#anyway I accidentally confused an old graduate student of his when I ran into her at a panel talk last week

[dancingplague]

People occasionally get confused when I refer to my father as "Dr. [Surname]" and I get it but I feel that A) that is his name, B) it is respectful and not overfamiliar but also C) does not require me to call him by his given name and D) he does absolutely call me "Ms. [Surname]" in place of my given name sometimes and as far as I can tell everyone recognizes *that* as affectionate formality

[mourntheantagonist]

#HarringroveApril Day 7: Daisychain

***

“Mr. Harrington? Who’s your favorite student?”

The question came about at least once every year without fail, and he’d always answer in the same, textbook way.

“I don’t have favorites. I love all my kids equally.”

And, deservedly so, the whole class would grunt and moan because they knew just as well as he did that it was a load of bullshit. Steve loved every one of his kids, that part wasn’t a lie, but… he also definitely had his favorites.

For the graduating class of ‘90 when he was only a teaching assistant his name was Daniel. He was the youngest in his class because he started early, and he was incredibly bright. He could count higher, he could read quicker, and his mind just worked in ways that no adult could possibly understand. But it wasn’t the textbook intelligence that made Steve fall for this kid. It was his emotional intelligence. He was funny and he was kind and five year olds were cruel, but he never let that get to him. He had an outlook on life that Steve was jealous of, so when the other kids would turn him down for a game of checkers, Steve would happily join him, because Steve saw it as his job to keep that kid kind.

For the class of ‘91 it was Christopher. He was nothing like Daniel. He was held back and was repeating kindergarten, and that was evident in the way he walked through life. He was quiet and would voluntarily remove himself from the rest of the class. He’d sit by himself and read a book and get frustrated when he didn’t understand one of the words, he would swing by himself and he always tried to sneak off with the first graders when it was time to line up. And Steve perfectly resonated with that feeling of watching all of your friends move on without you. He was left in the dust too. When all his classmates moved on to college or hightailed it out of Hawkins, Steve was left there by himself, working at Family Video with his only friend in the grade below him, and it took her leaving him as well for Steve to finally get his shit together, haul his ass west of the Mississippi, and enroll in a community college and work towards his teaching degree.

And he did it, against all odds and obstacles in his way, he did it. It took extra work and the support of his best friend who he followed, and he did it. He saw himself in Christopher, and he wasn’t going to make that kid wait as long as he did to realize that setbacks don’t define his future.

Steve usually took a liking to the quiet kids, and that only changed in ‘93 with the girl named Amy and the familiar last name. She was loud, vibrant, and everyone loved her. Her smile was contagious and she could be the sweetest little girl at times, but she also wore her heart on her sleeve. She cried quite a bit, just the littlest thing could set her off. A boy accidentally knocking over her blocks, not knowing how to spell a certain word, accidentally coloring outside the lines. She didn’t throw tantrums like he saw in the other kids. She would just bow her head and cry and it would break Steve’s heart every time.

But other than those few moments, she was bright and charismatic and with the last name, the blonde curly hair, and the big personality, Steve really should have put it all together much sooner than he did.

He didn’t put it all together until he saw Billy Hargrove in the soup aisle at the local grocery store wearing a chain of little daisies on his head like a crown, and he knew exactly where it was from.

It was from the little girl named Amy Hargrove who frolicked in the field instead of playing on the playground, collecting flowers that she meticulously made into bracelets and crowns and anything else she put her mind to. She gave them to friends, she even gave one to Steve, and of course she would give one to her dad too.

He looked so different, and yet exactly the same. He still had the damn mullet, just dragging the eighties with him as far as he could, he was a little more cleaned up but still had a similar style to what it was in highschool. Still with the same denim jacket, denim jeans, Canadian tuxedo type deal. In a side by side picture situation you wouldn’t really be able to tell the difference. It wasn’t his dress or his hair or anything physical about him that made him look so different, it was the way that he carried himself. It was the relaxation and the eyes that didn’t droop and the smile lines that didn’t used to be there that made him almost entirely unrecognizable from the Billy Hargrove who pushed freshman against lockers and drove his car too loud and too fast and had cigarettes for three meals a day. Not the kid who ran off to California as soon as the hospital released him with only his Camaro and a small suitcase and a large sum of money the government used to keep his mouth shut, leaving just a note for Max on the fridge that didn’t get any more specific than that about where he was going, not even leaving a phone number for her to contact him with. He also didn’t look like the kid they all pictured in their heads after basically the whole town found out about exactly what Neil Hargrove did to his son behind closed doors.

Steve wanted to go up to him in the store, but he stopped himself. Because Billy left. Without a trace or a word, and who was Steve to think that Billy having to be reminded of something he voluntarily abandoned without a second thought would have any sort of positive outcome?

So he turned down the aisle and kept his distance from the man in the flower crown because he was scared. He wasn’t scared that Billy would see him and turn back to his old ways and hurt him again, he was scared that he’d turn back to his old ways and hurt himself again.

Because he’d been hurt enough already.

Steve successfully avoided Billy until parent teacher conferences had rolled around, and instead of seeing Amy’s mom on the list of names he’d be seeing that day, it was Billy’s.

Steve would be lying if he didn’t think about calling in sick and sending his TA in his place. But he still had to be her teacher for another six months, he just had to get the interaction over with.

Many of the parents that came before Billy had to have known he was on edge about something considering he excessively tapped the table with the eraser of his pencil and stuttered his way through conversations. His organized folders and notes of talking points had been entirely thrown out the window and he was an absolute nervous wreck. And he could only anticipate it being ten times worse when the cause of said anxiety walked through his door with the long hair and the leather jacket. It was only with the help of the little girl in the sunflower dress and daisies in her hair skipping from the entrance to the chair in front of him that calmed his nerves just a bit.

But Billy had just stayed at the door, no movement, and any hope that Steve had that perhaps his new haircut and the glasses on his face would be enough to keep Billy from noticing the obvious vanished when Billy snapped his fingers like the lightbulb in his head finally flickered on.

“I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence.”

Steve just held out his hand to shake like he did with any other parent, unsure how to gage the situation because Billy’s words could go either way and his facial expressions didn’t give him anything to go off of. It would be weird to introduce himself, he didn’t know what to say.

“Hi, I’m Amy’s teacher. Should we start?”

Billy looked a little confused, but he sat down in the little kindergartener chairs anyway. This meeting was almost more organized than the ones prior, likely because he was trying to go as quickly as possible and get it over with. Steve showed Billy some of her artwork and commented on how her reading comprehension was great but she could work on her spelling a little more. He didn’t want to bring it up, but he brought up the crying and it hurt to see how him bringing it up set her off again. The same bowing of the head and quiet sniffles into her sleeve.

But Steve thinks he just fell in love a little watching Billy comfort her. With one hand rubbing circles into her back and the other holding her small hand. Steve feels like shit watching her cry because of him and is also semi-fearful for his life because he already knows he can’t take Billy in a fight.

“Baby, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying. It’s okay.”

“You’re dad’s right Amy. I think it’s very healthy. Crying is good for you.”

She looks up at Steve with those big blue eyes and tear stained cheeks when he says that.

“Really?” she asks.

“Yeah! I’d say it even makes you more mature. Even some adults I know don’t let themselves cry and it’s not good.”

“My daddy cries a lot too.”

Steve looks at Billy who’s eyes widen when she says it, then tries to laugh it off like she didn’t just say that.

“Hey Amy, you wanna go and play while your daddy and I talk for a minute?”

She just nods her head and wipes away her remaining tears and quickly hauls the bucket of Lincoln Logs off the shelf.

“So. It’s been a while. Hasn’t it?” Steve starts.

“Yeah it has. So, you’re a teacher now.”

“And you’re a father. That’s crazy.” Steve was fiddling with his hands, trying to make the conversation less awkward. “She’s wonderful by the way.”

“Yeah. She doesn’t get it from me.”

Steve just shakes his head. “No. I don’t think that’s true. She has your charisma, and it appears you found a better way of channeling your emotions since last we saw each other. She’s a lot like you.”

“Thanks.” Billy blushed. He actually blushed. “I don’t know if this is allowed considering you’re her teacher, but would you want to catch up sometime? Maybe dinner or something?”

There it was. That was the olive branch. And Steve would be an absolute fool not to take it.

“I’d love to.”

Before they could come up with a time or a place, Amy was running over to the table with loudly stomping feet.

“I almost forgot! Daddy! show Mr. Harrington what I brought him!”

Billy reached into his pocket upon her demand and pulled out a little bracelet made out of little daisies and honeysuckle and handed it over to Steve.

“Thank you Amy! It’s lovely.”

“Daddy show him yours!”

Steve looked to Billy’s wrist where he slowly lifted his sleeve to reveal an almost exact replica to the bracelet in his hand.

“Looks like we’re matching.”

[youcanreadit]

AT LAST- NARUTO X READER (MODERN AU)

I hope you enjoy this UwU

"Btw Naruto did you hear? The new student will be joining our school today."

Naruto simply nodded and continued to stuff ramen into his mouth. Shikamaru shrugged and went back to finish his own meal. Of course, nothing can make him happier than his ramen.

Later that day, you accidentally bumped right into him on the way to your class. He was opening his mouth about to apologize profusely but the words died down on his lips. A surge of inexplicable emotion surged within him, rendering him speechless. You were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, apart from his mother.

But he couldn't seem to recognize you. That's when it clicked. She is the new student that Shikamaru was talking about at lunch!

While he gazed at your face like an idiot with an obvious blush on his cheeks, you muttered a quick apology and hurried off, leaving him standing there staring at you, awed.

After the day he met you, he was more cheerful and giddy than he usually was. Ever since he lost his parents, he had felt like he lost a part of himself. It was as if you pulled him out of the darkness and brought him back to his old self.

He would always arrive at school earlier- astonishing all his friends and teachers- so that he could see you more.

He was always watching you when you were not looking. He liked that farway look in your eyes, the shyness that radiated from you, the warm smile playing on your lips.

It felt like adrenaline was injected directly into his veins when you both locked eyes. Your voice, your face, your smile were all his brain would dwell on.

At first, he repeatedly tried to deny his feelings for you.

"I am not in love with her! I like Sakura! I like Sakura!!"

And then he would see you enter the class, your cheeks tinted pink and offering him a smile as you pass by. "Man I am so in love with her.."

He finally decided to take Jiraiya's help. Which was of course a bad idea.

*after hearing the whole thing* "I understand.. It's the L word Naruto"

"W-what?"

"Lust"

Seeing him struggle with his emotions, Sasuke was the one who made him realize he was in love with you.

" Hey dobe, I think Y/n likes Kiba."

"WHATTTT!!!WHO TOLD YOU?"

"But you said you love Sakura, so why are you worried?"

"NO I DON'T!!I LOVE Y/N!!" *silence* (thanks Sasuke)

He would always notice if you didn't have the usual sparkle in your eyes. Whenever that happened, he made sure to put cute little notes in your locker and notebooks. He would hide somewhere and watch you read them, and smile like an idiot seeing your face light up at the cheesy lines he had written in his messy handwriting.

As for Valentine's day, he would spend hours in the kitchen making chocolate for you. Then along with Sasuke, he would arrive at school like an hour earlier to get rid of all the piles of gifts in your locker( he sure is competitive)

"Yeah! Mine would be the best chocolate she has ever tasted!!!" Sasuke simply face palms.

Little did he know that he had accidentally added salt instead of sugar. Yikes. Cooking ain't your thing Naruto

At first he was worried that you would go after Sasuke like all the other girls. It was a pleasant surprise when he found out you weren't a fan girl.*breathes out in relief*

Just in case, he decided to warn Sasuke. " you keep your bunch of fangirls, but remember, Y/n is OFF LIMITS" "whatever dobe"

He stopped at nothing to impress you. He pushed himself to get better at studies. Over time, his grades improved.

When he didn't understand a concept he would rush to you with his books. He was glad that you weren't impatient like the others, but explained to him in simple ways you could.

A total sweetheart he is, it was impossible to hate him. But he could be annoying at times too.

Like when he doesn't see you for too long, he would be a whining, blubbering mess.

"Sakura, I want to se-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NARUTO SHUT UPPPP! I HAVE BEEN READING THE SAME SENTENCE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES!"

"BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN TWO DAYS!!

Sasuke: *changes seat*

Not to mention that he is really protective over you. If anybody tries to hurt you, well let's say that would be the end for that person. "Fight me!!"

Naruto was known to be the loud, hyperactive, sunshine of the school. But he immediately transforms into a timid puppy when you are near him.

Like Naruto would be talking and laughing with his friends and then he turns around and sees you -

*you lean closer to his face* I need to ask you ab-Naruto?

*Naruto has stopped functioning*

It wasn't hard for his friends to figure out the reason behind his strange behaviour lately.

They teased him about how oblivious you were to his feelings and if he didn't hurry up, someone would steal you from him.

But he didn't want to rush. Some people are worth waiting for. And of course he was worried if someone like you would go for a person like him. Please tell the poor guy otherwise.

Many boys came forward seeking to be your boyfriend, but you turned them down politely. That left Naruto with a bittersweet hope. It could or couldn't be him. But he won't give up on you like that. His life motto itself was- Never give up,no matter what!

In the brief occasions that you spoke to him would be the best part of his day. The whole world would blur and he could see only you, and hear your velvet like voice.

You were the only one who laughed at his stupid jokes. Oh how much he loved that smile you gave him, he would later replay it over and over in his head.

He would imagine taking you to his favourite restaurant, Ichiraku as a date. From his stories about you, Teuchi and Ayame couldn't wait to meet you.

When you touched him casually, his whole body would light up with a warmth that only you could ignite. That made him wonder how it would feel like to run his fingers through your silky hair, kiss your soft lips and then his whole face would turn as red as a tomato.

On his weekly visits to his parent's grave, he eagerly tells them about the beautiful girl that he recently met. He would tearfully tell them about finally meeting a girl as fascinating as his mother.

As the years passed his feelings never dulled. He fell for you more, your smile, your alluring eyes, your easy going personality and everything else about you.

However, he started to worry when the graduation was getting closer. He couldn't bear to lose you.

The thought caused him such pain that he lay awake for nights, and then finally deciding that it was the right time to let you know of his feelings.

After the graduation ceremony, Sasuke held a party at his house for the new graduates. As much as Naruto enjoyed spending time with his friends, his eyes kept darting across the room from time to time, in hopes of seeing you.

When he finally spotted you amidst the chaos and the tightly packed people,his heart skipped a beat. You looked so beautiful in that blue dress you wore, the coloured lights dancing across your skin adding to the effect.

With his eyes on you, he excused himself from his group of friends and all but hurried over to you, ignoring the laughter and cheers that erupted from behind him.

After saying that he needed to speak something important with you,he dragged you through the mass of people- keeping a firm grip on your wrist to prevent you from getting lost in the crowd- to the backyard.

He finally dropped your wrist when you both reached a secluded spot near a cluster of trees. The loud music and noises from the house was now a distant, faint hum to your ears.

He took a step back and stood facing you. It was hard to believe how tall he had become over the past few years. You had to tilt your head back to look at him in the eyes.

"I am sorry I had to drag you away so abruptly." He hoped that you wouldn't notice the faint quiver in his voice. He clenched and unclenched his hands.

You laughed quietly and waved off his queries " It's alright Naruto. I was planning to get away from all that noise anyway" you grinned at him, flashing your teeth. "In fact, you helped me."

Naruto tried his best to smile back hoping you wouldn't notice anything amiss. But when your smile slowly melted away from your lips,he understood that he didn't fool you.

He was looking at you warily, like he was anticipating something bad would happened. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were full of worry and hope and some intense emotion that you couldn't quite pinpoint.

"What's wrong Naruto?" You asked quietly. You raised a hand as if to touch his arm, but then let it drop. "You can tell me"

He ran his trembling fingers through his spiky blond hair-which looked almost silvery in the moonlight-and nervously glanced at you with his blue eyes.

While you stared back at him in confusion, he was having a mental argument with himself.

I can do this! She is waiting for you to say something Naruto!do it!!

"I..." He faltered. He looked at the ground and then up again, at you.

Here it goes..

" Are you dating Kiba?" There was brief pause.

You looked utterly baffled "HUH??!"

Damn what the hell is wrong with me?! He awkwardly shifted his weight from one leg to the other, looking bashful " I mean- you both hang out with each other a lot.."

You laughed " He is a good friend of mine, that's all"

"So you both-"

"Nope" You sounded amused, but not at all annoyed, despite the fact that he basically dragged you away to ask you such stupid questions.

"Okay" he said with fake cheerfulness, turning his back to you. "Thanks for the information, I better get back"

You caught his sleeve, making him go still. He turned to look at you, eyes still wide and cheeks tinted red, but they slowly melted away when he saw you gazing back at him almost sadly.

"Naruto" you said his name so softly that his stomach fluttered in response " that's not what you were meaning to say. We both know that."

He blinked.

You were right. What was he doing?!

It felt as if your voice had brought him back to his senses.

He remembered Jiraiya's advice from the morning. It felt as if the old man sensed what Naruto was planning to do. Instead of giving his usual pervy tips, he had said : "Letting her know of your feelings is the way to get to her heart. If you want to know if she returns your love, tell her."

Determination and hope flared in his eyes. He took a deep breath and stepped closer until you could feel the heat radiating from him. You swallowed and felt your cheeks getting warm.

He reached out and took both your hands gingerly in his and stared intently at you.

" Y/n I love you..I always have..."

He watched your eyes widen and lips part with surprise. He continued before you could say anything.

"I know you probably consider me to be foolish and naive, but I mean it when I say that I love you more than I could love myself. I wish I could explain to you how wonderful you are, how beautiful your eyes or how your voice gives me butterflies every single time. I love who I am with you. I.." He swallowed visibly, but his gaze on you never wavered. " I don't know how to explain love..But when I see you, I imagine the two of us cooking together, fighting together..being together. And I can't imagine anything that would make me happier. I would like to do these things with you. That is'' he smiled shyly, his cheeks turning pink " if you feel the same."

Your vision blurred as you felt tears brimming your eyes. "Naruto ..."

Naruto's smile vanished quickly. Did he upset you?! Oh crap.

He immediately let go of your hands and started to panic. He raked through his brain,thinking back over the words he had just used on you, trying desperately to find where he went wrong. He had never been in a position before where he had to comfort a crying girl. Once he had borrowed Sai's book on human behavior. If only he could remember..

"Y/n I am sorry-"

He stopped abrubtly when he felt your finger on his lips, signaling him to stop. You slowly withdrew them to place your hands on either side of his cheeks, thumb tracing the whisker like markings on his cheeks lightly. His eyes widened.

"Naruto..that was beautiful.." You said wonderingly, as if you had just woken up from a dream. "No one has ever said such lovely things to me." For a long moment you stared into his eyes,those lovely blue eyes that has always reminded you of the blue waves crashing against the shore- a feeling of peace and warmth and comfort. You could feel yourself getting lost in them. Naruto was still dazed. It was as if the roles were suddenly reversed. He was staring at you open mouthed while you smiled back at him adoringly.

"You are such an idiot Naruto" you teased, but the affection in your voice took the sting out of it "my idiot"

Your fingers were still stroking his cheeks, making it difficult for him to concentrate. He swallowed "W-what?"

A giggle escaped your lips "you cannot seriously think that I didn't notice your feelings all these years" your smile spoke of mischief now "and it was not one sided. Why did you wait for so long to come to me?"

Naruto was shell shocked. His heart was pounding so loudly that he thought that it would jump out. Is this a dream?

You finally stopped laughing and gazed at his blue orbs seriously. "Naruto" you said " I have struggled to make friends all throughout my life. When my parents decided to move to Konoha I was absolutely against it. Starting a new life.." You shook your head slowly " I didn't want that. But then you came along, my personal sun. With your bright smile and cheerful personality..who always tried to cheer me up. Who was always by my side..Slowly I felt myself taking a liking to this place.. And I felt myself falling for you.."

You heard his sharp intake of breath and smiled again "Naruto, I can't find the right words to explain how much you mean to me, but I would like to spend the rest of my life with you showing them. "

He felt tears sting the back of his eyes. He wanted to laugh, cry, curse himself for having waited for so long. He was almost mad with joy. But when he looked at you, he knew that you could see the emotion plainly written on his face. Because love required no language.

His lips curled up into a smile that lit up his whole face. You had seen him smile before, plenty of times, and yet this was different from the others. This smile was the most beautiful one you had ever seen, one that spoke of love and happiness and gratitude, a gesture that was too deep to be explained in words.

The uncertainty in his eyes were long gone, replaced with hope and love. He cupped your face in his large hands so gingerly that you shivered sightly.

"It feels like a dream" he said huskily, brushing a strand of hair from your face "being here with you like this."

"Then let me prove it tlo you that it's not"

You pulled him down by the collar of his shirt until your foreheads almost touched. Leaning in, you kissed both his cheeks, his eyelids, the tip of his nose, over and over again. Your other hand was pressed on his chest allowing you to feel his rapid heartbeat.

When your gaze finally fell on his lips, resting on them for a second, made Naruto impatient. He craved for your touch,the warmth that you provided. He had waited to do this for so long, he couldn't bear to waste any second longer.

So he leaned in closer and his lips finally met yours, moving gently against your own.

Warmth and desire exploded within him, and the world slowly disappeared from around the two of you. It was slow and soft and perfectly natural, like breathing and yet so intimate.

His calloused hands were gentle as they caressed your cheeks, his warm breath mingling with yours. His hands went to the nape of your neck and drew you even closer, thus deepening the kiss. Sparks flew within you, and you wrapped your hands around his shoulder in response , to eliminate the space between the two of you as much as possible.

He loved the way your lips fit with his like puzzle pieces, moving in perfect sync with his. His lips tasted like ramen, making you smile into the kiss.

When you both finally broke apart for air, he rested his forehead against yours, his warm breath hitting your cheeks. He was breathing hard like you, but his whole face was lit with joy, a smile so beautiful playing on his lips that you couldn't help but return it.

Your slender hands went around his waist, cheek resting against his sculpted chest, and listened to his hammering heart. Physically, he had changed a lot since the first time you met him. The childish roundness was long gone from his face. You could feel the solid hard muscle as you held him,the sharpness of his cheekbones,the callousness of his hands. And yet he was still the same. The same luminous blue eyes that sparkled even in the darkness,the same exuberant personality and that infectious smile.

For a while you both stood in each other's embrace, basked in the silvery moonlight with a wide grin plastered on both your faces.

"Thank you Naruto " and in those syllables he heard everything. He closed his eyes in content and hummed in response.

This was the love he'd waited for, hoped for. And now finally, he was home.

At last.

Mom, dad are you watching?

[juniebjoneswrites]

Bring Me Home // Harry Styles

Steps From The Past (4)

Just one chapter from ya boi’s big debut!

T/W: brief gross teacher

/the past/

It’s been three weeks since Eli’s death, a week ago they declared him a missing person. I haven't spoken in five days, haven't left my bed in three. I watch the sun rise and set, rise and set like a melody that if maybe I can get it just right, I won't have to hear it anymore. I won't have to hear anything, not my sister crying in the room across the hall or my parents arguing in hushed tones in the dead of night. I won't have to hear my ragged breaths or the stomach pains from not eating. But I do hear. In the mornings when the birds wake I try to find comfort in their tunes and the warmth of the sun but I'm so frozen over that it can't penetrate my ozone. I like to think I have gravity as if the dust is being pulled down, settling over my body, and sinking into my skin. I imagine it trying to absorb my energies and become whole again but I tell it if that were possible then I wouldn't be lying here. At night I don't hear anything for long periods. Time is broken up by sirens and stray animals foraging in trash cans. I try to listen for whispers that come from just out of reach in case he wants to speak to me or to let me explain. But I know that if he didn't want to listen in life then he's definitely not going to in death.

It's the middle of the day and my mom brings me another sandwich I will not eat. My sister's room is loud and heavy with her music. She sets the plate on my night stand and picks up the old one. My eyes are closed but I can feel her staring at me as she makes her way to the door. I let out a breath as I think she's left, but she puts the plate on my dresser and crawls into bed. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close and tight. She smells of lavender and honey and I feel her warmth trying to seep into my bones. I want to cry and scream and make her hurt because I can't make anyone else hurt. I need somewhere to direct it but there's no one to blame but myself.

I watch myself thrash, yell, and cry. The snot from my nose is uncontrollable. I am inconsolable. I watch as I lash out at her, she feels my pain but she doesn't run away like I want. I want her to be afraid, to leave me, but she pulls me in hard. I push back harder. I want someone to hurt. If the anger can't escape what will be left of me in the end? Will the heat melt my ice? Boil me over and spill my secrets?

But I am frozen. My anger and pain are locked away under my cold skin and a sunken face. Moving would give way to screams and emotions that I don't deserve. So I let my mother hold me and do the only thing she thinks she can. I let her warmth radiate as it tries to thaw me. When the tears come silently, still with enough coldness to become snow, I slowly bury us alive. The thing with moms is that even as I bury us here I know she won't flinch.

On day eight I find myself in the kitchen standing in front of the stove. The blueing hues from the window tells me the sun will soon rise. I shuffle around maybe aimlessly, maybe not. I'm not sure. I don't realize my hands have a plan until I'm sitting at the table with them wrapping around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. The smell is dark and sweet, making my mouth water. I take a sip and let it scald my mouth and warm my belly. More shuffling comes from behind me.

"Josie?" I croak, slightly startled by my voice.

"Mmm," She sits at the table across from me and stares at the mug. I can see her thinking it over before she grabs her own. I watch her pour the boiling water and mix it with chocolate powder. When we were younger we tried to eat the packets with a spoon and ended up choking.

I want to talk to her. Or do I just want to hear her voice? I don't know. Either way she doesn't speak and neither do I. She pulls my chair away from the table and climbs on my lap. I wrap my arm around my sister's waist and press my face into her side, letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. She slides her arm around my shoulder, resting her head on mine. I sip my drink. She sips hers.

"We should shower today," She softly says after a long while. We do smell.

"I haven't cared,"

"Me either,"

"You do smell pretty bad," I say. I might be grinning. She lifts her head up and makes a pained sound. I finish my hot chocolate. We don't take a shower, just walk to her bed and fall asleep until the sun sets again.

I finally take my mom's advice to run but I don't initially start this first time out of the house. I take labored step after labored step and push my legs forward like a puppet. I'm groggy and hazy and the world won't slow down. It's kept going at the same pace it always has. It didn't take time to mourn or review it's checks and balances to see if it made the right choice. It just kept going and now we have to find our way back in like jumping on a train at full speed. I don't check my footing or where I'm placing my hands as I Jump, I go blindly.

Being in the everyday motions feels like hitting the train car at full speed. My palms are sweaty and my breath comes like a punch to the gut. I find things to latch on to. I sit on the bench at the library we use to go to and pretend we're all there people watching. "That woman over there looks like she tells the birds her life as she feeds them," Mia once said, I can hear us laugh but I can hear Elijah laugh the loudest. When I see my reflection in the library's windows, it's just me. I walk away.

I find myself at the skate park where Josie taught me to skateboard. I wiped out, taking most of the blow to my knees. I think there's still a rock in there somewhere. In high school I watched Isaac ask Allie to be his girlfriend before Isaac realized he actually liked Jonah. We joked that Allie must have been a bad girlfriend. When Mia was 13 she told me that a neighborhood guy tried to feel her up behind the drop in ramp without asking. Elijah overheard and the next day we saw him with busted knuckles; when we asked him about it he just winked and shrugged. Mia blushed.

I walk by the elementary school we grew up in, only a mile or so from the high school we graduated from years ago. I wonder if our names are still under the desk in math, room 104. There was a scandal there about a teacher seducing a student and allegedly trying with others. No one found out who the girl was, they kept the information closed. But I can't see the science building without remembering how Allie never went back for Mr. Samuel's lessons after he asked to see her after class, she wouldn't tell me why. It wasn't until my sister broke down his classroom door after school that I realized. She saw his hand on my thigh and kicked the chair from under him. She pushed his chest down, "You'll get what you deserve." And he did.

The ice cream shop across town was walking distance from where my father worked and he would give us money on Fridays to get some, so long as we brought him back one after. That's where, in 10th grade, Jonah and Isaac found a dog with three legs wandering around eating from the garbage. They managed to entice it with ice cream and take it back to Isaac's. He had a dog already but his parents took him in anyway. They named him Berry after the strawberry flavor they captured him with.

Once at a roller rink Jonah fell and Josie accidentally ran over his finger. She stumbled to a stop and crawled back to him, screaming. He was laughing so hard from her reaction, and probably the shock, that he hadn't cared about the blood coming from his fingers. I sped us to the hospital while Elijah called his dad. By the time we got there the shock had worn off, leaving him with the pain. We called him hook for the rest of the year on account of how the bandages made his hand look. He just smiled as Isaac held his other one.

Once Sam told me I should be nicer because no one would want me. Sam is three years older than Elijah. Josie is two years older than me. Sam and Josie used to spend a lot of time together in her room listening to music really loudly. I knew what they were doing but I was still angry that she didn't ever want me to hangout with them together. So when Sam came over I went to see Elijah. Two can play that game, I thought. And two, they played.

Elijah kissed me one afternoon on winter break after we played outside for hours. My whole body was freezing but his lips were soft, albeit cold. As he took my hand and brought me back inside I thought of Mia and her secret glances his way. Blushing when he'd sit next to her, how she always seemed to have just what he needed, when he needed it. I couldn't look at her the next time I saw her but Elijah acted like nothing happened so eventually I let myself think nothing did. That following summer he took her to the movies and she told me that when they went back to his house they had sex. I smiled and told her that as long as she wanted to, then I was happy for her. On the drive home I thought of his bed.

When I got back I wanted to talk to my sister but as usual, Sam was there so her door was shut. I banged and banged until finally she opened it. "What?" She asked annoyed and out of breath. I guess she could see my youthful confusion and anger, I was 16 and she was 18. I knew what they were doing but I didn't know what I was doing. She sighed and opened the door wider, Sam looked annoyed. I shot him a dirty look and he stood up defensively. She was my sister.

"What's your problem?" He asked. My sister raised her eyebrows at him.

"You're my problem," I sneered.

"I was just sitting here,"

"Yeah well now you're not, so you can leave," I threw him his sweater. He laughs, "You know what?" he snatches his shoes, "No one's going to want you if you're going to be such a bitch all the time," With that my sister smacked him across the back of the head and pushed him from her room. He whirled around, "Why do you think Eli didn't choose you?"

"Because he was too busy hiding from you!" I screamed at him, slamming her door in his face.

I leaped face down on her bed and screamed into the pillow. Asking what happened, she crawled on the bed and rested her body on mine. "He slept with Mia," I told her through pillows and tears. But I didn't tell her that on that winter day on break, I did also.

(1) / (2) / (3) / 4 / (5) / (6)

[quirks-of-a-fangirl]

A Quick Blurb

Here it is! My first ever writing piece. It’s a little sentimental and a lot cheesy. Tell me what you think!

Harry/OC

Word Count: 2322

Warnings: Mentions of Mental Health

1:28pm Hey just checking in. I haven’t heard from you today

3:34pm Pipes, are you ok???

5:56pm Piper I’m coming over because I just need to make sure you’re not dead

Piper glanced at the text from Harry and tossed her phone across her bed. He was always so worried. About her, about school, about work. Granted, this time around she hadn’t answered his texts or calls for a couple days. She was just so tired. Harry was probably bluffing, just threatening her to get her to finally answer. He was a worrier, but not that bad.

 Piper wasn’t feeling well. She wasn’t really sick, but she just couldn’t get out of bed. Everything just seemed really hard to do and she didn’t really feel like doing it anyway. Texting back, reading textbooks, eating food. Nothing seemed to really rouse her from her bed. Honestly, Piper wasn’t concerned about it. This happened sometimes. Her little “episodes” she called them. It was normal at this point to have a couple days to a week she just wasn’t functional every so often.

The knock at her door did little to pull her attention from her pillow. Eventually whoever it was would leave, probably an online purchase delivery she had just forgotten about. But then the lock started to sound. Fuck. Harry opened the door with his key.

“Honey, I’m hooooome,” his voice rang out in her small apartment. Fuck past Piper for giving him a key. Maybe if she was quiet enough, he would leave her to stay in her safe cocoon of blankets. Little chirps and purrs could be heard from the living room, undoubtedly where Harry was indulging Persephone with pets and loves. He wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Footsteps, both small and large, came down the hall to her bedroom. 

“Hey, bubs, up ya get. Get that arse out of bed.”

“Why the fuck did I ever give you a key?”

“Not my fault you need your cat fed while you travel the world.” She didn’t travel all that much, but the key was really more for when Harry needed feeding, not Persephone.

Harry climbed into bed with her, making the mattress dip and bounce under his tall frame. Pulling the covers off her head, he exposed her to the cold room. She reached out quickly to try to yank the covers back, but he was unrelenting. 

“Are ya having one of your episodes?”

“No, I’m just really invested in perfecting my bedhead.”

“Love, don’t do that,” he said gently, laying down beside her. He looked at her, really took her in. His eyes scanned her face, trying to read what she was trying to hide. Her hair was mussed from being in bed for two days. The purple bags beneath her eyes refused to leave no matter how much sleep she got. Harry noticed the sparkle that usually made her brown eyes unmissable was gone. It was definitely one of her episodes. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me,” he said softly. His eyes were softening more and more as he spoke.

“I’m honestly fine. Like sure, it’s an episode. But it’s nothing new. Been there, done that, keep doing it. No need to drag you into this shit,” she brushed off. It was directly against what her therapist and her had written in her “episode” plan. She knew. He knew it. And the quirk of his eyebrow reminded her he knew it. 

“So I know for a fact that Allison would make you rephrase that. But because I’m so kind, I’m just going to make you get up instead.” Allison was her therapist. Harry often talked like he was the one going to Allison for sessions, not Piper. 

“Allison is a strong believer in self care and who said that this isn’t self care.”

“Pretty sure you need to at least shower to call it self care.”

Piper pushed her greasy hair back, feeling the stringiness herself. She knew she looked worse for the wear, but she really didn’t need inhumanly pretty Harry to point it out. She took in his high cheekbones, one squished against his hand on the pillow, and his chiseled jaw. His green eyes were looking especially light today, like the first little sprouts popping up in the spring. She couldn’t see his dimples, he was far too worried about her to give her one of his dazzling smiles. She had to look away. Really how pathetic could she be? Here she was, having a depressive episode, not showered, looking and feeling a hot mess in front of her stupid beautiful best friend who she had such confusing feelings for.

“Let’s get you dressed, huh,” he offered gently.

“I haven’t showered in two days.”

“Ok, shower first. Clothes after.”

Piper slowly climbed out of bed and padded toward the bathroom. She turned on the sink and grabbed her bright pink toothbrush while the shower head burst to life. She looked over and saw Harry checking the temperature and grabbing her favorite lavender shampoo that she only used on special occasions. She hated how her heart stuttered at the gesture. Even when she was numb to everything else, even when she couldn’t bring herself to care about anything else, here her stupid heart was freaking out over this boy. But then again, Harry always had that effect on her, from the first time they met during their first semester of grad school. She was standing in line for a chai at the small coffee stand in the library. He was trying to juggle his phone, wallet, and three books while in line. One of the books ended up on Piper’s foot, resulting in loud profanity from Harry. Piper just laughed it off as she noticed his green eyes and dark curls. Harry paid for her chai and her heart skipped a beat. Piper helped with his books as he told her he was here studying music all the way from England. That was that. They were inseparable despite their vastly different degree programs. They were always a package deal; everyone knew if you invited one of them, you got both of them. They were so much like a couple even though they weren’t one. Harry wasn’t “into dating right now.” He was too focused on getting his masters done. She knew that and respected that. It was just so hard to be so in love with him when she knew that it would never happen. 

Harry gave her shoulder a squeeze on his way out of the bathroom. She spit out the last of her toothpaste and then quickly showered. She did spend a little extra time washing and conditioning her hair, taking in the smell of lavender and enjoying the way the bubbles ran down her back. 

She stepped out into her room, hair and body all wrapped up in her turquoise towels that matched her turquoise comforter and curtains. Harry was sitting up against the head of the bed, legs crossed, with Persephone laying on his stomach and his phone in his hand. He looked up at her and smiled a big dimpled smile. Piper couldn’t help but let her own dimple pop out for a second. 

“Smell proper wonderful, you do, Pet.” She blushed as she went to her closet. 

“Fuck off.” She was so done with that pitter patter of her heart. She quickly closed the closet behind her and got dressed in her well worn flare jeans and an old band shirt, slipping on her old birks. 

 “What did you want with me anyway?”

“Well, love, we are going on an adventure, of course.” He grabbed her hand and she felt a tingle run up her arm. The smirk on his face told her to expect something weird from their adventure. 

Harry pulled into a parking space, cut the engine, and looked over to Piper with that devilish smirk adorning his pretty pink lips. Piper looked out the window to see the playground that was in the park nearest campus. It was near the school Piper was currently using in her research for her graduate degree. Thank goodness it was during the school day so none of her students were milling around, but she was still on the lookout. Her slight grimace twisted her features as she let Harry open her car door. She jumped out of Harry’s older than him car and waited for an explanation. Glancing over his shoulder, he started toward the swings. She huffed. Why did she just go along with whatever he wanted? 

Harry had already claimed the swing closest to the parking lot, dragging his toes in the dirt, when Piper finally made her way to the swings. She plopped down in the swing to his left, grabbing the chains on either side of her face. Harry was humming a Fleetwood song as she settled into a rhythm on her swing. She started to sing softly along.

“So do you wanna talk about it?”

She looked over at Harry who was still looking down. He knew if he made eye contact with her, she would close right back up. Piper looked straight ahead. 

“You know how it gets. Sometimes my brain goes a little haywire and takes me down for a few days.”

Still not looking at her, “Do you know the trigger this time around?”

Of course he would ask the logical question that she just did not have an answer to. She had thought about it, obviously, since it was really the only thing she had to think about lying in bed, closed off from the world. She thought she had her depression under control and then all of a sudden it wasn’t under control. She stayed quiet.

“Not sure yet?” He was so gentle with her. It was too much to handle in her fragile state. The tears welled in her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to upset ya, pet. I’m sorry.”

She sniffled. “It’s not you. I’m just frustrated that I don’t know why this happened. And that it happened at all. I’m fine, really.” The look he gave her let her know that he wasn’t convinced but he didn’t push her. He never did. They continued to swing in silence for a little longer until Harry started talking about when one of his professors walked into his theory class on the phone with his wife and it the bluetooth speaker accidentally picked up the tail end of her dirty comment. It made a small giggle escape her lips.

“Miss Taffett!” Piper’s head shot in the direction of the call. She was so used to answering to her last name, especially when called from a small human. It was one of the students she worked with at the school. Piper looked down at her phone and saw that school had ended 10 minutes ago.

“Taylor! It’s so good to see you!” Piper put on her school voice and stood up to greet the young girl.

“Miss Taffett, why are you at the playground? You’re a grown up!” The little girl threw her arms around Piper’s waist. Piper hugged her back and chuckled. 

“Well what do you do when you come to the playground?”

“I play with my friends!” Piper looked over at Harry. “Well that’s what I’m doing, too!”

The young girl giggled hard and they said their goodbyes. Piper felt eyes on her and turned to see Harry smiling at her with a stupid look on his face. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shook his head but the smile stayed. Piper brushed it off. 

The first fresh air in days was sitting nicely in her lungs and the sun was soaking through her tshirt. Everything was warming up: her skin, her muscles, her emotions. She plopped down where she was in the grass, laying down not trying to think too hard about the bugs and dirt and parasites that could get into her hair. Those not-so-cute anxiety thoughts were put to the side when the breeze picked up and the grass started to tickle the skin on her arms and raise the hairs there. She closed her eyes. After a moment, she felt a presence next to her. Harry had laid down in the grass, too. 

“I think it was hearing that song again. You know, the one he listened to constantly.”

Harry hummed. He didn’t need further explanation to know that Piper was referring to that one really popular hip hop song, the one her incredibly manipulative and awful ex-boyfriend forced her to listen to, telling her that her taste in music sucked and that she just needed to listen to his stuff. She hated all of the music he made her listen to, but he would whine and complain every time he didn’t get his way. With everything. So she just complied to make it all easier. Harry knew all about that horrible relationship, about the abuse she went through for years, so he didn’t need anymore to know that she was going through emotional flashbacks and that it just spiraled from there. 

His little finger hooked with her right pinkie. She didn’t say anything and neither did he. They just laid there, Piper trying to wade through her murky thoughts. She tried really hard to just focus on the sensations she was feeling, just like Allison had told her to. The grass swaying against her skin, the breeze picking up the flyaway hairs from her face, the sun beating down, the fingers brushing up against her own. Eventually, Harry took his hand away and started to sit up. Piper opened her eyes, realizing just then that they were closed, and looked over to her right. Harry was standing up, brushing the grass and dirt off of himself. He looked down at her with those green eyes. She was starting to feel a little better with those green eyes.

[peachymilkis]

NURSE!JIN HOGWARTS AU

- fluff with the tiniest teeny tinest amount of angst

- roughly 2.5K words

-pls enjoy

this is my first one and im starting with ma boy jin cuz im going in age order

pls don’t judge me im new to bullet scenarios

anyway lets get on with it

okay so basically kim seokjin was a star gryffindor whilst he was in hogwarts

perfect grades

head prefect

everyone loved him

and he loved his school

he was always interested in nursing

mostly because his six best friends always ended up in madam pomfreys hospital wing thanks to their rambunctious adventures

so after graduating and two years of training seokjin went on to become a nurse at hogwarts

madam pomfrey absolutely adored him

one day after tending to a first year ravenclaw had accidentally fallen off of their broom and sprained their ankle madam pomfrey called seokjin to her office

“is something the matter?” the young man asked the head nurse in a questioning tone

He was rarely ever called to her office so he became worried if he had accidentally done something wrong

“you know, my dear boy, im just getting too old for this job. i think its time for me to retire.”

seokjins facial features visibly sulked

“no what do you mean? whos gonna be head nurse now? nobodys better than you! youre the best nurse in all of wizarding history you cant just leave!”

poor boy pleaded with his heart

madam pomfrey had become like a mother to him so it did make her sad to leave but the poor thing was too tired to go on

“actually that’s what I want to talk to you about. I really would like it if you became the head nurse”

ma boys jaw dropped to the floor

“me? head nurse?”

what?????

“yes you!”

and like that seokjin was appointed as the new head nurse of hogwarts

news spread like a wildfire all over the school

of course how could it not spread when every student was head over heels with the beautiful wizard

so much so that students would feign injuries just for the chance to be up close and personal with him

now this is where you come in

you were in your final year at hogwarts

ready to graduate and get out of there to get on with your life

obviously you too have heard of the ethereal nurse and the news of him becoming head nurse

you were only two years younger than him so you had had him in a few of your classes when he was still a student himself

you seldom spoke with im but you spoke with him enough to know how naturally flirty he is without even trying

when you two were paired he would always manage to send you a wink or blow you a kiss

you always thought he was weird but that may or may not have been you denying the fluttering of your heart every time he did that

then again you saw it do it to his friends all the time so you quickly got rid of any feelings you may have felt for him

when he graduated you thought that you finally wouldn’t have to deal with seeing with him

even though it did make you a little sad to see him go

but HA you were so wrong

you would sometimes catch him in the hallways

one time he looked back at you and you could’ve sworn he sent you a little eye wink

you quickly walked away and dismissed the thought

one day your in the great hall eating breakfast with you best friend

fifth year ravenclaw jeon jungkook

he also happened to be one of the six best friends of kim seokjin that were earlier mentioned

“i swear i thought he winked at me earlier but its so absurd so im sure im seeing things now.”

you exclaimed to the ravenclaw

he looked at you with this knowing look that you were completely oblivious to

“who knows y/n maybe he likes you or something”

you felt a blush creeping up your neck

“yea right. even if he did wink at me, he winks and blows kisses at other people all the time.”

you scoffed

theres no way he would ever have feelings for you

but the thought still lingered in your mind

Jungkook managed to notice the blush creeping onto your cheeks and smirked

your best friend may or may not have started plotting something

a few days later whilst you and jungkook were walking to lunch

two oddly cheery six years named park jimin and kin taehyung ran towards you two

“y/n jungkook we have to visit hagrid right now!”

jimin grabbed onto your arm and like that all of you ran off to visit hagrids little hut

you were confused but knew better to question the hyper boys who also happened to be your best friends

taehyung knocked hard on hagrids door until hagrid finally opened it

“ey slow down there buddy.”

“hagrid we heard you got a pet dragon!” the hyper hufflepuff yelled

hagrid quickly shushed him and pushed us all inside his hut

“who now told you? it was meant to be a secret!”

“i found out actually! i caught you at diagon alley

said jimin the proud slytherin

hagrid let out of sigh of relief

“at least it was only you who saw.”

“can we see him!?” jungkook asked excitedly

“oh why not?”

hagrid gave in after seeing four puppy faces staring back at him with hope in their eyes

he took out his baby pet dragon

you reached out to pet it but guess what

he got scared and bit you

you yelped and brought your pointer finger to your chest

you looked at the bite mark

“y/n are you okay!?”

“oh no what do we do!?”

“bad Herbert!”

the voices started fading away

oh no youre fainting

well fuck

everything went black

now back to ma boy seokjin

he was having a pretty calm day

no one was in the hospital wing at the moment

but then all of a sudden in come running three male students along with a hagrid and a girl in his arms

“jin hyung we need help ASAP!”

“hyung y/n fainted after being bitten by a baby dragon!”

at the sound of your named jin quickly got to work

“lay her down here ill take care of the rest.”

you pushed everyone out of the hospital wing and focused on getting you all better

a few hours later you opened your eyes

you looked around and realized you were in the hospital wing

you remembered what happened before fainting

“damn Herbert.” you muttered to yourself

you heard a chuckle causing you to jump out of shock

you looked over and realized that you were not alone in the room

jin had actually been sitting on the chair beside the bed

no he hadn’t been watching you while you were sleeping

what???

that would be totally preposterous

lmao he was totally watching you

for a good hour

not in a creepy way tho

your cheeks reddened when you realized how close he was so you quickly sat up

“are you feeling better y/n?”

you nodded still not making eye contact with him

“yeah kind of. my finger still really hurts though.”

jin nodded and got up from his seat

“well the good news is that i managed to get the venom out of your finger. the bad news is you cant do anything with that hand and i have to make sure its all good so you have to stay here for at least three days to recover.”

THREE DAYS?!?!

“what!? three days!?”

theres no way you would survive being alone with jin for the next three days

may i also include that it is friday and those days there are rarely any students that come for injuries

jin laughed this weird windshield wiper laugh that you found oddly cute

“is it that bad spending three days with me?”

YES

“no its just.. you know, it’s the weekend and all..”

you quickly made up a lie

“don’t worry y/n. i will make the next three days as fun as possible for you.”

he gave you this smile with a cheeky little wink that had your heart pounding against you chest

oh lord were you in for a treat

day 1

you were awoken to an entire cart of candy beside you

“mister kim what is all this?”

“ew mister kim sounds weird just call me jin.”

“but anyway. these candies were sent to you from jimin, taehyung, jungkook, and me!”

a big UWU

you smiled happily and excitedly

“aw my best friends are so swee- wait you too?”

jin chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck

damn he looked good

wait what

“well yea, theyre my best friends too so basically that makes us best friends by assotciation!”

another big UWU

your cheeks reddened and you let out a shy smile

“well thank you.”

jins nervous smile quickly transformed into a relieved smile and he started walking away

you don’t know what came over you but

“would you like to join me? these are too many for me to eat on my own and i don’t really like eating by myself. i could use the company.”

you stared at him hopeful

his heart started pounding with delight

“yes of course!”

and basically the rest of the day was spent with you two talking and getting to know each other and eating all the delicious and mysterious snacks that were gifted to you

day 2

jin had woken up extra early with a happier smile and a skip to his step

he walked into the hospital wing and saw you still fast asleep

he walked over to you and brought the blanket over your shoulder as it was a little chillier today

he watched over you for another few minutes with a fond smile on his face before getting back to work

you had been awake for a bit before jin walked in but you freaked out so you pretended to be asleep

so basically you witnessed what happened

your face was so red it’s a surprise jin didn’t notice lol

you wondered throughout the day why your evil best friends hadn’t even bothered to visit you

you definitely didn’t start planning a kill list

later that day you really needed to pee so you got up to go to the bathroom

you started turning the corner when

BAM!

smack dab into jins chest

his first reaction was to gab you before you fell back

so basically you were against his chest with his strong arms holding you tightly to his body

you both stayed like that for a few seconds before you both made eye contact

quickly you both jumped back and started coughing awkwardly and looking anywhere but at each other

“i uh, gotta pee bye!”

you ran to the bathroom faster than a snitch

you slammed your back against the stall door and clutched onto your chest where your heart is

jin stayed still as a rock after you ran off

his face was stuck with the biggest grin that not even any medicine or potion could wipe off

he could still feel your body against his

you could still feel his body wrapped around yours

it felt right

obviously you pushed your feelings back

you fervently avoided jin for the rest of the day

it wasn’t easy but you managed

jin on the other hand wanted to talk to you so badly

he realized he would give you your space though

neither of you could sleep that night

day 3

jin managed to get a good three hours of sleep that night

he would’ve slept in lowkey if he wasn’t determined to talk to you

you on the other hand ended up falling asleep at around 7 in the morning

jin practically ran into the hospital wing at 8 in the morning to find you still sleeping

you ended up sleeping until 3 in the afternoon

you were awoken by jin when he was checking in on your finger

immediately you sat up

you looked up at jin and immediately regretted it

both of you froze again

jin looking down at you with his hand around your tiny wrist

you, sat up on the bed staring into his eyes that were basically traps

your faces were mere inches apart

“y/n”

the way he said that had chills running down your spine

it was just so breathy and his voice was lowered and it was just uGH

you then coughed and immediately looked away

jin sighed and slowly reached his hand under your chin

he carefully and cautiously turned your face to him

without a word he delicately planted his lips onto yours

your eyes opened wide as his closed into the kiss

after a second or two your eyes closed as well and you reciprocated the kiss

he pulled away and looked into your eyes

“y/n i have to tell you something.”

you were still in shock of the kiss but his sentenced immediately brought you back

you turned your face and coughed, trying to remember how to breathe cuz apparently you forgot

“y-yeah what is it?”

you tried sounding as normal as possible

you failed

“i like you.”

your jaw dropped

“huh?”

“i know its really sudden but i really like you and i have for the past four years.”

“wait what? am i being pranked? theres no way. you were always so popular and come on you were a Gryffindor and you were always so flirty with everyone and-“

jin cut you off by laughing

you stared at him dumbfounded

“why are you laughing!?”

“y/n i was never flirty with anyone that wasn’t you, or my six other best friends, who are all male. i know you never noticed but i loved sending you winks and kissy faces because seeing your face redden and run away was just so cute. but i never confessed while i was still a student here. i was a coward.”

you finally eased and let out a chuckle yourself

“wow a cowardly gryffindor. who would’ve thought.”

jin let out a laugh as well and scratched the back of his neck

a nervous habit of his, you’ve noticed

“anyway, is there any way you could give this coward a chance as your boyfriend?”

your heart was beating hard as you smiled shyly

“after you let go of my wrist though.”

jin looked down and realized he had been holding on the your wrist this entire time

he blushed and let go

“oops.”

what a cutie!!

“wait im getting a chance!?”

you nodded and he smushed you in between his arms

once again

it felt right

you were both startled when you heard the doors slam open and in come three boys clapping and holding a big cake that read

‘CONGRATULATIONS ON FINALLY DATING (took you long enough)’

which resulted in jin letting go of the hug and chasing after them

as jin was chasing taehyung and jimin, jungkook ran over to you and gave you a big hug

“so i see my plan worked!”

you pushed him off of you and glared at him

“what plan?”

“my plan to get you into the hospital wing ofc!”

“so you all got me bit by a baby dragon!?!”

oops

and with that jungkook runs away as well

“JEON JUNGKOOK COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!”

and like that had your life become even more eventful

ughhhhh idk how i feel about this but pls give me some feedback and  might post a namjoon one next depending on how i feel lol thanks for reading

[deliciousgears]

Parents’ Day (Femslash February 2018)

Fandom: Urusei Yatsura

Pairing: Ryuunosuke/Shinobu

Prompt: Day 20 - Children

Summary: Years after the end of the series, Ryuunosuke visits her son at school during visiting day. It’s a day of uncomfortable reunions, hard truths, and unbreakable bonds being reasserted.

Word Count: 3915

Notes: Gah, this is another long one. But I really wanted to do something with my headcanons for the children of the UY characters, and when I read this prompt, all of this came out. I think there are some issues with it, but as it’s late and I have had little sleep, I guess I should leave it here.

"I can't believe you're going through with this..."

"Whaddya mean?" Ryuunosuke asked, walking in step behind her son Tohru. "You seriously think I'm going to skip Parents’ Day at your school? Seriously, what kind of mother do you take me for?"

Tohru said nothing, he just hunched over further and walked on. Just trying to shut her out again, like always. His short black hair, buzzed at the back and sides, rustled slightly in the wind.

Ryuunosuke furrowed her brows and followed behind her son. She didn't like it when he would clam up and ignore her, just going on his way like she didn't exist. She tried to be supportive, and she tried to be open, but it seemed sometimes that he had a brick wall around him that not even her father could get past, no matter how hard he tried.

So today, Ryuunosuke was going to try and make an effort to show interest in her son's school life. She had gotten herself a new suit, a nice dark blue three piece with the white shirt and the black tie, and a nice formal bra instead of the usual sports bra she relied upon for so long.

The suit was something that she was familiar with, if not exactly feminine. But then again, she wasn't feeling much like a dress today. But she put some blue eyeshadow and lipgloss on her face, just so people wouldn't think she was a man.

Ryuunosuke reached forward and tugged at Tohru's collar, making him stagger slightly. "Are you gonna keep giving me the silent treatment, or are you actually going to talk to me for once?"

Tohru just scowled at his mother, and jerked forward out of her grip. He started walking faster, hoping to outstrip her pace and get to school before she could.

Ryuunosuke groaned, and started running. She didn't want to deal with her son acting up again, not on what was supposed to be such an important day.

Shakkou Academy loomed up in front of the Fujinamis, the very picture of a modern Japanese high school. It was built in the years since Ryuunosuke had graduated from Tomobiki High, on the ashes of that very same school; the circumstances of its destruction on the graduation of the cursed Class 2-4 were never exactly known for sure, but what was known was that the old school had burned down to cinders, leaving little left but slightly singed students.

The Mendou family stepped in to build a replacement, which they hoped would cast off all of the bad memories and unfortunate incidents that had marred Tomobiki-cho for the longest time. But Ryuunosuke had heard the rumours of some strange force that seemed to inhabit the school, which seemed to entwine around the citizens of Tomobiki-cho.

The fact that her son shared the same class not only with the son of her beloved Shinobu, but also the son and daughter of Lum and Moroboshi Ataru, and even the son of Mendou Shutarou himself did not escape Ryuunosuke. She could tell that something strange was going on.

Tohru sped through the gates of the school, not even stopping to acknowledge Shinobu as she stood beside them. Shinobu was left staring after the boy in confusion, wondering why he was in such a hurry. And then she turned to see Ryuunosuke stop next to her, panting slightly, trying to catch her breath again.

"Ryuunosuke-kun..." Shinobu stepped up to Ryuunosuke, a smile on her face. "Good morning!" She looked over at Tohru, now beside the school entrance, double over and gasping for breath. "Have you and your son fallen out again?"

"Yeah..." Ryuunosuke said quietly. "Yeah, I guess so. I was looking forward to coming here today, and he's acting like I'm some millstone around his neck. He usually doesn't act like this. Not at the Hamachaya, anyway..."

Shinobu just shook her head. "Tohru-kun's always been a stubborn boy, Ryuunosuke-kun. Sometimes even I find it hard to get through to him." She looked back towards Tohru, making his way inside the school. "At least he's not going to care much about today. At least, not as much as you would."

"What, you're not looking forward to today?" Ryuunosuke gave Shinobu a funny look. "You don't want to see how well your son's doing in school?"

"Oh no, it's not Shiro I'm worried about!" Shinobu answered, a pensive look on her face. "I'm just dreading the other parents coming here."

Ryuunosuke wanted to ask Shinobu exactly what she meant by that, before a metallic thrum started to resound through the air. She looked up to see black clouds swirling in the sky, lightning shooting out in all directions. She shrank back slightly as she watched the black clouds swell and flash, turning into a strange vortex in the sky.

And then Ryuunosuke realised what Shinobu had meant. She didn't need to see the sleek, tiger-striped UFO burst out from the vortex, followed by a gleaming golden ship, and a spaceship shaped like a bone-white coloured horn. She only had to remember her own school days to understand the dread that Shinobu was feeling at that very moment.

Fujinami Tohru, on the other hand, just stared up at the sky and watched the procession of spaceships above him. As far as he was concerned, he just wanted to get everything over with as quickly and as peacefully as possible.

But the sudden weight of someone on his shoulders dashed all hopes of that happening.

"Toh-ru-kun!" The green-haired boy sang as he rested on Tohru's shoulders. "I saw you speeding in here and leaving your mom behind. You don't think you should go back and greet her properly?"

Tohru stayed perfectly still, his fists clenched at his sides. "Moroboshi. Get off my shoulders." He kept his gaze perfectly level, staring straight ahead. "Right now."

"Listen to him, Kokeru-kun!" A voice called out from beside him. Miyake Shiro was running up to the two boys, hoping to try and stave off any potential violence that would erupt. "He's already been upset all week about today, I don't want you adding to it!"

Moroboshi Kokeru just sighed and slipped off of Tohru's back. "Y'know, there's a lot of people who would kill to have me on their back, Tohru-kun..."

"Don't give him any ideas, Kokeru-kun!" Shiro said. "You should probably go find your mother now, before the bell rings." He ran up to Tohru's side, looking up at him through his straight-cut bangs of light hair. "And are you just going to ignore everyone for the rest of the day, Tohru-kun?"

"Yeah," Tohru answered without missing a beat, "that's the idea." He looked over at Tohru, putting on as tough as an expression as possible. "I don't want to deal with having my mother breathing down my neck all day. If I mess up, I'm never gonna live that down."

"Aren't you just holding yourself to an unreasonable standard?" Shiro asked softly. "It's not going to end up like that, trust me." He reached out and placed a hand on Tohru's shoulder. "Listen, we can go and greet our moms together, okay? You and me?"

For a moment, Tohru considered refusing, and just going down to his classroom. But Shiro was giving him that look again. The kind of caring, kind look that easily melted through any of Tohru's defences and left him unable to resist. Instead, Tohru hung his head low.

"Fine. We'll go and do whatever."

"Well, that's as good as an agreement we'll get," Kokeru said, looping his arm around one of Tohru's. Shiro took Tohru's other arm, and before he knew it, he was being frog marching back to Ryuunosuke and Shinobu at the gate.

Shinobu waved to Shiro as the three boys came closer, giving him a smile. "You look so handsome, Shiro-kun!" Then Shinobu went over to Tohru, who was looking rather uncomfortable as she smiled down at him. "And so do you, Tohru-kun!" She adjusted his uniform slightly, making sure everything was straight. "You'll make us proud today, won't you?"

Tohru was about to answer, when a strange and familiar sound reached his ears. It sounded like the weird noise Kokeru made when he flew, but it was higher, quicker, more light...

Kokeru turned around as he heard the noise, and raised his arm up high, looking up towards the sky behind him. "Hey Mom! We're right here! Come on down!"

Everyone else looked up to see Lum touch down in front of the three boys, Ryuunosuke and Shinobu. Every pair of eyes in the school courtyard, male and female, fixed on the oni princess as she stepped up to meet her son. She certainly cut a striking figure in a flattering tiger-skin cheongsam with the skirt coming up just above mid-thigh, and black stiletto heels. Her hair was done up in twin braids that twisted up behind her head into an elaborate bun.

Tohru barely had the chance to register Lum's arrival before he, Kokeru and Shiro were suddenly squished up against her in a vice-like hug that squeezed all the air out of his lungs. He couldn't even struggle to get out, because his arms were tangled up between his friends.

"I missed you boys so much!" Lum squealed as she squeezed the boys tighter to her. "And you look so handsome, too! You've grown so much!" If it wasn't for the special alloy weave in her dress, she might have accidentally given her a current of electricity as well.

"Take it easy, Lum!" Ryuunosuke said. "You just saw them last Friday!" She stepped forward to pull Tohru back by his collar, pulling him away from Lum's grasp. "You're gonna get weird stares again!"

Sure enough, some of the people around Lum were giving her funny looks. And the three boys and their mothers could tell that there was a lot of jealousy in the air surrounding them. Jealousy for Lum, still looking young and beautiful even as a mother. Or jealously for the boys, being given so much affection by such a beauty as Lum.

"Where's Ataru-kun?" Shinobu asked warily, moving slightly closer to Ryuunosuke on impulse. "I thought he would take the opportunity to come here to see his son at school..."

Lum's expression turned sour. "He's on some book tour again, across the city. And he said he was going to Remu-chan's piano recital tonight." She looked down at Kokeru. "It looks like it's just going to be your mother today, Kokeru..."

Kokeru just snorted, shrugging. "So what else is new?" He wriggled out of Lum's grip, and made his way to the school entrance.

Tohru and Shiro exchanged confused glances before running after Kokeru.

Ryuunosuke and Shinobu watched their kids run to catch up with their friend, before turning to Lum, whose smile was almost completely gone.

"You want to come along with us?" Ryuunosuke asked hesitantly. "I mean, I ain't exactly Moroboshi here, but..." Her words died in her throat as she looked up to see a familiar looking man striding up to them.

He looked as handsome as he ever was, growing into it like a steadfast oak tree. Dressed in a finely made black kimono and hakama, he looked like the very picture of a refined upper-class Japanese gentleman.

"Lum-san, it's been too long before I could see you again." Mendou Shutarou smiled as he stepped up to Lum. "Has Ataru left you behind to chase women once more? If he has, maybe I could provide you with an escort?"

Ryuunosuke stepped forward, narrowing her eyes. "She already has escorts, Mendou. Why don't you go blow your hot air somewhere else?"

Shinobu smoothly stepped up beside Lum, taking her hand gently. "What Ryuunosuke-san means to say," she said hurriedly, "is that we are perfectly able to provide Lum-san with an escort ourselves. Shouldn't you be seeing your son at the gate?"

"Why should he, when I'm right here?" Mendou Haruna asked as he stepped around his father, katana strapped to his side. He wore a crisp white version of the Shakko Academy uniform, much like her father did at Tomobiki High. Though in Haruna's case, Shakko Academy's uniform was a blazer, shirt and tie, instead of the more traditional gakuran of Tomobiki High.

He looked up at his father expectantly. "If you're done here, father, we can go ahead and head straight to class. Preferably as soon as possible."

"Of course," Shutarou answered. The two quickly turned around and headed straight for the school entrance, leaving Lum, Shinobu and Ryuunosuke standing at the gate once more.

Ryuunosuke and Shinobu looked between the receding backs of the Mendous, and then each other. Something about the Mendou kid was funny, but neither of them could place exactly what it was...

"Well, I think we've been standing here long enough," Lum said brightly, turning to Shinobu and Ryuunosuke. "Lets go in already, before we end up tardy!"

Inside Classroom 1-4, the air was thick with tension. Tohru could feel it as soon as he stepped inside, weighing down on him all the while. He cursed the fact that he was assigned a seat at the back row of the classroom, because that were the parents would usually stand.

Class Rep Fuko was at the front of the class, trying desperately to make sure that nothing would go wrong on her watch. But even she could feel the dread gathering in the air. After all, it was the first parents' visiting day for what many at Shakko Academy consider to be the next generation of those people.

Even Shiro, who liked to keep a smile on his face no matter what was going on, wasn't smiling so much at that moment. And Kokeru just seemed to be waiting for the whole thing to pass through so he could go on to something else.

The door opened, and the teacher strode in, striking a strong figure in his tiger-skin jumpsuit. He barked out the customary "Stand!" and "Bow!" as he put his text book on the desk. And then he looked straight ahead, and his eyes fell on Lum.

And before he could even react, Lum suddenly shouted "Ten-chan!" gleefully, making everyone around her jump. "I didn't know you were teaching this class!"

Ten-chan, or Ten-sensei as most of his students called him, grimaced as his cousin Lum bounced up and down behind the students. He thought he could get through teaching his nephew without any incidents, but Lum blew through all of that in a flash. He looked over at Kokeru, noticed him smirking at hime, and grimaced even further.

Nevertheless, the lesson began. And surprisingly, it went smoothly from there. Even when Kokeru seemed interested in anything else other than the lesson, or when Tohru nearly knocked his chair back when standing up to answer a question. But nothing got interrupted, nothing exploded, and nobody was electrocuted or set on fire, so it was mostly a successful lesson.

As one, the students all rose up from their seats to leave Ten-sensei with their parents. Tohru gave his mother one last look before he trudged out of the classroom behind Shiro and Kokeru, heading to the cafeteria for lunch.

Ten leaned against his desk, rooting the assembled parents under his gaze. "So this is the part where I'm supposed to talk about your children and how they're doing, right?" He smirked as he crossed his arms. "But I'm wondering if that's the last thing in your mind right now."

Lum just huffed and raised her hand. "I want to know about my son..."

He looked over at Lum, still smirking. "Well, your son is actually testing pretty well, Lum-chan. He's sharp as a tack, for all I know." He paused for a moment as Lum's face lit up. "But he seems to be more interested in chasing girls around and sleeping than actually studying in class."

As Lum's face crumbled, he turned to look at Ryuunosuke. "Your son is doing okay, Ryuunosuke-san. He only got into three fights this last week. And at least he didn't start any of them." Ryuunosuke exhaled in relief, slumping a little against her seat.

"Your son's doing well too, Shinobu-san. Of course, he keeps hanging around Moroboshi and Fujinami. Maybe you should get him tutoring them or something?"

Shinobu gave Ten a funny look, before turning her focus to Ryuunosuke.

As Ten went on through the students, Shinobu leaned in close to Ryuunosuke and whispered in her ear. "Tohru is still getting into fights? How come?" She gripped Ryuunosuke's hand gently. "Are you having trouble with your son?"

Ryuunosuke looked up at Shinobu. "Nothing worse than usual." She squeezed Shinobu's hand gently. "'sides, with what Ten's telling me, he's kinda improved a bit, right?"

Shinobu rose to her feet. "Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"

Lum turned to look at Shinobu and Ryuunosuke. "What's going on?"

Ryuunosuke rose up next to Shinobu. "It's okay." She mumbled as Shinobu turned to leave. "It's just something's just come up." Before Lum could even answer, Ryuunosuke and Shinobu quickly left the classroom.

Shinobu led Ryuunosuke to an empty music room, and sat herself in a corner, leaving her heels next to the piano. She looked up at Ryuunosuke with large, open eyes, urging her to come sit with her.

Ryuunosuke sat herself next to Shinobu awkwardly, leaning against the wall. "So what is it? What's eating at you?"

"I'm worried about you, Ryuunosuke..." Shinobu looked at her with helpless eyes. "I saw Tohru running away from you, and trying to avoid you, I hear he's been getting into fights... Is there something wrong at home?"

Ryuunosuke shook her head. "Nothing that you haven't already seen." She paused for a moment, then looked at Shinobu. "I mean it. I ain't fighting with Tohru or anything. It's just that..."

Shinobu pressed her fingertip to Ryuunosuke's lips. "Don't say anything else. I know you're telling the truth." She blushed, and let her finger drop down. "I know how hard it's been ever since Nagisa passed away. You had to raise Tohru by yourself, with only your father as an example of parenting..."

"I didn't raise Tohru by myself," Ryuunosuke said quickly, interrupting Shinobu. "You were there, helping me raise him. He looks up to you. He even called you Mom a couple of times..."

Shinobu blushed even further. "Oh please, don't mention that again. I bet that he probably doesn't hear the end of it from you."

Ryuunosuke shrugged. "Never really get the chance. I don't even see him around the Hamachaya lately." She caught the concerned look on Shinobu's face. "Is that a problem?"

Shinobu looked down at the floor in front of her. "I don't know. Maybe he just needs some space? I know that sitting around with all my old classmates made me want to scream after five minutes."

"What, like he just wants to be alone?" Ryuunosuke asked, curious.

"Well, I know it's kind of hard," Shinobu answered. "Don't you feel sometimes that you're kind of boxed in, living here in Tomobiki-cho with all your friends from high school, just spinning your wheels endlessly?"

"All the time," Ryuunosuke said. "And is that how you feel?"

Shinobu just nodded. "I've been feeling that way ever since before I graduated from high school." She looked up at Ryuunosuke. "You're pretty much one of the few reasons why I keep going. You, Tohru, Inaba and Shiro... Even Lum-san and Kokeru..." She shivered a little, pressing shoulder against Ryuunosuke's.

Ryuunosuke reached her arm around Shinobu's shoulders, pulling her close. "I know how you feel, Shinobu. I know how you feel..." She squeezed her gently. "Even after all these years..."

Shinobu smiled slightly, but said nothing. She knew what Ryuunosuke was trying to say. Instead she curled in close against her, closing her eyes.

Five minutes later, Lum burst into the music room, dragging Tohru behind her. "There you two are! I've been dragging this boy all around the school looking for you!"

Ryuunosuke and Shinobu stared at Lum for a moment, then exchanged exasperated glances. Then they both gave Lum a glare that could make even the toughest Oni flinch.

"What are you doing with my son?" Ryuunosuke asked, her gaze hotter than the inside of a burning kiln.

The fact that Lum barely seemed bothered by the looks of indignation spoke volumes about her. She just hauled Tohru up in front of her. "I wanted to make him apologise for all the trouble he'd been causing you, so I found him and brought him to you."

Ryuunosuke looked at her son for a moment. Tohru looked away, trying to avoid her face. Then she looked at Lum again. "Yeah, thanks for that. I needed to tell him a little something, too."

Tohru stepped forward, only turning back to give Lum a dirty look, before standing before Ryuunosuke. "I'm sorry that I have been avoiding you all week, and making you all worried and shit... And probably a couple of other things too."

Ryuunosuke smirked a little at Tohru's words, before turning fully to look at her son. "It's okay, Tohru. You've been a pretty good son, anyway. Even if you do keep fighting all the time." Her smirk grew even wider as Tohru flushed horribly and looked away. "Look, I know I tried to raise you the best I can. And I know that this place can get you down. I know how you feel."

She got to her feet, stepped towards her son. "I didn't raise you like my dad would, expecting an heir to the Hamachaya or anything like that. I wanted to raise you because I love you like a mother should. I raised you so you could have a happy life."

Tohru tried his best to look away, even though everyone could see the tears in his eyes from miles away. "Yeah, I know. I just wish I knew how to make it stop."

Shinobu got to her feet quickly. "You can't. You just have to ride it out. But we can do that together." She looked between Tohru, Ryuunosuke and Lum. "All of us can, together."

Ryuunosuke nodded. "You should listen to Shinobu. If it wasn't for her, I don't know what I would've ended up being." She reached out and grabbed Shinobu's hand tightly. "And I dunno what she would've done without me, either." She looked at Tohru seriously. "So what d'ya say? Together?"

After a moment, Tohru looked at his mother, the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Yeah, together." He stepped forward towards her mother, bowing his head low. "Together."

"So does that mean that Tohru can call Shinobu 'Mom' now?" Lum asked innocently.

Tohru's head suddenly snapped up at Lum's question, his face flushed once more. He gave Lum a horrified look, before running out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him.

Lum just stared at the door Tohru dashed out of, her face full of confusion. "I thought he would have been happier about that."

Shinobu just laughed at Lum's reaction. "He's only a boy, Lum. He'll come around eventually."

Minutes later, Tohru collapsed into Class 1-4, panting heavily. Within minutes, Kokeru and Shiro were by his side, helping him to his desk.

"I heard Mom grabbed you and dragged you off," Kokeru said, concern in his voice. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Tohru said in between pants for breath. "I think me and Mom made up. Kind of?"

"That sounds great!" Shiro said. "Mom and Mom had been really worrying over you."

Tohru grimaced, blushing even further. "Dude, did you just call my Mom 'Mom'?"

Shiro sighed, shaking his head. "What else could I call her? I thought we were like brothers!"

Tohru sighed, and nodded. "Yeah... The way things are going, that's probably gonna be true."

[sublimenormiesheep-blog]

what if eli had seen me reading in barnes and noble, thought i might enjoy this book, bought it, and left it with me with his phone number inside. isn't this such a respectful way to show your interest in someone else? it shows that you have a thought for them- a whole book. they're the kind of person to think of a person similar to this book. and after they've read it, if they choose to read it, they'd get to contact you. you give them the power of choosing whether or not to speak to you. this one time, on a train ride from new york city to connecticut, i got into a conversation with a yale law school student named ricky sitting next to me. i had spent the day there with my older brother and his girlfriend and trying to coerce him into relaxing or getting therapy sometime soon, because he still seemed really angry at our dad. weirdly, though, i was in a good mood. i had spoken to just enough people for just the right amount of time. i spent the night before with my best college friend, and was heading back to her house this evening. the city visit was short, sweet and frosty. On the way into the city I had actually also met a friend, a russian woman in her 40s, who left me her phone number. but platonically exchanging phone numbers is a different thing, entirely. and feigning friendship just to pounce later is NOT platonic. So i was sitting next to ricky. he was helping get undocumented workers connected with a law firm that was going to protect them from deportation. (i accidentally called them illegal immigrants - i hadn't meant that as a derogatory term, i just hadn't heard many other terms. it was so polite.) i apologized for bothering him while he was working. still looking at his screen, he said, "no, don't worry about it. this is just busy work." his brow was slightly creased, but his hair was all dark. messy and thin, though. he had just started law school. he wore kind of shitty jeans and his bag was falling apart. but his watch was pretty okay. "so, what were you doing in new york? if you don't mind me asking," he says between quick clicks of words. i told him about my brother. "what about you?" "oh you know, thanksgiving. back with family." "where's family?" "new jersey." "ohh." "it's not as bad as everyone says." "i didn't say that." pause. "did you have a good time?" i think a catch a grimace, but then he smiles. "you know, yeah, it was nice. it was tough to not have time to get on my computer for the whole two days, but it's good. it's good seeing family, you know?" he'd hardly looked over at me for more than a moment or two. i spent more or less facing forward, or 3/4 turn towards him. i made a few more fumbles, pushing him to explain the use/mention argument about the word "faggot", and how mostly only douche bags used that argument to make it okay for them to say the n-word, like if it's in a song. (still not okay douche bag) (same goes for me, though, i think i'm also a douchebag a bit. shit. sorry, i really shouldn't have used f****t like that. i actually really hate that word. and the n-word. they're just such ugly words. and if you aren't part of the community that benefits from reclaiming those words; why would you use such an ugly word? anyway. ) he then apologized for mansplaining - completely literally. a turnaround from my brother, who laughed at any mention of patriarchy. the train stopped at Old Saybrooke just as i got around to saying how old i was. i didn't ask him, though. he was a little surprised, but not totally shocked. he told me that if i was ever in new haven, we should hang out. he put his name and phone number on a piece of thick paper he ripped off of something- maybe the back of a magazine? we shook hands and i ran off the train into my best friend in college's car, where she had the heater absolutely blasting. i met up with him three months later, in new haven. no, eli was a guy i ran into at one of my favorite restaurants, manhattan beach post, when i was 17 or 18, sometime between ten days before my aries birthday to my high school graduation day. i wore high black platform wedge heels. they had a bedazzled outline of a block "R" on the back of the heel. my tights were black, but mostly sheer, as was my black velvet "cardigan". it wasn't a cardigan. it was a velvet size medium women's maternity shirt - so it fit my shoulders well, but bagged a bunch in the front. basically? a cardigan, with flat abalone white buttons and a square pocket. the interesting part was the primarily yellow dress, with white used for contrast, and sparse black and red detail. an artistic rendition of paris, eiffel tower, baguettes and all. i think my ex boyfriends mom gave it to me. eli asked what i was reading, loudly. he was with two friends - i think eli was foreign, maybe. they invited me to go drinking with them down closer to the pier. but i was ordering bacon cheddar biscuits and maple butter. "uh could i see your book?" i passed it to eli. "oh you've got a pen" i don't know why i didn't notice this as it was happening. i thought it was a joke. maybe i talked to his friends. "let's hang out," he said as he handed back the book. i always text these people for some reason? well, i changed two of the numbers. GUESS WHICH ONES. i dare you. it's weird feeling kind of violated (what the fuck did my book ever do to you?) but also confused because part of you wants to feel flattered? or maybe, even, grateful? that's so gross. so then, angry, at that. (what?) i'm lucky, i think, avoiding that feeling pretty often.