#anyway I'm not the only one irritated by them
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Hiccup would speed when he's alone and the roads are empty (hes a reckless driver but only a danger to himself. At least he tries to be), and on long car rides with passengers whoever in the seat next to him is on leg holding duty bc ts would be uncomfortable if you're sitting for so long (he's not above whacking Ruff with it when she puts gravel in the glove box. ??? Like a freak)
He'd also probably be kinda spiteful about just driving in general. I'm not well versed on it for amputees specifically, and laws vary on location but. generally they're not huge fans of disabled people wanting to drive and I feel like just getting a license when you only have one real foot would be beyond irritating. (You crash once and they make you jump through hoops just to be allowed on the road again despite it being the other drivers' fault 💀)
I feel strongly he'd also be very bossy about music with passengers (do NOT let Fishlegs on aux 😭🙏. Bro nobody wants to listen to ur self help audiobooks). And a backseat driver when he's with others. Astrid refuses to drive him anywhere bc not only is he insufferable and hypocritical (nitpicks her abt shit HE DOES TOO), he has the audacity to try and control the music she plays in her car (tried to go somewhere together on a date and almost broke up from the fight that started on driving habits).
Actually none of them can carpool they're all horrible it devolves into shouting matches at record speeds. Fishlegs has given up on trying to diffuse things and started bringing headphones to drown out the shouting.
I think other than Fishlegs who is a sickeningly careful and anxious driver (accidentally ran a red light once and almost had a heart attack) Astrid is the most responsible, except for the roadrage that only comes out when the gang is in the car with her, although she has been known to flip other people off... (her ugly, old soccer mom car was optimal for all of them and the twins failed their learners permit exam, weren't allowed to retake it and are essentially blacklisted from ever having licenses, Snotlout has his own monstrosity of a car but will not pass up a chance to bum a ride out of one of his friends, and Fishlegs is again, very anxious behind the wheel.) It's for this reason she stopped taking her friends places.
There was a lot of "Hiccup to not TOUCH the bluetooth speaker. I'm not in the fucking mood for lemon demon or whatever– Tuff if you roll down the window to stick your head out of it like a dog one more time, I'm leaving you on the side of the road like a stray. You too, Snotlout, if I catch you eating in my car with your nasty cheeto fingers again there will be HELL to pay. Ruffnut if you stick your gum on the dashboard I'll crash this fucking car just so you go down with me" etc etc.
Anyways no more dragon rider carpool they just meet up to hangout at each other's houses or parks.. or anywhere they're not banned from, which is a list that gets slimmer over time (Hiccup blew up some mailboxes on accident when he was like 13 and small business to Not forget. Local establishments are not fans of the twins for obvious reasons)
As skilled at flying dragons the gang is I sincerely don't believe that even ONE of them would be passasble at driving a car
#man. this is EMBARRASSINGLY long. mb op i just have too many hcs about the riders' weird habits nshit#i mean realistically if this Is berk thatd be like a super small town or island i dont think most of them would have cars. im a biker hiccu#enthusiast myself. astrid wpuld have a soccer mom car tho itd be like a hand me down from her parents its so old and shudders#when you turn it on and makes concerning noises and she has hiccup come fix some issue its made regularly but she loves it..its blue.#moth.txt#deyas dragons#httyd gang#httyd modern au#httyd#httyd headcanons
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Hi! Just looking for your opinion on something:
I recently got a chair with a velvety texture and one of my cats is OBSESSED with it. He sits on it and digs and digs at it, and already has scratched furrows into the velvet of the seat cushion. I've never had an issue with either of my cats scratching at furniture before, not to this degree anyway, and I'm thinking of getting him claw caps for a bit until he (hopefully) chills out about the chair, what do you think? Any hot tips?
ooof, i feel your pain! A little, anyway. I've inherited a similar velvety chair from my grandparents, so I had to spend some time teaching my cats not to scratch at it. Thankfully, both Yardstick and Saia have ignored it, but my previous cats really liked it.
ok, so it's really hard to teach a cat NOT to do something. Like, Doing the Thing is a rewarding action and, frankly, if you try to stop them, they just learn to do it when you're NOT watching. What you do is provide them with something else that's MORE rewarding. In my case, that was as simple as providing scratching posts and scratchpads that were better feeling than the velvet chair.
Until they figured that out, I covered up my nice chair with fabric that I didn't much care about. Since they couldn't access the NICE fabric anymore, they just kind of lost interest in it. In a few weeks when I removed the ugly fabric, they just... never really seemed to understand the velvet was back again. I can't really explain that one, tbh.
If you do want to go the claw cap route, make sure the claw caps are properly sized. They don't cover the WHOLE claw. They only cover the very tips. When they cover the whole claw, the end irritates the flesh in the nail bed and can cause minor infections and irritation. Properly sized nail caps should not inhibit a cat's ability to sheath their claws at all.
You can see that the end of the claw cap doesn't even make contact with the nail bed. (picture taken from the National Cat Groomers Institute here)
before putting the cap on, you also have to trim the cat's nails anyway. So you might find that just trimming their nails is sufficient.
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Finding Forgiveness (or, Text Barrages and Apology Dances)
Mini Meta-Musing #8
Forgiveness after a disagreement or an argument is such a simple yet complicated thing. In even the closest, most intimate relationships, it requires a great deal of trust and love. The person who caused the hurt must surrender some of their pride for the sake the loved one. They must also trust that it is safe to do so. The person who was hurt must be willing to let go of their anger or resentment, and open themselves up to the relationship again.
In the first episode of Season 2 of Good Omens, we are presented with a juxtaposition of two relationships in conflict. One uses words and words and more words... but there is no listening, no trust. The other settles the conflict with very few words at all. With a dance, in fact. Yet the trust and love there is deep and obvious.
The first is Nina and her partner Lindsay. Lindsay has assumed that Nina broke her trust by not calling when she was locked in the coffee shop with her phone out. Sure, the situation sounds a bit implausible... but Lindsay sends a barrage of accusatory texts before she knows any of the facts. As the days go by, we learn that not only is Lindsay controlling, but she also has no faith in her partner. She dumps words and accusations and guilt trips, never believing or listening or trusting, until finally breaking up with Nina in a resentment-filled text message.
After seeing that first deluge of text messages when Crowley restores power to the coffee shop, we are immediately shown a far different way to resolve conflict. The next scene is Crowley's melodramatic return to the bookshop. Aziraphale and Crowley have a lasting, deeply rooted relationship. Although some argue that they don't communicate enough, especially in this resolution, I propose that they have found a lovely and mature way to resolve serious conflicts.
Everytime I watch this scene, and see how intensely difficult it is for Crowley to accept doing this, I'm actually a little in awe. Crowley HATES DOING THIS DANCE!!! But as much as he hates humbling himself like this, he Loves Aziraphale MORE. It is far more important to him to fix their conflict quickly, be back on good terms, and help his Angel solve this Gabriel problem. Although his face looks fierce and his tone is irritated, his eyes never leave Azi's. I think they look a bit imploring. The apology is in his golden eyes.
" 'Kay?" is not just, "Are we okay now?" It's also a trust, a gift. "You understand how much I care about you, right? I really do accept how stubborn and thoughtless I was earlier, and you see that I'm very sorry, even though it's hard for me to say the words, yeh?"
Aziraphale is of course, deep down, just a bit of a bastard, so he does take a bit of a comeuppance in his "Very nice." Many of us read a bit more in that look... We, too, can see how very elegant Crowley looks in that deep bow! Nonetheless, Azi is happy to be reconnected with his demon, and he eagerly engages with Crowley's brainstorming about their "tiny miracle."
They don't need to verbally process what the fight was about. They've had this fight before, in varying contexts, and they'll surely have it again. But they're working on it, each of them. They know each other's faults, and they love and forgive each other anyway.
I love these moments (in the above photo) after Jimbriel toddles down the stairs. Crowley has just scolded Jimbriel to stay inside. Meanwhile, behind him, Aziraphale steps in closer with an idea. Without even looking back, Crowley steps backwards into that familiar spot where he will be perfectly paired and facing his angel once he turns towards him. Like magnets. Like a couple who is completely synchronized, as long as they are open and trusting each other.
And the familiar excited exchange of ideas begins again!
Oh yes indeed... This is definitely An Old Married Couple (see my other blog post). They know how to communicate, how to trust each other, and how to forgive. At least as well as many of us do...!
And, although we don't really NEED to see it here, I'm including a gif of Crowley's Apology Dance. It's beautiful, it's graceful... Aw, heck, we all just LIKE to see it again!
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#apology dance#forgiveness#crowley loves aziraphale#aziraphale loves crowley#to our world#wistfulnightingale
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Its truly amazing how the timing of the company near my house always clicks: they use the megaphone and scream right when I had a terrible night's sleep, so I wake up to their screams
Yeah yeah I get it, they need to hit the goal or whatever... but they also need to realize that despite some houses being FAR from them, like mine, we live in a HOLE
So the sound is LOUDER-
#when they're trying to go motivative and the rest of the world around them isn't a Big Fan(TM)#no but eeally why hit a fucking goal for the month#time is a construct. the deadline is not real#especially to sell stuff#their products aren't even expirable. its work-protection stuff#anyway I'm not the only one irritated by them#there was a time when it was muuuch worse tho#every damn day they were trying to “motivate” the people#idk how motivated i'd be 7 in the morning with someone screaming at me#motivated enough to kill them perhaps#🥨🪶
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One of Marvel's Pride Stories this year, apparently:
(Hi, still internally screaming, thanks for checking in!)
#a doodle i made during my lunch break today#I'm still flabbergasted#about all of them#but this one esp got under my skin#like okay a rogue/gambit side story is cute#rachel/betsy is one of the queer x-couples#and emma could be fun#like this wouldn't be as irritating if it was a standalone ALONGSIDE the main pride issue you know?#none of the non x-men characters have stories this year#even then literally only two queer x-couples have stories regardless!#like even if they wanted an x-men focused pride this year theyre barely usin them!#anyways#thats enough ramblin in the tags#gabby kinney#daken akihiro#fang#wolverine#james logan howlett#logan howlett
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I don't think I've seen anyone go into what physical symptoms Sonic experienced as a werehog. Have I posted abt that before I feel like I might've done that
Anyway here's a list of the symptoms of Sonic's werehog form, since I don't see many hcs abt that
Faster fur, quill, and nail growth
Increased body temperature
Increased appetite and intense cravings (not specifically for meat, but for foods he enjoys)
Sensitivity to light, sounds, and smells (easily overstimulated)
Chronic headaches
Joint and back pain due to changed bone structure
Toothaches, also due to changed bone structure
Muscle tears from transforming
Sore throat from vocal chords changing
Blood turned green (like Dark Gaia's blood)
Most of these don't fully go away when he turns back. During Unleashed, the pains lingered post-transformation and made it hard to get up in the morning a lot
Post-Unleashed, Sonic still deals with his fur, quills, and nails growing much faster than average. His bone structure in normal form is slightly different now too. His joints still hurt a bit because of it, especially his knees. Also his teeth are a lot sharper (not just fangs, all of his teeth)
#ramblings#i'm. not the only one with hcs abt this specific thing right#anyways rejoice werehog hcs be upon ye#these hcs also apply to rue but i'm not tagging them bc the post isn't abt them lol sorry rue ily#i think ppl tend to focus more on how his mind is/could be altered by this form#which is all fine and good but i like to think abt the physical effects it has on him too#in fact i like the idea that any mind/personality changes he displays don't come from dark gaia directly altering his mind#but as a reaction to the physical symptoms#like him being more irritable bc he's stressed from the pain and hunger that comes with the transformation#or he's less focused than usual bc he's overstimulated and has a hard time thinking bc of a headache#that kinda thing#bc ppl aren't usually like themselves when they're sick y'know
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The insomnia sure is insomniaing
#text post#it's fine. I'll nap later today. this is fine#eventually I'll fix the eating and sleep schedules again#the depression pit will throw me back out again and I'll get it all fixed up#in the meantime one of the neighbours have this? device? that seems to only beep at night#at fairly regular intervals#unfortunately for them it's the most irritating selection of beeps ever and it makes my eye twitch#beep beep beep beep in ascending notes#like every three to five minutes#and it's super quiet rn so i jump whenever it goes off#it's also got that sound of. you know when ppl play the rims of water glasses?#and the sound has that particular round almost eerie tone to it?#these beeps have that too and my god it's appropriate for the Halloween month#if this was the twilight zone I'd find out it was morse code for something terrifying#like let me out or I'm in your walls or#if we get nautical with it some sort of sos like signal#bc the one going rn isn't so I'm p sure of that#anyway i need to sleep and this beeping is going to drive me mad 💚
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still no internet, also I had a bit of a breakdown over our dishwasher today (the damn thing doesn't fit with the door that we've got, but we'll figure it out, and if not I'll just explode or whatever).
BUT. I started listening to The Thursday Murder Club yesterday because it was on my phone and I've listened to almost all the other audiobooks on there now, and oh my god? I love it so much. haven't been obsessed with a book in a long long time but this might do it lol
#I didn't know anything about it#if I had known that it's about a bunch of old people..... well I might have listened to it sooner! I love them all so much#but especially Ibrahim#that's my 80 year old baby boy!!#they're all so funny#i think I expected it to be a bit boring because I only read thrillers and well 🤷 but it's not. it's adorable and funny and I'm really#enjoying it#I can't remember if I've got the other ones on my computer. I hope so#😬😬😬 I can't wait until we have internet#ugh i guess I'll have to set up my computer somewhere tomorrow and check.#I would have had to do that anyway since I'm almost out of books now (I mean. only on my phone. there's plenty on my computer lol)#anyway yeah love this book so much 🥰#also I will never let my partner check things that depend on accuracy again. he promised he checked if the dishwasher would fit and#I guess I should've double checked but there was so much else to do 🙃 he just doesn't really care about detail so it makes sense that he#didn't do a very thorough job. still irritating but. he'll have to find a solution so hopefully it'll work out in the end#personal
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Petty rant this morning- I can understand that somtimes even the nicest noises can be a nuisance, even painful, and believe me I have become cranky about all sorts of innocuous noises at the wrong time.
That being said, I have heard a surprising number of people complain about bellringers practising, when they moved into a house next to a mediaeval English church
#Oh I'm sorry we'll just move this twelfth-century bell tower somewhere that doesn't irritate you#Can it sometimes be a rather awful cacophony? Yes but they only get better if they practise#And even the worst noise of bells (from the distance of neighbouring houses not the tower) is better than car engines and drunk arguments#And bellringing is such a magnificent piece of craft and tradition; it's worth preserving even above and beyond any religious role#Though to be fair all the bellringers I've met seem to hold bellringing as their chief religion and are indifferent at best to the church#So it's not even that much of a reminder of Christianity imo#Thouhg I suppose people could disagree#Anyway church bells were one of the best things about living in the south of England#Even when they were rattling away very untidily#I miss them so much being back in Scotland where we only have a handful of towers at best#and certainly don't have the longstanding tradition of ringing in small churches#I have to get my kicks from the Tolbooth clock and let me tell you it just isn't the same as hearing an English bell tower ringing up#Let alone actually ringing the changes#It's one of the few genuinely wholesome English traditions and you want to whine about the sound of BELLS#Not because it's a sensory issue or anything just because you don't like your lie-in being interrupted#But you'd expect your neighbours to put up with your noisy barbecues#Actually never even mind disruptive events like that- in my opinion the noise of your silly car idling in the driveway is worse than bells#You trying to fit your massive SUV down the tiny streets of a small English village#Is always worse than plain hunt
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truly do find 'perfect' sweet little kids who exist to be cute and protected extremely boring to the point of aggravation but alluka DOESN'T fit that description because she's been neglected and isolated her whole life, she is soul-bonded with a horrifying (to many) and nearly omniscient being, she is endlessly sweet and loving to really only one person, and she STANDS UP TO that person when he hurts someone else she cares about!! she may not have a lot going on but her character and personality contrasts her situation so much to make it really striking. and I'm a sucker for close brother/sister relationships!! so sue me!!!
#not to harp on this again but I would argue despite having similar roles as children supporting the protags and acting as#characters whose very existence means important plot or character things regardless of their personalities#alluka IS better-written than a-yuan. there is genuine conflict there. she has her own loyalties and motivations#on a plot level she may exist to 1. solve a problem 2. separate killua from gon and 3. introduce DC magic#but it doesn't feel like she exists to simply fill a shallow shipping-adjacent role quite so blatantly#or maybe I'm biased against using kids as shipping fodder.#or reducing an entire murdered family to one kid who's only referred to as the son of two unrelated characters. and whose survival#is only of value bc it helps gets them together idk!#I also really dislike how 'good' kids are treated by the narrative.#etc. etc. anyway authority figures and her own parents and siblings hate and fear and disrespect and misunderstand alluka.#and they are wrong! fuck them! it's always felt like togashi's had the backs of the kids he writes#it's um. anti-authoritarian not rly in its themes but in its general approach I think?#hm. can't rly elaborate rn as im sleepy#but alluka's sweetness isn't grating or irritating it's a breath of fresh air in the nightmare that is her home life#and it's a precious and wonderful thing to see her so affectionate with a character we the audience love so much but who has struggled#for so long to leave his past behind and do be a normal kid#her love and her kindness isn't empty or meaningless it's the lifeblood that killua needs to#have a healthy relationship w his best friend#bc it lets him step back and have more than one important person in his life#and he sends that love right back to her!!!! killua isn't just someone starved for love he's starved TO love!#the unconditional love the rest of his familiy has long denied him....he and alluka and nanika all find it with each other#and it's the most beautiful and special thing in the entire series I think. or one of them#cor.txt
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My most interacted with fics:
Cocky Bastard Vibes (Zhongli)
Tipsy Tales (Anemo boys)
Why He Rejected You (pt 1)
Telling Them Off (Ayato, Venti, Xiao)
A Sight to Behold (Yae Miko)
Obvious (Neuvillette)
Simple (Alhaitham)
What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)
Why He Rejected You (pt 2)
Blasphemous Assumptions (Zhongli)
#personal#cocky bastard vibes is the least surprising thing on this list. it's the fic that convinced me to turn off my notifications haha#if you're a fan of this fic tho you can expect the spiritual sequel to be getting posted as the next chapter in the bookkeeping!series#tipsy tales is also not surprising. tumblr really likes low effort posts like those#i'd really love to expand on xiao and the traveler's one someday#why he rejected you (pt 1) shocked me when i first posted it because i expected people to hate it haha#i posted it to make a point because i was feeling petty at some of the character portrayal i was seeing#another reason i was shocked is bc pt 2 has all the popular characters but did worse than pt 1#i thought itd be reversed#telling them off is really shocking tho bc other than the ayato fic the other two fics SUCK HAHA#venti's is barely anything and xiao's portrayal is SO BAD. 'secret identities' is a way better portrayal of him#a sight to behold is also shocking because the genshin fandom on tumblr only like men#this fic is my most self-indulgent of them all because i am a SIMP. i really like the sequel to this fic tho#for 'obvious' every time i read that fic i'm surprised at how decent the ending is bc i fully admit i rushed it#but it's a typical romance (atypical for me) so it's not surprising it's on here#'SIMPLE' PISSES ME OFF. THAT FIC DOES NOT DESERVE THAT MANY NOTES. made me so mad 😡#'what destiny has brought' tho... that's the most shocking. like don't get me wrong it's a good fic but.... FISCHL??????#fun fact i literally cannot stand fischl. she's so irritating. i wrote that fic bc i couldn't stand the ending to her summer fantasia event#'she truly became fischl' BUT SHE'S LITERALLY NOT FISCHL??? she's living a lie???#she pretends to be someone else because she hates herself so much. instead of encouraging her delusions shouldnt we like???#give her some self-esteem and show her amy is worthy of love?#BUT THAT'S JUST ME#anyway 'blasphemous assumptions' is not surprising. it's not my favorite but it's definitely of the funnier in the bookkeeping series#out of all these fics 'what destiny has brought' and 'obvious' are my recommendations#one day i wanna do my lowest ranking fics because those are my favorite
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oh yeah also have to shout out the young queer theatre-enjoyer (as doer or audience) with christian parent experience of "at least i can be in the choir & be one of like 2-4 tenors & enjoy singing harmonies & most of practice is just chilling b/c it's 95% playing the melody 50x for the twenty sopranos who still don't have it down" while also not having to deal with sitting in the midst of the pews or whatever
#an annoyance was the battle b/c [i'd want to sing louder anyways] & on the one hand kind of subsuming the Bass part b/c there were like#four or six of them & that was kind of a writeoff like they'll just be kind of singing whatever lol#on the other hand after the sopranos had sorta learned the melody line after 65 min the like two dozen of them also could be too readily#drowned out by a few tenors harmonizing. like that sounds like yet another them problem....#like i'm not singing loud loud Loud like whatever soprano would show up at the basilica in dc on xmas & treat it as a concert solo but.#like; i'm gonna be singing; okay#meanwhile moments in Nonbinary But Not Out Yet when my incredible irritation at the authoritative prescriptive comments lol like#i'm telling my roommate who asked I'm A Tenor. they're going wellll tenors have to be boys so.#like well either this is about vocal range or it isn't and already i'm like No Gender Binary even when it's [vocals] edition#serendipitously for kitchen karaoke singalongs (rarer recently w/no aux capabilities...) in essence i have will roland's range lol#ofc i can't sing like That & he's probably got like more comfortably a half step lower; but i can get on that half step sometimes lol#the way ewm son of a gun is too low for me & will roland's is not; moved it up a key or so for him then lol#[handshake] tenors higher than that. and in maybe having a just barely higher range: then; what; singing along with george salazar?#there is a pattern here....suddenly the range of Altos if they just so happened to not be understood as men#also [choir with the benedictine nuns] >>>>> [choir at the more nearby church]#but strictly the Mass at the monastery....only maybe quicker for being a little smaller#more tragically; further away meant an earlier wakeup. bad. but all other instances of hanging w/the nuns chill to fun#also the like [could you not go concert mode here] basilica reverb xmas dc soprano lol it's always like#this podcast talking abt like ''& then the amazing professional dancers in this show would go to the club & be putting on their amazing#dance performances just out there for any randos to see. how amazing'' like people can be impressed with the dancing in a show when they#have chosen to go to the show with the dancing; they didn't go out to a club to stand around watching anyone's pro performance & like what.#should they also all stop & clap in recognition lmao Like. too akin to [guy at party pulls out guitar] even if you're an amazing guitarist#This Is Not The Occasion; Others Didn't Sign On....ofc there's plenty of room for flexibility / spontaneity / ppl totally ready to enjoy#any such event dropped into their laps even if it's not part of their plans....but like. doing your own thing vs requiring everyone else#now Have to be an audience. guy at party who pulls out [i have to loudly insistently say things i want Everyone to laugh at. so that i win]#like i'm not judging the peons who didn't all stop their clubbing to gather round & acknowledge your superior; transcendent clubbing
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for the 'why wouldn't date them'
charles, hawkeye, trapper
and i think you might be into twin peaks? if so, dale cooper and donna hayward
whichever ones you want to do :)
Ahhhhhh omg thank you for all of these I want to do them ALL but let's go backwards.
Donna Hayward
Ok so the thing is I AM into Twin Peaks but it's been a while since I've seen it and I tried to watch The Return but I was too stupit to understand much less enjoy it :( sowwy. So I would be dating my own flawed incomplete interpretation of a person, really. Typical Twin Peaks.
Anyways I love Donna! I think we have similar personalities and stuff. In all brutal honesty I think if I were in her situation with a friend like Laura I’d have done similar things. Also yeah maybe her actions did lead a man to suicide but that was NOT her fault. I think the only three things that would prevent an attempt at a relationship here are
1) The obvious. Her taste in men = atrocious. In all the rest of these hypotheticals where the character is already canonically in a relationship or has feelings for another character I’m just like yeah the more the merrier but if Donna insists on inviting her insufferable ass boyfriend into the mix I could NOT fucking do it I’m sorry.
2) This girl is not ready for a relationship yet after All That god damn. But then again neither am I so maybe that balances out. We would need to spend some time as support group buddies just hugging and crying a lot before even considering a date.
3) It is unlikely we would ever interact as I am never setting foot in that town ever in my life are you kidding me. Donna is super pretty in both her incarnations but I’m sorry I don’t think any pussy pops severely enough for me to risk going to fucking doorknob hell or some shit.
Dale Cooper
Ignore everything I said in that last paragraph. I change my mind. I forgot my beautiful autism creature husband is here. I would risk it all for a date with Dale Cooper and so would all who know and perceive the truth. AND he’s got two hot girlfriends with him at least one of whom is ALSO an autism creature??? Sign me the FUCK up for this polycule IMMEDIATELY. “Oh but OP what about the horrors” I don’t even fucking care it’s fine. Dale can have little an evil doppelganger. As a treat.
Still there are some problems:
1) Dale is an FBI agent and Harry is a cop. Booooooo!!!! But maybe if Annie and Caroline and I unionize we can force them to quit their jobs.
2) Unclear if I would be forced to join the Black Lodge Horror Vision Rotation along with Annie and Caroline. Boring and time consuming task and unlike Laura you don’t even get to do a Big Scream.
3) I personally actually don’t like pie or coffee at all :( I’m sorry babygirl I understand if this is a deal breaker.
Trapper McIntyre
You know that “golden retriever boyfriend” joke? Trapper is like THE golden retriever boyfriend to me. Which I mean as an absolute compliment! Golden retrievers are friendly, helpful, adorable, lovable dogs. I am always up to pet a golden retriever.
But the thing is, I would never get one myself. They’re just a bit too big, bit too much energy, bit too messy, and anyways I prefer cats. No hate, no judgment, just a series of tiny preferences. Not into jocks, not into casual no-strings-attached type relationships, not super into kids, you know how it is. Boring and petty answer but I just feel like this adorable happy-go-lucky goldie deserves the PERFECT forever home and obviously he’s one of the most popular of all the dogs at the Mashblr shelter so I know he’ll get adopted super fast. So I can turn my attention to the miserable ass overbred old cat in the corner <3
Hawkeye Pierce
Oh, Hawkeye. I just don’t think so. Idk what’s wrong with me but I have to work to see Hawkeye as like. A dateable entity in my mind. He’s our little scrunkly! It’d be weird to date a scrunkly. BUT maybe I’ve just been overexposed to him purely by dint of being in the fandom he’s the main character of, because objectively I DO find Mr. Alda’s portrayal of him in certain scenes to be Attractive (TM), and seeing clips of his charisma and charm and humor and all that good handsome stuff is literally what got me to check out the show in the first place! Man. What happened. Hmm.
I think one issue is that scenes where he’s explicitly trying to be Romantic and/or Seductive have just never done it for me. Like comparing Hawkeye’s lovey scenes with Kyung Soon to Charles’ with Martine, there’s no contest in how they make me feel. To me, Hawkeye is honestly at his most appealing when he’s radiating Friend Energy, which is why his casual relationships actually work really well IMO; you feel like he’s truly a great pal to the nurses he hooks up with. This is also, I think, one of Piercintyre’s great strengths as a ship, because Hawkeye and Trapper both have amazing Friend Energy and then their natural compatibility makes that bleed seamlessly into sweet romantic vibes. And to be clear I would LOVE to be in a Friends To Lovers relationship too but unfortunately I am cringely obsessed with loveydovey romance in a way I’m not sure Hawkeye is even capable of. Plus there’s also just the fact that I’m a shy waiting til marriage person and I suck at banter and yeah it’s just not working. In conclusion neither Hawkeye nor Trapper should date me they should date each other!! But we knew that :P
THAT CUNT
There are 10000000 reasons not to date Charles. But I will be doing it anyways ^_^ Peace and love on planet earth <3
Anyways I’m not bringing up his Problematicness as a reason here because I didn’t bring it up for anyone else and nobody noticed, so why should it be any different with him. Like no obviously I would not date this dumbfuck racist but I also would not date a guy who thinks it’s a funny prank to make a woman think she’s being sexually assaulted. I also for that matter would not date a guy who works with the dumbfuck racist and is like aw, ya know what, he’s not that bad really :) the second they have a chance to have a bonding moment. I guess I have decided to be a buzzkill about that forever now btw sorry :( oh well
But ok no real talk I would Not date Charles unless one very specific condition is met, which is that I have whatever magic stardust they sprinkled on his single-episode love interests before they put them in the story that made him be utterly besotted with them, because more than any other character on the show, it seems, the difference between Regular Charles and Charles In Love is so hysterically huge??? Like fuck. My dudes. We’ve done it. We found the one villain who actually does do a complete 180 and starts trying to act right as soon as a girl takes pity on him enough to look at him twice. (Disclaimer: I haven’t seen Ain’t Love Grand yet I’m sorryyyyyyyy) He’s so ~romantic~ and it’s like catnip to me unfortunately. :\ The total opposite of what I said about Hawkeye up there. Offers a girl his stupid little teacup and recites poetry at her. Unbelievable. Did anyone ever think about the fact that maybe I would like to be offered a teacup and recited poetry at. No. You all only think about yourselves.
Like even though objectively the way he nukes his relationship with Martine was hurtful to both of them, he’s so Tender the whole time it’s insane. She turned him into her pauvre petit miaou miaou overnight. I want that power so fucking bad I NEED that power so fucking bad. Say it with me everyone. I Could Fix Him. (”But OP Martine and Donna DIDN’T fix him he still left them both and never mentioned them again?” Yes but don’t worry they were just loosening the lid on his jar a little bit. I’ll get him open you’ll see. He’s gonna be soooo well trained when I’m done I’ll make him apologize to Maxwell and everything. He won’t even need the shock collar after a few weeks.)
But yeah if I have to like, try to appeal to him on my own it’s not fucking happening. I have no desire to hear the equivalent of a DOS deepfake hologram that has become evil due to being trained on text scraped from youtube comments tell me I’m ugly and stupid, which is exactly what would happen. Up til now I’ve sidestepped the issue that I do not think any of these people would give me the time of day (except Maxwell who would take pity on me probably because he is sososo Good) but I cannot ignore how much Charles just would Not like me. I don’t know how the selfshipper community does it they’re braver than any fucking US marine over there fr. Charles would look at me like I was a gross little bug on the ground and I can’t escape it. Oh well. Who needs him. Where’s your sister you dipshit I’m about to GET IT
#THANK YOU for this kind ask beloved mutual!! Sorry it got long and weird it's been a rough week and I'm afraid that may have bled through#to all these answers which I'm so irritated at myself for but I can't fix it OTL#Starky loves answering questions#majorbaby#I LOVE when people notice what fandoms I'm in it makes me so happy thank youuuu#anyways DOS leading romantic hero of all time but nobody ever let him fucking BE one. humanity deserves to be driven to extinction for this#wtf is ''You give the longest compliments I've ever heard'' ''Then let me be more succinct [adorable kiss]'' BITCH I'M GOING TO KILL YOU#WHAT IF I WANTED A LITTLE KISS HMM!!!!!!! WHAT THEN!!!!!!!#Anyways I used to get so sad knowing my favorite characters wouldn't like me. Cried alone in my room over it as a kid.#Now it's just like whatever. Join the club.#Anyways I LOVE how DOS' insanely amazing ability to sell those one-episode romances better than any other main cast member#inadvertently makes Charles seem uniquely susceptible to falling in love at first sight and being an embarrassing little hopeless romantic#which is an absolutely hysterical trait to give your rude brooding misanthropic antagonist#''I hate everyone in the world and they are all beneath me#except for this random girl I met yesterday who is Everything to me I love her SO much <3<3<3''#SEE. LITERALLY A GUY FROM AN X READER ''I CAN FIX HIM'' FIC.#Actually in my experience most X Reader types are fairly uninterested in fixing the him in question despite all the bad press they get#like at most they only care that the Him is nice to THEM and sometimes not even that#like I'm sure this is a phenomenon IRL but it's really not there much in the kinds of fanfiction#that everyone blames for causing said IRL phenomenon#I know this because I AM an I Can Fix Him person! And I'd be the one to find Fixing Him content if it existed!#for me it's only fun if there's fixing involved tbh. I don't want a Mafia Boss Wattpad BF that's not fun.#that's literally just a guy being mean to you. do we not get enough of that IRL. I want a little project!!!#these tags are one giant red flag for me as a person but you should have known I was unsalvageable the second I begged off a date with Trap#NOT the behavior of a mentally well person#mash
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Contemplating more Rune Factory “Special” changes/updates I’d like. In this case, things I’d like to see changed/added in a hypothetical, absolutely NEVER going to happen Rune Factory 4 Special+ (or Super Special, or Special 2, etc.)
Obviously since this game already has an updated rerelease, this isn’t happening. But there are still a few ways I think it could be brought even closer to perfection.
- So most of my wants for a theoretical “5 Special” came from 4 Special. Similarly there WERE actually several upgrades or quality-of-life changes made in 5 I’d love to see come back to 4 (or more realistically, maybe they’ll show up in 3 Special!).
- PLEASE let me just examine the stone/lumber box and add in all the materials I have instead of manually taking out stacks and putting them in. You can also do this for fodder bins and the fertilizer, which is nice, but the stone/lumber is the BIG one.
- Automatically picking up items as you run over them is great! I’d love to see that in other titles.
- Tabbing between storage options or categories when cooking/forging/crafting is super convenient. Hopefully that comes back, because after getting used to it in 5 I keenly feel its absence and get a smidge annoyed in 4 when I have to make something and then back out entirely to choose to make something else.
- Make Illuminata a romance option! It’s not clear if she was ever intended to be one and then scrapped, but personally I think she was. She is the only character outside the marriage candidates to have a swimsuit model & sprite, and she has several town events where she is a primary focus, similar to the events that are prerequisites for other bachelor/ettes. Plus she has lots of dialogue explicitly pointing out that she’s single and WANTS to find love. There’s really no reason NOT to make her a love interest other than her taking care of Amber, but if Amber is old enough to be romanced/married, then she’s old enough to live alone too. And Illuminata could continue to run her store after marrying the same way that every other love interest continues to do their job.
- I actually prefer the dragons in 5, but I know A LOT of people would love to see Venti as a love interest, and I’m not opposed to that. She’d be locked to a post-game romance, but she does have a human appearance and she seems to be into Lest/Frey (given her conversation where she blushes and starts to ask “If I were a human...”). Narratively she IS the person Lest/Frey cares about most so she’s got the role of a love interest already, kind of. It would be difficult to do since they’d need to add/change the story to allow her to change to her human form, and probably add a few town events for her, but it would be great if it happened. And perhaps including this would help the... abrupt ending to Act 3.
- Make it a little less ridiculous to romance Doug. I understand narratively why his friendship is INITIALLY gated at 3, but I think it’s ridiculous that it stays there until you’ve beaten Act 2 (which is basically the end of the story proper...). I think it would make sense to unlock the initial gate near the end of or after Act 1. After Doug comes around and basically decides to trust you and help Venti, or right after you beat Act 1 (saving Leon), I think you should be able to progress his friendship further. That said, it makes sense to keep his romance gated, so maybe until you’ve beaten Act 2, he stops progressing at LV 6. This way he won’t be SO far behind everyone else and if you want to romance him you’ll be able to do so almost immediately after he becomes available instead of taking several weeks just to get him from 3 to 7. As someone who dated multiple people in a run, Doug is at a HUGE disadvantage due to his late availability combo-ed with his affection almost surely being worse than everyone else. You either have to wait to date ANYONE to try and snag him first at LV 7 or basically give up in favor of dating others because it will only get harder to date him with every subsequent boyfriend and he will probably always lag behind in terms of affection, making any other guy easier to add to the harem by comparison. Literally all of this is mitigated by just raising his gated affection from 3 to 6 partway through the story. Depending on how long it takes you to complete Act 2 and whether you’re plying him with gifts, you might not even HIT the new limit, but even if you do, if you want to romance Doug it would be much quicker and easier now.
- Give players the ability to manipulate town events, at least a little. Technically players can already manipulate town events by determining when one happens and then just save scumming until they get what they want, but I want an in-game method that’s intended to help get the events you want. That said this IS an RNG system and I kind of like that. I wouldn’t want it to give you complete control. But I think something like adding “Orders” to the game at some point that allow you to, say, spawn “only town events involving [name]” would be GREAT. I won’t get into the particulars of how early the feature should be allowed (personally I think end of Act 1, but it could also be after Act 2 or an “Extra Order” reward for beating Act 3 and available from the beginning in any new game) or how much each Order would cost. I just think being able to force the game to only pick from town events involving a specific person (and including any mini-events) would be nice. Once you’ve seen all town events involving that person (excluding the marriage event, which has priority anyway) the order is automatically canceled. You could also cancel it yourself at any time. With this feature it would be MUCH easier to get the prerequisites for your intended spouse, but there is still some element of RNG considering everyone has at least a few events they’re involved in that AREN’T their needed events. This would also be great for trying to get mini events for characters you haven’t seen before.
- Some kind of weather forecast would be nice. With the exception of typhoons, people in town only comment on the weather that is currently happening. And you can still get taken by surprise if no one happens to mention the incoming typhoon or if you don’t talk to everyone. I believe weather is probably RNG as well, but if it was randomized and set like a week in advance, it would be nice if there was a way to check the weather for the next few days. Obviously this is most useful for making sure you KNOW a typhoon or snowstorm is coming and could wreck your farm. It also has other small uses - if you know a thunderstorm is happening you can remind yourself to go to the area that requires that to unlock. You can plan outdoor dates knowing the weather in advance. I don’t know about the airship or observatory but I KNOW there are variations of the lake date depending on the weather, so if you want to see them all you need the weather to comply. This way you’d know ahead of time and be able to plan for it.
- Lastly, either the game needs to be smarter about characters equipping everything they’re “given” or it needs to give players a way to directly, manually change other’s equipment from all the items they have. This is MOSTLY a problem with Kiel specifically since he has a reoccurring quest where he asks you to give him a weak shield and then he equips it EVEN IF IT’S SUBSTANTIALLY WORSE than whatever he had previously (and thus the better shield just DISAPPEARS), but in general I wish characters wouldn’t just automatically equip whatever you give them. If the system checked to be sure it was better than what they already had, that would be ideal. Of course, then you’d have to define what makes it better - which stats matter most, or is it the difficulty level of crafting/forging the item, etc. Alternatively, characters could have a stash of every equipment item you’ve ever given them and you can manually go in and decide what they actually equip (similar to the original .hack games, if anyone’s played those. In that game, characters did automatically equip “stronger” weapons/armor but you could manually change them to whatever you wanted that they had).
Overall I think 4 Special is an AMAZING game and I love it a lot. Most of my complaints are quality-of-life changes, compared to my more substantial issues with 5 (which is still like, but not as much. I like these games mostly for the social/romance aspect and that’s where 4 blows 5 out of the water even despite the RNG of town events making it way harder to actually marry who you want). In both games I long for more love interests, but that can’t be helped. Partly I just crave the extra content that would bring, though I do genuinely like and would want to marry some of those people if I could.
#rune factory#rf4#rune factory 4#for the record i will not be doing this kind of post for other rf games. simply because i haven't played any others#i mean i played some Tides of Destiny YEARS ago but i'm not familiar enough with the game now to suggest changes#maybe i'll revisit this topic when we get 3 Special (which will be my introduction to 3)#but anyway if i could make only ONE of these changes happen... i'd pick the town event manipulation#fun fact - i played lest my first run and was into margaret from the start. started dating her as soon as possible#in that file i have played over 2 full years & beaten rune prana. STILL haven't married her since i don't have all her needed events#(i decided i wasn't going to save scum for events. i wanted to get what i got and have relationships feel more organic as a result)#i did eventually cave and start dating other girls... and more girls... and am now literally dating ALL SIX of them#i've seen all but margaret and forte's marriage events. the only reason i DON'T have forte's is because i just recently started dating her#so i haven't gone on enough dates yet. but mark my words once that third date is done i'll get her marriage event immediately#leaving JUST margaret left. the girl i was MOST into as the LAST girl i marry. the RNG was not kind to me#my two frey runs have been much better by comparison but i am similarly struggling to get leon#so yeah as somewhat irritating as the other issues are and as nice as the QoL changes would be...#i would take more control over town events in a heartbeat. no hesitation. trying to get married in this game SUCKS
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Sukuna, a middle aged man jaded by the harsh realities of his life. He steps outside for a smoke nearby a convenience store, completely bored out of his mind.
A lady is handing out flyers nearby, although nobody is bothering to look her way, including sukuna himself.
You approach the man who's getting irritated by the lighter that refuses to work in his hand.
"Hello there, sir. Would you be interested in taking up classes for arts and craft?" You offer the cute flyer up.
Sukuna scoffs. Is she serious?
"No thanks."
"Are you sure? You look like you could use a bit more colour in your life."
He's too exhausted at this point to get angry at a random woman on the street.
"...You're not too far off, i suppose," sukuna mutters, still trying to get the spark to stay on his lighter. "Even so, I'm not interested in the likes of arts and craft. Do i look like a child to you?"
You withdraw your offer of your flyer, and inspect him for a moment.
"Arts and craft can be enjoyed by anyone, regardless of age. But moving past that... you seem a bit down. If you'd like to confide in a stranger for a night, I'm happy to listen."
What a strange, persistent woman. Sukuna gives up on his lighter, and takes out the unlit cigarette in his mouth to think back for a moment. One thing does come to mind.
"I'm not feeling down. But i remembered something, now that i think about it..." he confesses, feeling weirdly compelled to tell you about it.
"Today is supposed to be my birthday."
Birthdays have never been special to him. Nobody celebrated his birth as a child, and in turn, he's never paid attention to the birthdays of others.
"Oh, happy birthday. Are you doing anything special for yourself today?"
"No. I've never cared for birthdays. And I'm getting too old for that anyway."
"Well, that won't do... Hold on for a second."
Puzzled, sukuna looks back at you but you've already gone inside the convenience store. Whatever you're up to now, couldn't possibly be more enticing than getting in a proper smoke right now. Sukuna begins to zone out.
He only snaps out of it when something mildly cold grazes past his cheek, leaving a ticklish and moist sensation on his skin as it disappears upon impact.
Bubbles. Bubbles are flying past him, and floating away into the sky.
For a moment, he gets mesmerised by the swirl of colours that are harboured in each one. Even just from the light of this dingy street, they fly up while holding a multitude of different colours inside them. Time seems to slow for a split second, and he doesn't understand why.
His gaze follows the trail to identify it's source. And unsurprisingly, it's you, standing behind him. You blow a couple more out, and then grin at him childishly. He finally looks at your face properly for the first time.
"Birthday bubbles. For the birthday man," you chuckle sheepishly, knowing that you probably look a bit silly right now. You put the bubble wand back into the small bottle of the soapy mixture, and screw it tightly.
"Here, you can have it. Next time you're feeling a bit antsy, why don't you try blowing some yourself? They're pretty, aren't they?"
You also hand him a different small item.
"And i also threw in a little something else, while i was at it."
He looks down, and sees that it's a new lighter. He slowly pulls his hand out of his pocket to take both of them from your hands.
"I hope you get to do something more special next year. Birthdays are supposed to be joyful, after all," you comment.
"Thanks for putting up with my nosiness. Farewell."
And then you leave him after a quick wave.
Sukuna stares wordlessly as you walk off, wondering what to name this ticklish feeling rising in the pit of his stomach.
The small bottle in his palm reminds him of a moment in his childhood. Kids in the park bragging about their bubble wands that were gifted to them. the laughs that resounded as they all ran off to catch the fragile spheres as they blew away in the wind. The tiny feelings of envy in his heart.
The item he tucks away into his pocket is the lighter. And when nobody is watching, he blows a couple more bubbles into the night sky.
-
Every time he passes by that convenience store, the thought of you comes to his mind. A flashback of your smile in the back of his mind. Every so often, he comes to this particular store. Despite having closer options, he comes to this specific one.
At times, sukuna regrets not taking one of the flyers that you were handing out. He wouldn't have had to mope around a convenience store in hopes of running into you again.
Today is a rainy day, and this calls for a hot piping cup of instant ramen. He doesn't usually enjoy convenience store food, but he wants a reason to stay around inside for a bit longer.
He needs to wait five minutes for the noodles to soften. In this time, he stares out the glass frame of the store, and watches the various rows of people walking past with their umbrellas opened.
There appears to be one anomaly in the crowd, however. Running without shelter from the rain, clutching her bag as if it contains something important in there. Sukuna realises that it's you.
Forgetting about his instant ramen, sukuna grabs his umbrella and dashes out the door.
You're mildly panicking about being stuck behind the red light at the zebra crossing without anything to save you from the rain, but the sensation of the droplets hitting your body come to a stop all too suddenly.
You look up, and there's a black umbrella sheltering you, big and strong looking. You spin around and recognise the stranger with pink hair and sharp eyes. Seemingly out of breath.
He signals to the light that has now turned green behind you, and ushers you forward to cross the road before you can say anything to him.
Now safely on the other side of the road, you begin to converse with him.
"It's you! Hello. Thank you for sheltering me. How have you been?"
"... So-so. Nothing's changed since the last time we met."
"I see. You look better than last time, though." You get the feeling that his eyes have a little more light in them.
Sukuna doesn't really get what you mean, but he moves on.
"What’s in your bag that's so important for you to be protecting it like that?" He asks, effectively changing the topic.
"Oh, this? I literally just bought some brand new origami paper... i can't risk getting them wet and unusable. The children would be disappointed."
"Origami, huh? How original."
"Hey! That's not all... there's a lot of options i offer them. They voted on origami this time."
"You got a lot of people signed up?"
"Not really... but I'm sure it'll start picking up soon. Slowly, one at a time."
You smile up at him hopefully.
"...is the offer still open?"
You cock your head to the side slightly, confused. Sukuna grits his teeth, feeling a little bashful about having to ask more specifically.
"You know. Lessons for grown adults."
"Oh! Of course, anytime! Would you like to come sign up today?"
"Do you offer one-on-one sessions too?"
"Yes, I do."
"Alright. Let’s go."
Sukuna can't fathom the words that are coming out of his own mouth. But fuck it, what's the worst that could happen? You've somehow intriged him, and he can't think of a better way to approach you.
You chatter his ears off along the way, and he nods along while his shoulder gets wet from the way he leans his umbrella closer to your side.
#literally idk what this is lmao i suddenly got a vision abd had to type this all up on my phone lmao um#sukuna x reader#jjk x reader#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#jujutsu kaisen x reader#sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n
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who to call to clean up after an "accident" than your sick and twisted military boyfriend? :D (dark!ghost x dark!fem!reader, 18+)
cw: dark!reader, dark!simon, horror movie vibes, graphic depictions of character death/murder, unhealthy relationship dynamics, one slip of daddy, smut, unprotected piv, simon "spit in my mouth" riley, reader and simon are kinda psycho :D
you've been so nice to her. really nice. you've let it slide off your back whenever she doesn't do her dishes. you pretend you don't notice when she borrows your shoes from the hallway and wears them out to dinner. you hide yourself in your room when she has her awful, loud guests over, and you have never once said anything about how she takes her sweet time in the shared bathroom in the morning and makes you late 2 days a week for work.
but this? this?
she needs to keep simon's name out of her fucking mouth.
"excuse me?" you say finally. your roommate is shrugging on her jacket to leave, her purse in her hand as she types on her phone, using it as a way to not make eye-contact with you. her long nails are tapping against the screen, and it feels like fucking drip water torture. "what the fuck did you just say?"
she sighs, irritated, rolling her eyes as she keeps tapping away at the screen.
"you're so dramatic, it was just a fucking joke."
"you know, i let a lot of things slide," you laugh, humorlessly, and you cross your arms over your chest as you follow her into the kitchen. "but you need to be careful what you say."
"i don't do anything except call it like i see it," she says, tossing her hair over her shoulder and looking at herself in the reflection of the mirror hanging on the wall. "you need to just...go out more. man like that isn't gonna stay for long if you don't give him something to go for. he's bored, you know. when you have him over here all the time. and i've totally caught him peeking at me after i shower, y'know."
"well why the fuck are you wearing nothing but a towel when my boyfriend is here, anyways?" you snap. "he's trying to be polite, he's a guest. what if i wore a fucking towel when you had your guy friends over?"
she laughs, poking at the edge of her lip to fix the gloss of her pout. "trust me, honey, no one's looking at you in a towel."
you step back, a little shocked. she rolls her eyes again, sighing.
"i didn't--"
"are you kidding me?" you retort. "you're the worst fucking roommate in the world, and i put up with all your bullshit, and now you're going to go so low as to insult the way i look just to make yourself feel better?" you make your way around the kitchen island. "you don't wash your fucking dishes, you steal my fucking clothes, you're always late on your rent so i have to spot you--"
"you know what, just because i'm fucking happy, and you're not, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me!"
"i am happy, you sorry bitch!" you cry. "i'm so fucking happy, you're the only thing in my life making me constantly miserable!"
"oh, shove it up your ass, you ungrateful little shit!" she snaps. "you're just so fucking insecure and hate me so badly just because simon would rather fuck a girl like me than have to spend another minute with--"
the crack of cast iron against her head shuts her up. it dents the side of her head easily, and her face smacks against the countertop before she crumples to the floor.
it's so fast. one minute, she's yapping, high-pitched voice straining your ears. the next, she's silent.
and she won't say simon's fucking name again.
you watch with bated breath as she folds into herself, her head hitting the hardwood last, a slow puddle of blood beginning to grow under the tendrils of her hair as your eyes move to the heavy pan you're still holding in your hands.
fuck, that's a lot of blood. god, you thought she was just full of fucking air.
you drop the pan once the rush of anger leaves your chest. it thunks onto the ground, and your hands shake as you see the specks of blood that are on the back of your hands, sprinkled over the shirt you wear. it stains your bare legs, even your toes, and you don't even want to look at the spray of it along the counters.
you should be crying, you think. you should feel bad. you're trembling a little, but you think it's just the adrenaline beginning to fade and not the guilt you know is supposed to be racking your insides.
you turn your eyes back to her. her eyes are dull. she doesn't move. it's so quiet now, utterly silent, and you take a deep breath as you take in the silence that you've craved for a long while now. you make your way quietly out of the kitchen, stepping over her body before going for your phone that sits on the coffee table in front of the couch.
you keep your eyes on her as you put your phone to your ear. it rings, and you tilt your head to the side as the blood begins to spiderweb under the kitchen table.
"'ello?"
you blink, looking towards the door. you clutch your phone a little tighter to your ear.
"simon?" you say softly. "a-are...are you busy?"
he hums lowly, chuckling, "no' at the moment, swee'eart, why?" he asks. "mmm...missed y'r voice..." you close your eyes as you hear the buckle of his belt. you try not to picture your giant of a boyfriend leaning back on his worn couch and shoving his jeans low enough to fuck his fist. "tolk t'me, luv...tell me 'ow much ya miss daddy."
you clear your throat gently, willing yourself to ignore the soft squelch of what you know is his hand around his cock, to not let it distract you from what's more important. "uhm...i liked the flowers you gave me, simon. t-they were beautiful."
the sounds on the other end of the phone quiet. you hear shuffling, and then a few moments later, the clink of his car keys.
"tha' right, baby?" he asks, and you close your eyes as you hear the front door of his flat opening. he's already on the way, already coming.
"yeah," you sniffle. "really nice sunflowers."
a yellow flower. he huffs on the other end of the phone, breathing a little easier.
"good girl," he murmurs, and then the line cuts. you set the phone down, making your way back to the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. you watch as the blood continues to curl over the floor. you make no attempt to help her; you just swing your feet under you as you look at her spoiled outfit, just grateful she isn't wearing your shoes or one of your jackets. you would hate to have to throw something out that she got all dirty.
there's a curt knock at the door ten minutes later, and then it opens. simon shuts the door behind him, cracking his neck by moving it from side to side before narrowing his eyes at you. you bite your lip, blinking, forgetting suddenly why he is here when he looks so fucking good. he's got a sweatshirt on under his windbreaker, worn jeans tucked into his boots; you like these jeans, his ass looks incredible in them.
"wot happened?" he asks. you stand, remembering your place. your lip starts trembling, and simon's eyes soften just a little. he's wearing his balaclava, hood up over his head and jacket zipped up, shadowing any true expression on his face. his gait sounds heavy as he lets his hands out of his pockets, coming towards you. when he steps into the kitchen, his eyes dart towards your roommate who's still on the floor, laid out unnaturally just by the oven.
he lets out a low breath, clicking his tongue under the mask. you hold your breath as you wait for his reaction.
"bloody hell," simon mutters, reaching up and throwing his hood off. you wring your hands together nervously, your eyes beginning to sting with tears. you brace for the accusations, for the inevitable terror of facing the music. simon is military, for fuck's sake, why the fuck did you think turning to him would be a good idea?
"i...i-i--" you start, looking up at him, and he holds up a hand, taking the side of your face into his palm before smoothing a gloved thumb over your bottom lip. you blink in confusion, not understanding.
"'s olright, baby," he shushes you, shaking his head. "don't cry."
"simon, i--" you sputter a little, gripping his wrist gently. "i just--i couldn't do it anymore, she just--"
he pities you. maybe you can explain. maybe if you tell him a warped story of what happened, he can help you. he must know someone. he must have important friends, he must--
he uses his free hand to move his mask up over his nose, and you lean into him when he bends, kissing you warmly. your eyes flutter shut, and you shuffle closer as he kisses you sloppy, kisses you hot. you mewl as he slips his tongue into your mouth, licking over your teeth and humming low as he pulls away. his eyes are flashing.
mmm. love.
"hmm..." simon licks his lips, smiling a little. he looks over you, almost pensive, his eyes scanning over your face before he settles back on your eyes. it's tender, the way he looks at you. romantic. "let's get this off of ya."
he reaches for the large shirt you are wearing, pulling it up and over your head. he crumples it into a ball before tossing it on top of your roommate, nodding his head behind you.
it's then that you realize simon isn't going to do the noble thing. he isn't going to call the police. he isn't going to turn you in, make you explain, he seems uninterested in knowing what really happened. no, he already knows what happened. but that's not important.
his pretty, perfect girl got into a little trouble. and he's going to make this go away.
"go on, luv. take a nice shower, yeah?" simon turns you around and pushes on your back gently. you suck in a shaky breath when he fondles your ass, pulling on your panties gently. "mmm...take these off, too."
you slip your panties down your legs, handing them to him.
"they have blood on them, too?" you ask, wiping your face, and he chuckles lowly.
"nah," he shrugs, stuffing them into his back pocket after taking a little sniff. "these are just for me."
jesus fucking christ, there's really something wrong with him. there's something really, really wrong with him.
and something wrong with me.
simon looks you up and down, his eyes catching on your naked body for just a few moments before he nods his head again.
"go on," he tells you. "before i get distracted." you pause for a moment, tilting your head back a little as he reaches out and cups one of your breasts in his big hand. you bite your lip, swallowing back a heavy breath as he flicks his thumb over your nipple gently. "greatest tits 've ever seen," he mumbles, scrunching his nose under the mask before he lets you go. "yeah, go on, baby." it takes everything in you to walk away when you see him reach down with that same hand and grip his bulge through his jeans, adjusting himself as he turns back to the mess in the kitchen.
when you shut the bathroom door behind you, you hear shuffling in the living room. the coffee table scraping. the couch being pushed. the rustle of the rug you have there. he grunts a little, and you hear his boots track from the kitchen back to the living room.
you turn the water on hot. you decide to take a bath, not looking at yourself in the mirror as you sink into the tub and plug the drain. you make the water scalding, and it soothes your sore muscles as you rest your cheek against the edge of the tub and stare at the door.
you're not sure how long you stay there. long enough for the water to nearly slosh over the edge of the tub and for simon to swing the bathroom door open, seemingly done with his...tasks.
he's taken his sweatshirt off. just a black t-shirt tucked into jeans, and there's a slight pant to his breaths that tell you he's exerted some energy. you notice he has his gloves still on, but before he touches you, he takes them off and tosses them into the sink.
"move over," simon mutters, starting to undress. you look up at him as he undoes the button on his pants, shucking his shirt off and into the corner before dropping his jeans. the water swishes as you sit up, and you swallow hard when simon kicks his boots and pants off, his cock hanging heavy as his mask is the last to hit the floor.
fuck, he's so pretty.
he has no regard for his size. he simply steps into the tub behind you, taking a seat. he looks comically large in your small bathtub, and you squeak a little as the water spills over the edge of the bath and wets the floor. he hums as he feels the hot water on his back. you don't say anything as his hands start to turn the water a little red. you just look up, away, at him.
you shuffle between his legs, tucking yourself into his space. you can't help but look him up and down, admiring his naked physique. he's just hot. big arms, thick thighs, sunburnt tattoos and scars cutting across his face. he hasn't shaved today, so there's some stubble along his jaw, but your eyes focus a little too much on his girthy length, heavy as it sits on his stomach and leaks a little there. his fat stomach, all solid and pudgy, such a nice place for you to rest your hands.
"you did good today," simon says finally. you look at him, and he tilts his head to the side. his approval makes your chest warm. "callin' me like tha'. wot a good girl you are."
keeping quiet on the phone is what he doesn't add out loud.
you purse your lips, trying not to keen at the praise, but it's hard not to when he reaches over and slides his hand over your shoulder, thumbing at your jaw.
"i-i didn't...didn't know what to do," you admit, and he clicks his tongue, shaking his head. you didn't know what to do, so you called him. level-headed enough to not do something rash and call someone else, no, you called him.
"mmm...tha's wot i'm 'ere for, luv," simon soothes you. "made such a little mess..."
you close your eyes. it's sick. deranged. fuck, it feels nice.
why don't i feel anything?
"i know. i'm sorry."
"nothin' ta be sorry about."
you slump into his arms, resting your cheek on his solid chest. you can feel his cock pulsing against your tummy, and you adjust yourself in the water, straddling him as you rest your chin on his pecs and look up at him through watery eyes.
you aren't sad. no. not sad at all. simon has shown you what he will do for the you. the lengths he will go. what he'll forgive just to take care of you. he's so capable, so understanding.
sick. twisted. mine.
"then i'll just say thank you," you mumble, grinding your hips slowly. simon hums, a wicked smile coming over his scarred face. he licks over his bottom lip, big hands gripping you by the fat of your hips as you grip the edges of the tub for stability. "say thank you to my big, strong man for taking such good care of me..."
he chuckles, his eyes lowering, watching your tits sway as you fit your pussy over his length and grind down on him.
"tha' so, baby?"
you nod.
"mhm," you whine. "how can i thank you, my big boy? how can i show you how grateful i am for cleaning up after me, hmm?" you bend at the waist, kissing him wet and warm, and he hisses as you suck his tongue into your mouth. he tastes like cigarettes, and normally you would curse him for it, but right now it tastes so much like him, and you lick around his teeth trying to taste more of that sweet nicotine.
"fuck--such a naughty little girl..." he snickers, reaching down. you sigh when he slides his big palms over your ass, forcing you to grind slower, the tip of his cock sliding through your folds leisurely. you grip the edges of the tub tighter, pressing down to give you more leverage to grind down harder. "make such a mess, oll the time..." you gasp when he presses into you just enough, the tip breaching your entrance and forcing you to squeeze around him, your cunt trying to suck him in. "olways needin' me ta pick up afta ya..."
you giggle, sliding your hands up his chest, gripping his shoulders for leverage as you sink down onto him. he grits his teeth as you do, his eyes focused on the way his cock disappears inch by inch until you're seated down in his lap, his length kissing deep and twitching excitedly. he always feels like a teenager again whenever you fuck--like you're the first pretty girl to ever wet his cock.
you cup his cheeks finally, smoothing your thumbs under his eyes as you bring his gaze up to meet yours. you swallow hard, looking down at him.
"i-i love you, simon," you breathe. he stills underneath you, his jaw clenching as he frowns just a little. you come a little closer, nuzzling your nose against his, your thumb falling to trace the outline of his torn lip. "i should've said it a long time ago...i-i..."
"heart's beatin' out y'r chest, luv," he mutters lowly. "'s olright...'m not goin' anywhere."
it's so disgusting. you should be fucking ill. you should be scrambling to the toilet, your breakfast halfway up your throat. you should be crying, emotional, begging simon to tell the cops that it was all your fault, because it is. he should've come here and made you do the level-headed thing and confess your terrible crime.
he shouldn't be here, sitting underneath you in your tub, cock-deep inside of you after helping you commit murder and then fucking clean it all up.
"what did i do?" you gasp, sitting up. you move to get out of the tub, but simon growls, putting two firm hands on your ass and shoving you back down on his cock, making you cry. "w-what did i do? s-simon, why don't i feel bad, why am i not sorry--?!"
simon tsks, feigning comfort. he juts his bottom lip out into a pout, mocking your little cries.
"oh, luvvie, don't start cryin' now," he chuckles. "don't start pretending like y'care."
uhm...
"simon--"
"no one likes a liar."
you're still trying to pretend, and he knows this. you're still trying to act how someone normally would react. someone normal, someone who thinks rationally, would never have picked up the pan in the first place. and even if they had, they would've scrambled, cried, picked up the phone and confessed, called an ambulance as they tried to get her to start breathing again, put both hands on her chest and tried to get her wake up.
but you didn't. you watched, unnervingly calm, as she stained the hardwood with her blood. you watched as her eyes glassed over, lifeless, and you watched as her insides began to paint the floor in abstract shapes as you gave it time to spread. and not once during that time, or waiting for simon, did you think to help her.
you didn't want to help her. and you certainly didn't think she deserved to get back up. maybe she hadn't done anything quite harsh enough to deserve death in someone else's eyes. annoying, overbearing, rude.
but it's hard to feel bad when she talked about simon. when she called him by his name. when you've seen her let her towel slip when he's in her vicinity, trying to coax him into her room when you're looking away.
you should've taken one of the throwing knives that simon hides in his boot and thrown it at her then, just for that.
"we're cut from the same bloody cloth, baby," simon says, almost accusingly. you grip the edges of the tub, trying to stand again, but he cants his hips and fucks up into you, drawing a frenzied moan out of you. you reach for his shoulders as he does it again, his tongue darting out before he licks a fat stripe over your pebbled nipple. "'s olright. 's okay, luv. don't worry. don't hafta get y'r hands dirty, swee'eart, i've got it."
"but simon," you whine, but all he does is shake his head. you don't have to put on this morality act for him. you don't have to pretend that you are sorry for something that you had every right to do, you don't have to explain to him why you aren't feeling the way you should be feeling.
simon doesn't care about how you should feel. he only cares about how you actually feel.
"she was in y'r way," simon grunts. "always bein' a bloody brat." he fists your hair and brings your mouth to his, groaning as you tighten around his cock. "'ow many times did she fuck ya over, baby, hmm? 'ow many times did she steal y'r fuckin' things, come outta the loo wearin' nothin' but her fuckin' knickers, yeah? 'ow many times?"
you kiss him, frantic, digging your nails into his pecs and dragging them angrily.
yeah. fuck her. fuck what she did to me, fuck the way she behaved, fuck her stupid face and her stupid attitude and her stupid little games.
"called ya names..." he's hitting your sweet spot now, making you cry from pleasure. your pussy feels so hot, squeezing him because you know he's right, and the way he fucks this time makes you think he really knows what you are and knows exactly how to get you there. "wot a fuckin' twat. deserved every bit o' it, baby."
you meet his eyes, dark and cruel. he's still moving, still holding onto your hips and drawing out little whines, but it's different suddenly, it's more. you nod, understanding.
simon is terrible. no good. his head isn't in the right place, maybe it never has been. you wonder, briefly, if this is what he does when he's at work, if these are the things that he's used to. maybe simon has been in service too long--maybe he doesn't understand that you aren't at war here, that you can't just kill and clean up, that you aren't in the field.
"she deserved it," you whimper, and he grins, all teeth, all mean.
"tha's it."
"she was such a bitch."
"fuckin' right."
"she got what was coming for her."
"nnghhh--fuck, baby, gonna make me fuckin' cum, tolkin' like tha'," he hisses. you practically smack him as you grab onto his scarred face, gritting your teeth as you glare down at him. his lips part, and you spit in his mouth as he fucks up into you, thighs hitting your ass with a wet smack that makes your head spin.
"and i'll get rid of the next bitch that so much as looks your way, simon."
the kiss is searing. hot, blinding, white noise fills your ears as he cums with you, stuffing you full as he cums hard, a pained groan leaving him as he collapses against the porcelain tub with a harsh thud. you follow him, chasing after him, kissing him between heavy breaths as you don't make any effort to move off of him. when simon opens his eyes, he can't help but smile.
he's never seen his reflection without a mirror.
#awwwwwwwwww thanks for taking care of me pookie#thanks for indulging my terrible mind and telling me its okay ;)#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#simon thoughts#dark!ghost#dark!simon
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