#anyway i wish tumblr readmores worked like that

[ladystoneboobs]

Lord Tywin did not, in the end, shit gold.

so, let’s talk about the recurring motif of shit concercerning the lions of casterly rock/king’s landing. the tywin connection is perhaps strongest and most obvious, yet the appearence of either literal poop or poop talk comes up with all the other lannisters too, barring only myrcella and tommen.

i counted at least 9 mentions of the joke about tywin pooping precious metals. (8 in the main series plus 1 in the world book) this includes the title joke in his death scene, and then there are over 10 more references to tywin dying in the privy.

we’ve also got:

one of our first descriptions of joffrey’s bad personality is jon snow’s summation of him as “a little shit”. not literal poop in this case, but i thought the choice of insult was interesting. (in fact, i believe this is the only time that term is used this way. no non-lannister could ever be so shitty.)

tyrion’s first job from tywin being putting him in charge of all of the drains in casterly rock, presumably including the ones from the privies.

tyrion asking “why does a bear shit in the woods?” in response to cat’s question of why littlefinger would lie to her

bronn telling tyrion he won’t “m'lord you every time you take a shit” in the same chapter where tyrion tells the vale mountain clansmen that his “father’s smiths shit better steel” than their weaponry.

walder frey deeming tywin and stannis “both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit” (”think” meaning walder knows better, that tywin does shit and it’s probably just as gross and stinky as frey poop)

tyrion listing “magnificient destriers shit everywhere” as a reason his battlefield days were done (or so he thought) 

tyrion telling varys he should wear his rugen disguise to court and that it would make cersei “soil her smallclothes”

tyrion choosing to poison cersei with laxatives so that she’d be too busy shitting to bother him during court business.

tyrion deeming his predecessors, lords arryn and stark, “too honest to live, too noble to shit” (in this case i think he’s using “too noble” in a different sense than walder frey did, implying that shitting is practical and immoral, like any competant lannister would like to be)

the king’s landing riot on the day of myrcella’s departure starting with multiple clods of dung being flung at joffrey.

joffrey’s crown then being “dung-encrusted” as tyrion attacked him after they escaped the riot

tyrion telling varys and bronn that joffrey was not fit to sit a privy, let alone the throne

catelyn comparing jaime’s honor to the contents of the bucket where he’d been forced to piss and shit in his dungeon cell. an implied shit-for-honor metaphor which he returns to several times, twice in that last chapter with her and repeatedly (at least 7 times, the magic number!) in his own pov.

tywin’s horse taking a shit in the throne room right before he made his grand entrance post-blackwater

tyrion being trapped in a room smelling of “blood and shit and burnt flesh”  when he was warehoused with all the other wounded and dead/dying immediately post-blackwater

tyrion saying cersei treated him like a mushroom on his sickbed post-blackwater because she “keeps me in the dark and feeds me shit”

tyrion thinking of the upcoming royal wedding and its pie, believing that doves especially love to shit on him, a sentiment repeated on the wedding day

a king’s landing urchin trying to throw manure at tyrion, and later tyrion telling sansa they must keep the curtains closed on his litter to avoid those fecal projectiles. (the kingslanders seem to be very fond of dung-throwing since tyrion was told they also threw it at his vale clansmen as they were sent home)

jaime recalling that the mad king shit himself in his last moments (meaning jaime’s kingslaying and tyrion’s kinslaying came with the same odor)

jaime noticing the abundance of horseshit in the stables of the outlaws’ inn he and bri and cleos visit

jaime recounting that brienne had to clean him when he soiled himself in the saddle post-mutilation 

on jaime’s first return to harrenhal he notes “Someone had dug a privy trench in the very spot where he'd once knelt before the king to say his vows.” (gotta love all the obvious symbolism in jaime’s pov. “it was that white cloak that soiled me, not the other way around.”)

tyrion wishing the father’s statue would fall and “crush joff like a dung beetle” during the royal wedding ceremony 

jaime explaining the stink of the capital to his northern escort as “Smoke, sweat, and shit. King's Landing, in short.” (kl being a setting associated with the lannisters, perhaps even moreso than never-seen-yet casterly rock.)

jaime correcting a man at the gates of kl who thought tywin shit silver instead of gold

the hound saying sansa “shit on the Imp's head and flew off.” when learning of her escape

jaime seeing a crow shitting on blessed baelor’s statue as he and cersei spoke to mace tyrell at tywin’s funeral

tyrion seeing a pile of horse dung on the old valyrian road and thinking of his father down in some hell

tyrion telling duck and haldon "Pissing is the least of my talents. You ought to see me shit." as his means of introduction

even kevan gets into the poop game telling jaime "I was hanging outlaws and robber knights when you were still shitting in your swaddling clothes”

cersei then tells jaime that kevan will have his hands full at darry “teaching Lancel how to wipe his arse.”

cersei dreaming of keeping tyrion’s severed head in her chamber pot to pee and poop on

tyrion describing the smell of old volantis: “There's fish in it, and flowers, and some elephant dung as well. Something sweet and something earthy and something dead and rotten.”

tyrion thinkling the mud in the poorest part of volantis was the color of “a baby’s nightsoil”

tyrion noticing dung carts pulled by dung-tattooed slaves and almost walking into elephant dung until jorah snatched him aside

jaime meeting shitmouth on his 2nd return to harrenhal

cersei being disgusted by all the sparrows befouling baelor’s plaza “with their pigs and goats and nightsoil” (nightsoil = human poop euphemism)

jaime recalling merrett frey being branded by wenda the white fawn and “the kettles of shit his fellow squires made him eat once he was returned” (presumably in a figurative sense)

genna telling her husband he could wipe his arse with the deed to riverrun for all the good it did while the blackfish still held the castle

edwyn frey’s plan in jaime’s riverrun war council involving shit-smeared arrows 

jaime describing the freys’ messy siege camp with “raw brown mud, mixed with horse dung and torn up by hooves and boots alike” and only “flies, horse dung, and Ser Ryman's gallows, standing forlorn” left after their departure

tyrion thinking the people laughing at his fall in his and penny’s show on the ship would “have laughed hard enough to shit their breeches along with him[tywin]” if they’d seen him kill his father

then tyrion and penny being trapped during the storm with her dog and ever-shitting pig (and the ship’s creak sounding like “a constipated fat man straining to shit”)

tyrion again experiencing the “stink of blood and shit” in the slavers’ camp amid the bloody flux

tyrion thinking the yunkish supreme comander looked “as formidable as a loose stool” 

tyrion and penny having to clean yezzan’s pools of slimy, bloody shit after he contracted the bloody flux 

doing all that in “a miasma of sweat, shit and sickness inside yezzan’s pavilion” 

one of the second sons offering to behead tyrion and toss his corpse in the latrine pit upon his arrival in brown ben’s tent

cersei smelling the essence of kl upon her release from baelor’s sept: “the scents of sour wine, bread baking, rotting fish and nightsoil, smoke and sweat and horse piss. No flower had ever smelled so sweet.” 

cersei later slipping, during her walk of shame, in “something that might have been nightsoil”. which was probably not so sweet

cersei walking on, after she could see the red keep ahead, through mud and dung, bleeding and hobbling

brown ben plumm telling tyrion he’d have to shit into a bucket bc of too many eyes at the latrines

tyrion telling penny “Fight or hide or shit yourself, as you like, but whatever you decide to do, you'll do it clad in steel."

some of these are just turns of phrase or everybody poops situations included for the sake of comprehensiveness, but i do think the sheer amount of lannister-related poop references is meaningful. does it mean anything that tyrion, as tywin “writ small”, (and tywin’s most unfavorite lannister) is the child of tywin with the most shit references (or is just that he also has the most pov chapters?)? or that cersei, tywin’s other heir (and tyrion’s other abuser) ends up trapped in a privy after being dosed with laxatives by tyrion, and then tywin dies in a privy after being shot by tyrion? or that myrcella and tommen, the most innocent lannisters, are not so associated with shit? 

this imagery does have different meanings with each character. for tyrion it’s usually about his father and society at large shitting on him, for jaime it’s mostly about his solied honor and the dishonorable characters he interacts with, for joffrey and cersei it’s about the common people they disdain reacting to them, bringing them down by dirtying their bodies, human waste connecting the lannisters with those they rule, not so different after all. and for tywin, poop regularly ruins his moments of glory whether it’s his entrance to the throne room, his death failing to shit gold, or his very smelly funeral. but for all of them it is a humanizing element, showing they are just as gross and vulnerable as anyone else. jaime is no golden god, he’s a disabled knight at one point too weak to wipe his own butt in the immediate aftermath of his injury. perhaps that is the real lasting legacy of tywin lannister: a load of reeking shit which can be gilded like gold but never truly mistaken for perfection.  

[coridallasmultipass]

brocal for the ship bingo?

The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)

Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.

Read More to save ppl's dashboards:

I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore

((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))

Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.

Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.

EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:

"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"

Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))

They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.

Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]

I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.

Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?

Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)

They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.

'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i

To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.

So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)

Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]

Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who

Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.

Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))

Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.

The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:

[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]

Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?

Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.

Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.

Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.

[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]

Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.

One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.

[pandorkful]

do you have any posts showing off any of the art in the merfolk colouring book? it looks like something i’d be really interested in but i wanna see the types of colouring pages it in before buying and the listing only has the cover lol

Ack sorry for the delayed response! I haven't been on tumblr much lately due to the way these darn solar storms have been scrambling my internet connection. >_<

But yeah, I'm happy to share some book interior pics! I wish I could add previews to my lulu book page too, but if that's an option they have I've never found it... at some point I wanna move the coloring book fully to my fourthwall store, since I have way more control over presentation through them than I do through lulu.

Anyway, have some previews! I'll put most of them under a readmore for dash saving purposes.

(Colored example from my personal copy :3)

(Another coloring wip from my personal copy, pretty happy with how this paper takes alcohol markers! Tho you definitely need a plastic sheet behind the page to prevent bleedthru when you use them.)

And that's all tumblr mobile will let me add to the post!

I wanna avoid nitpicking my own work too much, but if I do manage to corral my braincells enough to focus on an updated version someday, I really want to add more background/environmental elements... the book is made from a couple years worth of my MerMay sketches and as a side effect is just way more figural centric illustrations than actual scenes.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing, it certainly leaves room for any drawn additions you want. And some folks do get overwhelmed/fatigued by background detail heavy coloring pages--I know I certainly was when i was a kid!

Now that I'm an adult making an effort to try coloring every page of my own coloring book, I'm feeling like I'd really enjoy some more environmental and decorative details to color in.

So, that's on my checklist for a future version. (Tho I seriously doubt I'm going to be able to get myself to focus on making those additions for another year or two.)

Anyway I hope those previews are helpful, and thanks so much for your interest in my MerFolk coloring book and for reaching out!

[beebfreeb]

I've been working on adding a new section to my website (it is No Pickles themed) and I've got 60 or so new assets to draw... Very scary.

(Long ramble about my website and what I want to do in addition to/after I've finished DIDL)

I have really been wanting to put non-DIDL stuff on my website, I just, erm. All the things that I want to be able to show off are NOT in the state for it yet... Everything is far too underdeveloped for my standards, and a lot of the ideas I have are out of scope of my current skills and would take quite a bit of time and effort that I have been trying to funnel into Daisy. Despite it all.

While hopping around between projects and hastily slapping on new parts is fun and easy, actually sitting down and trimming it into a neat and tidy shape is a different matter.

I want a secondary project to work on so baddd. Yet my options...

Airship: Solid character designs and personalities, 1st half completely outlined, 2nd half fearfully untouched. Unsure on the actual website presentation.

TerriByte: My special little babygirl since middle school but developmentally in the pits of hell. I am unsure of what I want for nearly every aspect of it. Might end it making it entirely text-based.

Criatron: Project dedicated to making an absurd amount of character designs but I want it to be a browser game and I don't understand JS in the slightest.

TMMM: Will be an RPGmaker game but in it's current state it is absolutely overambitious and bloated and needs severe trimming. Also making games is hard and requires a lot of skills I don't have and some I don't think I'll be able to pick up (music, namely).

Wizards: Mostly solid character designs. Vague plot (I know what kicks everything off, I know how I want things to end, I don't know how to get from A to B), I have very strong visuals for how I want the webpage to be designed but lack the skills to execute it (Would have to get good at 3d modeling)

Amalgam: Specifically made with web stuff and multimedia in mind but doesn't have a singular plot as much as a bunch of tangentially related things are happening at once as experienced through wiki-like deepdives and websurfing.

There are other things as well that I don't have quite the same passion for at the moment.

If I could add a second readmore for plot/project summaries I would.

Like, I'm almost tempted to make a summary of everything and my pros and cons of working on it. Make it a PDF. Start polling people on it because of how indecisive I am. But I am also very firm in my Augh I want some of this to be a SURPRISE + I avoid putting anything on the internet if I would be very upset by people doing bad faith internet things to it.

Oh wait wait talking to myself in a Tumblr post has made me remember my plan from last February. TESTFIRE CATALOG! And by that I mean making a bunch of proof of concept demo pages and seeing which ones I like working on the most, and maybe which ones people are most interested in.

There are still a ton of new skills I will have to learn however. I wish I had infinite time and money. Oh well the time will pass anyway.

[aesrot]

okay hi i wish i could fit this under a readmore but it got too long for the replies function and i didnt feel like breaking it up so Here

hand jumper : superpowered thriller about a girl who comes from an infamous criminal family unwillingly entering law enforcement. my morally questionable queen <3

four leaf : isekai-adjacent fantasy story where a person finds out that their imaginary friend is real in a different world of magic. it's completed and free to read!

pyramid game : psychological thriller about a class of high school girls where a popularity poll determines how you're treated within the class. recently got a kdrama adaptation! it's finished but requires ads if you want to read it in a few sittings instead of over a few weeks

hooky : fantasy story about twin witches who missed the bus. a Lot happens from there.

i'm the grim reaper : supernatural webcomic where earth has (metaphorically) gone to hell and also hell is real! the mc is dead and has completely forgotten anything she did in life, but to avoid her sentence to the ninth level of hell, she becomes a grim reaper

other general titles i like but dont feel like writing full descriptions for:

jungle juice (what if people had bug traits and went to college. but action.)

sunset phoenix (someone killed an unkillable crime boss. figure out who did it before it's pinned on you)

nevermore (edgar allan poe's work meets a gothic afterlife academy! also there's gay people and they make everything worse.)

lovebot (a bot nearly indistinguishable from human gains sentience)

gourmet hound (feel-good food search. reminds me of dungeon meshi in the sense that there's a real appreciation for food but it's in the real world. also completed+free to read)

señorita cometa (your best friend is missing and your city's overrun with crime, so you become a phantom thief to track her down and save as many people as you can)

i also second purple hyacinth but someone said that already. i could literally go on for like twenty more but i need to finish doing laundry. so. i hope this is anything?

IT ISSS !!!!! waaahhh these sound so cool!! also completed and free to read YIPPEE!! i havent opened webtoon in like 2 years, will have to relearn how to use it lmfao. anyways thank you !!!!

also my own uncalled for rec is crow time, by secondlina! very silly and lighthearted, and chances are you've probably seen snippets of it on tumblr, since they post it here too :3

[sumbreon]

ive barely been here recently cause ive been consumed with reading again and im currently being haunted by worms (fictional)

yay i remembered how to do a readmore on mobile! you would think that being consumed by a piece of media would make me constantly blog about it but thats not how i work. i have to sit staring off into the distance just processing things

so my pc died! (and now lives again <3) and inbetween figuring that out i managed to entice myself to read again and finally read said the black horse by sanctus-ingenium (their tumblr handle. i would link to buy the book but their kofi shops down atm) and i devoured that fucking book im not okay about félix spent the past week thinking about this book and about félix. this is a book i wish i could have a physical copy of it cause i so badly want to be flicking back through to things that twig in my brain (the entire conceit of this post is those fucking worms making me go wait! fuck!) (im at work so i keep getting distracted so this probably wont be coherent but i need to get the worms out of my head at least a little) but augh... félix...

anyway theres a second book which im now 70%(?) through and the fucking worms... islin and the worms... woke up this morning and was led there half awake thinking about baby françois in the ruad and laughing about his mixture or formal speech and swearing and then that went to thinking about his being trans and he and félix threatening to go back into the woods in clarion wasnt cool with that and had a wait wheres inslin in this scene again? oh yeah he got worms in his arm

worms in his arm...

here we are in book 2 with a little flashback for islin

'You should try that, the worms call to him. Think of how impressed Félix will be'

the worms were already there... wasnt sure when exactly islin acquired his patron. thought it would be around when that flashback takes place maybe, learning blood magic from maxwell which in a way i suppose he learnt of the possibilities of it. already having the patron perhaps? (know its realistically gonna be moth based from the books being moth viper foal so silk worms maybe? [do all moths do worms or caterpillars or is there a specification for moth larvae? ill look that up if i remember later] theres at least one art i need to go stare at and sear into my brain) was islin picked by his patron long before it started asking things like félix? how long have the worms been whispering to him? how often do they speak?? i need to go back through the first book and find all the little thought italics and think on them... what is the price the worms want? the fuck did islin do to that captain??

something else weirds also going on with islins arms other than all the scars i think? i dont remember right now i need to go back and check that paragraph again... im also just fascinated by islin and the way he is for all his blasphemy still religious howd he end up like that? why is he still loyal to that god?

im also haunted by a lesser degree to félix's nun disguise does he keep choosing the nun disguise because islin called him beautiful dressed like a nun? okay he said it was becoming but thought beautiful. félix is this why you went with the nun disguise again???

if you read that jumble hiii i love you! :] i will continue to think about worms... read these books!

[rarepairnation]

hiiii denethor anon here!! wow you’re really IN IT now (denethorposting). not to add more fuel to your anger but last week i saw someone say they hated denethor. and i just realised god they don’t get him even on tumblr do they. since then i’ve been silently fuming in rage. anyway… i am very Very Intrigued by both your faramir-goes-to-rivendell-au and denethor-thorongil relationship (if you ever want to write another 800 words about this, i am here for it 👀) and this line “each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other…” fuck. fucking insane actually.

unfortunately i won’t be replying for several days (i’ve had to keep my phone in another room to keep myself from getting distracted) . my exams have started AND i’m going through some shit irl :( it’s alright tho i’ll have more Faramir and Denethor Hours soon <- chanting this constantly haha. but i am with you when denethorposting IN SPIRIT okay. oh and can we please please please have denethor december? 🙏 bye will be here soon after my exams (that will be after the 23rd march i’m afraid)

hiii denethor anon <333 i am SO sorry this is so late truly attempting to figure out how to write AND see my friends AND do things like clean my apartment and go to the grocery store while working The Job...it has eaten my life. and this week my regular coffee shop switched their hours bc i live in my old college town and they are on spring break and it has sent me directly to hell. the death of My Routine…i have coped by INCESSANTLY denethorposting on tumblr dot com. i am somehow EVEN MORE in it than i was when you sent this ask. i hope you enjoy me being truly crazyinsane whenever you get a chance to look at all those posts lol. would love 2 hear your thoughts on them. but ANYWAY as always it is so lovely to see you, i'm sorry things have been tough but truly with my whole heart i bestow upon you the strength of denethor's sixty-year psychic war (with none of the associated madness) to make it through. looking at the date i hope you are free now.

here is the mandated readmore because i have never met brevity in my whole life. u said write another 800 words and i took that as a challenge um this post is like 2000 words. well...back on my bullshit

i mean this with all the love and joy in my heart but i laughed so much. no my dear friend they do not get him on tumblr. they have not gotten him on tumblr from the beginning. if you have been spared the incessant tomato jokes i truly…[crying] I Wish I Were You So Bad. this guy doesnt even know about the tumblr denethor slander (POSITIVE) (YEARNING). its the trenches out here for real. i just live in my little bubble with me and you and like four other mutuals/Denethor Understanders and that is it.

speaking of denethor and the rivendell au. i miss the days when i was working on the faramir-in-gondor scenes. emotionally it felt like dying but i kind of knew what was going on. now i am in rivendell taking and failing this history of middle earth exam. and i am so very….the next time we see denethor for real is in return of the king. now girl…how will i survive another 80k words. i miss my boy my dear darling my tortured victim of the narrative. and according to the paragraph i just wrote faramir does too but is Refusing to admit it to himself<3

im also RIDICULOUSLY torn on how i want to resolve his arc. now just between you and me. and anyone who bothers to click that read more. I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO LIVE. GOD I WANT HIM TO LIVE. I WILL WRITE YOU A THOUSAND HAPPY ENDINGS. except its not a happy ending its a you are not allowed to die you are forced to contend with your choices you must keep living ending. because he will always be tragic no matter what. but its ALSO a you can rest now you can be at peace son of gondor you have won your war. all you sacrificed has been worth it. you have given your all when that's what duty asked you for and it has been enough. and that makes my poor heart weep.

like on one hand the idea of resolving his storyline with faramir.......the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation, some kind of understanding between them...god. delicious. i know in my heart that faramir comes home and IS the lord that denethor once dreamed of being. not playing at it...he is high and lordly and gentle and the world bends around his will and he knows exactly what to bow to and when to stand his ground and his powers are honed to a keen edge that he uses with the utmost care and. AUGH. he walks into the citadel the IMAGE of his father. it makes me feel FERAL. and how would denethor react to that. man.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HOW DO I END THE STORY. like. LOL. do u know what i mean. likelihood of me being able to just have a triumphant coronation and tie it all up with a bow is soooo small. the narrative contortions i would have to go through. to have denethor accept that and still be in character. Girl....no thank u <3 so we havent worked THAT out yet. like how much of the madness and despair do i want to put into the narrative. We Shall See. IM not politically savvy enough to get real into the weeds with it all so im kind of rotating just. a beautiful set of reunions with the fellowship. eowyn and faramir get engaged. boromir and faramir see all their dreams of a gondor restored come true. we skate over the political minefield and deeply navigate the beginnings of denethor and faramir's relationship in this new world. and among it all, within it all, is hope, and a new dawn. and curtain.

i got distracted but re: we are in rivendell. it IS kind of fun to think about the themes and narratives. i am pushing my Let Faramir (And Denethor) Be Numenorean + Let Numenoreans Be Weird agendas so so sooo hard and i am having the time of my life with that specifically. birds follow him around and pick up the tunes he sings. he hears the voices of the people he loves in his head. he falls into a river and after having a breakdown about it promptly decides that The River Is Testing Him And He Has Passed. he gets to rivendell and INSTANTLY knows that there is someone Very Like Him Here (its elrond. the elrond-elros-faramir connection has me FROTHING at the mouth. faramir looks at elrond and sees his father and sees every statue of elros in minas tirith and Knows that this here is the son of earendil, gil-estel, his brightest north star. elrond looks at faramir and sees his brother, his dear dead doomed brother, and every numenorean descended from him and all their sins and all their glories and yet, kind as summer, sees beauty and knowledge and a strange quiet man who carries all the weight of his country on his shoulders and yet knows him, knows the legends; perhaps the blood of numenor is not yet spent in the south)

i just think that Every Elf that meets faramir along the way is like woah...hold up. there's something up with THIS guy! men ARENT supposed to do that! not anymore anyway! galadriel is Lowkey Threatened by him. and isnt that beautiful. woman who could be queen of the earth sees god's special chosen boy and goes hang on a minute. Fuck. i think they work out their shit by the time the company leaves lothlorien but like...just thinking about how faramir lowkey blamed her for boromir's death in rotk! idk how their dynamic is exaclty gonna manifest but there's definitely some sort of similar mindreader2mindreader tension!

AND. um the idea of faramir travelling with the fellowship discovering that maybe...well. he has never wanted to be a warrior but he has been honed into a blade anyway. by his father and by necessity. and perhaps for the first time in his life...outside of gondor he does not need to be all that. he can be mithrandir's pupil without censure he can be scholarly and witty and cunning - he is all these things, in gondor. but there he has to be them, and now he can discover that yes, this is what he wants to be. and he has never let his father and the expectations of his position STOP him but there is always a weight, there is always the knowledge that your actions are disapproved of, and being away from that for a while is i just think. really good for him. see above re: he comes home the image of his father in a gentler time. keep honking im sitting in my car crying about denethor ii twenty sixth steward of gondor.jpg (<- my greatest creation PLEASE click the link lol)

ALSO IM THRILLED YOU LIKED THAT WHETSTONE LINE LOL i kind of blacked out when i typed it on the page. i think truly the crazy thing about denethor and faramir is that they SHOULD understand each other. they know so much about each other and yet are so incompetent at actually putting it to any good use towards, you know, improving their relationship. faramir is incredibly emotionally intelligent AND can read minds AND has taken so many of what he probably views as denethor's worst traits and turned them to gentler uses. (im talking about his powers but im ALSO talking about that thing he does when he encounters frodo and sam where he plays woe is me my brother is dead and i miss him sooo much to get on their good sides. yes of course he misses boromir more than anything else in the world. no he is not above using it to his advantage. and we see the SAME THING when gandalf and pippin come to minas tirith. hey isn't it crazy that both of them use boromir as a. manipulation chip. even after he's dead. hey thats kind of fucked up actually!) and denethor is…well denethor is denethor. ok im mostly messing around and thought that sentence was funny. i think he Knows most everything that goes on in faramir's head and yet Wilfully Chooses to interpret it in the worst ways because its just soo....very I Thought I Raised You Better Than That/I Honed You To Be My Blade Stop Defying Me. and despite all that the Problem is that they understand each other right up until they don't. they know how THEY feel about each other (incredible love that they can only express in the worst ways/think they're expressing only to be spurned by the other) but cannot POSSIBLY imagine that the other feels the same way.

ive gone on for SO SO LONG ALREADY LOL but. what do i have to say about denethor and thorongil. not enough and too much all at once. they're so toxic and awful for each other they're MADE for each other they're beautiful narrative parallels they're homoerotic besties they're bitter rivals they're pawns in a proxy war they're locked at all times in a psychic psychosexual situationship. um the enemy of my enemy is kissing me with tongue. idk i have more symbolism and actual analysis especially of the denethor-ecthelion-thorongil Issue. but we are just getting into it. so i will start with the situations bc i have two angles for this. on one hand i do think it is very fun if they constantly homoerotically circle each other for years and years and never do a THING about it. like...this is a stitching up wounds wiping blood off each others faces battle couple/situationship situation that THEN turns into a ridiculously high functioning political rival partnership bent together over books long into the night catching each others eye in council meetings using their very real disdain for each other for Manipulation Purposes and getting uh. SO hot over it. like.....Do You Know What I Mean. just. truly unresolved sexual tension THROUGH THE ROOF. it DELIGHTS me. they are always putting themselves in situations. and then NOT making out about it. AND THEY CAN READ EACH OTHERS MINDS!! THE WHOLE TIME!! SO THEY KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH THEY WANT EACH OTHER AND STILL ARENT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! like thats just really good. but on the other hand.......the idea of just an absolutely terrible beautiful toxic rivals with benefits codependent situationship. i hate you so much and you know what we DO need to make out about it. every time they fuck it is a power play and they are having SO much fun with it. they will both start arguments with each other (AND IN PUBLIC TOO) just so they can fight and make up. the mind reading...Oh You Know What I Mean. taylor swift voice we had this big white city all to ourselves we blocked the noise with the sound of i need you and for the first time i had something to lose! logically thorongil is not yet in his grubby ranger era but the idea of him being dirt smeared all the time and hanging out with prim proper polished denethor. in the fic (which does exist and DOES follow the second model) theres a scene where hes just chilling with his head in denethor's lap and denethor is actually rather delighted and devoting ALL of his copious braincells to pretending not to be. Man. well never say im not a slut for contrast. and now the rest of what i could say is simply straight up redacted for indecency so it is time for this post to be over. the last thing i have to say is that it absolutely ruins denethor's life forever when thorongil up and leaves. sometimes a situationship....anyway. MUCH LOVE TO YOU AS ALWAYS yes we will have denethor december i already have an url saved.

[janzoo]

Some notes on Ancients and Greek mythology - spoilers within for Final Fantasy XIV, especially Shadowbringers and Endwalker. This isn’t necessarily new information, but I haven’t seen anything about it here on Tumblr yet. Let’s have a lil fun with (mostly) Greek mythology under the readmore -

Hi folks! While trying to figure out an Azem for my WoL, I found some info that I’d like to share. Not all Ancients take their name directly from Greek mythology, if at all. And of those that do, matching the character’s gender to their namesake’s doesn’t seem to matter, either. So for those of you like me who are figuring out an Azem or other Ancient OCs, relax! Ancients’ names aren’t as strict as we might think.

While “Hythlodaeus” is a name in the ancient Greek language, it doesn’t come from mythos. In fact, it comes from a satirical novel called “Utopia” that was published in 1516; it roughly translates as “speaker/distributor of nonsense”.

Mitron’s real name is Artemis. Mitron is male, but Artemis was a goddess.

“Venat” is a reference to a character from Final Fantasy XII of the same name, and comes from Latin “to hunt”. (Some think that the katakana for her name, which spells out in romaji as “vēnesu”, is supposed to be “Venus”. It’s more likely that it’s supposed to spell “Veneth”, but there’s no way to write “th” sounds in katakana. The same mix-up happened with Aerith in FFVII.)

So yeah, if you want to branch out from Greek mythology, or play with gender, or whatever, cool! Not that you weren’t cool to do so anyway - this is all just for funsies in the end. In the meantime, I’ve put together a few lesser known names and figures from (mainly Greek) mythology that could also prove interesting names/inspirations for Ancients. These are very much simplified versions of the myths. Please don’t be an ass if there’s “wrong” info, the myths vary a lot and I’m doing this in my own spare time for fun and because I’m hyperfocusing/infodumping about some special interests.

Tiresias/Teiresias: One day, Tiresias found a couple of snakes mating, and beat them to death with a stick. This angered Hera, and she turned him into a woman. Tiresias then lived for several years as a woman, including getting married and having children. She then found some mating snakes again, and either beat them to death again or didn’t - either way she became a man again. He then became an oracle - the “how” varies between stories but the version I was told was that Zeus and Hera were arguing over who has better orgasms. Zeus argued that it’s women, and Hera vice versa. They decided to ask Tiresias, since he’d experienced both. He said it’s women. Hera became pissed at him again and blinded him. Zeus felt bad about this and gave Tiresias the gift of prophecy as a sort of consolation. Some myths say that this gift worked by allowing Tiresias to understand birdsong. (Between the gift of prophecy and the gender “fluidity”, Tiresias sounds like a prime candidate for Urianger’s Ancient imo.)

Sibyl: Technically a title denoting a prophetess, but we’re making it a name now. I’m referring specifically to the story of the Cumaean Sibyl. Apollo came to her, offering a wish in exchange for her virginity. She held up a handful of sand and asked for as many years as grains of sand she held. However, she later reneged on her part of the deal, refusing to sleep with Apollo. He granted her the extended life she wanted, but did not preserve her age or body. Sibyl shrank with age until she was no more than sand herself, kept in a jar. She was still conscious and had a voice. She’s referenced to at the beginning of T.S. Eliot’s poem “The Waste Land” like so (translated from Latin and Greek): For once I myself saw with my own eyes the Sibyl of Cumae hanging in a jar, and when the boys said, "Sibyl, what do you want?" she replied "I want to die."

Hecate: Greek goddess of magic/witchcraft, transitions, and crossroads. (Many sources also say necromancy, creatures of the night, and ghosts.) I don’t have a specific story for her, I just think she’s cool.

Deimos and Phobos: Sons of Ares, god of war, though they’re more metaphors than proper gods. “Deimos” means “dread” and “phobos” means “fear”. They accompanied their father into war; thus, when Ares descended onto the battlefield, he brought dread and fear with him.

Ma’at/Maat: Let’s dip into ancient Egypt! Ma’at was the goddess of harmony, truth, and justice, said to balance the stars and the seasons. Most notable was her feather, the Feather of Truth, which was used to weigh the hearts of the dead. If the dead person’s heart was lighter than or equal to the weight of her feather, they were deemed worthy of proceeding into the afterlife proper. (The Feather made a cameo in Marvel’s “Moon Knight” lol)

Bast/Bastet/Ailuros (Greek): The Egyptian goddess with the cat head. You’ve probably at least heard of her. Defender of kings and goddess of pregnancy/childbirth. Sometimes depicted as the gentler aspect of the more aggressive lioness-headed goddess Sekhmet. Honestly, I’m mainly listing her because a) she has a cool Greek name if you want to stick with that, and 2) it could be a fun option if you want to be really on-the-nose with the Ancient of a Miqo’te lol.

My hyperfocus seems to have about run its course, so I’m finishing the post here. The point is that if/when you’re making an Ancient OC, you’re not bound to ancient Greece, or matching gender for gender. Thanks for reading. :D

[leafdragon16]

Sketchbook Friday #21

Alternate Title: Return of the Old Hyperfixation

This post contains BATDR spoilers! If you haven’t played the game and have somehow managed to avoid spoilers so far, 1) congrats, and 2) DO NOT CLICK ON THE READMORE.

If the readmore is not there, I apologize in advance. Tumblr has been glitching it out of my draft

BATDR dragged me kicking and screaming back into this fandom by my ankles lmao

But seriously, I got to play it around a week after it came out AND IT WAS SO GOOD even on the old home computer that’s laggy as hell

Also, sorry for the quality of the doodles. Some of them are old and the pencil has smeared/faded

AUDREY MY BELOVED <3

Since I loved her character ever since she was revealed, I had a lot of expectations for the game and it blew me out of the water. HER VA DID AN AMAZING JOB AND AUGH SHE’S JUST SO PERFECT AISHDJAHSJAJHSJS

Her hair is my worst enemy when it comes to drawing though lmao

This technically doesn’t count since it wasn’t made in a sketchbook, but here’s a digital doodle of Audrey! I tried something different with my artstyle with her nose and I think it looks pretty good! Oh, and her hair actually looks good in this lol

THIS BASTARD. WAS SO SCARY. AND SO GLORIOUS

The Ink Demon was super well done! I kind of wish we had gotten to see more of him or that he would have been free-roam like in BATIM chapter 3, but I understand that that probably would have caused a lot of bugs. AND THEY GAVE HIM A VOICE SOOO

BUT WHY IS HE SO COOL BUT SO HARD TO DRAW?? IF YOU GET THE TEETH OR HORNS EVEN A LITTLE OFF IT LOOKS WEIRD AND PROPORTIONS ARE ALREADY NOT MY STRONG SUIT

Case in point about the proportions thing :|

Gotta love the sibling rivalry we got in BATDR lmao

Don’t you hate it when you accidentally shock your brother and he spends the rest of the game trying to eat you alive

This might be controversial but I actually really liked the Keepers! They were really creepy but also kind of funny

Larger version of the doodle in the corner

Also, I am going to start watermarking my work because someone has been stealing it and uploading it to Pinterest without my permission or credit ✌️

Anyways, that’s all I have!

[controversialcoven]

I think I might make a series where I draw homestuck characters to some of my favorite quotes

Here are some of the quotes if anyone is interested

Tumblr loves to fuck up my readmore section so sorry if things are repeated or look weird fhshfhsbd

“If you worship someone too much you’ll end up losing your freedom”

“Human beings are love in motion”

“So you dodged a bullet that you wanted to take”

“You nailed down the windows and locked the doors but the cold was coming from inside”

“Of all the things you fuck I’m the most empty”

“And being my moms least favorite only child must mean I’m her favorite too”

“You can’t light a fire that’s already burnt out”

“He sang as if he knew me in all my dark despair, and then he looked right through me as if I wasn’t there”

“Just let her crash and burn, she’ll learn, the attention just encourages her”

“It’s a felony in Florida to own a fake ID so tell me am I guilty if I change when no one is near me”

“The living need attention too”

“I will not let my grandparents bury their grandchild”

“We rise up to fight just to die, that’s just how the world works sometimes”

“For human grossly under qualified, for canine grossly overqualified”

“Kiss me with forever where only death remains”

“Your insides were never my size”

“I dig a hole in search of kites”

“This was all new to me once, and when it was it was so easy to love”

“I can’t feel my heartbeat so why would you give me a heart?”

“Falling in love with someone is wonderful so don’t call yourself the devil. I love you”

“If I’ve no one to fight how do I know who I am”

“Just because we live doesn’t not mean that we’ve survived”

“She tells the clock what time it is”

“To love and to be loved is to rest”

“I am that which seeks to know the compassion of the goddess within”

“Only once you’ve been unsheltered you can stand in the sunlight”

“Life is both mundane; life is beautiful”

“Being known is being loved”

“I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved, even for a heartbeat”

“yeah im perceiving the horrors but i’m also perceiving the beauty of life as well”

“And when we kill the gods neither heaven nor hell will be waiting for them because they created those to imprison us”

“I wouldn’t change a thing, you’re the one I want to sink with”

“We live because of the dead”

“Spun sugar melts in water anyways”

“So what if I do it for attention, does that really make me bad?”

“We can’t go back, only forwards”

“Thy who bites is truly the bitten.”

“The pillars of humanity, in no particular order, are Joy, Absurdity, and Sharing”

“I was like a patient who cannot tell the doctor where it hurts, only that it does”

“I’ll let you drag me to hell if it means you’ll hold my hand”

“It is not what you want but it is what you chase”

“In the name of peace we bring war”

“If wellness is this, what in hells name is sickness?”

“Unknowingly I prepare my punishment before I commit my crime”

“I've got no celebration, just this consolation; time eats all his children in the end.”

“I choose to burn out rather than fade away”

“At night I burn myself with cigarettes just to prove I’m still alive”

“Darling, it's the end of the world! We've reached the end of our usefulness and now we're doomed, let's waltz into the grave together!”

“We see the images flashing by, but cannot remember the names, just the fragmented memories that came along with it.”

“I’ve found another sense of comfort, another friend, another place to rest my head.”

“I strived to be like them. But I was still alone.”

“He came out in the end, losing more than anyone else.”

“Every time I listen to this I space out and think about everything I've ever done. All my choices and how they got me here. All the lessons I've learned, people I've met, things I regret, and things I wish I could change. All of it just seems so fast paced. Like I never experienced all of it. Thank you.”

“from ashes i was made, and ashes i return, and so i walk alone, and wonder why?”

“I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people”

“Time will not wait for those who are late”

“With the morning starlight and the midnight sun, we spin around until we’re one”

“She’s not what I wanted, she’s what I didn’t know I needed”

“She may not satisfy my desires, but she satisfies my heart”

“I want to find peace of mind, maybe no mind is the answer to that conundrum”

“Tomorow is nearly yesterday and everything is stupid”

“But I couldn’t escape myself no matter how badly I wanted to”

“Do the gods mourn their fallen?”

“You come into the kings court holding the hat of a jester and expect not to be laughed at?”

“You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on the sky”

“Not a girl, not a boy, just a little baby”

“Make a hell out of demons haven”

“A subtle drop of poison a day keeps the kings will at bay”

“To look death in the eye and not welcome her with open arms is to not accept life at all”

“I miss you like a past life, I can’t remember if you were ever mine to miss. I missed you like we both died, a star crossed endeavor. I’ll miss you in the next life.”

“All of existence had her hand tenderly upon your hip”

[kaikama]

Today is a confusing day for my gender. I want to (genuinely) thank some people on Tumblr for that, but I don't know how. I know many people consider their blogs as being a sort of public diary, but I've never used mine like that before. I reblog art and memes, and sometimes ramble in the tags, but almost never make posts of my own, and certainly don't talk about anything important when I do.

However sometimes the best way to get ahold of something slippery that's swimming around in your head is to first get it out of your head. I may not even post this, though contrary to how I present myself on this blog, I do very much love talking about myself (especially when I can indulge my inner 12yo-fanfic-author and be a bit dramatic and poetic about it) so we'll see.

However, to the anxiety of making a long, eventually emotional post I will cede the small victory of a readmore:

I guess the place to begin is with the lovely @dduane. In particular with the recent post she reblogged talking about @redgoldsparks's book Gender Queer. I was reading through the comic therein when I remembered that I actually had the book e was talking about sitting on my "to-read" shelf... okay, one of my "to-read" shelves. No avid reader with disposable income should be surprised I have so many such books, nor that any book could get lost in such a pile, no matter how... personally relevant it is.

I picked it up one day, not at my usual book store, but actually at a local comic book/board game store. It caught my eye of course by presenting the words "GENDER QUEER" in big, bold letters, and and further enticed me when I flipped through it briefly and saw it didn't censor itself unnecessarily. In a graphic novel that's largely about gender, it was relieving, for example, to see bodies being addressed without fear that showing them was too obscene.

So I bought it but, as I mentioned, it sat on my shelf for at least months, probably a year or more, if the time dilation typical of the pandemic period can be assumed.

Then today, after seeing that post, I decided to finally take it out. It only took a short while to read, maybe an hour or so. Unless you include the time it will spend lingering in my mind, in which case I may never finish reading it.

I related to it in many ways. In ways that were the same, but upsidedown – since I was amab, but could still feel a connection to the ideas within. Technically a different wavelength, but... a harmonic of the original. But one point in particular is the whole reason for this post. Page 189.

If you don't have the book, well firstly I highly recommend you go get it now and simply read through it to see the page in question. But in case you can't, I'll describe it here:

In panel 1, the author laments about wanting to switch pronouns, but that "they/them" doesn't feel quite right. In panel 2, e asks eir conversational partner what e uses. In panel 3, as you have probably guessed, e tells the author that e uses "e/em/eir" and, important to my story, uses them in a sentence: "Ask em what e wants in eir tea." In panel 4, e reacts with a huge smile and starry eyes.

Here is where I'll pause and mention that reading that passage gave me a shiver down my spine. I love seeing people explore their identities – or in this case, eir identity – and that especially goes for things I could never wrap my head around, such as neopronouns. As much as I respect them, I never could understand. To me, gender has usually been a nuisance. Something that I have to perform. If I don't, people will assume some performance anyways, one which is usually wrong. I wish I could just work backstage. Or maybe it's more like I wish everyone had a program guide, so instead of having to constantly tell people I'm not a man, they can just see the description in the guide for themselves. I'm just so tired of it. So tired.

But! That's why I get shivers like this, since it warms my heart to see people like me, also pushing through. E shouldn't have to struggle to be known. E does. But that strength inspires my own, which I hope inspires others, in a cycle of propping eachother up!

Then in panel 5 e says "I love those pronouns! I just got the biggest tingle down my spine."

And I recall my spine tingle.

And I'm really confused.

Do I want those pronouns? I've been using "they/them" for a while now, and I've known about (and had friends who use) "e/em/eir" for some time now. Surely I would've realized they fit me sooner than this, right?

Then again, I think, I have been kinda growing dissatisfied with "they/them" for a bit now. But I always just felt tired of gender as a whole. I don't want pronouns that even fewer people will understand, I said. At least with "they/them" I can point at the neutral usage everyone uses them for. Anything more obscure would just be all the more effort. All the more tiring.

...but does that make it untrue? Or simply unfair? Everything to do with being queer is unfair, sorta' by definition. If I wanted it to be easy, I could stick to "he/him", but that would only really be "easy" for other people, I realized. Neither "he/him" nor "they/them" are easy for me. Neither "male" nor "female" nor "non-binary" are easy for me. Neither the old gender binary nor the new gender trinary are easy for me. I'm just so tired.

I wish I had an answer to finish with. Not for your sake, but for mine. I have a sort of modus operandi I like to use: "prepare for the worst, but hope for the best, and expect something in-between." It's a bit of a compromise between the phrase"high hopes, low expectations" and my optimism. Well, I forgot to do that here. I had hoped that I would've found my answer by the end of this post, but I forgot to "prepare for the worst," and as such had no middle ground to set my expectations.

Maybe the answer is to stop caring so much? But that seems like it would be a disservice to myself and my wants and needs. Also it seems impossible. Or at least like clinical depression, which shouldn't be anyone's goal.

Maybe I should try using different pronouns? None of my friend would care. But they would make mistakes. It's extremely rare for one of my friends to slip up now, but it does still happen. And using something new would give me those small rock-in-the-shoe, scratchy-shirt-tag irritations that @redgoldsparks mentioned in eir book all over again.

...or maybe "they/them" is dorta' doing that now, and I've just gotten used to it? I remember when I switched I hadn't realized that "he/him" wasn't great until then. Not because I felt bad hearing it, but because I suddenly felt good hearing "they/them." I still think I don't feel especially disphoric over "he/him," but now that I know the euphoria I could have, it feels worse in comparison. Maybe the same would happen if I switched again?

My how many thoughts I have about this. I want an answer. There is no simple answer. Life is work. I love life. I hate work. I'm so tired. But it's worth it.

I think that's most of my metaphorical brain-fish on the topic disgorged for now. If you listened, thanks for listening. If you're confused, imagine how I feel. And if you think you felt like you resonate at some harmonic of this, please go read @redgoldsparks's book Gender Queer. It probably won't have clear answers, and the feelings it evokes probably won't be exclusively positive ones, but if you've read this far into my ramblings, then I can promise you it will be a valuable read.

Thanks for your time! -Kai

[yungvenuz]

Game of the Year: 2022 Edition

How do I do readmores, again? I haven’t used tumblr in ages.

Oh yeah:

10. Jabroni Brawl Episode 3

Jabroni Brawl Episode 3 is something I've been missing lately: a PvP shooter with absolutely no emphasis on (or seemingly any interest in) balance. Most game modes spawn players in with totally random weapons, letting some people run rampant with instant kill rocket launchers and black hole trip mines while other people are stuck with the gun that makes you fart (which can also instantly kill players, because this is that sort of game). I can't overstate how nice it is to have a pvp game to play with no ranking leaderboard to climb and no marginally improved weapons or cosmetics to grind. The goal is to have fun, and Jabroni Brawl Episode 3′s fun is in its pure chaos.

9. Bean and Nothingness

Bean and Nothingness is a 2019 puzzle game. You have a wand that can be used to zap beans on the ground, and if the beans match one of the recipes in the book you carry with you, a monster is created. Different monsters have vastly different properties: some charge and attack, some explode, some carry, some freeze, some grab, and so on.

When one monster recipe is present in a puzzle, the rules are fairly straightforward. When two, or three, or more are present, the number of mechanical interactions that must be kept in mind quickly grow dizzyingly complex. What happens when a grabber monster grabs a bomb monster? what happens when the bomb monster grabbed by a grabber monster is frozen by a freezy monster before the grabber can finish pulling it in? It's up to you to experiment and find out.

This emphasis on experimentation is what I think sets Bean and Nothingness apart from other puzzle games. The game states explicitly early on that it won't hold your hand through every relevant interaction every monster has. And while games like Stephen's Sausage Roll or Patrick's Parabox depend on discovery of puzzle mechanics that intuitively derive from the world and physics they exist in, Bean and Nothingness is deliberately unintuitive by virtue of all its points of interaction being fanciful imaginary monsters. This makes every new monster discovered in the game a fresh slate from which to build a brand new foundation of knowledge.

8. Boneraiser Minions

Boneraiser Minions is an entry in the very rapidly expanding "Vampire Survivors-like", or "Bullet Heaven" genre, and it's my favorite of the bunch. Instead of wielding weapons yourself, you play as a necromancer who raises various skeletal or demonic peons to do your screen clearing for you, with the usual rapid scaling up to ridiculous hordes of undead smashing everything in a mile radius that the genre is known for.

I'll admit I'm not a huge fan of the bullet heaven genre, but I'm including this entry here anyway because I'm pleased to no end to see Caiysware, the developer of Boneraiser Minions, finally starting to get his due. I've been following their work since 2018's Skelly Selest, and I was immediately charmed by the gothic horror pixel art, inventive design, and deliberately incorrect ye-olde english. Boneraiser is by far their most popular game to date, and I'm hoping that success will carry through to future titles.

7. Elden Ring

My only sop to AAA gaming in this year's list comes from the only place it could have. It's fun, it's beautiful, it's challenging in just the right way.

I do wish it had more plot. I enjoyed the plotlines that had character interactions (volcano manor, Radahn festival), but they were few and far between, and I don't particularly like Fromsoft's archeological approach to worldbuilding. My jaw did genuinely drop as I took the mistwood elevator into the depths and saw just how much more there would be to do, though, so on the list it goes.

6. Streets of Rogue

My favorite roguelike experiences all have to do with moments of cascading failure. Things like running face first into a hydra, so you try to teleport away, but you land on three gelatinous cubes, so you cast a spell of mass confusion, but the confusion affects a nearby wyvern and the wyvern shoots a blast of fire which causes the gelatinous cubes to explode and blows away all your cover and what started as routine dungeon exploration has turned into quaffing every unidentified potion in your inventory on the distant off-chance that one of them is secretly a Potion of Get Me The Fuck Out Of Here Please. That sort of thing.

Streets of Rogue is the first game I've played to bundle that experience into co-op multiplayer. Each player picks a class with unique skillsets and bonus missions on each floor of the game's campaign, and then you're all cut loose to wreak havoc. The end result is extremely chaotic and extremely fun. I didn't even play that much of Streets of Rogue this year, but what I did stood out among the rest of the multiplayer games I've played with friends this year.

PS: Insanely good soundtrack.

5. Tactical Nexus

After two years of completely rewiring my mental state, Tactical Nexus has finally loosened its grip on me enough to let me focus on other games when I want to. It's still my first pick for game to play while listening to podcasts, but I'm only playing one or two hours of it a day instead of four or five.

This year saw a flurry of major updates, including the release of the much anticipated Legacy and Magic systems. These systems provide oblique benefits that allow the completion of the simultaneously released Mystic Gate, which soups up existing towers to much higher level difficulties (and much higher potential score rewards). The game's already nigh infinite replayability has now been brought to an exponentially more complex level, with block tunneling, teleportation gates, and temporary stat boosts changing the calculus for completing levels that were once thought completely solved. I may only have about half the sunstones (score-based permanent resource) of the best players of Tactical Nexus, but I'm still enjoying trying to solve its mysteries each time a new stage is released.

4. Last Call BBS

An anthology collection of games created for a fictional computer operating system by the legendary puzzle game designer Zachtronics. It's no wonder to me that his intended retirement from videogame development didn't stick, because he was clearly having too much fun with it.

20th Century Food Court was my personal favorite as a more traditional programming optimization game, but i also particularly enjoyed Dungeons and Diagrams, a sudoku-like with lots of tricky rules for solving puzzles, and The Forbidden Path, which was even less scrutable than most of Zachtronics' work.

My favorite thing about Last Call BBS is the layers of verisimilitude present in 20th Century Food Court. You play the game through the interface of a fictional old computer operating system similar to a macintosh (layer 1). 20th Century Food Court is a factory programming game about a utopian far flung future society (layer 2) that's attempting to build authentic recreations of 20th century mall food based on their fuzzy memories (layer 3). The layers all slot together perfectly somehow, and the end result is really funny anachronisms, like the burger and fries combo meal that ends up being a fairly accurate burger along with a single giant fry in a cup, or the customers all being annoyed by the coffee and cigarettes chain because the cigarettes aren't pleasant to eat.

3. The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles

I could cite a lot of reasons for putting Great Ace Attorney here, like the writing, or the characters, or the chemistry between the characters, or the lateral thinking needed to solve some of the cases, or the themes, or the humor, which are all excellent. The actual reason it's going to live on in my memory is simple: Barok van Zieks is easily one of the hottest characters in video game history.

2. Last Command

Last Command is a shmup with aesthetic and thematic inspirations from Undertale and Nier Automata, about a society of robots that have long outlasted humanity but still labor under their "last commands", the objectives programmed into them with their creation.

The story is pretty good, but what puts this game on the list is its shmup design, which is fantastic. Last Command is self described as a "Bullet Hell x Snake" game. The bullet hell part is self explanatory: bosses send waves of bullets over the screen that need to be dodged. The snake elements are much more intriguing, in two ways:

1) your character moves on Snake rules with a segmented tail, which means constant orthogonal movement and a variable hitbox. 2) defeating bosses requires picking up ammunition pellets in the form of data files, which further increases the size of your hitbox and requires you to be constantly moving around the screen to actually progress fights.

These two details add a huge amount of nuance to the usual bullet hell dynamic, making patterns that would be fairly simple to dodge under typical bullet hell rules much more interesting.

The boss fights are incredibly well designed, too. Each boss includes a large number of phases (always at least five but usually ten or more) that steadily expand on one or a few specific design themes. The difficulty ramps up satisfyingly, not just inside bosses as new elements are introduced to the fights, but between fights as the game is progressed. The overall experience is really, really fun and intense.

1. Crystal Project

Crystal Project is a job-based team rpg similar to Final Fantasy 3, set in a minecrafty world with extremely open-ended exploration and evolving movement upgrades similar to a metroidvania.

I love everything about this game. Exploring it is just so satisfying, with every nook or cranny you could possibly think to check having something interesting to find. There's piles of secret items, bosses, and quests to find, and even some sequence breaks that can change the order of your progression through the game if you're clever enough.

Environments are highly vertical to take full advantage of the isometric camera, and they look great despite being so blocky. There's a genuine sense of accomplishment to making it to the top of mountain cliffs or across icy ravines that's amplified as you unlock new mounts to explore with. In the end stages of the game, you get to fly directly over

You have a team of four characters for combat, with access to a list of combat jobs that expands as the game progresses, which can be swapped at any time. Only two jobs can be equipped at a time, which allows for inventive synergies without completely breaking the games balance, and each boss has different powers which necessitate different job combos to address properly.

I even found the story and writing charming, even though it definitely wasn't the primary focus. the primary theme of the game is the question of how exactly an adventure is supposed to be appreciated, and the various answers provided by characters throughout are interesting. There's a scene between two supporting characters in the rafters high above a partially constructed city that I found particularly touching.

It's difficult to believe that this is a solo development project, but the vast effort Andrew put into Crystal Project shows. I think everyone should play this game.

[genuflecting]

I've had a bunch of things circling around my head for days and they don't seem to want to leave on their own, so I'm going to try writing them out in a long post that no one had to read, but if you're nosy like me you're welcome to and I promise the bad vibes can't past it past the readmore, you can check them at the door

the guy I like wasn't at the party I went to last weekend and no one there even had his contact info (I got brave and asked the person who I thought knew him but it turned out to be a dead end) so now I have to wait for the group's every other month party and hope he turns up to that, which will probably be a Halloween party so that'll be an interesting extra element. I've just been so hung up on it cause my attraction to people in real life is so incredibly rare and I want to act on this, but it feels so out of my control and if I'm this sad at not seeing him for two months I'm gonna be REALLY really sad if four months later I still don't see him. I wish my taste in people was broader so I could just. not feel so lonely!

I think the loneliness/striking out has mutated alongside dysphoria into me feeling extremely dysmorphic and sad lately, which I like a lot less than my hopeful new outlook I had for the few months before that

I'm feeling very tired of being misgendered absolutely constantly in public, and especially of feeling like my mom just sees me as "woman lite". I almost wish she just saw me as a man, but I specifically don't identify with a binary gender because I don't want people to lug in all their gendered baggage and assumptions and bury me in them, so instead I'm stuck with not being seen as a man at all.

The dysphoria seems to have been fanned by not seeing that guy at the party and feeling insecure about that, but especially by the interaction at said event where (someone who is also nonbinary) made weird and gross biologically essentialist comments (cited in another post, man I wish tumblr had citations honestly, I know I'm a fucking nerd but how fun would that be, anyway). I went through a period of feeling way more confident in my body and how my gender (and sex, frankly) are congruous with my identity and that I can be a gay guy who isn't questioned or dissonant, and that just felt so regressed by that interaction and my doubts of how people perceive me and, by extension of anxiety, how the guy I like might see me.

Seeing a post where someone in the comments conflated dom/sub with top/bottom and also made the most "clearly hasn't had sex, doesn't know what they're talking about" reference to being a "top in real life, bottom in bed" and vice versa and I just wish I could make people stop using all of those terms if they don't know what they mean. oh, you're anally receptive in your daily non-sexual life? No wonder being on tumblr set me back with my understanding of sex and relationships, people just talk about it with zero grounding in reality

Then seeing a guy refer to "transition scars" in a piece of art's replies (where the cis male artist gave a character very tired vine patterns in place of top surgery scars) and then I went to the commenter's blog and his bio said that he's distrustful of fandoms predominantly made up of women fetishizing m/m ships, ie all of them, and I'm just like Man, way to do one of the worst things you can do for trans men while claiming the most superficial support. the way I still have to reassure myself that that's not what I'm doing when I experience attraction to another man as a man, because of fear mongering arguments like that.

Lastly in the vein of maybe I should stop opening the notes of posts at all, is seeing someone claim that the "mauraders fandom" is a "totally separate" fandom from the hateful wizard books and not related, thus they shouldn't be accused of promoting transphobic work, and someone had to break down for them exactly how stupid that argument is. The fact that they're apparently telling themselves that explains why the acquaintance I know who I already wasn't comfortable being friends with because she still goes to Catholic church with her family was comfortable referencing reading mauraders fanfiction while knowing she was in front of a trans person. It was just so much to realize the fact that this is just a continuation of the same bullshit people have been spewing for years about death of the author, in front of my trans literature major ass who has actually read roland barthes and knows that's not even kinda what the essay is about.

Anyways I'm tired, trans, and angry, and I would just like some critical thought, gender affirmation, and gay sex as a treat.

[starcchild]

Your oc your choice! But since you asked.. maybe it's just me and my brainrot with hero x villain dynamics in media lol but I would love Carterio being canon in the main verse and I do think it could work, cuz the thing about Quentin is that he knows how to be sweet and likeable.. until his brain decides its time for homicide/genocide LMAO. The problem is that Tony would object if he ever found out, he would warn her and I think Carter would listen to her father, so the ship wouldn't sail. (1/2)

(2/2) What I don't see tho is Quentin dating her to get a job or level up at SI - not because he wouldn't do that, because he absolutely would, but because he doesn't need to. As terrible as he is (which is why he makes a good villain) he is intellectualy gifted and no amount of evilness can take that away from him. Before Tony did The Thing, maybe Quentin would simply want to date her because she's nice, pretty and they both speak Genius? IDK man but I will go down with this ship 😫😫💔

((exactly!! That's why I love him despite being a giant asshole sdfgkhjdfsh - he's a strong character and ngl I'm bummed they tossed him as quickly as they did, but, I am glad he actually had a lasting impact instead of,,, disappearing,,, like Obadiah did,,, I'm not salty dgsfjhkgsfdjh

also under the readmore because I rambled sfdjgfsd

aNYWAY, so I don't think Tony would object if this is before Quentin works for SI, just because there's no reason for him to have any red flags since he never met him. But, yeah, otherwise Carter would absolutely listen to Tony, but she'd also make her own opinions on the matter - like, with Pietro, we all know Tony is not happy about it (which I mean,,, kinda fair sdkjhfsdj), but while Carter has heard him out on it, she isn't gonna be breaking up with Pietro over it, because she knows who Pietro is. With Quentin, the issue comes with his manipulation, sooo I could see it going either way! I think it depends on the situation and how long she'd been with him and all that jazz

and, for the SI job thing, I mentioned it because I can see him hoping for some good ol' nepotism to kick in lol, but yeah he definitely doesn't need to like. hang his whole hope of getting into SI on it. So he would definitely be into her, but it'd kinda be a mix of factors of him wanting to be with her.

but, I do wanna say, I did think about it some more, and I think I'm just gonna scrap the idea of them dating in college and keeping it as an alt verse thing, since I do have a plan of how that would work out jhfdsj - they'd start dating like,,, maybe four years post-iw? And they would've met before then and been friends (with Quentin befriending her to try and get to Tony, and later dating her for the same reason since Tony would've pulled the BARF thing by then), and with Carter wanting to take things slow in a relationship, she's not one to really start talking about her partner until things progress and they're both comfortable with being in a relationship (like, outside testing the waters). She tells Tony she's seeing someone, but, doesn't say who it is! So Tony can't sit her down and lay things out from what he knows of Quentin. She does this because Quentin asked her to, and she didn't see any problems with this, because Quentin seemed freaked out as in "holy shit your dad is Iron Man I don't wanna die" and not "your dad stole my tech and fired me and I hate his guts and don't want him figuring out my plans". She does start getting a little suspicious as he keeps it up for however long they're together because they're serious at that point and she would like to introduce her dad to Quentin because of it, but she also wants to respect Quentin's wishes. Also, there's a quote I've seen floating around tumblr from boj.ack hor.seman (I haven't watched the show, btw, so idk the full context), where one of the character's says, "You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.", and that absolutely applies to Carter in this scenario.

anyway, their relationship goes on for about a year? maybe a lil less? but before Carter can sit him down and really dig into the issue of him refusing to meet her father/let her talk about him to her father, eg happens. Tony dies, or maybe not (I don't,,, have strong feelings - it's just an open option for threads since I ignored eg as is sfdjhgfsd), so that absolutely gets pushed aside because Carter has bigger problems going on. Quentin also has problems, because either Tony's dead or hella out of commission, and his plans are just,,, falling apart. He and Carter start fighting over various things, and their relationship starts falling apart. Carter ends up leaving because his temper absolutely starts scaring her, and then Quentin does all his shit as Mysterio and whatnot. Same motive to overrun Tony's legacy to get back at him for BARF and all that, just a deviation beforehand.

[nihiltism]

ok im gonna give a Shot at it. please hold. ill put these in lil groups. this will also be long so its under a readmore. im just gonna post morty and mack rn because i dont know how much time i have tonight + my desktop tumblr doesnt autosave and i get anxious about writing long posts. anyway ill be rbing with more ocs later too i have like. 19 now

[Section The Immortal Guys (do you have any idea how little that narrows it down) the guys who i write over generations and dont really have an ending to their stories because theyre here to be immortal]:

Morty:

"vee why dont you have normal wish fulfillment ocs". eternally undead (vaguely ungulate) skeleton guy who is basically only here as an observer to the world around them since they have all the time in the world to do so now. their backstory is ultimately irrelevant, they tend to deflect questions about themself but its kinda more because they dont like to draw attention to themself as theyve kinda distanced themself from being A Person over the years. this doesnt really mean theyre distant though, theyre here to watch the sun rise and the stars shift and find new and interesting people at their door and listen to their stories and have them over for dinner. they keep adopting mortals and i wish theyd adopt me. they cant feel warmth or sleep or eat the food they make or whatever but as long as theyre able to provide that comfort for others its a fair trade for being given time to appreciate the world and everything in it. also their name is technically a lie since its supposed to be just short for That Immortal Who Doesnt Pay Property Tax but it always bugs me to call them an immortal without an asterisk next to it but also its got emotional significance now as much as id like to change it. also i hardblocked somebody one time for (somehow genuinely, despite me prefacing with "my oc") thinking i was talking about rick and morty. so warning for that.

Mack:

sliiightly less developed as he was made more as a character to go With Morty more than anything (also im tempted to change his name since its kinda lame. its short for an angel name i found on wikipedia but who caaaares). vaguely ungulate (goatlike probably) angel with killable-type immortality and infinite respawns but in different places and times every time. kiiinda fallen but like, my version of heaven doesnt really care, they let him dick around on earth because he's at least out of their hair there. unfortunately this gives him infinite hedonism, hubris and no consequences as he has absolutely no reason to have any self preservation since he's ultimately here for funsies and has nothing to lose. he's probably a war criminal. anyway this Does end up changing as he meets morty and Keeps Meeting Morty and realizes every time he respawns somewhere he ends up Going Back to morty and aw fuck he has something to lose (even if its just temporary it takes a Good While to get back and more importantly leaves morty alone) and shit. goddammit. this is kind of enough of a kick in the head enough to get him to have any sort of self preservation and also some self Value and value in life as a side effect. good all around. nowadays hes a lot less uh. Wild. he takes notes on different places and times' fashion trends so he can mix them together in absolutely Criminal looking outfits for fun.

he and morty have a Weirdromantic relationship going on where they definitely love each other, but the type of love is different for the both of them (mack is Definitely romantic after a while, morty's is likely platonic but they're also just affectionate by default and actually do enjoy being loved so it works out plenty since they have. So much time to communicate about it.) but more importantly they're like. each other's only static points in time. they always find each other and they always have new stories to tell each other when they return and theyll have all the time in the world to tell it. thumbsup. i like them. they rarely have stories to their own though and are more just. always supporting characters in other peoples. and thats fine to both of em

I should like. make a group intro to my ocs list or something so you guys can at least vaguely know what the fuck I'm talking about at any time. these guys don't have visual refs I understand it's probably hard to visualize who the hell I'm talking about. bonus that I've only really made a specialized Lore Post for like one character and it's kind of outdated. there's not going to be a test on this

[thecontumacious]

What are your limits on requests?

Also, could you please put a :readmore: for your long posts? It helps make scrolling easier.

Request Conditions

hello, anon! i appreciate the suggestion and i will remind myself to do this for all future fics if it does make the reading easier for you and hopefully other people too. and i was going to make a post specifically for what requests i can and can't take anyway, but thank you for asking to remind me!

without further ado, here are the following things you should be wary of if you're interested in requesting:

i will not be writing for any nsfw-heavy requests (sorry!) as i am not of age yet. if you're not sure, feel free to ask me first to check if it's okay and then we'll work something out. i will update this matter in future notices! this includes anything about being high/weed related.

i will not accept requests of luxiem being shipped with the girls, per the request of the boys themselves (refer to their earlier debut streams). please respect their wishes! but other than that, let your imagination run wild and i'll do my best~

for now, i am focusing on writing luxiem as the main characters. so no, i can't exactly write for noctyx yet unless they are side characters or of the same nature. an author can only be in so many fandoms ;-;

please do understand that i am not writing to assume the private lives of the boys. i am writing based on their general personality when on stream, their character profiles and their character's lore as best i can.

i am currently an active student so i will work much slower during the weekdays than the weekends, exam prep weeks and exam weeks themselves. i will try my best to inform you if my real life schedule will be delaying any requests you have for me! i appreciate the patience:)

please refrain from requesting when i am currently not accepting. i've seen a few people rebel their way in (or haven't noticed) and i've let it slide because i haven't made it clear before. if you choose to do so anyway, i will not bother to fulfill their requests and easily delete them. guys pls do respect this specific rule since i don't like deleting requests but i also don't want to overwhelm myself.

i will update these conditions accordingly so it's likely they will continue to change. other than that, you are free to request anything else! yandere plots, AUs, angst or even ships are very much welcome~

and please don't be afraid to send in critics or suggestions like the above anon~ i'm sort of new to how tumblr works so any guidance is appreciated!

love,

author-chan