#anyway i hope the york girls know that piers would be shit talking them on gb news every week if he could make more money doing so

[heir-less]

It is actually astounding how bad judges of character royals are.

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

Girl out of Time

Pairing: Bucky x Reader and Sam x Reader

Background: Willow Roffe was born and raised in Brooklyn. She lived her life as happily as she could with her two childhood best friends Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. When they both left her to join the military she tried to continue with life but that didn't get to happen for her for the simple fact that she meant something to James Buchanan Barnes.

Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and smut. There will be a warning at the beginning of the chapter when it includes smut.

Chapter 23

Brooklyn, NY 1943

I had spent most of my day at the hospital working my volunteer shift. As soon as I left the hospital there was James Buchanan Barnes standing in full head to toe army uniform. The sight of him took my breath away but shattered my heart. He did it. He enlisted. I smiled even though I suddenly wanted to cry.

“Well hello soldier” I teased as I stepped over to him.

He smiled down at me as he offered me his hand.

“How would you like to join me in finding our little troublemaker then enjoying a night of unashamed fun?” He asked as I grabbed his hand.

I laughed but nodded.

“Let me call my house real quick.” I said then turned to go back into the hospital.

“Why?” Jamie asked as he followed me.

“To tell my Pa I’m working a double shift.” I said looking back at him over my shoulder.

He chuckled and nodded. I walked over to the desk where one of the nurses were sitting. I pointed at the phone which she happily handed to me. I dialed my home number. My mother answered but was quickly replaced by my father after she said my name.

“Hey Pa, I was asked to work a double shift. They’re a bit short staffed.” I said sweetly.

“You got your blade?” He asked.

“Of course” I answered.

“Good, keep it with you. Be safe coming home.” He said in his normal soft tone.

“I will Pa” I said then hung up the phone.

I turned back to Jamie who was smirking devilishly. God he should be illegal. Especially in that uniform. I followed him back out of the hospital towards one of the recruitment centers.

“You seriously think he’d try again?” I asked him as we walked inside.

“You don’t?” He asked raising a brow.

Ok he had a good point. Steve was never one to back down from anything. No matter how many times he got hit he’d always get back up. He was tough but stupid at times. Jamie asked the nurse at the desk about Steve. She told us he was here but was denied. Big shocker. Jamie sighed then thanked her. We walked back out to the street.

“Where do you think he went?” I asked.

He shrugged. We walked a short distance down the street. We passed the theater. Just as we got to the alley beside the theater we both heard grunting and the sound of fists hitting flesh. We looked at each other then darted down the alley. Sure enough there was our Stevie getting the shit punched out of him.

“Hey!” Jamie shouted as he grabbed the guy.

He pushed him towards me making me step to the side.

“Pick on someone your own size.” He ordered the stranger.

The man swung at Jamie but he was quick to dodge it and throw his own punch which connected perfectly. I ran around them to Steve so I could help him back to his feet. Jamie was at our side a few seconds later.

“Sometimes I think you like getting punched.” Jamie said as he stopped in front of us.

“I had em on the ropes.” Stevie panted.

“How many times is this?” Jamie asked as he bent down and picked up a paper.

He opened it to see what it said. I had a feeling it was another one of Steve’s enlistment forms.

“Oh, you’re from Paramus now. You know it’s illegal to lie on your enlistment form. And seriously? Jersey?” He asked looking slightly disgusted.

Steve sighed as he took in Jamie’s full appearance.

“You get your orders?” He asked gesturing to the uniform.

Jamie was the one to sigh this time. My heart sped up at the anticipation for his answer.

“107th, Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.” He said as he stood tall.

Tomorrow? He’s leaving tomorrow?

“I should be going.” Steve said softly.

James chuckled then threw his arm over Steve’s shoulders.

“Come on man. My last night. Gotta get you cleaned up.” He said as he reached back for me.

I grabbed his extended hand then happily walked next to him. He let go of Steve but kept holding my hand. Would I ever see him again after tonight? Would he make it home? There was so many things I thought about telling him. Tings I thought I should tell him but I didn’t think I’d have the courage. What was the point anyway?

“Why? Where are we going?” Steve asked as we walked out of the alley.

Jamie handed him the paper in his hand.

“The future” he chuckled.

The Stark expo was always something special. That man was an incredible genius. I’d met him once or twice when he worked with my father. He was nice but a bit arrogant. The place was crowded as we walked inside.

“I don’t see what the problem is. You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know there’s 3 and a half million women here.” Bucky said as we walked.

“I’d settle for just one.” Steve muttered.

“Bucky!” A girl shouted from a few feet away.

James smiled as he waved at her and her friend.

“Good thing I took care of that for you.” James chuckled.

I stopped in my tracks as I watched both boys walk over to the two very pretty girls. My heart plummeted. Absolutely no reason for me to tell him anything. Right in front of me was what he wanted. I’m 23 years old and the only man I’ve ever wanted was one of my best friends. Now he’s leaving to fight in the war tomorrow and most likely I’d never see him again. It was time I just accepted that I’d never get what I wanted. Just as I turned to walk away from them I heard James shout my name. I ignored him as tears began to fall down my cheeks. How could I be so stupid.

I didn’t stop moving until I got to the pier. It was less crowded here. Most of the city was at the expo. I walked over to the bench closest to the water then sat down.

“Stupid” I whispered as the tears continued to fall.

“Why am I so stupid?” I asked myself.

I leaned forward putting my face in my hands. I let it out. Everything I’d held in and kept to myself all these years. Everything I wanted to say to James was now drowning me. I should have told him a long time ago. I don’t know how long I sat there crying but it felt like an eternity. I really hope James was enjoying his last night. I only wish I could have said goodbye to him.

“What the hell?” The familiar voice asked harshly.

Sat up straight but didn’t turn around. He sounded like he was panting. He stepped in front of me but I only looked at his shoes. They were shiny and brand new.

“Willow” he said softly.

He kneeled in front of me as he grabbed my chin. He held my head in place so he could look at me.

“Why did you run off like that? Why are you crying?” He asked looking genuinely worried.

I sniffled then pulled my chin out of his grasp.

“It doesn’t matter.” I whispered.

“It matters to me.” He said softly.

The look on his face was genuine concern. I knew he did care just not the way I wanted him to.

“I should have told you a long time ago James. I like you. A lot. I always have. Over the years I’ve known you it’s only grown stronger. Now you’re leaving to go fight in a war you might not come back from. I’m scared and I’m heart broken.” I spoke threw my tears.

James sighed then pulled me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around my waist holding me tightly against his chest. He kissed the top of my head which only made me cry harder.

“Willow, I love you. I’ve loved you since the day I met you. I always thought you could do better than me so I never tried to be anything more than your friend. All those girls I dated only lasted a week or less because they never came close to you. I think we were both idiots. We both should have had the guts to fess up to each other. We can’t take that back now but we can change it now.” He explained softly.

I took a deep breath then look up at him. He gently wiped my cheeks.

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“I want to make you a promise. I will be come home. I’ll come home for you. When I do come home I want to marry you. Give you anything and everything you could ever want. Everything you deserve.” He spoke softly as his thumbs rubbed my cheeks.

I was speechless. He smiled softly then stepped back from me.

“You want to marry me?” I asked in almost a whisper.

“I couldn’t think of any other woman I’d want to annoy the piss out of for the rest of my life.” He chuckled.

“You idiot” I breathed out as I threw myself into his arms.

He hugged me tightly then kissed my temple.

“Is that a yes?” He asked when he pulled away.

“You better come home Barnes. I’ll be waiting to be Mrs. Barnes.” I said quietly.

He grabbed my face again then pressed his lips to mine. My mind went blank as my entire body came to life. Not only was this my first kiss but it was also sealing a promise between myself and Jamie. A promise I would hold him to for the rest of eternity.

“We should get back to Steve before he gets himself into trouble.” Jamie whispered.

I nodded. James grabbed my hand tangling his fingers with mine. The smile that took over my face felt peaceful. Everything felt brand new. It didn’t take long for us to get back into the crowd of people. Steve was sitting on a bench alone eating some popcorn.

“Stevie!” James shouted to get his attention.

Steve’s head popped up as he searched the crowd. When he found us he was on his feet speed walking to us. As soon as he reached us a man carrying a camera appeared out of the crowd. He noticed James then came over to us.

“Hello soldier, when’s your ship date?” He asked James.

“Tomorrow” Jamie said simply.

“Well why don’t you let me get a picture for ya?” He smiled.

“Sure why not” James chuckled.

He moved to put me in the middle of him and Steve. James put his arm around my waist pulling my body into his. Steve had to stand on his top toes to put his arm over my shoulders. I laughed at the sight of him just as the man took the photo. James thanked the man then gave him his mother’s address to send the photo to.

“Now we should go dancing.” James beamed as he clapped his hands together.

“Sounds fun” I chuckled.

I turned to ask Steve to join us but the blonde was no longer standing there.

“Where’d he go?” I asked James.

“Why does he do that?” James asked in a hushed voice.

We both scanned the area looking for our friend. My eyes landed on the recruitment center only a few feet away from us. I nudged Jamie with my elbow then nodded at it. He sighed then started walking towards it as he pulled me by my hand. Sure enough, Steve was standing right inside looking at an enlistment poster. James grabbed his shoulder to turn him around.

“You’re missing the point of tonight.” James told him with a small smile.

Steve shoved his hands into his pockets.

“You go ahead. I’ll catch up.” Steve said softly.

James sighed.

“You really gonna do this again?” He asked the smaller man.

“Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.” Steve shrugged.

“Stevie” I said softly as I stepped closer to him.

“As who? Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you or worse they’ll actually take you.” James said harshly.

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do this.” Steve said as he looked down.

“This isn’t about gallantry Steve. It’s war.” James said sternly.

“James that’s-“ I started but Steve stepped forward.

“I know it’s a war.” He said glaring up at James.

“Why? Why are you so keen to fight? There’s so many important jobs.” James tried to explain.

“What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?” Steve asked in disbelief.

“Yes!” Jamie shouted.

“Ok that’s enough.” I said trying to pull James back.

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory Bucky.” Steve said simply.

James tried to ramble on.

“Bucky!” Steve shouted making James shut up.

We both stared at the blonde in disbelief.

“Come on, there are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do anything less than that. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” Steve said in an exasperated tone.

“Yea right, cause you got nothin to prove.” James said narrowing his eyes at his friend.

I grabbed Jamie’s hand trying to get his attention. He sighed then looked down at me. He squeezed my hand then gave me a small smile.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” James said as he stepped backwards pulling me with him.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Steve said loudly.

James chuckled softly.

“You’re a punk.” He said as he walked back over to Steve.

The two boys hugged each other.

“Jerk” Steve said quietly.

James let him go then stepped back.

“Be careful” Steve told him.

James started to walk backwards again towards me.

“Don’t win the war until I get there!” Steve shouted.

James stopped then saluted Stevie before turning back to me. He draped his arm over my shoulders then guided me back into the crowd.

“You think he’s gonna be alright?” I asked softly.

James kisses the top of my head.

“Of course he is. He’s tough.” James said into my hair.

I didn’t want the night to end but eventually it did. James walked me all the way to the street next to mine. He kissed me several times on the lips, my cheeks, forehead, and temples. He rested his forehead against mine as he sighed.

“Please be careful James. I just got you. I can’t loose you.” I whispered.

“I’ll always be with you Willow. No matter what. I made you a promise didn’t I? I’ll be home before you know it and I’ll put a ring on this pretty little hand.” He said softly.

He grabbed my hand raising it up to his lips. He placed a soft kiss to my knuckles then let me go.

“Try not to worry about me doll. I’ll be fine.” He whispered.

He kissed me once last time then started walking away.

“James!” I shouted.

He stopped but didn’t turn around.

“I love you.” I told him.

He looked back over his should with a small smile.

“I love you Willow.” He said softly then continued walking.

—

[gvbejvmes]

Drabble: Sweet Child O’ Mine

Warnings: Mentions of cancer and death. R for language Relationships: Gabe/Johnny, Gabe/Jillynn, Gabe & Georgie, Gabe & Grey Characters: Gabe, Greyson, Georgie, Johnny

There was a tree in Central Park that Gabe liked to go and visit. It was in a secluded area but had a nice clearing and a small stone bench next to it. He couldn’t help but to think that back in the day it must have been a more popular part of the park, but these days he never saw another person hanging out there. He’d found the area not long after he and Johnny had moved to New York. Back then, he hadn’t been very sure what he was going to do with his life. He took a lot of long jogs and walks through the park then, which was how he’d found this particular spot. As soon as he’d found it, he knew this was his ‘Georgie’ spot. 

She’d been cremated, and her ashes had long since been scattered in the Pacific Ocean, but it was nice to have a place where he could go and ‘visit’ his sister. He even left flowers there, and other people who’d found the spot must have assumed it was a memorial to someone who’d died in the park because there was always a vase with fresh flowers in it. These days he hadn’t been coming by as often, so he knew very well that it wasn’t him leaving the flowers. It could have been one of the kids, but it was nice to think that a stranger was visiting Georgie, too.

Some days he went to visit Georgie just because he missed her, and wanted to talk to her. Other days he visited her because he wanted to be alone and there was no better person to be alone with than his sister. Then there were days when he went to visit her because he needed to talk to her, and to tell her something. Today was definitely one of those days where they needed to have a conversation, even if it was only one-sided.

“Hey, G.” Gabe greeted as he approached the tree and picked up the vase of flowers. He laid the old flowers and the fresh flowers he’d brought on the bench before wandering over to another tree to toss the old water on the roots. Bringing the vase back over, he refilled it with fresh water. “Looks like you had a visitor recently. If they weren’t related to me, I hope they were hot.” He teased as he busied himself with arranging the fresh flowers in the vase.

He was quiet for a moment, breathing in the silence before he started talking. “A friend of mine died this week. I mean, I say friend but I guess she really wasn’t a friend. I mean, at least not in the sense you’re probably thinking, but she was important to me. Shit, she reminded me a lot of you actually. I think that if you ever had a kid, she would have been a lot like my friend who just died. I didn’t even know she was sick. I mean, I knew something was going on, and I knew she was in a bad way, but I didn’t realize she was dying. I thought I had more time with her.”

Gabe paused as he set the fresh flowers down and settled himself down on the bench. Almost immediately he started fiddling with the old flowers. He started pulling out the completely wilted ones, and started working on a flower crown with the ones that remained. “The last time I saw her, she tried to tell me how sick she was, but I don’t think I was listening. I don’t think I wanted to hear it. You know how I get, G. Anyway, I got a call the other morning which was totally bizarre. As a parent you sort of fear that you’re going to have to go down to the morgue; you never really think it’s going to happen.

“She used to live with me, you know. My friend, Greyson. Remember that house I had right after I moved out of my and Jay’s house? You remember? Well, it had one of those mother-in-law suites above the garage. Or like, remember the apartment that Fonzie had on Happy Days? It was like that. Anyway, Grey was my one and only tenant. I only lived there for like a year until I got my new place, and she was only with me for maybe 6 months. Anyway, she was a terror. It was like when me and Jay went from living together to suddenly raising a 16 year old.

“I was supposed to be her landlord, but you know how I am. Especially then. The separation had been my choice, but that didn’t mean I’d handled it well. I needed a project, and well, before I knew what happened I’d gone and meddled myself into this young woman’s life. She was CJ’s age. It was hard not to, you know? Before I knew it, shit, she was basically one of my kids. Bella was calling her Aunt G. It broke my fucking heart. That should have been your fucking title. But… I’m getting off course here.

“I sort of adopted her, and she adopted me right back. Somehow I wound up doing all the shit her parents woulda been doing if they hadn’t been back on the west coast. I helped her find a new place when I sold the house. I went with her to make sure the maintenance people weren’t gonna try to fuck with her when they were making repairs on her place. Shit, there was more than a couple of times when I had to haul my ass over there to fix things for her. She was like my fourth daughter.”

He finished the flower crown and laid it at the base of the tree. “Anyway, she died this week. Fucking cancer. Can you believe it? And don’t even fucking start with me about getting me to stop smoking. I don’t wanna have that conversation with you today. She was a fucking kid. And she had me listed as her emergency contact. I was the one who the morgue contacted to identify the body and sign the death certificate.

“I’m glad it was me though. I remember what a mess I was when you died, G. I couldn’t imagine any of those kids she hung out with taking care of any of that shit, not that I would ever wish that on any of them. It’s a lot. I was the one who called her parents. It’s weird calling someone you’ve never met, but who you’ve heard stories about. I’m not sure how they felt about a forty-five year old man calling them because their daughter had him listed as her ‘parent’ at the clinic she’d been going to, but they took it pretty well. I mean, as well as a parent can take it. Out living your kid, shit… I’m only feeling a fraction of it. I can’t imagine feeling the whole thing… I probably wouldn’t survive if it was DJ, or Cordy, or Ali. But again, sorry, G. I’m getting off track.

“I called Justin in the middle of the day to tell him that his daughter had died. I was the one who met him and Bella - his wife, not your great niece, by the way - at the airport and took them to the mortuary I’d asked for Grey to be moved to… It was strange. I mean, there’s nothing exactly normal about a kid dying, but that didn’t change the level of weird. They hugged me. Which… you know how I am about people touching me. I’m like a stripper, I can touch you but I don’t want you touching me without permission.

“I thought they’d be weirded out about me or concerned but they fucking thanked me for taking care of their little girl. Fucking thanked me. Who the fuck does that? They reminded me of my in-laws: out of touch with their child. They didn’t know any of Grey’s friends or anything about her life out here. I had to introduce them to her girlfriend, her not girlfriend? Eh, fuck it - to the little lesbian. I don’t even know if they knew her sexuality was fluid. But parent to parent? It felt awkward as shit. 

“They’re scattering her ashes. I was invited but it’s gonna happen over a bridge and shit. Makes me think too much of standing on that pier in Santa Monica with Dusty and Jay and doing the same thing for you. I can’t fucking do it. So, I came here to talk to you.”

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. “I didn’t just come here to talk to you. I came here to ask you to do a favor for me. I need you to look out for Grey, okay? I figure you’re in the same place, and she needs a James to look after her, and you need the other half of your G Squared. We both know that I’ve done some shit and we’ll probably never be reunited, but you have Grey now. Take her under your wing, okay? I need you to look out for her because I no longer can.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face, surprised to find that his cheeks were wet. “Thanks, G. I appreciate it.” He wiped the tears from his face, and then stood up from the bench, only to freeze when he saw Johnny leaning against a tree nearby. “Exactly how long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to know that you don’t give yourself enough credit.” His ex-husband replies with a shrug as he pushed himself off the tree, looking out of place in his suit and dress shoes. “Jillynn called me. Said you got some bad news and weren’t returning her calls. Figured you went to talk to Georgie. I haven’t paid my respects to my sister-in-law in a awhile anyway.”

Gabe nodded as he gathered the leftover dying flowers and put them in the plastic bag he’d brought with him for that exact purpose. “It always confuses me when you and Bean are civil with each other. You guys BFFS now?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

His ex rolled his eyes as he wrapped an arm around Gabe’s shoulders. “We’re going to braid each other’s hair next week. C’mon, let’s go get a drink.” 

He tossed the bag into a nearby trash can. “That’s a terrible idea.” Gabe whined out, but still let Johnny lead him away from the copse and back towards the main path. 

“We can go to the steakhouse you like. The one that carries that scotch you like.”

Gabe glanced back towards the trees and blew a kiss in the direction of his sister’s tree before shrugging. “Yeah, okay. I could eat.”

It was quiet as they walked through the park. “You wanna talk about it?” The other man asked.

He shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m all talked out.” 

[xo-dailypier-blog]

[Post 1 of 3]

Wow! What a week. Summer Crush truly took the life of me, and the way some of these hook ups went, it took the life out of you too. 

Instead of giving everyone an entire rundown of the day-by-day events, I took it upon myself to collect the top ten moments that I felt really stood out to ME, The Daily Pier!

TEN.

I should probably start this countdown off with the Noah/Diana/Natasha triangle going on that none of them know that they are a part of. It’s the most heartwarming thing to happen during this event and I LOVE it! Ok, so just to catch you all up to speed, #SinCarter were married once upon a slay. They eloped when they were off being WAR CRIMINALS for the USA or whatever. So once Natasha began to explore her latent homosexuality that she had repressed all these years the two came to the mutual agreement to just divorce. (Also, her sister was dealing with like, a meth addiction, or something, so that probably didn’t help the relationship). So fast forward 10 years and here they are in the same town with TONS of baggage, and unfinished business.

BUT WAIT a new challenger approaches in Diana Taylor. Noah and Diana have been getting pretty close these past view months. Some people have even said that he’s the rebound to that Daniel guy she was dating. I mean, after MONTHS of heavy petting and will they/won’t they, after their Summer Crush date, rumor has it that the two went back to Noah’s place and … well … *fellatio noises*. Obvs this can’t get out because Diana is in the public eye, so don’t tell anyone.

With a new woman in his life, and the old one present with a lot of shit to work out with him, this new season of the Aryan Chronicles looks promising!

As for who I ship? Well, I want to say #SinCarter because the mutual feelings of their past came back full force during this event. And I still ship Olivia/Diana and Diana/Wes. Neither of which will happen because 1.)Diana and Olivia are “”””””straight”””””””” and 2.)Ever since Diana RANDOMLY left New York she’s been keeping everyone at arms length, especially Wes. Who has too much love to give, and doesn’t deserve that. Who’s to say she won’t do the same to Noah?

I’m watching you Diana (if that is your real name).

NINE.

Q: Rexless_Fan asked “Victor and June hooked up in a fantasy suite and they're roommates so now it's awkward and scandy cuz they haven't told their third roommate at all!”

A: IM SORRY, WHAT BITCH??!!

SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT DURING THEIR MOVIE NIGHT THE POPCORN WASNT ALL THAT WAS POPPIN, BUT HER PUSSY WAS ALSO?!!!!! I KNEW THAT JUNE WAS SECRETLY A BAD GIRL UNDERNEATH IT ALL. SHE PRETENDS THAT SHE ALL PURE AND INNOCENT AND JUST LIKE SIT IN A FUCKING CORNER WITH HER FUCKING BUGS AND FLOWERS OR WHATEVER BUT ANYBODY WHO FUCKS A BACK UP SINGER FOR A MARGINALLY SUCCESSFUL BAND CLEARLY LIVES ON THE FUCKING EDGE!!

I HEARD THE NEWS THAT JUNE, THE DOLL BABY, ARMSTRONG GOT THAT #DIC BUT I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT AND IF WHAT THEY SAY IS TRUE SHE IS INDEED A SCREAMER!!!!!!

COMING IN AT NUMBER NINE IS JUNE, WHO HAD YOU ALL FOOLED INTO THINKING SHE WAS A INNOCENT ANGEL BABY. WEVE DECIDED TO STAN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

EIGHT.

Coming in at number eight is Phobe “Pharrah Abraham” Cole. It’s true, she was on top of things in more ways than one. But who am i to judge? I actually think it’s progressive, and super inspiring. I mean, ok, take this with a grain of salt, Im not really trying to lie but ... Phobe? Phobe has Genital Herpes. It’s been two weeks since a flair up (according to sources close to her) and I think it’s really brave of her to disclose her status with the MYRIAD of men she ENGAGED with during the week. It just goes to show that it CAN be done! I mean, you did tell them ... right Phobe? Moving on! I will say that while did used to ship Jack/Phobe during the night they hooked up but since Jack allegedly only lasted about 4 minutes it makes me wonder about a future with the two. So many girls who have been with him have written in and told me sex with him is ABYSMAL! He spends the entire time looking in the mirror or taking selfies that he refuses to be focused on the matter at hand. Of course this is all a rumor, but would you really put it past our neighborhood beauty queen? But I guess this isn’t about Jack, and his short comings. Anyways...

SEVEN.

Q: SharkThot asked “Hey DP I just want to start off by saying that I love your site, I’ve been a loyal viewer for years! And I hope Myles Bennett sees this because I love him even more! I don’t care what you say about him DP, Myles is my bae and would never do anyone wrong! Ugh, He makes me (Shark)Weak! I did see him earlier last week getting BULLIED by that Stark Bitch. What was that about?”

A: Aww, SharkThot,

I assume you mean Heidi Stark, the elusive chanteuse. Her arrival has caused quite the controversy, considering she materialized out of no where. I guess this particular countdown entry will have more to do with her than the actual question. But for those of you who don’t know, Heidi Stark is Julian’s slightly more attractive sister. Her strong presence is quite intimidating, but according to a lot of sources ... She’s a complete fraud. She speaks in an Australian accent, but some say she’s from, like, Missouri and only picked up an accent for #clout. Her “designer” clothes? Ross (Dress for Less). And she apparently was spotted raiding a bunch of Payless Shoe Stores for the cheapest prices prior to their shutdown, where she then proceeded to paint the bottom of all the shoes she got red. Oh! And the degree she got from that fashion school on New York? FORGED! She totally went to Devry. I mean, it’s nothing wrong with that, but omg, just be honest girl. Anyways, back to the point. The #BabySharks (Myles’ fandom name) were INCENSED when they saw Fraudi CORNERING Myles at the speed dating event. According to by standers she was totally waving her finger in HIS FACE, SHOVING HIM repeatedly before pouring the ENTIRE CONTENTS of her martini onto his FACE! You would think that since he works in the ocean (and is used to having liquids on his face (Golden Showers ... other bodily fluids) ), Myles would have been unbothered by her VICIOUS ATTACK, but it was said that he left CRYING. Poor Guy. (Lol sike i don’t give a fck).

SIX.

Q: Loganista asked “How could you possibly still be loyal to “King Jason” when all he cares about is that CUNT Alex. You know I saw them going into one of those FUCK SUITE when just 2 days ago they hated each others guts. They make me sick. Do you think it’s time to move on DP?”

A: Hey Loganista,

Ugh, same! You know, Logan Lancaster, and BernBern<3 are right there looking all sexy and things of that nature, hmm, so who knows .. perhaps I could move on one of these days. But not now. But speaking of LongDick Lancaster and the #Jalex reunion you mentioned, the #Lolex and #Jalina dates were less than eventful. The two spent the entire time thinking of the other instead of getting to know the people I set them up with. It makes me feel really bad for LDLogan because he is truly such a nice guy but everyone he gets involved with, is using him. Leah totes just uses him as a dick call, and Alex is always using him as a rebound. When she was on the date with Logan all she could talk about was Jason, Jason, Jason. I heard she told Logan that if it were “6 months ago” (when she wasn’t involved with Jason) she would totally be on all fours for him. Which is bullshit, because she totally FUCKED Logan like, two weeks ago when she was mad at Jason. So what’s the truth Alex?

Thank God Alegenda came out of this unscathed. I wouldn’t want a QUEEN like her with court jester Jason. Sadly, she won’t be able to be with Devin like I wanted, since he had sex with Phobe and … well…

FIVE.

Speaking of Jason, another Sorrentino is on the list of topics for tonight. Brooklyn Sorrentino! Ok, so for those of you who don’t know. Brooklyn was seen crying after an encounter with her ex, Grayson Fox. As I’ve said before, they were engaged to being MARRIED, but out of no where, he left her.  So. naturally I did a little more research on she and her GrayBae Fox and what I found blew my wig right the fuck off. Ok, so it is alleged that (Actual) Daddy Sorrentino (that’s Jason/Brooklyn’s dad) PAID HIM OFF because he had no plans of a complete and total LOSER like Grayson dating, and MARRYING, his daughter. So after receiving this unknown amount of money, Grayson left Brooklyn a note saying his Goodbyes. And now … all the have is memories.

OF COURSE I don’t believe this shit! I still think the bitch's pussy stinks, so he didn’t want to wake up to that every frickin’ day of his life. And besides, it’s been how many years? Wouldn’t he have just told her what’s up at this point? Instead of moving into the same town as her, and acting like NOTHING is wrong? And then proceeding to FLIRT with the LIKES OF DAKOTA SONG? Yes! The two were seen getting pretty cozy, locking fingers, playing footsies, and exchanging hair-care regimes during Summer Crush. Poor Brooklyn, first she got beat up by Phobe and THEN we find out she lost her man. What a loser.

FOUR.

Q: AshersBabyMomma asked “STOP making fun of Asher! It’s so mean!!!!!!!! Asher is really trying his best to get by and all you do is pick on him! Us #Ashies will boycott your blog if you do not stop!”

A: Well, you’re in luck because coming in at number __ is Asher himself! 

And you’re right AshersBabyMomma, Asher has surprisingly been on his best behavior recently. Either that, or you demons have managed to make him look like an angel. Honestly? I think I’m actually going to start being nice to Asher. No more calling him things like “Crackhead Asher”, Ashy Lip Asher, Ashy Asher, and more things Of That Nature. He’s really gotten his act together and I’m so proud of him, and even more apologetic for the way I’ve treated him. 

A moment of silence for the old me that used to make fun of him…

…

…Anyways, Asher is an Escort now (as I said before). He totes is fucking [redacted] in exchange for money and drugs (CRACK not included). In FACT, it is alleged that he offered his services to Alec Clarke. Again, this could all be made up, but they were spotted disappearing into a hotel together where they stayed until the sun came up. (#Romantic) Now girl MIND YOU, Alec is Adam’s roomie, and multiple sources have claimed that he is secretly in LOVE with him! Which is a LIE! If Alec IS a MLM then he has WAY better standards than a Tax Evasionista. And I’m sure Asher has better standards than Alec… well … *Hot Dog on a Stick Flashbacks*..

Nevermind.

THREE.

Q: Emrestoplip asked “Ugh but the Yavuz family are all HOT and not problematic unless ur holding out on us DP”

A: Well I must admit they ARE all hot but sadly they are just as problematic as the rest. 

Specifically that Kessa girl. Her Lifetime Original Movie of a life has completely ruined the dynamic of her family. It’s made both Emre and Leyla (her siblings) RESENT her more than they care to admit and thing are sups awkward between all of them. It’s really sad. Funny that this is the entry right after an Adam mention because coming in at number four are both Adam and Kessa. The two were paired for a date and things got Out of Control.

It really has placed Adam on my heart throb list because little did I FUCKING know that Adam knew how to THROW IT DOWN in the bedroom. The two were caught on camera BANGING THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER, FOUR TIMES IN ONE WEEK. Here I thought Adam was the only sane Aldridge, but it was all a SHAM. HES THE WORST OFFENDER!!!!

NOT ONLY is he a BEAST in the SHEETS, he was spotted EATING KESSA OUT on the SIDE of a BUILDING!!! IM LITERALLY SCREAMING! and to make matters worse, Kessa then left him and got eaten out by, one, Marley Callahan. I SERIOUSLY HOPE EVERYONE GOT TESTED AFTER THIS WEEK because you guys are OUT of your MCFREAKIN MINDS.

I guess you can catch Kessa in first AND second service on Sunday now that she got the most sanctified, purified, holyfied COCK of her life. Amen!

TWO.

Q: MackenziesStolenBrushes asked “Any updates on #JaiMac?”

A: This is a great way to almost end this countdown.

For those of you who don’t know Jamie and Cunty Westwood have decided to amend their troubles and get back together. (Yes, the paintbrushes (that Jamie hid) are back in Cunty’s easel, or whateverthefuck.) This might not be the sensational drama that you were expecting to see at the end of this list but I think it’s a great closer. Jamie and Mac are a shining example of a healthy relationship, and I’ve decided they should ALMOST close out the show.

I do wonder if Jamie found out about the times Mac engaged in MULTIPLE hardcore sexual acts with the #DemonDick himself, Julian Stark. They only ended their fling like two days before #JaiMac got back together, so I’m sure they did? Omg not to gossip, BUT, ok,  I don’t know how to say this politely, but ... there was ass eating involved (on Mac’s end … obviously… I mean, look at him...), and a lot of “I love you’s” were shared between the two. Not to mention cuddling. Late night phone calls, texts, and omg I'm pretty sure they were almost a couple.

Anyways, this might have happened before the event, but to see these two going into PRIDE MONTH a happy couple really is iconic and I thank them for deciding to work things out. Love you two! Kisses!

xx

So I’m sure, you’re wondering who Number 1 is ... 

find out tommorrow.

xo, DP.

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelorette, season thirteen, episode five part one: am i behind the times on menwear trends?

Dear Bachelorette Producers:

Racism is not “animosity between guys.” This isn’t them “fighting about a girl”. This is a racist using his racism to provoke a black man and portray him in a violent, vitriolic manner.

This is irresponsible, and this is the normalization for racist behavior on par with our current president’s appearance on Jimmy Fallon.

Go rot and die.

Love,

Amanda

The episode opens where we left out - everyone hates Lee, especially Kenny, and Kenny’s gonna tell him who he is today in case Lee didn’t know. Meanwhile, Bryan and his cheek fillers1 take Rachel aboard a boat and he schmoozes her with all of the proper lines - when I’m with you, nothing else matters, fuck the drama, etc etc. They kiss. Rachel, WHY.

Kenny and Lee talk about how Kenny thought their argument is over, and Lee kept throwing matches into the fire to relight it. Lee refuses to let him speak - of course, he’s a troll - and then has the gall to be like “I commend and respect you for being so calm right now.” Read: “I’m trying to piss you off and it’s not working, so let me twist them words right up.” He’s such a concern troll and I’m over it. He accuses Kenny of having a violent aspect to his personality - shut the hell up, dude - and just wants to get in Kenny’s head, and unfortunately, it appears to be working a bit. Lee is garbaaaaagio. He goes and talks with Will, and Will’s basically like, “Dude, he wants nothing to do with you, back off,” and Lee’s like, “Oh, no, I can’t, my family has a deep history of racism and I have to keep that alive, soooo…”

Anyway, the guys regroup with Rachel, where she gives out her group date rose… to Bryan. RACHEL, WHY?

Kenny takes the time to congratulate Bryan and give a little veiled toast2 to Bryan and the rest of the guys - basically that Bryan isn’t a Bitch Ass Dude and earned his group date rose instead of trying to snake his way into that. I cackled, and I cackled even harder when Lee was like, “Hey, wait, FUCK YOU!!!!” because he’s literally still trying to be the victim when he’s the instigator. Talk shit, get hit, and when Kenny alludes to such, Lee doubles down on the “WAH YOU’RE VIOLENT WAAAAH” train. Kenny feels sorry for Lee’s parents.

I love Kenny. He whispers “You’re a bitch” to Lee and basically is like, “how is a whisper aggressive?” Kenny, wanna get married? All the guys are laughing at Lee. Not with Lee, like he hopes. Lee admits he’s there to talk shit. LEE IS NOT THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

Meanwhile, Rachel’s going on a one-on-one with JACKSTONE. They’re going on a carriage ride through Hilton Head. Rachel’s excited because, on paper, they’re a perfect match. I don’t think this date will end well. Perfect Matches on paper... rarely ever do. Jack isn’t sure if he can take a joke, which probably means that Jack is the type to make offensive jokes and then be like “I was just joking, god,” when people get rightfully upset. They’re eating and shucking oysters, and I’m genuinely shocked that they let anyone on this show have any kind of knife-utensil deal. I don’t get it.

Jack is a blinker. He blinks a lot. They’re going to learn some line dancing, and JACKSTONE is not a dancer3. Rachel feels like something’s missing, and of course, JACKSTONE is like, “I just want to kiss herrrrrrrrrrr haaaaalp.” Rachel pulls the whole, “I’m contagious, don’t kiss me,” and Jack kisses her anyway. Erm. I’m nervous. John Grisham wishes he could write this drama.

Will and Lee have a drink outside, and Will does a duty I’ve taken before: Explaining To A Racist Why Their Behavior Is Racist. It’s a heavy emotional duty to carry as a black person, particularly a black woman, to take on. People like to believe that just because they’re not wearing a KKK hood or running around lynching people that they’re not racist. People don’t want to realize that racism is a subtle dance, one that people naturally fall into without thinking. Will explains that he understands where Kenny’s coming from, and that when Lee calls him “aggressive”, it’s just another brick in the wall of black men being portrayed as aggressive in order to justify scenarios. It’s the most honest conversation I’ve seen about race in reality television4 and of course, Lee accuses Kenny of “pulling the race card” - he never did, Lee slipped that race card right in the deck like a sneaky fucker - and Will realizes that Lee’s just an ignorant monster. Lee “doesn’t understand the race card”5 - CAUSE YOU WHITE MOTHER FUCKER YOU HAVE NO RACE CARD TO PLAY - and just continues to be like, “I don’t understaaaaand.” Because he’s a big ol’ racist.

Back to JACKSTONE and Rachel, and they’re at dinner. JACKSTONE has the problem of talking over people in a very aggressive manner, and he’s got all the perfect canned responses. Jack makes me nervous. He talks about her dad, and Rachel is not feeling it. She doesn’t feel the romance. She asks him what they would do in Dallas, and his response is, “I’d lock the door.”

Ahasflkfjelfhdjkgjfljdfghkjhs

I AM TERRIFIED FOR YOU RACHEL GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

He wants to lay in bed and talk. Rachel is like, “that sounds boooooring.” She doesn’t want to waste his time any longer. JACKSTONE keeps saying what a “surprise” it was that he had a good time and this is How Not To Woo A Girl 101. Surprises are for 50th birthday parties and STDs6. Rachel picks up the rose... and doesn’t give it to him. SAVAGE. She doesn’t feel the romantic feelings for him, and for that reason, she’s out. We get what feels like the only genuine feelings from JACKSTONE we’re ever going to get, and with that, he’s gone off to face another challenge.

The next morning, Rachel’s like, “fuck the cocktail party,” and we see her getting ready. All the guys are nervous going into the rose ceremony, which is on a pier at night. It’s gorgeous.

Eric, Peter, Adam (WHO?), Will, Matt (AGAIN, WHO?), Alex, Josiah, Anthony, Kenny, and Lee (BARF) all get roses.

That means goodbye Iggy and Buster Bluth - who exits with a tickle that... I don’t hate.

Meanwhile, we’re going to Norway!!!!!!!

I love the idea of Norway. I would like to go to there. I don’t even know what’s there or anything about Norwegian culture but I AM ABOUT YOU, NORWAY. Oslo is just fun to say.

Rachel joins the guys in a restaurant wearing a chunky knit oversized sweater and I CANNOT. I would like that sweater immediately. Who made it? Where can I get it? Is it sold out??? Someone get me this sweater now. IF YOU TELL ME IT’S $500 I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL

I can’t afford that, I’m a poor writer who lives in New York. I wish I could spend half my rent on a single sweater. Anyway, Rachel arrives to drop the bomb that she’s taking someone on a one-on-one right then and there, and it’s Bryan and his cheekbones.

RAQUEL. WHY.

The guys speculate as to whether Bryan’s coming back - y’all, he’s coming back, Rachel’s dickmatized by him and his facial hair. Bryan is wearing a sweatshirt with lapels that’s perfectly unzipped to show the navy shirt underneath - that navy matches the border of the lapels perfectly. Is this a new choice in menswear I’m missing? Can we lose it IMMEDIATELY? I love a guy with a great style, and a guy who pays attention to details7, but I hate everything about Bryan’s outfit. EVE (clapping hands emoji) ERY (clapping hands emoji) THANG (clapping hands emoji).

They’re exploring the city of Oslo, and why am I so aware of the transportation in this season? They take a bus to the best view of Oslo, where Rachel leans into Bryan like she’s trying to crawl into his lap. Rachel is DTF Bryan.

Also, WHAT IS WITH THIS SHOW AND THE HEIGHTS GARBAGE? I can’t. That’s the reason I can’t be The Second Black Bachelorette - my fear of heights means the producers would have to get creative with dates cause there ain’t a possibility in the world that I’m going to the top of the Holmenkollen Olympic Ski Jump like they did. It’s high up as hell and then they’re going to rappel down.

No.

No.org.

Rachel gets to be all lawyery and is like “Y’all, 1-8-7 = murder, and this is 187 feet down.” I love her again.

But also no as HELL to all of this date. I would be in actual tears the entire time. I would be like Catie on America’s Next Top Model8, just sobbing and dangling, sobbing and dangling. They kiss as they repel down, and Bryan has Josh Murray Unnnnnh Syndrome. How is Josh Murray Unnnnnh Syndrome (hereby known as JMUS) diagnosed? Loud kissing. Loud, audible kissing, followed by a moan of some type9. How does one avoid JMUS? Moans are for food and sex. Easy!

Anyway, they go ahead and sit together on a bench and discuss Rachel wanting to sabotage their relationship, because Bryan makes her nervous. Trust your judgment, Rachel. You’re an attorney, for god’s sake. Bryan continues to say all the right things, they kiss. Rachel doesn’t understand how such a catch is still single at 37. She doesn’t get it. ME EITHER, RACHEL. ME FUCKING EITHER.

We see a conversation between Eric and Anthony, where Eric discusses the fact that out of the five one-on-one opportunities, only one black guy in the house (Anthony) has gotten a chance. Eric thinks that Rachel’s not interested in dating black guys because of that - I understand this logic, but I think it’s a dangerous path to go down, especially in this scenario. I mean, I can just see the producer asking Eric about this possibility and planting the seed in his brain. Anthony quells those fears by basically telling him some nonsense about Rachel seeing potential in a relationship every time she gives a rose, and not to think about anything else but that. Or something, I didn’t really get it.

Anyway, Rachel and Bryan sit down to a dinner at what is basically the 360-degree buffet table from The Simpsons. Rachel is wearing chartreuse eyeshadow. Girl, no. The makeup artist who put her together, bye. Go out of business. Rachel talks about how she basically didn’t get super hot until after college and that she doesn’t know how to take compliments and doesn’t understand how to react when men are interested in her.

Uh.

I mean.

Yeah, I get it. I get this a lot. As a person who also didn’t get hot until college (and didn’t get super hot until I graduated) and was an awkward, gangly bag of bones until I was about 22, men being interested in me is still strange. I spent so much of my life feeling insecure about myself, having friends that were prettier than I was10 and settling into being “the funny and cool one” that I get verrry anxious when men express blatant interest in me. I know. It makes zero sense, but y’all, humans are a group of contradictory beings and nothing about us and the way we operate makes sense. We literally have a group of people actively working to kill millions of people to save a small group of people some money, and people continue to put the people trying to kill them into power because of loyalty and white supremacy. Nothing about us makes sense. I get you, Rachel.

Bryan says some nonsense about how he got hot too, but mostly talks about how he was afraid of commitment for years and now he’s ready to do it. And hopefully with Rachel.

Back at the house,

THERE’S A DATE CARD!!!!

Rachel’s looking for a guy who’s good with his hands in Adam, Dean, Anthony, Peter, Matt, Will, Alex, Eric, and Josiah, which means Lee and Kenny get the two-on-one. Of course. Nothing in this world is good or just.

The group date consists of the guys playing handball. The fuck is handball? I hate all sports, so of course, I don’t know what handball is. It looks like hand soccer. Handball is a combination of “football, basketball, and water polo.” Looking at it, this is an accurate description. I hate all sports, again. I fast forwarded.

We see Kenny talking to McKenzie, who didn’t get a sticker at school that day. I am so sad for McKenzie. Kenny cries because he misses her so much. I love Kenny. Seriously though, y’all, I’m not kidding about my love for good dads. We get another shot of Lee “preparing” for his date by working out and reading. I hate Lee. I hate the producers for all of this.

At the after-after-after-after-after-party, Rachel takes Will aside first, because he was the MVP of the game. He talks about not wanting to regret not showing her who he is, and so he wants to make sure to enjoy their time together. It’s sweet. It’s vulnerability. I like Will a lot. The man I believe should be the new image of masculinity, Alex reads Rachel a letter he wrote her. He has nice handwriting. I feel bad for hating on Alex so much. Alex is woke af, loves his dude friends unabashedly, and can express his emotions.

Rachel kisses pretty much every guy and thinks every guy is amazing. She doesn’t see how the night could go wrong, and then Josiah shows up. Josiah drops every perfect line on Rachel, talking about how beautiful she is, and how he knows he’s going to marry her, and Rachel isn’t having that. She wants him to ask her questions and get to know her instead of talking AT her about how amazing she is. And she’s right - it really doesn’t seem like he’s interested in getting to know her, he just likes the image of the two of them together and chemistry be damned, he’s hoping that she’ll fall for all the empty lines. But she’s smarter than that.

The date card arrives for Lee and Kenny, and it’s not signed by Rachel - it’s signed by Chris Harrison. Why? CAUSE RACHEL’S PROBABLY NOT ABOUT THIS and didn’t want to sign her name to any nonsense.

Peter and Rachel actually seem to have a real conversation about real things and he’s precious. I love him. He talks about how he’s noticed she’s easy to read, and how she’s not - and then they get spooked by a rattling doorknob and then they realize there’s a patio outside. They go out and kiss and it’s romantic. They get into a hot tub and make out. Unf. I wanna make out in a hot tub in Norway, and I notoriously hate hot tubs. I think they’re sleazy and suffocating.

Apparently, Rachel and Peter were gone for three and a half hours, which I am ALIVE for. I mean, one of those hours was spent getting her re-dressed/miked/etc etc etc, but still. Get it, Rachel. Despite her rendezvous with Peter, Will gets the group date rose. Go Will! You’re adorable!

The next day, the guys are talking about who they think is coming back from the two-on-one, and no one can tell. They all think Lee’s garbage, though. Rachel’s excited and touches down in a helicopter. She wants to understand both Kenny and Lee, and whether or not she can develop a relationship with them individually.

NORWAY IS BEAAAAUTIFUL I want to go on a helicopter ride in Norway. You can go on a helicopter ride in New York for like $30 but boooooring. They’re headed to the Norwegian wilderness because the two-on-one dates are all about isolating you in a place with the person you hate. Kenny hopes to show Rachel the real side of himself that day - he wants to focus on her that day. Lee hopes to rile Kenny up and then smile when Kenny gets upset to make himself look good and level-headed in front of Rachel. See where their differences lie? See how their focuses differ?

I hate Lee.

Rachel takes Kenny aside first and he talks about how amazing he thinks she is, and how he wants to show her how he is. He tells her that he thinks that Lee felt that he was backed into a corner and lashed out at Kenny because he didn’t know what else to do. Kenny is wonderful at this moment and really does express a desire to have a future with Rachel. He admits to being wrong for yelling at Lee and for reacting improperly. Lee says he’s going to capitalize on his time with Rachel.

Lee is that friend who’s like “I don’t like drama, I don’t want to be a part of it” and then two hours later he’s calling you from jail because he punched a guy in the face. I at least admit to being a messy bitch who loves drama. Anyway, he rats Kenny out for calling him names and talking about shitting in his boots and allegedly trying to pull Lee out of a van. Yo - if this really happened, we would have seen it. That’s how you know Lee’s a lying liar who lies. He insinuates that Kenny’s a violent alcoholic who has a dark side. He’s concern trolling AGAIN because he acts like he wants what’s best for Kenny in telling Rachel this, that he’s “tired of talking about it”. This is gross. So gross.

Rachel takes Kenny aside again and tells him what Lee told her. Kenny literally looks baffled. He denies any truth to Lee’s allegation. Rachel’s like, “yup, I just wanted you to know, I believe you... kind of.” Kenny’s pissed. He literally lets out an “I’m gonna kill this bitch” cackle all the way to his walk back to Lee. Like, the cackle a witch lets out before poisoning someone. Kenny’s not happy.

To Be Continued...

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

I’m so glad I never have to see fucking Lee do his stupid racist explosion wizard hands to emphasize his bullshit ever again.

Rachel and Bryan remind me of Sharleen and Juan Pablo. A really smart, amazing woman and a dopey dud, where the whole relationship is purely based on physical attraction.

Who are Adam and Matt? For real. Can someone tell me?

If Courteney Cox can’t pull them off, neither can Bryan. ↩︎

Veiled toast sounds like a new version of avocado ↩︎

Coming soon, from John Grisham! ↩︎

Let’s be real - Kim Zolciak emerged at the perfect time for herself. She couldn’t be pulling all of that wig “I’m so black I act black” nonsense in 2017. Now she’s just a bunch of latex and silicone and I prefer her that way. ↩︎

Blackness is not a playing card or something you can just throw out into the universe. White people play the race card more than anyone else. ↩︎

I have a gentle startle reflex. Do not throw me a surprise party unless you want it to end like this. ↩︎

Match a tie to your socks and I am ALL OVER IT. Hellloooooo, sailor. ↩︎

SPEAKING OF, have you listened to my podcast yet? ↩︎

Not shown, but typically featured: following that with what they consider to be a “meek” and “shy” but “Happy” biting of the lip. ↩︎

Seriously, one of my best friends is so stupidly beautiful that sometimes I want to punch her in the face. LOVE YOU SEAL ↩︎

[agentem]

Emily Watches Iron Fist, Episode 4

Is Colleen in this one? Yes! Appears 10 minutes in.

Is Claire in this one?

Is Jeri Hogarth in this one? Yes! 13 minutes in.

So this series is very slow so far. I hope it picks up because each review feels like a chore (and no one seems to be reading them. yay!) .

This episode opens with the fakest of fake shots of Danny catching himself on a security camera instead of falling to his death. It’s green-screened within an inch of its life and looks pretty low budget. I wonder if Iron Fist got less money? Maybe that would explain why it doesn’t seem as thought out?

Anyway...

He then falls a short way to a rooftop and knocks himself out. So far the immortal warrior is not impressive.

Danny wakes up in Daddy Faramir’s apartment with Ward. They fight and then Daddy Faramir shows up and Danny is shocked. He hugs Daddy Faramir, clearly remembering how he carried the One Ring without being tempted by it. So he must be a good guy. Right? RIGHT?

I suppose I should call him Harold. Harold explains how he had cancer and was sick. He says someone (Madam Gao!) approached him with a “cure” and it put them in his debt. He died and then was resurrected (like the Hand in Daredevil). Danny is shocked to hear the Hand is there in New York.

... which. Like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN NEW YORK THEN? Are you just taking a semester off from protecting K’un L’un? I thought you came because of the threat to New York?

Danny says he’d never SEEN the Hand in K’un L’un. Okay now we’re getting somewhere. You were an immortal warrior with nothing to fight. He’s a figure head Iron Fist!

Harold really wants Danny to destroy the Hand so he can finally leave the apartment. It’s confirmed that Joy doesn’t know he’s alive. So he wants Ward and Joy to drop all litigation against Danny, so Danny can focus on fighting the Hand. Ward is annoyed.

Harold says the Hand was the one who wanted that pier deal (the one Joy got the dead boy’s liver for) so badly.

I only really care about this if it relates to Elektra.

Cut to my other bi-racial love, Colleen Wing. Her students have found out about the cage match and have it on video. Cool! Let’s watch it again! Colleen is ashamed. She’s stepped outside the code.

Rand has a press conference welcoming Danny Rand back from the dead. Jeri makes faces from the audience. They ask him about his stay in the mental hospital and... instead of acting ashamed that he was there or railing at Joy and Ward for putting him there. He thanks Joy and Ward for getting him the help he needed to adjust. I liked that moment, even though Danny wasn’t really crazy. He makes in seem like it would be normal to have trouble adjusting and that there is no shame in seeking mental help.

Jeri shows him “his” office, which is really his dad’s old office set up like it used to be. He crawls under the desk to see stickers he sticked there and Jeri makes faces that are amazing. Since I still have goodwill toward Danny, I find this scene charming.

Danny joins a meeting late. He moves his chair to sit by Joy. He demands they sell a drug at cost instead of marked up. As majority shareholder apparently he can do this? Seems very convenient. Everyone else on the board(?) isn’t happy.

Colleen practices fighting for the cage fights. She breaks her wooden punching thing. (Emily knows a lot about martial arts!)

Harold calls Ward. They talk about the reporter who asked about Danny’s psych hospital visit. Cut to Danny and Joy talking. Danny says Harold would be proud of her.

Back to Colleen! She’s got a cool white hoodie now and is ready for another cage match. Thank god for Colleen or else this “martial arts” show would be a show about drug pricing by large corporations. This time she fights two beefy dudes at once. It’s cool. Watch it. Or watch some gifs of it.

Cut to boring Danny and Joy talking business stuff. He makes becoming the Iron Fist sound like he got a big corporate job. He talks about his training. He says it all made him who he is today. Joy asks who that is which is a GOOD QUESTION.

Joy goes to get the door and screams. A whole punch of Asian dudes have grabbed her. In the hallway, Danny fights them. Somewhere Matt Murdock is yelling, “Hallway fights are my thing, new guy!” They have hatchets and all Danny has is his fists.

The men are trying to kidnap joy. They get her into the elevator. Danny does the first cool use of the Iron Fist, when he makes his hand glow and when a dude hits it with the hatchet, it ricochets off.

Danny beats all the guys and lets them run away. He tells Joy he knows where the are going.

Ward gives an interview to the newspaper lady where he complains about Danny making them give the drug away at cost. At least some good press about it might help Rand?

Colleen recovers from the match. Her finger looks broken. She hears someone outside. It’s Danny. He asks Colleen to watch Joy. She identifies the hatchet-wielding criminals as “Triads.” But seems to think it’s dumb to go fight them.

So white boy Danny Rand goes to a Chinese restaurant and asks the hostess about the Triads. An older man comes out and introduces himself. He asks why the company stole the pier. Danny is confused. He says another group made them buy the pier. When Danny mentions the Hand. The old Chinese guy is like, “Oh shit, sorry for your troubles, white boy. We out!”

Danny tries to ask them more about the Hand and why they are in New York, but elderly Asian dude didn’t get to be elderly by being a dumb ass.

While Harold is boxing, the Hand shows up and makes him put on a mask.

It is Madam Gao! She says they’re going for a ride. I’m excited. I didn’t think she was with the Hand? I thought Nobu was the rep from the Hand and she had her own organization. But I kind of don’t care if this doesn’t follow continuity because I love this actress. She was the only person who could menace Kingpin, yet she had a kind look about her. Her showing up in one episode of Daredevil last season to help him out was a highlight for me.

Colleen teaches Joy how to punch stuff. Danny shows up and RUINS the girl talk time. He offers to pop Colleen’s busted finger back into place. He says she doesn’t have to fight. He will give her rent money. Collen’s like nope.

Harold is being held by Madam Gao. As a “reward” for buying the pier, they allow him to see Joy in her house at night, like a creeper. He asks for a favor.

At the Chinese restaurant, the Triad guys eat when the Hand shows up. They ask who hit Joy Meachum. One bravely says it was him. They kill him quick. When the killer takes off his ninja mask, it’s revealed to be Harold.

The next morning, someone knocks on Danny’s door. When he opens it, no one is there is a box with a message from Madam Gao.

[welllpthisishappening]

You Play Ball Like a Girl (34/?)

“You’re a very good journalist, Swan.”

“I’m not interviewing you,” she argued. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“I know you are, love,” he said softly.

“And also a bit worried,” Emma added. “About you.”

Updating on the reg on Ao3 and living happily on the Tumblr tag as well. 

She was absurdly happy.

Like. Absurdly.

It was perfect. Emma was certain she hadn’t stopped smiling once. She felt like Mary Margaret. Sounded like her too, all hopped up on hope and love – although she hadn’t actually said anything about the latter – and the way Killian Jones’ hand felt in hers when he’d walk with her to the subway every afternoon.

That was another benefit of living five blocks away from each other.

He picked her up for work. Daily. She’d walk out the door, to find him leaning on the railing along the sidewalk, hot chocolate cup in hand and that stupid smirk on his face.

Emma regularly kissed it off.

He didn’t complain once.

It was perfect.

Killian had folded himself back into Emma’s life with ease, charming Mary Margaret during roommate dinners and bringing David with him to the cages so they could practice with Henry.

They were still waiting on word of the repercussions of Henry’s feature story – holding their collective breath for word that the DOE had decided to see sense. Emma had written another story – this one with the approval of Isaac and, for good measure, Sidney – detailing the department’s post-story reaction and how wrong they were regarding Henry’s eligibility.

They hadn't gotten any letters demanding a retraction yet, but they also hadn’t gotten any positive news.

So Killian kept bringing Henry to the cages, fine-tuning his swing and practicing baserunning. They had even started shagging fly balls on the small spot of turf at Chelsea Piers before it got too cold and they had to find a new venue for their regiment.

Emma couldn’t stop smiling. And then, one day, she walked into The New York Record office and everything changed.

Aurora was standing in front of her desk, scrolling through her phone, an air of general disapproval wafting off her. Her head snapped up when she heard Emma’s shoes on the floor and the smile she gave didn’t even come close to reaching her eyes.

“Hey,” Emma said softly, suddenly nervous. “How’s the baby?” “The baby is fine, good, actually, really, really good. Thanks.”

“I assume there are pictures,” Emma continued, nodding towards the phone still in Aurora’s hands.

She nodded, but didn’t move her phone at all, glancing back down at the screen when it buzzed again. “Everything ok?” Emma asked. “You’re not usually down here.”

Aurora didn’t answer immediately, fingers flying over the screen as she hummed some sort of distracted noise at Emma.

Emma took a step back towards her desk, roller her bag off her shoulder and setting it down next to her chair before sliding out of her jacket. “Aurora?” she repeated.

“Have you talked to Killian today?”

Emma shook her head slowly. He hadn’t been outside before. No hot chocolate or smirk. Emma had spent her entire train ride uptown trying not to worry.

She had failed.

“I think you probably should,” Aurora continued cryptically.

“Why?”

“Why what? He is your boyfriend isn’t he?” “My boyfriend, Killian?” Emma asked, eyes wide. They had never actually talked about it. There never seemed to be time – between the paper and the stories and the columns and the almost absurd amount of making out.

It had been perfect, it never needed a name. Until now, apparently.

Aurora made a face, staring at Emma like she was a crazy person. “Yeah, your boyfriend .”

“Right,” Emma said quickly.

“You should probably talk about that at some point.” “You are talking in circles,” Emma pointed out. “You never come down here Aurora, what is going on?”

“He was right,” Aurora said – as cryptic as ever.

Emma stared at her for a beat before glancing down at her phone, lighting up and vibrating against her desk. It was Killian.

Aurora nodded at the phone, silently telling Emma to answer it . Emma sighed, rolled her eyes and grabbed the phone anyway.

“Hey,” she said.

“Swan.”

“You ok?”

He didn’t answer for what felt like hours. “Killian,” Emma prompted, feeling Aurora stare at her. “What’s going on?” “They really are back. Here in New York.”

Gold. And Milah.

Killian laughed darkly into the phone and Emma shut her eyes, biting down tightly on her lip. Aurora was still staring at her.

“That’s how Walsh knew. He...he figured it all out, then went and confirmed it.”

“How did you find out?”

He paused again and Emma heard him take a deep breath. She wished he was there. She wished she wasn’t sitting at her desk in the middle of The New York Record sports department. She wished Aurora would stop staring at her with some sort of knowing look on her face.

“Killian,” she prompted again and he sighed.

“Milah showed up at my apartment this morning.”

This time it was Emma who didn’t say anything. She sank back into her chair, pushing her back up against it so she was perfectly straight. Aurora raised her eyebrows at her and Emma just shook her head slowly.

“Swan?” Killian asked softly. Emma could hear the small, nervous smile in her voice. That was enough to snap her attention back.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” she muttered. “Are you ok?”

“What?”

“Ok – are you ok?”

He answered quickly – quicker than Emma expected – and she knew he was tugging on the back of his hair. “I’m fine, love,” he answered. “I just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there before.”

“That’s ok,” Emma smiled.

“I’m like three blocks away now.”

“Ok.” “Swan,” he said evenly, but there was a threat of laughter in his voice. “That wasn’t a timetable. That was a suggested instruction.” “That so?”

“I’d be very interested in kissing you. Currently.” Emma felt her lips tick up quickly. “I’ll see what I can do about that.” He didn’t say anything else, but Emma heard him laugh before he clicked off the phone.

“What’d he say?” Aurora asked.

“What you were cryptically implying.” “It wasn’t cryptic! You knew what I was saying. Did he tell you what Milah said?”

Emma narrowed her eyes. “What do you know that I don’t?”

“You tell me.”

“A lot apparently.”

“Milah told him quite a lot,” Aurora sighed.

“You’re being cryptic again. Why do you know, anyway? This happened like two hours ago.”

“Who do you think he called to find out how to tell you?”

Emma pulled her lips over her teeth, considering her answer and crossed her arms. “To be fair, he didn’t really tell me anything.” “Yeah, well, Killian’s never been too good at actually taking the advice he asks for.”

“Can you tell me something?” Emma asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Shoot.”

��How did you and Killian get to be friends? He uh…” “Doesn’t seem like he has a lot of them?” Aurora suggested. Emma shrugged. “He doesn’t, really,” she continued. “That’s why you’re so important, you know. You’re his friend. And I’ll tell you right now, having Killian as a friend is a good deal. He’s fairly protective, you know?” “I know,” Emma nodded. “That didn’t exactly answer my question though.” “I was in a not-so-great place awhile ago. When I first started at The Record . Killian had been here for, I don’t know, not even a year. But he was already writing a column and he had some pull down here and he made sure I’d get credentialed for games.

And, slowly but surely, things got better. I calmed down , for one, and started to get jobs without Killian’s help and that made the rest of my life a little bit better too. I was driving Philip insane because I was so worried about work. I was, well, let’s just say I was not the best person to deal with at the time. But Killian helped. He got me to relax and that helped with Philip. Neither one of them will admit it, but I’m ninety-nine percent positive Killian helped pick out my ring.”

Aurora held up her left hand as proof, showcasing a bright sapphire ring that was practically the same color of Killian’s eyes. Emma wanted to crawl under her desk with the level of cliche she had encountered.

“He loves you, you know,” Aurora said suddenly. Emma’s eyes widened and she felt her breath rush out of her in one gush of air. “Like an almost ridiculous amount.”

Emma didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. She just bit her lip – tightly.

Aurora just shook her head. “And you love him. Like an almost ridiculous amount. It’s painfully obvious. Even if lifestyles wasn’t talking about it.”

“Lifestyles is talking about it?” Emma groaned.

“That’s what you took out of this conversation?”

“We haven’t exactly been trying to broadcast this,” Emma admitted.

“Exactly. He needs to tell you what Milah told him.”

“Is it bad?” Emma knew her voice betrayed every single emotion she was feeling, but mostly she was just upset with how nervous she sounded. That wasn’t like Emma at all. She didn’t do nervous. She did confident.

Aurora looked at her knowingly, one eyebrow raised. Someday someone was going to have to teach Emma how to do that.

“It’s not good,” Aurora said. Cryptic again. Emma sighed. “I’m not going to tell you,” she continued. “He needs to do it. And he wants to. Honestly. He wouldn’t have called me if he didn’t. You know I think you terrify him a little bit.” “Why?”

“Did you miss the part where I said how in love he is with you? That wasn’t conjecture. That was just a fact.” “And that’s terrifying.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Because Emma was just as vaguely terrified. And just as ridiculously in love with him.

“He’s told you things,” Aurora said. “Things I don’t even know, so I know you understand why he’d be nervous. He wants to this to work. Scratch that, he needs this to work.”

“And whatever Milah told him could make this not work?”

“You’re quick on the uptake.” “Journalist,” Emma shrugged.

“He’s not just going to walk away,” Aurora promised. “But this is going to make things...difficult. 'Ish. Difficult'ish. So I’ve got a question for you.” “Yeah?”

“Are you in on this? With him, I mean. Because Killian has dealt with some shit – some of it from you – and he doesn’t deserve it. So if you’re going to run when this gets tough, then you need to tell him now.”

Emma stared at Aurora, stunned silent. She hadn’t ever been on the receiving end of the don’t hurt him speech. In fact, she hadn’t even been aware that anything like that actually happened in the real world.

“Well?” Aurora said sharply.

“Look who’s being the overprotective friend now.”

“You love him?” Aurora asked – straight to the point, finally.

“Yeah, I do,” Emma said softly. That was the first time she admitted it out loud. Mary Margaret and Elsa would be disappointed.

“Then you need to go meet him three blocks from here. And talk to him.” “How did you know he was three blocks from here?” “Mom,” Aurora shrugged. “I’m pre-programmed to hear any noise that comes across any speaker now. It’s just second nature.”

Emma laughed and shook her head, grabbing her jacket and shrugging back into the coat, pulling her wallet and her ID out of her bag. “He deserves a friend like you,” Emma said, reaching forward to squeeze Aurora’s arm.

“He’s an absurdly good guy. I just want him to be happy.”

“That makes two of us,” Emma agreed, smiling and squeezing Aurora’s arm again before turning towards the sports floor doors.

He was standing outside of Josie’s, one hand in his pocket, the other firmly entrenched in his hair like it had been there for hours – like he had been there for hours.

Emma tapped her foot on the street, impatiently waiting for the light – or a lack of cars – and ran her tongue over her teeth in impatience. She got a five-second window and sprinted across the street, holding her phone tightly in her hand.

Killian glanced up at her when she skidded to a stop in front of him and the smile he threw Emma’s way – almost  – made it seem like everything was alright.

“Hey,” she said, stuffing her phone back in her jacket pocket.

“Swan.”

He didn’t say anything else, didn’t move his hands – either of them – didn’t even move an inch away from the building he was leaning against. Emma tilted her head questioningly and tugged on the bottom of his shirt sleeve.

That got him to really smile.

“What’s going on?” Emma pressed.

“A lot actually,” he said, evasively and Emma sighed.

“Don’t do that. I can only do so much cryptic in one day.” Killian raised his eyebrows and Emma made a face. “Aurora likes to kind of lord information doesn’t she? It lasted a lot longer than it probably should have.”

“She does,” Killian laughed. “I’m sorry, love.”

“Don’t be. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“I did tell you – she showed up at my apartment.”

Emma realized he didn’t say Milah again, like he had on the phone, and wondered what had changed in the ten minutes it took her to get ten blocks.

He was thinking too much.

“And?” “And…”

“Killian! Talk.”

He looked a bit ashamed, eyes ducking down and staring at the sidewalk. He – finally – pulled his hand out of his pocket, only to run that through his hair as well and Emma sighed again. She yanked on his wrist, pulling his hand down and lacing her fingers with hers, moving to stand next to him with her back against the building.

“I’m sorry, love,” he repeated.

“Don’t be. Talk.” “From what I remember, the suggestion to come here wasn’t centered around talking.” “Talk,” Emma groaned, trying not to smile despite her nerves and vague sense of annoyance. “Then we’ll consider the rest of the suggestion.”

Killian laughed quietly and Emma pulled his hand up again, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Alright,” he started. “So, she showed up at my apartment. Scared the crap out of me. Seven years, Swan. Seven years of nothing and running away and then even more nothing and I fucking walked out of my apartment this morning to find her standing right there. She said she had something important to tell me.”

“Now?” Emma asked, unable to stop herself. Journalist. “After all of that? What could she possibly have to say?” “He’s trying to buy the paper.” “What?”

Killian’s arm squeezed tightly over her shoulders again and Emma bit her lip nervously. “They’re in New York,” he continued. “Indefinitely.”

“And what? Gold wants to buy The Record ? I thought you said he was just some small-town publisher?” “He was when I knew him. He was a scared, little man who didn’t want to leave his own backyard let alone consider buying a major metropolitan newspaper. That’s all changed now, apparently.” “And Milah told you that?” Emma’s chest contracted slightly at mentioning the name, but it wasn’t jealousy. If Killian couldn’t bring himself to say it, it didn’t seem fair to throw that pain back in his face.

She felt him nod – head resting slightly against his cheek – and heard him sigh softly. “She did.”

“But why? Did she say anything else? Why she left or how long they’ve been here or anything like that?” “You’re a very good journalist, Swan.”

“I’m not interviewing you,” she argued. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“I know you are, love,” he said softly.

“And also a bit worried,” Emma added. “About you.”

Killian squeezed her shoulder again, kissing the top of her head and Emma felt her lips tick up slightly. “I know that too,” he mumbled against her hair. “For what it’s worth, she didn’t answer any of those questions. The whole thing was over in less than five minutes. She didn’t say anything about before, just told me that they’re back in New York and Gold is trying to buy The Record . Wanted to give me some kind of warning or something.” “A warning?” Emma moved slightly, turning so she was standing in front of Killian, eyes locked with his.

“If Gold buys this paper, I’m out,” Killian said easily, but Emma heard the tightness in his voice and the tension in his shoulder. “It would take two seconds. He’d sign the paperwork and I’d be done.”

“You don’t know that.”

“That’s why Milah showed up love,” he continued, finally saying her name and Emma did her best to smile encouragingly. “To warn me. Or something.”

“Or something?”

Killian sighed and shook his head slowly, hair falling across his forehead. He still hadn’t gotten a haircut. “Something,” he said slowly. “It’d be over, Swan. Gold wouldn’t have to consider it. He wouldn’t feel bad. He’d just do it.”

“Seven years is a long time though,” Emma said quickly. “He might not...you know..care or something?” “That’s oddly optimistic of you.”

Emma shrugged. That was an entirely different conversation – one filled with hope and acting like Mary Margaret and, maybe, even a few thoughts of happy endings. That wasn’t the kind of conversation to have three blocks away from The New York Record office.

“I appreciate the positivity, Swan, but it’s a bit misplaced. He’d do it and he’d enjoy it. I’d be done.”

She bit her lip tightly, hard enough to hurt and did her best to hold Killian’s gaze. “So what else did she say?”

“Honestly Swan, it all felt like a blur. She was there one minute, telling me about this deal and how Gold had spent the last seven years buying up papers across the country so he could build enough capital to make a run at a big-time paper and that he wanted The Record. Then she told me that he knew I was there and that if he bought the paper, I’d be out. And then she was gone.”

“Just like that?” “Just like that.”

Lie. Emma raised her eyebrows and made a face, twisting her mouth slightly. “Nuh uh, we’re not doing that. Talk to me.”

Killian’s shoulders sagged slightly and Emma widened her eyes. “It wasn’t all that good, love. Or enjoyable.” “I get that. I do, honestly, but you don’t have to lie.”

“An omission, really.”

“A lie.”

Killian tugged on Emma’s hands, pulling her back towards his side and wrapping a hand around her waist. “Not the entire truth,” he countered and Emma huffed slightly. “I wasn’t quite prepared for this.” “That’s understandable.” Emma felt him move next to her and glanced up to find Killian staring at her questioningly. “What?” “That it?” “That it, what?”

“You’re not usually quite so quick to stop arguing.” He was smiling now – smirking – and Emma did her best to resist the urge to smack his arm.

“I’m not arguing!” Killian rolled his eyes and Emma groaned, her whole body slumping forward with the effort. “Ok, not really. I’m just worried. You saw Neal just show up on the sidewalk before, so I’m well acquainted with the feeling of major love interests just reappearing in your life when you think you’re finally over them.”

Emma swore she saw something pass over Killian’s face and there was something close to a glint in his eyes. “What?” she asked.

“Neal showed up months ago.” “Yuh huh.” “You weren’t over Neal until then?”

Journalist . Taking her words and twisting them and finding some sort of unspoken, emotional truth there. Emma took a deep breath, trying to steady it through her nose and straightened her spine, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

“We’re talking about you,” she pointed out, stabbing one finger into his shoulder for good measure.

“You brought it up.” The smirk was a full-blown smile now and Emma couldn’t think straight.

“Fine,” she said quickly, every emotion coming to a head all at once. “Fine. You want me to come right out and say it? Ok. I wasn’t over Neal. Not for a very long time and I didn’t believe I could be for a very long time. And then I ran you over and you messed up my interview and let me pick out flowers for Aurora and started texting David and, well, that was that.” “That was that?”

“Exactly.”

He squeezed his hand – still very much wrapped around her waist – tightly and Emma had about half a second to gasp before he kissed her.

They had done this innumerable times now – the making out was a definite perk of their still as-yet-to-be-defined relationship status – but this was softer and so absurdly sweet that if Emma wasn’t on the receiving end of it she probably would have mocked it. His hand never left her waist.

“Hey,” he muttered, lips still practically brushing hers. “You know you don’t have anything to worry about, right?”

Emma scoffed. Killian’s eyebrows lowered and he pulled away slightly, finally, moving his hand and trailing his thumb along her jaw. “Well,” he admitted slowly, the smile inching across his face. “At least not about Milah. I was a mess when she left and for a long time after, but we’re on the same page now. Same graph and everything.”

“Have we moved on from sports to writing puns? I may be out if we’re doing that from now on.”

“Not entertained, love?” Killian laughed, making a face.

“The puns have got to stop.”

“That’s fair. And you don’t have to worry about me. At least when it comes to me and you. Everything else, though, is well within your right to worry about. I’m worried about that.”

Emma chewed on the inside of her cheek, her face – she was sure  – filled with the worry that was threatening to overtake her right there on the sidewalk. She needed Killian to kiss her again. He was right, that was a better way to spend their time.

“It’s not fair,” she muttered.

And it wasn’t. Not after everything he’d been through, not after everything he’d lost and everyone he’d seen walk away. He couldn’t lose writing too.

It wasn’t fair.

“In my experience,” he said slowly and so softly that Emma had to strain to hear him. “Not many things ever are.”

“Maybe he won’t buy the paper,” Emma suggested, hoping her voice didn’t sound nearly as unconvinced as she actually was. If Milah was showing up on sidewalks and giving prophetic warnings, The New York Record seemed as good as Gold’s.

“More optimism, Swan. But we both know that’s all it is. Optimism. This is the crowning jewel for him. If what Milah said is true, and he’s been building up papers to get back to New York, then this would be a coup. He’d be at the top.”

“And you’d be?” “Not at the top.”

“I can’t believe that’ll happen. I won’t . Not after everything you’ve done. Not after how hard you’ve worked. He may hate you, but you’re the best there is. If he’s got even half a brain in his head, he’d keep you just to keep your sources.”

Killian was shaking his head before Emma had even finished talking. “I thought that,” he admitted. “But I think this is the beginning of the end, love. Remember what Isaac said? That the paper couldn’t afford letters from the DOE or less-than-ideal receptions to stories?” Emma nodded. “I think it’s because of this. Gold isn’t just buying, they’re selling. It’s a partnership.” “Isaac likes you though! They all do, all of the top floor. They wouldn’t let Gold throw you to the curb. Aurora told me they were grooming you for EIC.” “A thinks far too highly of me. I never would have taken that.”

“You’d be good that though,” Emma muttered, mostly into his shoulder. She felt him move, laughing slightly.

“You think far too highly of me,” he said quietly.

“Not possible.”

He kissed the top of her head, pulling her closer to him and Emma shut her eyes for a moment, trying to come up with a way that this entire mess didn’t end with another disappointment for Killian Jones.

It wasn’t fair.

“So, what now?” Emma asked.

“Now,” Killian sighed. “I still have a job. And we have a section to put out every day. So until somebody takes my ID card and tells me to get the hell out of there, then I’m going to continue to do all of that.” “Plus,” he added. “We’ve got a professional baseball career to ensure. I’m not leaving until Henry’s back on the field. Officially.”

“Yeah?” she asked – a wholly insufficient response when she was positive anyone on the other side of the block would have been able to hear her heart thud in her chest.

“Yeah,” Killian answered.

It sounded like a promise.

Emma nearly jumped out of her chair when he put the cup down on her desk.

“Jeez, Killian,” she mumbled. “That was terrifying.”

She glanced up to find him beaming at her. That was something she hadn’t seen in several days.

He had gone back to work after that conversation – and abbreviated make-out session – three blocks away from The New York Record office as if Milah hadn’t just shown on his doorstep and told him that the one man who could ruin his entire life was planning on doing just that.

Emma would have been impressed if she wasn’t worried.

He even wrote a column.

“I’m sorry, love,” he said, still smiling as he leaned against the desk, sitting on the edge of the fake wood. “I figured you could use some mid-afternoon caffeine.”

She could.

Emma had been on the phone for the better part of the afternoon, alternating between Anna’s office, the DOE and texting minute-by-minute updates to Henry. The first story had run nearly a month ago and there was still no word about getting him back onto the field.

She was going to fix this and she’d spend the entire week on the phone if she had to. She also could use the caffeine.

“Thank you,” Emma replied gratefully, grabbing the cup and taking a sip before turning back to her cell phone, glancing down as her screen lit up.

“What is it?” Killian asked, nodding towards the now beeping phone.

“Anna,” she muttered, grabbing it and swiping her thumb across the screen.

“Emma!” Ana’s voice hadn’t lost any of its excitement or enthusiasm during any of their half a dozen conversations that afternoon. “I have news. Good news. The best news!”

“What’s going on?”

Killian’s gaze snapped towards Emma and the phone as she moved it onto her shoulder. “I’ve been talking to my boss,” Anna said, her words coming across the phone line at a metaphorical mile a minute. “And I think I’ve figured out a way to get Henry back on the field.”

“What? How? Anna, that’s incredible!” Emma ignored Killian’s wide-eyed stare and slightly bemused smile and focused on the other conversation she was having – the one with actual words and not just pointed stares across a few feet of space.

“Like I said, talking to my boss, and you’re never going to believe this, but his wife is Henry’s guidance counselor.” “For real?” “Absolutely for real. So Eric and I were talking this afternoon and I guess Ariel has been telling him about what’s going on with Henry and how much he wants to play again and he thinks he can talk to the DOE. Get them to change their minds. Or one mind. I don’t know who we have to convince exactly, but Eric thinks he can do it.” “How? Henry doesn’t have the money to hire someone. He’s 17 and I can’t do anything. That’s like the worst conflict of interest ever.” “No one’s hiring anyone,” Anna continued. “Eric said he’d do it on his own. He’s not actually going to sue the DOE. He’s just going to maybe suggest that they get their act straight. And he might bring up that case we talked about before.” “Precedent,” Emma muttered, half under her breath. Killian coughed meaningfully and Emma continued to ignore him, waving her hand slightly in the very small amount of space between them.

“Exactly! Exactly that! No one has to go to court or anything dramatic like that. No one even has to pay for anything. This is about a kid who didn’t get a fair shot at doing what he loves. That’s why this office exists, to try and fix things like that.”

“And you think that’ll work?” Emma asked.

She promised. She had promised Henry. She needed to make this work.

She also wasn’t good at trusting other people.

“I really think it will,” Anna answered and the honesty in her voice was practically overwhelming. “Eric won’t sue, but he can and that should be enough to scare them. You’re right Emma. Everything you wrote – in both of those articles – was right. They’re wrong, dead wrong and they’re trying to cover their tracks. But you figured it out and now they’ve got to let Henry play. They just have to.” Anna’s voice caught on the final sentence of her mini-speech and Emma smiled slightly, sitting up a little straighter so she wouldn’t start to do anything ridiculous like feel something as well. Killian was still sitting on her desk.

“Can I tell Henry?” Emma asked.

“Absolutely! Eric is determined and, trust me on this, when Eric is determined there aren’t many things that can stop him. I’m pretty positive he dueled for Ariel’s hand in marriage or something like that.”

“That so?” Emma laughed. Killian sighed dramatically, trying to win back some of her attention. She just rolled her eyes at him.

He winked.

Cocky asshole.

Ridiculously attractive cocky asshole.

“Well, I don’t know the specifics,” Anna said, entirely unaware of the side conversation happening at Emma’s desk. “But Eric likes to make it sound like a painfully romantic battle for his one true love’s heart. Or something like that.” “Something like that, I’m sure,” Emma answered, still laughing slightly. “Listen, Anna. I can’t thank you enough for this. You’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty here, seriously.” “Oh, don’t even worry about it. This is, well, this is what I want to be doing. Helping. And if I can help Henry by helping you, then it’s kind of like a two for one of helpiness. Is that even a word? I don’t care. Helpiness.”

“Well, you’re incredibly good at it. Thank you. I’m going to text Henry.” “Eric said he’d call the DOE tomorrow if you want. He just wanted to have me run it by you first.”

“That’s incredibly efficient.” “That’s Eric,” Anna answered. “He saw your story and he knew I was your source. He wasn’t even mad, told me I should have directed you to him from the get-go and he would have gone on record. He loved your story.”

That caught Emma up short. Compliments were – still – not her forte.

“Thanks,” she mumbled and Killian smiled knowingly at her, like he could hear the entire conversation. “Tell Eric he can call the DOE whenever he wants. Just let me know how it goes as soon as you know, ok?” “Absolutely!” Emma pulled the phone away from her ear and hit the ‘end’ button, tossing it in front of her. Killian stared at her expectantly, arms crossed, that same slightly bemused smile on his face.

“What’s going on Swan?” he asked, pushing the hot chocolate back towards her. Emma widened her eyes at him, but took the cup anyway. “It’ll get cold,” he added. “Drink. And then tell me what that was about.”

“Demanding,” Emma muttered.

“Suggesting.”

“Yuh huh,” she laughed, taking a sip of her, somehow, still-hot hot chocolate. “That was Anna. Apparently her boss is Ariel’s husband.” “Henry’s guidance counselor?” “One in the same. And he wants to talk to the DOE.”

“Just like that?” He was as skeptical as she was – somehow that made Emma more confident, like they were on even footing.

“Well it was a long phone call and an even more convoluted story, but, yes, for all intents and purposes, just like that. She said he liked my story.” “Of course he did.” “Your confidence is in me is misplaced and slightly overwhelming.”

Emma ducked her eyes and took another drink of hot chocolate. She heard Killian sigh. “That’s ridiculous you know,” he said softly.

“Sure.”

“Swan,” he said sharply and Emma looked up at him to find her staring at her. “I have an appropriate amount of faith in both you and your writing. That, generally, equates to believing you’re capable of doing anything you set your mind to. That’s not misplaced. That’s just honest.”

There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in his voice, no smirk, or even the faintest feeling that he was lying. He was one hundred percent honest and just as serious and Emma was completely overwhelmed.

She couldn’t say I love you in the middle of The Record sports floor, but God, if she didn’t want to.

“You can’t say things like that,” she said.

“Why not?” “Because I’m going to try and kiss you in the middle of this office and that’s just not going to end well for anyone.” “I’ll repeat myself – why not?”

The sarcasm was back. So was the smirk. And for a moment Emma couldn't come up with a reason not to lean across the desk and kiss him. For possibly several sunlit days.

“Killian,” she said slowly, doing her best to not sound like she was whining. “You know that’s not an option. We’re not trying to parade here.” “No one is parading, Swan. I’m just not particularly pleased with the idea of not being able to kiss my girlfriend whenever I want.”

Emma felt like her lungs had collapsed.

She hadn’t been lying when she told Aurora they hadn’t talked about it. They hadn’t. They hadn’t even mentioned it in passing. Even Mary Margaret and David had avoided the “labels” discussion like it was the plague.

And he had just said it like it wasn’t anything, like it wasn’t some kind of absolutely enormous step that meant a ridiculous amount.

It took Killian several moments to realize that Emma was sitting still, stunned silent. He stood up when he saw her face – probably stunned as well and just as frozen as the rest of Emma’s body – and, suddenly, he looked as nervous as she felt.

That wasn’t right.

Emma took a deep breath. It was weird – she didn’t run. She didn’t react perfectly , but one step at a time. She was still there. And he was still there.

And maybe that was the only thing that mattered.

“You ok, Swan?” he asked, softly.

“Yeah,” she answered honestly. “You just surprised me?” His eyebrows lowered and Emma could practically see him replaying the last few seconds back in his head. Killian made a face when it hit him and he crossed his arms again.

Defensive stance.

Emma reached out quickly and tugged his arms apart, squeezing one hand for good measure. “I guess I just didn’t realize you were...well thinking that .” “Should I be thinking something else?”

“No,” Emma answered, shaking her head. “I just haven’t been someone’s girlfriend in a very long time.” “To be fair, I don’t know that I’ve been anyone’s boyfriend ever.”

“I think you’re doing a pretty good job so far.”

Killian smiled and rocked back on his heels and trailed his fingers over Emma’s. “Thank you, love,” he said softly. Emma smiled in return. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’d very much like to kiss you.” “Will would be scandalized.” “I couldn’t care less.” He leaned forward slightly and for one insane moment Emma actually thought he was going to kiss her in the middle of The New York Record office, but he came up just short of her, still smiling.

“I have an idea about how to remedy that,” he said softly and Emma bit her lip tightly.

“Make out in the elevator?”

“They have cameras in there,” Killian laughed. “Leroy would be all over that.” “Well, you’ve taken all my suggestions and tossed them out of the metaphorical window. So, go ahead, what’s your idea?”

“The Giants game.”

Emma waited for the next part of the idea, but he didn’t say anything else, just threw a self-satisfied smirk her direction. “Ok,” she said slowly.

“We’re going to go.” “To the Giants game?” “On Sunday. I know a guy.” “You know every guy.”

“That’s true, Swan, but in this case I know one guy and he can make it so we can go to the Giants game on Sunday.” “You don’t have to work?” Killian sighed and rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have asked if I did, Swan. Obviously. We can bring David and Mary Margaret too if you.” “You want to double date with my friends?”

“Again, I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t actually suggesting it.”

Emma narrowed her eyes and wondered how no one had noticed that they hadn’t moved in nearly 20 minutes. They weren’t trying to flaunt their relationship to the entire New York Record – that conversation with Isaac about their out-of-office activities seemed to have created an ever-present knot in Emma’s stomach.

But even Emma had to admit they were, undoubtedly, the talk of the entire building.

Her boyfriend Killian Jones.

“How many tickets does your guy think he can get?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t asked yet.”

“No?” “I wanted to make sure you wanted to go,” he muttered and Emma almost missed the nervous edge in his voice.

“Of course I want to go,” she said honestly, brushing her hand over his hand. “You think we’d be able to make out during the Giants game?” “In front of David and Mary Margaret? Won’t they be scandalized?” “I’m fairly certain I don’t care,” Emma shrugged. “Plus, they owe me. They’ve spent the last 13 years of our lives making out in front of me and being painfully adorable. Trust me, I deserve this.”

“Are you saying we’re painfully adorable?”

“Not yet, but I’m confident in our ability to get there sooner rather than later.” Killian opened his mouth to answer her, but spun around before he could – turning towards Victor’s voice from the other side of the office.

“Basketball crisis, Cap!” he screamed and Killian groaned. “They’re expanding media day! Giving us an extra credential.” “That isn’t a crisis,” Killian mumbled and Emma tried not to laugh. “We have reporters, Victor. We can send them. Relax.”

He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at Emma. “You should go, Swan. Make Victor pay for the cab.” “The paper comps that.” “Doesn’t change the fact that you should go.” He turned away from her desk again and shouted back towards Victor. “Swan’s going to go with you, yeah?” “Yeah, that’s great! Good job Cap, crisis averted.”

Killian shook his head again and all but collapsed back on Emma’s desk, knocking over her nameplate in the process. “Hey,” she said sharply. “Watch it.”

He looked back over his shoulder again. “Sorry, love.”

Emma smiled and moved the nameplate out of the way. “What time am I going to this?” “Tomorrow. Morning, sorry about that by the way, but media day for the Knicks is pretty legit.”

“Absolutely. I can do morning.”

“As previously discussed, I think you can do anything.”

“Charmer.” “Boyfriend.”

Emma’s stomach flipped and she smiled, letting the feeling of that one single, vaguely ridiculous and teenage label, sink into every aspect of her being. She liked the way it felt. A lot.

A lot more than she expected to.

“I’ll be there tomorrow,” Emma promised. “And I’ll tell M’s and David about the game. They’ll be thrilled.” He smiled at her again, standing up and running one hand through his hair. “Good,” he said softly, leaning forward so quickly Emma was certain he was actually a blur and kissing her on the cheek.

Emma widened her eyes. “Living dangerously,” she said.

“I’m going to kiss my girlfriend whenever I want, stupid office be damned. I’ll see you later, Swan.”

He walked away, eyes pointed forward and Emma tried not to actually melt into the floor. The lifestyles department was going into collective cardiac arrest.