#anyway im done ranting about this on tumblr im sorry i just didnt realize how much of a fucking.... idk insensitive bitch my mom is

[your-jellyfish-senpai]

catch me ordering through door dash two dinners in a row bc im a mess and cant be bothered to try and cook anything

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[bangtanata-blog]

Misha’s 100+ followers’ follow forever thing ft. Gudetama, a lazy ass 2 min edit done with shaking hands, suggested by Jenny and actually done after a pep talk with Heena.

I can’t really talk about how happy I’ve become after knowing about BTS and actually becoming their fan, bc some of their songs do... help, in a way. Like, 21st Century Girls, So Far Away, 4 O’Clock, Miss Right, etc--they have.... helped me, in going through some days. I just had a bad week, month, whatever, and I was a bit stupid today bc I researched some stuff that probably shouldn’t be researched... So I thought that maybe doing a positive thing will help today after hours of listening to music proven unsuccessful.

So... here it is, a list of people, both mutuals and non-mutuals. I’m sorry if my mention annoys you or bothers you, especially if we’re not mutuals. But I just want to let you know that by making these mentions, I wanna voice out how your presence in my dash actually help me a whole lot, and that is why I’m still upset that Indonesia has tumblr blocked.

bold - mutuals / normal - non mutuals / the list is not in alphabetical orders. i will mention mutuals first. / all mentioned people have something written for them. i’m sorry if some are too long or too short. jsyk i love you all.

@clairelions​ 💜 chiara 💜 thank you for following me back that day, it made me scream internally and eternally; i was really happy when i found out about it. i really look up to you! not only bc you’re older, but you’re also nice and sweet, not to mention polite, and i really aspire to be as kind as you someday. sometimes i still laugh at my mistake in sending that anon message without clicking the anon button, but it’s really sweet over how you take it so calmly and even still accepts my anonymous messages when you know that it’s me. i love your edits, i love your jikook aus, your hogwarts aus (the hogwarts aus have a special place in my heart... i haven’t forgotten that i want to write a fic for it someday!) and many others. i hope your redbubble stuffs get more purchases, and that you’ll have a great day, don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated. ilu 💜

@yoonkia​ - So, this is the nice thing I was talking about. I like making people happy, so this is okay, I guess. The gudetama was made in a spur of moment and tbh Gudetama is a Huge Mood but anyway, thank you so much for messaging me. I didn’t think anyone would, and I didn’t even know why I made that post. I only realized I was shaking when I saw your message, thank you. (Also, I’m more eloquent now. This is actually how I talk usually!! dhklslshd i’m sorry you had to see that strange me). I actually really like seeing you on my dash, and I’m??? always happy to know we’re mutuals even tho we barely talked dshjkfjd I hope that we can talk more;; you need to know that i’m usually funny //hEH. again, thank you 💜

@jvnckles - jENNY HAHAHAHAHA I DIDNT END UP USING MY SKETCH OF TAEHYUNG IM SORRY BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THE GUDETAMA ANYWAY WWWW 💜 Jenny jenny jenny ilu it’s such a happy coincidence when i saw you on Fahreen’s blog and when I found out you’re Indonesian I just have to follow you bc!!!! aaaa!!!! I don’t regret it one bit you’re such an angel and ilu and dont let mean pouty anons get in your way, you’re amazing and lovely and you deserve a lot of good things in this world hun 💜 i wish you the best of luck with the upcoming college days lmao i hope you dont suffer like i do 💜💜 ilu nak stay strong yah wwww

@jungcock - miaAAAAaaaa we don’t talk much but youre!! such!! a blessing!! in my dash your tags are funny your text posts are funny and your fic is great ilu even tho im worried about your health bc you’re high sometimes when i see you on my dash (it’s mostlikely a culture shock-- since we don’t really get high here. it’s basically illegal anyway) but you do you, buddy, just stay healthy and safe ok?? your writing gets me motivated to do some actual writing myself lmao i hope my weakass self can actually update something soon. ilu 💜

@kookieholic - i dont see u a lot in my dash... it’s probably a timezone thing :c but you’re a sweet sweet person and ilu and thank you for existing i hope we can be friends someday 💜

@cyphertaehyungie / @kikiwho - !!!!!! i’m still amazed that you’re... following me, tbh. I love your edits, i love your posts, you sound like such a sweet person and hdsshk yeHA thank you! 💜

@hosehok - 💜💜💜 We havent talked in a few but I always get pleasantly surprised whenever I see you back on my dash. Thank you for existing, I love you.

@kimtaehyungl - You’re a constant presence in my dash; it would seem weird for me if you’re suddenly not there, tbh. I love your posts, I love your contents and your tags and honestly thank you for brightening my day, every day 💜

@taegayhyung - I don’t see you a lot too :c A timezone thing? Mostlikely. I’m sorry we never really talk, but I’m sure you’re a gr8 person 💜

@faenam - I screamed when you followed me back, still scream when I see you on my dash. You’re so... chill sometimes and actually cool but also you’re??/ cute? I don’t know how to say this properly? Am I being creepy??? dhslsgjdks anYWAY thank you for being on my dash, I love you and your contents and I hope we can be friends 💜

@taehyungtrsh - bABY (i dont know why I said that, but oh well?) thank you for following me back and thank you for interacting with me whenever we’re able to! I’m too shy to really send anything else other than asks but you’re honestly very kind and fun and just!!! thank you, you made me feel at home and at ease when I first started this blog and you made me feel like I’ve made friends in this fandom. Thank you 💜

@hobisuki - 💜💜💜 First of all, I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming college years. I’m sure that whatever path you choose you can find something good out of it and that you’ll flourish; it’s okay even if it’s not your first choice, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost your path to a bright future. There are other pathways you can take and it’ll lead you there nevertheless. Tbh wow I can quote something from So Far Away right about now lmao but yeHA goodluck bb i’m sure you can do it!! Thank you for following me and thank you for brightening my dash, ilu 💜

NON-MUTUALS MENTION START HERE

@booptaegi - Hello! First of all, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything; I just want to tell you that I love seeing you on my dash, your contents make me smile and sometimes your tags make me laugh. I love.. the taegi contents..... (I just love all ot7 dynamics but dsjkhd shhhh ilu) I hope that you’ll have an amazing day today; please don’t forget to stay healthy and hydrated, don’t forget to eat! 💜

@jhsmixtape - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that sometimes i come in the form of an anon I love seeing you on my dash. You’re funny and your interactions with your mutuals and anons make me laugh everytime! Your tags and your text posts and others are so funny as well, so thank you, thank you, for making me laugh 💜

@yoonseok - hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothered you or anything, but I just want to let you know that I love seeing you on my dash. Your gifs and contents are top notch, and you’re actually nice and p relatable dsjkdfj I’ve seen some mean anons bothering you before, and I want to tell you that whatever they may say about you, please know that I do appreciate you and like seeing you on my dash, and that although you seem awkward and super blunt, you’re actually p sweet :’) Please don’t let the anons drag you down. You’re a kind person and you deserve many good things. Please don’t forget to eat healthy and stay hydrated (as a side note though... make sure never to take too much water again :’D), I hope you’ll have an amazing day!

@jimiyoong - Hello, I’m sorry if this mention bothers you! I want to let you know that you’re a sweet sweet person esp whenever I see your interactions with the anons, how patient and mature you are, etc. I love seeing you on my dash, and as I mentioned above, your presence actually makes me happy sometimes. Thank you 💜 I hope you’ll have a nice day, please don’t forget to stay hydrated!

@vanillalattaes - 💜💜💜💜 Okay you probably already know who I am thanks to my name HJDSGHKSJD aNYWAY yeah I can’t believe this is the Grand Reveal but hey at least it’s not a stray message like how it happened with Chiara dhsklsk Hello, it’s me, Cappuccino, and no pressure over finally knowing who I am (as in you don’t have to follow me back if you don’t want to!!!!). I’m sorry if this mention bothers you, but I just wanna let you know that I’m really really happy to have you as my friend, Fahreen. I can’t stress this enough, I’m so happy to see you on my dash, mostly it’s bc I know then that you’re healthy and safe 💜Thank you for listening to my rants whether that one time on the rabbit site or through the anonymous messages. You’re a genuinely kind person and I’m happy to have you as my friend 💜 You make me happy and feel loved and honestly you’re one of the reasons why I’m so content in staying in this bts blog and in this fandom overall. I love that we both love spicy foods, I love that we can bond over cake. You’re a sweet, sweet person and I hope that you’ll have a nice day. Please don’t forget to eat and stay hydrated! Thank you Fahreen, you’re appreciated!!!

[bluethepaladin]

I just lost a friend over something so stupid, and I’m so mad. I want to scream.

Somebody literally had the audacity to use my situation with Hurricane Harvey to promo their blog.

As most of you know, I was hit kind of hard by Harvey. I don’t post about it too much, because it’s Depressing and Unfun, and tumblr is mostly my way to escape. So a while back, when the floodwaters had just retreated, my friend on tumblr came to me wanting to vent, and I thought they were asking for advice. After a few back and forths, I realized they didn’t want my advice and just wanted to vent. But like, I have a lot on my plate right now. And because I thought we were friends, I thought I could be honest about that. So I sent a polite message saying 

“Okay somewhere along the line I think I misunderstood what you wanted from me. I thought you were asking for advice, which is why i offered it. Since we're friends, I'll be honest with you. For about the next 3 days it's going to be super duper rough for me, and I've got a lot on my plate. On a normal day I would be 1000% down to listen to you vent and be a Supportive and Good Friend™ but I just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to do that right now. I'm sorry, I want to be there for u to listen to you vent, and you can totally lay it all on me like at any other time and I will be glad to hear it, but for now and the next 3 days, I just can't handle it.”

They responded with “that’s fine.” and nothing else, so I said “Thank you so much for understanding” and they just. Stopped talking to me. The next day I sent a message saying that I hope they had a great day, and sorry for being a downer. No response.

Two days later, I asked them how their day was. They said “fine. you?” Since, again, I had asked to not talk about Deep things, I glossed over the fact that my house was being ripped apart by helpful neighbors, and also mentioned I had class tomorrow. Their response? 

“i'm fine. hope you have a good day in class tomorrow.”

Clearly, that is the end of the conversation. So I just figured, hey, they’re probably not in the mood to talk right now, So I said I’d leave em to it, and logged off. 

Two days later, I see a post on my dash. It’s them asking for a promo. The tags are this: #i think an ex mutual is badmouthing me ://// #because i didnt want to talk to them when they wanted to talk #so i think theyre like name dropping me now #but anyway im also close to my next k

Cool. Fine. Whatever.

But then I see an ask on my dash

Anon: You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but why would they badmouth you? If you don't mind me asking?

Answer: nah it’s cool here’s the storythe other day i was ranting to them about something that was bothering me, and they were talking to me about it and stuff but then they just snapped at me and told me they couldn’t deal with me for the next couple of days (because they were dealing with the aftermath of Harvey and like okay that’s fine that’s cool i understand please by all means go deal with that don’t even worry about me my issues aren’t as important) so we didn’t speak for a few days. i gave them their space. which is what they wanted, right? well like almost exactly 3 days later they come to me and want to talk. well, i haven’t been feeling awesome lately, as you might know, and when i get into a depressive state i tend not to talk much. i’ll answer anons and stuff but messages don’t really… i can’t really handle that. so they start talking to me, and i reply but… i’m not as into the conversation as i usually am when i talk to them i guess? (also i’m watching a video at this time so i’m like trying to watch that and not leave them hanging while also feeling like shit. and i told them this) so anyway they unfollowed me sometime between that conversation and the next morning. (also the conversation didn’t even… like i wasn’t shitty to them? and they weren’t shitty to me? so i don’t understand) now since then i’ve lost like 20 followers. and i haven’t been posting on this blog much. i have a queue running but i don’t think any of those posts were problematic, if so i think someone would tell me. and any discourse i post is on a sideblog so it can’t be that. unless tumblr is royally fucking up, but i don’t think that’s it. so i’m pretty sure this person is flat out just bashing me. anyway that’s it im done talking about it. just if yall could reblog my promo post that would be awesome because i’ve been steady losing followers since that night ://///

Bolded emphasis is mine.

Literally all of that is a lie. I never unfollowed them until yesterday, which is how I saw the post! It was on my dash. 

I never said I didn’t want to deal with them, I said I couldn’t handle venting for probably 3 days. 

I sent a message to them after they said “that’s fine” I sent a message the next day and got no response. And I sent a message the day after that, and that’s when they finally decided to grace me with their presence.

I never unfollowed them. Well, I did yesterday because I value myself too much to let myself be used and dragged around by people.

I never told anyone about it using their name.

So of course, I sent a message. I asked them if they wanted me to unfollow them, since they’d unfollowed me. I said I was hurt because pretty much none of that was true. They said they’d deleted the chat and at the top it didn’t say I was still following so they just assumed I unfollowed. 

They said “I guess it was just a misunderstanding”

Then I apologized. After reading the wording of the post, I thought, oh no maybe they read my initial message wrong, and assumed that I actually didn’t want to talk to them, not just talking about the vent stuff. 

“ I apologize if I worded it in a way that made you think I couldn't handle YOU. What I was trying to say is that I couldn't handle anymore emotional drama right now than my own, which I think is fair. Since you deleted it, this is what I said: 

‘Okay somewhere along the line I think I misunderstood what you wanted from me. I thought you were asking for advice, which is why i offered it. Since we're friends, I'll be honest with you. For about the next 3 days it's going to be super duper rough for me, and I've got a lot on my plate. On a normal day I would be 1000% down to listen to you vent and be a Supportive and Good Friend™ but I just don't have the mental or emotional capacity to do that right now. I'm sorry, I want to be there for u to listen to you vent, and you can totally lay it all on me like at any other time and I will be glad to hear it, but for now and the next 3 days, I just can't handle it.’

 I was trying to say we should talk about only not-emotional things for a while, since, you know, my house is being ripped apart and I no longer have a car. And I also am trying not to bog my friends down with the fact that I'm in a Shitty Situation right now and I don't think it's fair to constantly be like This Sucks, so I was trying to stay away from emotionally heavy topics”

and they told me that it wasn’t the case. That the initial message was not the problem. Then why, in their massive plea to their followers did they lie and say I ‘didn’t want to deal with them?’

Their response:

“that's not why i thought you were mad at me. i understood that. you're situation sucks, i saw the pictures. so i understood completely that you didn't want to deal with the drama. i thought you were mad at me because when you did talk to a couple days later i wasn't feeling very good and i wasn't talking to anyone but i wanted to reply to you. after you didn't reply after i apologized i figured you had gotten super pissed that i wasn't being talkative. like we usually are. “

Here are the next few messages:

Me: I'm going to lot out of Tumblr for a while. You really really hurt my feelings. I understand there was a miscommunication but instead of talking to me about it, you posted about it on tumblr, which I saw on my dash just scrolling through Tumblr. I feel like I've shared a lot with you and now I feel very vulnerable, like if I ever am anything but 100% emotionally available to you, you'll blame me for things too. I'm just hurt. And I need to take care of stuff at the house, and I need time to nurse my hurt feelings

Them: i understand

3 days later

Me:  I'm back on tumblr and I noticed you don't follow me anymore. why? do you still think i told people to unfollow you? that isn't true. I never told anybody anything. I feel like I also deserve an explanation. Why did you make a post about me, saying that I told people to follow you? I'm still following you, by the way. Unless you don't want me to, which is okay, I guess but kind of unexpected, seeing as I have literally done nothing to you at all, besides asking you to not vent to me for like 3 days. I just.. I want an explanation. And where do we stand now. Do you just not want to be friends anymore?

Them:  i unfollowed you because i was sure that you had unfollowed me. and then when you came and told me you didn't i felt like if i had it would have made things worse, so i waited. the night you talked to me after the whole don't vent to me for three days thing you said "i guess i'll leave you to it." and i told you that i wasn't feeling well, also i was watching something. you never got back to me so i was like well shit i think i pissed them off. i didn't mean to i just did not feel good. so the next day i went to see if you still followed me, but this must be a sideblog or something because it didn't find you. i think that's what it does for sideblogs. so i did the next best thing, which was to delete our conversation and start a new one to see if it said we were still mutuals or whatever. it didn't say anything so i assumed you had unfollowed me (i lost like 3 or 4 followers that night and i thought you were one of them) so i was like oh damn i guess i did piss them off. so i went ahead and unfollowed. then in like the next day or so i lost like 20-30 followers. i wasn't posting any discourse or anything so i didn't understand why this mass amount of people were ditching me all at the same time. the only thing i could think of was that someone was shit talking me. (turns out it was an ex mutual that was trash talking me, but it wasn't you) so i assumed oh damn i guess i pissed them off really bad and they're here trash talking me. in hindsight it was stupid but my RSD was snowballing everything into a horrible mess. i thought i had pissed you off so bad that night that i wasn't being chatty. literally none of this had anything to do with the three days you didn't want to talk to me.

Me: okay, 1. please stop saying i didn't want to talk to you for 3 days. We already talked about this and established that I didn't want to talk about heavy things, aka venting--Not that I didn't want to talk to you. You told me that you understood this. If you don't then we can go through it again, but I never ever said that I didn't want to talk to you, and the fact that you keep saying that is really rubbing me the wrong way. 2. Cool. I understand your reasoning. I get it, I just took 3 days off myself because I was crazy overwhelmed. But you made a post about me, in which you are very clearly talking about me. Like, people asked me about it. In that post, you said I snapped at you, and you accused me of name-dropping you and getting people to unfollow you. Then, in the tags, you said that you never name-dropped me, and it's because you aren't "sheisty," meaning that I AM shitty for "namedropping" you, which I didn't do. I literally never did anything, and the post is STILL there 3. I didn't respond to you because I logged off tumblr. I started up a chat, asked you how your day was, you said fine? you? i gave you an update and said i had class tomorrow. You said "have a good day at school tomorrow" which is what people usually say when they say bye. So, i was like, alright, Lio's not in the mood for talking, guess it's time to go. 4. If you were worried I was mad, you could have just asked. 5. you have yet to say sorry. I dunno, are you sorry? like I didn't DO anything to you, Lio, and you even said it was someone else, yet you made a huge post about me which I saw on my dash because I'm still following you! It was a lot to handle, because I thought we were friends, and I was already dealing with a lot! It really really hurt me and it left me feeling vulnerable. I understand why you thought the way you did, but you still made a post about me that people could tell was me, because I got questions about it!! Lastly, this IS a sideblog, I have a personal blog, which is in my about and I have answered questions about and I don't give it to people unless we're friends because the Voltron fandom is full of nasties.

It’s almost been a week since I sent that. No response. I’m a pretty understanding person. If they had sent a message like “Hey, I want to keep talking to you about this, but I need a few days to get organized.” I would be totally fine. Also, I’m getting mad at this point, because they have yet to say sorry. The lied and accused me of doing things I didn’t do to get sympathy from their followers, and the post is still up. If they just literally talked to me about anything, sent a “hey, are you mad at me?” or “do you still follow me?” none of this would have happened. Keep in mind, I didn’t do anything they accused me of, and they realized that it was someone else.

So finally today I said:

Me: guess that's it, huh? never figured you for someone who wouldn't apologize. For clarity's sake, now I've unfollowed you.

Them:  Just because I hadn't replied to you yet doesn't mean I'm not sorry or that I wasn't going to. But alright.

Them:  Regardless, I am sorry for everything I did. It was stupid of me to assume everything and even stupider of me to air it publicly. No matter how upset I was or how how wholeheartedly I believed my own foolish accusations. You didn't deserve any of this and I'm sorry for putting you through it after that you've already had to deal with. It wasn't fair and for that I profusely apologize. You don't have to reply to this I just wanted you to know that I am sorry before all is said and done. Anyway, goodbye.

Somebody literally used my situation with Hurricane Harvey as an excuse to promo themselves on tumblr.

Literally all I wanted was a sincere apology, and maybe the post taken down or a correction posted because people who followed us both asked me about it. They knew who I was based on that post. It’s taken me a long time, and a lot of therapy to get here, but my therapist keeps reminding me that I have to value myself enough to demand acceptable treatment for myself. Wanting an apology is not unreasonable. Like, how dare you use my situation to promo yourself? How dare you claim I’m being unreasonable after going radio-silence on me for almost a week, with no explanation? (Again, I’d be totally cool if they needed a week to deal with other stuff, if they’d just asked). 

I’m so mad. I’m seeing red. 

My advice: Talk to people about how you feel and don’t make shit up about them. Be honest with how you feel and what’s up.

And last of all, don’t be a manipulative asshole.

[zzpopzz]

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story*  I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely  by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed  repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

[groundramon]

Actually you know what.  Now im salty.  Its better than being depressed, so thanks for that, but this show just earned itself a rant by me because apparently i cared more than i thought i did (I actually dont care that much but...lets just pass it off as preparing for my career ok)

So hey what the fuck is up with the AOT plot?  Like im aware 75% of people just watch it for the fight scenes/other aesthetic reasons and yeah i dont blame you, but just because nobody takes it seriously doesnt mean i have to not take it seriously.  Like its clearly trying to be a plot, so I’m gonna treat it as one.  And like for a while I was like “yeah this is pretty standard anime stuff, but you know what? thats okay.  I’m invested in...2/3 of the main characters, there are some major characters im interested in, yeah this can work, I wanna see where this goes” but....everyones a titan man.  I have a feeling I know where the plot twist with the titans “mysteriously” appearing from “thin air” is going (seriously why havent they revealed it yet?? ive been waiting to be proven right for weeks, hell i think months at this point) but thats not really my problem, bc being proven right just boosts my ego and heaven knows I need more of that (whether thats a sarcastic joke or a “please help me my self esteem issues are killing me” joke is up to you to decide).  But like.....the armored and colossal titans...what the fuck is happening.  Does that happen in the manga? I dont think that happens in the manga, but I wouldnt know because I didnt read beyond...chapter 13 or something idfk.

But like, w/e, its way too cliche/convenient so to speak, but thats not even really my problem.  Like its a big problem, but thats not why I bothered writing this.  My problem is that the show is like....”yea this seems like its out of left field bUT LOOK!!! THERES BEEN FORESHADOWING ALL ALONG!!! AND THE GUY NEVER SAID ANYHTING BECAUSE HES FUCKLED IN THE HEAD!!!!! IT ALL COMES TO GETHER!!!!!” and....no....its still out of left field.  

Because: 1. Bertolt doesnt show any signs of mental issues due to the horrible things he’s done, and while he usually kept quiet, that doesnt excuse his ability to hide everything so well.  Even though Erin confronted him on this, I’m still not satisfied.  Part of my problem with this might have also been because I keep confusing him with Marco (legit I didnt even realize Marco died at first, which is another problem entirely but anyways) 2. It’s still hella fucking convoluted that there were FIVE human-turned-titans in the same class of army graduates (is that the terminology? idc about the terminology actually) 3. My computer just changed its display what the fuck is happening....this happened once before when i stayed up really late and i wasnt sure if i was hallucinating it or not and once again im not sure if this is just a hallucination or not.  Please help me 4. There’s probably something like....fundamentally wrong about how Reiner’s mental illness is portrayed (I’m not even sure if its supposed to be split personality but that’d be my assumption) but I dont know enough about split personality disorder to dispute that and obviously I dont suffer from it so...yeah not my place to say that 5. My computer display changed back....also im lagging really bad even in non-tumblr windows?? help 6. I dont know much about Split Personality Disorder (also if its not called that i deeply apologize; I feel like I vaguely remember that being a problematic term...? but i might be thinking of a different disorder so ;-; like i said im sorry i dont know that much about it, if anyone would like to educate me id be more than happy to listen) but I know enough about mental illness to know that its not that fucking convenient.  Like yea I usually feel better about my depression/self-loathing when im talking to someone because i dont have time to focus on that in the conversation, but sometimes im really in a bad place and it’ll just hit me in the middle of talking to/hanging out with someone.  Reiner wouldn’t have been able to force himself into his soldier personality that entire time.  Actually, Bertolt talks about Reiner slipping into that side like he only did it once before (was it when Marco died? I dont remember) so that means most of the time, Reiner is functioning with the knowledge that he killed thousands of people and mentally (and presumably physically) scarred many more.  ???

Just because there were a couple small events that you pointed back to and were like “AHA, SEE?? THIS THING HAPPENED AND YOU MISSED IT BECAUSE IT WAS A SPLIT SECOND LONG BUT IT HAPPENED SO WE’RE GOOD WRITERS WHO KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING!!” doesnt mean you foreshadowed it well.  Like, I give them props for trying, but the entire concept is kinda doomed because of how cliche and convenient it is.  I wouldn’t have had as much of a problem with it if Annie and Ymir weren’t titans too, but if Annie wasn’t a titan then we wouldn’t have had the foreshadowing, so...  I dont know.  Sometimes certain concepts just wont work, man.