#anyway I tried to scroll streaming services for something to watch and I am very overwhelmed

[asexualdindjarin]

amid the endless noise of new media coming out on all the platforms all the time, it's nice to use tumblr to help curate my viewing experience. like yes I will decide if I'm gonna watch a show based on gifsets. it works both ways, some things I see on this site I'm like nope that's not for me. some things I hear about and I've never heard of it outside of tumblr and I'm like oh ok I'm in and it's great. like I'll never watch 911 but I hope the sad guy gets it together, and that's enough

[rkjinwook]

• • •  STARTING LIVE!

       02AUG2020  |   🐥 JINWOOK’S HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳 🥳        DURATION   |   1:02:22

it’s a cute set, albeit typical for this kind of broadcast. the staff have provided jinwook with a fixed camera framing his mini birthday table, complete with multicolored balloons decorating the back wall. there’s a small tablet to monitor the stream and comment feed, which jinwook fiddles with as he waits. in retrospect, he thinks it would’ve been nicer to hold a more casual conversation with fans for his first solo live, but that might just be the nerves talking.

he fills the silence with music, his guitar in his lap. it’s an everyday sight, but jinwook realizes most fans won’t have heard him play much, so he takes care to warm up cleanly, and warm up his vocals too. he only alternates between a few simple chords, though. it’s the sort of background music he used to hear when he’d occasionally attend church services with eve. as jinwook plays he imagines an audience quietly filing in, taking their seats at his birthday party as they each receive the live notification. finally the staff motions for jinwook that the actual video is starting, and he rests the instrument in his lap, out of view for now.

“hello! i’m convex’s sunshine, jinwook.” the greeting is bright and familiar as he dips his head toward the camera. it’s unlikely that the viewers, who arrived so early from a notification, don’t know his name, but it can’t hurt to start off formally. “today is my birthday! yay!!” also evident from the title and the backdrop. jinwook gives himself a round of applause anyway. then he picks up a party hat from the table and slips the cone over his head. ���tada~” 

“since we can’t meet in person, i wanted to greet you all with a live today to celebrate.” there’s a pause as jinwook adjusts the thin elastic of the party hat. he takes a breath. “last year, hmm...” he taps a finger to his cheek as he thinks back. “oh, last year i made cupcakes! i was helping our team sphere on the mgas.. so i couldn’t meet consta that time, either.” jinwook hums in thought, suddenly a bit nostalgic about his time as a coach. he shakes his head. “so i’m excited to try this out now.”

“let’s see...” he says, quickly moving on, “is everyone settling in here alright?” he peers over the tablet and rests a finger over the chat to pause its scrolling speed. the amount of viewers is staggering and the number only keeps rising, but jinwook focuses on the individual users sending messages instead. it’s a relief to see the majority in his native language. “hello and hello and hello,” he says, reading off a string of usernames and greeting each one individually, “and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming, and thank you for coming~!”

when jinwook releases his finger from the screen, the chat jumps back to life, shifting too quickly to read. he frowns and tries to pause it again. it takes some concentration to read off the unusual username combinations, but he does his best.

💬  :  happy bday 🥳 🥳 🥳 💬  :  you look handsome!!! 💬  :  happy birthday oppa~ 💬  :  thank you for being born 💖🎁🎁 💬  :  bare faced jinwook is the best!

“ah, thank you~ hello!! thank you too~ thank you for being by my side! oh! this one...” jinwook is startled into a laugh at the last comment, bringing a hand over his mouth. when he drops his hand he shows his full face to the camera, grinning. “this is definitely not bare faced jinwook, but, still i appreciate you thinking so~”

as he tries to keep reading, he tilts his head and squints. many of the messages are just full of celebrating emoji or animated emotes. it’s less to parse, but more noise to sort through. “ah, so much emoji in chat, you all must’ve learned from me, huh...” he muses.

after another minute he leans back again, his nerves settled. well, jinwook’s never had much trouble even talking to himself, so it shouldn’t surprise him that speaking to a bustling chat window comes naturally, too.

💬  :  did you have a good day so far?

“i’m happy today!” jinwook answers confidently. “my grandmother always wakes up early on sunday mornings, so i called her on the way to practice! and later tonight i’m going to video call with my family. actually i told my sister what time i was going live, so she might be listening too?” jinwook squints back down at the tablet and bites his lower lip. “ah, the chat is going way too fast to tell...”

💬  :  where are the other members!!

“hmm, training?” jinwook grins. “i’m taking a break to talk for right now~ but we are all working very hard otherwise!” he shares another smile, proud of himself for not mentioning anything further - although if his eyes sparkle, he can’t be held responsible. “they might stop by at the end!”

“that reminds me!” jinwook reaches below the table for his bag, pulling out a fresh journal that jaehyun had gifted him in the morning. he holds it up for the camera, proudly showing off the nice foil accents and the fold-out attachment. “my roommate, haru, got me this really pretty notebook. it’s supposed to work as a real midi keyboard.” jinwook’s runs his fingers over the cover. “he has good timing since i am almost out of pages in my old notebook... i’m excited to use it.”

💬  :  oppa’s hair is cool today!

“my hair, ah..” jinwook reaches absently to touch it, pleased. “it grew!” it’s worn longer than it was for pretty u era, freshly dyed and parted down the middle. he’s lucky he’s even allowed to have it showing for the live right now, since it’s a similar shade to his old cut. “i’m kind of happy, since it feels healthy recently...” he chuckles a little, the compliment leading him to another train of thought.

“speaking of cool, consta, did you guys see our call me baby special stage last week?” jinwook looks up to the camera and leans in, curious. “the concept was slightly darker for us, since unit black is so, you know... cool.” jinwook gestures vaguely but laughs at the understatement. it’s not a big enough word to describe some of the biggest superstars in the industry. “we have songs like rock but it’s different from convex‘s usual image, maybe,” he adds thoughtfully, knowing full well that their next comeback is inching in that direction. “do you think we suited it well?”

💬  :  convex is cool too!

jinwook nods, pleased by the positive responses in the chat. “so it was okay, then?” he laughs a little because of course, they’re all biased fans and he asked for it on his birthday, but it’s still reaffirming. “mmm, it still felt a bit refreshing and funky like convex, too. so i think there can be a middle ground,” he says, as if simply imagining how things could evolve in the future. “something smooth like that stage?”

something smooth. jinwook’s thinking of crazy in love, specifically, but the title song itself is an even bigger departure from their pretty u sound and aesthetic. “ah..” he shakes his head with a sheepish grin, “i think i’m rambling a lot.” jinwook takes a dramatic deep breath and collects his thoughts.

then he shifts away from the tablet to pull up the guitar in his lap. “i wanted to answer a lot of messages, but i actually prepared a song for you, too.” he strums a bright chord for emphasis. “it’s nothing fancy but i thought consta would maybe enjoy something like this. so i don’t have to sing happy birthday to myself, or anything,” he jokes.

🎵  :  heartz / minhee&luda — i’ll be there

“this is one of my favorite songs recently! i thought it would be nice for our fans, too.” it’d been an easy choice when jinwook was preparing for this stream. it’s a recent sphere release, plus he’s been listening to and singing the song since it came out, so he already knew most of the words. still, jinwook pulls up the lyrics on the tablet just in case. since he frames it as a fan song, there’s no need to change the gendered parts, although he doesn’t think he would have bothered, either way. 

jinwook only slows the tempo and lowers the key slightly to fit his guitar and his voice. the song has a different energy with an acoustic guitar instead of the bouncy synths, but it’s just as sweet and upbeat. he takes his time, singing all the way through both verses and two choruses. 

just before the bridge, jinwook trails off with a little smile. “ah, i just practiced up until here so far...” he keeps strumming idly as he leans over the tablet again. the comments flood with cheers that jinwook only can read some pieces of. it feels good, though, and jinwook feels confident about the vibe.

he watches several prying questions about heartz fly by in response, and carefully doesn’t acknowledge any of them. “of course i’ve been cheering for heartz,” is all he says. “i really liked around you and vivid also! and i’m excited for the next singles released this week, too.”

💬  :  please a convex song next!!

“oh,” he says, “a convex song?” jinwook takes a break, first, to roll out his wrists. then he hums in thought, searching for something he could play on the spot. “do you remember this one?”

🎵  :  convex — 20

he transitions into a familiar guitar intro. long-time fans might recognize it as the vocal unit song from convex’s debut album, but jinwook is pleased to introduce it to anyone else who’s unfamiliar. personally, he thinks it has held up pretty well over the past two years. “shh—” he mimics the sharp first line, then smiles as he continues strumming and begins to sing.

the song proves difficult to solo, and jinwook wishes he’d thought to prepare more material ahead of time. a medley could’ve been nice, but with all of the comeback preparations going on..... instead jinwook giggles as he trips over the lyrics, attempting the first verse’s backing and lead vocals both together. “hm..” he mumbles, glancing up at the camera. he casually redoes the section to make a decent recovery, and the chorus soars as intended. 

“ah...” says jinwook wistfully after he eases to a stop, “i’ll have to come back to that one someday. that one is nice to sing to consta, too. i always liked the lyrics a lot. you’re my twenties~”

he taps his fingers against the body of the guitar and is reminded of the special day. “but today my twenties are officially half-over, aren’t they? wah... scary....”

twenty-five. he stares blankly toward the tablet, thinking he should follow up: then i’ll just spend the second half of my twenties with consta!

these days, though, it feels like an unfair promise to make.

💬  :  like a gorilla like a gorilla!

his eye catches on one of the suggestions breezing down the chat window, and it interrupts his brooding with a burst of laughter. “gorilla? de:code’s gorilla?” he repeats. he tries a few chords but they’re not in the right key, and jinwook grins as he puts away his guitar on its stand. “i don’t know, that one would be an interesting acoustic cover.” he sings a little phrase of it anyway, a random adlib from the ending: “girl you make me feel~!”

“but!” he points a finger at the camera, not wanting his opinions to be twisted. “maybe one day i could cover their song beautiful, or i’m fine from predebut!”

💬  :  what are you listening to recently?

“hmm... what is new?” jinwook absently adjusts his elastic party hat elastic and pulls out his phone. “i like lee hi’s holo! per_se have a nice summer album.. with o sole mio, and of course...” jinwook hits a pretty falsetto as he opens the music app: “this is how i feel about you, twilight~”

“it’s like twilight, yeah~” he flicks through his playlist and wonders if he should just share screenshots of the whole thing on fancafe. “ah, and eclipse’s comeback!” he adds. “look, isn’t the album cover pretty?” his screen is probably illegible, when he holds it up close to show the camera, but at least his enthusiasm is clear. “i like their night side the best, with that unique rock sound...” jinwook pauses, and reconsiders. “actually, navillera was totally my style, too.” he shakes his head and grins. “eclipse is definitely cool no matter what.”

💬  :  it is already 4 in the morning here why 😭

english. jinwook has glazed over every message in foreign languages but he laughs at this one. he trips over a stilted reading of the comment, and quickly switches back to korean to answer. “i’m sorry ahh, next time i have to think of different timezones, right?” he tilts his head. “mm, it seems impossible to find a good time for everyone all around the world? but i’m happy you could visit with me for even a little bit. please make sure to rest well~” as an afterthought, he finishes in english: “and goodnight~”

💬  :  can you show a rap verse? 

“rapping?” jinwook’s eyes light up at the suggestion, and he laughs out loud. “can i tell a secret?” it’s not the right question to ask, judging by the staff’s reaction. but jinwook leans in sneakily, and continues despite their concerned looks. “we tried to switch parts for adore u once, so i learned seungcheol’s rap! that choi seungcheol,” he says with a grin, “has pretty good expressions on stage these days... his parts are fun! i like practicing his pretty u verse, too.”

he tells the story casually, although that part switch was not just boredom in the practice rooms, but an official planned anniversary release. that weekend in incheon is still a fond memory despite the disappointment of never getting to see the final edit.

he rolls his shoulders. “anyway, i don’t have the nice low voice for it, but there is a little melody to his parts a lot of the time...” jinwook postures up for full effect and puts on his best rapper expression. “how can you dazzle so much? you’re so pretty it’s—”

it’s probably for the best that he is interrupted by a loud knock and a rowdy chorus of happy birthday starting right outside the door.

➡️  :  continued in part two...

[mskinkyafro]

At Last (Aubrey x MC) NSFW

A/N: This is my first NSFW fic. I’m actually embarrassed and scared. If this is trash I apologize in advance because I have no history with writing smut, but I felt like trying for once. This was inspired by this latest chapter, when it gets to the part where MC is talking with June that it introduces that MC can not only read thoughts but get the images a person thinks. Now I imagine/assume MC gets like clips or shots of images as if she can see it through her eyes or she was thinking off these things vividly herself. Which lead me to write this bad boy. I just wanted some action between these two so here’s my attempt at writing it lol.

Summary: Feeling down, Viola goes to Aubrey’s place to watch a movie where things heat up and their intimate relationship is taken to the next level.

Rating: NSFW 18+ Very smutty, if not into smut avoid this fic.

Note: Apparently Ellen can be either fired or suspended depending on the choice you choose with Alec. In my game she is suspended. Once again, this is my first time writing smut and posting it. I’m sorry if its trash, go easy on me lol.

*Thoughts of Viola are italicized and those of Aubrey’s are bold and italicized with parenthesis.

PB owns the rights to these characters, I’m just borrowing them.

Tagging : @cora-nova @rain18rain @lady-dianelewis @hellomynameisdevi

In the pitch-black dark bedroom except for the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock laid Viola wide awake in bed. Despite her pep talk with Jaime and cuddle session with her sassy kitten Fauna and precious puppy Underoos, she couldn’t help but still feel awful about what happened to Ellen. Apart of herself doesn’t feel remorse over Alec’s decision because that choice was partially sealed by Ellen’s unprofessional behavior earlier that day, but the other side of herself didn’t want her rise to lead anchor to be the result of Ellen’s suspension.

In addition, no matter how hard she tries to brush them aside, Ellen’s ominous parting words echoes in the back of her mind. She sighs to herself as she rubs her hand over her face through her curly blonde tresses in frustration. She turns her head to look at her alarm clock.

“Man it’s 11:00 pm but I cannot go to sleep. Ugh!” she says.

She fumbles through her sheets as she sits up and turns on her bed lamp and the room is flooded with light as she pulls the covers off her chest. After sifting through the sheets and grabbing her cell phone Viola unlocks it and begins to scroll. As she does she notices a missed text from Aubrey. She smiles immediately seeing his name pop up on her screen. Without even hesitating she dials and the line begins to ring. She presses the speaker and awaits for an answer. It rings and rings and begins to worry.

“This is a bad idea. He’s probably asleep already.”

Right as she moves her finger to end the call, a persistent beep cuts through and as she presses to answer the facetime icon. Soon she’s on her phone she’s met with the image of Aubrey standing few feet away from the phone screen with a small towel wrapped around his waist. With her view of him angled up she sees his built figure, her eyes fixated on his smooth lean chest and four pack abs. His skin is slightly damp besides the droplets that slide from his thighs down to his calves. She watches as he moves out of the frame for a moment and calls out.

“Just one second!”

 She feels her pulse quicken as she sees his towel once on his hips thrown back in view landing on his bed. Her cheeks tinge red realizing this man she’s crazy about is standing nude as day a few steps away from her prying eyes. As he walks back into frame again with pajama pants on to reach for his towel, she notices his hair clearly wet pressed against his forehead. His hand runs through it to push back his rogue curl before throwing the towel around his neck and picking up the phone so his torso and up shows.

“Hello? Viola?” he says softly, his voice breathless.

His voice seemed distant as her eyes were glued to his figure, her eyes followed each waterdrop that trailed his body.

“Sorry Viola. You caught me as I got out the shower. Viola...you okay?

She subconsciously bites her thick lips as these words fell out her mouth involuntarily.

“You’re so fine….I mean I am! I’m fine! I am fine.

She shakes her head and coughs lightly, her eyes avoid his due to her embarrassment. She glances up and notices Aubrey neck flush red as his hand scratches the back of his head.

“Hehe. Thank you by the way. You’re not so bad either. By the way eherm... you do noticed that you’re umm…” he speaks nervously.

Viola with a confused expression watches as his eyes leave her face and trail down her body.

“That I’m what…” Viola voice trails off as she looks down and realize her cleavage heavily showing as she sits in her lacy powder blue bra. She forgot she was too tired earlier to remove it.

“Oh shit! I didn’t but--”

“No! It’s my fault I didn’t mean to stare--”  both Aubrey and Viola speak at the same time. There words trampling on the other’s.

Then Viola raises her hand to stop him and speaks .

“It’s fine. I mean I guess it’s payback for me earlier ogling you.”

“Well no complaints from me.

“Is that so?” Viola smiles.

“Scouts honor. Aubrey smiles softly. The two let a comfortable silence fall between them as they shoot each other shy glances. Aubrey coughs lightly.

“Ahem. Anyway not that this isn’t a lovely surprise but what brings you to call me at this time at night?’

Viola toys with a part of her comforter, her eyes stray away from the phone as she speaks.

”I was unable to sleep and I noticed your text from earlier...I’m sorry. I know it’s late and--”

“Hey don’t apologize. I love talking to you. I wouldn’t mind even if it was 3:ooam. Your voice is something that I’ll never tire of.”

Viola feels her cheeks flush.

“You’re too sweet. How is it whenever I’m feeling down you make me smile?”

“I’d love to say but I can’t give all my secrets away.”

“I suppose you’re right.” she says between giggles.

“I have an idea. Since you’re up why don’t you swing by my place and we’ll watch a movie. Your choice.”

“I don’t want to impose. I’m already making enough trouble by keeping you awake.”

“It’s not a problem at all. I was already up. And Viola, you’re worth the trouble.”

“Aubrey…” she whispers softly. She watches as he smiles back shyly.

“Did I mention I have kettle corn?”

“ You had me hello...but I’ll even drive faster because you have kettle corn.”

“A woman after my heart, but don’t ever say I promoted reckless driving.”

“Promise. I’ll see you in 15 minutes.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

It isn’t long before Viola finds herself standing outside Aubrey’s door. She didn’t bother with her appearance since it was so late and a simple cozy night in so; she tossed on her ratted gray shorts and white over-sized sweater that hangs off her shoulders with her hair tied up in a messy bun. She pushes a few curled strands away from her eyes. She quickly types on the phone her arrival and a few seconds later Aubrey opens the door beckoning her to come.

As she enters and he closes the door behind her she notices he had a t-shirt on and his hair askew from a quick dry from a towel. She sits down on the couch and tucks her feet under her legs as he sits down beside her.

“I see you put a shirt on.” she says with a smirk on her face.

Aubrey smiles shyly as he reaches for the remote and turns on the popular streaming services, CinemaNet.

“So did you.”

“Only because I didn’t want to be arrested for public indecency and I really wanted kettle corn.”

His arms moves to wrap around her body and she leans into his touch, sitting closer.

“Is that the only reason you’re here? Just using me for my special popcorn” he teases.

Laying her head on his chest while her finger moves in a small circular patterns as she teases back.

“Of course not. How can I miss out on a movie of my choice....and also hanging with a very caring and handsome guy.”

“Good answer. So what do you want to watch?”

“Is Pretty Woman okay? It’s my favorite.”

Aubrey hits the remote and begins to play the movie pulling her even tighter in his arms. Viola feels all her anxious energy evaporate as she feels Aubrey’s taut muscles squeeze her in a comforting way.

“Pretty Woman for a pretty woman…” He says as he grins down at her before continuing.

“...Well now that I have you where I want you, want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

With her eyes still closed, basking in his warmth she slowly speaks.

“I don’t know if you heard but right now in your arms, you’re holding Northbridge’s newest leading anchor.”

Aubrey sits up at an angling which moves Viola as well.

“Oh my gosh! Viola that’s amazing! Isn’t this what you always wanted?”

“It was--is...it’s complicated.”

Viola removes herself from Aubrey’s arms and sits up. He follows suit and places his hand on her back and rubs soothingly.

“After Ellen and I’s fiasco on the air, she was suspended and I got promoted. I’m ecstatic but it still feels undeserving to elevate because her downfall. I mean just being junior reporter has been a dream come true. I expected in a few years time I’d be a leading anchor, but  I didn’t expect it so soon nor this way.”

Aubrey leans forward so that his hand reaches under her chin to move her face to look at him.

“Viola listen, you are the most kindest, funniest, wittiest, most intelligent woman, and beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Everything you’ve accomplished is because you worked so hard and so long for. It’s unfortunate what happened with Ellen, but her attitude was eventually going to circle back to bite her. That’s something Ellen will have to realize and be better about and nothing to do with you.

His hand drops from her chin and runs adoringly along her cheek.

“You deserve this. And just know I’m always on your side.”

Viola with her hand grabs Aubrey’s that’s resting on her cheek and leans forward to kiss him on the lips. Soon the kiss grows from soft to insistent before she breaks away.

“Thank you. I feel much better now.”

“Good. Now should we join Vivian & Edward?”

“We shall.”

Settling in their previous cuddle position and snacking on popcorn, they watch the film. Most of the movie passes before Viola props herself in Aubrey’s arms when her favorite scene begins.

“This my absolute favorite part of the movie.”

“Really? A sex scene? ” He questions.

Viola rolls her eyes and faces him.

“It’s more than just any sex scene. It’s the moment they made love for the first time. Ohhh, the passion and chemistry is just undeniable!  You can feel the nervousness Vivian had as she dared to press her lips to Edwards, to silently and secretly admit that she’s fallen in love. And for him we can feel his desire and longingness of wanting her fully. Not just her body, but having her complete trust intimately. Plus in this scene they’re finally able give their hearts and souls to each other, at least for a moment let one another have this love instead of reason why it wouldn’t work for both of them.The simplicity of their love was something I always admired.” She finishes saying as she stared back at the on-screen couple.

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“I’ve always dreamed of finding a love that was surreal, like it was magic.”

They haven’t taken their relationship to the next level yet, it’s been make-out sessions and some heavy petting here and there but never sex. Not that Viola didn’t want to and thanks to her abilities, she’s aware Aubrey feels the same. It just never seemed to be the right time, but she hopes sooner or later that would change.

Viola snuggles deeper into his chest and couldn’t help but feel slightly aroused as the love scene came to a close especially being pressed up against Aubrey. Just being surrounded by his sandalwood scent, the way his breath ghosted over her skin, and enjoying how his fingertips glided over her hands was enough to drive her wild.  Most of the night she didn’t receive any of his thoughts until this moment when a soft spoken voice almost inaudible is heard.

(“God I forgot how erotic that scene is, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to watch this. All I can think of is…”)

Before she could even prepare she was hit with what seem like a barrel of images. The first one was of him delicately biting on her neck as his hands massaged her breasts, his fingers pinching softly at her nipples.  She was mesmerized by the images that seemed to play like a movie in her head as she watched his mouth trail slowly over her dark skin, her head was thrown back and her face was etched with ecstasy. Then it quickly shifted to their figures only illuminated by the moonlight that flooded through his window rolling on top of the other, grinding slowly with their hands gnawing at the other’s skin in desperation, and the final one was her only wearing her bra from earlier. 

Viola could vividly see herself seductively kissing down his chest reaching his nether region, leaving him a stuttering mess with his hips bucking upward to where the imaginary Viola disappeared. Viola raises her hand to her chest to calm her heartbeat that seemed to thump erratically. As she does Aubrey voice rings clear in her mind.

(“Oh jeez I need to calm down...I need to think unsexy thoughts before Viola notices my urm my latest project. Okay think umm...Alec making out with an Emu! Okay, I don’t know why that immediately came to mind but it’s working.”)

Viola feels him maneuver around so that she’s no longer directly in between his legs but rest beside his thighs. Suddenly feeling daring, with her eyes trained on the screen Viola let’s her hand rub up and down Aubrey’s thigh. Everytime she reaches close to his lap she squeezes briefly before continuing the pattern.  

She can hear his breathing slow down and his breaths come out heavier. She smirks to herself knowing she has the affect on him. Next she lets her hand wander up under his shirt caressing his abs. Almost like a bullet his thoughts come at her.

(“Holy shit! This feels so...is she doing this on purpose? She is! I saw that smirk! If she continues at this rate I don’t know if I can hold back. I  really should say something.”)

Viola tears her eyes from the screen and throws a sultry look at Aubrey and asks him with feign innocence as she hears a small groan escape his lips.

“Is everything okay Aubrey?”

She notices his blue eyes darken with desire and the way he licks his lips as he stops her hand, trapping it between the crossroad of his abs and his bottom half.

“I think you already know the answer to that Viola.”

She grins deviously at him and positions herself  so her body is pressed against his, her lips reaching to whisper in his ears as she slips her hand out his grasp to sink lower beneath his pants to slowly palm his growing erection, stroking it painstakingly slow.

“So you don’t mind if we stop watching the movie? I found something much more interesting for us to do, that is if you want to.”

She pulls away to the side of him and bites down on her lips suggestively  as sits on her knees  and continues to stroke him through his pants, her eyes focused at her task at hand.  She stops stroking briefly and pulls his dick out of his pants. Viola lets her fingers trail alongside the thick base of his cock to the tip before lubing her hand with spit. She then delicately squeezes his pulsing shaft. Her hand goes up and down smoothly before letting it slide further to fondle his balls gently. Aubrey stares at her and nods weakly, unable to answer at the moment because of the pleasure and throws his head back into the couch. The only sounds that leave his mouth were muttered expletives and moans. More of this thoughts coming at her lightning fast.

(Holy fuck...I can’t believe she’s--That we’re about to--Fuck, this feels amazing! It’s better than I imagined...I feel so dizzy. Viola is just stunning...so incredibly sexy.)

Viola suddenly stops and pulls her hand away. Aubrey’s eyes open wide and he whips his head forward.

“That’s not answer, Mr. Watson. I need a verbal answer…” She  stands up from the couch to peel off her shorts then removes her sweater, leaving herself in her matching lacy powder blue lingerie set. She climbs onto his lap and drapes her arms around his neck.

“Do. you. want. More?”

Before she can register what happens next, Viola feels his arms instinctively wrap around her waist, his hands gripping her hips. He widens his legs so that she lands directly on his growing erection. His hands roam from her hips down to squeezing her ass, smacking each cheek lightly. He begins grinding his cock against Viola’s moist panties. He gruffly whispers as his deep blue eyes bore into Viola’s hazel-green ones, clouded with lust.

“Does this answer your question, Ms. Porchia?”

He reaches with one hand to move her panties to side so that the tip of his cock brushes against her increasing arousal, causing her to moan loudly.

“Seems like the tables have turned Viola. Do you like how I feel against you? Tell me how much you love it, or I will stop.”

Viola tries to gain more friction by moving her hips but Aubrey firmly holds her hips in place. In retaliation of her not answering he slips a single finger inside her, slowly moving it in and out. She tries to bite her tongue but a moan slips out.

“Ohhhhh...mhmmm...Aubrey please…”

She barely can concentrate on the thoughts that flew at her from his ministrations.

( Fuck...the way she moans my name almost sent me over the edge.)

“You’re on the right track, but I need to tell me how it feels. Do you want more? He throws her words spoke earlier back in her face, He inserts another finger inside her, both working even slower, trailing her sensitive nub.

“Mhmmm, Aubrey. God, yes it feels so good! You felt so good, baby. I need more!”

Without anymore prompting, Aubrey picks Viola easily from her thighs and carries her towards his bedroom.  He places her on his bed and steps out his pants leaving him fully exposed. He kneels in front of Viola.

“Let’s get these pesky panties out the way…” he kisses from her inner thighs all the way down her tone legs as he removes her undergarments.

As he travels lower his hands go the opposite direction up Viola’s body to her breasts and fondles them over her bra. Viola feels as if her body is on fire. She never imagined feeling this way with anyone before. She props herself on her elbows briefly so she could remove her bra leaving herself completely nude in front of him.

“You’re breathtaking.” he whispers.

He stands up and leans over to kiss her lips passionately yet softly as his hands knead her large breasts, his fingertips pinching at her nipples. Viola let’s her hands advance as well as one wanders through his blonde hair while the other pays attention to his hard cock that seems to grow every second. They continue to kiss, tongues meeting before Aubrey pulls away to leave tantalizing kisses that seemed to scorch her skin all the way down. From her neck he gently bites, enough to leave marks and pepper light kisses afterwards until her reaches her right breast. His mouth attaches to her nipple and he bites down as he sucks hard causing Viola to cry out. He then moves to her other breast, applying the same pressure. Her arms find themselves tracing his back, her nails digging into his skin. He lets his tongue swirl around her nipple before he travels south her navel where in a moment of clarity Viola says

“Aubrey please...I don’t think I can take much teasing. Just fuck me, I want to feel you.”

He pauses but continues to press kisses until he’s back at her inner thighs.

“Not yet. I want to savor making love to you Viola. I want to taste you.”

Instantly Viola feels her eyes roll in the back of her head and loud moans escape her lips as Aubrey’s tongue dives deep into her soaking pussy. She writhes in pleasure as she feels his mouth working her close to her release. Soon she feels familiar tension in her abdomen build as her fingers bury into his head. With her breath heavy she warns

“I’m so close…”

But he doesn’t stop but continues, his tongue working faster. It didn’t take long before Viola arches her back and feels her legs shake as she cums hard and rides out the wave of pleasure.

Aubrey extracts himself between her legs and presses a hard kiss to her plump lips.

“You taste amazing Viola. I love to make you cum baby, just watching you was the sexiest thing.”

Viola  smiles and feels herself grow even wetter at his words. Despite feeling slightly weak from her orgasm, she manages to flip their positions so that she’s on top. She smiles down and as she gazes at his surprised expression.

“Now it’s my turn to taste you.”

“Viola, you don’t have--”she places her fingers on his lips.

“This moment is about both of us. I want to do this. You know how long I wanted to do this? How many times I’ve imagined having your thick cock in my mouth and swallowing your load?

(I lied. Hearing her talk dirty is the most sexiest thing.)

“Jesus Viola.”

She grins mischievously at him and dives lower until she reaches his dick and presses small kiss on the tip.

“Ohhh fuck…”

She continues to steadily kiss along the base of the shaft the lick her way back to the head before she takes him fully in her mouth. She bobs up and down slowly as she moans. Her tongue swirls all around his dick as she feels his hips buck, forcing his cock down further. She feels the pressure of his hand tangled in her hair that makes her continue to engulf him in her mouth, motivated to go faster and faster.

“Mhhmm Viola, wait I’m close…”

She ignores him and continues to suck more and more in hopes to bring him to the same release he did moments ago. She removes her mouth to catch her breath and suddenly feels a rough tug  on her hair, forcing her away and back up.  She licks some drops of his pre-cum from her lips as she stares deep in his eyes..

His blue eyes are now dark as he heavily breathes

“It felt too good, I almost couldn’t contain myself. I need to feel you.”

He then flips them once more so he’s on top. His body laying on top of hers. His eyes asking her the silent question. She smiles and lovingly runs her hand on his cheek.

“I’m ready.” she says softly.

Aubrey kisses her on the lips sweetly as he spreads her legs open and inserts himself slowly into her. He waits to let her adjust to him and after a couple seconds he begins to enter in and out. Soon both find a rhythm as they make love. Aubrey strokes are deep and long driving Viola crazy. She claws at his bed sheets and writhes from how good it feels, desperate for more.

“You feel amazing. So tight and wet.”

“Good Aubrey, you’re killing me. Go faster baby. Please make love to me harder and faster, I can’t take it anymore.”

He picks up his pace and buries his cock deeper, harder, and faster into her pussy making her moan louder and louder. Viola leans up and bits into his shoulders causing Aubrey to groan and continue to push her to the edge. As she nears her release, he stops and pulls out. Before she can question him, he flips her own her stomach and sets her on her knees.

She feels his body press into her back as he kisses down her shoulder and enters her from behind continuing the same pace as before. His hands reach under to grasp her breasts tightly as he fucks her from behind, the room is filled with the sounds of slick skin slapping and their moans. It doesn’t take long until they both cry out each others name as the both reach the peak. They collapsed onto the bed and hold each other as they bask in the aftermath of their lovemaking.

Laying her head on his chest and feeling his fingers toy with her hair, Viola struggles to keep her eyes open. She speaks softly

“That was amazing.”

“It was. Hmm, get some rest, beautiful. We have work tomorrow.”

With her eyes closed she responds

“Okay. Good night.”

Viola feels him press a sweet kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight Viola.”

Right before she loses consciousness she hears a final thought before sounds of soft breathing takes over.

(I’m falling for you.)

And in her mind she says

“I am too.”

*Any other Aubrey stans  or readers in general that enjoyed this fic and want a tag, just let me know!

[chockfullofsecrets]

Sit and Stay

Rating: Gen

Summary: Yagi has a habit of tapping his fingers nervously. This normally isn’t a problem, but today there’s a certain voice hero lying in his lap.

Word Count: 1763

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving, you guys! Going to post this just in case anyone needs to read about soft indulgent tickles as much as I do right now :)

Hizashi frowned as he looked over the common room of 1-A’s dorms.

There was nothing wrong with the room itself; despite Aizawa’s grumbling about the horrors of having twenty quirk-possessing teenagers live together, the place was barely a month old and had yet to develop any serious carpet stains or burns on the wall. That he could see, anyway.

It was pretty nice, actually – curtains open, sunlight streaming brightly through the windows and melting into smudges of warmth against the glossy surface of the coffee table. No, the only problem here was the scarecrow man sitting in the middle of it all.

“All Might, there you are! You’re a hard guy to find!”

From the look on his face, the other man was surprised to see him. That was only to be expected, given that it had taken nearly twenty minutes to track him here.

Yagi straightened from where he had been listing slightly against the couch’s armrest, tapping nervously at the pages of the book on his lap even as he smiled brightly. “Yamada-kun! Sorry, I didn’t realize you were looking for me! I’m here because I promised the students that I would help them make dinner tonight.”

Hizashi squinted. “So you’re going to sit here for the next four hours, waiting for them to get back?”

Yagi’s grin took on a distinctly sheepish tilt. “I thought I might get a little reading done in the meantime,” he said. “Regardless, what are you doing here?” His eyes widened. “Is something going on with the children? The trip-”

“Nope,” Hizashi interjected firmly. “They’re fine, Eraser’s fine. I am here,” he said grandly, pausing to shoot his fellow teacher a pair of finger guns,” to do this!”

Crossing the room to Yagi’s side, he lifted the book and Yagi’s hands with it so that he could flop down comfortably in his newly-available lap.

Yagi coughed sharply, his thin legs twitching under Hizashi’s weight. “Yamada-kun!”

“Hey, keep reading, pretend I’m not even here if you want!” he soothed, pulling out his phone. “Aizawa told me to, and I quote, sit on you or something to make sure you didn’t follow him and 1-A on their class trip and actually got your rest in. I don’t make the rules!”

Yagi was still bent uncomfortably against the weight, his whole body tense, but at that he laughed shortly. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it this literally.”

Hizashi shrugged. “Too bad! With Eraser gone, you’re my designated cuddle buddy until further notice.” Wanting the other man to relax, he reached up and tugged lightly at one of his bangs. “We can braid each other’s hair if you want – and believe me, I would be one hundred percent down for that – but I meant it when you said you can keep reading. What is it? Anything good?”

The book’s cover was hurriedly flattened over Hizashi’s stomach, but not before he could make out the title - ‘Teaching For Dummies’? He huffed in disbelief, but that was a battle for another day. Squirming onto his side to get a better angle for viewing his screen, he opened up his browser and pointedly started scrolling.

Thankfully, Yagi took the hint that Hizashi wasn’t planning on moving anytime soon and, shyly propping his book up on the available hip, got back to doing whatever it was he was doing. Hizashi found himself drifting as well – the sunlight really was nice in here, the couch a cooling leather, and after a couple minutes of getting used to Yagi’s bony form he stopped minding it except for the comforting warmth soaking into his side and back through his T-shirt.

And then one of Yagi’s hands slipped from the pages of his book to Hizashi’s side and returned to its nervous drumming, finger after finger padding lightly down.

Hizashi bit back a giggle, not wanting to disturb the tranquil scene, but it just kept going, the slight tapping, and the longer it went the more it started to feel… sensitive.

Thanking himself for wearing glasses today instead of contacts, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think. He could roll over, but being on his belly would smush his face into the couch cushions and being on his back with those fingers still drumming was definitely not an option. If it kept on like this, he was going to laugh, and that would startle Yagi out of it, but then -

It felt too nice to make him stop, Hizashi decided. A couple minutes. He could hold out for a couple more minutes, and then he would say something.

He tried to focus on his phone, raising one hand dramatically to his mouth as if he were deep in thought – at least it would hide the smile he could feel tugging at the edges of his lips. But the feeling just kept going, each tap sparking a new ticklish nerve on his side, and despite his best efforts he couldn’t keep himself from snickering helplessly at the assault.

Yagi’s fingers paused abruptly, and with the relief came a sense of disappointment that he tried very hard to supress. “Yamada-kun? Are you all right?”

Hizashi’s hand spasmed over his mouth; he wasn’t sure what would happen if he actually turned to look at the other man. “Yeah, yeah! You were just, uh… tickling me, that’s all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” The hand returned to his side, rubbing briskly and dispelling the remaining tingles. “I didn’t even realize, I must have been doing that for a while – nervous habit, you know! Why didn’t you say anything?”

It was a casual question, in exactly the same tone Aizawa asked it in when he was in the mood for teasing, and Hizashi blamed that entirely for his knee-jerk response of, “I – haha, I… didn’t want you to stop?”

Yagi’s hand froze. “Ah.”

Hizashi moved so fast to cover his face in embarrassment that he almost cracked his glasses and maybe his nose on the phone still in his hand. “Augh! Sorry, for a second there I thought you were – I mean, I wasn’t trying to-”

The hand on his waist tightened a little, pushing gently until Hizashi was tipped over into a decidedly more supine position than his ban on eye contact could stand. Yagi didn’t look angry, though, just a little amused. It was the first time Hizashi had seen him anything other than blatantly nervous all day. “You must be quite ticklish here, if a little tapping has you this worked up.”

“Huh?” Mic said, half mumbling into his hands, and then his eyes widened as the words registered. “I – ah – not really, and – it wasn’t just the tapping! I’m not that ticklish!”

He absolutely was, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

Yagi took it in stride, setting his book down and sending his other hand to join the first on Hizashi’s sides. As Hizashi took a second to stupidly wonder how hands so large and comfortingly warm could exist, he stroked his thumbs gently against the base of Hizashi’s ribcage. “Oh, really? In that case, you’ll have to tell me what I was doing that you liked so much.”

“I – pfft –“

“Or maybe you didn’t like any of it, and you were hoping I would do this instead?” A single finger scribbled across his belly, bared below the hem of his shirt from all the shifting, and the genuinely curious look on Yagi’s face did absolutely nothing to keep him from squeaking in pleasured mortification.

“Ah – gyahahaha – that tickles!”

“I figured it would,” Yagi chuckled. “I don’t mind doing this, if you’re enjoying it.”

Mic sputtered, still choking on giggles as another finger snuck out to circle his navel. “W-whyhyhy?”

Yagi ducked his head a little, not entirely succeeding on hiding a shy smile behind his bangs. “I’ve been looking for something to do with my hands, and you said you didn’t want me to stop, so – please tell me if any of that isn’t the case!”

Even Aizawa wasn’t usually mean enough to make him admit things like this, he thought, and ignored the question in favor of curling a little further into Yagi’s lap.

“Okay, then,” Yagi said, smiling a little wider, “how about here?” He dipped a finger delicately into the shallow well of Hizashi’s navel, pressing down just hard enough to massage the nerves at the very bottom, and Hizashi very nearly screamed a hole into the ceiling.

Luckily his hands were tight enough over his mouth to avoid him being the first person to cause property damage in 1-A’s dorm, and he deployed one of them to smack Yagi furiously on the arm until the offending digit was removed and he could successfully gasp for breath. “Ha, ha, ah – I have a voice quirk, remember?”

Yagi raised a surprised eyebrow, taking his hand and squeezing it reassuringly, and Hizashi almost melted under his fond look. “That bad, huh? I guess we’ll save that spot for Aizawa-kun to tackle, then.”

So much for fond. “Don’t tease me, it’s mean,” Hizashi groaned, breaking back into bubbly giggles almost immediately as Yagi returned to tracing light lines over the lower half of his belly.

“Sorry, sorry,” Yagi said – how many times was this guy going to apologize to him anyway? – but he was smiling happily at Hizashi’s torment, providing gently torturous tickles until Hizashi decided that he was finally in the mood to breathe like a normal person.

He wriggled into a more upright position, tugging his shirt down, and grimaced as he caught sight of the time on his phone. “Ah, it’s only been an hour, and we’ve already done all there is to do in here! Why don’t you come for a walk with me or something?”

Yagi’s smile diminished considerably. “But, the students-”

“Are doing community service in the middle of a city with multiple pro heroes watching their every move. I know we don’t have the best track record, but sitting here waiting for them to come back safely isn’t going to do much, is it?”

“Right,” Yagi sighed. “As long as I’m here when they get back, I can go for a run or something-”

“I will sit on you again.”

“A walk,” he conceded. “Exercise is good for staying positive, isn’t it?”

“Anything’s better than staying in here,” Hizashi agreed, bouncing a little in excitement. “Okay, let’s go!”

“You have to get off me first,” Yagi reminded gently.

“Oh, yeah, crushing the Symbol of Peace under my legs… oookay, here we go!”

And so they went.

[allmyloveavery]

wherever you are ~ c.b

A/N: The first part of this is gonna be your point of view and then it switches to Corbyn. The italic parts are song lyrics. anyway, I love this song so much and I hope I did it justice with the story. this is almost 2k words so i put a read more lmao. quick disclaimer this is just fiction and based on song lyrics don’t come at me pls 

ps: I’m so sorry this took so long holy crap this request has been sitting in my inbox for ages.

Requested: yes

Summary: basically the plot of the song wherever you are by 5sos but if you don’t know what that’s about I’m gonna give a quick summary anyway. You and Corbyn break up and he leaves you heartbroken. You fly back home and time passes but he can’t seem to stop thinking about you.

You drove into the airport parking lot, with tears burning in your eyes you parked your car and sat there for a minute staring through the window. You couldn’t take it any longer, the feeling of tears burning behind your eyes turned into a complete waterfall of tears streaming down your cheeks. Usually, you weren’t one to cry but today, your spirit, hope, and dreams had been shattered in just a matter of seconds. You lay your head on your arms that were crossed over the steering wheel and you felt the tears stain your sleeve.

 On the backseat of your car, there’s a faint buzzing sound, it’s your phone, but you can’t even hear it over your violent sobbing. In between sobs you manage to let out your anger and scream as you slam the steering wheel with both of your hands. “It was a mistake coming here” you say as you look through your bag for some tissues to clean up the mess that this sobbing session had created.  You check yourself out in your mirror and rub your eyes one last time before grabbing your stuff and walking inside the airport. One more glance over your shoulder at the sun setting in L.A before you step foot inside the airport and you leave forever. As you walk towards your gate you grab your phone and dial your mom’s number. “Hi mom” you almost break down after this and you hear the voice of your concerned mom on the other side of the line, asking you if you’re okay. “I’m coming home.” It stays silent on your mom’s side of the line. It’s like you can’t even react to anything and like everything is moving in slow-motion. You hear your mom say that she’ll pick you up at the airport in your hometown if you text her the time you land and that you’ll be alright and she loves you. All you manage to get out in response is an almost muted “okay” as you stare at your gate before boarding. 

You got on the plane and looked for your spot. When you finally found it and sat down you saw the missed calls from your now ex-boyfriend. As much as it pains you to do it, you decide it’s for the best. You open your contacts on your phone and scroll to his name. “delete contact” you hesitate for a second but end up clicking it. Tears well up in your eyes as you shut down your phone looking out the window, waiting for the plane to take you back home.

“For a while we pretended That we never had to end it But we knew we’d have to say goodbye You were crying at the airport When they finally closed the plane door I could barely hold it all inside”

He was driving on the freeway, one hand on the steering wheel, the other to his ear trying to call you for the fourth time. “come on y/n, pick up the phone…please” The boy makes his way to the airport as fast as possible. It’s a race against the clock to make it there before you board and you’re gone forever. Jonah is sitting in the passenger side and gives Corbyn a sympathetic look as he watches him dial your number once again muttering “please pick up, babe, this was a mistake” to himself. “Dude it’s no use, she’s not gonna pick up. You broke her heart, she probably doesn’t even want to talk to you right now.“ When you don’t pick up the sixth time he throws his phone on the backseat. “I have to talk to her, Jonah. I have to.”

They pull up in the parking lot and Corbyn doesn’t even bother to lock the car. He jumps out of the car sprinting towards the doors of the main entrance. Once he’s inside he frantically looks for your flight on the boards, but he can’t find it. As he’s running towards the service desk to ask where you’re boarding there’s an announcement over the intercom. “Boarding for the flight KL601 is closed.”  Corbyn’s heart sinks into his chest and his eyes fall down as he stops running. “I’m too late.”

His entire body got washed over by defeat as he slowly made his way back to the car. His chest felt heavy and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or scream. As he walked up to his car he saw Jonah sitting in the passenger’s seat, patiently waiting for him. Once Jonah spots his friend he gets out of the car. “You didn’t make it in time?” he asks as he walks up to his friend to give him a hug. Corbyn can’t even bring himself to answer because he knows he’ll break down, so he just shakes his head. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

Exactly three months had passed since you left L.A and went back home.  It was about 3 am but he couldn’t sleep. He’d been up all night thinking of you. He tried so hard to fall asleep but he just missed you too much. He grabbed his phone searching through his contacts until he got to your name. His finger hovered over the number and the calling button for a few seconds. “I shouldn’t. It’s better this way.” He sighs and shuts off his phone.

“Torn in two And I know I shouldn’t tell you But I just can’t stop thinking of you Wherever you are You Wherever you are Every night I almost call you Just to say it always will be you Wherever you are”

He looked at the bulletin board on his desk. You may have been gone but the memories weren’t. The board was filled with Polaroid’s of the two of you, little notes and postcards you had given him throughout the relationship. He knew he should probably get rid of them or at least put them away somewhere he wasn’t reminded of the painful fact that half of his heart was missing. He grabbed his favorite polaroid picture from the board. It was a picture he took of you when you were out on a date for Valentine’s Day because he thought you looked so pretty and he was a lucky guy. He felt tears well up in the back of his eyes and fought the urge to cry. He holds the picture up, looking at it for a while. “I miss you.”

“I could fly a thousand oceans But there’s nothing that compares to What we had, and so I walk alone”

The thought of booking a plane ticket and just flying to you to say he’s sorry and ask you to come back home, to him, in L.A, had crossed his mind almost every night. Yesterday he almost did, but he refrained. You’d probably turn him down anyway.  He sighed at the thought. He missed everything about you, your touch, playing with your hair, your laugh, the way you would do a little dance if you were excited about something, the back and forth quoting of your favorite vines, you sending him memes in the middle of the night saying “this reminded me of you”. He’d give anything to just hold you in his arms one more time.

The next morning he scrolled through his Instagram and saw that you had posted something.  You hadn’t posted anything ever since you left L.A, except for a picture with your two best friends hugging them, captioned: “I missed my girls.” The picture you had posted was a selfie of you and some guy at a club with drinks in your hands both smiling and looking happy. The picture was captioned: “@ScottH the man, the myth, the legend.”

“I wish I didn’t have to be gone Maybe you’ve already moved on But the truth is I don’t want to know”

Corbyn clicked the tag in the picture you gave Scott and went to his account. He found the same pic you had posted and saw that you had commented a heart under the picture. He wondered if you had moved on but couldn’t bring himself to think about it any longer. The thought of you being over him and with someone else pained him deep in his soul.

He went to his Spotify playlist and found the playlists you had made him over the course of the relationship. “Mixtape I for my sunshine’, ‘songs that remind me of you II’, ‘mixtape for the bean III” He looked at the titles with a soft smile on his face. From time to time he would still listen to them, like reading an old love letter. Almost as if in a desperate attempt to cling to you, hoping that one day you would come back.

It was one of those days on which he lied awake until four in the morning thinking about you, so he plugged in his earphones and played the very first mixtape you made him in an attempt to feel something and fill the void in his heart.

“You can say we’ll be together Someday Nothing lasts forever Nothing stays the same So why can’t I stop feeling this way Torn in two And I know I shouldn’t tell you But I just can’t stop thinking of you Wherever you are You Wherever you are”

What he didn’t know was that you still listened to his mixtapes every once in a while too. Even though you deleted his number, you had it memorized and you thought about calling him every now and then, but just like Corbyn, you thought it was probably better this way.

“Every night I almost call you Just to say it always will be you Wherever you are”

[herestheteaig]

What should I do??

Hi, I don’t really know if anyone will see this but I'm gonna try, just incase. If you do choose to respond, you can be as brutally honest & unbiased as you’d like, I’m not easily offended.

I am f19, and have been in a relationship with m18 for almost 6 years. For the sake of his privacy lets call him Joe.

lets call me Mina.

Backstory:

- Joe & I have been together since we were 13, we went to the same secondary school & college (for Americans, same middle school & high school)

- we had been close friends since we were like 11, very visibly super close friends in school.

- when we started dating at the end of our second year, we spent the entire summer together.

- when we got back he just... pretended I didn't exist????

- like tf?

- anyway, we were still hanging out outside of school, but my school separate the year based on grades in third year, so I was placed in X and he was placed in Y, therefore we had 0 classes together

- though, in the corridors, at lunch, at break, etc, he’d pretend I didn't exist???

- he also told me not to tell anyone we were dating???

- this lasted maybe 2 years? until I got really mad and he started acknowledging me in our final year of secondary school & people knew we were dating.

- his mum ended up convincing me to apply to the same college as him, we did different courses so rarely saw each other, but occasionally took the train together on one of our mutual starting times.

- now, I go to university about 2 hours away from our hometown and live there, he doesn’t go to university at all.

the catfish:

- of course the initial: “don’t tell anyone we’re dating”

- when I was still 13, I did something SUPER childish, though no regrets and made a fake iMessage account so he’d think someone was texting him.

- I used Loren Gray’s picture because this boy had NO social medias, he was SO anti it.

- anyway, pretended I had gotten his number on Facebook, and that I had seen him at athletics (he’s an athlete) and I thought he was attractive and asked if he had a girlfriend

- then we went through this long “no I don't” “jk I do” back and forth bullshit. 

- oh he also didn't tell me about her until I said she had messaged me, but whatever idc but that's the first piece of info. 

Sabrina:

- next, I must've been 15?? idk exactly how old I am

- I do not and have NEVER cared who my boyfriend talks to, girl, boy, non-binary, whatever, I don't give a shit. 

- so I'm on his phone, taking snapchats to save to his memories and I kept seeing this girls name pop up. 

- let’s call her Sabrina.

- I had noticed he talks to her a LOT, but he never had mentioned her, but eh its whatever... probably just one of his friends, right?

- I used to just message his friends on his phone so I went onto her chat intending to be like “heyyyy bro, nice to meet you my name is Mina, do you wanna be friends?”

- but I'm seeing messages talking about: “what age would you have sex?”

- side note: he and I both lost our virginities when we were 15, later this year but at this point we had both been “handsy” down there??? 

- anyway she says “18″, he says “you know its legal at 16 tho right?

- “yeah, but still 18″

- “why not 16″

- whatever I don't remember the entire convo.

- so I was like hmm this is a bit sus and scrolled up to see their messages. 

- “do you have a girlfriend” “no” “actually yes” “im joking, no.”

- so im like wait what???

- anyway, I don't mention it for like 7 months? he denies it before saying what he said was innocent and he was just curious in a friendly way. 

- I let it go.

Kendall:

- I was probably 16 or almost 17 at this point 

- again, for privacy, we’ll call this girl Kendall.

- Kendall and I have a mutual friend, we’ll call her Tiana.

- Tiana and I were best friends.

- One day, Tiana messaged me and said hey, my friend Kendall was speaking to  Joe & realised wait isn't that Mina’s boyfriend and sent me these screenshots as soon as she realised.

- I had probably seen her name in his recent chats but didn't care enough to ask about it.

- anyway, the screenshots were just him being super flirty with emojis? like sounds childish but you know what I mean.

- and he was joking about “go to bed its past your bed time” and she was like “no why are you chatting, you’re up too”

- then. THEN. THIS BOI HAS THE AUDACITY.

- “shush and listen to your daddy”

- wHAT.

- I immediately confront him and he denies knowing anyone of that name at first, before saying oh I didn't mean it like that, it was like a mum/ dad joke we have

- so again, I let it go

Adrien:

- back in school, my maths teacher sent myself and this boy to the study area which is an open space in the school, visible from all levels.

- lets call him Adrien.

- note: adrien and I were both quite smart and in top set for most classes, our surnames are next to eachother on the register so were often seated beside each other. 

- we were very very close FRIENDS

- so we’re doing work, chatting a bit- whatever

- at some point, he jokingly pushes my head away, idk what I said, I do not remember. 

- note: the entire school is IN CLASS.

- a few seconds later, I feel my phone vibrate, sneak it out of my pocket to see a text from Joe: “why is Adrien touching your face?”

- I look around and no ones there, anyway he still gets mad about it now.

Other stuff:

- he used to threaten to kill himself if i broke up with him

- or if we were arguing he’d say he can do this anymore, imply suicide, the leave his phone for ages and get super mad if I contacted his sister or mum to find out if he was safe.

- sometimes i’d see him joking around on his sisters snapchat story when I'm panicking because he said he’d kill himself.

- I'm not materialistic, but the fact that he rarely would get me bday/xmas presents was kinda upsetting. (he has a lot of money, my family is broke but I make the BIGGEST deal out of xmas and his bday and everything)

- would work extra hours so he’d feel so so spoiled on xmas and his bday. 

- once he got me just a xmas themed toilet roll on Christmas, last year he gave me a small jar of vegan candies.

- I think he acknowledged valentines day twice in our relationship? 

- which was sad because pre-relationship, valentines was my fave day of the year & I'd hand out heart shaped chocolates to everyone at school.

- often blames his mental health on me.

- will cut me off and then act like I'm the one not listening to HIS problems. 

- if another guy has a crush on ME, then he gets mad at me?

- every boy in my college class admitted to having a crush on me at some point, awkward but my course was reliant on group projects so I couldn't just block them??? they all knew I had a bf

Extra:

- I have never orgasmed ONCE in my entire life... rip

- when I say he is ACTUALLY jealous, I mean like ACTUALLY jealous of me having a crush on like... cartoon characters?? (& also anime characters)

- has said sexist and transphobic things, that I DRAGGED him for.

- I think he's very manipulative and also immature. 

- hates that I'm smart

- HATES that my love language is acts of service. like HATES it.

- there's more but I won't bore you.

mini story:

- we went to Paris for my 18th birthday. 

- he tried to break up with me right before because “he feels like shit compared to other guys”

- I was crying down the phone (I never ever cry) begging him to reconsider

- we went to Paris, it was nice. 

- note: we also had sex there

- and then we get back and he says: “I hated you the entire time” and other stuff but I don't remember

this is according to him:

- I think I'm right all the time and think im little miss perfect

- I put in no effort

- I do not listen

- I just need to realise that all my male friends are only my friends because they want to fuck me.

- I do not care about anything

- I assume things 

- I compare him to other guys????

- I make him feel like shit 

(his words, though I disagree)

- we have been in a relationship for almost 6 years

- he’s my friend

- I love his family so much, I've watched his nephew grow up and I text his sister and I just love them.

- though he isn’t my type on paper, I do find him attractive 

- we have somewhat similar kinks

- my family seem to like him

- not gonna lie, we’d make cute babies.

- we both enjoy sports and also he sometimes plays video games with me (I'm an avid gamer, I twitch stream and play PC, PS4 & Switch, he sometimes will play fortnite or Mario kart with me)

- we have this cute cheerleader/ athlete thing which I like

- oh, right, pls don't judge this but its important to me to raise my children plant-based until they're old enough to decide for themselves- he isn't plant-based but is 100% onboard which is very important to me.

- has done cute things for me before like turn up at my house with my fave candy or buy an extra pack of gum/ drink for me.

- this sounds irrelevant, but I DO love to party/rave but I do not drink alcohol, I actually have a weird phobia of it, though I would 100% get high

- Joe and I both do not drink and although that's not something id look for in a s/o, it made me feel like I wasn't the only one lmao. 

- my first & only relationship

ANWYAY, we’ve been arguing for months, if you see this what do you think I should do? would it be overreacting to break up? I would still wanna be his friend because I care but I dunno what to do

[avadakaravadra]

Nocere. Dolor. Et Culpa. || Self Para

               it matters not how strait the gate,                           how charged with punishments the scroll,               i am the master of my fate,                           i am the captain of my { s o u l } 

date and time: two days after the centurion holiday dinner (december 23rd at 5:00 pm) suggested listening: eros by ludovico einaudi triggers: torture, blood, serious injury, homicide, death

    It was just another day at work, though his Centurion job wasn’t the office he was en route to. Instead, it was time to descend into the dreary and damp tunnels of the Cult, time to call forth the darkness he kept hidden in the light of day. He had only just gotten the message an hour or so ago. A high caliber target had finally been brought in after months of tracking, and they needed Jax’s special services to crack open their mind like a newfound book, spread the pages across the floor so that he might glean whatever information the Cult might need from this particular person.

    As Jax prepared to do his work, one of his fellow Cult members clapped him on the back, as if they could give him their own version of a pep talk though Jax wasn’t very fond of receiving such things. Still, they persisted and received an eye roll in return of their words. “I loosened them up a little before you got here. So everything should be fine.” There was that word again. Fine. It’d been ringing in his head ever since Lina had asked her question over text. Are you fine? Of course he was fine. It wasn’t as if he felt like there were claws inside his stomach, trying to scratch their way through his throat whenever his phone buzzed and her name appeared. It wasn’t as if they tried to rip through his intestine whenever he saw Bobbi smiling at Leo, words echoing in his head of her true mother’s greek identity. And it most certainly wasn’t as if the sight of Maia, crying at the dinner table in Touch of Class had somehow given the scratching inside his gut a small victory in the form of an apology finding its way to the surface. He was fine.

    He entered the room, darkness engulfing him and his subject. It was a simple scare tactic. Put someone in pitch black, and it wouldn’t be long before they were hopelessly disoriented, possibly even seeing strange figures and shadows in the inky lack of lighting. But it was no matter for Jax. He could see the man he was here to interrogate easily in the darkness, trying to appear as if he wasn’t scared out of his mind whilst being tied to a chair. That would change soon. “Are you comfortable? Are you fine?” Jax’s voice pierced ever so softly through the darkness, so quiet and smooth that one might think they were imagining things in the murky room, though the tone of his last word betrayed some of the malice that was bubbling within him. He wouldn’t start with telling them what he wanted to know. Let them wonder at it for a while. Hopefully then, they’d be even more desperate to tell Jax whatever it was that he wanted.

Jax circled his specimen, not bothering to cause any physical pain yet. Instead he took the flat of one of his favorite blades, and slid it over the skin of his victim’s arm. “You know what that is, don’t you? You’d be a pretty sad excuse for a demigod if you couldn’t recognize the feeling of a knife against you.” The cold metal of the blade moved harmlessly over the man’s skin, goosebumps creating a path behind it. “Though, being a graecus, perhaps one of your inherent shortcomings is that you wouldn’t even recognize a weapon when it’s pitted against you.” he drawled. But suddenly, his words threw themselves back onto him. The Greeks, now they were a sad excuse for a demigod. But once again Bobbi flashed before his mind’s eye, and the claws that had continuously threatened to break through his ever so careful demeanor were back, scratching at the lining of his stomach. And now that he was here on his lonesome, no threat of being exposed, where none could see the emotions flitting across his features— his mind finally confronted him with what it was he’d been trying to avoid.

    Bobbi wasn’t a sad excuse for a person. And yet here she was with Athena, the most disgraceful of the Greek gods, for a mother. But Bobbi was different, he told himself. She wasn’t the type of Greek to set fire to the Senate House, nor the kind to distract his childhood Centurion on the battlefield at Camp Half-Blood even after the two sides had reconciled their differences. Not the kind to get said beloved best friend and leader killed in an act of senseless idiocy because they were doing something they shouldn’t, distracting the faithful Roman just long enough for a giant to deal it’s killing blow. And most certainly not the kind to be the reason for an eighteen-year-old Jax having to watch and kneel beside the body of said best friend as they died on the field in front of him in the midst of chaos, not even giving the son of Discordia a chance to grieve before he had to continue where his Centurion had left off. Never giving him the chance to grieve. He’d had to keep going, just as he always did— just as he was trying to do now. He was fine. Bobbi was different. Not like the Greeks that needed to be eradicated.

    Making a quick decision, he let the sorrow of the loss wash over his target, Jax’s abilities lending him the power to do such a thing. Again his voice pervaded the air ever so quietly. “Hurts, doesn’t it? The loss of someone so close? All because of the idiocy of you graeci.” He could see the tears beginning to stream down his victim’s features, the sheer pain of Jax’s emotions washing over them as the man began to shake. “You’ve lost someone too, haven’t you?” He shifted somewhat blindly through their past pains via his Discordia-given abilities, until he found one that felt similar to his own before pressing on it with a steady mental thumb. It would hurt more if Jax could make the pain of the loss personal. The man’s tears began to flow more freely and his body twitched with emotion. “Wasn’t that long ago for you that they died.” Jax most often couldn’t get details, only the slightest of senses and hunches. “But the death of the friend isn’t the worst form of loss,” he said ominously, a humorless smile finding its way over his lips.

    Jax had learned that the hard way. Lina had been simply a name and face for the longest time, and then suddenly she’d become much more. A friend. One of his closest. But that had only made the realization all the more painful when she’d expressed her backing of the Greeks, her support for those who had stolen from him. The injury to his family name had only been salt to the wound. The clawing in his stomach worked upwards into his chest, as whatever beast that lie within him desperately tried to force its way through his careful charade of not caring, and continuing to do what it was he was meant to do. He couldn’t let it break through. So instead he forced it onto the man before him once more.

    Jax still had yet to draw blood, but that was remedied as he made the first of his stabs into an area of the man’s abdomen that wouldn’t prove lethal, just extremely painful. As the warmth of the blood flowing from his wound coated Jax’s hand, he leaned over his victim, speaking directly into the man’s ear. “It’s a bitch, isn’t it? Knowing that you lost someone in your life. You’d think it’d be less painful when they stay alive, but no.” He accessed their own memory of such a pain, bidding it to replay over and over again in his victim’s mind in conjunction with the death of their loved one.  “Pain hits you right in the gut. Knowing that things are different now. That even though they’re alive and well things will never be the same.” But he had to pretend like they were. Don’t burn bridges. You never know when you might need something from someone, and it’s a lot easier to mend a bridge than rebuild one. Jax could practically hear his father slithering the words into his ear. But if Jax didn’t use the fire to burn the bridge, and couldn’t let it out in a show of anger or frustration for fear of insult...where was the fire meant to go? Inwards was the only place left for it. Though he didn’t let it rage even there, always being careful to keep the flame safely tucked away, but it still ate away ever so slowly, waiting for the day it would find its freedom alongside the clawing in his stomach. Still he ignored them. He was fine.

    “They’re lost to you, even if they’re not dead.” A sob from the man tied to the chair fell on deaf ears, though it wasn’t clear whether it was the emotional or physical pain that had cowed the man. Nevertheless, Jax could feel him shuddering beneath him. Jax knew it didn’t matter how much he broke this man, how much he revealed of his powers. He was going to die soon anyways— though Jax had been sure not to tell him that. Someone who thought pain was all they would know for the rest of their time on this planet was generally someone much more willing to talk. Death gave them an out, and Jax didn’t have pity. He had a job. “You wanna know what I want, don’t you?” He spoke into the man’s ear once more, and the man nodded, the rivers of tears still flowing freely down his face. “I wanna know what makes you feel guilty. What is it that’s the secret you’re keeping locked up tight in here?” Jax brought the tip of his blade to the other side of the man’s stomach, adding enough pressure to break skin, the beginnings of ruby droplets forming at the end of the blade.

    “That guilt that just eats away at you, constantly trying to break free. Of course, that’s how I’m told it feels. I wouldn't know. I don’t have anything to feel guilty about.” But if he hadn’t felt guilty why was it that he had apologized to Maia at the Centurion dinner? Jax had tried to tell himself it was to save face, a play in hopes of gaining the compassion and trust of Maia, but he couldn’t deny the truth— not when he’d felt those returning scaly claws thrashing in his stomach when he’d uttered his apology two nights before. Again Jax thrust the confused pain of his own whirlwind thoughts onto the man, and he immediately broke out in frantic, sobbing tones. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry— I didn’t mean- I didn’t want- I had no choice.”

    Jax had little patience for crying, though he was pleased with the obvious progress he’d made in breaking the man. And yet he’d had patience for crying when it had been Maia at the dinner table? No. Jax banished the errant thought with another plunge of his knife into the man’s gut, this time twisting the blade within, and Jax was certain he felt bone as the tip of his knife hit something hard. He lodged it there, not wanting to withdraw the blade just yet. He couldn’t have the man losing consciousness from bloodloss once he removed the tool. However, that didn’t keep him from pressing the metal in further, taking a small hammer from his belt to tap at the hilt of it, driving it deeper— threatening to split the bone like a toothpick after finding just the right place to hit. “So what is it you’d like to confess?” he asked his weeping victim. The man simply shook his head, as if he’d found a last reserve of strength and was using it to deny Jax what he wanted. And with that Jax gave the final blow, breaking the bone beneath his blade as the other man gave a thunderous howl.

    “I can make it stop, you know,” Jax offered. “The hurt. The pain. The guilt.” This time, instead of adding to the pain, Jax drained the man of it entirely. He would feel nothing inside or out, just a complete numbness, almost apathy and the severe absence of the broken bone and his stab wounds. “If you just tell me what I want to know.” And finally Jax was whispering his question into the man’s ear, the question that the Cult wanted the answer to. But sometimes the absence of pain was more disorienting than the presence of it, and Jax’s outlet seemed to be in a stupor because of it— for he barely reacted to Jax’s question. “You don’t want to tell me?” He let a fraction of the pain slip back in, his threat of bringing both the emotional and physical pain back full force dangling rather obviously above the pair.

    Suddenly the man before him broke out in sobs once more, unable to handle the thought of feeling such unbearable things again. “Stop, please. Please just stop. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you. Just don’t make me feel that again, please.” His voice was a begging and pleading whisper, and Jax leaned closer, wanting to catch every word with his knife still sandwiched between the man’s broken bone. A moment later, once Jax had the information he needed and no more use for the man, he let the knife rip upwards— slicing through an artery that would result in a nearly instant kill. It wasn’t pity that drove him, but the wish to leave this place after the emotions he’d let himself feel here, and then shoved onto the man before him.

    As the now dead man slumped in his chair, Jax reflected on this particular meeting. He had never let his sessions get as personal as this before, preferring to only use the pains of the other person’s past to torture them, but gods knew that he’d been bottling these emotions up for weeks, for years— and apparently this was the only way he knew how to let them out, by thrusting them onto someone else. Make them hurt the way he did, though he’d never even admitted to himself that’s what was clawing within his stomach. Hurt. Pain. Guilt. The hurt the Greeks had caused all those years ago. The pain of realizing Lina, one of closest friends, wasn’t an ally in his war against the Greeks stemming from his original hurt. The guilt of seeing the casualty of it at the disastrous Centurion dinner in Maia’s tears. The thought of them brought Jax’ gaze back to the man before him, his eyes trailing the drying tracks of tears on the man’s face, replaying the shuddering and convulsing that had wracked him as he’d experienced what was going on in Jax’s own head and heart.

    As the son of Discordia left the room, waiting for a clean-up crew to appear, he considered his reflection in the mirror of his bloody blade. If he’d had any sense, after witnessing what his bottled up emotions had done to the man within the room, he might wonder what they were doing to him. But no. He was fine. No matter the fact that when Lina had asked them those three little words he’d first typed out the simple answer of no. He had to be fine. There were jobs to do.