#anyway mum was rifling thru a box of stuff trying to make sure everyone md have enough for dinner | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lemememeringue · 3 years ago

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dreamt for whatever reason we were back in base housing. all our stuff was still there but we were visiting church friends who'd moved in after we left. the range of emotion I felt was weirdly intense.

#mine #dream journal #I don't know why we were there but I have a feeling we were stranded #it was actually a couple of church families there I have no idea who actually Lived there but I talked to a little girl we used to babysit #she asked why they never saw us at bible drill anymore even tho she was from the church cult not the church I went to afterwards #I explained I was a grownup now and too old for bible drill #for some reason my hair was a mess but it wasn't my hair I was wearing a wig like mum used to #mum and dad had just come back from shopping and I felt an old fear at dad's solemn expression #he doesn't make that face anymore I (awake lem) now realise. I think he's forgotten.#anyway mum was rifling thru a box of stuff trying to make sure everyone md have enough for dinner #she saw me and with a big salesman smile sat me down and explained that she bought food neither of us liked so she could use a coupon #to buy the expensive food big sis needs. she was trying to convince me to eat the unwanted stuff. I said yes of course.#I forgot how tight the money used to be and the food scarcity #I forgot abt how mum scoured food pantries for a can of Least Likely To Kill Us #I remember now how angry she'd get when her children foolishly assumed that eight boxes of cereal meant we could eat whenever #because we always thought that meant the shortage was over and we were teenagers we were always hungry #I remember how she'd complain to herself that if we didn't have allergies we could afford more consistently #and always followed w the ''but we're eating healthier which is a good thing!''#I remember taking 2 benadryls a day so I could eat whatever else was there and save the good stuff for my sibs w more broken immune systems #I remember not eating healthy foods bc that would mean less for big sis and lil bro who Needed the energy more than I did #I remember mum yelling at dad behind closed doors for wasting money on a treat he didn't know we couldn't eat #dad never did figure out our allergies #we had each others' memorised #eating disorder tw #not exactly but I'm triggered so

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