#anyway feel free to ignore me I'm not looking for compliments (I don't think anyone on here even knows what i look like?)

[funkytoesart]

you can always tell the people who give social media advice who are naturally or conventionally attractive even without even having to look at a photo of them cause they're always the ones that recommend showing your face in reels or videos to promote your art and it's like,,, talk about pretty/skinny privilege lol

[wasteofbandagesxx]

A world of imagination

(Fyodor x reader)

Content: Obsessive behavior, angst, fake love, manipulation, blood, murder, Stockholm syndrome

It's been 3 years since you've been working with Fyodor. The demon himself, the demon you are too attached to. You thrived on the missions he gave you, the compliments, the pet names. You absolutely adored this man and for what reason? You adored him because he understood you, better than anyone else could. You fell deeply in love with him the day he found you, he fixed you, he picked you off the ground and turned you into the person you are now.

You are known for having a cold personality, people think of you as someone who's non sentimental and selfish. They say you are Fyodor's twin, or Fyodor's copycat. You didn't mind the names though, they gave you a sense of pleasure and that's all that matters.

Deep down inside, your scared, confused, and lonely. Despite how close you are to Fyodor, it's like he's still out of reach. Constantly going on missions, getting himself hurt, not always acknowledging you. You would spend almost every night in your room crying about how lonely and unloved you are. Sure Fyodor would praise you here and there, but he would always push you away after that. You want more time with him. You want him to acknowledge you more, but you could never have that. The least you could do is just ignore your feelings and do what your told.

"Myshka, your all dirty. I would appreciate it if you didn't leave blood trails on my floor." Fyodor said as he gave you a disappointed look. As usual, he would request you to kill certain people. You would always come back looking like a mess, much to his displeasure.

"Sorry sir. I was in a rush. I-" "Don't worry, I'll have someone clean it up. For now, go clean yourself up." He interrupts while typing away on his computer. He's not even making eye contact with you, that just makes your blood boil. "I stole some documents while I was gone, I thought that you would be interested." You pulled out some documents you stole and set them on his desk. The documents were slightly covered in blood stains, but at least it wasn't a lot. "I also killed them just like you asked me to." You added, hoping that he would respond the way you want. "That's good." Fyodor said plainly as he still types away on his computer.

'Pay attention to me'

"Do you need anything else?" You asked, "No need. You do reek of blood so clean yourself up and move on to the next task." He said. He still isn't looking at you, nor is he calling you by your pet names except "Myshka."

'Look at me'

'Say it'

'Listen to me'

'Love me'

'Love me'

'Love me'

'Love me'

"Myshka, your spacing out again." Fyodor snapped you out of your thoughts. 'Shit' you thought.

"I'm sorry. I'll get going now." Not even looking at him, you turn around and leave as quickly as possible.

After cleaning yourself up and finishing your other tasks. You quickly rush over to Fyodor's room. Once you arrived, you see Fyodor sitting on the couch. His room is pretty big and fancy. You make your way over to Fyodor and curl up in his lap. Fyodor was in the middle of reading a book until you came and laid down on him, he puts down his book with a sigh and gently pats your head.

"That was quick Myshka." He said as he gently pets you, as if you were a cat. You were his pet after all, a pawn for him to use. In return, he gives you love. Your well aware that the affections he was giving you were fake, but you didn't care. You didn't want to anger him about it, it would only resort him into gaslighting you anyway. You let out a short hum and let yourself relax on his lap. This is a routine you guys do, and your addicted to it. Fyodor picks up the book with his free hand and continues to read, but sometimes felt off. His main focus has been on Dazai lately, his greatest enemy. Dazai has been taking Fyodor away from you, and you wanted to kill him. You've offered to kill Dazai so many times for him but he refuses. He wants to deal with him alone, with no help.

You had a burning passion for Dazai, you've always dreamed about ripping him to shreds. You've thought about assassinating him behind Fyodor's back, but that would only resort into punishment. You didn't want to Anger Fyodor, even worse, have him hate you and throw you back onto the streets.

You felt safe and comfortable in his lap. Fyodor however, just feels irritated at the moment. Too busy thinking about Dazai as he puts his book down and stops petting you. Fyodor looks at the window, deep in thought as he only rests his hand on your back. You were curious to what he was thinking about, but you knew better than to ask him and ruin his train of thought.

'Thud'

He pushed you off his lap harshly and got up before leaving the room. Not once did he look back at you, or check if you were ok. The door was slammed shut after he left, leaving you alone by yourself. You sat up and looked at the door like a lost puppy, waiting for its owner to come back. You felt hurt, you hated being pushed away. You quietly sat there as your eyes begin to water, deep in thought as you begin to question yourself.

"Am I not good enough anymore?..."

3 years ago, he told you were good enough. Ever since you became his pawn. You were left with nothing back then, sitting in the rain on the streets with nothing. You were alone, until Fyodor found you. "What's your name, hun?" A voice asked, thick but smooth. You look up to see purple orbs stare into yours. You let out a soft hiccup before saying your name.

"Y/n...I'm Y/n..." You said shyly, you felt nervous. You didn't trust anyone since they did nothing but laugh and leave you alone to rot. "Lovely name. I am Fyodor Dostoevsky. I see your having a bit of trouble, I could help you yknow." What left the man's mouth caught you interest. "What?..."

The man crouched down to your level as his raven hair moved out of his face. He gave you a 'genuine' smile and raised his hand, which startles you. You immediately flinched and thought he was gonna hit you when all of a sudden you feel a gentle pat on your head. It felt strangely comfortable, way too comfortable. "There's no need to be afraid. The servant of God is here to save you." The man said. The smile on his face was unsettling, full of intentions you could not see.

"Come with me, Myshka. Come with me, and you'll be in a world of imagination"

You went with him, followed him, you let him take care of you and you ended up living with him. This "humble" home, was nothing but a prison, a prison you could never leave. You wished for a home, a quiet place, and free will. But you were living in nothing but webs of lies.

[henrysglock]

hi there! first off, i just wanted to say thank you for sharing all your theories and ideas because they are genuinely so interesting to me as someone who was never really that into the NINA plotline when s4 came out— after looking at a good number of your posts that definitely started to change lol. i’ve become moderately obsessed with you and a few others’ theories about the different timelines and i was curious how you think they’d go about revealing that to the general audience? everything you’ve laid out about the timelines is so much in the fine details, and while it’s itching my brain for sure i have no idea how they would tie all of this together. if you’ve already talked about this feel free to ignore this lol, i just wanted to see what you thought and to say that your theories are so fun to read even for someone who isn’t all that into henry’s character or the lab plotline— i know you and a few others are probably getting at the much larger reveals that they’re saving for s5, and i think it’s really admirable esp considering not a lot of people on here are receptive or willing to listen. anyway sorry for the tangent and thank u again!! <3 i hope you’re having a good week :)

Hi Nonnie!!!

First: Oh gosh what a compliment <3 I'm so glad to hear this journey has made the lab arc more enjoyable for you! I know it's been just pure dopamine for me. It sucks that more people aren't super receptive, but it makes the ones who are receptive (like you, Nonnie <3) all the more special.

Second: Yeah, the timelines reveal is going to be one of the harder reveals to predict, and you're absolutely right, a lot of our posts are centered on minutiae.

Personally, I don't believe that many of those details will be addressed at all. I think they're there for the people who want to piece it all together on their own before the big reveal. So actually, I when I try to argue for timeline theory, I usually opt for the huge, huge smoking guns that are Scott Clarke's line about Many Worlds Theory all the way back in Season 1, the Edward newspaper, and the NINA inconsistencies. Timeline theory is a lot like byler that way: The details are there to flesh it out, to prove it further, but they're not always super crucial to understanding it.

When it comes to the reveal, I definitely think it's going to rely on those bigger points. By that, I mean:

The gang could go to Upside-Down HNL to find more details about One to try and counterattack (we already have BTS pictures of HNL with vines/UD stuff in it).

The leftover files/details could mention Edward, or even both Edward and Henry, and Nancy may the Creel papers. (In 4.04, she asks Victor to clarify if Alice is his daughter, which indicates she may have noticed the Virginia-Alice swap. If she did, then she absolutely know about Edward.)

We find out what, exactly, NINA was and how it links up to time travel.

That would inevitably lead to "Okay, so how does this all work, and who then hell is Henry Creel, for real this time?", which is something I have no doubt they'd go to Scott about, and that would tie us right back to that "throwaway" Season 1 line about many worlds.

That ^^ right there could very well be the Edward Creel reveal and the truth about NINA/the massacre of 1979 wrapped up in just one episode.

It's still entirely possible, plausible even, that the original/ST1-2 UD is one other timeline, and that Vecna's is the third, possibly NINA-generated, timeline(everyone cheered for the ST rule of 3).

If they are the other timelines, then: a) It's fairly similar in concept to Fringe. b) It's in keeping with the Flea And The Acrobat/Gates being tied to the Many Worlds line. c) It's simple to comprehend without having to try and wrap your head around the minutiae.

But again...

For anyone reading this who's not caught up: This has all been talked about a bunch by Em (aemiron-main), a bit by Stav (heroesbyler) in relation to the Void, and iirc Nat (givehimthemedicine). I had a post on the gravity inconsistencies in Vecna's UD, Able Archer vs the ST1/2 UD, and most recently I posted about what Shepard sees when he crosses into the UD in Season 1.

[earthtooz]

give your moots a valentine's day ship <33

OKAY ! will do ^-^ i'll do my more active moots bc they like to talk about their favs - apologies if you don't like your matchup, not my problem LMFAOOOOO :,( feel free to ignore if this makes u uncomfy but i hope i didn't cross anyone's boundaries :P

thanks for asking anon, hope u have a lovely day <3 take care of yourself!

@limitlesshq with... chigiri hyoma! i would give you oliver or sae but like let's be real neither would commit to valentines day lMFAOOOO but chigiri so would! i think valentines with chigiri would be so fun :( he'd be such a sweetheart <3 vv nervous about the day but you won't be able to tell since he's so deceivingly calm and neutral the whole time. IMAGINE HIS OUTFIT AHHHH IN THOSE GRANDPA OUTFITS OF HIS!

@mitzimania with... michael kaiser! (begudgingly, i do not like this image bc i HATE him.) hiori was my first choice but you're like batshit insane for this man so... you win, kaiser would be the most obnoxious, but admittedly, sweet date to have for valentines :((( would give you dramatic ass gifts like blue fucking roses and a huge ass teddy. valentines day is a total 'book a reservation at an expensive restaurant and stir shit up' day with him.

@sixosix with... izuku midoriya! izuku would be so scared before asking u and he's going to be nervous the entire day (stupid ass), both of you are dorks so this date works well LUL ik it'll be such a fun day AHHHHHHHH MIDORIYA'S SO <3 you know that he has the whole day planned down to a T, there is not a single detail or potential outcome that has not been thought out by him already.

@vrmxlho with itoshi sae! ofc i'm giving u sae bbgirl you're the only one who could probably tolerate him 😐 two little shits paired together for valentines day LMFAOO no but fr, i think he would be a sweet date if he tried <3 he def thinks vday is a capitalist sham (which it is) and that you can celebrate your partner any day, but he still makes an effort to spend time with you and participate in valentines date ideas. gifts u various things and has no limit on how much to spend (why did yours get so long)

@yaakultt with isagi yoichi! hello??? i have to pair kayla with isagi, valentines just wouldn't make sense otherwise???? two idiots (affectionate) in one LMFAOOOOOO i'm just playing you're not an idiot <3 but fr, bouta be a real fun valentines of side-eyeing other couples whilst sitting in boba stores 😍😍

@sacchariins with suna rintarou! i think i'm too far in to the pancake-stealing-assassin lore to not give you suna rin 😭😭😭 but you can make him cuter pancakes for valentines day! #valentinesvlog but it's atsumu trying to steal suna's pancakes once again LMFAOOOO, but valentines would be so fun with him :( goofing around in a small pop-up theme park and suna trying to hard to win prizes for u </3 gets so offended if you win more than him lul o7

@popkorrn with kirishima eijiro! my fav paired with my fav!!!! favourite icon kirishima >:o would be such a perf date for valentines, immediately gifts you flowers and chocolate when the day starts and you're just like 'dude... it's so early' - does everything that a stereotypical valentines date would look like but it's amazing nevertheless. incredible company to spend the day with &lt;;3

@uravichii with shinsou hitoshi! okay so i need you to hear me out: orange cat x black cat (idk why but i perceive you to be an orange cat which is a total compliment bc i LOVE orange cats), anyways, i'm assigning u shinsou bc valentines with him would be incredible wtf :< IMAGINE VISITING A CAT CAFE OH MAH GOODNESS tbf you don't need it to be valentines to visit a cat cafe but that doesn't matter, it's more special now <3 i hope u like cats kei bc if not this is real awkward

@cielcius with karasu tobito! when i asked u who ur fav bllk character is and u said karasu i was like YASSSSSSSSS bc i LOVE him sm and he'd b just a fun partner to have for valentines :((( pulls pranks and says the most outta pocket shit, but he's considerate and loves spending the day w u. he just uses this day to have fun together and appreciate u 😣😣😣

@ryekoo with itoshi rin! *hands him over* you're down bad i have to give it to u okay. rin as ur valentines AHHHH he's such a cutiepie. unexpectedly nervous, but i think he's the type to have the whole day planned out so that he can impress you :( look people don't associate him with being a 'good partner' so he has to break those stereotypes okay! very considerate and doting over you on this day &lt;;3

@haithamuse with mikage reo! he's so AHFEUHFPIEHPFA anyways. reo, valentines? yes fucking please. he's such a perfect date, gifts you so many flowers, organises a whole chauffeur to stay with you guys the whole day just to drive around, spoils you so hard, reo is a true romantic at heart. if valentines day isn't one of the best days of the year then... idk what is.

@sipsteainanxiety with bakugou katsuki! ah yes the man you're entire blog circulates around <3 not but fr i believe you can tolerate bakugou and the chaos he brings to valentines day (amazing quality, i could never). he totally makes it competitive. tries so damn hard to make the day enjoyable and mutters 'bet shitty hair didn't think of this', but it's all from the good of his heart <3

@lytters with denki kaminari! the FIRST character that popped into my head when i was thinking abt your valentines matchup - your personalities work so well together :( AND YOU TWO WOULD BE SUCH AN INCREDIBLE PAIR FOR VDAY!!! he likes to goof around and make the whole day exciting. you end up with practically dead throats bc of how much u two laughed together AHHHHHH I LOVE DENKI SM!

[d1d11818]

I’ll be honest I fell off my bed while trying to read your responses. Not anyone’s fault but my own obv but it was really funny and I felt the need to share. Ow :[

This is also going to sound weird but I really like the way you think about things, 1818. I was going to have a whole like, paragraph about some inane stuff on like altruism and anthropology but it’s not interesting so. Anyway, I think you’re already doing really well on the ‘being a good person’ front, from the very limited amount of time I’ve known you (Does this count as knowing? I don’t mean to overstep.)

I cannot say I wasn’t a tiny bit worried but I was also mostly confident you knew what the game sort of entailed. :,]

I really really like horror as a genre as well! I’ve been watching a lot of ‘horror’ movies, though I don’t think I’ve actually really been scared by any thusfar. Which is bumming me out because I WANT to be scared. I’m not sure if you’re much of a movie person though, so I won’t suggest anything, but if you’ve got a favorite I would totally love to add it to my list!

- 🐠 (I’m fine with any, really, but my favorites are they / them and a set of neos but I’m always nervous to tell people that.)

- Oh come now, I'm not so funny you have to fall over.

- Ha!

- In all seriousness, do be more careful.

- Human bodies are remarkably weak.

- I'd hate to see you struggling with pain.

- As much as I can see, anyway.

- I'm pleasantly surprised you think that way.

- You're right, it is weird to find my way of thinking likeable.

- It is not a common opinion.

- Most people consider it a betrayal to my beginnings as a human.

- Even if I was like this back then, too.

- They always seem to ignore that fact.

- I think the notion of 'you need empathy to be likeable' is absurd.

- It refuses to take into consideration those who struggle with it, while denying that claim in response.

- But anyway.

- We're all a little weird here, aren't we?

- There's no shame in that, but rather pride.

- I'm speaking in a powerful and reassuring way to hide my overwhelming reaction to a compliment.

- I... do not get much praise.

- As for the inane paragraph, you have personally captured my interest.

- Although I doubt my colleague will be as patient about it.

- Moving on.

- I'll stop rambling, so D1d1 gets a chance to talk.

- Never fear about overstepping, my friend.

- I'm just grateful for the company.

- Distancing myself can get a bit...

- ... lonely.

-----------------------------------------------

- My turn, edgelord!

- And in response to the plant post, 1818, I'm not a moron!! I'm just intellectually challenged.

- I love horror movies!! But I definitely relate to your struggle. The concept of fear is kind of null with me. I don't know why. I've tried challenging it but nothing works! My system just constantly reminds me that they're fake, and I can't find myself frightened by that.

- The closest I've ever come to fear is more discomfort, and that came curtesy of Junji Ito. Is that the right curtesy? Courtesy? It feels incorrect either way. Anyway, the discomfort came less from thinking the situations could be achieved, but more where the ideas came from. The thoughts of such realities sprouting in a mind I can't even comprehend is uncomfortable to me, and I don't know why!

- That balloon one especially... I got awful uncanny valley with that one.

- My favourite horror film though, is probably Trick r Treat! I think it's fun!

- Also feel free to share your neos if and when you're comfortable! We support those here! :D

- Look! I made a tiny face! :D :D :D

[onelungmcclung]

rosie/kidd truther anon here to deliver a half baked thesis on why its good 🤓 (obligatory english isnt my first language)

the first thing that stood out to me is that jack is like “rosie is thee pilot ever and if u were half as good as him u could maybe make it to 10 missions” and he hadnt complimented someone like that in the whole show. also u opened my eyes when u said that it looked like rosie was trying to flirt w him in ep 7 and has opened my mind to many what ifs + its the good ole serious dude falls for the sweetest and happiest guy on the planet, what im saying is, they compliment each other :)

honestly i just think its cute and they both deserve some love, maybe when i rewatch the show ill say something coherent but in the meanwhile im trying to draw them (i hate men and their complicated faces but fuck it we ball 😮‍💨)

I'm gonna sound like a bad feminist(tm) but I actually really like drawing men because they tend to have more prominent facial bones and I find that easier. (obv some men don't but I have to ignore them bc they make me look bad.)

anyway I'll try to make you some more sets of that scene for sure. if you post any art, please do feel free to let me know (I don't usually go into fandom tags).

it is kind of a big deal for Kidd to compliment anyone and it does a lot to establish how good a pilot Rosie is, because when Kidd says anything you know it's 100% true and doubly so when he says something nice. (Rosie is actually in the room at the time, although I'm not sure if he overhears it or not -- but I don't think it makes any difference to Kidd. he's saying it because he means it, not because he's being polite and he's not going to be embarrassed about telling the truth.)

which is why I thought in ep 9 Kidd should have got to do some non-combat copiloting with Rosie, because they clearly respect each other and Kidd deserves to fly more and have nice things and, you know, I'm sure flying is more fun without the flak.

and tbqh Rosie does look a bit like he's trying to flirt with Kidd. also it's different/interesting to see someone approaching Kidd with that kind of... lightness. (they both take the business of war seriously but they carry it differently.)

fuck it we ball 🤝

[rubyscarbuncle]

VENT POST FEEL FREE TO SCROLL PAST

content warnings: dysphoria, self-loathing, depression

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I'm not really asking for advice or help, not really looking for people to feel obligated to read this, just kinda screaming into the void. I wouldn't turn down that, but if anyone does decide to read this for some reason, I don't want them to feel obligated to say anything. This is just a post to just... Get it out.

dysphoria has been beating my ASS recently. I feel like I'm out of the honeymoon phase of hrt if that makes sense, where the progress has slowed down a lot. Everything feels a lot slower and more incremental. I finally felt like I look femme enough to pass (a feeling that honestly I don't even believe on most days now) and tried to do voice training, but kinda stopped.

it's hard, on good days I can tolerate or ignore my voice but on most days I just don't like it at all. I think it's one of the reasons that I've been nonverbal more often recently. Although it's also due in part that I'm actually allowing myself to do so on days where I just don't feel like talking, but I think if I wasn't so dysphoric I'd at least be able to manage to just keep my mic on at least. Or at least squeeze out a few words. But I just don't like my voice being perceived. I think it sounds fake and wrong and a lot of other things. I know I wouldn't be feeling this way if I did voice training, but to do voice training I have to listen to and focus on my voice, and I hate my voice, but it can't change unless I do voice training, but to do it I have to listen and focus on my voice, and thus the cycle repeats and as I feel the cycle repeating my motivation dips lower and lower. It sucks. Like a lot. I feel like I'm in this weird fucked up stage where it's just enough to not present as outwardly masculine but is still very easily detectable as masc. I know passing isn't tied to gender, but it's a shitty feeling nonetheless.

I just wish I could bundle myself up and just never have to be perceived until my transition is complete. But I feel like I'm forced to walk around like a caterpillar that's halfway morphed, one that should still be in its cocoon but is forced to walk around anyways. It's a really shitty feeling that I don't know if I could describe to anyone that doesn't have to deal with it any better than that.

I put on make-up recently and felt not very good after putting it on, like I looked somehow more masculine in the way that you could tell I already didn't have a standardly feminine face but also had shitty make-up applied that feels deeply unfeminine, I got complimented by someone I know who signed to me saying "you look beautiful" and chat I can't lie, my first thought was "damn I can't believe they'd lie to my face like that."

It also sucks, because I feel like I'm nervous to be or act like myself outside of really close friends or else I might be seen as "not feminine enough" or something. But that in it of itself makes me feel like I'm just faking it or something and I feel like people can tell that which sorta makes its own vicious cycle.

I just wish I could just be put in some kind of vat like the healing pod for goku but for transitioning. Just sit in that vat and let the changes wash over me until it's over.

Don't get me wrong, I still love being trans, I love the community, I love the perspective it's given me, I love meeting supportive people, I love so much about it, but the dysphoria (and not to mention the transphobia) aougoughhhhhhhhh, it's debilitating.

[layla-kurayami52]

Your Annoying Tumblr Mutual strikes yet again !!

I'm gonna ask you a few questions :> (these are all so random lmao) (as always, feel free to ignore ^^^)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✰ how long have you been on tumblr?

✰ how did you come up with your url/username?

✰ what’s your phone’s lock screen?

✰ do you have any piercings//tattoos? (any you’d like to get?)

✰ do you wear glasses//contacts?

✰ has anyone ever told you you have a "celebrity look-alike"? if yes, who?

✰ best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

✰ are you a collector of anything in particular? If yes, what?

✰ I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD REST OF YOUR DAY AND TREAT YOURSELF AND I APPRECIATE YOU AND YES OKAY BYE FOR NOW <3

thank you for this @stvrlighhttt 💕

• i think since 2017-ish? i have south park and diabolik lovers hyperfixation at that time. i changed blog quiet often and was under the name blue for a while.

• i was heartbroken lolol.. don't know what else to explain it

• it was makima from chainsaw man

• not really unless we're talking about normal piercings for your ear. love to get tattoos/piercings more though but it is expensive here

• no, tbh i should

• not really, i don't care much about celebrities anyway

• that i was a person that generates calm comforting aura? mostly people that never sees me irl that says this bc i got that rbf and irls think i look unapproachable

• it was purely coincidental but i collect anime keychains! everytime i get a new hyperfixation on certain characters i'll buy the chibi keychains of it lol

• I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO MY FRIEND 💕

[damnation-if]

wrestling with canva like i’m crocodile dundee... this probably won’t end up being anything like a real UI because i don’t think a lot of it is Possible jsfdbgs

It looks amazing, how did you do that? 👀👀👀👀👀

hi, thank you for the compliment! i took a bit to answer this because i'm not really... equipped to be making Design tutorials haha. graphic design is my passion neither ironically nor unironically and i'm absolutely rubbish at art - however, canva has enough tools to help me feel like i'm building something visually interesting despite my. abject lack of talent XD i'll put a cut here and some like. explanation and tips underneath.

i have premium for my non-IF-related work, but the free version is what i started out on and it's honestly surprisingly good and has a generous licensing agreement. the biggest drawback for the free version for me is the inability to save files with a transparent background or resize files mid-edit, but for most people making banners or concept art you're not going to Need transparent files - that's more of a thing for actually creating assets.

the biggest ADVANTAGE of the free canva license is that you are licensed to use anything you make using the free assets in commercial products if you want/need (including games or promo for them). many similar design products only allow personal use for free licensing. (however, i'm not trying to sell canva to you; rather i'm pointing out that sticking with the free version is actually very convenient and the premium features are probably things you won't need lol)

basically canva allows you to search for graphic design elements by keyword and drag and drop them onto a design piece, mix them around, change their colours and sizes etc. and combine them together to make something. i'll talk a little bit about the UI design you're mentioning (the one i showed off here for anyone curious) not to brag about my Skillz(TM) but just to show how easy canva makes it for a total newb to make something that looks really neat!

there's about 30 different elements in that particular UI design - the "console-y" looking frame itself is half a dozen on its own: the basic frame (those cyberpunky lines at the top and bottom of the screen); a semi-transparent box i added to make it look like a holo-screen; the panel on the side, which was originally square until i cropped it down to make it look like a panel and colour-shifted to match the main box; the little connector between the side panel and the screen, which is actually two of the same asset with one upside-down and cropped; and then the various text assets, not to mention all the logos, which are also all separate (and also the little 2 unread messages symbol is another 2 separate design elements i put together lmfao).

canva will probably seem overwhelming once you first start using it because it has So Many tools, but most of these are for companies and you'll probably find you don't need to even look at the vast majority of them. for example, it'll probably ask you to choose a template to start a design, and there are like. 100s. that it'll want you to sort through. but you very probably won't ever use more than one or two. i think i've used three Ever for IF stuff - tumblr banner (for banners, obviously), social media banner, for the RO banners you can see on the ROs page, and 16:9 Blank Presentation, which is what i use for UI designs because it's just. a big blank page size. you can Literally ignore all the others unless you need something specific!

you can either use the pre-generated aspects of the template and simply replace their designs with ones you prefer, or do what i do and delete it all and put your own stuff in lmfao. the templates can help if you don't have much of an idea of what you want your design to look like but obviously for me with UI design it's a bit. Pointless because canva doesn't have a template for that XD

anyway once you have your blank canvas, you can search for "elements" in the search panel and look through them for ones you want to use. the pro version assets are labelled pretty clearly so you probably won't mistakenly pick something that requires paying to use and the search filters themselves are pretty hefty - i rarely run up against a search term that brings back nothing unless it's HIGHLY specific lol

here are just a couple of tips that help me get basically closer to what i want out of the whole thing:

when you're changing the size of an element, canva only increases or decreases its size by the exact ratio of its original dimensions - you can't Only make an image wider, for example, it will also automatically increase the height to match. that's why the "frame" asset in my Gone Dark UI design is centred in the page instead of taking up more of it - i couldn't make it wider without it getting taller and the top and bottom bars disappearing off the page. you can get around this by using elements that are mostly plain - i could have, for example, made the semitransparent screen box as wide as i wanted, because it's uniform in design and there'll be no visible difference in where i draw its boundaries as it all just looks like plain rectangle.

combining photo images and less realistic graphics can look jarring but there are handy image editing tools (found by clicking "edit image" in the top toolbar with the image selected, and then "show all" in the lefthand sidebar to show all of the filters) that you can use to make photos look Less Photolike - lowered blur and heightened clarity especially can make it easier to make photos fit better with other graphics.

some of the text effects (found by clicking "Effects" in the top toolbar with the textbox selected) can make it way easier for text to be visible against certain backgrounds - this is not much use if you're designing something for another medium like a UI, because you can't replicate them in other software, but if you're just producing an image like a banner they add a lot of neat flair.

when you have a lot of elements working together they often look a little better with at least a slightly lower transparency to hide that their borders/edges aren't uniform - 85-90% is usually opaque enough to not notice it's slightly transparent but soften the edges.

it can be hard to figure out the exact size (in pixels) of an element while you're In a design - there are rulers that can be applied through the settings menu, but the maths often fucks me up, so i find it's easier to resize the image by dragging the expand handles by like a single pixel and then putting it back to normal - while specifically holding the expand handles (until you let go of the mouse and "drop" it in the desired size) it will give you an exact reading of the height and width in pixels along the bottom toolbar that you can read easily.

this one is pretty specific but when you're making boxes to put behind text they often look better with a slight blur filter on them as well as transparency - for Gone Dark in particular the blur gives it a nice fuzz that makes it look even more like a projected screen. if you look closely you can see a slight difference between the text screen and the side panel screen background - that's because i forgot to blur the side panel lmfao.

aaaand that's probably all the advice i can offer. i'm far from an expert, but i do feel like i have fun with it XD i'm glad so many people have thought it looked cool! sorry this got so long but. it's hard to explain without actually Getting Into It haha

[shotorozu]

hello !! I'd rlly like to request Monoma if that's alright! I've had a huge soft spot for him for a while now and I'd love to see more content of him ;v;

anyway! we all know that superiority complex of his is definitely hiding some insecurities, but I also feel like he'd be quite touchstarved too bc of his peers seldom physically interacting with him due to his quirk, yknow?

with that in mind, I'd love to see how he'd handle an s/o who has "physical touch" as their main love language. they can give verbal praise/comfort, but they always get so shy abt it that they prefer giving physical affection to show their love. and maybe combining that with "quality time" being their second love language, they love to just cuddle him or toy with his hands/hair during quiet moments uwu

if you wanna do multiple characters, I'd love to request Shinsou, Midoriya, and Amajiki (separately) for the same idea, but if you'd rather do this with just Monoma then I'm okay with that !! no worries if you don't wanna do all four ♡

thank you if you do this request, and make sure to take care of yourself !! ♡

physically affectionate s/o

character(s) : monoma neito, shinsou hitoshi, midoriya izuku (i cut out tamaki for this one, sorry :[ but i’ll do another part if anyone wants it)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, strong quirk but the details aren’t specific, reader is a part of 1-A

headcanon type : fluff (and if you squint, then crack)

note(s) : yes i do agree :,) monoma should be getting a little bit more content, and i’m sorry that this came out so late! i was multitasking with other requests (because i took a 2 day absence,,) but this doesn’t mean i don’t read people’s requests

»»————-　♡　————-««

monoma neito

monoma 🤝 bakugou “the pros at sending mixed signals”

if there’s one thing he’s known for— then it’s for the persistent teasing, and his quite obnoxious attitude (especially at 1-A)

but he’s not a terrible person, he sure does have his reasons. and by now, people either choose to ignore him, or they simply knock the wind out of him

so, he was not prepared to encounter someone that was tolerant of him, AND also his type— like.. huh. that’s.. odd

and he was even more surprised when they accepted his wild love confession. there must be some catch to it, right?

so like i’ve said— monoma sends a lot of mixed signals. it’s either he’s complimenting your existence, or teasing you in various ways.

so— it’s just another normal day of monoma mouthing off to you, teasing you in a playful way, while you guys are hanging out this is way of making you remember him

but then, you just.. leaned forward and placed your hand on his head— not exchanging any words at all.

monoma’s first reaction is (・・?) because what?? someone is touching him right now.. wait.. someone is touching him!

honestly really shook, and at a lost for words— because everyone has refrained from coming into any physical contact with him? what a surprise! what even is this?

after said incident, you decide to speak “you had something in your hair.” and for once, monoma is the one that’s sitting in silence

“R-REALLY, Y/N? DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT WAS GOING TO W-WORK ON ME OR SOMETHING?” he questions in his usual mocking tone, but his cheeks are accompanied in a flushed red

he’d only experience field day when he realized that touch was basically your love language, with quality time in the second lead

so whenever you guys are spending time together, you’d,, actually go closer to him! this has never happened before, let him be

he doesn’t really like the idea of getting his hair touched, so you usually choose to fiddle with his hands— sometimes observing his details, and other times you’ll be comparing hand sizes

he’ll ridicule you for being so touchy— but he’ll ask if he’s “that irresistable?” while also moving you closer to him. he loves it a lot, okay?

don’t let class 1-b see this, he will flex on them because when he starts getting annoying again, they’ll use you as blackmail.

“monoma, i swear— if you do that, we’ll tell Y/N-”

“HAHA— ok, i’m sorry.”

shinsou hitoshi

he probably has the most chill reaction out of the bunch

again— another person that has been antagonized because of their quirk. he’s been perceived as villanious ever since his middle school days

kids have been told to keep their distance away from him at a young age so.. you’d bet that he’d be really touch starved

he never had any serious experiences with dating, and he never had any real friends— that weren’t cautious of his quirk

that was until he met you, which he just assumed you were another highkey stuck up person in the hero course

but, you were basically the opposite, and you were a real pleasure to have around. one thing lead to another, and now you guys are dating

he thought it was really cute whenever you got too shy to just sit in silence during dates, or to even give out words of affirmations

but hitoshi was surprised at first when he felt you pull yourself closer to him— resting your head on his shoulder. the concept of someone wanting to be in his presence is still sinking in for him

lucky for you! shinsou knows how to adapt to situations quickly, immediately slinging an arm around your shoulder, as he listens to you talk

he’ll be surprised when you start touching his hair, because golly!! are you guys close

but do it more pls, he loves it a lot— it sometimes makes him really drowsy.

if you play with his hands omg, his heart will do somersaults. he’s lucky that he’s able to keep himself composed.

loves watching you choosing to cuddle him, after briefly giving up on trying to form coherent words of affirmations.

it’s something he brings up quite often, but not in a teasing manner!

sometimes he’ll pat the free spot beside him, basically begging you to come closer to him.

eventually, denki notices on how touchy he’ll get whenever you’re around— but hitoshi will just shrug it off

“it’s always been that way.” he simply says, but he’ll turn around with this big ass grin on his face 💀

he’s whipped for your touch. so please, do it more

midoriya izuku

he’s also touchstarved. actually, all of them are really touchstarved, and for different reasons 💀

well.. it’s not like he had a choice from the getgo. he was born quirkless, and that lead to him becoming an outcase— and also the victim of bullying i wanna hug him

and being told constantly that he won’t ever be enough, or he won’t ever be a hero— it’s obvious that he doesn’t have any dating experience

but he didn’t think he’d be dating anytime soon— especially since he was ‘just’ pinning over you. he was convinced it was going nowhere

until you confessed. he’s surprised that he didn’t pass out

ever since you guys started dating, he noticed that you’ve been a little timid— not in the way that you feel awkward, more like,, you wanted to say something

or do something, because when you guys were studying together, you just suddenly sat closer to him— and started counting his freckles

he short circuited for a second.

he was reduced to a stuttering, and blushy mess— and you just laughed, telling him “you should continue what you’re doing!” as you ran your other hand across his shoulders

that night, he was wide awake in his bed— recalling your gentle and loving touch, running his hands along the parts of his hair, that you’ve touched

he loves quality time, because while he does like to ramble a lot— he does enjoy spending time with you in silence, but it’s the touches that makes him flustered

despite him being quite shy to initiate any sort of touch, you— on the other hand, were shy with saying praises. so you coped with physical touch, and quality time

man, izuku never gets used to it. no matter how much he tries to— he’s just.. needy, touchstarved.

he doesn’t realize how lost he looks when you’re sitting beside him, and not touching his hair or hands for once. please feel free to do so

oh, and since we’re on the topic of hands— he’ll tear up if you start playing/fiddling with his hands, and especially when you start tracing his scars. it makes him feel so warm.

okay but,, please give him a heads up if you’re going to act touchy in public. he’ll start stammering and blushing hard you might have to put him in rice or smth

the dekusquad talks about that quite a lot, especially when they accidentally witnessed it in the common room (for the first time)

in short— he adores it. sometimes he’ll initiate it, by asking you if you want to sit beside him, to play with his hair. he’s so inlove

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei. i only own the writing, and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, repost, translate, or use my works for audio readings without my permission :))

[panic-switch]

NT PEOPLE PLEASE DON'T SAY THIS SHIT TO ME!! (SOMEONE W ADHD)

Okay so this is just for my brain so i can like,, get it out and in writing bc I tend to word things better when i write so uhhhhh yeah here (under the cut)

(I have ADHD and I've lived with it my whole life, i've gone on a ton of different meds and seen a lot of doctors and therapists and all that jazz and i've heard a LOT of neurotypical bullshit that just irks me all the time.)

1. "why do you need attention right now?" this is usually said to me when I'm stimming (one way I do that is by dancing in place when I'm standing around) I am not doing it for attention. I am doing it to keep myself grounded. .I actually would prefer it if you didn't bring attention to it bc that makes me wildly uncomfortable!!!

2. "I wouldn't have even guessed that you had adhd!! You do a great job at not showing it haha" THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!!!!!! I understand that it's not meant to be ill-intentioned but HOLY FUCK IT'S NOT NICE. there is no "look" to adhd, there isn't any giveaway to it. Half the time I'm medicated so of course i'm not gonna be all over the place. Comments like that just feel insensitive and ignorant. Please think before you say something like that to me.

3. "I'm sorry." (yes, someone seriously said this to me). Fucking what???? why do you feel the need to apologize? adhd isn't a bad thing and you have no reason to feel sorry. Again, PLEASE think before saying this stuff bc it comes across as really ignorant and kinda mean :(

4. "well have you tried-" yes. chances are if you're asking i've already tried it. again, I know these aren't done maliciously and I appreciate the sentiment behind it, but unless you are my doctor or therapist or professionally inclined to suggest things to me, please do not offer up suggestions unless i ask you first. Unsolicited comments like this feel backhanded to me and make me feel incompetent. I am an adult please don't talk to me like a child.

5. (insert comment about my eating habits/weight here) DON'T. JUST FUCKING DON'T. My meds can suppress my appetite and that can cause sporadic changes in my weight, as well as causing disordered eating, it's also none of your business. You shouldn't be making comments like this to anyone.

6. "you didn't forget you just chose not to." do you think I like having executive dysfunction and short term memory problems? you think I just wake up every morning and go 'today I will do absolutely fucking nothing just to piss people off :)' ? NO. I am constantly dealing with an internal battle about getting shit done but everything is so fucking overwhelming to me that half the time i can't even make myself stand up. I've been trying to hype myself up to pack up dishes for 5 hours now. I hate it.

7. "Why do you want to disrespect Me?" STOP MAKING MY DISABILITY ABOUT YOU. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT YOU. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE A SHIT PERSON WHEN I'M STRUGGLING TO EVEN DO BASIC TASKS. I don't like feeling like a bad person. I am not a bad person. I'm not bad. please stop. you need to do some self reflecting and figure out why you take my own personal difficulties as an attack on your person. It is never about you.

8. "you haven't done (basic hygiene thing)? gross" shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up. shut the fuck up. I am TRYING okay? I'm trying. Please be patient and understand that. I've been freaking out because I keep forgetting to shower.

9. "why are you upset/overwhelmed? you have no reason to be!" oh my fucking god please be quiet please i don't even have the energy to explain this one to you. I will cry if you make me try to talk about it.

Anyways feel free to add to this list if you feel so inclined.

[justkeums]

melting ice

𖥻　lee jaeho/jeff x gn!reader 𖥻　fluff, semi-crack, enemies to lovers, ice hockey player!jeff, figure skater!reader 𖥻　warnings: none 𖥻　word count: 1.0k words 𖥻　requested 𖥻　author's note: at first i was like who would make baby jeff their enemy??!? imma fight- but this idea is rly cute i loved writing this one!

you jump and twirl, expecting to land on your two feet steadily, but your left foot lands first, making you slip and fall on the cold ice. you mentally curse yourself as you hear the annoying hockey player, jaeho, laugh at you.

"what the hell are you looking at?"

you get up from the floor immediately before he gets the chance to see you on the floor up close. jaeho seeing you fall was enough embarrassment for today.

"you look so pitiful. i feel bad for you," he skates his way towards you. "you sure you're okay?"

he notices the flakes of ice on your back before you do and dusts it off for you, to which you swat his hand away. it's a simple kind gesture from him but he knows you'll never see it that way though. you swear on your pride that you'll never accept anything from your enemy.

you pretend to ignore his question. "why the hell are you here anyway?"

"are you the only one allowed to skate in this rink?"

"touché. just- don't disturb me when i practice." you sternly tell him before skating towards the other side of the rink.

the district's ice rink is open for anyone to use. you do your official trainings at bigger and private ice rinks but you still enjoyed skating by yourself, free from criticisms and compliments that would sometimes make you more insecure. it provided you peace and comfort whenever you skate alone, rather than feeling lonely.

you usually arrive at 7am, because it's rare for other people to arrive that early. and now, you're not skating alone as jaeho arrives shortly after you.

he's very hardworking like you, and it's not difficult, even for yourself, to admit that. you first met him when he joined the hockey team in his first year of high school. he usually comes with his teammates to practice or skate for fun.

you were acquaintances for a while, only recognizing each other by face. the negative feelings you have for him started when you hear he and his friends talk about you, comparing figure skating to hockey.

"figure skating doesn't even look that difficult."

you clearly remember the face of the one who said that. you were able to figure out his name when he's being called by his teammates. lee jaeho.

he wasn't dense and quickly noticed the death glares you always gave him when he's around. there wasn't an actual conversation that started until when the two of you sat on the same to remove your skating shoes and you muttered somewhere between the lines of 'hockey players are so annoying.' it ended up in a debate of defending your respective sports, which leads to the current relationship between you and him.

you shake off your thoughts about him. the best way for you to train right now is to ignore and pretend he's not there. so you try to do the same stunt as earlier.

this time, you land on both of your feet, but your right foot loses its balance and you twist your right ankle, leading to a sprain. the loud wince of you in pain catches his attention and quickly skates towards you, who was already sitting on the cold ice while holding on to your ankle.

"y/n! are you alright?" he crouches down to your position and assesses the injury. "it's just a sprain, but i'll help you get to the bench quicker. hold on to me." his hand reaches out to grab your arm but you dodge it.

"don't touch me." you hiss at him.

"okay. try walking on your own, then." he stands up and turns his back, preparing to walk away.

"urgh, fine!"

jaeho smirks to himself when you finally give in. he reaches out his hand, waiting for you to take it. you hesitate for a while and the sight of it worried him.

"you know, y/n, am i that disgusting to you? why do you hate me so much?"

"you belittled and offended me! my career! how am i supposed to treat you nicely after that?"

it took him a while to realize what you were talking about. "is this what i said about figure skating?" you continue to stare at him with hatred and he took it as a yes. "i'm sorry about that. it wasn't intentional- we were just joking. i also said it so my teammates wouldn't take me as a childish kid in the team anymore.."

"if you can remember it like me then you should've apologized earlier," you snap back at him, refusing to forgive him that easily.

"y/n, i'm sincerely apologizing right now and i never hated you. don't you know why i came here right now? i've waited for this chance to talk to you, to ask you why you hate me, and to tell you that i like you."

"... you're kidding, right? is this one of your pranks? well, you aren't fooling- ow!" he flicks your forehead.

"you're really annoying sometimes."

"if you like me so much, why do you always annoy me?"

"because you're cute when you're mad."

you quickly shift your eyes towards anywhere but him. when did he learn to say things like that with that innocent cute face of his? it's also weird how you're fanning yourself while being surrounded on ice.

ice! you almost forget the pain in your ankle that restrained your go-to solution to every problem, running away from it. but you can't run away from jaeho now, both romantically and literally, because you can never see him the same as before again.

"hey, you! help me get out of the rink first then i- i'll give you an answer to your confession." you think that it'll help you buy more time than thinking of one right at the moment.

"i just felt that today, not really this moment while you're with a sprain, was the day i can finally confess. you didn't have to give me an answer right away." he smiles warmly towards you and you turn your head down, trying to hide your flustered face.

[rose-stardew-imagines]

Hi, I don't know if it's allowed, I'm new asking for writings and I would like something related to Sebastian discovering that farmer suffers ̶E̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶o̶r̶d̶e̶r̶ and how he treats them. Maybe it's a touchy subject but i need some some support on it. I really like your writings. Hug 💕

Hello, this is absolutely allowed...though it will have a trigger warning obviously. Thank you for your compliment and I hope you get all the best, if you need anyone to talk to I am here...I know what it's like to go through that sort of thing 💜. I chose to have the reader be a female who suffers with Anorexia since that is the one I know the most about and this isn't the subject I want to be getting things wrong about, hope that's okay!

Sebastian x Reader who suffers with a Eating Disorder

TW:Eating Disorder, Weight Loss, Body Image problems, Weight Gain

It had been almost a year of this 'habit' you had acquired. You had started to truly dislike who you had seen in the mirror, your body wasn't as perfect as you had wished. Even though you had spent days working hard on the farm, you had still seen too many curves, too much skin and fat. It disgusted you.

You were determined to lose weight, so you had begun to skip meals. No breakfast one morning, no dinner and lunch the next. It had made you sick, but you saw it as progress...a good thing. So you ignored it. The outdoor heat made you feel dizzy almost instantly, the daily work of the farm was grueling. You had to sleep more, skipping saloon nights and game nights with Sebastian, Sam and Abby.

Your friends had begun to notice as the months drew on. You looked frail, sunken in cheeks and shaky hands. When they would bring snacks, or order pizza from Gus, you always declined. A faltering smile and a hurried response of you 'eating earlier' in the day. Sam and Abigail seemed convinced, though Sebastian had his doubts.

The final straw was in late summer, the sun was scorching down onto you and you were exhausted, having to use your hoe as a cane as you worked on the farm. Strong dizziness washing over you whenever you turned your head too quick or moved too fast. This happened so often, yet you never stopped, you didn't want to give up your goal of achieving the "beauty" you so desperately craved. Once you were thin enough, you would stop. You always said that, yet your goal kept raising and raising, you could never reach it.

"Y/N?" You head snapped towards the sound, gripping onto your tool and blinking the stars away. Sebastian stood in the gateway of the crop field, his purple hair pulled back behind his neck and his usual hoodie tied around his waist. "You alright? You weren't answering your phone." He asked, brow furrowing as he looked over you. You nodded shakily, feeling as if your knees would give out below you.

"Yeah, sorry. Just been working all morning and haven't had my phone on me." You apologized, running your free hand through your hair. "What's up Bas?" Sebastian hummed, diving his hands into his pockets, keeping his eyes locked on you.

"Abby and Sam wanted to go hang out at the beach tonight. Just wanted to see if you wanted to join." Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek, looking away briefly. "Abigail and Sam are planning on swimming, I'm just going to hang out though." Your heart sank to your stomach. You rushed to figure out some sort of excuse, anything to get you out of going, having them see you in a bathing suit.

"Uhh," You stuttered, wringing your hands together. "I...don't think I can. I am going to be busy most of the day with this," you vaguely gestured to the fields around you. "Autumn is starting soon, lots of new seeds to plant." You explained quickly, hoping he somehow wouldn't notice that you were almost done clearing the fields.

"I can help if you want." Sebastian hummed, "I don't have much work to do today anyway." He held his hand out for the hoe stuck against your side. "You can go take a break for a bit." A tiny smile found its way on his face. You chuckled, gripping the tool tighter in your hands.

"Didn't know you were good with farm work Seb." You teased, smiling. You hesitantly handed the hoe over to Sebastian. "Thank you." He nodded with a small smile, walking off. You dug your heels into the dirt, trying to keep yourself stable as you slowly walked over to your front porch, sitting on the steps and watching Seb as he cleared the fields.

It had taken him about an hour to clear the fields, you had run into the house a few times to bring him water, and to let your dog come out and say hello. The sky was painted with red hues, cool breeze sweeping through the trees.

"We should probably go soon," Sebastian mumbled, leaning back against your porch railing, hair pulled back from his tired face. "Sam and Abby are probably there by now." You nodded, quickly pulling yourself up. The motion caused to spin, stars flashing before your eyes as your knees lost their strength. You heard a low buzzing, a figure moving in the corner of your eye as your knees gave out, and the last thing you felt was a set of arms grabbing you.

You slowly blinked your eyes open, bright flourescent lights burning through your eyelids. You hissed, pushing yourself up to scan your surroundings. You were in Harvey's clinic, numerous machines and monitors beeping around you. Sebastian was sat next to your bed, leaning down and resting his head on the space by your leg. His hair was a mess, and his breathing was deep and slow, his face turned towards you. How long had he been here?

You hesitantly ran your shaky fingers through his purple hair, loosening the knots and messy spots. His eyes fluttered, and he sighed, turning his head and slowly sitting up. You quickly pulled your hand back, occupying it with the many blankets laid over you.

"Y/N?" He mumbled groggily, rubbing the heel of his palm over his eyes and looking up at you. His features brightened up slightly. "Your awake, I'm glad." He smiled, scooting his chair closer to the bed. "How are you feeling?" You shrugged, tightening your grip on the sheets.

"Fine...tired. What happened?" He swallowed hard, clearing his throat and glancing towards the door.

"You passed out. You wouldn't wake up so I ran you to Harvey's." His brow furrowed, "He said it was cause of malnutrition. How long have you been doing this? He said it must have been weeks since you ate properly." His dark eyes burned through you. The air felt caught in your throat as you fumbled for words. Desperate for anything to say that would calm him down.

"It hasn't been that long, I swear. I've just been busy these past days and forgotten-"

"Bullshit." You froze, looking up at him quickly. "That's bullshit and we both know it. You have been here passed out for days, Harvey didn't think you would come out of it okay and you try and lie to me?" He hissed, his now shaky hands darting into his pockets. "Tell me the truth, Y/N." Your heart sank to your stomach, your gaze drifting down to your lap. Hot tears pricked your eyes, sending large drops onto the bed.

"A couple of months...." You whispered, his hissed in a breath through his teeth. "I didn't....I-" You quickly wiped your eyes, anxiously running your fingers through your hair. "I'm sorry...Seb." He shook his head quickly, scooting his chair closer to you, nervously taking his hands out of his pockets to have them open on the bed. A silent offer.

"You don't have to apologize to me...just...you don't have to do this to yourself." You looked up and stared at his pale hands, slowly reaching out and placing your hand in his, your fingertips brushing over his many calluses.

"Yes I do, I-" His grip on your hand tightened.

"No. You don't have to starve yourself like that, Y/N." He slowly rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand, his gaze softened, a warm kindness kindling in his dark eyes. "You are perfect, please...don't do this to yourself. You aren't alone....I've got you." You bit the inside of your cheek.

"You don't have to...I'll be fine.."

"I want to." Hot tears brimmed your eyes again.

"Thank you..."

After you got out of Harvey's care, Sebastian stuck with you pretty often, inviting you to his place and texting you daily. You two would text till one of you fell asleep, he would listen to your every worry, bring you out of your darkest moments. He would always be there to support you, and you couldn't be more grateful. He didn't ever plan on leaving you, and you didn't ever want him to.

I know this wasn't my best work...this was really hard to write, but I hope you all like it. Apologies it took so long...I wanted it to be as perfect as I could make it... ~Rose💜

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 10

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support and feedback! I'm so glad you're enjoying this fanfic <333 Feel free to like, reblog and comment. Would love to hear more of your thoughts! Love u guys <3

CHAPTER TEN

Just like last time he was here, Bucky grabbed some cereal box, poured the contents on a bowl followed by a tall glass of milk dumped over, making a mess on the kitchen island like a ten-year-old kid. You just finished changing into some new clothes when he finished pouring the milk in the bowl.

You followed into the kitchen, pouring yourself a hot cup of coffee from Peter's new coffee maker he got just two weeks ago and cleaned the mess that Bucky had left.

"How is it," you started just as he was about to walk out, "that you can flawlessly make a drink without making a huge mess but not with a cereal?"

He plopped down on the couch and placed his feet on the coffee table and turned on the television. He shrugged in response, eating a mouthful. "I was just trying to impress you. You're Peter's best friend. I want you to like me."

You just hummed and sat down on the love seat as soon as you finished, lifting your knee to your chest and letting the warm liquid slide at the back of your throat, letting the caffeine sit in me. You gave him no response as you didn't know what else to tell him. You just gazed at him, watching him like a hawk, as he continued to take a mouthful.

But you weren't staring at him like you did before. You were, somehow, trying to read his mind because the person sitting right now on your couch felt and looked so much different from the person who kept giving you lingering stares at the bar. One moment he was complimenting your photos, and the next your face. It felt like there were two of him and you didn't know which one attracted you more.

No one had ever looked at your photos the way he did. No one had ever talked about your photos the way he did. And no one had ever succeeded in getting a sudden yet fleeting internal reaction from you by calling you "doll."

"It's rude to stare, doll."

Except Bucky.

You apologized, and averted your gaze from him towards the television screen which showed the news channel. You took a huge sip of your coffee and ignored the searing pain of the hot liquid on the roof of your mouth. That's gonna leave a mark.

You hibernated inside your room for the next few hours, watching some sitcom on your laptop. You would hear Bucky yelling at the television screen from time to time or into his phone. Some names unfamiliar to you were mentioned. You hated the feeling of isolating yourself from the world but here you were, cocooning because you didn't know how else to be around Bucky after what happened that one night.

Plus, it felt like you were a child stuck with your babysitter.

He would knock on your door, check up on you, ask you if you needed some snacks, or if you wanted to do anything else besides locking yourself up in your room. The last time he called out for you, he was asking you to lunch, to the little Italian place across the building. Starving, you agreed to come with him only if he paid.

He just shook his head with a smile on his face. "I feel like you're taking advantage of me."

"I am." You said, locking the apartment door behind. "It's not like everyday I'm out with a rich guy."

"You gotta stop calling me that. I'm not rich rich."

"Compared to me, Buck," you said, "you are. Come on, let's go, I'm starving."

Just as you anticipated, Marco was beaming at you two once you entered his place, clearing a way for you, parting the customers like Moses did with the Red Sea. He pulled out two chairs for you and Bucky. Marco, as you assumed, was more than happy to see Bucky and more of his money. Bucky shook hands with Marco, thanking him.

Once you ordered, you turned towards Bucky who was busy looking at the photos of the gorgeous places in Italy on the walls. There was a bridge of silence between you as you continued to stare at him, still trying to read him. He may be an open book but it felt like his pages were complete blanks. Pages that were deep, far away from the cover, hidden and hoping to never see the light of day.

"Hey, Bucky?" you said, grabbing his attention. "What did you mean that night? When you told me I was something else? And please, don't give me one of those 'you're not like most girls' crap." You gave a snort of disgust.

He chuckled, biting the inner part of his lower lip before speaking. "I wasn't, anyway. You just intrigue me, that's all."

You subtly glance at him. "I intrigue you?"

"Yes, honestly you do. And you're fun to be with. It's not everyday someone agrees with me to scare off a one night stand the first day we meet." He laughed. "And I would like to get to know you better. And not just here."

You knitted your brows together in utter confusion. "Wait, what do you mean not just here?"

He shrugged, his eyes leaving yours and looked at somewhere else besides you. "Like outside."

"Like outside?" You repeated, the realization dawning on you. "Bucky, are you asking me out on a date?"

Bucky lifted his head and proceeded to look at the spotty ceiling, his lips curved downward. "If you want it to be."

You chuckled, shaking your head. "I don't think it's a good idea."

Then, he shot his head towards you, an agonizing frown marring his perfectly chiseled face. "Why not?"

You could think of many reasons why it would be a bad idea. First, you haven't been on a date for a very long time. Every person who had asked you out never had the luck of receiving a good answer from you. Second, Bucky was a complicated man.

And third, it would feel like betraying Peter.

"You're Peter's stepbrother." You sighed, defeated. "I can't do that to him."

"Right. Peter."

Marco came just about damn time to give you your newly-cooked food. Bucky ordered the same thing he got last time he was here: an Aglio Oglio pasta, paired with two large slices of pizza and garlic bread while you got a footlong Italian sub dripping with Marco's secret family sauce he never dared reveal. Marco said something in Italian before going back to the counter to tend to other customers.

Bucky smiled at you before you started digging in and began to speak. "How about this? Just two friends hanging out, not in the apartment, not here, not even at the bar, and getting to know one another. No funny business. Just like this. How does that sound?"

"As long as you promise not to give me those weird creepy stares you've been giving me since last night."

"Please, you also couldn't keep your eyes off me." He rolled his eyes. "Plus, I do have to admit you do look hot making drinks." He scrunched up his nose, taking a bite of his pizza without his eyes leaving yours.

A wave of confidence surged right through you, prompting you to ask this next question: "Did the whole cleavage thing push things?" You winked.

Bucky tilted his head to the side, just like he did this morning in the apartment, swallowing his food. "I'm not gonna lie, doll, that was also pretty hot."

"You should thank my friend Nat for that then."

He smirked. "I'll be sure to. So, uh, are you in?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Well, I don't know how you kids these days ask things. Is it like that? I feel like it is."

You rolled your eyes, chucking a piece of garlic bread to his face. "I'm not a kid. By the way, how old are you?"

"I'm turning thirty-nine next month."

"Thirty-nine." You repeated. "Wow, if we were to go on a date, you'd be the oldest guy I've dated."

"Well, I'd be honored."

After your little lunch, Bucky went back to his office in his penthouse to deal with a few things with his associates while you, on the other hand, headed to the bar and started to fix all the stuff accordingly. A few hours later, Nick and Nat silently creeped up behind you, scaring the shit out of you and nearly making you drop the bottle of whiskey you were holding. You scolded both of them which they just, in turn, shrugged off.

You pulled Nat into one of the booths, making sure you were out of Nick's sight and wouldn't be able to hear you.

"Bucky kind of asked me out on a date." You whispered.

"Holy shit, I knew it. I knew he has the hots for you!" She said with a voice louder than you would've liked.

"Sshh, keep your voice down! I don't want Nick to hear this."

"Oh right, 'cause of the whole thing."

"Yes." You replied. "So anyway, I told Bucky it wouldn't be a good idea because it feels like I'm betraying Parker."

"He's just his stepbrother. Honey, you wouldn't be betraying anyone at all."

"But Parker's my best friend -- "

"Exactly." Nat's eyes bore into yours. "He's just your best friend, not your boyfriend so go date whoever you want to date. Just not Nick. He's kind of a loser."

"Isn't there some kind of code?"

"Like a bro code?"

"Yes, something like that."

"Did you and Peter have an agreement that you shouldn't date his stepbrother?"

You shook your head no.

"Then it's okay."

"Isn't dating your friend's siblings a part of some unspoken rule?"

She rolled her eyes at you, obviously fed up with all the excuses you have been trying to make. "As long as you're not hurting anyone then it's fine."

An exasperated sigh came out of your mouth. "Well, Bucky seemed to kind of agree to it, so what was supposed to be a date turned into just friends hanging out and getting to know each other. His words, not mine."

"Right, and once you get to know each other, you two can go on expensive dates and such."

"I don't know, it doesn't feel right."

"Now, now, don't be too sudden with that thought. Deep down you kind of want this to happen. If you didn't, you wouldn't be having second thoughts about this."

Oh, what you would give to prove Nat wrong but there was nothing else you could give because you knew she was right. You were fleetingly staring at Bucky as much as he did with you. And right from the get-go, there was spontaneity which opened up a whole new thrill in you. Something you never thought you'd ever feel.

The rest of the night felt excruciatingly slow.

There were some familiar faces in the crowd and some unfamiliar ones brought in by the regulars, having fun on Saturday night. While you were taking orders and making drinks left and right, your eyes kept roaming in the nameless faces inside the bar, hoping to see Bucky but your hopes were crushed when you found no sign of him. You were forced to take your mind off him for once as you were flooded with more orders, and complicated drinks that weren't on the menu. In the middle of your shift, there was even a small argument between a college student and a man in his thirties at the pool table. Eventually, the man, assaulting the poor boy, got kicked out of the house by Steve which was just a piece of cake with all the muscles he was packing.

Steve approached you with a stern look on his face. "If you see that guy again, don't let him in anymore alright? I don't want any fights in my bar."

"Got it." You said, taking note of the man's face from earlier. You warned the other bartenders beside you and the waitresses going around. You sighed, thinking to all the times you've told Steve to hire bouncers for the place but he just said:

"What do you need bouncers for when I'm here?"

And it was kind of hard to argue with that because it did make sense. The only problem was he was always cooped up in that small office of his. You never bothered to learn the secrets he was keeping in there. He couldn't always be doing work stuff. But after a few weeks of working with him, it was best to let those things slide as he was your boss.

Once your shift ended, you texted Bucky where he was but you never got a reply. You exchanged numbers right before he went back to the White Wolf.

You were greeted by an unlocked apartment once you got there but there was no sign of Bucky.

"Bucky?" You called out his name as you removed your jacket and placed it on the coat rack just beside the door. "Are you here?"

Silence answered you back. You went into your room and changed your shirt into something a bit more comfortable: an oversized sweater. A few seconds after you changed, you received a message from Bucky telling you to go to the rooftop.

You immediately went up, the chilly New York air touching your cheeks. You emerged from the ladder with a bewildered look crossing your face. The once grimy floor of the rooftop was perfectly cleaned up, leaving no dust and dirt behind. There were two large crates in the middle, big enough for two people to sit on. On top of the crate were a large box of pizza (you assumed it was from Marco's), and two bottles of ice cold beer.

"What on earth?" You gasped, finding Bucky emerging from behind a big box just casually standing against the brick walls.

"Hey, doll." He greeted you with a cheeky smile.

You stepped towards him, enveloping yourself in a hug in an attempt to warm yourself up against the cool air. "Did you clean our rooftop?"

"I may or may not have. Who knows? Anyway, I got us some pizza. I figured you were hungry from your late shift."

As a matter of fact, you really were. Drained from the endless orders and demands, you usually didn't have the time to sneak a bite of food or even a sip of water.

"I got the pizza from Marco's. He's a really nice man and was more than glad to see me when I stopped by."

"Of course he was." you laughed, sitting down on one of the crates. You opened the box, your mouth already drooling from the sight of Marco's mouth-watering pizza. "He likes the dough. Ha! Get it?"

He rolled his eyes at you but with a hint of a small smile in his lips as joined you on the crates. "So, are you gonna spend the night in the apartment?" You asked.

"Yes."

"What, got another girl back in the penthouse?" You teased, nudging his shoulder.

He gave you a throaty, sarcastic laugh. "This time, no."

"Too bad. I was ready to give a performance of a lifetime." You chuckled, glancing at him sideways and catching him with a big smile on his face.

You looked around you. The only source of light you had was the city lights towering above, and ahead of you. "You know," you started, "if you hung those little lights on the walls or just above us, this would seem like a date."

He pretended to wipe some sweat off his forehead. "Phew, dodged a bullet over there huh?"

You giggled, tipping the cap off the ice cold light beer and bringing the top of the bottle to your mouth. The liquid felt cold in your mouth but soon warmed up, nestling inside your stomach.

"This is nice." you commented then started to ramble on some more. "It'd be nicer to see New York during sunset though. Ever since I got the night shift in the bar, I rarely do. It's all the traffic and bright city lights."

You painted Bucky a picture of the last sunset you've watched. You had no recalling memory when it was but you remembered it as another cold day (but not as cold as tonight). The colorful sunset hues plastered in the high skies. Seeing it from the rooftop felt like they could easily be reached, as if they were wanting to be touched. And without a warning, the sun started to go down millisecond by millisecond.

"To others, what happens after a sunset is just another sign of the darkness to come. And then poof, city lights." you continued, then proceeded to gesture at the sky. "But for me, the feeling after a sunset is what I love the most. The sun wallowed in serenity in the pale break of light in between those dark clouds forming. Ugh, I just love that."

"I see what you mean." Bucky hummed, withdrawing his eyes to the sky to look at you. "It's like an afterglow."

"Yes, like an afterglow." You agreed, meeting his intense gaze. "If seeing something so beautiful makes you feel good then the after of it all must be... more pleasurable."

"A lot of people tend to miss that detail after sunset." He replied. "But not you. You're a photographer, y/n. The details in nature, in people are some things you can never miss."

You just hummed in response, taking a huge sip of your beer. " So, when did your love for photography start?" Bucky asked.

"It started when I was young." You replied. "I would play around with my parents' digital cameras, take photos of literally everything around me, especially when we were on vacation. It was just a hobby then. I never thought of it as a means of living until I was in college. God, I hated business school. Every second of it. I just did it to make my parents happy but I really wanted to be out there, embracing people, embracing everything in life. It's like -- "

"Capturing people's stories in a different light?" He continued for you, as if reading your mind.

"Exactly." You smiled, quite happy that he saw it the way you usually did.

"If it wasn't for the hotel business I also would've been an artist. Maybe an actor."

"So, why didn't you?"

"Because business is all I know." He sighed. "Tony Stark, the guy who adopted me, taught me everything there was to know. As he was building his empire, he pulled me towards it and now, I'm running one of his hotels. Y'know, I don't think of him as a father or anything. More like a friend, a wingman."

And just like that, Bucky peeled himself like an onion. Slowly. Layer by layer by layer. But then he stopped. He opened his mouth to say more but then he decided to stop. You waited but nothing else came out. As much as he wanted to know you, you too wanted to know him — and not just his wild adventures but the things that were deeper than that.

It felt nice to talk to Bucky this way. Actually, it wasn't just nice. It was very comfortable that it gave you a warm sensation on your chest.

Seeing that he wasn't as comfortable as he was before opening up, you steered to a different topic. "Have you ever felt that kind of feeling?" you asked.

"What feeling?"

"The afterglow feeling."

"No," he chuckled, "I don't think so. I'm stuck in a routine, y/n. Business, party, booze, girls. Nothing exciting, nothing out of the ordinary. Everything's the same, everything feels like nothing after."

You agreed with him. "I guess I'm also stuck in a rut." You harmonized with his laughter, seeing your life flash before your eyes. "Cheers to that."

With that, you drank the night away.

[jaycewrites-192000]

Growl: Chapter 6

Warnings: None

Tags: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen

Your P.O.V

I sat on my bed, phone in hand trying to think of what to say to Kyotani. I would type out a few words then immediately delete it, because it sounded really dumb or really desperate. "Why is this so hard?" I groaned. I could say whatever to Iwaizumi and Oikawa and it wouldn't bother me later on, but with Kyotani...I just really don't want to mess this up. I looked back down at my phone screen, took a deep breath and typed.

Me: Hey Kyotani, it's me Y/n, did you make it back home?

I held my phone to my chest, I didn't even want to see the speech bubble pop up. But when it did, and my phone dinged, my stomach did a backflip. I looked at my phone.

Kyotani: Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah? That was all he typed? I sighed slightly, well, he never was a man of many words.

Me: That's good. So, about coming over again. How does tomorrow night sound?

"Wow, way to be clingy." I mutter.

Kyotani: Sounds good.

I blinked a few times. "Whoa really? That worked?"

Me: Cool! I'll see you then.

Kyotani: See ya.

I let out a weak sigh and fell back onto my bed. Before I fell asleep I went back to the texts and changed Kyotani's name to:

🐶Mad Puppy🐶

He might have the personality of a feral wolf, but he could be as cute a little puppy. I smiled softly before drifting off to sleep.

Your P.O.V

Your alarm jerked your awake early the next day. With a groan you sat up and turned it off and checked your phone, you gasped when you saw what day it was. "It's Saturday!!" You cheered before flopping back down on your bed. It might be immature for you to act like a child when it came to the weekend, but Jesus did you hate waking up early to go to some boring classes for eight hours a day. Besides, you had a very important day ahead of you. Tonight was the night you went over to Kyotani's place for dinner. The grin on your face only grew wider. "It's like a date...only his mom is going to be there too..."

Speaking of moms, you needed to tell your mom you wouldn't be home early tonight. "Oh great. She's never going to get off my back over this." You sighed. You got up and changed out of your pajama's and into some comfy clothes before heading downstairs. Your mother was just on her way out it the door once you got to the bottom of the stairs. "Hey mom!" You called, making her stop. "Yes sweetie?" She turns to face you. "Um, is it cool if I go over to a friends for dinner tonight?"

"Hm? You mean Iwaizumi?" She asks. "No, not him."

"Oikawa?"

"No."

"...uh, then who?" She mutters.

"A new friend. Remember that intense guy I told you about? His name is Kyotani." You tell her. "Huh, I see. Well first I'm happy that you're making new friends sweetie." Your mother smiled. "But are you sure this "intense" guy is a friend? I just want to make sure you're not being bullied."

"I'm not being bullied. He is a pretty angry person at times but, he's actually really cool too." Your mother took a minute to think about it. "Alright, you can go. Do apologize to them for me. I won't be there."

"You won't?" Your mother shook her head. "I work late tonight. I won't be home until midnight. Which I expect you to be home before then, understand?" Your mother raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I promise. I'll tell them." Your mother pats your head and opened the front door. "Good, I'll see you later." She waves before leaving the house. "Of course you're working late again." You mutter as you walk into the living room. It never use to bother you as much before, but the more you thought about it and the more you watch her leave, the more it bothered you. She was always working, even during the weekends. You two hardly ever talked at times. You sat on the couch and decided to watch your favorite show to pass the time.

After a while, your phone dinged.

Shittykawa: Heeeeeey L/n-Chan! Wanna hang out? I'm free all day~😙

. . . . .

Shittykawa: Don't ignore me!😫

You: That was my answer.

Shittykawa: Your answer was pure silence?

You: Yeah. 😒

Shittykawa: Whatever.🙄 What are you up to?

You: Lazying about. Something you would know well huh, Lazykawa?

Shittykawa: So. Rude. What about later tonight?

You: Can't. I have plans.

Shittykawa: Liiiiike?

You: What's it to you?

Shittykawa: Come on! The least you can do is tell me!

You: Uggggh! I have dinner plans with Kyotani ok!?

. . .

You: Shittykawa?

Shittykawa: YOU HAVE A DATE WITH MAD DOG!?

You: It's not a date!!!

Shittykawa: Really? You? Him? Dinner??? Is it not clicking L/n-Chan?

You: His mom is going to be there, dumbass.

Shittykawa: I just can't believe it... You. And Mad Dog??? Of all people???

Me: What's so wrong with that?

Shittykawa: First, I can't believe you chose him over me 😭 Second, he's not exactly the ladies man. He's more the, scare and intimidate everyone he comes in contact with, man.

Me: Oh shut up Shittykawa. Kyotani's cool. Now if you'll excuse me, he's texting me right now. So I'm gonna get to that if you don't mind 😡 Besides, we all know you gay af.

You didn't bother to read what Oikawa texted next.

Mad Puppy: Hey. You still on for tonight?

You: Yeah totally! I'm really looking forwards to it.

Mad Puppy: Cool. My mom's been pestering me about it all fucking morning. It's like she's trying to play matchmaker. It's ducking creepy.

Your heart twinged a bit at that.

You: Oh yeah? Sorry to hear that.

Mad Puppy: It's whatever. Just telling you ahead of time, she's gonna keep this up the whole night. I just know she is. Anyway, I'll call you later ok? I gotta take Killer on a walk.

You: Ok. Talk to you later.

You bury your face in your hands. You had a feeling that tonight was going to take a lot out of you.

Later that night you stayed close by your phone, just waiting for that call from Kyotani. You had already gotten ready ahead of time, just so you would have to be in a rush later. You wore a short (color) dress with leggings.

(I know that must suck, but give me a break idk what outfit description would satisfy you all lol)

You didn't want to be super dressy but you didn't want to look like a bum in front of Kyotani and his mom. Speaking of, your phone lit up as the ringer went off. You scramble to pick up your phone before answering. "H-hello?"

"Hey, just checking in. You all ready to go?"

"Yep, I'm ready. I'll be over soon."

"Oh uh, actually...I'm on my way to your place....I didn't want you to walk alone at night."

You held back an "aw", you knew it would make him mad. "That's really nice of you Kyotani. Thank you."

"Yeah, I just figured you'd feel more comfortable if you were with someone. Anyway, I'll be there in a few."

"Ok. I'll see you then." You hung up and held your phone to your chest, the brightest smile on your face. Who knew Kyotani could be so nice? You never thought that you would have fallen for someone who looks pissed 24/7, but here you are.

Shortly after, Kyotani was knocking at your door. You took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hi." You say softly. "Hey." He responds. "You ready to go?" You nod and walk out the door before shutting it. "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, my sister will be there too." He tells you. "Really? What's she like?"

"She's a l bitch." Kyotani says bluntly. "Oh come on." You laugh. "Is she really that horrible?" Kyotani nods. "Yep." You just rolled your eyes. You didn't have a brother or sister, but you understood that siblings would pick fights and "resent" each other from time to time. "Is your dad gonna be there too?" Kyotani remained silent, his eyes narrowed. "No." Oh....You decided not to press for more questions, not yet at least. You didn't want to ruin the night by bringing up touchy subjects.

Before you knew it, you were at his home. Kyotani knocked on the door, which was immediately answered by his mom and Killer, who was barking and jumping on you. "Oh, look at you Y/n! You look stunning! Doesn't she Kentaro?" His mom gushed. Kyotani nods. "Come on in! Dinner is just about ready!" You thanked her before stepping inside. At the table was a girl with black hair and the same yellow eyes as Kyotani sat. She wasn't really paying attention to anything or anyone, aside from her phone, which she tapped away on. "Natsuki, we have a guest. Put that thing down for once!" Her mom says as she walks to the stove. Natsuki sighs heavily and puts her phone down. "Hey." She mutters. "You my dumb little brother's girlfriend or something?" You and Kyotani's faces turn red.

"Shut your trap, Natsuki!" Kyotani growls. "She's way too pretty for you, mutt." She smirks. "I said shut it!"

"Both of you shut up!" Their mother yells. "Sorry about my two idiots Y/n." She smiles. You just wave it off. "Uh, don't worry about it." Kyotani and Natsuki's mother set down a very delicious meal on the table. Everyone sat down and gave thanks for the meal before digging in. "Wow. This is really good!" You say as you take another bite. Kaori smiles warmly. "I'm glad you like it. You should take some home for your family. I may have gotten carried away and made a little too much. I was just so surprised that my son brought over such a sweet and beautiful young lady!" Kyōtani grumbles a curse under his curse. Your face warmed up. "I'm kinda surprised myself." You admit.

"Same here. Ken has always been weird. Never thought girls would be interested in him." Natsuki says bluntly. "Tsk. And I never thought guys would be into you, guess I was right, huh?" Kyotani counters. The two siblings were caught in a glare off with each other. "I say cut it out, both of you!" Kaori hissed.

The rest of the night was filled with conversations about school, and marriage, much to Kyotani's dismay, and just causal convo. There were more compliments about how nice and cute you were from his mom, and some questions from his sister for you like "so how much did my brother pay you to hang out with him?". They had to be one of the most chaotic family you've met, but you did enjoy their company. It was getting late, time for you to head home. Once again, Kyotani walked you home. "Thanks again." You smile softly. "Yeah, sorry about my mom and sister. Must have been exhausting." You shook your head. "They were great. I had a really good time tonight. Make sure you get back home safe ok?" Kyotani nods. "See ya." He turned ad walked away.  You wave before walking inside your home. Your mother still wasn't home, you decided to head up stairs and catch up on your favorite anime.

While watching, your phone dinged. You looked down to see a text from Kyotani.

🐶Mad Puppy🐶 I had a good time too. Night

You smiled and texted back.

You Good night 😊

Previous | Next

[diaco1968]

Sidechicks

Oikawa Toru x f!Reader

Warnings! Nsfw/smut, bj, unprotected, a little bit of choking and hair pulling, but mostly manipulation and angst!

Note: Oikawa is a mean manipulative player in this and reader sadly gets attached to him. And I just had to get this idea out of my head >_<

"You what?"

It was probably the first time you saw concern in his face. Even if it was just a tiny fleeting moment. Was it concern or was it something else?

"You heard me."

Your voice was as stern as you had planned but you just couldn't bring yourself to close the door in his face. As much of a jerk as he was, you had missed seeing him. He was indeed a nice catch. If anyone could actually hold on to him.

"I did, I was just giving you a chance to try and not sound so dumb."

"Excuse you?"

He took the moment of hesitation to slip inside through the door way as if he was actually invited and insisted to go in.

"Who goes back to their ex!"

He exclaimed exaggerating as he looked around the room, almost same as he had left it months ago. Much cleaner though. What he really meant was 'who leaves ME to go back to their ex' but of course eventhough his pride was striked he was not dumb enough to not know he was on thin ice here.

"Well someone who might've made a mistak in leaving him in the first place, Oikawa."

Ouch not off to a good start so far.

"Whatever happened to Toru?..."

"Same thing that happened to I promise I'll call you this time sweetheart."

He didn't know exactly what you were referring to, only 'when'. But he was glad you reminded him of what your personal pet name was, cause as usual he had forgotten. But... were you perhaps just trying to get on his nerve by saying you'd go back to your ex? Cause if you did and he actually fell for it... he would be even more pissed.

"I know... I'm so sorry! I was just hit by some heavy work load and tight schedule, deadlines... I wanted to call so many times but something always popped up... if you only knew how much I've been thinking of you."

Whatever your plan was, you were not going to win this. He was the player here. And lying was fair game for his side bitches.

"... right."

You rolled your eyes but the deep sorry tone of his voice got to you, making you subconsciously close the door behind him anyway. You knew he couldn't have meant it. You knew. But you also knew this was just a game. And even though you were hurting, you couldn't help but want to pretend he was being truthful. Thst he actually cared about you like you had come to care about him...Just for a moment or two.

"You don't believe me?"

His sharp eyes had noticed the fresh flowers on the kitchen counter. You were moving on, this was not a drill.

"That I've been thinking about you every moment of every day,"

"I um-..."

He had turned around and was in your personal space with 2 long steps before you knew it, staring into your eyes with deadly eyecontact as he grabbed your hand and pulled it up to his lips as he leaned down, placing a warm open mouthed kiss on your knuckles that had you reddening immediately.

"These beutiful elegant hands,"

When he came back up he had already his fingers hooked under your chin, tilting your face up to him.

"Your beautiful (e/c) eyes,"

His thumb ran over your cheek as his long fingers moved to rest on your neck, creeping to the back of your neck, making goosebumps rise on your skin.

"Your delicate skin,"

His voice dropped ever so slowly that you almost didn't notice as his eyes moved down your face stopping at your lips, his own parting as his tongue sweeped over his bottom lip before he captured it between his teeth, pupils going wide like a cat staring at his favourite toy.

"Those delicious, soft lips..."

He was whispering on your lips now and you were so flustered by the compliments the little touches and the hot breath in your face that you couldn't take it anymore as you closed the distance between you two and crashed your lips onto his.

'Got you now.'

He was not at all suprised by this outcome but he let out a soft hum and slwoly wrapped his arm around your waist, his other hand slipping into your hair and cupping the back of your head to hold you in place as he moulded your lips together hungrily. His tongue swiping at your lips and you denied his entrance with a tiny moan.

Now one thing you probably didn't understand was that he was indeed hungry for this kiss, but not quite the way you wanted him to be. He had definitely thought about you and all he mentionded and desired you accordingly, but right before he had decided to change his way and come pay you a visit cause he was in the area and had nothing else to do. As in, just about 15 minutes ago. He did think about your elegant hands, desperately grabbing onto him. Your beautiful eyes, glazed over and looking up at him dripping with need.

Your delicate skin as it reddened under his hands.

And your soft abused lips, wrapping around his cock.

He had indeed thought about those, and had shivered in delight.

But that was all this was. You were a good fuck. One of his carefully picked out side bitches. But just because you were his side bitch didn't mean you were allowed to move on from him. He owned you. What the fuck were you thinking? Annoying.

His fingers tightened in your hair harshly positioning your head so you were craning your neck up towards him, lips parting and he rudely took his chance to push his tongue into your mouth, and his other hand placed heavily over your hip pulling you against himself.

Your hands shot up against his chest to try and steady yourself, feeling as if you were drowning in his scent and his heat, his touches, every where.

You hummed softly, hands moving down his torso, over his abdomen and to his button, tugging and pulling at it till it was undond and loosely hanging on his hips making him hum back to you in approval.

His hand moved from your neck to grab your jaw and firmly press your lips together one last time before he let go and press down on your shoulders. Complying he made you bend down and kneel in front of him, pressing your face to his still covered crotch giving you time to nuzzle onto his clothed dick as you looked up at him through your lashes.

"Fuck sweetheart, the things you do to me with those eyes..."

'Makes me want to fuck you raw right now'

You batted your lashes at him as you pulled down his underwear, his cock springing free. You grabbed onto it, fingers wrapping around the base as you licked it up to the head, leaving a kiss at the tip before sucking him in your mouth slowly, a little at a time.

He was watching you so intensely as his fingers raked through your hair, gently gathering the strands out of your face while you reached the back of your throat and swallowed around the head trying to get used to the length in your mouth.

"And you're always such a good girl for me~ you deserve much better than that lousy bastard."

He hissed looking down at you with half lidded eyes, wrapping all the strands he was previously so gently collecting, tightly around his fist, using it to pull your mouth off of his cock before slamming you back onto it and setting a rough rhythm of you slurping around his shaft trying to suck him off faster as he fucked your throat, watching your eyes tear up as you tried to suppress your gag reflex.You hated it. He knew. But you never protested. He knew that too.

"Such a pretty little thing you are, hmm, sucking me off so so good, ngh, god you're so amazing..."

Little praises and groans rolled off his lips as he watched you whimper before pulling you away completely this time, grabbing his dick with his other hand.

"That's enough sweetheart. Now let me take care of you."

"Toru..."

As he lowered you back on the couch, standing between your legs and pulling your clothes off slowly, your hesitation was visible in your eyes.

"Yes, baby? Oh my god I missed hearing you say my name like that..."

"I just... maybe we shouldn't... I mean..."

Your voice was understandably hoarse and your eyes were still watery. He placed his lips over your bare ankle as he gently moved your legs over his shoulders. Your tense posture was making him have no other choice but to throw in his ultimate lowest card.

"Am I going too fast for you, baby? I'm sorry... it's just..."

"What's wrong Toru?"

You watched him curiosity pouring in and mixing with the worry in your eyes.

"I love you so much I find it hard to hold back... but it's okay... I know I can be pushy, I'll stop..."

Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes widened in shock watching his face for confirmation of what he just said. He looked genuine. Ignoring your common sense completely, And as your heart swelled with happiness to your horror he was already pulling away. Your reached out and grabbed his collar pulling him back to you.

"No! Fuck are you... a-are you serious?"

He blinked a few times in confusion before pouting a little.

"What do you mean? Of course I am."

"I l-love you too!"

He smiled and cupped your cheek.

"I know, sweetheart. I know. you don't have to go through with this to show me."

This time he went to remove your legs from his shoulders but you pulled him closer again.

"No, no! I want to... I... uh... I need you Toru~"

His eyes darted from your eyes to your lips a few times opening his mouth to say something but unable to find the words and closed it again.

"Fuck... you have me wrapped around your finger, don't you?"

He smiled as you giggled and nestled between your legs, thumb slowly rubbing your clit through your soaked through panties, making you jerk with a quiet moan. If only you knew what narcissistic pleasure he was hiding behind his seemingly innocent smile. He fed off of the fact that you thought you were in charge while you were just a puppet in his games.

His fingers slipped past the hem and gathered up your running moisture, smearing it back onto your entrance before pushing it back in with his fingers.

You whined and gripped his forearm, melting under his intense gaze as his fingers found their way deep inside you the discomfort slowly replaced by sharp jolts of pleasure as he kept grinding them against your sweet spot, switching between thrusting them or just keeping them inside as far as they'd go and bending them around. As soon as you started clenching around them he pulled them out though, causing a protesting whine.

"No baby girl, not without me."

You felt his tip rub between your folds a few time before he slipped it right in unceremoniously making you gasp and arch your back. He was quick to press you back down into the couch with his body as he layed it over yours, cupping your cheek.

"Sorry, love... my bad. I just can't wait to feel your hot pussy wrap around my dick. So fucking wet for me."

You nodded unable to form proper words with the depth of his thrusts trying to force you to accomodate to his size, as his thumb was running over your lips, pulling it out before letting it pop back in place.

"Oh but you don't need to forgive me. I know you like it like that."

You looked up at him gulping.

"You fucking love it when I go wild with you. You love me when I'm a fucking animal."

His hand wrapped around your neck as his hips snapped up into you, silencing your loud moan.

"You just love being manhandled like this. Such a naughty dirty girl. Hm?"

He started pounding into you, his hand on your throat preventing you from bouncing away from him so you were taking in the full force of his thrusts, only able to mewl and whimper. And sure enough it wasn't long before your eyes were rolling back inside your head from the pleasure.

"You are mine, baby, aren't you?"

He let go of your neck letting you breathe as he slowed to help you come down from your high. Gently laying back over your body running his fingers through your hair.

"Only mine. You know that loser isn't for you... he'll just won't know how to treat you right... he'll screw up again."

It did run through your hazy mind why he was bringing up your ex now but you were too caught up for the moment so you ignored it.

"Do you love me, baby?"

You nodded your head as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"And you're only mine, aren't you?"

"Yes Toru, only yours."

'That's right little bitch-chan.'

With a fist full of your hair he tilted your head up, exposing your neck to him as his hips started pivoting into you again, deep slow thrusts mixed with his pelvis rubbing against your throbbing clit. He started nibbling and sucking roughly on your neck but with all the other stimulation that was going on you really didn't care as you came a second time, scratching down his back.

He hated it. He hated it when you left marks on him. But it was strangely arousing to him this time.

'One last trophy.'

He had to pull away from you and pull out quickly only to spill his load over your belly only seconds after. He lazily stroked his shaft over your panting sweaty body a few more times before cleaning and tucking himself back in his pants.

"Wow... stay put, love, I got you."

The gentleman he was, he came back with some warm wet tissues, cleaning you up before picking you and taking you to your bed.

"Do you have any idea?"

"What?..."

You looked up at him questioningly as you lay there catching your breath.

'Do you have any idea how easy you are?'

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are? I love you so much."

He smiled kissing you in the top of your head making you smile with a blush but before you could reply his phone buzzed and he glanced at the text before pulling away from you.

"Sorry, I need to take this, sweetheart."

He dialed a number and walked out of the room, leaving you to your own mess of thoughts.

In reality he didn't call anyone, he just left the room to take a breath and think of a plan how to slip out not to be too suspicious. All that was left of his plan was a grand exit. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

He came back in the room a few minuted later already dressed back up neatly, ready to go. Seeing your pout he smiled and cupped your cheek.

"I'll be in touch this time."

"... you said that last time..."

"You know what? I left my number on the table. How about you call me instead then?"

You perked up grinning and stood up to hug him and give him a goodbye kiss. Which he returned before saying goodbye and leaving.

The sound of the door shutting had you remembering the last times and you sat there in silence for a long time before you remembered that you didn't tell him that you loved him back.

Sure enough there was a neatly folded paper on the coffee table next to the couch, you grabbed and unfolded it once finding the number, not wasting a second to dial it.

With the phone between your ear and your shoulder you unfolded the paper one last time.

'We are over, sweetheart. XOXO'

"The number you are trying to reach, does not exist-..."

"Fucking asshole...."

You crumbled the paper in your hand as angry tears started to pool in your eyes, grabbing and staring at your phone screen and the message the operator kept repeating.

Words could not describe how used and how dumb you felt. But your clenching heart and quivering lips could. You wanted to disappear into thin air as the realisation hit you like a train. He was playing you and you sat there doing everything he wanted you to, while he was probably laughing at you the whole time.

You were a good fuck to him. That was all you would ever be. No less but never more either.

The screen had shut off as your phone hung up automatically and in the reflection you could see the dark hickeys running all over the length of your neck.

Of course... it was Toru's parting gift. After all, no one was allowed to move on from him.

The screen turned on as the phone vibrated in your hands with a notification.

'Hey, I hope you liked the flowers. Thanks for giving me a second chance. I swear I'll make it up to you. Are you free tomorrow dinner? I'll come after you :D '

"You fucking asshole!!!"