#anyway enjoy the snail p**n

[cillianhead]

Hi, I love love love everything you write! Your so talented could you please write something about Emmett. He & y/n have arrived on the island and Emmett can't wait to make love to her without being quiet. Thank you ❤️

You are amazing thank you <3

I love Emmett...

that film was what got me into Cillian. Literally remember going nuts over how hot he was.

Anyway... hope you enjoy!!

Scream For Me || Emmett x Reader

Warnings: SMUT, unprotected P in V, oral sex (m receiving), daddy kink, breeding kink, adult content.

18+ Minors DNI

The island was safe. You kept repeating in your head, and you couldn't help but flinch as everyone spoke out loud or did something a little too noisy. You just sat and waited for the horrid creatures to get them but they never came because they couldn't swim. Emmett easily talked aloud, it was strange, this was the first time you had really heard him talk so loud. Of course, you'd speak louder than a whisper but never this openly. His voice made you feel all woozy and shy in such a pathetic way.

"I reckon we're gonna head to bed now..." Emmett murmured to the group around the fire, he looked at you, seeing your nervousness. This was only your second night on the island, you still hadn't quite adjusted yet to a comfortable bed and clean clothes... and working showers. "It was lovely talking to you all, goodnight." Emmett patted a few guys on the back, waving politely before sauntering to you.

Emmett picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, you gasped at this, looking at the people giggling at you two. They had a small empty house for the two of you to live in, it was nice enough. Nicer than anything you'd find back out on the mainland.

"So quiet," Emmett hummed as he sat you down on the foot of your bed. A look of hunger was evident on his face. "You're such a good girl, Y/N." He knelt down in front of you, torso in between your legs as he peppered kisses along your neck and collarbone.

"Emmett..." You whispered.

"No need to whisper here, sweet girl," He grinned at you. "You can be as loud as you want."

You leaned in, kissing him desperately, the way he pawed at you made you feel weak. Hands slipping underneath your cotton sweater and pulling it over your head, breaking the kiss. "No bra?" Emmett smirked before teeth sank into the top of your left breast, sucking in and creating a plum-colored bruise. He was trying to elicit a reaction out of you, trying to get you to moan, trying to get you to be loud.

"God... Em..." You said through shaky breaths, a little louder this time. He kept marking you until your entire chest was littered with love bites with teeth marks indented around it like some sort of peculiar pattern of rosettes. "Markin' you as mine," He grunted before latching a mouth onto your erect nipple. "Everyone's gonna see ya love, gonna see how you belong to me, and you're my girl" Emmett pulled away from you, pulling off his clean white shirt, revealing his chest hair and the snail trail that tucked itself away under his trousers.

"Emmett... we haven't... had sex in so long..." You bit your lip, thinking about how you had been so stressed and so busy trying to survive that you never really had time to do anything. You thought about how last night you two had separate showers. You had a long hot shower, the first in a long time. Of course, you bathed in creeks but it wasn't the same. You had been given a fresh clean razor when you first arrived on the island as well. Emmett chose to neatly trim his beard but he still kept it long. He knew how you loved his beard.

"I know, need you so fucking bad, feel..." He grabbed your wrist and placed it over his clothed cock, letting you feel how rock-hard he was. You reached up and eagerly tugged down his pants, the ones that fit him so nicely, they were slightly high-waisted and they weren't caked in dirt or old blood. You wondered what Emmett was like before this all started, you wondered how you two would've gotten along, though you quickly remembered that he had a wife before all of this. "Gonna suck my cock? Must be a special occasion, go on, baby, suck me off."

You give a timid lick to the weeping head of his cock, sighing happily at the taste of his precum on the tip of your tongue. "Don't tease." He said firmly. Emmett held you by your hair which was pulled up into a makeshift ponytail. You looked up at him as you slowly wrapped your lips around the tip, sucking harshly and feeling pleased as you see his eyes flutter shut, sinking even further down on his shaft.

Emmett's hips bucked into your mouth involuntarily, you gagged and he moaned at the sight of you. Spit dribbling out of your mouth, lips stretched around his thick cock and eyes all watery for him. One of your fingers slipped underneath your shorts, slowly rubbing at your clit and moaning around his dick as he began fucking in and out of your mouth, letting tears slip down your face.

"I love your little mouth," He grunted deliriously, hands on either side of your head as he fucked it harshly, using you like a fleshlight. "I wanna cum down your throat... fuck... but I need to be inside you." He slowly pulled his wet cock from your dribbling mouth. You gasped in for air, massaging your aching jaw as he stroked himself slowly.

"I want you to cum inside of me... please..." You whispered. He had never done that before, the last thing you two needed was for you to get pregnant during a time like this. But things were different now, you were on the island, and maybe you could raise a baby together finally. "Please... Emmett..." Your glossy eyes looked up at him, pleading silently with him.

Emmett's eyes glazed over, he looked like was high as you slipped your shorts and underwear off, revealing your freshly shaved cunt to him. His jaw fell open as he whimpered, "Fuck, look at that," Emmett let go of himself and approached you slowly, pushing you down and spreading your legs open to look down at this new look for you. "What a pretty little thing... can't believe you did this for me."

"All for you, daddy." You hummed quietly, no louder than you would when you'd fuck in the bunker. He grunted at the nickname as he fell down on top of you, holding himself up with one arm and the other helped guide his throbbing hard-on to your gushing pussy. "Are you gonna cum in me?" "So desperate for it, 'course I'm gonna fuckin' cum in ya," He remarked, pushing into you slowly. "How could I deny you of that? Especially 'cause you asked so nicely."

You arched your back, slapping a hand over your mouth to cover your moans like you always did for him as his cock was now fully sheathed within you. The stretch ached deliciously, pussy clenching around him, begging him to move.

"Fuck..." You whined, eyes rolling to the back of your head, nails digging into Emmett's strong shoulders. "Emmett..." You whispered. You were trying your best to stay quiet as he began grinding into you.

"Speak up for me," Emmett groaned, rolling his hips right into where you needed him. "Need to hear you scream for me, baby... I know you've got it in you."

You shook your head, whimpering as he fucked you like a pornstar, panting above you, mouth agape and eyes clearly displeased with your disobedient reaction. One of his nimble fingers slipped down your stomach and onto your pulsing clit, you were painfully aroused, every stroke of his dick brushing perfectly against your g-spot. Your mind goes completely blank, legs squeezing and shaking around him, nails leaving claw marks on Emmett's biceps. You couldn't help but start to scream, he was fucking you so passionately you couldn't hold it in.

"That's it," He breathily said. "That's my girl, tell me how good I'm fucking you." "So good!" You moaned, sounding like you were being railed within an inch of your life. His balls slapped against your ass and Emmett's hands now were gripping onto your hips, holding you tightly, manhandling you into the bed and using you to chase his own pleasure. You were a mess, an extremely loud mess, on the brink of tears at how good he fucked you. "God.... daddy! Oh... fuck... wanna have your babies!"

A sick grin spread across his blissed-out face, high on the feeling of your tight cunt all stretched out around him. "Then I'll give you my babies if that's what you want, gonna cream in you, gonna fill you with my cum every fuckin' night til..." He gasped out, stuttering on his words, you were squeezing him tighter than ever, his raspy tone of voice bringing you closer to cumming your brains out. "...Gonna fill you with my cum every night til... I see you walkin' round all pregnant and glowing with my kid in you."

You nodded your head desperately and cried like a slut, Emmett leaned down and intimately pressed his forehead against your own, thrusts sloppy as you felt the orgasm unleash itself upon you. The pleasure is hot and white and consuming, words incoherent as you scream out. His own seed fills you like an endless fountain, the vibrations of his own moaning in your neck send you further down that spiral of pleasure.

"Oh, daddy..." You're gasping out for air, your hands cupping your own tits as he still rutted into you, almost a bit pathetically, his cum spilling out of you as his seed just kept on coming. "So... so full..."

His eyes are squeezed shut, the veins in his forehead prominent as he slowly begins to come down. He didn't say a word as he collapsed on top of you, catching his breath, sweaty skin pressed against you. "My love... took me so well..."

"I think I was too loud..." You bit your lip, feeling incredibly flustered and embarrassed at how you knew the rest of the island probably heard your late night shenanigans.

"No such thing," Emmett pressed wet kisses along your jaw, trailing them until he reached your lips. "Prettiest thing I've ever heard." He whispered, speaking right into your mouth. "I'm gonna make you scream until your throat is raw, I'm addicted to your sounds."

You could feel him grow hard again and his hungry lips took yours in his again and the screaming began again, this time concealed within a kiss.

-

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

Here are some snails fucking on a Sunday afternoon right in front of everyone else’s salad

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Say My Name

[Really have been forgetting to credit gif creators, my bad, totally spaced it a few times...credit for this one, due to @zombiepenguin334]

Square: Quote C ("Say my name over and over again and, once you think you’ve said it loud enough, scream it. I want the whole neighborhood to know who’s making you feel good.”) ( @supernatural-jackles​ tell me a story bingo)

Word Count: 2,334

Warnings: Smut (NSFW, P in V, Oral fem receiving, unprotected sex (use protection), creampie, rough sex, possessive kink, slight bondage, first times, use of the pull out method, slight voyeurism, overstimulation, squirting, trying for baby, talks of trying for baby), strong language, possessive Jensen, loss in virginity, fluff end.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Summary: Jensen decides to teach the reader that she is his and no one else’s.

Bingo Masterlist

Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

A/N: This is very smutty, please, be over 18 to read. Otherwise, enjoy, feedback much preesh.

A/N #2: italics is a flashback.

~

She heard the mower outside when she woke.

She looked at the clock seeing she slept in till almost noon. Not only was it her day off but it was her two weeks of vacation off. Just her and Jensen home, spending some quality time together.

Her last vacation she took she went to Vancouver, she always wanted to visit the most popular place in Canada when it came to shooting movies and TV.  What she didn’t expect was to run into, and ruin a shot of the show Supernatural.

She had walked on camera, totally oblivious to the warnings and signs from the production teams letting people know that they are filming in the area.

Sam and Dean were walking down the street in their fed suits, she turned the corner bumping into Dean.

Apologies turned into conversation, and those conversations turned into numbers exchanged. He stuck by her side since then.

Now almost a year into their relationship, they have since moved in together. She could even remember her first time with him.

Making out on his couch like horny teenagers.

 His hands roaming her body, combing through her hair as his lips consumed her with his tongue dancing with hers.

She hums against him, encouraging him to continue on more.

“Sweetheart,” he says, pulling away, panting for air.

“Hmm.”

“I love you, but if we keep this up, I’m not gonna be able to stop myself.”

“I don’t want you to stop, I want more.” She says lowly, thick with lust.

“Cool, I didn’t want to stop anyway.” He says, stifling a chuckle.

“I want more.” She pants, before his lips captured hers once again.

She felt his finger peak under her shirt, her skin feeling like it was on fire.

His kiss kept her occupied as his hand worked its way up, cupping her breast, giving it a harsh squeeze. As if it squeezed a moan from her lips.

He smirked against her in the kiss.

His hand continued until he pulled her shirt over her head. And she did the same to his shirt.

“You intend on having sex with me on your couch?” she asks, panting.

“Bed?” he asks playfully.

“Bed.” She nods with a smile.

His lips crashed into hers once more before picking her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. While walking to his room, he unhooked her bra with her throwing it off behind him.

With her back against the bed, he works her panties off of her as she climbed in further to rest her head on his pillows.

From her lips to her hips he trails kisses all along her body until he met her wet core. Giving it a broad lick through her folds, flicking across her clit growing ever more sensitive.

“Oh, god.” She moaned, rolling her hips wanting more.

He kept lapping his tongue around her clit, building her up quickly. Hearing her breathing pick up, holding her hips down to prevent her from moving. Causing her to whine.

“I’ll get you there sweetheart, don’ you worry.” He says, his voice almost as low as Dean’s.

Just as when she felt herself ready to snap, she felt him pull his lips away. And felt something with a lot of girth enter her soaking pussy.

Drawing out a wanton moan.

He started a slow steady pace, for a few thrusts, getting her adjusted to him. And he started a fast and rough pace. Building her back up again.

“Oh, god, Jay…” she moans.

“Go right ahead baby, I’m almost there.”

She felt that fiery coil snap in her abdomen. Her back arching off of the bed as she ground her hips into his. His hips bucked out of pace, as he felt his end he pulls out completely. She could feel his warm seed hit her belly as he jerked himself through his high.

“Smart babe.” She pants.

“Didn’t want to take any chances just yet.” He says, laying down next to her.

She smiles with a hum as she turned to him, curling into his side as the two cuddled the rest of their night away.

 She hopped up out of bed, with a content smile, she has an idea of what she wants on this morning.

She hops into the shower, making it a quick cleaning up with washing off the sleepy feeling, shaving her legs and other regions on her body.

Once she was done, she quickly dried and put on her robe with nothing on under it. She can’t wait for him to finish mowing.

She headed to the kitchen to get her a cup of coffee to start her day. She heard the door open and a sweaty Jensen came into view.

“Hey baby girl, how’d you sleep?” he asked.

“Good, when’d you get up?”

“Around nine, so not too terrible long ago.”

She nods.

She moved from her spot, undoing her robes tie, trying to make it seem she didn’t tie it all that well.

He caught glimpse of her very naked form under the robe.

He followed her to their room. Pushing her against the wall. Lips close to hers.

“Giving our neighbors a show, huh?” he asked, his voice just like Dean’s.

“I don’t know, maybe?” she says playfully.

“Maybe I should teach a certain someone a lesson. Or maybe I should make it known, to everyone in this neighborhood that you’re mine.” He growled. Brushing a finger across her jaw.

She felt her walls clench around nothing. Making her squirm under his touch.

His lips crashed into hers in a very heated and possessive kiss. It was almost needy. She whined into the kiss, already wanting more.

His hands find her hair, and he forced her away from his lips.

“Ever since our first time, I’ll get you there baby. Don’t worry.” He says lowly.

Kissing her neck, sucking at her pulse point, even nipping at the skin. She whines and moans, Jensen already knowing she just wants more.

He roams his hands down her shoulders, pulling her robe off of her. It falling to her feet.

He puts her arms around his neck and shoulders and picks her up with ease. She puts her legs around his waist as he carried her back to the bed.

Practically dropping her on the bed, he walks around the bed to open up the curtains to their room more.

“Time to show everyone, that you are mine.” He practically growls.

She licks her lips, preparing for his assault.

He takes off his belt to his jeans, and he wraps the strap of leather around her wrists, restraining her to the headboard.

He works his clothes of giving her a show.

“Jay come on, put me out of my misery please.” She whines.

“Oh don’t worry, I sure will.”

He works himself between her legs, lining up his hardening cock to her entrance.

He slowly pressed the head between her soaking folds, slowly entering her, inch by inch.

She bit her lip to hide a moan.

Once he was fully seated, balls deep, he pulls completely out and slammed back in earning a yelp from his girl.

“Better hang on baby, this is going to be rough.” He growls.

“I want it rough.” She pants.

He gave another harsh thrust before starting a fast pace. His hips moving at what seemed like impossible speeds for her to meet up with.

Her hands squeezed and pulled against her restraints as she felt a fire build up in her belly, enough to cause her eyes roll.

He landed a hand to grasp the headboard to give him leverage and more force with each thrust. She had adjusted her hips slightly to help him out, it gave him a whole new angle, a squeak escaped her throat.

“J-Jensen,” she pants.

“Almost,”

He gives her a few more fast and harsh thrusts before her walls clamp down around him, hard.

He let out a grunt at the force of her orgasm as it squeezed his out of him. Milking him through his high. But he had kept up his pace just slightly. Not as rough, fast and harsh as what he started with but enough to build her up again.

He worked the belt off of her, seeing a strip of red from her squeezing and pulling against it.

But before she knew it, he pulled her up to him, pulling out of her quickly.

“All fours.” He demanded.

She did as told. And he slammed his way back into her, she let out a yelp at the sudden stretch.

“By the end of the day you will be screaming my name.” he growls.

He began delivering more thrusts, growing fast and harsh.

He pressed a hand on the back of her neck, pinning her down on the mattress.

They were facing the window, and Jensen caught a glimpse of a couple walking by the house.

He pulls her up, having his arm around her chest, pulling her back flush against his chest.

“I want them to see this, see how good I’m making you feel. See how you are mine.” He growled in her ear.

She let out another strangled moan before her walls began to flutter against him.

“Jay,” she moaned.

With his free hand he wrapped his arm around her, his finger rubbing harsh circles around her clit. Her back arching against him as she let out a moan, growing louder as he kept pounding into her. Her legs trembled as her orgasm went on.

“Ride me.” He practically growls in her ear.

She pulls off of him as he laid down on his back, she straddled his lap, lining him up to her entrance again. She sat down on him with ease, and she started moving with a slow and easy pace.

He had his hands just placed at her hips, not applying any force, just there rubbing circles against her sore muscles.

She was so sensitive, she felt herself growing close again.

That was when he gripped her hips, forcing her to go at a snails pace. Up and down, up and down.

“Jensen,” she whined.

“Not yet, but love it when your so sensitive.” He smirked.

She reached back, fondling his balls. His head hitting the pillow, a moan escaping his lips as she worked him up so desperately.

“Such a needy little thing, aren’tchya.”

“I can’t help it.” she smirks.

She braced her hands on his chest as she tried to work a faster pace. His hips meeting hers, the force hitting her clit building back her up after that slow tease.

“Ah, Jay,” she pants.

“Keep going,” he grunts.

Her hips and rhythm spasm as her walls squeeze around him once again with such force she couldn’t keep moving through the high.

His grip on her hips tightened as he moved her up and down to work her through her high.

She collapses on him, panting hard against him.

“You good sweetie?”

“So good.”

“You up for more?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I’m not done yet.” He growls.

He pulls her off of him, and lays her back on to her stomach. He lines himself up again, and enters her once more. And begins a slow pace.

He had a thought come to mind and pulls out quickly before returning again with a vibrator, turning it on, on its lowest setting.

“Lift up your hips baby.”

Without saying anything she does as told. Her hips buckle at the sensation and she let out a yelp.

“Nope, keep it right there.” He says.

He reenters her, and begins a slow pace. Laying on her back, holding her close to him.

Kissing and nipping at her neck and ear while his member hits all the right places within her.

“Jay,” she pants.

“Say my name,” he growls.

“Jay,” she says, a bit louder.

“Say my name over and over again and, once you think you’ve said it loud enough, scream it. I want the whole neighborhood to know who’s making you feel good.” He growls, slamming harder.

“Jay,” she moans, a little louder.

He kept delivering harsh thrusts, the vibrations from the vibrator building her up fast.

Her breathing quickened, he pulls the toy away, propping himself up slamming his hips against her, going faster and harder.

“Jay, Jay, Jay!” she shouts.

“Say my name!”

“Oh god, Jensen!” she screams.

Her walls slam around him, his hips buck out of rhythm against her once again. His forehead pressed against her shoulder as he let out a guttural moan.

He could feel her legs tremble at the sheer force of her high, and he saw a wet mess below her as he pulled out. Seeing his accomplishment spill out of her.

She had gone limp from the pleasure.

He had worked her in the bed, resting her head on the pillows rather than the edge of the bed. He stayed with her, brushing the sweaty strands from her glowing face.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open.

“There she is.” He says sweetly.

“I wasn’t too rough, was I?”

“Oh god no, I love rough and possessive Jensen.” She giggles.

“Well, glad you enjoyed yourself.” He chuckles.

With a free hand he had drifted a finger across her sore and achy muckles, drawing nonsense patterns. Lulling her back to sleep.

“You just woke up, and I just put you to sleep.” He laughs.

“I had no plans today anyway babe.” She says, turning towards him, cuddling into his chest.

“Think they actually saw?”

“No, but I bet they heard me.”

“I bet they did too sweetheart.” He says, placing a gentle kiss atop her head.

“Think, that maybe…” he trails.

“That I might get pregnant?”

He didn’t say anything, but his answer was a nod.

“Maybe, I am ovulating, so maybe. You’d make a great dad.”

“And you’d be an amazing mom.”

She smiles as his lips found hers in a loving kiss.

Quality time well spent.

~ A/N: Did you have to take an ice bath? Did you enjoy? Feedback is always appreciated! Preesh! :)

Tags:

@pandazombie69, @luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @evansrogerskitten​, @jayankles​, @jeaniespiehs20​, @mlovesstories​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @lyarr24​, @akshi8278​, @moonlight-on-her-skin​, @backseat-of-deans-67chevy​, @salt-n-burn-em-all​

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 3/12/2021

[quicksilverconnoisseur]

To celebrate the return of QS on AO3 with a huge new fic by @weconqueratdawn

-

TheSeaVoices Drawing Playlist

A mixture of drawing moods, themes and favourites, not necessarily relevant lyric-wise but all very carefully selected for zero frustration - maximum flow, and perhaps an element of sexiness?

If you want a 43 track playlist for drawing or painting to - this works :)

-

1- Wallowa Lake Monster, Sufjan Stevens

Fucking love the fucking lyrics! Beautiful story and atmosphere and voice. I hadn’t listened to Sufjan much before watching Call Me By Your Name and just caning Visions of Gideon for weeks after.

2- Experiment In Terror, Henry Mancini

From the 60’s noir thriller of the same name - so stylish and cool - what a soundtrack sir! I love the slow threat and slinkiness.

3- My Body, Perfume Genius

Similar slink here, dirty kind of glide. Have seen PG a couple of times live and just ABSORBED it into my soul - he dances up there like a beautiful table-dancer and the crowd is moving with him - always good albums to paint to.

4- Danke Schoen, Wayne Newton

Turn this way up! 21 year old Wayne blasts this out like a genius - his voice is amazing and so feminine. I know it from Ferris Bueller's Day Off originally where it is put to very good use.

5- My Little Brown Book, Duke Ellington, John Coltrane

I can listen to Duke Ellington all day every day, those brushy cymbals in this are so lazy cool. That’s the third sixties song so far.

6- One More Kiss Dear, Vangelis

Bladerunner, one of my favourite films.  WHAT A FUCKING SOUNDTRACK! This song was an accidental recording sung for the demo by Don Percival (not the intended singer) and the weird spooky vocal just worked for the mock vintage sound.

7- Verbarhemiopia, Ed Dowie

Released through Lost Map Records. I know these people and they always have great acts - I had a lot of exceptional experiences on the Inner Hebridean island of Eigg with them. This track is just a beautiful, pulsing moonbeam.

8- Just Like Honey, The Jesus and Mary Chain

Such a sleazy, druggy, sexy song - dirty guitar and sensual drums - the opening drum intro, borrowed from (another 60’s track), Be My Baby by The Ronettes coming up on this list at number 38.

9- Grid, Perfume Genius

I rec the video!

10- Here, Pavement

Oh Pavement - a big part of my identity! - Live, they are a fucking dream! This song is a regular ear worm.

11- Demon Host, Timber Timbre

Great lyrics, great album

12- Animal Friends, P-ano

The only song I’m into on this album, the atmosphere is great. A sad little song.

13- Sleepwalk, Santo and Johnny

1959 so lets call it 60’s again XD. A great instrumental - that slide, steel guitar sound is lush and the asmr trigger of my dreams

14- Hang Out The Stars In Indiana, Al Bowlly

MY FAVOURITE SONG OF ALL FUCKING TIME. I can and do listen to this on repeat all through a drawing even if it takes a day. Withnail & I introduced me - one of my favourite films. And, of course Bowlly is on The Shining too.

15- Wasted Teens, Monoganon

Lost Map records again, excellent and crazy live performance from these on Eigg.

16- The Alien, Ben Salisbury, Geoff Barrow

Such dark foreboding anticipation. From the Annihilation soundtrack - brilliant film and score. I love Portishead too.

17- Life Is Just A Bowl Of Cherries, Al Bowlly

Hey cheer up everyone - fuck it!

18- Wanna Sip, Fever Ray

I do! This is from their live recording at the Troxy - I WAS THERE —- oooooooooooof fuck WHAT A SHOW honestly!

19- Lipstick Stains, Jay Som

“I wanted to musically capture the immediate and intense but beautiful feeling of infatuation.” —— yep!

20- Heat Wave, Snail Mail

Yes! They are brilliant - saw them live at End Of The Road and the tent was CRAMMED!!!!!! The atmosphere was amazing - she is so young and so great.

21- I Love How You Love Me, The Paris Sisters

Hello 1960’s! The creamy Spector sound and that spoken word is amazing.

22- Shadow, Chromatics

Loved this on Twin Peaks The Return, it’s a gem and perfect for drawing/painting to.

23- Bankrobber, The Clash

I always sing ‘Daddy was a vampire’

24- Do Your Best, John Maus

Slo-mo beauty.

25- Canadian Girl, The Walkmen

Nice vintage-tinged weirdness and soul.

26- Wave of Mutilation (UK SURF) Pixies

I love Pixies, only seen them live once but it was very, very, very special. Beautiful, laid back b side version that I prefer to the album track.

27- Fell An Ox

There was a time where all I would listen to was King Creosote - it was an obsession! I have lost count of KC gigs I’ve been to.

28- Slow West, Django Django

Love the film, love the soundtrack, loved Django Django up till the last few releases. There is a live version of this on KEXP from four years ago which is the one I usually listen to. Fucking brilliant live - got to see them on Eigg one time too. I rec the Slow West film if you haven’t seen it.

29- Withnail’s Theme, Jack Hallam

Great film and soundtrack - a big favourite.

30- Portofino 1, Raymond Scott

60’s!  Ha - I hadn’t realised this at all till writing all this.

31- Lady Gaylord, Raymond Scott

From Manhattan Research Inc a collection of his advertising jingles and snippets from the 60’s

32- The Pink Room, Angelo Badalamenti

Filthiest song ever? From Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me

33- Goodnight Felicia, Chris Bear

From the score to excellent TV show, High Maintenance. I do love Grizzly Bear anyway and cried at their last gig I went to - I always cry at gigs though so….

34- Plainsong, The Cure

My teenage self was a massive Cure fan and I dedicated my record player, school books, wardrobe and bedroom to them! Saw them live only once (the LIGHTS!!!!) because I was too young, obsessed over Robert Smith a lot! This song and the whole album were a big favourite. Beautiful.

35- A Reluctant Hero/Betsy/End Credits Taxi Driver, Bernard Herrmann

I love Herrmann and I really love Taxi Driver. This is just…. ooof!

36- I Fall In Love Too Easily, Chet Baker

Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 1954- what a pretty little voice.

37- Looking Back I Should Have Been Home More, Richard Swift

Just lovely, so sad about Swift.

38- Be My Baby, The Ronettes

The best opening song use ever- MEAN STREETS - turn this RIGHT up please.

39- Go, Sparklehorse, Flaming Lips - Daniel Johnston cover

Doubly sad because of Sparklehorse and Daniel Johnston. I have seen The Flaming Lips many times throughout their career - from small gigs to radio telescope gigs! What a fucking show!

40- Every Night, Perfume Genius

Just nice stuff. Like I said - live he is so sensual- his moves are amazing.

41- Fireflies Made Out of Dust, Happy Jawbone Family Band

Great track. Love the lyrics.

42- Sleeping Lessons, The Shins

Richard Swift again, on keyboards. I really enjoy the historical references and atmosphere on this.

43- Smoke Rings, Les Paul, Mary Ford

1952 - ssssso ssssssspooooky

[glassworkspiderlilies]

giyushino week wrap up!

aaaaand that’s a wrap!! thank you to the moderators of giyushinoweek, and to everyone who liked/reblogged/commented on/sent me asks about my fics!!

it was a wild ride to write 8 fics in basically a week or so; i keep saying the fics were hastily or frantically written but LMAO considering how little fic i put out nowadays and how long it usually takes me to write because i edit as i go (which means i take f o r e v e r ), i was seriously just screaming like I JUST GOTTA DO IT I JUST GOTTA GO WITH IT I DON’T HAVE TIME the entire time haha. it was really good to be able to just think of a thing and run as far as i could with it, though!! it’s been quite a long time since i was able to do that, and it was really nice to have a project to work on in the back of my head. <3

ideally, if i work myself up to it, i’d like to revisit all of these and spruce them up to post to ao3, but we’ll see. :’) 

under the cut is just some thoughts on my process during this and also writing each of the fics, if you’re interested! favorite prompt, the most difficult parts to write, what the fic was originally was, things like that. 

thank you again, everyone!! back to hibernation and occasional slow snail pace writing i go, haha.

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re: writing process -i tried writing a fic per day during the week before the actual event, which...kind of worked!! ideally, i was going to write a mostly complete fic each day, and then spend the week of the event editing each one before i posted it. what really ended up happening was that i partially wrote several, but not all of them, during the previous week, and then spent the week of finishing up, editing, or writing the whole thing more or less the day before the prompt was “due”, LMFAO. my weekday schedule is pretty structured because of work--I have maybe an hour or two of free time before i have to sleep--so i doubled down a bit more on the weekends. i know like it wasn’t imperative that i meet the “deadline”, but i really, really wanted to!! i figured i’ve written a fic per day for fandom weeks before so why can’t i do it again, but BOY i don’t know who i was back then. i mean, i still did it (yay!) but it seemed so much easier then?? either i was just writing more back then or less afraid or...something, or it’s just been so long that i don’t remember what i felt, LOL.

-i was really quite nervous in the beginning to post the fics, since again, they’re pretty hastily written and my usual writing process is much more “careful” and drawn out. but, it was also freeing as the week went on to just post and not worry, because the point of the week was to have fun, and not necessarily to write the best work i expected of myself within a limited time. (oh, how the perfectionist in me still hisses, though.) still, i’m glad people liked them, and even the extra notes that i just kinda spit out for some of them. :’) i do wish that some had gotten more attention than others, but those ones don’t show up in the tags and i’m not sure why, so. alas. 

re: the fics -confession: as of now, i feel pretty neutral about all of them, since i wrote them in a frenzy. at some point i’ll probably go back and read them and feel differently (and catch my mistakes! oh no!), haha. -a lot of them ended up being AU, which is...??? unexpected?? but i think it was just easier to put them in an entirely different setting, so i could play a bit more loose with their characters, haha. 

day 1 - glance (or hug) -this one...im pretty sure was one of the ones i waited until the last possible minute to finish up. it’s pretty basic event-wise, one of the few more regular slice-of-lifey ones for the week. it was surprisingly hard to get down the “movement” of it all; a glance is hard to describe in detail and in any other way, but i had really wanted to create kind of this...fleeting, almost nostalgic atmosphere in the back and forth of “he keeps looking, she keeps missing”, if that makes any sense. oof, it’s still hard to describe what i had wanted to achieve even outside of the fic!!

day 2 - soulmate (or family) -this one was SUPER HARD to write!!! originally i had wanted to go with a “A sees flashes of what B sees” soulmate prompt, because i figured that would be SO disorienting and would be fun to play with. but i ended up not being able to run with that one. i had also wanted to do the “soulmates write on themselves and the words show up on the other’s arm” idea, based off of what i had started in a 100 word drabble i did, but that deserved wayyyyyy more exploration and angst i was able to write in the time i’d allotted. i do like the “tattoo” soulmate aus the best, i think, and i did want to explore the one i did more, buuuut. alas. soulmates aus are something i prefer to read rather than write, i think, they can get so complicated!! 

day 3 - AU (or touch) -i’ve already made enough notes on this haha, but this ended up being a little too ambitious!! it wasn’t originally supposed to stop where it did, but i just...kinda got stuck and couldn’t bring myself to continue it, because i knew it would just keep going and needed more thinking out. so i just stopped it at the scene break, and hoped it would be decent enough. :’) surprisingly people seemed to enjoy this one most of all????? or maybe it was just the au itself that was a appealing, haha. regardless, i was surprised at the amount of notes this got!

day 4 - demon & wedding -soooooo this might’ve been my favorite prompt LMAO, like when i realized what i wanted to do for this day, i got excited because like, oooh yeah, pain. definitely wanted to go in on this to flesh out and explore various aspects more than i did, but i think of all the ones i wrote, i might be the most pleased with this one so far. 

day 5 - moon (or angst) -honestly, it’s a surprise i didn’t choose angst for day 5. writing about shinobu’s death would’ve been so easy, but i’ve seriously been putting it off since i started writing for kimetsu no yaiba. both “a blade of honey” and “if not cut at dusk”, which are my longer fics, were intended to be about shinobu’s death scene and turned into something completely different, and i ended up avoiding it for day 5 even though it could’ve been so easy. it’s denial, probably! anyway, shinobu’s MAD BOLD here. she would never. maybe. there’s two shinobus that i think about--the "usual” one, modeling herself after kanae, and one who’s more in line with her younger self/inner feelings. i think i went with the latter for a lot of these fics, because i didn’t have to be as careful with dialogue. giyu might’ve suffered character-wise, though, woops. but again, maybe shinobu would, in the vein that she wants to win and have the last laugh, haha. still, i feel more like she wouldn’t. :P oh, also, do you remember ages ago, when AMVs were still widespread, that scene that was everywhere in naruto where hinata’s bathing/training at the waterfall and it’s like really pretty and cool and stuff? yeah. that’s what i wanted this one to be, a little, LMFAO. genuinely surprised that people thought this one was pretty spicy!!

day 6 - kiss (or ocean) -confession: i wrote all of this while i was at work LOLLLL. it was a slow day, i promise. this might’ve been the easiest one to come up with, because the “quick, kiss me!” to escape situation is a classic. the characterization is preeeetttyyyyy loose here, but it was also kind of fun, honestly. my day 5 and day 6 run in pretty similar veins though, so i had kind of wished the endings were a bit more distinct from each other. 

day 7 - date (or crossover) -honestly i had wanted to do like, a soul eater crossover!! really i was planning out an au, but i think a crossover specifically has characters of two series interacting, and then i was Tired and was like, i can’t do that. crossovers aren’t something i usually read, either, so the planning got too complicated and i gave  up. the date idea was also one that came much later and one that i finished up last minute; i’d wanted to make it a little more cohesive and come up with better things for sabito’s list, but. eh. it got longer than i expected too! ideally there would’ve been more of the college life, and sabito and makomo. i thought about doing another additional notes for this, but there was wasn’t enough i had wanted to add on. really it was just the majors for them i’d been playing with--shinobu as a med student (possibly a minor in horticulture/botany, SOMEHOW), sabito & giyu as hydraulic engineering majors (sabito more on fieldwork, giyu more on research), and makomo as a marine veterinary student. shrug!! the lines of “you do realize we were set up, right” and “this was a date, tomioka-san” were the highlight for me, haha. and i’m inordinately fond of the title.

day 8 - halloween (or n*sfw) -sexy stuff isn’t my forte at all!!!! so halloween it was, but. i was thinking of skipping out on this one, and then was like, oh what the hell, you’ve come this far, of course you’re going to go the last leg, too. already wrote enough notes on this one too, but yeah, this one really was quick, and just barely meets the prompt, i think, lmao. ended up being more of a fantasy au, which was fun, though there was a lot left unexplored. ultimately just glad that i was able to come up with something for the last stretch. :)

please feel free to drop me an ask if you have any thoughts or comments! i’d love to hear your thoughts on the fics for the week, if you’d like to share. :) 

thanks for reading!!

[ilcaeryx]

Tenacity: Chapter 1 - Inhibition [Amajiki Tamaki/Reader]

SUMMARY: Tamaki's isolated himself in his apartment for almost a week. It's almost guaranteed that it's his anxiety flaring up… but it doesn't hurt to check up on him.

TAGS: Reader-Insert Collection, Anxiety, Social Isolation

Link to Chapter 1 of Tenacity on AO3

or continue reading below.

Chapter 1: Inhibition

'Amajiki Tamaki' read the nameplate by the door.

So this is where he lives.

Finding Tamaki's home had been tricky as it was in the middle of an expanding apartment complex located in a (for you) foreign part of the city. In this complex his apartment was simply one of many, a single leaf in a blooming bush. For this reason it felt like this was somewhere he would enjoy living, anonymously. However, living in the corner apartment on the first floor was perhaps a bit too exposed for him, considering that all his blinders were drawn shut.

You rang the bell and took a step back.

At least five days had passed since Tamaki had last spoken to you; after day two of pushing up the hard task to send you a message saying his vacation had started and he was available, he understood that too much time had passed already and that he should wait until the weekend to contact you. That's when you usually texted or called him, anyway. It had felt alright until he'd logged into his social media account a few days later. After the 5 notifications bubble popped up on his phone, panic and guilt bit into him. Reading them was unnecessary, because he knew what they said and who the sender was. Therefore, the immediate response was to turn off the sound on his phone and camp in his apartment.

His food reservoir was a mismatched mix that one possibly couldn't make anything edible out of. Not that he could make food at the moment, since he was certain that his neighbours would overhear him if he cooked too loudly, showered with the water current too strong or walked too harshly on the floor. One morning he had been making a pretty elaborate breakfast, cut short after one neighbour banged on the wall in the living room. He abruptly turned off the rice cooker and conformed himself with something simpler and quieter. He felt bad that his neighbours had to deal with him.

Today he was too agitated to move around, so he didn't do much other than game and eat leftovers. That's why both his dishes weren't washed and he kind of neglected. He'd take a shower on Sunday, when he'd probably see you. Right now, he just wanted to disappear into his book. It was a quiet evening spent on his couch and nothing could bother him.

Every evening used to be peaceful, but then his neighbours became hypersensitive to any and every sound he made.

The door bell ringing was how he was reminded of their existense. With deliberate, fluid movements he laid down the book on the couch and slipped down onto the floor. He made his way to the door in complete silence.

Okay, Tamaki is a total homebody. There's no way he isn't home.

It wasn't the first time this had happened, though all other times he had ignored you had been on social media. Him not opening messages and such. If it hadn't been for Mirio giving you a heads up about it, you might've taken it personally. After all, the two of you had been a couple for a few months now. You were grateful that Mirio felt involved enough in Tamaki's life to warn you about his these incidents, which you were told had occasionally taken place since their U.A. days.

Your take-away was getting cold and you were honestly getting worried. Your phone showed no missed calls or messages. There was always the option to call him and get a confirmation whether he was home or not by listening for the ring tone inside… but you thought that it would force him further into his shell. If he didn't answer you also wouldn't find out how he was doing. What if he had fainted in the shower and was bleeding out? The mental images of possible ways someone could die inside their home grew incrementally worse and you nervously fiddled with your phone.

Just this time, it wouldn't be strange if you excused yourself into his home. Right?

You tried opening the door. It's 2019, who would ever leave their door unlocked? Of course it was locked. Goddamn.

There is no one outside, you thought as you surveyed your surroundings and went around the corner. It would be okay this one time. No one would judge you for doing this. In the back of your mind you kind of remembered some law about entering someone's home unauthorized if there were health concerns, which was enough motivate you to try. See, one window in the back was slightly cracked open. While fully opening the window it occurred to you that this was your debut into Tamaki's home.

You slid in between the window and the blinders into Tamaki's kitchen, sitting on top of a dining table. The room was pretty cramped, a small cupboard on the left side wall and the usual kitchen appliances on the right. It was directly connected to the hall, where you could see the exterior door. As you shut the window a foul, thick smell of humidity and old food struck you, so you opened it again.

"Tamaki, it's me," you called out and jumped down on the floor.

Tamaki popped his head out from what you assumed was the bathroom, wearing complicated emotions on his face. "Y/N?"

"Yeah, I can explain this. I, uh, just wanted to see how you were doing." You raised the take-away bag to eye level. "I brought you food."

Like a snail retracting into its shell, he withdrew into the bathroom and shut the door. "I'll hear you out… after I've taken a shower."

"Do it. I'll wait."

You did and Tamaki emerged from the shower, clean and warm, five minutes later. He awkwardly walked into the kitchen, dressed in sweatpants and an overgrown hoodie, clearly avoiding looking at the dish mountain. Instead he raided a kitchen drawer for chopsticks and sat down together with you. Tamaki opened the box and dug in without mercy or any semblance of modesty.

You leaned back on you chair. "This is the first time I have ever forced myself into someone's home, by the way. Don't arrest me for that, I'm pretty sure I acted in accordance to the law. I thought something had happened."

"While I appreciate the sentiment," he answered between bites, "you scared the living daylights out of me. I thought you were a thief at first. It could've ended nasty if I had been eating well."

"What do you mean?"

He raised his eyebrows and looked at you solemnly. "I can't manifest crackers…"

"Is that what you've been eating? That's student level of food."

"It wasn't by choice." Tamaki said curtly and took a sip of water.

You bit your lip and nodded softly. The fact that he had ignored your messages and calls still bothered you, even though you somewhat understood the circumstances. You didn't want to be bothersome about it; you imagined that it would embarrass him greatly should you bring it up. It wasn't by choice, like he had said. Still, you thought that there should be some accountability on his part.

"We've known each other for a while now, but I didn't know you had it this… hard to reach out to people. When we weren't together," you sputtered out, unused to bringing it up, "it was an inconvenience. Now I actually get worried - and it's not just me. Mirio and even Hadou have asked if I had heard from you."

Tamaki tensed his shoulders. "Both of them should understand by now; we went through this in high school. I don't know. I just start to feel cornered when I get bombarded by messages. I don't particularly want to be around people when I'm that paranoid."

"I'd never force you to do something you don't want. I think that you should at least text me back. You don't even need to read what I've sent you if it is too much. Knowing you're alive is enough."

He seemed more interested in his food than in answering. You couldn't force him to answer and you didn't have anything more to inquire. This was a conversation for another day, hopefully. You let him eat in peace. At least for a while.

"You know," you began and casually stole a piece of meat from box, "I've known you for two years and you've never invited me here before. Have you lived here since we first met?"

After some consideration he nodded with a sharp movement. "For almost five years."

You ate your piece and instantly regretted not buying a portion of your own. Licking your fingers, you kept overwatch on his food while he gingerly picked and chose, his bangs covering his face.

"Like, I thought you still lived with your parents since you refused to even give me an adress,"

Tamaki choked. He covered his mouth with his hand and coughed violently enough to rack his entire body. You shot up to get him some water but he held you back with his hand as you were walking past him to the dish bench. He got himself a glass from the unwashed pile. Poor guy probably didn't have any clean ones.

As he drank you re-settled into your chair, cautiously. He poured himself another glass and wiped his eyes with his sleeve before returning to the table.

"I just enjoy my privacy," he commented, rather dryily, before digging in again with reluctance. Probably terrified of you dropping another bomb like that and him choking for real this time. Suneater dying by eating sukiyaki.

"You can thank Mirio for giving me your adress. He's been worried too."

"I'll thank him in person."

"I think he'd appreciate a quick message from you ASAP."

Tamaki stopped his chopsticks half-way to his mouth and raised his eyes to look at you, sadness pulling at the edges. "You can't thank someone who's looking out for you with a simple message. I'll go see him in a few days and thank him in person." His eyes shifted slightly and he cast his gaze downwards. "I'll try to, anyway."

That's an admirable outlook, you thought to yourself as he somewhat self-consciously finished his food. Thanking someone for helping you out was very humbling, in particular when independent people such as Tamaki are caught between problems. But as the old adage goes, no man is an island. If you ever needed help, you knew you could count on Tamaki - and Mirio for that matter. No question about it. If he didn't message Mirio by the time you were returning home, you'd send a text to Mirio yourself, though.

Breathing deeply, Tamaki put his chopsticks down into his box and quickly grabbed your hands, his fingers squishing your fingers against his palms. Warmth emanated from his hands and his face seemed a lot less paler when he smiled weakly at you.

"Thank you, Y/N. I would've starved if you hadn't arrived today."

Your thumbs caressed the insides of his wrists, sweeping over the bumpy texture of veins and muscles.

"I'll break into your apartment anytime, babe."

If you liked this, consider throwing me a like/reblog/follow! My Masterlist can be found here.

[dcarhcarts]

regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol. 

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)  

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain. 

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha. 

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy. 

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes.  I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it. 

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.  

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!

[rhapsodic-euphoria]

Someone I Should Know?

↳Masterlist

↓Taeyong x reader

⇒Idol au

→Next

⇄A/N: I’m starting on a second part to this...TBH, this was supposed to be wayyyy more mature. Like to mature mature. But, I decided to take a ‘fluffier’ approach. *shrugs*Anyways, I haven’t actually been to a concert before. *cries in fangirl*But, one of friend has went to like a Katy Perry concert so I got some info about concerts from her. Enjoy and stay healthy!!~

You shivered, exhaling a shaky breath. You were dragged to the largest concert halls in Seoul, because of your ��friend’. You were going to a NTC or an NCT concert, whatever the name was.

“I need to go to the bathroom.” You angrily mumbled.

“Go in the bushes.” Your friend nodded to the nearby shrubbery.

You looked at her disgusted. Your friend just shrugged.

“Just wait a few more minutes.” She said.

“You said that an hour ago.” You deadpanned.

“That’s because I was lying.” She shrugged. “See! We’re moving!” She suddenly exclaimed.

“Seriously?” I asked, and before you knew it, you were traveling slowly to the building at a snail’s pace.

But really, you did get inside after a few minutes of silently cursing.

After getting your wristband, you quickly waved at your friend, off to find a bathroom.

“Bathroom, bathroom.” You muttered as you quickly went through any sort of random door. Unsurprisingly, you got lost. You were in a hallway with several doors. There were people running hurriedly through the doors.

“Hey. You shouldn’t be here.” A guy pointed at you.

You widened your eyes. Ok, this was ridiculous, you just needed a bathroom, and you would be on your merry way, but no. Of course, not. 

You quickly ran the other direction, and the man quickly followed after you.

You made a sharp left, huffing as you saw the open door in front of you.

When you looked inside of the open room, you locked eyes with a man. He was half-naked.

“Holy shit.” You whispered. He had an extremely toned body. Not too bulky, but not too skinny either. He had an intense gaze, that was trained on you.

You both heard the loud footsteps of the guy who was coming after you. “Where is she?” He said, footsteps quickening towards your direction.

Right before you got caught, the half-naked man pulled you into the room. Gently slamming you against the closed door.

The only thing you heard was your loud thumps, and the quiet breathing of the man pinning you.

The footsteps soon became distant, signaling the absence of the man who was trying to catch you.

You didn’t know you were holding your breath until you exhaled in relief.

But that was soon in vain. You immediately looked up, locking eyes with the man. Your breath got caught in your throat. He not only had an intense gaze, but one of the most handsome faces you’ve seen.

He slowly brought his face closer to yours, his eyes flickering between your eyes and your mouth. But, before he could meet your lips, he maneuvered his head next to yours.

“Hey.” He whispered, making a tingle go up your spine.

He pulled away, giving you a smirk. You, confused, just tilted your head.

“What?” You asked, partially to yourself.

The man was silently, observing you, as if your face had the answers to your confused state.

“Hey.” He said again, even giving a small wave this time.

Again, you gave a normal reaction. 

“Hi?” You say questionably, really confused.

“Do you know me?” He deadpanned, putting his arms to his sides.

“Do you know me?” You asked him.

He just gave you a ‘seriously’, look.

“Do you know who’s concert you’re at?” He asks you.

“Umm. I think it was like NTC or NTC or something.” You shrugged. 

You saw how the man frowned, but soon his face split into a large grin.

“I’m Lee Taeyong.” He introduced happily, giving out a hand.

“Hi.” You shook his hand, giving him your name.

“Wow, beautiful name.” He winked at you. You just rolled your eyes, not able to hide the small smile.

“Wait, Taeyong-ssi. Why are you...” You gestured to his naked torso.

“First of all, don’t be so formal with me.” He said, smiling. “And two, I was actually changing but you came in.” 

“Ahh. Why here?” You asked again.

“It was the only open room..?” He said.

“So, are you a staff here?” You asked.

“Why do you ask?” He said.

“Because...I think you’d probably be the most handsome staff member I’ve seen.” You blatantly said.

“Heh.” He only chuckled in return.

“what?” You asked.

“Because this beautiful girl called me handsome.” He smiled at you.

Your mouth formed a thin line as you slapped his arm, making him start laughing.

“Hyung!” You heard a voice outside of the door.

“Uh. yeah?” Taeyong put a finger to his lips.

“We’re going to go out soon, are you ready yet?” The male voice sounded.

“Uh. Just give me a few.” He replied.

“Okay, don’t take too long though.” The voice said, and you both heard footsteps getting softer, signaling his leave.

“You’re going to leave?” You asked, a bit disappointed to see a new friend leave so soon.

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck, grabbing a shirt behind him.

“But, I’ll meet you after the concert?” He asked hopefully, his head popping out of the shirt he put on.

“Okay.” You said, smiling at him. “Where?”

“Uh. How about the back entrance, 30 minutes after the concert ends?” He says, smiling back at you.

“Deal.” You say. “Oh. Do you know where the bathroom is?” You ask.

“Oh, there’s one if you make a left right when you exit.” He says. “Also if you just keep going straight in the hallway you were just in, you’ll get to the concert hall.”

“Thanks.” You say, glad that he noticed your bad sense of direction.

“Bye.” You waved at him, opening the door.

“Bye.” He walked up to you, giving a small peck on your head.

You chuckled when you noticed his whole face a red shade.

You quickly left and made your way to the bathroom, safely arriving there.

After doing your business, you followed Taeyong’s direction and found your friend who was about to die of your extended absence.

“I was going to die.” She sobbed.

“It’s okay.” You gently patted her head, comforting her.

“Anayways, let’s go to our seats.” She let you to your 2nd floor seats, suddenly happy and excited.

You and your friend could barely afford the expensive front row seats everyone dreamed of. You both would just have to do with the higher view on the second floor.

You honestly really enjoyed yourself much more at the concert than you believed. You promised yourself that you would check out more of NCT’s music when you got home.

Strangely, you found out that the leader of NCT looked a lot like Taeyong. You shrugged, many people in the world looked like others.

Before you knew it, the concert ended. You had to admit that you thought the long, cold wait outside was totally worth it.

Remembering Taeyong’s promise, you told your friend that you’d text her when you got home, and waved her off when she climbed on a taxi.

“Wasn’t the wait, worth it?” You friend giggled as she climbed on the taxi.

“See you.” You waved, ignoring her. She just laughed, as the taxi pulled off the curb, leaving you.

You stared at the taxi for a moment, until you decided to walk to the back entrance.

You saw that there was practically no one there, almost everyone had already left the hall in the front entrance.

You leaned on a nearby wall, taking out your phone to check out some NCT music.

Before you could even press the search button, a hand took your phone.

“What’s this?” You recognised the male voice.

“Taeyong.” You whined, not able to reach your phone because of his outstretched hand.

“Why are you looking at your phone?” He asked.

“Because I wanted to learn more about NCT.” You shrugged, as he gave your phone back. You turned it off, giving him your full attention.

Taeyong was wearing all black, with a black mask and snapback to match.

“Eh. They’re ok.” He shrugged. “You shouldn’t waste your time on them, though.”

“Then who should I waste my time on?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Me.” He said, pulling you closer to him in a back hug.

You giggled at his adorableness, patting his cheeks.

He frowned, not expecting the treatment you just gave him. 

“Am I so cute to you?” He asked, his voice muffled because he put his head into your shoulder.

“So cute.” You said, laughing as Taeyong pouted.

“Do you like anyone in the group?” He suddenly asks.

“Hmm?” 

“In NCT.” He corrected himself.

“Oh. I think maybe the leader.” You say, a bit embarrassed to tell a guy.

“Why?” He asks, rocking both your bodies slowly.

“I think because he looks like you.” You say.

He only hummed happily in response.

He lead you to a nearby park, both of you sitting down at a bench in the middle of the dark empty park.

“Can I consider this as a date?” You ask, suddenly.

“Only if you can consider me as a more than a friend.” He replied, gazing at you.

“Of course, I do.” You say. “I consider you a best friend.” You say jokingly.

Taeyong only frowned, only making you laugh.

“Obviously, I consider you boyfriend material, Taeyong.” You say, a smile on your face.

“I would probably blind, deaf, and stupid if I didn’t.” You continued, a smile on Taeyong’s face getting larger.

He suddenly lifted you up, twirling you in his arms. “So then, girlfriend?” He tested the word, satisfied.

“Yup.” You say happily, popping the ‘p’.

“Can I say something, though?” He said.

“Of course.” You reply, wondering what he was going to say.

“You would...like me no matter what, right?” 

You gaped at his question, not expecting the conversation to run so deep, so suddenly.

“Yes.” You say immediately.

“Even if...” He doesn’t continue.

“No matter what. I love you for who you are, not what you do, or what you’ve done.” You say, proudly.

He stares at you. “Say it again.”

“No matter wh-” You start, being cut off by Taeyong.

“Not that.”

“I...love you?” You say, questionate.

He nods. “Say that again.”

“I love you, Lee Taeyong.” You say again, more confident.

“I love you.” He smiles, giving you one of the brightest smiles that ever faced the Earth.

“How do you not know me?” He asks.

“Whaddu mean?” You say into his chest.

“I think I would be someone you should know.” He says.

“Someone I should know?” You ask, feeling him nod.

“I do know you.” You smiled up at him.

His face turned into a smile, hugging you closer.

Taeyong POV

I know I shouldn’t lie to her like this, but I can’t help but not tell her. It’s been a breath of fresh air to be comfortable with someone ‘normal’, who doesn’t fangirl over me or worry over me constantly. And to love someone.

I hate myself for not having the courage to not tell her. I’m afraid that something bad will happen if I do.

I pat her head, admiring her soft hair. 

I suppose then I’d have to be someone unknown as well. Someone she shouldn’t know.

[irkimatsu]

I got to talking to someone about the Matsus as parents. Headcanon dump time

Oso: Could probably take or leave having kids - definitely WANTS them in his urge to play "big brother", but that feeling may fade once he realizes that it takes work. If he does, he tries to be the fun dad - maybe a little too lenient, so hopefully his spouse is willing to pick up his slack. The kids love him, though. They can come to him about ANYTHING and know they won't be in trouble if they've gotten themselves into a bad situation, he'll just help them get out of it. He also teases, but it's all in good fun, and learns to pull back when he's gone too far - he won't be one of those emotionally abusive parents who turns it around on the kids for being "too sensitive". He's not the type to push the kids to leave the nest - hell, he's probably going to sob like a baby the instant the last one leaves. Massive case of Empty Nest Syndrome for this guy. Even if he doesn't have his own kids, he'll be like this to his brothers' kids, to the point where his brothers almost wonder if he's trying to take their place. Shows off baby pictures, both of his and his brothers' kids, to strangers when drunk. Isn't his family just the cutest family ever

Kara: Definitely wants an heir to carry on his PERFECT STYLE, and isn't starting a family the most romantic way to truly seal the bond with one's soulmate? So of course he's having kids. They're going to have self-esteem through the roof if his encouragement sticks with them. Considers creative pursuits to be very important, so will never be one of those "why can't you have a talent that will make you money" parents - each of his children will be directed to find their perfect, SHINING talent! He'll have to be careful that he doesn't turn into a stage dad, though if he realizes that his kids are genuinely not interested in pushing their talents as far as they can go, he'll lay off. Might take an argument to get that through his head, though... kids could come home with crazy fashion, dyed hair, piercings, whatever, and he'll always accept it, because self-expression is important. (I'd also say tattoos, but given how frowned upon they are in Japan, I don't even know where a teenager would go to get one. But if he moved to a country that accepted them more and started his family there, tattoos would also be accepted.) Probably one of those parents who is totally convinced they have the Greatest Children In The World - like Oso, but where Oso is "they're the best because I made 'em", Kara's are the best because look at this macaroni portrait she made of my face, clearly she's on her way to becoming a superstar sculptor!

Choro: Well, of course he's having kids. That's what people do, right? He's supposed to find work as a salaryman, get married, then work to feed his family while his new wife keeps house. (I imagine that his wife in this scenario disagrees heavily with this notion, given his taste for strong-willed women. =P) Family life isn't nearly as smooth as he expects, it's not some picture-perfect movie, but in the end, he wouldn't trade them in for the world. ...though he does still try to be the model father to model children. So many lectures and fears that if his children act out, others will look at him as a failed parent... hopefully he stops stressing soon. He reads a lot of parenting books and freaks out when they contradict each other. When he's not so worried about doing this "right", though, he's a great dad - he's honestly proud of their accomplishments and talents, and makes sure they know that. And maybe they'll appreciate his pushes in the end, when the skills he taught them help them get into their university or trade of choice. Sure, he's strict, but he's good at teaching responsibility. And once he stops worrying so much, good at teaching how to make time for hobbies, too - he remembers how much he loved being an otaku, so maybe it really is okay to let his kids have a hobby like that, too. It doesn't mean he's spoiling them. (...he's probably also the sort who can try to be strict and scold a child, but then they pull the sweet puppy eyes and he melts. =P)

Ichi: Least likely to have kids; I may think he'd make a great dad, but he's terrified of screwing a child up for life. Is it worth it? ...n-not like he wanted a kid anyway, so... it's fine if he doesn't have them... and admittedly, of the six, he probably could cope best with never starting a family, as long as he gets to foster animals instead. But if he does have a child, the instant he lays eyes on his new baby, he's instantly in love. He's really good at the newborn stage - feeding, cuddling, playing, he loves all of it. ...then things get tricky when the child becomes mobile. It's really hard for him to keep up with a destructive toddler. But as the child gets older and needs emotional support, Ichi's great for that - he's a good listener, even if he doesn't always have advice; he certainly won't judge if his child has a mental illness, because he's been there. He'll be his child's biggest advocate in that case. He's the laid-back sort of father who may not take the family on tons of exciting vacations, but the little memories his kids have of him reading to them, teaching them how to play nicely with animals (even the ones that aren't "cute" - seriously, there's a Tabi with him protecting a snail and it is the Sweetest Thing, bugs will not be squished in Ichi's home), hugging them when they're upset... all those memories are still precious. He's still not the most emotionally open, but his kids can tell that he loves them, he just shows it in his own way. He's also fiercely protective; any dumbasses who disrespect his children will be hunted down. (Ichi, no, you can't punch teenagers)

Jyushi: Lots of kids! So many kids! Lots of kids to love! Sunshine boy has at least one small child crawling on him at any given time. He loves it! He's very active with his kids, and very good at cheering them up when they cry. Admittedly, he wouldn't be sure what to do if he had a kid who isn't athletic... but he'll figure out his own way of bonding with them. He focuses a lot on outdoor activities; maybe the non-athletic ones like picnics? Flower picking? You can swim without being athletic, just enjoy the water! ...he's AWFUL at discipline, it just doesn't cross his mind to because he's always been the type who just does what he likes, so again, his spouse will have to cover that. But he's happy to show his kids just how wonderful the world is, and while there may be sad times, they can always muscle muscle through! He really wouldn't want his kids to grow jaded with the world, not when there's so much beauty in everything.

Totty: Admittedly did not think this through. How cute, he has a baby he can dress up in cute outfits and show off to people to prove that he started a family, what have they been doing with THEIR lives? But it's quickly knocked into his head that a baby is an actual PERSON and he should be an actual PARENT. He'll settle in eventually, though not before freaking out at least once after his new daughter barfs all over the new dress he paid so much money to get her. But once he stops freaking out about the uncute realities of babies, he does make for a good father. Like Kara, he'll want to instill a sense of confidence in his kids, though with an added dash of "and if someone tells you that you're not great, step on them." The sort of dad who takes a million photos of his kids and puts them all over social media. Every conversation will turn into how great his kid is. LOOK AT HIS CUTE KID. He got way more attached than he expected. Please chill, Totty. =P His kids will be absolutely SPOILED with physical gifts - anything they want, as long as he has the money, they can have it. He's awful at saying "no". Hopefully he doesn't end up raising entitled brats... well, he can also teach them social skills better than any of his brothers can, so maybe it'll even out in the end. As long as he eventually learns to stop bailing them out of financial trouble and let them figure things out on their own every once in a while. He does genuinely love and support those kids - he just needs to learn how to say "no". At least his kids will grow up with great social skills; they’ll always know how to make themselves seem appealing to strangers. It’s just a matter of not using that ability for evil. (It fails on their uncles anyway. They’re all used to Totty’s shit, they’re not gonna be fooled just because it’s in a smaller package now.)