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taexual · 6 years ago

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HOLIC - 25 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: some domestic life with jaebum (and this is surprisingly long)

words: 7.2k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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Your alarm clock had rung like it did every morning but, for some weird reason, this time, the sound was coming from the wrong direction – even your sleepy mind could fathom that. It took a lot of groaning and a lot of sporadic shuffling for you to realize that your phone was at the far edge of the bed, wrapped tightly in the blanket that you must have thrown off of yourself at night because you were too warm.

As you reached for it to turn it off, you ended up stumbling over someone’s leg and yelping in surprise before the events of last night returned to your mind within the next few moments. At first, all you could remember was that you’d fallen asleep very late. So late, in fact, that once the clock on your phone passed midnight, you started to fear to check the time because you knew you’d have to be up early tomorrow. Somehow, you just couldn’t bring yourself to get up and leave Jaebum’s room.

And, judging by the fact that you were sitting – dizzy and a little hazy – on his bed, apparently, you hadn’t bothered to leave at all in the end. Jaebum was laying on the other side of the bed, his eyelashes fluttering every now and then, his fingers tapping lightly against the pillow next to his face – he was awake. Undoubtedly so, because a second later, he opened his eyes.

For a good minute, the two of you just watched each other, your minds completely blank. You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to say – if anything – but you knew that no matter what he chose to say next, the fact still remained: you’d fallen asleep in his bed last night. Again.

“Uhh…” you were the one who opened your mouth first in the end. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was in here for so long, I fell asleep—”

Jaebum chuckled, the surprising sound cutting you off. He had closed his eyes again – you didn’t blame him, six in the morning was far too early to have your eyes opened – but the smirk on his lips remained.

“You just can’t leave my bed,” he said, his groggy morning voice laced with teasing, “even if I built yours.”

Suddenly glad that he wasn’t looking at you, you smiled and shook your head. It was too early to come up with a good comeback and, truth be told, you probably wouldn’t have had what to reply with either way. It was just refreshing to hear how completely unfazed by this he seemed to be.

Still grinning to yourself – and, consequently, not realizing that Jaebum had opened his eyes as soon as he heard you shuffle on the bed again – you gathered yourself to your feet and quietly tip-toed out of the room. Despite wanting to stay here longer – not even touching him, but sharing the space of his bed with him – you also had to get ready for work and no matter how appealing calling in sick sounded, you hadn’t done that when you felt unprepared to deal with Jiho, so that meant you weren’t going to do that now, either.

All was well in your apartment. You didn’t want to take it for granted or, worse, ruin it by overstaying your welcome in Jaebum’s room.

After a brisk shower and a quick breakfast, you located your purse and your car keys and prepared to head out, stopping for a moment outside of Jaebum’s bedroom. His door was open and you could see him sleeping in the exact same position that you’d left him in. He had the whole bed to himself now and he was still sleeping on the left side as if he’d left the right side vacant on purpose. As if he was waiting for you to sneak back in.

Inhaling sharply to hopefully ease the sudden surge of violent butterflies inside of your stomach, you turned around and, still smiling, exited your apartment.

Your slightly wet hair flowing in the cold wind outside didn’t worry you as much as it probably should have because the irresistible urge to chuckle every time you recalled bits of conversation that you’ve had with Jaebum last night was keeping you warm. You were sure that as long as you kept thinking about last night and hoping for many more nights like this in the future, you were going to survive the coldest winters with minimal heating needed.

At this point, there was no denying it: you had feelings for Jaebum. Strong ones, too. Frustrating, as well, because you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do with yourself. And confusing, on top of everything, because you didn’t know what Jaebum was feeling – you could have guessed but guessing meant raising your hopes.

Funnily enough, it’s been days since you and Jaebum had the fight that had opened your eyes – and your hearts, too – and you still haven’t properly discussed what either of you has said. On the one hand, that was good – now you knew you might have exhibited some Suji-like traits and you could work on that. There was no point talking about it when you and him seemed to be getting along much better now. But, on the other hand, you knew that he’d said many things that required explanations – you just weren’t sure how you were going to continue to live if the explanations you received didn’t live up to the expectations you’d grown to have.

You focused on actually doing your job today and it seemed to work this time – you didn’t get distracted – until, during your lunch break – which you deliberately took after two o’clock – you decided to listen to Jaebum’s radio show in hopes that he’d dare to finally play his own song but, of course, that didn’t happen.

Honestly, Jaebum would have probably texted you if he decided to play his song on air – or, at least, you hoped he would – but it wouldn’t have been surprising if he just played it without warning anyone, knowing how bashful he got whenever he had to speak about his music. It was admirable in an almost annoying way because, honestly, there was nothing he should have been embarrassed about. Unless it was about his immense talent, anyway.

You didn’t hear Jaebum’s song today but you did get to listen to his voice as he talked to his listeners and, somehow, that seemed to lift your mood even more. That was why, when Hyojin texted you to get some coffee after work – you and her used to host “productive” coffee sessions when you were both in college, where you’d get together to edit pictures (in your case) or toy around on Polyvore (in Hyojin’s) – you agreed without hesitation.

Although, normally, you felt like going home and not seeing anyone after you finished work, right now you were feeling just upbeat enough to interact with others. You were in the kind of mood where you wanted to go out and conquer the world but, at the same time, you wouldn’t have felt bad about not achieving much today because you knew that, at the end of the day, when you’d return home, Jaebum would be there.

Back in the day – a week ago, really – you used to dread going home because you knew you’d get into an argument with your roommate, but now, just the thought of getting to see him later tonight kept your spirits soaring the whole day. It was a nice change; you welcomed it with open arms.

Hyojin noticed your great mood almost immediately after you walked through the door of the café and saw her waving at your from the table at the back.

“You are glowing,” she declared, a smirk on her lips. “Dare I guess the reason why you’re looking so wonderful today?”

“No need, I can tell you myself,” you replied, giving her a quick hug hello and then sitting opposite her by the table. “I got a good night's sleep, tried a new—delicious—brand of cereal that I’d gotten on sale last week and ended up being pleasantly surprised by the taste, and there were no screaming crowds of children on tour at the gallery today. It’s been a… a decent day.”

“Hmm,” Hyojin was still smirking. “And that’s it?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah.”

“How’s the roommate?”

Of course she wasn’t going to let you play around and pretend Jaebum didn’t have any influence on your—almost uncharacteristically—good mood. You sighed, giving in.

“He’s great,” you replied, watching Hyojin’s smile spread. “We talked a lot last night. It was nice. Didn’t even feel real, to be honest.”

“How come?” she asked.

“I don’t know, we’ve only talked to each other – and I don’t mean those shallow conversations about who’s doing the grocery shopping; oh, speaking of, I have to get that done later. Remind me, will you? – after we’ve had some pretty big fights,” you replied, trying not to get too side-tracked. “So, this felt like slipping into some sort of a parallel universe where Jaebum and I were the kind of people who got together after work to talk about their day and eat pizza.”

“That doesn’t seem too far-fetched in this universe, either,” Hyojin replied. “You and him have hung out in the past, haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but that was only because we’ve—”

“No, no,” she cut you off, “the ‘because’ doesn’t matter. The fact matters and the fact is, you and him have enjoyed spending time with each other long before you began to do it purposefully. I can’t stand the sight of Jacob after we fight,” she continued, mentioning her boyfriend and grimacing at the memory of their latest argument. “We both need a lot of time to cool off and get back to our previous activities – and even then, we’re still wary of each other – so, in this case, you and Jaebum might be more mature than us when it comes to resolving your arguments.”

“Yeah, well, you know,” you said, “we’ve had a lot of practice.”

Hyojin laughed. “Maybe. But still.”

You didn’t reply – too busy getting your laptop out of your bag so you could actually start being productive – and Hyojin hesitated before continuing because she was afraid the question that she’d been itching to ask was going to provoke a negative reaction out of you. A moment later, she finally dared to clear her throat.

“You know… Kiera only briefed May and me on the fight that you’ve had with Jaebum,” she said slowly, gauging your reaction. Your face remained stoic. “And we’d assumed you had made up because you’re still living there and everything, and I was just curious… you don’t have to tell me how you resolved all of that if you don’t want to, though.”

“It’s, uh…” you looked around the café as if someone overhearing what you’d say next was a matter of national security. “It’s not really resolved. We just moved past it like we usually do. We both apologized this time, though, which, I think, is an improvement.”

“An improvement,” Hyojin repeated. “And towards what? What’s the end goal here?”

“Growth into adults, I’m hoping,” you said. “Adults who can live in each other’s space without it being a problem. Without fighting. Uh, without frequent fighting.”

Your friend smiled watching the nonchalant way you toyed with the napkin you’d picked up from the table. Hyojin was only giving you the benefit of the doubt because she wanted to hear you out – truth be told, she already knew all the answers to her questions.

“And that’s it?” she asked then, adamant to get you to admit your true intentions – even though she’d already seen right through you. “Because, you know, an improvement of friendship usually means—”

“There wasn’t a friendship,” you cut her off, putting the napkin down and sighing. “I—I know what you want to hear but I’m serious. There was nothing. Jaebum and I—we thought we kind of bonded through texts but we knew virtually nothing about each other when we moved in. I mean, wow, I didn’t even know he was a guy. What kind of friendship could we even talk about?”

“Well, people are not friends with a gender. They’re friends with a person.”

“No, of course,” you nodded, “I just mean—it’s an important part of his life and I knew nothing about it. Or his name, for example, which I also did not know and did not bother to ask. Honestly, when I look back at it, I’m kind of surprised you even let me go through with this. I could have moved in with a serial killer.”

“We did tell you that, though! But you—,” Hyojin said, reaching out to put her hand over yours, “—you were so convinced you were moving in with your new best friend, we didn’t even dare to intervene too much. Kiera was actually kind of jealous but she was willing to see how this played out.”

Out of your group of friends, you and Kiera were the closest – that wasn’t a secret to anyone – and yet you had no idea you were making her jealous by boasting about how excited you were to move in with your roommate. You’d known Kiera for so long, nothing was ever going to replace your bond with her, but you still felt awful for not realizing what she might have been feeling.

“If only Kiera knew that she had nothing to worry about,” Hyojin added, “because you didn’t end up moving in with your best friend. You might have moved in with your soulm—”

“Okay, no,” you cut her off mid-word, almost afraid that she’d jinx everything if she finished her sentence. “L-let’s not go there. What I was saying is that, I thought my future roommate and I had become friends – and we have, honestly – but then all of that flipped upside down when I found out that my roommate is actually the same guy I’d slept with the night before moving.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Hyojin released your hand because the waitress had approached your table, bringing you both the coffees that your friend had ordered before you got here. “I keep forgetting that part. Honestly, in my opinion, that just proves that you and him were meant to be. If you hadn’t met him that night at the bar, you would have still met him after you moved in. And if you hadn’t decided to blindly move in with someone, you’d have still slept with him. You see what I’m saying? You two are destined.”

Your face was suddenly warm and you tried to hide your clearly flustered state by taking a sip of your coffee.

“We’re trying to be friends,” you said after – the drink was too bitter, you couldn’t hide your traitor smile behind a cup until you put enough sugar inside of it, “all over again. It’s surprisingly difficult in real life.”

“I’m not one of the people who believe that boys and girls can’t be just platonic friends,” Hyojin said. “But I genuinely don’t think it should be this hard to be friends with someone. Maybe there was always something else there. From the first moment you saw each other.”

“Yeah. Anger.”

“No, not that,” she disagreed. “I mean, obviously, you’re both attracted to each other – otherwise you wouldn’t have slept together – but, maybe, after you both had enough time to realize how much stuff the two of you had in common, this little spark just… lit up. And, knowing how stubborn you are about certain things, I can assume that Jaebum is the same way, which means that this spark ignited a different kind of fire than it would for most people and this fire burned inside of you both. You argued instead of acting on your real feelings.”

“Hmm,” you hummed, permanently confused why Hyojin studied Fashion instead of choosing Psychology. You tried your coffee again and then continued, “alright. So be it. We’re working on putting that fire out now.”

“The spark will still be there, though. Maybe that spark was exactly the reason why you fought so much – you were so angry about not knowing what to do with it,” Hyojin hypothesized, smirking now. “Hopefully, this time, the fire will light up at the right moment and in the right way. And, hopefully, this time, you’ll know how to deal with it.”

You shook your head, trying to control the stupid grin that was threatening to spread across your face. Hyojin could read through your emotions, however – and not just because they were all clear in your eyes – and she had to admit, seeing you like this made her happy. Perhaps all of this fighting was worth it in the end – it meant that you and Jaebum had finally learned how much you meant to each other, platonically or not.

After you and Hyojin finally finished chit-chatting – and your first cups of coffee – you finally got your laptop out and actually began to work. At first, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to edit the pictures you took at Jackson’s studio while you were in such a public space – somehow, you felt like you could only look at the shots of Jaebum in a very private environment, and the back of a café didn’t cut it – but, eventually, after clearing your throat a hundred times in an attempt to fight your own awkwardness off, you dared to open the photographs on Photoshop.

Normally, you’d look at a picture and immediately know what you had to do – whether it’s lowering the saturation or adjusting the general coloring – but as soon as you saw the first picture that showed a part of Jaebum – the left side of him, to be exact, since that’s the hand he used to write something down on a notebook in his lap when you started to photograph – you were suddenly breathless and at a complete loss of direction.

The picture didn’t need editing. You couldn’t come up with a single thing to do to make it better. Jaebum looked natural, he made the background blur just by being in the shot, and, most importantly, he looked beautiful. For the first time in your life, you stared at a picture in disbelief – trying to decide if you loved every single thing about it because Jaebum was in it, or because you’d actually, finally taken a picture that was genuinely flawless in your eyes.

Suddenly, as you went through the other pictures, following Jaebum’s movements, you understood why Jiho chose to photograph people. It wasn’t just the dynamics that captured the eye – buildings that you loved to photograph so much never made your heart skip a beat when they accidentally glanced at the camera – it was the emotion behind it. You didn’t have to edit the pictures not just because you found every part of Jaebum too beautiful to alter, but also because he was the emotion inside of the picture that you’d looked for.

You’ve photographed the nature for years. The city skylines at night. The forests in winter. The grass after rain. And, all this time, you spent hours editing those pictures until they started to speak to you. Until they showed the emotion you’d been trying to capture.

And Jaebum did all of that – and more; God, he made you feel the emotions that you didn’t even realize were there when you looked at the pictures – by simply allowing you to photograph parts of him while he did what he loved to do the most – worked on his music. You had a feeling the end result would have been similar if you’d photographed other people too because, maybe, the reason why you were so overwhelmed with the lack of editing needed, was because you just weren’t used to photographing actual people. But, at the same time, there was something special about Jaebum specifically; there was something inside of those pictures that was exclusive to him only. You couldn’t name what it was, though.

“Are you actually doing something,” Hyojin said, interrupting your thoughts, “or just staring at your laptop screen? Because I’m almost done editing and I haven’t heard you click your mouse for the past thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, uh—” you cleared your throat again, closing the fifteenth picture of Jaebum that you had opened. “I’m working. There’s not much—not a lot of stuff for me to do. I’m kind of here to keep you company, at this point.”

“Oh. Well, that’s very nice of you,” she said, a hint of teasing in her voice. “Refill?”

You glanced at her over your laptop, noticing her empty cup of coffee.

“Actually—”

Your phone buzzed loudly against the glass table, startling you and cutting you off. You’d expected it to be a text but as you moved your laptop to a side to pick your phone up, it buzzed again, indicating a phone call.

Jaebum’s name greeted you on your screen.

“Sorry,” you said to Hyojin quickly. “It’s Jaebum.”

She just smiled widely in response and nodded her head, allowing you to take the call. You didn’t know why your hands started to shake when you saw the caller’s ID, but you barely managed to press “answer.”

“Yeah?” you spoke, trying to keep your voice neutral. Excitement; that was the reason for your hands seemingly starting to vibrate just like your phone had.

“Hey,” Jaebum greeted you, his voice affecting you the same way it always did – thank God you were sitting down. “Where are you?”

“At a café with Hyojin, we’ve been trying to get some work done,” you replied, glancing at your friend when you mentioned her name. “What’s up?”

“Oh, am I disturbing?” he asked and you almost considered pinching yourself to make sure this was really happening: you were on the phone with your roommate, having a civilized conversation after he’d clearly called you about something important but was willing to put it off because you might have been busy.

“No, not really,” you replied slowly. “I was—I wasn’t doing much, anyway. Procrastinating, I guess.”

By staring at pictures of you, you wanted to add but resisted.

“Okay,” he said and then stayed quiet for the next few moments, “I just got home a little while ago. I got the groceries, so don’t worry about that. Or about starving.”

You smiled despite yourself. “I was supposed to do that.”

“It’s okay. There’s, uh, something else you could help me do instead,” Jaebum said.

You were surprised—but intrigued, obviously—to hear this. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, uh, since we’re such mature household heads,” he said, “I’m going to need you to help me out with the laundry.”

If you weren’t so taken aback by this request, you would have laughed. Everything already seemed bizarre enough – since you still weren’t used to the fact that, apparently, you and Jaebum now called each other – and now you were genuinely planning to help your roommate do the laundry.

“We, um—the—I haven’t—alright. Yeah,” you stumbled around before finally deciding to just agree. You weren’t sure why you were fishing for an excuse anyway. ��Right now?”

“Ideally, yeah,” Jaebum replied, his voice almost sheepish. You swore your heart was racing even before you noticed the needy undertones in his words. “But I don’t want you to bail on your friend because of me, so—”

“No, no,” you cut him off, feeling Hyojin’s eyes on you. She wasn’t even trying to hold back her teasing smile. “She won’t mind, I’m sure.”

“Great, then.”

“I should be home in ten minutes,” you said and then, after glancing out of the window, changed your mind, “fifteen maybe. It’s raining.”

“Alright,” Jaebum replied. “I’ll wait for you.”

Almost shivering, you hummed in response and then hung up the call, taking an extra moment to get yourself together before you dared to look up at Hyojin again. She enjoyed every single emotion that passed on your face.

“So, uh—”

“You have to run?” your friend guessed, thoroughly entertained by how easy it was for her to get you flustered. “A roommate emergency?”

“Actually, yes,” you replied. “He, um, asked for my assistance with the laundry.”

Hyojin raised her eyebrows before repeating it with a shit-eating grin, “the laundry.”

“Mmhm,” you nodded, closing your laptop. “Not sure how that’s going to go, either. Hopefully, we won’t end up drowning each other since we’ve never really done anything as domestic—I guess—as that before. Is it alright if I go?”

“Of course!” Hyojin said. “Go ahead. I’ll get another refill and then I’ll be off, too.”

“Really? I’m—”

“Oh, don’t you dare apologize.”

“Well, you’re smirking like you’re not being fully honest with me—”

She laughed. “Perceptive! Alright, I just didn’t know you and Jaebum were that far ahead in your friendship.”

You frowned and stopped packing your things to give her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Well, for one, he just called you instead of texting,” Hyojin explained. “And what’s more, he’s literally asking you to come home to help with laundry. Are you sure you’re not working on your life as an old, married couple instead?”

“Ha ha,” you replied dryly and swung your handbag over your shoulder. “I’m heading out and I feel less bad about leaving you here now because you will never stop teasing me.”

“That’s right, it is my duty as your friend and I’m set on serving it for as long as I live,” she replied, responding to your quick hug and then laughing after she heard you groan. “Bye. Have fun doing… laundry.”

“Bye, Hyojin.”

You realized you had to get used to being civil with Jaebum – well as civil as it was possible to get when he groaned, “finally” and then followed up with, “thank you for not changing your mind on me” right after you returned home – instead of getting surprised by every decent thing he said and did. He was a person and his previous determination to make your life hell had just been one of his charms; it wasn’t a part of his actual personality.

But, as you headed to the bathroom and watched him eye the washing machine suspiciously – how was it that, in over a month of living here, Jaebum hadn’t used it once? – you realized that you and him were about to reach a new level of bonding.

“I have plenty of clothes to last me over a month,” he explained, “and, back in my old apartment, there was a laundromat on the first floor with overly specific instructions on how to do everything. I mean, they even listed tips on how to get your clothes out of the machine properly.”

“Huh,” you mumbled, wondering what kind of apartment he’d lived in before. “I didn’t realize there was a wrong way to get clothes out of a washing machine.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised what the society expects from you.”

“Right. Well, we’ll do it my way,” you warned him. “And doing it my way means stuffing your clothes in the machine, putting the detergent and the fabric softener in there, and hoping for the best.”

Jaebum smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “That sounds better than buying new clothes every day.”

You snickered, turning around and heading for your own bedroom. You still didn’t own a closet and your clothes were very much still in many different boxes – one of which was now dedicated to the clothes you had to wash – but, somehow, you’ve gotten used to it and only when you and Jaebum stopped outside of your bedroom, eyeing the various t-shirts that were laying on your floor, did you realize that perhaps living out of boxes wasn’t entirely perfect.

“Alright,” you said, ignoring your messy floor. “Let me gather my stuff that needs washing and then we can separate our clothes by color, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jaebum nodded and then, after you entered your room, you heard him chuckle. “It’s an achievement of sorts, isn’t it?”

“What is?” you asked, shooting him a quick, confused look.

“This,” Jaebum gestured at you and then waved his hand in the direction of the bathroom. “Us doing laundry together.”

You smiled – your face was suddenly very warm – and looked away from him. “Yeah. It’s nice to know that, at least, if we get into an argument about which fabric softener to use, it probably won’t be so bad that one of us will decide to move out.”

“Oh, don’t be so quick,” he warned, “I’m very particular about the way my clothes feel against my skin.”

“So, do you have a preferred brand?”

“No, I just use whatever and hope for the best,” he replied, smirking. “Kind of like you.”

“Okay. It’s great that you’re trusting me to teach you how to do this,” you told him, leaning down to pick up your clothes from a box nearby, “but now I’m starting to feel like we’re in a bit of a “blind leading the blind” situation.”

“Oh, come on,” Jaebum waved his hand dismissively. “You’ve done this before all by yourself without any instructions and overprotective girlfriends breathing down your neck. I trust you.”

You swallowed heavily at the sudden mention of Suji, pausing in hopes of finding what to say so you wouldn’t make this awkward and, consequently, making it awkward by not responding.

“She, uh… Did she never actually teach you how to do it yourself?” you asked slowly.

You weren’t expecting him to reply but he took a breath and then shook his head.

“No. She wasn’t in it to teach me,” he said. “She was in it to do it for me.”

“Right,” you said, feeling on edge whenever you had to talk about Suji – although you knew that you should have probably gotten used to it. She’d been a part of Jaebum’s life, conversations about her were almost inevitable. It was just so much easier to pretend she never existed. “Well, today is the day you learn. We’ll have to do laundry twice if you have a lot of clothes that aren’t black, since most of mine are and—”

“No, no, almost all of mine is black as well,” Jaebum replied, bringing out a basket – that you weren’t aware you owned – full of his clothes from where he’d left it in the hallway outside of his bedroom. “Do you think we can do it all in one go?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind washing your clothes with mine.”

He scoffed. “I think we’re close enough to wash our clothes together.”

You tried to hide your smile. “You think so? Sharing detergent is a big commitment.”

“I think we’re ready.”

Laughing – and then turning away from him as soon as you saw his smile widen in response – you brought your clothes over to the kitchen counter to double-check the tags and then instructed Jaebum to check if any of the clothes he needed washing actually needed dry-cleaning. You didn’t want the first time you did laundry with him to turn into a disaster after you’d accidentally ruin his favorite sweater or something.

Preparing to do laundry took a while and doing it took even longer – who could have thought Jaebum would find it so crucial to differentiate cotton from synthetic material vaguely resembling cotton – and, by the time you’d finally started the washing machine, it was already dark outside and both of you found yourselves eating the first things you saw in the kitchen for dinner as you waited for the machine to do its’ job.

“Sorry if I made you starve,” Jaebum mumbled, finishing his sandwich. “You should have gotten some food before we—”

“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t hungry when I got home,” you replied, giving him a reassuring smile. It was heartwarming to hear the concern in his voice but you had almost completely forgotten about any kind of food as soon as he called you, asking for your help even if it was help with something as minimal as laundry. The effect he had on you really shocked you sometimes. “The croissant I had for lunch was surprisingly filling.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t eat croissants for lunch.”

“There’s not much else I can eat,” you shrugged your shoulders. “The gallery might be as modern as it gets, but it doesn’t offer any restaurant services yet.”

“You could pre-cook some food and bring it with you,” he said. “I do that when I know I won’t have time to go out for lunch. I-I could do that for you as well if you’d like.”

“You’d do that?” you asked quietly, your eyebrows rising.

“Sure, it’s not hard,” he replied, obviously trying to play it off. “I mean, I’d be cooking for myself anyway.”

“Thank you,” you said, watching him but only because his eyes weren’t on you. It was a weirdly intimate moment that neither of you was ready for and you could feel the electricity buzzing between you. Eye contact would have turned that electricity into fire in a heartbeat.

“No problem,” he said, his tone as light as always but you saw the shaky way he exhaled when he stood up to put his plate in the sink. “Oh, Jackson called today, by the way. He was asking about you.”

You perked up. “He was?”

“Yeah, he’s wondering about those pictures,” Jaebum explained, turning around to face you and leaning against the kitchen counter with his hips, his palms flat against the granite countertop on either side of him. “I told him to give you some time but he’s of the impatient kind, so don’t be surprised if he finds a way to get your phone number and calls you.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, bringing a napkin over your lips after you finished eating. This move also helped you cover up a smile that had appeared on your face when you remembered the pictures you’d taken. “I was actually working on the shots I took today.”

“Really? How are they?”

“They’re…” you started, hesitating momentarily, “they’re good. I’ll show them to you. But maybe not right now. I still need to, uh, get used to the pictures myself.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Jaebum nodded.

If anyone was going to understand your hesitation to show your art to others – it was going to be him because he was exactly the same way. Only, in your case, you needed more time to prepare to show him the pictures you’ve taken because you were afraid that your feelings for him would shine through every picture.

“Don’t let Jackson pressure you,” Jaebum added. “He’s excited – this was two of his worlds, photography and music, colliding – but he can wait until you’re ready.”

You nodded, still smiling, and looked down, thinking about your next words.

“He’s a good friend,” you finally said, talking slowly. “And he seems like a good person in general. He… doesn’t strike me as someone who’d lie just for the sake of maintaining a good relationship with someone.”

“He’s great,” Jaebum said, frowning lightly because he could not understand where you were going with this.

“Then why – if you don’t mind me asking – don’t you believe him when he says that your music is good?” you finished the question, noticing the way Jaebum’s eyes drifted away from yours as soon as the last word left your lips. “I mean, I’d get it if you wouldn’t believe me. I don’t have a musical background and I don’t know you that well but—”

“I believe you.”

“—he just—” you stopped suddenly. “Y-you do?”

Jaebum nodded. He took a deep breath and sat back down in his previous spot in front of you before continuing.

“I believe you and Jackson both,” he said. “At this point, it’s not that I think my music is bad. I think it could use some improvement but I’d like to believe that I’ll get there. I’ll reach a point where I’ll like everything -- or, at the very least, almost everything -- about the way it sounds. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with my music on top of everything. Playing it at my radio station – if we ignore how unfair that’d be for the other amateur singers – should be a step towards recognition, right? But what if it won’t be? What if I play it, and that’s where it ends? My career in music does not advance and this also brings an end to my inspiration. What if I won’t want to work on my music anymore because my first song will… flop?”

Hearing his concerns about this made your heart beat faster and your hands itch to touch him as reassuring words about how everything was going to be okay almost spilled from your lips.

“But what if it won’t flop?” you tried, your voice small as if you were afraid to say the wrong thing and have him close off again. There was a tiny gap in the protective wall inside of his chest leading right into his heart and you’d have done anything to keep it open. “What if you play it and that doesn’t become an end – it becomes a beginning?”

Jaebum considered this, nodding his head. Your approach was obviously a lot more optimistic than his and, once again, he found himself appreciating that you and him found ways to complete each other whenever you had different opinions about something. Jaebum was set on believing that he was going to fail – but he had you, right across from the kitchen counter, to tell him that not everything that seemed like an end was actually an end.

“I see people who want to become singers fade into the background,” he confessed and you lost yourself in the feelings that poured out of his chest through his words. “They send me countless songs. And then I play one of their songs on the radio. They send me a thank-you note. And then I don’t hear from them again. Anywhere. It doesn’t work out. Getting your song played on the radio does not guarantee you a career.”

“But is it a career that you want?” you asked. “Or is it being heard? Is it sharing your music with the world?”

“That’s the thing – I don’t know,” Jaebum admitted. “And I think it’d be awfully bold of me to say that I want all three.”

“I think it’d be ambitious,” you said. “And that is what I admired the most about you ever since I texted your ad all of those months ago.”

“I thought it was the cat I’d used as my profile picture.”

You laughed. “I admired that, too. But it’s your confidence about what you wanted in life that really pulled me in and even inspired me to be more certain about my own goals. At the end of the day, all you want to do is to create music. That’s your passion. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from turning that passion into a living.”

Jaebum watched you for a moment before speaking again, “you’ve been a motivational speaker in your past life, haven’t you?”

You laughed again, shaking your head. “No. I’ve been a supportive friend. That’s what I’m trying to be in this life, too.”

It was—probably—very brave of you to call yourself his friend and you almost regretted it as soon as your eyes met his. Jaebum looked at you for a long while, this time, not saying anything and, thus, further fueling your regret.

“Thank you,” he finally spoke, his hand brushing lightly against yours on the counter between the two of you. “All of this means a lot to me.”

Hours later, you and Jaebum were crouched down on the floor of your bathroom, both of you watching the clock on the clothes dryer. You were leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, your eyes following digital numbers on the dryer in front of you while Jaebum rested against the wall next to you, his head halfway on your shoulder. It was already after midnight and, having had an early morning, both of you were too tired to care about how close the two of you were sitting to each other.

“Do you think it’ll take long for it to finish?” you asked, yawning for the sixth time in the past two minutes. “We should have moved into an apartment where the dryer actually showed how much time is left until the laundry’s done.”

Jaebum smiled – yawning a second later as well. “It probably always takes long, that’s why there’s no timer. You can go to sleep if you’re tired.”

“No,” you sighed, wanting to shake your head but stopping yourself before you did because you didn’t want to hit Jaebum who was leaning against you. “We still have to figure out the right way to get our clothes out of the dryer. To appease the society as one would.”

“Not sure if we’ll figure anything out if we both fall asleep while waiting for it to finish drying.”

“Sleeping on the bathroom floor,” you said. “Doesn’t sound so bad, to tell you the truth.”

Jaebum snickered quietly and then pulled away from your shoulder to give you a teasing look. “I’m sure sleeping in my bed is much more comfortable.”

You were sure he managed to catch the sight of your widening eyes before you looked away in embarrassment.

“Right,” you said, the sudden memory of falling asleep in Jaebum’s room last night – and the night before, after you’d confronted Suji – waking your mind right up. “Sorry I keep… falling asleep there.”

“I don’t blame you,” he smirked. “My bed is great. I guess I won that bet in the end, didn’t I?”

You scoffed. “No way. I would have built my bed faster if you hadn’t broken the frame.”

“Sure. But my bed is much more comfortable, so I’m the real winner,” he insisted.

“No, you’re not.”

“You wouldn’t have fallen asleep in my bed if it wasn’t more comfortable than yours.”

You didn’t say anything for a few moments before finally whispering, “I don’t think it’s about the bed.”

“No?” Jaebum asked, his eyes tracing the features of your face. You still weren’t looking at him so you didn’t notice the desperation hiding behind his gaze. You’ve just said something he’s been waiting to hear. He needed you to continue. “What’s it about, then?”

Too tired to filter your thoughts properly before you voiced them, you shook your head. You’ve already said enough. Now was not the time for pathetic confessions of love that may have not been reciprocated. No one deserved to get their hearts broken after midnight. It was the worst possible time.

“You know exactly what it’s about,” you chose to say.

Jaebum didn’t give in, “do I?”

“I think you do.”

“I’d like it if you said it.”

You laughed suddenly, your mind too tired to argue with him. “Get lost.”

It was so obvious what the two of you were talking about – you didn’t fall asleep in Jaebum’s bed because the bed was comfortable; you kept falling asleep there because he was there – and yet you were both too stubborn. You refused to voice the real reason why you found yourself in his bed and he refused to give up without hearing you say it out loud.

You were so close to something. So close, you could almost taste it on your lips after you nervously brought your tongue over them. You could almost feel it in the rapid beating of Jaebum’s heart when you moved your arm to find a more comfortable position and ended up positioning it right on his back.

You were so close but you weren’t there yet.

Jaebum responded to you with a tired chuckle and then, after slowly getting up from the floor, extended a hand for you. “Let’s go to sleep. We’ll get the clothes out tomorrow.”

“But they’ll be all wrinkled—”

“At least you’ll get a good night’s sleep,” he said, “so it won’t matter as much.”

You sighed, taking his hand and allowing him to help you stand up.

“So,” Jaebum said, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion, but his lips still curled into a teasing smirk. “My bed or yours?”

You pushed his shoulder, making him laugh again.

“Goodnight,” you said, walking past him towards your bedroom. Jaebum watched you go with the same smile still on his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

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