#anyway mwah mwah even if this does nothing i love u berry dearly i hope u get help i hope you find passion wherever u go

[theloveinc]

Hey can I ask you something off topic?

I'm 19 and still in highschool but I feel like I missed out on life, y'know? Like, I see all my peers out there participating in community service, having jobs, going to clubs. There's a junior I know that has a 4.0 GPA while a senior like me is stuck with a 3.5. I didn't have a car or did any of my family members since I started HS so i wasn't and still isn't able to go to school clubs, get my driver license because I have nothing to practice on, etc.. I just feel like, why am I still trying? Everything in life depends on these key factors. Or do they? I am so lost. I'm almost graduating and it feels like I'm nothing? I don't even know what I'm doing and I'm very scared.

I feel comfortable talking to you because you seem very real? Lol and an adult 😭

I guess what I'm trying to ask is how are you?

Like, how did you do it?

Ofc you can ask, it's very sweet that you trust me and reached out!🖤🖤🖤

One thing I can say for certain, right off the bat, life absolutely DOES NOT depend on these factors. It may seem like it, partially because of society and partially bc everyone around you is talking about the future and driving cars and doing w/e, but there is no, one (much less right) way to experience high school, nor the life you live both in between and afterwards.

That being said, I'm not gonna lie and say there was nothing you missed out on, yes, high school could've been more exciting, but that same thing can be said about literally anything and everything, and this portion of your life is barely the tip of the iceberg. The real good news here is high school isn't supposed to be the best part of your life!!

(Imagine if it was, you'd feel equally as weird leaving it behind, just for different reasons. It's good to feel like you're ready to move beyond wherever it is you're stuck... that means you're maturing and ready for new things.)

Based on the things you've said, I'm also presuming that one of the reasons you might feel so lost is because, like you mention, you're not immersed in any big community like the ones you notice your classmates in, such as band, sports, clubs, etc. That's something I went through too, but is easy to remedy with time. It's very possible that this sense of distress is due to boredom as well as a lack of satisfaction (among the rest of it all, i don't want to downplay your feelings), which is why it might seem so difficult to imagine something else for yourself, even if that doesn't mean it's not out there for you to find.

There are many communities out there for you to explore, as well as hobbies to start, and it's not, and never is, too late to start doing what you see your friends doing. Even if it's not possible for you currently, there will always be clubs to join, jobs to get, community service to do, and even make more friends!!

(Some simple hobbies I enjoy are coloring books, word searches, crocheting, lanyards, diamond dots, journaling/scrapbooking... things I can do while watching TV, and etc! I can always go more into depth about this, too kasdjfkad)

It's not easy getting your butt out there to start these things, I admit, but it does end up snowballing once the process starts. Even if it's just something little, like asking to join your friends even if you just sit on the sidelines, picking up trash around your neighborhood, or applying to work somewhere close by with limited hours... you never know what's going to stick until you try it! And you're never obligated to stay if you hate it, either.

As for your GPA, don't give a shit about that. I know it's hard NOT to compare yourself to others (i struggle with that, too... my roommate is nearly two years younger than me and is graduating college in three years while i've been in school for FIVE), but a 3.5 is an AMAZING gpa to have! It's also not reflective of anything. I know it might seem like it is, but the second you gradutate, your high school grade concerns are going to be the LAST thing on your mind. Plus, if going to college soon is one of your plans, I can 100% assure you that more schools are going to accept you than you think (i barely graduated high school and got into almost every four year i applied to)!

It's hard to give you any other advice without truly knowing the situation you're in (what your long term goals are and how you plan on getting there, + what's legitimately and physically stopping you), and I don't want to make this conversation all about the things I did (really what's helped things improve for me is just taking time to be okay with going with the flow and getting on medication, lol) but you shouldn't feel like you're trying for no reason. It might be confusing, you might feel lost or even abnormal under the circumstances you see around you, but graduating high school is a weird transition period in life ANYWAY and feeling confused about where to go is normal (I can bet that junior with 4.0 is stressing so hard about their future, too. You're both working hard, just maybe for different things! You're honestly very brave to admit this, a lot of people keep these emotions to themselves and sometimes until it's too late to fix them).

You have so many options ahead of you. Even if you don't know what they are yet, or it takes a lot of patience to find them, this isn't the end of your happiness nor should you internalize it feeling that way. Whether your future consists of taking time off for yourself OR staying in school, working, traveling, volunteering, or etc., in any order and in any way you want, you deserve to be kind to yourself as you make the journey of figuring out what it is that you enjoy doing. You don't have to have all the answers right now, many of them will come with time, and even if they don't, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong nor need to compare yourself to others.

All in all, I hope this wasn't a waste of a read for you. Really I'm sending all my love and tons of luck your way...!! I know what it's like to feel like there's no conclusion to something that requires one, but just as I learned (and we all do, eventually) to be okay with proceeding to no end, you will too. And in a way that will bring you so much joy!🩵🩵🩵

Thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to speak on these questions. I'll always be here if you need anything or have anymore questions, and I'm excited to hear about whatever you decide to do next, whenever that may be! It will come.