#anyway i'd like to highlight all the good quotes

[fictionadventurer]

Supposing that a lyric poet of the new school really had to deal with such an idea as that expressed in Pope's line about Man:

"A being darkly wise and rudely great,"

Is it really so certain that he would go deeper into the matter than that old antithetical jingle goes? I venture to doubt whether he would really be any wiser or weirder or more imaginative or more profound. The one thing that he would really be, would be longer. Instead of writing,

"A being darkly wise and rudely great,"

the contemporary poet, in his elaborately ornamented book of verses, would produce something like the following:

"A creature

Of feature

More dark, more dark, more dark than skies,

Yea, darkly wise, yea, darkly wise:

Darkly wise as a formless fate.

And if he be great,

If he be great, then rudely great,

Rudely great as a plough that plies,

And darkly wise, and darkly wise."

Have we really learnt to think more broadly? Or have we only learnt to spread our thoughts thinner?

-G.K. Chesterton, Varied Types

[yourfavoritehouseplant]

I watched James Somerton's final video, and all I got was this 6 page document

As soon as I learned his final unreleased video was on Revolutionary Girl Utena, I knew I had to hate watch it. I didn't know that I'd spend the following 4 hours making a comprehensive doc on everything I hated about it. But here we are.

The TLDR (is this too long to be a TLDR?)

The intro section, as well as Part 2, are directly plagiarized from wikipedia. The rest is unclear.

He makes a “haha this show is so weird right guys” joke 10 different times

He reads Anthy as so emotionally stunted she literally has to be taught how to think for herself, and believes that being the rose bride makes her feel good

He says that his reading is ‘vastly different” from the rest of the community, before boldly stating that this is because he sees it as a “deeply allegorical and symbolic story”

He sees the sexual abuse as “not to be taken literally”

Insists that the show be separated into parts that are strictly literal and strictly allegorical for the entirety of parts 3 and 4, before making the contradictory move of analyzing characters as allegories during part 5

The only characters that get dedicated sections are Akio and Dios, who he doesn’t believe are the same person. 

He says Dios gets his powers by “deflowering women”

He calls Akio, known child predator, a chaotic bisexual

Uses 14 year old SA survivor Anthy’s passive personality to make a joke about her being a bottom

His final point is that Utena was the real prince all along

There are no citations

Anyway, full version for people who hate themselves under the cut. With time codes, because I cite my sources.

Part 1: Intro

This entire section is almost exclusively quoted from the Wikipedia article for Revolutionary Girl Utena. Words have been changed, but the order at which certain topics come up is not. Highlights include:

0:56 In his introduction of Be-Papas, lists the founding members in literally the exact same order as Wikipedia.

1:40-2:00 His list of Be-Papas previous works is lifted entirely from wikipedia, only with the words changed. This leads to a strange moment at 1:52 where he claims Be-papas ‘lent their talents to’ Neon Genesis Evangelion, a show which started production at least a year before Be-papas was founded. On the wikipedia article for Utena, this is instead referring to the previous work of Shinya Hasegawa and Yōji Enokido

4:23 he uses a quote by Yūichirō Oguro describing the production as a “tug of war”. He seems to have lifted this in its entirety from Wikipedia, as he does not cite the actual source it is from (the box set companion book, btw)

As for James Somerton originals, at 0:44 he claims that out of all magical girl series,”none to my knowledge have been more discussed and dissected than the 1997 series Revolutionary Girl Utena” He will go back on this at 5:05, where he states that “Sailor Moon takes the lion’s share of discussion” in regard to influential magical girl anime

Part 2: Part 1

(At least I know I’m not funny, unlike James Somerton)

Speaking of which. Here is every single time he makes a “wow this show is sooooo weird you guys” joke: 6:00, 8:50, 10:40, 10:58, 13:46, 17:07, 24:16, 30:34, 41:19, 48:01

Here’s every time the punchline to the joke is the existence of Nanami, a character who he otherwise completely disregards: 10:56, 12:05, 16:22, 42:40

6:16 Claims that the “Apocalypse saga” and “Akio Ohtori saga’ are two names for the same several episodes, depending on the release. This is untrue. Instead, different releases either only have the Apocalypse saga, or split the episodes into an Akio Ohtori saga and then the Apocalypse saga. 

7:58 Claims Utena intervening on Anthy’s behalf begins the first duel. While this happens in the movie, Touga intervenes in the scene he uses clips from (like literally right after the shot he uses in the video). Utena only gets drawn into the duels when Wakaba’s love note to Saionji is posted. Youtuber Noralities’ Utena video also gets this wrong, which makes me wonder if this was copied.

9:09 Claims Akio’s “End of the World” moniker is actually more closely translated to “Apocalypse”. In reality, the translation moves away from a more apocalyptic reading, with 世界の果て (Sekai no hate) apparently translating closer to “the furthest reach of a known world” or “edge of the world”. (Love the implications of this translation, but I digress)

9:10 As can be assumed from the previous point, this means I can’t find any sources that point to them not using the title “apocalypse” for religious reasons

10:10 Uses Anthy’s extreme passivity under her Rose bride persona to make a top/bottom joke. I’m gonna repeat this in case you’re just skimming. He uses a trait that likely stems from years of abuse, (possibly exaggerated by the persona Anthy uses to manipulate people), and uses it to call her a bottom. 

He also just doesn’t seem to understand how the whole point of Utena constantly telling Anthy that she's just a normal girl who should make more friends is framed as Utena imposing her will on Anthy, just as much as the previous Engaged have done. 

11:54 Apologies in advance for my most “um, actually!” point yet, but technically his statement that Anthy stops being host to the Sword of Dios is wrong. Akio literally pulls a sword out of her chest in the final duel. It's a more evil-looking sword of Dios, granted.

13:02 !!! CANTARELLA SCENE ALERT !!! He interprets it as them fighting over Akio?? Which like. I will allow people to have their own interpretations of vague and symbolic scenes. I will. I swear. This is not technically incorrect. It just makes me want to eat my own intestines.

14:44 Bad Anthy take #1: He states Anthy “is emotionally stunted to the point where she needs people to make decisions for her because she does not know how to think for herself” This ignores several moments of Anthy clearly making her own choices throughout the show, including the suicide attempt Somerton mentions about a minute prior. This also strips Anthy of what little agency she has throughout the story, usually exerted through messing with Utena or Nanami. (The fact that she repeatedly makes choices that contribute to her own abuse is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting parts of her character, and it's a shame that Summerton’s ‘reading’ of the story completely disregards that)

Additionally, he once again reads Utena ‘urging Anthy to think for herself” in the first arc as an unambiguously good move, and not as something critiqued in the show.

14:52 Summerton reads the Swords of hatred as symbolizing men’s hatred specifically. Again, I’m trying not to completely disregard differing interpretations to a show like Utena, but this feels very simplistic, especially considering the harm we see aimed towards Anthy by other women

16:42 Here he claims that his reading of the story seems to be “vastly different” from the bulk of Utena discourse. What is this reading? That the show shouldn’t be read literally. Or, in his words, “[we can interpret] Revolutionary Girl Utena as a deeply allegorical and symbolic story about the struggles of coming of age amidst widespread institutional corruption in a high school and which describes a passive culture of inaction in regard to brazen instances of domestic exploitation in which there is not only a question about the caporeality of the events transpiring but also which events can be taken for granted and which events are meant to signify abstract sociological institutions.” The idea that he believes this is in any way a new reading of the material honestly baffles me.

Part 3: Part 2

17:48 through 18:50 differently quotes the Wikipedia article for postmodernism. He even makes a joke at 17:55 about Wikipedia. Please kill me. 

The first three themes he lists at 19:11 are just the three main themes listed on the Revolutionary Girl Utena Wikipedia page. What was that about a “vastly different” reading, James?

You’re gonna have to take my word for it, but this section is so short because it's just him talking about the various ways the story can’t be taken literally. He does, ironically, call this a hot take.

Part 4: Part 3

Here’s where the reading falls apart folks

At 23:15, he states that some things in Utena are allegorically coded, while others are to be taken literally. This is true. However, he seems to take this to mean that some parts of the show are Strictly Literal, while others are Strictly Allegorical for things going on in the Literal World. 

This is apparently why he prefers the Anime to the Movie, where there basically is no separation between the Literal and Allegorical

This take is bizarre to me for several reasons, but here is my favorite. At several points, he mentions how Revolutionary Girl Utena is a work of Magical Realism. Magical Realism is literally defined by its blending of the “literal” and “allegorical”, the mix of fantastical elements in a mundane, realistic setting. This idea of the impossibility of a blurred line, that Utena must either have lore where the magic is all real and means nothing, or dedicated allegory segments quarantined from the rest of the story, is contrary to the very idea of Magical Realism.

I can’t help but wonder if Somerton took his mentions of Magical realism from a previous work, due to how little it is consistent with his final argument. Either way, this section suggests a great lack of creativity in his analysis, a shame for such a creative work.

24:36: Shiori slander, for those who care

After this he gets really worked up about people assuming symbolism in everything, even when the author ‘doesn’t make it clear something is symbolic’. He shuts down a reading of a shot in the Lord of the Rings. Miley Cyrus is there? Very The Curtains Were Blue of him. 

28:22 Claims that Wakaba is the key to telling where the Strictly Literal segments end and the Strictly Allegorical segments begin. He states that, under this lens, deeply personal moments of character suffering such as all of the sexual abuse and Anthy’s suicide attempt (which he literally cites) should be read as symbolic and be “approached with uncertainty rather than confusion”. (28:24-29:13)

This also somewhat falls apart when you consider Wakaba is the jeep in the movie's car chase

And then he rants about people not liking his Attack on Titan video for a bit. Since its potential symbolism also doesn't follow hard enough rules to be symbolism. Once again, the separation of “fact vs allegory” I haven’t watched AOT, so that's all I’ll say.

Part 5: Part 4

Thank god this part is short. Much like Dios’ on-screen presence.

32:55 Makes the extremely bold claim that Dios is not Akio. As in, never even became Akio. because Dios is Strictly Allegorical.

Just to be a pedant, this is pretty explicitly disproven in the show

Confusingly, both earlier and later he will address these two as the same character. 

33:04 he also explains the root of Akio’s name in a tone that suggests this is supplemental information and not like. Literally something he explains out loud in the show?

Part 6: Part 5

This section is nearly entirely about Akio Ohtori. I would like to note that him and Dios are the only characters with dedicated segments.

38:30 The part where he states that Dios gets his powers from deflowering women.

38:46 Claims, once again, that Akio’s abuse of Anthy “may not be literal”. 

38:59 “the instance of exploitation here is used because assault has deep roots as indicating that akio's gender is the source of his imbalance”  THE ASSAULT IS ABOUT AKIO NOW???

39:45 Bad Anthy take #2: “Anthy’s conformity to the Rose bride is based around the fact that she feels good being subservient because this is the only thing in her life that has ever brought her any kind of positive reward”. This is a direct quote. Anyway, I can’t think of any instances in the show where Anthy’s subservience gives her a positive reward, except maybe when she’s intentionally using it to manipulate others. As for her feeling good being the rose bride. She tries to commit suicide. Dude.

Side tangent, but isn’t this exactly what Akio says during the final 2 episodes? That Anthy enjoys being a witch? Is the main villain, who consistently says things during that very episode that are blatantly false, our source of information for this take? I guess so, since this is the dedicated Akio section.

At 40:20 he decides to introduce the concept of Anthy, Akio, and Utena as stand-ins for wider concepts, which is antithetical to his approach in analysis beforehand

Part 7: Part 6

42:40 he finally acknowledges that he’s been spending too much time talking about Akio, and literally no time on characters like Nanami

46:10 states that Utena’s exclusive motivation “is to protect Anthy from the predatorial intentions of the other dualists”, which disregards the fact, which she states herself, that she was largely participating in the duels and protecting Anthy to feel like a prince

48:04 The part where he says that Akio has ‘chaotic Bi vibes’ in regards to him sleeping with Touga, who is 17 and implied to be a long-term victim

Part 8: Part 7

54:01: His concluding point is that Utena was the real prince all along. 

In true Somerton fashion, the video then ends over a scrolling wall of patrons, with not a single citation in sight.

[fantasyyluvr]

Hey there👋👋 could you please do whatever love language of the bamboos are ??

LOVE LANGUAGE OF THE BATBOYS

A/N: terribly sorry I let this request collect dust. My interest in comics fell as life got hectic and whatever the hell. I won't go all Wattpad author on you.

Dick Grayson’s love language is words of affirmation. At the peak of his characterization, he is a man ravenous for praise and attention. A moment of peace, of relief, of sweetness.

Stunted, yet too grown for his own good—simultaneously. He will seek attention, showering you with gifts and compliments in hopes that you reciprocate. Holidays would read like a HallMark movie that would move suburban mothers to tears.

Dick is also the man to send romantic quotes stolen from Pinterest, and the occasional confusing poem of his own hand. His nerves would grind as he read the ‘’seen’’ stamp beneath his text, worried out of his mind that it didn't properly convey his emotions, his love.

“What, no reply yet? If you're that moved, you could always come kiss me.” He'd send the message, playing it off as a joke. But his stomach groaned with the familiar ache, that cold and empty feeling of uncertainty.

What if she doesn't like it? Will she still like me? Would I seem lame if I double texted? Am I bugging her?

The flames of self doubt would spread and eat at his mind until his phone pinged with a,” it's beautiful, babe. A hard read, but the intention was there.” And a flirtatious emoji paired with it.

Thus, the flames of doubt were stomped out, like they never existed. They liked the poem, and he would spend hours rereading it. Marveling and gushing because you liked it. Something he made.

Jason Todd's love language is acts of service. It's a loyalty thing for him.

Gift sharing could be manipulation; soft words could be lies, and he's too self-loathing to believe them anyway. Red Hood swallows his spare time, and his desire for touch swung on a pendulum—one side thirsting for it, the other side uncomfortable.

The thought of returning home to a nice and warm meal would make him melt into a puddle. Or finding his hero suit washed, and his gear cleaned and stored away.

It reignites a flame in his cold eyes, the domesticity calling forth an unclassified emotion that sent goosebumps blazing over his skin like wildfire, calling his arm hairs to attention.

Jason would return the favor. You would awake to find breakfast made, the aroma of bacon and eggs thick in the air, the sweetness of syrup carrying around the house. Scalding tea trickling into a pot, milk and sugar already on the table. Plates washed and set.

Jason would also do laundry and iron clothes. He gets those random bursts of energy (or adrenaline) and cleans the entire house spotless.

Baths would be drawn for you, and if he's feeling lavish, he'll add roses to the bubbles. The finest soaps would lather your skin, scented with the the best smelling perfumes—business was good, and it was a present. His calloused fingers would be overjoyed to massage your scalp (he hoped you'd do his next).

Tim Drake’s love language is quality time. Also, I would like to preface this section by admitting I haven't read much of Tim.

He would help you study. Textbooks adorning the wooden table after hours of quizzing. Coffee steaming in a mug, pens and highlighters scratching at paper. Kisses shared with each right answer.

He'd tease,” Oh, that was a hard one. A trick question.” A smirk, sweet as frosting would tug on his lips, then a warm kiss would swallow yours.” If I were as filthy minded as Jason, maybe I'd crack a joke.”

Tim’s gaze would find you, in the middle of whatever—washing dishes, doing laundry, exercising. They'd burst with amorous passion, like exploding stars, shimmering and twinkling in his irises.

When the sun kisses Gotham goodnight, and the moon assumes it duty, he'd find himself wishing he could be beside you. Not Batman, not Dick, certainly not Damian. That's not proof that he hates his colleagues or that his work is last on the list of priorities. It's just. . . you're higher.

“Hey, love,” he'd speak into the phone, after the voicemail prompted him.” I know you're likely sleep tonight. But I wanted to at least call and tell you to sleep safe and warm. And to save space for me.” A chuckle would roll of his tongue, the wailing of police sirens in the background.

Damian Wayne's love language is also quality time.

Time is precious to him. His mother’s presence was unreliable. He, his father, his siblings tango with dead every silvery night. Each misfortune in his family reminded him of that.

Robin is not what Dick thinks. It's not just bursting into hideouts and knocking the crap out of villains. The peril is real, as well as the potential for failure—and failure in their line of work means death.

Oracle was paralyzed in a second, one wrong move and her nerves were shot. Jason’s life was quite literally put on a clock, killed by time itself. When Damian was an assassin, it merely took seconds to end a life, one of emotion and desires and opinions—gone at the stroke of a blade.

Time matters.

Damian would try to spend all of it with you, doing anything. Attending museums, painting you, listening to your playlists. Finding the child he was depraved of for so long. Being an angsty teenager and loving it.

“This is considered fun?” A dark eyebrow of his would raise teasingly. There you sat, at a sport's game, the roaring crowd trembling the stadium and stabbing his ears. The golden beam of the sun roasting both you, and the overpriced popcorn tossing and gurgling in his stomach.

But, deep down, the liveliness of the crowd intrigued him. Even he'd find himself screaming along with the masses on their feet, yelling out praise or curse words.

Damian's jade irises would slide over to you, the sheer glee decorating your features. A painting. He'd see a masterpiece in you; how that expression would translate onto a canvas.

[the---hermit]

05|06|2024

New day new struggles working on this history paper. I cannot stress enough how stressed I am about how bad the new research interface of my uni is, I feel like ever since they did the big update it's super complicated to get results that have to do with what you are looking for and that are accessible too. Moreover no one cares about this topic because I genuinely cannot find anything. I have found a couple of articles to help me with context but not much. By the end of the week I plan on finishing reading and highlighting what resources I have found and then I'll see what I can make of them, and get back to the professor. I am procrastinating emailing her back because I have no idea what to say tbh. My English lit review on the other hand is going pretty well, and reviewing in the afternoons seems to be a good plan. Since I am a bit more tired having to review out loud helps me with staying focused, and I also don't have to read historical sources all day, or else I'd lose my mind. This afternoon I struggled to stay focused anyway, but at least I got some stuff done, if I had to continue my history research I wouldn't have done anything probably. My brain is just very very tired again.

Today's productivity:

started my morning with an audiobook

more struggling looking for historical sources (I found a couple more but I am keeping those for the very end because they are once again not 100% relevant to what I have to do)

read and highlighted quite a few sources I downloaded at the beginning of the week (a couple were more or less useful a couple were a waste of time, but maybe I'll quote a couple of context details in the end, who knows. At the moment I only need to read two more and then I am done with my first round of secondary sources, but one of those might get deleated because I'm pretty sure is totally useless)

got to practice my French because of a couple of said historical sources, and wrote down the new words I learned today (surprisingly my understaning is better than I expected giving that I have not used my French in years, I should really get back to it more seriously)

continued my first outloud review of all my English lit materials (today I started working on the Shakespeare part, it will take a couple of days to finish it, especially bc today I didn't do as much as I had hoped)

wrote a little summary of a couple of sentences for all the scenes of The Merchant Of Venice in order to review it without having to reread it for the fourth time

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

jealousy, jealousy || Han x Reader

Summary: You and Han have been dancing around your feelings for each other for… a while, if you're being honest. It doesn't help that your self-doubt makes it hard to make any move, that you're mean enough to scare most people away and oh, yeah, that his ex hates your guts. So when the three of you are at a party together and there are drinking games involved, what could possibly go wrong?

Word count: 4.2k

Genres: college AU, friends to lovers

Warnings & Tags: implied past bullying/ostracizing of the reader, jealousy (duh), kissing (rating T on the verge of rating M, so it remains fairly tame), mentioned alcohol, drinking games, self-deprecating narrator, language.

series masterlist

A/N: this took forever because I was almost done with it when I realized what I'd written didn't work with the theme, so I had to start all over again. This is also my first time writing Han, so I hope you'll enjoy it!

As usual, you hear Jisung before you see him. It's not all that surprising, the boy’s pretty loud, and, if you didn’t have a misanthropic reputation to uphold, you might even admit that you like hearing his laugh when you walk across campus, or when you catch him mid rant as you walk into the cafeteria.

Thing is, it also means that he’s around people, and you don’t… do… people. So, even though seeing him is invariably a highlight in your day, when you hear his voice, you find yourself debating whether you should head in another direction. If you don’t, you’ll have to talk to him, and as a result, them, whoever they are, because it would be weird not to, right, and you’re just not sure you have the energy for that right now.

Or ever.

Today, as isn’t uncommon, you freeze for a second, take a step back, then decide to push on. If anyone noticed that, you probably just looked extremely weird, but it’s likely that no one was paying attention, and so you keep going with a minimal amount of mortification, for now anyway. You might ruminate over it later today, like you will if there’s any hitch in the conversation that's coming, but that’s a problem for 2 a.m. you.

You’re somewhat relieved to find that Jisung’s chatting with Chan and Changbin. You’re not close with them, but you kinda get along with Changbin, and though you find Chan intimidating, your interactions with him so far have been fine, which is high enough of a bar to clear as far as you’re concerned.

Jisung notices you almost immediately, which fills you with pleasant warmth, and he waves at you with a bright smile. You choose to take that as an invitation to come closer and an indication that you wouldn’t be interrupting anything — if it’s not, that’s on him because it was unclear — and make your way over to them.

“On your way to an exam?” Jisung asks you once you’ve reached them.

“Do you think I would make myself late to talk to you?” you reply with a frown.

It makes him laugh. Sometimes it worries you, how funny Jisung seems to find you when you’re being mean. If it was when you’re being a dick to someone else, why not, but to him too? Is he okay?

“I can’t tell if this is you being a good influence on him or not,” Chan says, tilting his head. There’s an amused glint in his eyes too. Okay, that means you’re not doing too bad.

“Are you guys done with classes?” you ask. “Were you heading to the studio?”

“No,” Jisung is quick — maybe a little too quick — to answer. “We were just talking about a track we’re working on.”

Four eyes narrow on him, and Changbin grins.

“Yeah, ‘cause Jisung here’s been feeling all romantic lately, right?”

Jisung throws him a horrified look.

“You’ve been turning in very sappy lyrics lately, hm?” Chan keeps going.

“I’m the draught, you’re rain, I’m paper, you’re a poem, wasn’t it?” Changbin quotes from memory, a wide, shit-eating grin on his face.

“Do you want to die?” Jisung asks, eyes so wide they look like marbles.

The two guys exchange a knowing look, both grinning. It’s not that often they get the drop on Jisung and can tease him, for a change. They obviously find that to be a nice change of pace, but you’re not sure where that leaves you.

Because, okay, you’re not completely clueless. The lyrics could be about you. Jisung’s expressed interest in you before. He’s kissed you. Remains the question of whether that interest was romantic or just sexual.

But the thought that the lyrics are not about you? That he feels that way about another person? It fills your stomach with stones and makes it sink to the bottom of the ocean. Just thinking about it make tears spring to your eyes and you glance to the side to will them to go away.

This is bad. You’re way too far gone. What a fucking dumbass you can be, for someone who’s as academically gifted as you are.

“At least it’s not about cheating, hm?” Jisung says, staring at Chan who seems to find the ground very interesting all of a sudden.

“That’s an uncharitable interpretation of the lyrics,” he mumbles, but he appears quite eager to drop the subject after that. You find that a bit suspicious and you’d kinda like to find out what the golden boy on campus might be trying to hide, but Jisung seems relieved to be able to drop the subject as well.

“Hey,” Jisung says the second the topic’s been let go of, attention snapping to another idea so fast it sometimes makes your head spin, “I’ve been meaning to ask—”

“Oh right,” Changbin says, glancing at his phone, “there’s Sana’s party tonight. You guys coming?”

Jisung pulls a face, but you’re not sure why. It’s not like he doesn’t get regularly interrupted — and it’s not malicious either, it’s just that he, uh, talks a lot. Sometimes people end up cutting him off. In Changbin’s case, you suspect he didn’t even notice.

“I already told her we would,” Chan says, and Jisung’s face gets longer. You suspect he’d completely forgotten about it.

“Are you coming too?” he asks you, a hint of pleading in his voice.

See, even this is a dilemma. Going to a party means you’ll be forced to be in the presence of people who dislike you and who you find fundamentally uninteresting, especially since Seungmin’s been a no-show to most of these now that he’s dating. Even if you go only to see Jisung, you know people will be trying to get his attention all night, and you’ll be lucky if you get to spend ten minutes alone with him before midnight — maybe you’ll get him to yourself for a whole half-hour at around four am though. On top of that, there’s a significant risk that people will talk to him while he’s standing next to you and completely ignore you, and you’ll spend the whole time praying for a hole to open under your feet.

On the other hand, you can’t refuse him anything, and it would be far more devastating to pass on the chance to spend some more time with him.

So you just say “Sure”.

After spending more time on your outfit than you feel comfortable admitting — this isn’t a date, dammit — you show up at the sorority Sana’s a part of. Though your dress feels too short, you’re relieved to feel self-assured on your high heels. Yes, it took practicing walking in them, but it’s paying off in confidence, and it’s a price you’re willing to pay.

People are already there when you arrive, gathered on the porch, filling the house, spilling out on the balconies. You get a few looks, but it’s not like you’re not used to them. At least you’re not pretending that you don’t give a fuck. Many of them don’t like you, and you don’t like them either.

Walking in, you find yourself hesitating. Would it be weird if you just tried to find Jisung right away? Should you try to socialize, spend a few minutes talking to the rare people you know and get along here?

You may not particularly care about what people think, most of the time, but you do care about what he thinks. And the thing is, you know people talk, especially about him, especially since 3racha’s popularity blew up last year. The last thing you want is for him to think that you’re some desperate, embarrassing idiot who’s been misreading—

Enough with the line of thinking. If he’s not interested, he shouldn’t have kissed you. And, okay, the first time was a week after the break-up with his girlfriend, and he was crying, and you don’t think it meant anything to him, but the second time, this summer? It had to have meant something. He wasn’t cruel like that— You didn’t think.

You’re still grateful to make eye contact with Changbin, because it makes things a little easier. You go up to him, exchange a few words, he introduces you to some of the people who’ve flocked to him, they pretend to be interested, and once you decide that you’ve made enough of an impression, you leave them with a polite, though forced, smile.

Finding Jisung isn’t all that hard, you just have to follow the laughter.

You know that he likes his peace and quiet, too, but on a night like that, he’ll be prepared to entertain. Someone else might think that it comes naturally to him, the jokes, the antics, the comedy, but you know better. You know that there’s a surprising amount of work that goes into how good he is at this, how easy he makes it look. You know that, when he’s around you, he’s actually fairly quiet, that he sometimes hangs out on your couch, on his phone, while you’re reading, but pouts if you leave the room.

When you find him, it seems him and the group he’s with are in the middle of some drinking games. You hesitate, again. You recognize some of the girls there as part of the girls’ swimming team, the one whose captain is Jisung’s ex. Who’d hated your guts since first year, independently from Jisung, and then, uh, dependently from Jisung, you’re pretty sure. She was single-handedly responsible for half of campus thinking you were a bitch, a feat that even you find somewhat impressive.

You’d almost respect it, if, you know. It hadn’t made your life hell until you managed to stop giving a fuck.

But Jisung spots you. He always does. You don’t know how he does it, half suspect that he’s on some Spiderman shit, but he finds you in the crowd, and his eyes widen, and his smile brightens, and God, it’s not fair, how he makes you feel when he’s not even yours.

Having Jisung’s undivided attention is— one of the best feelings in the world. Genuinely. He just has a way of making you feel like you matter. It’s a bunch of things he does, one of them being the way he makes people laugh. He always— caters his jokes to the person around him. That means he pays attention, means he remembers, means he cares. That’s already a lot.

“You made it,” he says, a soft edge to his tone, when you reach him. His hand reaches for your arm, pulling you into the circle, then hovers at your elbow, sometimes brushing against your skin. This is another one of the changes that have happened since the summer. He’s more— tactile, and it does all sorts of things to you.

You don’t mind. You don’t mind at all.

“You look good,” he adds, voice low enough that you’re the only one to hear it. You do your best to repress the shiver it sends down your spine.

“Thanks,” you reply, your usually sharp tongue unable to find something to reply.

“Jisung!” some voice calls, and you manage at the last second not to roll your eyes — thank God, ‘cause there’d be hell to pay if you had.

Because it’s Jihyun. Because of course it is. If there’s one thing you can’t take away from her, it’s that she always has impeccable timing. Not for you, naturally, for herself.

If it was just you, you’d be out the door in seconds, leaving the scene before risking any kind of confrontation. Being with Jisung right now means that she won’t directly be a bitch to you, she’s never done it upfront in front of him. She instead goes the passive-agressive route which, bless his precious heart, he basically never picks up on.

You also never spoke about it with him. At first because she was his fucking girlfriend and he clearly adored her, even if there was so much that set them apart, and since then because, well, you’re still afraid you’ll come off as some jealous bitch or he won’t believe you or, worse, take her side. Tell you that you were every bit the bitch she says you are, and that she was right for the shit she put you through.

You only have seconds to brace for impact. But as you compose yourself, not bothering to smile, Jisung’s hand settles on the small of your back.

Which, hmmm, you’d be happy about in pretty much any other circumstances, but right now? Right now it might not be the best thing for you.

“It’s been a while,” she tells Jisung with a stunning smile. “How have you been doing?”

Jisung smiles too, though somewhat tighter. They’re on good terms, from what you’ve heard, but that’s not really something you’ve discussed with him. You force yourself to tune them out quickly, letting your eyes wander in the room. Just being around her makes your chest tighten. You feel on edge, feel the need to watch all of your gestures and anything that leaves your mouth in fear that it will be used against you.

Fuck, you were supposed to be over that.

Whatever Jisung answers, it makes her laugh. She leans forward, puts her hand on his arm. She makes it looks so easy, so natural. Same with how she pushes her hair behind her ear, keeps her voice at the right pitch, even laughs the right way, light and airy. If you tried to flirt the way she does, you’d only embarrass yourself. You'd look delusional. There’d be nothing sexy or attractive about it.

You’re just bad at making people like you.

It’s impossible not to be reminded of the fact that this is who Jisung went for. You don't know if you can go as far as to say she’s his type, but he did choose to date her, and you know how much he cared for her.

With her around right now, it’s really fucking hard to think that he would go for someone like you and that you haven’t been letting yourself get carried away.

On a related note, are you going to have an emotional break down in the middle of the room?

“…and things are looking pretty good for the team, we think we’ll get to the nationals this year,” Jihyun concludes cheerfully.

Wow, that’s impressive! Shouldn’t she be training for that then?

Maybe she has a point. You are a bitch.

“That’s cool,” Jisung says. “Well, it was nice running into you again.”

Her smile falters, just barely, but you don't miss it. She’s good at hiding things, but you’re better at noticing them. Know your enemy and all that.

You’d almost feel bad for her. If you’d had Jisung’s undivided time and attention, and you lost it? Yeah. You don’t know how you’d cope.

But then her eyes light up again, and again, she’s really fucking good at that shit.

“What are you guys playing?” she asks. “I’d love to join.”

You’re not unaware of the way Jisung’s hand closes slightly on your back. As he turns around, he ends up pulling you a little closer to him and your stomach tightens. Less because of his proximity, though obviously that affects you too, and more because you have the sinking feeling that this is about her. Is he— using you to make her jealous?

No. There’s no way. He would never do that.

Right?

“Just some never have I ever for now,” Sana chirps in answer. She gives the three of you a warm smile, and you think she means it. You’ve never gotten shit from her, and that says a lot. Normally you’d argue that people shouldn’t be neutral or anything, but in your case, neutral seems to be too much to ask for, in most cases.

“Alright!” Jihyun grins, lifting her cup as if to signal that she’s ready to enter the game. “Never have I ever… had sex with someone at a party.”

She drinks almost immediately, a cute giggle slipping past her lips, and so do a bunch of other people.

“None of you get close to my room,” Sana warns sternly, and several people laugh.

It’s not until you feel Jisung moving to drink from his cup and catch a glance of his burning red ears that you realize what Jihyun’s point was. With someone else, it might be self-centered to assume you were the intended target. With her, you don’t doubt it a second. Just a little reminder that he used to be hers.

There are a few whistles at Jisung’s attention, but he keeps his eyes down. It doesn’t surprise you that it would make him uncomfortable. It kinda surprises you that she wouldn’t care, though. She’s evil incarnate, but she seemed to care about him, in her own way.

“Aw,” she says, staring straight at you with her sweetest smile, “don’t worry, we’ll find you someone.”

There was a time where that might have upset you, but right now you won’t give her the satisfaction. You let your gaze flicker over her, face-shoes-face, and then glance away with a scoff. It makes you look like a haughty bitch, but, well, you’re already known for being a haughty bitch, so who cares.

Jisung chuckles discreetly next to you. That makes it worth it.

The game goes on without catching much of your interest after that. Jihyun’s sentences remain pointed — either towards Jisung or you, you’re pretty sure, though you doubt anyone notices. At least Jisung doesn’t move away from you for most of it, chin sometimes coming to rest on your shoulder, fingers running gently over your arms, the occasional whispered comment in your ear.

Heat pools in your stomach the whole time, and you’re unable to focus on anything but him. His firm body’s pressed against your back, his proximity overwhelming. You feel that you should drag him away and finally talk about what’s going on between the two of you, but you’re afraid you’ll break the spell if you do.

Eventually, he’s the one who does, peeling himself away from you when Chan shouts from downstairs to get his attention.

It feels cold when he’s gone.

It feels colder when Jihyun’s eyes zero in on you.

Hm. Maybe flight would be the better option right now.

You’re not sure how it happens, but the game shifts not long after Jisung’s left. A bottle appears on the floor, and you tilt your head. Aren’t you all too old for that?

Apparently not, or at least not when so many people are that drunk and giggling at the idea. Soon, some are making out. Others excuse themselves and find a more private spot — Sana reminds everyone that her room should not be that spot, but you’re not sure how efficient that is.

You’re thinking about retreating when you hear someone call your name and again, of course, it’s Jihyun. She gives you a warm smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“It’s your turn!”

There’s tension in the air as you just stare. You don’t want to—

“C’mon, it will be fun!”

You shouldn’t care. You shouldn’t care about what she makes you out to be. But in that moment, you’re back to your first-year self who was still trying to fit and figure out how to make people like you.

So you lean forward and spin the bottle.

It takes you less than a second to realize that that was some dumb fucking decision making. You don’t want to kiss anyone here. The idea vaguely nauseates you, actually, but less than the uncomfortable realization that no one here wants to kiss you. You might be seconds away from facing a harsh, unpleasant rejection. That was probably her point, actually. You fold your arms over your chest, but you still feel your shoulders sink. You know you’re unwanted. You don’t need—

The bottle’s grinding to a stop when a hand shoots out to grab it.

You frown, glance up.

And it’s Jisung. He flashes you a bright smile, then winks.

“Wanna make out?”

Jihyun laughs lightly, tells you to ‘go get it’. But even you can see her heart breaking in her eyes.

None of it matters when Jisung strides over to you and takes your hand in his to pull you away. More people than you’d have expected cheer.

He pulls you into some random room, closes it behind him, and then hesitation appears in his eyes when he looks at you.

“We don’t have to— I mean, I wasn’t trying to make you— If you want to go kiss someone else—”

It sounds like he is down to kiss you, and even if you hadn’t wanted to kiss him before that, you think that little knight in a rock band t-shirt moment would have gotten you going anyway. So you shut your brain up, grab him by his t-shirt, and in the stunned silence that follows, an extremely rare occurence with Jisung, you pull him down towards you.

His lips crash against yours, warm and soft, and after the first few seconds of surprise, during which you see him blinking at you with impossibly wide eyes, he kisses you back like he’s been waiting for this moment his whole life. One of his hands comes up to cup your face while the other’s at your waist, squeezing and bringing you closer, not quite daring to make the move to your ass. Yet, anyway.

There’s urgency in the way he tilts his head to get better access to your mouth. Your hands trail from his shirt to his arm, feeling his toned biceps underneath you fingers, and you feel him grin against you.

“Find something you like?” he teases, before kissing you again.

This time his tongue brushes against yours, and a moan escapes you. You could feel self-conscious about it, but you don’t, not with him. If anything, it only seems to spur him on further, and he gets closer, his toned thigh pushing between yours. You feel hot all over, anywhere he touches you set ablaze, and oh, do you want this. One of his hands slides up your leg, hitching your dress higher.

“Have I told you I really like this dress?” he asks, because apparently he can’t shut up even in moments like that.

He doesn’t let you answer though, and again he’s kissing you, making your head spin. You can’t figure out what to focus on. The softness of his lips, the warmth of his mouth, how his hand is slowly making its way higher up your thigh, setting your skin ablaze, probably intentionally teasing you. Whatever it is, you’re melting under his hands. You want more, undeniably so.

He pulls away for just a second, catching his breath. His chest is heaving quickly, his lips swollen, and you can’t help but think that this is your doing, a thought that somehow turns you on even further. Dark, dilated pupils meet yours, and you think you see a desire that mirrors your own. He licks his lips briefly, glances at the bed in the room. Then his eyes meet yours again. He swallows.

“Do you—”

You jump away when someone tries to open the door.

“Is someone in there?”

Shit. Shit.

It’s Sana.

“No one better be in there,” she says threateningly.

You exchange a panicked look. She’s the sweetest person in the world, but you don’t want to cross her.

In a second, Jisung steps away from you and he’s at the window. He opens it, looks out, and then he throws one leg over the edge.

“What are you doing?” you hiss.

“Saving our lives,” he replies very seriously, stepping out fully on what you assume is the roof over the porch. “Come on,” he adds, “I’ll help you out.“

You roll your eyes, walk over to him and close the window, shooing him away with a gesture of the hand. Then you open the door, and though Saya eyes you suspiciously, you think she believes your story about being tired and wanting a rest and not having realized you’d locked the door.

Then you walk downstairs and let yourself fall on a couch, right next to Jisung, who seems to be all pouty that you refused to escape with him. His thigh brushes against yours, and your stomach does a somersault, but neither of you says anything about— well. About the thing you should be talking about. The moment’s passed, and self-doubt is assaulting you all over again.

Still, right now, you’re the person who gets to let your head fall on Jisung’s shoulder, and it’s your hand he intertwines his fingers with.

In that moment, you’re sure that the two of you will be alright eventually. It’s probably going to take a while, ‘cause you’re too much of a coward and Jisung’s— well, you’re not quite sure what his deal is, but there’s definitely something there.

But, eventually, you’ll be alright.

And there is no space in your brain, at that moment, to spare a single thought for Jihyun, because she’s lost him a long time ago.

Even if neither of you seem to be able to admit it, in all the ways that matter, he’s already yours.

okayyy, again, there's kinda Lore there. i don't know if i'll end up writing it, but in case you're wondering, OC was paired with Jihyun for a class during their first year. essentially, Jihyun was pretty busy due to being on the swimming team and other personal stuff. OC ended up constantly doing all the work for the both of them, and sometimes Jihyun would say she'd do stuff and not do it. eventually, after OC was forced to complete stuff in one night and abandoned for a group presentation, there was a nasty altercation with Jihyun and the teacher became aware of the situation, resulting in a bad outcome for Jihyun. lots of people felt that OC was unfair and should have been more understanding, and OC still doesn't know if that was the right thing, but felt used and upset during the situation. Jihyun also vilifies OC when talking about it, a lot, and OC ended up being kinda ostracized after that. so yeah.

if you read all this, uh, thank you, i hope you enjoyed this, it's my first time writing Han and I love him dearly and I hope this works. it would mean the world if you could reblog this, leave a comment or anything like that! as an author, this is really the only way we get to see that our work is appreciated and it's trully what keeps me writing so it's super important :) thank you for reading and i'll see you later for Hyunjin!

[thecoffeelorian]

Fandom Friday, 08/23: Fanart!

Hello again, everyone…and welcome to another installment of Fandom Friday, the two-post series where I go off to find new and interesting fanworks that might need a bit more visibility.

Before we get started, I think I might have a few announcements, so please bear with me...

First, I'm not sure if I'm coming down with anything while I'm typing this or not, so if I start rambling nonsensically about things I wouldn't normally bring up...I apologize in advance.

Second, two weeks ago, I didn't exactly get the accurate response I'd hoped for as far as interest checks go for this post series...so if I tag anybody who likes this post and include a poll sometime this weekend, it's because I want to know who to tag and who to leave alone to lurk in peace.

Anyways...since I think I've covered everything I wanted to bring up here, it's time to get into my picks of the week!

THE CLONE WARS

The Clone Wars Fanart--By @lennonislying:

The Clone Wars Fanart--By @jpsolace:

THE BAD BATCH

The Bad Batch Fanart--By @stars-n-spice:

The Bad Batch Fanart--By @disastercyborgecho:

BOBA FETT

Boba Fett Fanart--By @arkunder:

Boba Fett Fanart--By @reineriyen:

THE MANDALORIAN

The Mandalorian Fanart--By @artfullycrazy:

The Mandalorian Fanart--By @yellowbeaniegirl:

In conclusion, as part of my mission to poke around the Star Wars fandom and, on Friday every two weeks, highlight those artists who might otherwise go unnoticed…I hope you will check out the links I have included for yourselves and like, comment on, and reblog them, as well as also giving the artists a few more followers to their Tumblr pages.

Please also like and reblog this latest installment so that these links can be spread around to as many other fans as possible, just in case not all of them can tune in at the same time.

An additional thank you goes to @djarrex for making the divider I used earlier in this post, but still want to give credit for.

And finally, so that I do not forget…this post will be continued in its second half: the Fanfiction Edition.

Thank you, good morning, and I’ll see you in the next post!

No Pressure Tags: @melymigo @algo-o-nada @theosb0rnway @everybirdfellsilent @skellymom

@leos-multifandom-corner @maggie-dylan @leenabb104104 @gun-roswell @tazmbc1

@bluedeedeedoop @its-time-to-rise-above @tlmtwelve and anybody else who might be on the lookout for new SW fanart.

[cypionate60mg]

I just wanted to say I love what you’re doing omg… apologies if im totally missing the point by the way, I have only read some of ur responses to other asks and I’m not well read at all in the philosophy you talk about. Still I feel really seen by your posts or more accurately your posts feel exactly like my state of mind before committing to transitioning…. The repetitive and often kind of fleeting quality of the images you use reminds me of the obsessiveness I used to have over my (purposely unattainable) wishes of what I could be, the sort of wishes that don’t expect to be fulfilled unless pushed to the forefront by someone else, which the forcemasc does…. The captions are so raw and definitive that they feel half like someone else talking to me and half like my own repressed consciousness speaking what it can’t respectably say through someone else. most of the men being guys who I absolutely will not look like (I’m Asian and really short) adds to this because ur posts feel like the expression of an ideal fantasy, with all the caveats and problematic implications of creating an ideal fantasy of what being a man is based on your half-formed understanding of manhood through tv and the movies and whatnot… it rlly feels like trying to formulate an idea of what being a man would be like, without understanding or rlly comprehending the realities of life as the sort of man you will be. And in this way it’s like being on the precipice of taking the steps to actually realize the person you want to be, which you have some image of, but you really don’t know… the thing about transition (ime anyways) is that it highlights how who you are and who you want and what you value are all more intertwined and codeterminate than ppl think. I think many trans men eventually reach this point where they have to grapple with the question of what makes a man, anyways, besides a desire to be one? These posts feel like the state before unraveling any of that but you can see the strings so visibly there, waiting to be pulled on… Also one particular image you used a bit ago the one of the man and woman on the bicycle oh my god idk what it’s actually from but it felt so precisely like something I’d see while closeted and fixate on for weeks and weeks, creating a whole new image of it in my mind as a symbol of what could ideally be, stripping it of what it actually was while making it something more. Also your blog has felt very validating to me in my desire to turn away from wanting to be pretty, even as a man, which I feel is a box transmascs often get placed in against our will. Sorry this became an essay …. All of this is to say that I really appreciate your work and I’m excited to see where u go with it next !

Miss the point? I'd say quite the opposite. And no philosophy primer needed. If I were to go through, line by line, and find quotes of yours that I found incredibly salient and accurate to my own feelings, then I'd probably be copy-pasting your entire message. Very well-said.

There's also something to be said about being Asian and transmasculine. How it is burdened with uniquely specific assumptions about motivations for transition and rampant intracommunity fetishization. I try not to let it overwhelm me. Biting my tongue for now, but I have a lot to say about this. It's part of why I am painfully careful about whose photos I use, and with what text.

I'm relieved that you are able to pick out the intentional shortcomings of this project. The images show us fantasies of masculinity, and the captions do represent (to some degree) the frustration and neediness that comes from wanting to attain those ideals. They're that "repressed consciousness speaking what it can't respectably say", and I am that "someone else" for you, the viewer. I'll always be here to remind you that you should do it, you should chase after it anyway, because pursuing the impossible still changes you in a very real, palpable way.

"If you can't do it good, do it hard."

Thanks, anon. I hope I hear from you again.

Much love, CYP60MG

P.S. That movie is Rebels of the Neon God by Ming-liang Tsai. You should watch it.

[victoriaspriing]

2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about.

I was tagged by @swearphil! thank you sm renee <33

Hii!! so 2024 is right around the corner, happy new year yayay. Actually, if I think too much about it I think I'll start crying cause like what do you mean we're less than 42 hours from staring a new year?!! 2023 doesn't feel real tbh time in general doesn't feel real but yeah anyways I'll save that convo for another time. I'm here today to reflect on all the gifsets I've made throughout this year, which let me add, has been A LOT. I'm going to start by sharing some fun stats (yes renee I'm copying you <33), and then I'll do a fun top 5 of my fave gifsets, and to finish it off I'd also like to use this to shout out some of my fave people and creators on this hellsite cause you all made my 2023 so much better and I love you all for that <333

fun statistics:

In total I made 61 gifsets in 2023

57 are heartstopper (not surprised)

3 are 911 lone star (mostly tarlos)

1 are dan and phil

In august I made 20 gifsets, which are the most gifsets I've made in a month this year

In may I made 1 gifset, which is the month I made less gifsets this year

6 of the gifsets are song lyrics edits

3 of the gifsets are heartstopper comic edits

31 of the gifsets are scenes from heartstopper

6 of the gifsets are heartstopper compilations from s1 and s2

top 5 gifsets from 2023 (in no particular order)

that one dnp gifset: I think most people know that I was and still am a big dan and phil fan, and that I spent most of my teenage years obsessing over them and giffing them and only them. Well, they went on hiatus and they stopped having a big impact on my life util they decided to come back and ruin my life again (in a good way). This gifset was the first time I giffed them since like idk 2019/2020, and it does mean a lot to me :') it's not really about the concept and the coloring, I chose this one to be apart of my top 5 for sentimental reasons, and I think that's valid.

give your friendships the magic you would give a romance: once again, sentimental reasons. when I read this quote on loveless it just spoke to me in so many levels. One of the things I love the most about heartstopper is the importance they give to friendship and I just had to make something that highlighted that and I think it turned out super good.

I think nellie loves him: well, now I think I snapped with this one akdhjahak I just love it so much. the coloring.. the heartstopper tv scenes with the heartstopper comic scenes, like chef's kiss, just perfect. of course this is not an original idea so I'd love to thank @rose-nobles for inspiring this gifset <33

mr. ajayi loves museum dates with his grumpy bf: and just like that we are back to sentimental reasons ahdhkas. well, this was one of the first gifsets I made when season two came out and it blew up. I've never had that many notes on a gifset, and honestly I think it's well deserved cause the coloring is good and I had finally just figured out how to sharpen gifs, so yeah love that for me.

I'm bi actually: I had so much fun making this one. the amount of bi coded elements and colors I included on this, I WAS ON A MISSION. the fact I made the font wobbly hsjgdjaka, I love love this gifset.

a little shout out to my faves (I hope you all have an amazing 2024)

@swearphil ☆ @barrowsteeth ☆ @narliee ☆ @cafecdramin ☆ @heroeddiemunson ☆ @nelsonnicholas ☆ @curlyhairedprince ☆ @wylanvannecks ☆ @aimeegbbs ☆ @indimlights ☆ @jelloandsugar ☆ @perrieedwards ☆ @imogen-heaney ☆ @thatwasthenightthingschanged ☆ @klinejack ☆ @birthdaysentiment ☆ @seeleybooth ☆ @sonseulsoleil ☆ @taraolssons ☆ @immortals-malec ☆ @parissquads ☆ @rose-nobles ☆ @itwasmagic ☆ @perccyjackson ☆ @naomismcpherson ☆ @neverfindmegone ☆ @charlieisverybored

Okay I think that's it, I'm so sorry if I missed someone. I'm also tagging everyone that wants to do this, just say I tagged you in it <33

[chynandri]

Why Ibara Would Pretend to Pick Up If a Toddler Handed Him a Fake Phone

So you may have read my two previous posts about Ibara: An Analysis on Whose Bed is Whose in the Tsumugi and Ibara Section of their Dorm and Additional Thoughts About Ibara & Aesthetics (You don't need to read those to understand this one. Just thought I'd plug them in 🙂) This post is a bit sillier. As if the two other posts weren't silly enough as it is, I'm going even sillier - so this one is definitely not meant to be taken as seriously. The title is another random thing I saw going around on Twitter months ago where people claimed their fave character would pretend to pick up the phone or not if a toddler handed them a fake phone. Frontline Watchdogs came out on Engstars recently and I believe it is very relevant to this question!

Ibara WOULD pretend to pick up the phone if a toddler gave him one and this is WHY!!

One of the many great scenes from Frontline Watchdogs that stood out to me is after Ibara pushes Mary too hard by exercising her too much and she ends up needing an IV. He intended to let Mary rest in Hiyori's dorm as the scent of her owner would be comforting.

However, Kanata and Rinne (Hiyori's dormmates) prove to be chaotic presences in the dorm: Kanata wants to feed Mary raw fish, and Rinne wants to use a giant isopod plushie to play with her. Needless to say Ibara does not deem this a suitable place for Mary to rest properly! And how does Ibara choose to get out of this situation??

...by pretending Mary TALKS to him. The cartoon-like comedy of this gets to me every time... just WHAT was Ibara's thought process?? It's like saying 'oops, I left the oven on at home'?

Surprisingly, this works and Ibara saves Mary from Rinne and Kanata. I'm mentioning all this because the next image below is extremely relevant.

What's this? It's Ibara petting the stuffed Daikichi toy in office mode. Let me emphasize PETTING. He crouches down and PETS him. As if he were a REAL DOG...

There's actually two different interactions the idols will have with Daikichi (and most plushies in general, it seems). There's the idols who crouch down and pet the plushie, and - as Tomoya is demonstrating here - there's idols who lift the plushie. You could say... he holds it like a toy, in comparison to Ibara's petting. It's my hc that the idols who pet the plushie like to pretend that the plushie is a real representation of Daikichi and treat it as such. The idols who lift the plushie, they see and treat it as it is: a toy.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── (Optional thoughts: Another aspect is my personal interpretation that Ibara simply cannot be evil to people who are smaller than him. There's him feeling bad about potentially ruining Hajime's reputation in Bogie Time, being a nice teacher in Ibara Lecture, helping Mitsuru find the bread flavoured soda ((despite how weird it is that he wants... Bread flavoured soda)), and helping Tori calm down when they were stuck in an elevator.

Notably most of the people I listed are shorter and younger than him. He is a nice senpai overall. Kohaku... well... Kohaku is not like other kids... lol??)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── Anyway… this is the insane and extremely Ibara-biased, probably not strongly informed connection and conclusion I'm making: Ibara is willing to pretend that Mary can talk, and he can pretend that the Daikichi plushie is real - therefore, the answer to the age old question!

Would he pretend to pick up if a toddler handed him a fake phone?

I believe he would based on the 'evidence' I've laid out!!!! 🫵 I think this is a good opportunity to segway into other instances of Ibara's absurd and imaginative self, such as his literal mice-shaped drones in Vagabond that scurry around in the walls spying for him. He even uses one of them to exercise Mary. What sort of cartoon villain nonsense... And one of my fave quotes ever from his silly, silly mouth:

I am endlessly in awe of Ibara's mind. As this post hopefully highlights, Ibara is so un-normal in ways that are so delightfully unexpected and he expresses it in full seriousness.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── Anyway, I guess the meaningful conclusion I can make from all this for you to all think about is that - as is mentioned here and there by other characters - Ibara has his moments that really reflect his age. Underneath the business man, 'adult' persona he uses to survive in the adult world, he can be an extremely silly teenager who pretends dogs can talk to get out of an awkward situation, mouse shaped drones are a good idea, that making people dress up as cows is a hilarious punishment, and was so upset at Nagisa not telling him about a toothache he wanted to brush his teeth for him. Although the damage has already been done with his awful childhood (or lack of), and with him being 18 he doesn't have many years left of being a teen anymore - I really enjoy the moments where he acts his age. It would do so much good for him to be able to be a kid, when he had little chance to be one at all.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

captive prince book 1 highlights & annotations

chapter 9

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

He dredged up all the knowledge he had regarding the treatment of slaves. Some of the questions he was asked he had no idea how to answer.

context: damen really doesn’t know much about slaves, except what he’s been shown. 

craft note: indicates unreliable narration of the topic

Just for a moment he remembered Torveld making love to Laurent on the balcony, but the hair was a shade too dark, and curled.

hey what the fuck? “making love,” that’s definitely a choice of words. they were just standing there. laurent pretty much outright told damen he wasn't having fun. if i didn't know any better, i'd almost say that damen is jea—

Laurent was too close to guessing the truth already.

oh baby girl you never stood a chance

‘I’m looking forward to a renewed relationship with Vere, after his ascension.’ Because he’s bewitched you, Damen thought. Because you’re moonstruck and you have no idea of his nature.

“unlike me, who knows his nature, and is still into him anyway”

Considering Nicaise’s loyalties, it was strange that Laurent had seemed drawn to him—had seemed even oddly to like him—but who knew what went on in that maze of a mind?

you’ll figure it out when you re-read, damen

Laurent’s fussy horse began acting out again, and he leaned forward in the saddle, murmuring something as he stroked her neck in an uncharacteristically gentle gesture to quiet her. 

horse girl laurent <3

It was wasteful of nature to have bestowed those looks on one whose character was so unpleasant. Laurent’s fair skin and blue eyes were a combination that was rare in Patras, rarer in Akielos, and a particular weakness of Damen’s. The golden hair made it worse.

damen likes blondes #5. very specifically about laurent, with extra appreciation for his other features!

‘He’s even nicer in person. Did you know he came and talked to me?’ said Erasmus. ‘—He did?’ said Damen. It was something he couldn’t imagine. ‘He asked about . . . what happened in the gardens. Then he warned me. About last night.’ ‘He warned you,’ said Damen. ‘He said that Nicaise would make me perform before the court and it would be awful, but that if I was brave, something good might come at the end of it.’ Erasmus looked up at Damen curiously. ‘Why do you look surprised?’ ‘I don’t know. I shouldn’t be. He likes to plan things in advance,’ said Damen.

YAY LAURENT!

‘I have a kind master,’ said Damen. He did pretty well in getting the words out, all things considered.

he soooo doesn’t want to admit that laurent did a decent thing

‘You’re—in love with him?’  ‘Not quite,’ said Damen.

not yet

‘there is no honour in obedience’

piece of an important series theme, especially related to the institution of slavery and the conflation of sex and power. follow this thread.

‘Yes. That is—I . . . I will be a little frightened, but so obedient,’ said Erasmus. And blushed again.

erasmus and torveld are an interesting foil to damen and laurent. erasmus is happily obedient to torveld, and torveld is going out of his way to be considerate and kind to a person/possession who knows nothing but obedience. damen and laurent, meanwhile, refuse to profess or accept obedience respectively, and they are neither considerate nor kind to each other. but in this most recent episode, they’ve recognized the honorable traits they share through their interactions with others, and have unintentionally laid the groundwork for mutual respect.

through getting to know laurent, damen is figuring out that niceness is not necessarily a sign of goodness. he can’t trust people just because they seem good, or because he wants to believe that they’re good (like the regent and kastor). combine this misplaced trust with laurent’s cruelty towards damen (which he believes is impersonal, even though we know it’s because damen killed laurent’s brother), and it makes sense why he can’t see what’s right in front of him: 

laurent is somehow the most morally decent person with any kind of authority in this court, and he’s a total cast-iron bitch about it.

He was the one had to stick a sword through the mare’s throat and put her down. The Prince tore strips off him for not doing it fast enough.

another little “laurent is a good person, just not in the obvious way” hint — mercy killing

‘Something to say?’ said Laurent. ‘I heard you killed your horse.’ ‘It’s just a horse,’ said Laurent. ‘I’ll have my uncle buy me a new one.’ These words seemed savagely to amuse him; there was a jagged, private edge to his voice.

sometimes life sucks so bad you just have to laugh. damen sees the comment as aloofness and cruelty, but i think laurent is just coping.

‘The Prince doesn’t want me to fuck him,’ said Damen.

it’s interesting that damen both knows and verbalizes this. he says himself that he doesn’t understand laurent, but he also is certain that laurent doesn’t want to use him as kastor intended. is it an insult or compliment to laurent? neither? both? or is it just an impulsive response, since this has been implied so many times before?

[speakyskelly-1999]

keanu

keanu

keanu

eveyones favorite guy

look at him

he vibing

so my friends and i decided to watch all of (some of lets be real) keanu's filmogoraphy

and it's been a blast

basically one of my friends just really wanted to watchh all 4 matix's and i said i would if we went through all his films

i'm normal okay

i just really wanted an excuse to watch speed, my favorite keanu film

(okay the fact that i like know the timestamp that gif is taking from shows i'm very normal)

so any way

...

errr

fuck

ye

we've watched about half of them now

and like i could wait till we've finished all of them to talk about them#

but i won't

cos i won't remember all of them

so without further ado

keanu movies we've watched so far

(formatted like godzilla maybe)

(but not in watch order cos i don't rmember)

(fuck you)

(also i bet i can get a gif for each movie)

bill and ted's exellent adventures:

8/10 very funny, thought they'd have a third act break up but they didn't which was baised. will rewatch again. absolute classic. the nothing behind the eyes with ted was chef's kiss

point break:

oh, oh wow, oh that like ot intense, i wasn't expecting it to get that intence. damn okay. very good movie 8/10 won't be rewatching it any time soon, also johnny gets wet in the water of the sea

(keanu being called some varient of john, getting wet, and being depressed are come comon features of keanu's movies)

(the power point will make this clearer in the future)

bill and ted's bogus journey:

good sequal like 7/10 just cos the first is such a classic and a new idea but it was really well done. gotta love death

bram stoker's dracula:

omg he's depressed, gets wet and is called johnathen, tick. otherwise this films was garbage. he cannot do an enlish accent which was funny and actually enjoyable. keanu's proformence was the only enjoyable part of the movie. 1/10 i'd rather rewatch godzilla final wars and pocahuntus

(realising i havn't geven my disney reviews here it's fine all do that at some point

.... maybe)

Speed:

omg it's my favorite keanu movie. hehehe my friends trust my taste cos of like this movie and legally blonde. hehehe. 10/10 no note. i am bnot bias. okay but in all fairness it is really good and the script is really well thought out. don't watch speed 2 no keanu

johnny mnemonic:

god i could write a whole paragraph about this movie. from the short story written by the father of cyberpunk, to it's buched production, to the actual film, to the japanese cut which was more like what it was supose to be. aaaah. this movie is not good. it's vibes are impecable. ice-T is there. jones the cybernetic dolphin who was recrited by the military and was forcefully adicted to drugs to ensure his loyalty was the fucking highlight. random prest guy who is addicted to tech who is a hit man to fuel is addiction is funny. like critically this movie is a 2/10 but emotionally, but vibes wise, but on a purly primeveil basist, 10/10 movie. watch the japanese cut it makes more sense it's just on youtube

you're welcome

so imma just take a moment and say this, keanu reves movies are hard to find

like the only ones on streaming are johnny mnemonic on amazon prime, the day the earth stood still on disney and speed which is also on disney. oh and spone on the run which is on netflix. like non of the john wicks. only matirx 4 on netflix. it's wild. so shout out to cex and hmv for having the real goods

another side note i can spell mnemonic and cardasian fine and yet i have to quote aritha franklin to spell respect

anyway back to it

the matrix:

yea i should have believed my friends when they said this was the transes movie in existance. i see it. no straights here. only the gays. man this movie was a slay. genuinly no idea why i just haddn't seen it yet. 8/10

the matrix reloaded:

oooh, a ten miniet looney tunes agent smith fight scene. ooooh a 15 motorway fight scene. mmmmh okay. yea the action is fun but maaaaan the plot fucking stalls, 4/10

the matrix revolations:

omg is the plot moving again. omg yay. i really like this one which seems to be like an umpopular oppinion. i dunno. i liked it. i liked it's ending it worked. fuck you. 7/10

the day the earth stood still 2008:

omg, omg is that john ham yay. klaatu my main man was grat. got a jaden smith jumpscare and the girl from lybrinth jumpscare aswell. had a lot of fun. we also watched the 1951 version and personally i prefer that one but stilll thisnmovie was great. 7/10 climate change is a threat and we're the virus

john wick:

yea erm yea you shouldn't have killed that dog man. 8/10

john wick 2:

okay but like it was a slay that she killed herself, real power move. also winston is a real g. 7/10 great pasing

bill and ted face the music:

omg. omg they have louis armstong. omg omg omg. jimi hendrix. motzard. KID CUDI! AAAAH THIS MOVIE WAS MADE FOR ME. also has the girl from I Saw The TV Glow which my friend loved. 7/10 again not as good as the classic but holy shit was this line up of hiistorical people for me

the matric resurrection:

neil partick harris i'll kill you. how do you keep ending up in things i watch. i sware i'll end up watching your entrire filmography by watching other peoples. stop it. you haunt me. i liked this movie a lot. like it deffo helps watching the matrix series almost back to back. good stuff, and all the recasting and stuff was the right call i think. this and face the music have like the same weird vibe to them that i weirdly like. oh and keanu is depressed and get wet. also i love the fact that trinity just punches neil patrick harris mutiple time. i'm not biased and idk why you'd think that :) 6/10

and thats all the keanu films i've watched so far

not gonna lie was wondering about half way though how long a tumblr post can be hehehe

i shall be back once i've watched the remaineding films

and then the power point hehehe

[missys-mansion-of-mistakes]

July 26th, 2024. Friday.

🌊 Today was good! I got a lot of things done I'd been meaning to do for weeks. I completed:

Looking at a list of programs that apply to my research and the information I'm presenting at the conference in 2 (!!!) weeks. Added it all to the spreadsheet I'm compiling.

Sending in an application to be on an organization's Board of Directors. I got an auto-reject because they got a lot of applications, but that's alright, I put it on my calendar to try again in 6 months.

I drafted the CF scholarship and, on a whim, just submitted it. It was kind've a bad essay but... I just wanted it done. Bad call, and I won't win the scholarship because of it, but that's OK. More writing practice earned and that helps.

Drafted the PC scholarship. This one was WAY hard. Required a brainstorm session with my boyfriend to even figure out what to write about. But I got an outline together, a first draft, and a 2nd draft too. Need to sleep on it though.

In exchange for all the above: skipped all my morning routines except relaxing for an hour. In that hour I wrote a letter to my boyfriend that I'm going to tuck in a book I send him on Monday. There's 2 books he bought when he was here with me that he wanted me to send him, and I'm buying him a copy of a book I think he'll really love too ("Seed to Dust"-- it's an amazing book!) I'm also sending him a sticker of a snail and a frog in a long-distance relationship... it's us!!

So yeah. Very productive with the one-off tasks.

💤 Very tired today. Need to transition fully back onto the looseleaf yerba instead of messing with the canned yerba-- the former of those is more medicinal, the other has like ~150mg caffeine per can. Not good. 💄 So, I was looking at getting myself more makeup/"beauty" supplies because of my new job. Now, I'm a girl who-- until recently-- would consider herself pretty butch. But as I've been trying to get into professionalism more, dressing better at work, etc, I've realized that I get a lot more positive attention when I dress way more femininely. This also plays into the oft-quoted statistic about how women who wear makeup are chosen way more often for promotions/job opportunities/whatever than women who don't. So I figured, since it seems I've finished taking the leap into wearing dresses, now was the time to take the leap into actual makeup.

Now, I have makeup already too. I have these things: foundation, sunscreen, moisturizer, highlighter. That's IT!

So when I mentioned offhandedly several weeks ago that a job in a fancy, rich town wanted to interview me, and I might need to learn makeup, a friend was shocked that I didn't even have a lipstick to speak of.

I ordered this mystery beauty box to fix that. No this isn't an advertisement, I just wanted to share because honestly this fixed my problem elegantly AND made me happy-- win-win!

Everything in the first picture is what I got in the box. 3 lipsticks, 2 eyeshadows, 2 lipliners, 1 eyeliner, 1 undereye highlighter, a bunch of brushes, a ton of spa stuff I'll have to convince myself to use, and more! Now I'll just have to experiment with them lol.

Anyway, yeah, it was pretty and I'm happy.

📦 My parents need help going through boxes in the garage tomorrow. I'll have to drive up home tomorrow morning to help. So, another couple days working on the laptop at their house. Let's see how productive I can be up there...

What has made you happy recently?

Sending happiness your way!!

[Photos: mystery box unpacked, my tie-dye envelope in front of my PC, tie-dye envelope and long-distance snail and frog sticker, mystery box still packaged up.]

[cruorons]

Writing Process

Okay, so I thought I'd share some of my writing process here considering it is a writing blog after all. Maybe someone will find these useful or give some helpful input considering my process tends to be rather chaotic.

1. Ideas

I don't really sit down with the intention of coming up with an idea for a fic. Most of it comes to me naturally, as I go on about my day and daydream about certain dynamics or lore. However, I've noticed I tend to get inspired by:

• music - I like making playlists for fanfics I haven't even written yet, and then listen to the songs as I write. It helps me shape the plan for how the story is about to go, set the mood, in certain cases even inspire specific scenes.

• personal experiences - I noticed fics like that tend to perform well. People can tell when something is heartfelt. Do not underestimate your readers.

• ships - Already mentioned them, but about to highlight them again. Some people say that ship fics are less than but I couldn't disagree more. I've never been truly in love myself, yet find it such a fascinating thing. I could write about it endlessly from a bunch of different perspectives and never get bored of it.

Maybe it's my brain stopping me, but I never get inspired by fanart, as much as I love looking through the tags on here. Just a fun fact.

Basically, I start off with a single scene in my brain and then, I build off of it.

2. Beginning

When I realize I have something to elaborate on, that's when I boot up Google Docs and open a new document. I used to work in Word instead, but I switched to a different program for convenience. Google Docs crashes less and seems neater.

That's also when I like to think of a name for the fic. I search through synonyms for key words, phrases, famous and niché quotes. I like my titles short and concise, but also symbolic; such as with 'inferno', 'endophagy' and 'dowager'. They have to make sense within the context of the fanfic.

After I find something cool, that's when I make a document called "[fic name] PLAN".

- It's where I start writing down the idea in more detail.

- It's good to elaborate on each scene. A few sentences won't cut it; sometimes in the plan, I even put in actual paragraphs or even dialogue.

- English is not my native language, but I like to write the plan using it anyway. Ironically, it gives my brain more freedom; grammar in English is easier than the one in my native language.

- My plans usually have ~1-2k words.

- If I write a chaptered fic, I try to make a plan document for each chapter. Also, I tend to have the beginning of the story and the ending in my head, but add onto the middle as I go. So, even though I've had the idea for 'endophagy' in my head since 2021, as well as the ending (!), the chapters in between are improv.

3. The fanfic

I try to finish writing the plan in full before moving onto the actual thing, but there are exceptions.

I create a new document called the actual fic's name in another tab and start writing. I check the plan document every now and then, because oftentimes I forget about certain story beats or dialogue I wanted to include. When I finish a paragraph, I mark it in red in the plan, then switch the tab again. It's helpful to see your progress.

Now, a more controversial thing about me is that

I refuse to make multiple drafts

There are writers that make a bunch of drafts. If that works for you, amazing! Personally, it'd drive me insane. The longer I work on a fic, the more I begin to despise it. I don't write for pleasure, I write because I have things boiling in my head and it's the only way to release the tension. A such, I write the entire fic and then read through it once to catch mistakes. Then, I post and forget all about it.

If you've read through everything, congratulations! And thank you. I have found a welcoming community on ao3 and I like it there so, so much.

[seelestia]

OMG THE NEW NAVIA THEME IS SO CUTE??? i think it's safe to say that you definitely cooked, lia hehe >:3 /lh /gen

anyways! that's pretty much what it is when it comes to college and frankly? i just wanna get it over with like literally the only highlight to it is seeing my friends and spending time with my boyfriend 😭 but!! a social science major sounds cool! i'd say you have some pretty good goals set in mind and you can always take up a minor if you want to pursue the others :> (i did consider having music as a minor) and sure! the courses depend on what you pick really and the college/professor, online is just about the same as in-person if you have a lot of reading on a pc to do tbh. english classes are well. kind of like the ones in high school but college-leveled. just make sure you give yourself enough time to do assignments bc they can be painful :"D

HELP LMAO??? okay that's true though, the fontaine quest definitely made a splash and we really had to dip our toes in the water with it huh? anyway thats kind of the thing, the only similarity between bedo and lyney is that they actively flirt with me in their own way, and its funny bc i usually try to find someone whose personality complements mine bc im generally the quieter one compared to both (ah yes a reality tv show for me HJEKAHD) also yea! i think both of them really do have traits that make them stand out and frankly i wish they got more screentime (also i have yet to watch the 4.6 trailer ehehe)

same here to you!! i'm always happy to rattle off of your hcs and i enjoy talking about our selfships as well hehe (*^ω^*) and i love it when bedo calls me his "sweet violet",,like the way he says it is just so endearing? like the pitch of his voice always becomes softer and more affectionate jsjdksndj (yk its funny, my boyfriend does the same thing with me bc his nicknames are unique to me as well)

also i'm throwing another ramble at ya: imagine wanderer or ayato surprising you with breakfast in bed HEHEHEHE

awh thats oki! like i said, i'm always happy to indulge your selfships since i enjoy hearing about them :> /gen. honestly i wouldn't be surprised if wanderer did knock you softly on the head for thinking the flowers were from yato ajjdkshd (nah just put the hairpin in before he gets a chance /hj /lh) also i forgot to tell u im a sucker for floriography so i methinks wanderer could give you camellias which represent everlasting love. the hairpin ayato gives you is unique in design and had it specially made for you alone :3

and i quote from my irl friend: "bouncing off the walls gf x completely stoic unmoving statue bf" HDJAKDHSJ NOT ONLY THAT SHE COMPARED HIM TO A PIECE OF FURNITURE BC OF HOW STIFF HE IS IN PICTURES (but hey i give him credit for a cute smile <3) and he is very much a pretty boy even though he tries to deny it until i accept that he calls me pretty too BUT YEA QUITE LITERALLY OPPOSITES ATTRACT anyway pretty much, not all relationships are like yk. sunshine and rainbows so thats why i feel very grateful to have a healthy one. if anything, we're just both trying to do our best to make one another happy but thankies hehe (also nw! i dont think u sound like a grandma, i just like hearing u ramble ehhehe)

also im not rlly sure why ppl think 20 is old either like dang, sure my back hurts on occasion but i'm not a fossil 😭

AHHH THANK U, VI!! so it seems you agree that i... baked? :3c /lh HAHAHA navia is so sweet and silly. i just have to make her my theme! (++ as a homage to her for carrying me in spiral abyss 🫣) since i do put in effort whenever i do theme changes, it makes me happy to know others like it <3

i'll have you know that i'm a true enabler of dad jokes & puns. throw 'em at me! which reminds me: how does albedo react to your jokes? for me, ayato just thinks it's funny that i find them funny (he pats me on the head afterwards - A+ for effort). wanderer is just the epitome of unimpressed and sometimes, he'd even pull on my cheek a little if the joke is extremely unfunny LOLLL. the only one who'd ever indulge me is mr. shikanoin heizou ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) oh, woe is me!!! /lh

i see! ty for the perspective, vi <3 i'm gonna find it nostalgic to look back on this convo after i went to college. tho assignments really are a staple of uni life, huh? one of the times i thank highschool for instilling the habit of “work first, play later” in me. i imagine it's gonna be more painful however so i'll need to juggle rest & work 😭 hope you're holding up with yours!! <3

THAT'S CUTE!! i find it so funny that albedo himself is the paradigm for introverts but when it comes to flirting with people he finds intriguing, he's not here to play LMAO. how does he act 〜suave〜 so naturally?? smh i need those skills too /hj. lyney on the other hand... he takes it as an achievement if he manages to fluster you! the sleight of the hand is his bread & butter but he's good with his words just as well, no? voila! ✧ i am biting my fist UWAGHH. i am head over heels for the 'speaks to you / says your name in a softer voice' thingy but to witness it first-hand??? i'm so happy for you 🤭

WWHWHWHWH. ayato usually has the maids prepare our meals so he probably tells them to make it extra special. unfortunately, i'm more of a night owl than an early riser so by the time he brings the tray onto the bed, i'm just looking at him all groggy LOL. he thinks it's cute, taps my cheek and teasingly asks if this is all a ruse to get him to spoon feed me.... this man /aff. wanderer tho is a good cook so he does not play around with food or breakfast! but it's gonna take lots of coaxing to have breakfast in bed since “if it spills on the mattress, i'll demote you to the floor for a day.” i tell him about the existence of trays but he's still adamant. no fun 💔 /j

CAMELLIAS?! those happen to be one of my fav flowers!!! and the meaning too... i'm ahhdjwjejw /pos. he would tho!! wanderer canonically like wandering off in nature (oh, dearest sumeru), i think he picks flowers to bring back home. but sometimes, he'd rather observe them from afar: they're fleeting, after all. so he might as well leave them be to bloom to their fullest. yk.... i should buy some seeds these days and make a garden of our own. maybe it could be a surprise for him oooooo mhm mhm!! wbu?? does albedo or lyney indulge in making you breakfast in bed too hehe :3c (for lyney, i'm willing to bet lynette sponsored that breakfast /j)

NOT THE FURNITURE POSE HAHAA 😭

“smile!”

vi: 🌸🌷🎀🩷

bf: 🚪🚪🚪

/j but we appreciate the effort!!! i'm also not vv photogenic myself so i can relate badly with the furniture pose LMAO 😔 i prefer taking pictures of others instead! ayato is really photogenic. this is what happens when you deal with paparazzi /j & wanderer can be photogenic too but only in candid. he does not like staring at the camera. what a grumpy cat /aff +++ i saw the picrew you sent me! VI IT'S SO ADORBS AHHHH feel free to share more picrews of you & your f/o's anytime! i love love love them ☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა /gen !!!!

[bornangelauthor]

"Your books are great! Why do you have such a hard time talking about them?"

The short answer: ✨Trauma ✨

The long answer: I have been writing my book series for at least 15 years, that's nearly half my life, and when I finally published (October of 2021: really about a year before that) I had friends ostracize me, the leadership of my church thought I was a involved in witch craft, and I was limited in what I could do, then got "asked to find a new church" at the one I grew up in. As someone who was homeschooled and had no other in person interactions/relationships, that was a huge blow. Not only had I lost friends, but a supposed "family" that backstabbed me (there was a whole fiasco that happened in 2022) and I still don't have any in person social interactions beyond my family and a few people at the local grocer, because I have social anxiety and I'm an introvert. Going from weekly social interaction, to only interacting on the internet is very hard on a person who only had like 5 close friends in the world, and then realized they weren't close at all. I lost not just friends, but people I'd considered family all because I write about a "Controversial subject" (to them, i.e. supernatural, paranormal, and "demonic") that I've loved since I was a teenager. I lost a lot of self-confidence, have had a hell of a time trusting anyone again, and I may be nice, friendly, and cheer on others, but inside I'm f*cking terrified that someone is going to read my books and backstab me again. I've been cyber stalked by people of those churches, and had them actively work to get my content banned, taken down, and/or me removed from sites because I write books about Angels (and demons) who like semi-harmoniously among humans. They hadn't even read the books, just saw the "highlights" I was posting, which wasn't much. OH! And they didn't like that I wore all black {my favorite color} and was starting to delve into darker makeup {not at church of course} but posting pics and going out with dark purple or black lipstick, loved Halloween and all that. because I was "goth" and liked supernatural things, I was a "Satan worshipper"... That was before I went public and started voicing my opinions about the LGBTQ+ community, and how their version of the Bible had flaws 😱Heaven Forbid! 😱 Anyway, all of this, has led me to being more introverted, I find it hard to talk about my books, and worry that they'll be taken the wrong way. My books are 100% FICTION and not meant to be religious. Sure, there is religious aspects, but my books are not "Christian." They are about as "Christian" as the shows Good Omens, Hazbin Hotel, Supernatural, and Lucifer. I myself no longer call myself a "Christian" because I do not want to be associated with a group of individuals that will not, to quote Hazbin Hotel, "Heed the morals they're purveying" and don't follow their own rules.

Anyway, that is the long answer, and I hope it wasn't so long and rambling that I lost some of you. 😓

[getwallowed]

the best wallows fan accounts on instagram! :)

i'm aware that fellow wallows fans on here probably already follow some of these accounts on ig/don't have or want ig, but just in case you guys were looking for more content i've listed my favs here!

@/wallowshq [ leah (@wallowshq) ] the biggest wallows fan account (that i know of) on instagram - they post cool stuff very regularly and are very quick to post any band news. they also have highlights up with all the setlists from the tmtio tour!

@/duhwallows [ abby (@duhwallows) ] firstly a funny name, secondly another of the biggest wallows accounts (that i know of) on instagram - they also post very regularly and have very good quality posts, plus they're very helpful if you have questions about tour or other wallows info.

@/wallowsarchive [ gab ☆ (@wallowsarchive) ] this account is pretty cool, they basically post random pics of wallows, not necessarily the most recent ones, so it's basically like a blast from the past/nostalgia account lol.

@/inmywallowsera [ rose :) (@inmywallowsera) ] one of my two favs on this list! the admin, rose, is so sweet and very down to earth, plus she posts a lot of ig stories and they're always so sweet! she always seems so genuinely happy for people who go see the band live or meet the band members around in public, which is lovely to see. also, this account is especially one for the braeden girlies hehe >:)

@/wallowsdni [ totally normal wallows fans (@wallowsdni ] my other fav! this account is so odd but it's absolutely hilarious and every time i see one of their posts i laugh a lot harder than i should. the admins are super cool & friendly too so i'd say def check them out if you like dumb wallows memes (check out my next post bc i'm gonna post some of their stuff bc it's so funny oml).

@/evilwallowsmusic [ wallows shitposting (@evilwallowsmusic) ] similar to wallowsdni (the previous account on this list), they post mildly idiotic wallows memes, which are very funny. also fun fact: the wallowshq admin is also one of the two admins of this account!

@/wallowslyricss [ no.1 hurts me stan (@wallowslyricss) ] this account is so aesthetically pleasing omg - basically they post wallows song lyrics printed on book pages (like those aesthetic pictures of book quotes you see as part of ig photo dumps/pinterest aesthetic boards etc). plus on a personal level they claim to be the number one hurts me stan (so i guess i've been relegated to number 2 lol), which i love because i think hurts me deserves a lot more appreciation.

@/selenasummer16 [ selena (@selenasummer16) ] [ braeden lemasters by selena adams (official music video) - YouTube ] this isn't a full wallows account but i'm linking it anyway because selena wrote, sang and released a song called 'braeden lemasters' and even made a music video for it, which i've also linked! even if you don't watch the mv i'd recommend going to her channel and watching the videos where she goes behind the scenes and explains the mv in depth bc there are soooo many well-thought-out wallows easter eggs in there, it's so cool!

@/wallowscloset [ gio (@wallowscloset) ] this account posts pictures of the clothes the band members wear, say where to find them and the price! a very useful account for ppl like me who are super jealous of some of the clothes they wear :) honestly i'd love to hire dylan as my personal stylist bc i love his outfits sm.

feel free to reblog this with any other accounts you like, on ig or any other platforms, or even to self-promo your wallows fan account! :D