#anyway is this what it feels like to have a normal non-retail job??

[crowleyaj]

I got paid? so much money this week? what is going on???

I'm hardly complaining though, I finally have some extra money to donate again <3

[dearansur]

i don't have a therapist and i'm not gonna get one in the foreseeable future so instead i'll just talk to myself on my blog like a weirdo but anyways, stream of consciousness joyce style ahead

my fear of drawing (like. outright fear that grips me and makes me unable to do anything!) is probably (99% sure) connected with my own self and how close the identity of an 'artist' is tied to my identity as a person. i'm not scared of making Bad art because i'm well aware that i'm mid at best, i don't have much going for me and i'm already grateful for the people who are nice enough to be kind to me about it. but what scares me every time is that i see Nothing. that whatever i make is empty and boring and it says Nothing, and it brings nothing, means nothing. it's the same stale ugly thing that is okay but is never good and will never be good enough for me to be comfortable in my skin and proud of it enough to say 'yeah, i draw'. and with each year passing it becomes even more embarrassing to identify myself with anything artistic because clearly, i'm not. in those 10+ years of drawing i have reached nothing and god i have known people who have started the same time as me or later and who are thriving while i continued to stagnate after reaching my peak back in 2020. that was the last time i made anything that at least felt good.

surprisingly, i even miss the early days when i kept feeling like shit because i was dependent on my friends praising me but still could just make stuff that was fun and cringe back in 2013-2014. i was unhappy a lot of times but at least i let myself fail and be free and just do little stuff without the care in the world.

and then i had to rely on art to survive because i dropped out of university (being suicidal and depression is kinda tough when your family hates your guts for it and doesn't want to accommodate or help). i would later find an irl non-art job that would last me some months and then go back to live on commissions, and that was enough to live just above poverty line but at least i wasn't chained ot an office life or in retail. and now working this Normal Job for 7+ months i resigned from art once again completely, because well! i have no time! i'm not an artist anymore, it's over!

i still don't know how i got work in that project and still feel like they asked me to work with them because i didn't ask much in terms of pay and frankly, i do feel embarrassed of how badly i did that job, even if i tried really hard. but when i look at what i make, i feel like charging any money for it is absolutely obscene and i'm a fraud.

considering it's the only job i have ever done professionally art wise and never worked on any other projects, i'm more than sure that it was a lucky coincidence that shouldn't have happened to me but did nonetheless.

i keep making stupid ugly mistakes that a professional or at least a person with 10+ years of experience shouldn't be making and it infuriates me so much because it only fuels my belief that it's not for me, that i'm forcing it, that i should simply let it go and stop embarrassing myself at my big age by pretending to play an artist online. i have nothing to offer and it's pathetic to watch, especially 'competing' with teens who are simply having fun while i'm tearing my hair over not being good enough and not making anything worthwhile or that i can show to someone without regret or shame

it's simply. so fucking scary to look at what you built of yourself for years and what you relied on to prove that you have a place in this world and that you're not a waste of space who doesn't deserve to live, only to see that you have built absolutely nothing, and all that effort to prove you have worth means nothing too. i can't do anything well, even the things that i do best.

it all circles back to the people who are my complete opposite and who chewed me and spit me out with disgust and who are living their best lives while i'm struggling to not lose my mind, and it only makes me feel like they were in the right and they should have treated me worse and be even meaner and rub their superiority in my face harder so i would never dare to imagine we could be close or that i could be seen as a person to them. truth to be told, i should have just offed myself instead of whining so much but i have known i'm a coward for years so i will just pity myself and wallow in my missed opportunities and my inherent vices.

i used to want to be seen and understood and praised and validated for what i am and how i feel, but in the last years i simply don't care to be seen, i want to be gone and closed off and for no one to touch me or talk to me because i have Nothing to talk about, nothing to share, and i want no one to see or be close to me because it doesn't matter anymore. i don't believe it's possible for me to connect to anyone in a real way and i'm content with superficial surface level contacts with people (until i'm hit with a nasty realization that i'm no one's closest friend and no one considers me their first option and it should be fine because i put zero effort in being anyone's friend and yet it stings).

god i truly lost the thread of what i was rambling about. but what i can clearly see is that i'm losing whatever scraps i called 'self' and that with each passing day i become less a 'person' and more of a ghost i always thought i was and that i can't handle even people i like so i escaped from all online spaces that aren't tumblr (bc i don't talk to anyone here) and telegram (which i use to communicate at work and with my 3 irl friends). i'm ignoring people's messages and feel like shit and all i can say in my defense is that i'm scared and it sounds so stupid and pathetic. i fear getting older and still being nothing and meaning nothing and regretting not offing myself when i was depressed enough because now i have cats i take care of and i can't just leave them. for fuck's sake.

[22degreehalo]

Actually speaking of which

So, the library I'm volunteering at opened up applications for a casual library officer!!!!!

This is the same place I've been helping out for like?? Two years??? More????? at this point???? But last year when I applied they didn't even give me an interview. Like I was literally doing almost the exact same thing I would be doing if I worked there, and I hadn't had any complaints, but they wouldn't even consider me.

I was REALLY bummed and considered giving up this path altogether, but thankfully I did get hired by another library, where I'm working right now!!! And I found out afterwards that another guy who was also volunteering alongside me ALSO applied for that other job where we were volunteering and ALSO didn't get considered (and now ALSO got a job at this new library, thankfully).

I talked to the librarian I'd been assisting and she was really mad on our behalf?? Said she'd heard something about how they were looking for people with retail experience specifically, which is... strange. Like, are they TRYING to run it like a business instead...?

I've still kept volunteering with them, though (albeit I quit part of what I was doing because the schedule turned out to conflict with my new job too much; it was very sad tbh), because they need people, and it's an important role that apparently doesn't get many volunteers, and it's only two hours every other week, and it's still my local council so. It's the most convenient to get to and all. I still hoped they might reconsider hiring me.

And, as I began this all, now they've opened up applications again. So I applied.

But. I don't want to *stop* working where I am; it's genuinely a really great place and I've even become a bit attached to the other people there!! (not something that happens easily hahaha)

Apparently it's normal to have multiple casual library jobs at the same time. So that's been my goal for a while.

But... could I really do that? I'm already not the most organised just with my one job... I know it's normal, but I am neurodivergent... I need to remember that that is a true thing about myself that I can state as a fact...

I don't know. Obviously I could just keep working at this current place until I can get a permanent position somewhere... Though I still don't really feel qualified to do any of it... ugh.

Is it really okay if things just stay as they are...? I've said before that this is an okay minimum, or something like that. I don't *desperately need* to change anything. But is it okay not to even especially try...?

I could go back to TAFE... but part of me thinks that I should go back to uni instead and study cataloguing, because that'd definitely help me get a position, and I'd love to have a part in shaping the non-fiction sections specifically... (god, just walking through the non-fiction shelves is soooo refreshing to the soul <33) But that'd be really expensive, and I already have two degrees I'm basically not doing anything with...

Ugh. Again it feels like giving up on the goal of moving out. But there are already a lot of question marks around that.

Welp. They might not want to hire me anyway. If that happens, I might just finally give up on the volunteering... or at least consider volunteering somewhere else. My library hires people to do the thing I'm volunteering for there (in fact, *I* am one of the people paid to do the thing I'm doing as volunteer at my local library!!); they should consider that, too, if they can't find anyone after me.

idk sorry this is such a long post. I'm not sure how to feel about it all right now...

[who-is-page]

you shut down a transphobe at work? 👀 care to share ?? of course you dont have to, especially if it was a shitty experience but i love hearing people shut assholes down

I work in retail; my pronouns are listed on my nametag, underneath my name but above my job title, and I verbally correct people when they misgender me. I always assume ignorance over malice--retail has taught me that people legitimately cannot read and comprehend half of what's in front of them--and I'm good at my job so I'm always polite and cheery when I do it.

I was covering a loader's job with another associate, and we had an older woman show up. It's policy to sign receipts before we load customer vehicles, but when I approached her she comically started going "nuh-uh-uh! I don't believe in a women working this job!" and trying to give the receipt to the coworker standing five feet behind me, while still not getting out of her car. And I cheerily explained that that wouldn't be a problem, because I wasn't a women anyways! But the customer insisted, and aggressively gestured at my tits going, "Then what are these? Huh? You're female." And I got to go off into a spiel about how I was actually unsure of my chromosomal makeup because of an instance of colorblindness that traditionally doesn't affect people with XX chromosomes, and how I didn't personally see myself as female in that capacity because of it, but that I would still happily help her.

And she tries to huff and puff, saying that she "doesn't see color" (uh??? what??) and "doesn't believe in that stuff" and that she doesn't believe in "women doing mens' work" again.

I shrug at her, and tell her that regardless of her personal feelings, I'm still more than ready to help load her vehicle if she'd like.

My coworker's eyebrows are up SO HIGH at this point at this woman, and he's actually snatched her receipt out of her hand and signed off on it for me. He shoves it back into her car door window and she rolls the window back up, driving away from us and parking in front of the pallets of mulch that she's buying.

My coworker, chad that he is, stands behind and lets me take charge on it. Asking the woman to please open her trunk, picking up the bags two at a time to put them in the back of her car just so that I can flex, and chatting to her (non-responsive, pinched face) about what a lovely day it was. Despite her initial reactions, there's no other option she's left with other than A) Let me help her load the mulch and deal with the fact that I'm perfectly capable, or B) Go inside, find a manager, and complain until someone who is AMAB loads her. She folds and picks A, probably because from the combination of my cheerful attitude and my coworker's lack of intervention on her behalf, she knows that she'll sound absolutely out there if she tries to make demands. She blinked first. She stiffly thanked me and drove off after I finished, when I wished her a good day.

This is what I mean when I say that bigots are inherently cowardly when they get caught up in a 1v1, especially if you're acting (comparatively) like a normal fucking person. Their stakes in it are significantly lower a majority of the time, so they always lose the game of chicken they put themselves in. They might complain, might make side comments, but if you meet them head on they always flinch first. And being a trans person who often corrects pronouns and honorifics, someone who is ergo used to consistent confrontation that most other people would and do avoid, I don't know the meaning of the word "flinch" anymore.

Also, I'm fucking jacked from lifting bags of wet mulch and soil all the time, so they know I'm going to make them sincerely regret it if they throw a punch.

[voidgremlin]

What letters are.

DW Exchange 2020 gift to @not-jodie-yet

This is tricky.

This exercise is difficult and I would like to inform Dr Jones, if she ever read those (she promised she wouldn’t) that it is difficult and not nice to ask me to work overtime.

As part of my therapy I was asked to write my thoughts down and this is hell.

I’m telling you. Giving me homework to do was not part of the plan. I didn’t dropped out to have stuff to do now. Even tho I did not dropped out on purpose.

It is supposed to help with my weird history, putting words on feelings and emotions, on moments of my life. I did tell her that some instant of my life are nearly metaphysical but she chuckled. I don’t think she believed me but according to her, some dude with a pair of glasses, my time with you was- Let’s say deeply eventful.

                                                                                                                                             I will get to it.

So I tried to do it at first, write it down but… Writing to no one is a little difficult. There’s no one you could imagine listen to you, answer, help you through those ideas. If I do not address those letters to someone, maybe the one who will read it will judge me harshly. And… I don’t want that. I want to be able to say the things I wanted to say. So…

So I thought of you.

                                              Actually I always think of you. It is a little hard to explain. But I will.

So letters ! This is the first one so sorry if it is a little… Non-sense.

Hello Doctor,

This is Rose Tyler, I hope you remember me. I was the annoying girl who helped you with the nestene consciousness. Ring a bell ?

Jokes aside I do hope you are still remembering me. In some way. We- did not talked things through like we should have. And I guess it makes our story an open ended book ? Forever.

That is not a good thought all thing considered. Let’s change of subject.

Letters are… Uhm… No, no, no… Let’s try again. Letters of the alphabet will compose words that we will speak and that makes sentences and… Sentences makes and moves worlds. Shaping it to something more, something better, something clever.

I think that’s what your words did to me Doctor.

I will get to it.

Doctor. Isn’t it weird that a title became a name so familiar on my tongue ? I have now hard time to go to a medical professional without feeling weirded out, I cannot call them Doctor.

Doctor, The Doctor this is your name. No one else.

See even here I can’t say it, write it at least. Weird no ? Well maybe not so weird. It’s like Rose, it was the name of a flower before being my own. But now, for myself and the people in my life, my world. Rose is not a flower, it is me. When they see a Rose, they might think of me and like that I have changed the world. Isn’t it crazy ?

You would say that: of course, I am one of the most important being in the world. Unique. Brillant even but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. I still struggle with daily issues, normal issues, earthly ones like with groceries, parking tickets and the occasional toaster that refuse to function well. All of this despite working to save the universe. This universe at least.

By the way, this job, while not as fun as travelling with you of course, is one of the weirdest job I got and I worked in retail !

I think I explained to you how retail worked but I am not sure I explained it well or if you listened. It is alright if you didn’t. This was a boring explanation like… Well… Retail.

Anyway, do you know how many times I got send a document from whatever alien nation that is willing to communicate with Earth and got asked to translate it ? (Because for some reason the translation matrix from your TARDIS is still active ? I think it reshaped my brain.) Well I got documents so many times ! Sometimes it’s nothing diplomatic, it can be just advertisement: like this one time when I got one for something called Jud-Un ! It must be to shine horns or something. Didn’t understood on how it would work (and our Earthly Rhinos doesn’t need those. Do they ?)

Anyway, my point is someone should teach humans of the twenty-first century new alien languages, my job is only to kick ass and do weird action hero poses, not translate stuff ! But find me a teacher from the future that would accept going in the past and teach primitive humans how guttural a Judoon sounds. Future people are so snobby, they would never accept. When I proposed the idea some people in the agency told me that I could be the one doing it but honestly I don’t think I should be the one doing this kind of stuff. I am not made to be a teacher. The poor students ! Imagine their faces if me, a blonde drop out, would teach them how to speak Silurian. Terrible.

Or terribly funny. Now that I think about it, it does sounds pretty funny. I should do it at least one day. I will tell you about it in my next letter. I promise.

.

.

.

I want to say to you is that.

You made an impact on my life. Changed everything I was. For the better or the worst according to some people. I don’t agree to that statement. You didn’t meant to make anything worse. But… Sometimes intention doesn’t count.

I don’t really know.

Remember that date we had ? Wasn’t really a date, you told me it was an exploration of the unknown and the fantastic. But it was a fancy restaurant owned by this pirate man ? I think. I am pretty sure he explained his whole backstory to us but my memory of it, is kind of blurry. Or I just didn’t paid attention. I was watching someone else…

I do think it is a date though, I don’t know for timelord’s standard but for Rose’s standard it is. I remember how excited you were, dragging me to this underground place, the entrance looked like a cave and we went down and down following this guide pirate blabbering about how this was shaped by his great-great-great-32 times more great grandfather to reach a groundwater table and the poor dude dug a little too deep and ended up just below the water. Here he made the decision to make something else of his tunnel.

And it was at this moment, that he showed us the place. A cave with tables and red carpet, under a dome glass that showed the inside of the groundwater.

Do you remember it ? Neon Jellyfishes that with its bright lights illuminated the whole place. It was… Beautiful. Gosh how beautiful it was. The soft lights illuminating your face and smile and the soft hum of the rock below us. We were at the center of the Earth. Eating dinner and observing creature of the big deep. Of course it went sideways, with a murder mystery but…

You showed this to me and I still dream about this sometimes. Holding your hand under those creature of the sea. Those images are part of me now.

I hope you showed this to only me. Because otherwise I will rescind our friendship card.

Friendship uh? That is one way to call it.

I had friends who became lovers and lovers who became friends. And I have you.

And you are something else entirely.

You are… Impossible to describe. So vast, so wonderful. So clever and funny. I mean you are literally magic ! You travel to everywhere and nowhere. You give people hope, solutions to problems bigger than just you. And definitely bigger than just me.

And I was part of it. I still am, in some way. Part of it. Not the same level, not the same grandiose and definitely not the same taste to victory.

It was special with you. It was personal, it was beautiful and we won. We won so many times. We made them smile, we made them hope of better tomorrows and sometimes we kicked butts.

We knew secrets to the universe, while people kept running around blindly. We know so much more. And we helped. Somehow.

I miss this, this superiority, this knowledge of the future or of technology that made our adventures a lot less like stumbling on something new but like opening a gift and enjoy what was inside.

It is not quite like that now, similar but… I don’t know much. I know enough to get me out of tricky situations, not enough to help everyone else.

Do not worry, I will learn.

I do not love you for only those adventures but also on how you see me, you watch me try to make an union in outer space and I know you have this goofy smile and this pride. You gave me opportunities to prove myself, to be kinder when I didn’t thought possible before. To be more clever, showing more than one way to be intelligent. And I … I thank you for that. I always had it in me but I didn’t saw it before you saw it for me.

I think that’s who you are. In all your default and weirdness and pain. You always dig for something of worth in other. Putting it on the forefront, making it part of our identity, fully.

Making us more.

Making me, Rose Tyler again but with more pride in my voice. Those gifts are… priceless to me. And I can see the future with more faith in myself, not being let down by any bumps on the way. I know I can do it. I know. I will do it.

I just wish to do it with you by my side. Seeing you smile is addictive and seeing you proud and happy is such a beautiful goal.

Your smile sometimes light up more than one face.

You trusted me with so many things, so many secrets. And I trusted- trust you with so many of mine. I don’t think I can do that with anyone else. You were my person. You are my person. And I still hold the wish to see you again. Just for that one smile.

I am sorry, it ended that way. I was maybe too daring or maybe it is just fate. In the end I am not stuck in a bad place… Just a place without the Doctor. With less magic.

It ended abruptly, our call, last call. And I wanted you to say it. Make it real with your magic words that shapes universes. You couldn’t.

I guess that is what I want ? A way to close our story ? Make all the hardship and difficulties and joy and happiness means something ? Because to me. They meant the world. They were my world. But It won’t make any sense without you reciprocate at least a part of those feelings.

Can you say it ?

Can you tell me what you wanted to say ?

Can you give me …

Nevermind.

In hope that this letter find you well and loved.

You have, my dearest Doctor, all my love and all my wishes for better tomorrows in your future.

                                                                                                                                                            Rose Tyler.

Dear Ms Tyler.

Rose ? How does ? Hell hold on. I am struggling with the voice to text option. It is hard to find words. I will just… Two seconds, I will get rid of this and type it down like a human. Seriously guys you should develop telepathy one d-

Done.

Dear Rose,

I have no idea how you managed to send this letter or if you meant to send it to me, through parallel universes. I do not know how and it worries me, please confirm in some way that all is well on your side of the multiverse.

I am pleased to hear that you are well and seeking a medical professional, it is good. And do not worry about the non-sense of the letter. I really make sense myself, in real life. So we are even.

You are right, I do think of you when I see a rose as well as any orange tabby cat. I think of you. You shaped my universe in so many little ways. Who knows how much ripple effect it will have in the future. Maybe I will be a blonde just like you. (Again but with more hair styles).

We will see.

Rose Tyler inter-spacial translator ! My dear you have so many talents ! I won’t be surprised if one day they tell me you are the president of the universe. It is so amazing that you are able to do such things ! And please tell me how the class of Ms Tyler went ! I want to know about it !

I remember it, the neons jellyfish, the cave. It was beautiful and you were beautiful. And it was not a date just… Okay well maybe it was a date. But … This location is only between us. I haven’t shared this with anyone. It was a good moment, a beautiful moment. And I want to keep it between us.

Rose, you are many good things. You are kindness, Fun and love. You are impossibly brave, wonderfully gentle and clever. My Rose, you are everything to me. You helped me through so much hurdles.

But my life is long and tortuous, many people to love, many people who loved me. Loss, Found and everything in between. Words doesn’t always encompass, the feelings or the memory it should carry. That’s I don’t say the things that should be said and drown everything else with words.

You know me. Enough at least to not need things to be said. But what happened did not just put us apart, it also, as you as said, ended our story and you are right. Now is the time where things need to be said. Truthfully, openly. With honesty.

My dear Rose, I want to say, that in all our moments together, there is not one I cherish less than the other. That you are part of me and you will always shape my world in some ways, no matter how far away in time we are apart. I will carry you with me forever.

Rose Tyler, words on the paper will not share all the weight of my care for you and the wish to see you again and well. I will keep this hope until I am not of this world.

In hope that this letter reaches you, in some way and that no cataclysmic event is about to happen.

Rose Tyler, I love you.

                                                                              Your Doctor.

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Im curious, does anyone in the Group(tm) have a sibling? either canon or not. im just curious.

For a few second Phone Guy looked at the Anon, then proceeded to cry his eyes out. Mike made a small, annoyed noise. “No. I don’t. But I always kinda wanted one.” A bit awkward he scratched his neck. “You know… I always imagined it would have been cool to have an older or younger sister. Just someone who helps me keep my brain cells, you know? Or at least someone I can lose brain cells with.” A bit melancholic he shook his head. “… it would have been nice if there would have been someone at home that I would have given a shit about. A reason for me to not fucking act out like a cunt. But in the end I was on my own and I couldn’t give less of a shit what happened to me.” He itched the back of his head. “And now I got scars and hallucinations for it. Yay me.” (Canon or not? What an awfully specific way to put it. Like you KNOW something.Candy’s isn’t particularly canon to my AU, it’s already messy enough, but fun fact, if they were canon, Mary would probably be his long lost sibling. Because that just makes sense to me! And it’s cute.The fact that Mike WANTS a sibling though is just a private easter egg to an old OC that was kinda similar to Mike, so there’s that.Wait, is it an Easter Egg if only the creator knows of it…?Hm.)Jeremy smiled widely, very excited. “Yes, I do! Her name is Elisha! But she HATES being called that, so I just call her Ellie. She is so jealous that I got a "normal” Christian name…“ Happily he snickered. "I think her name is great though. She’s four years older than me! And she has her stuff together! I only rarely hear from her since I… kinda… rarely talk to my dad anymore…?” Awkwardly he coughed. “But last time we talked, I heard she’s moving in with her boyfriend, much to my dad’s dismay. He doesn’t like him for some reason. Maybe he’s just worried because she’s now really growing up or something. Anyways, I love her lots! She helped me make costumes every Halloween! She’s SUPER talented with arts and crafts, but boy, she didn’t get any of mom’s baking talents. That’s all mine!” The boy was grinning his ass off. “Ellie moved out pretty early after her 20th birthday… I missed having her there. She knew how to handle it when there were fights, nothing seemed to affect her and she always called us out on our bullheck.” A bit more somber he recounted. “… even if I feel she sometimes was a bit unfair… to me…” At that part he was a little ashamed. He probably shouldn’t say that, he didn’t know for sure after all. But he was trying to be honest here!“I hope I’ll see her again soon. She often tries to get around family gatherings, so it’s always a gamble if she’s there or not.” Ethan shook his head. “No siblings. But I had a lot of cousins! Some of them lived really close, so we somewhat grew up like siblings? Except we didn’t share a home. Which was probably for the best, they were all really rowdy. They lived in the same city, we met up every week!” It never was his type of game to get messed up, but they were nice to be around every other day and generally a crazy supportive part of his life. “We all got separated by time though. Moved away, gotten better opportunities… I’m sure they’re doing great right now.” His cousins were all clever and talented. There was no other way. Dave shrugged. “I dunno! I don’t think so? Unless ya be countin’ the daisies and dandelions as somethin’ like that. That’s all that came out of my dad, as far as I know.” It was HARD to remember. When he asked his mom where his dad was, it always was a variation of down below. So perhaps his dad made him dandelion siblings! Perhaps the eggplants were related to him. He wasn’t sure. Then again, one time his mom said ‘on the other side’, so perhaps his dad just lived across the street and never came to visit them. Maybe the earth was better over there, who knows. He never cared much. “They might be actually! Never told the cops a thing about my deeds! So they’re fuckin’ trustworthy fellas! Just like me!” Old Sport shrugged. “Nope. No siblings. My family… was a bit too busy for another child. Barely had time for me, hah… sometimes I like to joke that the only reason I was conceived was due to some sort of catastrophe that forced people to stay indoors for a few days!” And nobody would laugh.Because nobody was there at the dining table.As he poured his milk into his cereal the third time that day, because nothing else really was there that he could make for himself. Sure, there were babysitters occasionally, but you couldn’t really tell them clever jokes. They came and went. “… let’s not talk about stuff like that okay!” Suddenly Old Sport started laughing loudly. “You know what I want to do? I want to see if I can- if- if I can create a high-chair by combining as many chairs as possible and then putting wheels and rockets at the lowest chair! LET’S DO IT! GONNA BECOME A WRECKING BALL BABY! WHOOO-HOOOOO!” Everyone turned to stop him as soon as they realized what he was doing. “OLD SPORT, NO!” they would cry. “OLD SPORT YES!” He would retort and create a spectacle for the whole world to marvel at!ALL EYES ON HIM!All eyes on him. Just once. 

(Oh, also, I realize this is only an ask for the group, but Henry actually DOES have a non-canon sibling too!It’s Max Mustard Man the Magnificent Mannerly Murderer, he’s a riff on the orange/yellow character from ffps and basically created when me and Dayshift-at-Jules bantered around.I love him, he’s the greatest character and Henry tormented him into sociopathy as a child, even damaging his eye. Now he’s working retail. ... which actually means maybe Henry DIDN’T make him a murderer and it’s the job. It would be totally understandable.)

[keldae]

Update for Kel’s Quarantine Saga (under the cut):

1. First off, the best possible news, is that my manager has officially said “Don’t worry about applying for EI, we’re still paying you like normal.” I’d like to take back all my bitching about working retail, because right now, I LOVE MY JOB.*

*it probably helps that we��re a non-essential store that sells steel-toe boots and PPE and not, y’know, food or hand sanitizer or TP. But still, I’m SO relieved on that front. I do wonder if the store’s even open, considering I’m out until AHS says otherwise, one of the other FT’ers just got back from Cuba and BETTER have her ass in quarantine, and the other FT’er has two little kids and no school/daycare.

2. My city has declared a State of Emergency, so right now, virtually everything is closed: libraries, parks, rec centres, theatres, etc. All K-12 schools and daycares (and I think all the universities) have been shut down indefinitely. All events are on-hold until further notice. Most of the grocery stores and malls have reduced their hours, and some stores in the mall where Roomie #1 works are closed entirely. Needless to say, my 501st and Rebel Legion groups have suspended all trooping. I’m not surprised by this -- I’m not thrilled, but I get why they’re doing it, and really hoping it works to keep the curve flat.

3. Canada is closing the borders to non-residents, and being hella picky on the Canadians that it does allow onto planes to come back home with symptoms. Again, not surprised by this... but anxious since my Mum, who is a flight attendant, was exposed to the plague on a flight last week, and now has symptoms... and is stuck in the UK in quarantine in the crew hotel. They’re not doing tests anymore over there since it’s too great a pandemic, so they’re just going off symptoms. I’m REALLY hoping she gets cleared to get out on a rescue flight soon, instead of potentially being stranded for a month. (Oh, and her airline has also announced they’re cutting ALL international flights. She’s worried about if she’ll still have a job at the end of the month. Here’s hoping her company seniority works in her favour.)

3.5 Symptoms notwithstanding, my mum is doing okay, all things considered. She’s so over the cough and fever, and she’s going mental from cabin fever, but she has friends sending her meals and treats, and the hotel manager is checking in on her every couple of hours. I’m still worried, but a little less worried since she’s in good hands on that side of the pond. <3

4. My roommates are apparently skittish as hell, while I’m in quarantine and waiting to A- be tested (AHS is swamped) and B- get the results of said test (They’re restricting tests here too, but I qualify since I was exposed to an international traveller with a respiratory illness). Roomie #1 has relocated herself and her pet bunny to her parents’ place until I get results in, and I’m not sure what Roomie #2 is doing.

5. Today’s particular ordeals have involved getting the run-around by Costco’s pharmacy and trying to figure out when I’ll be able to actually place an order for one of my prescriptions to be refilled (and then getting my dad to pick it up for me, which hasn’t been a problem yet).

6. Still waiting for AHS to let me know about when and where I can go for swab testing. They’ve got new drive-through testing stations set up, I just need the go-ahead to drive to one. They said they’d call in 24-48 hours from isolation beginning, and I think I’m on Hour #46? But considering they’re up to their ears in this, I’m being patient.

I’m doing okay still, if fretting about Mum and the possibility of me being a plague carrier. My symptoms are still mild, just a nagging chest cough and some tightness in my chest (not enough to be anxiety-inducing, just enough to be annoying, like I can’t inhale right, yaknow?) I have a grocery order being delivered on Thursday, and have enough in my house to hold me through until then. I’m stocked up on most of the essentials (... except wine, alas. But I’m fine on TP and soap. ;) ), and have both the Internet and a pile of books to keep me entertained. (Part of me wants to be doing costume work, but with Calgary Expo likely being postponed, not really feeling the urge to work -- not to mention my work area is in a somewhat-shared area of the house and I don’t want to make Roomie #2 anxious. Maybe I’ll actually finish slip-stitching Theron’s pants like I’ve been meaning to for MONTHS...)

... and part of me is kinda enjoying the “mandated, socially-sanctioned recluse behaviour that I demonstrate literally any other time anyway”, not gonna lie. ;) 

[anewdiscipleofdiscipline]

The Endless Abyss

Going to be a whiny post so... Fair warning.

Well. No one's ever going to read this whole fucking thing anyway, so I suppose it doesn't really matter...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So last night, since it's a long weekend, I stayed up late, as I do every weekend, because late at night is the only time I get to myself. However, this time, my dad kept calling for me every 30 to 90 minutes. The whole fucking night. From the time we put him to bed at 11 something, until I went to bed at 6 am-ish.

The whole fucking night.

Then today, I help my mom get him out of the house and into the car so they can go for a drive, because my dad has spent the last several months (until the last couple) being trapped in the house. Finally, some time to myself. I was glad for it... Until my mom and dad got home, we got him put of the car and back into the chairlift... And the fucking thing BROKE. BROKE.

He was ON IT when it broke. My mom and I "caught" him (for lack of a better term) and "threw him" (also for lack of a better term) into his wheelchair.

He's a 350 lb man. That's a LOT of stairs. He can't walk, and we can't carry him. I hurt my back preventing him from getting hurt.

Now we have no way of getting him in and out of the house.

Luckily, we were able to get 911 to send paramedics and they helped us get him into the house...

Except 10 minutes after that, he started having severe chest pains and starts bellowing that he's having a heart attack so we had to call 911 right back, and they took him to the hospital.

He's fine now, wasn't a heart attack.

Then my sister comes home. Last night, she spent the night at a dude's house she's been seeing. Then she came home, showered, and went to a DIFFERENT dude's house right after.

I don't have a problem with that, what I have a problem with is...

Why THE FUCK can't I find even one, JUST ONE, fucking person to do... Fucking anything with.

It doesn't have to be a relationship, let's face it, I don't fucking want one right now, nor would I be able to handle one with everything that's happening, but I can't keep fucking anyone's interest. Not a single person's.

Her telling me that was such a fucking punch in the gut. I'm sacrificing my body, my time, my mental health, my LIFE, and my patience to help my dad... And she's able to date 2 people at once. She's having fun and enjoying life while I'm trapped and miserable. She's home less than my brother was when he still lived her while flipping his own house in a different town.

I'm so angry and upset by this. Like, I get that she has chronic pain, and can't help us because of it and the physical weakness that goes with it... So she's paying for this life on her own way... BUT AT LEAST SHE HAS GOOD THINGS TO HOLD ON TO.

I have fucking nothing. Fucking. Nothing.

I'm living the same life now that I was in middle school... High school... University... The second university... Through 3 shitty jobs...

My dad's going to die soon.

My friends don't talk to me, or if they do, they don't spend time with me at all, and believe me, I've fucking asked.

I failed to do well in school. I tried. I tried SO FUCKING HARD. But there was always something in the way. Depression. PTSD. Anxiety. Seizures. Back injury that laid me up for a month. Nearly losing friends who suffered from their own mental health issues (between the not eating and not sleeping for the several months this went on, I'm kind of surprised I didn't die).

There was always something. I tried changing study habits. I tried learning everything I could about learning so I could learn and study more effectively. I got meds for my ADHD. I worked through many nights, using so many energy drinks, and that may have ended up causing my seizures.

But then either a health or mental or some other issue would happen and it would all shatter. I'd fall terribly behind and never be able to catch up. And trust me, some months I didn't do anything fun or enjoyable or for myself. Work. Study. Attend class. Study more. Sleep a little. Eat a little.

Fail a lot.

I did eventually get a degree... But I got into post secondary at 19, and finished officially at 29. For a BA. Not even in the program I changed schools for, but in the program that's a "step down" from it.

So I don't have academics to boost my self esteem with.

How bout work? Nope. Retail for several years (5+), factory work, courier job that literally nearly killed me. Back to factory work to escape courier job...

No idea what to do that'll make me happy. No thoughts of finding anything that will make me happy anymore.

Friendships/relationships? My friends from high school are still one big group... They still hang out and do shit together. They still talk. You know who they don't talk to or even really include at all? Fucking me. And I've even talked to them about it. I even told them about my mental health issues and how hard it is for me to reach out to people, how hard it is for me to be social because of it, and practically begged them to include me anyways.

No dice.

I've had and lost so many good friends, too. Some used me up, and tossed me aside. Some used me into I tossed THEM aside. Some just ghosted me, despite my efforts to stay in touch. Some I had major falling outs with. I do have some long term friendships... And yet... Even these people don't spend time with me. Don't even ask. All of my friendships right now... ALL of them... Are conducted entirely online.

As for relationships... I don't fucking know. I don't feel monogamous relationships are for me... BUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE POLY ARE A SMALL POPULATION. And then the people who like me and are poly are a basically non-existent population...

But I can't be the way I'd rather be. Now that I know, I can't go back.

My sister doesn't identify as polyamorous... Yet in practice, she's participating in it more than I ever have.

I've never really dated. I've been on 1 real date in my entire life, and that went nowhere.

I've only had sex with 3 people in my entire life. And with 2 of them, it was once each. 3 times with the other.

They all cast me aside after. Or things ended terribly.

Now that I want to try and date, try to have sex, and utilize the knowledge I learned on the topic, to try and enjoy my life, I feel like I'm not allowed. Because nobody wants me. Because I'm working a shit job and don't have my own place. Because I have to be home to help care for my dying father. Because my siblings have fucked off in their own ways.

Because I was sexually assaulted as a child and suffer for it.

Because I'm not normal.

Because I'm perceived by society as a loser.

Because I'm too hairy.

Because I'm broken.

Because I'm not good enough.

Because I'm not successful enough.

I know life isn't fair... But this feels excessive. This is too much. It's all not so terrible that anyone would feel like it's tragic if I tell them and explain it all, but it's bad enough that I feel like I've been massacred inside.

My dad's going to die, probably within the next year. I work a shitty job with no prospects or ideas or energy or motivation for a better one. My mental and physical health is garbage, despite all the time in therapy, exercise, learning so I can rehab, meds or specialists I've seen. I'm not good at anything. I'm not well liked. Girls don't want or like me, especially not for the things I'm looking for. I'm stuck at home caring for my dad. My siblings are both out enjoying their lives as much as they can while I'm stuck in the abyss.

I don't enjoy anything anymore.

You know what the worst part is? I have no one else to blame but myself. I’m the common denominator. For all of it. I mean, I can’t explain how bad my luck is for all of the things out of my control, but even that feels like it must be my fault.

I give up.

I've got nothing left.

It's too much disappointment. And not enough reward for all the pain.

That's all, folks. That's the whole show.

[wherethestoryhasimagination]

As a Pallet cleanser...

I’ve posted a bit to much Meat. And so before I dive on in to Candy, which, from the impressions I’ve gathered, contains terrors greater than those found in meat, I’ll be providing some ‘Candy’ of my own, hopefully in a form reminiscent of thin mint cookies.

I’ll be making as wholesome, happy, and generally carefree a post as I can possibly make.

I’m going to be BluHing out my thoughts and ideas for things I would Hope for, dream of, and expect to possibly see in various percentages of those three of-

Animal Crossing.

As Animal Crossing has progressed through the Years, more and more chances for Player agency to influence the world have come to be. even going so far as to give you an official government job where you help to plan/fund Public infrastructure & The Arts. An update was even added at one point that would let you have more control over what Villagers were in your town; something practically impossible in past games, & in the pre-update New-Leaf.

I expect this trend to continue, though how it continues may vary; my Hopes for the hypothetically possible, & Dreams for the incredibly unlikely as follows.

Furniture Creation; it can be tricky getting that last piece of a set that just never seems to be in stock. but if you had a way to get furniture pieces that are not in your catalog, such randomness would be relieved… There’s even already ways to change some pre-existing pieces of furniture by bringing it and a set of gems to an npc in retail… severely limited in that form, but… a definite precursor to being able to get the furniture you want by using resources you have. and while it is a spin off I know little about, I believe Pocket Camp actually Does have a more tangible form of ‘crafting’. it even has an official Quarry to dig in.

extensions on the new ‘burst collection’ mechanic introduced in Pocket Camp; Pocket camp introduced items such as fishing nets and honey for gathering fish and bugs faster than one could with a rod or bug net. in a new game without micro transactions, a number of things could be done to balance the effectiveness, cost, and availability of items that help make it easier to get things; like rotted turnips & candy attracting ants, but elaborated upon.

improved mail system; just a little thing here. maybe a Villager you had been best friends with, but who had to move away, could send you a postcard inviting you to visit, should you ever wish to do so, with a Picture of their new town on it.

Food options; even if they are as useless as eating has always been, more options would be nice. like actually getting to partake in the displays that appear on some holidays, or being able to actually eat some pudding, like what some Villagers claim to have accidentally eaten 23 servings of from time to time… And hey, if some villagers have favorite foods, getting it for them could be a nice thing to do. maybe going to Brewsters could serve a purpose other than buying coffee till you’re given access to Gyroid storage, or working a small, part-time job.

semi-open world feel; even if it’s just an illusion, it would be groundbreaking for The Flanking Cliffs to finally give way to nature. even if the Cliffs are just sometimes replaced by massive clusters of impassible, unchopable trees that serve the same purpose. a tiny bit of variety in world wall could help. but full, low restriction openness is the dream… maybe have rivers a little bit wider than most, that you could eventually make crossable with foot-Bridges…(trains and such have their own bridges already of course, so you can still take the train to new places) … you know what? yea… Building Bridges… uniting the World… I like that. from now on, my hypothetical Animal Crossing game will be called ‘Animal Crossing Bridge Builders’.

Wood?/new tree mechanics?; the Ax is one of the least used tools. and once you’ve got the trees you want exactly where you want them, it begins to feel like Time slows down… The World only changing when you or villagers make it change, or with the seasons. a bit more of a purpose to trees could be an incentive to experiment, or to pay more attention to The World, as you watch new saplings grow far more frequently than you ever did when planting new trees was a one-off aesthetic setup. Plus, if furniture crafting does become a thing, you got to get materials somewhere.

‘More’; exactly as it says on the tin. More fruit types, more tree types, more Villagers… a simple expectation, but one worth note.

extend on the mining thing from pocket camp?; I’m mostly thinking of this for the sake of a single gag… The mining place underground is randomly generated once a week or so… And poor Mr. Resetti… Another job change has resulted in them being tasked with helping facilitate the process that… Resets, the underground so that you’ll always have fresh access to the resources you need.

(huh… food, crafting, fishing, foraging, mining… this is starting to become more and more like Stardew Valley, only without an official farmland)

Balloon Presents; you ever wonder where those balloons come from? maybe you could give something back. Perhaps you could release things up into the air, where someone, somewhere will eventually get it. 

‘Island Search’; an excuse for the ability to Design, shape and all, your very own island. after all, the Ocean is so big, that of course you’ll end up finding an island that matches what you want. The ultimate in Player agency over control over their environment; such as also being able to send invitations, or approve applications for Villagers so that they can come and live on your island. and, depending on how ‘north or south’ your island is, the seasons may pass normally, seem to always be summer, or so on.

non-real-time option; this is likely a dream that would be divisive. Real-time has always been a staple of the series. a mechanic that always has been. Well, like what was done with Breath of The Wild, even the most fundamental core aspects of the series should be open to revision and review, to see if it really is the best possible option. What if sleeping in your Bed could actually pass time? what if you didn’t have to be caught in a cycle of only being able play for however long it takes you to find the ore & money rocks, the new buried objects, and such, before the majority of everything new in the world that day has been expended, leaving the chance for you to stale the remaining time you play by running through pre-treaded ground, or for you to simply skip time anyway and change the date to, for example, see if what you want in the store or such shows up. (the ability for the gameplay loop to avoid turning stale could also be avoided with any other number of changes that could be implemented) this is just a possibility worth keeping in mind. also, next, as a possible middle ground that could help branch the two different time options…

Live events; like how Splatoon has Splatfests, and Smash has select Spirit events, there could be special happenings that follow a Real-realtime structure. like, ‘all furniture you’ll find by shaking trees will match your favorite Color this week!’ or, ‘manta-ray migration! the Villagers are going to be celebrating this event as they would a holiday sometime this week’(perhaps on the first available in-game day you play that week, so that it isn’t restricted to only a 24 hour window that some people would be more likely to miss)

more Amiibo Villagers; this might fall under ‘more’, but wouldn’t it be amazing if a majority of the amiibo released had villagers associated with them? I for one, would love to have an Octopus Guardian Villager Friend.

better character creation; the game has partially approached this, with things like beak accessories, but, what if you could be an animal like the other Villagers? And, perhaps, if you opt-in to this, The game could eventually Generate an Npc version of your Animal based on various actions and interactions the game slowly gathers as you play. An Npc that could then be found by other Players in their Worlds. so that there is always a new face to meet… there is a lot of variables here, and naturally, it would need to be monitored to prevent those with unkind intent from tainting the world, but if the game could Generate new Villagers, rather than being limited to a set of pre-made Villagers that would seem to be a drop in the bucket by comparison… and for you to know that the character you’ve met, who is kind and friendly to some degree, was created based off of a Person in the real World who is not all that different from you? To have a Worldwide Community of People able to see that no matter who you are, or where you come from, that you can be kind? That we can learn to love eachother, both despite and because of our differences? …

I’m not going to say it could lead to World Peace, but I won’t say that it won’t lead to World Peace.

Sable; ‘oh Hello! How are you doing today? My sisters can help you if you wanted to buy something, but if you wanted to make something yourself, I could help you figure it out’

Years of countless Players sharing their Love and support for Sable has grown into a warm feeling she will always have with her in her Heart… She will Never doubt herself or her value as a person ever again… And if you still choose to talk to her every day, She will still want to be your Friend.

Permanence vs drifting; It is nice to work hard, and make something of the town you live in… Developing bonds with your Villagers… Till you know every bump, crack, and turn in it… till it becomes Home… But, more and more traveler elements have been introduced… Campers, and mobile homes. even the towns of other players accessed through your dreams. Perhaps you could explore the world, like the Villagers who visit your town are, ready to see who you might meet, and what you might see… and who knows… maybe one day, you’ll stop. You’ll look around. You’ll feel the cool air against your skin. You’ll see the sun start to set beyond the mountaintop. You’ll sit by the campfire, and see smiles on faces… and just maybe… After how long it has taken you to reach this moment… You might decide…

That you are, right now, exactly where you want to be…

That you’ve finally made it Home.

[killapunk]

the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references 

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her. 

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’. 

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning. 

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well. 

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

[ttstranscripts]

Transcript of The Talk Show Episode 1

Title: All iPhone, All the Time

Hosts: John Gruber, Dan Benjamin

Release date: 28 June 2007

Description: In this, our inaugural episode, we discuss the impending release of the iPhone, speculate about costs and service plans, waiting in line for a phone, and more.

John Gruber: That’s what you’re going to say.

Dan Benjamin: That’s what I’ll say when I start recording.

Gruber: Right.

Benjamin: Which I did.

Gruber: Right. All right. And who are you?

Benjamin: I’m Dan Benjamin.

Gruber: I’m John Gruber.

Benjamin: How are you doing?

Gruber: Doing all right.

Benjamin: Why don’t we start talking about the iPhone?

Gruber: The what?

Benjamin: The iPhone, that’s the big thing.

Gruber: Oh, right, right, right, it’s like the iPod phone.

Benjamin: It’s a phone that can play songs. I think it’s an MP3 player.

Gruber: Right. So...

Benjamin: Big question, I mean, are you getting one?

Gruber: Right, am I going to get one. I think we’ve got to get at least — I think the question is how many will we get. Do I need one for each pocket?

Benjamin: [laughs] So you’re getting one, I’m getting one. Are we sort of people that are — are we unusual, are we really going to be seeing the kinds of lines and people waiting like people saw for the PS3 and things like that?

Gruber: Well, I don’t know, maybe I’m just not connected, I don’t even know how many people were waiting for PS3. I think it’s a very different crowd. I mean, certainly nothing I’ve ever been interested in — I can’t remember the last time that I was interested in something where I was worried would I be able to get it.

Benjamin: You’re actually thinking there’s a fair chance you’re not going to be able to even buy one of these things?

Gruber: Well, nobody really knows — how many are they going to have available on day one? I’ve heard the number three million bandied about. But that’s certainly isn’t definitive. That’s not a statement from AT&T or Apple. Nobody really knows. I don’t even know where I saw it.

Benjamin: Who said that, who actually said that to begin with? I thought Steve Jobs said three million.

Gruber: No, I don’t think so. The only number that Apple has said is that the vague idea that they think they’re going to sell 10 million total by the end of 2008, 18 months from now. So obviously, if they had three million of the first generation model available on day one, that would be huge. I think partially I’m biased — you’re probably in the same boat — where years of following Apple — whenever they come out with something that’s really, really anticipated, it’s hard to get immediately. It’s never widely available or seldom widely available on day one.

Benjamin: When I called up Cingular, the 888 number, the Cingular people told me even just in their stores they didn’t see any problem. Nobody who wanted a phone would have a problem getting one. When I called a local Cingular shop — AT&T I should be calling them, right — when I talked to the local people, they’re behind the curve on what they know. They don’t seem to have any information that’s up-to-date. I actually was telling them, I said, “Oh, so I hear that the basic iPhone plan is going to be $20 a month.” And they were, “Oh, where did you see that?” And I gave them the URL, they were like, “Well, I wrote it down, and when I go home, I’ll read about it.”

Gruber: “I’ll ask my manager.”

Benjamin: “I’ll ask my manager if we can get online tonight, if we’re allowed to read something on Apple.”

Gruber: You told me yesterday that they told you that as far as they knew yesterday, this was late yesterday, that they still thought that you’d have to activate your phone at the point of purchase. Go through a 10- or 15-minute activation process per sale.

Benjamin: Right, so it’s kind of a puzzle. My main question — and something I’ve heard other people who are under an AT&T/Cingular contract as I am — one of the concerns, I think, was what happens to the existing contract, do we need to pay some kind of a fee or a fine in order to get the iPhone, and the answer is no, definitively no. The thinking is, the only reason that you would ever need to pay anything would be if you were canceling your contract, which you’re not, you’re extending it when you get the iPhone. And the only other time where you’d be forced to pay some kind of amount above and beyond something normal, is if you’re under contract and you want to upgrade to a brand new phone, you’re not eligible to do that until your contract is up, then you don’t get the discount price on the phone. What you get is the full retail price, so you want to buy one of those Razors or something, and it’s like $39 if you’re not under contract. If you are, then it’s $500. So in case of the iPhone, we have to pay full price anyway, so the answer is a simple one. You’re buying the phone for full price anyway, and there is no fee, just the activation.

Gruber: Right, and just to be clear, what we’re saying, we’re not reporting that this is news that you’re going to have to go through that sort of hassle if you buy at the AT&T store. We’re just saying that the retail employees are so in the dark that that’s what they think. I mean, I don’t even think that’s possible. I think that the way this is — from everything I’ve read so far, it seems like you have to — the fact that none of it works without iTunes — if it’s tied to your iTunes account, how would it even possibly be activated in the store unless they’re going to —

Benjamin: It makes absolutely no sense. Unless they have a Mac sitting up there or a PC for you to go up to, sign in with your iTunes account, which of course everybody has memorized, and you’re going to log in and activate it right there, and of course that’s not a security risk for you.

Gruber: [laughs] Right, like a public iTunes machine.

Benjamin: It’s just some guy’s — the manager brought his PC from home for you to use. I mean, it’s ridiculous. So they just don’t know yet, and I’ve heard that they’re receiving their training on the iPhone today.

Gruber: Well, and I think the big problem is that from an Apple Store retail employee’s perspective, it’s certainly going to be a big day, probably the busiest single evening in the store’s history, but it’s going to be a very Apple-style process, it’s not going to be that different than December 23rd iPod shoppers, where they’re going to have those little portable credit card swipers, and they’re going to move people as fast as they can. It’s not just going to be one guy at a checkout. Whereas from an AT&T retail store employee’s perspective, this is like nothing they’ve ever seen before. There’s never been this sort of — 150–200 people trying to buy the exact same thing in three hours on Friday night.

Benjamin: And I think something else that we had talked about a little bit before is there’s a big difference not only in what I think those people are used to selling but in the actual process itself. AT&T/Cingular stores are really becoming much more of a retail outlet than usual, they’re very much — and I think you made the comparison that buying a cell phone sometimes is more like buying a car as far as the experience goes. When you go to the Apple Store, if you want a straightforward experience where you just go in and say, “I would like this”, they’ll go and get it for you and you’ll buy it.

Gruber: My comparison was that the average cell phone store employee comes across more like a car salesman, it’s more like a personality type.

Benjamin: It’s all about the upsell. “Oh, you need a charger with that, don’t you?” And I think there’s a huge difference in the mindset, and I think when you go to the Apple Store, they’re expecting you to just buy something, and maybe you need help, if not, no problem, if you do, come back. The idea I think is that the individual person would be able to activate their own phone. I think it scares the crap out of the average AT&T salesperson.

Gruber: It just sounds crazy.

Benjamin: You can’t do that.

Gruber: Right. Assuming it’ll work, and presumably it’s pretty well-tested, but obviously, the one thing they certainly — I mean, in theory, maybe you could test it somehow, but live practice is always different — is how is the system going to stand up when 1.5 million people are trying to do it at 8:15 PM EST, simultaneously.

Benjamin: That’s actually good because I can’t answer that question, that’s a perfect segue into something I can answer, or I can talk about. These reviews have come out, the Mossberg review and some of these other ones, where they essentially say the iPhone is phenomenal, the keyboard issue is a non-issue, I think was one of the quotes. And that’s really great, but they seem to —

Gruber: I think Mossberg had the best line about the keyboard, and he really sort of backed up the Jobs’s line that you have to give it a week. And Mossberg said that three days in, he was so frustrated by the keyboard he wanted to throw the iPod [sic] against the wall, and five days in, he had like a breakthrough and felt like he could type just as fast as he does on his Treo.

Benjamin: That says a lot because those Treo people are kind of freaky. Or Blackberry, or whatever they are.

Gruber: And I think I know where you’re heading, but on the keyboard point — my thing with the keyboard is that — I’m a touch typist, I type pretty fast on a regular computer keyboard, so anything other than that to me has always been incredibly frustrating, whether it’s trying to type on somebody’s Treo — anything that I can’t touch type on to me feels like I’m completely and utterly hamstrung. So the way I feel, of course the iPhone on screen keyboard is going to suck. What’s the best portable keyboard ever made? A Blackberry, a Treo, or something like that? To me, they suck too. Do you want it to suck really, really bad or just sort of bad? So I feel like that’s where Apple made a trade-off where the best they were going to possibly do anyway with the hardware keyboard was still going to be something that you had to peck on, they traded that off for, compared to a Treo or Blackberry form factor, a much larger screen, and compared to any kind of slider phone, something that’s much thinner. Although I guess the BlackJack is pretty thin, but that’s not a slider. There’s no slider phone that compares to that sort of thinness, pocketability.

Benjamin: Where I was actually going with this was, the one thing that everybody sort of unanimously is criticizing now is the AT&T EDGE network. People talk about how sort of horrible it is. I have a phone now that is on the EDGE network that I use for checking email and very occasionally browsing the web. If you’re used to things being instantaneous, then it is horribly slow. If the idea of getting something like an email on your phone is still a novelty, then you probably won’t mind it. But I think one thing that’s actually a discussion point is why do you suppose Apple’s decided to partner with AT&T, and then as a second question, why do you think that the iPhone is only ever necessarily going to work on AT&T’s network? I think I know the answer to both, but I’d like to hear what you think.

Gruber: I think the answer to why AT&T was simply — I don’t really think it came down to networking capabilities or who had the best network, I think it was that AT&T/Cingular at the time offered Apple the best deal, that Apple, I think, came in with the minimal amount of “here’s how much control we want”, and maybe they didn’t even get that much, but I think Apple certainly wanted as much control in terms of pricing, in terms of the plans, in terms of the features they’d be allowed to add on the phone without any interference — a couple of people from Cingular have said they didn’t even get to see the iPhone until after they agreed to it. So obviously, Apple had a lot of control in it, and I think, I forget who had it, but a couple of people said, obviously, they did talk to the other networks, they certainly talked to Verizon, and I think it just came down to control, how much control was AT&T willing to — say, “Okay, you can do your thing if we’ll be exclusive for the iPhone.”

Benjamin: I think you’re 100 percent right, I think at the end of the day it came down to the company that was the most willing to say, “Okay, Apple, do whatever you want, essentially, but just promise us that it would be just us.” But I actually think that there is something else behind the reason why the iPhone is slated to only be on AT&T for as long as it is. I think a big part of it is the business reason that you gave, but they have done so much — and I’m saying this coming from a background in the telecommunications industry and telecommunication billing systems — there’s so much that happens behind the scenes from the billing and the processing and all of that. The idea that Apple would go and write software that would handle all of that, essentially replacing all of the point of sales systems, all of the prepackaged software, and all of the companies that are building software that does this, and Apple has actually gone and written something that on the front end is basically iTunes that we’re going to interact with, and on the back end is something that’s going to plug into all of this really, really old, ancient, legacy C-like type systems, in other words, all the software that Cingular and AT&T have — there’s a lot of work involved, I think, behind the scenes, in making that process be as streamlined as it appears to be on those videos. I think that took probably many months to get right, and I think the idea of Apple trying to build the system that’s going to continue to work seamlessly with multiple carriers, that seems almost impossible.

Gruber: Yeah, I think that’s a good point that they needed to get somebody who they were — pick one, work out the best deal, but then commit to it for the long term because they built their own custom iPhone back end on top of the network, for the visual voicemail and a couple of other unique features, or at least especially the visual voicemail, I can’t think of anything else at the top of my head. It wouldn’t just work with another carrier.

Benjamin: So tell me, what are some of the things that we don’t know about the iPhone.

Gruber: The two that come to mind for me are the calendar app and the notes app because while Apple has revealed so much in the last week and a half with these videos that they’ve been unveiling, showing off, you know, detailed how to use your iPhone, how the stuff works, the how-to video doesn’t show the calendar app. And I don’t even think they’ve shown screenshots of the notes app. And the notes app was also definitely one of the apps that back in January, when they let a couple of people at Macworld play with the early pre-production models, wasn’t even an application, it was just a screenshot. You’d tap the icon, and I think David Pogue said there were couple of the apps that at the time were just — just a screenshot would show up on the phone. So what happens with the notes app? Like I said, I don’t really think keyboarding — it’s not like you’re really going to be a good typist on this thing anyway, it’s not like anybody’s going to take — I think — really extensive notes on it, but if you type a note, where does it go? How does it sync? What is it, a text file? Is it an RTF file? It’s a total mystery. And with the calendar stuff, how does the syncing work? If you sync calendars from your Mac on iCal to the iPhone, can you edit and move those dates around? Can you change events and then sync it again and it goes back to your Mac and it keeps track? What happens while after you’ve untethered your —

Benjamin: What’s the point of a view-only calendar on an iPhone? I want to be able to enter an event right there, sync it up.

Gruber: I mean, I don’t know. Doesn’t seem to me like they’ve really said anything about that. And really, to me, the calendar stuff really sort of is this thing that really cries out for networking, somewhere to IMAP for email. You do most of your email on your desktop computer, and while you’re using your iPhone, you’re connecting via IMAP. The whole point of IMAP is that your inbox is going to be up-to-date wherever you go and look at it next. You sort of need the same thing for calendaring. But where would that shared calendar live? Obviously, I don’t think that’s going to be ready for any kind of official — here’s the official answer from Apple — it’s not going to be ready on Friday, but obviously, something like that is a much better way to deal with calendaring on a portable.

Benjamin: Absolutely.

Gruber: And it’s certainly one of those things, I think, people will criticize, people who are used to handhelds that connect to Exchange that already handles that sort of stuff.

Benjamin: Is the fact that it’s not going to do 3G — and I have used phones on AT&T 3G network, and they’re screaming fast, they’re really, really great. You could watch streaming TV on them, they’re really good. They don’t have much of a battery life but —

Gruber: I have to wonder because that’s one question nobody really seems to have a good answer for. It’s not like AT&T doesn’t have 3G networking, they do. I just read today —

Benjamin: It’s fast!

Gruber: — 160 markets that have phones, AT&T sells 3G data phones. So why isn’t the iPhone 3G? My only guess — I have two guesses: a) it’s about battery life, or b) it’s about widespread availability, that Apple wanted to have one device, just like the iPod. We’re going to ship the first time with one thing, or in this case there are two variations that are exactly the same except one has 4 GB and the other one has 8 GB of memory. But that’s obviously the single most insignificant — I mean, in terms of manufacturing, it’s a very insignificant detail.

Benjamin: So if they had built 3G capability into it, at least my understanding, which I could be wrong, but my understanding was that it can live happily on a 3G network, and if you step down to an EDGE network, it will jump on that.

Gruber: Yeah. I don’t know, maybe it’s battery, maybe it was cost. Battery might make sense. I don’t know. I mean, it must be something.

Benjamin: The battery lasted about an hour and a half on the 3G phone.

Gruber: And that to me is also, the battery angle, is the most surprisingly good news of the initial reviews from the newspapers this week. And even Apple’s announcement — what was it, about 10 days ago — when they said that battery life was higher than previously announced. Because I remember when the iPod [sic] was first announced back in January, there were so many of the initial people — there were two reactions: there were the people who said, “Oh my god, this is awesome, I cannot wait to get one.” That’s me, I was certainly there. Me and you were right there saying, “This is incredible, I cannot believe that they built this.”

And then there were the people who were saying, “They’re full of it. This is not going to work like they’re saying it is”, immediately began doubting it. And there were a whole bunch of people who said that it’s going to get about an hour of battery life, it’s going to get 90 minutes of battery life, it’s ridiculous that they built this thing, that with all these features and Wi-Fi it’s going to get so little battery life, and the battery is not replaceable, that it’s never going to get the battery life that Apple claimed — five hours or whatever they said. And so here they get closer to the release, and they say, guess what, by the way, eight hours. And the reviews more or less back it up, some of them said it ended up at seven, for music playback — 22–23 hours, nine hours of internet playback, I think, Walt Mossberg got, using the web and surfing Wi-Fi. And that’s with Wi-Fi on the whole time. The battery life is for real. Obviously, it’s not the sort of thing where you can use it for days at a time, but nothing with Wi-Fi is. In terms of its competitors, other phones that do even vaguely similar things, the battery life — iPhone blows it away. Blows everything else away.

Benjamin: So what are we really saying, are we saying go to the Apple Store, not the AT&T store to buy one, even though —

Gruber: Yeah, that’s a good — where do you go to buy one if you want to get one on day one? I think you and I both agree, go to an Apple Store if you live near one because I would say a) I think the retail staff is going to be better prepared for it, b) I refuse to believe that they’re not going to be at least as well stocked as Cingular stores, if not better. I just cannot believe that Apple Stores would not have more than Cingular stores, or at least as many.

Benjamin: Doesn’t seem possible that they wouldn’t have tremendously bigger volume going through those stores, and be able to move them faster.

Gruber: The big question is, is it worth gambling, if you really don’t want to wait in line for hours on Friday and spend the whole day in line, is it worth risking trying to swing by on Sunday morning or Sunday afternoon and pick one up? Or do you think they’re going to be sold out?

Benjamin: Well, yeah, that’s the question, are they going to sell out, and everything I’ve heard says no. And that’s the thing for me is, I don’t need to have one Friday evening.

Gruber: But I want it over the weekend.

Benjamin: Yeah, if I could pick it up Sunday, that would be great. If I could get it Tuesday, that would be fine. The point for me is, I don’t want to be the guy that thinks, “Ah, there are not going to be any lines”, and then on Tuesday I try to pick one up, or even Sunday try to pick one up, and now I’m the guy that’s not going to get one until August.

Gruber: I’m going to guess it’s not going to be August, but I’m the guy who’s been waiting since the first week of January to get a Wii because I don’t feel like showing up anywhere on Saturday morning at 6 in the morning. So every time I go to Target, or every couple of weeks I look in Best Buy online to see if they have any, and still can’t get one. I don’t think it’s going to be like that, I think that worst case scenario, you may have to wait till July, but who knows. I don’t want to take a chance. I want an iPhone a lot more than I want a Wii.

Benjamin: So you’re going to wait?

Gruber: No, I think I’m going to go Friday. I still haven’t really decided though.

Benjamin: You’re going to wait in line on the curbside?

Gruber: I guess so, I don’t know. I’m hoping they’ll let you stay inside, it’s going to be hot. What are you going to do?

Benjamin: I’m going to wait outside the Apple Store.

Gruber: Yeah, I think that the malls around here, I think they’ll let you wait inside. I mean, I don’t see how they would keep you from waiting inside, really. Today, right now, it’s like 97 degrees with like a 100 percent humidity in Philadelphia. Waiting outside for six hours is —

Benjamin: That’s like a nice fall day in Orlando.

Gruber: [laughs] When was the last time you waited for something?

Benjamin: Ah, that’s a good question. I think I waited for tickets when I was in college.

Gruber: Yeah, I don’t think I’ve waited in line, like a serious line, like got there hours before —

Benjamin: You’re not talking like at the local grocery store to buy milk or something.

Gruber: Right. I don’t think that I actually got in line hours before something went on sale since — I don’t know, must have been some concert back in college. 10–12 years ago.

Benjamin: So that says a lot, says a lot for Apple. I think there’s a lot of people in our situation who are sitting there thinking, yeah, I think I’m going to wait.

Gruber: Yeah, and I still don’t know — how many people do you really think are going to show up per store? I really don’t know what to expect. I’m not going to get there that early, I’m certainly not going to wake up early.

Benjamin: When are you going to get there?

Gruber: I’m thinking, like, 2. My thought is all you have to do is really get there ahead of the sort of people who aren’t taking off from work, the sort of people who are just going to leave work early on Friday. So I feel like if I get there around 2...

Benjamin: Probably safe. You’re thinking you just need to beat the people who are going to cut out early from work?

Gruber: Right. I figure a lot of people are going to start taking off work at 3 o’clock.

Benjamin: You don’t think there’ll be a lot of people saying, “Hey, it’s Friday, let’s do a half day.”

Gruber: Well, I don’t know.

Benjamin: I think if you want to be safe, John, you need to get there at 10.

Gruber: That isn’t going to happen.

Benjamin: I think that’s the only way to be safe.

Gruber: Yeah, that’s not going to — are you going to get there at 10?

Benjamin: Don’t know.

Gruber: See, I just can’t see doing it.

Benjamin: Get some breakfast on the way and —

Gruber: I feel like, get there at 10 and there’s like three guys with beards, neckbeards who — with folding chairs, sat up watching — I just can’t see getting in line with them. And if I get there at 2 and there’s 400 people in line, I would just go home and order it from apple.com.

Benjamin: And in that case you’ll have it in less than a week, probably. I think that’s probably the smart thing to do, we’re giving away all our ideas, but I think showing up there at about 2 o’clock when the store goes dark, seeing what the line is like, if there’s less than a hundred people in line, I say you wait. More than a hundred — get out of there.

Gruber: That’s what I think, look for about a hundred people.

Benjamin: And then do you go to the Cingular store down the road? Is that your fallback? Or is your fallback ordering online?

Gruber: I don’t know. My thought is that I’m so — unless I read something in the next day or two that really makes me think that AT&T is going to be prepared, really prepared for what’s going to happen, I’m just too afraid that you’d get there and even with like 20–30–40 people ahead of you in line in an AT&T store that it’s going to be a nightmare of 10 or 15 minutes per customer in terms of them not being prepared to just zip people in and out.

Benjamin: Personally, I think it’s going to be a nightmare at the AT&T store.

Gruber: Have you ever done Christmas shopping in an Apple retail store? Like, late, like, pick up an iPod around the 20th of December?

Benjamin: They set up special lines, and they get in and out really fast.

Gruber: It’s just fantastic if you’re buying anything that’s one of the big ticket items like any of the regular iPods, just give me the middle of the line iBook. You just hand the guy your credit card, he swipes it on a little handheld portable thing, asks for your email address, the receipt goes to your email address, they put a sticker on the box, and you walk out the door.

Benjamin: Done.

Gruber: Takes less time than it takes to walk into the corner grocery store and buy a bottle of iced tea.

Benjamin: Yeah.

Gruber: So I guess we’re about half hour into this thing, and we haven’t even —

Benjamin: Yeah, we’re wrapping up.

Gruber: We haven’t even said what it is.

Benjamin: We have a show.

Gruber: The Talk Show.

Benjamin: Yeah. The Talk Show dot net. Which you seem to like the dot net thing.

Gruber: Right. I’ve got the daringfireball.net.

Benjamin: So now we have thetalkshow.net.

Gruber: We’ve talked about this before. When I registered, people often asked me why is it daringfireball dot net instead of dot com. I actually own the dot com as well but don’t use it, and it’s just some sort of weird — I got on the internet in 1995 or 1994, and to me dot com means you’re selling stuff. I’ve since gotten past it, but for whatever reason I’ve always had a thing about using dot com as the generic domain name.

Benjamin: Well, and it works out because the dot com wasn’t available right now.

Gruber: Exactly. [laughs]

Benjamin: So this is perfect.

Gruber: I don’t think anything dot com is available anymore.

Benjamin: No. And this is a show that I’ve been telling you I wanted to do for a long time, since the very first podcast we’ve recorded, and it actually took us finally meeting in person in San Francisco a few weeks ago for me to finally convince you that it maybe wasn’t a horrible idea.

Gruber: Right, that’s very true.

Benjamin: And we have a sponsor.

Gruber: We do have a sponsor.

Benjamin: Would you like to tell us about the sponsor, John?

Gruber: No, I don’t even know who it is.

Benjamin: That’s not true.

Gruber: [laughs]

Benjamin: Our first sponsor, and hopefully not our only sponsor, so if you’re interested, thetalkshow.net for information on how to become a sponsor.

Gruber: What you need to do if you want to be a sponsor is call Dan very, very late at night, Eastern Standard Time, call around 11 or 12, maybe even 12:30 in the morning. Just call Dan Benjamin and tell him you want to sponsor this show.

Benjamin: So, PeepCode. This is a company that my friend Geoffrey Grosenbach, very well-known in the podcasting world — he’s done the Ruby on Rails podcast for quite a long time. He set up his company, PeepCode, where he’s basically doing screencasts, and you can learn — it’s basically like instruction that’s on demand, you go there, you pick the topic you’re interested in, a lot of it has to do with Rails, but it’s not specific only to Rails, and you go and you — very inexpensive to actually buy the screencast that you want — you watch it, and you actually learn something.

Gruber: Right, it’s sort of tapping into some sort of psychological thing where it’s just easier to learn things when you’re seeing it than just reading it. It’s literally almost as good as being there and looking over his shoulder while he shows you the app. And it terms of getting the general idea — oh, that’s what you do — it’s just, you get it, it’s just the most effective way to learn it.

Benjamin: It really is. I think one of the things that Geoffrey’s really done with PeepCode is he’s taking things that generally are more difficult to explain in just a blog post, things that aren’t necessarily “first do this, then do that”, but involve a lot more of concept and involve a lot more multiple concepts coming together, and something where you can say, if you see it, you can learn this in five minutes, but if you have to read about it, it’s going to take you two hours, and that’s what he does.

Gruber: I think “concept” is the key word, in terms of getting the concept across, that sort of format is better. It’s the same reason people go to WWDC. You go there, and it’s not like it replaces the Cocoa documentation, but when you go to a 45-minute session on some new technology, and the guy who actually is an expert at it, from Apple, is telling you in 45 minutes, here’s the most important things you need to know about Core Animation, you get the basic gist. You’re like, oh, I see, I understand what it’s about.

Benjamin: peepcode.com.

Gruber: Yeah.

Benjamin: Okay. So what’s next? I guess we try and go get some iPhones, and we’re going to talk about it.

Gruber: All right, I guess next week’s show we’ll record on our iPhones in a conference call.

Benjamin: Excellent.

Gruber: [laughs]

Benjamin: And by the way, we’re going to try and do this every week.

Gruber: Right, no, every week.

Benjamin: And you know, it turned out, John, to be more than — we’re trying to stick to half an hour, I’m going to have to cut 10 minutes — I told you I didn’t want to have to edit this thing. You did really good by not cursing very — at all.

Gruber: I think there were only two times where I wanted to curse.

Benjamin: Is that all?

Gruber: Two where I had to cut myself off.

Benjamin: All right. Well, hey, good talking to you, and good luck, hope you get the iPhone. I’ll be looking for some live twittering and picturing.

Gruber: I’ll call you from the line on Friday.

Benjamin: Not if I call you first.

Gruber: You know, why don’t you get two and just FedEx me one.

Benjamin: Oh yeah, okay. Done. Easy.

Gruber: All right. Thanks, Dan.

Benjamin: Thank you. Talk to you next time.

[picmonster50]

December 19th 2017

How Korrasami Saved Me

It’s interesting, looking back, how generally unaware of the Korrasami ship I was until after I’d seen the last episode. It says a lot about how much of an extreme introvert I was back then. I know I used the internet, but come on, how did I miss that? Anyways, it wasn’t on my active radar at all. The weird thing is that I remember not being surprised about them getting together - just surprised that it was actually happening on a Nickelodeon cartoon I was already in love with. I wish I had been recording my reaction to the finale. It was a lot of “no… they wouldn’t…”, “oh my god”, and lots of unintelligible shrieking. After rewatching the very end about a dozen times, I went to sleep with the biggest grin on my face.

Unfortunately It still took another 2 years for me to climb out of the depression pit I used to call my life and start actively trying to deal with my issues and get better. Part of those internal issues were the deep-seeded denial I’d been holding onto for over a decade - that I was in love with my also female and very straight best friend. Being able to come back to the world of Korra, years after the fact, and seeing all this art and fiction swirling around was what finally pushed me into that personal realization. When I finally admitted it to myself, it was almost like I was re-experiencing my first watch of the finale. All those giddy feelings suddenly made a whole hell of a lot more sense, but this time, I could actually appreciate what it meant to me.

Korrasami saved me by dragging me into a better place with my depression.

Korrasami saved me by opening my eyes to see myself in a new light - a true light.

Korrasami saved me by normalizing and validating my orientation outside the heteronormative lens.

Korrasami saved me by introducing me to a community of people that seemed to know exactly what I was feeling.

Korrasami saved me by giving me the courage to come out to my family and closest friends.

This year - 2017 - may very well be seen in history as the year the US died, but it will also be the best year of personal growth I’ve ever had. I’ve changed up my antidepressants because what I’d been coasting on for years wasn’t enough. I’ve accepted and addressed my feelings for my best friend, and feel really genuinely happy for her engagement to a guy I actually genuinely like. I got off my ass and found a non-retail job. I’ve accepted that I am not straight and while I’m still seeking the right label, I feel freer than I ever have. All of this, I can trace back to Korrasami.

[flyingcookierambles]

hhh

got afab’d at the eye doctor today arrgh

i wouldve corrected him but like. i doubt that ill go there again since it was like a super quick kinda-non emergency thing and i have a regular eye doctor i go to. also my mom was in the room and like. i didnt wanna bring it up with her there and all but like. uugh.

he just like immediately picked female on the gender option even tho there was an other option and everything wtf?????????????

hmmm also i had to go to the doctors for a quick check up/physical thing since im/my mom is going to make me get my drivers license and you have to have a doctors note and all and i went to my moms doctor or the first time since i aged out of my pediatrician. and like? they had me and my mom in the same room which was kinda weird???? like for the whole patient confidentiality thing (which wouldve been useless since like my mom knows more abt my medical history than me) and like also the whole. pandemic thing??? like?? it was me, my mom, and the nurse practitioner crammed into a tiny basic exam room?? maybe bc my mom has been going to this doctors’ office for a long time and also since we’re family, they must’ve figured taht we both dont have covid and couldnt spread it to each otehr like other random patients who are strangers to each other but still. it was. annoying.

the nurse asked me some questions about like my medical history. and all and i couldnt answer some of it bc i dont remember exact dates/times and stuff. but also she asked if i had been diagnosed with depression or anything and like if my mom wasnt in the room, i wanted to say that my mom wont let me see a therapist and/or be diagnosed. 

so like when i turned 18 i had a final check up at my former pediatrician before they kicked me out of the system lol. i am p sure that it was for shots and stuff that i needed for college???

anyways despite being 18, they had my mom in the room with me the whole time. and then they gave me a worksheet that was a basic “do you have depression” test. and the doctor left, but my mom was allowed to stay??? 

and like. since i was starting college and stuff at the time, and also was/am causing my lower middle class family great financial hardship in the form of college tuition and student loans with predatory interest rates and increasing the chances of losing our house bc, with the combo of my dad dying and the recession of the early 2000′s and general declining quality ever since earlier mentioned death, our family business sucks and we barely make any money. also my mom keeps complaining about this to me and it constantly hangs over my head and i feel guilty about being a dumbass who cant get a job and repay the stupid loans (how tf is interest rates on student loans legal??? fuck capitalism????) (uuughghgh i feel like my mom should get herself a therapist or smth instead of constantly complaining to her eldest agab child uuuhghghghgh. id make one of those eldest d*ughter jokes but im not a g*rl so eldest child lol)

anyways yeah so like 4 years ago when i was starting college and also today to a degree i felt like a massive piece of shit and had social anxiety and also probably depression that is only kept at bay by constantly distracting myself with anime and video game. and like. maybe??? i couldve benefited from talking to a therapist or counselor or getting medication????? instead of?? like?? whatever my obsession with anime and video games is???

buuuuuuut since the pediatrician let my mom stay in the room for some reason, my mom, a boomer who knows nothing of mental health and is kinda insensitive about it so its super cringe to talk to her abt stuff, was like “you’re not depressed. youre a middle class kid who’s never like starved or whatever. just answer 1 on everything.” (the scale of depression was like 1 - not feeling depressed much to 5 - i feel like this everyday.)

so yeah????? 

wow sorry doctor i cant answer half your questions about my medical history bc im either adopted and dont know my own genetics or my mom wont let me get tested for mental illness?????????????

once at 2018 or 19 tekko, i wanted to go into the dnd room and like i got so socially anxious i had a crying breakdown in the freaking hallway and had to like. sit down alone and try to look normal by playing my 3ds on the floor. like i hovered outside the door to the dnd room for a whole hour just like staring in and wanting to go in really badly but i couldnt???? i just???? cried????? in public????????? had a breakdown or something at an anime convention??????????????? i like dont even know what the heck happened 2 years ago or if that’s what it would be called but like????????? im pretty sure that mentally healthy people with no social anxiety problems dont stand outside a room for half an hour and then start crying bc you cant bring yourself to go into the room even tho the door is like wide open?????????? thankfully i finally just like went in and joined a the last game session of the day, but it was still like surreal to me?????? i just??? extremely loathed myself for like an hour for crying and not being able to walk thru a doorway it was so weird i felt like absolute garbage and im p sure that normal ppl dont go thru that??????

since i only make like. $11 an hour at a retail job im not really sure if i can even afford a therapist, and then theres also transportation and also the whole pandemic thing. but ive been thinking about like 7cups or something. there was also this other website that showed you therapists that were uniquely qualified for treating poc/queer/neurodivergent/etc., ppl in your area and there was surprisingly a few in the pittsburgh area that i could probs get to by bus, so maybe ill save money and go like. next year or something. or like. whenever the pandemic is over.

[gomezabigaelle1997]

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[dailykhaleej]

Coronavirus: A day in the life of a Dubai kid now treating COVID-19 patients in Canada

Picture Credit score: Provided

Ahmed Zaki, MD is an Inner Drugs specialist based mostly out of London, Ontario, a metropolis in the east coast of Canada. Inner drugs is the research of prevention, prognosis, and therapy of inner ailments, so he offers straight with coronavirus patients. He even needed to get examined for the virus when he began exhibiting signs. He additionally occurs to be my youthful brother.

This Dubai kid has gone via eight years of college and a couple of years of specialisation to get to a level right this moment the place he can save individuals. Now he’s residing and dealing as a senior resident at a tutorial tertiary care hospital in London, Ontario.

DailyKhaleej spoke with Ahmed to get an inside have a look at a day in his life as a physician who treats coronavirus patients.

4.30am: Examine my temperature

Most days, I’m up at 4.30am and at the hospital by 6.30am. The very first thing I do once I get up is take my temperature. All hospital workers normally try this. Then I log onto my pc and browse the charts of new patients that had been admitted to my staff in a single day. I examine what’s improper with them, what’s been finished after which I’ll make a observe of what different questions I’ve, exams I need to do, or assessments I need to order earlier than I depart my home.

I’ll additionally evaluation the bloodwork of all the present patients on my staff to verify issues are shifting in the proper path. Most of them aren’t coronavirus patients, however we’ve to check the ones with signs. The emergency room will normally conduct that take a look at on anybody they think has the virus, which currently appears to be everybody as a result of of all the totally different signs COVID-19 patients can current with. We’re fortunate right here, as a result of take a look at outcomes are normally accessible in 24 hours, whereas it may well take a number of days at different hospitals.

6am: Immediately everyone seems to be a runner

I commute to the hospital. It takes me about 10 minutes to get to work. I normally take heed to the radio for information updates. The streets are fairly empty. However there’s a lot of individuals jogging on sidewalks. Immediately, everybody began to turn out to be a runner, despite the fact that it’s nonetheless fairly chilly right here. It’s normally wherever between -2 and 10 levels Celsius, largely hovering at round zero levels.

6:15am: Screening

I arrive at the hospital and the very first thing I do is undergo our each day morning screening. All hospital staff get screened and everybody will get requested the ordinary questions. “Have you ever travelled just lately? Have you ever had contact with COVID-19 patients? Do you’ve got a runny nostril? Do you’ve got any physique aches?” And so forth.

Then I head inside to have a fast breakfast in my workplace. I normally eat a banana, an apple and a clementine together with a protein shake. Some medical doctors at the hospital select to have a massive breakfast at residence after which they put their masks on, preserve it on all day and received’t eat till they get residence at the finish of the day. When they’re working, they don’t need to contact their masks to take it off and danger contamination.

My shift normally lasts 10 to 12 hours. I begin at 6.30am and end at round 5pm. However generally I keep later. Some days I’ve a 27 hour shift. That’s normally when I’m on name. So I find yourself staying from 6.30am to 10.30am the subsequent day. We don’t have any set break instances.

Generally I get fortunate and it’s a gradual day and I can take a fast 30 minute nap, however even then it’s laborious to essentially relaxation as a result of at any second a nurse, junior resident or one other physician can name you or a code blue occurs and you need to run it. To be sincere although, you get fairly used to it.

6.30am: Masks becoming

My shift formally begins with a medical masks becoming. I signal out 2 masks from the cost nurse. One is an N95 to stop airborne particles, particularly coronavirus throughout this time, and the different is a face defend to guard my eyes and forestall droplets from getting on the N95. What a lot of individuals don’t know is that N95s should be fitted to your face. There are a lot of fashions of N95s and the course of of becoming your masks is one thing all healthcare employees undergo earlier than they know which mannequin will defend them.

It takes about 30 minutes to get fitted and includes you carrying a hood and somebody spraying chemical compounds round your face. If I can scent it, then I do know the masks is just not fitted correctly and I both want to regulate it or use a totally different mannequin.

I begin by sanitizing my fingers, then I put my masks on. That is the solely time I truly contact the masks to regulate it on the bridge of my nostril. All through the day, I by no means contact the masks. I exploit the string on the again of my head to take the masks off. As soon as I’ve taken the masks off, I solely ever contact the strings of the masks to place it again on. Throughout lunch, a lot of medical doctors and nurses retailer the masks in Tupperware to maintain it secure.

Between 6.30am and 8am, I proceed to evaluation my patients’ bloodwork, assign which residents to see which patients, and go lay eyes on patients that will probably be probably discharged throughout the day.

8am: A assembly

I meet with the resident who was on in a single day shift and the relaxation of the staff. I’ll normally do a instructing session on both an strategy to diagnosing a medical situation, tips on how to deal with a affected person or an attention-grabbing case I noticed.

Inspecting chest X-rays. This was taken earlier than the international pandemic. So a few months in the past. Picture Credit score: Provided

Since I’m a senior resident, I’ve to see all the patients that my staff are treating. There are 4 corona patients on my staff in addition to 15 different patients. As an internist, I see a big selection of medical circumstances starting from patients who’ve coronary heart failure, kidney accidents, pancreatitis, and even ALS. We restrict the quantity of medical doctors which have contact with coronavirus patients. So it’s simply me and one other physician who take care of the COVID-19 patients.

The issue with COVID-19 is that it’s contagious and there’s no definitive therapy for the virus but, though there may be a lot of analysis occurring throughout the world. All we will do at this level is deal with the signs and supply help. We deal with a fever with acetaminophen. If somebody has shortness of breath, we give them oxygen, normally via nasal prongs. These are the clear tubes that sit in your higher lip and are inserted into every nostril.

Nonetheless, if somebody isn’t getting sufficient oxygen with the nasal prongs, generally the solely possibility is to intubate them and put them on a ventilator. It appears that evidently in comparison with different respiratory circumstances like the frequent chilly or the flu, patients who get COVID-19 usually tend to require a ventilator in order to outlive. That is one of the the explanation why governments throughout the world are asking individuals to remain residence, as a result of many hospitals shouldn’t have sufficient ventilators if too many individuals bought sick at the similar time.

Some patients refuse to be placed on ventilators as a result of it’s not inside their needs or objectives of care. That’s completely tremendous and we are going to at all times respect their needs. In these circumstances we might do no matter we will to assist them get higher with the nasal prongs, but when they continued to worsen we might then attempt to make them really feel as comfy as potential, as they die.

The choice whether or not or to not be intubated and be placed on a ventilator is a very private one. It’s a dialog that patients ought to have with their medical doctors and takes into consideration different medical circumstances that patients have, their present scenario and practical standing, and their needs.

12pm: Lunch

I normally seize a fast sandwich for lunch or a rooster teriyaki bowl. I’m fortunate sufficient to work in a hospital that offers internists lunch totally free. Some medical doctors received’t eat or drink something at the hospital as a result of they don’t need to take off their masks and by accident contaminate themselves. I do know that a few nurses and medical doctors have contracted the virus, however I don’t learn about how they’re doing as a consequence of apparent privateness causes.

At the second, hospitals round the nation have a scarcity of private protecting gear, so we’re all requested to re-use them at any time when potential which is why we’re additional cautious after we need to take them off or put them on. In any other case, relating to mattress area and ventilators, I believe we’re at the moment okay, however I’m additionally not working in the ICU, so I don’t have the actual particulars of what the present scenario is like there. In the metropolis that I’m residing in, individuals are doing a nice job at self-isolation. We haven’t been hit by a wave of COVID-19 patients that different cities have seen. I’m hoping that doesn’t occur right here.

12.15pm: Possible and confirmed circumstances

After I’ve seen all my non-coronavirus patients, I see my possible COVID-19 after which my confirmed COVID-19 patients. That means, I don’t inadvertently switch the virus to patients that don’t have it. Everyone seems to be afraid of catching the virus. However at the similar time, you need to present up and go to work. The junior residents don’t see the COVID-19 patients, as a result of they might should be seen on my own or the marketing consultant anyway, so there is no such thing as a level in exposing them too.

Most of the COVID-19 circumstances in our hospital aren’t deadly. Whereas some want simply a bit of oxygen, the extra severe circumstances are on ventilators and they’re the ones who’re at a highest danger of dying. Some research recommend the virus appears to have a increased case fatality charge in males,, aged, and people with earlier coronary heart and lung illness.

3pm: Wrapping up

We’re getting near the finish of the day, so I exploit this time to wrap up and replace my affected person notes. I meet once more with the relaxation of the staff and we focus on what we’ve finished right this moment, handover any points that should be adopted up on to the resident who will probably be on name in a single day, and if we’ve time, do some instructing earlier than individuals begin to head out.

I’d say that there are undoubtedly much less sick individuals in the hospital lately, particularly since a lot of them are staying indoors. There are much less office accidents, much less common influenza, as a result of they simply don’t get uncovered to germs as a lot. All elective surgical procedures have additionally been postponed. Regardless of that, it nonetheless looks like work is simply as busy, if not busier. That is partly as a result of a lot of different medical doctors have been calling in sick or are requested to remain residence even when they’ve gentle signs. We don’t have medical college students to assist out with seeing patients and canopy in a single day shifts. Normally, medical college students would make up half the staff in a tutorial middle like ours.

A few days in the past I developed some coronavirus signs, together with runny nostril, sore throat, cough and physique aces. I used to be feeling actually sick and needed to keep residence till I bought examined. The coronavirus take a look at was painful. They take a swab and push it deep into your nostril, and it variety of looks like a needle.

I used to be coughing and tearing up. It’s fairly uncomfortable however fortunately it glided by actually shortly. Fortunately the take a look at got here again detrimental for the virus, however it’s not good so some individuals should be examined once more relying on their signs. Some patients, who’ve finished it as soon as, don’t need to do it once more as a result of it’s actually uncomfortable. Took about 30 minutes for my nostril to really feel regular once more.

I additionally had a blood take a look at finished. 

Right here I get a blood take a look at, earlier than my throat bought swabbed for Coronavirus. Picture Credit score: Provided

5.30pm: Prepping to go away

I’ve a fairly particular routine for once I depart the hospital for the day. First of all, I take off the scrubs that I used to be carrying all day, and alter into a new pair of scrubs. Then I head to the scrub machine and alternate my previous pair for brand spanking new pair of scrubs to take residence. These are the sealed and clear ones that I can put on tomorrow morning. I do that, so I don’t take the virus out in to the world with me.

Then I head residence take off the scrubs I simply placed on and place them in a bag to alternate the subsequent day. I take a bathe and put my residence garments on.

In a single day I am going via no less than two scrubs. Extra if one thing spills on my garments and I want to vary, however that doesn’t occur steadily, particularly now as a result of of the robes we have to put on when seeing patients.

Many adjustments have occurred in the hospital throughout this pandemic, for instance everyone seems to be being screened as they arrive in our hospital. There isn’t any massive in-person instructing teams or grand rounds, which was large for us, since we’re a tutorial hospital. Each morning I’d normally train residents and medical college students too, however they had been faraway from the hospital and have been requested to remain residence despite the fact that many of them would’ve wished to assist out. We don’t eat lunch collectively anymore. We re-use our private protecting gear and keep away from touching something until it’s completely mandatory. Stress ranges are excessive, however I believe morale on my staff remains to be excessive, which I’m glad about.

We additionally attempt to assign workstations to everybody, so individuals don’t share them anymore. Guests are now not allowed to return to the hospital besides if a affected person is imminently dying in which case just one customer is allowed. If the affected person is dying of COVID-19 sadly nobody is allowed to go to them as a result of it means there may be a danger the virus may be unfold again out into the neighborhood.

6.30pm: Dinner

I make dinner with my greatest good friend, who additionally occurs to be my home mate and we calm down. Some days I’ll do a fast exercise at residence to take care of my dad bod, in any other case I’ll simply learn a guide.

8pm: Prep for the subsequent day

I hop again on my pc, examine any updates on COVID-19 and put together a instructing session for the subsequent day.

10-11pm: Assessment and sleep

I’ll evaluation my patients’ bloodwork once more and replace our handover checklist, which is how we talk after which fall asleep. I go to sleep as quickly as my head hits the pillow.

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[dreampvck-archived]

Hey uh do you by change have like a recs list for any of your favourite fics? Or any fics you think would be good to read?

u bet i do !!!

i tried to keep this list small by only reccing completed works but uhh.. it’s still super long lmao + in no particular order

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks[Non-AU, ABO, Jikook, 34k]

The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook on dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

Craigslist Date by springrain21[Fake Dating, Yoonmin, 48k]

Min Yoongi’s family are judgmental and unsupportive of his lifestyle and his mother won’t stop nagging him about how he’s still single. When he finds Park Jimin on Craigslist offering to pose as someone’s fake date to mess with their family, Yoongi can’t help himself. What starts as a prank on Yoongi’s family turns into something more when the two of them quickly develop feelings for each other. Will Yoongi, who doesn’t know how to handle feelings, let his chance at love slip away, or will he go after the silver-haired boy and hold onto him forever?

Inspired by that tumblr post about the guy on Craigslist who you can hire to be your date for Thanksgiving to screw with your family because that post makes me cry laughing every time I see it.

it’s your heart i wanna live (& sleep) in by knth[College AU, Vmin, 22k]

The first time Jimin sleeps over at Taehyung’s, it’s an emergency. The other times after? That’s a different story.

i’ve been drinking, i’ve been drinking by decompositionbooks[Bartender AU, Jikook, 12k]

Jungkook tries to figure Jimin out with Yoongi’s trademarked “What Your Drink Says About You” alcohol psychoanalysis.

All he knows is that Jimin likes fruity little drinks.

love in the time of social media by abillionstars[Non-AU, Taekook, 23k]

“You want me, an internationally famous celebrity living in a restrictive society that would tear apart any news of me dating, to set up a very public Tinder account under a fake name?” Taehyung cocked an eyebrow. “Just thought I ought to clarify.”

“Yes,” said Seokjin, looking strangely determined.

“Well, shit,” Taehyung said, exiting out of the Words With Friends game. “I’m in.”

In which Taehyung doesn’t swipe right on anybody at all (except in his heart), goes on absolutely no wild adventures, but ends up falling in love anyway.

honest you do by mnsg

[’We Got Married’ AU, Jikook, 26k]

“Do you think you’ll be a good husband?”Jimin smiles. “I’ll really, really try.”

Korea’s darling, Park Jimin, gets married.

pull me closer in the backseat of your rover by moonsuns[College fwb!au, Yoonmin, 14k]

Jimin had just wanted to get off. He didn’t think he’d end up with a boyfriend at the end of it all.

Or, another friends with benefits AU.

light me up (i’ll keep you warm) by kaythebest[College AU, Yoonmin, 13k]

He’s already taking a deep breath when he hears someone twisting the doorknob. “Jung Hoseok, I have a bone to pick with you, you absolute asshole,” he starts.

It is not Jung Hoseok.

Definitely not.

Min Yoongi.

Jimin coughs awkwardly into his fist. “Hello,” he finishes.

(In which Jimin has a crush, yells a lot, and maybe falls into like.)

The Emotional Journey of Park Jimin: Token Straight Guy[College AU, Yoonmin, 9k]

…Okay.Okay, so that was, uh. A thing that. That happened that was a thing that happened and everything is fine. Everything is fine! Perfectly normal! The prank they played on Hoseok went over swimmingly, because of course it did, and everything was fine.Except this one thing.Park Jimin can’t sleep.

Requite by wickedqriosity[Minjoon, Taekook, lil bit of Vmin, 74k]

requite (verb) 1 a : to make return for; repay. b : to make retaliation for; avenge. 2 : to make suitable return to for a benefit or service or for an injury.

Jimin, a soft-hearted retail supervisor, moonlights as a professional cuddler to buy a new loft.

When the object of his workplace obsession offers to help him move, and subsequently moves himself in, Jimin hopes that his lonely daydreams are coming true. Until, the silver-tongued squatter begins to demolish Jimin’s ‘happy place’ and inflict fresh wounds over old scars.

Devastated and frustrated, Jimin soon meets a new cuddle-client who encourages him to question—and ask for—what he really wants.

Kickstart series by Error401[Hitmen AU, Yoonmin, 35k]

“I-I don’t understand…” Jimin said, eyes watering as he focused on Yoongi. “I thought…you were going to kill me…in the bathroom.”

“Yeah, well so did I,” Yoongi said wryly, and Jimin flinched, trying to make himself impossibly smaller.

AKA It is a truth universally acknowledged, that Min Yoongi in possession of a heart will be in want of sleep.

Snapshot Vigilante by Error401[Superhero AU, Yoonmin, 58k]

Jimin knew that life in the big city would be different, but dealing with super powered mishaps and one piece of bad luck after another was a bit much.

Lucky him that the vigilante Suga was watching his back.

En Passant by Error401[Jikook, Criminal!Jimin and Cop!Jungkook, 10k]

“Hey,” Jungkook said, voice low, “whatever he did, he didn’t deserve that.”

“Oh?” Choi said, mouth twisting in amusement. “Did you know his boyfriend likes to sever heads and preserve them? I hear he’s got quite the collection.”

Jungkook felt his eye twitch. “That’s disgusting, and also not funny.” He glanced at the crying boy, who’d now curled his legs up to fit on the chair, his feet bare and as tiny as the rest of him. Lines of red were spilling from under the cuffs, dripping onto the table. “I’m going to find a first aid kit and treat those.”

“I wasn’t joking,” Choi said, as Jungkook slipped out of the room.

Conflicting Arrangement by PrettyBoyKiller[Fake Dating, Yoonmin, 162k]

“Absolutely not,” Yoongi deadpanned. “Namjoon-ah. I value you as a friend, and I think I’d even go as far as to say that you’re my best friend, but absolutely fucking not.”

“You owe me,” Namjoon pleaded. “Come on, Yoongi, it’s not a big deal.”

“Your boyfriend’s best friend’s best friend needs a fake boyfriend to come out to his family this Chuseok, all the way in fucking Busan.” Yoongi repeated drily without pause, making Namjoon wince. He flipped a page of his textbook, picking up his highlighter. “Not a big deal, Namjoon. Amazing.”

refrigerator humming, chewing gum and instant karma by locks[Mafia AU, Taekook, 61k]

Taehyung sets the flowers down on the dining table, plucking the card off the little holder. “Dearest Taehyung, just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you. I hope you’re thinking about me too. Love–” he pauses and squints before cocking an eyebrow and pursing his lips. “Hyung, why is the boss of your little boy band gang professing his love for me?”

Yoongi drops the noodles on the floor with a loud curse as he burns his hand.

Or, Taehyung’s been trying his hardest to avoid Yoongi’s criminal life for a long ass time, but a cute kid and his infuriating father keep pulling him deeper into the mix.

Barbershop SUGA series by MissterMaia[Hairdresser AU, Yoonmin, 35k]

Jimin’s impromptu visit to a salon called SUGA turns out to be more interesting than he expected. Way more interesting.

Hey, Piano Man by MissterMaia[Bartender AU, Yoonmin, 15k]

In which Yoongi, after having his evening completely ruined by a drunk asshole on his way home from a rough day at the studio, decides he himself needs to get drunk and wanders into an old-fashioned pub. He may or may not find his bad mood washed away by the cute bartender, and he may or may not end up completely and utterly smitten when said bartender gets on the small stage and starts singing in the most angelic, beautiful, seductive voice he’s ever heard in all his life.

“You play the piano?”

“I… yeah, I do, actually. How’d you know?”

The bartender’s smile is shy and confident all at once, and Yoongi’s heart lurches in confusion. “Just a feeling,” Jimin says softly, busying himself with drying a glass. “Your hands are beautiful. They look like they were made to play an instrument.”

in your eyes (it’s where i wanna be) by bonnia[Coffee Shop AU, Yoonmin, 5k]

Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T.

(Or: Jimin accidentally starts a nickname war with the cute blonde who likes his coffee way too bitter.)

Hit The Lights by lethallergic[College AU, Taekook, 7k]

1-800-HOTLINEBLING

You’re My Genie, Lamborghini (You’re My Teenie Weenie Meenie) by mindheist[Youtuber AU, Jikook, 7k]

You know those people who say technology is driving people apart? Yeah, fuck them.

Out of My System by xxdevillishxx[College AU, One Night Stand AU, Yoonmin, 101k]

Yoongi likes one night stands and he understands how they work. What he doesn’t understand, however, is how he ended up in bed with a probably-not-legal kid crying in his arms about his broken heart, because he’s pretty sure (and correct him if he’s wrong) that a babysitting job was not what he was looking for when he went to the opening of his friend’s new club.

when you’re in love all the lines get blurred by jflawless[Fake Dating AU, Yoonmin, 36k]

Jimin isn’t sure what possessed him to lie to his mother and tell her that he had a boyfriend, but now that he’s opened the position, he has no choice but to fill it. Yoongi is, apparently, his only option.

dating for dummies by sugasus[High School AU, Taekook, 12k]

in which twitter is evil, jeon jeongguk is a bit tsundere, park jimin is satan and kim taehyung may or may not have a boyfriend.

those are a bunch of my faves, lemme know if you want more of a specific pairing !! 💖💐