#anyway despite crying about my struggle it still. isnt justifiable. isnt life fun =w=
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always caught between 'im taking necessary rest' and 'actually im probably just avoiding hard things and am plain weak' =3=
#guy. doesnt know what to do.#actually i am in fact doing better than expected because both messages i needed to send today have been handled and now its just.#waiting for the corresponding parties to give the next sign. which i can handle with a normal amount of anxiety :)#it just feels upsetting to NEED rest. i think if i tried i didn't NEED this therefor getting it is stupid and dumb and BAD.#the little therapy voice is saying 'you are just avoiding staying at school because its scary' but i have to scream I AM TIRED. I NEED THIS#and then it will just ignore me because. what if it is right.#why am i falling into the same loop ive had since i was eleven.#i dont WANT to ignore important things and skip out on school just because i dont feel like it.#(<- 'dont feel like it' == is physically unwell at the idea of going)#<- and in my mind that STILL isnt enough reason to skip because. school is important. this is a group project and im failing them.#surely my suffering can be extended for a day if it means going to school (<- number 1 important thing. especially over health)#erm.#sillyposting#anyway despite crying about my struggle it still. isnt justifiable. isnt life fun =w=
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