#anyway i have a rreeeeeeaaaaaallll big soft spot for it in my little gay heart

[imagine-shenanigans]

Absolutely you can get one!! I do matchups for all quadrants, actually! Except ashen, for the most part lol.

Anyway ahhh this is the first homestuck ask I’ve gotten  💖 💖 💖 ! Thank you @dinodiegos

Gonna put the rest under a cut since it uh, got super long

Okay, so I know you say only male fictional characters, but when it came to the ones that aren’t... “human” romantic in nature (for lack of a better term?) I went ahead and prioritized guys, but I felt a couple gals might fit so I did include them.

Red: Cronus Ampora, Kurloz Makara

-Explanation

I feel like you would fit best with someone who is going to fit in a sort of way like I explain in the moirail section. Someone who is going to have thicker skin and not take the joking to heart, or need emotional support quite as often, but you can occasionally banter with! Someone who’s going to spend time with you, and nap with you, and just have fun, and be okay with you providing gifts a little more than physical and verbal affection. 

Cronus Ampora - I picked at about the same level as Kurloz, I couldn’t really decide between the two! I felt like he would fit because he’s big on spending time with you, and despite a lot of sexual innuendos and such, he really is going to just be elated to spend time with you, and relax. He’ll invest a lot of time into wanting to get to know your interests, and he’s a little sappy, and would adore when you get flustered. That being said, he will want physical affection quite often (the boy is hella touch starved) so he’ll jump at any opportunity to just relax and cuddle.

He is a little sensitive, and doesn’t have very thick skin, but he’d probably banter playfully with you a lot, as long as the jokes don’t cut too deep. He might ask you to cut back on insults if they start affecting him, or he’ll bottle it up until he just lets it out, who knows! In turn, he’s going to be pretty clingy, and he might say shit that hurts you or is too aggressive without thinking about it, cause he’s got a bit of pent up rage and aggression that stems from his issues. All relationships come with problems, so. 

Kurloz Makara - I felt like Kurloz might be a good fit, because he’s got pretty thick skin, and he’s going to like gifts a lot more in place of affection. He would playfully banter with you (although in sign language and gifs and such- how does he even do that out loud) and be fine with things getting insulting, he’ll say it right back! He’s going to love horror and such, and playing horror games with you is a mix of him not looking at the screen but at you the whole time (while he’s playing??? how tf does he do that) and him watching you play eagerly if he knows something fucked up is about to happen. He thinks it’s really really funny when others get spooked.

That said... you might have to ask him to tone it down, and he’s going to have issues cuddling, since he’s afraid he might hurt you, and he has nightmares sometimes about doing the same thing he did to meulin... But with some careful coaxing he’ll at least cuddle with you for awhile! After he’s more comfortable in the relationship he’ll be more willing to sleep next to you, and take naps, but like I said, all realtionships have issues and problems ya gotta work through. There’s no perfect fit in a relationship where you don’t take issue with something the other person does! As long as you’re both willing to put in the effort, most relationships are going to work through communication and compromise (though not all! nothing wrong with relationships not working)

Pale: Aradia Megido, possibly Dirk Strider?

-Explanation

So! What I feel that you would need as a moirail is someone who is willing to call you out if you ever take your joking too far. Someone who is willing to privately, but seriously, have a nice talk with you and provide constructive criticism when needed. You also seem to need someone who is going to be a liiitle bit of a hands off moirail, since you seem pretty good with yourself, but provide emotional support as needed!

What you are going to offer as a Moirail, is more of a physical confirmation in the relationship, probably some awkward physical affection, but primarily gifts, and joking, and just your general presence! You’d be willing to dole out the emotional support and call someone out I’m sure, but primarily it seems to me like you’re looking for more of a human best friend sorta deal than the trolls’ “emotional support system” definition of moirails.

I picked Aradia as the best fit for you, because, let’s be honest? All of the characters in homestuck are, for the most part, hot garbage who need serious help.  Aradia is, admittedly, one of the lesser “i need help” characters.

Aradia is more of a hands off kinda gal, who’s willing to support you when you need it, call you out when you’re not acting right, and provide emotional and physical support when you need it! That being said, she’s not going to like, be super duper into your business, if she’s with you, she’s trusting that you’re going to reach out to her if you need her! She’s pretty sharp, and can tell when things are wrong for the most part, but she’s also a little flighty and might not notice at times. 

She doesn’t care too terribly much about the physical gifts, as in, she really likes them! But she’s not expecting you to get her anything. She just appreciates your support and friendship! She won’t need your emotional help too often, she’s got a good head on her shoulders and she seems pretty in tune with herself! But that doesn’t mean she WON’T need you, it’s just that you won’t really need to be up in her business often. She’d also probably adore debates, and your love of horror would be a good mutual activity! You two could play horror games together (probably her playing and you watching/talking) and have fun! I could see her wanting to frequently spend time with you, taking you on digs, and exploring and stuff!

For Dirk, he was more... the only guy who I could think of who would fit? Most of the guys in homestuck really need someone there emotionally, which, I’m not saying you couldn’t do, I’m just saying that they’d need a lot more verbal and physical reassurance.

Dirk isn’t afraid to call others out, and never has been, although he is kinda sensitive to criticism. I feel like you two might have a rough patch at first, getting all your dirty laundry aired out, but after awhile you’d be pretty rock solid! 

He’d look forward to presents, since it’s a confirmation that you care about him, and that you were thinking of him. He’s not super mushy though, so I wouldn’t expect a huge grand thank you or anything -he’ll definitely give you something in return though! He’s very touch starved, so you will have to put up with him suddenly and awkwardly wanting hugs (god he’s so fucking awkward) and he’s not going to give anything to you straight. He’s honestly just going to jump around the answers and give cryptic nonsense bullshit but it’s kinda cool too because you can really get into debates together while airing out issues with each other.

The biggest issue I can see is that he unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) comes off as aggressive, and can really be an asshole despite having good intentions. It’s something you two would really have to work on. 

I wouldn’t say he’s the best fit, but with some work and time, he could definitely be a good moirail for you!

Pitch: Kankri Vantas

Explanation

For you, I felt that you needed someone willing to go toe-to-toe with you, someone who has thick skin, and will constantly banter with you. Unluckily, that... isn’t most of the homestuck guys. Nobody’s perfect though am I right? Anyway... I felt like you would need someone who was willing to have a rivalry with you, to get both of your aggression out, and just argue and have petty little physical spats that don’t actually go anywhere.

That’s why I picked Kankri Vantas as a good Kismesis!

I felt like the two of you would have interesting, and long banter sessions, debating on topics left and right and getting petty at each other while doing so. He’s a softer sort of Kismesis, which is going to be the ideal considering he won’t really get physical except for petty little cat fights where nobody actually gets injured but you’re more just wrassling, yknow? He’s going to have a little bit of a thin skin, but arguing with you is really going to change that. 

He’d be pretty willing to go toe-to-toe with you, and since you two are arguing so much, it’s going to help him open up his world view a little more, and it’ll help you open up and speak your mind a little more around strangers probably? I’m not sure, but I feel like it’ll really help you stay on top of things, especially comebacks, and such. He’s not very physically affectionate, and Kismesises don’t really do gifts but if you got him stuff he’d really like it... just not tell you he does. 

Honorable Mentions: Equius, Karkat, Sollux.

I feel like Equius might not be the best fit, considering he might not respond well to criticism or your way of bantering, and it would weigh down on both parties because he’s very very stubborn. I feel like you two just aren’t the best fit, because he might get... fetish-y with being with a human and it would probably just gross you out in the end.

With Karkat, he’s one for banter but... he’s pretty sensitive! You need someone who’s got thicker skin than he does, because criticism is needed, but he might not take to it well, and it would become more like bullying in his eyes, then he would lash out and... well, yknow.

With Sollux I initially thought he might be a pretty good fit! But then I realized that he’s pretty... flighty, erratic, and he’s going to respond well half the time, and the other he isn’t. A kismesis for him is going to be going toe to toe with him in banter, mentally, and physically, and know when exactly to step off and when to have thick skin against what he says. Which I’m not saying you CAN’T, I’m just saying I feel like he might hurt you, or you him, without realizing it, and it would turn into a mess.

Ashen: ... I don’t actually have one, sorry!