#anyway most of my stuff for Halloween came and lets just say im really glad to have next weekend off for it

[nerdie-faerie]

Being an adult is so fun you get to tell TV licencing to fuck off, register for pension schemes, chase up IT issues, make returns, figure out what you're gonna eat this week so you can actually go grocery shopping an- *is laid face down on the floor*

[the-kipsabian]

coughedfeathers replied to your post: *rolls o v e r* I want angst for UpbeatDreams:...

Can I throw my hat into the proverbial ring and suggest that Ayu’s able to get *something* out of him about natemare? Not much, but that he gets amnesia during the times he’s more visually… Not himself during October?? And that he’s not really himself Bc Ayu would have been there during the d&d session where natemare kicked in, as well as Mads’s party probably? So he kinda owes Ayu an explanation at this point, and Kit’s too drained to demand one.

im gonna take this ball and run with it watCH ME @coughedfeathers @shinrijeu have some upbeatdreams yo <3

It was getting closer to Christmas, slowly but steadily. November was over, they had turned to December, and life at the academy was finally steadying itself back on tracks with everything that had gone down the past three months.

And honestly, it was making Ayu very nervous.

Everything had been going smoothly. Honestly, if you asked Ayu, almost too smoothly. Things with Nate had calmed down and he seemed to be behaving like himself again since the two of them had made peace and started to spend more time together again, Nate making sure to fit in a little shows of affection here and there as if he thought Ayu wouldn’t notice.

Holding hands.

Leaving him notes on homework assignments.

Good morning and good night texts.

Sending Ayu playlists of stuff he knew he liked.

Little forehead kisses and kisses planted in his hair as if Nate thought Ayu wouldn’t realize what they meant.

But something about that was still making him uneasy, and maybe it was very unfortunate, but Ayu was able to actually put his finger on it this time too. After the disaster with him that had been October, and having to help Kit through November, Nate had gone back to being himself, and it was almost too weird.

Like the calm before the storm.

What worried him the most, was that Christmas was approaching, and Kit was lighting up again and getting very excited about the holiday. They were constantly rambling at Ayu about the gifts they had gotten for people, asking him what would be appropriate for someone, showing the cute wrapping paper and decorations they had gotten, and so forth. Occasionally Nate would be around when Ayu got messages from Kit and he would glance over Ayu’s shoulder at the cute things Kit had gotten, commenting on everything he thought looked nice.

And that’s what was worrying Ayu about all of this.

Before the October nightmare, Nate had been acting all fine and dandy. Sure he possessed some qualities that Ayu wasn’t extreme fond of, like skipping class and breaking the school rules in general, but that was still normal to him.

October he was occasionally just very different – at Mads’ birthday party he had started to raise havoc, Ayu remembered him making a mess and trying to steal the presents among other things, sending Kit into a whirl of anxiety as this behavior was never explained and it nearly ruined everything.

They had a small D&D session in the dorm at one point, and Nate had been invited – he absolutely threw the game and basically ruined the game for everyone for the night, forcing them to cut it short really early as Kit couldn’t handle him being that way and making it terrible for everyone else.

And then… Well, the Halloween party. Where Nate had straight up put Ayu on the spot and made fun of him and embarrassed him – thankfully not in public in front of others, but it was still terrible enough that some people saw Ayu leave the party crying – with this supposed love confession.

Among other incidents that Ayu hadn’t been present for, but had heard from various classmates and other friends since they had happened.

After October he calmed down again. Nate made peace with Kit, and eventually with Ayu as well. He seemed to return to normal, with no real explanation what was going on with him. Every time Ayu asked about all this, Nate didn’t remember anything. He claimed amnesia. The story never changed, there was never any added details, so Ayu believed him.

But it didn’t make the feeling that someone was still wrong go away.

And with Christmas fast approaching, Ayu was just honestly worried that Nate was going to flip his lid again for no reason and make things difficult for everyone again.

Especially for Kit. And Ayu wasn’t going to let that happen.

He was honestly nervous about texting Nate and asking to meet him at the recording studio. Ayu didn’t specify that he wanted to talk, usually when he invited Nate over it was to listen to him play, and he was kind of hoping that Nate would take it as that kind of an invitation again and wouldn’t ask questions. Thankfully the text he got back was just Nate saying he was on his way – it only freaking Ayu out a little as he was suddenly having to prepare his words much faster than he originally thought.

Ayu was sitting in the studio, sketching the stray kittens into his sketchbook when Nate walked in. The boy was beaming at the sight of Ayu, but raised a brow as he noticed the lack of the violin case he was used to see him carry around with him.

“I thought you were going to play?”

Ayu shook his head as he put the sketchpad aside, watching as Nate took a seat across the table from him. One thing that Ayu was grateful about Nate, was how good he was reading the air around people, so it was obvious even without words that something was up. Something they really needed to talk about.

“I’m… Worried.”

It was just better to get it out straight away, to be honest. Nate’s brows furrowed a little, but he nodded, remaining silent.

“Christmas is coming.”

“We don’t have to get gifts.”

“That’s not it.”

While Ayu was glad to hear this response too, it wasn’t the conversation topic he was after. Besides, he had already gotten Nate a gift, so that wrapped that part up.

“I don’t want you to ruin this for Kit too.”

Nate looked back at him over the table, clearly confused. Ayu sighed, sounding somewhat impatient.

“I don’t want what happened at October to happen again, Nathan.”

The raven-haired boy seemed to perk up at the mention of his whole name, much to Ayu’s satisfaction, as it was a clear mark that at least now he was fully paying attention.

“They need this to go well, they need the nice things. So please… Whatever happened in October, please don’t repeat that again.”

“I can promise you it’s not happening. I promise.”

Could he really believe that though, that was the question in Ayu’s mind. Sure Nate seemed sincere about that, looking him straight into the eye and saying those words, making a promise, it had to be worth of at least something, right?

…Right?

“Ayu, you can trust me. I promise. It’s behind me for now.”

…For now?

“Nathan –”

“I went to see the Nurse a little while ago.”

Ayu went silent. This was a topic they hadn’t talked about, but he knew that Kit had been trying to get Nate to see the Nurse about his amnesia problems, like Nate had tried to get them to go because of their feather coughing issues. Ayu didn’t really think Nate was complying to any of that though, as every time it had come up, he had just laughed it off.

But apparently he was actually really trying to better himself here?

“And?”

“While he didn’t really know what was going on, he said it might have something to do with the Halloween time, as the amnesia spells seem to only happen in October.”

So… This wasn’t the first time this had happened? The way Nate formed his sentences were making Ayu think of it, but he couldn’t confirm anything as this was the first time they had really talked about the issue after Nate’s initial apology about a month ago.

“He suspected full moons at first, but I can confirm I’m not a werewolf though as I do remember the full moon from last week, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Ayu knew he was joking but nodded with a completely serious face anyways.

“He had my medical records from my previous schools, and, well… Everything shows more nurse visits and odd behavior, amnesia and exhaustion around the time of October, and never else.”

Nate brushed a hand through his hair as he leaned back on his chair, letting out a sigh.

“Every single October, for every single school. And nobody knows why, and I can’t remember any of that.”

He shrugged, looking back at Ayu who was still trying to process the information, even though there wasn’t really much info to take in here, other than what they all already knew – that Nate didn’t remember anything.

“The Nurse suggested it was due to stress or me pushing myself too hard or something similar, but I feel the same around the year and do the same things, so it doesn’t make sense. He suggested further examinations later, especially if it is happening again, but… I’m feeling fine now. Haven’t forgotten a day since November begun again. Just same as before October came around.”

It was true though, Ayu could confirm that. Since then Nate had gotten back to his old self, the honestly somewhat terrifying aura he had been carrying with him through October was gone, he looked normal again, acted normal, felt normal…

And yet Ayu still couldn’t help but to worry that this was going to happen again just when Kit was picking up being bright and bubbly again.

“I don’t do it on purpose.”

“I believe that.”

Because Nate wouldn’t. And Ayu knew that.

Nate nodded a little.

“You just… Have to trust me on this one, okay? I promise it’s not going to happen. It’s done now.”

“Until next October?”

Nate inhaled deeply, shrugging.

“I hope not, but… Maybe. It seems to be the pattern.”

It was Ayu’s turn to nod, before he leaned over the table towards Nate a little.

“Just promise me that whatever it is that’s happening with you, it’s not coming back any time soon. And if it does return for October, well… We kick it together, okay?”

Nate smiled at him, nodding his head again.

“Of course. I promise.”

[baby-itsa-wild-world]

Phil

I met a boy in 11th grade. Lets call him Phil. He rode my bus. He was 1 year younger than me, and a little bit shorter. He had shoulder length blonde hair and was kind of lanky. Not really my type but we got along as friends. We made eachother laugh a lot. I valued him as a friend.

My other friends started hanging around phil too. On Halloween, my friend told me that phil had a secret he was keeping from me. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he liked me as more than a friend. I saw the way he looked at me. I was flattered but I didnt let phil know that I knew.

That evening on the bus, phil broke down and finally told me. I was excited. Part of me kinda felt like I liked him too, mainly because I was just flattered to have someone interested in me and because he had always been there for me as a friend. But like I said he wasnt really my type. He was younger than me. He got detention a lot. He was kinda immature. So I kinda just let it go.

In the following weeks I started seeing him in a different light. He had always been a good friend. I admired that he didnt give a fuck what anyone thought. I had always wanted to be like that. And he did have a certain charm about him. Maybe I did like him back after all.

We flirted back and forth for the next few months. We talked on the phone occasionally. We sat next to eachother on the bus. It was like we always were, except with flirting. I was always waiting on him to make a move.

Around valentines day Phil was on myspace talking about a girl named "lily". He was talking about how lily had stayed a few nights at his house and was watching horror movies with him. I thought to myself, what the fuck?? I thought he liked me. What was he doing with other girls? I got pissed. I messaged him on myspace, not angry or anything, but just casually asked what he was doing. He said that he and lily were going to the movies. I said cool, I had been wanting to go to the movies myself to see something (probably the new twilight movie if you want me to be honest). And then he messaged back: sorry, its just going to be me and lily. I was like FIRST OF all, I was not asking to come along with you guys. I was so fucking pissed. I couldnt believe he thought I wanted to intrude on their stupid little date. But inside i was boiling with jealousy. It was valentines day and I decided that love was a big lie and I was done with it forever.

I started acting distant towards him. He finally asked me what was wrong. I said nothing. I was being stubborn as hell. He kept trying to pry an answer out of me, and I finally told him, I LIKED you. Dumbass. And he looked at me with shock. He said he didnt know that I felt the same way. And he was sorry about hurting my feelings with lily. I fell right back into it again. I couldnt be mad at him for long.

We talked on the phone every night after that. Every waking moment that we weren't at school together we would talk on the phone all hours of the night. My parents got pretty pissed about it because I had never been the boy crazy type. I was all about school, grades, friends. They didnt like this side of me, but they couldnt tell me anything. I was already head over heels. We talked about hopes, dreams, wishes. He wanted to either go in the army after school or go far far away across the country. I admired his ambition.

It was march. We were talking on the phone one night and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. I was blushing so fucking hard it probably would have been super embarassing in person. But I prepared myself the next day. We held hands on the bus, in between classes. The calls at night just kept getting longer. He knew I was really inexperienced with guys. I had never even kissed a boy. He said he wanted to give me my first kiss.

The next day, as he was walking me to 1st period, he gave me a quick peck on the lips. It didnt really feel like anything. It didnt blow me away or anything like that. It was kind of underwhelming. But I reached a new point in my life. I just got my first kiss.

It seemed like phil always wanted more and more. He wanted me to come over to his house. My mom never let me, not because she didnt trust me but because she was always funny about me going to other peoples houses. His parents were divorced and to be honest his dad didnt really watch him that well. He kind of let him do whatever. My parents were a lot more old fashioned.

It wasnt long before phil started talking about sex. I really, really, really did not want to go into this with him. But I was afraid that if I didn't at least talk to him about it I would lose him, and I would be such a loser for that. I was 16. I knew plenty of kids my age who had sex. It wasnt a big deal to a lot of people. But it was to me. I always wanted it to be special. It was kind of a scary subject to me. I knew that you could get pregnant, get diseases, anything could happen. But talking about it wouldnt do any harm, right?

He knew my parents were strict, so he suggested maybe I skip school with him or go to the library and mess around. Even the idea of that made my blood run cold. But I would be like, "haha yeah maybe." I hate myself for being so fucking stupid. I should have just said no and that I wasnt ready.

I finally convinced my parents to let him come over. He could come in my room to watch a movie but we had to leave the door open. We watched the notebook. We made out for most of it. Even with the door open. I couldnt believe the fucking nerve of myself. But I would have done it if it meant keeping him. But I drew the line at anything sexual. I finally told him I wasnt ready and he seemed to accept it.

After he left, my parents sat me down and said that he was nice, but they wanted better for me. They said he was too immature. That he wasnt meant for me. I kind of tried to brush them off but looking back on it I knew in my heart that it was true. But I would have never admitted it to myself.

He came over a couple of weeks later to help my dad do some yard work. By now, we were saying i love you to eachother and talking about how we would get married one day. I know that sounds crazy because we were so young but I just wanted so badly just to have someone, even if I didnt agree with everything he said or did. I had never had a serious boyfriend before and I wasnt about to fuck it up.

Anyways, after the yard work my parents took me and him out to eat at a nice restaurant. He held my hand on the ride there and said to me, you see your mom and dad? I want us to be like them when we grow up. They are the perfect man and wife. And I just smiled. My mom and dad were my role models. I valued and cherished them so much. I knew they wanted whatever would make me happy even if they didnt agree. That meant so much to me. And I knew that phil had a broken home life. And I thought maybe I was helping him in a way by letting him around my family so maybe he could have sort of a family of his own to talk to and that would be there for him.

Phil came over one more time. We ate dinner and watched the dvd, bloody mary. We snuggled on the couch. My mom was in the room over. He kept trying to get me to come closer and fool around with him but I wouldnt do it. I could never do something like that under my parents roof while they were IN the HOUSE!! I told him maybe if we had some time to ourselves sometime. I kept pushing sex and fooling around off. I was not ready at all. Im glad I stood my ground on that. Even though I didnt stand for much else.

Phil started becoming distant a little. He went on hiking trips with his friends on the weekends. He was really outdoorsy and I was more of the bookish type. I still am. He wouldnt hold my hand as much in between classes. The phone calls were few and far between. I became a fucking wreck.

I had no idea what I did wrong. Was it because I wouldnt let him get in my pants? I felt like I was still a kid. I wasnt ready. And besides, he said we would get married. And I thought we would have the rest of our lives for all that kind of stuff...right?

I would try to talk to him about it but he would shut me down. I tried to reason with him. I could fix this. I wanted to. I didnt want to lose my first real boyfriend.

My friends really became my support. They told me that he was using me and I needed to let him go before he hurt me worse. It was Saturday. I decided that on Monday at school I would break up with him. I never got a chance.

Sunday I got a text. It was from Phil. It said that he didnt want to be together anymore. That he tried too long to make it work and it just wasnt going anywhere. Our hobbies were so different. We were in two different worlds. He thought I could be worth his time, but I just wasnt. Thats literally the words he said to me.

I called my friend and bawled. That was the lowest I had ever felt.

The next day at school it was like phil and I never happened. He sat on the other side of the bus. He spent lunch with his friends at a different table. All I did for a week was lay my head down and cry. At lunch. In class. At home.

I was an emotional wreck. He really broke my heart. I had always had problems with my self esteem and he truly confirmed to me that I wasnt shit. I wasnt worth anyones time. That everyone deserved better.

This led to somewhat of an epiphany. I decided I wasnt good enough for anyone. I would stop feeling altogether. I wouldnt let myself get hurt again. I couldnt open up my heart only to have it smashed. I tried so hard to make something work, and then I ended up getting burned in the end.

And he continued with his life. Got a girlfriend right after that. And bragged about their sex life on myspace. I was absolutely devastated. And it showed in my life. My mom became worried about me. I stopped caring about school. I just wanted to come home and cry.

My sadness wasnt necessarily about just losing phil. It was because I came to feel like I could never truly be loved. When youre 17 and someone tells you that you are not worth it, it really fucks with your head. I descended down a downward spiral.

I wrote depressing poetry. I stopped putting on makeup and cute clothes. My mom made an appointment with my doctor. She asked if I cried a lot. I said yes. She asked if I felt hopeless. I said yes. I went home with a brand new prescription to zoloft. Something I had probably always needed. But the event itself triggered that depression and manifested it into a monster.

But, its true what they say when they say that time heals. It doesnt erase the hurt or the memories but it heals. I moved on with my life too. I focused on school again. Hung out with friends. All of it led to a better life. I believe that I couldn't have reached that if it werent for phil.

Phil made me feel low. He tried to convince me to do things I didn't want to do. And then he made me feel like a lesser person because I didn't want to do it. And for a long time I tolerated it. But I'm not that girl anymore. If someone doesnt like me, that is their fault, not mine. I will no longer try to mold myself into what others want me to be. Phil made me stronger, even though he broke my heart into a million little pieces. But I put them back together and i healed. And I thank phil for helping me build that broken path that led me to a brighter future.

[avenger-hawk]

it's tough being part of the 1%.. i try not to be petty and not to let naruto interfere with my real life but somehow when i find out someone i'm friends with or just someone i know supports $$ (im picking this up anon, u're a genius!!), hates sasuke or has some other naruto opinion that i just can't stand i end up distancing myself from that person little by little.1/?

i just can’t feel comfortable being friends with someone who has the same mindset as the people causing sasuke’s suffering, it’s something like that? but that narrows down my ‘people i can get on with’ list far too much :/ i guess this is the part where u choose to either assimilate into the dumbass majority or lose all ur friends :D 2

i’m sticking with sasuke of course, and i’m thankful to you for being part of the 1% with me. we’re not friends or anything but it feels nice having someone share your opinion, i guess? good to know there’s someone out there with eyes and a brain :D anyway long ask but my point is - i like you and your blog a lot! i hope u have a nice halloween!

Thanks for your nice words and happy halloween to you too~

(anti-ending, antiSS under the cut)

Being the minority is hard isn’t it? And as time goes by more fans like the new stuff and end up being assimilated whether they realize it or not.

I’m sorry that your friends are into $$ (genius indeed~) and that you feel isolated because of it. Losing friends is sad, but also talking to people who don’t understand you is frustrating. And it’s not “just” because of their mindset towards Sasuke isn’t it? I think you also mean that their mindset towards a fictional character reveals something about them that you don’t feel comfortable with? Because rationally, real people count more than fiction, but actually, Sasuke is important on so many different levels to me, and this manga has been my escape route, so I kinda know how you feel.

I’m so used to avoid anything canon that whenever I go to a comic-con and see $$ stuff or cosplayers I freak out internally because these people exist, and I know they do, the ending was made for them but still, seeing them in person feels weird, I can’t even imagine how annoying it is to discover that your friend supports it and is against Sasuke because sure you can talk about anything else but if you’re really invested in something like Naruto, like Sasuke, you automatically think about him and want to talk about him especially to a fellow fan, but if you just can’t to someone whose opinion is so different, or you’ll end up discussing with a friend. Distancing yourself is not that weird, I mean if you can’t talk about what you like freely, it’s just natural. 

At least for me, so I think I understand you. I can only talk about Sasuke & Naruto stuff online because my friends aren’t into Naruto, but even online, a few people aside, I kinda distance myself from most because of their opinions on Sasuke, Itachi, the ending/$$, and not just that, I also consider the way they ship what they ship, if we like similar dynamics or not, if they’re too much into healthy stuff for my taste, if they apply real life ethics to fiction, if they claim they don’t ship anything and look down on those who do and so on. It’s not that I hate them or anything. it’s not even personal, it’s just that I’m not interested in these, so I ge easily bored, or plain uncomfortable, and so the other person. Also because whenever I happened to talk to someone who revealed themselves as pro/$$ fan, their next step was ALWAYS to talk about that stuff. to me, who hates it more than anything. Maybe it wasn’t on purpose, maybe it was just the effect of really loving it, but I felt like they were trying to “convert” me and I don’t do well with people imposing their opinions on me. 

Same for non ending related opinions. As much as I can try and discuss, after a while each has their own position and there’s nothing more to say. When the ending came out I happened to discuss with fans with different opinions and I always felt drained, because being polite and not going “wtf are you saying, I’m done with this bullshit, bye” is draining to me. 

Discussing with different points of view may be very stimulating and eye opening, but let’s be serious, we’re not talking about philosophy, religion, cultures from which we can learn despite the differences. I’m glad you think such positive things about me btw. We’re both part of the 1% indeed, but alone is better than in bad company, like they say in my country so…

also let me add that I don’t have many friends but they’re all very different from me, so it’s not that I am unable to deal with different opinions. I just think that there are different kinds of different opinions, so to speak.

I just hope you’ll be able to find some other argument to talk to with your friends. I wouldn’t choose Bleach because the ending caused wars in that fandom too~

[plounce]

Your love for ur gf is so good and pure. It honestly gives me so much hope that maybe someone is going to think about me like that some day.

thank you!!!!!!!!! i’m super glad because it’s very good!!!!! bright spot of my life. she’s great. the most important thing is that, the person just... makes everything better. doesn’t have to be totally better. but better, just for their presence. and you want to make things as good as possible for them. yknow?? lots of thoughts. but yes, it’s always possible, laura and i took me by absolute surprise

i actually met her!! september of 2015 at a lgbtq student event... it was on my 18th birthday and first day of college!! i got a really fast crush on her (i have a certain type and she fits the bill) and we exchanged urls and snapchats and made a bit of a fool of myself, i couldn’t stop mentioning it was my birthday and i was always staring at her... she told me a while back that she actually thought i would go well with one of her best friends hahaha.

anyway i got invited by her group to go watch a movie or something? but i didn’t go because i didn’t know the bus system yet and i didnt wanna be stranded. and also i got it into my head that she was aro and was kind of sad because i liked her a lot and want to pursue romance... but anyway i went home and then NEVER TALKED TO HER FOR NEARLY A YEAR.

i went through my Hell Winter of 2016, and every so often i would see her post about being lonely or thirsty? and i would think about hitting her up but i wasn’t really in a place to, tbh. and i still thought she was aro.

but then spring came, i got some good friends, and i took summer school... she told me that she thought about asking me to hang out since i was in town but never did!! because she thought it would be weird. ALSO she thought about getting me a ticket for the patd concert she saw like last week but thought it was too forward since we didnt know each other super well!! ALSOOOO this is funny, i almost unfollowed her because she had a crush on delphie from the cursed child play sgjhfdjg

it was over the summer she got a crush on me! i like to joke that it was my tsubasa blogging that charmed her, but she says that i was (am) just generally cute hahaha. my crush on her was very backburner at that point - very much “the one that got away but not even that much”

fall quarter came, and she started interacting w my posts, including my tsubasa liveblog? and it was just. super nice to have someone who didn’t know much about my PASSION be so into it and stuff. and we sorta flirted, as you can see here... i told her i had thought she was cute, and that just made her heart flutter >:3c

and i noticed some really down posts of hers, and i asked her “hey do you wanna get coffee sometime?” and of course she said yes, considering her crush. and on october 11th we met up at a campus starbucks!! and talked for like THREE HOURS STRAIGHT... it felt so natural and i was just :DDDD!! i don’t talk easily with a lot of people but we just really clicked. the only pauses were thinking up more topics.

and then we went on like, another coffee date? and i just liked her so much that i asked if she wanted to go to my friendgroup’s halloween party, and she said yeah! and it was THERE, on october 21st, that we were like “lets be girlfriends!!” because it was going so well and just felt right. and we were so!!! right!!!!!!!!

and man. she’s an angel... she makes me want to be a better person, but not because im a bad person? but because i want to be better. i wanna be better at asking for and accepting help, being active in giving help, do my schoolwork, be kinder, be more accepting of myself and unashamed of my passions... there’s a whole laundry list.

for some reason in mid february i always have a Big Crisis and when i freaked the fuck out on february 9th, i made a post the next day kind of letting people know my situation, and then, she showed up at my door, and picked me up and carried me down the hallway and i was laughing and just. i remember, five minutes after she arrived, i was leaning against her, and everything felt... better. ten minutes before that, i felt like i couldn’t - didn’t deserve to - talk to anyone again, and then... i felt calm and right and good. fine. just having her near me is good. im very lucky to have her. just being around her, no matter what we’re doing, makes me better in every way.

it’s special, but not... uncommon? if that makes sense. you’ll get it. i spent half a year really firmly believing i was gonna die alone and it would take weeks for anyone to find my body, and less than a year later, i have laura, and beloved friends, and just... i dunno. i promise you’ll find someone you click with and that makes you happy in a very certain way.

this got really long im sorry!! its past midnight and im gay hahaha. laura if i got anything wrong please correct me heheheh

[bookworm-2692]

25 31 52 61

ooo this was from three days ago im sorry anyway here we go:

25: Which social science interests you more; psychology (how the mind effects a person), sociology (how society affects a people) or anthropology (learning about culture)? Why?

hmmmmm im really not sure??? theyre all so interesting??? i cant pick. i dont know much about any of them but if you told me something interesting about any of them i’d probably listen w rapt attention i just… idk. sorry

31: What’s your favourite song to sing a long to?

recently i guess om du rör mig dör jag by martin stenmarck? my phone has v limited space and pretty much just has non english songs at the moment (but i need to change it soon im getting bored of it) but thats the song that gets me singing the most? bc it just builds up. but many songs. i love singing along to songs but im just so bad at singing like trust me you do not want to hear me singing (tho you may not get a choice). i actually really enjoy singing along to asapscience’s period table song and the horrible histories kings and queens song??? idk

52: What’s something you thought would be really scary/bad, but was actually fine when it happened/you did it?

ooo good question. i actually think i told you something like this an hour ago or so so therefore ill think of a different one. last year around eurovision time my friend was having a party and the invitation made it sound v formal? like there was a dress code (black and white) and you could invite a plus one? like that just sounded way too fancy for me like first of all i actually had to PLAN what i was wearing and couldnt just look in my closet on the day??? and second of all you were expected to invite a plus one like what??? i remember it was on a friday night (so me and two other friends werent going to netball training for it so there would have been like three people from my team there whoops) and i was cycling home after school w two friends one of who was going (and also skipping netball training w me funnily enough) and another who wasnt. the friend who wasnt going was like “oh are you two going to the party” and we were like “yah” and she was like “i hear these other people who are going are planning to bring alcohol and stuff” and i was like “but its alcohol free??? everyone is either 16 or 17????” and she was like “yeah but theyre gonna sneak it in or arrive drunk?” and my mind was like !!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! and i started dreading going even more like for context this friend had moved schools so half the people there would be from my school and the other half from her new school so i was really starting to worry bc it seemed too fancy and many people i dont know and now the possibility of ppl from my school i barely know coming drunk??? like no thanks too much for me. i remember putting on the eurovision semi final 2 (bc since i live in australia it came out live at 5am that morning) and i started watching and it started to make me feel better but i was still super worried? i remember polands song came on and it was calming me down heaps i loved it (i was so glad it made the final and ranked so high in the televote bc it made me feel so much better) anyway then i went to the party and at first i was terrified but after a few hours i started relaxing and realising it wasnt so bad so i was able to enjoy myself a bit more? still not my style of party but i survived. so maybe not “fine” bc i was still a bit uncomfy but definitely better than i expected.

HOWEVER the year before that some netball friends invited me to a halloween party so i went and the only people i knew were like four friends i was terrified the entire night that one didnt get better i think partly bc i only had four friends and two had other school friends? so only two friends by me the entire night? but the one last year did improve bc i had such a large number of friends so i was able to get more comfortable. note to self for future: bring a large number of friends to things youre worried about.

another thing im worried about coming up that i hope is better than expected is year 12 formal this year. im worried bc im not sure what formal involves? so idk how to prepare myself. also you have to wear fancy clothes? and look good? and girls are expected to wear dresses?? and make up?? idk. also people expect people to have a date to formal or something??? i just feel the coming months will be super awkward and i hope worrying was all for nothing and that its super fun and super chill w friends

anyway wow that was a long answer

61: What question(s) do you love being asked?

oh i dont know. things where i can just talk for ages? like last time when you asked my opinion on aliens and i just kept on going. also when the year 9s had to send out questionaires and one of the questions was like “what is nuclear fusion” and i could just ramble about it bc i had learnt it in ½ physics that year so i knew about it in a fair amount of detail (turns out the year 9 was actually talking about fission, not fusion, so i explained the difference to them). i guess i more just love those conversations where you can talk for ages bc you dont run out of things to say? so not necessarily any particular topic??? idk

anyway tysm for these i love answering questions in general and talking about me haha also these questions let me introspect and learn things about myself? its cool

[unsocialspecies]

Jeffrey and his dear ol ma and pa find a sleepy little hotel in some small town on theyr way to see cousin randall up north young jeff has been against the trip from the start he says it interferes with his partying and he doesn’t really relate to people who sleep. As his parents drift off and he is left to his thoughts his mind begins to race. He finds the down time unbearable and hes nearly chewed a hole threw his tounge. Suddenly he bolts upright in bed He turns to where his parents are sleeping and yells “yo dad psssst pops where the party at?   what the hell you sleepin for are you a lazy fuckin bum or something??” His father a costumed to jeffs shenanigans calmly retorts back “Son shut your fucking mouth its 1 a.m” Damn … well I tried. Jeff says to himself as he lays back down. Thoughts of hoodrat shit le cigarettes honkey tonks and hangin with blue collar gentlemen and rollin bolo back home streak across his mind he remembers the good times digging through trash staring at radio tower lights all night with ol boy Jr all the lurpage that’s going on back at the trap without him and all the fun hes missing out on. Fuck it he swings out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom “ight pops get to sleep you lazy fuck ill be in the bathroom probably jerkin my gerkin till sunrise Oh  ill try to act surprised when you bust in at 3am to take a piss but no promises after the 4th time it loses its excitement and after the last one remember when I was trying to hit a bolo and slap my sausage at the same time well it just want the same . After that I kinda just put it off as one of those thing that happen Anyway if you ever decide to stop being lame and show some interest in the finer things in this life well you know where to find me I got the firest dope in the whole trailer park this shit will fuuuuuck your whole life it aint dope if it doesn’t make you regret all your life choices take a hit of this and you will come out of your zone 5 years later  you will notice your in an  r.v and theres pictures hanging up of you and a dog eating wedding cake together you are wearing a huge white  dress but whats this .. No it couldn’t be the dog is in a tux and you realize that dog in the picture that dog eating cake with you …That’s now your husband and that’s when it hits you … you realize how good that fucking dope was and your like duuuude im so glad my son let me party with him that night so dad in conclusion come on don’t you wanna have some good friendly fun with crystal meth . Jeffs father has become a bit triggered after hearing another weird fucking story that  probably came about from some fucked  hallucination jeff accidentally filed under reality  Jeffs dad says “Son im not and I never ever will join in on your weird fucked up activities iv seen enough I don’t want to dabble in anymore of your tweakery than I have to”              Well dad that’s on you and if those are the kind of selfish choices you want to make in life then I cant tell you what to do just remember im not mad im just disappointed now give me the wifi password so I can go set up  headquarters and get some videos buffered up its gonna be long night nuts don’t bust themselves it’s a lot of hard work and blood and sweat and tears. Jeff grabs the wifi password and locks himself in the bathroom. AHHHHH bliss I should get paid for this he chuckles to himself before getting down to business first things first he pulls out his pookie and blows the fattest cloud on record. Then its time. He is focused like hes on a mission from god. After he stretches and gets in the zone The suddle slapping of a monkey is the only noise heard throughout the night. Hours pass by but to jeff time is only made up it does not exist in his reality A thump against the door startles him out of focus and breaks the steady pattern of fapping goddamit jeff whispers . the door crashes open as his dad comes in rubs his eyes and realizes whats going on  “oh for god sake  son  your gonna rub your godamn dick off at this rate if you spent as much time collecting pennies off the ground  as you do peddlin on your pecker iv swear Iv become numb to all this shit I ll probably walk in next time and you will be bent over the sink reaching an arm back fingerboppin your asshole what do you wan… Dad …dad jeff interrupts his fathers breakdown to ask an important question  “WHAT???!!! JEFF what is it” uhhhhh I wanted to ask you if it was normal for a shaft to go numb…. Not me though my penis is healthy . Im asking for a friend. jeffs father has a distant stare on his face as he shakes his head slowly back in forth and scratches at his hair “OK YOU WIN JEFF never have I heard of anyone BOMBING THE FUGGIN universe as much as you have in one day every time I think it cant get anymore disappointing you proceed to bypass your previous shame by miles. You are the definition of a terminal illness growing like a godamn tumor. Don’t get up from your throne I wouldn’t wanna come between you and the only true passion iv ever seen you have for anything. Ill just piss outside oh and to let you in on a little something something your mom explained last night her growing dislike towards you its not about the drugs or trannies you brought to grandmas last month its “THAT stupid fucking look on your face  your always making she cant stand it   and if it continues to intrude on her life she will have to take a hammer and bash it until it caves in on itself the bright side is we can go to the Halloween store and pick you out a mask. Think of it like that show where they tear apart those shitty houses and make them look amazing…. But hey maybe it wont come to that just practice in the mirror son try really hard to not look retarded I know just be strong if anything just think about that Halloween mask you will get to wear. Jeff sighs…. Oh my good godamn I see how it is I figured something was fishy but didn’t look into it due to a mix up in differentiating between pychosis and  my incredible intuition. see I pick up on small things that the normal person would never even think about but due to paranoia and sleep deprivation sometimes I just confuse red flags as my own made up dellusion. Ya know whaa….But there was no point explaining the situation to his dad for the old man must of  lost focus and walked off right at the beginning…. Well some people just don’t function  on this high of a brain frequency  almost makes ya feel sorry for em. They cant help being fools. Oh well I got other shit to take care of important stuff . He quickly makes a calculation in his head and decides if he cannot climax by sun up he will go to the doctor but  150 google searches 300 different adult websites and an undetermined number of computer viruses Young jeff finaly got the sweet satisfaction he had set out to find he let out a sigh of relief although it was short lived  because as soon as his heels touched back down on the bathroom floor his legs both cramped and jeff let out a horrific scream as he crumbled to the ground. after dragging the lower half of his body across the bathroom and crawling over into the bathtub he dove deep into his mind body and spirit….. Bingo “ I should just sit next time im whoopin the worm that way my legs don’t get weak and I don’t lose feeling in my lower extremities  next time I bust a nut” suddenly he felt a lot better about things see most people wouldn’t take the time to figure out why life dealt such a hard blow but not jeff he took in every factor anlysed the situation and he aint gonna make the same mistake more than maybe 3 times .  So there he sat waiting for his leg muscles to return to the correct places. Hmmmmm “you like that you like it when people get injured while jerking off as you watch the whole thing and laugh about later with your no good hippie step son”!!!he began pondering the existence of god   he flipped his pecker like some toy from a souvenir shop it helped him think smarter he wondered if even though he had no faith in the holy spirit and was not a believer why it felt so good to talk shit to god  maybe im having a spiritual awakening or just need somebody to blame. Ah maybe I should pray perhaps prayer is just another  method of begging .The man upstairs sounds like the haggling type of son a bitch maybe hes into horse trades. Then jeff did something he aint never done before he bowed his head stopped playing with his damn pecker put his hands together and prayed “Lord I don’t know if your listening but im in some trouble nothing too bad but… just please if you hear this gimme some feeling in my legs back I learned my lesson I heard somewhere theres no choking the chicken in heaven I know it cant be true though because what would heaven be if you couldn’t beat your meat every now and again. Anyway maybe that whole leg cramp thing was a god given sign of some sort but it was totally unnecessary now Iv not been on too good terms with you because back a couple months or so when I lost that portable dvd player under a truck wheel in the driveway and getting crushed. I blamed joe joe bean for the longest time but considering the holy spirit in charge of shit around here is you I figure you’re the sorry son a bitch that put joe joe up to something like that.