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dakotacrisis · 3 years ago

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Cherry Blossoms (2)

Kagami comes to a horrifying realization

Read on AO3

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One thing Kagami did dislike about spring time was all the pollen in the air. Allergies had hit her hard these past coming weeks. Her eyes were watery, she couldn’t stop sneezing, and there was a persistent tickle in her throat that would not go away. Medicine helped but it didn’t block out everything which was a shame. Especially when Kagami was at home and trying to be quiet around her mother and she had to clear her throat every ten minutes.

She could not afford to be dogged down by allergies today though. In the days that had passed since Kagami had met Marinette, the girl that made Kagami’s world pink, they had gotten closer. Adrien was not joking about how easy it was to want to be Marinette’s friend. She was like a large blooming flower and everyone around her were buzzing bees or fluttering butterflies.

While the stand out feature about Marinette was her overwhelming kindness and positivity Kagami was noticing that there was a lot more to her. Marinette could be a bit of a dork. She made bad jokes just like Adrien and got excited about really mundane stuff. She was also incredibly smart. Not just booksmart, the girl was legitimately very clever. Coming up with new solutions to problems that work spectacularly well. She was a leader but treated everyone as equals when they worked together. She never talked down to someone, even when their ideas were stupid.

Kagami was starting to wonder if Marinette had any faults. She seemed too perfect to be real.

Then came the day that they went out to the pool. While the weather had gotten warmer everyone was impatient to get to warmer weather and summer time. So to chase away the hay fever blues Kagami and her friends had decided to go to the swimming pool at the local gym.

Kagami came out in a conservative red one piece bathing suit that was more practical than pretty. The others came out in full in their own swimming attire. Then Marinette walked into the room and all eyes turned. Kagami breathed out in relief when she saw the large yellow cover up Marinette was wearing. Maybe Marinette was one of those people that just liked to sit at the edge with her feet in the water. That would be the safest option. No need for anyone to have a sudden nose bleed at seeing her in a swimsuit.

Just as Kagami had predicted Marinette sat on the sidelines talking with her friends with her feet in the water. Kagami swam up to her.

“This was a nice idea,” Kagami said, “Getting everyone together to go swimming. Everyone seems to be having a lot of fun.”

“Some more than others,” Marinette giggled and pointed across the pool where Kim was trying to get his girlfriend Ondine on his shoulders for a chicken fight. “They do know that the lifeguard is going to yell at them for that, right?”

“The lifeguard is too busy eyeing up Juleka to notice,” Kagami said.

“Oh geez,” Marinette cupped her hands around her mouth, “She has a girlfriend! Stop ogling! She’s way too young for you anyway!”

Kagami stifled a snort. “Wow, didn’t know you were just gonna yell at him like that. I didn’t think it was possible for you to get mad anyone.”

“Oh my sweet Kagami,” Marinette said, “You don’t know how fired up I can really get. That was tame in comparison.”

“Really?” she smirked, “Didn’t peg you as the hotheaded type. What does it take to get you of all people angry?”

“Having a lack of human decency for one--gimme a second--” she shouted at the lifeguard again, “She’s sixteen, gay, and in the three foot end of the pool! How about you pay attention to the idiots on each other’s shoulders over this way!”

The lifeguard sneered but blew his whistle to get the others to stop.

“Marinette!” Alix whined from atop Ivan’s shoulders, “I was just about to win!”

“Boo!” Kim called, “Marinette’s a rat!”

“Don’t get upset at me because you were being irresponsible.” Marinette called back.

The four teenagers shared a look and as one pulled themselves out of the pool and started making their way towards where Marinette and Kagami were. What were they planning? Marinette seemed to sense what was about to happen and scrambled to her feet.

“Oh no you don’t!” Kim grabbed before she could escape, “Ivan, get her feet!”

Ivan scooped up Marinette’s flailing feet.

“Don’t you dare!” Marinette screeched but there was a playful smile on her face, “Kim, I swear if you throw me in the pool you will live to regret it.”

“I think I can live with that,” he smiled back, “On three. One...two...three!” the boys tossed Marinette into the deep end of the pool in a mass of flailing noodle limbs.

She surfaced again sputtering and coughing as she cleared the water from her nose. Everyone was laughing and having a good time.

“You okay?” Kagami swam over to her.

“I’m fine, they’re just a bunch of jokesters who are going to get their comeuppance one day. You hear me, Kim!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, girly!” Kim cackled and took off with the others once more.

Marinette pulled herself back out of the water and stripped off her now soaked cover up. Kagami almost had a stroke. Underneath her modesty saving cover up was a black two piece that complimented her petite figure perfectly. Kagami turned away so she couldn’t see her blushing face.

Stop it! Stop getting so flustered! She’s just one girl!

Kagami glanced up and noticed that the pervy life guard that had been ogling Juleka was now looking their way. Was he mad that they called him out on being a creep? No...that wasn’t the face of someone who was angry. She looked back at Marinette who was ringing out her coverup and settling it over a chair to dry.

Not today captain pervert! Kagami climbed out of the pool and threw her towel over Marinette. She looked up at Kagami confused. “Hi there, why did you--”

“That lifeguard needs to get reported or something. His eyes were practically glued to your butt, the pig.” Kagami sneered.

“Gross!” Marinette pulled Kagami’s towel closer, shielding herself from any unwanted attention. “I was thinking about getting in the pool but I really don’t want to now.”

“There’s a hot tub in that room over there that no one is using and the lifeguard can’t see into. Did you wanna go in there for a bit?” Kagami suggested.

“Perfect,” the girls adjourned to the hot tub, all the while glaring daggers at the perverted lifeguard. Kagami was going to report him before they left today. Now safely away from the prying eyes the girls sunk into the steaming, bubbling water with sighs of relief.

“Swimming is well and good but I think there’s something very nice about just being able to lounge like this.” Marinette sunk down in her seat so the water lapped at her chin.

“It is rather nice to be able to unwind after a long day, maybe I should try to talk my mother into getting one of these at home. It’d be a god send to have it for after fencing practice.” Kagami hummed in agreement. “Hopefully the steam can also help with my allergies. They have been a nightmare recently.”

“That sucks. Medicine doesn’t help?”

“Not as well as it should.” as if to prove her point Kagami’s throat began to scratch and tickle again. “Ugh,” she coughed, “I think the steam is trying to dislodge the mucus so that’s a plus at least.”

Oh god she just talked about mucus in front of Marinette.

“Poor Kagami,” Marinette wrapped her thin arms around her. She rested her head on Kagami’s shoulder. “It’s such a shame you have to suffer during one of the most beautiful times of the year.”

“Yeah…” Kagami stifled another cough, “Really stinks…”

Marinette let go but didn’t move back to her spot on the other side of the hot tub. Instead opting to sit right next to Kagami to talk. Kagami was thankful for the heat since it hid the hot red blush in her cheeks. How could Marinette be this comfortable when Kagami was fighting to keep herself together?

A few minutes later everyone had to leave. Apparently the pervy lifeguard from before hadn’t learned his lesson and turned his gaze on Alya. Nino rightfully got pissed that this creep was eyeing his girlfriend and they got into a fight. Not the best way to end what was supposed to be a fun outing but at least the lifeguard had gotten what was coming to him.

“We should do this again when someone less creepy isn’t on lifeguard duty.” Marinette sat on the edge of the hot tub, reluctant to leave the sweet warmth just yet.

Kagami nodded in agreement. She had already gotten out and was toweling off. She was trying her best not to stare at Marinette. The last thing she needed was to get caught admiring the way the ends of her hair curled when they dried or the sprinkling of freckles along her shoulders. Or how her face was extra rosy and dewy looking from being in the steam. Or how jealous she was of the droplets of water that ran down her arms and back like a sweet caress--

Oh for the love of teenage hormones! Stop it!

“Since we had to cut this short what do you think about grabbing some juice?” Marinette swung her legs out and slipped.

“Marinette!” Kagami caught her just before she could fall and righted her back on the edge of the hot tub. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, thanks for catching me,” Marinette had settled her arms on Kagami’s shoulders for stability. It was at this moment Kagami realized that she had grabbed hold of Marinette’s waist and was now standing between her spread legs. Marinette smiled down at her like none of this bothered her in the least. It probably didn’t. Of course it wouldn’t. Why should it? She was Marinette and Kagami was just the nice friend that kept her from slipping off the edge of the hot tub. Nothing more to think of. Certainly nothing that would make one combust from raging hormones.

“Of course,” Kagami let go but stayed close enough to help if Marinette fell. She didn’t. Good. For numerous reasons.

“Now I have to insist on getting juice,” Marinette said as she started drying off, “A thank you for saving me.”

“It was really nothing. Don’t feel like you have to award me for being a decent person.” Kagami told her.

“Nonsense, besides, it’s just juice.”

“Alright then,” Kagami couldn’t say no to her, “Juice sounds wonderful.”

“Great! I’ll ask the others if they wanna come too!” Marinette bounced happily out of the room to talk to the others.

Once Kagami was sure she was alone she balled up her towel and screamed into it. This cannot be happening! She cannot be catching feelings for Marinette! Why did god have to put such a beautiful and perfect specimen of a girl in front of her and expect her not to fall? She was like the first warm breeze of spring that cut through the wintry cold. What was Kagami next to her but a chipmunk in hibernation waiting for her to return and be awoken? There were probably a million people that felt that exact same way and yet none of them probably thought of her as anything more than a friend while Kagami had to suffer with her pitched emotions. Every day since she met her those feelings bubbled closer and closer to the service and Kagami wasn’t sure how long she would be able to keep them in.

Most of the class went to get juice after they finished changing. At least in a crowd Kagami could put some distance between her and Marinette. She seated herself at the other end of the table next to Adrien and sucked down her drink to avoid talking.

“You okay?” Adrien asked, “You’ve barely said a word since we left the pool. Did the lifeguard put you off? I can understand if he did.”

“It’s not that,” Kagami sighed, her gaze flicking over to Marinette for the briefest moment, “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Anything you want to talk about? I’m always here if you need someone.”

“Thanks, Adrien, but I don’t know how you can help in a situation like this. It’s nothing really. Just stupid teenage crap that I am terrible at handling because I have never had to deal with something like it before.”

“You unable to handle something? That’s a first. What could have the great and fearless Kagami Tsurugi so thoroughly flummoxed?”

More like who. Kagami thought sadly. This time when she glanced at Marinette she saw her and waved. Kagami swallowed back another gulp of juice before waving back.

“You know,” Adrien said, “If you don’t feel comfortable talking to me about it maybe you can ask Marinette. She loves helping her friends and she’s seen and dealt with all of our teen drama. There’s nothing the girl can’t handle.”

“I’m sure but it really is nothing. Certainly nothing to bother Marinette about.” How would that conversation even go? Hello, Marinette, I believe I like you and may even be falling in love with you the more I get to know you and I don’t know how to handle that while still remaining your friend. Thoughts? She may as well tear out her heart and offer it up on a silver platter for her to eat while she’s at it. It would certainly be less painful and a lot quicker.

The group adjourned for the day and Kagami said a quick goodbye but not before Marinette grabbed hold of her and pulled her into a hug. “Have a nice evening, Kagami. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Bye!”

“Goodbye,” Kagami whispered the word but Marinette was already huffing it away from the cafe.

“Hey! How come I didn’t get a goodbye hug?” Adrien pouted, “Lucky you, I knew you two would get along great.”

“Yep.” Kagami coughed, “Lucky me.”

She locked herself in her room when she returned home. Her cough had come back with a vengeance and no allergy or cold medicine would relieve it. Her thoughts would not still either. Every time she closed her eyes visions of Marinette from today assaulted her. It felt like she was back in the hot tub choking on the heat and steam. Marinette’s head on her shoulder, Kagami’s hands on her waist, that dazzling smile beaming down at her with gratitude.

So pure. So kind. Like a bundle of pink cotton candy that melted into decadent sugary sweetness on her tongue. Goodness, this girl was turning her into a poet if nothing else. Just saying that she was beautiful and kind and fantastic wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

Another raucous round of coughing wracked her body and tears sprung to her eyes with the intensity of it. When it finally ended she rubbed the tears from her eyes and gazed down at the three little pink cherry blossom petals in her lap. She picked one up and inspected the delicate flower in the waning light of the setting sun. Where on earth did these…

A hand flew to her throat.

Oh...

Oh no.

For the second time that day she grabbed for something to smother the intensity of her screams.

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(Previous) (Next)

#miraculous ladybug #marigami #kagaminette #marinette dupain cheng #kagami tsurugi #hanahaki disease au

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afniel · 3 years ago

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Imma put some (heavy? I'm not sure? I don't go into any graphic details of anything bad but I guess it's a big topic, check the tags if you want to know more) mental health stuff under the cut, so, here's the cut.

I'm feeling like I can and maybe should be a little more open about this recently, so...I've realized that it's highly likely that I've got Dissociative Identity Disorder. Now granted, I'm not diagnosed at the time of this post, but it's something I've been living with for basically my entire life already, and I've got a ton of practice dealing with myself and working through shit, so I'm pretty sure it is what it is. Plus, honestly, how else do you explain containing several other people who are also me except all of these mes don't necessarily share access to each other's memories or skills*, which occasionally causes some really difficult shit for all of me. I'm self-aware enough that I notice missed time and holes in my memory now—we don't ask about the times I couldn't notice them, those are pretty bad times—and the only alter I have who's even capable of fully taking over if I blank out isn't even really distinguishable from me, he's just funnier. And I've got pretty decent communication methods with all of them, which aren't even that many at this point...I used to have a few more. (I would pay the super organized one with the great fashion sense to come back, though, damn.)

And yes, before anyone comes in like, "Well, Ackshually, you need to have experienced repeated, regular trauma before the age of—" ...don't assume that I didn't, man, because I did. I blocked it all from memory for years until 2020 started unearthing shit because I had nothing but time and nothing to do but introspect, and I just wasn't ready to accept it until then. To be clear, I definitely don't mean any sort of fun or self-induced kind of multiplicity, here, I mean the sort where at several points in my life I've had people tell me that I did/said stuff I don't even remember and would never normally do/say when I legitimately believed I was asleep. And then I blocked those out of memory too, because why not at that point. It's a self-defense mechanism, and one that's very hard to distinguish from ADHD and fibro and sleep disturbance memory problems, any of which are shitty enough on their own.

Honestly it doesn't mean anyone has to do anything differently around me. I'm still Me, I've just realized that I never quite got glued together right during some developmental stages because of environmental pressure to, in fact, not do that at all, because it was a lot easier to function that way. None of my parts feel like Entirely Not Me, they've got names and different voices and all but as a whole I don't want to be addressed differently, it's just this weird feeling of realizing that my brain runs very oddly, looking under the hood, and finding out that it's not even assembled but it's somehow managing to carry on anyway...and has been like this since I was a child, which is clear in hindsight now that I'm not involuntarily blanking everything about it out.

I'm gonna at some point here try and see if I have access to any therapists who can work with DID, 'cause man, it kinda sucks and I wouldn't mind managing it better. I'm not doing badly now, but I haven't been doing spectacularly in general with it, so, y'know. There's always room to improve.

(I'm especially mad that I'm funnier than myself, what the actual fuck. How does that even work.)

*Footnote: I discovered the hard way that my most functional guardian sort of alter actually can't draw, he just cribs off of my memory if he needs to do it because he's got nearly full access to it (though I have only middly access to his memory), but we switched so abruptly one time that I kinda shunted off into nowhere for a very confusing 20-30 seconds of staring at the tablet going, "Hey, wow, this is really good. Who drew—oh shit, I'm drawin' this? Oh no. I have no fuckin' idea how to draw, fuck, what do I do?" until everything kinda stopped bluescreening. Funny in retrospect but also very much an Oh No This Is Serious Isn't It moment.

Plus side, he also doesn't have fibromyalgia, which is GREAT but another sign that hey, uh, something is not working as expected here, because why would I just sometimes not have a chronic condition, but only when I'm in this REALLY specific mental state...? Brains are wild, y'all.

#mental health stuff #do I dare tag it...eh yeah why not #Dissociative Identity Disorder #actually dissociative #actually DID #add another weird thing about me to the weird thing list I guess

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madroxed · 5 years ago

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“YOU KNOW THAT YOUR BOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN, RIGHT?” [fic meme. SIMON/RAPHAEL, COLLEGE AU, ENEMIES TO LOVERS. for @hoechlder. @ao3.]

“Okay,” Raphael Santiago’s saying, leaning back smoothly in his chair in a way that would absolutely have Simon unbalancing onto the floor, and offering his trademark smug smile at the poor girl across the table, “but madness as a trope has been at the base of the ghost story at least since Shakespeare…”

Simon tunes him out. It’s probably a really good point and he should be making notes, but he just….can’t. Raphael starts talking and Simon automatically switches off; it’s been that way since approximately nought point two seconds into their freshman year when Raphael had eyed Simon’s ironic Care Bears t-shirt with disgust and asked him if he wasn’t confusing college with elementary school.

Simon hates him.

“You don’t hate him,” Jace says later, when Simon’s finishing up rant number 1458 on why Raphael Santiago has been put on this earth specifically to torture him. Clary shoots Jace a sceptical look so Simon doesn’t have to. “He’s part of your college experience. Everyone needs a good nemesis.”

“Um,” Clary says, “who’s yours?”

“Your father,” Jace says, like it’s obvious. “I didn’t say it had to be another student. Izzy’s is the conservative dress code, and Alec’s is every obnoxious heterosexual couple he knows.”

“That’s us,” Clary tells Simon with a smile.

Jace salutes. “It’s worse because he has to spend all his time with us, but better because he can tell us to our face how gross we are.” He wipes away a fake tear. “He’ll look back on those memories fondly.”

“Okay, I get it. You guys get off on tormenting Alec,” Simon says, “but just so we’re clear, Raphael Santiago really is the worst.”

“We know, honey,” Clary says, patting his leg.

Simon feels very patronized.

Magnus decides that a Wednesday night is a totally reasonable time to throw a party, which is patently untrue but they all go anyway.

They lose Alec almost immediately, taking up his place at Magnus’ side as his boyfriend holds court, and Izzy disappears shortly after, followed by the eyes of roughly a million admirers Simon can’t fault for a second.

“You good?” Clary asks, and Simon waves a hand.

“Go. Find a corner to make out in. I’ll be fine.”

“Great, thanks,” Jace says, tugging Clary away before she can change her mind.

“You’re blocking the door,” a horribly familiar voice says, and Simon squeezes his eyes shut for a long moment before stepping aside.

“What are you doing here?” Simon asks before he can stop himself. He doesn’t care, he really doesn’t, except that he absolutely does and it’s going to drive him crazy for the rest of the night.

Raphael shoots him a look that says he knows exactly how Simon feels. “Unfortunately, I live here.”

“Uh,” Simon says, and wonders if he knew that. He’s ninety-percent sure he didn’t, in which case he and Alec are going to have a serious chat. “Since when?”

“Since the start of the year.” Raphael rolls his eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Magnus is technically my guardian. Was my guardian. Obviously that stopped being important when I turned eighteen, but the damage was done.”

“And by damage,” Simon says, “you mean emotions?”

He thinks Raphael may actually growl. It’s fascinating. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be studying? You looked a little lost in Monday’s seminar…”

“Wow,” Simon says, and wonders where the alcohol is, “A, not all of us feel the need to take over discussions. And B, fuck you.”

Raphael smirks, and Simon wants to scream. No one in the world is able to get under his skin this much, and that’s saying something considering he and Jace accidentally became friends in sophomore year.

“I’m walking away now,” Simon says, and ignores Raphael’s mocking laugh behind him.

Simon’s drunk. Very, very drunk. Possibly the most drunk he’s ever been.

“Nope,” Clary says, pointing her glass at him. Half of it sloshes over the rim. “Remember prom? We were wasted.”

“God,” Simon says, scrunching up his nose. “That was bad.”

“So bad,” Clary agrees. “Where’s the vodka?”

Simon passes her a bottle that, actually, may be tequila? Honestly at this point he’s not sure it matters.

“Did you know Raphael lives here?” he asks out of nowhere, and Clary gasps.

“No! Here here?”

“Yep!”

Clary blinks and drinks her tequila. “Wow. So weird. You should go say hi!”

Simon snorts. “I already did. Sort of.”

“Well go say it again,” Clary says, pushing ineffectively at his arm. “With sexy eyes or something.”

Simon’s brain shorts out. “…What? Why?”

Clary laughs. “Because you like him, doofus. You like like him. You want to kiss him and marry him and be shouty about…comic books and that show only you two watch forever.”

“You liar,” Simon says, because all of that is blatantly untrue. Clary has no idea what she’s talking about. Absolutely none. Simon hates Raphael. Hates his stupid smug smile and his expensive jackets and his perfect hair and the way he always makes Simon feel hot and awkward and like he’s the only person in the room.

“Oh shit,” he says, and Clary nods, patting him on the shoulder.

“S’ok,” she says.

“It really, really isn’t,” Simon says and snatches the bottle of tequila back.

It’s very possible he’s dying. Everything’s both very loud and very bright even though his eyes are definitely still closed, and it tastes like something’s died on his tongue.

“Fuck,” he croaks and rolls over only to crash promptly to the floor. “Fuck.”

When he finally manages to open his eyes, Raphael’s staring down at him, wearing a heavy brocade robe and holding a truly giant mug. “You okay down there?”

“Your couch sucks,” Simon says, and Raphael shrugs.

“Magnus chose it, blame him.”

“Where’s everyone else?” Simon asks, attempting to sit up and failing spectacularly.

“They, like normal house guests, went home when the party finished.”

“Ah,” Simon says. “And, uh, I…didn’t?”

Raphael frowns. “You don’t remember?”

“Nope,” Simon says with a wince. “Too much…I’m gonna guess tequila based on the throbbing behind my eyes.”

“…Right,” Raphael says, and if Simon didn’t know better he’d say he was upset. He’s probably just mad that Simon’s still there, taking up his couch on a Thursday morning and stopping him reading the entire works of Tolstoy or whatever it is Raphael does for fun.

“I’ll get out of your hair as soon as I can, you know, stand up without breaking something.”

Raphael sighs. “There’s coffee in the kitchen.”

The kitchen’s a disaster zone, bottles and empty cups everywhere, and Simon doesn’t want to know what he just stepped in. Still, the smell of fresh coffee manages to take away some of the edge and Simon goes through cupboards until he finds a mug almost as large of Raphael’s.

“So,” he says, when Raphael follows him as far as the doorframe, “did you, uh, need help cleaning up, or…?”

“You really don’t remember anything about last night?” Raphael says, ignoring the question, and Simon frowns.

“I mean, I remember getting here and you telling me you live here, and I remember Jace starting up a game of beer pong, but after that…nope, not really.”

“Do you remember the party Magnus threw for Isabelle’s birthday our freshman year?” Raphael asks, which is completely out of left field, wow.

“Sure,” Simon says carefully. “Not the specifics, but I remember it was a fun night.”

“So,” Raphael says, and Simon’s not so hungover he doesn’t recognize the danger in his tone, “you don’t remember finding me on the balcony and telling me that you, and I quote, found me ‘super hot, especially when I do that smug asshole thing.’?”

Simon blinks.

“And,” Raphael continues, “you don’t remember the fourth of July when you brought me melted ice-cream and told me you liked my voice? Or the time you kissed me in the garden at one of Isabelle’s stupid sorority parties?” He takes a step forward and Simon swallows nervously. “Or last night when you found me in my room and told me you wanted to marry me and have shouty arguments forever?”

“Um,” Simon says.

“I see,” Raphael says. “It was just the tequila, then.”

He turns to leave and Simon finally remember to actually do something.

“Wait,” he says, and Raphael pauses. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Raphael looks at him like he’s an idiot. Which…fair. “Because you didn’t.”

Which—

Fuck.

The thing is, well, okay, yeah. Simon’s had a crush on Raphael since he insulted his Care Bears t-shirt and proceeded to start an argument over the benefits of new media in literary studies. He knows this. Sure, he tries to keep it buried as far down in his own denial as he can, but it doesn’t help when he spends most of every shared seminar they have staring at the sharp jut of Raphael’s collarbone beneath his stupidly expensive button-downs.

It’s a thing.

He just…hadn’t known that maybe it was a shared thing.

“I woke up on the couch,” he says, which isn’t at all what he’d meant to come out of his mouth but at least it’s a full sentence.

“Obviously,” Raphael says. “You were wasted.”

“So I didn’t kiss you?”

The corner of Raphael’s mouth tilts up, just a little. “Oh, you did.”

“So you didn’t kiss me back?” Simon says, piecing events together slowly but surely.

“I never do,” Raphael says, and Simon frowns, feeling confused and a little hurt. “I always tell you to kiss me when you’re sober. You never do.”

Simon, it turns out, is the biggest idiot on the planet. Clearly college is wasted on him.

“Right,” he says, digging the last remnants of his bravery out from his pounding skull. “Right.”

It’s probably not super romantic that he steps in the wet patch again, but as first kisses goes it’s…well. It’s pretty fucking excellent, actually.

Right up until Raphael pulls away.

“God, you really need to brush your teeth.”

“Yeah,” Simon says, backing up awkwardly. “Yeah, I’ll just—”

“There’s spare toothbrushes under the sink,” Raphael says, rolling his eyes, but the flush on his cheeks gives him away.

“Be right back,” Simon says, and tries to remember where the bathroom is.

Raphael’s doing the leaning thing again. Simon wants to try it but he’s not going to risk crashing to the floor whilst they’re still in the honeymoon phase. Besides, he doesn’t think he’d look anywhere near as cool.

Raphael’s embroidered jacket is draped over the back of his chair and his shirt is unbuttoned at the collar, and Simon has no idea what conversation the professor’s just struck up.

Which isn’t too different from normal, really.

Raphael catches his eye and Simon’s heart does a truly embarrassing skippy thing in his chest.

“You know that your book is upside down, right?” Raphael says, smirk sliding into place, and Simon sighs.

He can always kiss it away later.

[for the au + trope + prompt game. send me one!]

#saphael #saphael fic #shadowhunters #shadowhunters fic #simon x raphael #my fic #hoechlder #TUMBLR KEEPS EATING MY ASKS WHEN I TRY AND REPLY AND PUTTING THE READ MORE IN THE ASK ITSELF???#it's so annoying

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dutifullybitchypeach · 4 years ago

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My two cents worth for the first six chapters and some reasoning around IC and Nesta. All my own personal opinion. Read if you want but it's just my general thoughts. Please, please don't flip if you disagree. I love Nesta and the darkness she is in right now and her behaviour is taking over this sassy no nonsense Queen and it needs to change.

THIS INCLUDES SPOILERS.

....................

Is the House of Wind a prison...technically no. Nesta just does not have the ability to fly or winnow. And no one is on standby to be her taxi. She can leave by walking. Amren threw her that challenge on purpose. She's not alone, Az and Cassian live there. And the Priestesses. Yes it has dark memories. Yes. I know that and I take it on board.

On a side note, it's irritating to hear 'I'm not your prisoner" from Nesta (who I like!!!!) I think of Azriel, Feyre, all the Fae Under the Mountain, even Elide 💗. Then again everyone's idea of prison is different. But the fact remains. She CAN leave. It's just bollocks hard. For a reason

But we know it's what she needs. We know that. We don't have to like it. Not one likes the reality. The ultimatum is uncomfortable and harsh. Our way or fuck off. They are not suggesting manual labour or degrading her. They suggest training, food, working in a library, purpose, being part of something. This doesn't sound bad to me. It just sucks it comeing across as an order. But this is Nesta's POV and she doesn't do requests or pretty please. The fact I got riled up reading it is a compliment to Mass. I had to take a major step back and reassess. Nesta sees everything as an attack. And no that is not her fault. Stay with me! I agree people enjoy provoking Nesta ( Rhys, Morrigan, Cassian) and then get affronted when she bites back. At some point I'd enjoy her retaliation akin to her ripping their head off :) And their vow to never go there again.

The IC 'review' is what annoys me. The "we" will decide where you go from here if you play ball. My hope 🤞 is that Nesta will TELL THEM where she will go/what she will do with sass. But right now sitting on a rock instead of trying to train is fucking juvenile (Again I stress I like Nesta). She hates her power as far as I can tell. But she is so low she can't see the wood from the trees. Or the hand that is been given to her.

Does Feyre have a right to be embarrassed. Yes. I'd die of shame if my sister (I have 3 btw) kept at that again and again and again all on my families dime. Without even being polite or respectful to anyone. She's only ever provided for Nesta. Period. Not to mention being a high lady with all the responsibilities that entails. Living her own life (well earned) and well life in general! I mean Jesus, Nesta is not her only priority. She maybe ours lol! But Feyre has 101 things going on. Give her credit. She tried with Nesta several times. Gave her space and time which Nesta wanted while still making the effort to reach out. Nesta needs to acknowledge that. Feyre was bankrolling her self destructive lifestyle and it had to stop.

The whole "your behaviour reflects badly on us". Well yes it does. Nesta doesn't get a free pass. The whole of Pyrithian is rebuilding and our girl is pissing away money. That's not even hers! Her behaviour does undermine the Court, folks must eye roll when IC lay down the law when your sister/ sister in law is prancing around being a with a big fuck you. Everyone is broken and rebuilding. And it's a slap in the face. Is the saving face irrelevant to Nestas issues, yes! But is Feyre allowed to feel fucked over, yes! Sisters say shit when they fight. Arguments are not flawless debates. Their emotive and bring out the worst in people. Feyre darling is feeling the pressure of being high lady and it came out all wrong. Especially when it's your sister acting up.

And Nesta never tried (as far as Feyre can tell) WE know Nesta IS trying, and surviving every day is a battle. But Feyre doesn't. Why would she. Nesta doesn't speak to her. But their relationship is so toxic that it's beyond Feyre to get it. And that is not her fault. NO ONE is perfect. There is only so much responsibility Feyre can CONTINUALLY take.

Rhys being there. I have a feeling that a male will not let his pregnant mate anywhere near someone he is afraid of. It's instinctive. Someone who hasn't trained to control their powers especially. He is on High Lord mode cause guess what he is a High Lord. This is his court and the people in it his responsibility. Not to mention the oncoming drama with the queens on the horizon and general court bullshit. Does he abuse his position of power.... well in this world the HL have the power. Everyone is answerable to one. Even Amren obeys the rules. Nesta doesn't/won't recognize that. Which is rare. They tricked and lied to get her "consent" surprise surprise a dick move from Rhysand/Feyre. We know they will do that for the "greater good". Lie, steal etc all in the name of saving the day. He screwed Morrigan over in front of her ass Father for flip sake! My point is the NC stability is his priority now more than ever if impending fatherhood is on the way. It's no surprise he wants Cassian to take on more responsibility. Nesta is a liability cause she is AWOL. It's worth noting he had this plan for months but Feyre refused preferring to give Nesta space and the opportunity to decide for herself what she wanted. So we could assume if Rhys had his way Amren and Nesta would have still been friends and it would have been far different. Amren would have been by her side. Do I condone his domineering behaviour, no not in a million years. And neither did Feyre. Will he apologise? Probably not he's an arrogant ass. And wanted to control the room. Fact. He wants/needs Nesta on board the team to bolster his ranks. She is that powerful. We KNOW he will do anything to protect his family (baby on the way).

Morrigan and her nasty comment on sending Nesta to The Court of Nightmares. Cassian acknowledges it's an insult but also the truth. That's a harsh fact on how Nesta is percieved right now. But I believe she wouldn't just thrive there, she would CONQUER ;) I don't know if Morrigan is referring to the people that abused her or the "type" of people that live in Hewn City...? Will we give HER the benefit of the doubt... hmmm.

Morrigan and that comment on good people giving Nesta the benefit of the doubt...that's Morrigans issue. She never gave Eris the benefit of the doubt and yet he proved her wrong with Keir. She's all over the place as a result . And she's been lying for 5 centuries. To her family. Cassian said he values the raw honesty that he has with Morrigan. Wow is he going to get a shock some day. Nesta may be a bitch but at least she's an honest one. And Morrigan knows it which must rattle her to no end. Point is Mor isn't supposed to be in this story very much and Nesta never really cared for her opinion anyway. So neither should we. I've checked out of Mor. Knowing she won't give Azriel closure or honesty just makes me not consider her opinion. It suits her to keep Nesta down in the gutter so her lie can continue.

Amren - her behaviour. I have to remind myself Amren is OLD, a stint in the Dungeon is probably a standard response! Her idea after the Summer Court fiasco and the jewels was to go there and crush them. Amren is by nature harsh. Which is why she gets on with Nesta the most. Cassian tells us she cares. Nesta can't see this. Her comment on Nestas sex life in ACOFAS. People ran with that. Fae lifestyles always kind of disgusted her. She wasn't Fae so bodily functions were an alien concept. Now she's Fae she's slightly horrified. Also no one else has much to say on Nesta's bedroom antics. Cause it's a non issue Mass doesn't do slut shaming. So neither should we. Speaking as a woman also here.

Elaine - we know Elaine craves peace and quiet. Confrontation is not her thing. Being there would mean Nesta would use her as a crutch, and I'm not sure Elaine wouldn't cave. Nesta pushed her away on purpose and Elaine choose to try and find some sort of contentment. That's her right and choice. Agree or disagree. She walked away or decided she can't deal with Nestas difficult behaviour. I don't know. Or is she oblivious to the situation ?! Who knows. Elaine is an enigma! It's the first 6 chapters! Right now they are two different people and have been drifting apart since ACOWR. Nesta is a dichotomy of pushing people away and hurt when they stop trying. It's exhausting for the people that have to deal with it. Who are not perfect and have their own issues and lives. Elaine has stepped back from this situation. Because either she recognizes it needs to happen or cannot sway the majority. Though I think Elaine did say something to Feyre, cause when Nesta pressed her she refused to say what Elaine thought. Just that she wasn't there and not part of the issue. Feyre is high handed when it comes to her sisters. Because that's the role they allowed her. Nesta is fighting back. And Feyre takes it personally. Which is only natural. They're sisters.

Cassian! Ah Cassian. He was spectacularly rejected and being around Nesta is a constant reminder. That's enough to make me cringe in a corner. He acknowledges he stayed away cause it hurt too much. He's a soldier and has serious self discipline. He has no idea how his behaviour/comments hurt her until she confronts him. Deliver him a few home truths. Another well deserved kick in the balls. Flirting with Mor, not sure his behaviour there has ever changed. He keeps it normal cause being around Nesta gives him the shakes!! Lol. He is slack jawed after Nesta and wants her badly, passion we know is big thing for them. It ignites them. Raw and real. Recognising Morrigan is aesthetically beautiful is just a fact. We know she's a looker. So what. Meh to this issue some people have.

We know from spoilers they start training and communicating and Mass is a Nessain ship so I'm excited to see this grow and flourish! I've read spoilers here on these two so I've no qualms.

Cassian for me is right. He and others have been through similar situations before so can empathise. But until she answers him back without snapping he won't be able to be that shoulder to lean on or turn too. He's not going to be her Prince though. Nesta is her own Queen!

I've read some spoilers on her friendships and I'm so happy. I've no idea how it will go but it says to me that the IC have a block when it comes to Nesta and don't see her the way others do and Nesta opens up to people who don't have a predisposed prejudice.

Also the IC have no idea how Nesta is going to react at any stage. It's like walking around on eggshells. Why would anyone actively choose to be around someone like that. That and very obvious fact they are BUSY AF. They don't have time to have a daily bollicking from Nesta. Yet all fall in when the plan is announced. Make what you will of that.

Some further musings:

Nesta being reminded she has to be respectful to Clotho and the priestesses is sobering. Like wow, people can't trust you will have basic manners. Again I know this is Feyre saying it but Christ to worry about that. Will be interesting with Gwyn and that friendship and a nice reality check for the IC.

I spent 4 God damn books understanding Rhys motives. He's a prick yes. Which I enjoy. But the bastard people are making him out to be I don't agree. Half of Pyrethian hates/hated him, Nesta hating him won't stress him. Or her for that matter. They have a 2 people they both care about in common and will just have to deal.

Training in Illyria, well Nesta is powerful, training in the mountains is probably damage control if she explodes. And a change of scenery from her prison!

Rhys was controlled for 50 years, Amren escaped worlds to be free. I don't believe they want to control Nesta.

Families are messy and fucked up. The intervention is a perfect example of how arseways it can get.

Azriel being Azriel I'm not sure about anything with him right now. I've read the snippets and spoilers and I'm all over the place. He is one of my favourites. FYI when I say IC I never mean Azriel I don't know why but I always imagine he finds it just plain drama and avoids it at all costs. Nesta is drinking and gambling away her life. Okay! Nesta is now training and we are all on board to help. Okay! Nesta is a powerful Queen and we are all afraid. Okay! Nesta has turned Cassian into a drooling mess and hes ass is hers. Excellent ;)

Sisters! They need to deal and respect each others independence. They are all in the wrong. It's just annoying at this stage. Personally I'll rip into my sisters when I need to but usually get a red mist when anyone else does. Even if they are in the wrong. I have a habit of always defending them.

So overall the angst killed me in the first 6 chapters. Did Rhys dominant shite irritate me? Yes. Do I want Nesta to make it clear she's not a pawn in his/their world? Yes. In spectacular fashion please.

Did Feyre handle it well? No. Does she ever deal with Nesta well? No. Perhaps only when Nesta is more inclined to talk. Which is rare. The ultimatum we know from Cassian sickened Feyre she recognizes it for what it is it but really cannot see any other option. Her fault or a combination of factors you decide. It was hyper tense situation we all just wanted to get through.

Would we be so angry if this was a soft approach headed by Elaine/Feyre/Amren? Would Nesta even react?

Cassian compared Nesta to a sleeping dragon who has just been woken up. Nesta needed a kick in teeth. A major reality check. Life in Pyrethian is hard. This a fae world. She is angry and incensed they have dared to 'interfere' and 'assume' she will be controlled. I want her to tackle her demons, confront her fears her issues with herself and others and live! Live! I've no idea what she wants and can't wait to find out.

***I've read some spoilers on the end. The rumours and the actual basic plot ending. I'm like Mass I love a HEA. And am hopeful I'll be satisfied. I had a similar theory when I heard the pregnancy rumour. A move by Nesta that would never have anyone doubt her.

#acosf spoilers #a court of silver flames #acofs #nessian #nesta archeron #nesta and azriel brotp

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superbatson · 5 years ago

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hey,, word on the street is,, u make a pretty decent headcanons list. I will take one order of leif pining over tobin or domestic coder boyfriends. pls n thank u. 🥰

you got it!

okay so, going off that suggested idea of tobin getting a boyfriend and leif growing jealous...

leif has no idea why he’s suddenly become so anti-productive. he tries to get himself focused on his work - the chirp is launching in a few months, anyway, so he’s on the clock - but he just can’t. he’s constantly finding himself distracted, looking towards tobin’s desk, where he too is getting little work done, his own attention turned onto his phone. he’s messaging back and forth with his boyfriend, the word somehow making leif sick to his stomach, and he keeps giggling like the guy’s the funniest person ever. leif used to be able to make tobin laugh like that. he doesn’t know what’s changed.

like seemingly everyone else in zoey’s life, leif refuses to acknowledge his feelings for tobin and growing jealousy over his newfound relationship. so, naturally, this pulls a heartsong from him, which zoey hears loud and clear one day while at work, enough that it pulls her own focus towards leif, watching as, in her head, he pulls himself out of the meeting room he’d been working in, hovering around tobin’s desk whilst singing “sweater weather” by the neighbourhood. it frustrates zoey, because getting involved in her boss’ personal life was bad enough, but now she has to help her enemy? the guy who is literally out for her own job, and joan’s? but, she knows the consequences of refusing to help, and “sweater weather” had already gotten old to her back in 2014, so she does not need to hear it more than once.

leif denies it, of course. both his feelings for tobin and his attraction to men as a whole, because he probably thinks it’d look bad for the future owner of a tech company to be openly bisexual. zoey really has no patience for biphobia in this day and age, so she kind of snaps and comes clean to leif about her powers and how if she doesn’t help him, she’ll continue hearing “sweater weather” for days, and apparently that gets leif to believe her, because he’d actually been listening to the song on his way to work and singing along with thoughts of tobin in his head. before they set any plans in motion, though, she admits to hearing tobin sing “don’t speak” directed at leif weeks earlier, and that gives leif a semblance of hope.

whatever shenanigans leif and zoey pull to get tobin to make the first move - secret admirer letters, fake grindr accounts, anonymous flower bouquets (that one blows up spectacularly, because zoey had ordered them, but she didn’t know tobin had an allergy to sunflowers, so leif was left trying to help him when he fell ill) - don’t work. it grows to the point that even max grows suspicious of all this time the pair spends together, and zoey has to fill him in on everything. following the flower incident, leif fires zoey as his helper, claiming to give up on the whole thing as it is.

in the end, when tobin returns to their apartment (because the flower thing probably gets to the point of tobin needing medical attention, if leif didn’t already hate zoey enough; and yes, they are roommates, you can pry that headcanon out of my dead hands), it comes out that he and his boyfriend had broken up anyway. turns out, their jobs made it impossible for them to get together in person after their first few dates, and the texting thing just wasn’t working anymore. leif offers tobin a shoulder to cry on, but tobin says he doesn’t need it, because he wasn’t into the guy that much anyway. he makes an offhand comment about having several other suitors already, and leif confesses that it was all him, that he got jealous and he’s in love with his best friend. tobin laughs, shaking his head, saying, “why didn’t you just say so?” before pulling leif close and kissing him on the lips. he probably still has some band-aids or hospital tags on, and maybe some allergy drugs still in his system, so it’s kinda messy and awkward, but they share in the laughter now, happy to finally be where they should have all along.

wow, okay, this turned into a long ass not!fic because the concept clearly got away from me. zep writers, hire me, i already have an entire episode written out for ya, lol

also you probably already know “sweater weather”, but the hyperlink is actually to a cover of it from michael thomas grant himself on youtube. not that i chose the song solely because he’s already covered it, but that definitely did help its chances of me ultimately going with it. (i sat here for like 15 minutes, trying to find a good pining song for leif. the existing cover thing gave the song a slight edge over the others.)

#zoey's extraordinary playlist #leif x tobin #coder boyfriends #headcanons

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currentlyreadingmanga · 4 years ago

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Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 20: Mitsuba (Part 3)

Previously: the feels came and hit me like a train. Mitsuba’s story was heartbreaking and I wanted nothing more than give him all the nice things he deserves and never got to experience ;; We also had another chapter of Kou being a Very Good Boy ™ and their friendship made me smile so much…...well, until he arrived…...and that happened…….and the angst also hit me like a train. Oh yeah, we also had some great exposition regarding plot-related stuff which made me ask a lot of question (but that’s not new with me lol). Hanako is coming to the scene right now and I’m :)) scared :))))

Now onto the next chapter!

Guess who’s really late again??? I really have no excuse other than me having a really bad attention span (also A3! has taken over my life pls send help)

Anyway!

Oh wow, this cover page has A Lot to disect.. The main thing my eyes were drawn to is Hanako’s expression and the fact that he’s holding the bloodied knife. He looks shocked and sad, and he’s gonna go face his brother (that he killed) and I’m terrified ahhhhh Another thing! The ropes that are tying them together: now, from what I see, the ropes are tying all of them up except for Kou; like, the main connection I always associate with Yashiro and Hanako is their bond, but then the connection between Hanako and Mitsuba is that they’re both dead. It looks like all the ropes are interconnected though and I...I don’t like the implications that my brain is coming up with right now………...Yashiro baby please be safe, okay? Like, it could also mean that Mitsuba is gonna form some sort of bond with Hanako, but let’s be real, what would bring the biggest amount of angst? Exactly. From what I’ve seen so far, the covers have elements that are relevant to the plot and I feel like there’s a lot of things here that could be concerning :))))

Ahhhh okay let’s keep going

So we’re back with Not-Hanako and Kou after Sakura changed Mitsuba’s rumor and turned him into THAT. And you guys remember how I mentioned that it unsettles me when Hanako smiles creepily and his eyes turn dark? Well

I’m incredibly unsettled right now.

Okay so Mitsuba’s wish was too vague for Not-Hanako to turn him into something more than a “half-done supernatural”. He didn’t know what he wanted to do but he knew that he wanted people to remember him. But thanks to Kou, now he knows his actual wish: friends. Mitsuba just wants to stay with his friends and oh, can you hear that???? that’s the sound of my heart breaking (again).

Kou is understadably pissed but Not-Hanako is ignoring him, and he mentions that the more people Mitsuba gets to remember him, the longer he will be able to stay there. And yeah, it checks out with what we know about supernaturals since Tsuchigomori mentioned that it’s easier for him since he can spread his own rumors.

Oh………...oh no………...Mitsuba baby no pls (;;⚆_⚆)

Yeah, this ties to what he said before about “if that’s enought to break the world then it’s better off broken”. It seems like he just wants everyone to let go of their morals and see where that lead them. Also “the price of this wish is your mind”, does he mean like, his conciousness? his ability to discern right from wrong? Because if he can strip him from that with just his touch (and the rumors) then that’s horrible. Well, I guess that’s what happened with Yako and the Mokke, right? They started killing/stealing/kidnapping people after their rumors changed.

(ﾟдﾟ；) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) OMFG THAT’S TERRIFYING MAKE IT STOP

oh no, oh no, he’s grabbing Kou and it seems like he’s choking him oh no Mitsuba baby please, I know you’re still there, come on, the power of friendship ™ can bring you back pls

Aw, Kou, sweetie, you weren’t wrong. You gave Mitsuba a good memory and the friend he had always wanted, it’s not your fault that this little shit fucked everything up.

Ahhhhh Hanako is finally here! Oh geez, he cut Mitsuba clean in half ;; But like, he should be fine, right? He also stabbed Yako and she was okay. So Mitsuba should return to his previous form…….right? Please? (;;⚆.⚆)

I really need Not-Hanako to stop being cute, I’m trying to be mad and he unsettles me

!!!!! We finally have a name!!!! I can’t stop calling him Not-Hanako, bless

Awww baby, Hanako is shaking so much :cccc This looks like it’s so hard for him, oh dear

“Back when you killed me” ………………………...ok so that makes it sound like he pushed Hanako to do it, at least in some way………….those wounds and bruises and…..rope marks…….little Amane had when he was alive really aren’t looking good under this lense, I don’t li k e t h i s

(ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；) fucking hell, that’s just. yikes. Like, Amane seemed like such a sweet kid, you really have to wonder what was it that made him finally snap, especially in such a way

It really looks like he’s just teasing him even though Amane clearly finds the whole event (and even his brother’s mere presence) traumatizing. It’s weird, Tsukasa seems like he’s doing all this on purpose but he also doesn’t realize that it doesn’t make his brother happy. It has the complete opposite effect, in fact. Even the way he’s standing on his tiptoes, it can just be a cute habit but it also makes him tower slightly over Amane.

Sigh okay, he’s gone, thank you. But!!! Kou is calling out to Mitsuba!! Is he okay??

…………………….oh no. His face says it all, he can’t, he wants to but he can’t

(TдT)(TдT)(TдT) this is so fucking sad. This poor child just wanted a happy (after)life with his friends and he tried, he tried so hard, but every time his chances was snuffed out.

“...we have have no future”

Hmmm…...the way that he’s wording this and what he said during the young exorcist arc gives me the idea that he actually doesn’t like being a supernatural, he thinks there’s really no point to existing after death since he doesn’t grow old nor he can pursue his old dreams. But he HAS to do it; he hates it, but he has a mission so that he can repent for his sins, and his sense of obligation is strong enough that he pleaded for his “life” to Teru, knowing that, in his own eyes, he shouldn’t be here in the first place, And he really did thought that Kou could help Mitsuba in a kinder way so that the ghost would be able to pass on happy but it backfired spectacularly. Living on after you die seems like a truly heart-rending existence.

And there’s only the camera left behind…...No, this-this is fine, I’m fine, this is……. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Oh dear, and now Kou is blaming himself for not being stronger, strong like his brother, strong enough to save Mitsuba. I should have seen it coming, considering we know very well how Kou views his brother as a kind of ideal and, in turn, views himself as not good enough, but it still hurts. And I know it’s because he’s grieving, but he really shouldn’t do this to himself right now.

“I’m pretty sure destruction is the only salvation for the dead.” At first I thought this was a contradiction to what he had said before (about himself) but it really isn’t. He thinks it’s best when the dead are able to disappear from this world, but he doesn’t want salvation for himself, he wants an opportunity to atone. And I wonder if because of that, he sees himself as someone who’s past salvation.

I’m glad that Kou immediately cuts him off and says that’s ridiculous. Because even if Kou is saying it for Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure Hanako also needed to hear that.

Also, it looks like this is the beginning of a very strong grudge against Tsukasa on Kou’s part and I get it but also I’m :))) scared :)))

I mean, I think he’s got a point there. Yeah, the world has rules that the average people can’t change but he has a power not many others (?) have, so him being able to change things in regards to supernaturals doesn’t seem out of the question.

AHHHHHHHHHHH HE FOUND HIS PICTURE

(ಥ﹏ಥ) (ಥ﹏ಥ) (ಥ﹏ಥ) take a shot every time I wanted to cry during this chapter

Oh!!! we’re at sea with the mermaid and her people! Mr pufferfish died but the other fish survived so he reported back to her.

Oh. So she really did have good intentions by trying to kidnap Yashiro. Not the best method, but her heart was in the right place. BUT ALSO!!! I’m now even more worried about my girl :)))))))) please don’t let anything happen to her ;;

PFFFFFFFFFFFFT why is this me with A3! omfg Yashiro sweetie we could totally bond over mobile games

Yashiro was summoned by an upperclassman?? Who-oh, wait

Of course, of-fucking-course, hi Natsuhiko, please don’t endanger my daughter, she’s done nothing wrong.

And that was the end of the chapter. It felt shorter than usual but also incredibly long because it was emotionally taxing ;; that was such a rollercoaster, oh dear

Ohhhhh there’s extras this time around!!

Awwwwwww the ten-times game panels are so precious ;u; especially the parallel between Kou-Teru and Kou-Hanako. The character sheets with the little bits of info are pretty cute as well!

Judging by the preview of the next volume, it seems like Yashiro is gonna have a tea party with the chaotic trio (Sakura doesn’t seem chaotic so far but the other two do so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry not sorry). If they hurt my child istg….

Awwwwwwwwww the middle school entrance pictures are so cute! (Amane’s and Tsukasa’s not so much in context but…...yeah)

#toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk spoilers #tbhk #jshk #live blogging

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darkpoisonouslove · 5 years ago

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Winx Club Season 2 Thoughts (4kids) Part 2

Since my thoughts are a bit scattered with this season and the post was getting long, I decided to separate them in two posts. You can find Part 1 here. This part picks up from 2x14:

- Ugh, pls no. Diaspro. Dammit.

- She’s making laws about fashion? What are this girl’s parents doing and why are they allowing this? She has them as confirmed later on in the episode so why is she making laws when she’s apparently not responsible enough to be given that power?

- Ooh, weather spells. Those look really good. I already said this but I am so happy that we get to see them have classes and learn new magic. It’s really cool and I am so totally here for it!

- Why isn’t Stella going with them?

- I can’t stand Sky’s parents. They are absolutely terrible. And the way Samara shouted at Bloom... jeez, rude! I know you’re a queen, but my god, have some fucking manners, will you? Sky turned out spectacularly considering these two are his parents. (So I might have a theory that he’s adopted.) Probably because they just left him to the servants to look after him which was most certainly his lucky day bc he was raised by good people. I am not even sorry for all this bitching. Erendor and Samara are the fucking worst and you can’t convince me otherwise.

- Also, to keep at this, he was about to introduce his girlfriend to them and they’re just there like “I hope he falls in love with Diaspro again”. Why are you such horrible people and parents?

- Seriously, Bloom? Why would he want to introduce you to his parents if he wanted Diaspro? Ugh, I can’t anymore with this.

- Oooh, nice! I see Bloom and Flora have learned some things in Griselda’s classes. And Brandon didn’t turn into shredded cheese so that was great too.

- Why the sudden change in Diaspro? I mean, not that I mind. She could be such an awesome character if they would just give her a proper arc and character development, and let it stick too. It was just weird. Might have been just Flora’s influence. I would love to believe that. And the fact that Diaspro isn’t heartless and actually listened when the Wrong Righters put things in perspective for her. Btw can we talk about how amazing her design is and how beautiful she is? (Also, Chatta don’t encourage her.)

- Even Sky admitted his parents are terrible. “They’re not usually that nice”? Boy, I feel so sorry for you, Sky.

2x15:

- Damn, I love how Musa defeated Stormy! And those were the runes Palladium taught them about. That’s awesome! I love!

- Wow. That was some makeover there with Stormy.

- Brandon is giving out kisses? And Stella agreed to that? Wow, okay. Stella is feeling very generous today. XD

- Poor Musa! It’s hard when parents are being like that. I get that he is still grieving but damn, that doesn’t mean he should make her cry. And threatening her to withdraw her from Alfea and her friends. That’s just cruel.

- Ahh, some clarity has finally been shed into the princess matter. So she’s unofficially a princess. Okay. I got it now.

- Aww, that dream seemed pretty bad. Poor baby. And that part about “everything in me is music” and her resolve to do what she loves... I’m fucking crying! *sobs* Why is it that Musa and Layla always get the rawest arcs?

- Wow, Codatorta is all black-tie? XD

- Seriously, how did Stella let her go out on stage with that outfit?

- Why do they always have to use their parents against them? I am so mad about this. But awwwwwwwww at the singing part! And look, Riven is hyping people up. And he met her dad. And her dad is okay with her singing. Awwww! (Just so you know, I am still crying.)

- You gotta love the animation mistakes, though. Faragonda started out next to Saladin, then she was a seat away, and then she moved over an entire row. Nice one! Why is no one looking for continuity?

- Aww, Stella and Layla hugging Musa. And then the song with Stella was cute!

2x16:

- I couldn’t find the 4kids version of 2x16 (meaning I couldn’t be bothered to look for it more extensively because it was late and, of course, I will watch the creepiest episode right before going to bed) so I watched the RAI dub and I won’t be going into any detail here. This is pretty much the one episode that has been sealed into my brain ever since I was little. I always loved it because it was so nicely creepy (though, I am not sure how exactly I handled it when I was a child (I’m not exactly big on horror if you haven’t grasped it already since the episode isn’t really that scary but I still find the part with the “three sisters” kinda scary with the way they talk and Winx being cornered by them)). I liked the way the legend was built and that with the mirrors cracking was actually kinda cool. Also, I love the moment everyone starts fawning over Winx’s “costumes” and Mitzi can’t get any attention. And yeah, good lesson that the way you read the signs may not be true to what they’re actually pointing to.

2x17:

- (I already talked quite a bit for 2x17 and 2x18 last year when I rewatched them so I will not go into that much detail about them either... Or will I?)

- And even despite that, I absolutely can’t not mention that scene with Griffin and Faragonda in the beginning of 2x17 bc it is so goddamn dramatic and extra and Griffin just teleported to Alfea to make a 20-second scene (I counted them because, yes, I am that obsessed with this scene) and then disappeared again. I love!

- Lol, Ediltrude and Zarathustra, I can’t. They are so obviously sisters. I don’t get it, though. If Cloud Tower doesn’t take well to intruders, why did it let the Trix take over it and was kinda helping them even before they started sending energy in its veins? Is it because they’re witches and studied there so it doesn’t consider them intruders? Also, I love how the thing about Cloud Tower being a living organism has never come up before nor did it ever again.

- Aww, poor Mirta. But hey, she and Lucy finally fixed that friendship. That was actually kinda cute. I liked it. Lucy didn’t have to be such a bitch even if she was feeling betrayed but I actually get it so... All is well when it ends well, right?

- Stormy really doesn’t know how to manage her emotions, does she? Someone get her some therapy, please. She’s going to explode if she keeps bottling everything up.

- Aww, poor Lucy. The way Stormy blasted her. I feel really bad for her. And she was so scared (rightfully so). Somebody help her. (and get her therapy too)

- I am not really a fan of the catfight spell idea. I think they could’ve just let Winx disagree simply because they disagreed. They are friends but they can have different opinions. They don’t have to be under a spell to have a reason to argue.

- Oh, so Griffin can sense there’s someone at her door but she can’t fucking tell when some other shit is happening at her school. Makes total sense.

- Poor Lucy, though. She was so scared.

- What the heck was Stella doing anyway? She was just sitting around without doing shit. Was that the genius plan, hon?

- Okay, why did Bloom decide she could handle the Trix on her own when all of Winx couldn’t really beat them together?

- Yeah, Griffin can put a spell that the Trix can’t get through around the Heart of Cloud Tower but she can’t send her own energy into its veins to make Cloud Tower itself kick them out. Makes perfect sense.

- Layla and Musa actually teaming up with the witches was really cool. And they would’ve won too if the Trix didn’t get the statues to fight for them. (I actually liked the witch lounge btw.)

- Seriously, look at the Trix’s powers. How do Winx keep getting away from them? Darcy can legit blind people with that optical darkness spell. How have they not won with ease yet? But yeah, why destroy her immediately when we can wait for her friends to show up and save her? Sounds good.

2x18:

- “Is that Miss Griffin?” Can’t you see? Of course, it is.

- I gotta say that at least she was smart enough not to put the Codex with the Heart. Because as we saw, that was way too easy to figure out

.- “Forget about them” Yeah, so they can try and kill you. Nice one, Flora!

- Why is Stella so bitchy in these episodes? What is the problem, Stella? Why can’t you just chill? Aaaand... Now they’re trapped. Great!

- Can we talk about the fact that Griffin’s plan saved all their lives? So yeah, “wicked”. Right. Never mind they would’ve died otherwise. Although, why the hell didn’t she take the other teachers with her? Surely that would’ve made getting control of the tower back easier. Why doesn’t anyone do anything smart dammit?

- So Darcy can make herself look like Griffin but she can’t make herself sound like Griffin? Is that it? That’s what I’m getting from this scene because she didn’t try to talk to Lucy and Mirta.

- “We’re in the classroom that belongs to that weird witch teacher.” Which one? I think they all fall under that category so you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.

.- Poor witches. Getting eaten by their own school. I hope Griffin will get them some therapy after that.

- Oh yeah, now the Trix are stronger. Even though they were losing against Layla and Musa in the previous episode.

- How will going back to their dorm rooms help when the entire tower is going insane? This doesn’t make any sense.

- Oh, look! Just a simple deduction was all it took to figure out the location of the Codex. Easy peasy, right?

- Yeah, let’s do convergence when we don’t fucking know what we’re trying to do. Nice one, you guys! Also, poor Discorda. But why does Cloud Tower have a pixie? This is so weird. Though, kinda good I guess since they’d been trying to make out the witches all evil and having a pixie there is a step in the right direction.

2x19:

- Yeah, just keep blasting without focusing your energy. ‘Cause that’s totally effective. Also, ugh, why Avalon again?

- Aww, Bloom saw Marion and Oritel. And of course she doesn’t remember the dark force in her dream. It would’ve been so easy.

- Why the hell would Bloom listen to Locket, you know? (I mean, she had a point about Locket trying to look into people’s hearts but still.)

- Poor Timmy. He doesn’t know what to do and now that. At least he’s not mad at Bloom. (In all fairness, it wasn’t her fault.)

- And that makeover didn’t do much good. But of course not, when Avalon lied to them about what they should do.

- Bloom, I know you’re not yourself, but for the love of everything sacred, stop destroying the books! This is hurting me!

- Damn, she got shrunk. And is still causing trouble.

- Oh, that chase in the pages of the book was actually kinda cool.

- I think Winx should have just put their everything into stopping her earlier. i know they didn’t want to fight her but it was obvious they wouldn’t be able to get through to her and that she was spelled big time.

- That with the pixie kiss was kinda weird but cute. And yeah, sure, Bloom is grateful to Locket for sticking with her but still won’t listen to her about Avalon. Will it kill you to be a little more mindful of the man?

2x20:

- Okay, that vacation idea was so random. Although it looks like it was necessary. They just didn’t stop fighting.

- Yeah, sure the boys can’t socialize. Who is even watching to make sure that they won’t? Please.

- Ugh, Avalon, the absolute bitch. Of course he’s pretending to be poisoned.

- Aww, that Riven and Sky friendship moment was really cute. And Sky lying to him about Musa but then hitting the actual tree Riven was warning him about. XD And Layla beat them both, lol.

- Palladium blushing like that at Avalon. Hmm... I wonder what he needed that love potion for. I hope he knows that that isn’t exactly ethical.

- Okay, so how the hell did they have time to sew their suits together? That just doesn’t make sense but okay. At least they stopped fighting.

- And of course, why the hell would anyone tell them that such a thing as Charmix exists? That is totally not relevant. Not to mention that they should’ve gotten it earlier. Bloom should have gotten hers back in season 1 when she learned who she was and accepted it and Musa should have gotten her at the concert in Red Fountain. But of course, that only appears now. I mean, makes total sense.

2x21:

- Yeah, it’s a realm free of magic but because your Gloomix multiplies your magic, you’ll still have some. That’s just... not how it works. If it’s a realm free of magic, there shouldn’t be any magic. Otherwise, it simply is a realm that consumes your powers but if you can find a way to keep them above a certain level, you can still have them.

- Okay, but if I was Layla, I would feel bad about Stella feeling bad but I wouldn’t blame myself. She couldn’t have known. It’s not that she’s bad at friendship. But hey, at least Stella told her how she feels and she got her Charmix.

- Okay, yeah, Darcy has the power of mindcontrol but they still haven’t won. Yeah, makes perfect sense.

- Aww, it was sweet of Brandon to talk to Musa about Riven. And she told him how she felt and got her own Charmix. That was cute.

- “My lips kinda hurt.” Smooth one, Brandon.

- And they’re at the edge of a cliff now. Damn what a (literal) cliffhanger of an ending.

- Oh, no. Poor Layla just fell off the cliff like that. And now she can’t climb back.

2x22:

- Well, at least the Charmix reloads itself quickly. Even if it also gets exhausted quickly.

- Aww, Layla also got her Charmix. That was actually a very heartfelt moment. It almost made me cry.

- And Tecna finally admitted her feelings for Timmy. Now if only Flora can do the same with Helia.

2x23:

- Aww, the pixies are sick. Poor babies.

- Real Avalon at last. Fucking finally. Also, that spell was super freaky but it’s got me thinking about what you’d have to do to perform it... And now I’m getting ideas here.

- Oh, they’re getting special training for the Charmix now? Never mind that they weren’t even told that thing existed. Makes so much sense. (I don’t know why I’m surprised anymore.)

- I know Faragonda was trying to encourage Flora but it felt more like she was scolding her and was being disappointed by her tbh.

- Awww, Griselda said she’s proud of Flora! That is so cute! Also, I love how even Griselda can see that Helia is so into Flora but Flora herself can’t.

- Oh, pixies are born from the flower of life? That’s... kind of weird but okay.

- Flora finally told him! Great! I can’t help it at the moment when she yelled after him and then was like “Opps, he heard me. What do I do now?” XD And she also got her Charmix. That’s gotta be one of the best days for her.

- You mean Faragonda never asked to see the letter she sent to Avalon even though she is well aware Darkar is out there and is doing literally everything to get his hands on the Codex? My god, what epic dumbassery, I can’t. Seriously, they could’ve just handed him the Codex, it wouldn’t have been much worse than what they’re doing now.

- What does he want? Gee, I don’t know. The Trix were after Bloom and Avalon’s been preying on Bloom since the very beginning (and they even figured out he was the one who turned her evil) but what the hell could he want? Beats the hell out of me. At least Tecna finally put it together. And, of course, it is too late.

- Poor Stella, running around with that glass of water like that.

2x24:

- Aww, the pixies want to go too. That’s... probably not the best idea but it’s not like they can do anything about it.

- Poor Brandon! I think Sky would be scared, too, if he’d been through what happened to Brandon. (Not that he wasn’t already. XD)

- Tecna a few episodes ago: “Just because I come from a technology-based realm doesn’t mean that I don’t have emotions.” Tecna in this ep: “Consider me your new computer.” Amazing.

- Aww, that dragon was kinda cool. Too bad it tried to kill them.

- Oh, look! Flora’s got this! Nice! And we saw her Charmix.

- Brandon probably shouldn’t have said that about Sponses (did I even get his name right?) But they were in luck there with Sky’s attack taking out both Amentia and the guard.

- Okay, Stella’s plan wasn’t completely solid but they still pulled off that emergency take-off so... that’s okay.

- And Bloom is dark now. He just literally sent darkness into her heart, wtf.

2x25:

- Oh, damn! The Trix really upgraded these monsters. But now they’re drained, I kinda feel bad for them. I know they’re evil but dammit, they worked for their rewards and they aren’t going to get anything because Darkar is like that. Why is he so obsessed with Bloom? This is getting creepy again.

- Awww, Riven is being so supportive and such a team player! I love this! Can we let this fucking stick goddammit?!

- Oh, damn! Helia absolutely pulled off that rescue! Nice!

- Awwwwww, Griselda being there like “Our kids” is literally the most adorable thing ever! I love. And thank fucking god Faragonda finally decided to go help. It was about damn time. (Especially considering the stupidity with Avalon. (I am still not over that.))

- Hey, the convergence is working this time! Cool!

- Aww, Saladin can’t go with them bc of health issues. :/ (Though, pretty convenient that they had to take Codatorta considering what happened later on.)

- That goodbye was so cute! Brandon with that cheesy line! XD And Helia and Flora’s first kiss! But hey, what do you mean Tecna and Timmy don’t get a kiss? I know they already kissed once but give them a proper goodbye at least. And I am absolutely ready to cry over Riven and Musa!!!! He finally admitted his feelings! And that hug! I also liked the Layla and Sky moment, however short it was.

- Damn, Kerborg is... That thing. I liked him more as a... bat (thingy?). And they are in trouble but at least the teachers showed up on time this time. (kind of)

2x26:

- Yeah, “completely under control”, sure.

- “The ultimate power couple”? Um... Ew?!

- And they’re splitting up. But eh, it all works out so... good for them.

- I gotta admit I am not a fan of that thing with the colors that Stella did. It felt like she couldn’t be useful for anything else so they just shoved that in there. Nice one, you guys. Also, what do you mean that they don’t have straight As? After the shit they go through, how can anyone write them any mark different than A tbh? I mean, they saved the universe. What more do you want from them?

- The boys are catching up with them, too. Nice.

- “His confidence is bigger than his abilities,” Well, yeah, you’re not wrong there. XD Also, aww, damn! :/ They just killed Kerborg. So sad! (Alexa play Despacito.)

- Oh, damn! That Trix convergence is... creepy. But kinda cool. I like it.

- Riven sacrificed himself for Musa! (Could’ve just pushed her out of the way but anyway.)

- And Sky dropped the L word. And it had the desired effect. His speech was actually rather cute. I liked that part about him feeling the goodness of her heart when she healed him back in Red Fountain.

- Griffin and Faragonda’s shield is holding up well. Their convergence is also super powerful.

- Speaking of convergence, that was some amazing sync between Winx. And they wiped him off the face of the universe. I love how nobody is talking about the fact that they just killed a guy. Granted a very possessed guy, but still.

- Aww, Faragonda and Griffin toasting together was so cute. “Griffy”. I can’t. XD Same for Codatorta and Knut arm wrestling.

- I am so happy for Layla and that she finally has friends. Also, look at her being all matchmaker with Riven and Musa. Aww, and Piff said her first word!

- Tecna and Timmy and Helia and Flora were so cute! And of course we can’t forget about Stella and Brandon who are the king and queen of cheesy romance. XD (I love them! They are so made for each other.)

- Aww, Bloom gave Kiko little wings! That was so adorable. Also, good to see him again. And I do believe that was her first kiss with Sky (honestly, I don’t pay much attention to them). But they just had to hijack the photo like that.

This season was definitely better than I expected. Did it have a shitton of stuff that didn’t make sense? Well, yes. But was it engaging? Mostly. I would’ve loved it more if Avalon and Darker weren’t pissing me off so much but there was some solid action and heartfelt moments. Also, Layla is really cool and I’m glad they decided to include her and that she found her place in the group. I don’t really love the Charmix as much as I used to when I was little but damn if the Gloomix doesn’t still rock hard! And you gotta love the actual classes we got to see! So I actually liked this quite a lot.

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marvelousbirthdays · 5 years ago

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Happy Birthday,multi-fandom-girl2

November 24-Darcy/Remy/Brock with a side of redemption and a hint of soulmates for @multi-fandom-girl2

Written by @ozhawkauthor

A divergence from my usual First Words soulmates ‘verse, this is a First Touch ‘verse. Skin contact is required.

“So Agent Rumlow will be completing the security assessment and taking over management of all security aspects for the lab,” Fury concluded.Jane shrugged, not caring one way or the other. Darcy scowled.

“Is he going to be as dumb as the last one? Because trying to tell Jane that the lab can only be open at certain hours is a short trip to me getting on the phone and chewing your ear out again.”

“Trust me, Miss Lewis,” Fury said, bone-dry, “Agent Rumlow knows his business. Part of his job description is keeping you out of my ear.”

Darcy grinned at Fury’s tone. “Fair enough. I’ll give him a shot. Is he at least better looking than the last dude? I could do with some eye candy around here.”

Fury was, for once, shocked into silence. Darcy laughed and ended the skype call before swiveling on her lab chair. Jane had already returned to muttering over some equations, and Darcy, hearing a vehicle outside, got up and headed to the door to look. A black SUV had just pulled up in the parking lot, pretty much screaming government issued vehicle.

“Looks like a dead bore already,” Darcy muttered, and then had to lean against the door to hold herself up when the man driving the car got out. Medium height, there was absolutely nothing else average about him, from the spectacularly carved cheekbones to the incredible physique doing very nice things inside a tight black T-shirt. “Well, hubba hubba!”

Muscled, Dark and Lickable swung a hefty-looking kit bag onto his shoulder and headed for the door, and Darcy suddenly realized she was standing right there staring at him. She didn’t have time to hurry away and pretend to be doing something else, so she decided to just brazen it out; she wasn’t going to pretend she hadn’t seen him coming.

“Afternoon, ma’am,” he said as the door swung closed behind him and he saw her standing there. “Agent Brock Rumlow.” Instead of offering a hand to shake, he held out a leather ID folder; Darcy had been reaching for the handshake and quickly adjusted into taking the folder from his hand instead, flipping it open to check the picture inside.

“Thank you,” she handed him back. “Darcy Lewis. I’m Dr. Foster’s assistant…”

“Lab manager, is the job description in your file.” Rumlow arched a black brow.

“Call it whatever you want, up to and including babysitter. I’m the one who makes sure Jane has whatever she needs to get her research done, including food and sleep. You’re here to keep her safe.”

“And you.” He plucked his ID folder from her fingers, stuffed it back in a pocket. “Operationally, you’re almost as good a target as Dr. Foster, because you’re of value to her.”

“Wow, that’s cold,” Darcy said when she got her breath back.

Rumlow smiled, but there was no warmth behind it. “I’m not here for warm and fuzzies, Ms. Lewis. I’m here to keep Dr. Foster and her work safe. Part of my job is thinking like the bad guys. What would I do if I wanted to disrupt the situation? What’s the easiest way in? Who’s the softest target?” He shrugged. “No offence, but Dr. Foster rarely leaves the lab. You’re the one who goes wandering off to coffee shops whenever the urge strikes.”

He was right, and worse, he’d obviously been surveilling her for at least a couple days before turning up to start work. Darcy wanted to smack the smirk off his face. Instead, she bit on the inside of her cheek, lifted her chin, and said “Then tell me what I need to do. I’m not about to jeopardize everything Jane’s worked for by being careless.”

His eyes warmed, just slightly, and he held out his hand to shake. “Good. I’m glad you’re willing to listen.”

She didn’t like what he was saying at all, but he was right, damn him, so she took his hand with a nod. And gasped, because the powerful zing of electricity shooting up her arm was way, way too powerful to be just static.

“Holy shit,” she gasped.

Rumlow’s hand tightened around hers. He blew out his cheeks, shook his head, and finally laughed ruefully. “Well. This changes everything, huh?”

My soulmate. This infuriatingly cocky, overly handsome man is my soulmate? Darcy found a smile in response, just as stunned as he seemed to be. “Yes,” she agreed, though it wasn’t until more than a year later she’d discover just how much that simple touch of hands had changed, when Rumlow finally admitted who he used to work for. “Yes… this changes everything.”

* * *

Two Years Later

Remy LeBeau whistled under his breath as he walked quietly up to the lab’s front doors. At three in the morning, the building was dark and silent, and for once, he was absolutely certain neither Dr. Foster nor any of her small team of brilliant boffins were working late, because every last one of them was in Sweden, and would be watching the doctor accept her Nobel Prize for Physics later that day.

And while they were gone, Remy would slip into the lab, copy onto a specially made hard drive all the data from their network-isolated server, and be gone again with nobody the wiser and research worth a cool hundred million dollars in his pocket.

The electronic door yielded easily to the swipe card he’d lifted from one of the science boffins’ apartments an hour earlier. He’d even put the card back exactly where he’d found it when he was done. This whole heist depended on nobody knowing he’d ever been there.

And it all came spectacularly undone when he padded silently into the server room and found a couple having extremely enthusiastic sex on a desk.

The woman, an attractive brunette, saw him first over the man’s shoulder. Blue eyes widened and she shrieked. “Brock!”

Remy had to give the man credit; he was both fast and completely unconcerned about his nudity. He spun away from the desk - and the woman on it, who was distractingly beautiful enough to slow Remy down at least a little while he got an eyeful - and whipped a keyboard at Remy’s head. Remy snapped an arm up to block and very nearly missed the foot coming for his groin at the same moment.

For a few minutes, Remy had his hands full, respect quickly dawning for the guy who was doing his level best against a superhuman, naked and unarmed to boot. It was never going to be an equal fight, though, and Remy was absolutely there to cheat, flicking a playing card into his opponent’s face in a blaze of energy and sweeping his legs out from under him while the guy was distracted.

The mission was shot to shit; the best thing he could do now was knock the guy unconscious, do the same for his lover, and steal the data anyway. Hopefully it would still have value even though the burglary itself was compromised.

The two pins slamming into his chest interrupted his plan to go down and choke the guy out, and he gasped and shuddered as the Taser emptied 50,000 volts into him. The woman was staring at him, eyes narrowed, Taser in one hand and a gun in the other, obviously both grabbed from pockets of the clothes strewn around on the floor.

Shouldn’t have underestimated her, Remy thought, and then he thought again. A Taser didn’t have the same effect on him as on normal folks due to his ability to absorb energy, but a bullet… that would hurt. A lot. At this range, she could hardly miss.

As the shock cut off, Remy shut his eyes and let himself drop limply to the floor.

“Brock, you all right?” the woman asked.

“Yeah.” Brock pulled himself up off the floor, cursing under his breath. “Who the fuck is that guy? The only person who ever got the drop on me like that was Cap himself. Something ain’t right about him, Darcy.”

“Yeah, well, this Taser took down Thor, and it got him too.” Darcy sounded smug, and Remy had to bite on his lip to hide his smile. He liked her, dammit. But he was still gonna snatch that gun out of her hand the second he got the chance. She was coming closer, bending over him… he prepared without letting muscles tense, keeping his breathing slow, focussing on the precise moves he’d need to make…

Soft fingers grazed his neck, and a bolt of energy far greater than the Taser’s 50,000 volts sent a convulsion through him. Eyes snapping wide open, he sat bolt upright, forgetting all about the gun, and stared into his soulmate’s blue eyes.

His soulmate, who he’d just found banging another man…

… not a great start.

“What the hell!” Brock snatched the gun from Darcy’s hand, aimed it at Remy’s head with rock-steady hands.

“That was a soulmate shock,” Darcy whispered, utterly stunned. “Brock. That was a soulmate shock.”

“Sorry,” Remy offered, aware it was inadequate. “You two look like you’re, uh, yeah. Sorry.”

“You don’t get it.” Darcy smiled. “We’re soulmates, Brock and I. You must be the third we didn’t know we were missing.”

“I’m just trying to wrap my mind around the idea of one soulmate,” Remy confessed after a moment of stunned silence.

Brock chuckled a little roughly. “Join the club. I’m still gettin’ used to it, two years in.” He offered a hand, to help Remy up.

Remy hesitated, and then stripped off his leather gloves. No point worrying now about his fingerprints on the place. He spared a wistful regret for the loss of his 20% commission before grasping Brock’s hand and letting the electricity sear him to his soul for the second time.

#Darcy/Remy/Brock #Darcy Lewis #Remy LeBeau #Brock Rumlow #soulmate au #firsttouch

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mszegedy · 5 years ago

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30 Days of Autism Acceptance: Days 17-26

This is a list of questions by @autie-jake (full list here), where you’re supposed to answer one per day for every day of April. I keep forgetting to do these daily, so here’s all the days since my last post. My last post is here.

April 17: Have you experienced ableism before? If so, how did it feel and how did you handle it?

Yes! Actually, it made my childhood so bad that my brain decided to forget it. So, clearly nothing to write about here.

April 18: Discuss how you felt when you felt when you first learnt you were autistic vs how you feel now.

I’m not good at the whole “remembering how I feel” thing. My memories of my feelings are all semantic memory. I know as a 6th grader I thought autism was super cool and I read a whole autobiography of an autistic savant because I wanted to find out more about it (Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammett). After a lot of intense research, I decided that I couldn’t conclusively self-diagnose, and regretfully slinked away back into not understanding or advocating for my needs. Sometime later, an actually autistic coworker of mine looked at me for like five (5) minutes, and was like, “Hey, have you been diagnosed with autism yet?” I’ve since adopted her as my second mom, for that and other reasons. I’ve had very few moments in my life when I was sad to have an autistic trait, and I got over it fairly quickly.

April 19: Talk about scripting. Is scripting something that you normally do? What kind of situations do you have a script for? Does it help you?

People don’t like my apologies, so I have a couple apology scripts saved. Otherwise I tend to just wing it and fail spectacularly. The apology scripts tend to sound… scripted, but they’re better than just doing it myself, I think.

April 20: Discuss stimming. In what ways do you stim? What does stimming mean to you? What do individual stims that you do mean? Do you have any stim toys? What would you like people to know about stimming?

Pressure stims are the most important stims for me. I’m more likely to be squeezing a part of my body than not. If nothing else, I can cross my legs tight and squeeze them together. This doesn’t have any specific function; it’s just something I do that makes me feel better. When I’m stressed, I do it more.

I also do motion stims. Often my way of locomotion is more like dancing. This is a little strange, because I don’t otherwise dance. I always feel happy, relaxed, and in control when I do that. When I’m sad or tired, my feet are too heavy for it. I am also very animate with my hands when I talk. When I taught English in Hungary for the first time, the first question I was asked whether all Americans talk with their hands as much as I do. (I don’t think they do. I have it on good authority from at least one American I trust utterly that the way I use my hands is rather unique.)

I have two improvised stim toys for pressure stimming (a scarf for wrapping very tight around limbs, and a butterknife for applying waves of uniform pressure). I also recently found one of those head scratchy thingies, and now I use it every five minutes or so. It’s a little inconvenient with headphones on, but I’m rather creative with it, anyway. I don’t actually like light touch or tickles, but generally the head scratchy thingy can be given enough pressure to provide a substantial stimulus.

April 21: Give a shoutout to some of your favorite autism blogs/autistic bloggers

UM. HMM. Like 10-50% of the people I follow are autistic, but hell if I can remember any of their handles.

I reblog from @nonbinary-hawke and their native issues-related sideblog @finding-my-culture like multiple times a day but I’m pretty sure they kinda just tolerate me? I’m mostly cut off from the actual native community I’m supposed to be part of (the Siberian one), so I try to follow American native issues with kind of a “not my lane but I’m still sympathetic” vibe, and their blogs are most of my way of keeping in touch. But we have a lot of other random things in common too; similar age, similar neurotype, similar fandoms, etc. So I’m pretty much always gonna have a platonic tumblr crush on them, given that and how much I respect their principles.

@autisticadvocacy is ASAN’s official blog, I think, and it’s always posting useful and relevant articles.

@autisticjoy and @autismisaokay are two blogs I’ve followed for most of my time on tumblr. I get the majority of my autism-related content from them.

@autistic-noodle is the first autism-related blog I ever followed! I highly recommend her; if I haven’t unfollowed her after all this time, then that means that they’ve never reblogged anything that’s triggered me, which is pretty darn impressive.

@bogleech is my favorite webcomic artist, which is a vaunted honor coming from someone with ¾ of a special interest in webcomics. I’m not actually sure if he’s autistic, but he posts enough autism-related content to justify being on this list one way or another.

I’ve definitely learned at least one useful thing from @autisticlifehack. What was it? Who knows?

@autistic-flirting is very cute, if not very active.

Shout out to @tikibats and @dreamfriend, who I actually know IRL.

April 22: What are some social rules that do not make sense to you/that you don't understand?

I’m, uh. Actually not sure? I can usually explain stuff if I think hard enough. There’s some stuff I’ve never bothered to figure out, but none of it’s so pressing that I can actually remember it.

Oh! Actually! One night during freshman year of college, I went to the computer lab to do my homework in a not-at-all-revealing bathrobe. I’ve received several explanations on why this was wrong, but I don’t remember any of them.

April 23: Do you have any internal rules? What are they?

LOTS, wow. If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have any shred of consistency whatsoever. I am nothing but these rules. Some of them feel more like strong opinions that can be taken or left, like the ones pertaining to writing style, but even those I follow 99% of the time. They range from really foundational moral ones like, “Everything with a mind intrinsically deserves your friendship and understanding,” and, “Every neurotype deserves to exist,” to, “Always wrap code to 80 columns (unless it’s highly nested like Lisp, in which case consider 100 columns),” and, “When mixing fruit flavor tea, always pour the syrup before the tea.” It’s quite the hodgepodge.

April 24: Talk about community. What does the autistic community mean to you? Is it important? How does it feel?

I haven’t had much of a chance to actually participate in any autistic community yet. I don’t even really participate in the tumblr autistic community. It’s just sorta me, my second mom, and a couple random people I get to see occasionally. (Also, my dad, but we don’t talk about my dad.) Most of my friends are neurodivergent in some way, though, so I’m happy with the people I have. (Not that I don’t enjoy hanging around neurotypical people, too. But it feels good to not have to work to make yourself be understood.)

April 25: Do you know any other autistic people off the internet? Is anyone else in your family autistic or are you the only one? Do you wish you knew more?

See yesterday’s answer! I wouldn’t do this if I were doing these day by day, but I’m totally justified here, because it’s literally the previous paragraph.

April 26: In what ways can allistic people better accommodate you and other autistic people? What would you consider helpful?

It’s a broad question. My mom has been getting better at not punishing me for my autistic traits, but the other day she still antagonized me for stimming at the dinner table. (I’m 22. Nearly 23.) So it’d be great if she didn’t do things like that. Not even gonna talk about what my dad could do better. (The ways he does accomodate me seem unintentional.)

Outside of that, I appreciate it when people give me very clearly-worded instructions, broken down into small steps, with every possible detail specified. I appreciate it even more when those instructions are in written form, because I can only remember two or three of those when they’re spoken aloud.

I appreciate it when food places with complex menus have the option to just sit down with the menu, without a time limit, and make up your order. Sandwich and wrap places, like Subway, make me very uncomfortable for reason; Subway has an extremely combinatorically complex menu, and you’re expected to make up your order while they’re making the sandwich. I’d like to spend some time staring at a sheet with each sandwich ingredient listed and explained, and the ways they can be combined, first.

The current switch to online classes has been great for my ability to understand lectures, and terrible for my ability to do classwork and homework. Hearing the lecture through headphones circumvents most of my auditory processing issues, and seeing the lecture slides clearly circumvents most of my attention issues. But when it comes to doing classwork and homework, executive dysfunction rules me. I do wish my executive dysfunction were better accomodated for even in the case of normal classes (and probably careers), but it’s hard to guess what form that would take. I’ve run out of brainpower for good ideas.

For the rest of the month I will do these questions daily, one at a time. Hopefully.

#2020 #30daysofautismacceptance

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hermannsthumb · 5 years ago

Note

sorry to add to your mountain of asks but pls listen to this concept: newt feeling like he is most intellectually ~inspired~ when he's getting fucked so he drafts all his letters to hermann while riding a dildo and then has to edit them afterwards bc they always turn out ridiculously amorous.

OK THIS LIKE. SENT ME ON A LITTLE BIT OF A SPIRAL AND GAVE ME A FIC IDEA. its like. tangentially related to ur ask. youll see what i mean. anyway 18+ below cut

------------------------------------------

Hermann’s in pajamas when he answers the door, full on, blue-and-white striped pajamas with a dressing gown thrown over, not the boxers and holey t-shirts Newt usually goes for on the rare occasions he decides to not just pass out nude. They’re pretty cute. Newt always imagined Hermann as a nightshirt and nightcap guy, like something from illustrated Dickens, so it’s a nice surprise. A nice, cute surprise. (The dressing gown is not a surprise.) Maybe he should tell Hermann he looks cute. Might butter him up a little bit. He’s scowling and glaring at Newt in a way that screams I’m going to beat you to death with my cane if you don’t leave right now, so he could definitely use a little buttering up.

“It’s two in the morning,” Hermann says.

“You look cute,” Newt says. “New haircut?

“Newton,” Hermann says.

“Here’s the thing,” Newt says. His face grows warm, instinctively, for what he’s about to ask. “Okay. Hermann. Dude. Dr. Gottlieb. Herr Doktor. I need a favor.”

“At two in the morning?” Hermann says.

“You know me,” Newt says. “Can’t sleep ‘til I’ve worked out every last problem. And I’m stumped, buddy. This one’s really got me. And usually I--well--usually I have a method, but it’s just not working tonight.”

“I don’t have any drugs,” Hermann says, “if that’s what you’re referring to. Goodnight, Newton.”

He makes to close the door. “No!” Newt shouts, flinging his hand out and stopping him. Hermann narrows his eyes. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?” Hermann says. “You’re being awfully cryptic.”

“Can I ride your dick?” Newt says.

The door slams right in Newt’s face.

Newt knocks eleven more times. “Hermann. Hermann. Come onnnnnn.”

Hermann is red-faced and twice as furious as before when the door swings open this time. “I don’t appreciate being mocked, Newton, so if you’d kindly just--”

“Hermann,” Newt says. “Honestly. I’m serious. Not mocking you. I usually use dildos, but tonight, it’s just--” He sighs in frustration. And in mild embarrassment. This is Hermann, after all, that he’s spilling his most intimate secrets to. Technically Hermann counts as his best friend, which should make it less weird, but that’s only because he’s Newt’s only friend, so Newt’s pretty sure that goes right back to making it weird, and that’s not even considering the fact that Newt wants to do disgusting romantic things with the guy. But Newt’s stumped. He really is. He’s never been this stumped. Usually he’s good to go after working a dildo into himself (suction cup base, works great on the shitty plastic desk chairs they have in the lab, PPDC won’t even relent and get them adjustable ones) and riding it for a bit, maybe one of the bigger or more--well--out there ones for tougher problems, and it’s always worked, tried and true for over a decade, but he’s tried everything from the tentacle to his favorite vibe tonight and he’s still got a hunk of kaiju stomach on his workbench and half a fucking report to fill out and no inspiration.

Who else was he supposed to go to, really?

Besides. Win-win. Newt gets inspired, Hermann gets laid. And he knows Hermann doesn’t get laid enough to turn down the offer. Even now, Hermann’s eyes are widening, his angry flush receding, his posture shifting ever-so-slightly to lean towards Newt. He’s interested. Newt knows he is. (No guy who spends that much time staring at Newt’s ass in a work environment wouldn’t be.)

"It’ll be fast,” Newt promises. “You’d really be helping me out.”

Hermann’s tongue darts out across his lower lip. “Helping you out,” he echoes faintly. For a moment, Newt’s worried he might keel over in shock. He parts the door wider instead. "I suppose,” he says, “ah, I suppose--all in the name of, er, scientific progress. Research partners. It’d be remiss of me--to--”

“Not fuck me,” Newt offers, helpfully.

“Jolly good,” Hermann says, as faintly as before. “Right-o. In you come, then, Newton.”

Newt flashes him a broad smile, already shucking off his button-up.

“Is there any particular reason you’re recording this?” Hermann says.

“I can’t really write it down, can I?” Newt says. “Be kinda fucking hard. Nn. Ah. Ah! That’s good. Tissue isn’t decaying at all. Not like it should.”

“Pardon?”

“Hermann, please,” Newt says, “I’m working.”

He lifts his leg up just a bit higher, propping it up on Hermann’s headboard, and sinks down just a bit lower. Hermann’s got a nice dick, it turns out, and it’s working spectacularly, even if he’s not doing much besides knead at Newt’s pecs and occasionally grunt. He looks a little overwhelmed, actually. “This is nice,” Newt says. As an afterthought, he clenches around Hermann.

Hermann lets out a funny-sounding moan.

“You know,” Newt gasps, “this is how I used to write letters to you. Dildo up my ass, I mean. More inspiration. God, I wanted to impress you so fucking bad.” He wanted flat-out wanted Hermann so fucking bad, in all honestly, and a lot of that would spill over into his drafts. You’re so smart, Hermann, you’re so good at math, look at this thing I did, Hermann, tell me I’m good, I want you to screw my brains out, Hermann, I want you to shove your tongue down my throat and your fingers up my ass while you recite lines of jaeger code, yours truly, your pal Newt. Made for some embarrassing proofreading.

Hermann’s eyes widen. He likes that idea, Newt guesses. Of course he does. “Ah. By Jove--”

“By Jove,” Newt echoes in a wheeze of laughter, forgetting all about the stupid kaiju stomach. (How can he be expected to care about that when he’s got Hermann Gottlieb naked and blushing and saying things like by Jove! beneath him?) “Goddamn, Hermann, you’re cute.” In a fit of cloudy, horny affection, he reaches out and boops the end of Hermann’s nose. Hermann wrinkles it. “Splendid work, old sport. Absolutely spiffing.”

“Don’t,” Hermann pants, thrusting his hips up sharply, “ah, don’t call me that.”

“Old sport?” Newt says. “Would you prefer good sir?”

“Aren’t you meant to be working?” Hermann says.

Newt hums in thought. “I am,” he says. “Huh.” Maybe he needs a little more. Another tiny little boost. Hermann’s (thankfully) not a dildo, after all, and he can do things that dildos can’t do, like squeeze Newt and kiss Newt. Newt’s not taking full advantage. “Can you kneel?”

Hermann can kneel. They switch positions: Newt on all fours, ass up high, face smashed into Hermann’s pillow, Hermann draped over his back and plowing him from behind. He’s really into it. “Oh, Newton,” Hermann breathes in his ear, tweaking his nipples, taking handfuls of the chub at his sides and pulling and squeezing, “you feel lovely, you feel--” The rest of the sentence is swallowed up in a deep, guttural moan.

“Mmph?” Newt says. He manages to lift his head a little and spit the pillow out of his mouth. “Can you spank me?”

Hermann’s hips stutter to a halt; his fingers fall from Newt’s nipple. “Can I what?”

Newt clears his throat so he can properly mock Hermann’s accent. “Would you be so inclined to spank me, my good sir?” He thinks it might be the little boost he needs--Hermann’s big hands coming down, hard, on his ass, turning the cheeks red, until it’s stinging and Newt’s eyes are watering and he can hardly handle it. “Punish me for not washing my mug yesterday or something, I don’t know, man, I’m not--”

Hermann’s hand lands, hard and cold, on Newt’s left asscheek, and Newt startles. “Okay! Wow!” Another on his right. Hermann resumes fucking him.

“You masturbate in our laboratory when I’ve gone to bed?” Hermann says. He hitches Newt’s ass up a little higher and smacks it again. Newt yelps. Hermann’s hand retreats. “Oh, Newton, this doesn’t--did I hurt you?”

“Yes,” Newt says, “and no.”

“It does hurt?”

“It doesn’t,” Newt says. His recorder is lying, uselessly, next to his head, where his glasses are also resting after having slipped off some time ago. The most he’s managed to get out is gibberish. Honestly, Newt doesn’t give a shit at this point. “Hermann, I’m fine, okay?”

“But you do masturbate in--?”

“It’s kinda hot,” Newt admits, “knowing that you could just, I don’t know, walk in at any second. ‘N like I said. It’s. Uh.” Hermann’s grabbed a handful of his ass, this time, and is kneading at it as enthusiastically as he had Newt’s love handles. “It’s inspirational. Guh.”

Hermann’s chest pressing against the length of his back, his mouth at Newt’s ear. Newt shivers. For a guy as dorky and dweeby as Hermann, he sure does know how to be unfathomably sexy--Newt might be falling a little bit more in love with him. “If this is the sort of thing you’d need a lot,” Hermann says, “you know, Newton--we are, er, research partners. I wouldn’t be adverse to--to helping. So to speak.”

“How selfless of you.” Newt grins into the mattress.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #not sfw ////////////#like very not sfw #Anonymous

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delcat177 · 5 years ago

Photo

Text in captions, if that won’t read on text to voice please let me know <3

This is a half-year old, but I only paid Blobs Magician to help me out once and I’m fresh out of delicately painted acorns and he gave me commission rights so I’ll be tipping him a ziploc bag of goldfish later

I feel awkward writing about all of this--there was a bit of jealousy when I got my hyst (not projecting, I was told flat by a trans friend), and I worry that I may be making other people feel alone, anxious, or less-than in their gender by talking about it. If you feel that at all, please, stop right now. Don’t look in the mirror, because mirrors are scary. Like, really scary, they have ghosts or stuff probably, but also in the genders sense, so instead, look in your head. Look at your self. It’s in there, because it is you. What is happening to me now is a shell upgrade, a hermit crab moving domiciles. I was a boy once, then a young man, then a oldman, and now I’m a oldman with a society man shell. Never mistake the shell for the crab, go “hey crab, I like your shell, I hope you find the perfect shell, because you are the perfect inhabitant” and celebrate that crab. Because we are all crabs, and we are all beautiful, and we all deserve the shells that reflect us as individuals, and anyone who says otherwise can fuck off into a spiny urchin bush and not have a shell. Or. Something. Did I say I felt awkward? I AM awkward. But anyway, drive-in movie totals and such after cut, potential TMI, and protect yourself love yourself, you lovely crabs <333

(with cut ‘cause longtext is looong)

(ORIGINAL POST)

Alt-text: I'm always the last one to know

so uh

I'm a blithe idiot and somehow never processed or dared to dream that this was possible

which makes the timeline look SPECTACULARLY dumb but I was going through SO MANY LIFESTYLE CHANGES

HYST DATE: SEPTEMBER 28, 2016

2017: Me: Man, living in the townhouse has really amped up my leg game, all that up and down stairs.

Me: I'm down ten pounds since the hyst! Megan: That's probably your natural weight. Me: That or getting there. Not surprising, I'm not feeding the beast constantly.

Me: *punches Megan playfully in the arm* Megan: OW goddammit Del that hurt like SHIT! Me: oh my God I'm sorry I didn't mean to! Megan: It's okay, just be careful! Me: That's so weird I'm sorry D8

Me: man is it just me or am I good in bed lately? oh right I'm the only one here...I guess it's because I'm more confident?

Me: ghghjh my hair's thinning out at the temples, well been expecting that one for awhile, at least it waited for 30

2018:

Me: Holy shit, the stairs plus the shopping is paying off! My thighs are HUGE! I wonder if cracking a watermelon with these bad boys is hyperbole. I bet I could though. I BET.

Me: Down to 162 and holding, fuck you past doctors! I just needed ENERGY goddammit!

Me: Wow, I've lost a lot of weight from my face especially. That makes me super happy. Anyway better pluck these stray hairs. ...have I been yanking these more lately? Getting old is weird.

Me: (struggling with shorts) Megan: Do you need a belt? Me: I'M WEARING A BELT (lifts shirt to reveal belt double wrapped around hips) Megan: Well then Me: I just need to buy new shorts, my ass is just GONE Megan: In the meantime maybe pay attention to what underwear you have on Me: yeah thank God for boxers

Me: My acne scars are heck of acting up. I wish I hadn't picked at my face so much as a kid, I guess the pores are just kinda fucked, I've read about that happening.

2019:

Megan: New shorts look good Me: I am so bad at shopping Megan: At least you have them now Me: I'm an assless chap is all Megan: Go to bed Del Me: It's four in the afternoon

Me: My throat feels so *thick* lately. I haven't been hitting the vape that often, why does it feel weird? And why am I noticing my own voice more? I NEVER notice my own voice, I make a point of it. Am I subconsciously pitching it lower like I used to do talking on Skype because I'm more socially active? What is my brain I'm so AWKWARD Me: UGH I'm falling back into derma habits, I haven't picked in my face in years, I think I need to change cleansers. But...my face looks...good? I guess I had this hiding under that baby fat all these years. ...I guess? Me: Am I getting a hump from my bad computer posture? Shit. Me: Oh no, it's not a hump, my shoulders are starting to put on muscle! That's a relief. That must be from the...laundry? Carrying...laundry?

AUGUST 5, 2019: Me: (lying in bed) 2 + 2

Me: wait why am I putting on shoulder muscle now? I've been doing laundry for years, and it's never done that. And my legs didn't get this buff with a routine job where I was walking three hours a d--

Me:

AUGUST 14, 2019:

New Endocrinologist: We'll test your levels to make sure it isn't a pituitary gland issue or (some syndrome I've already forgotten the name of), and it could be because there's some small element of testosterone in the estrogen replacement, but the brain does produce androgens. We can definitely look into switching you to T if you want, but if it's facial hair you're worried about...well, once the follicle is there, it's there. These are irreversible changes.

Me: No on that then but irreversible,, like,, what I have now,, is forever,,,,,,,?

New Endocrinologist: Forever, and I would expect to continue to see muscle gains if you work out.

Me:

welcome to my second puberty please be aware it apparently involves as many mood swings as the first one but i'm tryin'

Since then, it’s been continuing confirm, confirm, confirm.

My acne turned out to be little follicles growing in odd places--not fullblown hair, just enough to irritate the skin while it was developing. Tiny tufts of 1-3 entirely white, downy hairs have popped up in a few places on my breasts. The real fuzz proliferation has been in the southern quarters--with all delicacy, there is no itch like the itch of hair beginning to grow anywhere sweat can proliferate, and I now understand why cis men scratch privates in public. Having NOT gone through a unified social experience with a peer group accepting of such measures, I am sure there is footage on grocery store cams of someone with an agonized expression walking like he has a weasel down his pants and worrying that 30 is early for hemorrhoids. Both have settled in for the most part, leaving me with a very fluffy, barely-there peach fuzz mustache that’s only noticeable in the right light, some spare hairs across my chin and neck that I keep in order, and a profound relief that I prefer boy shorts and swim trunks.

I went through a few weeks of being especially rank despite all the showering and was worried that was my new normal, but apparently T sweats be like that, and I’m back to smelling like...whatever I smell like, probably lavender with our fabric softener. I experienced what I believed was a relapse a month later that turned out to be a false positive--specifically, our thermostat was slowly dying and frog-boiling us until it got hot enough that my sister also went “dear God it is a sauna in here”, leading to replacement of the faulty element and another notch in the “my life is dumb” bedpost.

My face bonebs, which I frankly expected the least out of (when I wasn’t expecting at all), have slowly but surely been rearranging, a visual effect doubled by the much faster redistribution of fat. I honestly have no idea how this one works. I know more about dead bonebs than live ones. I would doubt it if I didn’t have pictures to back it up. I would say it’s easier to look in the mirror now, but I already stated my opinion on mirrors, do it too much and a skeleton will pop out. It WILL. My brain tells me this and it is never wrong about fears and or phobias. Don’t do it kids.

If there’s been a single most beautiful moment so far, it’s been getting back into Steven Universe after a long hiatus, opening my mouth to sing the opening like I did years ago, and realizing all at once that I was singing falsetto. I ran it back, dropped a register, and the first names I sang became those who would believe in me most. There were tears, and later, showing it off, there were fierce hugs. (Yes, the first ep I watched once I realized was Stevonnie, and YES GARNET GOING “GO HAVE FUN” wah)

I can’t begin to express the validation--I am no gender essentialist’s data point, this is MY experience and no one else’s, but I keep going “my aunt had a hyst and didn’t transition and I had one and I am because my brain makes androgens my brain makes androgens MY BRAIN MAKES ANDROGENS IT HAS BEEN MAKING ANDROGENS ALL THIS TIME IT HAS BEEN TRYING” and living in that, living in “not even SCIENCE is against me”, which is a tremendous thing as a scientist. (As a scientist, I would be a blithering dullard to claim this is the only thing that affects or proves my gender, and I do not. Again, TERFs fuck off. This is simply a very validating thing to me, personally, in my experience. I’m not thrilled that I have to underline that this hard dammit internet.)

What lies ahead is...I don’t know! I thought I was done changing, but the post I saw that nudged me to finally do this on here went “you may stop being able to cry for awhile” and this is Important because I have been trying to figure out if I have Sjogren’s but apparently I have androgens which is slightly easier to pronounce. I’m not sure how I feel about that, because transitioning is a lot of “I’m not sure how I feel about this” and then things being okay. I would definitely say that the more I learn, the easier it is to feel steady and normal, which is important because the mood swings have been REAL. This is more than I asked for or bargained for, but I still only have one regret, and that’s that my hyst scars are just slightly asymmetrical and it Bothers Me, but even that is growing on me.

I don’t know how to end this post. I love you all to death, and I hope if you’re seeking transition, you find it and twenty dollars, and if you’re not seeking transition, you still find twenty dollars. Thank you so much for you and all you do and are. Remember--you are great!

Unless you’re truscum. Then this post isn’t for you (dammit Internet) and you can fall off a boardwalk onto a dead fish. Have fun with that!

hekk

#trans #trans mtf #trans timeline #del is a trans guy #gender #gender*#blobs magician #i'm sorry this wasn't sooner i was shy aaaaa #you are all tock to me #and you are all wonderful crabs #let us go for a scuttle #longpost #long post #scrolling

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takadasaiko · 5 years ago

Text

Houseguest: Chapter One

FFN II AO3

Summary: Two months after the battle of New York, Tony gets a surprise visit from Steve Rogers at his home in Malibu. Still uncertain exactly what brought him there in the first place, the two not-quite-friends find themselves in the middle of an increasingly dangerous mission to recover stolen alien tech.

Chapter One: The Surprise Visitor

It was all planned out. The reservations had been made, he'd had JARVIS set three alarms - including one that gave him a ten second warning that his systems would be shut down and all unsaved designs would be lost - to make sure that he was out of the workshop in time, and he was showered and ready with a few minutes to spare. He was not going to mess this up. He didn't dare mess this up.

Tony ran a hand back through his dark hair to smooth a few strands into place and pulled in a deep breath, going over everything again. Pep had had a five-thirty phone call with the Board in New York, but she'd promised to keep it under an hour when he'd told her their dinner reservations were set for seven. Just after six she'd have time to change and they'd drive to her favourite restaurant on the beach. It had to be perfect.

"Miss Potts has arrived," JARVIS announced as Tony snapped his watch into place. "She is not alone."

That stopped him in his tracks. "What do you mean not alone?" he demanded, but it was Pepper's voice from downstairs that answered him, not the AI.

"Tony? Are you upstairs?" He darted over to the hall just outside of his room that overlooked the living room below, hearing the telltale signs of Pepper's heels against the marble floor and her voice drifting up, even if it didn't sound like she was talking to him. "Tony didn't mention that you were coming into town."

The inventor slammed to a stop at the voice that answered her. "Uh… he didn't know," came Steve Roger's awkward answer. "He mentioned I should look him up if I was in Malibu and -"

"Hey, Cap. You forgot how phones work?" Tony popped off, starting down the stairs. "I mean, I know there've been some upgrades since '45, but it's still a pretty basic concept." Pepper shot him a withering look as he circled down and he flashed her a grin. "Not that you don't look great in a business suit, but that's not what you're wearing to Nobu, is it?"

"My dress is out in the car, but you had a guest lingering at the front door when I got here. It's like he was afraid to knock. Couldn't imagine why."

"I'm interrupting something, aren't I?" Steve managed, looking more awkward by the moment. Good. Maybe he'd slink right back out the door and they could get on with date night.

"We had dinner plans, but that's alright," Pepper answered and damn it if she weren't reacting to the lost puppy look Rogers seemed to be wearing like a pro. "I didn't get a chance to meet you while we were working on the tower's redesign."

"And you can meet him tomorrow," Tony cut in as he came to join them on the ground floor. "I mean, you're not flying out tonight, right, Cap? And we have reservations…."

"Because we've never canceled reservations before? It's fine. We'll go later. You have a friend in town."

Friend was a stretch, but there was no arguing with her when she was like this. Well, no winning the argument, at any rate. He'd thought that she might have caught on to the fact that this wasn't just another dinner, but if she'd had an inkling of an idea it had gone out the window the moment she had seen their spangliest Avenger standing on Tony's doorstep. Great. The best laid plans did tend to blow up more spectacularly than just winging it.

"I don't want to intrude," the blond tried and Tony didn't miss the brief look his girlfriend gave him.

"Too late for that," he answered with a forced smile and for a second he thought Pepper might smack him for it. Instead she just shot him a warning look that only a blind man could have misinterpreted.

"I think I have some clothes to change into upstairs. Do you have any food in the house? I can cook dinner or we can order in -"

"I have liquor," he offered and boy did he need some about then.

"Okay, but I'm something a little more substantial to go with it," Pepper answered, but at least she was smiling while rolling her eyes at him. "I'll have them deliver a pizza."

"Perfect," he managed as he watched her start for the stairs, her ponytail bouncing with each step and pulled her phone from her purse to call it in.

Tony turn an accusing glare on the taller man. "Please tell you've got a damn good reason for being here. Bad guys chasing you? Aliens back? Something that makes it worth it that you just crashed a night I've been planning for weeks."

"I'm sorry, Tony. I should've called."

"Yeah."

"I'll go."

"Oh no. She wants you to stay, so if you go now I'll get an earful about forcing you out." He tilted his head a little, studying the man that his father had spent decades searching for and his entire childhood talking about. He didn't look afraid or even worried. More embarrassed than anything, and Tony reached up to massage some of the tension from the bridge of his nose. "It's been two months since New York. Last I heard you took a motorcycle out and nobody's heard from you since. You drive clear across the country?"

"I did, actually."

"So what? Just need a place to crash when you hit the West Coast?"

"No, nothing like that. I'll get a motel or something. I just… I wanted to…."

"Pizza's on its way," Pepper called as she started back down the stairs, now dressed in a pair of jeans and one of Tony's AC/DC t-shirts. "Captain Rogers, you strike me as more of a beer than a wine man."

"That'd be great, thank you," he answered politely. "And Steve's fine, Miss Potts."

"Then I'm going to insist on Pepper." Then she was gone again, descending downstairs to the wine cellar below Tony's workshop.

Tony turned back to Cap. "How'd you find me, anyway? My address isn't exactly listed."

"Nick Fury."

"But he couldn't give you my phone number? Weird."

He turned up the stairs towards the kitchen, motioning for the taller man to follow and he heard him snort in response. "I'm sorry. I should have called. I just assumed you'd be holed up in your lab or something. I didn't even know you had a girlfriend, much less one that you would be -"

Tony turned, quirking a dark eyebrow. "One that I'd be what, Cap?"

"That you'd… I just didn't realize you were… in a …"

"Uh huh. Keep going. You're doing great." He offered a shit-eating grin and chuckled. "It's fine. Keep your reasons for all I care. The night's planned events are a bust now so we might as well make some new ones."

He opened the fridge and reached in, grabbing two beers as he did and went back for a bowl of limes as an afterthought. Hey. They weren't working and apparently they had no place to be. The least he could do was furnish the great Captain America with a hangover for crashing his night. Tequila worked nicely for that.

"Where all have you been to see in the last couple of months?" Pepper called from the living room.

Tony pressed one of the bottles into Cap's hand and breezed past him, the other man following until they reached the base of the stairs and Tony split off towards the bar. "I just made my way across the US. I really didn't travel as a kid and while I saw a few cities with the Army I never really got to enjoy them."

"That sounds amazing. Neither of us have been on a real vacation in…. years. Tony, what are you looking for?"

"Tequila." He could practically feel her quirk a questioning eyebrow from the living room. He found what he was looking for and snagged the bottle and glasses, starting back out. "I mean, in our defense, last time we tried we got attacked."

"You did what?" Rogers asked cautiously.

"He wouldn't have been able to get to you if you hadn't decided you wanted to play race car driver."

Tony made a face. "Yeah, because him showing up at the expo didn't happen right after."

Pepper flashed him a playful smile. "But that wasn't on vacation." She turned back to their drop-in guest. "Sorry. You were saying?"

Cap was watching them like he was trying to decide if they'd lost their minds or if this was supposed to be normal for them. Tony was fine with letting him guess. As Pepper kept the conversation going he busied himself with three generous glasses of tequila, salting the rims and handing them out.

"Oh that's way too much," Pepper argues.

"It's fine. When's your first meeting?"

"Ten."

"It's fine. Cheers. To Cap's impromptu visit." He lifted his glass, flashing her his most innocent smile. He waited until the other two knocked against his, the clink echoing. He tilted it back and stuck a lime in his mouth. A shudder ran through him. Okay. Wow. It'd been a while since he'd done that.

They chatted, Rogers telling them where he'd been and what he'd seen. He'd gone down the East Coast first, cut across Louisiana into Texas, and then made his way to Southern California from there. He still wanted to make it up to Washington State and back around. Chicago was on his list, he knew. Minneapolis. Detroit. As long as there were no major catastrophes that had them all coming back together, he thought he had time. He didn't say anything about Tony's invitation that he'd extended to all of the Avengers. Not that any of them really had. It had been a stupid idea anyway. An expensive one too, with the living quarters that he'd designed for each of them. Ah well. At least he and Pepper had a place to stay when they were in New York.

Pepper leaned against him a little more as the conversation continued, her long day mixing with the alcohol, and Tony wrapped an arm around her on the couch. She nestled into his shoulder and he played with strands of strawberry blonde hair in a way he knew she liked. He lifted his newly refilled glass to his lips with his free hand. "Where's Peggy Carter these days?"

Tony couldn't miss the way that Cap stiffened at the question. "I'm not… why?"

"You guys were a thing, right?"

"How do you….? Is that in a file somewhere?"

Tony snorted louder than he meant to at that and mumbled apologies to his snoozing girlfriend before dark eyes flickered back up to meet blue. "I knew her when I was younger. Dad worked with he - on SHIELD, I guess, not that he ever told me that - and I met her a few times. Haven't seen her in years, but I thought…"

"She moved back to England," Rogers said softly. "That's what her file said anyway."

"Those things are always outta date. If you want I can track her down for you. Might be nice to say —"

"No."

The word was sharp enough that Tony stiffened at it. Cap winced. "Sorry. No, thank you. That's really not necessary."

"Okay then." The room went quiet and Tony shifted Pepper gently so that they'd both be a little more comfortable. She inched the rest of the way down so that her head rested on the couch next to him, freeing him up to move a little. He glanced over to the bottle that they'd already put a dent in that night and grabbed for it. If he was feeling the affects, surely Cap was. He hadn't been sure the man even drank until that night.

"Everyone's gone."

Tony pauses mid-reach. "Gone?"

"My whole unit. Your dad. Peggy's alive, but she has a family and I…. I'm just part of a past she moved on from."

Tony chewed on his lower lip before refilling his glass and leaning over to refill Rogers' as well. They were both going to need it. "So what are you doing here? I mean, I wasn't exactly your favourite of our little makeshift team of superheroes."

He watched blond brows draw together thoughtfully and he took a long sip from his glass. "Your dad took some getting used to. He was…. brash. Arrogant. Obnoxious. But when push came to shove he was there when you needed him. I wouldn't trust another pilot back in the war. I thought I saw….." His lips twitched downward. "I guess I missed him, but he's been gone for years now." Blue eyes finally flickered to meet brown. "You're here though."

And just like that Tony's mood plummeted. "Always nice to be a fill in for a dead man," he snapped quietly.

"That's not —"

Tony dragged in a breath and tilted the glass back. He couldn't feel his lips anymore. Scratch that. He couldn't feel his face. "Listen, I should get her upstairs to bed," he managed, motioning at the still-sleeping Pepper.

"Oh. Maybe I should get going then."

"Nah. I have like… six guest rooms. Pick one. There's a gym on this floor if you want. You saw where the kitchen is. Despite what Pep says, it's usually pretty well stocked. If you need to know where something is, just ask JARVIS. G'night."

"Tony, if I offended you somehow…."

"Why would I be offended, Cap? We're not friends. You were pals with my old man. I don't mind putting you up for the night."

He ignored the kicked puppy look the other man was giving him as he roused Pepper just enough to get her on her feet, teasing her the whole way about how the tables had turned and what a bad influence he'd been on her. She leaned into him as they made their way up the stairs to his bedroom and told him she loved him. Well. At least the night wasn't a total bust. That made it alright.

______________________

TBC

Notes: So begins another crazy story. One that I did not actually plan to write, mind you, but the boys wouldn't leave me alone until I did. I do love shoving them in a room together and making them play nice.

Next time: A hungover Tony gets news of a breakin at a Stark Industries facility.

#MCU fanfiction #Avengers #Tony Stark #Steve Rogers #Iron Man #Captain America #Avengers fanfiction

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grigori77 · 5 years ago

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Summer 2019′s Movies - My Top Ten Favourite Films (Part 2)

The Top Ten:

IMPORTANT NOTE: You WILL NOT find It Chapter 2 here, but that does not mean it isn’t awesome. I saw it AFTER I had sompleted this but while it was still editing., Technically it’s part of the Autumn/Winter period anyway, opening as it did in September. Undoubtedly look out for it at the end of the year when I post my Top 30 for the year.

10. CAPTIVE STATE – WAY back in 2011, Rupert Wyatt followed up his impressive directorial debut The Escapist with an even more astounding show helming sci-fi franchise reboot Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and I knew here was a talent it was definitely gonna be worth my while to watch in future. Then the years ticked by and he spectacularly failed to follow it up, and I began to think he might become one of those frustrating auteur talents that explode onto the scene, wow us with their wares and then just STOP, like Donnie Darko’s Ryan Kelly or Blade’s Stephen Norrington. I was just about to give up hope when Wyatt returned with this dark and troubling skewed take on the alien invasion trope, but now, perversely, this film’s failing fortunes make me think his career might just take a swan dive after all, and as far as I’m concerned, on the evidence of the final film, that would be a crying shame. Instead of telling the story of how the Earth falls to the conquering might of invading alien forces, Captive State concentrates on what happens after, focusing on a humanity stagnating under the thumb of an all-powerful occupying force, the collaborating police force that maintains discipline on the populace through tagging and intrusive surveillance, and the deep cover resistance movement that’s built up in the eight years since “The Legislators” took over. The main narrative focus of the story is Gabriel Drummond (Moonlight’s Ashton Sanders), a downtrodden Chicago youth working a menial job but dreaming of getting out with his pregnant girlfriend, who discovers a tentative connection to the underground resistance when his brother Rafe (White Boy Rick’s Jonathan Majors), whom he previously thought was dead, re-enters his life with a desperate request. Unfortunately Gabriel has also come to the attention of local cop Will Mulligan (John Goodman), who’s looking to use this connection to finally penetrate the “dangerous terrorist element” his office has been working for years to eradicate. This is about as far from the classical invasion action territory of films like Independence Day, Skyline or even Signs as you can get, playing out much more like a World War 2 occupation thriller, and this is, in my opinion, one of its great strengths – there’s a palpable, knife-edged tension throughout, Wyatt cranking up the suspense as each new plot development ups the stakes for all involved, and when that tension does eventually break it does so in suitably explosive style, leading to some taut and harrowing set-pieces, while the director and his co-writer Erica Beeney pull off some impressive twists and skilful rug-pulls that consistently surprise. Indeed, this is one of the most skilfully written pieces of science fiction I’ve come across for a good while, brimming with big ideas and asking some suitably challenging questions throughout, before finally paying off our patience with a suitably powerful climax. It’s also extremely well-performed by a uniformly impressive ensemble cast – Goodman offers a performance of cool subtlety that proves the equal to much of his showier work on hits like 10 Cloverfield Lane and The Big Lebowski, while Sanders and Majors are both exceptional in what should have been major breakthrough roles that really built on their already impressive debuts, and there’s quality support from the likes of Machine Gun Kelly, Vera Farmiga, Alan Ruck, Kevin Dunn and Madeline Brewer. This is DEFINITELY one of the most robust and challenging pieces of scif-fi cinema I’ve seen this decade, and it certainly does deserve a lot more attention and appreciation than it’s received – it essentially bombed on its long-delayed release and suffered from painfully mixed, sometimes quite negative reviews, and I genuinely don’t understand either. This is an EXCELLENT film, and it’s a strong indicator of just what a great talent Rupert Wyatt is – I just have to hope this hasn’t ruined his chances for the future, because I couldn’t bear seeing him pull an undeserved vanishing act like so many others …

9. GODZILLA: KING OF MONSTERS – back in 2014, rising star director Gareth Edwards (already one-to-watch thanks to the sleeper hit success of his debut Monsters) proved he wasn’t going to be a one-hit-wonder when he aced his first major studio gig, reinventing Japanese superstar property Godzilla for western audiences and EFFORTLESSLY wiping out the appalling stigma of Roland Emmerich’s underwhelming previous attempt (needless to say he was then a no-brainer to helm the first Star Wars spinoff movie, Rogue One, but that’s another, even more awesome story). Suffice to say, the Big G’s name was good in western cinema again, and Legendary Pictures swiftly put their planned Monsterverse franchise into action, building on this solid foundation with a similarly stylish “prequel” in 2017’s Kong: Skull Island, with a showdown between the two screen icons intended further down the line. The next major hurdle, however, was this super-important follow-up, intended to get all the gears turning – if THIS ONE flunked, the Monsterverse would take a massive nosedive. Did it pull it off? Not quite … turns out this one’s not looking likely to scrape even on its massive investment, never mind make a profit, but that sure ain’t for lack of trying. Sure, the plot’s a bit of a far-fetched muddle and, as with its predecessor, the human characters are drawn in broad strokes and somewhat lacking in real spark, but the spectacle’s still there in spades and besides, the REAL selling point of these movies has always been their more gigantic characters. Godzilla’s just as much of a colossal badass as he was in the first film, still a skyscraper-high bruiser with a moody mean streak and some suitably apocalyptic bad breath, but ultimately just the kind of monumental reptile you want on your side in a cataclysmic scrap, and he’s sure got his work cut out for him with one serious collection of similarly massive monsters crawling out of the woodwork (or, in this case, compromised secure black sites controlled by covert Titan management organisation Monarch) – they’re a colourful bunch, from returning nasty Muto to newcomers Rodan and, particularly memorable, the beautiful but deadly Mothra, and most of them are heeding the call of the film’s TRUE scene stealer, triple-headed rival alpha Titan King Ghidorah, who is in every way a genuinely viable nemesis for the Big G himself. Needless to say, the BIG stars are presented without compromise throughout, as gargantuan and terrifying as their reputations make them out to be, and whenever they’re on screen it just lights up, the visual effects budget working overtime and all the money’s up there on the screen, while the property damage quota shoots through the roof in suitably pulse-racing style … and yet again, the human story does kind of get buried in the fallout. Not that they’re a completely unmemorable lot – it’s great to see Ken Watanabe return as elegantly noble Monarch honcho Dr Ishiro Serazawa, along with his assistant Dr Vivienne Graham (another winning turn from Sally Hawkins), and the rest of Monarch gets much stronger representation this time round as we’re introduced to a crew that includes Bradley Whitford, Ice Cube’s son O’Shea Jackson Jr. (Straight Outta Compton) and Aisha Hinds, while there’s a typically classy bad guy turn from Charles Dance as Alan Jonah, the amoral ex-soldier leading an eco-terrorist group who (for baffling reasons) want to awaken all the Titans at once so they can fight for supremacy. The main narrative focus, however, is on the fractured family unit of former Monarch specialist Dr Mark Russell (Super 8’s Kyle Chandler) and his fellow scientist wife Emma and daughter Madison (Vera Farmiga and Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown), who have both been kidnapped by Jonah, a story that’s contrived and clumsily written, shot through with plot-holes when the twists aren’t painfully telegraphed ahead of time, and Brown barely gets ANYTHING to do other than be scared or stubborn, but they still give it their all and, since they’re all great actors, they largely win out against the writing. This certainly isn’t the best movie released this year, definitely leaning more towards the guilty pleasure category, but there’s more than enough good here to outweigh the bad, so this is definitely one of those wonderful movies where you get PLENTY out of it if you just sit back and GO WITH IT. It’s certainly got a strong director and co-writer in Michael Dougherty, who cut his teeth working for Bryan Singer on X2 and Superman Returns (which was similarly flawed, but still enjoyable in its own right) before making his big break behind the camera on Krampus, and for all its clunkiness it wins you over with its big-wow factor, can-do attitude and industrial-sized bucket-loads of heart and emotional heft, as well as a particularly cracking score from Bear McCreary, one of the most deservedly well respected composers working on both the big and small screens today, so in spite of the flaws this still deserves to be counted as a pretty rousing success. Thankfully Godzilla Vs. King Kong is still greenlit and scheduled to arrive next spring, so there’s still life in the old lizards yet – long live the King indeed.

8. DARK PHOENIX – wow, this really has been a summer for mistreated sequels, hasn’t it? There’s a seriously stinky cloud of controversy surrounding what is now, in light of recent developments between Disney and Twentieth Century Fox, all but QUARANTEED to be the last true Singer-era X-Men movie, a film which saw two mooted release dates (first November 2018 then this February, before finally limping onto screens with very little fanfare in June, almost as if Fox wanted to bury it. Certainly rumours of its compromise were rife, particularly regarding supposed rushed reshoots because of clashing similarities with Marvel’s major tent-pole release Captain Marvel (and given the all-conquering nature of the MCU there was no way they were having that, was there?), so like many I was expecting a clunky mess, maybe even a true stinker to rival X-Men Origins: Wolverine. In truth, while it’s not perfect, the end result is nothing like the turd we all feared – the final film is, in fact, largely a success, worthy of favourable comparison with its stronger predecessors. It certainly makes much needed amends for the disappointing mismanagement of the source comics’ legendary Dark Phoenix saga in 2006’s decidedly compromised original X-Men trilogy capper The Last Stand, treating the story with the due reverence and respect it deserves as well as serving as a suitably powerful send-off for more than one beloved key character. Following the “rebooted” path of the post-Days of Future Past timeline, it’s now 1992, and after the world-changing events of Apocalypse the X-Men have now become a respected superhero team with legions of fans and their own personal line to the White House, while mutants at large have now mostly become accepted by the regular humans around them. Then a hastily planned mission into space takes a turn for the worst and Jean Grey (Game of Thrones’ Sophie Turner) winds up absorbing an immensely powerful, thoroughly inexplicable cosmic force that makes her go powers haywire while also knocking loose repressed childhood traumas Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) would rather had stayed buried, sending her on a dangerous spiral out of control which leads to a destructive confrontation and the inadvertent death of a teammate. Needless to the situation soon becomes desperate as Jean goes on the run and the world starts to turn against them all once again … all in all, then, it’s business as usual for the cast and crew of one of Fox’s flagship franchises, and it SHOULD have gone off without a hitch. When Bryan Singer opted not to return this time around (instead setting his sights on Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody), key series writer Simon Kinberg stepped into the breach for his directorial debut, and it turns out he’s got a real talent for it, giving us just the kind of robust, pacy, thrilling action-packed epic his compatriot would have delivered, filled with the same thumping great set-pieces (the final act’s stirring, protracted train battle is the unequivocal highlight here), well-observed character beats and emotional resonance we’ve come to expect from the series as a whole (then again, he does know these movies back to frond having at least co-written his fair share). The cast, similarly, are all on top form – McAvoy and Michael Fassbender (as fan favourite Erik Lehnsherr, aka Magneto) know their roles so well now they can do this stuff in their sleep, but we still get to see them explore interesting new facets of their characters (particularly McAvoy, who gets to reveal an intriguing dark side to the Professor we’ve only ever seen hinted at before now), while Turner finally gets to really breathe in a role which felt a little stiff and underexplored in her series debut in Apocalypse (she EASILY forges the requisite connective tissue to Famke Janssen’s more mature and assured take in the earlier films); conversely Tye Sheridan (Cyclops), Alexandra Shipp (Storm), Kodi Smit-McPhee (Nightcrawler) and Evan Peters (Quicksilver) get somewhat short shrift but nonetheless do A LOT with what little they have, and at least Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult still get to do plenty of dramatic heavy lifting as the last of Xavier’s original class, Raven (Mystique) and Hank McCoy (Beast); the only real weak link in the cast is the villain, Vuk, a shape-shifting alien whose quest to seize the power Jean’s appropriated is murkily defined at best, but at least Jessica Chastain manages to invest her with enough icy menace to keep things from getting boring. All in all, then, this is very much a case of business as usual, Kinberg and co keeping the action thundering along at a suitably cracking pace throughout (powered by a typically epic score from Hans Zimmer), and the film only really comes off the rails in its final moments, when that aforementioned train finally comes off its tracks and the reported reshoots must surely kick in – as a result this is, to me, most reminiscent of previous X-flick The Wolverine, which was a rousing success for the majority of its runtime, only coming apart in its finale thanks to that bloody ridiculous robot samurai. The climax is, therefore, a disappointment, too clunky and sudden and overly neat in its denouement (and we really could have done with a proper examination of the larger social impact of these events), but it’s little enough that it doesn’t spoil what came before … which just makes the film’s mismanagement and resulting failure, as well as its subsequent treatment from critics and fans alike, all the more frustrating. This film deserved much better, but ultimately looks set to be disowned and glossed over by most of the fanbase as the property as a whole goes through the inevitable overhaul now that Disney/Marvel owns Fox and plans to bring the X-Men and their fellow mutants into the MCU fold. I feel genuinely sorry for the one remaining X-film, The New Mutants, which is surely destined for spectacular failure after its similarly shoddy round of reschedules finally comes to an end next summer …

7. FAST COLOR – intriguingly, the most INTERESTING superhero movie I’ve encountered so far this year is NOT a major franchise property, or even a comic book adapted to the screen at all, but a wholly original indie which snuck in very much under the radar on its release but is surely destined for cult greatness in the future, not least due to some much-deserved critical acclaim. Set in an unspecified future where it hasn’t rained for years, a homeless vagabond named Ruth (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) is making her aimless way across a desolate American Midwest, tormented by violent seizures which cause strange localised earthquakes, and hunted by Bill (Argo’s Christopher Denham), a rogue scientist who wants to capture her so he can study her abilities. Ultimately she’s left with no other recourse than to run home, sheltering with her mother Bo (Middle of Nowhere and Orange is the New Black’s Lorraine Toussaint), and her young daughter Lila (The Passage’s Saniyya Sidney), both of whom also have weird and wondrous powers of their own. As the estranged family reconnect, Ruth finally learns to control her powers as she’s forced to confront her own troubled past, but as Bill closes in it looks like their idyll might be short-lived … this might only be the second feature of writer-director Julie Hart (who cut her teeth penning well-regarded indie western The Keeping Room before making her own debut helming South By Southwest Film Festival hit Miss Stevens), but it’s a blinding statement of intent for the future, a deceptively understated thing of beauty that eschews classic superhero cinema conventions of big spectacle and rousing action in favour of a quiet, introspective character-driven story where the unveiling and exploration of Ruth and her kin’s abilities are secondary to the examination of how their familial dynamics work (or often DON’T), while Hart and cinematographer Michael Fimognari (probably best known for his frequent work for Mike Flanagan, including forthcoming Stephen King horror Doctor Sleep) bring a ruined but bleakly beautiful future to life through inventively understated production design and sweeping, dramatic vistas largely devoid of visual effects. Subtlety is the watchword, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t fireworks here, it’s just that they’re generally performance-based – awards-darling Mbatha-Raw (Belle) gives a raw, heartfelt performance, painting Rith in vivid shades of grey, while Toussaint is restrained but powerfully memorable and Sidney builds on her already memorable work to deliver what might be her best turn to date, and there are strong supporting turns from Denham (who makes his nominal villain surprisingly sympathetic) and Hollywood great David Strathairn as gentle small town sheriff Ellis. Leisurely paced and understated it may be, but this is still an incendiary piece of work, sure to become a breakout sleeper hit for a filmmaking talent from whom I expect GREAT THINGS in the future, and since the story’s been picked up for expansion into a TV series with Hart at in charge that looks like a no-brainer. And it most assuredly IS a bona fide superhero movie, despite appearances to the contrary …

6. ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD – since his explosion onto the scene twenty-seven years ago with his runaway smash debut Reservoir Dogs, Quentin Tarantino has become one of the most important filmmakers of his generation, a true master of the cinematic art form who consistently delivers moving picture masterpieces that thrill, entertain, challenge and amuse audiences worldwide … at least those who can stomach his love of unswerving violence, naughty talk and morally bankrupt antiheroes and despicably brutal villains who are often little more than a shade different from one another. Time has moved on, though, and while he’s undoubtedly been one of the biggest influences on the way cinema has changed over the past quarter century, there are times now that it’s starting to feel like the scene is moving on in favour of younger, fresher blood with their own ideas. I think Tarantino can sense this himself, because he recently made a powerful statement – after he’s made his tenth film, he plans to retire. Given that OUATIH is his NINTH film, that deadline is already looming, and we unashamed FANS of his films are understandably aghast over this turn of events. Thankfully he remains as uncompromisingly awesome a writer-director as ever, delivering another gold standard five-star flick which is also most definitely his most PERSONAL work to date, quite simply down to the fact that it’s a film ABOUT film. Sure, it has a plot (of sorts, anyway), revolving around the slow decline of the career of former TV star Rick Dalton (Leonardo Dicaprio), who languishes in increasing anonymity in Hollywood circa 1969 as his former western hero image is being slowly eroded by an increasingly hacky workload guest-starring on various syndicated shows as a succession of punching-bag heavies for the hero to wale on, while his only real friend is his one-time stunt double, Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), a former WW2 hero with a decidedly tarnished reputation of his own; meanwhile new neighbours have moved in next door to further distract him – hot-as-shit young director Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha), riding high on the success of Rosemary’s Baby, and his new wife Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie). Certainly this all drives the film, along with real-life events that involving one of the darkest crimes in modern American history, but a lot of the time the plot is largely coincidental – Quentin uses it as a springboard to wax lyrical about his very favourite subject and pay loving (if sometimes irreverently satirical) tribute to the very business he’s been indulging in with such great success since 1992. Sure, it’s also about “Helter Skelter” and the long shadow cast by Charles Manson and his band of murderous misfits, but these are largely incidental, as we’re treated to long, entertaining interludes as we follow Rick on a shoot as the bad guy in the pilot for the Lancer TV series, visit the notorious Spahn Ranch with Cliff as he’s unwittingly drawn into the lion’s den of the deadly Manson Family, join Robbie’s Tate as she watches “herself” in The Wrecking Crew, and enjoy a brilliant montage in which we follow Rick’s adventures in Spaghetti westerns (and Eurospy cinema) after he’s offered a chance to change his flagging fortunes, before the film finally builds to a seemingly inevitable, fateful conclusion that Tarantino then, in sneakily OTT Inglourious Basterds style, mischievously turns on its head with a devilish game of “What If”. The results are a thoroughly engrossing and endlessly entertaining romp through the seedier side of Hollywood and a brilliant warts-and-all examination of the craft’s inner workings that, interestingly, reveals as much about the Business today as it does about how it was way back into Golden Age the film portrays, all while delivering bucket-loads of QT’s trademark cool, swagger, idiosyncratic genius and to-die-for dialogue and character-work, and, of course, a typically exceptional all-star cast firing on all cylinders. Dicaprio and Pitt are both spectacular (Brad is endearingly taciturn, playing it wonderfully close to the vest throughout, while Leo is simply ON FIRE, delivering a mercurial performance EASILY on a par with his work on Shutter Island and The Wolf of Wall Street – could this be good enough to snag him a second Oscar?), while Robbie consistently endears us to Tate as she EFFORTLESSLY brings the fallen star back to life, and there’s an incredible string of amazing supporting turns from established talent and up-and-comers alike, from Kurt Russell, Al Pacino and a very spiky Bruce Dern to Mike Moh (in a FLAWLESS take on Bruce Lee), Margaret Qualley, Austin Butler and in particular Julia Butters as precocious child star Trudi Fraser. Packed with winning references, homages, pastiches and ingenious little in-jokes, handled with UTMOST respect for the true life subjects at all times and shot all the way through with his characteristic flair and quirky, deliciously dark sense of humour, this is cinema very much of the Old School, and EVERY INCH a Tarantino flick. With only one more film to go the implied end of his career seems much too close, but if he delivers one more like this he’ll leave behind a legacy that ANY filmmaker would be proud of.

5. CRAWL – summer 2019’s runner-up horror offering marks a rousing return to form for a genre talent who’s FINALLY delivered on the impressive promise of his early work – Alexandre Aja made a startling debut with Switchblade Romance, which led to his big break helming the cracking remake of slasher stalwart The Hills Have Eyes, but then he went SPECTACULARLY off the rails when he made the truly abysmal Piranha 3D, which I wholeheartedly regard as one of THE VERY WORST FILMS EVER MADE IN ALL OF HISTORY. He took a big step back in the right direction with the admittedly flawed but ultimately enjoyable and evocative Horns (based on the novel by Stephen King’s son Joe Hill), but it’s with this stripped back, super-tight man-against-nature survival horror that the Aja of old has TRULY returned to us. IN SPADES. Seriously, I personally think this is his best film to date – there’s no fat on it at all, going from a simple set-up STRAIGHT into a precision-crafted exercise in sustained tension that relentlessly grips right up to the end credits. The film is largely just a two-hander – Maze Runner star Kaya Scodelario plays Haley Keller, a Florida college student and star swimmer who ventures into the heart of a Category 5 hurricane to make sure her estranged father, Dave (Saving Private Ryan’s Barry Pepper), is okay after he drops off the grid. Finding their old family home in a state of disrepair and slowly flooding, she does a last minute check of the crawl-space underneath, only to discover her father badly wounded and a couple of hungry alligators stalking the dark, cramped, claustrophobic confines. With the flood waters rising and communications cut off, Haley and Dave must use every reserve of strength, ingenuity and survival instinct to keep each other alive in the face of increasingly daunting odds … even with a premise this simple, there was plenty of potential for this to become an overblown, clunky mess in the wrong hands (a la Snakes On a Plane), so it’s a genuinely great thing that Aja really is back at the height of his powers, milking every fraught and suspenseful set-piece to its last drop of exquisite piano-wire tension and putting his actors through hell without a reprieve in sight. Thankfully it’s not JUST about scares and atmosphere, though – there’s a genuinely strong family drama at the heart of the story that helps us invest in these two, Scodelario delivering a phenomenally complex performance as she peels back Haley’s layers, from stubborn pedant, through vulnerable child of divorce, to ironclad born survivor, while reconnecting with her emotionally raw, repentantly open father, played with genuine naked intensity in a career best turn from Pepper. Their chemistry is INCREDIBLY strong, making every scene a joy even as it works your nerves and tugs on your heartstrings, and as a result you DESPERATELY want to see them make it out in one piece. Not that Aja makes it easy for them – the gators are an impressively palpable threat, proper scary beasties even if they are largely (admittedly impressively executed) digital effects, while the storm is almost a third character in itself, becoming as much of an elemental nemesis as its scaly co-stars. Blessedly brief (just 87 minutes!) and with every second wrung out for maximum impact, this is survival horror at its most brutally, simplistically effective, a deliciously vicious, primal chill-ride that thoroughly rewards from start to finish. Welcome back, Mr Aja. We’ve missed you.

4. BRIGHTBURN – torpedoing Crawl right out of the water is this refreshing, revisionist superhero movie that takes one of the most classic mythologies in the genre and turns it on its head with TERRIFYING results. The basic premise is an absolute blinder – what if, when he crashed in small-town America as a baby, Superman had turned out to be a bad seed? Unsurprising, then, that it came from James Gunn, who here produces a screenplay by his brother and cousin Brian and Mark (best known for penning the likes of Journey 2: the Mysterious Island, but nobody’s perfect) and the directorial big break of his old mate David Yarovesky (whose only previous feature is obscure sci-fi horror The Hive) – Gunn is, of course, an old pro at taking classic comic book tropes and creating something completely new with them, having previously done so with HUGE success on cult indie black comedy Super and, in particular, Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies, and his fingerprints are ALL OVER this one too. The Hunger Games’ Elizabeth Banks (who starred in Gunn’s own directorial debut Slither) and David Denman (The Office) are Tori and Kyle Breyer, a farming couple living in Brightburn, Kansas, who are trying for a baby when a mysterious pod falls from the sky onto their land, containing an infant boy. As you’d expect, they adopt him, determined to keep his origin a secret, and for the first twelve of his life all seems perfectly fine – Brandon’s growing up into an intelligent, artistic child who loves his family. Then his powers manifest and he starts to change – not just physically (he’s impervious to harm, incredibly strong, has laser eyes and the ability to disrupt electronic devices … oh, and he can fly, too), but also in personality, as he becomes cold, distant, even cruel as he begins to demonstrate some seriously sociopathic tendencies. As his parents begin to fear what he’s becoming, things begin to spiral out of control and people start to disappear or turn up brutally murdered, and it becomes clear that Brandon might actually be something out of a nightmare … needless to say this is superhero cinema as full-on horror, Brandon’s proclivities leading to some proper nasty moments once he really starts to cut loose, and there’s no mistaking this future super for one of the good guys – he pulverises bones, shatters faces and melts skulls with nary a twitch, just the tiniest hint of a smile. It’s an astonishing performance from newcomer Jackson A. Dunn, who perfectly captures the nuanced subtleties as Brandon goes from happy child to lethal psychopath, clearly demonstrating that he’s gonna be an incredible talent in future; the two grown leads, meanwhile, are both excellent, Denman growing increasingly haunted and exasperated as he tries to prove his own son is a wrong ‘un, while Banks has rarely been better, perfectly embodying a mother desperately clinging to the idea that her son is innocent no matter how compelling the evidence becomes, and there’s quality support from Breaking Bad’s Matt Jones and Search Party’s Meredith Hagner as Brandon’s aunt and uncle, Noah and Meredith, and Becky Wahlstrom the mother of one of his school-friends, who seems to see him for what he is right from the start. Dark, suspenseful and genuinely nasty, this is definitely not your typical superhero movie, often playing like Kick-Ass’ even more twisted cousin, and there are times when it displays some of the same edgy, black-hearted sense of humour, too. In other words, it’s all very James Gunn. It’s one sweet piece of work, everyone involved showing real skill and devotion, and Yarovesky in particular proves he’ll definitely be one-to-watch in the future. There are already plans for a potential sequel, and given where this particular little superhero universe seems to be heading I think it could be something pretty special, so fair to say I can’t wait.

3. FAST & FURIOUS PRESENTS HOBBS & SHAW – it’s official, this summer’s most OTT movie is THE MOST FUN I’ve had at the cinema so far this year, a genuinely batshit crazy, pure bonkers rollercoaster ride of a film I just couldn’t get enough of, truly the perfect sum of all its baffling parts. The Fast & Furious franchise has always revelled in its extremes, as subtle as a brick and very much playing to the blockbuster, popcorn movie crowd right from the start, but it wasn’t until Fate of the Furious (yup, ridiculous title, says it all) that it really started to play to the inherent ridiculousness of its overall setup, paving the way for this first crack at a new spin-off series for the post Vin Diesel years. Needless to say this one has fully embraced the sheer ludicrousness, and director David Leitch is the perfect choice to shepherd it into the future, having previously mastered OTT action through John Wick and Atomic Blonde before helming manic screwball comedy Deadpool 2, which certainly is the strongest comparison point here – Hobbs & Shaw is every bit as loud, violent, chaotic and thoroughly irreverent, definitely playing up the inherent comic potential at the core of the material as he cranks up the humour. Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham take centre stage now as, respectively, DSS agent Luke Hobbs and former SAS black operative Deckard Shaw, the ultimate action movie odd couple once again forced to work together to foil the bad guy and save the world from a potentially cataclysmic disaster. Specifically Brixton Lore (Idris Elba), a self-proclaimed “black superman” enhanced with cybernetic implants and genetic manipulation to turn him into the ultimate warrior, who plans to use a lethal designer supervirus to eradicate half of humanity (as supervillains tend to do), but there’s one small flaw in his plan – the virus has been stolen by Hattie Shaw (Mission: Impossible – Fallout’s Vanessa Kirby), a rogue MI6 agent who also happens to be Deckard’s sister. Got all that? Yup, the movie really is as mad as it sounds, but that’s very much part of the charm – there’s an enormous amount of fun to be had in just giving in and going along with the madness of it all, as Hobbs and the two Shaws bounce from one over-the-top, ludicrously destructive set-piece to the next, kicking plenty of arse along the way when they’re not jumping out of tall buildings or driving fast cars at ludicrous speeds in heavy traffic, and when they’re not doing that they’re bickering with enthusiasm, each exchange crackling with exquisite hate-hate chemistry and liberally laced with hilarious dialogue delivered with gleeful, fervent venom (turns out there’s few things so enjoyable a watching Johnson and Statham verbally rip each other a new one), and the two action cinema heavyweights have never been better than they are here, each bringing the very best performances of their respective careers out of each other as they vacillate, while Kirby holds her own with consummate skill that goes to show she’s got a bright future of her own. As for Idris Elba, the one-time potential future Bond deserves to be remembered as one of the all-time great screen villains ever, investing Brixton with the perfect combination of arrogant swagger and lethal menace to steal every scene he’s in while simultaneously proving he can be just as big a badass in the action stakes; Leitch also scatters a selection of familiar faces from his previous movies throughout a solid supporting cast which also includes the likes of Fear the Walking Dead’s Cliff Curtis, From Dusk Till Dawn’s Eiza Gonzalez and Helen Mirren (who returns as Deckard and Hattie’s mum Queenie Shaw), while there’s more than one genuinely brilliant surprise cameo to enjoy. As we’ve come to expect, the action sequences are MASSIVE, powered by nitrous oxide and high octane as property is demolished and vehicles are driven with reckless abandon when our protagonists aren’t engaged bruising, bone-crunching fights choreographed with all the flawless skill you’d expect from a director who used to be a professional stuntman, but this time round the biggest fun comes from the downtime, as the aforementioned banter becomes king. It’s an interesting makeover for the franchise, going from heavyweight action stalwart to comedy gold, and it’s direction I hope they’ll maintain for the inevitable follow-up – barring Fast Five, this is the best Fast & Furious to date, and a strong indicator of how it should go to keep conquering multiplexes in future. Sign me up for more, please.

2. SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME – this summer’s been something of a decompression period for fans of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, with many of us recovering from the sheer emotional DEVASTATION of the grand finale of Phase 3, Avengers: Endgame, so the main Blockbuster Season’s entry really needed to be light and breezy, a blessed relief after all that angst and loss, much like Ant-Man & the Wasp was last year as it followed Infinity War. And it is, by and large – this is as light-hearted and irreverent as its predecessor, following much the same goofy teen comedy template as Homecoming, but there’s no denying that there’s a definite emotional through-line from Endgame that looms large here, a sense of loss the film fearlessly addresses right from the start, sometimes with a bittersweet sense of humour, sometimes straight. But whichever path the narrative chooses, the film stays true to this underlying truth – there have been great and painful changes in this world, and we can’t go back to how it was before, no matter how hard we try, but then perhaps we shouldn’t. This is certainly central to our young hero’s central arc – Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is in mourning, and not even the prospect of a trip around Europe with his newly returned classmates, together with the chance to finally get close to M.J. (Zendaya), maybe even start a relationship, can entirely distract him from the gaping hole in his life. Still, he’s gonna give it his best shot, but it looks like fate has other plans for our erstwhile Spider-Man as superspy extraordinaire Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) comes calling, basically hijacking his vacation with an Avengers-level threat to deal with, aided by enigmatic inter-dimensional superhero Quentin Beck, aka Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal), who has a personal stake in the mission, but as he’s drawn deeper into the fray Peter discovers that things may not be quite as they seem. Of course, giving anything more away would of course dumps HEINOUS spoilers on the precious few who haven’t yet seen the film – suffice to say that the narrative drops a MAJOR sea-change twist at the midpoint that’s EVERY BIT as fiendish as the one Shane Black gave us in Iron Man 3 (although the more knowledgeable fans of the comics will likely see it coming), and also provides Peter with JUST the push he needs to get his priorities straight and just GET OVER IT once and for all. Tom Holland again proves his character is the most endearing teenage geek in cinematic history, his spectacular super-powered abilities and winning underdog perseverance in the face of impossible odds still paradoxically tempered by the fact he’s as loveably hopeless as ever outside his suit; Mysterio himself, meanwhile, frequently steals the film out from under him, the strong bromance they develop certainly mirroring what Peter had with Tony Stark, and it’s a major credit to Gyllenhaal that he so perfectly captures the essential dualities of the character, investing Beck with a roguish but subtly self-deprecating charm that makes him EXTREMELY easy to like, but ultimately belying something much more complex hidden beneath it; it’s also nice to see so many beloved familiar faces returning, particularly the fantastically snarky and self-assured Zendaya, Jacob Batalon (once again pure comic gold as Peter’s adorably nerdy best friend Ned), Tony Revolori (as his self-important class rival Flash Thompson) and, of course, Marisa Tomei as beloved Aunt May, as well as Jackson and Cobie Smoulders as dynamite SHIELD duo Fury and his faithful lieutenant Maria Hill, and best of all Jon Favreau gets a MUCH bigger role this time round as Happy Hogan. Altogether this is very much business as usual for the MCU, the well-oiled machine unsurprisingly turning out another near-perfect gem of a superhero flick that ticks all the required boxes, but a big part of the film’s success should be attributed to returning director Jon Watts, effectively building on the granite-strong foundations of Homecoming with the help of fellow alumni Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers on screenplay duty, for a picture that feels both comfortingly familiar and rewardingly fresh, delivering on all the required counts with thrilling action and eye candy spectacle, endearingly quirky character-based charm and a typically winning sense of humour, and plenty of understandably powerful emotional heft. And, like always, there are plenty of fan-pleasing winks and nods and revelations, and the pre-requisite mid- and post-credit teasers too, both proving to be some proper game-changing corkers. The future of the property may be in doubt, but this is still another winner from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but then was there really ever any doubt?

1. JOHN WICK CHAPTER 3 – needless to say, those who know me should be in no doubt why THIS is at the top of my list for summer 2019 – this has EVERYTHING I love in movies and more. Keanu Reeves is back in the very best role he’s ever played, unstoppable, unbeatable, un-killable hitman John Wick, who, when we rejoin him mere moments after the end of 2017’s phenomenal Chapter 2, is in some SERIOUSLY deep shit, having been declared Incommunicado by the High Table (the all-powerful ruling elite who run this dark and deadly shadowy underworld) after circumstances forced him to gun down an enemy on the grounds of the New York Continental Hotel (the inviolable sanctuary safe-house for all denizens of the underworld), as his last remaining moments of peace tick away and he desperately tries to find somewhere safe to weather the initial storm. Needless to say the opening act of the film is ONE LONG ACTION SEQUENCE as John careers through the rain-slick backstreets of New York, fighting off attackers left and right with his signature brutal efficiency and unerring skill, perfectly setting up what’s to come – namely a head-spinning, exhausting parade of spectacular set pieces that each put EVERY OTHER offering in any other film this year to shame. Returning director Chad Stahelski again proves that he’s one of the very best helmsmen around for this kind of stuff, delivering FAR beyond the call on every count as he creates a third entry to a series that continues to go from strength to strength, while Keanu once again demonstrates what a phenomenal screen action GOD he is, gliding through each scenario with poise, precision and just the right balance of brooding charm and so-very-done-with-this-shit intensity and a thoroughly enviable athletic physicality that really does put him on the same genre footing as Tom Cruise. As with the first two chapters, what plot there is is largely an afterthought, a facility to fuel the endless wave of stylish, wince-inducing, thoroughly exhilarating violent bloodshed, as John cuts another bloody swathe through the underworld searching for a way to remove the lethal bounty from his head while an Adjudicator from the High Table (Orange Is the New Black’s Asia Kate Dillon) arrives in New York to settle affairs with Winston (Ian McShane), the manager of the New York Continental, and the Bowery King (Laurence Fishburne) for helping John create this mess in the first place. McShane and Fishburne are both HUGE entertainment in their fantastically nuanced large-than-life roles, effortlessly stealing each of their scenes, while the ever-brilliant Lance Reddick also makes a welcome return as Winston’s faithful right-hand Charon, the concierge of the Continental, who finally gets to show off his own hardcore action chops when trouble arrives at their doorstep, and there are plenty of franchise newcomers who make strong impressions here – Dillon is the epitome of icy imperiousness, perfectly capturing the haughty superiority you’d expect from a direct representative of the High Table, Halle Berry gets a frustratingly rare opportunity to show just how seriously badass she can be as former assassin Sofia, the manager of the Casablanca branch of the Continental and one of John’s only remaining allies, Game of Thrones’ Jerome Flynn is smarmy and entitled as her boss Berrada, and Anjelica Houston is typically classy as the Director, the ruthless head of New York’s Ruska Roma (John’s former “alma mater”, basically). The one that REALLY sticks in the memory, though, is Mark Dacascos, finally returning to the big time after frustrating years languishing in lurid straight-to-video action dreck and lowbrow TV hosting duties thanks to a BLISTERING turn as Zero, a truly brilliant semi-comic creation who routinely runs away with the film – he’s the Japanese master ninja the Adjudicator tasks with dispensing her will, a thoroughly lethal killer who may well be as skilled as our hero, but his deadliness is amusingly tempered by the fact that he’s also a total nerd who HERO WORSHIPS John Wick, adorably geeking out whenever their paths cross. Their long-gestating showdown provides a suitably magnificent climax to the action, but there’s plenty to enjoy in the meantime, as former stuntman Stahelski and co keep things interestingly fluid as they constantly change up the dynamics and add new elements, from John using kicking horses in a stable and knives torn out of display cases in a weaponry museum to dispatch foes on the fly, through Sofia’s use of attack dogs to make the Moroccan portion particularly nasty and a SPECTACULAR high octane sequence in which John fights katana-wielding assailants on speeding motorcycles, to the film’s UNDISPUTABLE highlight, an astounding fight in which John takes on Zero’s disciples (including two of the most impressive guys from The Raid movies, Cecep Arif Rahman and Yayan Ruhian) in (and through) an expansive chamber made up entirely of glass walls and floors. Altogether then, this is business as usual for a franchise that’s consistently set the bar for the genre as a whole, an intensely bruising, blissfully blood-drenched epic that cranks its action up to eleven, shot with delicious neon-drenched flair and glossy graphic novel visual excess, a consistently inspired exercise in fascinating world-building that genuinely makes you want to live among its deadly denizens (even though you probably wouldn’t live very long). The denouement sets things up for an inevitable sequel, and I’m not at all surprised – right from the first film I knew the concept had some serious legs, and it’s just too good to quit yet. Which is just how I like it …

#movies 2019 #captive state #godzilla king of the monsters #dark phoenix #fast color #once upon a time in hollywood #crawl #crawl movie #brightburn #hobbs and shaw #spider man far from home #John Wick Chapter 3 #awesome sauce

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