#anyway case 3 motive like. felt so unfair the first time I played through it bc like man! that could've happened to any of them!

[ambidexedition]

my favorite thing in the world is revisiting something that I used to not like, and realizing that I like it now. the possibilities that open up for me to explore! the love and wonder I now possess! genuinely so fun to experience

[chikabika]

I wanna talk about Whole Cake Island too!

So, I’m reading Whole Cake Island right now. And I have THOUGHTS about Sanji and Luffy’s “”””fight””””. And it’s probably nothing anyone hasn’t said before but I’m gonna write it out anyway.

(TL;DR Sanji and Luffy fight and it hurts because they both go for the throat. Also Nami has been through this shit I am surprised she’s putting up with Sanji trying to leave in the slightest.)

So first, yeah, I’m screaming into a pillow because this shit is rough. Let’s get those personal emotions out of the way first. 

Sanji’s whole thing is that he cares and serves, right? His love language is acts of service and that’s primarily shown through feeding people. When we meet the Vinsmokes (I shall not be referring to them as his family) we see pretty quickly that they are the antithesis to everything Sanji is. 

The men are literally said to lack the ability to sympathize or empathize. Not only do we see this is the case, but Reiju says so herself:

They do not value cooking nor food. Judge tells Sanji to never cook again, Niji wastes food.

And, of course, the brothers have no qualms about hitting women. The whole chivalry/won’t hit a women thing is a huge can of worms I don’t feel like unpacking in part because I don’t feel like I could talk about it without discussing women’s power levels and roles in One Piece. And I’ve already digressed too much.

So yeah, the Vinsmokes are the opposite of Sanji and hold none of his values. In fact, they may be why he holds some of his values, because they are as far from the Vinsmoke’s values as possible.

Okay so the two chapters in particular when Luffy and Nami find and confront Sanji! 

Pretty immediately we see that 1. Sanji was not expecting them, 2. He’s distressed that they’re here, and 3. It complicates things for him.

Like, that is not a face of someone happy to see his friends who have come to save him. That is an “oh fuck” face. (And as a sidenote, yeah, it’s a whole lot harder to sacrifice yourself when you’re confronted with the people you’re leaving behind, HUH, SANJI????)

Luffy’s all happy to see him, feels like they’ve accomplished their goal, doesn’t question that Sanji would want to come back. And he’s got things to do! Like save Wano and beat up Kaido! Chop chop Sanji let’s go on adventures! Plus, I would think that Luffy would also have the expectation of his crew that they understand that no one gets to leave if they’re doing it to sacrifice themselves. He’s already shown he’s gonna come get you and Sanji knows this. Sanji’s first arc with them after Baratie was going to save Nami from Arlong and her self-sacrificial bullshit! Luffy’s modus operandi is saying “Oh, you thought you were in a lose-lose situation and the only solution was to sacrifice your happiness and well being? Fuck that! You’re my nakama, let me save you!”

Both Luffy and Nami aren’t questioning Sanji’s wanting to come with them. They’re here, it’s time to go!

And so then we see the surface level reasons why Sanji would say “No, I can’t go with you.” And we also see that he knows Judge is watching him.

I don't think Nami's buying it either. She's done this. She knows what it's like to be trapped by circumstances, to have your loved ones held hostage. And she did this shit too! She fuckin laid it down, lied to her nakama about it all being a farce in her efforts to keep them out of her dangerous situation! Maybe the words sting, but I think this face of hers is even more from her thinking about how they all know eachother so much more, and know how Luffy wouldn't leave one of them behind. So Sanji must be under some real duress right now. Like, I feel like she could extrapolate a lot from what he's saying because she knows that's not who he is. And because she's tried the same shit. And, I wonder if she’s hurting for him because she knows what it’s like.

Every chance she gets, she reiterates that there was nothing between them, that she doesn’t care about them, that she tricked them, and even uses her supposed killing of Usopp as support of her betraying them. She is desperately trying to get them off this island. Arlong is well covered, we all know what’s up.

And, the parallels are pretty clear for Sanji. He’s got family being held hostage (Zeff, and the Strawhats too), and he couldn’t leave anyway because he’s got explosion bracelets on. Plus he’s got his own self-sacrificial streak (which I could guess comes from being raised in a household where you’re told you don’t have any value and everything you do is wrong-the fact that Sanji still cried at Judge’s rejection of him right before his escape speaks to how as a child he still wanted Judge’s approval and love as a father).

So, he comes out swinging with the thing that we previously established would be the shittiest thing to say, that Luffy rejected the possibility of him saying.

And then he starts on this buckwild speech that is so fucking hammed up I almost questioned if Sanji meant for them to understand the opposite of his words, and was just putting on a show for the Vinsmokes.

Nami only says he’s going too far when Sanji starts insulting Luffy’s dream, which the whole crew believes in and supports. 

Also, as a side note, it doesn’t really make sense to me that Nami would just take on the role of “you’re going too far, you can’t believe what you’re saying!” Maybe Chopper would do that cuz he’s gullible and shit. BUT NAMI FREAKIN DID THE SAME SHIT. I would almost expect a “...” speechbubble from her and later her saying something like “He really tried his best to make that look convincing, didn’t he? He’s not very good at it.”

Nami’s savvy!

But anyway, yeah, Sanji tries to go for the throat to push thme away saying shit about Luffy not being able to become the Pirate King. My first reaction to this whole thing was: 

“WOW HE'S REALLY DOING IT, HUH? HE'S LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH TO SAY THE MOST HURTFUL SHIT HE CAN TO HIS LOVED ONES SO THEY'LL STAY AWAY SO HE CAN SACRIFICE HIMSELF TO STOP ANYONE FROM GETTING HURT”

Usopp has tried to leave too, but his situation was different. His reasons were stated clearly and he didn’t try to pretend that all the shit they’ve gone through together and the bonds they’ve formed were fake. Nami, Robin, Sanji? They try to do the “ah, I never loved you” bullshit. 

But Sanji’s is the first time that from the get-go, the audience knows before the confrontation everything that’s going on for the crewmember trying to fake betrayal. With Nami and Robin, we didn’t learn their backstories until after they tried to push people away. With Sanji not only did we get it beforehand, but when Luffy and Nami show up, we are shown the three pieces of information that Sanji thinks about and that motivate him to push his crewmates away:

His hands (his treasures) are bound and threatened.

His nakama are threatened.

Zeff is threatened.

He’s backed into a freakin corner! And he know’s Luffy’s track record on crew members trying to leave! So he goes for the throat and when that doesn’t work (or for the whole performance he’s putting on for the Vinsmokes) he attacks Luffy.

Luffy says he won’t fight Sanji, and I wonder if this is because of Water 7 and Usopp. That fight was so fucking painful, I wonder if Luffy vowed to never fight someone like that again?

Clearly he isn’t getting through to Sanji, even though, to him, Sanji should know what the deal is by now.

So he goes for the throat himself! Which is honestly just heartwrenching on Oda’s part and pretty unfair on Luffy’s part. Though, when has Luffy ever been fair lol. His whole crew agrees his selfishness levels are above emperor!

This page pretty much sums it up:

Also, throughout this entire encounter we get glimpses of Sanji thinking about the crew and meeting Luffy, which is cool to see his internal world somewhat.When Luffy first shows up. I mean. Look at the pain on his face.

This is not a “we have a difference in ideals and are fighting over it and I’m thinking about how we met because I regret that it’s come to this.” fight. It’s not even a fight. It’s Sanji desperately saying “Please leave before you die because of me!”

Actually, maybe it is kind of a fight of ideals because Sanji is fighting to say “leave me behind I’m not worth it” and Luffy’s saying “yes you are.”

For all the extremely clear things going on emotionally for people in this scene, I’m surprised Oda just left Nami’s responses at this. But, since he did, it means I get to interpret them how I please!

This could simply be read as her feeling betrayed and shit. But again, they all know the history of the crew. This could just as easily be her saying “You went too far.” or “I can’t believe you wouldn’t believe in Luffy enough to come back with us.”

I said she could probably guess at him feeling like he’s stuck, backed into a corner. And if I remember correctly she is aware that the Strawhat’s lives are threatened if Sanji doesn’t comply with Big Mom’s wishes. But she probably wouldn’t guess at the bracelets being bombs and doesn’t know (but might guess) at the Baratie being threatened too. Nami knows all about people who claim “family” as an excuse to hurt and bind you.

But basically, I would think for her, it would be a situation of her feeling like at this point Sanji should know Luffy well enough to know he won’t give up, and to trust Luffy enough to take Sanji home. So why the fuck would he try to play this game when they’ve all seen that it doesn’t work? Why say the most hurtful things he can think of? And why not just come home now?

I don’t think she’s angry at him for the betrayal he’s trying to act out, I think she’s angry at him for the betrayal he’s committing for not trusting the crew to get him out of there.

(Again, haven’t read past this part but I could absolutely see later Nami saying “do you think we acted hurt enough for them to buy it?”)

And then of course, the last four pages of the chapter where Luffy clearly calls bullshit on Sanji, saying Sanji felt the pain of his kicks more than Luffy did. And Sanji is just starting to fucking lose it. (panels from right to left)

Like, Luffy. Chill. It hurts so much! But no, he can’t just call Sanji out. He’s gotta go for the kill, present Sanji with an unacceptable situation he knows he can’t refuse. Or at least hopes he can’t refuse. Because for Luffy, Sanji leaving is an unacceptable situation.

Not only will he not eat (which, god, using that against Sanji is almost too much, fuck, Luffy), but he won’t even fucking move so get your ass back here soon before I starve, Sanji.

To use the two very deeply entrenched facts about these characters this way is sure something, huh?

Sanji will feed anyone who is hungry. He cannot stand hunger, almost.

Luffy eats all the damn time and lots and never refuses food. For him to say “i’m going on a hunger strike, I’m not eating until it’s from you” IS JUST SO MUCH.

Also side note god what cruel people to laugh at Sanji’s pain as Niji and Yonji are doing.

Sanji thought he could get away with thinking he’s expendable (just like Judge has said in every time period we’ve seen him on the page) Luffy flat out rejects that. Sanji is essential, an required part of the crew and a required part of Luffy’s dream. Just like the crew have adopted his dream as a part of all of their own ultimate goals, so Luffy is saying that they are all part of his ultimate goal. He has adopted them into him becoming the Pirate King.

And goddamn if this arc isn’t about found family. The blood of the covenant is thicker, don’t cha know.

[tangled-the-series-forever]

Crossing the Line

Who’s ready for another lyric analysis?

In general, I want to discuss why I think Cass didn’t respond well to Rapunzel’s “request” and how it could have gone differently. It starts with the very first line.

“This has to stop now, whatever it is that you’re going through”

Here we see Raps trying to get Cass to stop and “make things right” by surrendering the moonstone before she (Raps) listens to why she (Cass) did so in the first place

By placing the emphasis on Cass’ current actions rather than her emotions, Rapunzel essentially tells Cass that her feelings don’t matter. She’s basically saying, “I don’t care why you did what you did, and you need to stop because that’s wrong.”

Of course Cass’ actions were wrong. She shouldn’t have taken the moonstone out of anger and years’ worth of frustrations, but she did. It’s too late to take it back, but she can still “make things right”.

The question is: does she really want to?

Honestly, I probably wouldn’t. Because when Raps sings that first line, she’s already pulling rank on Cass and making her feel like she’s felt for so long. Now with that being said, I get why Raps put her foot down. It’s easy to say she had to in order to persuade Cass to do the right thing. But we should remember two things

Raps doesn’t have the best record when it comes to putting her foot down with Cass (think Rapunzel and the Great Tree, the argument moments before “Waiting in the Wings”)

She had other options for dealing with Cass’ betrayal

Yes, I’m sure the shock of it played into her decision-making abilities at the time, but that’s no reason to say she had to respond to Cass the way she did. She had choices. It may not have been easy, but she could have taken a moment to stop and think about why Cass would do something like that. It wasn’t like she just did it on a whim. I think from the moment they left The House of Yesterday’s Tomorrow, Cass either pondered the idea or had already decided to take the moonstone. Either way, there was a lot of emotion behind why she did what she did, and Raps doesn’t even try to unpack that. She simply goes to the surface level and demands that Cass fix her mistake.

If I recall, earlier in the episode Raps stopped to think when it seemed like Eugene had betrayed her. So why couldn’t she do that for Cass? Once again, no one stands up for her or tries to understand her motivations (just like in Rapunzel and the Great Tree).

And that’s all just based on the first line of the song.

“We’ll fix it together me and you just like we’ve always done”

I’ll try not to analyze every single line, but I had one thing to say about this line before moving on. In Rapunzel’s mind, she and Cass work as a team to solve problems and work things out between them. What I believe happens, however, is Raps offers apologies with no change in behavior and so nothing is ever actually “fixed”. I’m not saying Cass doesn’t ever do this, but it’s definitely not to the extent of which Rapunzel does. A key example of this can be found in Under Raps, where Rapunzel yet again ignores Cass’ boundaries on information she wants to keep secret.

“Cassandra, listen”

“I’m listening!”

This really gets me because the irony of Raps telling Cass to listen when really she’s the one that needs to lend an ear. Cass took the moonstone because Raps failed to listen to her all those other times when she ignored her boundaries or feelings of concern. And she has the a u d a c i t y to tell Cass to listen. Please.

“I know it isn’t true”

What exactly is Raps referring to here? She knows what isn’t true? The fact that Cass feels justified in taking the moonstone or that she sees her friendship with Raps as being unfair? Or that Cass really wants to take the moonstone and plans to get away with it? This line could refer to any number of things or all of the above. Whatever the case, Raps kinda invalidates Cass’ thoughts and feelings by saying this because it implies, “That can’t be right” or “You’re just not thinking straight”. During this particular moment and all throughout season 3, Raps can’t seem to understand that Cass just wants her to stop invalidating her feelings.

“So before another line gets crossed and everything we’ve had is lost, just wait”

“Wait? No, I won’t wait”

I don’t want to state the obvious, but once again, Raps is more concerned with Cass being a good girl and doing the right thing than she is with her feelings, which is funny coming from someone who places such a high value on doing what feels right in your heart. Anyway, Cass doesn’t do well with the word “wait”, and it’s from then on that we see her show little mercy or shame. Before this, I think there’s a good possibility of her at least considering handing over the moonstone. But not after Rapunzel says “wait”. That word is a trigger for Cass, and she’s done waiting.

“There’s a line between the chosen and the rest”

Clearly Cass sees herself as “the rest” here because as much as she wants to be chosen, her life is full of people and moments that declare the opposite. Okay, so the Captain chose to adopt her, that’s one positive example. But everything else? Gothel chose to abandon her. The Captain chose other people to be guards instead of her. And on and on it goes. When she’s standing next to Rapunzel, she’s definitely never the “chosen” one, which makes sense given their positions within the kingdom. Yet many times throughout the series, I feel like it’s fair to say that Cass isn’t even “chosen” by Rapunzel when it comes down to her and Eugene. If the situation demands loyalty or advice, Rapunzel often turns to Eugene. This isn’t to say that she never goes to Cass for these things, but even in their friend group, she’s in last place. Sure, Eugene is Raps’ boyfriend/basically fiancé, but she really hasn’t known him much longer than Cass when you think about it. Anyways...

“Me here with the luckless, you there with the blessed”

It’s not fair for Cass to get mad at Rapunzel for having all this newfound power and authority when she finds out she’s a princess, but it still hurts. And what really bothers me is that in this scene, as Cass continues to sing, Rapunzel tries to make her way through the rocks towards her. Now, we shouldn’t be surprised. That’s the kind of person she is, the one who would do anything (“give anything” hint hint) to help her friends. But I think it would have been more beneficial for Raps to just stop and listen to Cass instead of trying so hard to get to her. Basically all she says once she does reach her is “Cassandra, wait!” and we all already know that’s not the best response.

“I’m crossing the line / And I’m done holding back”

The freedom on Cass’ face when she sings this line just fills me with lots of emotion. She’s ready to take hold of her destiny and while I wish it didn’t come at the expense of her friendship with Rapunzel, I can’t say I’m not happy for her.

“I’m taking what’s mine / Every drop, every smidge”

The reason I think Cass goes so hard on the powerlust is because she’s used to having nothing to very little of anything. So when she finally gets to have something for herself (albeit by force), she’s all in.

And last, but certainly not least...

“If I’m burning a bridge let it burn”

and...

“And for us, if we’re over, that’s fine!”

Not only are these lines power moves, but I think they’re heavily based on emotion. Cass is channeling everything she’s felt based on Rapunzel’s actions lately and releasing them in this moment. Going back to the power move thing, I see Cass as an Ennagram 8. I’m a 9, so I can’t always relate, but it does seem that type 8’s typically make power moves when upset. I’m not sure if Cass completely means it when she says that she’s fine if her friendship with Raps is over, but I do think she’s at least prepared to be fine in case that happens. In her eyes, Raps probably wouldn’t want to still be friends with her after this, so by taking the moonstone, Cass assumes they’re done. After all, she’s not going to not take the moonstone. And she can’t see how they can be friends with things the way they are.

Final thoughts: Cass just wanted Raps to listen. Okay, and for her to show some respect every once in a while and care about Cass’ thoughts/feelings for once, but is that really a lot to ask? Please feel free to reblog with any other bits of lyric analysis. I love doing this even though it is time-consuming and slightly emotionally draining.

[peterthepark]

NSFW Alphabet

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: smut, obviously nsfw, fluff

i think this gif may have killed me !

A - Aftercare

steve is really big on aftercare, especially if he was being a little rough with you

he’s a sweet guy, so he’s gently wiping at your skin with a hot towel, or brushing your hair as you lay against him, or giving you kisses in the places where it hurts

he’ll even cook food for you afterwards, even if it’s like four in the morning

steve makes sure that you’re okay. he’ll ask if he hurt you or if it was too much

with steve, he likes having you close to him. you do as much as possible to show him that you aren’t hurt and that you enjoyed

the only aftercare he needs is your presence if that makes sense

B - Body Part

steve loves everything about you, but if he had to choose, his favorite body part of yours would be your shoulders.

he loves leaving hickies and he loves kissing you there (but not as much as your lips)

when you’re on top, steve will sit up so he can bite down onto one of your shoulders because fuck you give it to him so well

your favorite body part of steve are his hands

they’re so soft and warm and big

you love holding onto them, especially during sex because it comforts you

you play with his hands a lot

but also his hands are really good for other things

C - Cum

when you and steve had just started having sex with one another, he would use a condom

but as time progressed, he slowly became more adventurous and needy

he’d cum on your back, or your stomach, sometimes even in your mouth if you’d let him

although

you decided to take the pill

steve had gone wild

like the good wild

he isn’t sure about it at first cause what if you get pregnant

but he starts to cum inside you

he’ll give one deep thrust before he cums and you FEEL him because he’s so deep and big and it’s kind of overwhelming but

steve’s new favorite place to cum is inside of you

D - Dirty Secret

you and steve have this polaroid camera

i think you can see where this is going

so when you surprise him with shit like lingerie

or after intimate moments such as sex

steve will snap a picture because he’s so entranced by your beauty and he wants to capture these moments

he has a collection of all the polaroids in a shoe box that is under his bed

there’s some polaroids of him in there too

his favorite one of you is where you’re sitting on your calves, and you’re looking over your shoulder at him

and there’s a few hickies on your lower back

steve loves that one

your favorite one of his is from when you were on top, and you both had literally just finished

but steve had this glow and you knew you had to take a picture

“steve, i just need you to be serious! one time!”

so steve has his arm behind his head, his hair is somehow suddenly perfect, and he’s looking at the camera with such a lustful gaze

it’s the only good picture of him so you took it for yourself

but he doesn’t know that you also took the silly ones where steve has a bra on his face, or he’s trying to wear said bra, or he has your panties over his head, and that time where you guys literally broke the bed and steve just laid there

“please? one more round?”

“the bed is fucking broken, baby. but can i least take a picture?”

E - Experience

before dating one another, both you and steve have had sex before

like once (him with nancy and you with some guy from senior year)

so you guys are fairly new at all this

but your first time with him is still perfect

steve knows what he’s doing because as he says ‘it’s not rocket science’

cocky bastard

steve can last long during sex but he can’t last long when you give him a blowjob

because no one has done that before with him

and he fucking loves it

F - Favorite Position

steve loves missionary

he likes being able to see your face and your reactions

he can also go really deep which he knows you like but he’ll stop when it gets too much

steve also loves seeing you ride him

your breasts are in his face, he can bite down onto your shoulder, and he can kiss you

your favorite position is also missionary

but doggystyle hits differently

like it actually hits differently

one time you cried

steve stopped right away

��did i hurt you? oh, jesus-“

“no, no. it just felt so good.”

it was that amazing

G - Goofy

you both are super goofy during sex

it’s sickening

like a quarter of those polaroids are goofy shit so

steve can’t stop cracking jokes

you’ll both laugh if one of you says something a little too crazy or funny during dirty talk

dirty talk is difficult sometimes because you guys can’t stop laughing at yourselves

“you like that, Y/N? yeah? like it when i-“

then steve just laughs at himself

because what the fuck is he saying

you have to make him pause because you’re dying of laughter

half the time he can’t even continue because you’re STILL LAUGHING

“Y/N! i am literally so hard right now, please stop laughing. i have to get this over with, please! im in pain!”

H - Hair

steve doesn’t have a lot of hair down there

he trims to keep it short

he’s pretty good with hygiene which is great (get yourself someone with good hygiene please)

as for you, steve doesn’t really care what you do down there

body hair is natural

he doesn’t shame you for having any or none

as long as he can please you

I - Intimacy

steve is a professional romantic

he loves to make love to you

he never forgets to kiss you during sex

he never forgets to tell you that he loves you

you guys have a very intimate dynamic and it helps your relationship a lot

J - Jack Off

BECAUSE of the polaroids that steve has of you

he’s able to jack off in his spare time pretty easily

of course, he asked you for permission if he could use the pictures for that purpose

cause he didn’t want to creep you out or disrespect you in case you weren’t okay with it

he’s a moaning mess when he’s home alone

his hands are under the covers, he’s sitting up against his headboard as he stares down at the picture of you

you caught him one time

you stepped into his bedroom without knocking and there he was

sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to you

and you can see his hand moving really quickly so you immediately know what’s happening

“baby?”

and he cums right there

“Y/N! did you - uh- mmm - hello?”

he’s so flustered and embarrassed

but you found it so hot

K - Kink

i think we all know that steve has a hair-pulling kink

and a daddy kink but he hasn’t really explored it fully

you like to tease him about it because you were there when he called himself daddy in front of a car (season 3 spoilers?)

“what does daddy want for dinner?”

“does this dress look nice, daddy?”

apparently the dress was so nice that steve ripped it as he fucked you

so yes he does have a daddy kink

and you love it

steve also has a thing for lingerie (is that a kink idk)

he’s fairly young so he doesn’t have too many wild kinks

L - Location

steve isn’t afraid to fuck you in his car

or in yours

when you’re waiting for him to close up scoops ahoy for the night

you’ll tease the shit out of him

so steve takes you to the backroom and gives it to you really good

even though it’s against company policy to do that kind of shit

but screw company policy

M - Motivation

steve likes to hear you

he likes hearing your moans, his name, just any sort of vocal cue that you’re enjoying

it keeps him going

he’s turned on by a lot of things

when he’s at your house and you happen to not be wearing a bra

and he can see your nipples through his shirt that you’re wearing

you ride steve on the sofa in seconds

but also he gets turned on during random moments because hormones

he’s a dog

N - Nope

steve doesn’t like degrading you

you’re a beautiful woman who deserves to be treated well

he hates that shit

steve doesn’t want to hurt you or make you any less of a person

O - Oral

steve could eat you out for days

he is certainly a giver rather than a receiver

he enjoys seeing you writhe and moan

his mouth is talented

but also steve is a sucker haha get it for when you give him blowjobs

he doesn’t last long during those

P - Pace

steve was in sports so as expected, he has a great deal of stamina

he’s fast

so fast

but sometimes steve will go slow

when he’s teasing you or when you’ve had a bad day and you just need him there

he often prefers a slower pace because he can feel all of you

and it also conserves him some energy for round two

and round three

maybe a round four

Q - Quickie

steve doesn’t really like quickies

unless he’s really really horny then you’ll have one

it’s a rare thing between you two because steve likes to savor the moment

R - Risk

steve likes to play it safe

unless you want to try something

he likes sticking to your normal antics

and again, he’s pretty young so he enjoys what you have in your sex life right now

S - Stamina

as mentioned, steve has a lot of stamina!

he can go on for a couple rounds unless it’s a blowjob then he’s done for

steve can only last till the third round

but he will stop anytime you want

if you’re too tired or too sensitive, he’ll stop

even if he hasn’t came

T - Toys

steve doesn’t own any toys

he doesn’t really care for them

unless it’s YOUR toys

then he’ll use them on you

U - Unfair

steve is a giant tease

it’s irritating

on occasions, he’ll edge you

till you’re begging him

“what’s the word?”

“please, steve.”

V - Volume

you both are pretty loud

steve isn’t afraid to moan

you both enjoy being vocal as possible

unless someone’s parents are home

then you have to stay really quiet

which is so hard

you guys laugh louder than you moan to be honest

there’s a lot of laughing

W - Wildcard

steve always asks for consent

even if it’s clear that you really want him

he does it anyways because that’s the PROPER WAY TO DO IT

consent

is

important

https://www.thehotline.org/2013/04/16/what-is-healthy-consent-what-isnt-consent/

X - X-ray

steve has an average sized dick

let’s be honest here

but it’s still pretty biggg ;)

he’s more on the thicker side

that’s it

steve has a nice dick

Y - Yearning

steve has a fairly high sex drive

c’mon

he’s a boy dealing with hormones

so he’s horny for a good amount of time

but he controls himself

he may be a dog but he is not a RABID dog

Z - Zzz

you pee before you go to sleep with steve

UTIs are real ladies

but anyways

steve is a sleepyhead

so he’ll fall asleep pretty easily

he usually waits for you to get back to him before he closes his eyes

but sometimes he’s really exhausted and can’t help it

it’s okay with you

he’s a good boyfriend

[fullmetalscullyy]

I am obsessed with your writing and drop everything when you release new content! ✨✨✨ If you don't mind, I want more Royai angst in my life. I don't think I have seen you do this. One where Riza is tired of waiting for Roy and decides to marry/seriously date someone else. Basically how Roy deals with this. Can be whatever you want, obviously. ☺️

oh my goodness skjhgjk bless u

me? royai angst? don’t you mean my middle name?

and no joke i had an idea for a fic like this in 2018 (almost a year to the date lmao) but never got passed like 500 words and eventually dropped and forgot about it so thanks for bringing me back to it!

(no one mentioned anything about a happy ending either 👀 fair warning!)

enjoy ;)

rated: t

words: 4458

“What?” Roy asked, disbelief colouring his tone. Dread andfear rushed through his body, but he was too much shock to let it show on hisface.

“I’ve got a boyfriend,” she smiled. He knew she was tryingto hide just how happy she was, Roy could see it all over her face. He’d knownher for long enough to be able to tell. Plus, the excitement was clear in hertone.

Catalina looked asshocked as he felt but recovered quickly. She congratulated her friend happily,and the others joined her. Roy had yet to move from his frozen position in thechair and he knew Riza had noticed. He remained in place, still, sayingnothing, and just staring at his old friend.

A whirlwind of emotions flew through is mind. Not one stoodout, leaving him feeling numb and shocked. All he knew was Riza Hawkeye was datingsomeone.

And it wasn’t him.

A sharp elbow to his side jolted him back to the present.Havoc shot him a pointed look.

“That’s great, Riza,” he offered with a smile. They all knewit wasn’t genuine, but Riza didn’t seem to notice. She was too lost in herhappiness to notice him now.

And rightly so, she should be happy. God knows she’d had atough childhood. Her life hadn’t exactly been a forgiving one, yet she hadpersevered and pulled through stronger than ever.

Roy had always planned that her happiness in her later yearswould be because of him. Throughout their lives he had only brought her sorrowand pain. He truly didn’t deserve her, however, there was always a sliver ofhope residing within him that something may happen.

Now it had crumbled to dust.

“Riza, I had no idea. When… When did this happen?” Catalinademanded, looking slightly hurt.

They all had noidea. Least of all, Roy.

But why would he know? She was just his subordinate, nothingmore.

No matter how much he’d hoped that would change.

He’d loved her for years and yet he hadn’t been able tofigure this out, pick up the signs?

She still never left the office early, always waiting forhim to finish his paperwork. He’d been a notorious procrastinator in hisyounger years but now, as a General, he’d buckled down and motivated himself topush forward. After all, the sooner he hit Fuhrer, the sooner he could admit toRiza how he’d felt for years.

She’d put up with his crap for too long. He was too slow.That’s how this happened.

“A couple of months ago,” she admitted.

“Months?”

Months.

Riza nodded. “Yes. We’ve been seeing each other for a fewmonths. We were in the academy together and have kept in touch ever since. Imet him in the hospital again while returning for check-ups last year. He askedme out of a coffee to catch up, we got to talking and now… Here we are,” shebeamed.

She’d been returning for check-ups on her neck? Waseverything okay?

And… Had he been reading the signs wrong for all theseyears?

It was too late to ask her now.

“What’s his name?” Catalina demanded. She was leaningforward in her chair, desperate to drink in as many details as possible. Shewas in the academy with Riza, so was Havoc – who Roy also noted was suddenlyvery interested in who this mystery man was – so of course they would want toknow who it was.

“Do you remember Eric Larsson?”

“The tall, blonde, hunk we used to obsess over,” Catalinapractically slavered. “Oh, Riza, you lucky thing!”

“Hey,” Havoc protested with a frown.

“Sorry, honey, but this guy was something else.”

“I know. I was there,in case you had forgotten.”

“Eric Larsson,” Catalina repeated, her tone taking on adreamy quality as she stared into space with a happy smile. Havoc just grumbledto himself. “You finally landed him, huh? Well, luck you!”

Breda shot a quick look at Roy, who pretended not to notice.It was no secret with the men how he felt about Hawkeye. Not now anyway. He’dbeen told it was blatantly obvious how he felt about Riza, but clearly itwasn’t obvious enough.

*          *          *

“Sir, I’m going out to the deli on 5th Street forlunch. Would you like anything brought in?” Hawkeye asked, poking her headthrough the door to his office.

“No, thank you, Captain.”

“Okay. Enjoy your lunch, sir.” The closed behind her and Roydropped his pen, brooding. Riza had only just recently begun to leave HQ forlunch by herself, and Roy supposed now he knew why. All these little things,these little changes he’d noticed, were all beginning to add up.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much, lest his mood go intodecline once more, Roy turned in his chair, overlooking the courtyard. He wassulking already, and everyone knew it.

Riza was well within her right to date and marry whoever shewanted. She owed Roy absolutely nothing. Even if she thought she did, he woulddismiss it. He’d brought her too much sorrow in her life.

But it didn’t mean he had to like the fact that she was withsomeone else.

Movement caught his eye and he looked, seeing Riza hurryingout from the entrance to HQ. A man with sandy blonde hair was waiting for her,grinning. He extended his arm, offering Riza his hand. She took it and kissedhim before they both fell into step together. Roy felt his chest tighten, hisstomach ball up uncomfortably.

He turned back around in his chair. The movement was moreviolent than intended. Storming of the empty office he left to go the mess hallto join the rest of his team.

He didn’t need another lunch break sitting alone in hisoffice.

*          *          *

He kissed her.

It was the dumbest idea. It was the stupidest idea. She was dating someoneelse and he had the bright idea tokiss her.

He always had been a dumbass.

But, for the briefest moment, she melted against him. Shesighed softly – almost moaning in his mouth – her lips moving against his, andfor one moment in his life, Roy was happy. Trulyhappy.

They were out at Christmas’ new bar, enjoying the grandopening. It was Friday and Roy needed the night to drown his sorrows after theweek he’d had. Riza had left rather quickly and he – in his infinite wisdom –followed her to the stock room through the back. It was dark, her voice wasquiet, and she sounded upset, but he didn’t know what about.

So, he seized the opportunity and –

He kissed her.

Riza shoved him off her.

“What are youdoing?” she growled angrily, fire blazing in her eyes.

“I –”

“You had your chance,” There was a hint of wetness in hereyes. “You had it and you blew it,” she seethed. “Don’t come running to me now only because you can’t havesomething you want.”

“Riza, I’m sorry –”

“No, you’re not,” she shook her head, hugging her arms closeto her as her fire died down, put out by the water falling from her eyes. “Youcouldn’t possibly be. If you were, you would have asked me years ago. But youdidn’t. I’m tired, Roy.” She met his gaze and her tears begun to fall. “I’mtired of waiting for you.”

He wanted to reach out and hug her, comfort her, but thatwasn’t his job anymore. She had someone else to do it, and Riza wouldn’t wantRoy to do it either. He was the reason she needed comforting in the firstplace.

“Please, just –”

She shook her head. “No.”

Riza turned on her heel and left the stock room, leaving Royin the dim light to think about how he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.

He was unsure of how much time had passed. It stretched onfor eternity before him, his future laid out before his eyes.

Cold, empty, and without Riza by his side.

“Mustang?” he heard Havoc call into the room. “You still inhere?” He sounded pissed.

“Over here,” he replied, voice thick.

“What the hell are you doing, man?” he asked. He was pissed. “We saw Riza leave in ahurry. What did you do?”

“I…”

“Roy.”

“I kissed her,” he whispered sadly.

Havoc blinked in surprise. “You what?”

“I kissed her.”

“Why?”

“I… I have no idea.” He was an idiot, that’s why.

“You don’t get to toy with her like that, Mustang,” Havocgrowled. “She’s been waiting for years for your sorry ass and when you can’thave her, you go and do something like that? Think how that must make herfeel!”

“Like shit?” he asked, his on eyes flashing at Havoc. Heknew exactly how it felt because he felt the same way too.

But the world doesn’trevolve around you, Roy boy. You know this. So, why push her to a point likethat? It’s cruel and unfair. She’s happy and you’re trying to blow it for yourown personal gain.

Bastard.

“Come on,” he barked, grabbing his upper arm. “You’re goingto apologise to her.”

“Havoc –” he began, feeling very tired.

“Shut the fuck up,” he hissed as they stepped intoChristmas’ bar. One look at the two and the Madame knew exactly what hadhappened. Nothing got passed her, especially not in her own bar. She frowned athim, pursing her lips. Oh boy, she wasn’t happy. “You’re fixing this becauseyou owe Riza that much.”

“What the hell did you do, Roy boy?” the Madame demanded assoon as they were outside in the cool night air. “Riza left here like a batoutta hell.”

“He kissed her,” Havoc replied for him, tone sour.

“You don’t get to play with her like that –”

“Can you save it?” Roy asked. “Havoc has already given methat lecture and I’ve already told myself that in my head.”

“Cut the attitude, Roy,” Christmas barked. “You will hear ita third time and you will hear it from me.That poor girl has waited for you to make a move or years. Granted, you hadlaws that prevented you both, but there was nothing against telling her. Youcould’ve done that, but you didn’t.”

“I told her!” he shouted in the quiet night. The other twostood quietly as they watched him, the outburst unexpected. “She knows how I feel.Always has. It’s never changed.”

“When?”

Roy paused, unsure of whether he should tell them or not.Havoc was unaware of his time in the Hawkeye household. It was an automaticreaction to hide that information, but this was Havoc. And, the Madameobviously already knew.

Roy told himself “fuck it”. At this point, it didn’tmatter anymore.

“When we were kids,” he admitted.

“Kids?” Havoc asked, confused.

“Teenagers. I studied under her father. I left for themilitary and left her behind – the second biggest regret of my life.”

“What’s the first?” the Madame asked carefully.

Roy took a deep breath, finally admitting how he felt.

“Not telling Riza I still feel the same way now.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I put it off. We had time. Silly, because life has taughtme that everything can be ripped from me just like that.” He snapped hisfingers to demonstrate. “I got complacent because the threat was gone after thePromised Day.” He turned his gaze up to sky, gazing at the stars. “You knowwhat? The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes after the Promised Day washer,” he stated wistfully. “Doctor Marco asked me to look at him, but Icouldn’t. I lied and said I couldn’t see, but all I saw was Riza.” Marco hadasked him to close his eyes again while he used alkahestry to search thesockets to check the nerves were all connected. When Roy opened them again, hetold the truth. He could see again, and it was beautiful, staring at Riza whowas looking on anxiously. “I didn’t want it to be him. I wanted it to be her.”

“Roy?” A familiar voice called to him uncertainly. His eyesclosed. Damn it. He had no idea she’dbeen listening.

Roy placed his hands in his pockets, half turning away fromthe three people staring at him. The Madame with a knowing, satisfied, look onher face, Havoc looking very surprised, and Riza. She was staring at him withan odd look on her face, like she didn’t quite believe his words and wanted himto tell her it was true.

Or that it wasn’t true.

He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hurt her again.

His back straightened and he schooled his features into amask. “Captain Hawkeye,” he greeted formally, removing himself emotionally fromthe conversation as Havoc and Christmas looked between them both. “I apologisefor my behaviour. It was inappropriate and I do, honestly, regret my actions.” Regretted not doing it sooner. Regretted how it made you feel. “Iunderstand if you no longer wish to work with me. On Monday there will be astack of transfer papers on your desk.”

“Mustang –” Havoc interrupted, realising this was not goingin the direction he anticipated.

“The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable inyour place of work. You can decide what you wish to do with them. Goodnight.”

He turned and walked away, ignoring the Madame calling outhis name.

*          *          *

Never in his life had he felt so lonely.

He’d lost everything. The love of his life, his soulmate.Riza must have felt the same way at some point. She’d been “waiting for him”after all. And he’d blown it, taken too long, so she had sought out someoneelse to comfort her, love her. He wishedit could be him, but it wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t believe in fate. Fatewouldn’t have given them the life they’d had, but he and Riza obviously justweren’t meant to be together in that way.

“I’d follow you intohell if you asked me to”. Well, this was hell all right, and he was herealone. He’d caused this, it wasn’t her fault, but this was where he belonged.

Alone.

No one came after him. The Madame had called his name, butshe couldn’t leave the bar unattended. Plus, he’s been an idiot and wouldn’t besurprised his foster mother took Riza’s side on this. The Madame had alwaysliked Riza.

Havoc had known Riza longer, they’d been in the Academytogether, so Roy knew his loyalties lay with her. Plus, the whole team wasaware of the shit he’d put Riza through. If Roy was them, he’d pick Riza overtheir CO as well.

His apartment was cold and uninviting when he entered. Itwas times like this he wished he had a dog. Someone to greet him when he camehome. At the thought, an image of Hayate popped into his head and Roy brushedit aside. That reminded him of Riza.

Sitting on his bed, Roy stared into space as he ran over theevents of the night in his head.

Why did he kissher?

Because you wanted toknow what it felt like one last time.

They’d been together as teenagers. They’d slept together.That night of her father’s funeral Roy had whispered his promises anddeclarations of love against her skin. They still stood true to this day.

He wondered if Riza remembered any of them.

She’d been pissed when he’d left her again. Roy knew that.Perhaps that’s why she had ignored his words.

All through her life he had let her down and hurt her. Shewas wise to find someone else and leave him behind.

*          *          *

Monday morning came and Roy entered the office looking likehis usual self – which nowadays looked brooding and miserable – holding hisbreath to see if there would be signed transfer forms on his desk or not.

His stomach dropped when he saw them sitting there. Heclosed the inner doors to his office, blocking out the rest of the team wholooked on with their familiar looks of concern.

Dread prickled over his skin as he rounded the desk.

They were unsigned.

He let out a breath of shocked relief.

Selfish bastard.

The knock on his door drew him out of surprise. He squasheddown the hope. What he’d done was inexcusable and didn’t warrant hope. Riza is happy. Without you. Remember that.

“Good morning Captain,” he greeted professionally despitethe knot in his stomach.

She didn’t sign them.

“Good morning, sir. Could I request a minute of your time?”

“Of course. Take a seat,” he gestured towards the chair infront of his desk. The doors closed quietly behind her.

Riza took a deep breath as she composed herself. Her handswere folded in her lap, her posture perfect. The way she was holding herself,it was controlled.

“I was wondering if we could talk. Privately, after work.”There was a fire in her eyes that showed she was pissed. Roy sighed. He had alot of work to do and was unsure why she was dragging this out to be longer andmore painful than it needed to be. She could have signed the transfer papersand be done with him. She could have moved on with her life.

“If you wish,” he replied carefully. Curiosity may havekilled the cat, but now he wanted to know whyshe was dragging this out and why she hadn’t signed those papers. He had arough idea but wanted to hear it from Riza herself.

“My place? After work?”

So, it really was to be private. Probably to avoid a publicshouting match.

“I don’t think that’s wise, Captain, given your new socialcircumstances.” Her jaw locked.

“I don’t have a problem with it, sir,” she replied. Roycould almost hear the hint of sourness in her tone. “It’s my apartment, afterall. Not Eric’s.”

“Of course. I apologise for the assumption. Would you like aride home?”

“That would be lovely, sir. Thank you.”

“No problem, Captain. Is there anything else I can help youwith?”

“That will be all, sir.” She vacated the seat and saluted,not quite meeting him in the eye.

She was pissed.

Probably about the transfer papers.

Whoops.

Too bad he couldn’t really bring himself to care at thispoint.

*          *          *

“Transfer papers?”Riza stressed as soon as they were in the comfort of her own home. “Really?”

“I gave you the opportunity to get out, should you want it,”Roy explained, taking a seat on an armchair by the fire. Hayate hopped up onhis lap and breathed in his face. Well, at least someone in this house washappy to see him. “How I acted was inappropriate and I would have understood ifyou didn’t feel comfortable working with me anymore.”

Riza blinked at him, seemingly surprised by histhoughtfulness. Then the hard tone was back. “Regardless,” she stated, enteringher bedroom to get changed. He banished the thought of her undressing from hismind. God, she had no idea the affect she had on him. “When I signed up to workwith you, I made a promise and I intend to follow it through to the bitter end.Don’t assume that I would brush you – orwhat I did in Ishval – off like that just because of your idiotic actions.” Shefell quiet and Roy heard the sound of fabric rustling.

She was right, as always.

Roy turned his attention to the room to try and distracthimself from Riza undressing and wished he hadn’t. There was a tie neatlyfolded on the coffee table, a suit jacket draped over the chair by the table.

Eric’s.

There was a photo of them both. They were smiling and happy.Roy looked away. Then, he noticed another photo on the coffee table. It was ofhim. And Riza. They were young. This was taken at her house when he’d been astudent. They were grinning, an arm around each other’s shoulders. Royremembered this. Mr. Carson from the farm next door had taken it. He felt apressure building his throat as he saw that photo. He hadn’t seen or eventhought about that photo in years.

And here it was, sitting proudly on Riza’s coffee table nextto a photo of her and her partner.

“I’ve always loved you, Roy, but I’m happy with Eric,” shewhispered.

His head snapped around to face her as she entered the roomagain. She was a vision in grey sweatpants and a hoodie from the Academy.

The revelation confirmed his thoughts and he nodded,offering her a sad smile. “I understand.”

“I… I wanted it to be you but… Eric has opened me up toother things. And it’s nice… To be loved by someone who doesn’t know how muchof a monster I truly am.”

Roy nodded, knowing the feeling. Even now, they were stillhaunted. It was expected, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“You are wonderful, Riza. Don’t ever forget that. And Iwould never take that happiness away from you. I just… I wanted to tell you howI felt. And I ended up showing you instead.”

Riza nodded, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as shethought back to the kiss. Roy shivered minutely as he remembered her moan, herlips moving against his.

“Can… Can I admit something that you might hate me for?”

“I could never hate you, Roy,” she smiled softly.

Hesitantly, he stepped closer and grasped her fingerslightly in his. It felt so right to have them both entwined together.

“In that stock room I was overcome by the thought that Iwould never get the opportunity to do it again. The last time I kissed you Iwas eighteen years old – over fifteen years ago – and I wanted to do it onemore time. Just in case I never could again.”

Riza was silent and offered him no other comment. He didn’texpect any either.

“It was dumb, it was inappropriate, it was selfish. I knowthat. But… I know “I couldn’t help myself” doesn’t justify it, but it’s true. Iapologise for that, but you know I’ve always been an arrogant idiot,” he added,smiling sadly.

The corner of her mouth quirked up into a genuine smile.

“May I?” he asked, opening his arms.

Riza nodded and stepped forward into his embrace, holdinghim tighter than he thought she would. Roy responded in kind, holder her tightagainst him while a piece of his heart shattered at the acceptance that thiswould be the last time he’d ever hold her like this.

They had spent fifteen years already hiding how they feltabout each other. What was the rest of their lives at this point?

It would be easy. It wouldn’t crush him. It wouldn’t shatterhis heart in two to see Riza marry Eric. Not at all.

“I will alwayslove you, Roy. Don’t forget that.”

He chuckled to himself. It was fitting, really.

“And I, you.”

He kissed the top of her head, giving her one more squeezebefore he let go, driving the final nail in the coffin that was their personalrelationship.

All those years together… Well, at least he’d have them tolook back on fondly. He’d been loved by Riza Hawkeye all this time, and he hadloved her in return. Even without being able to show it or proclaim it to theworld, it had been enough. More than he’d ever deserved.

“Anyway, I should get going,” Roy announced, stepping awayto put distance between them, both physically and emotionally. “Thank you forgiving me the opportunity to explain myself. I really do appreciate that.”

“Of course,” she stated. Roy had already turned away to pickup his jacket, but he noticed the hitch in her voice. He ignored it. He had to,because if he turned around, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from drawingher to him and holding her close, never letting go.

“Goodbye Captain. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Roy.”

He ignored the emotion in her voice, her wet eyes, andsmiled as he turned away a final time. Roy nodded to himself as he stood on thelanding, Riza’s apartment door closed firmly behind him.

So that was it.

It was done.

He would hold onto the hope that things might not work outin the end for them both, but he would never actively look forward to thatpoint. After all, she was happy with Eric. He wouldn’t take that away fromRiza. However, he promised himself that if the opportunity did present itself,he wouldn’t waste it again.

At least they could still work together. At least he still hadthat. He would still be able to see her, which was all he asked for. Theywouldn’t be moving away. Riza had made it clear she still had a job to do whileby his side. Roy had until he was Fuhrer then she would be gone. Well, that’swhat he theorised. Her job would be done, so why would she stick around? Their job would be done. Roy would makethe changes necessary then be executed for his crimes. That was how things weresupposed to go, and that’s what he had resigned himself to years ago. He didn’tdeserve the happiness he would receive from being with Riza. Not after Ishval.

It was fitting that she would find someone else. After all,he was the biggest monster of them all, and deserved nothing.

Perhaps it was better he would never get the chance to findhappiness with Riza. He would always love her, but getting the chance to beloved by her, to hold her, to kiss her… It would make his judgement day evenworse. He would die aching for more time with the woman he had loved since hewas a teenager. This way, he would die wondering what could have happenedbetween them, but with the knowledge that he’d atoned for his sins and notenjoyed himself like he longed to after robbing thousands of their lives.

There would be nothing dragging his focus away from hisjudgement day. That was the endgame. Always had been, always will be.

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, Roy turned and walkeddown the hallway and out of Riza’s personal life.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Dean & Cas Are In Love

A hopefully one day conclusive study of these assholes, hopefully told as briefly as I can.

Written for the people in the fandom who care but sometimes need a pick me up on this, and not written to prove a point to anyone who doesn't already care. <3

Dean needs Cas to get Dick

... They boned him together. 

Slightly less visually erotic and more punnery innuendo-y parallel of Sam and Dean killing Ruby together in 4x22 >.> 

Anyways. 

Season 7 ends, and this episode is dependant on the journey Dean and Cas go through to make amends. There is no formal goodbye or even good luck between Sam and Dean - their last conversation is about Bobby, and the funeral scene is their last real shared scene; after that it’s Dean n Cas paired together until the end.

But let’s start at the top :D

While Carver era isn’t utterly devoid of barbs like this, I’m honestly struggling to think of one that is so overt aside from the deleted 10x14 scene than Meg’s “he was your boyfriend first” line. I feel like this is the end of the really on the nose teasing and jabbing at them as if being in love is an insult, and the beginning of a more nuanced handling - and don’t worry, deleted scenes are on my to-do list as we get deeper into Wonderland >.> 

Through Cas’s return, Meg has acted as a block and a romantic rival, in both overt and not so overt ways. She shows up to get between Dean n Cas having more private reconciliation and then seems to “win” who gets Cas, while admitting freely it’s a power grab and for her own protection against Crowley. By 7x23 she shows up fed up with Cas and unable to deal with him, handing him off to Dean to talk to and try and reason with him. Considering the ownership battle she conjured on her end, it has the feeling of conceding ground, and in this case she frames it in the romantic terms of Cas having been Dean’s boyfriend first. She treats it as if it were a fling and she is resigning from the competition to bag Cas as a boyfriend, and returning him to Dean. While she hangs around and helps some more, for the rest of the episode, she no longer hits on Cas or does more than look at him a few times, while Dean is left to deal with him.

The moment where Dean goes to talk to Cas in the car, I like that moment where Dean takes a breath... Those top two gifs have been thrown around fandom a lot out of context or for fun, but there’s serious stuff going on in them - as often with this show and/or fandom, the funny things have a real story to them. I like that Dean is still struggling to face Cas, but he will make the effort in a way that Meg clearly won’t, and talks him to come inside with gentle, friendly persuasion. But like with 7x21 before he goes to talk to him in the day room, he needs a moment to face Cas in this state, as he finds it saddening and troublesome to talk to him, though, unlike Meg, he makes an effort. 

Then, we have their ongoing argument which builds up over the course of the episode, but by this point bubbles over about WHY they need Cas to get Dick. And why Cas has been resisting the entire time. His self-worth from the whole betrayal and Godstiel thing is obviously his most prominent, painful trauma. He has to spell out for Dean why he won't help, but this is the most clarity he shows in a while, and in this episode Gamble writes his non-sequiturs as very clearly labelled avoidance of questions or thinking about his problems. In 8x08 we'll get another look into his head when he talks about avoiding going back to Heaven with Dean, and I suspect that's based on the intention with how he was feeling during this time as well.

Dean responds by bubbling over with his own shit; this is for both sides of the argument, their stuff in 7x21 finally reaching its conclusion, and of course both are mis-handling it in some ways, through avoidance or anger, and are not at their optimal harmony... To be delicate about it >.> It's harsh to watch, but Dean's anger about Cas is not (just) selfish or motivated to save them - we see multiple times his own pain at seeing Cas in this state, and lines which betray how much it hurts and how he wants Cas back to how he was because, you know, Cas is his friend and he cares a lot about him. Translated into anger, he lashes out with his pain in the situation, the unfairness that Cas can avoid and refuse to help when he caused all that harm, and even to this day is something where Cas still feels bound to make amends for things that he broke - season 13 finally returning to the theme of how much damage he did to Heaven. Dean telling Cas this so harshly is the painful shock that pokes at Cas's guilt, but also betrays Dean's own pain and investment in Cas's situation.

As with moments when they physically attack each other, obviously emotional lashing out betrays care but shouldn't be like... romanticised and stuff. Just, taking this in a fictional story setting etc.

Anyways, after this, Cas goes into a defensive full denial mode for a bit, and they turn to doing Bobby's passing on; at the end of this scene, the camera dramatically pans to Cas with rising dramatic music, and it turns out he watched the whole scene. Of course though he was not a part of his, his presence is necessary and important, because he cared for Bobby too, and Bobby died fighting the leviathans, which Cas unleashed. This is part of his "mess" as Dean put it, and something he confronts, silently, on his terms. There's no camera work to suggest Dean sees Cas watching but I like to think that he does, as he was facing the right way, and between Dean yelling at Cas, and him going to him in peace, this is the only thing that happens. I think Cas's remorse is very important even though it may be silent, as is bridges these moments, giving Cas honest reflection which he can't divert from - seeing Bobby, someone he cared about a great deal, as a ghost that they're forcing to move on. And Dean knowing that Cas came and watched this and was a part of the family scene despite his current withdrawal from helping them.

Dean approaching Cas is wonderful because finally he doesn't demand Cas help them, but finds a peaceful middle ground of something Cas can do to help but that doesn't involve violence, meaning that despite all of Dean's anger, he wants to help Cas find a way to help them, to clean up his mess, but to do it on terms which Cas can handle. This peace also allows Cas to think about it in non-confrontational terms, and to face up to what sending Dean in to fight Dick alone will mean if he doesn't help.

The "I'd rather have you, cursed or not" line has been picked over a lot, both positively on gifsets and general squeeing, and negatively about its connotations that it can still carry a suggestion that Dean only wants Cas to help them because he's the only one who WILL help them, at this stage, and they know that they need him. I like the line after it better, as it's the much more personal appeal, the sense of them being in it together, and that it's not just anything - this is something that Dean feels as a connection between them. The less emotional pep talk and more personal nonsense the line, the more it really means, as he's not saying this in the same tone of voice as rallying Cas, just pointing out that they're all in shit creek together.

Cas understands what Dean's getting :D

I should have giffed as well, but no room and I have to make cuts somewhere, Cas asking about what the plan was - because the plan involves Cas being brought along PEACEFULLY, only for Dick identification, while Dean was supposed to be the one to fight Dick alone, Cas at his side, but the expectation was that Cas had one role and Dean had the other.

In the end, they tag-team him. :')

Also: Dean's absolute trust that Cas knows Dick when he sees him, and Cas defending Dean from Dick advancing on him, after all that stuff about not fighting, once again as with deflecting Hester away from Dean, he steps in to protect Dean, and even grabs Dick from behind so Dean gets his clean second shot at him that does the job.

Of all season finales, 7x23 really floors me for how embedded the Destiel narrative is in it, when this isn't even a majorly Destiel season for obvious reasons, and I never felt like Gamble wanted much to do with them in that sense. Whether it's just because of leading into Carver era or what, or the need to make amends both in the writing for Cas and in the meta level for the writers, once Cas was back this story was oh so very much about and for him, as he was the one responsible, and he had both emotional damage with Sam and Dean, and plot damage to handle. If he was to return as a main character next season and have even halfway a reboot back to a regular Cas, he needed a full redemption in the narrative, and to be brought back into play alongside Dean and back in his rightful place at his side. And this is the set up to get them there, from the awful mess left at the beginning of the season. :D

[lilaflyy]

Fictober Day 5 - “Take what you need.”

I really like this one because Preciosa, after Maddy, is also one of my favourite characters. I know I’m being unfair to Sunny and Drako here, but they can be my OTP for all I care, the best single characters are still Maddy and Preciosa! <3

character info: Preciosa is Draco's twin sister who lives in Milan (Italy) and is a model. She is utterly wasted in that setting though since she actually is a brilliant strategist.

PS: I was in Meran (Italy) in August for an afternoon and it was very nice there! <3 I went to the same café that I described and I also got a pistachio-hazelnut sundae while my father complained about the dangers of pistacio nuts :’D

Preciosa

Meran was a nice city if you liked small towns in the north of Italy. I personally appreciated the cafés and the view of the river Passer. The elegant designs of the street lamps combined with the white benches in between the trees on the side of the river made for a nice place to stop and sit down for a bit.

While my parents would be furious to find out how far away from Milan I was, this little day trip had still been necessary. Three hours of a car journey later and I was enjoying a well-deserved breath of fresh air and the soothing sound of the water. I did not expect anyone to recognize me, sunglasses or not since there were a lot of models in this world and while famous, I was still just one of many.

“How is it going sorella gemella?” Well, at least one person seemed to recognize me. At least there was no doubt to his identity and his presence was a welcome one. He was the reason I had travelled up here in the first place.

“Stressful but I won’t complain,” I replied without taking my view off the rushing water below. He sat down on the bench next to me, leaning his head on my shoulder.

“Won’t or can’t? Go ahead and vent if you want, I won’t tell anyone,” he offered and I both heard and felt his grin. It drew a smile out of me too.

“Maybe another time il fratellino. You’re here because of something else.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be a good brother.”

I let out a laugh and shook my head.

“You don’t ever change, do you?”

“More than I’d like to, but that’s not what I was getting at. I really hate to ask, you know that, but…I need a favour.”

“You know, when it would be some other rich family and I’d hear that the daughter’s brother only ever comes to see her when he needs a favour, I would say he’s exploiting her,” I said. Had he been anyone else or had I been anyone else, he would have defended himself and denied it, but my brother was my brother, so he just sat there and chuckled.

“Well, yeah. Seems like you got me after all.”

“I have always been the smarter one of us two.”

“Which is unfair, since one would think that twins each get an equal share.”

“You’re smart enough on your own accord. I’m just better.” I had missed the friendly teasing. Sarcastic comments and jabs being thrown back and forth in a loving way only siblings could. It felt like I was complete again after a long while of only existing as a half. What some people said about twins being two parts of a whole seemed true to us, which made the forced separation even worse.

“Anyway, whatever you want can surely also be discussed in a café. I just drove three hours and look forward to a sundae. I saw a nice little café with a view of the fields and mountains just at the other side of the river, so come on,” I said and stood up without another word. When he started walking beside me, I hooked my arm with his and threw him a knowing grin.

“So, I have been hearing rumours and now I’m curious if they are true.”

“If by ‘rumours’ you mean things Rylon told you, then don’t believe a word of it.”

“It is still the first time I have ever heard even remotely something along the lines of ‘Draco found a girlfriend’.” When he blushed, I knew that there had to be at least some fragment of truth at it.

“I…uh…she’s not my girlfriend,” Draco stammered and I could only hardly hold back a mischievous snicker. Teasing my brother was way more fun than strategically predicting the outcomes of social events.

“Let’s say that’s true, then what is it that makes her different from the other girls you never even glanced at?”

He sighed. “First off, she knows things she should not know and she also meddles in things that are not her business.”

“Interesting,” I said as I got the meaning behind what he was saying. So, this girl, whoever she was, knew about faeries and interfered with strictly non-human things. Daring. I had to commend her on it; to do what I could not do.

“She sounds like quite the catch. What’s the holdup?” I asked further as we crossed the bridge, which curiously seemed to be half in construction.

“First off, she hates me,” Draco said and I could not hold back the snort.

“Fair point. I like her already.”

Draco just rolled his eyes. “Secondly, she thinks of me as two separate people and can’t even remember half of our interactions most of the time.”

Well, my brother was still a hopeless idiot. Despite what he might say, he really had not changed much over the years. What he had said translated itself to me as: “I keep talking to her as ‘Phoenix’ and of course she can’t remember that, but she hates ‘Draco’.”

“Well, no offence, but that sounds reckless.”

“I never said it was an easy situation to be in. On the one hand I have to do what I have to do, but on the other hand I have to keep her out of harm’s way because she’s about to get herself killed one of these days.”

“So, you have a thing for the stubborn yet brave ones. Gotta remember that for the next time I plan to play matchmaker.”

Draco groaned. “Please not you too! Rylon is already on the case and he has even gotten himself some enthusiastic help. It would be nice to have someone who is on my side for a change.”

“It’s my meaning of life to tease you, you know that,” I said with a shrug as we neared an empty table at the café and I sat down. Draco followed suit and pushed the menu over to me.

“You don’t want anything?” I asked, knowing that his journey here had been much longer and much more stressful than mine. If anyone deserved some sweet treat, then it was him.

“I’ll order you a Latte Macchiato if you don’t choose for yourself,” I warned him while I went through the selection of sundaes.

“Sure, do that,” he said as he glanced into the distance. His mood had shifted suddenly and I knew better than to disturb him while he was like this.

We spent some time in a comfortable silence until a waitress came over to us, asking in German for our order. I replied in Italian, ordering a pistachio hazelnut sundae and, as threatened, a Latte Macchiato for my brother.

“You do know that you can get cancer from pistachio nuts, right?” Draco asked and I just rolled my eyes.

“Eating them once a year or so won’t kill me,” I replied, being used him worrying about my frail mortal body. There had been a time where we have been the same, but that was almost ten years ago when we had still been kids. Ever since he had found out about the curse and knew that the same would happen to me if my life would meet a sudden end, he had become frantic about preventing it. Under no circumstances would he let me go through the suffering he had endured. It would have been sweet if it had not become repetitive and even a little annoying over the years. It had ranged from things like ‘please don’t go skydiving or freeclimbing’ to now ‘don’t eat pistachio nuts’.

“Anyway, we are seated and I guess we both have to go back to Milan and the UK respectively soon, so better say what you came here for now before we run out of time.”

“This might sound stupid, but…I need a car.”

I had not expected that.

“You’re right, it does sound stupid. With how often you move it would really be a hassle, wouldn’t it? Except you’re now telling me that you intend to stay in England for longer than a year.”

“You know I can’t promise anything like that, but I’m planning to, yes.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay? Just like that?” Draco asked. He apparently had thought that it would have taken some more convincing to get me to agree.

“I said it to you years ago and I’m saying it again: Take what you need.” It had been something we had agreed on when he had first needed to move away. Moving was expensive and so was living in general. I had been more than willing to help him out with a little money. What he needed to live and function was honestly not more in the drop in the fortune of our family. It would not even be missed. Draco could just take whatever he needed and I would make sure that it would not be noticed. This was our deal and it had worked very well so far.

“It has to be a black and inconspicuous car though. I don’t want to draw a lot of attention,” Draco said, knowing better than to further question my motives.

“Consider it done,” I said just as the waitress with his coffee and my sundae arrived.

“Alright, so you have grilled me about Sunny, so it’s only fair that I return the favour,” Draco said as a poured a small package of sugar into his beverage.

“Her name is Sunny, huh?” I just replied with a smug grin while spooning some pistachio ice cream. Seeing Draco freeze for a moment when he realised what he had let slip was amusing to watch. He quickly regained his composure and threw me a grin back.

“So, tell me, when Rylon is so generous about giving you information about me, I wonder what else you two are talking about.” I let no emotion slip over my face but internally I panicked just a little.

“That is none of your business,” I, therefore, said, buying time to collect myself and think of something appropriate to say. Draco chuckled and I did not like the grin on his face. It was what I had dubbed his faerie-grin since it gave me an eerie and uneasy feeling.

“Really? Because just last week he said something about his girlfriend being an Italian model.”

I almost spit out my ice cream. The shock must have been written on my face for a moment though because my brother’s grin just grew. My uncaring façade slipped on a second later though and I cleared my throat.

“Tell him that I am very capable of committing a murder where one would ever find his body.”

[elizas-writing]

How A Single Pale Rose Changes Everything About Steven Universe

I haven’t talked much about Steven Universe in months because I honestly just fell out with the show, and my last year as an undergrad has quite the workload. Hell, I still have “How I Would Fix Steven Universe” drafts collecting dust (and I don’t know when I’ll get to them if ever). But, as many fans know by now, the show finally answered what happened when Pink Diamond was shattered.

She was actually never shattered.

Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond in disguise the entire time and staged her shattering with Pearl to properly continue the rebellion and give the Earth to the Crystal Gems.

This got a lot of mixed reactions, especially as this was an old theory we thought was dashed after the end of season 3. It wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility, but for where the show was going in revealing the truth, this still seems out of left field just to satisfy the fans who held onto this theory for so long. I was pretty annoyed since the show spent almost two years dragging on “oh, but murder is wrong” garbage, and it feels like we went through all of that for nothing since Pink Diamond was alive the whole time. Now it puts everything we thought of Rose’s motivations and purpose into question which makes the show walk on a super thin line.

To clarify, there is nothing wrong with recontextualizing a story in how we view the heroes and villains. Creating morally complex characters is infinitely more fascinating than leaving them one-dimensional. But when doing so takes a stab in the back with everything we thought a character was fighting for, it muddles up the themes tremendously. It’s like if Avatar: The Last Airbender tried to make Ozai sympathetic and excuse all the abuse he put his children through; some recontextualizing doesn’t fit at all in certain narratives.

And I’m here to break it down, cause dammit, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and had to catch up.

1. Contradictory Personalities

There are a ton of little things which don’t add up to Rose being Pink Diamond like how her changed gem orientation stayed once Steven was born, how she can summon a weapon similar to a Rose Quartz, and how she was able to shape-shift for so long, even all things considered for how all-powerful she is. But the one that bugs the hell out of me the most is their personalities.

Rose Quartz always came across as a mature matron-like figure while Pink Diamond was more like a spoiled child as seen in “Jungle Moon,” and is often described as a terrifying tyrant. It begs the question how she was able to maintain two completely different personas at the same time and successfully fool everyone on both sides. This ain’t Prisoner of Azkaban; you don’t have a fucking Time Turner. Why not lead the rebellion as Pink Diamond? Wouldn’t that send a more powerful message to the other Diamonds? Was she seriously unable to tell them herself that there was life worth protecting on Earth? Did she feel sorry when she realized what she was doing hence why she began a rebellion? Why did she go out of her way to make a complicated deceit which ended with the bubbling of all Rose Quartzs ever?

Yes, Rose was still naive about humanity, but it always felt like it came from genuine love with the capability to listen and grow to be better than who she was before. It’s really hard to work that character development in when it turns out they were supposedly a childish, yet ruthless dictator bent on galactic domination just like the rest of the Diamonds, especially as one of Pink’s major feats was creating the Human Zoo. Maybe it started off to preserve humanity, so they wouldn’t have to get involved with the Gem War, but what the hell happened after the war ended? Did Rose seriously forget about them and never took a chance to go back and save them? What happened to her value in human life then?

It makes the line “I’d really like to play with you” when she first met Greg so much more uncomfortable when that’s coming from a distant past where she had no qualms conquering the Earth and taking humans away for whatever means she desired. There’s no forgiving the Human Zoo with all the currently known context we have about it.

And what really sucks is that I was kinda excited to see Pink Diamond with a stubbornly childish personality, because those character types make really intimidating villains. But that build up was for nothing now that I found out that character was also someone I was supposed to be rooting for; someone who saw Earth had beautiful life worth protecting and wanted to give gems a choice to be something other than what they were created for.

This isn’t a case of Rose making a mistake-- you don’t mistakenly make something like the Human Zoo-- or something was out of her control; everything was in her control from the get-go, both as an oppressor and a rebel.

2. The Crystal Gems Fought for Nothing

There were possibly millions of gems shattered, corrupted, and forcefully fused for Rose’s selfishness. It was never for freedom, love, or preserving life; it was so a Diamond could run and hide from the consequences.

Not only is it confusing how Rose was able to maintain control of two opposing forces, but also with who she thought was best for each side. I can’t tell if she really cared who was on which side or why. And her being a Diamond anyway rips out the fight against oppression the Gem War was supposed to be when an oppressor disguised herself as a rebellion leader. Maybe she wanted to abandon her role as a Diamond to start a new life, free of Homeworld expectations, but that doesn’t automatically absolve the atrocities she did to get there.

What did she have to gain out of faking her death? Nothing but the Diamonds’ wrath, and now most of her allies are gone because of her recklessness. And it makes a lot of scenes from the previous seasons inconsequential. Jasper went through so much fury and grief, never knowing her Diamond was Rose all along. Ruby and Sapphire fled from Homeworld to be together, risking their lives for a leader who was just making complicated secrets and running from her own selfish problems.

But one of the worst of this goes to Bismuth, introducing the biggest plot hole of this twist: Pink Diamond being supposedly shattered by Rose’s sword.

Her faked death went exactly as described in “The Trial,” but according to Bismuth, the sword can only destroy a gem’s form, never the actual gem. If word got out on what went down when Pink was shattered, wouldn’t Bismuth have figured out something was wrong since the sword she designed herself wasn’t supposed to shatter a gem? Is that was led to her creating the Breaking Point? If so, why didn’t she mention anything after she was unbubbled?

Her bubbling was never about morality; it was so Rose could maintain her deceit. She had no problem silencing anyone who could’ve possibly exposed her, and Bismuth, who was so dedicated to fighting for freedom, was wrongfully punished for Rose’s selfishness.

But if silencing Bismuth wasn’t enough...

3. Her Relationship with Pearl

Seeing Pride stuff with these two is... really uncomfortable now since their relationship is kinda abusive.

Now, was Rose intentionally manipulative in silencing Pearl as the only other person with their secrets? Possibly no, as there seems to be genuine intent to abandon their Homeworld roles, but it’s hard to deny Rose being an opportunist to maintain her secrets. And her pushing all that burden on Pearl was horribly unfair.

That’s not love.

I know Pearl hasn’t been the most forgivable character, but it’s no wonder why she never got over Rose. Of course, she freaked out about Lion, thinks Steven is “too important” to be in the battlefield, and feels useless on her own. Pearl was literally the only one in on Rose’s deception, played along hoping they would be something more once the war was over, and was ready to sacrifice herself to maintain a lie.

This twist takes a simple case of unrequited love and grinds it in the dirt with centuries worth of manipulation. It doesn’t matter if they wanted to abandon their Homeworld roles. Rose didn’t even trust Pearl to be quiet, and used her status and powers to ensure the secret never leaked out. Their original relationship as a Diamond and a Pearl never faded away and lingered for many years and took a horrible toll on Pearl’s psyche. And with this new context, it makes Rose seem even more selfish to not acknowledge Pearl’s feelings or how much she was doing for her at the expense of her own autonomy.

Pearl deserved so much better than to be continuously used as a tool. She deserved someone who would treat her as an equal-- Rose is a thousand miles away from that “someone.”

In Conclusion...

I know the show is treading on painting Rose as a complex character, but there’s a fine line between character flaws and irredeemable acts. If you’re going to mix the two, you have to be really careful on how much we’re supposed to feel sorry for a character and/or how their redemption plays out (i.e Zuko from ATLA not fully achieving his redemption until the series finale when he reunites with Iroh, or Azula being as psychotic as her father, but goddamn it, she’s just a fourteen-year-old kid who wants her mom).

Maybe you can give the benefit of the doubt and she acknowledged her mistakes. Maybe future episodes will elaborate on how she ran from the consequences of her actions or maybe she felt guilty for how the war dragged on from her own immaturity and lack of foresight. Maybe the show will play more with perspective, so we see more than just what Steven sees.

But it’s really hard to be patient with this show anymore with how much it pussyfooted around Pink Diamond’s fate for an entire season. And given the preview for the summer episodes, it seems like we’re repeating the Garnet break-up like in the Sardonyx arc where she (and by extension, Ruby and Sapphire) is rushed to forgiveness while her anger feels invalidated.

And really? “I’m seeing my own future now, and it’s nothing but Ruby.” Is this even the same Ruby who was about to throw down with Holly Blue Agate when she was praising Blue Diamond? Why isn’t she angry too?!

Like I said before, it’s fine to recontextualize a story where the heroes aren’t entirely good guys, and are sometimes accessories to actions like imperialism. But it needs way more properly constructed build up and characterization than what Steven Universe just offered in “A Single Pale Rose.” It drags the mystery on for too long, tries to psych you out on multiple occasions, and has little understanding on how to create morally gray characters. I love complex heroes with shady pasts, but if you expect me to forgive all their transgressions, you’ve come to the wrong part of town, my dude.

If you enjoyed this analysis and what I do here, consider buying me a coffee! It means a lot to see your support!

[prixmiumarchive]

The thing about Black Canary

I’m a couple weeks behind on Season 6, but I’ve been watching. However, I’m also a recently-returned fan who stopped watching Arrow (and lots of things at the same time) mid-S3. I have absorbed a lot of things through osmosis and gifs and reading wikis and so on, because sometimes I need spoilers for fannish activities, and it’s more about the journey it most cases. I’m disclosing this to let you know where I’m coming from, but anyway...

A lot of the time I see some ~discourse~ about how Sara is the true Black Canary because per Arrow she was the first. I also see a lot of posts that complain that Laurel’s becoming a superhero arc was really unconvincing and that they didn’t like it and wanted Sara to stay and so on... There seems to be a lot of “haha, in your face!” kind of victory dance goings-on when Sara gets used as the face of the Black Canary (there was some mobile app; there have also been other promotional materials that are not directly connected to the CW’s DCTV set that seem to use Caity Lotz’s likeness as a model). I think a lot of this is unnecessary, and since I am way more familiar with the front end of Arrow than the current back end of it, even though I’m closing the gap, I just felt like making a post sort of addressing this weird, competitive viewpoint that almost views Laurel as having foisted the Black Canary title upon herself, stealing it from Sara or something, when I just don’t think it’s a fair take on it.

Another disclaimer: this post has fuck-all to do with shipping, so check those counterclaims at the door, thanks.

So here are some things that are true in my view that tend to be used as things to back up the claim that Sara is the proper or true Black Canary and that we don’t need or want another one and that Laurel should’ve been removed because no one liked her or that this was a character development for Laurel that was never meant to happen and... so... on:

Per Arrow, Sara was the first Black Canary.

Laurel began the show as a very slightly more competent than typical in self-defense normal.

Both Oliver and Sara had five years of lived experience combat training while Laurel had none to speak of except becoming increasingly more familiar with needing to defend her immediate self from constant threat of danger over the course of the show. Laurel was often sort of presented as a damsel in distress for both Oliver and Sara.

Laurel’s initial attempts at becoming the Black Canary were extremely ill-advised.

The fact that she was allowed out into the field with the rest of Team Arrow as a fully-participant superhero in her own right when she was is a really questionable in-universe decision even if they were going to allow her to become a part of their superhero team due to her relative lack of experience.

This lack of experience is one of the reasons she died, in-universe, possibly.

However, I think that the conclusions that some people draw from this about narrative direction are simply unfair, and I wanted to point out a couple of things that I think tend to show that Laurel was meant to become the Black Canary all along.

See below for a surprisingly humongous post in sections.

Sara

The first thing has to do with Sara’s journey as the Canary/Yellow Bird/Black Canary. All of this had to do with very brutal survival for her, and when she finally did become a hero, it was a journey similar to Oliver’s only with an even more deep and dark background. I do not know when plans for Legends of Tomorrow to exist came into play, and I know that there are critiques that they whitewashed “White Canary” because the White Canary from the comics was an entirely other character who was an Asian woman, but that critique aside what we have in this canon is that Sara was on her way to becoming White Canary. Laurel actually is given a very beautiful line about this when she and Sara are discussing Rip Hunter’s offer to her. She shows Sara the white uniform/costume and Sara asks where the mask is. Laurel tells her she doesn’t need one because it’s time for her to step out of the shadows and into the light. This seems like a very cogent progression of Sara’s character arc.

Sara ran away from the League of Assassins because she finally got to a point where she couldn’t take being a murderer anymore. She came back to Starling City to see that her family was alive after the Undertaking. She had no intentions of staying or of rejoining normal life because she had already become so dangerous and put herself in so much danger that she saw no way out. Then, through staying, she found friends and family and a support system again. This allowed her to begin to step out of mere survival mode. One of the differences for Sara and Oliver in this respect is that Oliver had the respite of a lot more experiences where people were not behaving toward him with ulterior, cruel, or evil motives. Sure, it was punctuated by trauma and needing to do awful things to survive all the time and every time right up until the end, but Oliver’s humanity was not quite so thoroughly eroded as Sara needed to make hers. It isn’t until she returns to Starling that she even begins to unravel that for herself. So when she ultimately passes on the mantel of Black Canary for good, rather than there being two, rather than anything else, this is an evolution for her character and self-perception and a continuing search for more of that becoming more human-again -- not a necessary scramble for a new moniker for her because someone stole hers. It didn’t come out of nowhere.

Had Legends of Tomorrow never come into existence, I’m not sure what they would have done with Sara’s character, but I still don’t think her end goal ever would have been to remain Black Canary forever. For her, it was intimately connected with her chosen name for the League of Assassins and the terrible things she had done to survive. First, she needed to take her identity as it was and use it for good, but then she needed some new dimension to herself, and so I don’t know why people insist that Sara needed to stay the one, the only Black Canary forever. It wasn’t what she wanted.

Laurel

Then, there’s Laurel. I will agree forever with some meta I read several years ago, around the time when I was still eagerly watching S3 before I just rage-quit-because-of-fandom everything I was keeping up with episode-by-episode at the winter hiatus, about comparing the way The Flash was handling Iris in S1 and comparing it to the way Arrow handled Laurel in S1. I think maybe it was in a post that was still defending the possibility of endgame Laurive/r which I don’t really care one way or the other about -- I’m a multishipper; I always shipped Olicit/y; I never didn’t-ship Laurive/r but I also never OTPed it. Anyway, it said something about how making Laurel an “intrepid normal” or “intrepid civilian” at the beginning of Arrow was a serious mistake for her entire character arc. 

I’ll admit that I still don’t know why they made her a lawyer unless it was simply to give her a job within the legal system that was different from her father’s. I don’t really know if she has ever had a consistent civilian occupation in the comics - the wiki entry I found said “florist” (lol). I know in Young Justice that she shows some skills for counseling that seem to indicate a background in it, but that could even be a getting-things-past-the-radar allusion to her being in AA for a kids’ show. However, it is still beyond me that they went so far as to make her a very normal, typical noncombatant even though they do give her basic self defense class skills from the very beginning. For example, I’ll never understand, now that we have Dinah Drake, why Laurel couldn’t have been a rookie police officer or something except that they wanted to present a contrast between her and Quentin. But also -- her father in the comics is Larry Lance. Her mother is Dinah Drake. There are all kinds of allusions to the comics layered into Arrow and the CW’s DCTV or “Arrowverse,” even in really unexpected places, but they are not meant to be direct ports. Arrow is, in terms of itself, on its own Earth-1 and it is canonically a distinct reality from many others.

Back to my point, I can see why the fact that she was so deeply entrenched as a civilian at the beginning might make people be suspect of the idea that she was ever “meant to be” Black Canary. That doesn’t mean there weren’t signs though. They go to the trouble to establish in the second episode that Laurel has some self defense skills. “Cop dad, remember?” she reminds Oliver when he seems confused.

Furthermore, choosing a profession for her in the legal system shows us that she already has an investment in her own view of justice. When she finally does try becoming Black Canary, she uses the line, “I'm the justice you can’t run from,” representing a resolution of a very long character arc she had grappling with the morality and necessity of vigilantism. She went from being reluctantly enamored by it in Season 1 to violently opposed to it in Season 2 to finally realizing a need for it and being tempted into trying it out in Season 3. That is a progression of character, not wild inconsistency.

Now I want to talk a little bit about Laurel’s characterization and the way it is characterized by the fandom. There is a lot of mental retconning that goes on for a lot of people. I’m not necessarily blaming anyone; I view fandom as an experience to engage in, and if your fanon is what you prefer, go right ahead. But I think that the writing of Laurel’s character suffered from them keeping her in the dark and clueless for as long as she was about what was going on around her. In Season 2, Laurel is really struggling with what she does know about her life. She has abandonment issues. She is grieving very deeply. She feels guilty. She is developing a substance abuse problem and generally freaking out about her own life while trying to keep an adult and professional face on it.

... And people hated her for it. This was the time when I was most-active in an Arrow fandom that hadn’t splintered off into this faction and that faction at that point. Olicit/y headcanoning and campaigning and wishing was alive and well but hadn’t created its own whole side-fandom. People still watched it weekly and regularly and blogged about it on tumblr without it being justification to judge the viewer. What halcyon tumblr times those were. But anyway. So many people despised Laurel back then. I don’t know if newer fans (uh, are there newer fans?) would even remember.

Most recently, Laurel has been a justification for people to hate Arrow because she’s gone. #NoLaurelNoArrow was a tag protesting her death. Again, I think as with Olicit/y, there’s probably a chicken and egg argument about whether or not the writers responded to fandom outcry to keep Laurel’s character on in some form or if they were already planning to do that. If you know I wouldn’t mind being enlightened. But back in, like, early 2014, “no one” liked Laurel. (’Cept me~)

The main reason they didn’t like Laurel was because she “whined” all the time or was a “bitch” for prioritizing her own emotional angst over the plethora of other problems that were actually far more immediate, pressing, deadly, and overall traumatic. But the thing that people don’t get is that she doesn’t have a bird’s eye view (pun?) on everything going on around her, and the narrative deliberately kept her in the dark for a year longer than it should have.

Wouldn’t it have been more interesting if she’d realized that Oliver was the Hood in the Season 1 finale and then her drinking and vendetta and upset over Tommy and the Hood and everything had an even more personal, complicated edge to it? That’s one retcon/AU headcanon suggestion, but don’t mind me.

Anyway, all of these acknowledged critiques doesn’t mean that there wasn’t always a general direction they were headed with all of this. Laurel and Sara’s gradual reconciliation over the course of the season, culminating in Sara giving Laurel her black leather jacket was character development. The passing of the jacket was foreshadowing. And everyone knew it and made an outcry about how they-could-not-possibly-be-considering-doing-this-this-sucks-so-much because, again, no one liked Laurel. Fast forward two years and many of those same people were quitting the show because Laurel died, but I digress. It was foreshadowing at the end of S2, even when the audience didn’t want it to be.

The Crucible(s)

There’s also the matter of a theme that Arrow has carried around with it literally since the very beginning: the Crucible.

Lian Yu literally means “purgatory.” Oliver constantly describes it and his experiences on “the island” as hellish. We know that he was not always on Lian Yu during those five years, but he was always on “the island” in a metaphorical sense and going through hell. The same was true for Sara. She faced her own trial of fire which made her into a henchmen, a murderer, an antihero-at-best, and finally a hero who operates in the light.

One of the first times we hear Oliver get to talk about his Crucible and the nature of personal crucibles such as they are, the first time that word ‘crucible’ is used, is when he meets and befriends/catches-feelings-for Helena Bertinelli. Helena is convinced that her experience of losing her fiance is the same as whatever crucible Oliver has faced. She has hurt so much that there is no way anyone can outdo her suffering after all. I don’t think Oliver ever thought it was a contest per se, but he tries to convince her that even after all he went through that there has to be another way than being a cold-blooded serial killer, y’know.

Helena refuses to learn that lesson. Nevertheless, she plays a role in showing that many people go through crucibles but not all of them come out changed for the better. We’re not meant to especially like Helena on a narrative level, but she isn’t a filler character necessarily. She’s a minor character, sure, but that’s not the same as filler. She had this purpose -- to tell us about the nature of this kind of suffering and what it can do to people. That is literally the entire Symbol of her character. She recurs because she is that theme recurring.

One of the time she recurs is in the Season 2 episode “Birds of Prey” -- another comic book allusion to the group for which Dinah Laurel Lance is best known. There is no new superhero team formed in that episode, but it is an episode that is making that titular illusion for a reason no less. This episode has Laurel and Helena having several conversations while she is holding Laurel hostage. The actual plot of the episode is, you know, an episode plot, but it shows us how Laurel has grown in her survival skills and in her view of her own survival. Laurel uses her words to communicate with Helena about Tommy’s death and her descent into addiction. Helena tells her “Once you let the darkness inside, it never comes out.”

Laurel adopts and thinks about these words even after this ordeal. She is in a very dark place, and she has been trying to deal with it. Her story actually parallels Helena’s in many ways. Tommy was not her fiance, but there is a sense in which Tommy died in Laurel’s place when she was the person who was at “fault” doing what she believed to be the right thing at the time... just like Helena. I don’t think that this parallel is a totally accidental coincidence. Laurel is being given the opportunity to go through something similar and to use that darkness, that ordeal in a different way than Helena did.

As mentioned above with Sara, it seems that this story uses the mantel of the Black Canary as a sort of place where women who have been through something very dark, very terrible go to make peace and amends. This has been true for Sara, it was why Laurel became the Black Canary, and it remains true through Dinah Drake of Arrow acting as the Black Canary. When Laurel had this thought put in her head by Helena, that was a step closer to doing something like becoming the Black Canary. Sara giving Laurel that jacket was also a symbolic signal and a step closer. Sara’s death was yet another part of that crucible Laurel was being put through. Just because her Crucible didn’t happen somewhere remote and primal doesn’t mean it isn’t a crucible, and I think that is one of the things they were always trying to do with her and it may be why she was still “normal” when the show began. Laurel was meant to go through her own Crucible and to come out the other side as the Black Canary.

Felicity (and Serendipity)

I would be remiss not to at least address Felicity here. I know that I’ve seen photo manipulations and speculation in the past that maybe someday Felicity would become the next Black Canary. Even back when it was being foreshadowed that Laurel one day would take up the mantel (maybe especially then?), people would suggest that Felicity would be a better and more logical choice. I mean, sure 2/3 Black Canaries have been blonde when they were running around in the leather, but other than that, this was a nonsense kind of suggestion. Honestly, too, I think many fans’ desire to see Felicity promoted rather than Laurel was a shipping competition as much as it was anything else.

Felicity is also a good person to bring up here because of her character arc always being one of ascendancy to something no one ever expected her to become on meta and in-universe levels. From my understanding, Felicity was originally intended to be a minor, supporting, comic relief character to give a face to the employees of Queen Consolidated and to have her subplot with Walter and the Hamlet-esque Queen family drama. However, with whomever they Test things with to get reaction, Felicity Tested very well. She was well-received and well-liked and people wanted more of her, and so she kept staying on.

It’s hard to even imagine now because Felicity and the Original Team Arrow feel so deep and integral to the show and its developed mythos at this point. However, I want to point out that Felicity did not actually learn the truth about Oliver and join the original Team Arrow until after the midseason finale of Season 1. Now, again, I don’t actually have my finger on the pulse of the writing staff because I’m just not that kind of fan -- that stuff wears me out -- but that midseason finale thing might be important because it might indicate renegotiation and rewriting of a sort in order to make sure Felicity slotted into the space they’d sort of made for her through experimentation with her interaction with Oliver and John. Before that, “Team Arrow” was literally just Oliver and his “bodyguard.”

Anyway, Felicity was a new cog in the machine. She is and was an original character, as John is and was, and she was not originally intended to stick around. You know, cue the started-from-the-bottom-now-we-here meme. Given that Olicit/y might be a serendipitous thing, but it was completely and totally unplanned until it just started happening and they rolled with it -- if you write fic you know that feeling where your characters just start telling you what to do? I imagine professional writers are a little more shrewd and resistant to their own impulses when they think they could make more money by doing it another way, but Olicit/y is literally one of those “oops my hand slipped and now I have what is (arguably) a masterpiece!” things and people seem to forget that or make it into a point for arrogance when really you should just take the win if you like it.

The Interruption of Laurel’s Destiny

Now, the fact that Felicity was never a planned-on character meant that prior to knowing that Felicity was gonna be there for the long-haul, the writers... did.. have a plan. I am not sure when the various parts of the Arrowverse went into production conceptually, but Arrow was the cornerstone. Whether or not it had been successful enough to spawn its universe of shows, I heard somewhere once that the writers had a plan for six years of the show. (I’m wondering if this will end up voluntarily being the last season, but who knows at this point. More recently I read this sort of platitude-like statement that was like they know how Arrow is gonna end but they can take as long as they want to get there which scares me a lot because i can imagine what I bet it’s gonna be but that is a different and terrible point for another day.) And yeah, the six years thing makes sense. They wanted to do the parallel plots of the present and the “island” flashbacks for five seasons, and then they wanted at least a season for epilogue -- fair enough. And for so long, I’d thought that maybe they’d abandoned that plan altogether, but whatever this was I was told my best friend had read included allusions to a lot of the things such as William’s current role and so on. So basically, I don’t think they ever abandoned or changed their plan; they adapted it.

They adapted it to include Felicity, yes. However, they also didn’t adapt it to include Laurel in a new way but still chose not to get rid of her. Now, I’m glad they didn’t do that. I liked-Laurel-before-it-was-cool and everything. But the issue was not that they never had a plan for Laurel or that they changed it in terms of her becoming Black Canary. What happened was that she was clearly originally intended to be Oliver’s endgame love interest. But they fumbled it. Even before they decided to do anything with Felicity that we know of, they fumbled it.

They fumbled it by giving them such a big thing as what happened to Sara to be their big obstacle to overcome. It’s too big. They fumbled it by going to the trouble of almost bypassing the typical love triangle bullshit until right at the end of Season 1 to keep you guessing. They fumbled it by making Tommy ultimately still extremely-admirable. They fumbled it by writing the fact that Tommy, Laurel, and Oliver all cared really deeply about each other actually really well. They fumbled it by giving us the one really actually-moving and not just sentimental, confused soup of nostalgia (which was fine but like y’know not convincing romantic development) moment between Oliver and Laurel happen right before Oliver was about to go tank it forever by “getting Tommy killed” backlit by that stupid sunlight framing thing they do. I say that moment is the Moment because before that we were literally given nothing but the most oblique allusions for what on earth Laurel and Oliver saw in each other apart from “bad boy I can fix because he’s not an irredeemable monster” and “pretty girl who never stops giving me chances.” They did a very good job of early and often letting us know why Tommy and Laurel liked each other and did nothing to give us a convincing love triangle (thank God, but also, it make this thing Not Work). They fumbled it by making Tommy and Laurel’s relationship so precious that Laurive/r looked pale and sad and like people trying to cling desperately to something lost and miserable in comparison. I’ve heard people say that Green Arrow/Black Canary is kind of supposed to be two human disasters who keep staying together or ending up back together over and over again even though it’s a mess, but they got... almost there... but never had the stomach for it, and the obstacles and comparisons they gave us were just too much for them to ever move past it unless they’d gone a far grittier place with it than they were ever willing to go. They gave it the old college try, but they backpedaled because they knew they fucked up.

(Side note: I would remind current fans that the Arrow school of writing romance seems to have a steep learning curve in this regard because when they canonized Olicit/y it became such a soup of crying and high romance there for a little while that it broke the fandom in half or more pieces and that they literally broke Olicit/y up for a while so as to get the show back on track before they touched it again. I’m happy with Olicit/y now, but this is not a Laurel-problem it’s a what-do-you-think-romance-IS thing @ the Writers. I bring this up as a defense of her but also because it’s also unclear if the beginning of Season 2 Oliver and Laurel interaction was a backpedal from which they intended to consider recovering from or if they had already decided against it but were keeping Laurel on as an important character anyway. Either might be true, but a part of me is scared that it was the former.)

When the dust settled and by the time Laurel was finally ready to begin taking her place in the narrative as Black Canary, Olicit/y had already started taking root. It was not to spite Laurel, but it also kind of didn’t help her. I still think you need to see Olicit/y as an independent development for the most part. The problem was and still is that they failed to figure out what they were going to do with Laurel instead. Laurel had one of the most richly developed background lives and jobs of any of the characters. She had friends who were minor supporting characters off and on. Her job impacted plots on the show. Her relationship to her job drove some of her own philosophical self-searching. Overall, she had a lot to work with, but they... didn’t work with it.

Anytime she had a love interest, he died (Tommy), was fundamentally too broken and misaligned with her to make it work whatever he wanted (Oliver), was evil (Sebastian Blood), and so on. Within the show, they never gave her anything that would work for her. A girl doesn’t need a love interest to be on a show, as we should all know, but this is a branch of a root problem with how they handled Laurel after Olicit/y started to develop. There was nothing wrong with Laurel no longer being Oliver’s planned endgame love interest. In fact, I find their dynamic as people who cared about each other and stayed-friends-anyway in the end interesting (which is why I hate her last words even though they could have so easily acknowledged that dynamic without Laurel throwing herself under the bus while praising Olicit/y when no one thought she had a problem with them in the first place but yeah).

The writers followed through on what appears to be their whole plan with her becoming Black Canary. Right down to her also responding to domestic violence suffered by another to initially motivate her the way Sara protected women down in the Glades. Laurel being intended to be the Black Canary was never the failure; it was the fact that Laurel was no longer intended to be the love interest and they didn’t know what to do with her on a personal level. I can think of suggestions that would have made me happy, but that’s for fic and another time and place. Laurel died for the in-universe reasons they give us, but on a meta level she didn’t die because she was a shitty superhero or because she wasn’t meant to be one. She died because we’re still living with her ghost today in the ways in which that six-year plan didn’t conform and adjust to make room for a personal life for Laurel Lance after Felicity joined the cast. I wouldn’t trade Felicity for anything, but I’d trade a lot of unnecessary subplots to give Laurel her life back.

(Final note: You want to come at us with the Laurel had no training and should never have been out in the field and blahblahblah but I just point you to Roy Harper and Thea Queen. Laurel is not the only offender.)

[micahs-journal]

05/23/2020 12:57am

I wish I had the courage to die or move away where these memories and feelings couldn’t reach me.

I want to be fine for you but I just don’t know if I’m good enough. I’m not for anything else. Why would this be any different.

1:06am

I’m so numb I can’t even cry. I’m not mad either. I just feel empty and alone. I have no one and no distractions and I don’t want anyone else. I’m that easily tossed away. Maybe that’s unfair; but your words may say it and maybe you did feel it, but your actions point that it was easier than dealing with me. That’s ultimately on me anyways. I pushed you away twice and I wish I had come to my sense earlier or was more honest during that week. I definitely don’t remember it being two weeks. That hardly matters now.

Maybe you want this to be the case so you don’t have to deal with me. Maybe you’re scared you’ll find no one else besides me. I don’t see why you’d try to hard both times to get over me if that wasn’t the case. I don’t know a lot of things about you. I just know this hurts.

6:19am

I don’t know if you’ve ready any of what I said because you don’t let me know those things all the time. I don’t know if you slept with him again. I feel like maybe and that’s why you haven’t replied or maybe you’d rather not deal with this today and ruin your day or maybe you’re tired and went back to sleep or maybe if you “sleep on it” you’ll find it easier to choose him or maybe you actually are thinking abut it. I just wish you’d tell me. I don’t need an answer to dating right away or anything. I just need to know what’s going on in your head. Hope your day is good, you slept well, and you drive safely.

6:29am

Btw, the single thing you can do to drive me away is keep me in the dark because that’s harder than not knowing for two reasons. I think of the worst possible scenario and it means you can’t or won’t tell me things. I won’t have either of those. Also fuck that advice of “the best way to get over someone is finger under someone else.” That’s so incredibly painful and not to mention unfair. You can have anyone you want in minutes without even trying. Even if I wanted to I can’t do that. If I wanted to get over you I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it in 6 months Jess. Did that mean nothing to you? Does anything I do really matter to you? Because I did what you told me you needed and you went and not only fucked someone else but got attached. You tell me you didn’t do anything with him till we were completely done but you went online and found someone else and started talking. That’s cheating in my mind because maybe we didn’t have labels but the thoughts and intentions of dating were there. And I’m sorry but waiting a week or two or a few days before fucking him after we were completely done doesn’t make me feel better. Especially since you were still leading me on. Maybe I did all this to you the first time around. Maybe I should pull a nice from your book and make you choose. Lord knows I don’t want to do that to you because believe it or not I want to be in your life so fucking badly. But I don’t know that I can like this and I’m the way you have been keeping me in your life. It’s hard and it’s cruel. I don’t have friends who can’t be around me I’m public or with their friends or do anything fun with or who lead me on while they find someone else. Now I feel like the backup plan and it’s because I really am. You’re more loyal to feelings for some guy you barely know but won’t act on feelings you already have for me.

If you even really have feelings for me. Maybe you’re just saying stuff to keep me around in hopes I won’t leave you. For someone who can’t give me a satisfactory reason why you want me around or how that benefits you you’re trying hard to keep me around. Maybe it’s because you want things to workout and you don’t want pressure. But finding someone else won’t give you less pressure jess. If anything it gives you more. I can give you time. But I want that time dedicated to trying to date me and being exclusive. I told yo awhile ago that having the intent to even try and date means I’m exclusive to you. You used to tell me that was the same for you. You used to be a lot of things you aren’t anymore because the old you wouldn’t have done this. Maybe you were and this is how Ryan felt. I don’t know anymore.

I’m not going anywhere because if I do it means we’ll never date. Don’t take advantage of that knowledge.

6:44am

If this what you meant when we were hanging out that I was shouting myself in the foot? How is it hard not being intimate but not hard doing what you did to me? I’m so confused and hurt. I’m tired of my mind always racing. I just want to be loved by you and face things together slowly over time. All this thinking I exhuasting and I don’t have motivation to do anything else. I won’t validate you and say it brings out the worse in me or that you’re toxic. I truly believe that if we act good for each other people will see and support us. In my mind if we came out of all this like surprise we’ve been talking and dating for a couple months and we’ve been happy and unchanged then people would start to warm up to the idea of it. We were supposed to be happy and spending time together throughout these last few weeks. Not like this. I chose you and that was so freeing and relieving. A heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. I knew I wanted you and I thought you did too. You were so easily swayed. How were you supposed to make this work if that’s all it took? Or maybe I was just another distraction to you. Sometimes you make it so hard to believe you. I still do and can easily have all my doubts washed away if you came back and were close to me. Something to make me feel special. But choosing me even if it’s hard. I love you<3

I hope you still remember how important that symbol is to me. I’m sorry I didn’t use it sooner.

6:52am

Does he even know you like I know you. Know you rave or share any of the things I can share with you? What’s he got that’s so great? What does he have that I don’t? You’ve spent more time with him than me and I’ve gotta believe Chelsea and Tayler. know about him. Have you brought him around your friends already? How deep is he in your life already? What haven’t you told me about him? I was right that you went and saw him to watch 90 day fiancé wasn’t I? I feel like you did sleep with him again even after I begged you not to do something like that again before you slept with me. Why did you sleep with me if you were talking to someone else? WHEN DID I BECOME THE OTHER GUY AGAIN?! what do I do that makes it so easy for people to cheat on me but totally unable to talk to me? What do I do to deserve this?

You still haven’t told me what you did for your birthday. I bet you’ve told him. I’ve told you about everyone I even attempted to talk to or talked to but gave up. I don’t know anything about this guy and yes that does make me feel insecure and gross. Hell you wouldn’t even tell me how you met. Why are you so ashamed to tell me that but so easily tell me you fucked him? Give me the worst news and then can’t even tell me answers to questions? I get it’s hard but you can’t drop bombs on me and expect me not to have questions and then go mia (missing in action) on me and avoid/dodge questions forever. Am I really that hard to talk to? Even now? I feel like I’ve been so much better than ever before. Is that not the case in your eyes?

This is why I didn’t go. I can’t stop thinking and I can’t even get out of bed. Today I’ll watch Netflix in my room.

7:31am

You’re the queen of dodging questions. It’s not hard to tell you don’t want to talk about it or just answer me and let me stew in the truth vs wallow in the unknown. Glad to know this is just eating you up. I bet you still have tinder or whatever all you found this guy on. Or maybe you actually deleted the app for him. He’s worth sticking around for obviously. I know how this shakes out. You have some sort of feelings for him and you won’t shake him off for me. You’re too nice for that. You didn’t for Jordan when he came up. I wanted to spend that day at the fair with you so badly but you chose him and look how he turned out in the end? You didn’t get to go to japan after all and we never got to go to the fair. How am I supposed to believe you’ll choose me now? How am I supposed to believe I mean anything to you when you do this stuff to me?

7:44am

That’s why you felt bad sending me pictures of your tits. Fuck feelings. I’m going to make myself numb.

7:49am

Is this all because I didn’t tell athena and hera I wanted to date you? I know you dislike their names but they have them and atleast you know who you’re up against. I don’t.

11:32am

I’m never going to be able to come with you to stuff am I? I find myself thinking about the intertubing trip last summer. I was really excited for that. I can’t remember why I didn’t go or if it turns out I wasn’t allowed to. I really wish I had though.

12:01pm

Why yes, I am sad playing sad to get sadder. I didn’t allow myself to feel this pain the first time around. I hardened my heart and you melted it and I cried. So now I’m going to get it all out because I’m going to have to harden it again aren’t I? You’re not going to choose me. You just aren’t able to say it yet. And I’m not able to accept it. I won’t leave until you push me away so hard like Emily did. I chose you more so than I chose her so what else do you expect? I meant it what I said. All that time thinking wasn’t for some flimsy promise. I told you I wasn’t going to say yes unless I could actually follow through with it. So here I am.

I’m glad gideon doesn’t know this pain. Well maybe he does. I hope not. I hope he experiences pain of rejection but it’s for something he can change. Well I don’t hope I guess. How do I change though? I want to stop crying today. I haven’t cried like this since that Christmas I started my divorce. Haven’t felt this hopeless or cold. Still don’t have friends I can talk to either. No one supported me then and no one does now. So who do I talk to? Who can or will console me? I hesitated because I didn’t want this again Jess. Why did you let me get like this? Why did you do this to me?

I know how. You didn’t believe me. You couldn’t or wouldn’t. I guess it doesn’t matter which now.

[theswiftarmy]

#3 - A Swiftie From Birth

See, when you have the same last name as Taylor Swift, it makes for a great conversation starter. Really opens doors—especially in the world of law.  Sara Swift wasn't what you would consider your average Swiftie, and her rise through the ranks of The Swift Army already upon her.  Her role today would be critical.  She was proud to have Taylor as a new client, their shared surname, though coincidental, made for a natural connection.  She had always proudly paraded the last name around on display in the various public and private aspects of her life: Sara’s business cards, and various professional and private social media accounts she possessed; credit cards, law degree, etc.  The fight just felt right.

Sara jumped on the treadmill at her gym—a quick lunchtime workout before the mental sparing with began with Scooter Braun.  She pushed play on her running mix, You Need To Calm Down began to play, it would be followed by Lover and then, well, the rest of the album, basically, her running mix was… Um, it was the new Taylor Swift album, let’s just be honest.  Her original mix had contained all the hits from the full Taylor catalog, but was pruned to contain only songs from her newest album, "Lover".  Sara hated the idea of giving in to those who held her heroine captive with their unfair contracts, and she wasn't alone, many other Swiftie soldiers shared her sentiment—a seething hatred for Scooter coursing through their veins. She upped the speed on the treadmill and eased into a full sprint... The battle along side Taylor would soon begin, and then she would once again restore her previous playlist, the full gift to the world, all of Taylor Swift and her entire catalog...  God, how she wanted to listen to Taylor’s old songs though—She craved the old songs, SO BAD, the music to which she had memory after memory attached.

Sara had met Taylor a total of four times in person, once back stage, VIP even! But when you're a lawyer, you sometimes can finagle access to such fancy fun things.  Especially when you have the same last name!  What what!  Does anyone still say that?  Anyway, she had been a fan since day one, having gravitated towards the teenage songwriter simply out of curiosity after going down an Internet rabbit hole at the end of a long and stressful night in her younger years working discovery for a case. Sara, was one of, if not, THE best entertainment contract law attorney in New York City. No one negotiated better, and that's a fact, so, take that.  No apologies.

She loved Taylor’s music.  Her career path ran parallel along Taylor's.  Every new album represented either a promotion or new work opportunity. Taylor's catalog of music was near and dear to her heart, it was part of her life, her career, it was a part of HER now, woven into her, and if someone was going to take that away from Taylor, it was the same as taking it away from Sara. They were in this together, one Swift to another. If anyone could help in finding a solution to this current situation, Sara Swift was certainly going to be one of the first in line to sign up for recruitment—Where do I join?  She had seen plenty of sneakily written contracts in her career. She absolutely abhorred games hidden in the fine print, things like no-contest clauses and a menagerie of other manipulative gag words meant to bind and blind those who can’t see the world the way lawyers could, lost in lines of legal lingo. See, contracts are all about control, and nothing more.  But, a lot times, you hide things in plain sight, so the person signing takes the bait and happily asks for even more. She had seen her fair share of swiftly swindling contracts, the language made her blood boil, you try to question those in power and you lose it all!  The thing you desire, dangling above your head. You can see, but can’t touch.  You do as we say, or suffer the consequences. Sara felt very strongly that sharing what is happening to one artist could change the awareness level for other artists and potentially help them avoid a similar fate. The message being sent is usually very clear. Basically, be a good little artist and shut up. Or you’ll be punished. Hah, Sara thought to herself, not so fast there buddy.  There are a few of us out here in the legal world who don’t have malevolent motives in mind.

Sara had lived in California for a short stint both during and for a little while after law school. She obtained her undergrad at the University of Notre Dame, a BA in English, but decided to head out west from there–University of California, Hastings College of the Law, focusing on communication, sports and entertainment. A contact she met at UC would take her to LA, which in turn would lead her to a volunteer opportunity with the California Lawyers for the Arts, funny how life works like that.  You know? Actually, side story, her first Taylor Swift concert was a small get together of soon to be Swifities she met from her time spent working with the non-profit organization battling against bad actors.  They were the first to point out that Sara and Taylor both had the same last name. “Have you heard this new artist, Sara? She has your last name!  Or, maybe you have hers?”  Sara’s Swiftie status stuck.  

“Why yes I have, you should come with me to a concert!”  Sara told them.  

“I don’t know, her music is okay, I’m just not crazy about it.”  Her friends had replied.  After the concert they changed, nothing was more satisfying than turning someone, maybe we all become Swifties in the end.

Having done a lot of work for the non-profit organization where her friends and now newly minted Swifties first met, she knew the troubles that musicians often ran into later in their careers due to mistakes made early on.  If only they had proper legal representation from the start.  If only everyone knew what kind of easter eggs were hidden in plain sight, sitting there before their very eyes.  Sara pondered the predicament of Taylor, Scooter, and the American Music Awards as she pushed the speed of the treadmill to a faster pace.  This fight was personal, but it was personal for every Swiftie who had spent time getting to know Taylor’s songs.  It is personal.  Her songs are a piece of a Swiftie’s life.  Sara just loved Taylor’s music, I mean, how could you not?  Just listen to it, and then listen to it again… and again… and again… every listen better than the previous… Ugh, her music is so good!

Just then ‘Shake It Off’ sounded through her Bluetooth ear buds.  She allowed herself one guilty pleasure song from the old catalog.  Sara pressed max speed on the running machine and pushed the volume up letting Taylor’s voice soak into her ears and permeate her brain, it’s like I’ve got this music in my mind, sayin’ gonna be alright.  Sara suddenly felt the same frustrations and anger Taylor felt in this fight, it’s just not right.  I want my past connection back; I need old Taylor and new Taylor songs to be one.

Elsewhere, Scooter sat in an expensive leather office chair, leaning back slightly twirling a pen between his fingers while reading a legal document on a computer screen. He stopped every now and then to glance at a large television screen displaying a live sporting event.  Contracts too are like a game, but with real life consequences for those involved.  But, in real life, the definition of those involved can extend vastly beyond the individuals who sign on the dotted line.

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Questions for HSM III (Part VI)

Incidentally, the above picture reflects my feelings whilst watching HSM III for the first time.

Shall we continue?

On the topic of night-time picnics, quite how Troy thought he would disguise his appearance at Mrs. Montez’s house when his truck was parked right outside is beyond me. I’ll cut the poor lad some slack: he’s in love. Foolishly, destructively in love. 

On Gabriella’s Continued Arrogance- Stanford Honors Program Part III

1- As I said yesterday, the arrogance and bold-faced rudeness that Gabriella shows towards Troy not just here, but on a regular basis, should be enough to question Troyella as a viable couple. Clearly, Troy wasted a trip. Had he spent the evening working on his truck, instead of feeding pizza into his ungrateful girlfriend’s mouth whilst she cut him down for information that SHE refused to share, then he would not have broken down outside her house. Or perhaps if Troy had spent less time pole-vaulting himself around the Junkyard with Chad, and more time looking for spare parts, he might have avoided this situation. 

However, this breakdown scene comes right after Gabriella has finally decided to go to California. So actually, is this scene a metaphorical way of demonstrating 1)- a setback in Troy’s life and 2)- more importantly, the breakdown of his relationship? Just as Troy’s truck refuses to co-operate, so does Gabriella refuse to communicate. Just as Troy chucks his keys and walks away, so should he have done after the rude treatment he just received. Is there a comparison here? Lessons to be learned? 

Or perhaps we should look at it this way: the truck is unreliable and keeps breaking down, but Troy sticks with it out of a nostalgic love. He does everything he can to fix it, and it still gives up on him. Is this not a perfect metaphor for his relationship with Gabriella? Is that what we should infer from this scene?

(By the way, a truck that could barely make it from school to Gabriella’s house without almost throwing both passengers through the windshield will later become fit for purpose when Troy makes his mad dash for California, 1053 miles away. Because plot. We will discuss this later). 

2- “Why are you saying goodbye? We still have prom. We still have to graduate.” The poor kid. When will he learn? 

3- “I meant goodnight.” Gabriella tells another bold-faced lie, planning to abscond to California whilst he’s in school so she doesn’t have to face him. Afterwards, she doesn’t get back in contact with him until much later; we know this because Mr. Bolton brings up the issue a couple of days later. Now, let me be fair: if Gabriella had a consistent record of contributing to her relationship, if she treated Troy like a man and not a boy, if she discussed her own personal struggles with stability in a meaningful way, one might understand her upcoming Wail-Fest (”Walk Away”). Instead, during this dreary ballad, she makes no mention of Troy’s feelings (as per usual), the pain he must feel at being left behind. It’s all about me, myself and I. It’s truly painful watching Troy walking home alone, sitting up at night contemplating his loss, wandering around the school rooftops aimlessly, staring at Gabriella’s empty locker, presumably coming to pick up his truck and finding a “For Sale” sign outside. He doesn’t deserve this. All Gabriella had to do was just TALK TO HIM. You can’t accuse Troy of being unapproachable: he’s one of the most encouraging, open and understanding characters in the series! 

Again, DID Troy at least FEEL that Gabriella should have said goodbye/not lied to him/not run off without telling him? Surely, he must have felt almost betrayed, even? *sigh*

By the way, another one of Troyella’s awkward kisses before the Wail-Fest. I think my eyes might roll out of my head. Nice to see some affectionate behaviour from Gabriella before Troy leaves, though. I don’t think she took some perverse pleasure in what she was about to do. She has some feelings. But at the end of the day, when it comes to her relationship or herself, she chooses the latter without remorse. (In HSM II, during the last Wail-Fest (”Go My Own Way”), she says “I gotta do what’s best for me.” And what was best for her was dumping Troy, ditching the necklace he gave her, and making him feel like shit). Why did no other character at least point out how unfair it was for Gabriella to leave just like that? 

Again, let me be clear: I fully support all of Gabriella’s academic ambitions. These are the least offensive things about her. If she wanted to attend this program, more power to her. What I object to is the portrayal of her pursuing those ambitions as being forward-thinking and totally right, when the same treatment was denied Troy last time. If anyone had laughed Gabriella out of court for wanting to attend a top university, I can guarantee that viewers would have been outraged. 

Long story short, this scene was an utter disgrace. 

On Troy and Kelsi

Sanity! Sweet sanity!

1- First of all, I just want to discuss Sharpay in this scene. Like I said in the last instalment, I think it is was fortuitous that she schemed her way into the lead role with Troy. Not because Troy would benefit from it-- his reaction says it all-- but because Gabriella would eventually show a complete lack of respect for the musical, her friends and her boyfriend by quitting later on. But what she says is actually quite good advice: “Come on, people! We’re all pro’s here!” The Queen Bitch storyline wants you to believe that Sharpay is saying this for selfish reasons, but I think she’s actually appealing to sanity. Why do the other miserable Wildcats (Deadcats, by the looks of things) think that they can’t perform a musical without Gabriella? Are they the first people to do a musical? Whilst Gabriella is a somewhat decent singer (too overwrought for my tastes), she doesn’t have the star quality of Troy, nor the professional instincts of Sharpay, nor the creative genius of Ryan. She’s certainly not the best singer. She’s not a composer like Kelsi. Upon what basis are we supposed to accept that the show is doomed to failure? 

Honestly, kudos to Sharpay for maintaining professional decorum. She said “we’re all pro’s here,” but it seems like only she is. I can even forgive her for claiming they should “do it for Gabriella!”. Dedicate hours of hard work to someone jumps ship without prior notice, and who won’t even show up without persuasion? Clearly, Sharpay was joking, right? 

2- So, Kelsi continues in her righteous annoyance with all things Sharpay, but it is nice to see her and Ryan getting along. Of course, given the Royal Sham that occurred earlier between them, of whose name we shall not mention, this leaves the viewer in some confusion. Is Kelsi ever aware of Ryan’s true motivations for asking her to prom? Or, since Sharpay has finally gotten her way, is that shunted aside by the script, as Kelsi will have to give Sharpay the duet anyway? In which case, what was the reason for manipulating Ryan and Kelsi into the Royal Sham, since Sharpay used the exact same technique to nudge Gabriella aside as she did in HSM I? Seriously, what was the point?

3- Kelsi comforting Troy. It’s TOO good, people. I rewatch this like a madman. This is what you call a healthy friendship/relationship. She quite literally has the power to pick him up and by doing so, lift his spirits, and that is what makes Kelsi a great character overall. And it makes their interactions onscreen (cruelly limited as they are) compulsively rewatchable. They are blissfully and effortlessly comfortable with each other; asides from Gabriella, the only other person with whom Troy has held hands is with Kelsi. And it’s totally spontaneous; there’s no need for discussion, no awkwardness, because they don’t need to speak to communicate. Troy and Gabriella speak a lot-- but they can’t communicate. Kelsi can say everything with just one gesture. Troy understands this, appreciates this, values this. I’ve already discussed HSM II, where she makes that sympathetic gesture towards him whilst his other “friends” freeze him out for no good reason. Here, it’s the same. Notice that although some of the students already know that Gabriella has left, NO ONE has come to sit next to Troy in the front seat. Chad, who likes Gabriella and thus must be sympathetic to Troy, doesn’t come to check on his buddy. Taylor doesn’t come. Everyone else is just having their own quiet discussions, not even paying the slightest bit of attention to their FRIEND who is lonely, lost and withdrawn. Kelsi is the only one who goes out of her way to comfort him, and let him know that she’s concerned for him. What more need I say? I LOVE THE HUG!! Seriously, did you know I love the hug? :D Evidently Troy does, because you can see him smiling all the way to the piano. 

Why no more screentime for Trelsi? We would have learned so much about them both as individuals, and they could have helped propel the plot by bonding over Gabriella’s absence. They are invaluable to the plot and, story problems and character arcs. It pains me that Kelsi is considered “minor”, when her music brings the whole gang together, and makes Troy into a star. Why couldn’t we have seen them rehearsing “Just Wanna Be With You”, or just hanging out? Why couldn’t it have been Troy who watched Kelsi composing that song, instead of Ryan coming in to fulfil the Royal Sham? Or Kelsi watching him play basketball, even though she knows nothing about it? (Alright, that’s my headcanon speaking). There’s SO much MORE to be seen and learned when it comes to Troy and Kelsi, and the fact that they got so little screentime is painful and infuriating. Why, script, WHY?

I have said before that HSM III brought me to Trelsi, because in my headcanon, they become closer during the latter half of this movie. This scene is EVERYTHING. Instead, Kelsi gets shunted off into a sham romance with Ryan, of whose name we shall not mention. To what aim? 

Also, I like how Ryan waits till Troy is standing up (he makes a tiny gesture, encouraging him to stand), before walking to the piano with everyone else. He doesn’t just walk past. Just a little considerate gesture that makes Ryan a great character and a great friend. More screentime for these two, please.

More analysis upcoming.