#anyway i have a desperate need to write hilson and to pour all of this in but they give me so many Feelings that its like staring at the sun

[russell-crowe]

when i said that i feel like people need to watch house md with house/wilson shipping goggles to understand my idea of love and my love language, i meant that i really want what they have from the perspective of relating to wilson.

i want someone who digs and digs until they find my mess, my insecurities, my fears, my ugly truths and who doesn’t flinch. someone who knows i'm afraid of being seen like that and still insists on seeing me, every single piece of me, even the ones I’m ashamed of. I want the constant push-and-pull, the maddening, infuriating need to know and be known.

i want someone who takes and takes because, well, i am so ready to give and give piece for piece until it becomes borderline unhealthy. i want to pour myself into something, into someone, even if it’s messy and complicated and sometimes feels like it’s falling apart. i want to be needed that badly, loved that fiercely.

i want the kind of dynamic where you’re always circling each other, always challenging each other, always finding new ways to break and rebuild each other. I want that intense, consuming connection, where even when it’s painful, you can’t imagine being anywhere else.

i just really want to find a house to my wilson because they remind me that somewhere out there, there might be someone who doesn’t just tolerate my chaos, but embraces it. someone who makes me feel like it’s okay to be a little broken, a little complicated, a little too much… because they’re all of those things, too. and somehow that just works. <3