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andrewmoocow · 2 years ago

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Little Homeworld Life chapter 16: Somebody to Lean On (originally posted on April 10, 2023)

AN: And now we return to Little Homeworld to give some of its residents (and prisoners) some much needed therapy. A lot of these Gems have some trauma they need addressing, and others are in need of some clarification on whether they've fully gone good or still have some reservations about their current lot in life. Regardless, this is bound to be a pretty emotionally intense episode, though nowhere near as intense as what Steven had to go through. In addition, this will serve as further development for Black Rutile's character and perhaps serve as a hint towards her future in this world. Now that we got introductions out of the way, let's begin!

Synopsis: Dr. Rebecca Sucrose lends an ear to the Gems' plights.

Cast:

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Jennifer Paz as Lapis

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Rebecca Sugar as Dr. Rebecca Sucrose

Matthew Rhys as James Brenner

Shanelle Gray as Sally Grove

Ray Chase as George Ikari

On another bright sunny day in Little Homeworld, the residents gathered around a stage where the Crystal Gems stood alongside Steven's therapist Rebecca Sucrose because they had an announcement to make. "Good day, everyone!" Pearl greeted the Gems. "Today, we are having a special mental health day, and to celebrate, we have an equally special guest! Please welcome award-winning therapist Dr. Rebecca Sucrose!"

"Hello, everybody. Nice to meet you." Rebecca greeted to some scattered applause. "Some of you may know me as the therapist of one Steven Universe-"

"BOO, YOU STINK BY ASSOCIATION!" Eyeball abruptly jeered.

"But after some suggestions by Steven himself, I have now come here to talk with all of you." Rebecca continued, barely noticing Eyeball's insult. "I have won awards for my psychiatric breakthroughs, but I'm not so sure how I'd do with people who don't really have any physical brains to analyze, so to speak."

"Trust me; you won't find any brains here, regardless." Black Rutile rolled her eyes in disgust while turning to her cohorts. "Seriously, what's the point of her coming here anyways? And no one tell me what she just said!"

"I suggest taking on Black Rutile there first." Amethyst suggested to Rebecca. "She's a real space case, that one. I'm pretty sure you've seen her on TV before, right?"

"Oh yes, I saw her trial." Rebecca nodded in affirmation. "She's the psycho who tried to frame you guys as evil, right? I'd really like to psychoanalyze her like my old teacher did."

"Very much." Garnet stated while putting her hands on the therapist's shoulders. "I know it may seem like an arduous task, but we implore you to please find a way to get through to her, Doctor."

"I'll see what I can do." Rebecca said before turning back to her audience. "Okay, everybody, line up so I can give you all some therapy! Come on now; we haven't got all day!" However, as the Gems began forming a very long line, Black Rutile refused to join in on the action, making it easy for Rebecca to point her out. "You there, you're first!"

"Wait, me?!" Black Rutile gasped as she tried to back away. "No, I don't want any part in this!"

"Too late, you're going first!" Lapis commanded while Jasper and White Topaz dragged Black Rutile onto a couch with Rebecca sitting beside it.

"Okay, doctor, fire away!" Peridot exclaimed.

"I'd be delighted to." Rebecca smiled before turning to Black Rutile. "Now, judging by what my good friend Dr. James Brenner has told the Gems, you seem to suffer from antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder and are also self-diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum disorder. Correct?"

"Correct." Black Rutile agreed with Rebecca. "And I am not ashamed to admit I refuse to be anything else. It has been a rough past couple of months for me. I've lost everything I ever had, my forces have been arrested and are being tried for crimes they didn't commit, I'm being forced to live here as punishment for my crimes, and I've also learned that my entire status can be attributed to my former Diamond having a sense of humor. Have you ever felt like you were on top of the world only to feel like everything has been taken away from you in one fell swoop."

"I can definitely see that you're refusing to cope with change." Rebecca analyzed Black Rutile's recap of her life thus far. "Now, could this be because you're so attached to the identity you've made for yourself and everything associated with it? Are you suffering from loneliness, perhaps?"

"Very much." Black Rutile replied, now curling up into a ball on the couch as she let a more vulnerable side of her out. "Nowadays, I feel like whatever I do, I just feel like everyone will always be out to get me, and nobody will ever be on my side again. Well, aside from Aquamarine, the Rubies, Holly Blue, and Cat's Eye. I guess that's what happens when you're public enemy #1 across the entire universe."

"Have you made any new friends at all lately?" Rebecca wondered while writing everything Black Rutile said down.

"Oh yes, the most amazing friend I could ever have." Black Rutile answered eagerly. "Her name is Sally Grove, and I have never felt so connected with someone before! She despises the Crystal Gems just like me, and is also so vehemently opposed to any form of kindness and love and takes pride in how much of a horrible person she is! She's like me as a human!"

"Well, good to know you're making some progress." Rebecca said. "But please know that no matter how much you deny it, you need help, Black Rutile. Perhaps if you just listened to the Crystal Gems, your life would become so much better."

"Yeah, I think we should stop here." Black Rutile declared as she hopped off the couch, once again refusing to make any peace with the Crystal Gems. "If you think I'll ever change my ways, then you can just forget it!"

"See, we told you she'd be a tough nut to crack." Bismuth declared as Rebecca looked somewhat disappointed in both Black Rutile and herself. "Hey, don't look so down, Becky! Who knows? Maybe the others will be easier?"

"Hm, I doubt it." Jasper sneered. "I got a bad feeling Black Rutile might be starting up a new army right under our noses."

"That would explain why the Rubies have been hanging out with her lately." White Topaz muttered in reply. "Maybe we should just wait on the sidelines and see what happens."

"But what will happen when we keep waiting, and she takes us by surprise?" Pearl wondered ominously.

"I think I know what." Garnet proclaimed with her future vision giving her a glimpse of dark times to come. "And it's not pretty."

"I just feel like, so lost here!" Aquamarine complained to Rebecca. "I feel like I'm still stuck in the past and want to have something like my old life, but I want to move on with my life too!"

"Hm, a classic case of a stranger in a familiar land." Rebecca said, continuing to write in her notepad. "Now, is there anyone in that previous life you'd like to reconnect with?"

"Yeah, Topaz." Aquamarine replied, looking down in shame at how she had abandoned her old bodyguard. "As soon as Era 3 began, she up and ran off to Little Homeschool to get as far away from me as possible. Well, frankly, she definitely had the right idea."

"Well, would you care to try and talk to her?" Rebecca offered as Topaz stood right behind her, ready to make amends perhaps. "I got her right here."

"Hey, Aquamarine." Topaz said quietly as she stood face-to-face with her old boss. "How have things been?"

"Oleaginous." Aquamarine answered sourly. "Just feeling absolutely alone in a world that I just wanted to save. You understand what I'm going through, right?"

"Yeah, kind of." Topaz said. "I only wanted to follow orders, yet I wanted to do what I wanted at the same time. And, of course, you kept getting in the way of things. But in Era 3, I'm finally free to be myself. Yet at the same time, I don't want to see anyone so alone, even you." She extended a hand of compassion to Aquamarine. "So, care for a second chance?"

"Ugh, you're a little too forgiving." Aquamarine grumbled as she shook Topaz's hand. "But hey, you commit to whatever you feel like; I won't judge anymore."

"Glad to see you're willing to change." Topaz smiled before Aquamarine hopped off the couch and walked away. "Wow, that was easier than I thought."

"Oh yes, very easy." Aquamarine scowled under her breath. "You mouth-breathing fusion. You'll soon see things my way again."

"So, Cat's Eye, what's on your mind right now?" Rebecca asked her next patient.

"Losing everything because of Steven." Cat moaned, her weeping muffled by the couch cushions. "First, I had my status taken away, but since I could be whatever I wanted in Era 3, I decided to become a lawyer. But that turned out poorly, so I joined up with this Cinnabar who was Black Rutile's apprentice, but then her plans got foiled, and I was sent down to Little Homeschool as punishment for my association with Black Rutile!" She looked up at Rebecca, her makeup now running. "I feel like every time I want to make a change in my life; everything just keeps going wrong!"

"Feels like you've been through a lot." Rebecca nodded sympathetically. "And it feels like recovering might take a while for you. I think a therapy animal could be of use."

"A what?" Cat groaned.

"A therapy animal, it's exactly what it sounds like." Rebecca answered kindly. "In fact, the Gems got into contact with the animal shelter just for this occasion."

"Careful now, they might scamper off." Garnet said while carrying a box full of kittens for Cat to choose from while Cat Steven rested on her head. "Now then, choose which one you'd like."

"Oh, cats. Hardy-har-har." Cat laughed mockingly while examining the cats in front of her. Three of them seemed relatively close, a white kitten with a pink bow, a black kitten wearing a red bowtie, and a brown kitten with a blue bowtie. Another cat had a blank look on his face while playing with a stuffed frog. Another cat was licking out of a pudding cup and seemed very protective of his treat. But the cat that stood out to Cat's Eye the most was a rather shy-looking cat with all black fur, a matching-colored hairbow on her head, and a yellow dragon toy in its mouth. "I want that one."

"Oh, you mean this one?" Rebecca wondered while scooping up the kitten in her arms. "This one's a little shy, like she doesn't know where she belongs in the world. I think you could relate."

"I do, actually." Cat realized as she was handed the shy kitten. "What's her name?"

"The shelter calls her Blake." Garnet answered. "I think the name fits."

"Yes, it does." Cat's Eye smiled at her new furry friend and gave her a nuzzle. "Don't you love your new mama, Blake? Don't you?" Blake let out a meow and licked her new owner. "Aw, she likes me!"

"Looks like you have a new friend, Cat Steven." Garnet smiled at her cat while pulling Cat Steven off her head and showing him to Blake, and the two cats started gently batting at each other.

"I feel like I have no one to control anymore!" Holly Blue overdramatically yelled in exasperation. "My entire life, I happily accepted orders from whoever was above me in power, whether it was the Diamonds, Black Rutile, or Cinnabar. I reveled in how much power I held over lower-ranking Gems! But now it seems like I have nothing, and all I am anymore is a worthless punching bag! Black Rutile was my one ticket to regaining my old life and sense of identity, and look how that turned out!"

"So you feel like being controlling and harsh is the only thing that gives you joy in life, eh?" Rebecca wondered. "Well, have you ever considered trying to be a little fairer, but still stern at the same time?"

"What good will that do me?" Holly asked.

"Well, you could be a lot more likable that way." Rebecca added. "I've gathered that you prefer showing power through abuse and control, which is not a healthy mindset. Would you care to elaborate on where that came from?"

"I was always very eager to please my superiors, so if I acted like them, that would make them proud of me." Holly Blue revealed. "But maybe you're right. Maybe it's time I start thinking about me instead of them."

Meanwhile, Black Rutile had returned home to contemplate what Dr. Sucrose had said to her. Maybe she was suffering from loneliness. Maybe she was attached to the identity she formed as a servant of White Diamond. But did it really matter in the end? She had nothing, and it was all thanks to the Crystal Gems, yet they're only now showing concern for her well-being. Well, where was this sentiment before? She needed someone else to talk to about this, someone who could lend a hand in this time of need. And she knew someone who was fitting enough to do it.

"Hello again, Black Rutile!" Black Rutile's criminal psychologist James Brenner greeted his patient cheerfully. "How have things been going recently? It feels like we haven't talked in a while."

"Just got psychoanalyzed by one Rebecca Sucrose as part of a mental health day." Black Rutile answered. "She says that I'm suffering from loneliness and desperation to grasp onto what remains of my identity, or something like that. Do you see that too?"

"Yes, I believe so." Brenner nodded in reply. "Your recent behavior screams trying to get everyone's attention so you'd be hailed as the smartest in the room. And yet no matter what, you never seem to get that praise you crave so much. Instead, you are feared and hated by all. Your former allies, your enemies, and the public as well. But I believe that it's not too late to make a change, my friend."

"Yeah, you're right." Black Rutile frowned, which quickly turned into an angry grimace. "Why is it that when I do something bad, I'm the only one who's punished while Gems like Demantoid, Pyrope, Emerald, Morganite, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, and the Diamonds get off with a slap on the wrist despite doing far worse?! It just isn't fair!"

"Yes, the universe can sometimes have a twisted sense of humor." James sighed in reply. "But regardless, knowing you, you'd likely find a way around this."

"Oh yes." Black Rutile grinned evilly as she peered outside her window to spy on Rebecca, now serving as a shrink for Emerald. "If there's one thing the Crystal Gems haven't taken away, it's my love of manipulating people to my side. And by golly, do I have the master plan!"

"I'm actually pretty okay with the life I'm living now, but I still hold a grudge against Lars for getting away with stealing and/or destroying my ships!" Emerald vented her remaining struggles to Rebecca. "Do you think I have a problem with letting go of old grudges?"

"What do you think?" Rebecca commented. "Maybe should this Lars stop by, perhaps find a way to make amends with him."

"I'll try to give that a shot." Emerald obliged with a sigh, unaware that a black camera drone was watching her every move.

"I want to give cross-Gem fusions a chance, but I still feel so weird near them." Morganite complained to Rebecca. "I think it dates back to when my Ruby and Pearl would keep fusing behind my back, no matter how much I kept rejuvenating them."

"I see, still retaining some deep-seated prejudices." Rebecca muttered.

"And it didn't help that when I met my Ruby and Pearl's fusion for the first time in ages; I nearly got chucked out of my building!" Morganite shouted, surprising the therapist. "Don't worry, she calmed down thanks to her off-color friends, but that is not a good look for the rest of her kind."

"We lost because of her!" Pyrope childishly blamed Demantoid for their failures while sticking her tongue out at the green Gem.

"No, we lost because you were too full of yourself to consider the angles that only I could see!" Demantoid argued back while sticking her tongue out at her prissier partner.

"I've actually dealt with a few bickering couples before." Rebecca nodded as she observed the Garnets' back and forth, much to the duo's embarrassment as they began blushing like crazy. "Would you care to experiment with a few methods to improve your relationship?"

"We are not a couple!" Demantoid and Pyrope yelled in Rebecca's face in unison.

"Okay, I get your point, but trust me when I say that it will take time for you two to understand each other again."

"Like what?" Demantoid asked curiously.

"Like a trust fall, for example." Rebecca suggested. "Basically, one of you has to fall, and the other has to catch you. Now, who wants to be the catcher?"

"I think Demantoid should do it." Pyrope suggested while crossing her arms and preparing to fall.

"Wait, I think I'm a little too small for this!" Demantoid disagreed hurriedly before Pyrope tipped herself over, and since Demantoid was so small, she was crushed underneath the larger Gem.

"Oh my goodness, are you alright?!" Rebecca exclaimed as she raced over to Demantoid's side while Pyrope got up and dusted herself off.

"Why thank you, senator." A dazed Demantoid answered. "The fish was delish, and it made quite a dish. Creepy pants all the time get some. Sever your leg please sir; it's the greatest day."

"Is she going to be okay?" Pyrope asked sheepishly as she slowly backed away from her delirious partner.

"It's just a concussion; I think she'll be fine." Rebecca answered assuredly.

The day soon began winding to an end as Rebecca had just about finished therapizing the Gems. As she started packing her things and saying goodbye to the Crystal Gems, Rebecca saw Black Rutile walking up to her. "Oh, hello, Black Rutile. Care to discuss our chat earlier before I leave?"

"Why yes, I'd be happy to." Black Rutile put on a fake smile in reply. "You know, thinking about our talk has really done me a world of good. I have finally come to terms with who I am in this world."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Rebecca cheered before Black Rutile abruptly grabbed her by the neck and began strangling her.

"Yes, I know exactly who I am." Black Rutile repeated menacingly. "I am a planet-conquering, gaslighting, opportunistic, sociopathic terrorist through and through. I have ended the lives of both Gems and organics, conquered numerous worlds in the name of my so-called superiors, and nearly succeeded in destroying the Earth multiple times. And I'd rather be shattered a thousand times over before that entitled, messiah-complexed brat forces me to be anything else."

"Hey Black Rutile, get your hands off her!" Amethyst yelled at Black Rutile as the Crystal Gems came to Doctor Sucrose's rescue.

"What is the meaning of strangling such a kind woman like her?" Pearl asked as Garnet freed Rebecca from Black Rutile's clutches.

"What? No! You're getting it all wrong!" Black Rutile lied to save face. "I was just giving her the biggest hug I could muster as thanks for helping me see the light! You were right; she is a good therapist."

"A likely story, Black Rutile." Garnet coldly replied. "We'll be keeping an eye on you. Try not to cause any trouble in the meantime."

"Oh, I promise." Black Rutile assured the Crystal Gems before walking away with an evil smile on her face. "Oh, they have no idea what's coming to them."

"See what I meant when I said she was a total space case?!" Amethyst exclaimed to Rebecca, who was busy rubbing her aching neck.

"I can definitely see your point, but I still have faith in her." Rebecca gasped in response. "I just hope she has enough faith in herself."

"And that was my day today." Black Rutile said to Sally Grove later that day. "So sure, I do suffer from loneliness, but my next plan, should the Flipso one fail, will prove to be a cure for that!"

"Indoctrinating the masses, right?" Sally wondered while filing her nails. "Who are you going to start with?"

"I think I'll start with some of my former cohorts." Black Rutile replied. "Maybe Emerald, Morganite, and the Garnets to start with. They're a little too comfortable here, and I'd be all too eager to make them come crawling back to me." Just then, she heard a knock at the door. "One second, I have to take this."

"Oh, Black Rutile, I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as a good neighbor by coming in any way!" Teal Zircon cried as she burst into Black Rutile's house with a signature big smile on her face. "You would not believe what Dr. Sucrose told me today! She says I might have ADHD or something!"

"ADHD, eh?" Black Rutile smirked at the overly energetic Zircon. "Ah, a fellow neurodivergent Gem. How about we engage in a little bit of that neurodivergent solidarity by talking a little?"

"And then I was nearly strangled to death by that Rutile!" Rebecca later complained to George Ikari in a coffee shop. "I've been told she was unstable, but this is ridiculous! And after I lent a comforting ear to her too!"

"I hope you're recovering nicely." George offered his support with his fingers steepled together. "But regardless, Black Rutile is a dangerous individual, and it'll only be a matter of time before she takes advantage of the hospitality she was given."

"Oh, hello there, you two." Dr. Brenner greeted George and Rebecca as he sat down at their table with a latte in hand. "Haven't seen you two since your graduation. How have things been?"

"Oh, Professor Brenner, it's been so long!" Rebecca squealed at the sight of her old teacher before hugging him, while George just grinned at the sight.

"James, it really has been a while." George smiled. "Class of 2008, right?"

"Ah yes, you were always one of my finest students, Mr. Ikari." James replied while giving George a gentle stroke of his hair. "Now then, I heard you two were talking about Black Rutile? I've actually had a chat with her earlier."

"I was assigned to give some therapy to the Gems of Little Homeworld, and Black Rutile was one of the first." Rebecca stated as she began to tell her story.

I apologize for any inaccuracies in psychology, it was never one of my strong suits. But anyways, while my notes told to end on the scene with Black Rutile and Teal Zircon, my heart told me that a scene with Rebecca Sucrose, George Ikari and James Brenner was too good to forget about. But enough about my personal wants, next time will be a very special chapter. Next time, we'll be having a big musical episode with some very special celebrity guest stars! Be sure to stay tuned. Wow, this turned out to be a shorter chapter than I thought.

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 2 years ago

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#unnecessary main post addition but i gotta fight u in the tags

dragging you into the parking lot bc my tedtalk got too long for the tags sorry

#cus you said the master would be so good at all the spying stuff and the doctor crap #nah nah nah nah nah i’m not having that #have you experienced seven??? #the master going by the moniker m. aster???

nah i see where youre coming from, but also no, influenced by my watching 5 seasons of two spies living entire fake-real lives with real children and real jobs and fake-real relationships and patience and procedures and backup procedures and aborting the mission because maybe we're being followed and five thousand precautions for every little thing the mETICULOUSNESS. the disguises. the exhaustive attention to detail. the focus on the big picture, the big utopian promise in the distance. doing incredibly painful things now because of the belief it will eventually pay off

mr john "call me the doctor" smith cant do that (i'll admit the master's anagrams are not much better but bear with me) the doctor cant live a fake-real life. the master has lived many.

the only thing, the only thing where it breaks is the faith that is essential to the whole thing. because you'd say the doctor has the stronger faith right? what does the master believe in?

but i dont think the doctor believes in ends justifying means. i think they know that never works, that never leads to good things. and i dont think mr "look at us, suki! two brilliant scientists! we can fix this" could ever be seduced by the lie of "if we get rid of the Bad Guys the world will be Good"

i dont think the master believes in it either, either of those things, not like philosophically, but what the master can do is delay gratification. and when you dont really have a Cause but you Do have patient self-interest then it kinda ends up looking similar.

neither the doctor nor the master would be spies you want to have in your organisation because theyre untrustworthy. theyre not devoted enough. there is not a cause you will get them committed to for any extended period of time i think. i mean, they got indoctrinated enough on gallifrey and still became renegades right? the doctor was in division and fled, the master we assume was too?

#the doctor deliberately trains themselves to be good noodle #innocent as a child #think the best etc. #but as we see with 13 #when they want to act in their ‘worst’ nature they’re unmatched #the master is a good spy trying to be better #the doctor is an incredible spy trying their hardest not to be

irrelevant! irrelevant to whether they'd be a good spy. spy =/= bad (i mean depends on your moral stances i suppose but to me, again, influenced by 5 season the americans as my main source of my understanding of spies (which i get that it probably doesnt work like that - i looked up some of the terms they use in the show, directorate s, illegals program, and turned out there were some spies like the ones in the show arrested in 2010 and they werent even charged with espionage bc they didnt manage to get any useful information. youre gonna live a whole fake life and you dont even spy good can you imagine? anyway the show came out in 2013 so i was like oh this happened and then they probably used that idea and set it back 30 years to the cold war for extra stakes and that seems to be exactly what the writer did. anyway point is. i know it's fake but it's my only reference so im imagining the doctor and the master in a specifically americans type of situation))

i'll give you that the master is a good spy trying to be better. i do Not buy the doctor being better. they'd lose their mind. weeks, months, years of developing relationships with people to get what you want from them. inhabiting a fake identity. having to "make it real" in some way like philip says. fake identities that are also real but also carefully crafted to be precision tools. absolutely not. i cant see the doctor do it. "the man who won the time war" you want as a player in your hot war, not your cold war. theyre a strategist, not a spy.

the master on the other hand i think you want in a war that is hiding itself, that is pretending not to be happening (i could even push this further and say koschei "my chosen name is a misdirection" oakdown would actually rather be in a position to get orders whereas the doctor wants (and wants not to want) to be the one giving the orders. but at this point im just saying stuff)

thanks for coming to my ted talk i told you Lots of spy thoughts

adore when they get like just one or two random other spies to help in a mission or something and they know absolutely nothing about each other except we're working for the same side. like when they get this guy to pretend to be a pastor to calm down pastor tim and afterwards they get in the car and they watch this guy leave and elizabeth is like "do you think hes really a priest". or when philip walks out of that shop and theres two spies he hasnt seen before or since pretending to be trying to find the way with a map on their car and hes just like need some help and they tell him some code words and a meeting point or whatever and they leave and never see each other again

like. idk. it's so funny like 13 voice rule 1 of spying trust noone but like. theres sooo much trust in this job it's nuts. and it's all so, like, procedurised. theres endless procedures and backup procedures to try and like, make it all work like a machine and try to eliminate the human error in a job thats only and entirely built on connections between humans. it's admirable and endearing and kind of incredible like aside from whatever theyre doing it for, the CauseTM is an entirely different post that i havent posted but like. just as an achievement, an expression of human as social animal, it's amazing

#like i see your point and no i have NOT really experienced 7 yet so maybe my view will change once i do #but for now #with this specific kind of spy?#idk how many kinds of spies there are and if the skills and dispositions needed for them vary but #but like it's about human error right?#like they say about hacking that it's not about the computer really it's about the humans leaving holes more #spying seems to be exactly about that too #it's about the relationships #im just thinking about the master and margarita #i dont even remmeber if the master had any kind of plan there but i dont know if it matters bc like i said #they dont have a Cause #but im thinking like. was that real for him? was it fake? yes both i think #like lots of relationships elizabeth and philip have #are they REALLY friends with stan the fbi agent? yes. theyre developing the relationship #they know real things about each other they spend real time together #at the same time it's always a performance #a highly self-monitored performance of identity #making sure you never express an emotion in such a way to invite curiosity into a direction you dont want #all the lies the manipulation #when does all this stop for you? the games the betrayals the killing?#well when we beat the americans of course

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korvotron · 2 years ago

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some thoughts on season 3

I have so much to say and I don't even know where to start! This season really blew the first two (which I already loved) out of the water, it was funnier, had more heart, and more lore, and it also fixed all the issues that I had with season 2.

Season 2 left a bitter taste in my mouth back when I originally watched it, because I felt it was too meanspirited. I didn't like how often Korvo's character was mean towards Terry, I wasn't a fan of Terry's low self esteem, not for the concepts themselves but because it felt like the show didn't see anything troubling about them that it wanted to resolve. This peaked with the season 2 finale, which to this day is the only episode I sincerely dislike in the whole series, where the family shows absolutely no concern for each other and act borderline out of character mean in order to justify the events. WELL, that was all fixed in season 3. All the problems I had, gone! Not to mention we also got clear roles for what everyone in the family is supposed to do!

On top of that, I swear it was SO funny too. Oh and the animation was different. It was really noticeable.

I guess if I had to voice one complaint, I just felt like the Wall was aimless. It seems to be getting comfortable in its formula of killing off a character everytime they don't know how to progress, especially to characters they just finished introducing or bringing back. It's a pace that leaves me a bit perplexed, and with them having now killed two main characters as well, I find it hard to see what's left to still tell and I wonder if the story won't start to drag. It was like, "oh the power is out, they have to fix it", "oh, guess we're dealing with mosquitoes now", "oh, this new character seems cool... and they're dead" "oh they brought back this character! ...and they're dead" without a clear direction. A lot of "and then, and then, and then", instead of "but this, therefore that".

BUT ANYWAY, I'm not here to discuss the wall. In this post I'd like to talk about Korvo and Terry's characters and their journey.

Korvo goes through an amazing character arc and his character progresses seamlessly every episode. In the first one, being carried around with the others forces him to see that earth makes them happy.

He finally sees things from their perspective and realizes that a team is only as good as their leader, and if they've been letting him down, then he's been letting them down just as hard.

This realization pushes him to give earth more of a chance as he explains. It's a selfless decision, because he still doesn't like earth at this point even if he's clearly made roots, but he sees that his team is trying and it makes him see he's a bit to blame too.

Besides, the only reason he even hates earth in the first place is because it's so confusing, as the addition to his intro rants perfectly encapsulates. Korvo likes things to be straightforward, he likes strict rules and having a set role, he likes feeling capable and in control, but seeing everyone get earth easily while he struggled despite his efforts had him instinctively reject everything earth and stick with what he knew best, his mission and repairing the ship, so he could have a sense of purpose and structure. He sees now that in doing so he was pushing away and stifling the people he loves, his team.

In the first two seasons, the only way Korvo ever engaged earth culture was through Terry. Since he loves him, he'd try to participate to feel included (like the earth eraser), but once again when he could not get it he resorted to antagonizing it. The fact Korvo only consumed earth culture with Terry as a filter is important because now that Korvo has decided to set aside what's basically his whole identity, he's left open and vulnerable with nothing that makes him feel truly like himself.

This is why in the second episode Korvo is so insistent on wanting to have something unique to him. It's not about finding something he likes or is good at, it all hinges on it being something that can become a distinguishing part of him. On the other hand, Terry is very excited that Korvo seems to be opening up to earth, he wants to join him because this is the thing he's always wanted since episode one ("You think you're starting to warm up to earth a little?" "I must admit, with Funbucket around, repairing the ship has lost a little bit of urgency" "Oh my god, you're gonna make me cry"). I think it's hard for Terry to understand why Korvo wouldn't want to include him in these activities, especially because Korvo just has a habit of not communicating his feelings, still.

At the same time, I feel like Terry is also rightfully skeptical, which is why he's initially dismissive, and why later on he has that quip ("and here comes the end of fun!"), he's not used to this New Korvo, and maybe a part of him deep down doubts that it'll last and doesn't want to end up hurt.

Considering the cubic lattice crystallizer pretty much confirms my theory that Terry tends to shove down all negative feelings instead of communicating (not unlike Korvo!):

I'm wondering if maybe Terry's escapades in episode one and three (and that flirting in episode nine when he looks at Korvo smugly while calling someone else hot) were somewhat purposefully to make Korvo jealous, as a way to get back at him for the red goobler incident. I believe he's petty like that and he would.

Speaking of Terry, it seems that with the newfound support of Korvo, he's been able to mend his low self esteem.

And no longer needs the approval of humans, either. Which is, again, another improvement on S2 to me.

To get back on track anyway, in the end of episode two Korvo learns that it's not in fact the things he does that shape his identity, but the bonds he makes and the people he loves. This is important because it's the first step in him prioritizing his team over his mission. It happens slowly and you almost don't realize, but it does. With 99 ships he'll learn that his mission isn't as important as he thought, because there may or may not be thousands of Shlorps out there.

This is freeing knowledge for him because his biggest stressor has always been failing at the mission, it seemed like life and death for him, like the fate of his entire planet rested on his shoulders. He has a sense of obligation, no matter what his personal feelings were, so he also could not allow himself to appreciate Earth, because he knew it would all be gone soon enough, as the mission required. Seemed futile to even get attached to it. What he didn't account for was that he'd get attached to his teammates, and THEY would all get attached to earth life.

Anyway, with this new understanding that the most important thing in his life are the people he loves, it is no wonder now to see him jealous and possessive when he wasn't before. Not as much anyway.

With Korvo knowing how much Terry means to him, he dedicates himself now to supporting him, only to find that he's not the best at it. In fact, he is being bested by someone else. Korvo's never been a fan of not being the most capable person in the room, so this stings particularly hard, especially because he can't afford to lose Terry to some guy. He wants to show that he cares.

Really all his improvement and his genuine attempts to grow roots on earth, his desire to try in the first place, ALL stem from his love for his team, so this is a no brainer.

In the Gargoyle Ray episode Korvo's lesson is just as important. His obsessive need to work on the mission was, of course, a way for him to feel in control. This did not stop there! It extended towards his family too, and so in this episode, the lesson for him seems to be that sometimes, he has to step aside and let others take control. It's what a good leader would do.

Korvo has a lot of anxiety about things being out of control, confusing, of feeling exposed and challenged. I imagine these are all anxieties he got from Shlorp being such a strict totalitarian place, where everything is required to fit the structure otherwise you're a defect and mocked (which I also imagine was Terry's experience :( ), to the point it now feels scary to be in the midst of earth's chaos dealing with conflicting emotions and complex relationships.

In trying so hard to exert control the way he did on Shlorp and the way his anxiety demands, he is once again suffocating his team.

Another important thing he learns in 99 ships, if his mission is successful, his team will have to die. We have a fake out for a moment where it seemed like his family could coexist with his objective, but that is not the case. For the first time I'd say, Korvo is made aware of this conflict, once and for all, that he'll be eventually forced to make a choice! Shlorp... or his team.

Thankfully, Shlorp isn't as important or as good as he once thought (remember s2ep1? hidden ruling class?) not to mention shlorpians have been compared to mold, they're basically an invasive parasitic species that destroys life to reproduce, and if Korvo in any way likes his life on earth, then his goals do not align.

Considering we saw what happens when a Pupa fully terraforms a planet, I don't think there's a chance that it'll happen for us too, as that would just be a repeat. They removed the magic of wondering what'll happen, so it's clear we're headed in another direction.

This seems overall like a honeymoon period for Terry and Korvo, things are going well.

Then, episode eight strikes.

Despite Korvo having made significant improvement which clearly shows in the way the family gets along now, he hasn't addressed a core problems he's always had, his lack of communication. Of course, neither has Terry. Neither of them will bring up when something has hurt them, preferring instead to shove it down so they can continue enjoying their honeymoon phase.

But this can't last, and Terry is forcibly reminded of the red goobler incident while with Korvo. He never knew the full extent of it either, he knew they fucked but it's not like he had seen them. Which by the way, even in the original episode Terry was upset about it ("did you two DOINK?" "we banged, shut up about it"), and it always rubbed me the wrong way how it seemed to be brushed off after that and how Korvo replied especially. Of course, it wasn't exactly "cheating" in the common sense since they didn't consider each other a couple back then, but it was clear there was something unspoken between them. That was also the PEAK of Terry's self esteem issues, so to hear Korvo replace him so easily, I imagine it must have stung. But you know, "shut up about it", and he did. Up until this.

Boom. Shit from the past comes back to bite Korvo, because you can't just decide to move on and start fresh without first properly addressing your past mistakes! He tried the easy way out by ignoring it all, and Terry probably didn't want to ruin what they had now by bringing it up either, but the hurt festered deep down, and here it is now.

It also makes Korvo doubly hypocritical to show jealousy towards Terry in season 3 then, when in S2 he so easily slept with Chris. But that is the beauty of it! He IS being hypocritical, it builds a good conflict. A reason for Terry to be a bit resentful, as a treat.

Sidenote but I found it interesting how the only betrayal they had to make up specifically for this episode that happened off-screen was Terry's and that even then, it was something very minor. I guess my boy has never done anything wrong in his life ever... (I'm joking!!).

Moving on, Korvo is terrified of losing Terry. He tries distracting him immediately. And what does a scared Korvo do? Why, he reverts back to his old self and raises all his walls.

"We're never gonna grow or learn"? Korvo, it's all you've BEEN doing all season.

But as is to be expected, he deflects and distances himself from the hard emotional stuff. The moment it got brought up he risked losing Terry after all, he clearly saw him get mad. So fuck it, keep it all away and there's no risk, right?

I've mentioned elsewhere that this episode feels more like a set up than a complete arc with a start and an end. We are presented what's at the core of their emotional issues, but the characters are not yet equipped to deal with it so they mutually decide to ignore it, and things seem to go back to normal. They don't want to accidentally hurt each other or themselves after all! They have found a fragile equilibrium that they both enjoy.

Finally finished the whole season (I had yet to watch ep11 at the time of writing this whole post), and I can confidently say that it shows the peak of their whole development. For the first time since maybe ever, the family is mature enough to realize that something is really their fault, and instead of deflecting they take responsibility in the most selfless way they can, out of the love they have for the pupa.

Season 1 and 2 fam would've never, and I don't say this to shit on them. They have come so far!!

But unfortunately for them and their last six months of life, I really think this is a big misunderstanding! It was never the sci-fi that was the problem, the episode makes it clear enough that what really upset the pupa was being left alone WHILE they go do sci-fi stuff. He felt lonely. He wanted their attention so he started acting out. Not only is it made clear by him making a whole friend out of nothing, it's also from how I think it was Terry that said they hadn't paid attention to him in TWO WEEKS, and finally the teacher lays it on in the most obvious way, they don't spend enough time with the Pupa, that was the issue.

I also thought this whole situation was very representative of their mission as a whole, as in, they're doing what they're supposed to but it's making them miserable. This is exactly what Shlorp intended! Follow the structure, fall in line, fit your role. The whole stuff with the sci-fi, messing around and having fun, that was never part of the mission. They were effectively breaking free from Shlorp's control and influence and doing their own thing.

It's like a metaphor about not wanting to do the mission anymore, to me. Feels like a bleak and grueling task they've been weighted with, no longer something they want to do or casually feel they should do, but something they are forced to do that's making them unhappy, under the impression that it's "for the good of something".

But they don't want for the pupa to actually complete his evolution! That goes against everything they have built. His evolution SHOULD be tainted. Or else he's gonna grow up to terraform earth, you know? It wasn't necessarily such a bad thing on its own.

I think the pupa has also been feeling upset about realizing his role. He knows his objective will result in the death of the people he loves the most, his family. That was also a factor in his acting out. He never asked for this.

And I don't think the Pupa would want them to be miserable, I think he hasn't even realized that they're forcing themselves to be what they're not for him. He wouldn't want for them to give up everything. He just wants their attention and love...

Anyway, six months of no sci-fi adventures, of doing their jobs, they have both grown so much to be able to do this. It is a testament to what I think has happened a lot this season, how you can change for love. You can find compromise that'll make the people you care about happy. You can act selflessly for someone you love. I think Korvo has been doing a lot of that this season and now it's the whole family doing it.

I don't think this change of being normal will stick anyway, it wouldn't make for very entertaining content to watch. No need to worry.

Still, time is against them, as the pupa is clearly growing up, and the more he grows, the less time they have left...

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this!

Some other spare thoughts that I couldn't fit in the post:

Terry now knows he has adhd!! This is huge to me, I can't get over it! Gone are the days of him thinking he's lazy and stupid and all of that, because now he knows he's really not. I bet that also did wonders for his self esteem. This was really important to me.

Terry not remembering what his role was exceedingly canonizes that, in fact, he's always cared for the pupa from instinct and love, and never out of a sense of duty or obligation. Great!

We finally know what the town they live in is called, AND we know their last names!! Korvo Solar and Terry Opposites?? I somehow expected the opposite (pun not interested, hah) but I'm so happy! It seems they took Korvo's last name then, since they refer to themselves as "The Solars".

I was so enthralled with just how much Korvo compliments Terry this season! A breath a fresh air in comparison to S2. I've talked with friends and they shared the same sentiment.

THE SHLORPIAN ALPHABET IS BACK!! One of my biggest letdowns at the time was just not having anything to translate, even if it was just silly jokes. I haven't translated the ones from S3 yet, but I'm excited to!

Now that Korvo is open to enjoying earth stuff, this opens the door to him and Terry disagreeing on taste, which is just gonna shatter Terry's pink-glasses expectations of how they'd get along sooo much better if Korvo liked earth! That will be fun, we already had glimpses in the trains episode.

Terry's favorite hobby being lines is so perfect for his character, I like to imagine he never looked forward to anything on Shlorp since it was so miserable, and lines are basically the representation of a feeling of anticipation. You'd expect him to be bored out of his mind, but I think one of the things he loves most from being on earth that he didn't have on Shlorp is just, the feeling of being excited for something. So... it's perfect for him! We also needed something that Korvo wouldn't like, so he could demonstrate his love for Terry by doing it anyway. It was a hard balance to strike but they did it. Kudos.

Halk dying was a bad move imo, but I don't actually think he's dead. We'll see.

99 ships? Don't you mean 50? The intro says 100 adults and their replicants, each ship has 2 adults... *comicbook guy voice* boy I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder! (I'm joking)

On a similar note, time traveling sneakers? But Korvo honey you never owned such a thing, that was the whole point of s1ep8... Why haven't you been using those shoessss? I know that whole episode by heart, sorry. This is all poking fun, don't worry.

That lil creacher that died on the ship, that was the guy the shlorpians in s2ep1 were worshipping wasn't it?

What's Justin Roiland's fixation with cum gutters? Who told the writers about stans and luigi's mansion erotic fanfic? Please never stop, I'm obsessed.

CAN WE just talk about how much tervo we got? Like how they're just... Canon? 😭💖 I wasn't expecting the show to make it as official as "they consider and call each other husbands also they fuck like rabbits" but HEY!!! Can't say I'm mad!! Wow. Wow.

Manifesting tervo marriage you know it's coming

"just like the fortune cookie said I would" joke again, we GOTTA get to the bottom of this fortune cookie factory just like with the witch stuff from s1 lmao - UPDATE. yes I had written this before watching ep11 I can't believe they brought back the witch thing forreal THAT'S AMAZING

I'm really happy that they let Terry be openly bisexual this season, not that they didn't let him before but it's just undeniably obvious now and it made me really happy.

THEY FETCHED BACK YUMYULACK'S HAND. Guess they read the subreddit 😎 No more plot about it growing a second Yumyulack that goes rogue!

I loved all the characters so much this season, Korvo has truly grown a lot on me. And I feel like all the characters are gonna have very negative feelings about the mission moving forward.

I wonder how the silvercops storyline is going to progress. Their episode was fine, but probably not a rewatcher for me. With some tweaks it could have some serious futurama vibes with the single human in alien world, glen reminded me of fry a lot. I'm afraid of how it could intersect with the aliens (don't want my very fragile dynamics and status quo to be forever altered...) but I do trust the crew and am hopeful.

I LOVE TO SEE WHAT THEIR LIVES WERE LIKE ON SHLORP. We got such a brief new look, but I need more!!! Still I was incredibly happy to see it. Though I guess I found it puzzling that Shlorp had yo-yos as that seemed like the type of fun stuff they'd be against. Like how Terry got reprimanded for wearing his robe collar unbuttoned. Go figure.

That's all! I'm gonna attach my liveblog of S3 here at the end in case you want to see more misc thoughts on it all. And a lot of screenshots.

#solar opposites #season 3 #terry opposites #korvo solar #analysis #good luck to all media for the rest of time in matching the perfection that was s3. my expectations are gon be busted forever #it was better than perfect

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn��t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin’ leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

#bnha 309 #midoriya izuku #all might #midoriya inko #gran torino #hawks #best jeanist #endeavor #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #petition for kacchan to form his own dynamic battle squad whose sole purpose is hunting down deku and talking some sense into him #if deku gets to drop out of school and make his own rules than so do we #what do you say icyhot are you in #actually can you just text your dad and ask him where deku is #maybe save us all some trouble

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zackcollins · 3 years ago

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a new hockey stick || tyler heineman

masterlist

Author’s Note: Hilo Piccolo. Somebody said I was feeding “the Tyler Heineman brain rot” when I posted that GIF of him earlier. The brain will be beyond rotted now since this is a whole ass fic about him. If I have a problem, I challenge you to prove it in a court of law. Seeing as this fic isn’t even for my own self-indulgence. I wrote it for @donttelltheelff because they told me that I might be making them gain a crush on Tyler. I wrote this for them as a way of nudging them over the precipice. What’re friends for, amirite? Anyways! GIF credit to anotherhockeypage since my GIF of him is a zoomed out shot lmfao

Warnings: Nothing, I don’t think. Feel free to let me know if something needs one though. I’ll happily add it.

Word Count: 1.0k+

Title: Canadian Kid by Brett Kissel

Additional: Gender-neutral reader since the person this was originally for uses they/them pronouns. I have received permission to post it so we’re all set on that front. Anyways! I hope Taylor and everyone else enjoys this! This is my first fic of this kind for this goofball babygirl so I hope I did it justice!! Feedback is welcomed and appreciate because I love knowing what people think of my fics!!

You and Tyler were rushing through Scotiabank Arena in hopes of making it to your seats before the opening face-off. As you rushed along, you were bumping into disgruntled fans and a few employees. You kept trying to apologize but Tyler was dragging you along far too quickly for anything to come of them.

When you finally made it to the section where your seats were located, you glanced over your shoulder towards the ice. You mentally fist-bumped when you noticed that the game hadn’t started yet. You told Tyler as much; Tyler smiled as you both politely squeezed past the people sitting between the end of the row and your seats.

When the two of you were seated, you pulled out your phone and slung your arm over Tyler’s shoulder. You pulled your best friend closer to you as you opened the camera function and held the phone out in front of you.

“Tyler, bro, smile,” you said, casting a glance at you best friend. "This is my first time seeing a hockey game live. I want a picture to commemorate it."

"Sure, bud, whatever you want." Tyler rolled his eyes and chuckled, though he did smile. He even slung his arm around your shoulders and leaned his head against your head. You felt your mouth go dry and your face heat up as you quickly snapped the picture. You hoped that the picture wouldn’t show how flustered Tyler had just made you feel.

Just as you were sliding your phone back into the kangaroo pouch on your Auston Matthews hoodie, you felt someone nudge your shoulder. You looked up and noticed Tyler was pointing towards the ice. When you looked that way, you saw that the Kings and Maple Leafs were lining up for the opening face-off. You smiled as you shifted around anxiously in your seat. Tyler scoffed and shook his head as he looked towards centre ice.

When the referee dropped the puck, you felt your whole body ignite with excitement and nervousness. This was an experience unlike anything you had ever had watching the games on your television at home.

As the play went along, you kept looking over at your best friend to see how he was reacting to all of this. You knew that Tyler had been to plenty of live games before, given the fact that he was also a goalie growing up. He was even wearing his favourite jersey—a Kelly Hrudey his father had handed down to him when he had first started playing Junior A hockey. You weren’t so much as looking at the jersey; you were more so looking to see how Tyler was reacting to the fact that his favourite team—Los Angeles—was playing your favourite team—Toronto—while you were attending your first game. Judging by your best friend’s body language, you could assume that Tyler was about as nervous as you were.

By the time the first commercial break came along, the score was still 0-0 and the shots were 10-4 in favour of Los Angeles. You pulled your phone out again and wanted to ask Tyler for another picture but Tyler nudging your shoulder stopped the words from coming out.

"(Y/N), look," Tyler mumbled.

"Is something wrong?" You put your phone away before you looked in Tyler’s direction and noticed that he was pointing up at the Jumbotron.

You looked where Tyler was pointing and noticed that the Kiss Cam was showing yourself and Tyler inside of the heart frame. You swallowed thickly before looking over at Tyler. Tyler nodded and grabbed your face, smoothing his thumbs across your cheeks. You relaxed a little as you leaned forward, placing your hands on Tyler's shoulders. After taking a deep breath, you closed the remaining distance and connected your lips with your best friend's lips.

The kiss was sweet, albeit brief. When you pulled apart from Tyler, you felt your head spinning from the gravity of the situation. You shook your head once and rubbed your temples a couple of times in hopes of straightening out the feelings in your brain. When that didn't work, you looked at Tyler.

Tyler had a soft smile on his face and was nervously wringing his hands together in his lap. You put one of your hands on top of Tyler's and rubbed his wrists at the pulse points, smiling when you felt Tyler shiver.

"Did…" Tyler started, looking away from you and towards the ice. When you glanced at the ice, you saw Mikheyev and Kerfoot rushing towards the net with Moore as the only man back defending for the Kings. "I… That meant more to me than a stupid Kiss Cam kiss. I've wanted to fucking do that for ages, (Y/N)." Tyler looked at you, his facial expression somewhere between fond and sad.

You brought your other hand up and cupped Tyler's cheek. You gently ran your thumb along it, smiling when he leaned into the touch.

"I feel the same way, bro," you said, squeezing Tyler's wrist with your other hand. "Would this be our first date then?"

Nodding, Tyler smiled softly. "I like that idea a lot."

You smiled as you leaned over and connected your lips with Tyler’s. Tyler smiled into the kiss, bringing his hands up to grab your hoodie strings. As you kissed, Tyler continued to fiddle with the strings like his life depended on it. The more he fiddled with them, the harder it was for you to keep a straight face. Eventually, you had to pull back and chuckle. You swatted Tyler's shoulder and shook your head dismissively.

"Way to ru--"

You went to say something but the sound of the Leafs goal horn and the goal song simultaneously blaring through the arena cut you off. You grinned as you pressed a quick kiss to Tyler's cheek.

"Take that, Tyler," you said, voice dripping with smugness.

Tyler smirked as he leaned forward to whisper into your ear.

"We'll see later which one of us takes it."

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shitpostingfromthebarricade · 5 years ago

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Everyone else in the fandom: lol ye

American Les Mis fandom: dO YoU KnoW HoW MuCH hEAlThcARe CoSTs???

My favorite thing in Les Mis fanfiction has to be, when a character gets injured, no matter how serious it is, before calling 911 or driving to the hospital, they call Joly. Like oh no Grantaire was beaten and stabbed, better call Joly.

#seriously look through the notes it's almost every comment #also i am.american and get so anxious in media when someone has any health issue #i was watching sex education and literally thought choosing between an abortion and rent would be a major plot point #iboy was another where i was like 'oh no his family is going to be desititute!'#and then i got confused when he offered the doctor money later #'like bish you're already paying him??'#'o right other countries value human life'#anyway my point is that my addition to this post is also a self-drag #like of course they call joly/combeferre???? friends are free and an ambulance alone runs you $750 #les mis #les amis #joly #jolllly #combeferre #ferre #combeferre has never done anything wrong in his life

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preciouspeterbparker · 4 years ago

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i wish i were

inspired by conan gray’s “heather”

warnings: stepsibling incest (not yet but that’s the whole premise), underage masturbation, underage sex, angst. peter’s like 16 and a half, Tony’s almost 18

word count: 2.2k

summary: peter’s in love with his big brother. no biggie. (spoiler alert: it’s a big deal)

(A/N: okay this has been living in my head rent free for over a month. i've written more, but it's not fully fleshed out yet.

i figured i would post this and see if anyone is interested in reading it before i put a bunch more effort in lmao. this is filth. most of the angst comes later lololol (and more filth).

i hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think / if you'd like to read more!

- bloo)

PART ONE

Peter stands at his locker, desperately trying to blend in and remain unseen as he switches out his English textbook for Physics. The school year is basically over, given that it’s the last week of May but he’s still not comfortable in the junior-senior hallway. He’s always been the youngest (and therefore smallest) kid in most of his classes, given that he’s been in the ‘gifted & talented’ track since middle school. (He’s on track to graduate next year, taking his last few mandatory classes and completing an internship for additional credit.) This year, Peter feels even smaller than usual; maybe because most of the seniors are already eighteen, while as a sophomore, he isn’t even seventeen. He doesn’t have many friends this year, because of it. Ned moved away last summer because his dad got a new job, and, well, he’d never really needed more than Ned before.

“Hey Pete-squeak,” comes a voice from behind, making him jump. Rolling his eyes, Peter pivots slightly to face the newcomer. The infestation of butterflies that he's been harboring for the past few months begins to flutter immediately, tickling the walls of his stomach as his cheeks flush lightly.

The voice belongs to a tall (or, well, taller than Peter, anyway), ridiculously handsome boy with dark hair and dark eyes, walking towards Peter with his hands in his pockets. The cheeky smirk on his face is all but permanent, but the small, genuine smile it slips into is something that Peter holds close to his chest, something that is typically reserved for him.

Tony, his older brother, is pretty much Peter's favorite person in the world. Technically, he’s Peter’s step brother. Maria, his mom, and Peter’s dad Richard got married when Peter was a year old and Tony was almost three. They’d essentially spent their whole lives together; neither of them could really remember anything before. They’ve always been close, but that’s changed a little bit this year.

“Hey Tony,” Peter chirps, reaching back into his locker to grab his physics binder. He tries to act natural, even though he feels anything but. His heart’s going a mile a minute inside his rib cage. He feels a little ridiculous, he has for the past few months. Swallowing, he manages to sound relatively calm. “You read the last 2 chapters of Beowulf, right? Mrs. Herrera gave us a pop quiz last period.”

The older teen groans. Closing his eyes, he throws his head back, a metallic thunk sounding as it collides with the locker he’s leaning back on. “Fucking hell. The final paper is due in like four fucking days! Is that not enough?” It’s quiet for a moment as Tony pauses before he opens one eye, cutting it to look at Peter. “What were the answers?”

Peter snorts in response, shutting his locker. “Not happening, T.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time and lets the left side of his body rest against the cool metal. Three minutes til the bell rings, and Mr. Riley’s class is right across the hall. So he’s essentially got three minutes to indulge himself and the fuzzy warmth that’s running through his veins. He loves any time he gets to spend with Tony. “You’re lucky I told you at all, be grateful.”

Tony wrinkles his nose at him. “Rude,” he scoffs in mock offense. “I know you can remember them,” comes his teasing accusation. (And he’s right. Peter can recall the entirety of the quiz, but he’s still not going to enable Tony.) Then he pauses and raises an eyebrow at his younger brother. “Is that my sweatshirt?” The garment in question is a worn and slightly faded black Led Zeppelin USA 1977 crewneck sweatshirt. Peter’s wearing it over a charcoal and white check button-up. The sweatshirt is one of Tony’s favorite pieces of clothing, he wears it all the time (hence why Peter...borrowed it...without asking).

Having mentally prepared himself to be questioned at some point, Peter’s reply is already on the tip of his tongue. “Yeah, it ended up in my laundry and once I put it on it was too cozy to take off. And it looks good with these jeans and the button-up. And my boots. Trying out a new look,” he finishes, smiling as he pushes his glasses further up his nose. Tony often teased him about the thick, clear-but-slightly-pink frames, but Peter hadn’t wanted glasses at all (he doesn’t need any more reasons to be teased, thank you), but he likes these. They make him look cute, more feminine. More like someone Tony could want.

“You’re right,” Tony smiles. One of his hands comes up to playfully ruffle at Peter’s russet hair. “Looks great on you, kid.” There’s warm affection in his voice.

Peter feels his cheeks go hot again, and he wills the flush to go away. He can’t take compliments from Tony, now- they make him ache and preen simultaneously. He knows that Tony doesn’t mean it the way he wants. Peter knows that Tony would never speak to him again if he knew what was really going on inside his little brother’s head. The thought makes him sick to his stomach.

Speaking of stomachs. “Hey,” he starts as he fingers through the papers in his physics binder, attempting to find the problem set that’s due today. “Did you ever catch up on Hell’s Kitchen? I’ve been rewatching episodes trying to wait for you, but you’re taking too long. You saw the episode where Gordon-” Peter’s heart falls to his stomach and he abruptly stops speaking when he looks up to notice that Tony isn’t looking at him anymore, barely seems to be listening.

It falls completely out of his ass when he sees just what, just who, has stolen his attention.

“Sorry, Pete, gotta go,” Tony mutters once he realizes that Peter’s stopped talking, shooting him a hasty smile and shoving off the navy metal. He skirts past Peter, a slight skip in his step as he makes his way down the hallway.

Peter's swallows and clenches his jaw as he watches his brother walk straight to her, the bane of his existence. The reason he and Tony don’t spend as much time together anymore. The object of Tony’s affections. Pepper. She's...everything Peter wishes he could be, honestly. Tall, somehow a perfect mix of skinny & curvy, bright blue eyes, long strawberry-blonde hair. She's perfect. And not only in looks; she's also ridiculously smart. If Tony wasn’t valedictorian, she surely would be. She even volunteers at the local soup kitchen every weekend, and Peter’s pretty sure she reads to dogs at the animal shelter once a month. He hates that Pepper is so nice; he hates that he can't hate her without hating himself for it.

As if he didn't have enough self-loathing already.

***

Peter exits the bathroom that connects his bedroom with Tony’s after gently flicking the lock on his brother’s door to disengage it, the soft ‘snick’ ridiculously loud in the quiet of the house. He’s the only one home; Mom and Dad are at some sort of event for Dad’s law firm, and Tony went to a party at Rhodey’s house. (Tony had insisted that Peter was invited, but he had to know that the younger would never go- why would he want to be surrounded by drunk, horny, belligerent teenagers? The last thing he wanted to see was Tony and- )

There’s a dark gray towel loosely wrapped around his waist, so loose he has to clutch it in his hand to keep it from falling. He closes his own bathroom door behind him and drops the towel, digging through his underwear drawer to pull out a random pair of plaid boxers.

After sliding them on, the brunette takes a deep breath and lays back against the pillows, arms behind his head. He tries to consciously relax his muscles, the tension of the day not having melted away during his shower like he had hoped. Time for Plan B. It’s never let him down before. Peter reaches for his phone and unlocks it before swiping through his apps to open Spotify. The sound of “Dazed and Confused” fills the air through his speakers, and he sets it to repeat on a loop. It’s a little fucked up, the way he’s conditioned himself to respond to this song, but- Peter knows the whole thing is fucked up; he’s fucked up.

Closing his eyes, he does the only thing he’s been capable of for months: he thinks of his older brother.

He’s growing fond of the new facial hair Tony’s trying out; he wonders how it would feel against his skin. Which areas would be the most sensitive to its touch? His thighs? His neck? Peter’s head tilts back and to the side as he imagines wet, warm lips and the scratch of stubble. Just the thought, the phantom sensation, makes a soft mewl leave his mouth. It’s a little ridiculous how easy he can get himself going, when he thinks of Tony’s touch, of his body. Of his love. In his boxers, his cock shifts against his thigh as it begins to fill out.

The sensual, plucky bassline and wailing guitars of the song drag along, and so does Peter’s breathing as he brings a hand up to pinch at one of his nipples. He imagines the way Tony would tease him until he was whining, begging for release. He supposes it wouldn’t be dissimilar to his older brother’s typical manner of playfully taunting him. Maybe Tony would pin him down like he did when they were younger, climb on top of him and hold him there with the muscles he’s gained from boxing in the garage. The opportunities he’s had to see the older teen breathing heavy, shirtless and glistening with sweat, would be forever ingrained in his mind. The mental image sends more blood rushing south and his dick throbs as it quickly reaches full hardness, drawing a gasp from his mouth.

Peter takes himself in hand, studying the details of his cock. He knows he’s not huge, but he’s at least on the larger side of average. It’s flushed a deep, mauve-y pink, and he traces the line of a vein on the side with the tip of his pinkie. A shiver shoots down his spine. He wonders how similar it is to Tony’s. Is he circumcised like Peter is? Is he bigger? Longer, thicker even? Sure, he’s seen him naked before, when they were younger changing or in the bath, but that stopped around the time Tony was seven or eight.

(Tony and Peter had come home from school one day, and Peter’s head had been reeling over what he heard some older girls saying on the bus. He’d decided to ask Tony about it. His big brother knew everything. ...Mom & Dad caught them kissing in their bedroom. That was the end of bathing together, and Tony got his own room, too. Peter never forgot about the way his big brother’s lips felt against his own.)

A bead of precum oozes out of his tip and Peter rubs his thumb over it, smearing the liquid over his cockhead. Robert Plant’s voice moans over the speaker and Peter echoes the sound as he slowly strokes himself with a loose grip, his hole tightening around nothing. Biting his lip, he hesitates before slipping his left pointer finger into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it sloppily. Once it’s wet, he reaches down and gently presses the pad of his finger against the tightly furled muscle between his cheeks. His breath hitches as the sensation; he’s only touched himself down here a couple of times before.

The tip of his finger begins to breach his opening and a whine leaves Peter’s mouth. It stings a bit so he tries to relax, muscles fluttering, making a mental note to grab some lube next time he goes to the drugstore. He wants to be able to stretch himself out more, to imagine Tony’s fingers, Tony’s cock, splitting him open and stuffing him full. Fuck-

Tightening his grip on the base of his cock, Peter grits his teeth and grunts softly as he pulls his finger from his ass. He can’t cum yet- he’s not done. He reaches under his pillow, pulling out the balled-up t-shirt that’s taken up residence there. The black fabric has faded in some spots, and the Black Sabbath logo is cracked and worn; it’s one of Tony’s favorite shirts. Peter brings the soft cloth up to his nose, fumbling with it to find the area with the strongest smell. There are hints of Tony’s Old Spice deodorant mixed with a scent that’s distinctly Tony, a warm, masculine musk that has saliva pooling in Peter’s mouth. Delirious, fucking his hand to the beat, he wishes he had dug a little further in the hamper, pulled out a pair of Tony’s briefs.

That’s the thought that does him in. Peter cums into his fist, gasping his brother’s name, the sound getting muddled in the maelstrom of guitar and drums. Thick ropes of jizz splatter on his stomach and chest, entire abdomen heaving with his breaths.

He wipes the mess up with Tony’s t-shirt before tucking the fabric back under his pillow for safe keeping.

to be continued???

#starker #starkercest #peter parker x tony stark #peter x tony #bloo writes bad things (tm)

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jincherie · 4 years ago

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fox rain | five

• ☽ — pairing: bts x reader • ☽ — genre: crack, fluff, angst, college/uni au • ☽ — words: 9.9k+ • ☽ — rating: sfw • ☽ — warnings: stop two on the angst train express!!! not as blatant, more reading between the lines here...... have fun! • ☽ — notes: bros... it’s only downhill from here. cowa-fucking-BUNGA amirite cowboys???????!?!?

— posted; 18.09.2020

When the love letter you wrote and submitted as an assignment is leaked to the entirety of your university, it becomes a race against time to dispel rumours and convince the seven suspected muses of the poem that they aren’t the subject before anyone realises that you are the author. Easy, right? Well… maybe not as easy as you think.

— • masterpost | prev. | five | next • —

You lay in a sort of placid, bewildered shock, the kind that is sourced from confusion as opposed to an unpleasant surprise. After waking to blearily turn off your alarm before it blasted through the entirety of Dancing Lasha Tumbai, you’d unlocked your phone to find this curious set of messages from a number you haven’t saved. You’ve been lying in place for several minutes as your tired, wired brain slowly kicks into gear and attempts to debunk the mystery. After another unsuccessful few minutes of staring blankly at the screen, you’re saved from impending cranial combustion when your phone lets out a delightful little tinkle and another message hastily joins the others.

Ah, that makes so much sense now! Except it doesn’t. Actually, it kind of adds to your bewilderment. Taehyung… is texting you? You don’t think you’ve ever in your life had any correspondence with him that didn’t either take place in the presence of Jimin or under the influence of alcohol… also in the presence of Jimin, now that you think of it. You haven’t really interacted with Taehyung outside of Jimin. So it is particularly odd to wake up to a series of messages that are from him, and pertaining to such an odd topic. You’re still so tired you can’t even fathom what would warrant a text from him. Maybe you dropped something at one of your tutoring sessions and Jimin asked him to give it back to you? It would make sense, since after the rollercoaster of a ride the last week has been for him (in particular, the questionable events that took place at the hands of one Kim Seokjin but somehow ended up with Jimin and Hoseok making up? You don’t really understand it but you’re not even going to bother to try to at this point) he has ended up a little preoccupied.

Tapping the screen when your inactivity leads it to go dark, you take a moment to scrounge a response from the empty barrel bottom that is your brain. Once satisfied, you drop your phone onto your bed and flop yourself back to the position you’d been in before your own alarm woke you so rudely. Technically, you don’t have to be up and about for another hour…

With faith that your additional hour of sleep will revive your ability to think, you allow yourself to slip somewhat self-indulgently back into sleep and pass the fuck out like a woman who has spent the night trying to forget.

(Which you are, and did do, except with maybe a little less alcohol than what that sentence implied.)

X X X X

It has been almost a week since the unfortunate end to that tutoring session on Monday, and while you’ve managed to stay off social media enough that you haven’t triggered yourself by accident in the entirety of that duration, every time you come on campus it’s like for however many steps forward you took, you take double the amount backwards. University students are such gossips! Well, the jobless ones are, anyway. The students that work and study are too busy dragging themselves around campus in a stunning rendition of the undead from various media to be bothered with the latest plot twist in the resident school drama. Which is to say, there has been no twist. The population is still shamelessly up Sera’s ass in the belief that she is the author of the poem, and as has become the norm you find yourself resisting the urge to hunt the bitch down and go in for round two on her face. Surely, your self-control has earnt you the title of a saint by now.

You’re blasting some angsty shit on the way to your music history class and pretending you’re in a music video for some indie band (it’s cathartic, and you will argue that fact to your grave), when you make it a few steps past the entrance to the food court and have the absolute living daylights scared out of you. Thudding footsteps reach you through your earphones and two hands clamp on your shoulders to halt you in place and spin you around like Barbie Ballerina.

“You’re a disgrace!” It’s Seokjin who has halted you in the middle of the hallway, every bit as dramatic as you’d come to expect. “You skipped drama class? And you call yourself an acting major, PSH!”

Yanking your earphones out, you nail the tall, pink-haired idiot with a glare. Very bold of him to be approaching you after you nearly chopped off Lil’ Jinnie barely a few days ago for his bastardous antics. Perhaps he’s getting a bit big for his glittery pink rainboots.

“First of all, will you please listen to me when I tell you I’m not an acting major?” Unfortunately, when you speak your voice comes out more exasperated and less threatening than you intended. “Second of all—very bold of you to be approaching me right now. You’re lucky you escaped with your life, you meddling bastard. You want me to bite the rest of your dick off?”

“You should know by now that I take that as a compliment,” Seokjin sniffs, haughtily, ignoring the latter part of your threat. “And do you know how boring it is for me to crash your class when you’re not even there? No one threatens me like you! It’s getting harder and harder to get it up these days, you know. I need a hit of the good stuff.”

For a moment you’re simply stunned into silence, staring at him and wondering just how and why he seems to have been sent here with the sole mission of making you want to kill him and then yourself. Nothing you could think to say really is enough, so you settle on simply turning and walking away.

Of course, you forgot that no one turns their back on Kim Seokjin and gets away with it.

“YAH!”

You wince—you think he actually just broke a sound barrier, or maybe your eardrums— or both. Seokjin quickly scrambles to place himself in front of you, arms out. His eyes are wide in something you suspect he thinks is a puppy-eyed look, but actually comes across more like he’s trying not to shit himself.

“Promise me you won’t skip drama again!” Seokjin says, pointing a finger at you in borderline accusation. When he doesn’t see your expression budge, he quickly changes tactics. “If not for me, the most charming prince in the story of your life, then at least for Jungkook, that poor virgin—”

You blink, distracted for a moment by what he said. “Wait, Jungkook is in my drama class?”

“’Wait, Jungkook is in my drama class?’” Seokjin repeats in a voice a few octaves higher than your own. “Listen to you, not even knowing who is in your own class. For shame! But have no fear, since you clearly skip so much I will happily extend my generosity and take you under my wing. Tutelage fee starts at $55 with an extra $5 for every question you ask that I don’t know—”

“Do you ever actually hear yourself talk?” you ask, feeling your will to live draining out your ears. “Like, the shit that comes out of your mouth? Do you hear it? Because—wait, are you saying you would charge me for questions that you don’t know the answer to?!”

Seokjin shrugs, “It’s a little unorthodox, I know. But—”

“I would literally be bankrupt! Thousands—no, millions of dollars in debt!” You exclaim, grabbing him by his stupid big shoulders and shaking him about. “Do I look crazy to you?!”

“Oh, what, you think you can do better?!” Seokjin demands, voice wobbling from your shaking. “What’s 2x2?”

“Fucking four!” you wail, releasing him in your despair. You can’t do this, your day only just started and you are not exhausted enough to micronap while he talks like usual. “I’m leaving, don’t follow me. DELETE MY NUMBER.”

“Haha jokes on you!” you hear Seokjin holler from behind you, voice rapidly growing quieter from the speed that you’re powerwalking away. “You never gave me your number!”

You make it to class barely on time due to Seokjin acting as one of the biggest inconveniences in your life, and while you manage to push him from your brain for the duration of it, you wish you could say that is the last time you see him,

It’s probably the fact that you busted his ass being a weirdo with Jimin and Hoseok last week that has him so…. attached this week, you suspect. You’re at your third Seokjin encounter for the day and you’re honestly considering whether you should trip to the campus pharmacy and look for some pepper spray, or maybe an umbrella. Pepper spray would be more effective, but the umbrella…. You can’t argue against the satisfaction it would provide.

You’re trying to sneak your way into a library on the Arts side of campus, one you don’t usually go to, so you can study without worrying about going absolutely batshit insane in the presence of Seokjin. It was hard, but you think that you’ve finally managed to shake him. What on earth had him so determined to tail you today? Was it seriously because you skipped your own class? Nutcase.

You peek your head around the corner looking not only for Seokjin, but for another thing you had happened to notice every time you were ambushed. You have yet to determine whether the glimpse of phenomenally bright floral print right before Seokjin pounces you is causation or correlation, and it makes you a bit nervous. Cautiously, like timid forest animal, you creep around the corner and begin to make your way into the building, eyes flicking from the library door right at the end to the rest of your surroundings. The café coming up on your right tempts you greatly, but you know it is too great of a risk. Out in the open, you’d definitely be seen.

This area is almost like a courtyard, an undercover area between three separate buildings. With a looming cement and glass ceiling, though, it feels like a building of its own. The library sits nestled in the corner of the largest building, and although it isn’t very wide, it spans several floors. You plan on going to the highest one and hiding in a corner near a window.

You’re close, so close to reaching the library in fact that you’ve fallen into a false sense of security. By the time you register the sound of pounding footsteps approaching behind you, for the second time today, it’s too late.

“Ah, y/n! Wait!”

Instinctively you prepare to burst into a sprint to get away, but at the last second stop yourself. That doesn’t sound like Seokjin… that sounds like—

“Taehyung?” you ask, turning in surprise as the boy comes to a screeching halt in front of you, bending with his hands on his knees as he attempts to catch his breath.

“I’ve… been trying….” he huffs, “To talk to you…. all day….. hah…Why are you so….. good at running away?”

He looks absolutely wiped out, cheeks red and sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. You’re just beginning to feel guilty when you notice his shirt, the bright floral print that you literally don’t know anyone else bold enough to wear, and you realise he’s really not lying. Poor Taehyung, just like you he has fallen victim to—

“That Seokjin bastard,” you say, completing a quick scan of the area to make sure the mention of his name didn’t somehow summon him. “He’s been harassing me all day. I’ve had to really up my game. By the way… are you okay? Please breathe… also what did you want to talk to me about?”

Taehyung straightens, eyes closed as he attempts to control his breathing. One of his hands comes to sweep the ashy hair from his face, the ends slightly damp with sweat.

“I’m fine,” he says, sounding slightly like he’s about to pass out. You prepare to take a step forward and catch him if he does, but he opens his eyes in the next second and shoots you a dopey smile. “I’m fine! Apparently just… whoo… really out of shape.”

“Your sacrifice is not in vain,” you say, smiling when he lets out a sudden laugh. Another shaky breath rakes past his lips before he straightens, eyes blinking a little wider. “Ah, right. I was looking for you because, um… you didn’t respond to my text… and I needed to ask you something that’s a little time-sensitive…”

“Your text…” you wrack your brain, sure that you remembered responding to it this morning in bed. Your mouth shifts into a wince, though, when you can recall writing a response, but not actually sending it. “Oh. I am so sorry, I’m an idiot. I was kind of half asleep when you texted, and I swear to god I typed a response but I think I fell asleep again before sending it…”

There is not a shred of accusation on Taehyung’s pleasant features, lips instead slightly curled in a smile. “That’s fine,” he chirps, rocking on the balls of his feet for a moment. “I do it all the time too. I’m just glad I caught you.”

You return his smile, before a thought that had been nagging you earlier returned and you acted on the urge to voice it. “By the way…. How did you get my number?”

Your question seems to be unexpected and, for some reason, flusters him slightly. He reaches to scratch the back of his neck, averting his gaze for a moment. “Uh, Jimin gave it to me. It was for something stupid a while ago but I never needed to use it.”

You raise your brows at what he said, but get the feeling he’s not going to elaborate. Instead, you remain quiet and wait for him to continue his thought from earlier. He shuffles on his feet, returning his gaze to your own. “Anyway, the reason I was trying to catch you all day was because I wanted to ask you something…”

“I know it’s not really any of my business, but I kind of noticed, and Jimin mentioned lightly that things haven’t been, uh…. great for you lately.” He doesn’t even give you time for that statement to sink in amongst your shock, continuing without pause despite the way his cheeks begin to flush, “And, uh, my exhibition is this Friday, and I was gonna go with Jimin but he double-booked himself with Hobi, so now I have no plus-one and I was wondering… if you wanted to go?”

When you simply stand there, dumbfounded, he clears his throat awkwardly, fiddling with the cuffs of his button-down. “To um, you know, take your mind off things… maybe… you don’t have to, of course, but I just thought I would—”

Snapping out of your stupor before he can take back the invitation, you hastily step forward and outstretch your hands. “Oh, no I would love to go! This is really—” you clear your throat, trying to ignore the light sting of your eyes “—sweet of you. I’d like to go, if it’s ok. You’re sure Jimin doesn’t mind…?”

Taehyung seems shocked, and you suspect he might have thought you would turn down the invitation from the way his eyes seem to light up. Have you really been walking around campus looking like that much of a gloomy bitch? You need to check your facial expressions when you get home this afternoon.

“He won’t mind,” he says, waving his hand excitedly. “Great, perfect—um, here is the little info sheet. I’d stay to tell you more but my class actually started a few minutes ago, so…”

“Oh!” you exclaim, taking the sheet from his hand before waving him away. “Go! Go to class! I’m sorry I made you late! Thank you for this, by the way!”

He seems slightly dazed at your enthusiastic thanks and farewell, but he shakes himself out of it and before he goes he sends you a smile that you can’t think of any other way to describe except dazzling. “It’s no problem, y/n. See you then.”

And then he’s off and you’re left standing alone in the pseudo-courtyard, clutching the exhibition pamphlet in your grip. Your eyes sting ever so slightly, and you can’t help but think how kind of sad it is that one person goes out of their way to think of you in the midst of everything you’re dealing with and you’re so touched you’re nearly driven to tears.

Hormones suck and you want a refund.

X X X X

Taehyung was right when he said that what he had to ask you was time-sensitive.

You hadn’t realised it at the time, but Friday was only a few days away— and in the midst of classes, schoolwork, and everything else, those days went fast. Before you know it, it’s Friday morning and a panicked glance at the pamphlet Taehyung had given you reveals that the exhibition opens officially around 4:30PM. That works out surprisingly well for you, considering your last class ends at three o’clock and you can easily reschedule your session with Hoseok and Jimin.

There’s a lot about the invitation you haven’t gotten to really dwell on, and that continues to be the case as the day flies before your very eyes. By the time your music theory class comes to an end and you finish scribbling down the last few lines of note from your teacher, the event is even closer than you anticipated. From your recent examination of the pamphlet, you’d found earlier that Taehyung’s exhibition is being held at a small university-sponsored gallery downtown. It shouldn’t take you too long to get there from your house, and on the way home after packing your things, you plot out the route you’re going to take. It’s about a twenty minute trip, as you discover, since there is by some stroke of luck a bus that goes straight there from a street just around the corner from your own. Taking that into account, you should have around forty minutes or so to get ready.

Considering you’re one of many poor university students populating the area, it’s not often you actually put the effort in to get dressed up. Around these parts, there is a distinct culture of sweat pants and comfortable tops and more often than not a socks-and-slides combo, something you take part in more often than you’d like to admit. Still, you feel that considering the nature of the event you’ve been invited to and what you know of Taehyung’s works, you should probably be putting in much more effort than usual.

While you might act like a slob sometimes, this isn’t actually a problem— even goblins like you can have a stash of decent clothes somewhere in their cave. Yours happen to be pushed to the back of your closet on hangers that haven’t seen the light of day in months. What can you say? University takes its toll in mysterious ways.

Standing before your closet, eyes boring into the portion that’s been held in its depths for longer than you can remember, you wonder which way you should go with your outfit. Exhibitions are fancy right? Should you dress it up? Logic says you should, but on the other hand what if you are the only one dressed up? That would be humiliating. You pause for a moment to think about the type of garb you usually see Taehyung in— you have a feeling that he will probably dress the same way tonight. Recalling his bold, avante-garde taste in fashion is about as helpful as one might imagine, but it does comfort you to know that no matter what you choose, most eyes will likely be on him anyway.

Comforted by that fact, you make up your mind and pull out a set that isn’t too over the top, and won’t make you look like a rat. Once you’ve slipped into those, you freshen up and wash your face, trying to make yourself seem a little bit more alive afterwards and not like you had an 8AM class today. You’re successful, to a degree, but you’re a little tight on time so you can’t really dwell on it. Feeling your stomach rumble as you grab your bag and key, you can only hope that this exhibition has free food.

x — x — x

“Ah, y/n! You’re here! You… you look nice.”

You were so busy staring at the large, shiny building before you that when Taehyung’s voice rings out in greeting, it startles the hell out of you. You don’t even register what he says before you’re pointing with eyes and mouth wide open, “Your exhibition is in there?!”

His expression of surprise melts into one of amusement, a laugh tumbling from deep in his throat. You don’t even notice the way his cheeks are flushed ever so slightly as he meets your gaze.

“Fancy, right?” he says, wagging his brows. “Some loaded alumnus who actually enjoyed his university experience practically donated it to them. So now they use it for, uh… for most exhibitions.”

“For the best ones, you mean,” you say, your grin widening when he scratches the back of his neck, bashful and blushing. “But yeah, damn. I was expecting it to be nice but I wasn’t expecting it to be this nice.”

Taehyung laughed again, clearing his throat. As he takes a moment to collect himself, you let your eyes scan over his form. The second you do so, you feel a foreign flutter in your stomach, heat flushing to your face. There is truly no other way to describe his choice of outfit for today except for painfully boyfriend. Perhaps on anyone else it would look a little less than presentable, but on Taehyung’s model-esque form the loose chestnut pants and an oversized leather jacket over a boldly patterned shirt work wonders. How does he look so effortless yet so…?

If you’d attempted to wear something like that you’d end up looking like the local court jester. Perhaps you should just make peace with the fact that God has favourites and Kim Taehyung is clearly one of them.

“It, um. It started a few minutes ago, shall we head in?”

Taehyung offers you his arm, a gentlemanly move that completely contrasts the boyish grin on his face. Ignoring the sudden sensations in your abdomen, you make a show of curtsey-ing before you take it, eliciting a laugh from your company as the two of you head to the entrance and the full exhibition experience begins.

As soon as you enter there is someone by the door, who seems to be at the very least taking note of how many people enter, a table with flyers and booklets beside him. Taehyung parts from you only to move over and grab a few, brandishing them as he returns with a bright grin.

“Here is all the information about the event, madame,” he says, with an extremely exaggerated air of grandeur, presenting one of the flyers with a flourish. You take it, unable to help your soft snort.

“I would have thought I had something better, what with the very artist behind the event accompanying me,” you say, grinning when you see his cheeks turn an endearing pink as he flashes a bright, boxy smile.

“True,” he returns, folding the other flyer and slipping it into the pocket of his jacket. “You can’t ask a flyer questions in real time. Anything that crosses your mind, you can ask straight to the source.”

“Oh? Then, may I enquire as to what the theme of this exhibition is?” You’re enjoying the playful air that drifts between you now, unable to rid your face of the smile currently displayed on it even if you wanted to.

Taehyung’s eyes flick to you, a lopsided smile tugging his lips to accompany the sly accent to his gaze. “Ah, a tough one right off the bat. I think telling you straight-up would be too easy. Let’s see if you can try to guess it as we walk through.”

You turn to him with an affronted look, having expected him to easily supply you with the answer. Taehyung is a little cheekier than you remember. You snap your mouth shut, cheeks heating when you notice he has offered his arm to you once more. Taking note of the other people in the room walking around in a similar manner, you slip your arm through his and try to ignore the way you feel your ears light on fire.

“Okay, you’re on,” you respond, if a few moments too late. He doesn’t comment on the delay, simply sending you a smile that you can’t quite decipher the emotion behind. You don’t get to dwell before the two of you are off, beginning on your journey through the building and starting on your tour of the exhibition.

You’d kind of always known that Taehyung was talented, considering he managed to make such a name for himself on campus in such little time with such ease. Hell, he’s well-known enough to have made it onto the list of suspects for the muse of your poem. Still, this knowledge is only compounded the further into the building you go and the more of the exhibition you see. Taehyung is truly talented, the images blown up and displayed on the wall each capturing a certain emotion that you don’t have a name for, yet is so familiar that each time you see a new one it gives you pause. Viewing his works, seeing into this part of him and witnessing this bit of his soul he has bared, you can’t help but feel a slight sense of kinship.

It’s something that rests in the space between your lungs and diaphragm, something that tickles but also something that aches. You do know this feeling, so familiar yet so out of touch and far from the tip of your mind’s tongue. You do try to guess the theme of the exhibition as you go, throwing out the occasional dumb guess to elicit a laugh— he always laughs, and it always makes you smile— but you don’t quite manage to pin it.

“The five senses,” you shoot into the dark, standing before an image that has made you stop and stare for a good five minutes now. It’s not quite black and white, and it’s not a particularly unique image— but something about the composition, something about the movement in the two hands that are so close yet so far from actually touching, speaks to that hidden part of you. The way one of the hands simply hangs, unbothered and neutral, but the other, the one slightly closer to the foreground, has fingers ever so slightly outstretched, reaching but never quite committing to the movement and the unspoken consequence of the hinted action.

Of course, you know the answer even before Taehyung says it. He laughs, hands in his pockets, “Nope, ddaeng.”

“This is hard,” you whine, without much heart behind it. The smile stays on Taehyung’s face.

“Whatever. You’re smart, I know you can guess it. It should be easy, for you.”

The compliment catches you off guard, and you have to turn away so that he doesn’t see your cheeks warm. The two of you had parted when you caught sight of the snacks table; you’d been prepared to abandon him and make a beeline over, but Taehyung had surprised you by marching over himself and coming back with a loaded plate. He’d confessed with a sheepish smile that he hadn’t had lunch, and really you were in no place to judge since you hadn’t either. By this point in your journey, though, the plate is almost empty. There’s only two tiny cupcakes left and you’re letting the rest of the things you scarfed down settle before you go in for more.

Perhaps it was a little dangerous, coming here with Taehyung. He looks so fine, even while shoving sweets in his mouth, that you spend about the same amount of time looking at him as you do at his artworks. It takes all of your willpower to tear your eyes away every time you catch yourself looking at him and admiring the truly boyfriend fit he has donned for this occasion. Every so often he will simply stand before one of his works, scrutinising it with a fresh perspective and ever-criticising eyes, and the sight of it will make something nameless and foreign well within you. You don’t quite know what to do with it, so you ignore it. Or at least, you try to.

It feels a little too similar to what you know of yearning. It leaves you confused.

You stop not long after in front of another piece, this time a combination of three images that act as separate snapshots of smaller parts of a larger image. You admire the way he has set it out, revealing not too much but just enough that the viewer gets a sense, a feeling, but isn’t confronted with the message. It allows everyone to take their own sensation from it. You like that a lot about his works— he doesn’t tell people what to feel as they view his images, but merely hints, prompts and nudges. He sets the stage and allows people to take what they need, see whichever bits draw their eye most and spell meaning from elements of their choosing. He’s talented, you find yourself marveling again, so incredibly talented.

But still, you can’t put a finger on what the theme is.

By the time you make your way completely though the exhibition, having doubled back at a few points to look again at a select few of the pictures, you’re still no closer to guessing. It has you deep in your thoughts as you stand outside, waiting for Taehyung to return from thanking one of the guests who had recognised him for coming.

“Guessed it, yet?”

You turn, pinning him with a look that you hoped didn’t look as dumb as it felt. “Leave it with me,” you say. “I’ll figure it out eventually.”

At your words, Taehyung laughs— it’s one of the full-bodied ones you’ve come to enjoy, where he throws his head back a little and shakes his hair back into place after. You have to snap yourself out of it before he catches you staring.

“I’m sure,” he says, unable to keep the cheeky grin off his face. It does slip ever so slightly though, just for a moment, as you watch a thought cross his features. “By the way…”

You tilt your head, waiting for him to continue. You feel an odd combination of at-peace, and unsettled. Holistically, this is the most at-peace and relaxed you’ve been in weeks. However, when you take a moment to tune into the inner machinations that make up your being… something in this exhibition has reached into your insides and fiddled around, moving things where they shouldn’t be and touching things that aren’t meant to be touched. It’s odd, and you acknowledge that it gives you quite a bit of cognitive dissonance. Even so, you’re calm enough that you have no trouble being patient while you wait for Taehyung to continue and say what he seems so nervous to say.

“Um, I know I initially only asked you about coming here, to the exhibition…” he begins, reaching to rub the back of his neck in what you recognise to be one of his nervous ticks. “But, I actually have these vouchers I won in a competition a while ago for a paint-and-sip session that are about to expire, and I was wondering… would you like to go? Now, I mean. Since they actually kind of expire tomorrow. Unless you’re busy, because if you are that’s—”

You decide to put him out of his flustered misery, reaching to nudge his arm. “Of course, that sounds fun! Plus, you were right the other day; I could really do with the chance to relax. Thank you, for all this. I really appreciate it.”

It takes a second for your words to register, but when they do the most blindingly bright smile spreads across his face; he’s practically beaming at you.

“Of course,” he says, with barely a moment’s hesitation. “I’m really happy you agreed to come— I’m glad you said yes to the paint-and-sip, too, because it’s one of my favourite places. Come on, let’s get going. If we get there at just the right time, we can get a really good seat, hopefully by the window.”

The journey continues, Taehyung leading you through the city while chatting easily all the while, a stunning twilight cityscape backdrop and the gentle glimmering surface of the river meandering through buildings providing the perfect scenery. If you had a little more faith in your artistic ability, you might try and paint the image you see now; Taehyung in the colours of dusk, soft and natural against the bright lights and harsh lines of the metropolitan landscape. But alas, you aren’t as talented as the man besides you, and you don’t even want to think of how it would turn out if you attempted to paint such a thing. You quickly throw the thought from your mind before it can linger and get up to more trouble than it’s worth.

“Here we are!” Taehyung’s cheer breaks you out of your stupor, bright smile directed your way once more as he stops in front of a large establishment with long strips of window and a colourfully sewn awning.

‘Brush & Bar’, the cursive, neon sign reads above the door, flickering between soft pink and peach orange. It’s an interesting aesthetic the place has going on, but when you look over and catch sight of Taehyung once more it suddenly makes sense why he likes it so much. The style of this place is very similar to some of the more outlandish things he tends to model around campus. Before your reverie lets you remain abandoned outside, you hurry to follow after the ashy-haired boy, grabbing the back of his jacket when you almost trip over the door frame. He spares a look over his shoulder to make sure you’re okay before he continues, moving towards the counter and smiling with more charm than you can personally handle at the staff member there.

It’s a woman, who you suspect is in her mid-thirties, and she is pretty enough that it takes you by surprise when she rolls her eyes heavily at Taehyung’s approach.

“You again, boy?” she asks, though it sounds more rhetorical than anything and you catch the slightest tinge of humour accenting her words and it soothes your hackles. “Don’t you ever get sick of hanging around here?”

“Nope!”

She cracks a smile, lines appearing at the edges of her eyes. “Well, I suppose that’s a good thing. We’d miss you an awful lot if you ever stopped showing up here.” Her eyes flick ever so slyly to you, and then back. “Say, is today the day you’re finally gonna make good on those vouchers you won? I know you said you were waiting for the right chance to ask that g—”

“Yes!” Taehyung cuts in loudly, eyes wide and cheeks flushing darkly. “Yes, yep! I brought the vouchers! They do expire tomorrow after all!”

The woman, Bora as you now see from her nametag, simply smiles, something sly about the action intriguing you. Taehyung clears his throat, reaching to scratch the back of his neck sheepishly. “So, um… I will use them now. Is the window seat free…?”

Bora nods, a fond curve to her lips now as she rummages around behind the counter and takes the offered vouchers from Taehyung to punch holes in them. “Your favourite spot? Of course. I had a feeling you were coming, too, so I’ve already gone and set it up with some canvases and acrylics.”

She hands the vouchers back, and Taehyung slips them into the pocket of his jacket. “Paintbrushes and jars are in their usual place, and I know you don’t normally drink while you’re here but if you’d like some tonight just take your order up to Kyungsoo. Oh! And tonight’s special for snacks is tea cakes, so definitely make the most of that. There are some good ones in the display.”

At the mention of food and alcohol, your gaze had already started to wander on its own— you catch sight of the display of cakes and other sweets and feel your mouth water. Ridiculous, since you were kind of full before, but what can you say, you’re a complicated woman. Lots of layers, not unlike an onion. The thought almost makes you snort.

With a gentle nudge to your arm, Taehyung is bringing you back to the present moment and leading you over to the window, where a medium-sized table has been set up with two square canvases and a basket of paint bottles, palettes leaning to the side. Taehyung instructs you to take a seat, informing you with a smile that he’ll grab some paintbrushes and water for the two of you to use. At his suggestion, while he is gone you open up your phone and search for something to paint. Something that’s not too hard and not too easy. Because your skills are… well, they’re not nonexistent but you’re not about to go around tooting your horn in front of someone with actual art skills and talent. Apparently there is usually an image supplied for each night, but Taehyung says it’s not strict and that tonight is one of the nights where all the patrons just have free reign.

You sort of get distracted part way through the activity, eyes subconsciously seeking Taehyung’s leather jacket amongst the decently filled establishment. It’s really quite nice inside, actually; the walls and general decor are soft and neutral, with pops of colour everywhere that bring each corner and table to life. A lot of the furniture is wooden, natural and polished underneath specks of paint that decorate in layers that tell of time spent well. The lighting is soft with the exception of the bulbs stationed above each table, which are brighter and angled towards where the canvas would be. On one of the walls, the one near the bar, it is completely covered by greenery— vines that, as far as you can tell, aren’t actually fake. A soft, almost jazzy tune filters lightly through the room, complemented by the low hum of chatter and paintbrushes hitting glass. You’re incredibly impressed and, admittedly, you like this place a lot. It has the kind of vibe that just… makes you content.

“Here we go!”

You startle at the sound of Taehyung’s low register, looking over to see him placing a bundle of paintbrushes in between the two of you and a jar beside each of your canvases. He takes his seat across from you, smiling brightly. “Did you decide what you want to paint?”

You hum, turning your gaze out the window for a moment to see if it grants you any inspiration— it’s a gorgeous sight, the twilight sky broken by the outline of buildings with glimmering insides, but it doesn’t help much. You don’t know what you want to paint. Of course, there is this big, expanding feeling inside you, the urge to express it somehow filling you to your fingertips, but what do you do with it? You don’t even know its name.

“No,” you answer, reaching for one of the palettes propped up to the side. “But I’ll be okay. Maybe I’ll just see where the vibe takes me.”

The smile Taehyung gives you at that is softer than most, and he eagerly follows suit in grabbing a palette and beginning to set it up; he squirts a big dollop of white, blinking at it for a moment as though he hadn’t intended to put that much. “There are some pencils and erasers to the side there, too. I prefer the moldable one.”

You thank him for his advice, before realising as he puts his own pencil ever so lightly to canvas that he hadn’t told you the subject of his painting. “What are you going to paint?”

“A secret,” he says, leaning around the canvas to grin at you. “Since I don’t know what you’re painting. Let’s swap paintings after, though. I do want to see eventually.”

That makes you laugh, but you don’t bother pushing further. A surprise is nice every now and then, you know. So long as it’s not the kind that ruins your life as you know it indefinitely.

But you’re here to have fun and relax, so you’re not going to get into that. You’re not even going to think about it.

Taehyung clears his throat, catching your attention immediately. “Right, before we start we should probably order. Did you—”

“No need, my boy!”

Two new figures appear at the side of the table, one a youthful man on the shorter side, the other older and plumper with grey beginning to speckle through his hair. The shorter one places two drinks onto the table, colourful cocktails in a generous glass, and the older laughs before placing down two plates, each with a different kind of cake slice situated neatly in the middle.

“On the house,” the man continues, chuckling at the shocked and somewhat flustered look on Taehyung’s face. “You’ve given us a lot of business so don’t even worry about it. Plus, we heard you were finally making the most of those vouchers so… here’s a little something to start the night off well!”

“...Thanks, Mr Kang,” Taehyung finally manages, shooting them a smile that could honestly give Hoseok’s own a run for its money. “You too, Kyungsoo. Do…. do I wanna know what’s in this?”

He’s gesturing to the drinks, a somewhat fearful look on his face. The shorter man shakes his head, thick brows curved in mirth as his lips twitch into a lopsided smile. “Nope. Tastes good though, so you got nothing to worry about.”

You can’t tell whether Taehyung is relieved or concerned, and so step in to save him a moment of reprieve. “Thank you so much— this all looks amazing!”

Happily, the two men soak in your praise. “I assure you,” Mr Kang says, patting his chest proudly. “It tastes as good as it looks.”

Kyungsoo snorts, but doesn’t disagree. He gives the two of you a small smile. “Right, we should be on our way. You two enjoy yourselves, and if you want refills just come let me know.”

Taehyung nods, thanking them again, and then it’s just the two of you once more.

“Well,” he says, licking his lips and reminding you of a puppy as he stares intently at the slice of strawberry crepe cake, decorated with a generous drizzle of syrup and two fresh, sliced strawberries in a dollop of cream beside it. The other one, a coffee-caramel blend you presume from the heavenly aroma reaching your nose, looks just as good but is nowhere near as successful at capturing his attention. “I guess… let’s begin!”

Whether he meant painting or devouring the food, you end up doing a bit of both. Each mouthful of cake that enters your mouth is announced with an explosion of flavour so rich it lingers long after you’ve swallowed the mouthful down. The drinks, too, are delicious. Fruity but not too syrupy or sugary, you suspect Kyungsoo had used spirits and tempered the fruity flavour with a bit of lemon or lime.

You still aren’t really sold on what to paint, but in the meantime you end up sketching out the flowers that sit on the windowsill a little behind Taehyung. They don’t seem too complicated, and if they end up looking terrible you can just smear the canvas with paint and call it abstract. Of course, part of Taehyung’s shoulder cuts the vase off from view so he’s probably going to end up making an unwitting appearance in whatever mess turns up on your canvas.

Even though neither of you have any idea what Kyungsoo put into those drinks, you’re sure its something strong. Before long the two of you are already giggly, conversation flowing easily as you put paint to canvas and attempt to make something decent. It’s around the time the two of you are almost finishing your drinks that the conversation takes a delightful turn, which consists of Taehyung telling you about his little fluffball, Yeontan.

“Oh my god,” you say, fingers gripping the paintbrush tight as you try to pet the urge to pet a dog that isn’t even here. “He’s so cute! Look at his grumpy little eyebrows!”

Taehyung laughs, having taken a break from painting to show you his dog like a proud parent. He takes his phone back and slips it into his pocket, paint-flecked hand returning to the brush he’d abandoned. “He’s such a smart dog, but he’s also super dumb. Runs into shit all the time. And there was one time that a friend came over and brought a new camera that he hadn’t seen before—”

Taehyung has to pause recounting the story, he starts giggling so hard. It makes you erupt into laughter as well simply because of how contagious the sound is. “He got so mad, he ran in front of me with his little legs and started barking at it like he was trying to protect me. I love that little dog.”

“I love him too and I haven’t even met him,” you giggle, using your pinky (the only finger you’re sure you haven’t gotten paint on yet) to wipe under your eyes. You don’t think you let a tear slip but you’ve been laughing so much you can’t be sure.

Taehyung beams at you from around his canvas, brush held midair. “That’s exactly what Jiminie says.”

That gives you pause. “Wait— Jimin hasn’t seen your dog? But you’ve been friends for ages!”

You catch the photographer smiling as he delivers a few soft strokes to his painting, affection hidden in his tone as he responds, “Yeah, a few years. Since… the last? Second last year of high school? Maybe? It was a wild start to the friendship.”

“Wild?” you echo, intrigued.

“Yeah. What really kick-started our friendship was this one time I came over while Jimin was really upset about something. I can’t remember exactly how it happened but we ended up at some wack university event nearby. It was boring as hell, and somehow we figured the best way to be entertained would be to commit a mild crime and get away with it.”

Once more, the ashy-haired male has to pause his story to get the giggles out of his system, taking the opportunity to sip a little more of his cocktail. You do the same, not one to pass up much of any drink these days.

“Long story short, he ended up streaking across the field and earning himself a title at the university as ‘mooncheeks’ or something equally dumb and funny, earnt himself a bit of a nude legacy.”

You pause, the alcohol beginning to slow your mind just enough that it takes a little longer for you to connect the dot between his story and something you’d shoved so deep in the back of your mind years ago that you’d almost forgotten it.

“Wait—” you smack your paintbrush down, eyes wide as an accusing finger is thrown his way. “That was— he ran into me on the way back! Oh my god I almost forgot, that was you two?!”

Taehyung erupts into laughter that is an octave or two shy of being too loud, having to place a hand over his chest to brace himself. He’s nodding wordlessly, eyes pinched shut, and it’s probably the alcohol making your eyes blur but for a moment you could almost swear he’s glowing.

“Yeah,” he finally manages to articulate, wiping a stray tear or two from his eyes, sniffling. “It cheered him up, though, so I think it’s worth the potential trauma.”

That makes you laugh, another sip of your drink going down. A lot of the spirits must have settled at the bottom, because this one had a little warmth as it went down.

The night goes so easily it’s like a dream, the atmosphere and alcohol in combination with Taehyung’s company making you feel much like you did before this whole shitshow, back when it wasn’t so hard to release the tension in your shoulders or to muster a genuine smile. Taehyung happily gets you a few refills, refusing to let you pull out your card— which is probably for the best because you’re not sure where your wallet is and you’re not coordinated enough to look right now.

You’re on the further side of tipsy, teetering on the edge of pleasantly drunk where nothing makes sense but you’re still somewhat coherent, and everything is funny. Taehyung has almost dipped his paintbrushes in his drink instead of the jar a few times, resulting in a long round of laughter and sore stomachs each time. Eventually, you’d moved his drink to the other side of the canvas and he’d offered you a sheepish smile.

Surprisingly, your painting doesn’t look too bad, either. Currently it has a bit of a blurry, undefined quality to it, but in your current opinion it kind of works for it. Taehyung’s shoulder did end up making a feature and as the two of you talk you find yourself distractedly painting patterns in the ‘leather’, swirls and hearts and hell, even a few triangles. Eventually, you reach the point where you think that you really can’t do anything more to make the painting better in the time you have, so with a contented sigh you place your brush down and instead turn your attention to Taehyung.

Even as he talks to you and wobbles a little in place, he’s still so incredibly focused in his work, in every detail that meets canvas at the direction of his nimple finngertips, that you don’t think you even see his hand shaking while he paints. Which, your hand was— a lot. It’s the main factor responsible for this one squiggly flower stem in particular you can see in your painting.

As you sit there, happily listening and laughing at each anecdote Taehyung offers you about his life, you find your mind wandering a little bit. Back to the exhibition, and the works and even the way you caught him regarding them. You recognise the critical lens that he viewed them through, because it’s one you adopt yourself for your own creations. Something wells in you, an urge to reassure him in case he ever had any doubts about his own talent; you’re far too many drinks in to be in a place where you can stop yourself.

“Taehyung,” you begin softly but seriously, with minimal slur. He doesn’t stop his motions, but you see him pause for the briefest moment before humming in acknowledgement. “Taehyung, I have to tell you…”

You’re figuring out how to best word your impression of his works and his talent, but you must take longer than you thought because Taehyung lets out a soft huff, giving you a smile that you can’t quite decipher.

“Don’t worry,” he says, flicking the paintbrush back to rest the wooden stem on his knuckles. “I already know I’m not the muse. You don’t have to worry about convincing me.”

For a second, all you’re able to do is blink. Taehyung simply goes back to his painting, expression neutral and his soft hum brushing your ears beneath the soft melody floating from the speakers. You realise quickly that you don’t know what to say to that, and that the full implications of his words haven’t really sunk in yet. He must have noticed that you’d been trying to go around and convince all the suspected subjects that they aren’t the muse of the poem… you feel oddly ashamed, for some reason. Your cheeks feel hot, and not just from the alcohol flush.

“Done!”

Taehyung’s voice breaks you from your reverie, his cheery smile greeting you once more. “All finished?”

You nod, offering a smile of your own and taking the opportunity to say what you wanted to earlier. “Yep. I’m excited to see yours, you’re so incredibly talented, Tae.”

His smile turns shy at that, a bashful laugh tumbling from his lips as he does his best to clean up his area. You do the same, standing up for the first time in a while and having to reach out and stabilise yourself on the table so you don’t fall. The drinks hit you a little harder than you first thought!

“Thank you,” he finally mumbles a few moments later, collecting the brushes. “I’m excited to see yours, too.”

You let out a short laugh at that, knowing that whatever you threw onto that canvas isn’t going to be able to hold a candle to what he made.

Quicker than you can keep track of, the two of you finish tidying and then before you know it you’re saying your goodbyes to the staff and stepping outside. You shiver at the unexpected breeze that greets you, people along the other side of the street huddling together. It’s a windy night and the breeze carries a bit of a bite.

“Oh, right,” Taehyung starts in place, offering his canvas to you. “Careful, it might still be a bit wet…”

Somewhat mindlessly, you swap paintings with him, smiling brightly before your gaze is drawn to the side. By nothing but absolute chance, it passes over the line in front of a bar popular with students at your university, and you almost blink and move on before your eyes halt in familiarity. At the hands of nothing but stupid luck, there is someone you recognise over there. Yoongi stands, face indicating a loud complaint before it even leaves his mouth, and there are a few others around him that he seems to be with who are laughing as they wait in line.

Your head feels so messy, like the wind has managed to get inside your skull and fling everything about like leaves on the autumn breeze. You’re so distracted in the moment that you don’t see it as Taehyung follows the direction of your gaze, and his expression drops. When you jerk out of your reverie, it’s just in time to see his eyes flicking from your painting, to his, and then back to you.

You’re about to peek at his painting and fill the silence with a compliment, but he beats you to it. Something is different about his expression, and not just because he’s no longer under the warm light of the paint bar. The glow you’d noticed so easily earlier seems to have dimmed a bit.

“Did you figure out the theme of the exhibition?”

At his question you startle, gaze flicking to the side as you try and figure it out on instinct on the spot. You’d completely forgotten to think about it, and considering you spent about as much time looking at him as you did his works while at the exhibition, you can safely determine you’re still nowhere closer to the answer. “Ah… no.”

As though drawn like a magnet, your gaze ends up over in the direction of Yoongi for the briefest second. You struggle to tear it away.

“It’s anaxiphilia.”

Even through the inebriation slowing your thoughts, his words reach you immediately. It’s as though your heart has turned to stone and dropped straight through your chest. That unspeakable, unknown emotion wells and bubbles within you, swelling to twice, thrice its size and blocking words before they can even reach your throat. Your eyes are on Taehyung again, but his are still centred where yours had been— had he also noticed Yoongi? You didn’t know they knew each other...

“Oh,” you finally manage, swallowing down that nameless sensation. Taehyung’s gaze slowly slides back to you, dark eyes full of so much… something, you think it would take you years to unpack and familiarise yourself with it all.

For a second, the two of you stand with your gazes locked, both of you too deep in your own thoughts to do anything about it. Taehyung is the one that breaks the spell.

“Well, it’s getting late, I shouldn’t keep you out any longer… There is a bus stop here, and tons of ubers in the area…” His eyes flick away as he talks but return as he murmurs this last bit, “Thank you for coming today. I hope you had fun.”

“Of course I did,” you rush, finally finding your voice amongst the shambles in your head. “Thank you for inviting me, Tae. I really… I really needed this. Thank you.”

He nods, smiling at you, but you notice it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Please get home safe,” he says, and you nod immediately, making his gaze soften. “See you later.”

“Bye! Thank you again!” you wave, Taehyung turning quick and already a decent way down the street after his farewell. He offers a wave over his shoulder and you catch it just in time before you turn back, gaze unconsciously seeking out the familiar figure across the road. Distantly, you observe that Yoongi is no longer in line for the bar and has switched to the bubble tea place a few stores down.

Taehyung’s exhibition and it’s theme swim through your mind, a sudden impulse welling within you in response that spurs your legs into a motion. You’re about to go across the road in a sudden spurt of something like bravery, but for some indecipherable reason, you stop before you can get more than a few feet. You turn your head, gaze thrown over your shoulder, eyes seeking without an explicit goal in mind.

You catch sight of him just before he rounds the corner and disappears from view— even from the back Taehyung presents a handsome figure, but in the split-second you manage to view him, the most notable things about his retreating form is the slumped curve of his shoulders and the lowered angle of his head. He’s gone before you can blink leaving you for good this time with nothing but your messy head and the one thought that swims to the surface that says after seeing him glow in happiness for the better part of the evening, sadness doesn’t suit him much at all.

Clutching the painting, your turn back to the front and try and focus on the present for just a minute or two, like whether you’re going to catch a bus or uber it home, but each time you start a new thought it always brings you back to the odd mix of guilt swirling deep in your gut. There’s something else there, the familiar hollow pit of yearning, but for once… you can’t quite tell who it’s for.

a/n: thank u so much for reading! i really hope it was worth the wait and that you look forward the future parts as fox rain begins to slowly draw to a close!! pls let us know u liked it w a like and rb and screaming in our inboxes is always ALWAYS welcome!! thank u !! love u !! <3

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kasey-writes-stuff · 4 years ago

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No one asked for these but they’ve been rotting in my notes for a good month or so, so I updated a few with my updated opinions or additions so yea

Bad- Giggles along with you and sometimes is teasy but isn’t trying to be just like is genuinely complimenting you will definitely do tickle hugs but not mega often? Don’t get me wrong he loves them but also just loves normal hugs and actually he prefers tickle cuddles because then there’s no risk of you falling to the floor because yes some people just instinctively fall like their knees buckle no matter where they’re tickled and so with bad valuing his lees safety and comfort more than anything else he just prefers the safer option but sitting tickle hugs like you sitting on his lap and him holding you and tickling your tummy or your sides? And platonically kissing your neck or giving you neck raspberries now that happens fairly often

Karl- Giggles along A LOT but can also be so freakin teasy like omDjhxhxhx tickle hugs 24/7 altho sometimes he gets very flustered thinking you’re going to get him back so- he can definitely be very evil when he really wants to though like if you’re talking to someone he will not hesitate to sneak behind you and just go “boop” *insert side squeeze/poke/ETC...* but if it’s a very serious convo he won’t but if it’s a casual one he will and he will also sometimes casually just sneak up while you’re talking to someone IE Chandler and start lightly tickling you just to see how long you can keep your composure, and if you’re like me and light tickles don’t affect you much but instead just feel really nice he’ll come give you gentle tickles when you’re having a really stressful conversation with someone not like IRL though unless it’s someone y’all are obvs very close with but I mean like if you’re on a very stressful phone call he’ll just let you sit on his lap as he gently tickles your sides...anyways he’s very dead middle leans either way mean or soft just depends on the situation and your mood because he values your comfort so much (I mean everyone on this post does but some just are way more conscious about it and verbal about it)

Dream- TEASY TEASY TEASY WILL USE EVER TEASE POSSIBLE ESPECIALLY SAYING THE WORD A LOT tons of tickle hugs and will definitely be like “that’s my name don’t wear it out” when you’re unable to do anything but laugh and say his name he definitely will do softer tickles tho whenever you want not a lot of tickle hugs surprisingly but will definitely sneak up when you’re hugging someone else and nod and point to them and like make them hold you tighter as he sneaks up and twords you but I mean when he does do tickle hugs it’s very out of nowhere and at the very end of the hug he’s just like “nope your stuck here you can’t leave I got you now hahahahahah!” He doesn’t like doing them often because he doesn’t want you to become too used to them, he definitely does that thing where when your stretching he just boops your tum or scribbles a hand into your armpit. He will also squeeze your sides as your reaching for things so be extra careful when grabbing breakables! Constantly reassuring you that it’s fine that you like it and that it’s cute whenever he can tell you’re feeling self conscious about liking it!

Wilbur- Will be very soft and will sometimes giggle along but can also be very teasy and ruthless depending on what vibe he can sense you giving off tons of tickle hugs like please he’ll just pout and be like “huggies?” And you just smile and roll your eyes going to hug him and then he just holds you and holds you and holds you and then he’s like “Aha! I have trapped you! The tickle monster wins again!” And he either does rougher tickles or softer ones depending on what he prefers at that moment but also depending on what you’re okay with! Please the tickle monster tease is a fave also the just casually doing things like oh Phil’s calling ? No no he’s not gonna stop tickling you he’s just gonna talk to Phil as if nothings going on! Tommy suddenly shows up? Nope not gonna stop him! In fact he probably ropes Tommy into helping him smh gremlins both of them... you suddenly get a call from sapnap ope welp good luck talking through your giggles and laughter! If it’s a serious convo tho he’ll stop instantly and leave you alone but if it’s casual then he won’t unless you ask him to. Side note he can not take what he dishes out!

Tommy- Definitely can be ruthless and teasy but also can definitely be soft and teasy or just soft doesn’t really giggle along tho just smiles a lot and cuts down on the cursing as well as focusing more on gentle and slow tickles. He likes hugging you from behind and then tickling you if that makes sense?? He really likes being able to target your stomach and also that way your giggles and laughs and smiles can’t be hidden?? He doesn’t mind front facing tickle hugs tho?? Like he enjoys you having your head buried in his chest and your arms wrapped around him and then him tickling your sides and you just squeaking and your arms coming shooting down! He’s really about even when it comes to tickle hugs but actually would usually give the advantage to front facing tickle hugs because he just likes front facing hugs in general better but also note he likes side hugs especially when taking pictures because then he can wiggle his fingers on your side or squeeze it to get you truly smiling...

Sapnap- Very teasy and ruthless and definitely prefers that but doesn’t mind soft and teasy and will definitely use the tickle monster tease constantly and will for sure sneak up in you as your working and poke you and then just leave like it didn’t happen and will do it repeatedly a few times before stopping and just likes seeing you on edge waiting for a full attack or even just for the next poke lots of tickle hugs like will just pull you on his lap and hug you and then tickle you definitely when with the guys will do this but subtly like he’ll have you sit on his lap and then just start at your neck which in my case would be fine because my neck isn’t sensitive but then he would start going to your shoulders and down your back and edge ever so closely to your sides and would also definitely teasingly whisper about how you shouldn’t move so they won’t notice but then if one of the guys does notice you wiggling and asks if you’re okay sap will smirk and but and say “Yea you good babe? You’re awful wiggly you got a itch or somethin? A tickle perhaps?” With the biggest smirk or else most casual face ever and there is no in between! If you’re around like Dream and George or even Punz who probably know about you liking being tworded he won’t hesitate to just casually start tickling you like he’s just talking about valorant with punz and also just going to town on your sides and ribs..

George- Def giggles along but also very ruthless and teasy as well at times loves loves loves embarrassing you in front of the others by exposing your ticklish ness and will subtly drop hints about you liking it until one or all of the others catch on okay let’s face it they all love tickle hugs just some more than others and George is one who doesn’t love them as much as others but will still do them sometimes, he’s also one to just give you a quick poke as you’re stretching or reaching for things... also uses the “really you’re ticklish here?” Tease a lot

Tubbo- Definitely ruthless and teasy as freakin heck like djxhxh hxhxhx Aahhh dead dead jjst dead and he won’t hesitate to immediately tell whoever you tell him not to tell unless like he genuinely can tell that you don’t want him to then he won’t he’s also a big one for tickle hugs like yea he’s smol but still he finds them so endearing just holding you closely and then wiggling his fingers on your sides! He also lives for tickle cuddles like just watching tv and cuddling and he’ll just ope tickle fight, or just gentle tickles it depends on his mood also he uses the “really you’re ticklish here? Interesting I didn’t even know that was possible honestly!” A lot definitely giggles along with you and is like “hahahaha ddiihhiidddd yoouuuu juhuhust ssquuhrhehaahahkkk??” But if he sees you genuinely seem self conscious or upset about it he’ll stop giggling and say how he found it rather adorable or rather cute

Quackity/Alex- So teasy so teasy I can’t even and he’s def sassy as well but will sometimes giggle along with you if your laugh is contagious enough but usually just teasy as heck his favorite is def just “You like this don’t you? *insert name mixed with lee* yea I know you do it’s so cute” definitely also does the tickle monster bit like 24/7 and also definitely does tickle hugs a lot he loves them especially if you have a ticklish neck because he loves just leaving breathy kisses on your neck (platonic in this case but if you wanna take it romantic that’s fine) he definitely will sometimes sneak up on you as you’re talking to people like say you’re meeting sapnap and Dream for the first time he’ll just come up to you as you’re talking to sap and drag you down to the floor and start tickling you and he’ll be like “oh you didn’t know they’re ticklish?” (Unless you’re uncomfy with public tickles then he won’t) and he’ll like pause after he says the first bit and look for confirmation that he can say the next part and if you give him the subtle confirmation then he’ll say “oh and they like it” and he’ll rope sapnap,Dream,ETC... into helping him tickle you, he also enjoys soft tickle cuddles a lot whether giving or receiving

Eret- Definitely giggles along with you but can also be very teasy really it’s a good mixture of both and depends more on whether you provoked him or asked or at least tried to ask him, on whether he is more teasy or more giggly he’s def one to do the tickle monster “oh no y/n it’s here... and it’s hungry.... and ... and and.. ITS GONNA GET YOU RAWR!” Def uses height as an advantage and holds you in tickle hugs 25/8 like pls he also just likes hugs in general and cuddles also tho he can not take tickles for the life of him so revenge is easy

Phil- tickle hugs all the time definitely very teasy like my gosh he’s so good at it again of course loves the classic tickle monster tease I mean come on what did you expect he’s literally a dad to so many people like come on- definitely will be the type that if someone else is tickling you and not doing it right he’ll make them stop and he’ll come show them how or he’ll just tell them what spot to go to for a better reaction also another one to just casually tickle you as you’re talking to someone he won’t do a full on attack tho just distracting little side pokes or running his fingers along your neck or back

Techno- teasy teasy teasy but also if your giggles/laugh are contagious enough he’ll giggle along he’s definitely one to be like “you know I don’t understand why you like this” but then he realizes how what he said could sound mean “not like in a bad way! Not at all I didn’t mean it like that! It’s cute it really is I just don’t understand it I mean I like doing it to other people but I’m just not big on having it done to me” he’s not much for tickle monster but he’s down for a good chase and like most everyone else he’s down for some tickle hugs not too too many but he’s not against them per say he also probably goes for a methodical more stoic type of teases

Punz- TEASY FREAKIN PIECE OF CRAP OH MY HECKIN SHIZ I CANNOT STAND THIS MANS HE CAN GIVE YOU ONE LOOK AND YOU ARE RED AS AN APPLE DJHXHXH PLS So definitely says things like “Wow you really do like this” “you’re so cute liking this so much” *giggles* “it’s so adorable how I can just say tickle or ticklish or tickling or sometimes even just tick and your face gets all blushy and you start fidgeting” he will definitely do punishment tickles more then reward tickles and he is also so down for tickle hugs will also hug you and then just keep like hugging you so someone else can come tickle you ahem dream..... gosh the amount of times these two and also him and sap have teamed you are uncountable he also likes just having you to himself tho and being the sole person making you laugh an squirm so much and like Phil he will also sometimes tell people your spots but he doesn’t directly tell them he just gives hints or even like does the hot and cold thing he definitely sneaks up on you when you’re reaching for things and says boo as he grabs your sides and also will scratch your armpits as you’re reaching for things and say “You know it’s kinda difficult to get things from a shelf with your arms down don’t you?” “What’s wrong babe why’d you bring your arms down? Don’t you want your favorite cereal?”

#ler! punz #ler!sapnap #ler!tubbo #ler!tommy #ler! techno #ler! George #ler! Quackity #ler! Karl #ler! Phil #ler! Eret #ler! Wilbur #ler! bad

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anarchyduck · 4 years ago

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Peas in a Pod

Day 20 Alt Prompt: De-Aged

(posted it on AO3 yesterday, forgot to post it here oops) AO3

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“So let me get this straight,” - Tony massages his temple in effort to soothe his growing headache - “There was a wizard.”

“Yeah,” Ned nods. “And he was shooting off fireballs, like real fireballs, and it was awesome and kinda scary and-”

“Ned. Ned. Find the shortcut to the point. Because nothing explains” - Tony gestures towards the couch - “that.”

Ned blushes with embarrassment and nods . “Right! Sorry, sir. So, uhm, Pete was fighting the wizard guy and he was doing really good! Was totally kicking his ass! And then the wizard like, shot him with some kind of purplish black energy ray stuff? Like it shot right out of his hands. Then the wizard was gone and Pete was… like this.”

Tony eyes the kid on the couch. Same curly brown hair. Same doe brown eyes. It’s everything else that’s wrong. Peter is sixteen, a teenager, and this kid looks like he’s no more than five years old.

As for Peter, well, he looks content watching videos on Ned’s phone. Some children’s cartoon about dogs or something, Tony didn’t quite catch it. But the kid likes it and he isn’t crying anymore so Tony counts that as a win. Judging from the confused state the kid was in upon arrival, it’s safe to assume Peter’s memories are wiped. Or, rather, memories of his life in the present day which is a problem in and of itself.

“So,” Ned’s drawl catches his attention. “What are we going to do?”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “We?” he shakes his head. “No, no, you are going home.”

“What about Peter?”

Yeah Stark, what about Peter?

“He’ll go with his aunt.” Tony says simply. Easy enough solution.

“You mean you can’t like, fix him?” Ned asks. “What if he ends up staying like this forever?”

Tony waves off the teen’s concerns. “He won’t.” he assures. “Whatever the wizard guy hit him with will probably wear off in a couple hours. Easy peasy.” After all, the kid couldn’t stay like this forever, could he? That is just absurd.

----------

The effects don’t wear off.

Two hours later and Peter is still a child. Ned is gone, reluctantly dragged out by Happy who also delivered clothes that fit the kid better so he’s no longer swimming in the Doctor Who shirt Tony assumed belonged to one of the boys. During that time, Tony contacts May to fill her in on what’s going on. The woman is stuck at work (“We’re incredibly short staffed today, it’s ridiculous.”) and unable to leave before her shift is over.

It leaves Tony in charge of the kid which, while normally wouldn’t be an issue, he suddenly finds himself out of his depth. Teenagers, he can handle. No problem. They could be reasoned with. But small children?

“Mr. Tony?”

Tony jumps, spinning on hell with his hand pressed firmly against his heart. “Holy shit!” he gasps.

Peter flinches back, eyes wide and looking as startled as Tony feels. Then his bottom lip begins to quiver.

“No no, don’t cry.” Tony says in a rush. “I didn’t mean to scare you, kid. You snuck up on me. Ought to put a bell on you someday.”

That earns him a giggle which washes away the rising guilt. “Uncle Ben says that too.” Peter says. “Says I’m really good at sneaking.”

“You are good at sneaking.” Tony affirms. “What are you doing down here anyway? Thought you were watching TV?” Least that’s where Tony left him. Kid was content with watching the cartoon with the dogs and he figured he could get some work done tracking down the wizard guy.

“I was, but it’s over now.” Peter says dismissively, his eyes already wandering the workshop. Then he actually begins to wander. Tony watches him, contemplating on whether it’s a good idea to let a four year old wander his workshop. It isn’t exactly kid proof and if he knows anything about kids (which is very limited) it’s they like to touch everything. And put things in their mouths.

“What’s that?” Peter asks and Tony leans to the side to look past the monitors and equipment to see what the boy is pointing at.

“Oh that’s DUM-E.”

The robot chirps in response, clicking it’s claw as it peers curiously at the boy. Tony takes a couple steps towards them, immediately thinking Peter might fear the robot. Much to his relief, the boy’s mouth is agape with wonder and eyes equally wide.

“Wow!” he gasps. “Hi DUM-E. I’m Peter.” Peter reaches up to pet DUM-E’s extended arm, giggling as the robot chirps at him. “So is he a robot?”

“Yep. I made him.”

“You made him?” Peter gives him the same look of wonder and amazement. “Wow. Are there other stuff you’ve made?”

“I’ve made a lot of stuff.”

And so Tony gives the kid a proper tour of the workshop. Like his older self, Peter is sharp minded and incredibly smart. He asks questions Tony doesn’t think a four year old would know to ask and hangs onto every word Tony says. When he introduces Peter to FRIDAY, the kid is so ecstatic he can’t sit still. It warms his heart to know Peter keeps that same excitement as he aged.

After the tour, Tony brings him into the kitchen to feed him a late lunch. The kid sits on the kitchen counter next to him, watching Tony’s every move. PB&J sandwiches are the easiest thing he can fix and turns out to be the kid’s favorite.

“So you’re a superhero?” Peter asks curiously.

“Sometimes.” Tony replies as he spreads the peanut butter onto the bread.

“Like Batman?”

“Kiddo, I am way cooler and richer than Batman.”

Peter giggles and Tony thinks it might be the cutest goddamn thing he’s heard all day.

“My daddy is like you.” the kid says suddenly.

“Oh yeah? How so?” Tony asks, finding himself equally curious. He knows through his early research into Peter Parker that the boy’s parents are deceased. Father worked for OsCorp, mother worked for some type of law firm. Aside from the atrocious choice of working at OsCorp, both of them seemed relatively normal.

“Because he makes stuff. B-But not robots like you do. He makes other stuff and-and he white wears a coat and he helps people.” Peter gives a long, wistful sigh then and adds, “I want my daddy and mommy.”

Tony freezes, butter knife stuck in the jar of jelly. Quite suddenly he remembers something else about Peter’s parents.

They both died in a plane crash.

When Peter was four years old.

The man internally panics, mind going blank on what to do, what to say because what can you say?

“Mr. Tony?” Peter’s little voice draws him from his internal crisis. He tilts his head, looking at him curiously and, dare Tony say it, concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Tony sniffs and finishes up the kid’s sandwich. “Yeah, totally fine kiddo. A-OK. So you want this cut up?”

“Yes.” Peter replies, apparently moved on from the incident. Yet, as Tony puts the knife to bread in order to cut, the kid shouts, “No! No no, not like that! You have’ta make the X.”

“Huh?” Tony looks a little helplessly from the kid to the bread.

“The X!” Peter leans over and traces an X on the sandwich. “Like that!”

Tony cuts it up according to the kid’s desire and it’s only then that he sees what the kid means. “Yeah, guess it does look like an X when you cut it, huh? Well, here you go kiddo. Eat up.” He slides the plate to the boy’s side.

Peter takes a large bite and hums with approval as he chews. “‘Ood yob!” he says around his mouthful. It’s the additional thumbs up that makes Tony chuckle. He grabs a juice box from the fridge for the kid, something teenage Peter would have rolled his eyes and grumbled about. Toddler Peter says a polite ‘thank you’ and picks it up with fingers covered in grape jelly.

He decides to capture the moment for May and pulls out his phone. “Heads up, kiddo.” he says and takes a picture. Peter is caught in a half smile, peanut butter smeared on the corner of his mouth. There’s a glob of jelly on his shirt that’s run down the image of Thor’s hammer.

“I wanna see! I wanna see!” Peter instantly demands.

Tony moves to stand next to him and flips the phone for the kid to see the picture. Peter grins and immediately reaches for the phone. “Uh uh, sticky fingers.” Tony says, which gets the kid giggling about being called ‘sticky fingers’. He moves the phone out of reach and sends the image off to May.

“So,” Tony says. “What do you want to do after lunch? TV? Go play with DUM-E? Whatever that wannabe Merlin did to you took away your powers, or maybe just suppressed them. Maybe we ought to run some tests to figure that out.”

On second thought, maybe not. Teenager Peter detests needles; he imagines little Peter hates them just as much.

“DUM-E!” Peter says excitedly.

“You’re going to spoil that bot, kid.”

---

“Thank you so much, Happy.” May says as she steps into the Tower’s elevator. “You really didn’t have to pick me up. I could have drove.”

Happy directs FRIDAY to take them to the penthouse then shakes his head. “It’s no problem.” he says. “Boss wanted to make sure you got here quickly and with that guy who attacked Peter still running around-”

“Right.” May sighs. “Well, guess he could have done worse things than turn Peter younger. At least him and Tony seem to be hitting it off.” She smiles fondly as she recalls the image Tony sent her. She only hopes Peter has been good while they wait for her.

“Yeah, well, the kid’s grown on him.”

“I feel a little jealous, honestly.” May admits. “Peter was so cute when he was little.”

The elevator comes to a stop, the doors slide open to the entrance of the penthouse. It’s oddly quiet inside and the lights are dimmed. “Tony?” Happy calls out as he and May walk through the foyer into the living room.

It looks like a tornado hit it. There are papers thrown about with childish drawings covering them. A sheet covers the kitchen table which has been pulled away from the dining area and there are mini marshmallows covering the floor with some sticking to the large windows that overlook the city. A device that looks like a mini catapult sits on top of the table next to a pile of marshmallows and markers.

May follows the chaos, finding the TV on with the Incredibles playing on a low volume and both Tony and Peter fast asleep on the couch. Peter is still a toddler in every way May remembers, sleeping with his head on Tony’s chest. There are stickers on their faces and she spots marker smears not only on Peter’s arm but also on the hand that’s resting on Peter’s back.

“Did you find-” Happy starts, quietened as May shushes him. He comes to her side, expression softening at the sight. “Least they kept each other busy.” he remarks.

May nods in agreement as she pulls out her phone to take a quick picture of the two. “Like two peas in a pod.”

#webpril 2021 day 20 #webpril 2021 #peter parker #tony stark #irondad #ned leeds #may parker #happy hogan #spiderman #spider-man #iron man #marvel #mcu #duckie's writing

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candyradium · 4 years ago

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Finally got around to typing up my Technoblade D&D build!!! I’ve been working on making these for a lot of the Dream SMP characters, and I thought it would be fun to have him in stat block format, so you too can throw c!Technoblade at your players as a final boss! (Disclaimer: I don’t know how accurate the CR level is, I just set it to 8 since the build is a lv8 build PC build.)

Image description and explanation/rambling below the cut!

[Image ID: A D&D stat block for Technoblade. It reads:

Technoblade

Medium humanoid (firbolg), Lawful Neutral

Armor Class: 18 (Half plate, defense fighting style)

Hit Points: 72 (8d12+24)

Speed: 40 ft.

STR: 18 (+4)

DEX: 14 (+2)

CON: 16 (+3)

INT: 14 (+2)

WIS: 13 (+1)

CHA: 6 (-2)

Saving Throws: Str +7, Con +6

Skills: Athletics +7, Intimidation +1, Perception +4, Survival +4

Damage Resistances: bludgeoning, piercing, slashing

Senses: passive Perception 14

Languages: Common, Elvish, Giant, Goblin

Challenge: 8 (3,900 XP)

Innate spellcasting. Technoblade's innate spellcasting ability is Wisdom (spell save DC 12). He can innately cast the following spells, requiring no material components:

1/short rest each: detect magic, disguise self

Speech of beast and leaf. Technoblade has the ability to communicate in a limited manner with beasts and plants. They can understand the meaning of his words, though he has no special ability to understand them in return. He has advantage on all Charisma checks he makes to influence them.

Powerful build. Technoblade counts as one size larger when determining his carrying capacity and the weight he can push, drag, or lift.

Unarmoured defense. When not wearing any armour, Technoblade's defense equals 15. He can use a shield and still gain this benefit.

Reckless. At the start of his turn, Technoblade can gain advantage on all melee weapon attack rolls he makes during that turn, but attack rolls against him have advantage until the start of his next turn.

Great weapon master. When Technoblade scores a critical hit with a melee weapon or reduces a creature to 0 hit points with one, he can make one melee weapon attack as a bonus action. Additionally, before Technoblade makes a melee weapon attack with a heavy weapon that he is proficient with, he can choose to take a -5 penalty to the attack roll. If the attack hits, he adds +10 to the attack's damage.

Warrior of the Gods. If a spell, such as Raise Dead, has the sole effect of restoring Technoblade to life (but not undeath), the caster doesn't need material components to cast the spell on Technoblade.

Divine fury. While Technoblade is raging, the first creature he hits on each of his turns with a weapon attack takes extra necrotic damage equal to 1d6 + 3.

Action surge (1/rest). Technoblade takes one additional action on his turn.

Combat superiority (4/rest). Technoblade can apply the following maneuvers using his four superiority die (d8s):

Feinting attack: Technoblade expends one superiority die and uses a bonus action on his turn to feint, choosing one creature within 5 feet of his as his target. He has advantage on his next attack roll against that creature before the end of his turn. If that attack hits, add the superiority die to the attack's damage roll.

Menacing attack: When Technoblade hits a creature with a weapon attack, he can expend one superiority die to attempt to frighten the target. He adds the superiority die to the attack's damage roll, and the target must make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, it is frightened of him until the end of his next turn.

Trip attack: When Technoblade hits a creature with a weapon attack, he can expend one superiority die to attempt to knock the target down. He adds the superiority die to the attack's damage roll, and if the target is Large or smaller, it must make a Strength saving throw (DC 15). On a failed save, he knocks the target prone.ActionsHidden step (1/rest).

As a bonus action, Technoblade can magically turn invisible until the start of his next turn or until he attacks, makes a damage roll, or forces someone to make a saving throw.

Greatsword. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 11 (2d6 + 4) slashing damage.

Heavy Crossbow. Ranged Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, range 100/400 ft., one target. Hit: 7 (1d10 + 2) piercing damage.

Multiattack. Technoblade can make 2 weapon attacks.

Rage (4/day). As a bonus action, Technoblade enters a rage that lasts for 1 minute, ending early if knocked unconscious or if Technoblade's turn ends and he hasn't attacked a hostile creature since his last turn or taken damage since then. He can also end his rage on his turn as a bonus action. While raging, Technoblade deals +2 damage, has advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws, and has resistance to bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage. Technoblade cannot cast spells during a rage.

End ID.]

Okay. Rambling time.

Holy SHIT I loved making this. I tend to play spellcasters or dex based characters, so it was a lot of fun to make a str character for once.

Stats first. As a barbarian/fighter and also as a force of nature, str is his highest stat. I could have made it 20, but I have a weird aversion to writing up characters with maxed out stats for some reason? Anyway, that’s what he has. He can always boost it if he takes another level in fighter. I also decided to give him pretty high intelligence and wisdom, which are rare in barbarian characters, since, y’know, their main point is to hit things very hard. But Techno is so, SO resourceful, and one of the main reasons that he’s so good at fighting is because he does his research and acquires the best items for it and puts himself in the right place at the right time. Hence the high-ish int. I feel a little bad making his charisma so low, but cha represents several things, most notably the ability to talk to people and force of personality. Also known as: how hard it is to be swayed or controlled, magically or otherwise. Remember what happened at the festival? That’s low charisma. Also I had to give him a low stat to balance the fact that he’s insanely good at so many fucking things. Why.

As a side note, when picking his proficiencies, I was using the homebrew rule that you can use your strength modifier when you roll for intimidation. So his Strength (Intimidation) check would actually have a +7, which is MUCH better than the Charisma (Intimidation) check of +1. Big strong characters are absolutely scary, damnit, and I will die on that hill.

Next up: race. I HAD to make him a firbolg. They’re connected with nature and are often portrayed with animalistic features (e.g. Caduceus Clay from Critical Role), and it means we can have both pig Techno and anime Techno, since firbolgs naturally have the disguise self spell. I just think that’s neat. They also get the ability to turn invisible! Which Techno has been doing a LOT recently! Sure, firbolgs can only do it for a turn, but it still fits.

Onto classes. Barbarian was a dead certain for Techno, honestly - his battle prowess, how he acts when he fights, it just fits so well. Even his use of potions - he gets a lot of buffs from them, increased damage and damage resistance being the two most notable and the two that best translate to D&D rage. Even speed potions - barbarians get +10ft movement speed at level 5. And barbarians are made for two-handed weapons, so obviously I HAD to give him a greatsword. The Orphan Obliterator is a deadly weapon. He also still favours swords even when axes are better in the newest version, so a greatsword was a must. Also I just really like greatswords.

I wavered a bit when picking a subclass, to be honest. I’m not really a big fan of any of the official subclasses (they don’t really fir my playstyle, which is why I homebrewed an entire new subclass for my barbarian character, but that’s a post for another day), but looking through, there were a few that could work. Originally, I picked Juggernaut - this was because of how he fought during the Dream battle, moving Dream around the arena into a more advantageous position for Techno, which is the Juggernaut’s 3rd level ability in a nutshell. They also can’t be knocked prone, and both of these things work INCREDIBLY well for skywars/bedwars style combat - staying put on this island and knocking off your opponents.

However, in the end, I decided to go with Zealot. It was inevitable after he REALLY started building his character on the Dream SMP, which is what this is mostly based on. Zealots have two main points: they follow a God, and it’s very, VERY hard to kill them.

Sound familiar?

Techno isn’t just a barbarian - he also has three levels of Battlemaster fighter. The barbarian/fighter combo is one of the best there is for sheer combat power (bested only, in my opinion, by barbarian/moon druid - those characters are actually unkillable) and the choice of Battlemaster specifically opened up so many options in combat. I had debated going with champion, just for the crit probability boost, but ultimately decided that Battlemaster was infinitely more fun. The three maneuvers were picked for a combination of reasons - they’re all incredibly useful in combat, but I also just thought they were thematically accurate and/or funny. I just had to give him Menacing Attack, because one of the few constants in Technoblade’s combat is people running the hell away from him during competitions. Feinting is for pure combat ability, and Trip is just. Really funny to me. It worked better when he was Juggernaut and literally couldn’t be knocked prone, but I just like the idea of someone using their full action to try and knock over this eight foot tall firbolg (they’re so fucking tall! This bitch is massive!) Technoblade just. Looking down at them before knocking them clean off of their feet with one swing of his Greatsword.

And finally, weapons and magical items. The magic ones didn’t actually make it onto the stat block, because I wanted it to be purely basic character building, but I absolutely had some ideas. Some of these were rolled on loot tables, some were completely homebrewed to fit Techno’s canon weapons. Guess which ones lmao.

magical heavy crossbow (use charge to fire 3 bolts simultaneously, using only one arrow, rolling an attack for each. Each target must be within 10ft of each other. 7 charges per day)

explosive bolts (10ft radius, double dice of the weapon it’s fired from, dex save)

mithral half-plate

ring of feather falling

trident of flight (attunement) (30ft swim and flight speed, 120ft flight speed when its raining)

upgraded cape of the mountebank (8 charges, 2 for misty step, 4 for dimension door) (yes it looks like his normal cape)

bag of holding

sword of life-stealing (attunement) (I don’t know why I added this except Techno’s canon sword would be VERY hard to homebrew and also he can do enough damage with a normal one so he could literally just have like a +2 or something. Do what you want)

#candy posts #dream smp #technoblade #dnd #dream smp dnd builds #ive been working on these fucking things for MONTHS i cannot wait to post more #i have dreams stat block made too and i have a lot of other builds finished that i just havent typed up yet lol

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bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

Note

That post about "I'll keep reading a fic that mischaracterizes Dick even if it angers me because the plot is interesting" but with Scott McCall. I'll come across genuinely interesting concepts and plots and power through for that even when Scott is portrayed negatively in the story, he's there at least and it's either that or wading through 99% of fic which centers Stiles/Sterek and the most common Scott tag being "Scott's a bad friend" ya know?

Honestly, what is it about Scott McCall and Dick Grayson that gets them (mis)treated so similarly by their respective fandoms?

Oh yeah, definitely. Tbh, part of why I’m so loud and obnoxious in Batfandom is because in TW fandom it eventually got to the point where I just had to stop reading fic completely, because I wasn’t finding anything that was Scott-friendly outside of the handful of writers I was already friends with and I just got fed up. And I’m too stubborn to do the same thing twice in two separate fandoms so I just....refuse to give up on DG fic by way of a rousing morning “Not today Satan” pep talk. fhslakhfkal

But honestly, the parallels, there are more than a few:

1) Obviously I do think the racism element has plenty to do with it. Especially in the way “is Scott really even Latino on the show though, I mean did they ever actually SAY it” arguments could be swapped out almost word for word with the “is Dick really even Romani in the comics though, I mean it was just a retcon” arguments. With the primary aim of arguments against this being a factor focusing on just invalidating the idea that either are characters of color in the first place, rather than examining the way people engage with these characters for signs of racism. Instead of trying to refute that there’s anything wrong with certain ways people interact with these characters, people jump right into “well there can’t be racism if the character in question isn’t even REALLY a character of color, y’know not like, a board-certified one with proper accreditation and everything.”

But its definitely interesting when you look at how Dick Grayson’s been perceived by fandom overall, like, in terms of looking back over the years. As someone who’s been in and out of DC fandoms to various degrees since the late 90s, as in before Dick was retconned as being Romani in the first place, and as I’ve said before, he used to be a LOT more popular and forgiven for stuff in the past in fandom.....like, I maintain that if you look back at the early 2000s-2010, aka when that retcon was not just written, but gradually and more fully spread into the fandom’s overall awareness and perception of the character....you can almost like, SEE the empathy gap suddenly click into place once he was more fully solidified as a character of color in a lot of fans’ minds. Even if they won’t admit it because that would require admitting to the racism that then began to seep into how they interacted with this character now, compared to how they’d interacted with this character in the past.

And I think the empathy gap - and the complete refusal to admit that’s even a thing, because its not like these are REALLY characters of color so why would it even apply - like, I think that goes a long way to explaining the way both Scott and Dick consistently have their traumas invalidated and ignored by large parts of their fandoms, with the focus always being shifted to how bad things that happen to them are really MORE bad for how they affect the people around them, etc.

2) It also I think has a lot to do with their personalities and the archetypes they both embody as empathetic caregiver types. I think I described it pretty well here in my BUABS fic:

“What do you know about Impostor Syndrome?"

"It's a term sometimes used to describe over-achievers who have trouble internalizing their accomplishments. Perfectionists who think they're frauds because they don't know how to take credit for their own achievements and say its because of luck or timing or something other people did," Dick frowned, puzzling through both the question and the aim of it. He raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't sound like something that applies to someone as arrogant as me."

"Don't be a little shit, Dick," Dinah said with small smirk. "And you're right, I don't think any of that applies to you. However, it's also used in another capacity, to describe trauma survivors who are unable to internalize their own trauma. Who deflect from it, or mitigate it, treat it as less than it is on the basis that it wasn't as bad as what's happened to someone else. It's especially common in trauma survivors who are noted for being especially empathetic or who have caregiver personality types. People who are so used to self-identifying as someone whose role or purpose is in helping others, that they find themselves unable to identify as traumatized because it might shift the focus to themselves instead of people they feel need it more. Does that behavior sound a little more familiar?"

(For the record, that fic is set in the YJ universe, not the comics, and I go with the approach that Dick and Bruce have a much better relationship there than they do in the comics, and thus overall Dick’s mental health and self-esteem are better than in the comics, generally speaking. I only mention this as a tangent, but like....I think Impostor Syndrome as an issue for perfectionists and over-achievers with low self-esteem DOES pertain to comic book Dick Grayson as well as its trauma interpretation. But anyway).

But point is, I think that describes both Dick and Scott, and their respective approaches to dealing (or not dealing) with their personal traumas. This isn’t a problem in and of itself, as its a valid survivor reaction and issue plenty of people deal with....the problem lies in the willingness of fans to capitalize on the OPPORTUNITIES this presents, as fans of other characters, to keep the focus trained on the characters around these two, and THEIR issues, even at the expense of these two.

Basically, its not in either of their natures to ASK for help and forcefully DRAG focus and awareness to themselves and their issues, for a number of reasons including the fact that I don’t think either character feels they ‘deserve’ that focus or need that help more than other people need theirs.

And because these characters are the empathetic caregiver archetypes in their respective ensembles, ie the ones who usually take the lead in reaching out to even characters who don’t normally ask for help themselves....there’s often no one else immediately popping up in reader awareness as like, a likely candidate to extend that same awareness and offer of aid to Dick and Scott even without them actually asking for it.

(Which, is a large part of my commitment to the theme “Stop assembling your ensembles with just ONE of each archetype, mix and match more, or like....use more hybrid archetypes so you don’t HAVE this problem, and also, stop limiting characters to JUST their archetypes, three-dimensional people aren’t confined to only acting upon a limited menu of actions and impulses, and neither should three-dimensional characters be.”)

And then of course there’s the additional component, linked to point #1, that a lot of people refuse to write other characters seeing their need for help or support or offering it even when they do see it, simply because like....they don’t WANT these characters to HAVE help or support.

3) The Intelligence Factor - as in, do they really have it? Both Scott McCall and Dick Grayson are repeatedly and consistently established in their respective canons as being extremely intelligent, and no, not JUST in emotional intelligence. I don’t like sounding like I’m undervaluing that particular form of intelligence, I’m just really irritated by the way people go about saying “oh I do admit they have very high emotional intelligence” like they’re throwing them some kind of a bone. LMAO. No. They both have high emotional intelligence, true, but they’re also extremely intelligent across the board in all other ways. Both are excellent strategists, quick-thinking and repeatedly out-maneuvering even other noted strategists, both display a quick grasp of new information and an ability to see how and where and when to PUT that information to use in practical applications, etc. These are not dumb characters, at ALL.

But fandoms have this weird committment to the idea that only the Smartest Person In The Room REALLY matters, and like, there can only be one of those per room, or like, at most two, so that they can be a matched pair and make kissing noises and then very smart babies, or like, they can be the doting (smart) father and his adored (smartest) son, all others can go home now.

Like, no, that’s not how that works. A room full of geniuses does not suddenly become a room full of ONE genius and a bunch of random and irrelevant cuz they’re dumb non-geniuses the second someone deemed King of the Smarties enters the room. That’s not a thing. Stop acting like that’s a thing, fandoms. Nobody’s intelligence is actually threatened by the presence of more than one character with notable intelligence. Also fuck off with the adoration of notable intelligence like people have more value the more decimal points of pi they can recite off the top of their head. That’s not a more evolved human being, that’s just a nerd. Nerds have value but no more than people who like, chose other life pursuits aside from nerddom.

(Not actually intended as a slight against nerds, just for the record. I say that as both a self-described nerd and also a self-loathing nerd and also lol I’m not a nerd. Look, I’m a very nuanced person okay. I put the complex in complex organism).

But the point here is not just that people are weird about there only being one true genius allowed per ensemble, its that people are WEIRD about how in order to ACTUALLY be smart, you need to like.....accurately match the factory specs for “this is how a smart person looks and behaves.”

And Scott and Dick do not look and behave that way. The sheer number of times - and similar ways - people try to completely discredit the idea they have more than one brain cell by pointing to times they’re being INTENTIONALLY goofy and being like “oh yeah, would a smart person do THAT, hmmmm”.....

Its like...yes? LOL. There is no law that says that a smart person can not be a goofball, or that they are no longer smart if they fulfill a certain quota of actions deemed ‘dopey’ by the official arbiters of smartness.

Similarly the way people like to point at stuff like “my mom buys the groceries” when the writers BEHIND the characters were intentionally trying to play up a comedic moment rather than make a sealed declaration of IQ, and be like, “see, would a smart person be THAT dumb, hmmm?”

First of all, yes, even going off the same canon people try and cite as proof Scott and Dick are too dumb to actually be smart.....you can literally find similarly ‘dumb’ moments for every other TW character....the Sheriff expressed incredulity that Stiles didn’t know what a pendant was, and Lydia was like wtf how are you this dumb at Stiles when he asked if she read the movie the Little Mermaid because he didn’t know there was also a book.....Allison made the same mistake about bestiary as Scott did because the writers were so impressed by that joke they literally had to do it twice....and do not get me STARTED on the number of moments I can point to in comics AND movies AND cartoons where everyone from Bruce to Tim to Jason to Damian and more, like, make utter bonehead moves or utter completely bonehead sentences.

Despite what rumors of my being an ancient eldritch being might have some believe, I did not actually know Albert Einstein personally, but I can still with complete confidence say I GUARANTEE that at more than one point in his life, even he did things that might have been pointed at by time-travelers on vacay as evidence that geez, old-timey smart people were really dumb, huh.

And I think we would all agree that Albert Einstein was actually a very smart man.

But yeah, point is, both Scott and Dick are very smart characters who for a lot of reasons - including personal choice, as in, they don’t really see the appeal in conforming to standards of what a smart person is SUPPOSED to be like (especially when those standards have a weird amount in common with tendencies often described as elitist or condescending or like, having or pertaining to the qualities of an asshole) - like, they just don’t typically behave or conduct themselves in ways that match up with a lot of the assumptions people have for what ‘makes’ a genius or what that’s supposed to look or sound like.

And because they don’t SEEM like they’re that smart, a lot of effort then gets put into insisting that they’re definitely not, and they can’t be, because see look how dumb here and here and here.....which then leeches over into other aspects of the characters and their stories and dynamics, and then combines with the issues resulting from Point 1 and Point 2 and probably two more I’m not thinking of at the moment but are definitely there so that by their powers combined.....fandom summons Captain Dumbass to take over most interactions with these particular characters. And thus repeatedly and insistently engages with these two and their stories only in very dumb, very limited, and VERY annoying ways.

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vexillumalbum · 5 years ago

Note

Hello! Whenever you do open requests, could you do the Insecure MC headcanons with Lucien and Victor as well? They’re my favorites so I’d really appreciate it. Loved those headcanons with Kiro and Gavin!

Hello to you too Anon! I struggled a bit with writing these so they can be a bit off. I hope you’ll forgive me.

Victor’s HC I treated a little too personal (let’s say I’m in a similar situation as MC is here, because my partner is “wealthy” and I am not as much and when I tell you some rich people are ruthless... yeah they are) so I got a little carried away. I then tried to rewrite it but it just got worse so I decided to post it like that.

As to Lucien - I don’t know him very well. I only have a few of his karmas, and I played only two of his dates. I do not dislike him, he is just not my type in otome games.

With that being said I hope you’ll still be able to enjoy these HCs. Have a great day/night and please stay safe!

*slight spoilers*

“You are gorgeous* with Victor and Lucien:

Victor

“Are you okay in there?” A deep voice from behind the door pulled you out of your thoughts. You quickly wiped your face with a towel, which you then threw into a basket of dirty laundry and looked in the mirror, hoping that you would not see a tearful woman with red eyes and swollen cheeks.

There is a reason, however, that they say hope is the mother of fools.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Give me a minute!” Your voice almost cracked and it took everything in you not to start crying again. You grabbed another towel, soaked it in cold water and started to vigorously tap it on your face to make the puffiness disappear.

On the other side of the door was standing very worried Victor with his brows furrowed and lips pressed in a thin line. He wasn’t deaf, he heard your sobs coming out of the bathroom a while ago and immediately wanted to know what’s wrong but knew you would not tell him right away. So leaned on the wall next to the door and waited for you to enter your shared bedroom.

Paler than a few minutes earlier you finally walked out with a tight smile plastered on your face. You rubbed your still-a-little-shaky hands on your silk robe to occupy them with something and get rid of the feeling of overwhelming nervousness.

♪ Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know ♪ (I’m sorry, I got carried away)

“Who are you trying to fool?” He knew. Of course he knew.

“I’m tired, Victor. Can we please go to bed?”

“Not unless you tell me what’s bothering you.” He was giving you The Look™. This icy glare that he used at work that was basically saying „do as I say” and that every LFG employee was afraid of. You’ve seen The Look™ so many times now it didn’t bother you anymore but Victor didn’t even flinch when you tried to push past him in order to get to the bed. He was stubborn and you were sick and tired of your own thoughts so you gave in.

Being the girlfriend of one of the most influential people in the country (*cough* the whole world *cough*) brought many advantages. Fancy business meetings, cruises on private yachts, beautiful views from hotel windows when you were traveling together for business trips. Not to mention how much love Victor gave you and how much he did for you privately, behind closed doors, where he showed you his tender loving side.

But it also had many downsides. The people you two were mingling with were refined, elegant, sometimes you could even say stuck-up. And you felt like you didn’t belong there. Hell, you knew you didn’t.

Everything was a race between them. Who drove a better car, who had more investments, who knew more languages, who graduated from better university. Where was your place in this picture?

You weren’t stupid, you were the boss of your own company, you were extremely strong-willed and dutiful, you worked hard, but somehow you still didn’t see yourself worthy of being Victor’s partner.

In addition, there was the fact that Victor had little time for you - which of course you understood, he could not put his duties aside because of your whims - but somewhere inside you were still a bit upset.

Your boyfriend didn't know how to react. From the first day of your acquaintance, he saw you as someone confident, brave, not worried about failures, but only going forward. You managed to convince him HIM to give you and your company a chance. Never in a million years would he had guessed that under your tough exterior lay so many insecurities.

He held your shaking body in a tight embrace occasionally giving you a kiss on the crown of your head partially to calm you down and partially to calm himself down. He treated the fact that because of the self-doubt you brought yourself to the state where you cried when locked in a bathroom alone, as a private failure.

Now he had to make up for every time he weren’t there with you. For you.

You were used to lonely evenings spent in front of the TV with your favorite pudding (which compensated his absence a bit). So you were very surprised when a few days later he announced that from now on two evenings a week you would be obligated to spend together doing whatever you would like to.

Watching TV, playing piano, eating, having sex. You named it - he was down for it.

At banquets, when he saw your eyes begin to waver, he hugged you closer to his side or squeezed your hand a bit harder. He made you understand that he was next to you and did not intend to leave you. So you better not leave him

Oh, and if someone tried to offend you or your intelligence/appearance/mannerisms/whatever…

He would be with you in a minute and with the help of The Look™and his CEO voice he would let the poor thing know that the only person with whom something was wrong in the room was them.

Victor was not very good at comforting you with words, but his actions expressed more than a thousand of them.

When you felt the need for self-pity, he brought you a cup of your favorite tea, covered your body with a blanket and hugged to himself, leaning your head against his sturdy chest. This way he made sure that you weren't alone with your problems. Sometimes he was also combing your hair with his fingers humming a melody he knew you loved, because you were constantly playing it on the piano. Like a parent calming their child down.

“Victor, thank you.” You said one time, your voice tired.

“Sleep, dummy. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He once lost you. He wasn’t going to risk it happening again. You were definitely the love of his life, the only person he would ever wait for. So if he had to wait for you to love yourself properly, so be it.

Lucien

The spark of joy disappeared from your eyes some time ago.

Lucien was a researcher, an observer, he knew when changes to your behavior occurred. He noticed them right away.

How you were sabotaging yourself when something good happened to you. How you were dragging down all your accomplishments. How you became even harder on yourself to the point when you were falling asleep in different places because you were so fatigued.

You were physically and emotionally drained but you kept going anyway cause if you stop, insecurities would eat you alive.

“When are you going to tell me what’s been on your mind lately, butterfly?” A simple question asked during breakfast when he put a cup of chamomile tea in front of you made you almost choke on eggs you were currently chomping.

“Whatever you mean, Lucien…”

“I thought you were the one who said that a healthy relationship is based on honesty and openness. Weren’t you?”

This man. Seriously.

“I didn’t think you’d be interested in that matter.”

“On the contrary. I am interested in about everything regarding your person.”

At that point you were sure he was aware of a mess you had inside your head. He gave it away by the way he grabbed your hand and wrapped his long fingers around yours, to later bring them to his lips and kiss each knuckle. It was a tender gesture, one he often did to lift your spirits.

You didn't quite want to explain everything to him, uncover all of your insecurities, but when he looked at you as penetrating as if he wanted to expose your soul as gently as possible, you couldn't refuse him.

He held your hand all the time, didn’t let it go even when you rested your head on his shoulder while weeping.

To say that it broke Lucien's heart is an understatement. He knew everything he heard from you that morning. He had all this information, and yet to hear from you how much you did not believe in yourself, how much you loathed yourself, was a blow to him.

All he could do was gradually try to get you out of your bubble. He wanted to replace all that ugliness that you wore inside with something beautiful.

Step one: A healthy mind in a healthy body. Who was supposed to know it better than a doctor?

As you struggled with drooping eyelids trying to perfect another report, which was impossible, Lucien's strong arms gently pulled you away from the desk and led you towards the bed. After several times, you even stopped protesting.

Chamomile tea has always been provided to you in stressful situations. Lucien even instructed Anna to prepare this tea for you at the company where he had no possibility of being.

Your boyfriend attached great importance to what you ate because it was a well-known fact that people with a diet rich in vitamins and omega-3 had a better mood. Oh no, no more junk food

Step two: exhibitions, galleries, theater, cinema, stargazing, watching the skylights, amusement park.

Between research and teaching at the university, Lucien took you to all the places you could have thought of. He took the replacement of ugliness with beauty quite literally.

Your favorite place was a temporary butterfly exhibition at the Natural Museum, because there your boyfriend led you from a display case to a display case and was telling you passionately every interesting fact he knew about different species. How unguarded he became there was amusing but also very sweet.

“Did you know that this butterfly pups quite late and its wings are slightly smaller than the rest of the butterflies living in this area? This does not prevent him from being the most beautiful and useful of all of them.” He said pointing with one hand to one of the insects while the other was drawing small circles on the small of your back.

Did he just compared you to a butterfly?

Step three: a good ol’ love-making.

This man thought that if it doesn't reach you normally, it will hit you how wonderful you are through various positions in bed. Not only in bed

Good luck walking for the next few days

You gave Lucien’s life color, showed him that living with someone who cared about him and loved him was far better, happier. He was going to repay that favor now.

____________________________________________________

thank you so much for reading!

if you want to read more of my works they are here

#mlqc #mlqc lucien #mlqc victor #mlqc gavin #mlqc kiro #mr love queen's choice #mr. love queen's choice #mlqc fluff #requests

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genderfluidlucifer · 4 years ago

Text

Response to being asked to give an opinion on Connie’s calout by residentevil-4

(Tw: CSAM, rape fic, incest fic, predatory behavior, racism, ableism, kink mention, nsfw mentions. Minors should probably dni.)

“Connie and I know each other irl and went to school together for 3 years, although they now live in a different state and have cut contact with me. We went to a private therapy school in Manhattan as we're both disabled and were deemed unable to attend public school. Even though we were pretty close, Connie didn't like having photos taken of them, so I don't have any selfies of the two of us; however, these are from our sophomore and senior yearbooks which at least confirms that we were in the same year at school. People who have seen Connie's selfies should be able to confirm that that is what they look like. First and foremost, Connie is not TMA. They are intersex and the two of us have discussed intersex issues both in person and online, but they are still decidedly CAFAB.” Ok so first off, I want to address this part of the callout. To be honest...was it really necessary to literally doxx Connie ehre? Because this textbook definition of doxxing. Yes Connie’s done some shitty things but I freally don’t think that what they’ve done warrants this level of doxxing. Or...even better, any doxxing. This feels like a really unnecessary breach of privacy, revealing sensitive information on Connie’s childhood that they choose to confide in you with. I really don’t agree with this aspect of the callout as it feels very invasive and bordering on stalkerish. Btw when I say bordering on stalkerish I’m not directly calling you a stalker Bonnie. Just so we’re clear. I am not defending Connie supposedly faking being TMA. Because faking being TMA is a very serious issue. HOWEVER since I don’t know Connie irl and to be quite frank it’s none of my business what the nature of their agab is. Were not close and I’m certainly not going to like lead Connie onto thinking we’re friends just to confirm this with them because that would be creepy. So to be honest I’m going to take this part of the callout with again of salt for now.

[ID: A cropped screenshot of a numbered list Connie posted to their blog hadrosaurs in response to an ask.

“3. I’m TMA And that’s completely irrelevant. I’m not accusing them because of their gender I didn’t even know their gender when they said that to me saying that they said that because they fucking said that and the reaction to it was incredibly alarming. Don’t fucking say that stuff to people.]

I mean I”m not a trans woman so take this with a grain of salt if you want but...I don’t see how this is really proof of Connie being deliberately transmisogynistic? Yes Connie gives iffy retellings of mistakes they’ve made in the past. I’ve seen that on their blog before and I won’t pretend it doesn’t happen. BUT here they sound genuine enough and to be honest a growing issue I’ve seen with callouts as of late is. A person confirms they in fact did not do the thing they were called out for. And then the people who make the callout choose to see it as proof of incriminating behavior anyways. To be honest it’s a big problem and it’s also incredibly unfair to the person being called out. If you’re so determined at that point to see the person as bigoted no matter what they say then of course anything they say can be seen as proof. So I’m going to have to pass on this bit of evidence. “Connie responded: “Final note: I have spoken extensively with several trans women about using TMA to describe myself. I will not be getting into discourse about that on this blog again. All that leads to is people demanding my medical records and calling me slurs. If you wanna have a thoughtful conversation about it direct message me cause it’s not happening again here.” Again this really doesn’t seem all that self incriminating. Connie mentions here that they’ve talked to rl trans woman about whether or not they can be considered TMA. Connie really doesn’t have to disclose that personal information to people for any reason. Yes even when people are e including this ask response in a callout. And considering lots of people DO get invasive about Connie’s medical history ans general personal life over matters like this? I feel their reaction is pretty understandable here. “Connie has constantly compared “exclusionists” (or anyone, really) to TERFs, even when the people in question are not transmisogynistic, trans exclusionary radfems, or are even transmisogyny affected themselves.

“ Gonna have to disagree with this part of the callout too. Lots of ace inclus blogs, even some run by trans women , have proven that the ace exclus movement was started by swerfs/terfs. But the blog that has the most evidence for this is courteousmingler on tumblr. I suggest you check out that blog’s archiving of the history of ace exclus rhetoric before rushing to call me a transmisogynist for disagreeing with this part of the callout. I looked through all of the evidence for Connie being racist and tbh as a black ndn it all feels incredibly flimsy. It’d be one thing if Connie was using their experiences to derail and invalidate the discussions about how black people are oppressed But they weren’t doing that there at all. This part of the post feels incredibly biased. And like OP is looking for things to be mad about. Going to have to pass on this list of evidence. Also uh I seem to recall that residentevil04 got called out for some questionable behavior as well. “Both me (insepsy, hi) and ezrat have had really weird spikes in activity on our Statcounters, both on the same day. (Saturday, 4/17/21) For both of us, majority of the pages looked at by these visitors have been related to or about Connie, or have been posts that Connie would find "problematic" such as the f slur untagged or something related to "panphobia"/aphobia. I’m sorry but...none of the proof of cyberstalking holds any water. Visiting someone’s blogs and rbing posts to disagree with them is not cyberstalking. Keeping tabs on urls that an abusive person who has harassed are using so you can block them (in this case with kyoshi) and warn your mutuals is not stalking. As a victim of rl stalking it’s...really weird to call this legit stalking at all. Much less claim that you have damning proof of it being stalking when no such evidence exists in the callout. Besides after Connie and nonbinarydave called out one of kyoshi’s buddies for sending a death threat hate anon to nonbinarydave’s toddler st4lker partly admitted to doing it a few times. Then other mutuals in kyoshi’s toxic social circle clearly began joining in. Making side accounts where they tried to spin a false narrative of nonbinarydave’s daughter being one of their alters (ableist as hell.) And also trying to do it in such a way that they thought would trigger nonibnarydave’s psychosis (also ableist as hell.) If you’re going to drag Connie for their mistakes and never let them move on from those mistakes then it’s only fair to do that to people you agree with who also do toxic/bigoted things. ALso the fact that your wording here suggests that you think panphobia and aphobia aren’t real makes me doubt this claim even more. Exclus and their allies are notorious for mislabeling inclus disagreeing with them as stalking. “connie said that they would release that info at a later time and the minor began to argue with them that they had a responsibility regardless of their complicated relationship with age. in this argument connie for a time kept their age ambiguous and at one point told the minor (who confirmed in a later ask that they were severely traumatized by adults) that they obviously weren’t traumatized. connie quickly deleted this ask and any mentions of it and the next post they reblogged was about how wrong it was to try and quantify or discount others’ trauma. on my old blog i @ed them in the replies and asked if they had just done that. connie admitted to it and said it was fucked up but quickly blocked + deleted my comment. i can’t remember whether or not connie apologized to the minor, they may have? but yeah. i thought that was pretty weird.”] I do agree with some of the concern here that adults shouldn’t over expose minors in discourse. I’ve been contemplating this for awhile myself. And trying to figure out how to take better steps to avoid including minors who are triggered by discourse in discourse, especially. HOWEVER I have one little issue with this addition to the callout. If that is the case then exclus and their allies need to practice this as well. You cannot ignore the fact that the reason a lot of minors are getting involved in exclus discourse is due to adult exclus and their allies forcing minors to pick a side in the discourse. Y’all are not at all exempt from this problem. I still remember an ex mutual of mine trying to convince a minor to agree that aces can’t face corrective rape. And based on how aggressive it got with me when I tried to avoid giving an opinion on the matter, I can’t imagine that it would’ve reacted better to the minor refusing to give an opinion or to the minor outright disagreed. Refusing to put these standards on exclus and their allies is both hypocritical and quite frankly very transparent. The claims about them glorifying dark topics on AO3 through their fics also seems unfortunately legit. I mean those asks of shaming people who ask their viewers to not romanticize or glorify abusive relationships in their works is very damning. I’m very disappointed to see that Connie has taken being an inclus to the point of validating antis anti culture wholeheartedly. I can’t think of much more to add to my opinion on that part of the callout. As for the issue of Connie interacting with pro shippers in the past, I do know that this claim is legit. I’ve seen it before and so has Breeze. This was why for a brief time we decided to stop following their blogs. Because it was triggering to have pro shippers put on our dash. And sometimes we just don’t feel it’s worth it to always let people we’re platforming know they’re rbing triggering stuff. So sometimes we just quietly unfollow and choose to not interact until we’re sure they’re filtering what they do and don’t rb in some way. I definitely don’t agree with that behavior. And if they’re still doing that I”ll deplatform again. “The anon asks: “A weird question but do you know any other stimboard blogs with your follow criteria? (No radfems, racists, fandom antis, etc.) I was hoping to find more through your “similar blogs” but a lot have no anti-antis for their DNI or allow truscum/transmeds and exclus. :(“

The user responds: “I know of @turtle-pond-stims, @outofangband, and @kinaesthetics! 🍂🍄" “[ID: A cropped screenshot of an ask sent by Connie from their now-deactivated blog, butch-with-a-tortoise.

Connie says: “hey anon I have safe stim blogs. dm me if you want them. And radfems/bigots aren’t allowed to interact. For my own safety (because the community is honestly terrifying) I can’t publicly say on my blogs that I’m safe for proshippers/kinky people but I try to spread word how I can.”] [ID: Screenshot of a post by evilwriter37, which reads, “I’ve been seeing posts about fandom police leaving ao3, and it’s like: Good. We don’t want you here anyway. Go find your own fanfiction site.”

The post is tagged “#Fandom #AO3 #Antis #Purity Culture” and has 87 notes. It was posted on December 21st, 2020.

There is a reply from main-to-outofangband-andothers saying: “there are Silm antis on that site who are against Russigon (Maedhros and Fingon) not because they’re cousins but because they’re both male (coded)”] [ID: A screenshot of an anonymous (though signed off as being from outofangband) ask sent to evilwriter37, which says, “Melkor and Viggo solidarity is ‘Look there’s nothing wrong with keeping my enemy chained up in my personal chambers at all times so please just focus on the war efforts and I’ll focus on the boy* in my chambers’ -@outofbangand.

*boy used figuratively @ antis”

The user responds: “Pfft!!! Hahaha! You’re absolutely right! (And Viggo does refer to Hiccup in canon as ‘my boy’).”] I can’t really say anything to refute this. Because these are all posts of Connie outright stating that they disagree with antis. And not only sympathize with anti antis but are fully against antis. Looks like very damning evidence. Although ngl I’m not entirely against kinky blogs as a whole? Just so long as they truly stay in their lane with their kink content. And don’t force it on others in any way. Or shame people who are triggered by their kinks. It is true that being entirely against kinky blogs no matter what is dipping your toes into swerf rhetoric. Tbh I’m not going to look at the rest. This is pretty much all I need to make a decision on whether or not I”ll continue platforming Connie. Though I will try to get some more perspective from people who I interact with as well. Because I feel better about making a more definitive decision after doing that. Also in general please don’t not try to get an opinion from me on how I feel about syscourse. A lot of the claims about Connie’s age weirdness and them using their alters as a shield feel like syscourse to me. Especially if this callout was written by one or several singlets. Singlets should never be trying to judge how legit someone’s system is ever. Even if their system friends encourage them to. You can call out a horrible person with a system without trying to insinuate that they’re lying about their alters in some way. Doing otherwise is ableist ESPECIALLY if you’re a singlet. Also in general the reason I stay out of discussions of judging how someone is handling their systems is because it’s syscourse and syscourse is triggering for my system and I. If this post was an attempt to get me to give an opinion on the validity of Connie’s system I don’t appreciate it. And I would appreciate not being dragged into such matters again, thank you.

In general there’s like a few parts of this callout that feel legit. Which is unfortunately cluttered with obvious bias and obsessive hatred of Connie. I’m not here to stan or coddle Connie. I know they are not a perfect person. Especially since no human being in the world is perfect. But I feel the way this callout was created was very sloppy since a lot of the evidence was messy at best. And some points were very hypocritical as well as there being some no true scotsman moments from OP. In acting like exclus never do any of the thing that they tried to call out Connie for. Which is behavior that I am not a fan of. This is why people need to be more careful about callouts and like make roughdrafts and have a more unbiased person helping them if they don’t feel they can do it on their own. I’m even trying to make a resolve to do better at that myself. So it’s not like I’m unwilling to put my money where my mouth is. Anyways those are all my thoughts on this messy callout. And tbh I’m not going to get too much more heavily involved in this. Because I need to focus on more immediately serious rl stuff more often, like doing what I can to get out of the hellish landscape of a house I currently am stuck in.

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