#anyway if i got the lyrics in the wrong order no i didn’t

[theteaisaddictive]

hadestown (anais mitchell) // scotland in the 2024 euros

[ham-st4r]

𝐍𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐌𝐞 (𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨) - 𝐋. 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠

❥ pairing: heeseung + female reader!

♪ warnings: smut, unprotected sex, dirty talk, oral male receiving, rough make-up sex, lover's to ex's, verbal abuse, break up, cursing, crying, arguments, angst, alcohol

♪genre: smut, fluff, angst, drama, lover's to ex's

♪summary: here!

♪number of words: 13,316k

Find your way around!

Hi, hi, this is my most recent work. Nobody gets me. It’s partially based on the song by sza. I was just listening to the song, and I got inspired to write this anyways. I hope you all enjoy it. I worked hard on it, and I’m happy with the way it came out. It’s long, but I hope you’ll be patient and make your way to the end. With that being said, please leave feedback and reblog it always makes my day to see someone complimenting me on my work.

You couldn’t believe it. After all the hard work you put in, it was finally starting to pay off all the sleepless nights, the days you didn’t feel like getting up and recording or writing, all the times you’d spend cuddled up in your boyfriend’s arms crying to him cause no matter what you did, you never felt like it was good enough.

It was all finally over, and with the help of your loving boyfriend being with you every step of the way and cheering you on from the sideline, you had finally been signed by a label, and you recorded your very first single.

You and your boyfriend, heeseung of seven years, held hands as you listened to your song play on the radio for the first time since your official debut. You both sang along softly to the lyrics, and he turned to glance at you with a fond smile cherishing this beautiful moment with his most favorite person in the whole wide world.

He wiped the few tears that trickled down your face with his thumb while the last few seconds of your song played. “I’m so proud of you. I knew you’d make a hit. I never doubted you for even a second” His soft voice comes out in almost a whisper as the song comes to an end, and the soft piano fades out.

You grabbed his hand that was placed on your cheek and brought it to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to it. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” you tell him sincerely. You can’t even remember how many times you had just thought about quitting, but he never let you cause he believed in you when Nobody else did, and he reminded you of that every single day.

He pressed the button, turning off the radio in his beater that had been getting him to point A to B for the last four years, and pulled out a green velvet box from his jacket. “And I could have never done this thing called life if it wasn’t for you” He smiled with tears gathering in his eyes. You were literally his everything since the day you met at the restaurant he worked at. He remembered the day clearly. It had been unusually busy, and order tickets were stacked. Unknowingly, he accidentally cooked your steak rare instead of medium rare once the waiter brought the food back and told him it was wrong. He felt terrible for messing it up. He took his job very seriously, so he prepared what was probably the best steak he’s ever made and specially hand delivered it to your table, apologizing over and over again before scurrying off back to the kitchen about twenty minutes later, his heart sank when the waiter called his name, he thought he had messed up another order. But he breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the words the waiter spoke. “Table number 7 said that your steak was the best she’s ever had and wanted to thank you for your hard work with a one hundred dollar tip” For the rest of the hectic night, heeseung worked hard with a smile on his face, and when he saw you come into the restaurant a week later, he knew then, and there you were the one, it was like you somehow knew he was having the worst day of his whole career and like magic, you came by and made it the best by giving him the tip of a lifetime and he just knew from that day on he needed you in his life and even though he was on the clock he made sure to get your number while sneaking you a special dessert (one that wasn’t on the menu)

You teared up once again when you saw him open the box as he held your hand from across the beat-up dash in his car. “Heeseung,” you said in absolute awe.

“Y/n, you’re my whole world, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life and to be able to call you mine. Words just aren’t enough to express how I feel about you,” he said with a shaky breath, the first tear finally rolling down his cheek. “And even though I tell you every day, I just want you to know that I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. It’s been a really tough past couple of years for us, but I wouldn’t want to spend those years with anyone else 'cause Nobody gets me like you” His lips upturned into a small smile when he saw the surprised look on your face. "I know I'm not perfect, but I promise I'll love and take care of you until the end of time" He turned the small box showing you the ring. It wasn’t big, it wasn’t fancy, and the diamond wasn’t the size of a rock, but it was enough for you cause you knew he was proposing to you from his heart, and no ring could ever compare to the amount of love his heart held for you. “I’m so proud of you, and I’m so happy that I have someone as special as you in my life” He smiled as more tears cascaded down his pretty face. “So,” he looked at you with nothing but pure love and adoration in his eyes, and with one last shaky breath, he popped the question. “Will you marry me?”

You sat there in silence, unable to understand how you were so blessed to have your debut song played on the radio and the love of your life proposing to you all on the same day. Without a doubt, this was definitely the best day of your whole entire life, and you’d never forget it, not in a million years.

He felt his heart drop the more seconds that passed, and you didn’t say anything after a while. He took your silence as apprehension, so he tried to reassure you that he was the one for you. “I-I know your parents aren’t fond of me, and I need a new car, and I need to buy a house, bu-“You cut off his rambling and kissed him. He kissed you back immediately without any hesitation.

“Yes, yes, heeseung a million times yes!” he chuckled breathily and grabbed your shoulder across the cup holders bringing you closer as he locked lips with yours.

You pulled away, leaving just the tiniest gap between the two of you. “I want to marry you. I don’t want anybody else but you, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about you cause you’re all I’ll ever need” He leaned his forehead against yours, his warm breath tickled your nose as he distanced himself from you, and took the silver diamond embedded ring out of its little box.

His hands were shaking with nerves and excitement, and so were yours as he slipped it onto your ring finger. “I love you so much” He held your hand in his, tracing the ring with his thumb as he smiled at you.

“I love you too” You squeezed his hand and squealed in excitement.

He rolled down the window, and you looked at him in confusion cause it was literally cold and raining outside. “She wants to marry me!” He screamed proudly out the window catching the attention of the people passing by, some smiling and others giving him weird stares, but he didn’t care. He just wanted the world to know that you were his now and forever.

“Oh my god!” You giggled and cupped your hand over his mouth.

He grabbed your wrist and guided your hand to cup his cheek as he smiled widely. “My fiancée,” he leaned in to kiss you some more, and neither of you bothered rolling up the window, too lost in the moment and the softness of each other's lips to care about anything else.

Everything was going great since the release of your hit single you and heeseung finally got some free time and were now cuddled up on a small couch in your studio apartment, currently talking about your wedding and everything you should get and who to invite.

“I’m going to make sure our wedding is perfect. I promise” He kissed the crown of your head, holding you just a little bit tighter.

“We should get little mini me’s, and you’s on our cake” His chuckle filled the otherwise silent apartment, and it made your heart melt. You loved the sound of his laughter. No matter how bad of a day you had, his laugh could always make it all better.

“That would be cute,” he said as he envisioned it. He could see everything slowly coming together the more and more you both planned and talked about it.

You looked up at him and pecked his lips sweetly. “I was thinking about planning it for this summer,” he said a little reluctantly. He knew it was soon, and he didn’t want you to feel pressured, but the timing to him seemed perfect.

“Really?! I always wanted to get married in the summer since I was a little girl,” you said as you felt the excitement rising.

“Then I guess that’s settled,” he says with a smile as he plays with the ring on your finger.

You both sigh in contentment, enjoying each other’s company until the loud ringing of your phone breaks the peaceful moment.

“I’m not answering that,” you say, snuggling up closer to your fiancé and hugging him tighter, not wanting to leave his warm, comforting embrace for one second.

“But baby, that might be Steve. You’ve been waiting on him to call for a while now,” he says, knowing how badly you’ve been wanting to get an opening gig, and this phone call might just be you finally getting that chance.

It’s a good thing you had heeseung cause he was always the logical one out of the both of you.

He moved his hands off of you, allowing you to take the call. “I’ll be waiting” He smiles at you softly.

You finally get up to answer it, and he was right. It was your manager, Steve, and as exciting as the news was, you couldn’t have gotten it at a worse time.

You hang up and trudge back over to heeseung, who was patting his lap with a tired smile on his face. “Was it him?” He asks excitedly as he wraps you back in his arms again.

“Yes,” you mumble into his chest.

“I take it the news wasn’t any good…” he muttered with a sad tone.

“The news was great” He leaned back and looked at you, confused.

“Then why the sad face?” He asks while stroking your cheek.

“I got invited on tour to open up for a well-known group, and they said I’d gain a lot of experience and a bigger audience.” You explained.

“What?! Baby, that’s great news! I’m so happy for you!” you knew he’d be excited for only a moment before you broke the terrible news to him.

“It’s a summer tour, and it’s this year, and we were going to have our wedding in the summer this year….” You said sadly, and you watched his smile lessen until it was nothing but a frown.

“Oh….not great” It was silent for a few minutes before he was being the heeseung you knew, always trying to turn a bad situation into a good one no matter how terrible the circumstances were. “Look at me, love. I’m not going anywhere, okay? We can have the wedding next year” He cupped your cheeks and made you look at him, smiling at the little pout on your lips. “And besides, this is your career we’re talking about. Sure, I would love to call you my wife and be your husband, but you know what, I would love just as much?” He asked with a smile.

“What?” He squished your cheeks and kissed your pout away, replacing it with a smile.

“To see my fiancée living her dream and performing in front of millions of people after knowing what it took to get here, seeing you perform for the first time on stage, will be the happiest day of my life.”

Tears had welled in your eyes, and not a day went by where you weren’t grateful for him. He always knew just what to say to make you feel better.

He was literally perfect.

He wiped your tears before they got halfway down your cheeks. “No more crying in the studio,” he said as his voice cracked slightly. “We’ve done enough of that already” He released a heavy breath while hugging you tightly in his arms.

“Yeah, okay,” you whispered and smiled past your tears. “I love you so much I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”

“I love you too, and don’t even think about it cause you’ll never be without me.”

You held each other in silence, enjoying the rest of the time you had left until the tour started.

You had been preparing everything for your upcoming shows rehearsing over and over again to make sure everything was perfect. After all, this was your first time performing on stage, and it had to be nothing but the best, no less.

“Baby, you’re going to do so good,” Heeseung startled you. He had been watching you from afar after quietly entering the studio with the spare key that you had made for him on your one-year anniversary. He had just got off of work and came to the studio after cooking you both dinner before he left the restaurant.

“Hee!” You squeal, taking off your headphones and running over to him, peppering his face with kisses.

“Hello to you too, baby,” he chuckled and set his bags down before picking you up and kissing you as you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist. “You miss me?” He said on your lips, teasingly swiping his tongue along them.

“I always miss you,” you whined into the kiss, and his hands moved down to your butt, squeezing it as he groaned from the feeling of your plump lips pressing against his.

After a hard day of work, feeling your lips on his was nothing short of heaven.

“Me too,” he released a breath and opened his mouth, letting your tongue explore every inch of him, but before you two got too carried away, he broke the kiss and set you back down after pecking your lips one last time. “I made us dinner,” he smiles, and you can see the exhaustion all over his features even though he tried his best to hide it, but nothing could get past you. You’ve known him for 8 years. “It’s been a while since you left the studio, and we had a date, so…” he let go of your waist and picked up the bags he brought, pulling out a bottle of your favorite wine.

 “I took it upon myself to bring the date to you” He wiggled his eyebrows with a goofy smile.

“What did I do to deserve you?” You hugged him by his waist.

He set the bottle down and copied your action. “Oh, I don’t know,” he pretended to think. “But if I had to say, it’s probably because you’re the best person to ever walk this planet, and you deserve nothing but the best.”

You couldn’t believe it even after years. He could still make you feel butterflies with his effortless compliments.

“I love you so much. Did you know that?” You ask, playing with his little cravat.

“I do, but If I didn’t, I know you’d just remind me every day anyway” He pecked your forehead. “I hope you’re in the mood for steak,” he says.

“I’m always in the mood for steak,” you smile brightly. That was the first meal you both shared on your first date together. Of course, you’d always be in the mood for steak cause it always took you back to that wonderful day.

“That’s my girl. Now go sit your pretty butt down while I get your dinner.”

“No, I’ll do it.” You insist. “You just go sit and rest, okay?” You could see he was hesitant at first, but he quickly gave in cause his feet were killing him, and he was more than exhausted from picking up extra hours.

“Fine, but just this one time” He took his chef jacket off and hung it up at the door.

“That’s my boy,” you say, mimicking his words from earlier with a smile. As soon as he turned around, you took the opportunity to pat him on his butt.

“Y/n!” He squeaked and spun around, looking at you in shock. You’d never done that before. “What was that?” He asked, and you could see him blushing.

You just shrugged with a smile, and you would definitely be doing that a lot more from now on to see his cute little reaction.

During dinner, you both chatted about your jobs and how he’d been working late shifts and taking extra days.

No wonder he looked so tired, you thought.

You guys weren’t together as often as before with all the preparations you were doing for your tour. You didn’t get to keep up with the happenings, so when you did get together, the last thing you wanted was to talk about work, but luckily tonight, you both had the night to yourselves to talk about any and everything. “You should take a break, babe” He shakes his head slightly, dismissing your comment drinking the last bit of wine from his glass.

“I can’t. With the wedding coming, I need as much as I can get, you know that baby, plus I still need to save for a new car,” you just sighed.

“Hee, I make enough money for the both of us now we can live comfortably, so why do you insist on working?”

“Cause it shouldn’t be that way!” He raised his voice in frustration, not with you but with himself. “I’m supposed to take care of you, and I can barely take care of myself. Your parents even said it I’m a deadbeat that's no good for you, so to change that, I have to show them that I can provide for you that I can provide for us.”

As soon as he said that, you knew this was about way more than just making money, and he was dealing with more than he was letting on.

You pushed the empty plates aside and sat next to him on the couch, looking at his apologetic face. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell, okay baby? I’m just a little stressed. Lately, that’s all” He put his hand on your knee, squeezing it softly. “I won’t do it again,” he promised.

“I know, it’s okay, hee” You rubbed his back soothingly, and he closed his eyes, exhaling a deep breath. “Lay back” He looked at you confused, but when he saw you weren’t saying anything else, he laid back slowly with his head on the armrest of the sofa. “Feet up” He did as you said and placed his feet on your lap, but he was still skeptical of your motive. “Just close your eyes and relax,” and he did, too tired to question your intentions anymore.

A low hum settled in his chest as you slowly massaged his feet, rubbing the balls of each calloused foot.

You gently pinched his heel and rubbed it up and down, adding slight pressure to soothe away any aches and pains. “That feels….” He trailed off, not being able to find the right word to describe how good it felt. You chuckled lightly and continued massaging him.

Your hands trailed up to his long legs, rubbing the taut muscles of his calves.

He felt shivers all over his body from your gentle, loving touch.

You moved to his thighs as you felt them tensing under your palms. “That feels good,” he breathes out, and you smile as a warm feeling spreads across your chest as you watch him start to relax the more you caress his tired aching body.

“Turn over for me” He quickly flipped over and rested his cheek on the backs of his hands, waiting on your next move.

You put your hands under his shirt, gliding your fingers all over his back. “I know that you’re stressed, and I know you’re dealing with more than you’re telling me” He tensed up when you said that, and you sighed. “I just want you to know no matter what, I’m here for you, so don’t stress yourself out too much, okay?” you could instantly feel him loosening up again from your reassuring words, and it warmed your heart that you could be of assistance to him when he was feeling low.

“Okay, thank you, love,” he whispered, and that’s all you needed to hear from him right now. You were going to let him open up to you when he was ready.

“You have so many knots” He chuckled loudly at that but winced when you pressed down a little too roughly to massage them out. “Sorry,” you said in a tiny voice.

“I think since you hurt me, you should make it better” You rolled your eyes playfully even though he couldn’t see you. You lifted up his shirt and leaned down, placing a few kisses there as his breath hitched in his throat.

“Better?” You asked.

“Much better” He squeezed onto the cushion under him, eyes rolling back in his head, and he might have been enjoying this a little too much as he felt himself getting more and more turned on by the second.

After successfully working out the knots in his back, you told him to roll over on his back once more. “Ooh, what’s next?” He said giddily.

“I’m glad you asked,” you smirked. “Take off all your clothes now,” you said sternly, and the look on his face was completely priceless as he was trying to register what you had just said.

“What? W-why?” He laughed awkwardly and avoided eye contact with you. “I mean, a-are you sure? I haven’t even had the chance to showe-“

“Less questions, more doing” He stood up and quickly got rid of his shirt and pulled down his zip before dropping his pants.

“Those too,” you said after looking at his cute, questioning face.

“Okay,” he whispered and took a deep breath feeling overwhelmed by your sudden boldness as he freed himself from the tightness of his boxers, his dick standing up right away from how hard he had already gotten.

You bit your lip at the sight of him. Even after eight years, he still managed to amaze you in every single way.

He laid back down on the sofa as you sat between his legs, gulping loudly while watching you run your fingers over his tense abs.

He put his hands behind his head, biting on his lip softly when you kissed his thighs, and somehow, just that little bit was enough to make him impatient.

“Baby… I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I can wait” His dick twitched at the same time the words left his mouth. As much as he wanted to see what else you had in store for him, he’d have to find out another time cause, right now. He couldn’t wait to feel your mouth around him.

“Don’t apologize, baby, just relax tonight is all about you” You kissed his tip, a string of clear precum creating a connection between your lips and his pinkish tip.

You licked his warm shaft running your tongue along the protruding veins. “Shit baby, you always know how to make me feel so good” His stomach was tensing with every wet lick and swirl of your warm tongue.

Wordlessly you locked eyes with him and took half of him in your mouth, bobbing your head up and down slowly.

“Oh fuck” he whined, eyes rolling back in his head immediately. It had been a while since you and him both got to spend intimate time together and just being like this with you after so long was like a dream come true.

He really missed this. He missed the feeling of your loving touch, and he missed being able to hold you and kiss you and tell you how much you mean to him in the privacy of your bedroom.

You used your other hand to stroke what couldn’t fit down your throat, and his moans increased in volume as he impatiently bucked his hips up, gagging you when he did so. “Sorry, it just feels so g-good,” he moaned, chest heaving up and down as he opened his eyes and stared down at you sucking him nearly all the way in while your hand made its way to his balls, cupping them gently just the way you knew he liked. “That’s it, love, just like that.”

You hummed around his shaft as he slid further down your throat till your lips were stretched around his thick base.

He moved his hand from behind his head, stroking your cheek lightly, before placing it on the back of your head, not to guide you but just so he could feel closer to you. “I’m so close,” he whispers shakily while feeling his tip hitting the back of your throat as you hallowed your cheeks.

Seconds later, you could feel his warm liquid invading your mouth and trickling down your throat. You kept your head still as he bucked his hips up and unknowingly gagged you again, causing you to tighten up around him. “Fuck baby,” he releases a low growl as you feel the rhythmic pulsating of his cock on your tongue.

You sucked him through his high, careful not to hurt him, knowing how sensitive he always was after cumming.

He watched you pull off of him as he caught his breath. He cupped your cheek with his palm and wiped the remaining cum off the corner of your lips with his thumb. “That was wonderful,” he chuckled breathlessly.

You smiled at him and leaned down again, kissing his abdomen to his stomach and all the way to his sweaty chest, stopping and swirling your tongue around his perky nipple while your free hand flicked the other hardened nub.

His little whimpers turned you on like crazy, but you ignored your pleasure cause right now, everything was about him and him only, and besides, his pleasure was your pleasure anyways.

He clutched onto your shirt tightly as you switched to his other nipple pulling it between your lips gently.

You could feel him arching up into you as he hugged you tightly to his body. “Y/n fuck, I need to feel you now,” he cried out, and you knew when he said it like that, he meant right this instant.

“I’m all yours,” that’s all he needed to hear, and then he was leaning up and taking you in his arms to the shower as you sucked and kissed all over his beautiful neck.

After your intimate time in the shower, he ran a bath for you both.

He was lying in the tub with hazy eyes, slowly stroking your shoulders and drawing random shapes on your skin, occasionally covering you with the suds from the bubbles he added.

“I’m serious, you know?” You brought up the conversation from earlier, and you heard him sighing behind you as you clasped your hand with his. “Just think about it for me, please?” You scooted closer to him, and he held your waist with his other hand.

“What exactly are you asking me to do, baby?” he kissed your neck sensually, and you tilted your head to the side, giving him access to nibble and gently bite your skin.

“I’m asking you to quit,” you put it simply as you reached your hand behind you and pulled him closer by his neck as he sucked even more hickeys on your skin.

“You know I can’t do that,” he mumbled, too occupied with kissing you to respond with a longer explanation.

“You can and you will. I can’t stand seeing you so tired, hee, you know that”

“I know, I know” He moved his head next to yours and spoke lowly into your ear. “Okay,” he caved in, but he knew you were right. He could work for ten years straight for seven days a week, but if he stayed at that dead-end restaurant, it still wouldn’t be enough to give you the life he wants you and him to have.

“Don’t worry about a thing. I have us, okay?” You reassured him, and it would be hard for him to accept that for a while but with you, he knew everything would be okay.

“Okay,” he nibbled on your ear lobe, using the tip of his tongue to lick the shell of your ear. “Well, since I’m now jobless, I think I have an idea of what to do with all this free time.”

“Yeah? Tell me all about it.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell you everything when we get to the bedroom.”

You chuckled, blushing at his little insinuation. You knew neither of you would be getting any sleep tonight.

“Morning, my love,” heeseung whispered in the quietness of your bedroom.

“Morning,” you greeted him back groggily with your morning voice.

“Last night was great” His smile reached the corner of his eyes, creating those little wrinkles on his face that you loved so much.

“It really was” You brushed some hair out of his eyes and stroked his cheek.

“What are your plans for today, Hmm?”

“Recording, recording, and more recording,” you sighed.

“Right,” he frowned. He wasn’t taking this time apart well at all, you were literally his everything, and without you, he couldn’t help but feel like a piece of him was missing. “Don’t worry too much, alright?” he kissed the hand that was resting on his cheek still. “I heard you last night. It was beautiful” He kissed your forehead sweetly.

“Really?” You asked with puppy eyes.

“Really” He smiled but frowned when you got out of bed.

Your eyes had landed on the clock, and you were almost late for your studio session today. “On no, I’m gonna be late” You rushed out of bed and messily grabbed some clothes.

“I can drive you,” heeseung offered, about to stand up, but you pushed his chest so he could lie back down.

“I’m gonna be gone till midnight. My schedule is completely packed. You just rest till I get back, okay?” you kissed him when he tried to protest, and he just flopped back down on the pillows.

You quickly did your hair and freshened up in the bathroom. “Bye, babe,” you said before bolting out of the door, not even giving him a chance to say it back.

“Bye, I love you,” he mutters to himself. “What am I gonna do now?”

Heeseung did absolutely nothing all day but sleep until he felt the bed dip down as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

The clock read 2:17 am, and his heart ached for you as he hugged your tired body closer to his chest. “Goodnight, love,” he whispered to you.

“Night, hee,” that’s all you could say before you both fell fast asleep.

Things went like this for the next couple of months, you coming home late, and heeseung was left at the apartment alone, and lately, the tension between you and heeseung grew over just the littlest things. You both had been exhausted him emotionally while you physically, and when he took it upon himself to clean your desk in the studio cause he was bored, that just opened the door for an argument to ensue. Although that was far from his intention, he just figured instead of being lazy while you were out winning the bread, he could at least surprise you with a tidied up workspace.

But apparently, that wasn’t as good of an idea as he originally thought.

“I don’t understand why you would even touch it,” you say, annoyed you had come back early from rehearsals, and nothing was the way you had left it, and now you couldn’t find your lyric sheets. “Can you do anything right?” You said irritatedly.

“Love, I’m sorry I just wanted to do something nice for you, that’s all,” he mumbled, feeling guilty that he messed up your things. “I put it in the top drawer with the rest” He could have sworn he did.

“If you want to do something nice for me, you can get out of my sight. I leave soon, and now I won’t have time to pack or practice cause you had to do something stupid,” you snapped.

“I can pack for you,” heeseung offered.

“Don’t bother. You’ll probably just mess up something else.” You angrily leafed through all the scattered papers. “Useless,” you mumbled, but he heard it loud and clear.

That was it. He wasn’t going to stand for your behavior anymore. It’s fine if you’re irritated. He understood that, but he wasn’t going to allow you to disrespect him. 

“Stop!” He raised his voice at you, and you flinched. He took long strides over to your desk and pinned you against it with his large frame pressing your back into the knobs on the drawers that dug into your flesh as he stared down at you, and his heavy breath fanned across your face. “Don’t talk to me like that ever again.”

You stood still, heart beating rapidly in your chest. “I-I’m sor,” you muttered with fear in your eyes, and his expression softened a bit, but he still remained stern.

“I put those fucking sheets together. It was you that moved them” He pressed his lips onto yours, roughly taking your breath away from his hard tone yet soft touch.

He separated from you momentarily and stripped your shirt off, leaving your top half fully exposed from your lack of a bra. He squeezed your breasts roughly, and you moaned into his mouth as his tongue swirled with yours.

You moved your hands from the desk pulling his shirt up, and he smirked into the kiss, moving back so you could pull his shirt off, leaving his dark hair messy atop his head. “Hee,” you whimper.

“Be quiet” He pushed you roughly into the desk, rutting his hardened bulge against you. “I’m gonna get rid of this bitchy attitude of yours” Never ever has he talked to you like that before, and for some reason, you kind of like this new side of him. The thought of him putting you in your place excited you.

He stuck his hand in your shorts, palming over your mound and grazing your clit with his palm.

You threw your head back and moaned loudly as he zeroed in on your neck, leaving sloppy wet kisses behind your ear, decorating your neck in red marks that would be a deep purple by tomorrow.

He took his hand outside of your shorts and pulled them down around your ankles. He kissed you as best as he could while he pulled his pants and underwear down, the jean material pooling at his feet. “Turn around,” he ordered and shoved your face against your stupid work desk. “If you’re gonna apologize, you better do it right,” he smacked your ass harshly. “Say it!” another loud smack bounced off the walls in the small studio. “Why so quiet now, hmm? Just a moment ago, you weren’t shy to call me useless” He stuck his fingers in your wet cunt without warning, pumping them in you roughly.

“Fuck!” Your legs were already shaking as you tried to hold yourself up by placing your hands flat on your desk. The brutal pace of his fingers was mind-numbing as you helplessly clamped down around his digits.

“Cause you know I didn’t fuck up your stupid little lyric sheets, is that it?” He slapped your ass again, completely unforgiving with the strength of his harsh smacks.

Now that he mentioned it, you did remember seeing them earlier, but you don’t know where you put them, and you were too full of yourself to admit it. “I don’t k-know,” you lied.

“Sure? Cause I think you do” He slowed the pace of his fingers gradually until he came to a sudden pause. “If not, then I guess I was wrong” He smirked behind you, pulling out his fingers that were sticky with your essence and sucking on them greedily.

You were still bent over, clenching around nothing and trying to back your ass up to feel him and have him touch you in any way, but he didn’t.

“Guess I don’t need to fuck the attitude out of you after all,” you heard his belt rustling behind you, indicating that he was going to pull his pants back up and leave you bent over, unsatisfied and still aching for his cock.

“No! Please, I’m sorry it was me I-I moved them,” you admitted embarrassingly. “I’m sorry.” You whimpered.

He turned you over and lifted you on top of your desk, messing up everything he had just cleaned and organized. “Say it like you mean it” He stared down at you smirking at how needy and desperate you looked as you spread your legs wide open just for him.

He rubbed his leaking tip between your legs, coating himself in your wetness as you held onto his waist for support.

You kept your lips sealed, but after a minute of his heavy cock gliding across your pussy and teasing your clit with his wet tip, you couldn’t take it anymore. You needed to feel him.

You were going to apologize again, but thankfully he had mercy on you and pushed it inside, stretching you out with his big tip.

However, he didn’t have mercy on you like you once thought cause he stayed still after that, not moving even an inch.

“Please, hee, I’m so sorry. I’ll never say anything like that again,” you begged with tears almost in your eyes.

“I know you won’t” He pushed in all the way without warning, splitting your pussy open on his dick as he nestled deep inside you. “I’m gonna make sure of that” He put his hand on your throat, choking you lightly as he slammed into you, his hips colliding with your thighs as fast clapping noises filled up your studio. “The only thing you’re gonna be saying when I’m done with you is my name,” he grunted loudly while plowing into you ruthlessly, not bothering to even let you adjust properly.

“Heeseung,” you choked, barely able to speak from his grip on your throat and the brutal pace of his hips as your walls squeezed around his dick. “Fuck” you moan.

“Not so useless now, am I? I feel your little pussy sucking me right in.” His hips stuttered a bit, feeling you clench on him even tighter from the filthy words he spoke to you. “Open up that dirty little mouth” You did as he said, opening your mouth wide for him.

He spat in your mouth while fucking into you faster. Your fucked out state was making him go completely animalistic the longer you stared at him, and you were unable to speak cause how good he was doing you. Finally, after months, you were finally paying attention to him and only him in this shitty little studio of yours.

His swollen balls smacked against your ass. You spread your legs wider trying to feel every inch of him even though he was already buried to the hilt inside you and kissing your cervix repeatedly with his tip. “Nothing to say now, huh?” He teased, loving how you looked at him with your watery eyes, mouth full of his spit as you let him take you raw on your precious work desk.

He moved his hand from your neck, and his saliva trickled down your throat. You swallowed every last drop of it, eyes rolling back when his hips snapped into you, roughly jerking you back and forth on the desk.

You choked out his name as best as you could but stopped halfway when he rubbed your sensitive bud that was pulsating and desperately in need of his attention.

“Gonna cum already?” He chuckled and bit his lip, eyebrows clashing together as he slid in and out of you. “So much for me not being able to do anything right” His eyes flickered down to your breasts that were sloshing from his vigorous pace, and just the sight and the sound of your squelching pussy each time he rammed into was enough to have him mere seconds away from coming.

“Yes, hee,” you dug your nails into his waist while biting your lip. “I’m so close.”

He winced from the slight pain, but that only brought him more pleasure. “Cum on my cock, baby,” he circled your clit with his thumb, sending you to your breaking point as you came around his cock with silent cries of his name. “oh fuck!” He moaned loudly as he came from the tightness of your pussy clenching around him so deliciously, filling your insides with his warm cum.

He leaned down, locking his lips with yours, tiredly thrusting inside you as he finished at the same time with you.

He touched his sweaty forehead with yours breathing heavily as his legs began to feel numb.

You cupped his cheek and brought him in for a short but passion-filled kiss. “I’m sorry, hee,” you apologized again for lashing out at him. You truly felt bad. “It was all my faul-“

“Shhh, don’t worry, love. I understand. Let’s just forget about it and get you cleaned up. You had a long day” He pulled out and picked you up off your desk, as multiple sheets fell off of it. It was the ones you were searching so frantically for. “I’ll pretend I didn’t just see that,” he chuckled, and you hid in his chest.

“Thank you,” you muttered shyly as he walked you to the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” He asked once you got in the shower and cleaned you gently with his hands. “I didn’t hurt you anywhere, did I?” He looked at you with worry in his eyes. He knew he had gone rougher than usual due to his own frustrations at the time.

“No baby, you could never hurt me,” you assure him.

“Okay,” he whispers and kisses you slowly as he trails his hands up your sides, and you wrap your arms around his neck.”

“I love you, hee” You rested your head on his chest, listening to his calming heartbeat as the warm water from the shower cascaded down your bodies.

“Of course you love me,” he giggled, and you smiled. “I’m still going to pack for you, too” You tried to protest, but he just pushed his index finger to your lips. “And I love you too” He hugged you close and cherished what time was left before you had to go on the road.

Unfortunately, as easy as it was to make up after your first couple of fights with mind-blowing sex, now it just wasn’t that simple.

Especially after your schedule kept getting packed as the tour date was approaching, and now you had no time to talk things out cause you were too busy either working or sleeping.

And luck wasn’t on your side today either, as you and heeseung were in your tenth fight this week.

“All I’m saying is that I miss spending time with you. I don’t even get to see you anymore. You’re gone when I wake up. You don’t call or reply to my messages” He rubbed his temple in frustration. “I mean, I wake up at three in the morning to an empty bed, and you can’t even at least answer my calls. I’m just worried about you, baby, that’s all” He tried to hold you, but you didn’t have time for that. There were only a few hours left before you had to go, and here he was, trying to patch things up before you went away for a whole three months, and you just didn’t have the time for him right now.

“I work late, and you know that. I don’t see why you can’t just leave me alone. I have to put my phone on mute 'cause you just won’t stop texting me” You were haphazardly throwing some extra stuff into a suitcase.

“Well, If you’d just answer, I wouldn’t have to keep texting,” he scoffed. “Didn’t know it was a crime to fucking miss my fiancée.”

“How can you miss me when I see you every day?” you argued.

“Yeah! And that’s it, you just see me, you don’t pay attention to me. We haven’t talked in weeks. I only see you running out in the morning. It’s been months since we’ve touched and made love, and I miss you so fucking much. You don’t understand. It’s always so quiet and lonely when you’re not here” He lowers his head and picks at his nails nervously. He hated having these arguments, and he hated that he was having them with you the most.

“You knew this was what you were signing up for” You didn’t know what came over you to treat him so roughly, but he was just wearing you out lately. You had more important things to focus on, and him whining like a baby wasn’t on that list. “I can’t babysit you all the time. Maybe if you did something other than sit home all day and wait for me, you might not feel so lonely,” you spat without even looking at him, completely missing the hurt look that took over his features.

“You’re the one who told me to quit my job, and as soon as I did, you just disappeared from life and acted like you don’t even know me,” he answers with anger laced in his voice. He couldn’t believe the audacity of your words. Him quitting his job was literally your idea.

You sighed. You didn’t have any more time for his nonsense right now. “Well, I don’t care anymore. Go get a job, fly a kite for all I care” You had no idea that you were crushing him to pieces right now, too busy wrapped up in your own world that you forgot he was the reason why you were even here in the first place. “My parents were right about you. You are a deadbeat” You laughed pathetically, letting the stress of the situation go straight to your head and saying any rude thing that came to mind.

You somehow felt like it was justified for you to say such things cause right now, he was the one being hard-headed, not you. He knew you had more things to worry about right now, and he just wasn’t one of them. “I know what it is. You’re just trying to hold me back. I’m this close to my dream, and you just don’t want to see me happy.”

“What the fuck are you even on about?” He did his best to stop his voice from cracking. “I was with you every step of the way. I was there for you when no one else was. I gave you my all 'cause that’s what you deserved, I wanted you to succeed more than anyone else, and you know that” He paused for a moment to compose himself. “But now I’m not so sure anymore” The first tear rolled down his cheek, and he hated it. He hated the fact that, for the first time, he was crying alone. You were no longer sharing pain together now. You were the ones causing it for each other. “I literally fucking proposed to you 'cause I love you. I never would do anything to hurt you or our future.”

“Ha! Love? I’m sure you just were trying to tie yourself to me and use me for my fame.” Little did you know it was you who let the fame get to you. You allowed yourself to feel higher and more important than anyone else, including your own fiancé.

He let out a shocked gasp at your words. For the first time in his life, he was left speechless.

For the first time, he didn’t recognize you as the girl who gave him his first and only hundred-dollar tip.

He saw you as someone who lost their way along the road and forgot where they came from.

This wasn’t the y/n he fell in love with.

As devastating as it was for him, he just couldn’t see you two getting over this. It had been months since you started treating him this way, and It was just too high of a mountain to climb, no matter how much he wanted to be there for you. You just weren’t letting him, nor were you there for him. The last months have been nearly insufferable. He had no idea how much your career would impact the relationship, but the last week has shown him that your job was more important than him, and if he wasn’t your number one anymore, what was the point of all this fighting and suffering just to call you his fiancée?

It wasn’t worth it. Not anymore. It wasn’t.

He couldn’t do this anymore for the first time in the eight years he’s known you. He put himself first. “Since work is more important than us, you can have fun with your new relationship,” he mumbled as his voice finally broke while slipping the ring you got him off his ring finger and setting it in front of you on your desk. “Hopefully, your career can give you more than I ever could,” he turned away, leaving you speechless.

Why couldn’t he just see that you had a life to live? Why couldn’t he just understand your point of view? You thought.

He went to your bedroom and gathered up his stuff quickly. You watched him walk out the front door without looking back, and it was only after he shut the door did you regret everything that had just happened.

The silence crept up on you slowly but surely, and you were still in shock that he was actually gone eight years down the drain in the blink of an eye.

But it was too late now.

You said things that couldn’t be taken back, and even if you apologized, you’re not even sure that would erase all the horrible things you’ve said and done to him in these past months.

You wanted to forget everything and run after him so he could take you back into his arms, but you were scared to, so you foolishly let him go.

Cause If you were him, you wouldn’t take yourself back.

It had already been a year since your tour, and your career had skyrocketed beyond what anyone could have ever expected.

Except for one person.

Heeseung.

He always believed you could do anything. “I was there for you when no one else was” Those words rang in your ears over and over again as tears rolled down your cheeks. You looked down at the city view from your penthouse. “Fuck!” You screamed into the night sky, slamming your empty wine glass on the cold cement.

You tried to forget him, but every time you did anything, he took up every little crevice of your brain, and no matter what, you couldn’t escape him.

Even when you went on dates to try to get over him all you could think of was him, and the late nights he came to the studio bringing the date night to you (as he called it) with his very own cooked steak and your favorite wine.

The one relationship you were in after him (if you could even call it that) was a complete total disaster, and you were stuck dealing with a deadbeat. All he did was complain and tear you down. Criticizing your every move, He never gave you any support, and he was only interested in how much money your next show would net so he could bum off you.

He wasn’t even half the man heeseung was when he was with you.

You stayed with him for months cause you felt like that’s all you deserved, but after you found out that he cheated on you, you quickly broke things off with him.

Not cause you actually were hurt, or you cared about him, but you refused to associate yourself with a person like that.

You sighed at the memory.

Since that train wreck, you looked countless men in the face and turned them down every single last one cause no matter what, you could never get over him. Every time you looked at a man, you could still only ever see heeseung’s face.

All you could think of was heeseung 24/7, and no matter what, he always treated you with the utmost respect. You didn’t always agree with things, and you both had your fights here and there, but he was the first one to apologize and talk things over, always willing to understand your side no matter what.

You missed him so bad you cried yourself to sleep countless nights thinking of what you could have been if you hadn’t been so careless with your words and so dismissive of his feelings. If you could go back in time, you would reverse everything. You wouldn’t even think twice about it.

You couldn’t help but daydream about him coming to your concerts and being your number-one fan, and celebrating your first show together with you. You just know that he would have been so happy for you, and those would have been the best moments of your career, without a doubt.

But if you were being real, you deserved less. He should’ve never been the first one to apologize for all the times you fought. He should have never been made to feel like less cause you put your career over him cause he definitely wasn’t. He was worth more than any career in the whole entire world.

But now, all you could do was hang on to the little bit that was left of him.

You took his engagement band with you everywhere, and you never took yours off except for during interviews, so you wouldn’t raise any questions. You know you should have, but you just wanted to keep everything that made you hold onto the memories of when you two were together and happy.

Some nights, you just wanted to call him and tell him you wanted him back and you didn’t want to see him with anyone else but you, that no one else made you feel the way he did, as selfish as it was, you just wanted to tell him you wanted him to be yours again.

Cause no matter how hard you try. You just couldn’t let him go.

As you stared at the empty bottle of your favorite wine on your nightstand, even that reminded you of him, and like every night since your break up, you cried yourself to sleep.

Heeseung was back at his old restaurant job. Luckily for him, he left on good terms with everyone, and they were happy to have him back cause he was by far the best cook and worker there.

He was currently cooking and serving up dishes, frantically rereading order tickets to make sure he got all the orders correct.

It was only when he hit the bell and yelled, “Order for table fifteen,” that he heard an oh-so-familiar voice. He looked up at one of the TVs in the top left corner of the restaurant, and he was captivated by who he saw.

After a year, he remembers all the lyrics to that song, and he remembers reciting them to you a few weeks before your tour. That was one of his favorites from you.

Heck, all your songs were his favorite.

It was one of the first songs you had ever written. It was about how you two first met.

He couldn’t help but smile as he watched you live your dream. As much as you hurt him, he still just couldn’t forget about you. He tried to go out a little and find someone new, not to replace you but to move on, but that quickly came to an end when every time he even looked at a girl, all he saw was your pretty face.

Yeah, you said some really terrible things, but he knew deep down you didn’t mean that it was just a hard time for you both, but he knew things wouldn’t have worked. That’s why he didn’t go running back to you after all this time apart. He had done some thinking, and though he couldn’t see it right away, he knew your guy's breakup was inevitable.

Apart of him wishes, he didn’t walk out on you that day, but what would have changed? You were too busy for him. There was no longer a slot for him in your busy schedule anymore. He chalked it up to the right people wrong time.

Call him whipped. He didn’t care cause no matter what, you’d always be his girl, and he’d always be your number-one fanboy.

He sang along as he watched you fondly on the TV. He knew you had what it took to get where you are today. A doubt never crossed his mind when he first saw you perform. He knew you were made for it.

As you held the last note of the song, he held his breath, not blinking even once so he could capture this beautiful moment and store it in his heart forever. What could he say? He was a very sentimental guy.

Unknowingly he clapped for you while all his other co-workers were bumping into him and shouting his name so he could get back to work. 

“That’s my girl” He smiled proudly as the camera panned back and showed thousands of people in the crowd supporting you.

“In your dreams, kid, now stop daydreaming about a girl that doesn’t even know you exist. I need five more steaks, medium rare” His boss patted his shoulder lightly.

“Yes, chef!” Heeseung answered while wiping his hands on his towel before preparing fresh steaks for all the waiting customers. “If only he knew,” heeseung whispered and smiled to himself.

And if only he had of looked up for just a second, he would have noticed the camera do a close-up of your face and give him a clear view of his engagement band hanging off the dainty chain that you wore around your neck every performance.

As much as heeseung wanted to ignore it, he couldn’t. The billboards were literally everywhere, and he’s not sure if he was zeroed in on them just because it was you or if it was that you were really just that popular that your world tour was marketed on literally everything.

Though it didn’t much matter anyways cause he still saw it, and he had already purchased a front-row ticket to see you live in his city, one that he may have bought on resell, and he also may have spent his months' savings to get it.

He wasn’t stalking you, but he knew you had moved out some time ago after randomly hearing people chatting about you, and he might have watched a couple of your interviews from time to time just to see how you were doing.

Sadly, you never mentioned him in any of them, but why would you? You both literally broke things off a year ago. You probably didn’t even think about him anymore, or maybe you did, but he couldn’t really say.

Of course, he thought of calling though he wasn’t sure why exactly but whenever he did he reached the dial tone it didn’t come as a shock he knew when you moved you changed your number too, but it didn’t stop him from ringing a few times maybe it was just out of habit.

The idea of seeing you after all this time made him extremely nervous, but he just needed to see you one last time in person just to get the last little bit of closure his heart yearned for after missing you for a whole year.

Your nerves were going absolutely crazy. You were about to take the stage in five, and no matter how many shows you had done, this one definitely meant the most to you cause it was in your hometown. It was where everything began.

More importantly, it was where you and your favorite person met and got engaged.

You grabbed his ring, bringing it to your lips and kissing the silver band softly.

You thought back to everything that happened, and you knew no matter how things ended, heeseung was somewhere, and he was proud of you.

That’s just the type of guy he was, never one to harbor any malice in his heart. He was the true definition of an angel.

“On in two,” You heard in the background of your thoughts, and with that, you wiped your tears before straightening out your clothing and taking a deep breath.

“You’re gonna do great,” you muttered to yourself.

That’s what heeseung would have said if he was here right now and if you didn’t have that knowledge, you’re sure you wouldn’t have been able to take the stage.

You looked at the crowd from behind the curtain, and your heart sank even further. As shallow as it sounds and as dramatic as you were being, you couldn’t help but think this is what you traded heeseung for. This is what you gave up the love of your life for.

As you were lost in the thought, the final minutes passed, and before you knew it, you were going up on stage as the crowd roared for you.

Heeseung had been pacing back and forth on his lunch break. Today was the day of your concert, and he was chickening out. He got called into work today on his day off and deemed that to be more important than seeing you.

That’s what he tried to convince himself of, but he knew it was just him being a scaredy cat.

Your concert must have been on for at least an hour, and he had to drive at least half an hour to get to the venue.

Without thinking or notifying any of his co-workers, he got in his same little beater and sped off to the venue as fast as possible.

He may have been honked at, and he may have honked back, but after running at least two red lights and changing lanes without his signal, he was parked in front of the venue, hearing the music blasting throughout the arena.

He dashed out of his car and thanked whatever higher being that was out there cause, luckily for him. They haven’t shut the doors yet.

He got a couple of weird looks as he made his way through the crowd, still in his work uniform, but he didn’t care as he nearly tripped while trying to find his seat, row 1, seat 7. What coincidence, he thought you sat at table number 7 the night he first saw you, and now he was sitting in seat 7 the first time he saw you perform. “Lucky number 7,” he said and smiled.

Once he found his seat, he looked up from his ticket, and his heart nearly stopped as he heard the last bit of your latest song.

His mouth parted in awe, and in the moment, he wasn’t sad and thinking about your breakup. He wasn’t going to see you to try and win you back. 

He just wanted to watch his baby perform in front of thousands in your guy’s hometown, just like you and him always talked about always dreamed about.

Once your song ended, the lights dimmed, and you went backstage to change your outfit, getting ready to sing your unreleased song.

It was something special you had prepared just for this stop in your hometown.

You knew it would only break your heart even more to do this, but you had to. It felt right.

You changed into the same outfit the day heeseung proposed to you, looking at yourself with a forced smile in the mirror. You prepared yourself for your final song.

The loud cheers were drowned out by your seemingly never-ending thoughts today. The concert was everything you dreamed of and more it’s just too bad that Heeseung wasn’t here to see how far you’ve come.

You just wished you hadn’t said what you said and did what you did. It was selfish and hurtful, and you can’t imagine what he must have felt like. He literally sacrificed so much for you. But you were too stuck up to put yourself in his shoes for one day. You think maybe if you had of just listened to him one of the countless times he tried to express how he was feeling, maybe that dreadful day would have never come, and maybe he’d be in the front row watching and cheering you on right now as you sang your 15th and final song of the night.

Your feet moved on their own as you walked onto the dark stage. You stood in the middle, a spotlight shining above you that slowly panned back to the crowd, now giving the room a warm feel.

Everyone cheered loudly once you came back out on the stage, and you thanked them with a warm smile once they had quieted down a bit. “I have something special planned, but before I perform my last song, I’d just like to thank each and every one of you for coming out tonight.”

You were overwhelmed by the crowd noise, but you were so grateful for how loved you were by so many. “As a lot of you know, this is my hometown, and I made my first hit single in a little studio just about fifteen minutes from here” The crowd went silent and held on to every word as you gave your final speech. You were even more grateful for how respectful your fans were. “Performing here has always been my dream, and now that it has become a reality, this moment now holds a special place in my heart, and I’ll never forget this for years to come” You fought back the tears and tried to finish. What you prepared without getting too emotional.

“You can do it,” Heeseung muttered as he watched you wiping a few stray tears and holding the mic up to your mouth once more as the crowd encouraged you by cheering and whistling. “That’s my strong girl” He smiled proudly as you started to speak again.

“One thing a lot of you don’t know is that I used to share that studio with my boyfriend, well actually fiancé and now ex” You could hear the crowd gasping at the news that you’ve never told anyone, not even your parents cause you knew no matter what you told them they’d blame it all on heeseung and he didn’t deserve that especially cause it was all your fault.

Heeseung immediately froze up. Were you talking about him?

No.

You must be talking about someone you met after him, he quickly concluded.

“I wrote this song for him because he’s the reason I’m standing on this stage tonight in front of you all right now when no one else believed in me. He did. When I couldn’t afford the rent for the studio, he worked extra shifts just to make my dream come true.”

This sounded a lot like the experiences you both went through, but heeseung didn’t want to get his hopes up. It’s been a year. You could have had multiple ex’s by now, for all he knows.

“I never forgot the day he proposed to me. It was the best day of my life. My first single had just finished playing on the radio, and out of nowhere, he popped the question, and of course, I said yes” You smiled softly.

Now he was positive you were talking about him, and he teared up immediately. He remembers that day like yesterday. No wonder you were wearing that outfit. It all made sense to him now, and he was more than grateful that you mentioned him at your live show.

“Everything seemed to be perfect. My career was taking off. We were going to get married in the summer of last year, but my tour came up, and we spent less time together and more time fighting until one day, I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean, and that led us to break up” you said heartbroken you knew you were sharing a little bit too much, but you hoped after performing here and getting all this weight off your chest it would help you heal even just a little bit.

More loud gasps and murmurs were heard, but you didn’t let it get to you too much cause people always had something to say, rather it was good or bad.

Heeseung couldn’t stand to watch you so vulnerable up there and all alone. He wanted to jump on stage and pull you in his arms and tell you that everything was okay.

“As bad as this might sound if I could, I’d trade my career to have him back” You took a deep breath. “I’d give up all this just to call him mine again.”

“Stop saying nonsense,” heeseung’s voice cracked as he smiled sadly, a tear escaping his eye and trickling down his cheek.

“If he were here, I would tell him I’m sorry for everything and that he was right and tell him just how much I still love him” No matter how hard you tried to fight it, you couldn’t hide the pain in your voice as you spoke those words straight from your heart.

“I love you too, baby. I promised I’d never stop loving you” He’s a thousand percent sure he was getting weird stares, but once again, he didn’t care. Nothing else mattered but you, him, and this once in a lifetime moment.

You tried to lighten the mood a bit before your last song. “Oh, and one more thing, I’m in the mood for steak,” you laughed, and so did the crowd. Even though they had no idea what you meant by that, you knew heeseung would, though, but you were still thankful that they played along.

“Always in the mood for steak,” He laughed quietly and blinked his tears away, dabbing his nose.

You gave the crew a thumbs up, and your final song played. “Thank you all for coming tonight. It has been an honor to perform here. This is my unreleased song dedicated to my wonderful ex-fiancé. It’s called “Nobody gets me,” you spoke softly into the mic. “Thank you for everything, and thank you to everyone who traveled to come see me. Please have a safe trip home. I love you all.” You blew a kiss to the audience.

Heeseung was taking in the moment glancing at the crowd as they all watched you with phones in their hands and the flashlight on. This is what you both always dreamed of big lights, thousands of people, and him proudly cheering for you in the crowd.

Halfway through the song, his ears perked up at the familiar words you sang.

♪ Nobody gets me like you.

How am I supposed to let you go? Only like myself when I'm with you.

Nobody gets me. You do♪

He remembered telling you those words the day he proposed, and his heart nearly leaped from his chest.

You remembered.

♪If I'm real, I deserve less If I was you, I wouldn't take me back. I pretend when I'm with a man, it's you, And I know that it's too late.♪

The next few lines made his heartache. He didn’t feel that way at all. He would have taken you back in a heartbeat if you had of just called and apologized.

♪I don't wanna lose what's left of you.♪

You subtly pointed to the engagement band around your neck, and he didn’t miss it. If his eyes were correct, that was his ring.

After seeing that there was no way he was going to leave without seeing you again, he had so many questions to ask.

Your eyes searched the faces in the crowd, something you did from time to time to connect with your audience. You saw one face that stood out from the rest, and you could have sworn you were dreaming or someone was playing tricks on you cause there’s no way lee heeseung, your ex-fiancé slash love of your life, was watching you perform with the brightest smile on his face.

But even when you blinked and looked again, he was still there, giving you a shy wave with a sheepish smile as you teared up. The song was coming to a close, and you only looked at him the whole time.

♪You do Nobody gets me, you do (do) You do Nobody gets me, you do (do, ooh) You do, Nobody gets me, you do (do, ooh)♪

You looked directly into his eyes, not blinking for even a second as you closed out the song with tears in your eyes.

♪Nobody gets me. You do.♪

The lights dimmed, and all you heard were cheers as you made your way to the dressing room, clutching your chest while everyone congratulated you on your amazing performance backstage.

What is he doing here?

How was he here?

Why was he here?

Did a friend drag him here, or did he actually come to see you so? Many questions were swirling in your head, and it gave you a headache.

You were nearly hyperventilating as you took a drink from your cold water bottle.

You had been sitting there thinking about the last performance thinking about the way he looked at you with that beautiful smile of his.

He looked just the same.

“There you are,” you heard the voice of one of your managers. “Look who came to see you,” Steve smiled. He had known you and heeseung since way back, all the way back before you made your first single. He was the one that set up your tour last summer. He didn’t know why he started seeing less and less of heeseung as time passed or how you two ended, but when he asked. You just told him you were taking a break, and he never brought it up again since you seemed sensitive about the topic.

You turned in your seat, having a feeling you already knew who it was, and when your eyes met, you could have sworn you stopped breathing.

There he was in all of his beauty, and you smiled slightly when you saw him still wearing his chef jacket.

He smiled back at you shyly, and wow, were you absolutely gorgeous, just the way he remembered you. He knew it’s only been a year, but still. “Thank you, Steve. I owe you one,” heeseung shook your manager's hand.

“Hey, how about one of your infamous steaks? Since we’re in town,” Steve patted heeseung on the back with a light chuckle.

“You got it,” heeseung agreed, and Steve waved at you both before leaving you two alone.

Now that heeseung was alone with you for the first time in a year, the nerves had built up all over again. Still, he took confident strides toward you before he could even make it to you. You were already sprinting over to him with tears in your eyes as you wrapped your arms around him tightly.

You knew you had no right to, but you couldn’t help yourself.

He automatically welcomed you into his embrace, and it felt like you were never apart for even a second. That’s just how familiar you felt to him. 

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t cry, it’s okay,” he shushed you and patted your head softly.

“I’m so sorry,” you said over and over again. Finally, after a year, you could say the words that you should have said the day he left, even before the day he left.

His heart broke at the sound of your weak sobs, and he couldn’t help but tear up as well. He always cried when you cried cause no matter what, he never wanted you to be alone in anything that you did. If you were happy, he was happy with you. If you were sad, he was sad. He was never in between. “It’s all okay now, baby. I forgive you.”

When he said baby, you literally froze in your tracks and pulled away from him. “Baby?” You asked with a confused tone fighting back a smile after hearing him call you that after so long.

“Yes, you never stopped being my baby” You pulled him even closer to you, pressing a kiss on his lips, both of you getting a taste of the salty tears that stained both your cheeks.

“Hee,” you mumbled breathlessly and looked him in the eyes. You were so nervous about doing this, but you had to. You pulled away from the hug and unclasped your necklace, taking off his ring. “I-“He had already outstretched his hand, waiting for you to slip his ring back on his finger where it belonged. “I love you so much, hee” He pulled you into another tight hug, rocking you back and forth gently.

“I love you too, I love you, I love you, I love you” He playfully kissed every inch of your face, and though few words were shared since seeing him again, your performance and his silver ring shining on his finger said more than a million words.

You giggle, and it was music to his ears to hear after so long. You played with his little cravat on his chef jacket just like before, and he smiled brightly. “So, are you still in the mood for steak?” He chuckled with a raise of his brow.

“I’m always in the mood for steak” He hooked his arm around your waist, leading you two out of the back of the venue. You’d get Steve to cover for you for your sudden disappearance.

“That’s my girl” He leaned down and kissed your lips sweetly as you clutched onto him tighter. “Just wait till chef sees this,” he smiles proudly at you.

You just looked at him quizzically, and he just gave you a smile. “Did you enjoy the concert?” You ask him excitedly.

“Well……” he chuckles nervously. “How about we talk about it over dinner, Hmm?”

“Sure” The smile never left either of your faces as you drove to the restaurant in his beater, hand in hand.

As you look at him, he stares back at you with that one-in-a-billion smile of his, you made a promise to yourself to never hurt him again, and you swore you’d do whatever it took to keep him and that beautiful smile on his precious face.

Cause you’d never find anyone else that gets you like him.

FIN.

Thank you for reading. Please reblog and leave feedback! - 🐹

[gentaro-kinniecom]

“Oh you haven’t kissed anyone yet? Neither have I, maybe we could..?”

Characters: Adonis Otogari, Tatsumi Kazehaya, Yuzuru Fushimi, Tsumugi Aoba, Kanata Shinkai, Leo Tsukinaga, Mika Kagehira, Hinata Aoi, Mao Isara and Niki Shina

Cw: fluff! Silly kisses and flustered (?) characters, Keito being mom coded in Mao’s part HELPP, idk what else to say except that..I really enjoyed writing this

A/n: Hi guys! I went missing for like 2 months (school has been absolutely brutal) but anyways, I hope y’all enjoy this silly post, also the reader is the one who tells them that, not the character towards the reader (i hope it made sense 😓)

Adonis Otogari

“Huh?” what the first thing Adonis replied to when he heard your question. He seriously thought he’d heard wrong and blushed a bit as he ran the words over and over again in his head, he really wanted to kiss you. Especially since he’s had a crush on you for a while, so Adonis gently brings you closer and kisses you. He apologizes later on even, if you didn’t mind the kiss and he’ll try to properly court you afterwards.

-“Can we go on a date? I insist, you’re a wonderful person to be around with”

Tatsumi Kazehaya

Tatsumi gets embarrassed at the suggestion, he didn’t expect such a bold statement coming from you. He’ll decline the offer, saying that it would be ‘unpleasant’ to kiss if you’re not in a relationship…Tatsumi changes his mind when you suggest trying things out as a couple. Going on dates and listening to his rants about..anything really. He doesn’t want to admit how badly he wants to kiss you, so he does, with no hesitation.

-“Now that we’re together..I suppose you don’t mind me showing you my affection, hm?”

Yuzuru Fushimi

Nearly drops his tray of tea when you said that. You noticed the change in his attitude, a bit flustered and shy as he offered you some tea. Tori was out to visit Eichi and Wataru was practicing for another show, meaning it was the given moment to spend time with Yuzuru. As much as he wanted to leave, he couldn’t help but want to kiss you. Yuzuru was now grabbing your chin softly and leaning in, parting away as he smiled.

-“It seems a date is in order? I would be delighted to show you some of the best sights in the city”

Tsumugi Aoba

Similar to Yuzuru except, he dropped the books he was holding and quickly got down to get them back. Yet, you were helping him, and he got more nervous and shy. However, Tsumugi grabbed your hand, whisking you away to a more secluded area to kiss you. He confessed that he liked you since the day you’ve met and it all felt like a dream when you asked him that.

-“I would’ve never guessed that a day like today..we would kiss in the library, but, I’m definitely not complaining..”

Kanata Shinkai

His face remained puzzled as he asked you to repeat the question again. Kanata smiled as he heard it once more, pulling you towards the waves of the ocean as he wrapped his arms around you. It was usual for him to be so affectionate with you..but as his lips neared yours, you felt your breath hitch. Your clothes were wet by the time you both left the fountain; Kanata was now holding your hand softly while kissing you

-“Hehe~ I like ‘spending’ time with you..do you want to go on a ‘date’ with me~?”

Leo Tsukinaga

He straight up just laughs and begins writing on the notebook you gifted him a while back for his birthday. Soon holding it up for you as you read the lyrics of a song Leo had thought of the moment you told him that. Suddenly, you felt him kiss your hand before moving to kiss you softly. He moved his hands to your face, still kissing you while smiling and parting away for air, wishing that moment lasted forever.

-“I was hoping you’d say that sometime, you give me so much inspiration~! I’ll make sure to dedicate you even more songs from now on!”

Mika Kagehira

Mika was sewing quietly when he heard your suggestion. Hands shaky as he stopped what he was crafting. He was lucky Shu had gone to deliver some important outfits, meaning he wasn’t returning until a long time. Mika then looked your way, admiring your features as he then got up. Grabbing your face with both hands as he leaned in, kissing you dearly.

-“I..sorry, I really like you Y/n, and..well..I want to spend time with you..anywhere”

Hinata Aoi

It all started like a joke to him, he couldn’t believe you were serious about it afterwards, his brother found out and listened in to what he thought about it. Hinata had a crush on you since ever, everything about you was so perfect in his eyes. He felt at comfort for the way you knew who he was and not confuse him with his brother often. After thinking about it he accepted the offer, taking you to the roof and kissing you softly. Smiling as he admired your features

- “I’m glad I met you, you’re so wonderful I…I get speechless whenever I’m around you”

Mao Isara

Keito coughed a bit, making his presence noticeable in the student council’s room as Mao blushed, he heard it even if you whispered it? Keito just sighed and left the room, warning Isara not to do anything..out of the ordinary while he was gone. But, he just allowed that to happen.. Mao saw as you sat down beside him, grabbing his hand as he smiled; he nodded while leaning forward, you kissed him quickly before Mao then pulled you back for another one.

-“I know we shouldn’t kiss here but..what’s one small kiss going to change? I have the perfect place for our lunch, if you want to join me afterwards”

Niki Shiina

His brain kinda just..stopped (?) working the moment you spoke, the food that he was making nearly burned as he quickly turned the stove off since it was already done. Niki couldn’t help but wonder if he heard right. He noticed how you looked around the kitchen, smiling and helping him prep the food for his unit-mates. After being alone, he thought about it for sometime, grabbing your hand softly and bringing you back to the kitchen to kiss you softly against the counter

-“You’re so cute when you help me around, we should bake together sometime..”

[tiedyeflannels]

Converse High

Min Yoongi x reader

Word count: 3k

Masterlist

A/N: Hi! Not sure what to put here, but I did want to thank @maple-leaves-in-the-wind for kind of helping me with the plot. Love ya <3 Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fic!

"This song was actually inspired by someone that Suga met one day at a convenience store,” Namjoon said.

The boys were doing some promotion of their new album The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1 at a radio station, when one of the hosts asked what made them come up with lyrics in ‘Converse High’.

“Yeah, I went to a convenience store near our dorm late at night because I was hungry and wanted something to eat, so I bought some ramen. There was this girl wearing red high tops, heating up her food, but the other microwaves were out of order so I had to wait until she was done so I could heat up mine. She must’ve known that I was behind her waiting because she asked if I wanted her to heat mine up too since she was already there,” he laughed at the memory.

He continued, “She was really cool and even gave me her secret ramen recipe that tasted really good.”

“So, thank you Suga’s mystery girl, for inspiring him and the hyungs to write this song,” Jimin said, looking into the camera.

“Did you ever get her name, hyung,” Namjoon asked, turning over to Yoongi. 

Yoongi thought for a moment, then chuckled. “You know, I don’t think I ever thought to ask.”

~

Why did this have to happen today?

I internally kicked myself for not realizing what we were supposed to be doing today. I continued to run through the park, dodging random passersby and the occasional low hanging tree branch before I made it to where the rest of the crew was set up.

The boys were filming a RUN BTS episode today that we were supposed to come early to help set up, but thanks to my faulty alarm and the fact that I didn’t have it on my schedule because we were constantly reminded of it, I totally forgot.

I eventually set my stuff down and quietly walked over to Yumi and started to take out my camera.

“What happened? Why are you so late,” she whispered, not wanting to have the camera pick it up even though we weren’t the ones who were wearing mic packs.

“Everyone thought you were dealing with a hangover for how late you are!”

“I know,” I whispered back, making sure my camera was in working condition. “But one, everyone should know that I rarely drink and two, I didn’t think that I needed to put it on my schedule because we were constantly getting reminded of it, but I guess I was wrong.” 

I snapped a couple of test pictures of the boys to make sure that everything was working fine before looking over a Yumi.

“Why didn’t you set an alarm, I literally texted you about this last night so you didn’t forget,” she deadpanned.

“I did set an alarm, but it didn’t go off so I guess I got to sleep in,” I quietly chuckled, scratching the back of my neck. 

Yumi smiled and shook her head, “You, my dear, are going to get in so much trouble.”

I groaned, “Please don’t remind me. I’m still trying to get over the lecture the director gave me last time I was late to a RUN shoot.”

~

I really need to start putting things in my schedule. Not only did I receive a massive lecture from the director telling me how irresponsible I was, I didn’t get to eat any of the snacks that were laid out for staff as punishment for not helping. 

It didn’t help that I didn’t get anything to eat on the way out of my house because I was too focused on making it here at a reasonable time, so I was basically running on nothing and the snacks were looking REALLY good right now, but as my stomach growled I sighed and walked away, not wanting to torture myself anymore.

“Alright everyone, let’s get back to filming,” the director said, looking around to make sure everyone was ready.

Since we were filming this RUN BTS episode at a carnival, everyone got their own camera person and because of that, the rest of the crew- including Yumi and I- got to roam around and take pictures.

“So, we get to do whatever,” Hobi excitedly asked.

The director nodded and the boys started cheering. Their little celebration was cut a little short when the director spoke up.

“But, this is still a competition and there is a spy. You guys are going to have to figure out who the spy is by the end of the day in order to win, if you don’t, then the spy will win.” 

The guys simultaneously groaned and then started eyeing each other. The director continued to explain some of the rules, stating that everyone will be playing the games as normal.

“With that being said, you are free to do whatever you please.”

The guys made a run for any games they can get to the fastest. A couple of them went to the same game and started yelling at each other to go to a different game. The staff chuckled at their competitiveness, then started to part ways to record each of the boys.

~

Recording lasted about 3 hours and it was safe to say… I’m about ready to pass out.

Half way through the shoot, I had bought some mini donuts, but it was not filling and it made me feel a bit sluggish. Shooting had concluded and revealed Jungkook as the spy, much to everyone’s surprise and then the crew wrapped up. 

We were told that the carnival would be open for staff and the members if they wanted to go around and spend time together. Naturally, when we were told that, I immediately thought about leaving to find the nearest convenience store for some kind of food, but Yumi had to pull me from my thoughts. 

“Y/n! We should go play something! How about darts,” she asked as she started tugging me over to the stall.

I groaned.

“No, I’m really hungry and nothing here is filling. I’ve got to get something in me before I, either, die of starvation or simply pass out from low blood sugar,” I said as I tried to get out of her grasp.

She sighed, letting go of my hand and placing them out her hips. “Come on Y/n, just play one game with me and then I’ll let you go. You never know when you’re gonna get to go to the carnival again.”

I mirrored her actions and put my hand on my hips. “First of all, this carnival is going to be open tomorrow too, so we can go then,” I said, and she nodded in acknowledgement, “and second, you can get someone else to play with you. I promise I’ll play all the games you want tomorrow, okay?”

She paused for a moment before letting her hands fall to her sides and sighed.

“Okay… BUT! You’re gonna pay for my food AND we get on some of the rides too. Deal?”

She held out her pinky toward me. I playfully rolled my eyes and linked my pinky with her’s securing the promise.

“Deal! Now, I’m gonna go before I land face first into this dirt,” I said, walking away while waving to her.

She waved back and went over to some of the other staff standing by a booth. I walked over to where the camera crew was now disassembling their equipment and once I got to my bag, I started carefully taking apart my camera.

~

“You have got to be kidding me,” I muttered under my breath as I looked over to the microwaves and saw that all but one were ‘out of order’ and the guy using it looked like he was going to be there for a while.

Just my luck, huh? 

I shook my head and sighed, but went to pick out my food while I waited for the microwave to be available. Walking through the aisles, looking for my ramen, and happily grabbing it when I found it, then walking over to the rows of coolers to get a drink.

I walked over to the counter and paid for my food, then headed back to the microwaves. Luckily the guy from before was done heating up all his food and now it was my turn. 

I peeled the top of the ramen container back and walked over to put some water in it from the drinking fountain next to the microwaves. Once I was done putting in the water, I moved back to the microwaves and started to heat up my ramen.

While I was waiting there, I heard the quiet shuffling of feet behind me followed by a sigh. I looked into one of the microwaves and saw Yoongi standing behind me.

I quietly chuckled and said, “Would you like me to heat yours up too?”

I heard a confused “huh?” and turned around to greet Yoongi, bowing slightly.

He returned the bow with the confused look still written all over his face. “How did you know that I was behind you?”

A smirk grew onto my face, “A great magician never reveals their secrets.”

The confusion grew deeper as his eyebrows furrowed ever more. 

At this point I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “I’m kidding, I heard feet shuffling behind me and I could see your reflection in the microwaves,” I said slightly turning toward the microwaves to point at them.

He slowly nodded at my explanation. The microwave beeped, letting me know that my food was ready. I pulled out my food, setting it off to the side before I turned back to Yoongi.

“Going back to what I said earlier, would you like me to heat that up for you too?”

“Oh! Yes please.”

I took the cup of ramen from him and put it into the microwave, putting in the recommended amount of time and then pressing start.

“So… what brings you here? I would’ve thought that you would be with the others right now at the carnival,” I said, leaning against the counter and stirring my ramen with some chopsticks that were nearby. 

He shrugged, “Well, Taehyung was trying to drag me to one of the rides, but I played the “I don’t feel good” card and no more questions were asked.”

Humming in response, I took a bite of my ramen. As I stirred my ramen ready to take another bite, the microwave beeped signaling that the food was ready. 

Yoongi moved to open the microwave as I grabbed some chopsticks to hand to him, earning a quiet “thank you” before he started mixing his food. Still leaning against the counter, I watched as he walked over to the condiments bar and started to dig around in the cooler.

He proceeded to take out a slice of cheese and put it on his ramen, closing the lid.

Huh. That’s interesting…

“Would you like to sit with me? It’d be nice to have some company,” I asked as I walked to a table near a window overlooking the street.

“Sure,” he said as he walked over to the table, taking the seat across from me.

I continued to eat my ramen as he stirred his and I couldn’t stop the question rolling off my tongue, “Did you come up with that?”

He looked up from his food and I pointed to noodles that had strings of cheese hanging on them. “Hmm? Oh, you mean adding cheese to ramen?”

I nodded.

He looked down at his food, “Nope, someone taught it to me a few years back. I thought it tasted really good so I’ve been eating it like this ever since.” I nodded and went back to eating. 

We quietly ate for a while which allowed me to finish my meal, setting it aside and reaching to pull out my phone from my back pocket until Yoongi spoke up.

“What about you? Do you put anything special in your ramen,” he asked before slurping down the rest of the noodles.

I hummed, “Coincidentally, I put cheese in my ramen too, but it’s something I’ve been doing since I was a kid. I used to call it my ‘secret recipe’.”

“Wait…”

I was a little confused at his reaction and even more so when his face lit up like a light bulb just went off in his head.

“Do you remember if you taught someone this secret recipe of yours a few years back,” he asked slowly.

Tilting my head and humming I tried to think back. “Um, I’d like to say I did, but I tend to forget things pretty easily so it’s a little hard to say. Why?”

“Because I don’t think this ‘coincident’ is a coincidence at all. I’ve been having a weird sense of deja vu since you asked me that question at the microwaves,” he looked at me while I was still confused.

I shook my head lightly, trying to wrap my head around this. “Wait, so we’ve met before?”

He nodded as a small smile started to form on his lips.

“Then how come I don’t remember you? I feel like I would’ve,” I said, brows furrowing. 

“Well, we had that run in back in 2015, so it makes sense that we wouldn’t recognize each other after 3 years. Plus, we weren’t that big in 2015 which also makes sense why you didn’t recognize me back then.”

Nodding, I hummed, taking all of this in. No wonder I thought it was interesting when I saw him add cheese to his ramen. 

Now that I thought about it a little more it should’ve tipped me off that we might've met before when I noticed him adding cheese to his ramen since I really only teach that to a select few.

“I have to say… it’s pretty cool that you still remember that day,” I said with a smile starting to form on my face.

“How could I not! Because of that little interaction, we were inspired to make a song,” he said nonchalantly, leaning back and crossing his arms. 

If I had something in my mouth at this exact time, I surely would've spit it out right now after the sudden epiphany I had hearing that statement.

“WAIT A SECOND! I’m ‘the girl from the convenience store’ that inspired you to write Converse High?!” I was quite literally at the edge of my seat as I leaned further over the table.

He was a little surprised at my reaction, but then looked to the side with a hint of a smile. “Well yeah, you kind of left a lasting impression with your ‘secret recipe’ and those red converse you wore.”

I chuckled at the thought of my converse leaving a lasting impression on someone so much so that they would write a song.

It was his time to lean forward, putting his elbows on the table and squinting his eyes just a bit, “How did you know that you were the girl that inspired Converse High?”

He dramatically gasped, putting a hand on his chest, “Were you secretly a fan back then and were just faking it to get close to me?” 

I snorted and waved him off, “Please, I barely knew who BTS was back then so don’t flatter yourself too much, Min Yoongi.”

A slight frown appeared on his face, leaning back with his cross once again, "And the reason I know about the inspiration behind Converse High is because when I was doing research on what group Big Hit managed when I applied as a photographer, so I happened to come across a certain video of BTS at a radio station talking about the song.”

“I just didn’t think that your ‘mystery girl’ would have been me,” I said with a shrug, leaning back and crossing my arms, almost mirroring Yoongi, but he seemed a bit taken aback from the mention of “his mystery girl”.

He lightly scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I might’ve talked about you a little too much in the dorms and that caused Jimin to think that I had a crush on you,” he rolled his eyes at how ridiculous Jimin’s thought was.

“In reality, I thought you were really cool and I was a little sad that I didn’t get your name because I wanted to get to know more about you. I remember the rest of the members scolding me for not asking your name” 

I giggled, the smile staying on my lips, “I thought you were pretty cool too, you know. Back then, I mean. I would’ve loved to get to know you more too.”

“Maybe it’s not too late. If you want, we could get to know each other over some coffee tomorrow?”

It was my turn to be dramatic, gasping and placing a hand on my chest. “Is THE Min Yoongi asking me out to coffee?!”

He chuckled at my overdramatic question, but nodded.

“I would love to! Oh, we would have to get coffee sometime during the day, though, because I promised Yumi that I would go to the carnival with her tomorrow night. But it’s nothing official, so you can join if you want. We could just hang out,” I said.

He put his hand to his chin, as if in thought, “Sure I don’t see why not.”

I scoffed, shaking my head as a smile grew on my face.

“Great, then it’s a date!”

He started to mirror my smile, “Great, I can’t wait, uh…”

My smile instantly fell. “Don’t tell me that you don’t know my name? I’ve been working with you for years!”

He laughed, “Of course I do, but just humor me this once. I’m trying to right a past wrong, ok?”

I lightly shook my head. 

“Fine.” I sighed, sticking out my hand toward him with a warm smile, “Y/n. Nice to meet you!”

He reached over and took my hand in his, “Nice to meet you too, I’m Yoongi.”

[parkerslatte]

Songbird || TWELVE

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mention of blood

Word Count: 3.7k

Part Summary: The band records songs for Aurora and Y/N attends a party with Daisy.

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TRACK TWELVE;

MANEATER

...

DAISY JONES: We must’ve written eight or nine songs the first couple weeks. I would have an idea, and then he’d flesh it out, or he would come up with a riff, and I’d come up with a melody line.

BILLY DUNNE: When you’re making an album, any album, it’s an intimate thing. I mean, it has to be.

DAISY JONES: Which isn’t to say we didn’t fight.

BILLY DUNNE: Oh we were fighting constantly.

WARREN ROJAS: For a month it was like that. We’d be in the studio, you know, recording all the arrangements, and they’d be who knows where doing god knows what.

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: Everyday they’d come in with something new.

KAREN SIRKO: I mean great fucking songs.

Y/N L/N: Even though I didn’t want to be in the band, I can’t fault the songs, they were great, amazing even.

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: And every night, they’d come in giggling like two little schoolgirls. 

INTERVIEWER: Did it concern you?

GRAHAM DUNNE: Not really. Not yet, anyway. I mean…like whatever they were doing…it was working.

INTERVIEWER: How was Y/N adjusting to being in a band?

KAREN SIRKO: She adjusted well, it was only the arguments that was a concern.

…

“I did everything you told me to do, Billy!” Y/N yelled into the microphone. 

“But it’s not good enough,” Billy says from the booth, “Try again.”

Y/N sighed, and began to play again but as soon as she started playing, Billy cut her off again.

“In what possible way was that wrong,” Y/N exclaimed, “I played one note.”

“It was the wrong note.” Billy says, trying to remain calm.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “You need to get your hearing checked.”

Billy turns to Teddy, “It was the right note, Billy.”

A smirk appeared on Y/N’s face at Billy’s annoyed expression. 

“Again.” Billy ordered. 

Once again as soon as Y/N began to play Billy interrupted her. 

“Right,” Y/N says, “This is bullshit.”

Y/N lifted the guitar and placed it back on its stand. With one final glare at Billy, she left the room, joining the rest of the band. 

“You finished?” Karen questioned. 

“Nope,” Y/N said, flopping down on the couch next to Eddie, “Apparently Billy needs to get his hearing checked because everything I’m doing is wrong.”

Billy came storming out of the booth, his eyes focussed on Y/N, “Get back in the studio now, Y/N, you’re wasting time.”

“Why?” Y/N questioned, “So you can stop me every two seconds, I’d say you’re the one who’s wasting time.”

“Billy, just give her a break,” Karen says, “She’s been in the studio all day.”

“And so have the rest of us.” Billy says.

“Yeah, but we haven’t been yelled at for the past two hours.” Eddie muttered. 

Billy sent a glare Eddie’s way before his gaze landed back on Y/N, “Y/N, get back in the studio.”

…

KAREN SIRKO: Billy didn’t know when to stop when he argued with Y/N. 

WARREN ROJAS: Y/N never let her emotions show much, but I could tell that she was getting to her breaking point.

CAMILA DUNNE: I knew how Billy was treating Y/N and I wasn’t standing for it. She was my best friend and he was treating her awfully. I knew they didn’t like each other but that was no excuse.

BILLY DUNNE: Y/N got on my last nerve. She always wanted things her way. 

Y/N L/N: Billy was a controlling prick.

DAISY JONES: I knew that Y/N didn’t want to be in the band, and I didn’t understand why she was in the band. Her talent shouldn’t have been pushed to the side like it was. 

…

The band sat around in the studio waiting for Billy and Y/N to come back with their new song. Y/N sat with her guitar, carelessly strumming a tune she had come up with, humming along to lyrics she had written months ago that was meant to be for her album. 

“I like that melody.” Graham says. 

“Thanks,” Y/N smiled, “I was working on it for my album.”

Graham began to listen to the song as Y/N continued to strum her guitar. As he began to play her own guitar, working with what Y/N had already created, she turned to him and smiled. One by one each member of the band began to play along with Y/N and Graham. It didn’t sound fantastic but to Y/N it sounded like the most amazing thing in the world. 

“Sing the song.” Graham says.

“I wrote the song as a duet,” Y/N says, “Eddie, would you be able to sing the other part.”

“Me?” Eddie questioned.

Y/N smiled and reached down to her bag and pulled out her notebook, turning to the correct page and held it out to Eddie.

“The green ink is what you’re meant to sing. You’ll pick up the melody.”

Everyone began to play what they were before, slowly getting a good balance. Y/N began to sing everything melted away, the only thing she concentrated on was the music. Y/N signalled that Eddie should start singing. As he began he was out on timing which caused Y/N to smile but he soon got into a rhythm. 

Their voices complimented each other perfectly. Y/N couldn’t help but smile. Every member of the band got into the rhythm of the song, fully enjoying themselves for not being told what to do, they all got to freely play what they wanted. 

The door to the studio opened and in walked Billy and Daisy. Daisy slowed down her walk as she listened to the song, meanwhile Billy let out an annoyed sigh. Y/N was the first to notice and she stopped singing and playing, everyone followed her actions. 

“What’s going on here?” Billy questioned.

“Y/N wrote a song and we were playing around with it,” Graham answered, “It’s a great song.”

“It’s not going on the album.” Billy says.

“Come on,” Warren says, “It’s a great fucking song.”

“It’s not going on the album.” Billy repeated. 

“I think it should go on the album.” Daisy intervened.

“Thank you Daisy.” Y/N says and Billy rolls his eyes. 

“It’s not going on the album,” Billy says, “And that’s final.”

“Okay,” Daisy challenged, “Then I want Y/N to sing The River with me.”

The room fell silent. 

“It’s one or the other Billy,” Daisy says, “Her song goes on the album or she sings The River with me.”

…

Y/N L/N: Originally I never wanted my song to go on the album, but the look on Billy’s face when Daisy gave him that ultimatum was what made me want to have my song on the album. 

DAISY JONES: We recorded Y/N’s song that day. 

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: Y/N’s song was my favourite on the album, still is. 

WARREN ROJAS: I think that was the most laid back recording we did. Y/N took the reins on it and let us fuck around with it. It was a good day.

…

“Camila!” Y/N says, entering the house through the front door.

“Y/N,” Camila says, coming around the corner, “I didn’t know you were coming around today.”

“It wasn’t originally,” Y/N admitted, “But figured that since Billy isn’t here, I would come around. I haven’t seen Julia in ages. How are you by the way? We haven’t had the chance to sit and talk in a while.”

“I’ve been okay,” Camila says, sitting down on the couch next to Y/N, “I’ve been busy with Julia, she’s getting to the point where I can’t leave her unattended for too long or they’ll be another broken glass on the floor.”

“Billy hasn’t helped at all?” Y/N questioned.

“He has barely been here,” Camila says, an edge to her voice, “And when he is here, he’s always on the phone with Daisy.”

“I would say that I would have a talk with him, but we all know how that would go, so…”

Camila laughed, “It’s fine, you don’t need to talk to him, I’ll try to when he gets home, whenever that will be.”

“Hey, if you ever need help with anything, you can call me and I’ll answer and be here as quick as I can.” Y/N says, talking ahold of Camila’s hand, “If you need any help with Julia or even a break from her, I’ll babysit her and you can go and take as many photos until you literally can’t anymore.”

“Oh,” Camila says, getting to her feet, “That reminds me.”

Camila walked to the other side of the room and opened a drawer, “I forgot I developed these photos ages ago and I thought you would want them.”

Walking back over to Y/N, Camila handed her three photos and Y/N’s heart sank. The photos were of her and Eddie from the Christmas her first single was released. The first photo was just after Y/N handed Eddie his gift. The two were looking intently into each other’s eyes, a look of adoration on their faces. 

Flipping to the next photo, Y/N’s heart sank even more when she saw it. In the photo, she was staring at the camera with a smile while Eddie looked at her. The look on his face couldn’t have been mistaken for anything other than love. 

The final photo ripped Y/N’s heart out and threw it on the ground. The photo was taken when neither of them were aware. The two were cuddled up on the couch. Y/N’s arms were wrapped around Eddie’s torso while his arm was wrapped around her waist and the other held onto her arm. Her head rested on his chest while his head was dipped, his lips brushing her forehead. 

“When did you take this photo?” Y/N questioned.

“The same day,” Camila says, “It was a cute photo, I took it when you both weren’t looking.”

“Stalker.” Y/N jokes. 

Y/N placed the photos back in a stack and handed them back to Camila.

“Don’t you want them?” Camila questioned, furrowing her eyebrows. 

“I just-I just don’t think I need them.” Y/N says.

Camila saw right through Y/N’s lie, “What else is going on? Because months ago, you would have been excited to have these.”

Y/N sighed, “Nothing’s going on-”

“Is anything going on between you and Eddie?” Camila questioned.

“What?” Y/N says, “No, there’s nothing going on.”

“Are you sure because the two of you have been acting like strangers for months now.” Camila points out.

Y/N shrugged, “We just grew apart. I was busy working on my non-existent album and he was working with the band, we just haven’t had the time to talk and hang out.” Y/N hated how easily the lie rolled off her tongue. 

“Are you sure nothing’s going on?” Camila asks.

“I’m sure,” Y/N says, “There is nothing going on between me and Eddie.”

…

Y/N L/N: All of these lies were eating me alive. Of course there was something going on, but at the time I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was, I had never felt that way before so it was all new for me.

…

The next day, Y/N was sitting in the studio, bored out of her mind. They were meant to be recording vocals for Aurora but Daisy never showed up. With her notebook in hand, Y/N was just colouring in the page out of pure boredom. They had all been sitting there for hours. 

“Did you try her room?” Teddy asked.

“Yeah, couple times,” Billy says, “I’m worried something’s happened.”

“She’s probably just off somewhere.” Teddy suggested.

“No,, no this is her record as much as it’s mine. Something’s not right,” Billy says, “I got to go.”

“I’ll go with you.” Teddy offered.

“No, it’s worse if the principal comes.”

“Well, take Warren.” Teddy says.

“I can handle it.” Billy says, walking out of the studio.

Y/N looks to where he had disappeared before throwing her notebook down and followed after him. Just as he started up his car, Y/N climbed into the passenger seat. 

“What are you doing Y/N?” Billy sighed.

“Look, we don’t like each other, cool,” Y/N says, “But I care about Daisy too, so let’s just go.”

Surprisingly, Billy didn’t argue. He simply nodded and pulled away from the studio. 

As the two arrived at the hotel, music was blaring out and shouting was heard for every direction. Y/N and Billy slowly walked closer to the pool where they found Daisy. 

“Y/N,” Billy says, “Can you give us a minute?”

“What? Why? I want to see-”

“Y/N, just go.” Billy says. 

Sighing, Y/N sat down on a chair, watching the interaction between Daisy and Billy. Y/N had never been one to pry into people’s relationships but she didn’t quite understand what was going on between Daisy and Billy. One moment, they were acting like the best friends in the world and then the next they were acting like they detested each other. Y/N couldn’t work it out. 

As Daisy climbed out of the pool, Y/N watched as the glass dug into her feet, causing them to bleed. Y/N winced, standing to her feet. 

“Say, hi to Camila for me!” Daisy called to Billy as he stormed off. 

“Billy, wait!” Y/N says as he leaves the hotel grounds. Y/N contemplated following him as he was her only way home but she decided against it, opting to check on Daisy. 

“Let me guess,” Daisy says, “You’re here to yell at me as well.”

Y/N says, “No, not at all, unlike Billy I know what a fun time looks like.” Y/N lied, she had been annoyed with how late Daisy was but she wasn’t going to outright be angry about it like Billy was.

Y/N looked down at Daisy’s feet, “Can I clean that up?”

Daisy looked down at her feet and watched as the blood mixed with the water, “I’m fine.” As she tried to walk away, Daisy limped, in obvious pain. 

“Look, I’ll make a promise,” Y/N says, “You let me clean that up and I’ll happily leave you alone to do whatever you want.”

“Why don’t you join me?” Daisy says. 

Y/N sighs, “As long as I can clean that up.”

Daisy rolled her eyes and sat down and Y/N rushed to find a bandage and some alcohol, the latter being much easier to find. After getting some bandages, Y/N went back to Daisy who was miraculously in the same place. 

Bending down, Y/N inspected her foot, luckily there wasn’t any glass embedded into her foot so it would be rather easy to clean up. 

“Okay,” Y/N says, unscrewing the bottle of alcohol, “This will probably sting a little bit.”

Daisy nods before Y/N pours the alcohol onto the cuts. Daisy winced but Y/N continued to wipe away the blood, disinfecting the cuts. As Y/N wrapped her foot in the bandage, Daisy watched her intently. 

“There,” Y/N says, “Just please don’t put your foot in the pool again, I don’t think I can find any more bandages.”

Daisy put her foot down on the floor and looked at Y/N. She didn’t say anything before reaching down and picking up the bottle of alcohol, “No your end of the deal.”

Y/N smirked and took the bottle of alcohol from Daisy and took a long swig. 

***

“Where’s Y/N?” Warren asked as Billy entered the studio alone. 

Billy looked around, like he was surprised that Y/N wasn’t with him, “I think she’s still with Daisy.”

“You think?” Eddie says, “You just left her?”

“Yes Eddie I did,” Billy says, “I had more important things on my mind.”

“Look,” Karen spoke up, already sensing the tension, “She’s probably fine, she’ll either stay with Daisy or she’ll find her own way home, she always does, there’s no point in worrying.”

No one said anything as Billy picked up his guitar case and left swiftly without a word to anyone.

Back at the house, Eddie was finding it difficult to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt fully awake. Every time he tried to get comfortable, it would only turn into the most uncomfortable position only moments later. 

As Eddie closed his eyes for hopefully the final time that night, the phone began to ring in the living room. Due to having the room closest to the living room, Eddie flipped the covers off and got out of bed. As he passed the clock on the wall he took notice of the time. Four in the morning. 

Picking up the phone, Eddie answered it. 

“Hello?” Eddie says.

There was a long pause before there was an answer, “Eddie?”

“Y/N?” Eddie says, “Are you okay?”

“I-I don’t know where I am.” Y/N says. 

“What do you mean?” Eddie questions. 

“I lost Daisy,” Y/N says, her words barely legible, “So I continued to drink without her and this guy gave me some pills and I took them.”

“Y/N, are you okay?” Eddie asked, suddenly fully alert. 

“I’m-I’m fine,” Y/N says, “I went to walk home but I think I took a wrong turn.”

“Can you describe what’s around you?” Eddie questions. 

There was a pause before Y/N answered, “It’s too dark. I don’t think I’m that far away from the hotel.”

“Okay, Y/N, stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.” Eddie says and hangs up the phone. 

Only picking up a jacket before he left the house, Eddie got into the van and pulled out of the driveway. His heart was beating fast as he drove, the only thing he thought about was Y/N. As he neared the hotel, he slowed down and kept an eye out for her. There wasn’t much around at all, simply a road and trees with a few houses scattered down it.

As Eddie drove further down the road, he spotted a payphone box and a person sat down next to it. Immediately Eddie got out of the van and ran the small distance. 

“Y/N.” Eddie says softly. 

Y/N looked up and she smiled, “Eddie…”

Y/N was shivering and goose bumps covered her skin. Pulling off his jacket, Eddie placed it around her and helped her to her feet. 

“I’m sorry.” Y/N says as his arm wrapped around her waist as he helped her to the van.

“For what?” Eddie questioned.

“For dragging you out here in the middle of the night.” Y/N says, clutching onto Eddie. 

“Don’t apologise.” Eddie says, helping her into the van. 

Y/N pulled his jacket tighter around her body as she sat safely in the passenger seat of the car. Eddie got in and began to drive back to the house. Y/N didn’t say anything the entire way there, she simply looked out of the window at the world passing by. She was fully aware of Eddie continuously sneaking glances at her. 

As they arrived back at the house, Eddie tried to help Y/N out of the van but she pushed him away, “I’m fine, Eddie.”

“You sure don’t look fine,” Eddie says, “You don’t normally get this bad, Y/N.”

“Yeah?” Y/N questioned, “Well I have all the reason to be.”

Y/N sniffled, trying to fight back the tears she had been keeping at bay for months. 

“I’ve had everything I’ve ever been working towards taken from me,” Y/N says, “My album was the one thing I’ve always wanted to do and now that opportunity is gone. I never wanted to join the band and now I have and I haven’t been more miserable in my whole life. Billy never lets me have any creative freedom, and everything I do is wrong. I can’t do anything right in his eyes. I am a singer and a songwriter and it’s been taken away from me.  ”

“You have one song on the album.” Eddie says, trying to look at the positives. 

“A song that I wrote for my album.” Y/N says, finally letting the tears fall, “I wrote that song with the idea of you singing it with me. I wrote it for us.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say. Y/N looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. Reaching up, Eddie cupped her cheeks and gently wiped them away. He stepped closer to her, decreasing the distance between them. 

Y/N continued to stand there, not knowing how to react. Her thoughts weren’t clear and she didn’t know what to say. 

Looking down at Y/N, Eddie began to lean forward, his lips inched towards hers like it was a magnetic pull driving them together. Eddie couldn’t help himself, the feeling of Y/N’s lips on his was a feeling he craved, it was as if it were his own personal high and he needed a constant fix. Y/N, noticing this, pushed him away harshly. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Y/N whispered.

“I-I-” Eddie cut himself off because he didn’t really have an answer. 

“No, Eddie,” Y/N mumbled, “You’re being mean.”

“I’m not,” Eddie begs, “I’m not, I’m sorry.”

Y/N shook her head, “You are, you don’t do that to someone. You can’t do that to someone. You don’t mess with someone’s feelings like that. Don’t talk to me again.”

With that, Y/N walked back into the house leaving Eddie outside on his own. Eddie remained there in silence for a moment, processing everything. He wished he could rewind time and never did what he did. Angrily, Eddie turned around and punched the wall. Almost immediately he brought his hand to his chest, cradling it. There were cuts on his knuckles and bruises would certainly form, but Eddie didn’t care. 

The pain made him aware of what he did. The pain on the outside reflected the pain he was feeling on the inside. 

…

EDDIE ROUNDTREE: Everything I did that night, I regretted. I ruined what was left of my friendship with Y/N. I loved her, but I ruined that. And I only made everything more complicated from there.

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[dear-space-cadet]

posting about Franz is very fun however I have to compartmentalize all the Alex DM/grooming stuff in order to do it and it’s hard. I haven’t talked about this on here before but Alex was in my DMs and the DMs of multiple other teenage girls between 2014ish and 2019ish before he was in a public relationship w Clara. I think he’s basically stopped since then, at least that I know of. he cut me off in particular when I was 18 and I didn’t realize anything was wrong with our relationship until I was 20. but yeah he would treat us like pseudo-daughters, pseudo-girlfriends in a very platonic sense that only becomes weird when you take it out of that vacuum. like he was asking teenage girls for advice and he held a LOT over our heads (like threatening not to talk to us anymore if we told anyone).

here’s something I wrote about it two years ago

I hope he figures his shit out bc he has a nasty habit of manipulating and using people with less power than him through some sort of weird charming quality he has. idk.

After I posted about it on Twitter in 2023 I got DMs from SO MANY (5 or 6) other girls who went thru the same thing with him. I got a DM from a sex worker and I’m not going to go into detail but basically, she said my post about him concerned her a lot bc he used the same language he used with me (wanting to protect me, seeing me as so much younger than him, etc) in a sexual way while they were hooking up. Alex blocked me on Twitter for a while but unblocked after people started talking about for a bit it in summer 2023. He knows what he did.

But in the purely fandom sense I love Franz Ferdinand and always will. I really just have to separate public!Alex, 2004!Alex, FANON!Alex etc from what I know about him. That’s why I’m doing a video essay on Franz blurring the lines of fandom, friendship, and inappropriate relationships with fans anyway. Blah blah tldr Alex weird

Also this is all likely related to the Steckrube lyric but I don’t want to think about it bc although I was a teenager and probably not concealing my identity enough, he probably knows I wrote itao LMFAO

[officialtayley]

my tayley peak story

i’ve been a fan since i was 14 (i’m 28 now) and i saw some tayley conspiracy shit on tumblr and thought hmmmm, but i never liked ogre so i wasn’t offended. Ive always known taylor had a place in his heart for hayley romantically that was just psshhh come on but i didn’t know if hayley felt the same as she was with melted shrek. got suspish around hayley’s wedding but then through the production of AL and then when AL actually came around and i was watching their first leg of tour and interviews and then hayley’s solo shit with taylor just being in the shots whenever romantic or sexual lyrics were being sung and sharing clothes like pls… tin foil hat dissolved off my head it’s real. so at least since like 2017 have i been knew (have WE been knew and gasLITTTTT by other fans. we were in the trenches y’all) anyway i have no pmore friends so this was ALLL kept inside in my brain like the always sunny meme connecting the dots and so to wrap it up when it came out they were dating i was the Pretend To Be Shocked Meme and the only person i could rave and share my joy with was harassing my mum and showing her the article and explaining tayley lore like than meme of quenlin blackwell and the lady sat on the sofa like wtf. some of my dates / order might be wrong bc my medication effects my memory but u ged it

omg i also told my mum all about it when it was time for our show in april 2023 and then when they played crystal clear and liar i had to explain that these songs are about taylor. being gaslit kinda wild cause i always used to lowkey doubt myself too like "maybe i am just being crazy but all this stuff lines up but maybe not????" like those fans were a little evil for that. it never stopped me believing though. but this is a cute cute cute story thank you for sharing it hehe :)

[madarasgirl]

Twin Flames

Read on AO3

Warnings: modern AU, “sugar daddy,” romance, alcohol consumption, eventual smut but smut is not the point, Madara x Nurse!Reader

What was life if not mundane? Until one day he barreled into your life and flipped it over. Nothing will ever be the same. You didn't belong to the same world, but the heart will yearn for what it wants.

-----------------------------------

The idea for this story (which will be part of a larger work) came from after an annoying shift at work when my friends and I were joking about what we were doing with our lives. This should be the most light-hearted part of the series I have in mind. Thinking of Madara as a sugar daddy was hot to me, so I needed to somehow get you to him. By no means am I encouraging anyone to become a sugar baby or glorifying these relationships with inherently unbalanced power dynamics in real life. And definitely don’t do anything potentially unsafe. DNI IF THIS THEME OFFENDS.

Inspiration was also drawn from the beautiful epic song "Star Sky," by the amazing group Two Steps from Hell. It is about two mirror souls reincarnating and finding each other through lifetimes, even if separated from age to age by time and death. The style of music renders the lyrics hard to elucidate, so you may need the lyrics separately on the side to make them out.

Word count: 4596

Chapter 1

You were so pissed after this night shift, everything that could have gone wrong going wrong. It was like the stars tried to align and screw you over. At least it was over, until next time. Fire in your veins, you stomped through the locker room to change. Part of you wanted to scream, while the other wanted to cry. Perhaps doing both wouldn’t be inappropriate either, given the circumstances. You stopped your turbulent rampage, trying to calm yourself so you didn’t slam something.

“Y/N. Let’s go out. We deserve it after all that,” your beloved friend Jasna said.

“Are we day drinking now? Here I was thinking there are still some things we are above doing.”

“Buddy, I meant breakfast. You’re already skipping ahead to tonight.”

You were about to make some sort of excuse to escape any social obligations at this time, but the alternative of going back to your empty home to collapse and bawl your eyes out the moment the door closed, which you knew you were going to do, held equally little appeal. Your stomach growled at you in disapproval, reminding you of your neglect since early yesterday evening.

You sighed, “Fine. Let’s do it. We have to eat sometimes anyways.”

“Hehe! I knew you still had some reason in you after your earlier outbursts!”

----------

Your party of two sat down at your favourite breakfast diner and ordered. Suddenly you were bone tired now that you had a chance to sit. What were you even doing with your life? Day in and day out, the same thing, 'saving people.' Were you even doing that? It was so often just one hopeless case after the other, like keeping bodies ‘alive’ while they slowly flushed themselves down the drain until they finally croaked. Such was nursing. It was soul-crushing work at times. And so meaningless at others.

“—And they even doubled my assignment. ‘It’d be a good double,’ they said. The moment they say that, you know it’s over! I was sent to OR at the beginning of the shift with my first patient while my other guy kept trying to pull his lines out. Luckily he didn’t get to his dialysis line or his central line or it’d be an even bigger disaster!”

Jasna was right. It wasn’t a good double. There are still way worse assignments. Your train wreck of a patient died, and you and whatever help the unit could muster last night spent hours using every resource trying to resuscitate a body you knew was long gone. Your back was STIFF from the CPR.

The workload only ever got heavier with no relief in sight. Only the sense of comradery with your fellow coworkers, especially the best nurses in the world, kept you going. You trusted them to have your back when things spiraled downhill with your patients’ lives and even with your own, if you were ever to end up a patient. They were always the only ones who truly understood when you needed to rant to each other.

Jasna suddenly snorted at you when you made a disparaging comment about her last patient. “Y/N! Shush, don’t let the higher powers hear you!”

“Well fire me then! I DARE THEM!” It was true. The ‘higher powers’ were more desperate for nurses to work than they had nurses wanting to work. “What are we even doing with our lives? We only keep going back because we hate ourselves but we want to see our work friends. And to put some food on the table.”

“If they’d just pay us more instead of themselves, they wouldn’t have half the problems they have. But of course, we just work there and nothing ever makes sense with the administration.”

"What else could we do?” You exhaled in exasperation. “I’m already in school again for my Master’s, but it’s only making things worse. I can’t take as many shifts as I used to.”

“I guess the only option left is to marry rich, ha!"

You rolled your eyes. “Any more sensible suggestions?”

“It’s plenty sensible,” Jasna huffed. “Try a sugar dating site…sometimes a girl needs to eat.”

You got quiet, remembering the trying times of being a nursing student, when between the needs of studying, preparing for exams and assignments, the long hours of clinical placement, and a part-time job, making ends meet was an almost impossible challenge for those without a safety net. Jasna had none, and needed to live, obviously.

“I am too old to be a sugar baby."

"Stop saying that! 29 isn't even old. I'll be your age in a few years." She played at being indignant.

To be honest, Jasna’s situation then was not quite different from your current predicament. Your Master’s of Nursing program was even more expensive than her Bachelor’s. The scholarship covered most of the tuition, but you still had to live. Rent to pay, food, any number of other miscellaneous items. Hospitals wanted more Nurse Practitioners and other specialized nurses, but there was no financial assistance, not when they also needed more nurses to toil at the bedside. With your course workload, even going from full-time to part-time at your current job left you in a rut. Not enough time for school. Not enough time to work and garner wages. You were at an impasse. And so, so tired.

You had no more fire in you for tonight. You sighed, thinking back on when you used dating apps in your early adult days, swimming through countless messages spamming "Hi" or "Baby you're hot, let's fuck" to find one decent message. Clearly nothing came out of it. How disappointing and tedious it all was.

“You’re thinking about it. I can tell.” Jasna gave you a knowing look.

“Nah. As if I want to make more time for something like dating. Clearly, time is what I’m always short on.”

“You do whatever you need to, I’ll be here. You could always just start a profile to check it out.”

The two of you wrapped up your meal and said your goodbyes. Until the next time you worked together again.

You stepped into the shower when you got home, steaming water erasing the grime of the night. The hot water temporarily soothed your worries and eased the tension from your muscles. It felt so good to be out of those dirty scrubs. Finally relaxing, your mind wandered back to your conversation with Jasna. You could just make an account, she was right, and flip through a few profiles. It was the kind of low commitment you could adhere to for awhile. It felt like a lifetime ago since you’ve last been with a man in any capacity.

It will be the same, just expect nothing. If the bar of expectation was already on the ground, there was only ‘up’ to go, so you couldn’t be disappointed, right? And you could just ignore whatever unsavory messages that came your way.

----------

“Brother, you need to go out more. You look more and more like an old man day after day, always so serious and disapproving. Your wrinkles are going to start showing.” A handsome young man stepped into the opulent study, raven hair down, freed from the ties of its usual low ponytail.

“And you need to dedicate yourself less to my extracurriculars, and more to business now that you’re feeling well. There are contracts to be negotiated.” Sharp eyes turned to acknowledge the newcomer to the room. The man at the huge mahogany desk put down his fountainpen, elegant script dancing across the plush papers he worked on. 

“I would if you had extracurriculars to speak of. As it is, I feel obligated to arrange activities for you, lest you rupture an aneurysm in your old age and stress.”

“Old age?” He was in his thirties.

Izuna grinned, knowing he was getting under Madara’s skin. And knowing equally well he could get away with things when it came to his stern brother, things that he wouldn’t let slip with others.

Madara was mildly irritated, but he’d play along, for now. Staring down his nose at his brother, he asked, “Hn. Then I’ll amuse you. What do you have planned for this old man which might alleviate his woes?”

“Don’t worry. I’ve always got your best interests at heart. We could set you up for a moonlit dinner date–“

“Out of the question. Why would I suffer the presence of some blathering fool? You should know I haven’t the time for frivolous activities such as—”

“—I even made you a dating profile on this website.”

“You did what?”

His brother, ever the cunning fox, grinned again as if he was feeling sheepish. “You’re now publicly an eligible bachelor looking for a lucky lady friend to spoil on a sugar daddy dating site. Would you like to know your username?”

“…” For once, Madara was at a loss for words. Out of all the ridiculous antics Izuna pulled over the years, never had he done anything on a public platform. They hailed from the Uchiha family for goodness sake. They had an image to maintain, even if not on principle, then at least for the unsullied reputation demanded in their business relationships.

Izuna was starting to sweat. Did he go too far? But this time, it wasn’t just a childish prank. “Look, I even found several excellent potential matches.” He pulled out his phone and booted the app to show Madara.

…It was you.

“Do you see something you like Madara-oniichan?” the brat was trying hard not to let the corners of his lips lift in mirth and failing miserably.

“…I think I should like to put you back in the hospital myself if you’d like to see your nurse so badly.” He glared furiously at his little brother, who was at times more trouble than he was worth. If he could kill with just a glance, Izuna would have combusted on multiple occasions already.

His mind jumped back to those months in the hospital long ago. In retrospect, he wished he got to know you more when he was visiting. But he was so overwhelmed by Izuna's state of injury, he was completely unavailable and nothing would have reached him at the time. Everything began with Izuna. Everything revolved around Izuna, his only remaining living member of family.

There had been a huge healthcare team involved in Izuna's recovery, and multiple units too, though they spent the longest in the ICU. After many months in the ICU, they made it to step-down, then transferred to the wards, and finally months of rehab. It’s been several years since then, and Izuna is finally looking as he did before the incident.

Throughout that time between healthcare facilities and units, Madara recalled countless smart, attractive nurses both young and older, professional despite the mistreatment by patients, families, the administration, and the system itself. You still stood out to him though. You were also pretty, but the way you carried yourself demonstrated you weren't even aware. You were all the more alluring for that.

Professional, competent, and kind. That was how he remembered you. He recalled when you eased him into a corner of the room as his brother died onscreen to explain what everyone was doing, gently reminding him that others in the room couldn’t hear important communication to each other when he screamed. You calmly explained why no one was shocking Izuna when there was no heartbeat, what medications were being given. There was a way of being firm in your demeanor without being disrespectful. You were so attractive to him. Too bad you were his brother's nurse and he wasn't in the headspace to pursue then.

“Just go for her! The worst that could happen is her rejecting your grouchy ass. What if some other lucky man snatches her up first?” Izuna started. "You see yourself? You've been alone for too long. I can't leave you all by yourself if something were to happen to me again."

Izuna had been drugged out of his mind to help control his pain, ventilation, and agitation. When eventually his sedation medications were weaned off and he woke up, he remembered how tender you were with him. Even the small details, where you saturated his wounds with saline before carefully peeling them back so the old dressings wouldn't rip against his healing wound beds. How you so sincerely apologized for each harder tug and each of his winces, as if you were the one hurting.

He was high as a kite, but some things he still remembered. Like how his brother would sometimes watch you as you worked when Izuna himself was a bit more lucid so Madara would be worrying less about him. No one else would have noticed these minute changes in his brother's behaviour, but they didn't escape him.

“You’re lucky brother. It’s this Saturday at 1900.” He pulled Madara out of his reverie.

 “Now what? What’s this Saturday?”

“Your date of course. I already contacted her and she agreed to see you.”

A fountainpen flew with speed and embedded itself in a thick wooden door as it slammed shut and a cackling laughter disappeared into the distance.

----------

HOLY SHIT. It's HIM. You knew his name. You knew his face. It was Uchiha Madara, older brother to Izuna.

Every member of staff remembered these two. Izuna was a trauma patient transferred from another hospital for more advanced support after the trauma surgeons were finished with him. The extent of injuries was startling. Izuna was on ECMO to bypass and support his non-functional heart. He was also on every other mode of life support: maxed out on multiple pressors, continuous dialysis, massive transfusions... His survival was a miracle.

You remembered how Madara would come day after day to sit quietly by Izuna's side, sometimes bringing his work. He was polite to the staff despite how gravely ill his brother was, and that by itself already earned him a place in your memory. The only time you recalled an outburst from Madara was the first time Izuna coded and his primary nurse and others successfully brought Izuna back to life while you talked to Madara. Over the course of months, everyone on the staff agreed in the most objective way that these brothers were very fine male specimens.

You were anxious and unsure, but of course you agreed to see him at his invitation.

----------

Madara ambled through his large closet, stocked from floor-to-ceiling with enough finery to dress a king. He pondered several outfits, weighing each option against another. A suit and tie? Much too formal. A nice pair of jeans? He couldn’t run the risk of appearing sloppy. A dress shirt? Possibly. He picked up a few other options to match when he heard a click behind him. The pest was back.

“I know how to dress for a woman. I don’t need your help.”

“Relax. I’m only here to see how you’re doing.” Izuna was enjoying himself. It wasn’t every day one got to see Madara mull over his appearance as he did now.

“Did you need to use such a lame pickup line?”

“It worked! It was perfectly fitting. I thought it was cute.” Izuna picked up a brush and ran it through his brother’s locks, as he used to do when they were younger. With just the two of them left in their family, they had no one else but each other. They would take care of each other.

Madara relaxed back into the strokes, even if his mane was already perfectly brushed through and detangled. “It was bordering the boundaries of good taste.”

“But it applied for both of us. She can’t even accuse of me pretending to be you. Can you at least commend me for my genius? And why are you still here? Don’t you need to pick her up?”

“You were masquerading as me. Milady insisted on meeting directly at the restaurant.”

“You didn’t manage to convince her of otherwise? She’s already playing hard to get? Fantastic. Good luck with your courtship!” Izuna performed an exaggerated, swooshing bow with a toothy smile. He wondered if you might eat his softie of a brother alive if he didn’t accidentally scare you away first. It’d be funny, but he hoped you’d be brave enough to endure cracking through his stubborn outer shell and too kind to make his beloved brother suffer too much.

----------

Just on time! You stepped out of your Uber, treading carefully down the steps in kitten heels to ensure the first thing you did wasn’t to face plant in front of your date. You let the hostess know of the reservation Madara made and followed her to a more private section of the lavish restaurant.

Upon making another turn, you didn’t need to be led anymore. It was quieter, not due to the total lack of other people, but because of him. His presence took up the whole room, like it dragged out all the air and it left you breathless.

He was handsome and well-dressed as always. Faintly patterned navy blue dress shirt fitting snugly, outlining the definition in his arms and chest, dark trousers well-tailored, brown dress shoes tying his look together. He was the picture of elegance. Long fingers lifted a glass of wine to his lips and he sipped as he suddenly turned his gaze towards you. Your mouth ran dry as his eyes roved over your body, carefully taking you in.

He wasn’t even trying to hide it! You were at once extremely self-conscious from the intense scrutiny. Does he like what he sees? You continued your stride towards your destiny, even as a million insecurities bloomed within.

Madara couldn’t look away. His eyes traced your form-fitting black dress, following the lines of your bare legs up to your hips and arms, stopping at a graceful neckline to briefly dip back down to stare at the swell of your breasts. His mouth watered into his glass and he was aware he was being vulgar. He put his wine down before he could drop it and ripped his stare towards your face.

You were dazzling.

He took in your pink face and delicate features enhanced by the lightest touch of makeup. He gave a small genuine smile and pushed out of the cushioned chair.

“Y/N. It’s good to see you again. Thank you for coming.”

“Yes thank you for the invitation. I hope you weren’t waiting long.” What were you supposed to do now? How do you date again? He’s a businessman and talks to important people, important people shake hands, right?

You extend your hand towards him in greeting and add, “It’s good to see you again too.”

Madara chuckled and took your hand in his paw, brushing the backs of your fingers with his thumb before bringing your hand up and pressing his lips to the back.

“No, not long at all. I arrived shortly before you did,” he lied.

Lips parting in shock, you froze. This was not the reception you expected! The useless software in your brain ground to a halt, leaving you at a loss for what to do. Seeing your pause, he chuckled deeply again, the sound going straight to warming your face further, and he pulled out the chair for you, already the perfect gentleman. “I apologize if I was too forward.”

You were already flustered and the date had just begun. You gulped and almost uttered a short prayer to yourself to wish for strength. “Umm, no, we’re okay.” You quickly sat down, as if afraid you might fall over after all and looked away to admire the decor. There were thick silver curtains draped intermittently along the walls, chandeliers setting the mood from high ceilings, everything highlighting the centerpiece of the room, the baby grand piano. It was a gorgeous establishment.

He went around the other chair to present you with a masterfully crafted bouquet of fresh, exotic florals. “This is for you.”

When was the last time you received flowers? You were aware of this date originating from a sugar daddy/baby dynamic and Madara was just playing the part, but you still couldn’t help being slightly flattered. “Thank you. They are beautiful.” You accepted the gift and took a sniff of a particularly large bloom and smiled at Madara.

“Good evening ma’am. How are you? My name is Carlos and I’ll be your server tonight. Could I start you off with something to drink?”

“Yes,” you answered a bit too fast and eagerly. Heavens knew you needed something to give you liquid courage. The words barely registered as you looked over the drink menu before ordering the first thing that sounded good. Carlos paused at your request, but ultimately repeated your order before disappearing. Madara was looking at you thoughtfully.

“How have you been?” You asked him.

“It’s more of the usual business. Deals to negotiate, meetings, paperwork. It’s rather unexciting to talk about me. How have you been these past years?” Madara’s reply was brief, curt. He had his chin on his hand, resting his elbow on the table as he scowled with eyebrows furrowed.

Thinking of the Senju and how Tobirama tried to press him in negotiations only this morning left a foul taste in his mouth. Izuna was the one who was the wordsmith and would never lose to a Senju when it came to creating contracts. But Izuna was only recently back in the game and his priorities were backwards. The first thing he did was set Madara up on a date instead of dealing with Tobirama. No matter. With Izuna by his side again, things will take a turn for the better. The date.

He looked up to see you quiet and staring back at him with wide eyes. Shit. He forced his face into a more neutral expression.

“Here is the white wine you ordered ma’am. It is a French wine from the region of Alsace. It starts with notes of orange blossom and honeyed orchard fruits before building into a richer flavour on the palate. It is a delight.”

You eyed Madara’s glass, then looked over the table and groaned. Madara was already drinking wine. And there was already a bottle of opened wine at your table. Great. Now he thinks I’m a bumbling idiot and a drunkard.

“We could use a second bottle at our table, right? I could drink that,” you deadpanned and grabbed your glass, swirling it quickly before tipping it back. “Delicious.” You take hold of the dinner menu to start studying it, still too flustered to be ready to try talking to Madara again. Madara kept a straight face even if he was crestfallen at your anxiety.

This wasn’t going well anymore. Madara cursed himself. He thought they started off alright, but now? He was used to people being nervous in his presence, but he didn’t want you to be so stressed around him. You looked to him like you wanted to run or melt into the scenery. It didn't feel right. He tried to open himself up and appear softer. He uncrossed his arms.

“Don’t worry about the wine, Y/N.”

Should you not? He looked so disapproving and judgmental. You knew some wine was nothing to a man of Madara’s status, but still, you didn’t want to keep embarrassing yourself. You licked your lips when his eyes stayed focused on you.

“I won’t. I could drink that, as I said.” You resisted the urge to face palm yourself, disbelieving of how you just told a man you’re seeing for the first time in years you drink bottles of wine by yourself. Guess who isn’t getting a follow-up date?

He chuckled again deeply in his chest and you wanted to die at how he kept laughing at you. “Let’s get something to eat first,” he said. The two of you resumed your study of the dinner menus and placed your orders.

Madara watched you again, unhappy at your squirming under his gaze.

“It’s been a long time. How have you been, Y/N?” Hopefully talking about yourself, a more familiar topic, would help ease your nerves. He read that in a psychology book long ago.

“You know, still working at the same hospital. Same annoying problems. I went part-time recently since starting my Master’s.” You hoped he didn’t notice your use of the word “annoying.” It wasn’t like you were calling his brother, a former patient, an “annoying problem.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, to make more time for school. I think I want to leave the bedside and get more specialized so I can either teach or become an NP instead.”

He was happy for you. He’d always respected those who had goals and tried to make more of themselves in life. He was genuinely interested in what you had planned for yourself. He sat back in his seat and asked, “That is fantastic news. How do you like your program so far?”

You and Madara continued to make pleasant conversation. Madara was incredibly interested in what you’ve been up to the past years, but he tried not to let his curiosity sound like an interrogation. He was relieved as you appeared increasingly relaxed as dinner went on.

As the meal came to an end, you declined dessert, stating you were already full. Madara went to get the bill, even if you resisted, stating you will pay for yourself. He dissuaded you of such a notion before completing the transaction, leaving you mildly distraught.

“Come. I will bring you home.” Madara smiled warmly at you and offered his arm, observing as you stepped gingerly down the stairs outside the venue while using him as support, ensuring you wouldn’t trip. He opened the door on your side to his fancy car and closed it after you.

You were both quiet in his car, you fidgeting with the hem of your dress and not looking at him, returning to your previously skittish state. Madara was hyperaware of your presence. You really weren't aware of the effect you had on men around you. Even during dinner, multiple men looked your way to bask in your beauty and grace. While he was also taken in by you, all of you and not just your appearance, he wasn’t anxious himself. He wished you wouldn’t be nervous around him –you had nothing to worry about when you were with him.

He pulled up to the drop-off at your condo.

“Thank you for tonight. I haven’t had such a pleasant time in a long while.” His time was filled with either work, managing Izuna, or merely by himself in peaceful tranquility. Madara was sincere.

“Thank you again for inviting me. You were wonderful.” He really was. Despite your blunders, Madara had been kind the entire night.

You glanced up at him, unsure again, but he looked so dashing you couldn’t help it. Would he let you?

You shyly leaned over towards him and Madara immediately took the invitation. His face was mere inches from yours, when suddenly you chickened out and pecked him on the cheek instead. You wished him goodnight and a safe drive home and scampered away, screaming at yourself and how lame you were as you closed the door to your condo.

Madara stared after you, fingers on his cheek where you were moments ago, at first stunned, then beaming in delight.

My brother’s heart wasn’t the only one that stopped when we saw you.

~To be continued~

-------------------------

Notes:

I tried to capture the discomfort a normal person would feel when first getting to know Madara. He's seriously intimidating! I’d be nervous too if Madara suddenly dropped into my life, even if he wasn’t trying to kill me and was just being a normal guy. Such is Madara’s presence. Way too intense. I also tried to convey how Madara appears differently in front of loved ones like Izuna and a relative stranger, even if he’s already romantically interested. He really doesn’t know how to express himself well, but he tried. He ended up kind of cute in this one.

By the way, the Reader in this story isn’t me. I’m an ICU nurse in real life, so there are aspects to the character’s thoughts that may resemble mine, particularly with regard to the healthcare system. The frustration and anger there is real, given the current healthcare climate. I sincerely hope I didn’t turn anyone away with my ranting. The Reader is more an amalgamation of different real-life nurses in terms of personality, quirks, and life circumstances which hopefully still comes across as somewhat relatable.

It’s much more realistic for a Registered Nurse who needs extra $ to take a gig with a private nursing company than to go looking for a sugar daddy haha, but I wanted us to meet Madara.

Izuna should have died from his injuries due to cardiac arrest/sepsis/multi-organ failure and be missing parts of his limbs from the epinephrine (one of the pressors that would have been used), but this is fiction and I want good things for him and Madara. So Izuna lives. Come on, as if Madara would find himself on a sugar dating site of his own accord. Of course Izuna was involved.

P.S. This is my first time writing a real fanfiction with a plot in over a decade. I guess Madara inspires me. I found this lighter tone a bit hard to write. Please let me know what you think!

[aprilskyforever]

Henny ranks Eurovision 2023 - before the show

i’m kinda late with this this year, i admit. reasons? I guess I can say i’ve been busy, but it’s not all, truth is i’m not that engaged about this year actually... of course there are songs i love, but it’s not a year where i struggle to make a top 10 you know? anyway. enough negativity. let’s take a look, shall we? oh and please not that the songs are not in a certain order within each category.

category: can’t we have two winners please?

Sweden - yeah i’m in my patriotic era again. this is euphoria chapter two, in a good way, and it’d be so cool if she won purely from a statistic point of view... howEVER........ 

Finland - wouldn’t it just be great with a winner that was... a little rough around the edges? dirty, gritty, would scare your grandma only to later make her nod and say it’s quite a bop afterall? and it’d be the proper reward for finland who has brought their absolut a-game to their national final for the past few years - even though they’ve in my opinion picked the wrong winner from it. until this year that is. yeah, i think i’d like that.

category: added to my playlist and played frequently

Norway - mgp really stepped up their game as well this year and sometimes i even question if queen of kings is my winner from it (there’s tresko, ekko inni meg, love you in a dream etc etc) but my god it just goes so hard doesn’t it? although WHEN are they putting the version with the intro on spotify?? WHEN!!

Slovenia - you know sometimes i forget carpe diem is a eurovision entry because it just sounds like something i’d hear from an average band in my library?? idk how else to describe it. i just love it. and i love THEM. bojan’s charisma is.... sigh

Austria - it bops and it’s so CLEVER i love it

Serbia - hello??? i’m obsessed

Portugal - as soon as the beat kicked in on my first listen i was hooked. it’s flawless. and it’s the first portugese entry i’ve been really engaged in since.... uh... i started watching?? obviously i’ve liked entries from them but i haven’t really cared. this time i do.

Czechia - go ladies go!! i really hope this will be as epic on stage as in the mv. please please please

Malta - this is a sort of recent obsession, i didn’t really get it right after the nf, so we’ll see how long this lasts but i’m always having fun listening to it

category: also in my playlist but not as frequent

Estonia - it’s beautiful! but maybe not so original. my winner of eesti laul was meelik /:

Switzerland - i actually don’t mind the lyrics and i love the chord intervals in the chorus

Croatia - chaotic fun. and sticks to your brain like glue. mamaaaa kupila traktora... SC!

United Kingdom - this song was like a bubble gum. lovely and fun the first few listens but i got tired of it kinda quickly, sadly

category: i can recognize the talent here but i guess it’s just not for me?

Latvia - i’ve seen so many people hyping this and everytime i listen it’s like yeah this is good! and then i don’t feel the urge to listen again

Spain - yeah the performance was captivating but... that’s where it ends for me

Italy - it’s nothing Wrong with the song itself but it didn’t grab me and i had so many other options from sanremo i’d rather see here than Another Male Italian Ballad and this time by a returning artist on top of it so uhhhh yeah

France - i’ve listened to la zarra before the contest so i had some hopes for her and they were not fulfilled )): i like the disco beat and the last chorus - because that’s when everything finally reaches a fullness it should have reached WAY earlier in the song. do you feel me?

Moldova - you know i think i just need a few more listens to this and i’ll get around to it

Ukraine - don’t have much to say about it but it’s alright!

Georgia - this is that kind of song that you only hear in eurovision but when you do you absolutely love it and she does have very impressive vocals, i gotta say

category: they’re fine i guess/i don’t care!!!!!!/no that’s definitely not for me

Belgium - song is kinda catchy i’m ngl. but i cannnnnNOT cope with his styling.

Azerbaijan - it’s cute! that’s about it

Albania - i’ve listened to this exactly once and it was alright but nothing core shaking you know?

Netherlands - this one i think is alright everytime i hear it and then i immediately forget how it goes after it’s done. i couldn’t sing it back to you know matter how i tried honestly

Denmark - yeah it’s fine

Cyprus - i don’t caaaare i don’t care it’s alright but i don’t caaare

Lithuania - ehhhhh why couldn’t we have had beatrich instead ):

Germany - i guess i see why people like it but yeah no this is Not my thing at all

Australia - same with this

Armenia - this could go in the other category above here but.. i don’t like it enough actually

Iceland - yeah no. i don’t get it

Greece - for the love of god couldn’t someone have paired him up with an experienced songwriter and/or producer here because there are many great ideas but they just sound like a mess? it sounds so unfinished?? and i think i really would’ve liked this if it just sounded more... polished. worked on.

Israel - again a mess of a song with too many ideas in it and a very weird build. can’t get around to it

category: good god no

Ireland - someone asked an ai to write the most generic song ever and this is what we got

Romania - dude. bro. no.

Poland - this could’ve been a very basic but somewhat ok entry had there just not been the whole story with how it was picked and what kind of person she is

San Marino - this song feels like a threat. and WHAT is with the singer’s posture?? STAND UP STRAIGHT jesus christ

and there we have it! how much do we agree?

[nerianasims]

So again, I, an American who knows nothing of the current European music scene, am listening to all the Eurovision songs online to see which I like. In the order they are on this playlist:

Ukraine: Sadly, this year... eh. Didn’t bother finishing listening to it. (Sounds like an American mid-tier hit that’s on the charts for a week.)

Estonia: Also eh. Not finishing listening, again. (Sounds like an American mid-tier hit that’s on the charts for a week.) 

Italy: Good, it’s not in English. And he is hot. But besides it not being in English, it sounds like an American hit that’s on the charts for like 12 weeks and you can’t escape it. Which... is that an improvement? I dunno. But I’m bored, sadly.

Austria: Kind of weird, though in English again. I don’t like it, but at least it’s different?

UK: The beat’s very slightly interesting. The rest is not, and again, why does everything sound not just American, but mediocre American? I mean at least there’s good reason for this one to be in English, but otherwise... pass. When you write a song about being a woman angry she was cheated on, you should have some actual anger and oomph in it. “Before He Cheats,” this ain’t.

Latvia: It’s got some energy anyway. Even if it’s in flippin’ English again. However, that key change was laughably predictable.

Slovenia: Not in English, +10 points. I’m digging it, I could definitely dance to this. I looked up the translation of the lyrics, and I like them too. Slovenia is so far in the lead for me. This is going on my playlist.

Iceland: I was hoping Iceland would come in with not-English, but no such luck. Bored. Are love songs illegal or something, every woman has to be angry at a man who done her wrong at all times?

Croatia: Woah that’s a start! And not in English, +10 points. Also, this is weird. This is more like it. I’m not putting it on a playlist. Yet. I have a feeling it might grow on me.

Malta: Saxy, nice. In English, not so nice. Well I like the sax parts, but not any of the rest.

Romania: Not in English, +10 points. He looks different, but the song is not very interesting. Again. Bored.

Poland: In English. You’re hot and cold, high and you’re low? Seriously? I’m sure he’s up then he’s down too. Channeling Katy Perry in 2023 is certainly a choice.

Australia: No points removed for being in English. Also it’s a love song, good. Maybe men are allowed them? But yeah, I like this. I still like the Slovenia one better, but this one is also going on my playlist.

Serbia: He’s got that particularly whine-adjacent timbre I can’t stand in male pop stars. And that’s a lot of noise without sounding like artful noise. Not for me.

Czechia: Not entirely in English, +10 points. There’s a bit of a Slavic folk beat behind the electronica too. Yeah, I definitely like this. I very much like the lyrics too. It’s in the lead for me now.

Israel: Opening with the electronica equivalent of nails on a chalkboard was... uh... why did you do that? Moving along... nope. Bored. Shallow “empowerment” drivel.

Sweden: English. Too bad the music is boring, because I do like the lyrics.

France: Yeah, I knew France wouldn’t send something in English. The opening is very sweeping. I like the music, it’s got energy and interest. And it’s sort of “woman who’s been done wrong,” but the lyrics are more complicated and -- very very French. I approve.

Netherlands: NOPE. Nope nope nope nope nope. Sorry, but I heard the opening piano and went “uh-oh,” then heard the whiny pop boy sing the first line and nooooope.

Armenia: English. Bored.

Finland: Not in English, so that’s good. The techno sounds like a Chrono Trigger riff, from the “future” area. It goes very hard, but not very interesting. (Insert “like my ex” joke here if applicable.) This is a drinking song? It sounds more like a fighting song. With bonus JRPG midi.

Spain: In Spanish, thankfully. And this sounds quite cool, and actually Spanish. I looked up the lyrics translation -- it looks like a pop rock-ified traditional lullaby. I like it.

Georgia: Why is she yelling at me :(. Sometimes you can go a little too hard in the beginning, if you’re not heavy metal. This is a love song, though it doesn’t sound like one, so that’s good. But it’s in English and also very shouty.

Lithuania: In English, bad. Love song, good. But boring.

Switzerland: In English. Dull and preachy. Anti-war is good and all, but the song itself needs to be good too.

Azerbaijan: In English. Also hipster douche vibes.

Greece: In English. Apparently he wrote this when he was 14. It shows. This is what people mean when they criticize “white guy with guitar” songs.

Cyprus: Well here’s a guy singing about a broken heart. In English. Boringly.

Albania: Not in English. And it’s interesting. Though not to my personal taste.

Belgium: English. Pretty typical Eurodance song. There are worse things, but eh.

Germany: English. German metal, not gonna listen to it, but it is what it is.

Ireland: Before playing, “We Are One”? Is this a unification anthem? Sadly, no. It’s one of those nice message, banal delivery songs.

Moldova: Not English, and has musical inspiration that I assume is Moldovan. I’ve never heard an “I’m going to marry this woman” song that had this much oomph. I like it.

Norway: English. The music is okay but predictable. The lyrics are okay but also predictable. There’s a banality to it.

Denmark: Another heartbreak song. The beat is giving me a headache and this is a whiny pop boy.

Portugal: Starts with the “I Will Survive” piano riff. Not in English. A love anxiety song rather than a heartbroken song, so that’s welcome. I like the music too, it’s definitely Portuguese sounding.

San Marino: English. It has energy. And I do not like it at all, there’s something icky about it.

So, the songs I like are from Slovenia, Croatia, Australia, Czechia, France, Spain, Moldova, and Portugal. I don’t absolutely adore any of them though. Kind of a meh year, at least for me.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, MAY 30, 1989 I haven’t written for so long now and I definitely want to get back with it again. The last time I wrote, I didn’t mention ripping off part of the ‘s’ in the ‘Who Cares’ thing they have on the front of the cottage in black tape. We were seen there that day and right now Mom and Dad are on their way down and they’re going to suspect us for sure, but I know nothing, I’ll tell them.

Sure enough, Tammy knew the place was up for sale, but she says she doesn’t know why.

Bullshit. It probably has got something to do with the break-in they had this winter.

I asked Mom if they’re gonna be in Florida year-round and she said yes, but Dad says they’ll be back up here, but God knows when.

Jessie’s gonna be buying my chairs and couch, which I’m glad to see a friend get, rather than just anyone. After all, it was Nana and Pa’s. I’m psyched to get the newer furniture from the Longmeadow house. It’ll look a whole hell of a lot better.

I’ve been up 25 hours and I’m going to try to crash now, and when I get up I’m gonna write music to some lyrics Andy wrote. He’s the writer, I’m the composer.Web Analytics

MONDAY, MAY 15, 1989 Today at 9:00, I’m to clean Russ’s house, as far as I know. I’ll call him to make sure. Whether I clean his house or not, I’m going downtown to the bank to cash Carabetta’s security deposit check and to order new checks. Then after, I’ll probably do some shopping. I want to buy some jewelry.

Andy just told me it’s great therapy for him when I write. We’re both just spacing off into our own worlds right now.

I was shocked to see the for-sale sign on the folk’s cottage. I figured they’d be there forever during the summers. Of course, they’d never tell me, but I bet their favorite daughter knows about this.

MONDAY, MAY 8, 1989 Not much has happened since I last wrote. I busted my ass cleaning a huge house in Chicopee last Friday and proved to Jim that I’m worth way more than $6 an hour. I know I’ll get a raise from him soon. He’s already hinted at it.

Jim and I had a long talk, too. He seems really nice and is qualified to be a therapist, so I found out. He says I’ll be ok in his brother’s band, but I don’t know. We’ll see.

Jai was away this weekend and he just got back a few hours ago wicked tired and we almost fucked. What stopped us was his girlfriend. I don’t want to get involved with anyone unless they can devote themselves to me only. I know he’s attracted to me and I really like him a lot, but I’d still rather have a woman. Since I can’t, I’d rather stay alone.

Another thing that terrifies me is if we ever did get involved (if he gave up Jenny) and if he turned psycho or if something went terribly wrong, then I have to live next to the guy.

Bruce called me today pressuring me to get a girlfriend once in for all. Yeah, sure. I explained why I can’t get one. Not one I would want, anyway.

Jai’s the first decent person I’ve ever gotten.

I have a busy week coming up. Tomorrow I have a condo to clean and grocery shopping to do. Tuesday, Jai and I are going to my allergy doctor. Wednesday, I work again. Thursday, I’m not sure yet what I’m doing. Friday, I see Dr. Moshiri, then Jim’s picking me up from there to clean the same house I did last Friday. I’ll be doing that house every Friday.

[ugly-drizella]

celebrate the rejects! (voyd)

songs to play while you smash the system and burn the whole world down

@into-the-voyd

[listen here]

--

Tracklist and highlighted lyrics below <3

T-Rex

Celebrate the rejects (Hey, hey) Eviscerate the presets (Presets) Power is my thesis (Power, power) Crimson on my lips, when I smile I'm a T-Rex

Hey, yeah! I did start this playlist after I made the connection that Karen and Drakken were absolutely giving me Nimona-Ballister vibes. So, there’s a lot of songs from the Official Nimona Soundtrack on here… and you know what, it rules, so! Any song that starts with “celebrate the rejects!” is a Karen song for sure. 

Raise Your Glass

So raise your glass if you are wrong In all the right ways All my underdogs We will never be never be, anything but loud And nitty gritty dirty little freaks

So, I actually had “So What” on here at first, but then I realized, no! The P!nk song for Karen is “Raise Your Glass” which is all about celebrating the “dirty little freaks” and the people who don’t fit in! I think this is a very idealistic version of what Karen believes, ie celebrating the things that make us difference and the underdogs of society! Maybe this is where they started out before they got into Crime ™. 

Rebel Girl

When she walks, the revolution's comin' In her hips, there's revolution When she talks, I hear the revolution In her kiss, I taste the revolution

Please take this as a gender neutral version and accept it as the queer punk anthem that it’s supposed to be. I simply think that Karen would be jazzed with being described as someone with revolution in their hips. I need ten more words here so we’re going to pretend this sentence is relevant. 

Because I’m Awesome 

They say I'm gifted, uh huh Well I'm a certified prodigy I'm gonna own you, uh huh I'm gonna bring you to your knees

Another Nimona song! I really love this one. It’s such a bop, and I can see Karen confidently saying all of these things. I didn’t highlight this particular lyric, but there’s one line that lives rent free in my head forever that goes “I always tell you how great you smell // It's 'cause I'm naturally deodorized.” 

One Two Punch

I'm a hit, I'm a one-two punch A slam dunk kind of total rush I'm a hit, I'm a hit, I'm a one-two punch Here's the thing, this is open and shut There's no one like me, look it up I've got a song to blare and a reputation to keep up

And another Nimona song! Woo! Now we’re doing a bit of transition simply from #empowering #revolution #outcast songs into something more… concrete. Hitting and punching and actually breaking stuff in order to enact that change that they want for the world! Let’s go! Punch stuff woo! There’s no one like Karen!

You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid

Nice work you did You're gonna go far, kid

This just feels like something someone told Karen after their first MAFIA mission. They’re gonna go far. This is one of those songs that is so specifically about something (in this case… Lord of the Flies, did you know that???) that it’s actually incredibly universal and I feel like I can every character into either “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” or “You’re On Your Own, Kid.” Karen, obviously, is the former. 

Heads Will Roll

Off, off, off with your head Dance, dance dance til you're dead

We’re having fun! We’re promising violence, but mostly we’re having fun! Let’s go! I’m so sorry that we keep assigning 50 words per song for these things, sometimes it’s just pure vibes, you know? What else do I have to say than this is about violence but also a bop? 

Shinigami Eyes

Are you ready to die? Got my Shinigami eyes on Everything is fine Got my Shinigami eyes

This is about Death Note, which in case you are not familiar with, involves an edglord teen who decides he gets to decide who is worthy of living and dying and kills who he deems “bad” by writing their names in a book. I think, at least. Anyway — Karen would enjoy having the Death Note, let’s be real. 

Kill V. Maim

I got in a fight, I was indisposed I was in despite all the wicked prose But I'm only a man And I do what I can I got friends in high places, I get out for free I got in a fight but they don't know me 'Cause I'm only a man And I do what I can

Listen, I wasn’t a Grimes Enjoyer till I read her description of this song which was "Kill V. Maim" is written from the perspective of Al Pacino in The Godfather: Part II. Except he's a vampire who can switch gender and travel through space.” And then I was like, oh, okay! I get it! Anyway, that just seemed very Karen. 

There Will Be Blood 

When you're begging and on your knees That's when I get a sweet release You can't run from your destiny (there will be-) I've been dying to feel alive And your pain is my paradise So tonight, you gon' pay the price (there will be-)

Yeah! Violence! Fun! On the dance floor! In retrospect, maybe I could’ve also added Murder on the Dancefloor here, but maybe not! It’s here in spirit. Maybe as a bonus track with some of the second choice songs. Why the heck not? If you made it this far, it’s like the Taylor Swift hidden tracks or whatever. 

(Anyway, there’s five bonus tracks here! Have fun!)

[josiebelladonna]

billie eilish syndrome: term i invented last night, used to describe someone who is so obsessed with being “real” and “authentic” that it actually comes across as fake. hard to spot if untrained, as they’ll often use words like “depression” and “anxiety”, but the key is to watch their behavior closely. you know someone has it when you see them and you get the weirdest feeling in your gut, like there’s just something “off” or too good to be true about them and part of you wants to fuck around and find out the truth

notable offenders: the namer, billie eilish. too many things about her either don’t add up or don’t make any sense, namely “follow me for my music and not the way i look” and yet here she is, often showing her tits and there’s this nagging feeling that you just got short-changed somewhere along the way; and “i write all my songs”, but compare her lyrics to the great writers of yesterday and even today like lana del rey and phoebe bridgers, they feel very one-note, overly obvious, and even lame, like imagine some poet somewhere getting overlooked by the attention they deserve over a pathetic line like “i don’t relate to you.” (if i was them, i’d be pissed). just because you write your own lyrics doesn’t mean they’re good—or that you yourself wrote your lyrics, finneas is always credited and songwriters often go unnoticed in the credits. for all we know, there may be 10 other people behind her in penning her songs. industry plants are like that.

another example is gipsygeek (alex skolnick’s… girlfriend? wife? who the fuck knows and i don’t really care, either). i stumbled on her blog last fall and everything about it just gave me this pit in my stomach, because, just like billie, nothing about her adds up. claiming to be in love with him and yet it’s just far too difficult to even talk about him out in the open. at this point, she’s tricked everyone who follows him into thinking she’s actually decent with her stupid, obnoxious image, with that ridiculous name that just looks racist—re: she may as well just use the “n” word—not wanting to be seen in public especially with him, doing really two-faced shit like claiming to be shy and yet talking to his followers as if they’re her own and having this really holier-than-thou attitude that is far too blatant to ignore. i mean, the fact you have to actually go to her profile on instagram in order to find anything about her because alex barely talks about her should tell you something—well, not this summer, anyway. every other post from him since june has her tagged in it… oof. saying that hits wrong is an understatement. that’s nearly right up there with those people who talk about their relationship every 10 minutes, simply because he barely did it in the past. what, you didn’t talk about her before and now because she was there when your mom was in the hospital she’s got your full attention? don’t say i didn’t warn you, alex.

a third example is xxgreendruidessxx, formerly known as daveighmustaine. now, i’ve talked about her more than i would like, but all i’m gonna say is one thing about her that still sticks out to me is her obsession with “real women”. “real women do this”. real women don’t give a shit about what you think.

a big symptom of it, besides the above, is an overall spoiled personality that is often subtle unless you really look, like really stop and look. billie has been absolutely inescapable the last couple of years, to the point loudwire is even talking about her and to the point where even the commenters are like “enough”: utterly spoiled by an already brain-dead industry that feels really gross but don’t expect me to give you sympathy, though, because you’re playing right into it. you would think after knowing alex as long as you have that you would, at some point since 2012, put on your big girl pants and grow the fuck up and have a photo with him, especially when he says it’s something he’ll remember forever AND ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU RUN A BUSINESS! completely spoiled by a gentle sweet jewish man who really did seem in love with you at some point and somewhere along the way you abused the goodness of his heart to the point i want to look at you and say “how dare you” before i slap you, hard, several times. and i don’t recall the green druidess ever being satisfied with anything, like i remember every other thing she said was a complaint. yeah, you bet i’m kicking back watching hurricane idalia coming for the south and her neck of the woods. i got my tropical system and my karma, now it’s your turn.

another defining trait of billie eilish syndrome is the lack of visibility elsewhere: billie may be a superstar here in the states but the rest of the world either can’t stand her or have never heard of her (canada doesn’t even like her: i’ve been seeing a growing number of canadians who are just as fed up with her as me). see the whole thing about having to go to gipsygeek’s profile just to see her. xxgreendruidessxx may have a dickload of reads on her fics but she’s fading fast, though. i haven’t seen anyone say anything about her in months. you also get a sense that they’re hiding something. it’s a bad sign when wikipedia changes every time you turn around. someone refusing pix with their partner is not shyness especially when they have a presence of their own, there’s no way around that. and face it: you mention something that happened to you on a public forum like tumblr, people are going to ask you about it.

there’s no cure for billie eilish syndrome rather than for you—you, not the person afflicted with it—to be cautious and have a keen eye. it’s exactly like when someone says they’re a badass: they are always not a badass. if someone says they’re authentic, they either are not or they are but in the worst way. what’s really scary about billie eilish syndrome is the writing on the wall will often present itself when you’re already neck-deep with them: i unhitched my wagon from billie when she did that ~girly~ photoshoot and i started seeing things she said in the past that got me thinking. the green druidess stabbed me in the back and then tried to cover her tracks by calling me the bad guy when i started paying closer attention to her past behavior. and… i am not a person of prayer by any means but i pray for alex every day. really, i wish i was like christine in seasons grey and that i can get him away from her.

when you do get away from them, you often have this feeling that you were just lied to and used from here to timbuktu, and you really have to resist the urge to not get back at them, whether it’s writing something scathing or wanting to strangle them. it’s in the vein of a grift except they didn’t take money from you, but some of your sanity: i barely go into fanfic tags anymore because of the green druidess. modern music honestly kills me because i know billie’s gonna be mentioned at some point. and i just want to tell alex, “RUN AWAY. NOW. BEFORE SHE DESTROYS YOU.” (she’s already on her way to destroying him, too: ever since he came back to the fold in early june, it was like someone flipped a switch, this is not the same alex we all know and love. something happened to him when we weren’t looking, and it wasn’t just mama.) at least i hope they didn’t take your money.

[v01d3nt1ty]

"Didn’t I tell you

you are a fish do not go to dry land

for I am the deep Sea." - rumi

(from GoOD Mornings with CurlyNikki)

oh to be able to express like rumi!

or to be spoken through. or however it works.

this hit me bc i am deeply connected to the ocean. my *happy memory* go-to is the beach, the pacific ocean, *my* ocean. my fav colors are like soft teals, pastel aquas and blues, deep ceruleans... so yeah i'm a mermaid but not like... not like the commercialized version that everyone buys into. if i die tragically, i want it to be by drowning in the ocean.

wtf was my point.

anyway it brought me into that sharp awareness of being. and it's like peace & love & comfort & oneness & vibing...

idk, it was cool.

i also really love language. i hate it, but i love it. i hate that we need it, it's so clunky and awkward. there are a lot of words to remember & what if you get them wrong or forget them or put them in the wrong order? (hello, autism. 👋) i used to write poetry, realized i sucked at it & stopped.* i've always been deeply interested in foreign language, even tho i do not have the attention span to learn any. (i took one yr of spanish and 3 of french tho, that was fun. tried to take german... studied japanese w a new-at-the-time friend who has been a friend for like 10yrs or more.) (also i really love.... intentionally arranged sound? & i love variety. so i basically just love the way languages *sound* even without the meaning. don't get me started on accents...)

but i think my deep appreciation for language comes from being neurodivergent, being frustrated at being misunderstood all the time. being afraid to speak up too much bc my thoughts didn't align w what i was taught. my instincts going exactly counter to what i was being told all the time. so i probably developed this desire to be able to correctly assemble and arrange the most appropriate words for any given situation. the right & wrong things... so much to remember.. omg so boring, so tedious.. no wonder i hate everything. er.

so. yeah. no one asked for my psychology, but there u go. i never told u to read this, it's ur own damn fault.

*so this is a memory story. there are two, actually.

the first is, when i was in 5th grade, so around 9 or 10, i wrote this poem & it got printed in The School Newspaper (!!! omg such a huge deal!) anyway, i had this memory, & vaguely remembered some of the words. then somewhere in my 20s, i found the paper & read it & i was *amazed.* it was phrased perfectly, didn't even rhyme, was pretty deep esp for a 10 yr old. i *cannot* remember exactly how it went, but if i posted it with no context, u wouldn't think it was by a little kid. idk how i *lost* how to do that. probably by trying to Be Good and follow rules.

the other is when i was in hs, probably a senior, probably 17. so i listened to a lot of 90's alternative & grunge, as one did back then. (98.5 KOME, i still remember 😂 i wonder if any of those tapes are still good?) so i wrote a poem that was probably heavily influenced by the lyrics of the time, smashing pumpkins, REM, nirvana... and i was v proud of it. idek why i thought showing it to my family was a good idea, but i did. & my grandma goes "this [part] doesn't make any sense. what does it mean?" and i'm like "it isn't supposed to mean anything..." anyway it crushed my lil soul and i had to Follow Rules again. bc how can i know how to People if i don't do things the way People do things?

oh wow that's sad. poor young me. *hugs lil me*

why do i share my trauma.

idfk. maybe so one day, even one person will feel less alone.

byeeeee

[scripted-downfall]

Ahah! Fren you think you are gonna come to my blog on this, the day of my daughters middle school awards show (it actually was) and think your slick giving me so many numbers.

WELL I TAKE THIS CHALLENGE

And give you #15 and every odd number before it!

Welp. I don't know if this plan has backfired or not... on the one hand, lots to answer; on the other... lots to answer. (jk; this is awesome and I'm thriving :) Thanks, dear!) Also, congrats to your daughter!!!

However, you also, um. Forgot to tell me what ship/character/film/show/etc each number belonged with. So. Whoops. Now I'm going to heckle you in Discord until you give me the criteria for each. (The actual answers will all be mine, though, so.)

EDIT. In order, they are: Deckerstar, Thirteen Ghosts, Count of Monte Cristo, Supernatural, TenRose, Destiel, Whoever you hate more Max or Sam, GentleBeard

ANYWAY. (keep reading because someone sent me eight different numbers)

(Fandom Ask Music Game)

1. A song that reminds me of Deckerstar: Definitely "Wicked Game", no question. Every time I think of/hear that song, my brain replays the scene with breaking-down Luci playing it in his red robe thing in the penthouse after coming to the conclusion that he couldn't tell Chloe he loved her. It's the first thing that came to mind when I read this part of the ask, so, yeah, maybe there's a better answer, but this is my instinctive one.

3. A song I wish was in Thirteen Ghosts: Well, someone's making things difficult. I think I'll say "One" by Metallica. It's pretty pertinent to the ghosts and/or to Dennis (kinda one and the same, at some points), and it fits the vibes of the film, imo. Plus, I just love Metallica.

5. A song that I associate with The Count of Monte Cristo because of exactly one (1) applicable lyric: You know. This is way harder than you think. Because there's an entire CoMC musical that's now invading my head and not applicable as an answer. BUT. I guess I'll say "Macavity: The Mystery Cat". (aka, it's the first think I came up with and it works decently well, so!) The pertinent line: "And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake." (and bonus points for "He's outwardly respectable/I know he cheats at cards.") It's very reminiscent of the way the Count looks aboveboard but is actually doing his best to take them all down,

7. A song the fandom constantly talks about fitting Supernatural perfectly but I just Don’t See It: (EDIT: I realized after I already wrote this that I turned "SPN" into "Destiel," but it's fineeee. tbf, the only songs I know people connect to the show --- Destiel or otherwise --- and don't agree with are Hozier songs and "Angel With a Shotgun"... which I only don't agree with because I'm a heathen and haven't heard them. SO. Destiel it is.) Anyway... "On My Own" from Les Miserables. I love this song so much, but it is not at all accurate for the show. (Note: Do I think that either Dean or Cas would have their perception be that it's accurate, yes. Do I think it's actually accurate, no. Does that make any sense?)

9. A song I wish didn’t remind me of TenRose but it does: I assume Doomsday doesn't count? Uh... Okay, got one. "We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters. And I confess freely that this is biased by my adoration of 1408 (the film; I didn't much care for the short story, tbh), but. That song is creepy af. it sounds soooo optimistic. And it's just got this edge of darkness. And if that's not 10Rose in a nutshell --- everything sounds bright and happy but you just know something's about to go wrong --- I don't know what is.

11. A song that makes me feel happy about Destiel: Back with the hard ones, I see. How am I supposed to be happy about a ship that practically definesssss tragedy? Like, "All Outta Love" makes me happy for its connection to them, but the context is tragic, so it's not my answer? And I have a bunch of applicable Hadestown songs, but those all hurt? I guess I'll say "Every Woman in the World". In addition to just fitting, it's also Air Supply --- so a connection to the aforementioned "All Outta Love" --- and has been used in both Slither (a family-favorite film) and a romantic comedy starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan (which was good enough that it overwhelmed my chronic dislike of rom-coms).

13. A song I associate with my least favorite character: They. Are. The same. People. Ma'am. But anyway... I guess I'll go with Sam because I have a good answer (and it's not actually anti!!!): "Walk in the Dark" by David Byrne. In my head, it's largely Azazel POV as he looks in on Sam as one of his "kids", but I still view it as a "Sam" song. If that makes any sense?

15. Top five songs I would add to a Gentlebeard playlist: Definitely "The Chain", for obvious reasons (if you've seen the show). "Ain't No Sunshine", definitely. "Promises in the Dark", too. "Jolene" for the ouch. And... "I Will Survive". Because that's basically what Ed's doing when he turns into the Kraken, and that hurts.

If you're noticing that these songs are largely in order by artist/band name, it's absolutely not because I started going through my playlist for inspiration. Not at all. Obviously.

Thanks for the ask, jezebel :)

[swifttay89]

Either I’m sleep deprived or Taylor has driven me absolutely crazy… here’s why I think Lover and Midnights are cousins lol

Jimmy Fallon interview Nov.2021

And we got suspicious and started clowning buttttttt and stay with me here (I was looking for clues and stuff last night and I found this)

October 21, 2018 post “let the games BEGIN.”

(SHE HAS THE FACE OF A WOMAN THAT KNOWS WHAT SHES HIDING WILL CERTAINLY END US ALL AND SHE KNOWS THAT WE KNOW) it’s practically that meme with the little girl standing in front of the burning house! THEY’RE THE SAME PICTURE

Anyways we started coming up with theories and clowning once again until… she posts this

4months and 3 days after her “let the games BEGIN” insta post…

4+3 is 7 obviously it’s her seventh studio album hence the 7 palm trees emoji she used. We started to try and guess the name of the new album that we knew was coming and started counting the STARS and palm trees and coming up with theories AGAIN. Some of us were confused because of said STARS and how they had any correlation to this album and then WE FORGOT ABOUT THE DAMN STARS BECAUSE SHE HIT US WITH THE FIVE HOLES IN THE FENCE POST. Okay a couple of instagram posts later we get this post with the lyric (that we didn’t know was a lyric) “step into the daylight and let it go.”

Keep in mind we still didn’t know the name of the album yet, we even suggested that the album was going to be called Daylight and then butterflies because she kept posting her butterfly heels. Then she starts posting close ups of her outfits in her ME music video with hearts and we had that big neon sign of “lover” in the video and started feeling confident that lover was the name of the album…

We get a high five from Taylor for figuring out the mural was for her and we once again start counting everything and anything. But notice how there is not 7 but 8 stars in the butterfly mural, remember when we thought that lover was supposed to have a side B? Maybe idk MIDNIGHTS, I’m crazy. (maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️ idc at this point Taylor made me this way) I’ll get back as to why I think “lover” has something to do with her 10th studio album.

Again on the same day we get another post with you guessed it STARS. Also keep in mind her hair has been PINK this whole time.

Taylor confirms the album name on her instagram live on June 13, 2019 we then get YNTCD as a single and we freak the fuck out bc it’s Taylor duh 🙄. We get the album cover with her hair now BLUE (no big deal) 👀

August 13th we get dice that add up to 10 and 10 heart emojis, so track ten of lover. Why is it important we don’t even know the name of the track yet.

THREE DAYS LATER we get a post with her and BLUE HAIR. The caption is a lyric of her next single “lover” and we get a music video now that is very important for this last bit, but we don’t just get this post we get all the track names.

Now why do we get Daylight as one of the first post of the track names? Oh maybe Taylor just wanted them to be in order and lined up on her instagram, yeah maybe idk. Okay ignore that last bit if you want to.

We then get the Lover music video that was (cough cough) 3 Years ago.

Also I think I know why there’s a nail missing on the board game. See how it’s the pointer finger, we tend to put blame on others or give excuses to why we made certain decisions . Now y’all remember when we were kids and teachers will tell us not to point bc we have one finger pointed at others but four fingers pointed back at us. We literally lie awake questioning the things we say to the people closest to us. I mean does the board game not say it’s THE ONLY GAME THAT QUESTIONS YOUR ANSWERS! Tell me what are you doing in the middle of the night, questioning every decision that you’ve ever made hence why you can’t sleep. (Well at least that’s what I’m doing lol) because although we may not be in the wrong, when you’re awake in the middle of the night you’ll always feel like those four fingers are pointing back at you.

We also get some dice again in the board game and we get hinted at track 3 aka Cruel Summer where she mentions a lot of BLUE in her lyrics (Ik you think I’m reaching at this point haha but again idc because Taylor said that she toyed with the idea of naming the album Daylight instead of Lover) Daylight aka “Lover” is bright happy and sunny obviously the opposite is blue and dark aka Midnights.

Okay now back to the dice and number 10 and we now know that track 10 of “Lover” is called DBATC. Now here is the interesting part that kept me up. The lyrics sounds oddly familiar to me. “Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it's not enough.. look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandeliers still flickering here” “I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright They say, I don’t Know” does that not sound like. “ We lie awake in love and in fear, in turmoil and in tears.We stare at walls and drink until they speak back.”

I mean is this not the same thing just worded differently?

So after all this am I still the only one who thinks Midnights is side B of Lover if the pandemic didn’t interrupt Lover era and folklore and evermore didn’t come to be, and instead of folklore being her 8th studio album it would have been MIDNIGHTS hence why there’s 8 stars in the Lover butterfly mural and why folklore cds came with STAR confetti. I mean she didn’t plan for folklore or evermore hence why the album covers are either far from her or she has her back turned because she was inspired(so she says) by other people and stories and with midnights we get her face on the cover again because they’re her stories now so we’re all up in her business again OR HAS TAYLOR OFFICIALLY BROKEN MY WEE BRAIN AND I NEED TO BE LOCKED UP CAUSE IVE GONE CRAZY 🤪😅

it’s about to be 2 am so if this all sounds crazy it’s not my fault hahaha.

currently feeling like this..

@taylorswift @taylornation