVIL

⤷ yourusername: you love me

⤷ landonorris: I hate you.

lewishamilton: red is your color

⤷ yourusername: I think I’ll go to Ferrari with you then

⤷ georgerussell: TRAITOR YOU BOTH ARE TRAITORS

⤷ yourusername: go to therapy.

charlesleclerc: exited to have both of you and lend some extra money ☺️

⤷ yourusername: I want lec ice cream

⤷ maxverstappen: leave my boy alone.

⤷ yourusername: rude

⤷ maxverstappen: you said you hated me and that red bull was evil

⤷ yourusername: because it is. Fuck Horner. Fuck the FIA.

⤷ checoperez: I wish I could say it out loud

── .✦ winter break, 2025

f1gossipgirl made a post

f1gossipgirl: 📸 SPOTTED ! formula one driver Lewis Hal montón was seen out and about in Brooklyn, New York City having dinner with a mysterious girl. Source said they were very lovely to everyone of the staff and fans that asked for pictures and a lot of pda! What do we think? It’s another one night stand for Lewis or actually love has knocked his door?

view more comments

user234: how old is she? 20?

⤷ user231: does it really matter?

user765: if he is happy then we should be happy

user09: I NEED TO SEE THE PDA

user21: so Cindy wasn’t it?

user647: I think the girl is @/yourusername they’ve been interacting with each other’s accounts for a few months now

⤷ user1234: anyone knows her age?

⤷ user934: I think she’s on her 20s

⤷ user01: oh god

⤷ user653: I wish it was me tho

user88: I don’t like age gap relationships.

⤷ yourbff: no one cares

── .✦ winter break, 14th of february 2025

lewishamilton made a post

liked by yourusername, yourbff, yourbrother and 2,435,856 other users

lewishamilton: I hope that you get everything you could ask for: the cold side of your pillow, good peppermint tea with cool wind on the drive home with no traffic for miles, for spring to come. I swear I wasn’t looking for much but that’s just when you happened. Happy Valentine’s Day friend of a friend turned into the love of my life ❤️‍🩹

view more comments

user653: HE SAID FUCK IT LETS HARD LUNCH

user88: hard lunch is hard lunching

user123: I don’t like age gap relationships but THEM ✨

yourusername: how did I get so lucky? 🥹 you’re heavenly unreal my lewlew. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you with my whole being. Thank you for loving me and making me real happy ❤️‍🩹

⤷ georgerussell: you met him because of me thats how lucky you are. You’re welcome by the way

⤷ yourusername: why you gotta ruin every single moment?

⤷ georgerussell: I just hate when you kiss it makes me uncomfortable

⤷ yourusername: just move on already

⤷ georgerussell: CRUEL

⤷ yourusername: die

yourbrother: I get it now - love you both real much!

⤷ lewishamilton: thanks for accepting me in your family dude I love you

⤷ yourusername: my men 🥹

⤷ landonorris: i’m part of your men

⤷ yourusername: in your dreams maybe

⤷ francolapinto: I am part of her men

⤷ yourusername: yes you are my bestie 🩷

⤷ francolapinto: beaches for life!

⤷ yourusername: beaches for life ♾️

⤷ landonorris: I hate you all.

carmenmmundt: congrats beautiful people 💞

oscarpiastri: the leclercs are invited to the wedding?

alexandramsaintlux: can’t wait to see you both at the paddok showing your love

⤷ yourusername: I can’t wait to see YOU princess

⤷ charlesleclerc: ur already flirting with MY girlfriend after announcing your relationship with MY FRIEND? back up bitch

⤷ lewishamilton: we will talk before practice charles.

⤷ charlesleclerc: SHE STARTED

⤷ yourusername: 😇

── .✦ winter break, f175 event, february 18th of 2025

f1gossipgirl made a post

f1gossipgirl: 👀❣️ finally the moment everyone was waiting for! The IT couple of formula one just arrived! New Ferrari driver Lewis Hamilton and girlfriend y/n are present at the F175 Live Event in the O2 Arena tonight! They looked so in love and seemed to be having so much fun!

view more comments

user234: omg she is SO gorgeous

user23: im so happy for Lewis look at the way he looks at her

user77: get you a man that looks at you the way Lewis looks at y/n

user342: I don’t like them

user934: no one cares! Where are my papaya boys?

user33: she looks so pretty omg Lewis a lucky guy

user184: if they are happy then we should be all happy

user2954: best couple of f1 and I’m sure she’s gonna be the best wag!

user456: she is First Lady of formula one show some respect!

── .✦ melbourne, 2025

yourusername made a post

liked by lewishamilton , zackbrownceo, alexalbon and 967,662 other users

yourusername: as this year’s competition begins, I know I will be at the Ferrari garage supporting my love but my heart will still be black Mercedes 🖤 and that’s because of you Georgie. We can joke and irritate each other on purpose but the friendship we built can conquer it all. Without you I wouldn’t be the person I am today. And I wouldn’t be dating the love of my life. Thank you for being the friend that you are to me and the best of luck for this season! With love, the pain in your ass <3

view more comments

carmenmmundt: just for you to know he is crying like a baby

⤷ user234: we are all crying 😭

alexalbon: we love you George

landonorris: we love you George

francolapinto: why this feel as he was dead? He is rich and alive!

⤷ georgerussell: I hate you.

── .✦ THE END

don’t forget to like, reblog and comment! And follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together)

[kings-highway]

some safe-for-work headcanons regarding how they might of gone about having sex for the first time for some of my favouritr haikyuu ships:

daisuga: look you know these bitches had it scheduled. not like a meticulous planned thing, but it was definitely something they knew was going to happen in advance. Like they talked about it, agreed they both wanted it, and then 3 weeks later Suga's parents go away for the weekend and they know like a solid week in advance that their "hang out" on Saturday evening is basically exclusively so they can have sex. They're very prepared. This also probably makes that week of training super annoying for the team bc they cant figure out why their captains are being SO overly giggly like you are seventeen/eighteen year old men wtf is going on.

iwaoi: i've always thought they were probably way more nervous than any of their friends assumed and definitely did not have sex as early as people thought. like mattsun and makki both constantly tease them in a way that insinuates they're actively having sex but they probably didnt actually do it until like... the last few months of high school. They were both just nervous! Iwa was very afraid of rushing things and doing it "wrong," and Oikawa wasnt even sure what doing it "right" would be so they had like 6 false-starts before they actually managed it.

ushiten: dorm living is not condusive to intimacy so when for the first time in like 8 months since they started dating that they have a confirmed evening with a locked dorm alone they end up making out for just a crazy amount of time. Tendou is too nervous to actually move anything forward because he's too anxious over the possibility of rejection but he keeps making these weird half-insinuations like "haha I cant believe nobody's going to be back for another four hours... we could do anything and get away with it... isnt that so funny... like nobody would know if we were making out or having sex or just reading a book... haha... isnt that crazy... me and you..." and he's all weird and twitchy about it until Ushijima tells him he doesn't think the idea of them having sex is crazy at all and then it is on immediately.

kuroken: highkey, kuroo probably lays out like a whole romantic, corny ass evening with candles and rose petals and is prepared to have a whole long conversation about being "ready" and Kenma just sort of rolls his eyes and is like "have you finished talking? this is Too Much. I need you to understand this is Too Much. Oh my god I love you but WOW." (it works anyway and Kenma is sufficient wooed).

tsukkiyama: this one might be a little out there but I genuinely think they're the most likely to have it happen by accident, or in a spontaneous moment of opportunity. Like they both intend to just take advantage of the empty house with only a bit of making out and then suddenly they're losing their clothes and it's like "we'll have a conversation about it tomorrow, im sure."

kagehina: okay this one is more stupid but I imagine after they've been dating a while Hinata is like "you know what, im ready to take the next step" but Kageyama cannot read ppl so Hinata's somewhat obvious attempts at seduction go entirely over his head, and Hinata is getting increasingly frustrated and dramatic and trying really really hard to get Kageyama to realize what he wants and it ends up causing a fight between them because Kageyama thinks Hinata is being weird and Hinata thinks Kageyama is being intentionally distant and eventually Kageyama blows up and is like "Oh my god if you want to break up or something just say so!!!" and Hinata is like "Oh my GOD I dont want to break up with you I want to have sex with you!!!" and of course that shuts everyone up and unfortunately Yachi is probably also there and wants to die.

[temis-de-leon]

When Greed is too much

Characters: Mammon x gn!MC

Main Masterlist

M. Anon: good day, tennis. im an anon who lurks around your work. i find your work fascinating and I hope you may make a small oneshot for me. can you make a mammon x reader fanfiction? the pronounce doesn't matter. and the fanfiction could be about mammon and reader sneaking out frequently because mammon likes to gamble and they get caught one day and mammon took all of the blame for himself. i think it would be a good idea for a oneshot. but putting that aside, I adore your work. i like how you describe everything and your headcanons are interesting. i hope you can keep uploading. sending platonic loves.

A/N: I got a little distracted and made Mammon feel guilty af instead of taking the blame, I'm sorry, I hope you like it anyways <3 A little reference right at the end

.

Mammon had a complicated relationship with money.

He loved it too much to hate it and he needed it enough to forgive the danger it brought within. He would inlay it under his skin if he could, if Lucifer let him, making him shine under the lights like a kaleidoscope.

Cold metal between his fangs to check its authenticity, smooth paper sliding through his fingers, hard plastic shaping his wallet. Jewellery, clothes, his car. He had them because he needed it in any way, shape or form, like water to fish, riches to him. A bottomless pit that got bigger and bigger the more he threw in.

His fingers were longer and thinner than his brothers’ and more than once he had wondered if his sin had modified his body to easily indulge in it. He was also the fastest runner when he needed to and he could turn his words to honey if the situation required it. An opportunist thief, even if he disliked the term.

And he knew stealing wasn’t okay, but no amount of Lucifer’s punishments would stop him from doing so. He could manage hanging upside down for hours on end and, even when the lectures were painfully boring and made him want to die, sitting in the same position for as long as his brother decided was something he could live through. Lotan, or rather the flood it implied, was a bothersome threat and, although terrifying, the witches wouldn’t seriously hurt him unless Lucifer knew he could take it.

Still, constantly going through that was annoying, so he went to the next best thing, a place where condemned souls like him got together and did what pleasured him the most: bring money to the table. The wheel of fortune laid deep in his chest; sometimes he deceived himself, others, he was right.

Fortunately for his ego, his dignity and his integrity, Mammon had found his perfect lucky charm. Human shape and devoted to him, every time MC joined him in his escapades, his wallet came back home fatter than when they left. It was refreshing and addicting and it didn’t take him too long to actually need MC’s presence each time he left the house to gamble.

At first it was just once or twice every week and a half, then at least once a week, then three times a week, then every night. He would invite them to his room, taking advantage of the alibi their relationship offered, hang out and fool around until every single one of his brothers was asleep and then sneak out through the garage door.

It was a fun, bonding time between them. Holding hands while running from one corner of the town to another, pockets heavier and heavier as the night went by and clothes reeking of the cigars, alcohol and perfume of those who pushed them around amidst the chaos of the casino.

Mammon lived for all of that, especially now that MC was by his side, watching him thrive and win, over and over and over again. In their eyes, he succeeded and he was the one to carry the golden medal. Not his brothers, not their friends, him.

Eventually, he did what he did best and pushed his luck.

After an outstanding winning streak, they finally got to the night when everything went astray, losing every bet and every game, eventually finding themselves deep in debt with the casino and a bunch of furious patrons and, although begrudgingly, admitting that a period of restraint was long overdue.

And then they got home.

“When will you learn?” Lucifer said for the hundredth time while tightening the rope around his torso and trapping his hands behind his back.

“C’mon! It wasn’t that bad!”

He tried to smile to downplay the situation, but it came out wobbly and his fear was too obvious for his brother to ignore. Lucifer grinned with malice, eyes darkening in evil enjoyment before bending down to tie Mammon’s ankles together, slow in his movements and his words.

“Do you truly think this would’ve ended well? We both know you’re an idiot, but the limits you’re willing to cross outstand me. Bringing MC into this? Really? You moronic dimwit… I thought you would be the last to put them in danger. Alas, I was wrong”

“I’ve never put them in danger”

His immediate response brought Lucifer back to his feet, both of them now serious and locking eyes with each other. Mammon felt the rough edges of the rope scraping his skin, uncomfortably keeping him in place under his brother’s infuriated gaze.

“Taking them out of the house for hours every night, making them play games against lowlife demons and risking their safety for a few coins, what is that to you if not jeopardizing their life?”

“A few coins? We made ourselves rich!”

“Is that what bothers you about what I just said?”

“I’m telling you they were safe with me!”

Lucifer sighed, shaking his head in disappointment and going around Mammon. A noise coming from behind filled him with dread and he didn’t have time to beg for more time before something pulled his feet to the side and his body hit the carpeted floor. It barely softened the fall and soon his pained groans reached every corner of the staircase.

“You truly never learn”

“I’ll do it! I’ll learn! Please don’t leave me here! You can’t abandon your baby brother here, can’t you? It was an honest mistake!”

“Mammon”

After securing the rope around one of the beams from the ceiling, the eldest took a few steps down and looked at him from above. His voice was low, hopeless, and Mammon found that more hurtful than the strong grip around his limbs or the pounding on his head.

“You’re lucky MC’s heart shines brighter than mine” Lucifer said, leaving him speechless “One of these days you will go too far and I’m not sure who will be there to catch you”

“What…?”

“Rest well, Mammon” he continued to go down the stairs, not bothering to look at him anymore. He spoke one last time before disappearing completely. “And think about what I said, will you?”

Lucifer’s footsteps merged into the night, the lights turned off and, suddenly, Mammon found himself alone.

He was still wearing the clothes he’d chosen to go to the casino hours ago, jewellery dangling over his face and DDD threatening to fall out of his pocket. The screen lightened up, showing MC’s name, and the desperation to answer the call made him squirm enough to ultimately make the phone fall to the bottom of the stairs. He grimaced at the cracking sound.

Asmo would say it was karma for being a scumbag and he didn’t know if he should start believing that.

He wasn’t a scumbag, was he? MC was fine! Not a scratch in their pretty face to complain about and every bit of their outfit still in place and making them look even better. They had been smiling when they finally got to the garage door, shallowly breathing while they checked him out in search of any type of damage.

They were fine.

They had been smiling because they’d been having fun. Or was it out of relief? Heart beating in fear, terrified about him and the punishment that awaited them both once Lucifer found them.

Mammon craned his neck, looking at the remains of his DDD with a sting in his throat. Why did MC call him? Were they mad at him? Did they have enough? The thought of actually putting them in danger for a piece of metal, easily ripped paper or soon to be frozen plastic made his hear stop in panic.

He was a fast runner, an immortal demon with wings. It was easy for him to flee and leave his troubles behind, but MC didn’t have the same advantages. They were a human, flesh and soul in close proximity, easy to eat and forget.

A gasp escaped him at the image of his partner being tore apart and he shook his head trying to chase it away, but it was no use. He closed his eyes and it was there, like an omen or a reminder, Lucifer’s words roaring in his mind.

His name got louder and louder until It finally sounded right next to his ear. A hand cupped his neck and MC’s worried face appeared in his line of vision, but the remorse didn’t let him feel relief.

“Are you okay? Let me get you down. I got out as soon as I could, but I’m sure Lucifer knows I’m here anyways. What a way to end the night…”

He huffed at their whispers, his heart breaking piece by piece. Looking at MC and the way they carefully untied the knots, he knew Lucifer was right. The dumb human was too good for him and didn’t want to acknowledge it, choosing instead to stick by his side each day until it would be too late.

“I’m sorry” he finally said in a broken voice.

“For what, dummy?”

“I put you in danger”

MC chuckled, kissing his jaw before freeing his arms and watching the rope fall down. Mammon leaned forward until he touched his feet, noticing his body burning while he worked the knots that creased the leather in his boots.

“How did you put me in danger?” they asked with a hint of humour in their voice “As far as I know, I went with you willingly and we had a bad night. It was bound to happen after winning that much money”

“But they almost attacked us…”

“We got out of there just in time” MC interrupted him, then frowned and put their hands on their hips. “Did Lucifer said something to you?”

“No”

The lie was obvious and MC licked their teeth in poorly contained fury. Seconds later, Mammon finally set himself free and swung on the rope to reach the banister. Once he settled and stood straight, MC rushed to hug him. Both of them stayed silent and basking in the comfort that surrounded them.

He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to beg them not to reprimand Lucifer and he wanted to thank them for freeing him and staying with him beyond what he definitely deserved, but no words came out and forcing them would make him cry; and doing that in front of MC would definitely kill him faster than Lucifer could ever do.

In the end, none of them said anything, instead clinging to each other like their lives depended on it. Slowly, as if they were handling a wounded animal, MC grabbed his hands and lead him towards their room.

What did that human movie say?

He’d die for them. He’d kill for them. Either way, what bliss.

.

.

[justwinginglife]

Hi! Im not sure if you're open some request or I might give you some idea. I wonder what Hoshina's reaction when his s/o asked him curious question “what if I disappeared one day?"

Feel free to ignore this request! ^^

Omg my first request- hi! So sorry, this got so much sadder than I wanted it to be but the short answer is the poor guy just can't live without you.

My One & Only

You knew marrying Soshiro Hoshina was going to be the best decision of your entire life. You'd give up a winning lottery ticket just to be able to stand next to him at the altar. Marrying him was like winning the lottery anyway, only he was a lot more attractive than a couple of numbers in your bank account.

Nothing could compare to the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night just to check the time and realizing he was wrapped around you tightly like he couldn't sleep without your skin on his. Even when he'd roll off of you, some part of him would always be touching you, whether it was his leg thrown over yours, or his arm under your neck, or even just his shoulder snug against your shoulder. He needed to touch you like he needed to breathe. And you'd never get tired of it.

Your favorite part was when you'd get up to start getting ready for work, or even just to go to the bathroom, and he'd feel you move and roll over to you mumbling "Wait... don't go, I haven't said I love you yet, okay I love you," sleep still dripping from his voice, and then he'd conk out again. You'd kiss him on the forehead, cheek, lips, anywhere really, and then whisper back, "I love you too baby." And even if he was out cold, he'd smile like he heard you.

You loved everything about being married to him, even the fights- because he couldn't stay mad at you for long. The longest fight you'd had with him in the years you'd been together lasted less than 24 hours- you'd had enough of his pouting and his cold shoulder, and so you did what any rational person would do when they wanted to go to bed and have their significant other actually come to bed with them, you stripped naked. Ended that argument real quick. In fact, he was in the bed before you even got your panties all the way off, he wanted to help.

But, after only being legally married for a few weeks, you finally discovered one thing you did not like about being married. You'd have to have the talk with him. What happens if one of you dies?

Insurance companies wanted to know, your jobs wanted to know. Honestly, you hated to talk about it, but some part of you wanted to know as well.

So one day, you sat him down to talk about life insurance, emergency contacts, all the things you don't want to talk about when you're freshly married, but that need to be talked about anyway. Who do you want me to call first if you're in an accident? Do you want to be resuscitated if you're injured beyond belief and wouldn't be able to live a normal life again even if you were brought back from the brink of death? Do you want to be cremated or buried?

Then, under the guise of talking all things rational and logical, you slipped in a question you'd secretly wanted to know. "What if I... disappeared one day? What would you do?"

He went silent, gripping the legal paperwork in his hands tightly. You hadn't expected the vast amount of pain that would stain his eyes and spill over to darken his face. You reached over to rub his hand until he loosened his hold on the papers. He sighed.

"Like if you... went missing? Or... died?" He asked, the words like knives scraping out of his throat, threatening his very livelihood.

You nodded slowly.

"Well... if you were... missing, I'd search my whole life for you. I'd never give up. And if you... died. I'd be right there with you." He said solemnly.

You wanted to stop this conversation right now and tell him something like you'd never die or you'd never go missing, anything to erase the hurt that he was in right now because of you. But you couldn't stand the thought of you actually dying or going missing and him spending his whole life in pain because he couldn't move on.

You kneel on the floor in front of him and grab both his hands which have now been balled up into fists. You kiss at his fists and keep kissing them until his hands relax and wrap around your hands. He's shaking but he holds onto you tight like you'll disappear if he lets go.

"Baby." You say, making sure you have his attention. He won't look at you, it's like he knows what you're going to say. He always knows what you're going to say.

You pull a hand away from his trembling fingers and cup his face with it, stroking smoothly at his cheek. "If I die, I want you to promise me you'll live on and be happy."

He shakes his head no immediately. "Can't do that, love."

You smile at him warmly. "Baby. It'll be okay. I want you to be happy."

For the first time in your life, you think you might make him cry. If this weren't such a depressing moment, you might tease him about the Vice Captain of the Third Division being such a crybaby. But you can't tease him. You can't even seem to get anymore words out when you see the state he's in. He's acting like you're dead right now. His face has gone pale and clammy and his fingers must be bruised from pressing into your skin so hard to make sure you're still there. His eyes... you almost can't look at his eyes anymore as you see the tears start to collect. It's like he's drowning but there's no bottom so he just keeps sinking and sinking.

"I-" He starts but this time the words get stuck. He blinks and the force of it pushes a tear over the edge. You watch as it trails down his cheek, feeling helpless but also in a heartbreaking way, feeling so very loved by him. He swallows and then clears his throat. "I-I'm happy.... because you're here. How could I... be h-happy... without.. without you?"

You can't take it anymore. You stand up and throw your arms around him, hoping maybe he'll forget this whole conversation if you smother him with enough love. He pulls you in even closer to him and sighs deeply, like he's exhaling his first fresh breath of air after being submerged for so long. You think you might crack a rib from how tight he's holding onto you, but you're scared to pull away, having never seen him so vulnerable like this.

"Don't cry baby, you're going to make me cry." You mumble into his shoulder.

"Don't die then. Don't give me a reason to cry."

You smile against his shoulder. "Alright baby. You got me. I won't die. Ever."

He runs his fingers through your hair and you wonder if the repetitive motion is to soothe him or you. "That's my girl," he murmurs against your neck as he nuzzles up against you.

"That's my girl," he repeats again, "My one, my only."

[falafels]

Partaking in WIP Wednesday!!

I don’t actually know what that means but anyway here are all of my aftg fic ideas that I either have in progress (material document) or in the incubation stage (intangible string of concepts that sometimes flashbang me in the mind while i’m out)

-Seeing Double: Nicky POV with some snippets or stories from when he became the twins’ guardian. this one i have actually posted a chapter of over on ao3 and chapter 2 still in progress but aaron threatens to kill himself to a customer on his first day ever having a job and andrew punches a hole in a load bearing wall so he can use it as a climbing foothold to reach the rum and chocolate nicky keeps on top of the cupboard

-Leave tonight or live and die this way: Mary Hatford story!! so named for tracy chapman fast car because i love tracy chapman fast car. follows mary from about 6 months after she and nathan got married, lore on inner circle, lola malcolm bashing, nathan wesninski playing jump rope with the line between diva and deranged (hints of Lestat if im being quite honest), mary believing herself to be the sole brain cell possessor while in fact having 30% custody of it at best, and french bashing.

-kevin post psu fic where he moves to boston for his pro team and doesn’t know anyone, gets hammered at the first bar he finds and it turns out to be a college bar near harvard and there’s a trivia night going on. even face down on the bar kevin still grumbles corrections and someone there is highly amused by this so insists he join their team. and they like him so he’s invited to their library study session that week too. and kevin likes them so he goes along to it and realises they’re all harvard nerds and don’t have a clue who he is. and he makes actual friends based on something other than exy, but they all think he’s also a student and he doesn’t correct them. eventually they’re at a bar for a trivia night kevin couldn’t make and see a tv on and an interview of some sports thing and one of them squints and is like holdup. is that KEVIN?? scared of mice, sends emails to authors about typos in their books, probably needs glasses, drinks milk by itself KEVIN? anyway yeah don’t know what to call that one or do with it but i will get to it

-another kevin post psu idea, this time by a few years. again it’s just me inventing friends for kevin. so this one is he gets traded across pro teams (as happens) and it wasn’t that he particularly likes where he was before or who he was with, but he knew the city and he knew the deal, even if his teammates didn’t really like him. anyway, he gets traded across the country and swapped with another player, maybe a USC graduate or at least someone who would have fit in there. and that person reaches out to him to see how he’s settling in or adjusting or any of that, which is very nice but kevin would usually give the fine thanks 👍 or ignore, but he’s drunk and alone enough that he responds and calls them back. and they end up on the phone for hours. that seems to be the last of it and kevin is like ok one (1) person knows i am Cringe and i Feel but we’ll never speak again it’s fine it’s fine until the person checks in again the next week and kevin finds that it’s actually quite nice to have someone know you a little bit and genuinely care how you are, and they talk more about the transfer and kevin tries to impart wisdom about the city he was in (bookstores here and here, gyms here and here but don’t go to that one it’s shit, they sell good smoothies on fifth but don’t walk back down west ave. or you end up in a sea of high schoolers ditching and they are so so mean). and maybe eventually there’s some kind of pro exy event they’re both at and they get to hang out? epilogue where they’re traded to the same team? idk this is again just indulgent that i want kevin to have a friend

-Renee fic! untitled but it’ll probably be an ethel cain lyric when i find one suitable. one of the people incarcerated following the trial against the gang she grew up in is released on parole, disappears, and suddenly three little girls turn up dead. and she knows it’s him, of course it is, but nobody seems to be doing anything. and he’ll be working his way over to her, she’s part of the reason he went to prison, but he’ll kill a path there. so renee sets aside her crucifix necklace and decides to kill him first. god’s sword arm? or a matter of hunting? she doesn’t like to think of it as either, but she leaves palmetto with her knives and a look on her face nobody but andrew has seen before, calmly assures them she’ll be back in a few weeks at most, and dives headfirst. it’s like one of those moments where you hit the water so hard you think you’ll never breathe again, and it slows down a bit, and something changes. after grappling with the ‘healed way to kill someone’, renee gives herself more and more permissions to shift back into natalie shields behaviours, but catches herself before she catches the guy. she recognises that she’s doing that formulaically, but that ultimately what she’s trying to achieve here doesn’t actually conflict with any one of her values, and when she kills him it’s with a bible in her rucksack and a sparkly purple cat charm on her keys. idk a lot of the specifics of that might change but i chew on renee a lot and i think we all should.

-aforementioned jerejean au where jean is a firefighter and jeremy is at the seminary training to be a priest. not quite fleabag shit because i could never do that to jean, but very unlikely and somehow working. jeremy im giving you religious problems because i think they would suit you. jean im giving you being hot and sweaty and saving people because im a pervert. also something i like there about first responder/last responder. and how that’s kind of what each of them need? jeremy is the final breath and the calm reassurance, but there’s something in him that wants to run and scream and yell and have the stakes be as high as they can, be able to do something with an instant material result. jean is always under the most pressure he possibly can be, trying to keep everyone alive, and sometimes secretly wants a moment of quiet that he doesn’t think he deserves and would feel horribly guilty if he got. anyway jean being vaguely amused by closet adrenaline junkie trainee priest and jeremy fascinated by the tall french firefighter who refuses to forgive himself for being alive.

and i think that’s all of them for now!! my notes app is just this with various scenes and lines that i want to put in each one but would need to write 6 chapters to get to. bummer ANYWAY if you made it this far i am sorry and ily and i hope u have a great day <3

[uhohbestie]

omahgod haaaiiii! happy three pronged fork day!

it is I, the live slug reaction microsoft paint doodles guy, here with the long promised part two, and lord mercy its been like a month,,, i've spent the past week and a half adding just-one-more-last-bit-this-time-its-the-last-one-for-sure-definitely and thinking of a new one at work the very next day,, BUT i am out of the dungeon now so here you have it!!

here's to me spending solid two months of my life pacing to and fro at work compiling mental essays and Making Up Scenarios tm with your characters and generally rotating them,,,, twas an experience for certain and i thank you for every point of psychic damage i was dealt <3

i tried every know-how i could think of to improve the resolution situation, and ended up just cutting it into pieces so im sorry if its a bit confusing to read (it's hectic but it works so i can't complain)

big picture for to know where things are

tip: you do gotta read the big picture left side (they are vaguely divided by the grey lines) top to bottom and then the right side for it to be chronological (more or less)

and the small bits for better resolution

i already wrote most of the things i had to say in the picture itself, so all i'll say is my soul yearns for pearl and lizzie (and Tilly) adventures extravaganza spinoff ): i have somehow so far convinced myself while reading that we would for sure get to see them within the fic that i had to doublecheck that i didn't miss a chapter on accident,,, oopsie

ps. this is where i would put my essay on how you've managed not only to show a character going through the 'ol stages of grief (scar when grian got bit) but also make the reader (or me at least, idk im gullible) go through them. ever since i figured out that Main Characters Don't Die at some point as a kid, i have never once sweated about "damn what if the writers actually do it this time?? what of blorbo dead foreal forever???" ,,, that was until i read TAMN. you took your SWEET TIME keeping us on scar pov for so long i sincerely started worrying that you actually did it you bastards. "no.. they wouldn't… they can't!" i thought to myself, but then the chapters went on and on, and Scar and Pops managed to almost get themselves killed yet again, adventures not showing any signs of stopping. and the pesky bristling brit, with whom i have a complicated relationship not unlike the one between a Sportsteam that sucks ass and their last remaining, bitter, but loyal shit-talking fan, is nowhere to be seen. i was head in hands sitting on the edge of my bed waxing poetics about how The Narrative forces the reader through the character's thought process and Long Live Indie Writing for being able to afford to break tropes and expectations n all that and then Grian's disHEVELED ASS ROLLS OUTA BUSHES AND I WAS LIKE i kNEW THOSE SONS A BITCHES WERE SCHEEMING, NEVER TRUST A WRITER!!! ! …i'm fairly impressionable audience if you couldn't tell

,anyhow this was one of the several bits rotating in my head for the past while, i hope you're proud of what you've accomplished -_- (/j/lh you really really should be <3) yeah anyway this is where i would put my essay on all that if i knew how to write one!

(if i open my mouth on the topic of the residents of the hermit commune we would be here all day, so all i'll say is i won't announce my descent into madness, but there will be signs)

on that note, be good be good to each other and don't forget to brush your teeth before bed

pps. i missed my duolingo writing this :( just another one of gods little jokes

ppps. i think you should poll the public someday on the subject of people's perception of Joel's fate in the end, would be curious to see how optimistic (or not) the folks are feeling

YES. YES!!!!! PART TWO OMG YOU'VE SPOILED US. YESSSSSSS.

Oh my goodness there's so much to wade into there. I was starting to pick out my favourite parts but realised i was highlighting every drawing, but here are my FAVOURITE favourites:

I love love love hearing ppl's opinions on the Redwood compound (AND POPS!!!! POPS AND SCAR BEST FRIENDS FOREVER [until... they're abruptly not anymore. um. ummmmmm....]) Poor exhausted Ren. Poor munched up Joel. Poor every-day-I'm-more-tired-than-the-last Etho. (Also, clasping your hands in mine, I promise you we will write about Pearl and Lizzie. I promise we will not leave you hanging.)

I'm genuinely truly deeply so happy you enjoyed TAMN, and absolutely adored reading (and seeing!) your journey as you read it. Especially the parts where we convincingly pulled off Grian Death(tm). Thank you for sharing with us :') aaaaa TAMN <3 <3 <3

Your poll idea is genius btw. We gotta do this. We GOTTA. - 🔒

[tojivu]

Helloo!! I've came across ur fics a few times and it never fail to makes me smile, and I have an idea from scrolling on tiktok for a whole week, I'm not sure if ur reqs are still open... But may I request the orange peel theory with jjk men n boys? Your pick on who u want to write in that scenario! If ur req is close pls ignore this! Thank you and I hope you have an amazing day!

the things i do for you ! ⋆ jjk men

the orange peel theory ˖ gojo, geto, toji, nanami.

an. honestly i'm still kind of ??? on what exactly is the orange peel theory but i'm assuming it's just acts of service? im so sorry if its wrong LOL pls i don't keep up with tiktok......

an ii. ok i did end up getting the prompt wrong but i hope yall like this anyway..

cw. sfw. f!reader. not proofread. acts of service.

playing. lovesong by beabadoobee.

GOJO SATORU is a familiar face at the local coffee shop down the block — and no, it's not because he keeps raiding their cheesecake displays. he much prefers the ones across the street; he only comes by this particular one to pick up your favourite coffee.

"toru, could you get something for me at the coffee place?"

"yeah, i can," he hums. "what do you need, baby?"

it's actually only a 5 minute walk, and you never told satoru your order. it was too specific that you were sure he would forget; so you just told him to buy an iced latte and be quick with it. after all, you could never go wrong with such a basic drink.

"'s okay, baby," he presses a quick kiss to your cheek, confident he would not come back home with a boring latte. "i'll get you something even better."

"please don't. your taste in coffee is terrible — no, forget it, i can just go by myself later." you groan, wriggling around in the sheets of your bed to find that warm spot in the blankets; satoru was up since 6am, and you've only just opened your eyes.

"oh, no need for that," your boyfriend smirks: almost too creepily. "i have great taste! both in coffee and women—"

you smack his arm, using your hands to gesture a shoo-ing motion. you weren't conscious enough to tolerate satoru's gross flirtations. his eyebrows furrow and lips pout, quickly planting another kiss on your forehead before standing up. he scrambles through the desk drawer for his sunglasses — eventually finding them and leaving the house.

little did you know that your boyfriend has your order memorised — it was a small order, not that difficult to remember. satoru didn't think it was necessary to make you get up and grab it yourself; he had legs, and he liked the fresh air, too. plus, he knows he'll get to see you smile first thing when you wake up; perhaps you might give him one of those kisses on the forehead that he loves so much.

you thought he would have called you lazy for not getting up — he would be offended you think so little of him if you admitted that. satoru sees your sleepy face, hears your peaceful snores and he thinks he would rather die by impalement than wake you.

when satoru returns, you're still tucked into bed and fast asleep. he leaves the coffee on the nightstand before kneeling down and leaving the third kiss of the day, right on your lips — and it's then that he realises that you have him so in love that he's willing to spend $8.95 every morning for the rest of his life on overpriced coffee.

────────────────────────

GETO SUGURU holds the most romantic date nights, but there's only one thing you don't particularly enjoy — that being there's always so much walking involved.

yes, you think the opportunity to just take a breath and link pinkies with suguru is nice; it's just that your shoes tend to undo themselves no matter how many bunny ears you tie. your laces have been through war — the plastic aglets have been long lost and the loose string is practically just that. they're starting to pull apart from eachother that you consider just wearing heels for the next few dates until you find better ones.

"we just need to turn the corner—"

suguru's words are cut off by your sighs. you look down at your shoelaces and they are once again untied; the pout on your lips make his curve upward, after he lets out a sigh of his own.

"i really need to get you new shoes," suguru mutters. "they've definitely been through it."

"can you tie them for me?"

it's a simple request that gets suguru on one knee, dress pants stained by the concrete dust, as you patiently wait for him to finish tying the knots he's so skilled at.

"the ones you tie never come out."

"that's a lie," suguru says, his voice a little muffled with the distance between your heads. his rough fingers miss the loop and he opts to restart the knot. "i tied them before we left the house, and look at them now."

your face flushes at that. he sees through your lie like glass — you were always so easy to read.

"i just like the way you tie them, sugu. plus, they only untied because i redid them myself."

"yeah, i think it's because i don't tie them like a preschooler," suguru teases — he ties the knot tightly and stands up. "you should learn how to tie them the right way, baby."

you shake your head, and he raises an eyebrow at your reaction. his left pinky reaches for yours again, before you two start to walk once more.

"why do i need to learn if i have you?"

there's silence for a bit, nothing but cars honking and chattering from the people enjoying the nightlife just as you were — you almost retract your statement when suguru looks at you expectantly.

"is that so?" suguru chuckles at your response. "i guess you're right."

you giggle at his seemingly sarcastic reply — but you don't see the way he smiles, the way the tips of his ears burn, nor do you hear the loud thumping of his heart that tell he is being serious.

────────────────────────

TOJI FUSHIGURO doesn't know what small is.

well, everything about him is big — his body, his mind, his bank account, his heart.

it took you awhile to figure that last one out, though. toji always does the big things. the extravagant, flaunting, costly things. it's only small to him, and it often takes you a lot of convincing to get him to not spend hefty amounts of cash on you.

he feels it's necessary, to take care of his sweet girl like any man should — toji knows nobody can pamper you as well as he does, so he makes sure his money is spent wisely in making you feel safe and content.

you don't know how to tell him that there's no need for all of it, that you just want him to be with you — it's only until one day when you're coughing and sneezing in bed that you have to, after toji's constant pestering about hiring a family doctor.

"tch, baby," toji's voice echoes throughout the spacious bedroom. "shit—you're burning up."

"i'm fine," your voice is hoarse, nose crinkling at the incoming sneeze. "achoo!—"

he frowns, and the scar on his lip shifts downward. he sits on the edge of the bed, thick fingers moving stray hairs away from your face. "told ya we shouldn't have gone last night."

you shake your head. "it was your friend's birthday."

"does it matter, [name]?" he sounds stern. he only ever acts strict with you when he's really worried. "y'were already falling sick yesterday."

you reach for the box of tissues, fingers trying to reach inside the packaging for another piece, but you seem to have used all of them up — the 3rd time today.

"can you stay home, toji?"

it's one simple request that has him nodding. if you didn't mention it, he thinks he would've forgotten all about work — toji was much too worried to let you stay home alone, while a random doctor he hires on the day of attends to you. he much rather take care of you himself.

"i think i'll fuckin' have to," toji answers, frown plastered on his face out of pure worry; he has no idea how happy his reply makes you — you were more than comfortable with the idea of him taking care of you. "'m too worried to let you be alone."

"thank you, toji," you smile up at him and he feels his face burn up, so much that he thinks he feels hotter than you; "you always take such good care of me."

he always does. there was no doubt about it.

it's then that toji fushiguro stands up, his feet quick in making it's way to the bathroom to prepare a cold towel to plaster on top of your forehead. his actions are quick, wanting to make you feel better as soon as possible; your pale lips and tired eyes worried him more than he'd like to admit.

he ends up cooking the worst chicken noodle soup ever, but you chug it down with a grateful smile and a kiss to toji's cheek.

"fuck," he mumbles, sounding almost annoyed. "think i'm gonna get a fever now, too."

the smirk on his face tells you everything, though — at least now he knows money can't buy this.

────────────────────────

NANAMI KENTO is the type of man to do as you please, whenever you please, even if it's something you didn't even ask for.

he loves to see the smile on your face, the way your eyes sparkle when he agrees to help you with something just because you want him to — he can never get sick of the way your voice thanks him.

this is especially true in times of emergency.

it's a friday night and you're having dinner with nanami, legs crossed underneath the marbled tabletop — your silk emerald green dress flows perfectly, hugs your body just right; you think you did a good job picking it out today.

nanami had a range of activities planned out for tonight. it was your anniversary — dinner, then a film festival, then whatever surprise he kept a secret after.

you didn't try to snoop this time, genuinely thrilled to have such a special night with your lover; you were always one to love surprises, especially the ones from nanami.

beautiful, slow tempo jazz plays in the italian restaurant — you feel like you're from a different time, enjoying such authentic food.

"ken," you smile. "you should try some of this."

he doesn't respond for a bit. he's been looking at you with dreamy eyes, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lip; it's not until you giggle that he snaps out of whatever state he was just in.

"sorry, darling," nanami clears his throat. "you just look absolutely breathtaking tonight."

you physically feel the blood rush to your cheeks, too fast that it's almost embarrassing: kento truly knew how to fluster you.

you spin the fork in your hand clockwise, picking up a ball of pasta. "do i not look breathtaking every night?"

nanami chuckles, fingers controlling the knife sawing away at the steak that sits ready on his plate. "stop teasing. you know i think you're beautiful every second—"

plop.

your eyes widen, feeling a damp spot on your thigh. your fork suddenly feels lighter, and your eyes dart down to your dress that now has a patch of spaghetti sauce.

your eyes forcefully close shut in embarrassment, fingers rubbing your temples as you sigh.

"shit," you curse under your breath. "i'm sorry, kento."

he smiles, shaking his head. "what are you apologising for? you didn't drop it on purpose."

nanami sees the frown that drags your smile away, and he feels his heart sink. he knows you really loved that dress — and so he asks you to just enjoy your meal and that he'll make something work.

it's then that his plan derails, just a little. you two are running late to the film festival, but he couldn't think of any better solution.

"wait a little, okay?"

nanami parks the car, and his feet quickly lead him out and into the mall for a little over 10 minutes — when he returns, it's with a black bag with gold printed letters.

oddly familiar, you think.

he steps into the driver's seat, shuts the door and opens the bag: it's the same dress you're wearing, just in a different colour — blue.

nevertheless, you can't help the smile that creeps up on your face. "ken.. you really didn't—"

"yes, i had to." he interrupts. "i know it's not green, but i hope it's okay."

"thank you, love." you say, voice too sweet that nanami remembers all the reasons he does these things for you — he thinks he'll never get tired of it.

020224 — happpyy february ! also i think nanami's one is a little ermm but we rock we roll life moves on yolo :( i got lazy towards the end but i tried Okay

[postnuclearophelia]

HI CAN I VENT? My kittie is on her last legs, probably being put down this week, she has mammary cancer. She’s 18 and I’m really grateful for the time I’ve had with her but it’s so hard, she’s been with me my entire adult life, I adopted her at 10. This has been going on for a month and has happened really quickly and there’s been so many vet visits and days I’ve had to stay home just to be with her, and my boss is upset that I’m not communicating “well” with her and have had to get a bunch of shifts covered so she has completely cut me off the schedule. She also told us two weeks ago (a week before her vacation in the tropics) that we can no longer have access to our health benefits if we stay under our hours 3 weeks straight. I tried to confirm with her whether I’d be losing them and she ignored me. So I’m probably losing my health benefits. Im probably just going to end up quitting because I legitimately can’t handle the stress. I feel like I’m actually going to die because I’m so anxious all the time because of everything. My boyfriend is paying for everything and will probably have to pay my rent next month. He wants me to move in with him because I hate my apartment but again the stress of the choice is just driving me insane. Anyways, done complaining I love u guys thank you for listening I just needed to post about it online and not do it on instagram where my evil coworkers can see. <3 I love u 💘

[livfastdieyoung69]

Guys im in my mjf era!

Mjf x reader

Mjf being his usual douchebag self but reader being his soft spot yk? And someone using reader against him to get under his skin any of his old feuds would work for this so i dont mind 👀 just LOVE a protective feral man with very little regard for himself when it comes to the people he loves 🤭

HIGH FLYING BIRD

Sting had been your idol for as long as you could remember. For decades, all you ever wanted was to be like Sting. Now here you are- on the same damn roster as him. You worked with him, by his side, every damn week. Your few years in AEW had already given you so much more experience and advice than you could’ve hoped for, especially from Steve. The only downfall of working side by side with Sting was having to work with Darby who hated, much like many others, your partner.

Speaking of Darby, he bursted into catering with a scowl on his half-painted face. Sighing into your styrofoam cup of a crisp Dr.Pepper as he plopped down into the seat between you and the beloved man himself, Sting, you turned to face him.

”Yes, Darbs?” Of course, even with his bitching over your choice of a lover, he was still a friend. Sometimes. Darby scoffed and shook his head, crossing his arms and practically pouting in his seat.

”How in the hell are you with Maxwell? What do you see in him? Or is it, like, what you don’t see? Are you legally blind, Birdy?” It was your turn to scoff- at his remarks and the nickname. It’d caught on after you showed up to AEW and started doing crazy high-flying shit no one even knew was possible on day one.

“We’re not having this conversation again, Darby.”

“Yes we are. Is this a Stockholm syndrome thing? Blink twice if you need help.” Before you’re able to do anything besides point a finger in his face, you’re interrupted.

“Alright guys, let's just calm down here, please.” Steve- Sting- tries to calm the situation. Darby gives you a smug look from getting away with his remarks while you glare at him wholeheartedly.

”Talkin’ about me again, huh?” MJF leans over you, his usual asshole smirk on as his hands slide up your shoulders and lightly grasp at your sore neck, barely massaging it. Sore from saving Darby in your last tag team match with a dive through a table, actually. (And no. He didn’t say thank you. Steve did though.)

”Hey, baby.” You look up at him, glowering face replaced with a gentle smile that makes Darby cringe and grumble under his breath.

“Got somethin’ to say, dead boy?” Max asks from behind you, hands still working your neck as the atmosphere tenses even further. Steve tries to calm everyone again, but it doesn’t seem to be working as Darby stands from his chair, coming basically toe to toe with Max.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. You’re the worst damn decision they’ve ever made in the almost decade I’ve known them. I don’t even want to know how you’re manipulating them into this, but I’m sick and tired of it.” Darby’s voice keeps growing, filling the silence of the now quiet catering room, everyone watching their argument. Steve stands up, placing a hand on Darbs shoulder to try and pry him back. You might’ve gotten up to stop Max, but honestly, you just didn’t feel like dealing with this anymore. “All you’re going to do is leave them behind when you get whatever you want from them, and we’ll have to pick the pieces back up.”

Once again, Steve's attempt doesn’t work, and Max steps back into Darbys space, now quite literally toe to toe, chest to chest.

“I swear to God, the next time you suggest I would ever even imagine hurting them in anyway whatsoever, I will rip your fucking head off and let Wardlow play with it.” With a sigh, you get up from your chair and try to put a little distance from the two by pushing at Max’s chest but he won’t budge, he won’t even look at you. “Only reason I haven’t done it already is ‘cause of how much they like your little daddy over there. See how that works? If I hurt you, it’d hurt my Bird and I’d rather die than dream that into existence so I try my hardest not to think about hurting you. Let's keep it that way, capisce?”

Before Darby is able to reply, Max finally gives into your pushing and turns to leave catering, you in tow.

“Max,” You softly call for him, trying to keep up. “Max, baby,” You stumble to grab his hand and he finally comes to a stop. “Do you really have to keep threatening my friends? It’s really no wonder they don’t like you.” You teased him with a small smile, grabbing his hands in yours.

“Uh, Kris likes me, thank you very much, toots.”

”That doesn’t count, Kris just gets everything. Everyone else is dumb.” You lean back and forth on the ball of your heels, his hands keeping you stable before he gets sick of it and pulls you forward into his chest. “It’d be really nice if you could just be good for a little bit, please. Just a couple days is all I’m asking for here.”

He rolls his eyes, and gives a huge, fake groan up to the ceiling. He knew it’d make you laugh, he always knew what would. You pull your hands from his grasp and bring them up to his face, bringing him to look back at you.

“Be a good boy for me, hm?” You whispered, thumbs rubbing gently across his face. Judging from the blush covering his cheeks, it seems like you’d finally found a way to tame him.

Mwah ha ha ha this isn’t really what you asked for but kinda sorta they were rivals at one point so ???

he def says capisce and he also would def call you toots idc it’s canon in my heart

Also have no clue where the whole bird thing came from but its here and the title is the Jefferson Airplane song

Anyways kinda really like this one its cute