#anyway I’m Demi as hell and I didn’t really know until my 40’s | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

beyondthetemples-ooc · 3 years ago

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1, 27, 40

Ooh, thank you for the ask! It's gonna get heavy though, because that first one is a Very loaded question, whew. ;; I'm actually gonna put this under a cut.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Hahaha ha haaaa.... about that. It depends entirely on which parent.

I was raised in a split-custody situation, and grew up mainly living with my father and stepmother (often called "stepmonster"). I only got to see my mother every other weekend, on certain holidays, and for a few weeks in the summer. I wish I could've seen her more, but now we go to lunch/dinner at least once a month and we'll just talk for hours.

My stepmother.... well, I'm in a decent mood and don't want to ruin it by going into Deep Details, but she was viciously and relentlessly emotionally abusive from the day we started living together, and the older I got and the more I started realizing that she was hurting me, the more I started asking her to stop and tell her she was hurting me, the worse she treated me. It wasn't always, but it became physical often enough that I'd flinch when she raised her hands. So needless to say, I don't have any warm, fuzzy feelings towards her.

I acknowledge that she "tried to be a good parent" (or at least, I acknowledge that she SAYS that's what she wanted), but she has never once apologized for hurting or screaming at me. She has never once taken steps to stop it. No matter how many times I asked her to stop, or take a moment and breathe, or think about how what she's saying is making me feel. Hell, she VERY recently told me "I don't have any regrets" (about how she raised us). And even when I pressed, hesitantly, tentatively, "Nothing? Not one thing?" and she said "Nope." I just. What. How do you claim to love someone and then say you don't regret screaming at them, calling them names, pinning them in corners, smacking them, making them cry on a weekly basis?

So, honestly, fuck her with a saguaro cactus.

My father is... really complicated. We were very close when I was little, but he was always away working and we were lucky if we got to give him a hug before bedtime, so we rarely got to Actually Do Bonding Things. I tried going to him about the way stepmonster was hurting me three times, and each time he yelled at me for being ungrateful and selfish and whatever else he could come up with to make it my fault I was being abused. Yeah.

And just... The older I've gotten, the more I've realized that his actions are a result of his choices. He has a temper that is frankly terrifying, he has roared at me to "shut the hell up" more than once, when I was very little he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of bed, trying to force me to stand when I was crying because I had a vasogaval syncope episode (read: I was about to pass out and told them I couldn't stand up to get ready for school), and he makes little-to-no attempt to control it. The older I get, the less I can tolerate the things he does, or did.

It would be different if he apologized, or acknowledged that he hurt me, or frankly even ever listened to me when I went to the parent that prided himself on being my ~protector~ and did a single damn thing to ACT on it, but he refused to even acknowledge that I was hurting. But he never has tried even talking to me about these things, and frankly I can't forgive someone who never apologizes. I miss when we were close, but now I don't have any desire to try rekindling that relationship, because whenever I try to address my pain or fears, he turns that anger on me and it's just not worth getting verbally abused.

My mother is the only parental figure I'm close to. She also had a temper when I was super little, but at least she would address it with us and try to talk it through, and she has gone to greater and greater lengths to control it and understand why we argue and communicate with me and mend the parts of us that were broken by those things. She has pointed me to resources and family history and therapy and she was the very first person who ever told me, at age fucking 19 (after having been diagnosed since I was SEVEN YEARS OLD) what ADHD actually MEANS and how it impacts my life and that it might be why I struggle so much with simple chores and memory.

Even though she's homophobic and transphobic, at least she's not cruel about it. I would hesitate to even call her judgemental, because she thinks it's "maladaptive", but doesn't think it makes someone a bad person. (Hell, stepmonster and father and at least two of my siblings know I'm nonbinary too, but they won't use the right pronouns or non-gendered language for me either.) She's also of the "monotheistic triumphalism" mindset in her Christianity and used to try very hard to convert me away from paganism until, ironically, I moved in with her for that year. So I can't really talk about those things with her.

But other than that, I can talk to her about ANYTHING. I can ask her questions on anything from a vulnerable personal place in my heart to a vulnerable place in my body to relationship advice, she has a great wealth of knowledge on health and financial things and resources provided by the state and county, she has also had to heal from parental abuse and has had a ton of therapy for depression and PTSD so she helps me with mine too, and she's a genuinely kind and witty person who cares about ME enough to address when something she said or did hurts me, and she genuinely tries to help and be a comforting presence.

Like, my bar for "good parenting" isn't very high honestly, but she really is a wonderful parent and I wish I'd had more of her influence in my life.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Not that I'm aware of. Not really, anyways. I've had at least 3 people over the age of 40 tell me "I think I'm falling in love with you" just because I talked to them, but like. I'm still in my 20's? Why even?? A lot of people have asked me for my number, and I've turned them down. (I'm taken, first of all. I don't want to be anybody's side-squeeze. And I'm frankly not interested in somebody who only wants my number because my butt is cute. Whatever.)

But the relationship I'm in now is the first serious one I've ever been in, and maybe it's because I'm demi, but I can't imagine anyone's heart being broken if they're not in a truly serious relationship.

40:Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Oh man, this is a fun one! In chronological order:

- When I was about... 14? I performed my first Wiccan ritual "skyclad" in the backyard. (It's a full moon thing, so I figured I should be under the light of the full moon. And also nude because, you know. Wiccan.) There was a privacy fence, but it WAS outside, and I WAS naked.

- I didn't properly "walk" outside for this one, but I did once open the door to a pizza delivery guy, take the food, and pay completely naked. It was basically a dare. Easiest $100 I've ever made.

- I did once walk several blocks through downtown Canton with absolutely nothing on but a cloak. That one was because I heard the shopkeep saying "Anyone who comes in on a Sunday in their pajamas gets a surprise." And I'm deathly curious, okay. I wanted to know what this surprise was. But I utterly lack pajamas. So I asked her, "What if you sleep naked?" And she said "Then I dare you to come in naked!" So I came in one Sunday wrapped in a cloak, asked her if she remembered the conversation, and when she asked "Are you naked under there?" I essentially flashed her.

- I went to an outdoor nudist resort in Bath, Ohio. We didn't stay long though, maybe two hours tops, because it was almost autumn and the other two I was with were too chilly to enjoy it. I was fine though? It has to be like 50 degrees or cooler for me to be chilled. But because they were too cold to be nude, we left.

Nudity has never fazed me, and if it was socially acceptable, I'm walk around EVERYWHERE naked.

#rhs answered an ask

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youcanhavemybuckanyday · 4 years ago

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Answer all of them. 1-170. have fun.

HELL YES LETS GOOOOOOOO

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

5′2″. Exactly how tall I am now. I like being short.

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I’ve always wanted a ferret. They can weed out people for me. If a person says “Ew, it’s a rat” then they ain’t worth my time.

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

Whatever’s on sale. Preferably baggy and comfortable

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Always has been and always will be the Nancy Drew computer games. I’m obsessed. There are 32 games (we don’t talk about number 33), and I’ve played each one dozens of times.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

My laptop, my dog, my tumblr account

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Prone to spontaneous breakdowns, both physically and mentally.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

Honest opinion on @Elizard-Hamilton, the person who sent this ask: They’re super sweet and kind, and probably the first reciprocal tumblr friendship I’ve ever had.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Don’t know what that is, too drunk to figure it out right now.

9: Are you ticklish?

God yes. But I retaliate. If you tickle me, you will die.

10: Are you allergic to anything?

No, that’s the one medical thing that I don’t have.

11: What’s your sexuality?

Hetero-Demi Sexual. So I like men, but I’m only sexually attracted to them if we’ve been close for a long time.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

Cocoa, always. Specifically, Tim Hortons Hot Chocolate. Medium, 2 creams.

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

Dog. Always.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

I answered this one already, definitely merperson.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

Nope.

16: How tall are you?

See above.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

I’d just add an L to my name. New name, pronounced the same.

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

Right now, 126 lbs. But I should be 110. I just got off a medication that made me gain 40 pounds practically overnight. I went from 100 pounds to 140 pounds. I’m slowing losing the weight.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

Not in the traditional sense, but I do believe there are things about the departed we don’t yet understand. Kind of like way back when they though lightning was a supernatural event, until they found a scientific explanation for it. I think there’s stuff we just haven’t discovered yet.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

Ocean.

21: Are you religious?

Nope, athiest.

22: Pet peeves?

Idk, I can’t think of any right now.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

Wtf I don’t know? Who cares? I’d rather be whatever koalas are. They sleep 22 hours a day.

24: Favorite constellation?

The only one I can think of right now is big dipper. That makes it my favourite and also my least favourite constellation.

25: Favorite star?

See question 24, but North Star.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

I don’t know what that is? Do you mean like Barbie? I litterally watching Barbie Nutcracker right now, lol.

27: Any phobias or fears?

Spiders.

28: Do you think global warming is real?

Duh.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

No.

30: Favorite movie?

Does Hamilton count? If yes, that. If not, Knives Out. I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery.

31: Do you get scared easily?

Yes.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

Oh god. Idk. You’re going to make me do math on vacation. Lets see. 3 Dogs, 2 Cats, ungodly numbers of fish, 2 rats, 5 hermit crabs, 3 hamsters, probably others I can’t remember.

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

@elizard-hamilton 10/10. 5 stars. Thumbs up. Gold Star.

34: What is a color that calms you?

Royal Purple. I used to have a bedroom where everything was royal purple. The walls, the furniture, the bedding, the accessories. Everything. It was a great time in my life, so the colour makes me think of good times.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

I’d love to go to Belgium. My grandmother was born there, and we still have family over there that I’ve never met.

36: Where were you born?

London Ontario

37: What is your eye color?

Hazel

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

Not at all

40: Hugs or kisses?

None of the above. I have Asperger's, I don’t like to be touched.

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

I’d love to see my BFF from high school again. Haven’t talked to her since we graduated. Rachel, if you’re out there, I miss you.

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

My parents.

43: Any piercings you want?

None.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

Nope. I don’t have anything against them, they’re just not for me. If you have them, I won’t think any less of you. There’s nothing wrong with them.

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

Nope. I’ve already got really shitty lungs (I have Cystic Fibrosis), I’d rather not make them worse than they already are.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

Oh gosh, he’s cute, funny, talented, a great singer, a great writer, he wrote a hit broadway musical... oh, he doesn’t count? Then no, no one right now.

47: What is a sound you really hate?

Styrofoam rubbing against more styrofoam.

48: A sound you really love?

The notification sound tumblr makes when I get something in my inbox

49: Can you do a backflip?

HA no.

50: Can you do the splits?

HA HA no.

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

Do I even need to answer this? I’m going to anyway. It’s..... drumroll........ Danny Devito! Lol, no, it’s Lin Manuel-Miranda

52: Favorite movie?

This is the same as question 30.

53: How are you feeling right now?

Drunk. Next question.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

Purple. I used to have purple hair. Then I got older and got a real job and I’m not allowed to die my hair anymore.

55: When did you feel happiest?

At 16, with my purple hair and purple bedroom and my bff in like grade 11

56: Something that calms you down?

Hamilton

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

Asperger’s, Depression, situational anxiety.

58: What does your URL mean?

Every time is Hamiltime. Because it’s always time for Hamilton.

59: What three words describe you the most?

Bizarre, confrontational, idk. Is there a word that means unwilling to put up with anyone’s bullshit? Because if so, then that.

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Yes. Evolution is a fact, it’s been proven. So this question should not say do you believe in evolution, it should say do you accept evolution.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

If they start posting stuff i disagree with, or if they totally veer into a new fandom I’m not interested in. I’ve lost so many good blogs to kpop.

62: What makes you follow a blog?

Idk, I like their stuff?

63: Favorite kind of person:

Kind people.

64: Favorite animal(s):

Pug.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

I’m not going to start naming friends, cause I’ve got way more than three and I know I’m going to forget someone, so here’s 3 random blogs I enjoy: gmoringgnight, tinywhim, torsnavi

66: Favorite emoticon:

I’m on my laptop, i don’t have emoticons right now, but probably the one where he’s crying laughing

67: Favorite meme:

All of them. I love all the memes.

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

I’m too drunk to remember right now, ask me tomorrow.

69: What is your star sign?

Pisces

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

He cannot. He’s an idiot. But he can give you a high five, if that counts for something.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

Leggings, T-Shirt, Hoodie. Whatever’s clean.

72: Post a selfie or two?

73: Do you have platform shoes?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I can solve a rubik’s cube

75: Can you do a front flip?

LOL NO

76: Do you like birds?

To look at, not to own or touch

77: Do you like to swim?

Very much. In the water, it’s the one place my back doesn’t hurt.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

Swimming. I don’t skate. I know, oh wow, a Canadian who can’t skate. Sue me.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

Trump.

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

Alex Clairmont-Diaz

81: Piercings you have?

My ears are pierced.

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

Reading

83: Favorite person to talk to:

My mom

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

Amazing, finally a place I can be as weird as I want and it’s totally anonymous.

85: How many followers do you have?

I have no idea.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

HA no

87: Do your socks always match?

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

When I was 14, they did a surgery where they put metal rods in my spine to keep it from growing crooked. My spine doesn’t bend at all. So I’ve never tried to touch my toes, but I’m going to go with no, I can’t.

89: What are your birthstones?

I think Aquamarine? I don’t remember.

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

Koala. They sleep 22 hours a day.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

I can’t think of any flowers right now beyond rose and tulip, and neither represent me. Is there a flower that’s really ugly? If so, that.

92: A store you hate?

Gap. I despise that store with every escence of my being.

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

None. It tastes like manure.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Ooh, fly. No more wheelchair.

95: Do you like to wear camo?

I don’t think i particularly like or dislike it. I just don’t wear it.

96: Winter or summer?

SUMMER ALL THE TIME

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

Not long at all. See explanation above, r.e. Cystic Fibrosis

98: Least favorite person?

Trump

99: Someone you look up to:

My mom

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic. Yes, I’m basic like that.

101: Favorite type of shoes

Flats, cause I don’t have to attempt to bend over to put them on.

102: Where do you live?

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Yes, I’m serious.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

Nope.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Wtf? Are people supposed to have a favourite mineral or gem?

105: Do you drink milk?

106: Do you like bugs?

107: Do you like spiders?

108: Something you get paranoid about?

If I remembered to turn off my computer before I go to bed.

109: Can you draw:

Nope

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

On a daily basis, people ask me why I use my scooter or my wheelchair. Every day. Not so much during the pandemic, but yeah.

111: A question you hate being asked?

“When are you going to get a boyfriend?” “When are you going to settle down?”

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

NOPE

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Who doesn’t?

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Cloudy, cause then I can stay indoors guilt-free

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

My dog. But he’s with my sister.

116: Favorite cloud type:

???? Is this something I’m supposed to have an opinion on?????

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

???? IDGAF ??????

118: Do you have freckles?

119: Favorite thing about a person:

Their laugh

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Fruit

121: Something you want to do right now:

Get another drink, but that’s probs not a great idea

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

Dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

I can’t reblog ads. Some of those ads are really, REALLY funny.

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

Completely anonymous. I could be anyone. For all you know, I’m actually Mike Pence. (I promise I’m not)

128: What do you think about the least?

Idk? There’s probably lots of stuff I’ve never thought about at all

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

Nothing, but I want there to be a little machine on top that looks like a parking meter, and when you put money in it you get wifi for an hour.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

Trump, most of the politicians in the states. I want to go to New York, and I can’t because y’all can’t get your shit together and kick this virus.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

My face. Not going to elaborate.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes, but only because I get yelled at if I don’t.

133: Computer or TV?

Computer.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

I used to. Then the back surgery and now I can’t anymore.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

Motion sickness no, seasickness yes.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

Lobed.

137: Do you believe in karma?

I believe that what you do will eventually come back to bite you in the ass, but I don’t believe in some cosmic force that balances the scales.

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

0. Not going to elaborate.

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

None. My name has always been Adele. The few people who tried to give me nicknames got shot down real quick.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

When I was little, yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

Yes ma’am. For over a decade.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Both at different times.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

Giving. I never know what to say when receiving.

144: What makes you angry

A lot of things these days. Can’t think of anything specific. My sister, usually.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

Two. I speak French and English.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

Boys.

147: Are you androgynous?

Nope.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

My face. Not going to elaborate.

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

My “take no shit” attitude.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

Lin Manuel Miranda, Renee Elise Goldsberry, anyone from West Wing

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Revolutionary America

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

I’ve been known to partake.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

Nope. I’m forever alone.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

No. I have Asperger’s. No touching.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

No.

156: What embarrasses you?

When I need to ask for help for really simple things because of my wheelchair or other disabilities. I hate it.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

The future, for reasons way too complex to write in a tumblr post.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

I convinced half my second grade class I was related to Elton John once. That was fun. They believed it for like 3 months.

159: How many people are you following?

Hundreds.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

I don’t even know how I would find that out.

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

Right now, I have 12, but that’s because I’ve queued up the next 4 days HamiltonHungerGames. Usually, I have none. I don’t understand how people have drafts. When I feel like writing something on tumblr, I start a post, I end the post, I post it. I never use drafts

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

??? Again, I have no idea how to find that information.

163: Last time you cried and why:

I honestly don’t remember.

164: Do you have long or short hair?

Usually long, but right now short. My mom decided to give me a covid haircut, and she does not understand the meaning of “Just a trim”.

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

Down to my butt.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

Dislike. I’m not going to talk about it here, but if you’re really curious you can dm me.

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

Yes, because if we know where the universe and world came from, we can figure out where it’s headed. See the book Origins by Dan Brown.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Not at all.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

I can barely stand on my feet for more than 30 seconds.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Tried to.

Ok, this took me an hour and 45 minutes. I’m tired, I’m drunk, I’m going to regret this in the morning, I’m going to bed. Night y’all.

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