#anyway anyway anyway that is also why the one time on the phone my grandma said who has known the mind of the Lord —shook me so much

[theriverdalereviewer]

just remembered how in the sixth grade there was a fucking riot in the cafeteria that ended in the entire grade getting silent lunch for like 3 months

[maxverstappendefender]

ain't no love in oklahoma // op81 smau

description: twisters actress!reader x op81 but lando is convinced oscar is lying (from request)

a/n: sorry for being completely inactive. life happened and it didn't happen in a good way! i have a huge exam coming up soon so i will most likely still be inactive besides maybe a few short things here and there. anyways first oscar fic so enjoy! all pics found on pinterest, i don't own any

a/n pt2: might do something fun for each day in october but im not sure what so send me some ideas. also might do some more headcannons/blurbs soon here!

requests: closed but feel free to send me some messages since i love talking to you guys

masterlist

liked by oscarpiastri, glenpowell, and 2,927,641 others

youruser: go see twisters!! if you don’t, you suck and you better hope you don’t get stuck in a tornado because there’s useful information in our movie

tagged: glenpowell

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oscarpiastri: proud of you!!

↳ youruser: 🧡

glenpowell: caption is so real of you

user1: doesn’t yn have a boyfriend? why is she so close to glen?

↳ user2: yes but probably because there’s limited space. yn isn’t like that

↳ oscarpiastri: exactly what user2 said

landonorris: cute!

↳ user3: what are you doing here??

↳ user4: lando in the comments?

user5: such a good movie

user6: yn + glen = power duo

liked by youruser, landonorris, and 3,951,750 others

oscarpiastri: proud boyfriend award goes to me 🏆 thx for all the bts selfies

tagged: youruser, glenpowell

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landonorris: i just laughed out loud

landonorris: “boyfriend” lmaooo

↳ user7: i cant tell if he’s joking or serious

user8: cutest couple ever

glenpowell: aww so glad you remembered the time you took me to the aquarium, what a romantic!

↳ youruser: get your own boyfriend capybara

↳ user9: yn CLOCKED him

// lando’s phone//

//

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 4,027,835 others

landonorris: POLE BABYYYY!!! everyone ignore my teammates instagram posts, i have told him to stop. i think he took a hit to the head or something

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oscarpiastri: do you want to go to the farm or not?

↳ landonorris: you already said i could go so no take backs

↳ user10: lando is going to yn's farm??

↳ user11: LANDO'S MEETING YN?!

↳ user12: oh i know he's going to fangirl so hard

user13: get me someone who looks at me the way oscar looks at lando

↳ user14: are we sure that they aren't the ones dating?

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 3,017,426 others

youruser: back home finally! pic 1: yeehaw. pic 2: my cat cora had her babies!!! pic 3: dinner date :)

tagged: oscarpiastri

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user15: CORA HAD HER KITTIES

↳ youruser: i am officially a grandma. i feel the gray hairs coming in now

user16: oscar and yn are endgame

oscarpiastri: the best company

↳ landonorris: STOP, idk how you got her in on this joke either

↳ user16: i can't tell if lando knows they are actually dating and is joking or if he truly does not believe oscar

user17: boyfriend is back on the feed!

↳ user18: farmer yn is back on the feed!

glenpowell: miss you lady

↳ youruser: you miss my animals more

↳ glenpowell: and what about it.

liked by youruser, oscarpiastri, and 4,209,384 others

landonorris: OMG HE WASN'T LYING i got to feed so many animals, got to channel my inner cowboy, AND get drunk with the yn? i can die a happy man

tagged: youruser

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oscarpiastri: believe me now?

↳ landonorris: never doubted you

↳ user19: lando seriously didn't believe oscar lol

↳ user20: i fully thought he was joking the entire time

user21: how hard did you fangirl to meet yn, lando?

↳ landonorris: surprised i didn't pass out honestly. i facetimed GLEN POWELL

youruser: so glad you had a fun time!!

liked by youruser, landonorris, and 3,298,361 others

oscarpiastri: everyone clear that this is my girlfriend?

tagged: youruser

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user22: sassy oscar

↳ user23: channeling his inner lando

landonorris: yes sir 🫡

↳ oscarpiastri: stop being weird ?

youruser: MY MANNNNN

↳ user24: oh she's in deep

user25: there is one thing oscar doesn't play about in life: yn

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 4,208,763 others

youruser: didn't even know there was confusion that this was my boyfriend lol

tagged: oscarpiastri

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landonorris: how was i meant to know?!

↳ user26: literally how everyone else knew, instagram.

glenpowell: yn stop posting pics of me and my boyfriend and acting like he's yours

↳ youruser: i dont like this joke.

↳ oscarpiastri: bromance or whatever

↳ user27: they're in a throuple

↳ youruser: ew

↳ glenpowell: disgusting

↳ oscarpiastri: huhhh

user28: couple goals forever and ever

user29: if they don't get married... love isn't real

[cheol-e-kat]

For your new bingo!

Internet friends+blind date+ size kink [mingyuu]

hi anon cutie, yea, this one - i have thoughts hehe and ofc i hope you like it - also misspellings in their chat is intentional, no one is perfect while chatting

♡ kat

bingo squares: internet friends + blind date + size kink

pairing: kim mingyu / f!reader

summary:  y/n is nervous about a blind date and spends all her time chatting with her online gaming friend about it. Turns out he might be a lot more than the guy she just chats with online.

word count:  3.3k

genre: college au, rivals to lovers, internet friends to lovers, blind dates, smut

Rating: 18+, MDNI, explicit

warnings below cut

warnings: drinking, oral sex, penetrative sex, cum play, fingering, size kink (her for him), big dick!mingyu, dollification

y/n really hated dates - she hated them in general. 

so a blind date was even worse - she couldn’t even properly work herself up to her normally high anxiety levels. she certainly couldn’t properly stalk the guy on social media either, so what was even the point, she wondered as she stared at her phone. 

at this point, she couldn’t complain to her irl friends even because they were the ones with this so-called ‘genius’ plan to set her up with someone they were so sure she would like. plus, it was the day of, anyway, so what could she really do?

but then she remembered her online life, and her online friends, specifically ‘readyplayergyv’, who just happened to be online. because he was always online. 

annoyingly, he was initially encouraging - he had even said that ‘maybe she would make a friend.’ 

she had groaned at that and sent an emote of a teddy bear with a knife telling him that was ‘cursed.’

he sent a voice note in response, saying, “you never know - you might really like them - just give it a chance.”

she had one word for that: ‘traitor.’ 

well, actually she had more, so she sent ‘et tu brute’ and followed it with ‘judas’ in all caps. 

[readyplayergyv] you really are a dork

[bearycloudy] eat me

[readyplayergyv] aafafafaf plz let that be ur opening line

she shook her head, smiling. 

[bearycloudy] fr i hate meeting new ppl - i’m always nervous and sweaty

[readyplayergyv] cancel? say ur grandma died

she snorted.

[bearycloudy] taht’s terrible

[readyplayergyv] so u don’t wanna go just make something up

she sighed, wishing it were that easy.

[bearycloudy] my friends will be annoyed

[readyplayergyv] annoyed or you’ve used the grandma excuse before

she smiled to herself, knowing she had used it once.

[bearycloudy] i’ve maybe used it 

[readyplayergyv] then you know it’s a solid plan

[bearycloudy] yea but how many grannies dying is too many yk

[readyplayergyv] all the grannies all dead

she grinned. she had the urge to call him ‘cute.’ actually, she had that urge fairly often, especially when they were in dms. because he was really cute and sweet. and she liked his voice.

 they had met while gaming. he never seemed to have an issue with her being the only girl on the team. or the only girl online generally. no weirdo nicknames or any of that. just - nice. he was nice. 

the server they hung out in had a huge no-doxxing policy, so no one shared photos, unless it was like their pet or something. but she liked to imagine that readyplayergyv was at least cute. maybe hot. 

she sighed and typed a new message.

[bearycloudy] so do u have any plans???

she waited. she never really asked things like that. she didn’t mind that he did, but she also usually just shared without being asked. but he didn’t, and she didn’t like to pry. she assumed that if he wanted to share, he would.

[readyplayergyv] yea some stuff my friends planned

she yawned.

[bearycloudy] sounds exciting

[readyplayergyv] idk - kinda worried

she scrunched her brows, wondering when he was worried about anything.

[bearycloudy] why?

[readyplayergyv] so unlike u my lifelong goal isn’t being a hermit 

she was too quick to respond.

[bearycloudy] fuck off

[readyplayergyv] :/ anyway idk it’s weird meeting ppl when i haven’t in a bit yk just kind of used to how things are rn

she raised her brows.

[bearycloudy] ur going on a date too???

[readyplayergyv] nooo my friend said ‘casual meetup’ 5000000 times so idk not a date ig

she stared at her phone wondering what the fuck a ‘casual meetup’ was.

[bearycloudy] so like a group thing?

[readyplayergyv] nope

she stared at her phone harder.

[bearycloudy] sounds liek a date then

[readyplayergyv] nahh just hanging out

[bearycloudy] so it’s a date and ur at least getting blown in the bathroom then, hearing you loud and clear

[readyplayergyv] such a dick

she grinned.

[bearycloudy] thanks - that’s a compliment from you

she watched him typing for a moment and was expecting a paragraph.

[readyplayergyv] you could at least say something nice

she pouted. there were certain times when she felt like she hurt his feelings - this was definitely one of those times.

[bearycloudy] you’ll have a nice time - she’ll be super pretty and smart and all that

[readyplayergyv] and she’ll blow me …ha ha

[bearycloudy] would it be terrible if you got blown??

[readyplayergyv] i told you i’m getting back out there not trying to score

she sighed.

[bearycloudy] okay okay okay ..fr you will have a nice time and pleasant convo and you’ll shake hands at the end and exchange phone numbers all v v cute and above board

[readyplayergyv] and then she blows me

[bearycloudy] nooo saving that for date number 2 and then by date 4 she will want ur children 

[readyplayergyv] lwk hate u rn

[bearycloudy] ^^ no u don’t i’m ur fav gaming friend at least online i’m sure you have irl ppl who are cooler

[readyplayergyv] maybe but ur more fun always unhinged too

she laughed because she couldn’t deny that. she was unhinged when they were playing.

she checked the time and groaned. she had to leave. she swapped apps and booked a rideshare. she was more and more nervous.

[bearycloudy] what if it’s super weird and i hate it

[readyplayergyv] so that’s the thing ur actually worried about

[bearycloudy] shhhh i support you and your future filled with a million babies

[readyplayergyv] if it’s weird get a friend to call or text so you can duck out

[bearycloudy] all my friends think this is a gret idea tho

[readyplayergyv] u could ask me not liek this app doesn’t have a call feature

she chewed her lip lightly. she knew about the call feature. they used it fairly often. sometimes for gaming, sometimes while they were studying and needed to focus - something about knowing he was on the other end of her phone, wherever in the world, made it easier for her to focus. it was probably way too easy to call him.

[bearycloudy] yea but you’ll be busy falling in luvvvv or whatever

[readyplayergyv] u can always call me

she saw her car was approaching. she grabbed her bag and dashed out to meet it. once she was in the backseat and on her way, she sent him a quick message. 

[bearycloudy] ok ok if i absolutely have to i’ll ask

ˋ°•*⁀➷

she knew where they were meeting, this cute place with good drinks, decent food, and ping-pong tables. 

she had spent time picking out her outfit even. she hated that she was trying - it just made it feel more ominous than it already did. not to mention doing her makeup and shit she usually didn’t bother with normally. she was cute on a normal day too, but there was just that little bit of fluttering in her stomach that made her want to dress up a bit. maybe she would meet someone she liked. 

she waited outside - they were supposed to meet under the lighted tree. but as she walked towards it, she saw who was standing under it. 

she was instantly irritated. because really her friends were fucking demonic. 

mingyu. 

kim. mingyu. 

she would rather walk into oncoming traffic. 

which he seemed to notice since he jogged over to her. smiling. he was smiling - like this was some happy occasion. 

“hey,” he said, still smiling, although it was starting to falter. 

she stared at him for a moment before talking. 

“so who’s idea was this?” she tried to sound calm. there were people around them, and she hated drawing attention. 

she watched him start to fidget with the sleeve of his light-knit sweater. “mine,” he responded, like it were all normal. 

she grimaced, “yours?” she said in total shock.

he nodded, watching her closely.

she laughed, “okay, anyway, great joke - i’m going to leave now - this is - this is not happening,” she said, her mind flying in a thousand directions. 

they had had too many classes together. he was always a dick. he always critiqued her answers or made a point of showing off that ‘actually’ he was more informed. she had once cried in the bathroom between classes because it was so overwhelming to have someone always pointing out how she was misinterpreting or misunderstanding or was just fucking stupid. 

but this was beyond anything she could have imagined. she felt like she was vibrating with anger - at him - at her friends. 

and then he stepped closer. “please hear me out - just like five minutes, and if you still hate me, just go home and forget about it,” he whispered, everything about him seemed to be pleading with her. 

she glanced around and shrugged. “fine,” she groaned. she pulled out her phone and set a timer - five minutes. that was it.

she followed him over to a bench, so they were at least away from the small group outside the restaurant. 

“i know we don’t get along well in person,” he paused, looking worried, “i know you don’t like me in class or at parties or just in passing,” he trailed off. he was staring at the ground like it held the answer to whatever was wrong with him and his mushy brain. 

he finally looked up at her, “your bearycloudy and i’m”—

she smacked him. she couldn’t help it. she needed him to shut up. 

it wasn’t a full-out, open-palmed slap, but it made him pause and rub his cheek.

“so, i thought this would go differently because at least online we’re - we were friends, probably not anymore, though, i’m guessing,” he glanced at her, still rubbing his cheek. 

“this is the worst idea,” she started, and she saw his face fall. and it made her feel the same way it had earlier when she knew she had hurt his feelings. she took a deep breath. she didn’t like hurting his feelings, even if he was an absolute idiot.

 “we’re in public, and you’re telling me something that’s kind of a big deal,” she whispered tersely, “what were you thinking?” she hissed.

he still looked miserable. “i - how much i like you, all the time we spend chatting and talking, and when i saw your phone a few weeks ago, i knew i had to at least tell you,” he said softly. 

he was right about one thing - she was glad he had told her. but still. she closed her eyes tightly, “just - you thought this was going to go well?”

he shrugged, “we get along,”—

she cut him off. “yes, okay - yes - i admit that we get along online, but,” she paused, trying to find the right words - words that were less scathing, “mingyu, telling me out in public and thinking we’re just going to like get food and laugh over it,” she sighed. 

she could literally see him wilting by the moment. 

“okay, your five minutes in purgatory is up then,” he whispered. 

she shook her head. “that’s not what i meant,” she sighed and glanced around, looking for a place that looked less busy, less loud. she spotted a cafe with outdoor seating that was fairly empty. 

she grabbed his arm. “come on, doofus, let’s actually talk about this,” she mumbled as she pulled him along.

ˋ°•*⁀➷

the cafe was cute. she ordered coffee and a piece of cake. he paid. she didn’t even offer - she deserved cake just for the stupid way he handled this. 

they sat outside. she ate a few bites of cake, watching people pass by, listening to the sounds of cars and people - all just perfectly in the distance. 

she finally glanced at him. “first, you have to prove it - you have to prove we’ve been talking and this isn’t a prank.”

he stared at her, looking perturbed, and even though he was shaking his head, he opened his phone and handed it to her. and there was their running conversation. she flicked through it, sighing quietly. “fuck,” she exhaled. because there it was - there was every late night and early morning and whatever in between - their constant dialogue on any given day. 

she kept scrolling like it was going to disappear, “how long have you known?” she glanced up at him. 

“a few weeks - i didn’t know how to tell you - it’s not like it would just come up naturally,�� he murmured. 

and it hit her how easily she recognized his voice. she had been gaming with him for - and her mind blanked. she ran a hand through her hair. they had been gaming since they were freshman. she stared out towards the street lights. they were in grad school. she had been gaming with her nemesis for a solid four years. at first, it was more like they were in the same group, but then they kept breaking off to the side. 

she glanced at him. he looked miserable. they had stayed up all night before gaming and chatting and talking. she knew about all his exams. stuff about his family that he randomly mentioned. 

“were you surprised?” she asked.

he nodded, staring at his coffee cup. “yeah, i mean, the more i thought about some things, it made sense - like that we always seemed to be studying for exams at the same time.” he glanced at her. “and then i just felt guilty that i knew, but i’m so used to talking to you,” he trailed off. 

she bit her lip gently, “and we talk like every day.”

he nodded.

she exhaled loudly, “okay, so now we know.”

he nodded again. he still looked miserable. 

she stood up. he looked up at her immediately, lips slightly parted. cute, she thought. so cute.

“let’s go drink - there’s a good bar place like a block over,” she sighed. 

she didn’t exactly wait for him to catch up, but she knew he would - he was like a foot taller than her. 

he fell into step with her easily. “so you aren’t just leaving?” he asked, his voice hesitant.

“no, because,” she groaned, “because if i do then we probably like drift apart and my gaming sucks and you know - gaming,” she mumbled under her breath, knowing it wasn’t about gaming. he was maybe her closest friend.

the place they went was this cute, hole in the wall, french place with amazing drinks and food. she went straight for the cocktails. he ordered a drink and food. she was on her third drink by the time the appetizers appeared. he was picking mains while she stole olives from his plate. she kept refreshing her drink whenever the waiter offered. 

“is this you processing?”

she nodded. “yep, one hundred percent,” she smiled. 

he watched her for a moment. “do you hate me?” he whispered.

she shook her head. “sometimes i wish we weren’t in the same program, but no - i don’t.”

he still watched her, “i like that we’re in the same program.” 

she covered her mouth when she laughed, “why?”

“because i have to try a lot harder when you’re around.”

she grinned, “i’d love to know what it’s like when you’re just phoning it in.”

“i wish i could undo whatever i did,” he blushed as he spoke. 

she felt his fingers brush against hers. she didn’t pull away; instead, she turned her hand over, offering it to him. she felt his fingertips trace the length of her fingers. 

“i love how slender your fingers are,” he whispered.

she nodded, “we should just fuck.”

his gaze snapped to hers, “what?”

she nodded, “yeah, we have crushes and whatever, we should just fuck it out, see what happens - then maybe we can try a cute date.”

“you’re joking,” he whispered.

she shook her head, “no, i’m really not - we’re friends and things have, without either of us meaning for it to happen, things have gotten very weird, and if we don’t fix it, we’ll both be unhappy.”

“and how does that lead to ‘we should fuck’?” he asked.

she shrugged, “it’s an obvious choice - physical closeness - releases endorphins, yada, yada, maybe it’s fun even - reduces anxiety.”

“fuck, you’re serious - you’ve been sitting there, thinking this over,” he whined.

“tell me i’m wrong - give me one reason,” she whispered, challenging him.

ˋ°•*⁀➷

they went to his since it was closer. 

they drank more there. she was glad she wore cute underwear, especially with the way he was manhandling her. he undressed her and picked her up, carrying her over to his sofa and dropping her gently. 

she was surprised when he was kneeling in front of her, kissing her inner thighs as he spread them farther and farther apart. and when he pulled her panties off in one swift motion, she was sure that little move was enough to make her wet. but then he was eating her, working his tongue deep inside her, his nose brushing her clit. 

he replaced his tongue with his fingers, “you’re so tight,” he murmured. 

“so work me open,” she whispered. 

“don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled against her clit.

“come on, don’t you love the idea of wrecking my little, tight pussy with your big dick?”

he glanced up at her, smiling and sucking hard on her clit, teasing it with his tongue. he pulled back, though, giving her pussy a smack. she grinned at the feeling. 

he leaned over her, kissing her. “you’re so little compared to me,” he smiled, tracing a finger along her jaw. 

she smiled, nodding. “and you’re going to give me every bit of your dick, aren’t you?”

he nodded.

“promise?”

he nodded again, “promise, sweetheart,” he kissed her gently, “i’ll make you take every inch,” he smiled, smoothing her hair back from her face.

she hummed softly as they kissed - as the head of his cock started to tease her open. he was slow at first, working his hips gently. 

“fuck just give it to me, gyu” she moaned. 

and he did. it only took one quick motion for him to be buried inside her. her nails scraped over his shoulders and down his broad chest.

“feel good?” he asked.

she nodded, already feeling like she was floating, “fuck me like i’m a toy - your little doll,” she mumbled, her nails leaving little half-moon indents on his chest before she dropped her hands, letting her limbs feel limp. he fucked into her recklessly, just like she asked for. 

he flipped her over when he wanted, “my perfect doll,” he whispered as he pulled her back onto his cock, “taking me so well.”

she smiled softly as he pounded into her, every time, he was stretching her beyond anything she had tried before. even when she had once been brave and tried two dildos - he was still bigger. 

and when he came - when she felt it dripping down her inner thighs, she was happy then - happy and full since he was quick to push it back inside her, his thick fingers replacing his cock, and filling her gently as he pushed his cum deep inside her, making sure it went all the way in. she quivered happily at the feeling. 

he was kissing her softly, picking her up, and taking her to his room. he was good with aftercare. he cleaned her up and cuddled with her, making her feel safe and cared for.

she woke up slowly the next day, nuzzling close to him. even half awake, she could feel him petting her. 

after a few minutes, he spoke. “you know i have a second controller and stuff, right?”

she grinned, pressing a soft kiss to his throat, “you want to play a quick round and get some food?”

she leaned up, looking at him. he nodded.

“more than anything,” he whispered. 

she smiled and kissed him again.

a/n: ha uh like i said, i had thoughts - didn't know i would go into a doll kink, but mehh whatever - good thing they could get past their issues ^^

♡ kat

♡ my [master list] if you want to read more

♡ if you want to be tagged in my posts, go [here]

𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫�� 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬: #kat_bingos

bingo v. 1 ⋆.˚ bingo v. 2 ⋆.˚ bingo v. 3 ⋆.˚ bingo v. 4 ⋆.˚ 333 followers bingo ⋆.˚

seungcheol: knotting + marking | professor (prof. choi, pt. 1) | monster | spanking (neighbor seungcheol) | big dick + hate sex | forced masturbastion (prof. choi, pt ii) | voyeurism + punishment | coffee shop au + forbidden relationship (never let you go pt. 1) | bodyguard + drunk confession | anon sex + hair pulling + mask wearing | big dick!cheol + hate sex (choose your own adventure) | sexual frustration + ex sex |

mingyu: lingerie + praise kink | bed sharing + big dick | praise + worship kink | vehicle sex + oral fixation | drunk pda + no underwear | enemies to lovers + tentacles |

seungcheol & mingyu threesome: oral |

[ taglist ] ☁︎ @syluslittlecrows [e] ☁︎ @gyuguys [e] ☁︎ @tinyelfperson [e] ☁︎ @unlikelysublimekryptonite [e] ☁︎ @livelaughloveseventeen [e] ☁︎ @codeinebelle [e] ☁︎ @ateez-atiny380 [e] ☁︎ @mingcouper [e] ☁︎ @hanniebub [e] ☁︎ @perfectiondazesworld [e] ☁︎ @scoupshawty [e] ☁︎ @peachytokki [e] ☁︎ @halavia [e - drab/one/multi] ☁︎ @haik-chu [e - one/multi] ☁︎ @gigglensnort [e - one/multi/priv] ☁︎ @ninigyuuu [m - e, b.f. priv] ☁︎ @starlit-rin [m - one/multi, b.f.non] ☁︎

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

Hi.. love your desi f1 fics.. can you write something like lando dating desi reader and then just turning into national jiu (like Nick Jonas) so.. everyone keeps commenting on his post about being jiju and all.. and then one day, during media day, journalist asks him if he knows what jiju is.. and why is that relevant.. and lando goes all giggly and is like "jiju is brother in law" and is just happy to have nations love and support.. and the grid teases him and all cute stuff.. love your work..

National Jijaji ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

⌗ ln x desi!reader

⌗ smau

masterlist ☾☼

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

yourusername

liked by landonorris, mclaren, and 190,382 others

yourusername THEY FUCKING DID IT OH MY GOF IM SO PROUD OF THESE TWINKS

view all 127,036 comments

landonorris PAPAYA ON TOP

oscarpiastri WE ARE THE CHAMPIONES

user1 she was soooo happy at the celebrations it was so nice to watch

user2 righttt fav wag of all time fr

user3 jijaji jeet gaye ‼️jijaji jeet gaye ‼️

user4 mithai baato koi humare jijaji jeet gaye!

user5 you'd think with a rich boyfriend she'd at least have a good camera quality 😂😂😂😂

yourusername sorry my rich boyfriend drenched my phone in champagne because HE FUCKING WONNNNN WOOHOOOO

user6 papaya on top ❌ jijaji on top ✅

yourusername on top of me? HELL YEAH

user7 KOI INKI MUMMY KO BULAO

yourusername NO THANK YOU NO JIJAJI ON TOP OF ME TONIGHT

landonorris 🥺🥺 but i wanna be

user6 do they know we can read all of this?

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

lando.jpg

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 93,019 others

lando.jpg system reboot

view all 46,113 comments

youruserame told you we should do a full country trip

landonorris excuse you??? i made the plans???

yourusername jo tera voh mera 😘

user9 jijaji roaming india is a need

user10 only lando can post the most beautiful pictures of his girlfriend and his girlfriend's country and then post a goofy picture of himself

lando.jpg what can i do my girlfriend's just so pretty

yourusername what did you do

lando.jpg I DIDNT DO ANYTHING I WAS GIVING A COMPLIMENT

user11 its such a desi thing to question someone saying something nice to you 😂😂😂

maxverstappen1 this looks beautiful man

lando.jpg IT REALLY IS WE WENT TO SO MANY PLACES

carlossainz55 all i wanna know if youre getting me those swirly round sweets

yourusername dw gonna get you your jalebi soon

user13 IT IS CONFIRMED CARLOS SAINZ LIKES JALEBI

user14 its fitting that jijaji is travelling through his new permanent home

user15 monaco? what's that? place doesnt exist anymore

yourusername i wish i could convince him to settle in india with me 😔

lando.jpg if your grandma keeping making me those laddoos, i might just consider it

user13 absolutely love how y/n's family have fully considered lando as their son in law

user14 THATS WHY HE'S JIJU

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yourusername

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri and 509,247 others

yourusername i miss when my account wasnt a lando norris fanpage IN OTHER NEWS FIRST PODIUM OF THE SEASON BABY LFGGGGG

view all 90,148 comments

landonorris dont lie you love me

yourusername i love YOU not you taking over my account

landonorris same thing

mclaren so happy to see you in the paddock!

user15 JIJAJI ON PODIUM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2025

user16 JIJU WDC INCOMING

user17 LANDO JIJU STOP FLIPPING OFF YOUR WIFE

user18 whats with the scrunch 😂😂

user19 why is he flipping off his own girlfriend while hugging his dad 😭😭😭

yourusername i told him that i was a fan of charles anyway

charlesleclerc thats a good choice

landonorris fuck off shes mine

yourusername i can be your girlfriend and be a fan of someone else

landonorris baby my blood pressure is rising can you not?

yourusername oh nooooooo (im still a charles fan)

charlesleclerc ill get you ferrari paddock passes for the next race

landonorris 🖕🖕🖕

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f1gossip

liked by user18, user12 and 3,910,572 others

f1gossip lando recently met a fan in india while at the gym, who approached him and called him "jiju". his girlfriend was reportedly also there, and laughed at the interaction.

view all 2,195,932 comments

user20 WHICH GYM DOES JIJAJI GO TO??? I'D LIKE A MEMBERSHIP OF THAT PLEASE

user21 this fan is out here living the life of every indian lando fan

user23 she really called him jiju 😭 and y/n really laughed at that 😭

user24 yall lets not forget the real og jiju of india: nick jonas

user25 we can have two jijus! we need more jijus!

user26 yknow if they get married... and we do the juta churai... i think we'd become rich and lando would become bankrupt...

user27 why do you want lando to become bankrupt 😭😭😭

user26 thats what a jiju does! becomes bankrupt at weddings for his own shoes

user28 WHAT?

user29 ghar aao please

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landonorris

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 590,112 others

landonorris mustaaaaaaaaaaaard

view all 275,008 comments

yourusername LFFGGGGGGG BOY

yourusername MY MAN ON THE TOP STEP FUCK YEAHHHH

yourusername PAPAYA 1-2 LFFGGGGGGGG

yourusername i think my throat is sore from screaming too much

user24 real

user24 JIJU 2025 WDC LFFGGGGG

user23 nazar lag jaayegi 😭

user24 oh fuck nvm i didnt say anything

user22 so proud of jijaji 🫶🏻

user25 good job, lando! amazing drive! 🧡

user26 lando's only fast cause of the car he doesnt have the talent

user25 but its a motorsport? its a sport about the car being fast?

user26 so? doesn't matter

user25 wow. ok.

user27 jijaji jeet gaye phir se ‼️

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mclaren

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 942,065 others

mclaren can you guess who lando is looking at? 🤔

view all 891,553 comments

georgerussell jijaji

maxverstappen1 jijaji

oscarpiastri jijaji

carlossainz55 jijaji

charlesleclerc jijaji

lewishamilton jijaji

alex_albon jijaji

yukitsunoda jijaji

francocolapinto jijaji

yourusername NO YOURE ALL WRONG! HE'S YOUR BROTHER, IM THE SISTER IN LAW! HE'S NOT YOUR JIJAJI!

user29 ...is this confirmation that theyre married????

user30 love how everyone is ignoring admin's question because everyone knows the answer anyways

user31 JIJAJI FOR THE WIN LFFGGGGG

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i hope you enjoy this! this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :) taglist: @imlonelydontsendhelp ; @greantii ; @anamiad00msday ; @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @nocturnalherb16 ; @justaf1girl ; @peterholland04

[morganbritton132]

Oh geez this might be a double ask because my phone glitched out when I tried to send previously BUT just wanted to say that I love ur Steve has older siblings au

I also need to say that I shamelessly combined that au with ur post about Tommy knowing Steve the best. Just picturing Steve’s sibs zoning out when his mom lists what he can’t eat because they assume she’s just being difficult. Flash forward a few years and they accidentally poison Steve with like peanut butter cookies and are realllly lucky that Tommy was staying over that weekend and knows he’s allergic.

anyways thx for all ur writing!

I only got this ask once so we’re good! The Steve Has Older Siblings AU has kinda been on hold for a bit because Dustin is either the easiest or the hardest character to write and right now, he’s being difficult for me.

BUT! I love this.

I’m going to change it around a bit because I’m on this kick right now where Steve is allergic to aspirin. Also, with the way that Steve’s mom is written for this AU, she is negligent but protective of her son. I don’t think she’d allow peanut butter in the house if Steve was allergic.

She wouldn’t allow aspirin either but Richard insists that it’s the only thing that cures a migraine (hangover), and Steve’s eight. He doesn’t even like taking his Flintstone vitamins so she’s not concerned about him getting in the medicine cabinet.

It’s not common that Tommy stays over at Steve’s when they’re sick.

Typically his mom watches them at their house but she had to go wake up his grandma (“That doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t she set an alarm clock?”/”I dunno, Steve. That’s what Mommy said. She had to go to Granny’s wake.”) so Mrs. Harrington was babysitting them.

Mrs. Harrington isn’t very good at taking care of them. Tommy wouldn’t tell Steve that because it’ll make him sad, but his mom kinda sucks at this. She doesn’t even give them popsicles for their sore throats or kiss their foreheads to check their temperature. She just disappears for long periods of time to yell into the phone.

Tommy’s kinda happy when she has to go into the office because he thinks Claire might look after them, but she’s apparently studying in her room so Steve’s brothers are doing it.

Tommy secretly likes this better because Jason and Richie are very nice to him, and they tell him that he’s cooler than Steve. No one has ever said that before! Not even Carol and they got married under the jungle gym.

Tommy likes hanging out with them even if he feels icky today.

He is standing in the kitchen next to Steve, watching Richie cut a little orange pill in half with a knife. Richie keeps muttering under his breath about running out of the ‘liquid S H I T.’ Tommy thinks it’s funny that he said a bad word, but can’t laugh about it because he can see the bottle that the pill came out of and –

“I don’t think we take that,” He voices but Richie brushes him off. He says it’s like candy. Tommy has brothers too, so he knows that sometimes you gotta give in or they’ll rub your face into the carpet until you get rugburn, but, “I know but… but what if only I take it?”

“You take half,” Richie tells him. “Stevie over here takes the other half and then we’re right as rain. It reduces fever.”

“Yeah,” Jason adds from behind them. “So your brain doesn’t leak out your ears.”

Tommy looks over at Steve but he isn’t fully awake so there’s not much of a reaction there. Plus, he’s not a very good reader so Tommy’s not sure if he even knows what the bottle says. He tries again, ignoring Jason, “That’s not what Mrs. Harrington gave us earlier.”

“Yeah, I know. This is better.”

“Steve can’t take that,” Tommy tries again after he crunches the medicine between his teeth. He sticks out his tongue so Richie can see that it’s gone, and then adds, “Mommy gave that to him once and it made him really sick.”

“It did?” Steve croaks, snatching his hand back when Richie tries to hand him the pill. Richie tries to force the pill into his mouth but Steve presses his lips together. It makes his brother swear and gesture to Jason, and then Steve is snatched off his feet with a hand pinching his nose shut.

He struggles and Tommy wants to help but he – he also wants Richie and Jason to like him so, he doesn’t help. Steve gasps for breath and the pill goes in…and Steve is fine. He’s angry and out of breath, and his nose is still stuffy so he still kinda sounds like a frog but he’s not.. he’s not blue like last time.

Tommy thinks, oh. He thinks, cool.

Everything is fine for fifteen minutes and then Tommy is yelling out the door of Steve’s bedroom that they need help. Steve is breathing weird and – “and, I – I think he’s going to die!”

A lot of stuff happens at once. Claire leaves her room, Jason and Richie come up the stairs, and they all start yelling and blaming each other. No one really jumps into action until Tommy bursts into tears. Then it’s movement and car rides, and Tommy is sitting in the waiting room at the hospital without shoes on.

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting there when Mr. and Mrs. Harrington rush into the room. The only thing he does know is that he’s never seen anybody look as angry as Mrs. Harrington did when she sees them.

She looks like she’s going to yell at them but Mr. Harrington grabs her by the arm and drags her to the reception desk. They disappear behind the white double doors that Steve went through.

It only makes Tommy cry harder.

[maybankslover]

going back home II- rafe cameron

rafe cameron x argentina!reader

warnings: angst, fluff, emotional.

summary: she goes back to her country, breaking apart their relationship. what happens when she comes back?

playlist: solo un momento by vicentico

a/n: i translated most of the song so forgive if there's many mistakes. solo un momento is a song my uncle told me reminds him of the moment he left the country, he's been living in spain since 2006. it's the best thing that he could've ever done for himself and it's also the reason why i'm so damn scared of leaving my country if i wanted to try something out there.

being an immigrant isn't what they show you on tiktok, leaving your culture, your family, growing up somewhere and leaving it behind is one of the hardest things someone can do. to feel an outsider because you're one in that country you go to live, trying to find a better life for you or your family. be respectful.

also I don't like this.

part one

¿Which one is the path I should take?

If there's only one place I can reach

If I always travelled alone

And you were always my lighthouse in the city

"y/n/n" he said stunned by her appearance.

"can I come in?" her eyes with that little spark they always had when looking at him.

"yeah yeah come in." he stepped aside and watched her walk in as if she had never left in the first place.

with the door closed and taking a better look at him, she realised he was getting ready to go somewhere.

"uy you were leaving?" [oh] he nods yes. "sorry I'll get out of your way."

"no no let me cancel. it's nothing important anyway." she watched as he picked up his phone.

"seguro?" he smiles at her. [sure?]

"yeah yeah sure don't worry about it." he nods.

"the guys won't get mad?" he clears his throat.

"actually i had a- a date." her eyes widening.

"oh sarah didn't mentioned you were seeing someone." it had become akward to say the least.

"because I'm not, it was a first date just someone kyle introduced me to."

"you don't need to explain rafe, esta bien." [it's alright]

"wanna sit?" he signals the sofa walking towards it while she follows. "so what are you doing here?" he asks once they sat down.

"uhm i'm back, missed my family y'know." she gives him a side smile.

"no i mean what are you doing here? like here at my place." my place.

she sighs. "it's a selfish reason but i wanted to see you." he rests his arm at the back of the sofa. "queria saber [i wanted to know] how are you"

"it's not selfish." he smiles at her with that warm his eyes always held. "i'm alright, work, the guys. nothing has really changed since you left."

"it's good to know you're doing good." they stare at each other for a second. "could you give a glass of water?"

"yeah sure c'mon."

they both took a deep breath in, they were adults but in eachothers presence they felt like a sixteen year old again.

In the city it's just a moment

It's a glance and knowing which one is the path

And so nothing else

"so how's your family back there?" he says as he takes from the fridge a bottle of water and two glasses from the cabinet.

"they're good, priscila graduated high-school in december." taking the glass from him, she sits in one of the kitchen stools. him standing close to her but far enough to lean onto the counter.

"shit she's already seventeen?" she laughs at his words.

"no tan chiquita ya [not so little anymore] antonella y marcos are expecting otro bebe." she smiles and searches a picture in her phone to show him. she loved her cousins.

"i don't think there's someone in this world that can babies as easy as them." they both laugh.

"there's not, that's for sure. tia anto [aunt anto] asks a lot about you, mi abuela too [my grandma]" he nods.

"yeah she tells me all the time." her eyes widen in surprise.

"hablas con mi abuela?" [you talk with my grandma?]

"yeah with jose and tito too. we know how to use the translator y'know." in just a few seconds it turned into a competition of laughter.

"no puedo creer que hablas con mis abuelos [i can't believe you talk with my grandparents] con la abuela tita?" [with grandma tita?] he nods no.

"no she's angry with me because i let you go back." he tilts his head to the side. "said something along the lines of vacation, going back and heal something, that's all i could get from our phone call."

"suena a la tita" [sound like la tita] her smile fades a little. "i'm sorry i interrupted your night."

"nah it's alright." he brushes her cheek with his index finger. "you look pretty."

"thank you, cut my hair. you look good too." he chuckles. "nice shirt." she pulls a little on the bottom part of the fabric.

"i think you bought it for me." she nods.

"posiblemente." [probably]

It's just a moment

It's taking one last glance back

I want to know, my love, If when I come back

Are you going to be there

Are you going to be there

"why are you back?" he asks, the distance much closer than which would be expected.

"a vivir" he frowns a little.

"to live here? what happened back there?" she looks down for a moment before looking up again.

"i miss my family there but there's no life there sin vos." [without you.] his eyes stare back at hers. "i don't expect you to let me back in, it's been way too many months and you've probably moved on but if there's a chance for us."

¿What's the exact hour in which I have to leave?

¿How many are the signals I have to follow?

If I always travelled alone

And you were always my lighthouse in the city

"i miss you, i missed you every day." her voice trembles a little. "si no hay nada entre nosotros then i'll go and i'll be free to do whatever i want there or here but if there is something for us, me quedo." [if there's nothing else between us then i'll go but if there's still something, i'll stay.]

In this city, it takes just a moment

It's once last glance and knowing which one is the path

And so nothing else

"you won't leave again?" he asks.

"i may go one or two months to be there with them if you give me another chance pero no [but no] i won't be leaving like to live there para siempre again." [forever]

It's just a moment

It's taking one last glance back

I want to know, my love, If when I come back

Are you going to be there

Are you going to be there

his lips are on her's before he can even think twice about it.

there's only silence

taking one last glance back it's all you need

to know the path

"why i can't say no to you?" he whispers when they break the kiss, taking her face in his hands.

"i can't live without you either rafe." a tear falling from her eye makes his walls crumble down letting himself cry too. "amor."

"i just missed you so damn much." he chuckles, her arms wrapping around his waist making him rest his face on the crook of her neck.

it only takes a moment, it's only about taking one more glance to know if there'll be someone there waiting for you when you come back. and what happens when you realise there's someone waiting for you on both ends, which will be the path you'll take?

masterlist

taglist: @chenslucy @gillybear17 @imliterallyamirrorball @nichmeddar @gillybooboo @julczimozart @bellbottombabe @silkylovey @droppedyourhnd @jaydaaasworld @congratsloserr @carrerascameron @m1santhropicc @wearemadeofstardust0 @chiaraanatra @rlalliehayes @ijustwanttoreadlols @sunny1616 @theoraekenslover @isaidoop @ethanthequeefqueen @rafesdrew @loverdrew @frankoceanluvr11 @josephandrewstarkey

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[radioisntdead]

Hey could I request a scenario where the reader is Alastor's niece and the vees have a crush and alastor's reaction to finding out as well as the Vees. Honeslty if you have it where he beats up basically goes ha no for Vals part and beats him up I'd love that

Good evening my dear after writing I'm realizing you may have meant for them to be separate categories but I went love square [???]

Warnings!!

Valentino, the Vee's being weird, OOC, Vox being a voyeuristic creep, reader has deer features

You know after aiding your favorite [and only] uncle in murder and falling to hell while your mother and grandma ascended above, having a trio of overlords falling head over heels for you was NOT on your bingo card.

You didn't notice them having a crush on you until Auntie Rosie pointed it out when Velvette had a large shipment of not only clothing mailed to you but with flowers, Vox had sent electronics and more flowers [that Alastor would have such joy destroying] and Valentino had sent you erotica.

Classy.

Velvette would be the most aggressive in getting your attention, she probably also has the biggest chance to win over your affections, shoving people out of the way to talk to you, affectionately calling you things, giving you a new woredrob every other week, flowers, personally inviting you to her fashion shows and giving you VIP seating.

Vox watches you, I imagine you at least have a phone probably not Voxtech though so I imagine it's probably slightly harder to watch you through that, but with drones and other devices he watches, probably calls you something like Doe-eyes or Dollface, he's called you mini Alastor a couple of times which you did NOT APPRECIATE, once he realizes that Alastor keeps destroying the technology he sends you he switches to flowers, with cameras in them, he sometimes teleports through them and is often met with you swinging something at him and breaking his screen, unfortunately for you he's into that.

Valentino, arguably the WORST one to have pinning over you, dude manages to pop out at the worst times offering to make you a star, asking you to warm his bedroom, uncomfortably leaning in and touching you.

You ripped off his antenna.

The three of them bicker over you in private.

Now after you figured out WHY they were sending you shit and giving you special privileges you immediately snitched to Uncle Alastor because you did NOT want to deal with the whole dumpster fire that was the Vees.

Now Alastor wasn't naive about the Vee's... Affections towards you, again they sent you a concerning amount of things, but he didn't do anything because you're an adult and you can make your own decisions.

But when you come to him saying that Valentino sent you erotica and made you uncomfortable?

Well you are his one and only niece! The only family he has down here! The least he can do is squish a little purple moth for you!

You wonder if restraining orders were a thing in hell and if they'd work.

Now the TV guy and fashionista surprisingly were NOT completely thrown off by their buddy's screams getting absolutely blasted on Alastor's radio broadcast, they kept their simping to a more low-key level with only flowers getting shipped to you from Velvette and weird love emails from Vox.

Vox for some reason thinks asking Alastor for your hand in MARRIAGE, was a good idea.

It was NOT.

He's lucky he didn't meet the same fate as Valentino.

Maybe one day you'd choose one of the remaining Vee's or both if you're into that, or maybe neither.

But for now you'd use their infatuation with you to your advantage.

Good evening folks! I hope you enjoyed and I think it's probably obvious at this point that Velvette is my favorite out of the Vee's.

Am I ever going to write a fic where Valentino isn't injured or straight up dead in some way? No, no I'm not.

Anyways as always thank you for tuning in!

[literaila]

caught a bug

tasm!peter x fem reader

part two to this.

a/n: i am seriously sooo

*

“no, peter.”

“why not? no one will even be there. it’ll be just me and you… and possibly a couple of butterflies.”

he’s been trying to convince you to go to the butterfly pavilion with him for the last fifteen minutes. he even pulled up their website, showing you pictures of bugs that all looked the same and smiling adorably. he’s got a flush on his cheeks from all of his arguing.

where he got this idea, you’re not sure. why he’s so incessant on it, you know. he’s peter parker.

he practically lives to annoy you.

“i think i would rather die than feel a butterfly crawl on me.”

“we’ll get you some insect repellent.”

“then what’s even the point of going?” you ask him. you’re scrolling mindlessly on your phone; mostly just to avoid looking at him.

and drive him a little bit insane. whichever.

peter scoffs. “to go with me, of course. don’t you want to see a six foot long snake in a tree?”

“no, can’t say that’s ever been on my bucket list. or anyone’s.”

“it’s yellow,” he says, leaning towards you on your bed. he slyly—not—moved from your desk twenty minutes ago. and you try to pretend that you haven’t noticed him inching over. “please will you go with me? i’ll buy you a butterfly gift chain.”

“why would i go to a bug museum?” you ask him, lip twitching. you’re still not looking at him. “i’ve already got one of my own.”

from the corner of your eye you see his brow furrow. “who?”

you shrug. “you don’t know him.”

“i’m sure i do,” peter says, “who?”

“well, he lives off campus,” you look over to him, smiling. “i met him in class and he helped me with my homework… you know, things just went from there. he’s tall. rocking bod.”

peter is frowning.

you sign wistfully. “he’s also terribly annoying and he’s always buzzing around.”

and then you glance at him and he’s glaring.

“that’s not nice.”

“i might need to get one of those electric fly swaggers. you know the ones that look like tennis rackets? and they electrocute bugs?”

peter has his arms crossed. “i got that from the name.”

you pout, leaning towards him so you can ruffle his hair. “aww, peter,” you coo, “what’s wrong?”

he pushes your hand off, pretending to adjust his hair—even though there’s no real point to it. “what did i do to make you this mean to me?”

“i think it was the ‘sweetheart’ thing when we met.”

“what?” he frowns. “that’s endearing. like when your grandma says it.”

“it’s condescending. i don’t want a random man calling me sweetheart. especially when he’s trying to get a seat right next to me. i thought you were a frat boy.”

peter just stares at you with his mouth open.

“you’ve got the hair for it.”

his mouth closes, jaw clenched, and he glares at you again.

you laugh, hanging your head at him. “and anyway, why do you want to go to the butterfly pavilion? i didn’t even know we had one of those.”

peter looks away, swallowing. he shakes his head, and then he looks back to you, his usual smile is tight-lipped. “you don’t want to go to dinner, and you don’t want to get coffee. i just thought…”

“so your next resort was the butterfly pavilion?”

peter holds his hands up in defense. “hey, i figured no one’s ever asked you. i’m trying to beat the crowd.”

“it is literally just you and me.”

“the figurative crowd,” he rolls his eyes. duh. but then his weird smile is back, and he’s seriously looking at you. he clears his throat, readjusting, uncomfortable. “i’ve been meaning to ask you, though. why won’t you go to dinner with me?”

“huh?”

“or get coffee. i mean, i know we joke, but if there’s a reason…” he gestures with his head. “or another guy or something, i want to know. or if you’re just not…”

that into me.

peters face is so painfully neutral. he’s looking at you, except that he’s not. and you’ve never seen him quite like this.

you joke with him all of the time. mess with him like he’s someone you’ve known for decades, and not just four months. but his smile has never looked so fake.

apparently you’ve been staring at him for too long, because peter makes a noise. “sorry,” he whispers, but too loud. “i don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. i just don’t want to keep dancing around it, y’know?”

“you didn’t—“ you clear your throat, looking away from him. “it’s fine.”

he nods, and then he waits.

he gives you several heart attacks, and peter, well, this must be normal for him. making girls feel like their organs are going to fall out of their chest. asking them to random places that of course he likes, because he likes everything.

looking at them so patiently, just like he’s looking at you now. giving them that friendly smile, that evil smile that made you afraid of him in the first place.

you sigh. “i don’t know. i thought you were joking, mostly.”

“for the last three months?”

you look over at him, eyes deadpanned. “peter. you realize how unserious you are, right? like, this cannot be news to you.”

he nudges you. “i know. but there’s only so many times you can make the same joke before it gets old…”

you don’t want to tell him that it has gotten old. that you feel your heart sink a little lower every time he laughs about it, because reality is just…

just.

“well, you’re usually unbearable. how am i supposed to know when you’re being serious, or just annoying?”

peter laughs with his teeth.

“plus, it’s just…” you blow out a breath. “i mean, we’re different, peter. i don’t like doing things like going to dinner or museums. i’m not any good at them. actually, the only thing i feel any good at is being mean to you. that’s easy.”

“well, you’re doing a great job.”

you snort.

peter leans over to try and catch your eye. “it doesn’t matter if you’re good at it. i don’t care about that. and it just means that you need practice.”

“i’m not falling for the ‘we’ll just practice this’ bullshit trope, peter—“

“c’mon,” he says, groaning. “like i’d let you practice with me.”

you roll your eyes at him but lean back against the wall. letting your shoulder brush his.

“hey,” he whispers, moving closer.

“hmm?”

“you like me, though, right? you already know i like you.”

“do i?”

“i wouldn’t endure all of the pain you put me through if i didn’t.”

“true,” you say, sighing. “yeah, i like you, peter. i wouldn’t have let you in if i didn’t.”

peter smiles, a bit smugly and you scowl at him, hating the way that smile makes you feel.

“good,” he whispers, turning toward you. “that means i can do this…”

when peter parker kisses you, it’s like letting go of any doubts. it’s like getting a limb back after years of phantom pain.

it’s sweet and sort, and peters lips are as soft as they look, and so is his hair—

when he pulls back, he’s still wearing that smile. “so, will you go out with me?”

you tilt your head and pretend to think about it. “are you still going to buy me that keychain?”

peter laughs and he kisses you again.

*

[ms-demeanor]

Atheist condolence card like "sucks that your grandpa no longer exists and you'll never see him again, oh well"

I mean, I'm looking for a condolence card for a Jewish family (found a pretty good one, will be adding a note about a shared memory of the deceased and hopes for the mourners that their memory may be a blessing).

But also I have no idea why people find the concept of an afterlife comforting. Legitimately, that is unappealing to me and the idea that I would be artificially separated from the people that I love and reintroduced to them after a period of separation if there was no need for that time of mourning and loss seems. Bullshit? It seems like bullshit? Capricious and cruel at best?

Anyway when my grandpa died we got a phone call when they tossed is ashes into the ocean and we never saw him again! Being reminded that we wouldn't see him in an afterlife wasn't the sad part, the sad part was knowing that we wouldn't know him anymore, that we'd be on one side of a growing divide, that there was a before and an after and we had left him behind while we had to move forward. It wouldn't have been comforting to think "well perhaps someday when I have lived my life without him, I will see him again in a place where nothing from this life (all the things that I have done, all the things that he taught me) will matter because they were worldly and unimportant."

What was comforting at that time, and after the very many family deaths that I have experienced (and I've experienced a lot! I've been comfortable with the idea that I'll never see my loved ones again when they're gone since I was a very small child!), and what I suspect is comforting even for religious people who have experienced a loss is to be reminded of the people who are still on the same side of that dividing line, who we can still love and adore and support and make memories with.

Anyway. I'm an atheist at least partially because of my grandfather, who was a magician and a skeptic and took great joy in skewering the supernatural. It would be an insult to his memory to think that he was an angel lighting up a star in heaven or whatever the christian condolence cards say.

My grandpa did a sexy comedy magical immolation of my grandmother in front of crowds; there was a devil on the flier.

(grandma's the one on the right)

Pictured: Not someone who had much reverence for death or much patience for the supernatural:

(Funny story, when my dad came to visit this week he saw a 2-post 52U server rack on the driveway from a distance and asked me "where did you guys get the guillotine? Did I leave that here?")

But my family is probably *unusually* atheist and irreverent.

For atheists in general I don't know why people think that it's more upsetting to acknowledge the truth (that once people are dead you won't see them anymore) than to be told "comforting" lies (that you will see dead people again at some mystical place that you have no access to or proof of).

I *hate* hearing "they're in a better place" when I'm mourning someone I loved because that's something that's comforting for a religious person to say but dismisses both the way that I mourn and (frequently in my family) the beliefs of the deceased. They are not in a better place, they are *gone* and I don't want to imagine that they're somewhere waiting for me to join them again, I want to remember them for who they were and accept that they aren't in my life anymore.

"They're in heaven now" "they're with the angels now" "they're with their maker" - none of those things are true and they reflect an extremely limited worldview that I don't share and find pretty insipid actually! Thank you for trying to comfort me you are doing a poor job of it I'm going to go hang out and talk to someone who actually knew them and we'll share stories of what an asshole they were and what kind of crazy nonsense they got up to and what a big, important part of our lives they were and we'll start trying to make sense of how to fill the hole left behind with something practical and joyful and fun and honest that they would have loved instead of cardboard angel wings.

[sanyu-thewitch05]

Adding a bit of happiness before the chapter 7 ending:

F! Sage Island Resident Reader Headcanons:

Pt.2 Pt.3

You loved living on Sage Island. Born there and probably going to die there.

Unfortunately since the two Arcane Schools have been established in your island, the housing market has been in a centuries long decline on one side of the island. Specifically the northern side where NRC is.

Turns out, years of crash out students is terrible for the housing market.

That and the three students that died in the old dorm, some poor sap is living in(“bless their heart” is what you think of every time you think of them)

Despite a whole mountain separating NRC, more people(including most of your family) moved to the middle and southern part of Sage Island. Which left only a few houses left on the northern side.

Your family couldn’t get your grandma to leave, so you volunteered to stay with her so she won’t have to be alone.

Well, she had plenty of ducks, goats, and three cats. But your mother said that didn’t count and someone with thumbs needed to look after her if she was going to stay.

There was a stream near your grandma’s house, so it offered plenty of opportunities for scenic photos on Magicam and the occasional fish dinner.

Plus, the woods had plenty of fruit, herbs, and flowers to pick so you can save your money and/or decorate your grandmother’s house.

Unfortunately, the occasional run-ins with the NRC students left you somewhat irked.

👒: A little time by the lake shouldn’t hurt, right, Felicity?

Your first time meeting the NRC students was when you accidentally stumbled upon their camp and saw a monster attacking the students.

You contemplated leaving, after all you may have magic, but you couldn’t risk leaving your grandmother alone for too long. But the monster’s fur was so beautiful. It reminded you of your grandmother’s fur coat that she fashioned when she killed a beast in the woods some years ago. Then, you were determined to have your own fur coat.

You attacked the monster, startling everyone around you. Just when you were about to stab the beast in the stomach, it pulled off its mask and revealed a young man.

“Professor Crewel?!” A student exclaimed.

🐶: Get off of me…please…

👒: Damn it! Just when I thought I was going to get a nice coat. FUCK!

If it wasn’t accidental encounters that ruined your ambitions, it was grandmother’s tale of how your mom came to be that soured your opinion of the gothic arcane school’s students.

👵: Did I ever tell you about your mother’s biological father? It was way back when we didn’t have all this hip technology. Just good old spell books and witchcraft! Ha, we used to have a fun time back then, anyway, your biological grandfather was a handsome young man in his 3rd year at NRC. We were a hot thing until I got pregnant and then he graduated without even telling me or sending me an invite after all his talk of getting married after school. Shortly after, I met your step grandfather and he was kind enough to let me stay until I got back onto my feet. Months went by of him treating me like a queen, then, the day your mother was born, I got two surprises. A marriage proposal and a beautiful baby girl. Anyways, the lesson is fuck NRC and its students. Any questions?

👒: I’m good.

There was also the many times the NRC students made you late for work or broke something in your family’s plant shop because of their constant fighting.

It was worrying to a degree, which is why your family checked up on you every day via phone call.

👩: Sweetie, are you sure you don’t want us to convince grandma to move down south with us? It is so quiet down here. No shouting, no nothing. Just peace and quiet. Plus, there ain’t none of that ghetto constant fighting and yelling. It would really be better for your nerves-

👒: Mama, you know grandma won’t leave this house even though grandpa was a former RSA student. It’s ok, I’ll stay as long as I need to. It really isn’t that bad, it’s quiet most of the time-

*An explosion comes from the school*

👒: BESIDES, the other people remaining could need my help too. All the other remaining residents are either elderly or, they’re too poor to move.

👩: Ok, just make sure to stay safe. I’ll see you at the shop this weekend.

You were also staying at your grandma’s place for the safety of the NRC students as well.

🐉: Hello, would you like to buy some candy to help our-

👵: DEMOOONNN!!!

👒: GRANDMA, NO!

Your grandmother proceeded to chase him into town with a broom. The poor fae prince got hit on the head a couple of times, and worst of all, your grandmother had gotten a couple of hits on his poor friends as well.

👒: I am so sorry! I will pay for your medical fees or just anything you want. Please, don’t press charges on my grandmother!

*You hug the tall silver haired boy’s leg*

👒:The police department won’t even take her in because she once beat up every officer so it won’t help anyway! I promise she’s not a menance most of the time!

🗡️: Ok, we won’t press charges…can you get off my leg now?

👒: Oh, sorry. But are you really sure none of you are going to press charges? Your short friend has been staring at my grandma for a while.

Silver looks up and sees his father gawking at your grandma as she’s being held back by several islanders.

🗡️: Hello, Lilia…*whispers* Father are you ok?

👒: Oh no, I think he’s concussed! Someone call a doctor for this poor boy!

[randomsillyfangirl]

Oliver Otto x Reader

To start this off. Ik many people think that Oliver is gay, which is alright and people are allowed to think whatever they want! Me personally, I don't really give him a label. But I do think he likes girls, since he's shown much interest in them. I do not mean any harm with this post! If you do not like it- please just scroll away 💕

But anyway, again I will still be writing Pablo Gavi x Reader. I'm just watching American House Wives rn and am obsessed with Oliver lol

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You and your family just moved to WestPort. Your father was a famous author while your mom was the ceo of a famous book company- matched made in heaven. You were an only child, their only daughter. And in a whole new country.

In the first week of your family moving your mom and Katie became besties, your dad and Gregg became friends. But you? You felt so alone. Everyone else seemed to be snobby. You didn't like them- you weren't raised like a WestPort kid.

Your family was going to the Ottos house, they invited you to their home for a barbeque. " and young lady, you better not be on your phone or reading the whole time we're there! " your mother warned and you sighed, you really missed home and didn't wanna be around WestPort type people.

Thankfully the Ottos weren't those snobby WestPort people, but you still wanted to be alone. Taylor tried talking to you, and you two did have a conversation. " what sports are you into? " Taylor asked, but before you could respond Oliver started to insult his sister, " all sports are useless they're to get into college. You're just wasting your time. " he said and you rolled your eyes.

" actually, that's not true. What's more important is experience." you corrected him, when you made eye contact with him you had to hold back a smile, he's so cute.

Oliver was going to give you a response before Taylor stopped his comment. " you dress so... Let me dress you!! " she started to beg. You sighed and nodded, " mom, me and Taylor are going to our place to try on clothes." you told your mom, but Katie demanded that you bring Oliver too.

At your place, Taylor went through your closest. " you have really cute clothes! Why don't you wear them?" Taylor asked. " because WestPort kids don't." you sighed sitting on three bed. Oliver stood against the wall, looking around your room.

(See below for the outfit + hair Taylor chose for you)

When Oliver saw you, he smiled. Taylor noticed and her jaw dropped abit- Oliver wasn't being a bitch? What's going on!

Oliver coughed to signal to his sister to stop being weird. You smiled back at Oliver. " you're in my English, aren't you?" you asked looking at him. He nodded and chuckled, " don't forget, also in your biology." you nodded and laughed, " almost forgot."

Taylor went to ' go to the bathroom '- aka give you two some time to talk. " why'd you move to WestPort? You seem like you hate it. " Oliver asked. You sighed, " my parents wanted to expand their business from (your country) to the states too. And here, we can make connections. Everyone loves it here but me." you sighed again. Oliver sat next to you, " trust me. It gets better."

The next day at school, you wore another outfit Taylor recommend for you. (See pictures below) You didn't have any friends, so you walked in alone. You got alot of attention. You weren't wearing skinny jeans that cost $300 with some ugly expensive grandma sweater. You were wearing a Pinterest type outfit that probably cost you $20, excluding the shoes.

You were getting attention from the girls, more of them questioning you. But the boys? They liked your outfit. Yawning, you walked to your class, you could feel peoples eyes on you and you hated it.

Oliver watched you walk in. " isn't she pretty? " he heard one of the guys say and Oliver nodded. Cooper nudged his shoulder, " ceo and successful writers daughter right? Perfect for your mission. " he teased, but Oliver wasn't listening; all his focus was on you.

In English, it was a pair assignment. Cooper wasn't in his class, so nobody interrupted his plan to ask yo- who the hell is that? Some WestPort snobby guy was asking you to be his partner. " so darling, you do the work my dad will do m- " the guy was proposing his idea until you interrupted, " I'd rather get hit by a car." which seemed to annoy him. You looked over at Oliver and smiled, giving him the confidence to ask you to be his partner.

" You? Me? Working together? What do you think? " Oliver said sitting next to you. You smiled and nodded, " I'd like that. We can go to my place after school? Since I've been to yours already " you chuckled and he did as well, " I've always wondered what the house of a ceo and writer looks like. " he said making you laugh.

You lived in one of the larger houses in WestPort. Oliver was checking out the place, amazed, it was a gorgeous house. You sighed, " sorry it's not very fun.." . " it's amazing!! " Oliver basically screamed, hearing an echo. You shook your head but chuckled, " it looks nice.. But it's lonely " Oliver listened to your words, " yeah, like cooper.. " he said, sighing to keep talking " but hey, you'll make plenty of friends." he said smiling, making you smile.

You looked at him, " wanna see all the useless and expensive crap I have? " he nodded repeatedly, " umm yeah! " and his reaction made you laugh. Going into one room, " this is where my dad keeps these random glass statues. " going on into another, " my moms old coats, boringggg " and then finally, " my records and record players " you said, going into the room next to your room.

In your room, you two started your group project. Your project would last for half the school year- a massive school project.

But the two of you started to get really close during the time. He was your friend friend in WestPort, other than Taylor.

" so I was thinking, we hang out. My place. " Oliver proposed the idea to you. You nodded, " yeah sure, I'll bring the study stu- " you were saying until Oliver intrupred. " no no. No books. Just you and me. Hanging out." he clarified. You smiled and felt you cheeks go light red, " I'd like that." you told him, making him smile too.

You two went up to his room later that day. You sat on his bed, " sooo, what we doin?" you asked him. He looked at you, a little panicked, " what are we doing?" he repeated and you looked confused.

" you have no plan? "You said and then laughed at the lack of response. You weren't laughed at him, you were laughing because it was sweet. You got up," wanna see what we just got at my place? " and Oliver nodded, so you took him to your place to show him.

Your parents got in a massive library. You ran to one of the shelves, grabbing the ladder and climbing up, " there's a book in here that reminded me of you!!" you yelled, looking for the book. By ' reminded ' you meant ' I specifically asked for this book, to give to you. ' hey, that's how girls work.

You came back down to him with a book, before you could speak Oliver already took the words out of your mouth, " how did you know I wanted this book!? " well maybe not exactly what you'd say, just rearrange it.

You nodded, " thought you'd like it." you gave it to the brunette. " you can have it." And you both smiled. Oliver coughed, " I was wondering if tomorrow, you and me, alone, go out somewhere. No studying, but this time I'll have a plan.." he said, fidgeting with the corners of the book.

You smiled and nodded, " I'd like that.." Oliver was trying to ask you on a date, Taylor said that he should.. " she likes you! " Taylor yelled at Oliver. " but how do i ask her? If I ask her to go out- she'll assume it's got studying! " Oliver argued. Taylor laughed, " then ask her to go out alone, and mention no study. And people call me dumb." Taylor scoffed.

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I hope you enjoyed!! <3

Ik this is all over the place- but I actually had fun writing this.

For the people who asked to be tagged in a oliver otto x reader post: @y4sm1nsstuff @animesimp3456 @hunterluvr

[esmedelacroix]

Tabhair ‘om póg, is Éireannach mé[kiss me, I'm Irish]

miguel o'hara x f!reader

synopsis: You had no idea Miguel was part Irish...

cw: fluffy fluff, Irish-speaking Miguel(translations provided), I don't speak Irish so the translations will be wrong(I'm trying here), established relationship, silly

a/n: Hey lovies, Although Miguel didn't really embrace his Irish side in the movie he's still Irish, I also think it would be so silly for the reader to just randomly see him speaking it and being so gagged, anyway hope you enjoy...

wc: 500

Your eyes fluttered open slowly adjusting to the darkness of your room. You could smell Migurl's presence because you had one of his t-shirts on, but you could feel that he wasn't lying there with you. You rubbed your eyes and slowly got out of bed.

He could just be in the bathroom, but you had attachment issues when it came to sleeping together. You heard low conversation coming from the living room. The other end of the conversation sounded like it was happening over the phone.

As you got closer you could make the voices a lot better, Miguel was talking to an older lady over the phone. The gag of it was that they were speaking gibberish. Or maybe not gibberish but a different language. It was not Spanish, Miguel spoke it all the time. He was using a different accent here. You finally walked into the living room leaning against the wall behind the couch Miguel was sitting at. "Is breá liom tú Mamó, bíodh lá maith agat,"[I love you, grandma, have a good day] he said before hanging up.

"Why aren't you in bed Hermosa? were you waiting for me?" he asked before getting up and walking towards you.

"Yes, but that's not important, what language were you speaking just now?" you questioned.

"I was speaking Irish, I was speaking with my Mamó[grandma]," he said as he took your hand and walked back to the bedroom with you.

"So, you’re Irish?!" you asked.

"Yes?" he responded as though you already knew.

"I didn't know that, I thought you were just Mexican," you gasped as you trailed behind him into your shared bedroom.

"Well I'm not," he answered amused by how surprised you were.

"How come you never told me?" you asked.

"Babe I literally have an apron that says 'Kiss me, I'm Irish on it," he said, pulling your cheeks playfully.

"I thought it was just a little jokey joke," you admitted. Miguel pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You're such an airhead sometimes, ach sin an rud is breá liom fút[but that's what I love about you]," he said, urging you to get into bed with him.

"What does that mean?" you ask skeptically.

"It means, you're so annoying, now let's go to bed," he groaned as you got under the sheets with him. You playfully hit his chest and snuggled up against him. He slowly ran his fingers through your hair and kissed your forehead as you snuggled into his chest. After moments of silence, Miguel assumed you had fallen asleep, you suddenly looked up at him, "Is that why we always go all out for St. Patrick's Day?" you asked, causing him to crack up.

"Go to sleep baby," he exclaimed through laughter.

The next morning Miguel had a lot of explaining to do...

[autistichalsin]

I love my mom but the lying and guilt tripping gets to be so much sometimes.

IE she overheard me talking about getting my brother a ticket to fly to comic con with us. She got pissed about money (fair enough I guess since he still lives with her and my dad) but then I brought up we were helping, and she got mad at me saying she missed my college graduation because of money so why didn't we help?

I just about lost it. I BEGGED her to come. I offered to pay for all the hotels or plane tickets. She's scared of flying so wouldn't do that, and won't let my dad go anywhere without her, so that was a no. And she said the drive was way too long, she'd be really uncomfortable, and my dad couldn't take that long off work.

She didn't come because she didn't think it was important. Bottom line.

In fact, I even mentioned at one point before the graduation I was grateful, as much as the pandemic sucked, that the graduation would be getting livestreamed because it meant she and my dad would see it no matter what. And she (granted, drinking at the time, but still) said it was horrible for me to celebrate people dying just so I could have a graduation.

EVERY TIME I brought up my graduation, she never showed the slightest interest, nor the slightest bit of sympathy that she was missing it. She went out of her way to blame me, act like I was the one being unreasonable. She continued showing absolutely no interest for my Masters graduation, so that I ended up not even bothering to travel (online program) because I knew no one would be there for me anyway, so why bother.

I didn't even get to go to my high school graduation, because it was an online program on the other side of the state. I had to be held back a year when depression hampered my academic performance, and my older siblings had already dropped out; in desperation, trying to motivate me not to do the same, my dad promised me that if I made it, they would too. So I worked through, got the credits I needed... and nope. My mom screamed that my dad spent too much on getting the car up to pass inspection standards (how does that even make sense) and that we therefore couldn't afford to go. So I didn't get to attend that either.

And you know what? Honestly, I made my peace with it- with the fact that my mom will never care about me the way she cares about my sister, that she just doesn't think my successes are worth celebrating (unless she can brag to someone online to seem like a good parent, I guess) and lacks the empathy to understand why me having my parents with me at major life events is a big deal. I worked through that and made my peace with it and have quietly decided I am not even going to bother inviting them to any future events I have, unless maybe I get married one day, I guess, though I feel she'd still try to find excuses not to go to that if it was more than a four hour drive from her.

I could deal with all that. But she fucking LIED about it to guilt trip me. She lied that she WANTED to come and it was money preventing her. That I never tried to help her get to me. And that's the part that hurts the most. That she wasn't there to celebrate when it mattered, but now has the nerve to lie about it and play victim, as though I'm the reason she wasn't there.

She always does this shit! When I was a senior in undergrad, there was an undergraduate research symposium everyone in my major was required to present at. It was ALSO on Zoom, so no excuse not to make it. I asked her and my dad multiple times if they'd like to see my present my research paper on a Japanese death cult and the effects it had on Japanese culture. They BOTH declined. So I invited my grandma, who was happy to be invited, and my best friend even walked her through setting up Zoom for the first time. AFTER the event, when I was telling my mom and dad on the phone about my grandma loving my presentation, THEN my mom got livid and said she had NEVER been invited, and of COURSE she would have come if she had the chance, why did I invite my grandma and not her?

She doesn't want to share in important things with me but then she gets pissed if I then share them with others instead. I guess she wants to feel so important that her declining would make me refuse entirely instead (as with my Masters degree ceremony?) I don't know.

I'm just tired of this man.

[xf-cases-solved]

S1E14: Gender Bender

Case: In what is arguably one of the most "why did you write this??" plots so far, our dynamic duo (per Mulder's request, I might add) investigate the deaths of five victims who appear to have, like... been fucked to death? Or something?

Actually I have to interrupt my own summary here, bc I just looked up the Wikipedia page (yes, bc I was trying to remember the state, shut up), and Glen Morgan is apparently quoted as saying he wanted "an episode with more of a sexy edge." How that ended up being this particular episode, I cannot say. That is an X-File in and of itself.

But I digress. People are dying of mb really high levels of pheromones caused by super mind-blowing sex. Sure. Also no one is sure if this killer is male or female. (They somehow manage to not even entertain the idea that any of the victims might have been gay, which I thought was an impressive feat of elephant avoidance.)

ANYWAY. Their investigation leads them to Massachusetts, where a bunch of sci-fi not-Amish people are chilling out doing not-Amish people things. Stuff kind of just snowballs from there. Mulder jumps down into the not-Amish people's ritual cellar with no backup and then proceeds to reprimand Scully for being reckless; Scully (for the first, but unfortunately not last time) almost bangs someone bc she is being manipulated due to some supernatural phenomenon; I laugh A LOT alone in my work office bc I had forgotten the stupid twist ending; and Nicholas Lea is a starving artist who has to take the roles he's offered if he ever wants to be bumped up to recurring character status. Sigh. Hustling the club scene used to be so simple...

Does someone die in the cold open: Yes. He is fucked to death. Or something.

Does Mulder present a slideshow: Yes! Of dead people! Who were fucked to death! Or something!

Does the evidence survive the investigation: The evidence doesn't even stay on this planet.

Whodunit: A horny alien cosplaying as a gender fluid Amish person. No, seriously.

Convictions: Zip.

Did they solve it: No. This is my very first explicit no with no qualifiers. They 1. did not figure out the cause of death definitively, 2. did not apprehend the suspect, 3. lost literally all of their evidence, and 4. the government wasn't even hiding anything this time, they just got outsmarted by some horny aliens and were left with nothing. In fact, I bet they actually know less now than when they started. Failure from top to bottom, guys, good work.

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Anxiously clenching your butthole while crossing your fingers and praying that your faves don't say anything TOO problematic. Are you educated in the systematic inequalities facing minorities in the world? Are you aware of how socially accepted language and behaviors have evolved over time to become more inclusive and less prejudiced? Do you also happen to be watching a show that was made pre-21st century, and "oh god, are they doing an episode that revolves around *gender*? Oh Christ. Oh no. Oh God"? Never fear! Anxiously clenching your butthole while crossing your fingers and praying that your faves don't say anything TOO problematic is here!

*This product is versatile, and can also be used in a variety of situations, including, but not limited to: Seeing your favorite celebrity's name trending online and not being sure why; introducing your trans friend to your socially conservative grandma; or being forced to listen to your boss's opinions on "woke culture" after your coworker casually mentioned seeing a black person in a new TV show.

Get clenchin'!

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 6 (streak ended. brutally)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, it's me" phone calls: 1

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 4

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 5

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 4 (upped it another half point, bc i don't thiiiink the guy coercing her intended to put her life in danger. he just ("just") wanted to sexually assault her, but also apparently fucking those guys kills you, so. another toss up)

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 8 (for an episode that was meant to have a "sexy edge," it was deeply unhorny all around, even between our good good coworkers. they should have brought back that horny fire expert from episode 12 to bring up the heat, pun not intended)

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 1

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 1

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 5

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2 (when i made that stat, part of me was like "mb i am misremembering how often that happens, and it won't even come up that much," and then it happened in the very next episode)

Total Number of Nosebleeds: 4

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 2 (don't touch and sniff the weird alien goo wall??? i know for a FACT you keep rubber gloves in your pocket)

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 1

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 2

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 2

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 1

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: still 0, but like, uh... definitely the closest we've come so far

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 4 ½ (yeah i couldn't even pretend that i paid attention)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 2 (i didn't need to, but i did read the wikipedia page anyway just out of pure curiosity, bc why did they write that episode? i mean like, i was entertained, which ig makes it a win, but also just... why?)

[lovely-writes-alot]

Lore drop

Anastasia

tw: Mentions of SA and literally every type of abuse, and brief child abuse (father slaps child)

@your-favorite-sapphic-monster @arisdaughter @childofthewargod @damiedantediane @kaiaalwayswins

@that-girl-cupid/@that-girl-cupid-2 @delilah-isnt-dead-yett @daonedaonlyskh

@aria-pane @poseidons-hyperactive-kid @wine-cooper @i-am-persephones-daughter @unhinged-as-hell

@demigod-jack-hearth @seed-of-the-pomegranate

If you want to be added, removed or if I forgot to tag you, let me know :)

"What the hell are you doing showing your face around here?" Her grandma said harshly.

"Who's is i-" Anastasia came over to the door, to see her dad standing there. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Can't I come visit my family?"

"No." Her aunt stepped in. "You lost that privilege."

"How did you even find me?" She asked him.

"I pay for your phone, sweetheart." He gave his fakest, widest smile.

Anastasia walked away and she could hear her grandma and aunt cursing him out.

She took the meat hammer and started hitting her phone with it repeatedly.

Stupid. She hit the phone. Stupid. She hit it again. Stupid. And again stupi-

She stopped. The phone was basically in pieces.

Ouch...

She grabbed a plastic bag and put the pieces in. She was really hoping it cut him.

She could still hear the yelling.

She went back to the door and shoved the bag in his hands.

"Take the phone and your stupid Mercedes and get the fuck away from us."

His smile faltered. "What?" He laughed awkwardly.

No one else laughed.

He stopped. "Oh, you're serious."

"Go!" She yelled.

"I just came here to talk."

"Oh yeah, cause you've been really good at using just your words in the past." She spat back.

"Anastasia-"

"No! I am not that scared little girl anymore. I'm not listening to you, or going back with you or getting paid off. You are a worthless man, and I am done with your shit."

"Anastasia do not talk to me like that!"

"Fine." She grabbed the baseball and pushed pass him. "I'll follow by your example."

"Don't you touch my car!" He raced after her.

"Why? Cause it's more important to you than your own daughter?"

He stayed silent.

Anastasia laughed hollowly. "Wow. You can't even lie about it. That's so predictable." She swung the bat, sending it straight through the passengers window.

Her aunt and grandma winced. "That's going to cost a lot." Her aunt muttered.

"Do it again!" Her grandma yelled.

"You- you hit my car!" He hissed.

She swung again, leaving a nasty dent on one of the doors. "Well, you destroy my stuff all the time. I thought you do this to everyone." She said in a fake innocent voice.

Her dad was starting to become red in the face with rage. "After ev-"

"Don't you even start." She said firmly, wiping out the back windshield. "'Everything you did' was the bare fucking minimum! Hell, it was below that!"

"You should be thankful that I-"

"That you what? Fed me? Clothed me? Go ahead, tell me I should be thankful that you looked after the child you made."

"You do not get to treat me with this much disrespect. I am your father."

"You sure treat me like your whore instead." She swung again.

"I told you to mention that in front of the family." He growled.

"Mention what? The times that you locked me outside and I had to sleep in trees? The times where I had to barcade the door when you got drunk so you wouldn't gro-"

He slapped her.

"Mark, get the hell away from her!" Her aunt stormed over, but before she could reach them, Anastasia swung back, punching him square in the nose.

There was a loud crack and he fell to the ground.

"Don't fucking touch me, you bastard!"

By now, all the other neighbours had come out to see what the yelling was about.

Anastasia had to hold by a smirk. His choice was either ruin his reputation by trying to get her back in his control or leave with his reputation and have Anastasia run her mouth and ruin it anyway.

He stared at her, also realising what his options were.

"You better not say anything." He told her, standing up.

"I will tell everyone everything." She said quietly. "If you didn't want it to come out, you wouldn't done it."

"What will shut you up?"

Oh, we're bribing now?

"I'm not being paid off." She reminded him. "Your actions have consequences."

"So do yours." He pointed to the car.

"Do you really think the police are going to care about your car if you've being accused of child abuse?"

He stayed silent for a moment, before walking over to his car.

"Go to hell!"

"See you there, bitch!" She screamed.

He turned around to her. "You have a very special place there, and you deserve it."

"What's the place? Satan's right hand woman? The VIP Package?"

He scowled at her, climbing into his car. Literally. Anastasia had dented the door of badly he couldn't open it.

"You need a baptism." He told her.

"At least a baptism would do something for me."

"You don't deserve me as a father." He fumed.

"I wouldn't wish that upon my greatness enemy." She countered.

He continue to glaring at her in rage, before driving off, telling her once more she belonged in hell.

She turned to her aunt and grandma who were cursing loudly at his car. "I think we're going to need a lawyer."

"We're going to need a lot more than a lawyer, sweetheart. If you're father is one thing, it's a 2 year old in a 38 year old's body."