#anyway if it wasn't a major requirement i'd drop it

[butch-chastity]

one of my writing classes has us outline our stories before we can start writing and is2g my professor and i have gone back and forth like five times

[cats-artbag]

SwapOut/Webcomic/Twitch PSA!

Hi everyone 👋🏻 Zk here >< or Cats, for older followers

So I've been getting back into doing SwapOut again, but I would like to appeal to everyone who reads and loves the comic. Much love to all of you who's still sticking around 🙏🏻💙 But something has also always been bothering me throughout this journey.

As many of us know, we artists do these comics for free (especially fan comics), starting them out of love and taking a LOT of time and energy out of our lives to continue making them.

And it's amazing how many of you come from translations or comic dubs on Youtube, which are also very well-done and take a lot of effort to make, much love to them too. There is a difference, however.

Monetization.

And I'm not asking for pity! I'm appealing for understanding.

Because some comic dubbers on Youtube are able to earn ad revenue from the videos they upload. From the beginning, we artists have given them the permission to dub our works. But we don't receive anything from it, nor do we usually charge them for using our art (against our better judgement).

We let them use our comic pages in their monetized videos for free. And occasionally these videos receive thousands and millions of views, which I imagine gives a decent amount of ad revenue, while the artists themselves don't usually earn anything from their own artwork, nor do we ever want to put it behind a paywall of any kind. (we like reading free comics too so don't worry x|)

... But doing full-colored comic pages for free eventually gets hard to sustain without any income from it, even more so when we need to give our time and energy to other jobs to earn money for a living instead. We legitimately keep going on our comics purely out of love. Truly, we would LOVE to do our own art for a living. There's things like Patreon but it's only feasible if we're also able to produce bonus content or show BTS, and only people willing to spend money for them can help us, and not readers who aren't able to.

And we understand that not everyone can afford to support us monetarily. And that's okay!

But if you love these comics and want to really help us to keep going, there ARE ways you can easily support us for free!

For example, affiliates on Twitch (like myself) are able to earn ad revenue very early on (they must have at least 50 followers, quite a requirement, but still easier to obtain than Youtube's 1000 subscribers).

(my Youtube, btw. not much rn but drop a subscribe?)

But simply put, if the vast majority of readers from the yt numbers visit and stay for ads on the artists' Twitch streams (remember to have adblocker disabled for the site, if any), they'll be making an actual, physical contribution to the artist themselves, at no cost whatsoever. We earn up to 55% from any ads that run on our stream, so the more viewers, the better!

(this is my twitch on average 8 viewers, with a 3 hour stream. again, the more the better!)

(ofc you can also buy subs to watch ad-free and supports me directly, but i'm typing all this to share the free ways people can support their fave creators ✨)

And even if that doesn't work out, I'd be happy enough to see most of you there 🙏🏻💙 I've been treating my streams as work, so I'm striving not to break the streak.

So drop a follow on my Twitch, and catch the streams when you can! They're great if you need company or background noise, and also great for co-working~

Currently streaming WEEKLY, Mondays, Wednesdays (SwapOut) and Saturdays, 10.30AM EST

(art by @cupcakepaints)

>> twitch.tv/zkcats <<

Anyway thanks for listening to my Ted talk, please share this around for others as well >< 🙏🏻 Artists, make this a reblog chain or something! Promo your stuff!

And apologies for the essay, I wasn't expecting to type this much sdghsgh this itself is not an ad for Twitch or whatev, I'm just a little frustrated with needing to juggle all this.

I was also considering hosting SwapOut somewhere that could get ad revenue, but I wasn't sure where until I realized I can probably earn that from my Tapas now (i think?? sdfhgh up to 70% ad revenue there but i haven't seen any yet) So maybe I'll post there a day earlier than here or something? We'll see. Go subscribe there! Check it out! Reread it! Help ME help YOU!

... Much appreciated ><

[bananasfosterparent]

I definitely think there are more AA enjoyers out there (including some Spawn fans who claim otherwise, remember how many of them were salivating over AA's sex scene in the beginning but now they're all saying they actually hate it because he's dissociating in it) but the thing is AA fans have become the fandom's punching bag which makes it really difficult for a lot of people to publicly come out as liking this route without potentially being called delusional, told that you may end up being abused irl and other crap like this because how can you not see his toxic and abusive behavior. It also doesn't help that even one of the writers who worked on his character claimed that players who chose this route only saw him as a sex object lmao

I know there are spawn fans who like AA because every time I see AA romance scene posts in places like OnlyFangs and the Astarion facebook groups I'm in, I ALWAYS see comments like "I can't ascend him but this is so hot!!" or "thank you for posting this! I'd never do this to pookie, but I have to admit this is got me🥵🥵🥵" or panty dropping gifs and things like that. So they can thirst after AA (but we are the only ones sexualizing him, remember!), yet simultaneously talk about how much they hate that version of him. It really makes no sense. Just enjoy all of Astarion! No guilt, excuses, disclaimers, or abuse required!

It's really unfortunate. I understand why some AA fans keep quiet in the fandom. There are a few people in one of the AA discords I'm in, who are only active in that discord and nowhere else in the fandom because theyre just tired/afraid of the negativity. That's ridiculous to me! The fact that people literally can't even comfortably just exist in the fandom without the fear of being bullied for NOTHING.

I have been told I'm "romanticizing abuse" directly and indirectly more times than I can count and it doesn't get better with frequency. And when you factor in that many AA fans ourselves have had experiences with abuse and trauma, it's just such a poor taste statement that literally has 0 ground. I mean, if any romanticizing of abuse were happening, wouldn't it be Larian doing it anyway? Aren't they the ones allowing the romance to continue after ascension with positive dialog choices, and sharing the AA kisses on Valentine's Day posts? Why not come after them instead of fans? If the relationship between AA and his Consort was "written to be abusive" then shouldn't Larian write that so clearly that literally no one can argue about it and there is no doubt in anyone's mind? So why then, is that not shown in the game? And why come after the people interpreting the story differently instead of the company for not making the story's message so airtight, it can't be argued?

Hint: because it's not written to canonly be an abusive relationship, that wasn't Larian's intention and nor should it be. The intention was to create an evil romance route and that's exactly what it is. Anything outside of that is up to YOU.

I think that's where the superiority complex steps in though. That whole "you AA fans just aren't media literate and clever enough to understand the deep, meta meaning of this cautionary abuse tale!" thing.

It also feels like an underlying misogyny thing too. A majority of Astarion fans in general are women and AFAB people. I see spawn fans always calling us "AA girlies" and I never see the reverse. And when it comes to AA fans, it feels a lot like a "let's save/educate the poor naive girls from themselves and their foolishness." When many AA fans aren't even female and certainly aren't naive or young impressionable people looking to have a real life AA.

As for the Co-Writer Who Will Not Be Named... that whole situation is a perfect example of someone abusing their position/influence. They knew players would take their word as law, without actually thinking about it in the context of it being a rolepaying game. So their opinion and agenda is taken as a canon fact when they only did minimal writing AND they can't speak for anyone else's Tav/Durge but their own.

Saying "When Tav ascends Astarion, it means they only see him as a sexual object." is just like saying "Tav keeps Astarion a spawn because they want control over him." Can you roleplay both of those things? ABSOLUTELY. But for most Spawn fans, I'm sure that is NOT why your Tav did it, especially if they're romancing him.

What Welch said is exactly the same type of statement. Their position and professional contribution to the game holds no water in context of their statement being universally applied to all Tavs and Durges that ascend Astarion. It may be how they see it, it may be the impression they tried to get the dialog to convey, but it's all up to each individual player how it's interpreted.

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Can you talk a little bit about how you became a paleontologist? (like school and stuff).

I went to college wanting to major in paleontology and everybody told me I could major in geology but that being a paleontologist just really wasn't possible.

I did major in geology/archaeology combo major (offered at my college, it's actually a BA, not a BS, which was disappointing), but it's not paleontology and i've been out of school for a awhile and i'm just really discouraged.

ugh welcome to my life. the reason my story is complicated is because of crap like that.

so, I'm going to get very, very, very real here. that means I'm going to reveal some personal details about myself. I'm okay with it. I want to share this. Content Warnings for Parental Abuse, Mental Illness, Physical Disability, and Trauma. Phew. Here we go.

first thing we have to acknowledge: I grew up poor. my mom was a stay at home mom because of mental illness (majorly agoraphobic and huge social anxiety, plus largely untreated OCD). my dad rarely held on a job for very long because of severe untreated ADHD. my parents' primary concern, at all times, was that their six kids (my mom loves kids) would have gainful, steady employment. they are communists, and it was always about how we can't help others effectively if we're not secure in the rest of our lives.

I wanted to be a paleontologist from the moment I could have such a want. But my parents never, never, thought that was a good idea. They wanted me to be a scientist, because they could see my potential, but they didn't think being a paleontologist was a safe career. And, to be fair, they had a point. But I didn't want to be anything else. In fact, the very idea would make me start sobbing. So while I was little, they didn't really do anything about it. Occasionally they planted seeds of "you might not be a paleontologist", but it never went well.

fast forward to me going to college. now they were serious. we were constantly fighting over whether I should be a paleontologist or a medical researcher (MDPhD. you know, the insane degree that insane people get.) (I'm insane, but not that way). because they were paying for, well, some of it (I got a lot of scholarships, b''h), and I was in general dependant on them like most college students are, they picked my classes. I was forced to major in biology (though I probably would have picked that anyway), and I never took any geology classes (well, I took half of one, but had to drop it because of my stupid premed classes).

I got to do paleontology research, but it was kind of in secret - I technically had two different research jobs, one in evolutionary biology, one in paleontology. I took tons of medical related classes, and was forced to take the MCAT twice. I wasn't good at it. Memorizing things isn't my forte, I'm much better at problem solving and finding/evaluating information. I also just wasn't interested in it - I can remember countless dinosaur genera, but ask me to remember really specific medical details and my mind draws a blank.

I did not do well on the MCAT, but I was still forced to apply to MDPhD programs. I also applied to evolutionary biology and paleontology PhD programs on my own. But paleontology is extremely competitive, and I didn't hear back from any of those. I also didn't get anywhere with any of those medical programs. In fact, I ended up getting accepted to a grad program for evolutionary developmental biology, because that was the only thing that had an opening. Rather than go home and be forced to apply to medical school again, I took the out.

I was miserable. But I tried to convince myself it was better this way. That I would have gainful employment, and be able to do science. Meanwhile, I was running this blog, building a community, and constantly thinking about paleontology instead of my actual thesis. Even though paleontology doesn't require field work, I'd convinced myself I could never do it because field work is inaccessible to me - I have had chronically dislocated knees since I was 16, and a few different physical conditions that make me exceptionally heat sensitive. I couldn't do field work, so I couldn't be a paleontologist. I also am fat, because of those disabilities, and there just aren't a lot of fat AFAB paleontologists, so I thought I wouldn't be able to get far for that reason.

But I couldn't finish that PhD. I didn't care enough about it, and I was constantly hitting roadblocks. I wanted the focus to be more evolution based, my advisor told me no. I wanted to pursue a specific question, my advisor advised against it. My wasps kept dying, and I didn't know why. I couldn't get my assays to work. My advisor was always focused on his other students and never me. It was a nightmare. All the while, my blog was exploding in popularity, and I was even going to paleontology conferences on my own dollar and networking there, presenting research about using the internet as an educational tool. And I felt at home. I was with *my people*.

Then the pandemic happened. I was already estranged from my parents for other reasons, that I'd rather not get into (no, it's not cause I'm queer). Everyone was frustrated with my lack of progress at my first program. My spouse, the infinite well of support that he is (url @plokool), gave me the push I needed to drop out with a master's degree (which I had earned at that point). I then was seriously considering becoming a rabbi, because I didn't think I could hack being a scientist at all after that experience.

But, everything felt wrong when I wasn't engaged with paleo. ADAD had gone on hiatus because my artists were persuing other opportunities (and I'm so proud of them!). I just felt empty and lost without paleontology in my life. So I went to the virtual SVP that was being held in 2020, since it was cheaper than usual and online.

And I met my current advisor. We clicked *right* away. We had the same questions about bird evolution and talked for hours. He encouraged me to apply, so I did - just for paleontology programs. I knew if I didn't do paleo, there wasn't a point. Nothing else would hold my interest enough for me to get a doctoral degree. I also talked to the wonderful friends I had made here on Palaeoblr, ones who were also actually pursuing paleo, and they promised me I could do it - that they believed in me. The one thing no one but my spouse had ever really indicated to me. It gave me the push I needed, and when I was accepted to this program, I took it. It also helped that I finally had working ADHD medication, for the first time in my life.

Even though it meant moving from Chicago - nice, at least sometimes chilly Chicago, my home for my whole life - to fucking southern new mexico. I am so hot. All the time now. My feet never return to their proper color. But it was worth the risk.

But I'm not doing field work! I've had to take a lot of remedial geology classes, but all my work has been computer and lab based. And I've done so much already! I've published a new bird, I've done excellent in my classes and teaching, and I'm currently compiling my own database of Paleogene bird fossils. Last year was a little rough because of trauma things, and the gd-damned adderall shortage, but I'm moving forward. I am hoping to go into museum work, because I love museums, and I believe in them and their ability to educate people (I also want to help the museum field decolonize itself, but that's a different discussion.) I've even made a design for an evolution of dinosaurs exhibit that my professor wants me to make into a real thing someday.

So... yeah. I became a paleontologist by being the world's most stubborn mother fucker alive. I decided I wanted to be as a kid, and I never could let it go, even when it would have been better for me to. But I'm glad I didn't, because now I'm here, and I'm doing well. When i can focus, at any rate. Because I'm only at peace when I'm around dinosaurs.

(P.S. I've even repaired my relationship with my parents, and they support me as a paleontologist now! just took 30 years for them to realize they couldn't fight me on this, I guess... or they're old and tired of fighting. one of the two.)

[curio-queries]

you said the production diary was assembled poorly, and yet you don't want to get into financial backing by the company? the company can keep jungkook's music playlisted for months, but chooses to let jimin's songs drop off playlists because they don't want to pay for it. the writing's on the wall and it shows who decided to allow bh to have more control over their work and it's jungkook. you really think jungkook, who, until seven, said he was sitting on his couch and had no intention on making music, had a documentary crew waiting for him to accept the song and film everything from that moment to his album release? the company planned it and you know that. it's ridiculous to not discuss that when you're a shipper.

Oh anon, your timing is impeccable. I was just discussing the other day how I don't get these types of asks. I'm answering this one because you briefly touched on a subject I do have some thoughts to share but the majority of this ask is steeped in bad faith statements. I won't be entertaining any further that don't provide for further discourse. Like I said before, the fanwars just are not interesting to me, so any of you that are looking to battle on that front will have to go play elsewhere.

Now, back to the parts of your 'ask' that are interesting:

Yes, I dont think too highly of how Jimin's Production Diary was assembled. But I feel that way about most of BTS's content. I've reviewed over 80 episodes so far of Run BTS and 66% of my rankings are mid to poor. (Sidenote to any that are following along with these, I know I'm so far behind on my postings. The next Episode has proven to be a challenge making the silly gif so I end up using the time to watch more instead of post. I'll get back to it eventually.)

Anyway, like I said at the start of my JPD post, I'm a very critical consumer when it comes to film so I always find something to critique. That doesn't mean i don't enjoy it or find value in the content. Quite the contrary actually; if I didn't enjoy it, i wouldn't spend the time evaulating. The part where you and I seem to be misaligning is, you seem to think any critique can be used as evidence in whatever battle you've decided to wage. Alas, that's a lesson you'll have to learn for yourself. Here's something I CAN help you learn though:

There's a spectrum in the planning and execution pipeline of knowing how the content will be released. Not every piece of content we receive is released as it was planned. Sometimes, it will be captured without having any definite plan for release at all. Let's go through some examples:

On one end of the spectrum is BTS's music videos. As a key component of the main product, these have the utmost level of planning. It is clearly outlined how this content will be released. The edit is highly controlled and scrutinized. The scope is defined, everyone involved knows what the goal is and what the deliverable requirements are for their participation. Another example of this level of planning would be their brand deals, commercials, ambassadorships, etc.

Below that, I'd actually list current Run BTS. This show has evolved over the years but the last chunk of episodes as very formulaic. They clearly have some dedicated resources that ensure the quality aligns with the approved standards. This is why brands have been able to sponsor specific episodes. They are able to make assurances about exactly how their brand will be featured, they content surrounding it, and an expected level of engagement.

But Run BTS wasn't always this way. In the early stages, it's very clear that they didn't have everything nailed down and some episodes were expanded into multi-parters when they likely weren't planned that way. There is a lot more to say about some supposition I have regarding the development of Run as a show but I'd like to get through reviewing all of the episodes first.

Next, I'd like to talk about Are You Sure?!. I'd wager this show was initially pretty small scope-wise. Yes, it was always going to be a travel show and when I say small, I don't mean impact/anticipation. I mean the scope of production: the idea to create a travel show with only a partial roster of members. There was absolutely some likelihood that brands wouldn't be as interested in this kind of show which would impact the kind of content they'd be able to create.

Again, I feel the need to remind us all that there was HUGE speculation regarding BTS's transition to the 'hiatus'. Would it be just one giant pause? Would ARMY stick around? Would there still be enough of a draw for brands to want to continue investing. Shows like Bon Voyage, In The Soop and Are You Sure would typically not be paid for by album sales. There is absolutely sponsorships and a partnership with wherever it is being released.

That's what's so interesting about AYS. I'm hoping by the end, we'll have some more clues but right now there's absolutely a possibility that this show started filming without knowing that it would be released on Disney. They could have shot the bits in the US as proof of concept to shop it around. They knew they'd be able to direct release on WeVerse even if it didn't get bought. So the risk is relatively low but still none of us are privy to the details of their partnership with Disney as a distributor so any statements made in that arena are purely speculative.

Like I said in my AYS ep.1&2 post, Jimin was leery enough of the content they captured to state that it might not get released. JK also makes a statement in ep.3 that he's not sure if this content will be classified as a new season. Which leads me to a point that I was expecting to talk about at some point in the airing of AYS:

Don't forget that certain elements known to us when we consume content, are not known to the members when they are filming it. In regards to AYS, we know exactly how many episodes there will be and the locations of these episodes. We know roughly how long the members were in each location. We know exactly was other content has been released as of the time AYS is airing. Even if they already had the deal with Disney in place, and if the release dates were already blocked in, there's no guarantee of the surrounding content. We've seen that they do shift around and delay their album releases. We know it, they know it, I just see many people forget that there are certain variables that surround any content released by BTS.

Getting back to JPD, the content left me wondering about the scope. I still haven't been able to properly watch any of the other BTS documentaries released on Disney so I can't yet form any thoughts if there's any discernable differences in content that was released there vs weverse. It's absolutely something I'll be on the lookout for when I am able to watch.

I'm not really sure how to wrap up this post since you didn't actually ask me any questions other than listing statements I didn't make for verification. Hopefully you're at least open to discourse rather than declarations but in either case, there is always more we can learn about the content we consume.

[retphienix]

I figure I'll be saying nothing unusual in the slightest but-

I have, overall, helped 3 separate tenno on their journey over the years in 'more than minor' ways and a few "sticking points" have become.... extremely painfully obvious in doing so.

Because when *I* was progressing through warframe, I wasn't afraid to just say "Fuck it, later" to whatever line of progression got too annoying- but when you're specifically trying to match a friend and do the same content they are doing, you can't always say that.

So things that just rolled over me and didn't have vast impacts on my experience because I simply came back when I felt like it were EXTREME STICKING POINTS for many of them- to the point where what I would initially call "Minor ideas to improve progression/grind" are now seeming more and more like "MAJOR FLAWS IN PROGRESSION THAT COULD REALLY USE ALTERNATIVE AVENUES".

And again- these things weren't that annoying For Me, but they were EXTREMELY annoying For People Who Wanted To Match Where I Am NOW, and to be frank, I agree in that context- like why the fuck are these parts of the game so bottlenecked in mediocrity.

And again again- I understand warframe as a whole has design decisions built around slowing the player down, prolonging progress, and generally not being "too" rewarding in an effort to profit off inconvenience.

I also fucking hate that, btw, I hate that we live in a time where games just do that, but I digress because this conversation is slightly more "Yeah, you could and should change that" than me just saying "Be a perfect game."

Rambling and not editing the above: The fact that the modern game still has the horrendous setup for how Fortuna/Vox rep works, where you are expected to MAX fortuna in order to even begin meaningfully doing Vox stuff like Profit Taker, where Fortuna STILL TO THIS DAY has no reasonable grind for specific bonds- with Medical Bonds being tied to ONE bounty at a low drop rate in a low amount while needing a lot of them as tribute to rank up- good luck getting our bestie to sell you enough of them or even affording that-

-or where in order to get remotely close to current stuff you have to do all the old quests, then spend a week grinding SPECIFICALLY for necramech stuff (POST NERF WHERE YOU CAN BUY DAMAGED PARTS!!!!) which DEMANDS players go fishing and mining to an extreme amount in a location that has FAR TOO FUCKING MANY DIFFERENT FISH AND ORE AND NO GOOD BAIT IN COMPARISON TO OLD OPEN WORLDS LIKE WTF IS THAT DESIGN DECISION WHEN MINING AND FISHING IN CETUS/FORTUNA IS LIKE 99% OPTIONAL FOR OPTIONAL STUFF LIKE AMP UPGRADES, ZAWS, AND KITGUNS???

-or where you ALSO have to dedicate time to grinding a fucking railjack of all things- the most MEANINGLESS mainstay in your entire arsenal by all accounts and I say that as a huge RJ fan! What does it do!!!? NOTHING! Arch can speed you up in open world! Necra can trivialize open world! RAIL! DOES! NOTHING! WHY DO YOU NEED IT FOR THE QUEST BEYOND "It's a sense of progression that you earned this :)" NO!!! STOP!!

-or even just the BASIC fact that in order to do FUCKING STEEL PATH- you know, that basic step in progression that opens up a fuckton of potential in your kit and like almost all worthwhile content is best done in steel path? Yeah? GOTTA DO EVERY SINGLE NODE! What a MEANINGLESS task! I mean it!

---

Anyways I'm just ranting I think.

Fortuna/Vox is a busted ass rep grind- there is no reason you should need to MAX Fortuna rep in order to do VOX stuff, that's just ridiculously put together and outdated. I'd bet money, because I was FUCKING THERE, that the entire reason it's STILL like that is because they were desperately trying to delay people grinding Vox rep and doing Profit Taker because, spoiler, PT wasn't there.

They made the max rep a requirement because the content behind it didn't exist yet, and then the content released bugged as fuck so they never adjusted it. It works now but too late! Keeping the STUPID fucking rep progression as is!

Forced fishing and mining (on the worst planet to do it on to boot) for KEY QUEST PROGRESSION is just fucking stupid- oh hello Necramech.

Forced Mech and RJ just to do New War is also suspect because both of them practically just get a cameo appearance in the fucking quest, yet MAJOR PROGRESSION is tied to finishing both, cool.

And *I* enjoyed clearing all the nodes. I also wasn't in any hurry to do so. But why the fuck does every single player need to complete like 250 nodes of the same handful of gametypes in order to just do SP? Ridiculously outdated and needs trimmed, either in total missions period or in what's required.

/rant because having to tell people who enjoy warframe "Oh yeah.. uh... yeah you HAVE to do that" and hearing them go "....Seriously?" fucking sucks./

[sparklinpixiedust]

Coffee

A/N: charmcaster x ken, basically how they met. Not proof read, sorry for any grammatical errors.

-----------------------------------------------

" WHY...WON'T ....YOU...WORK ...YOU ...LITTLE" The silver haired witch screamed as she repeatedly kicked the coffee machine at the end of the long hallway.

All she wanted was a nice cup of joe before heading up to her room to start grading the papers her half- brained students had turned in. Unfortunately fate had other plans for her , plans that frustrated her to no end.

Not to mention Freidkin's strict rules on the use of magic on the coffee machine, not after the 'incident' last semester , she couldn't even use a spell to fix whatever on earth was wrong with the appliance.

"uh excuse me , um would you like some help?"

"Well unless you're some coffee machine fixing genius, no thank you!" she snapped , still fixated on the metallic object.

Why did this place have only one of these though? It makes no sense!

" No but I am a major in mechanical engineering, I guess I could have a look " the man voiced again, hoping he could be of some help.

Charmcaster turned to look at the voice this time, only to come face to face with the greenest eyes she'd ever seen. He stood there leaning against a pillar with his hands in is navy blue jeans, his black t shirt making his deep red hair look bright.

Her breath got caught in her throat , the butterflies swarmed in her stomach as she tried to get the words out.

" well then, fine I guess, take a whirl at it red" she said finally, rolling her eyes for an added 'whatever' effect, trying to play it cool. The boy didn't need to know he had affected her now did he.

He gave her a small smile as he walked past her to the machine, pulling it forward and inspecting the mechanics of it.

" I didnt know this place offered a course in engineering" she began , trying to make small talk to pass the time. And also to get to know him, for she was sure she hadn't seen him around before. If she had, she definitely would've remembered.

" Actually I don't go here, but my little sister does. Just here today to drop off some things for her."

" oh I see"

She couldn't feel any mana on him, he was a human through and through. There were quite a few non magic humans here studying history and other magic related degrees that didn't require the actual use of mana, perhaps his sister was one of them.

She went silent for a bit , trying to come up with something to say. It dawned on her that for the first time , she had nothing. She's had crushes before, dated a little bit too. However it seemed like for the first time someone had actually made her mind go blank.

"what about you , do you go here?" he asked shattering the peircing silence.

" Not really, I'm actually a professor here, since the last 6 months"

The redhead looked at her wide eyed, " you're a professor? No way. Wow you must be really smart to have become a college professor at such a young age"

She felt her cheeks redden. She was pretty skilled for someone her age , though this was the first time anyone had ever really told her that. It felt.... nice.

" So why'd you want to become a professor?" he continued on as he crouched down to better look at the wirings.

She leaned back on the stone pillar, recalling what led her to do this job.

" Well I was ruler of this place, it's called Ledgerdomain, it's..It's this place of magic. Anyway I was bored and on my occasional trips to earth I came across an opening for the position. So I thought I'd give it a try. "

And so far the job despite it's shortcomings , wasn't half bad. She would even go as far to say she enjoyed it, especially when it came to passive aggressively torturing her favorite little redhead. She smiled thinking back to when she handed over an A- on her end of semester last year, watching her face fall.

He got up from his position and turned to her, " So you're basically a queen too? Man you're so cool."

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she smiled at him, " yeah I guess I am"

Now it was time for the butterflies in his stomach to take flight.

" so um ," He said sheepishly as he ran his fingers through his hair , " the machine's fuse isn't working right."

Technically the fuse was fine, the machine just needed a quick reboot. He knew that, she didn't need to.

" Oh I see. I was really looking forward to that coffee though, I have a long day ahead of me of grading papers. "

The boy's eyes lit up , a thought occurring through his head.

" hey you know there's a cafe off campus that sells amazing coffee. it's only a 15 minute drive from here if you're interested" He asked, secretly hoping she'd say yes.

The witch smiled. " I'd love that "

The boy gleamed, " after you m'lady"

She giggled as she began to walk with him. Was this sort of a date? They both hoped it was.

" it's Ken by the way " he said.

" I'm Hope"

--------------------------------------------------

[moscowfic]

When I look into your eyes 2

" I don't know what happened. He said he would go for a walk, I told him it was dangerous to do it at night because we are here, you know, there are bears around and a man can't against such an animal." 

Dmitry smiled, looking at the closed eyes of the president sleeping peacefully on the sofa. That face, too pale for his taste certainly, with no stress to disturb the emotions, gave the face a youthful essence he could never witness. He stroked the cheekbone with his thumb, moving up the nose to reach the center of the forehead, pressing lightly to leave a small pink marking, not too visible to an unobservant eye. 

He rose from his spot, humming a song from his time when he touched the carved wooden furniture, holding the handle to pull back, reaching his hand in to hold a box of shotgun shells, letting out a small chuckle to shift them, standing on his tiptoes to drop the box into a larger one on top of the refrigerator. Dmitry rolled over, hearing the President groan in wakefulness, rolling his eyes to quickly step out of the doorway, meeting the disoriented gaze.  

Vladimir was easier than he thought he would be, with the background he knew he could assume the man would be more closed off but a single caress had him at his feet, at his fingertips ready for any command he wanted, just like a dog in need of affection. No attentive parents, a childhood life absent of the security required, an over-emphasis on grades, lack of approval; a single compliment, a minimal caress, was enough to make the president go like butter under her scrutiny. 

He moved closer, sitting across from him at the coffee table, smiling flirtatiously as the short blonde locks stood up thanks to static or frizz. he stroked the cheek, this time having the receiver awake and he could feel the skin under his fingers warm up, watching the pale skin turn a vivid red.

" Don't be embarrassed, remember I've already seen your body, you forget?" The snort made him drop his cheek, crossing his legs to raise an eyebrow as elegantly as he could.

" That's no justification for you to take such daring, who do you take me for? A woman? I am no replacement for your wife." Vladimir's words are coarse, the vast majority to appear with the stereotypical tough and angry Russian.

" Then I see no need to be here." He stood up, crossing his arms while holding back the smirk as Vladimir's eyes became like those of an abandoned puppy." Why stay here? If you're going to treat me like this, I'd rather leave honestly." 

He walked to the doorway, counting in his mind to five. He turned around in pleasure as the man stood up, hugging him from behind as Vladimir's hands clutched at his waist. How to say no to such a wounded puppy? It wasn't impossible, but he was certainly feeling more and more guilty about what he would do, but who cares? Things were going to go to shit anyway. 

" Don't go, please. I don't like being alone." He stroked the blond hair, kissing the president's forehead as his thumbs ran over his cheek, looking directly into those icy eyes." Okay, I'm sorry I said that, it won't happen again. Are you going to stay?" 

" If you ask me like this, why would I say no?" he kissed the lips, whatever resistance there was at one point gone. She pulled him closer to the wall, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt to pull him to him." I wouldn't leave you alone, I was kidding." 

" You said it so seriously it doesn't sound like a joke, what were you doing in the kitchen anyway? I heard you in my sleep." Those eyes were too sly for his own good, Vladimir grimaced as his arms crossed.

He grimaced a little, kissing the lips to sigh. The man was as stupid as a donkey but cunning as a normal person, worthy of a KGB anyway. Dmitry rolled his eyes, walking to the kitchen as he stretched, ignoring the questions in the distance. Yes, he's going to commit assassination but it's not like that's never happened in history, is it? 

The Prime Minister touched his legs as he sat back in the chair, throwing his head back. The vision of the white ceiling is interrupted by curious eyes, like those of a child who wants to know everything that happens around him, even if it is the smallest detail.

"What's wrong with you now? Do you want to eat something?" Taking care of the President is like taking care of a puppy, just keep it active with something and it was enough for the whole day.

"I don't know, is there anything ready? You said you didn't want cooks but I can't cook and I doubt you'll prepare anything decent." Vladimir folded his arms, walking to the refrigerator to open it. He began to rummage through it, glancing sideways at his companion.

He shrugged, his fingers gently tapping the table to stand up. He raised his gaze, looking at the box on top; if only those curious hands somehow went there he'd be toast unless he could come up with a credible enough excuse. 

" You doubt me enough." He touched the shoulders, massaging the tense shoulders to kiss the nape of her neck." You go sleep or take in the scenery, I'll cook something for the two of us and then we could go for a walk." 

" Sounds good to me." Doubt crosses the president's mind, his trembling fingers touch the soft cheek, stroking his thumb across his cheekbone. Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why must he like a man? That went against nature in every possible way." I'll see you later, I'm going to finish some papers so you can meet me on the second floor." 

He nodded, the footsteps too fast and he can hear the small chuckle reaching his ears. Dmitry rolled his eyes, starting to pull out the pans. Oh yes, it was going to be a splendid dinner, where Vladimir wouldn't know what hit him. 

****

The Prime Minister left the dishes on the table, stretching his body to start up the stairs. His prey was resting, most confidently of all, in the room he had ordered himself when they had arrived. He closed his eyes as he reached the door, a twinge of regret assailing his senses again. A full day had passed and his plan could no longer wait.

Was there another option? Of course there was, but did he want to take that option? Dmitry dropped his thoughts into an imaginary trash can, spitting on the floor to open the door. He was a sheep, too tender that no one could doubt him, not even the President who trusted him blindly. 

As a KGB, you would expect the man to be completely distrustful of even his shadow. But his advances made all the difference, those disinterested gestures and indiscreet glances, confessions of love that only made the pale cheeks redden. The President was doomed to him, somehow he hoped things wouldn't be like this, perhaps having ended differently. 

"Volodya, let's eat. The food is ready." But his head didn't lift, he was still immersed in the documents. He threw a groan in the air, the man was too hardworking and, although he respects that, it is quite annoying to his plans." I want to talk to you, something important." 

" Can't it wait? I'm very few papers short and we'll have all these days off." Those eyes became like those of a husky puppy, longing for his wishes to be granted." If it's very important then I'll go." 

He reached over, sitting down on the desk to smile. He caressed the cheek, moving closer to the face to plant a tender kiss on the lips. The kiss of death, Italian mobsters used to do that sort of thing, as a rather strange form of threat no doubt. 

"It's very important, you have to come down. It will be life or death if you don't come down." He kissed the lips again, tousling the blond hair to let out a laugh at the older man's complaints." I'll wait for you downstairs."

" Alright, I won't be long." The president snorted, rising to caress his face." When you get divorced, you'll live with me. No complaints, don't say anything because I already thought of it, I want you to stay with me until it's the new change of government." 

He nodded, smiling reassuringly to get up. Dmitry raised his hands, biting his lip as their bodies collided and he could feel his crotch against his. The Prime Minister walked down the stairs, listening to the footsteps following him.

I'm sorry, Volodya. But this is the way things should be. 

****

He sat down, listening to the sound of the wood against his weight. Hell, he should lose weight from now on. He raised his glass as the President went all the way down, his left hand tightly holding the shotgun that rested in his lap. 

" You know, I've always wanted to be something big." He smiled as Vladimir began to eat, looking out the window at the rain and darkness." Like...President and it's my dream as a kid. To rule everything, boss everyone around and have money to buy whatever I want, even if it's too ridiculous." 

" It's not a bad dream, I never dreamed of that no doubt." The president pulled back, taking a sip of his wine as he looked into those beautiful eyes are small devotion hidden behind the walls he built around his mind so as not to show too much emotion.

" The problem is-" He set the shotgun down on the table, staring at the man." You get in my way with my dream." 

[lewmagoo]

I've seen you mention is a couple times, and I got curious.What's your story about college? I know you said you still have yet to finish/it's a long story. Would ya feel like sharing that story if it's not too personal? I'm a nosey bitch, I'm so sorry. Just ignore this if u want to

i don't mind sharing the story. i guess i'll start at the beginning. it's a lot, so buckle up. i put it under a read more bc it turned into a whole novel.

in 2019 i moved to florida so i could go to college there. but the circumstances leading up to me going were pretty traumatic. literally days before i packed up my whole life and moved across the country, we found out my mom's brother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. that ofc added to my stress level, bc i was torn, as i wanted to stay home to be there for my family during such a shitty thing. but i left anyway and started college.

not even a month into my first semester, my mom called to tell me my grandpa had died. so i had to fly back home for the funeral. that was very traumatic, because it was the first loss i truly experienced. i'd lost family members before, but not ones this close. anyway, i came home for the funeral, then went back to florida. during this time, my uncle was getting progressively worse. by the time i came home for christmas break, he was in hospice care. he looked awful, i'll never forget it. he'd always been such a strong, solid guy, he was a marine, and you know the whole marine schtick, they're all tough and shit. but he was reduced to a skeleton, essentially.

i got ready to head back to florida a few weeks later, and when i said goodbye to him, i knew it would be the last time i'd ever see him again. barely a month later, and he passed away. so, i had to come back home again for the funeral. afterwards, i returned to florida, only to start hearing whispers about a virus going around. a couple weeks later we were being sent home because the world was shut down. nobody knew what was going on so it was terrifying, of course. but i made it home and finished my semester online. fast forward to may 2020. my great uncle passes away from complications due to covid. we couldn't go to the funeral because of regulations. it sucked to not be able to be with the rest of my family during this time.

a few months later, i was heading back to florida to continue college, after travel restrictions had been lifted, etc. literally while i was at the airport, i received a phone call that my cousin had passed away. i wasn't close to him at all, in fact i hardly ever spoke a word to him, because we didn't grow up together. but it still hit close to home after everything my family had gone through the last several months. but, life had to go on, so i went back to school and did my thing. however, only a couple weeks into the semester, a hurricane slammed us. that was scary, of course, because i'd never experienced anything like that. but, we made it through.

then, fast forward to the next semester. up until this point, my courses had been relatively easy for me. i had a good gpa, only struggled in one or two classes, etc. but this semester was brutal. the most difficult semester i'd ever gone through. my mental health was in the gutter after everything i'd dealt with in the last year. i was extremely depressed, my physical health wasn't great, and my grades were slipping. i had one class in particular that was hell for me. the professor was awful. and i couldn't drop his class because he was the only one who taught it, and it was required for my major. so i forced myself to get through it. but i hated every minute of it. i had the class three days a week and each day i would have horrible anxiety attacks before class and work myself up so badly. yeah, it was misery.

during that time, i started considering that taking a break from college was a good course of action for me. but i wasn't sure. i was like "maybe i'm just a pussy. maybe i should just suck it up and force myself to come back next year." but the thought of coming back the next year made me want to kill myself, and i am not exaggerating when i say that. so, ultimately, i finished that semester, and stepped away from college. and it was the best decision i've ever made, not only because my mental health has greatly improved since then, but also because some shit went down in my family.

last october, which was during the time when i already would've been in the midst of my next college semester, my dad was injured in a fall that resulted in the complete rupture of both quad tendons in each leg. this means he was entirely unable to walk. he had to undergo emergency surgery, and he was laid up for 9 months straight, unable to go to work or do anything at all really. this is where i say my decision not to go back to school was divine intervention, bc if i had gone anyway, i would've had to come back home, because my mom needed help with my dad. i became his caregiver while she was busy working and trying to keep the family afloat financially. those were some dark times, for sure.

so, that's my extremely long winded story about why i have yet to finish college, lmao. i'm transferring to an online program next year to finish my last two years. i know i could never go back to my old college, my mind associates it with trauma and negative things now, and i think if i were to go back to living at that campus i'd spiral mentally. i'm glad i left when i did

[autumn-foxfire]

I'm sitting here slowly growing crazy because I can't decide on a career. I have only two options, lawyer or doctor. Cons: Takes forever to become a doctor, have to pass Calculus and Statistics, 2% acceptance rate, MCAT 8 hour test, 500+ hours of work and 3.8 GPA just to qualify, get traumatized by graphic photos and having to memorize fancy scientific names of everything. Law Cons: ITS SO BORING!!!!! More fancy Latin names. The background and character checks. I don't want to steal money. 1/4

2/4 I have to literally fool someone into giving me 200 for talking to them?! Hello. What if a client is a poor single mother whose right on money and she's crying about how she can't pay me, do I just take the money anyways? Hell no. There's people dealing with all kinds of shit. I'd never be able to accept payment without thinking it's wrong or too high. Not to mention who talks to lawyers these days anyways? There's probably tumblr posts out there on how to avoid their services.

3/4 Or get them for cheap. Now yeah, I know there's branches of law and there could still be a need for one in some company, but where. And I hear you don't need a JD for so many of those jobs. I DON'T want to be a pharmacist, no matter what my mom says because my cousin is doing that and it feels icky being a copycat knowing my mom has me in competition with her to marry a boy so it's like going. "Here are two girls, exactly the same, same job, pick who you want to make babies with!" FUCK THAT!

4/4 Kind of petty reasons? Sure. But that stupid stubborn side isn't budging right now. Ig computer, info tech is also plausible. If it wasn't for how the major requires so much math I'd be emotionally suffering in college for 8 years along with gen classes and barely pass. I'm tired, I can't do much more of this. I just wanna jump into specialized, specific classes or practical work. Not Highschool Stress And General Ed but x10 this time for x2 as long. That day to day classroom life is hell.

You sound young, nonnie, and while I'm not the best person to turn to about this subject as I recently dropped out of university myself because of mental illness, I want to inform you that no matter what you think, there are many options for you.

Don't limit yourself to options that you sound like you won't enjoy just because of the expectations placed on you. You need to have a degree of interest in your subject in order to acheive after all, it's not something you can force yourself to do. If you do force yourself to do something you don't enjoy and find draining, you're going to burn yourself out faster than you can blink.

Give all your options some thought, not just the two or three you've mentioned, but multiple paths you might want to follow. Don't lock yourself in a path you will hate. Find something you have an interest in and look into what options you have in those fields, do your research, ask people who are in these fields what their experience is like so you have some idea what you're going to be going through yourself, don't go in blind.

Don't forget that if you choose the wrong option, it's never too late to change what you want to do.

Most of all, don't feel like you have to do something, especially for the sake of someone else. This is your life and your future after all.

[annexedangel]

i didn't get in

Hi there, Tumblr. Today is a weird day.

When I graduated high school, I moved to a different state to study chemical engineering. Growing up, I thought I'd really like it, but after going at it for about a year and half, I realized I didn't want to work a single day as an engineer.

The topics I was studying were horribly boring, and I was quickly starting to realize that my life potential was hitting a dead end. I had two major depressive episodes (the latter the most severe) and had no choice but to leave engineering for a year. I wanted to ponder and research how I could get my life to go in a different direction. I was miserable.

Well, for a while I wanted to become a psychologist. I love psychology and it has always been a dream of mine to treat mental illness. I wanted to study psychology and then move on to graduate study to become a clinical psychologist.

It was like my light through the Hell of my very real reality of becoming a chemical engineer. And during my year off, I had time and the lack of pressure to think and decide where I wanted my life to go. The only thing that I loved more than psychology was writing. It has always been my safe place, and when I am writing or reading - I'm either doing really great or on my way to feeling better.

I applied to a handful of universities. Some to stay in the state I'm in now, and another back home where I'm from (and where my parents live). I applied to two different schools in my home state - one as a Psychology admission and the other as a Journalism/English admission.

After taking a year off, I had three official choices to choose from.

A. Finish my engineering degree, and then just not work as an engineer.

B. Go back to my home state as a Psychology major.

C. Go back to my home state as a Journalism/English major.

And well, to put it delicately, now I only have two options.

I didn't get into my Psych choice school. They denied my transfer. I met all the requirements, had a great resume, and have gotten in before when I applied as an engineering major after graduating high school.

To transfer as an engineering student, you must have a GPA of 3.5. And to transfer as a Psych student, you must have a GPA of 3.0.

I had a freaking CHEMICAL ENGINEERING GPA of 3.6.

But - denied.

I'm very surprised I didn't get in. Because I just don't understand why. If I had to guess, I'd figure it's because of two things: I've taken a year off and depression makes you look dumb when you put in on a transcript. Even though I explained that part in my essay??

***TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM (triggering text in bold/red)***

But in my essay, I had to be professional. Sorry I didn't say I went to hospital during my Spring Break in Utah after trying to slit my wrist with a freshly sharpened kitchen knife for fifteen minutes.

But yeah, so I didn't get in because I look like a quitter-when-it-gets-hard (I dropped classes during my two depressive episodes to protect my GPA from my crippling depression) and because deferment makes it look like I'm lost.

So great. The 21st century isn't as educated on the human condition as I thought. I shouldn't be surprised - we're still living in a society where SAT scores very much matter.

But now, I think I won't get into my other school choice - the Journalism/English one. Because that school is even harder to get into and if that's what my Psych choice thinks of me, I can't even imagine what these guys are gonna think of me.

So great - now I have to go back to engineering school. And to be honest, I was probably going to do that anyway, but I wanted it to be a CHOICE. Not a fucking default. I am very annoyed and disheartened.

And the weird thing is, when I found out last night that I didn't get into my psych choice - I wasn't really all that upset. It felt right that I wasn't going to there. But my ego hurts a bit. Rejection is divine protection, right?

I just wish it protected my ego, too.

But now it's like, welp - guess I'm not gonna major in Psychology. Like it's literally not an option for me, and I hate not being allowed to do things. I like control - I'm a writer, I have a bit of a God complex, what can I say?

I'm not upset that I won't be going to this school. I'm upset that they don't want me to, that I literally can't, and now I'm pretty sure I'm going to get another rejection. I'm, like, very pessimistic, now.

But the other school's rejection actually will upset me. That one's really gonna make me doubt my talent as a writer. I wrote essays and I put so much into those. I submitted so many additional materials - a resume, a GLOWING recommendation letter, and TWO extra essays.

I'm gonna have a bit of a crisis - like I'm going to feel pretty insignificant and untalented. Kind of like I have no purpose or specialty. Like no one wants me.

I don't know how I'm gonna take it. But I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, me - and my depression - are pretty fucking horrified.

Wish us luck. xx