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spacexseven · 3 years ago

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omg so glad u agree ive been thinking about dazai going from a heartless sadist to a full tilt delusional yandere all the time its a big part of the driver behind the subordinate au hehe. like,,,, I just really like the idea of dazai being SO terribly mean to his darling and then suddenly the tables are turned on him and hes soooo desperate for their love and attention and to let him hold them and kiss them...

speaking of the subordinate au, I think that dazai would be a bit of a unique case cuz now hes suddenly feeling? guilty? for being mean to You? someone who is so utterly beneath him that it makes him laugh? (or, MADE him laugh, rather) whats he supposed to do with THAT? he doesn't really have a frame of reference for what he's feeling either so hes just confused about why watching you get your teeth knocked out is making him feel so shitty all of the sudden. why he feels so Weird when you get injured on missions he sent you on. why he doesn't want to make you use your ability anymore cuz he knows it hurts you. and ESPECIALLY why he feels so empty when you don't return his little displays of affection, he never cared about your rejection before- all the kisses and squeezes were just to humiliate you anyway, shouldn't he Want you to resist it? why does he want you to smile at him as badly as he does? weird.

and once he finally figures out its cuz he actually LIKES you, he kinda has to. trick himself into thinking that you secretly feel similarly, cuz the idea of you being afraid of him kinda makes him wanna throw up so that cant be the case. sure, he was mean to you for a while but you're past that now, right? best friends! lovers, even! probably does crazy shit like handcuff you to him so its like simulating holding hands or trick you into setting of ur ability (that you cant turn off yourself) so he gets to cuddle you in order to feed into his fantasy.

I also really think that fyodor and chuuya (especially subordinate au chuuya) would act like this to some degree hehe but what do u think?

- 🩹

bsd x dazai's subordinate reader stuff is tagged subordinate reader 🐟

cw: yandere characters, violence, abuse (dazai is abusive towards darling in this au, until he accepts that he likes them), non consensual kissing, manipulation, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, jealousy, controlling behavior, unhealthy dynamics, forced relationships, deceit

i don't think chuuya could delude himself to that level. in this au i'd like to think of him more of a good cop, playing nice to you and being there for you when dazai treats you like Shit for no reason. since he's always kind towards you there's no need to force you to see him in that light either, he just needs to charm you more. fyodor hmm for him it's more like he cannot imagine you not being in love with him despite never having talked to you. like he thinks you would be able to feel what a wonderful and powerful creature he is so you would have no reason to deny him of what he wants. if you did reject him, he'd easily turn sinister and force you to be with him :(

honestly i feel that once dazai begins feeling off about you and the moment that even the possibility of liking you hits him, he'll just ramp up the frequency of terrible treatment, but less intense. he hangs around you more and is always picking at every action you do, but at least the kicking has become less frequent, right? he can't comprehend and doesn't want to accept the fact that he may like anyone, let along the useless person he's in charge of. if he destroys the seeds of love now, he thought he could prevent it from getting worse.

he was wrong, of course.

not everything was that bad, though. lurking around you all the time meant he could keep an eye on who you talked to. was that chuuya stroking your cheek? dazai could easily pop up from behind a corner and stroll towards the two of you, pulling you away with a quick movement before kissing you in front of chuuya. sure, you obviously wouldn't be into it, but this wasn't about your feelings. he wanted to show you who was in charge (and he liked the kisses) and while just a week before he would have done something far more terrifying, this was effective enough now.

it wasn't like he was hurt when you ignored him or glared at his back. definitely not sulking when you slipped out of his hugs and scurried away to find something to do. he didn't care at all...

...who was he kidding? your previously hilarious indifference was now intolerable. he was desperate to see any semblence of affection in your gaze but couldn't even find a sliver of positive emotion. he couldn't believe it. why wouldn't you like him back? he can't handle the overlooming possibility of rejection, so much so that he deluded himself into thinking that you surely had to love him too.

you were trying to hide it but he could see it in the way your eyes lingered on his figure for a few seconds too long, the way you shuffled out of the room when he came in. it was cute, how shy you were. he was flattered by your interest.

as far as he's concerned, you like him and he likes you. there's nothing more to it that he needs to worry about. so if you were too shy to approach him first, he'd have to work something out.

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kookie-doughs · 4 years ago

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Y/N L/N AND THE HALFBLOODS

Percy Jackson X Reader

-Y/N L/N met Percy Jackson and everything was now ruined.

CHAPTER 13: I Have Trust Issues But Okay

We spent two days on the Amtrak train, heading west through hills, over rivers, past amber waves of grain. We weren't attacked once, but I didn't relax. I felt that we were traveling around in a display case, being watched from above and maybe from below, that something was waiting for the right opportunity. We tried to keep a low profile because Percy and I's name and picture were splattered over the front pages of several East Coast newspapers. It seemed like when they saw me with Percy they realized me and my family are gone. The Trenton Register-News showed a photo taken by a tourist as we got off the Greyhound bus. Percy had a wild look in my eyes. His sword was a metallic blur in his hands. It might've been a baseball bat or a lacrosse stick. I was holding his hand with my knife on the other hand. The picture's caption read: Twelve-year-old Percy Jackson, wanted for questioning in the Long Island disappearance of his mother two weeks ago, is shown here fleeing from the bus where he accosted several elderly female passengers. The bus exploded on an east New Jersey roadside shortly after Jackson fled the scene. Based on eyewitness accounts, police believe the boy may be traveling with three teenage accomplices. It has been found out one of which is Y/N L/N, a twelve-year-old girl who went missing with her family during a trip. Percy Jackson's stepfather, Gabe Ugliano, has offered a cash reward for information leading to his capture.

"Don't worry," Annabeth told Percy. "Mortal police could never find us." But she didn't sound so sure. The rest of the day we spent alternately pacing the length of the train (because I had a really hard time sitting still) or looking out the windows. Calm Once, I spotted a family of centaurs galloping across a wheat field, bows at the ready, as they hunted lunch. The little boy centaur, who was the size of a second-grader on a pony, caught my eye and waved. I looked around the passenger car, the adult riders all had their faces buried in laptop computers or magazines, Percy and I saw an amazed look. Another time, toward evening, Percy said he saw something huge moving through the woods. He swore it was a lion, except that lions don't live wild in America, and it was the size of a Hummer, then it leaped through the trees and was gone. I told him he might have been seeing things and Annabeth agreed. Our reward money for returning Gladiola the poodle had only been enough to purchase tickets as far as Denver. We couldn't get berths in the sleeper car, so we dozed in our seats. My neck got stiff. I sat between Percy and Annabeth. Grover kept snoring and bleating and waking Percy up. Once, he shuffled around and his fake foot fell off. Annabeth and I had to stick it back on before any of the other passengers noticed. "So," Annabeth asked me, once we'd gotten Grover's sneaker readjusted. "Who wants Percy's help?" "What do you mean?" "You heard it too didn't you? When he was asleep just now, he mumbled, 'I won't help you.' Has he told you what he's dreaming about?" "Gossiping about me?" Percy yawned. "Pretty much everyone is. So I think we'll join." I said. "Annabeth wants to know about your dream. I could tell he was reluctant to say anything. It was the second time he'd dreamed about it. Then he finally told her. Annabeth was quiet for a long time. "If you think it's Hades, that doesn't sound like Hades. He always appears on a black throne, and he never laughs." She pointed out. "He offered my mother in trade. Who else could do that?" We could. If you bring us together we could trade. "What?" Percy and Annabeth looked at me in worry. "Something on my face? Is there something close?" "Y/N, you did it again." Percy said. "Did what?" "You... Talked. Differently. Like weirdly." "Your definition of weird doesn't describe me. I did nothing wrong. I haven't even given an in put on your topic. Which we should get back on." I don't know why I had no idea what they meant by me talking weirdly, but I felt like I should stay away from that topic. "I guess ... if he meant, 'Help me rise from the Underworld.' If he wants war with the Olympians. But why ask you to bring him the master bolt if he already has it?" She explained looking at me as if I was the one that needed convincing. I shook my head, wishing I knew the answer. I thought about what Grover had told me, that the Furies on the bus seemed to have been looking for something. Where is it? Where? Maybe Grover sensed my emotions. He snorted in his sleep, muttered something about vegetables, and turned his head. Percy readjusted Grover's cap so it covered his horns. "Percy, you can't barter with Hades. You know that, right? He's deceitful, heartless, and greedy. I don't care if his Kindly Ones weren't as aggressive this time-" "This time?" I asked. "You mean you've run into them before?" Her hand crept up to her necklace. She fingered a glazed white bead painted with the image of a pine tree, one of her clay end-of-summer tokens. "Let's just say I've got no love for the Lord of the Dead. You can't be tempted to make a deal for your mom." "What would you do if it was your dad?" "That's easy," she said. "I'd leave him to rot." "You're not serious?" Annabeth's gray eyes fixed on me. She wore the same expression she'd worn in the woods at camp, the moment she drew her sword against the hellhound. "My dad's resented me since the day I was born," she said. "He never wanted a baby. When he got me, he asked Athena to take me back and raise me on Olympus because he was too busy with his work. She wasn't happy about that. She told him heroes had to be raised by their mortal parent." "But how ... I mean, I guess you weren't born in a hospital...." "I appeared on my father's doorstep, in a golden cradle, carried down from Olympus by Zephyr the West Wind. You'd think my dad would remember that as a miracle, right? Like, maybe he'd take some digital photos or something. But he always talked about my arrival as if it were the most inconvenient thing that had ever happened to him. When I was five he got married and totally forgot about Athena. He got a 'regular' mortal wife, and had two 'regular' mortal kids, and tried to pretend I didn't exist." I stared out the train window. The lights of a sleeping town were drifting by. I wanted to make Annabeth feel better. I don't know but the only way I could think of was a hug. So I wrapped and arm around her shoulders. She stiffened unsure of what I'd done. "My parents, they loved me all the same. The closet I got to talking about Gods was when they thought me. Not a single hint was dropped about me being a halfblood. I mean if you count my grandma Hestia. Which I think is just named after the goddess. I mean yeah, you had a not so wonderful life... But at least you're who you are now." I smiled at her. Eying Percy I gave him a nod towards Annabeth telling him to comfort her since he'd started it anyway. "My mom married a really awful guy," he told her. "Grover said she did it to protect me, to hide me in the scent of a human family. Maybe that's what your dad was thinking." Annabeth kept worrying at her necklace. She was pinching the gold college ring that hung with the beads. It occurred to me that the ring must be her father's. I wondered why she wore it if she hated him so much. "He doesn't care about me," she said. "His wife-my stepmom-treated me like a freak. She wouldn't let me play with her children. My dad went along with her. Whenever something dangerous happened-you know, something with monsters-they would both look at me resentfully, like, 'How dare you put our family at risk.' Finally, I took the hint. I wasn't wanted. I ran away." "How old were you?" "Same age as when I started camp. Seven." "But ... you couldn't have gotten all the way to Half-Blood Hill by yourself." "Not alone, no. Athena watched over me, guided me toward help. I made a couple of unexpected friends who took care of me, for a short time, anyway." I wanted to ask what happened, but Annabeth seemed lost in sad memories. Luke had already told me some of these part where he went here with Annabeth and Thalia. So I gazed out the train windows as the dark fields of Ohio raced by. Toward the end of our second day on the train, June 13, eight days before the summer solstice, we passed through some golden hills and over the Mississippi River into St. Louis. Annabeth craned her neck to see the Gateway Arch, which looked to me like a huge shopping bag handle stuck on the city. "I want to do that," she sighed. "What?" I asked. "Build something like that. You ever see the Parthenon, Y/N?" "Only in pictures." "Someday, I'm going to see it in person. I'm going to build the greatest monument to the gods, ever. Something that'll last a thousand years." Percy laughed. "You? An architect?" Her cheeks flushed. "Yes, an architect. Athena expects her children to create things, not just tear them down, like a certain god of earthquakes I could mention." "Percy! I think she'll be incredible." I pinched his arm. We watched the churning brown water of the Mississippi below. I took Percy's hand in fear that the water would just grab me and drag me down. "Sorry," Annabeth said. "That was mean." I nudged Percy to apologize as well, "I didn't mean to make fun of you. I'm sorry." "Can't you two work together a little?" I pleaded. "I mean, didn't Athena and Poseidon ever cooperate?" Annabeth had to think about it. "I guess ... the chariot," she said tentatively. "My mom invented it, but Poseidon created horses out of the crests of waves. So they had to work together to make it complete." "Then you two can cooperate, too. Right?" We rode into the city, Annabeth watching as the Arch disappeared behind a hotel. "I suppose," she said at last. We pulled into the Amtrak station downtown. The intercom told us we'd have a three-hour layover before departing for Denver. Grover stretched. Before he was even fully awake, he said, "Food." "Come on, goat boy," Annabeth said. "Sightseeing." "Sightseeing?" "The Gateway Arch," she said. "This may be my only chance to ride to the top. Are you coming or not?" Grover, Percy and I exchanged looks. I wanted to say no, but seeing the stars in Annabeth's as she watched, she was too adorable to say no to. Grover shrugged. "As long as there's a snack bar without monsters." The Arch was about a mile from the train station. Late in the day the lines to get in weren't that long. We threaded our way through the underground museum, looking at covered wagons and other junk from the 1800s. It wasn't all that thrilling, but Annabeth kept telling us interesting facts about how the Arch was built, and Grover kept passing me jelly beans, so I was okay. I kept looking around, though, at the other people in line. "You smell anything?" Percy murmured to Grover. He took his nose out of the jelly-bean bag long enough to sniff. "Underground," he said distastefully. "Underground air always smells like monsters. Probably doesn't mean anything." I took a peek at my knife and saw there was a very weak glow, or maybe a sunlight reflection. Somewhere in between. "Guys," I said. "You know the gods' symbols of power?" Annabeth had been in the middle of reading about the construction equipment used to build the Arch, but she looked over. "Yeah?" "Well, Hade-" Grover cleared his throat. "We're in a public place.... You mean, our friend downstairs?" "Um, right," I said. "Our friend way downstairs. Doesn't he have a hat like Annabeth's?" "You mean the Helm of Darkness," Annabeth said. "Yeah, that's his symbol of power. I saw it next to his seat during the winter solstice council meeting." "He was there?" Percy asked. She nodded. "It's the only time he's allowed to visit Olympus-the darkest day of the year. But his helm is a lot more powerful than my invisibility hat, if what I've heard is true...." "It allows him to become darkness," Grover confirmed. "He can melt into shadow or pass through walls. He can't be touched, or seen, or heard. And he can radiate fear so intense it can drive you insane or stop your heart. Why do you think all rational creatures fear the dark?" "But then ... how do we know he's not here right now, watching us?" I asked. Annabeth and Grover exchanged looks. "We don't," Grover said. "Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better," Percy said. "Got any blue jelly beans left?" Someone else could be watching. Hades isn't the only one to blend in the shadow young vessel. But worry not, all in the darkness, shall be your ally. So Hades will also be my ally? As air and water refuse, land and all there is shall be your ally. Can't I be allies with all? Hades, Zeus, Poseidon. Everyone. The three of them looked at me in surprise. "Don't say their name!" Grover whispered loudly. "Whose name? I haven't said a name!" I could talk through you young vessel. Is this the first time this happened? How can you forget about our conversation? Talk through me? Who are you? I am one of which that'll make sure you become one with yourself. "Y/N!!" Percy yelled. "What? Geez, you're too loud." "We've been calling your name for three minutes." Annabeth said. "Are you... Okay?" "Yeah why wouldn't I be?" When the tiny elevator car came. We got shoehorned into the car with this big fat lady and her dog, a Chihuahua with a rhinestone collar. I figured maybe the dog was a seeing-eye Chihuahua, because none of the guards said a word about it. We started going up, inside the Arch. I'd never been in an elevator that went in a curve, and my stomach wasn't too happy about it. "No parents?" the fat lady asked us. She had beady eyes; pointy, coffee-stained teeth; a floppy denim hat, and a denim dress that bulged so much, she looked like a blue-jean blimp. "They're below," Annabeth told her. "Scared of heights." "Oh, the poor darlings." The Chihuahua growled. The woman said, "Now, now, sonny. Behave." The dog had beady eyes like its owner, intelligent and vicious. I said, "Sonny. Is that his name?" "No," the lady told me. She smiled, as if that cleared everything up. At the top of the Arch, the observation deck reminded me of a tin can with carpeting. Rows of tiny windows looked out over the city on one side and the river on the other. The view was okay, but if there's anything I like less than a confined space, it's a confined space six hundred feet in the air. I was ready to go pretty quick. I could see Percy was too. So I took his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze to calm him down despite my breakdown. Annabeth kept talking about structural supports, and how she would've made the windows bigger, and designed a see-through floor. She probably could've stayed up there for hours, but the park ranger announced that the observation deck would be closing in a few minutes. I steered Annabeth while Percy with Grover, toward the exit, loaded them into the elevator, and we were about to get in myself when I realized there were already two other tourists inside. No room for me. The park ranger said, "Next car, sir." "We'll get out," Annabeth said. "We'll wait with you two." But that was going to mess everybody up and take even more time, so I said, "Naw, it's okay. We'll see you guys at the bottom. I'll keep an eye on him." Grover and Annabeth both looked nervous, but they let the elevator door slide shut. Their car disappeared down the ramp. Now the only people left on the observation deck were me, a little boy with his parents, the park ranger, and the fat lady with her Chihuahua. Percy and I smiled uneasily at the fat lady. She smiled back, her forked tongue flickering between her teeth. Wait a minute. Forked tongue? Before I could decide if I'd really seen that, her Chihuahua jumped down and started yapping at Percy. "Now, now, sonny," the lady said. "Does this look like a good time? We have all these nice people here." "Doggie!" said the little boy. "Look, a doggie!" His parents pulled him back. The Chihuahua bared his teeth at me, foam dripping from his black lips. "Well, son," the fat lady sighed. "If you insist." Ice started forming in my stomach. "Urn, did you just call that Chihuahua your son?" "Chimera, dear," the fat lady corrected. "Not a Chihuahua. It's an easy mistake to make." She rolled up her denim sleeves, revealing that the skin of her arms was scaly and green. When she smiled, I saw that her teeth were fangs. The pupils of her eyes were sideways slits, like a reptile's. The Chihuahua barked louder, and with each bark, it grew. First to the size of a Doberman, then to a lion. The bark became a roar. The little boy screamed. His parents pulled him back toward the exit, straight into the park ranger, who stood, paralyzed, gaping at the monster. The Chimera was now so tall its back rubbed against the roof. It had the head of a lion with a blood-caked mane, the body and hooves of a giant goat, and a serpent for a tail, a ten-foot-long diamondback growing right out of its shaggy behind. The rhinestone dog collar still hung around its neck, and the plate-sized dog tag was now easy to read: CHIMERA-RABID, FIRE-BREATHING, POISONOUS-IF FOUND, PLEASE CALL TARTARUS-EXT. 954. I immediately pulled out my knife. And waited for the moment to jump in front of Percy who was ten feet away from the Chimera's bloody maw, and I knew that as soon as I moved, the creature would lunge. The snake lady made a hissing noise that might've been laughter. "Be honored, Percy Jackson and Y/N L/N. Lord Zeus rarely allows me to test a hero with one of my brood. For I am the Mother of Monsters, the terrible Echidna!" Percy and I stared at each other for a second stared at her. All he could think to say was: "Isn't that a kind of anteater?" She howled, her reptilian face turning brown and green with rage. "I hate it when people say that! I hate Australia! Naming that ridiculous animal after me. For that, Percy Jackson, my son shall destroy you!" The Chimera charged, its lion teeth gnashing. I managed to take Percy's arm to pull him aside and dodge the bite. We ended up next to the family and the park ranger, who were all screaming now, trying to pry open the emergency exit doors. I couldn't let them get hurt. I positioned myself able to parry any oncoming attack. Percy uncapped his sword, ran to the other side of the deck, and yelled, "Hey, Chihuahua!" The Chimera turned faster than I would've thought possible. Before he could swing my sword, it opened its mouth, emitting a stench like the world's largest barbecue pit, and shot a column of flame straight at him. Percy dove through the explosion. The carpet burst into flames; the heat was so intense, I could feel it where I stand and it was like I was in a sauna. Where Percy had been standing a moment before was a ragged hole in the side of the Arch, with melted metal steaming around the edges. Great, I thought. We just blowtorched a national monument. As the Chimera turned, Percy slashed at its neck. That was a fatal mistake. The blade sparked harmlessly off the dog collar. I saw the serpent tail lifted it whipped around and with all I could I ran and raised my knife to block it. Percy tried to jab Riptide into the Chimera's mouth, but the serpent tail wrapped around his ankles and pulled him off balance, and my blade flew out of my hand, spinning out of the hole in the Arch and down toward the Mississippi River. I pulled a weaponless Percy behind me and raised my small one. We backed into the hole in the wall. The Chimera advanced, growling, smoke curling from its lips. The snake lady, Echidna, cackled. "They don't make heroes like they used to, eh, son?" The monster growled. It seemed in no hurry to finish us off now that we were beaten. I glanced at the park ranger and the family. The little boy was hiding behind his father's legs. I had to protect these people. I couldn't just ... die. I was facing a massive, fire-breathing monster and its mother. And I was scared. There was no place else to go, so I stepped to the edge of the hole. Trust our hero. Jump with him. He had sworn to save us. Far, far below, the river glittered. Percy and I shared a reluctant and fearful look. If we died, would the monsters go away? Would they leave the humans alone? "If you are the son of Poseidon," Echidna hissed, "you would not fear water. Jump, Percy Jackson. Show me that water will not harm you. Jump and retrieve your sword. Prove your bloodline. Maybe your small friend could survive with you." We both knew the water hated me. But I trusted Percy. I'd jump if he told me. The Chimera's mouth glowed red, heating up for another blast. "Either you have no faith," Echidna told me. "You do not trust the gods. I cannot blame you, little cowards. Better you die now. The gods are faithless." Percy took my hand and backed up, he looked down at the water. Percy looked at me and smiled. I knew what he wanted. Holding his hand tighter, I got closer to him. "Die, faithless one," Echidna rasped, and the Chimera sent a column of flame toward our faces. "Father, please," I heard Percy say. "Don't hurt her. Help us." We turned and jumped. Our clothes on fire, we plummeted toward the river.

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#Percy Jackson #Percy Jackson X Reader #Percy Jackson X Y/N #percy jackon and the olympians #luke castellan #Luke castellan x reader #Y/N L/N #Y/N L/N and the halfbloods #X Reader #pjo #Lightning thief #Chapter 13 #Book 1 #Fanfiction #Fanfictions

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gilbert-blythe-ruined-my-life · 5 years ago

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Anna watches S03xE10 for the first time (warning: spoilers!)

I’M GOING TO CRY.

Here we go guys!!

Last ep of season 3!

I am NOT ready.

Not in the least.

I’m so freaked out.

I don’t want it to end.

I’m so worried.

Let’s go!

MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

I CAN FEEL MY HEART.

THIS CAN’T BE GOOD FOR ME.

I’M SHAKING.

WHAT THE HECK.

GUYS.

THAT THUMBNAIL.

WE’RE GETTING OUR SHIRBERT KISS.

WE HAVE TO.

WE’RE GETTING OUR KISS.

WHOOP WHOOP.

NOW FOR THE SYNOPSIS.

SHOOT. MATTHEW’S GOING TO DIE ISN’T HE?

MATTHEW’S GOING TO DIE.

MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST.

MY HEART.

WHY ISN’T THIS EP LOADING.

I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

MY POOR HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS.

I’M SHAKING AS I TYPE.

POOR WINNIE.

GILBERT YOU JERK.

AT LEAST YOU DIDN’T PROPOSE.

IT HURTS MY HEART TO SEE HER CRY LIKE THIS.

‘I’m being thrown over for an unrequited love!’ WINNIE YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT.

‘Winnie, you deserve so much more than being settled for’. YES GILBERT. THAT’S MY BOY! MY SON! I TAKE BACK ANYTHING BAD I EVER SAID! YOU’VE MADE ME PROUD! MY SON! MY SON! MY SON! MY SON! MY SON!

LOOK AT MY SON!

PRIDE IS NOT THE WORD I’M LOOKING FOR!

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE INSIDE ME NOW!

MyYyYyYyYyYyYyY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart hurts so much for Winnie rn. It’s breaking for her.

Does Anne’s hair look shorter to anyone else?

IF ANNE DOESN’T ACE HER EXAMS I’M GOING TO FLIP.

YES THEY TIED FOR FIRST!!!!

‘Is there anything else you’d like to say? Like to say to me?’

‘Congratulations’.

POOR ANNE. MY BABY. SHE’S GONNA THINK HE’S SO HEARTLESS.

‘Potato lightbulbs forever!’ LMAO.

YES YOU’RE NOT GOING TO THE SORBONNE. I TAKE BACK ALL I’VE SAID ABOUT MY SON.

‘Worthy? Lovely? Kind? Aparently not’. NO I HATE THIS OH THE ANGST IS UNBEARABLE.

‘Now I have my answer and I am free’. NO ANNE YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR ANSWER.

‘And guess what? We’re going to be roomates!’ YES. DIANA BEST BE GOING TO QUEEN’S IN THIS VERSION.

‘Diana this is a dream come true, if I could write the perfect ending to this chapter of our lives it would be this!’ SAME ANNE, SAME.

MY DIANNE HEART.

‘Seven days until we spread our wings and soar!’

OH IT’S ALL ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

ARE WE READY FOR THIS?

‘It’s your future not theres!’

‘IT’S NOT YOUR FUTURE IT’S OURS!’

I’M NGL, I LAUGHED SO HARD. I KNOW IT’S NOT FUNNY BUT I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RN.

‘Deceitful child! How could you! How could you be so selfish!’

GETTING MAJOR MR G VIBES FROM MRS BARRY. SHE CAN’T FATHOM THE SELFHISHNESS OF IT!

‘You have one job!’

DID HE JUST SWEAR AT MY BABY. AND I WAS STARTING TO LIKE MR BARRY.

NOBODY SHOUTS AT MY BABY. DIANA IS MY DAUGHTER, NOT YOURS. HOW DARE YOU.

MY BABY ANNE IS GONNA GET A CORSET.

‘They’re so uncomfortable!’

‘How have you come by this opinion since you’ve never worn one!’

YIKES, MARILLA DOESN’T KNOW, TIME TO PEDDLE BACK ANNE.

BAHAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT MATTHEW AND JERRY DURING CORSET TALK.

THEY WANT JERRY TO BOARD AT GREEN GABLES.

‘I’m not dead I’m just going to college!’ AGAIN I’M LAUGHING SO HARD.

‘So you’re getting a boy after all’. NO ANNE PLEASE BABY DON’T.

HAZEL IS PROUD OF BASH. IMA CRY.

BASH IS GONNA CRY TOO. OH, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

GUYS.

IT’S THE PEN.

IT’S OUR HERO!

THE PEN HAS COME TO SAVE OUR SHIP!

OUR HERO HAS ARRIVED.

WE’RE HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO TILL THE MORNING LIGHT!

OUR HERO IS HERE, REJOICE!

I’M SORRY.

THIS LOVE LETTER.

HE’S WRITING HER A LOVE LETTER.

SHE’S THE LONE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTION AND DESIRE.

WHAT IS THIS.

ALRIGHT, WHICH ONE OF US WROTE THIS?

THIS IS FANFICTION.

SHE’S THE KEEPER OF THE KEY TO HIS HEART.

ANNE SHIRLEY CUTHBERT IS THE KEEPER OF THE KEY TO GILBERT BLYTHE’S HEART.

EXCUSE ME GUYS I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.

I HAVE TO SCREAM.

I NEED TO TAKE A WALK.

BRB.

*elevator music plays*

I’M BACK FROM MY BREAK. I WAS AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR.

I’M STILL NOT CALM.

THE BREAK DID NOTHING.

HE DOESN’T WANT TO ALARM HER.

HE DOESN’T EXPECT HER FAVOUR.

BUT HE CAN’T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE NOT REVEAL HIMSELF.

HE’S NOT ENGAGED, NOR WILL HE BE.

UNLESS IT’S TO ANNE.

HOLD UP.

HOLD THE PHONE.

DID HE JUST CALL HER HIS ANNE?

HIS ANNE WITH AN E?

I CAN’T TAKE THIS

SHOOT. TIME FOR ANOTHER HALF HOUR BREAK.

*elevator music plays*

THE WRITERS READ SHIRBERT FANFICTION, I SWEAR.

HE’S IN HER ROOM. WHAT.

THE PEN CAME THROUGH SO GOOD.

ANNE NAMED THE COWS PRIDE AND PEJUDICE. I AM SCREAMING.

SHE’S FOUND THE LETTER.

WHAT THE HECK.

NO.

THIS IS MORE PAINFUL THAN ANNE’S NOTE.

NO, PLEASE, NO.

WHY?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY????

WHY?

ANNE YOU’RE SO STUPID.

MY STUPID DAUGHTER.

UGH.

REALLY ANNE?

NOW YOU’VE REARRANGED THE LETTER?

I HATE THIS.

‘I don’t matter. I can’t fly’.

WELL BREAK MY HEART WHILE YOU’RE AT IT.

WHY THIS WHY????

‘My poor diana. They’ve clipped your wings’.

HAHAHAHA IT’S OKAY I DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANYWAY.

I HATE ALL OF THIS.

‘Gilbert is marrying the girl of his dreams and it’s not me’.

OH THE WRITERS ARE REALLY HAVING FUN AREN’T THEY?

THEY THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

THAT THIS IS A JOKE?

THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!!

‘My grown up girl!’

‘I don’t wanna go! I wanna stay here and do my chores and be a family round the fire and I want things to go back to the way they used to be!’

This reminds me of that spongebob episode where spongebob goes to his grandma’s with Patrick and gets jealous of Patrick and decides he doesn’t want to be a grownup after all. Only in this scenario Anne is spongebob, Matthew is the grandma and Jerry is Patrick.

ELIJAH.

YES ELIJAH, GET YOUR REDEMPTION ARC!

NO, PLEASE.

I UNDERSTAND BASH’S ANGER.

BUT PLEASE.

LET HIM FORGIVE HIM SOON.

PLEASE.

IT’S WHAT MARY WOULD HAVE WANTED.

‘Please forgive me, mama. Forgive me’.

OKAY THIS IS BEYOND PAINFUL.

THIS IS A NEW LEVEL OF PAIN.

‘You can’t know happiness unless you’ve known sorrow’. PREACH MISS STACEY PREACH. ONE CAN’T EXIST WITHOUT THE OTHER.

MRS THOMAS HAS THINGS FROM THE SHIRLEY HOUSE. OH BOY. HERE WE GO.

‘I hope you’re pondering your insensitivity to our child!’

NO MATTHEW DON’T CRY.

‘I don’t want her to worry about us! I want her to step into the shoes of her own life!’

THE FEELINGS.

ELIJAH IS HELPING ON THE FARM. PLEASE LET HIM HAVE HIS REDEMPTION ARC. PLEASE, PLEASE.

LOOK AT MY GROWN UP BABY.

OH, HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE LOOKS!

SHE’S TAKING KA’KWET’S HAIRTIES.

TIME TO CRY.

BRB.

OH THE PAIN.

LOOK AT MY BABIES.

LOOK AT HOW GROWN UP THEY ALL ARE!

THE MAID LILY IS DEAF!!! SHE’S SIGNING!!

ANNE IS MISSING DIANA.

I CAN’T BELIEVE ANNE NEVER GOT TO READ GILBERT’S LOVENOTE.

I’M SUING FOR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.

A LETTER FROM SCOTLAND.

I BET SHE HAS FAMILY.

ELIJAH AND DELLY. MY HEART. MY HEART!!!!

LOOK AT COLE. MY SON! HE LOOKS SO GOOD! HE LOOKS SO HAPPY!

ANNE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! LOOK AT MY BABY! LOOK AT MY PRINCESS!!!!

NO EXTENDED FAMILY? UGH

NO COMMUNICATION AFTER IMMIGRATION? UGH.

ANNE AND COLE. HE KNOWS HER SO WELL. DON’T CRY MY BABY.

ANNE AND MATTHEW! IT’S WHAT WE DESERVE!

ANNE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!

YES MARILLA AND MATTHEW GO TO MRS THOMAS.

YES SHIRLEYS! REMEMBER THE SHIRLEYS!

‘For my Bertha, so you can share your love of the natural world with your pupils. Love always, Walter’.

PLEASE STOP. OH MY BERTHA AND WALTER FEELS. OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH. THIS IS FAR TOO MUCH!!

IS ANNE GONNA SEE WINNIE? YES!

YES WINNIE, TELL HER!

DIANA TELL HIM. DIANA, YES, MY DAUGHTER! TELL HIM!

THIS SPEECH. DIANA IS THE WHOLE FANDOM. WE LOVE YOU DIANA!

ALL HAIL QUEEN DIANA!

‘Letter? Diana, what letter?’

OH BOY.

IT’S ALL ABOUT TO GO DOWN!

HE’S RUNNING TO HER.

HE’S FOUND HER.

OH BOY.

THE LOOKS.

IT’S WHAT WE’VE WANTED.

THEY KNOW HOW THEY FEEL.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

OH MY.

WE GOT IT.

SHIRBERT FAM.

WE GOT IT.

WE POPPIN THE BIGGEST BOTTLES.

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!

IT’S A CELEBRATION!

SHE’S PINCHING HERSELF. SAME, GIRL, SAME!

ANNE KISSED GILBERT.

TWO KISSES.

WE GET TWO KISSES!!!

TWO KISSES!

AND A HAND KISS!

OH WE ARE EATING SO GOOD!

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!

A LITTLE PARTY NEVER KILLED NOBODY!

SO WE GON DANCE UNTIL WE DROP!

DIANA’S HERE! SHE’S GOING TO QUEENS!

THREE KISSES.

THREE KISSES!

THREE KISSES??????

AM I DREAMIING

I’M DREAMING! I’M SHAKING!

OH THE BEAUTY!

THE BEAUTY!

A LITTLE PARTY NEVER KILLED NOBODY!

SO WE GON DANCE UNTIL WE DROP!

SO THEY’VE GIVEN BERTHA THE RED HAIR! I’M NOT EVEN MAD! IT FITS SO WELL!

I LOVE RED HEADED BERTHA!

GUYS TIME TO SCREAM.

NOT ONLY DID WE GET A KISS.

WE GOT THREE KISSES.

AND A HAND KISS.

TIME TO DIE.

OH HOW BEAUTIFUL.

I’M SO HAPPY RN.

TIME TO PARTY GUYS! LET’S PARTY ALL NIGHT!

WE GON DANCE UNTIL WE DROP!

TIME TO CELEBRATE!

THREE KISSES! THREE!!!!!!!!

AND A HAND KISS!

A little party never killed nobody, so we gon' dance until we drop A little party never killed nobody, right here, right now's all we got A little party never killed nobody, so we gon' dance until we drop A little party never killed nobody, right here, right now's all we got

#anna watches anne #awae #anne with an e #awae spoilers #anne with an e spoilers #anne spoilers #long post

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littlemisssquiggles · 5 years ago

Note

What do you think of the possibility that the relic Ironwood gave Ruby is a fake made by the Staff of Creation? Possibly to monitor the others, serve as bait to lure out Salem's people or both?

Hiya Miki-chan! Chels @che1sea-xiao-long actually told me about your theory the other night and I also liked your original post. I think it’s a pretty interesting concept.

[Spoilers Ahead! Nuff Said]

Here’s the thing. I’m really conflicted on how I feel about Ironwood right about now, especially after V7CH2. In the beginning, I was all ready to concoct theories labeling Ironwood as—not exactly a traitor per say—but more along the lines of he’s been brought to such desperation by his own Baobab that nothing was going to stop him from doing what he believes is best for his people; not even our heroes—his supposed allies—who rise up to challenge him. Y’know that type of deal.

And in some way, I still feel that way about James but on the other end, I…low-key don’t want Ironwood to be revealed as traitorous or shady at all. Like I’m actually hoping there’s a legit twist where our heroes spent most of V7 believing that Ironwood and their Atlesian allies weren’t to be entirely trusted only for the twist to be that the Atlas Posse have been completely trustworthy and honest from the get-go whereas our gaggle of heroes were the ones being deceitful and shady due to their mistrust of their own allies.

It’d be interesting if we’re left thinking that Ironwood and his forces are paranoid when in actuality, it’s our heroes instead. Basically, with Ironwood, I’m like “…Iknow you’re probably most likely going to be super shady. I mean I expect you to be…but at the same time, can you not though? I want you toprove me wrong…”

Because seeing Ironwood’s genuine relief at hearing that Ozpin is back and him kneeling before Oscar and not coming a step closer when he realized the poor kiddo was understandably uncomfortable—not to mention his little bro-hug moment with Qrow afterwards—dagnabbit, you got me Jimmy I!

It’s moments like that that made my heart melt a little and it genuinely made me empathize with the General. It reminded me that he’s not as cold and heartless as people often interpret him to be. He’s a broken man who, at the end of the day, lost one of his long time closest comrades and is on the verge of losing his entire kingdom if he didn’t act quickly.

While I’m still not a fan of big master plan, James is still a solider whose been hardened by the battlefield (I almost forgot that Ironwood is part Terminator) whose been made the way he is because of his past experiences. James is Altesian Ozpin hence why the two got along and why they also butted heads at times.

Again, I know Ironwood could potentially be up to no good and is probably withholding more information on the true nature of the Amity Tower and its purpose that he didn’t say in the hero’s presence. Nevertheless, I don’t want him to be secretive and undermining like what he did with Oz back in V2.

I’m actually hoping that Ironwood has learnt from his experience in Vale and Beacon so his trust in the heroes is genuine. I want him to be a freaking dad to Oscar man! As I said in my Musing post from yesterday, I feel as if Oscar is going to grow to share a close comradery with the General that will probably remind him of his friendship with Oz. As matter of fact, it’d probably be nice if while training with Ironwood, James also tells Oscar stories of his time with Oz. Because I’m curious to know just how long has Ironwood known Oz. We know Qrow knew Ozpin from since his time as a student of Beacon and Oz was said to be the school’s young headmaster during that time as well. So it makes me wonder if Ironwood has known Oz from since the two were like young adults themselves.

Perhaps…James was one of the first people Oz trusted with the secret of Ozma’s soul after he was paired up with the soul of the King of Vale?

The way how Ironwood told Oscar that Oz disappearing wasn’t normal, makes me wonder how much about the nature of the Man with Two Souls does Ironwood know about. Very curious about that.

Anyways, regarding a fake Relic made with the Relic of Creation?

Like I said, that’s a pretty cool idea and theory. Like imagine if... Ironwood tried to clone the Relic of Knowledge with the Relic of Creation under the impression that he could potentially manifest himself a collection of lamps with the power to answer all of his questions any time he desires.

However, I’d like to believe that there is a catch to using the staff similar to its lamp counterpart. The lamp of knowledge can possibly find the answer to any question asked, however the catch with the lamp was that a) you only get three questions that could only be used every 100 years and b) you can’t ask the lamp about future events.

So imagine if the Staff of Creation can be used to make anything but what if…one of its disadvantages is that it can’t be used to create life or restore life that was lost (I doubt the Brothers would give it this kind of godly power, especially to leave it the hands of mankind, right?) while another is that the staff cannot be used to create other Relics.

It can probably replicate it in form but not in power since another part of the Relics seem to be beings that embody them. I’d like to think that the Lamp of Knowledge wouldn’t be as important as it was if it weren’t for Jinn. The same can be said for the Staff of Creation. I’m assuming that too has a being embodying it as well (and I hope it’s the Blue Fairy).

That being said, even if the Staff of Creation was able to make a perfect replica of the lamp of creation, I doubt it’d be able to behave like the actual real lamp, right? It’d probably be just a regular old lamp that stays the same size.

If the lamp in Ironwood’s possession had remained the same size when Ironwood gave it back to Ruby then I would have assumed that it was possibly fake too. However as we saw from the episode, the lamp behaved exactly like the real lamp. It floated on Ironwood’s desk exactly like how it did when Oz first explained its purpose to JNR_RWBY and Qrow back in Mistral.

It even changed its size exactly like how it always did. So…unless the Staff of Creation is that good at replicating other Relics…I dunno. I’d still like to believe that the beings of the relics created by the Gods to aid humanity in the pursuit of the four ideologies they were built on contribute to the nature of the Relic.

I’d like to believe that without Jinn, the Relic of Knowledge wouldn’t work the same way. And even if the staff can recreate another lamp, I doubt it can recreate Jinn which is why the lamp behaves the way it does.

I dunno. I could be wrong. I like your theory Miki-chan but I’m going to need a bit more proof from the show to support it because right now, all evidence is pointing to the lamp returned to Ruby being the real deal.

If the episode hadn’t highlighted the lamp behaving like it normally would, I’d assume fake one time just like you. But for now, I actually think thatIronwood genuinely returned the real Relic back to Ruby in an act of trust. It may have even be a test on his part. More on that in a bit.

Not to mention…I have to ask this question…how did Ironwood get theRelic so fast? When we last saw the Relic it wasbeing confiscated from Ruby by Clover Ebi of the Ace Ops. He and his team then Spiderman’d themselves away into the night taking the Relic with them.

So…do the Ace Ops have their own personal airship that somehow moves twice as face as a regular military airship?

How did they get to Atlas so quickly so that by the time the heroesgot there, Ironwood already received the Relic from Clover? I’m assuming theAces got a jet or whatever.

Anywhozzits…moving along; when Ironwood returned the Relic of Knowledge to Ruby, I was of the assumption that the Relic must no longer be useful. My original hunch was that Ironwood probably used the last question himself since he probably knew more about the Relic of Knowledge (and other things) which is why he asked Ruby to sort of clarify what else Oz told the hero team about the lamp.

I figured what Ruby is actually carrying around is a lamp that can’t be used, even by the enemies to answer more questions since all the questions from this era were already used up.

Now that I think about it, my initial theory doesn’t make much sense at all since even if the Relic of Knowledge was used up, I’m assuming it could still be used with the remaining three Relics to summon the Gods back to Remnant.

So questions or not, the lamp is still a very important artifact and still needs safeguarding. This only makes Ironwood’s move to return it to Ruby all the more odd and suspicious at the same time.

Then again, what if…Ruby tries using the lamp and when Jinn doesn’t appear before her, she assumes it’s because of what she told her back in the V6 finale.

“…I’m sorry. I don’t have a question for you, I just…I just need a little bit moretime.”

“I know, and while you don’t seek knowledge, just this once, I shall give it freely. I will not allow you to use me without a question again. Even if this was clever.”

Jinn told Ruby that she wouldn’t allow her to use her without a question again. So perhaps this statement will be relevant for V7 at some point where Ruby becomes suspicious of the lamp but doesn’t want to either waste a question or summon Jinn again without one given what the mystical genie told her before. That could be something too.

What if...Atlas doesnt even need to make a fake Relic to monitor our heroes?

Right now JN(P)R_RWBY are staying at Atlas Academy while their weapons are being upgraded by Atlas’ scientists.

How do we know Ironwood doesn't have heavy surveillance installed in the dorms of the academy?

Hidden cameras in the wall that are naked to the human eye so Ironwood could keep a watchful eye on all of his students and monitor them for any suspicious activity.

Imagine...our young heroes being disgusted when one of them---probably Nora--- accidentally reveals one of the cameras that’s been secretly spying on them since they enrolled at Atlas.

You might be thinking that cameras in the dorms are a bit much since it’s aninvasion of privacy but what if…that’s part of Ironwood’s paranoia too.

Imagine if...Ironwood even fears that one or more of his students might be traitors; masquerading as one of their own and plotting against him exactly like what Cinder, Emerald, Mercury and Neo did back at Beacon for the Vytal Festival?

Ironwood could even have his scientists bug the heroes’ weapons too. I mean I’d assume they might have to be in order to be authorized to even use them within the kingdom walls, both in Atlas and even Mantle.

As I said before, what if...Ironwood really did give Ruby the real Relic back as a symbol of trust and also a test.

Like the real Relic is back with our heroes but Ironwood used other means to spy on them during their time at Atlas to ensure that the trust between them was being held up on their side.

I’m also concerned about Ironwood upgrading their weapons (without their prior knowledge and consent to be honest). If huntsmen have to be authorized to use their weapons in Atlas then…what’s stopping Ironwood from having his scientists introduce a kind of locking mechanism that immediately prohibits huntsmen from using their weapons with a touch of a button.

Like imagine...betrayal is in full effect and our heroes square up to oppose Ironwood in his office, only for him to casually push a button underneath desk.

The heroes all suddenly drop to the floor like flies as Ironwood turned their own upgraded weapons against them. Suddenly they’re all electrocuted on the spot by their own weapons. All except Nora who is immune to the shocks cause of her semblance. However she is then begrudgingly forced to surrender when one of the Ace Ups—Vine Zeki—takes Ren and threatens to snap his neck on orders from the General.

What do you think of that?

To reiterate, the Fake Relic theory is pretty cool. However I’m not so sure about it considering that it behaved exactly as normal. Like I said, I will need more proof from the show to see if the hunch holds up. But for now it’s a good one to leave on the table of possibilities along-with Ironwood potentially rigging our heroes’ weapons.

That’s my take. Hope that helps answer you Miki-chan!

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#miki-13 #squiggles answers #rwby theories #rwby volume 7 theories #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 7 spoilers

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mtvswatches · 6 years ago

Text

Jane the Virgin 1x09 Chapter Nine

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) This was sad…

NARRATOR: Like I said, Jane never forgot the night she wrote her first short story. It was the same night she learned dreams weren't practical. And so Jane kept hers a secret. But she never stopped dreaming.

I think it’s even sadder because this was a conversation she wasn’t supposed to hear, this message wasn’t supposed to be conveyed to her, you know? But it hit her hard, and even as a young girl, she made the decision to keep her dreams tucked away because dreams were a luxury she couldn’t afford.

2) I’m thinking Jane is the writer who wrote this story. Could the narrator be her own “voice”?

3) Oh, Jane…

JANE: The main character in the story, Lucy, is a feisty, single mom that wears booty shorts and entertains a revolving door of guys.

RAFAEL: Well, I'm sure your mom's got a sense of humor about herself, right?

JANE: There's a line in it that says she puts the "loose" in Lucy.

I wouldn’t publish it either, it would break Xiomara’s heart knowing that this is all her daughter sees in her and that she’s kind of slut-shaming her. Xiomara might not be a traditional mom, and she’s definitely flawed and made mistakes when bringing up Jane, but I truly think she’s a good mom. She loves Jane, and they have a very honest relationship. It is heartbreaking that Jane would boil her down to this.

4) #Rogeliomybrogelio is going to be my hashtag for Rogelio from now on.

5) OMG Paulina Rubio was on this show? Will all the Latin artists be on it? Because I’m here for it!

6) Michael thinks Rafael is Sin Rostro… Hmm. Would this show dare to go there, making its main male lead the Big Bad?

7) WTF Petra!

9) Is everything that comes out of Rogelio’s mouth iconic?

ROGELIO: A hug from Rogelio is like a rabbit's foot. Lucky, rare, and soft to the touch.

10) Why would you leave your hostage alone in the room, Petra? Dumb move. And of course, he’ll learn how to get the cuffs off by watching Rogelio’s telenovela.

11) Michael is cahooting with his shady brother in order to find evidence against Rafael. I’m guessing that won’t end well...

12) And now he’s offering his help to make the whole Petra thing go away. Okay, I’m not hating him this episode. So far.

13) Michael is being helpful and Rafael and Jane are disagreeing pretty much on everything… religion, how to raise the kid, money… Is there going to be a constant love triangle in this show? I mean, I know it is telenovela, and love triangles are a staple of the genre, but I’m not really a fan of them…

14) Mercer stole Rafael’s wallet, of course, he’s still as shady as he was in VM.

15) See why she’s a good mom? Before getting angry, she told Jane how proud she was that she was getting published.

JANE: You were always dating different guys.

XIOMARA: I didn't bring them home.

JANE: Doesn't mean I didn't know about them. And, you know, except for Anthony, no one ever really stuck.

XIOMARA: What do you remember about Anthony?

JANE: I liked him. He was funny, he made me laugh.

XIOMARA: Yeah, he did. And after he broke up with me, you were very sad. Do you remember that? I didn't want that to happen again, so after I kept things casual.

JANE: To protect me?

XIOMARA: Yeah.

16) She is a good mom, fight me.

JANE: I'm not going to sign that publishing consent form anyway.

XIOMARA: I signed it for you.

JANE: What?!

XIOMARA: I am not gonna be the reason that you miss your window.

17) OMG are we getting Magda’s backstory???

Holy shit, that’s some fucked up karma right there! She got acid thrown on her face AND she was run over by a car???

18) Passports, cash, a burner phone… how is Rafael going to explain that one?

19) Is Petra being real, though? I can never tell!!

You think I don't know what it means to struggle? Just like you, it's always been me and my mother. My father was trapped behind the iron curtain during the cold war. When I was a baby, he sent me and my mother off to west Germany. He was meant to follow. For five years, we waited for him. But he couldn't get out. And he died one week one week before the wall fell. I'll never forget that feeling. Losing someone, never getting the chance to know them. That's why I'm fighting for this baby.

I can tell Jane was actually moved, and to be honest, so was I. But I can never really figure out Petra. She doesn’t seem to be completely heartless, but she’s also extremely manipulative and deceitful and she knows how to play people like a fiddle. She definitely plays me!

20) I really hope Michael is not right, but it seems as though he might be…

MICHAEL: But, um, listen, I-I I do want to talk to you about him. Something's going on with him, something shady.

JANE: What? What are you talking about?

MICHAEL: I can't say. But trust me, Jane. I only want what's best for you.

JANE: Rafael said that you had it in for him. I said no.

MICHAEL: Well, there you go. You see, he said that to cover himself in case I said something.

JANE: Michael, stop.

MICHAEL: Jane. Jane, listen.

JANE: No, just stop.

MICHAEL: Something's off with this guy.

21) Who would’ve thought that the one moment Petra was honest would be her downfall?

22) I really hope Rogelio doesn’t win the award and he has an epic meltdown on live TV.

23) And the winner is…

24) Petra and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I honestly expected her to be involved in something darker. She was just a girl escaping from her psychopath ex-boyfriend, and that’s why she’d been paying Ivan. I really don’t know why she didn’t come clean to Rafael, it’s not as if she’d committed a crime. Well, except for identity theft. But it was kind of justified?

25) Xiomara met her Goddess!!

And honestly, based on her sweet words, she deserves to be her Goddess.

26) Same plot structure for these two as in the previous two episodes, how long are they going to do this?

RAFAEL: We're better together.

JANE: Really? Because I think the lesson is, is that we're very different, and there are a lot of things that are gonna come up because of that.

RAFAEL: No. Refer back to my lesson. We are better together.

Exactly the same! They start the episode being all lovey-dovey, then they have a disagreement and they feel the relationship is doomed, and then they reach a compromise and make-up. It’s kind of getting old. And boring. Three episodes in a row!

27) Awww!! Rogelio is all smitten because Jane had bet on him winning the award!

28) And Rogelio used his contacts to get Xiomara what she wants. Again. Am I the only one finding these plots repetitive? Especially when the writers are recycling plots from one or two episodes ago?

29) I really like how Jane encouraged her mom to take a chance with Rogelio.

30) What is up with Rafael?

Or did Mercer (sorry, I’m calling Michael’s brother that because I can’t remember his name) set the whole thing up to mess with Michael?

31) WTF

32) Alba is going to find the fucking hostage, isn’t she?

33) HOLY FUCK!!!

AND I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE COULD WALK!!

34) I enjoyed some of the twists and turns in this episode, but I feel like the writers are resorting to the same storylines to create conflict among the characters. I hope that is not a tendency and it’s just related to the fact that it is the show’s first season and they were still finding their footing. I do feel quite proud of myself for predicting Magda could walk. But what the fuck, she pushed Alba down the stairs?!!

35) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Jane the Virgin #Jane Villanueva #Gina Rodriguez #Paulina Rubio #Rogelio De la Vega #Jaime Camil #JTV recap #JTV 1x09 #MTVSwatches

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vanilla-bean-buttercream · 7 years ago

Text

Broken

Part of the “Illuminated” backstory arc

Parings: Minor Anxiet but it’s not end game, and one that doesn’t last long but will haunt you forever >w> Characters: Virgil Sanders, Deceit Sanders, Thomas Sanders Chapter warnings: Suicide attempts (yes plural), suicide mentions, self-depreciation, minor character death, emotional abuse, implied physical abuse, bigotry, knives, cutting, lying, I hope I’m not forgetting any sheesh this has a lot going for it Word Count: 3615

Summary:

In a world as cruel and hateful as this, what chance does Virgil have? Everything seems pinned against him, and as soon as he finds a glimmer of hope, fate snuffs it out.

It’s something that left him so broken, no one would be able to pick up the pieces.

Author’s note:

IF. YOU. ARE. TRIGGERED. BY. SUICIDE. OR. TALK. OF. SUICIDE. PLEASE. HEED. THE. WARNINGS!!!!

Seriously guys, it happens twice!! There’s a whole section on the end that is almost a double suicide, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt. It’s even describes the planning, so please, PLEASE, be careful :(

I wasn’t kidding when I said Virgil was worse than Patton (still not as bad as Roman though, but apparently that’s up to debate too >w>)

So… without further ado… enjoy~

A child should want to emulate their parents, right?

Virgil, ever since he was little, never wanted to. He couldn’t remember a kind word from them, from the pictures he colored that ended up in the trash to the medal he won for winning the spelling bee placed on a shelf without a word. Nothing he ever did was good enough.

All they seemed to care about was judging their neighbors.

He couldn’t see what the fuss was about. The woman on the end of the street made cookies every weekend. She made lemonade whenever Virgil was hot from playing in the park, and she always waved to Virgil when he walked by the house.

But because she had a fausmark, she was apparently “evil” according to his parents.

Her son was just as much fun to be around, and he had a fausmark too. The only thing evil about Remy was he cheated at hide-and-seek, but that was it.

He’d never forget how angry his parents got when they found out he’d been playing with a devil child.

They must’ve screamed at Remy’s mother for a good half hour, threatening that if she and her son ever came near Virgil again, they’d have them arrested or some adult stuff like that. Virgil was no longer allowed to play in the park either.

Of course, he would sneak out to go play anyway.

Sometimes Remy was there, and sometimes he wasn’t, but he often found someone to play with. Occasionally it was a kid in glasses who always shared his cookies, and sometimes it was two brothers who usually stayed at the top of the slide the whole time, but usually, Remy was there with that babysitter who never paid attention. He didn’t care. Remy and he would always get into some sort of adventure to entertain themselves.

Around Remy, Virgil didn’t worry about his spirit getting broken.

And then his parents found a job at the other end of the state.

Virgil swore it was to keep him away from Remy, but he could never find the proof. They moved to a more rural area, one with more trees than people, and Virgil had no one nearby to play with.

“It’s for the best,” they’d tell him.

Virgil entertained himself by climbing trees as high as he could go. He loved the freedom of standing on a high branch, feeling the wind in his hair, and enjoying the thrill in his stomach from cheating death this high up. Most things scared him, but heights… they held a special fear. Virgil couldn’t describe it. It felt right to be this high up, and with how many times Virgil was told he was wrong, escaping all his problems to a high tree branch filled him with purpose.

At least up here, he could escape his parent’s judgment.

As Virgil went to school, he was horrified to find a lot of his classmates thought the same way his parents did. This left him with almost no friends and a lot of fights defending a poor girl with a fausmark on her shoulder. Cassie was so sweet, and Virgil couldn’t stand how she was bullied.

How many times were his parents called to the office on his behalf? How many times did the teachers tell him to stay away from her, saying she cursed his very existence, and he should forget about her? How many times had he held her while she cried into his shoulder?

Virgil lost count, but he couldn’t let Cassie drown in this broken world by herself.

The two of them would walk home from school every day, even if it was a mile walk from the school to Virgil’s house. The taunting on the bus got too unbearable, and the bus driver either ignored it or didn’t care enough to stop it.

Even the walks home weren’t safe. People would yell slurs from their porch as they walked by. Cassie always held her head high, but Virgil could see the tears lining her eyes.

These people made Virgil sick. How could they be so cruel to a nine-year-old child?

His parents threatened him to stay away from her. They took his phone. They watched his Internet chats. They started picking him up after school and requesting he was put in a different class. However, just like with Remy, Virgil always found a way to sneak around them and be there for Cassie.

“I’m not worth it,” she’d say, noting the bruise on Virgil’s cheek the next day.

“You are to me,” Virgil would reply.

Being around Cassie felt so right. He hated how the world told him it was wrong. She was kind, always sharing half of her stuff with Virgil. She went out of her way to save ladybugs from puddles, pushed him on the swings when he fell and broke his leg, and helped him with the math homework he never understood. She was his best friend.

She was the first one who told him about the markings on his back.

Virgil wished he could see the white, beautiful markings Cassie spoke so highly of. However, with no phone, he couldn’t take a picture. In a way, Virgil felt cheated of his birthright. There was no way he’d be showing it to his parents anytime soon. They kept telling him as soon as he got one, they’d be putting him in a traveling soulmate program to help him find his.

He didn’t want a soulmate. He wanted Cassie.

That’s why he found himself stumbling over a confession when they turned fourteen. Virgil’s heart pounded as he told her, and Cassie started crying, but other than that, it went smoothly.

The two met at Cassie’s house any time they could. He cherished the taste of her peppermint chapstick, how she held onto Virgil two seconds longer when they hugged, and how he wished she had a soulmark that would glow around him.

He wished he’d cherished her longer.

Like his parents, a lot of people said their relationship was taboo, not just because Cassie had a fausmark but because Virgil didn’t glow around her. People could be so heartless when it came to people they didn’t understand.

That’s why, when a gang of teens surrounded Virgil, he wasn’t surprised to see it turn into a knife fight.

He fought as hard as he could. He got cut across the arm, along his side, deep in his leg, and across his nose. They could cut him all they wanted, but it wouldn’t cut the bond he and Cassie had.

At least, that’s what he thought.

As Cassie came to his defense, one of the teens got her in the lung. The choked noise she made clogged Virgil’s ears and suffocated him. The cowards ran off, letting Cassie bleed out on the ground. Virgil held her close. He struggled to pick her and himself up, but with his injuries, every move felt like torture. Still, it couldn’t match the pain his heart radiated.

“I’m glad you’re the last person I get to see,” Cassie told Virgil as she brought him down to her level for one last kiss. “I love you.”

Virgil sat there all night, holding her in his arms and crying. No one came to see what was wrong. No one thought to save the poor child bleeding out on the ground. They shut their windows, locked their doors, and ignored them. One less demon child.

Virgil’s heart was broken, and he was sure he’d never get it back together.

He was the only one besides her parents who showed up at her funeral. He watched them bury the only person who ever truly loved him into the ground, along with a promise to never love someone as much as he did her. The only thing he had left of her was the peppermint chapstick that was in her pocket. He swore he’d wear it every day, just to be a little closer to her, to keep her memory alive.

His parents said her death was for the best. It broke any ties Virgil had to his parents.

Unfortunately, having to go to the doctors after losing too much blood resulted in his parents finding out about his soulmark. They were disappointed it was on his back, but at least he had one. They told him it meant he was an untrustworthy person. They told him people with soulmarks on their back lied, and they were nothing but criminals. It was almost as bad as having a fausmark.

Funny, Cassie spoke so highly of back soulmarks.

Regardless, his parents said if he didn’t find his soulmate within the next year, he’d be shipped off to a traveling soulmate school to find his match. Virgil tried running, but they always found him. He was watched everywhere he went. To school, in school, after school. Virgil couldn’t escape his fate.

Virgil counted down the days to the end of his life. He had a calendar, and he knew exactly how he was going to go. At least this way he could be with Cassie for the rest of his life. She’d be waiting with him with open arms. Of course, she’d probably be upset with how he got there, but hopefully, she’d forgive him. A rope’s mark would probably never fade, but it was better than being roped into this hell.

And then a weird kid with a set of cards sat next to him.

At first, he didn’t want to be his friend. He couldn’t leave anyone to miss him in this world, but the guy insisted.

“You like magic?” he asked. Virgil tried to ignore him, but he was persistent. “Pick a card. Any card.”

He didn’t know what magic overtook him, but Virgil decided against his better judgment to humor him.

The trick took him by surprise. Virgil was sure he knew how it worked, but he could never catch just how the trick was done. This kid was good, and Virgil found himself asking for more.

Trick after trick, he magically wound up weaving his way into Virgil’s heart.

Virgil wasn’t sure when, but he started to develop feelings for this Belial kid. He’d never replace Cassie, but he definitely filled a broken hole in Virgil’s heart.

He found himself forgetting about that calendar.

He also found the mark on Belial’s chest glowing one day.

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. He wished he could see it, but with its location, it was impossible. Was it glowing too? What color was it? Well, he knew the resting color was black, as it faded from the white color when Cassie died, but he wanted to know his glow color. He wanted to see what his soul said about him.

He waited patiently for Belial to tell him as he lifted his shirt up. He’d never forget the way his fingers ghosted over his back and sent shivers down his spine. Belial spoke as highly of his soulmark as Cassie did, bringing a familiar feeling of warmth through the ice in his blood.

He didn’t feel quite as broken as his parents claimed him to be.

Those three months with Belial were amazing. He felt refreshed! There was now a purpose to this world. Belial would shower him with affection, praising his soulmark and everything about his body, from his protruding ribs to his thin frame to his gorgeous violet eyes. He kissed away every tear, stayed with him during anxiety attacks, and told him no matter what, he’d cherish him forever. They were soulmates, after all, he told him.

Still, with all that beauty, he should’ve known something was wrong.

For some reason, Belial wouldn’t take a picture of his soulmark. He wouldn’t come around his parents, despite his parents wanting to meet him and keep Virgil here. Didn’t he understand they were ready to send him away? Didn’t he know that if Belial didn’t prove they were soulmates, they’d never see each other again? Why wouldn’t he fight to keep Virgil here?

And then, while over at Belial’s house one day, he got his answer.

It was all a lie.

Virgil’s world caved in on itself. He trusted him. He loved him. And here he was, deceiving him like Virgil was one of his magic tricks. What else was a lie? Were all those words just empty whispers? Did he even care about Virgil at all?

Virgil’s trust in Belial’s words was broken beyond all repair.

He stormed out of his house, closing himself off. He should’ve stayed alone. He was better off alone.

Virgil ran. And he ran. He ran until he couldn’t run anymore, leaving his past and everything in it behind him. He was on his own now, lost and trying to survive. Somehow, he made it back to his old town. He had only one place he knew he’d be safe.

Raising a cautious hand, he knocked on the door.

He’d never forget the surprise on her mother’s face, or how she held his too thin frame and stroked his sobs away. He’d never forget how her father fought for Virgil’s custody and eventually won. He never forgot how Cassie’s room looked, or what it felt like to be loved.

He’d never forgot how the home he never thought he’d have would become his reality.

Despite being home, he couldn’t bring himself to go back to that school that disowned him. He couldn’t face those bullies, the ones who took Cassie’s life, or this horrible town. Cassie’s parents home-schooled him, making sure he got the education he needed. He may not have got his diploma until he was 19, but it was in an environment where he was loved and supported.

If only they would stop pitying that black soulmark on his back.

Eventually, that pity pushed him to find his own apartment and live by himself again. He thanked Cassie’s parents for everything they did for him, but he couldn’t stand the idea of being judged anymore. He got a run-down apartment, picked up a low paying job at a local grocery store, and started to make his way in the world.

It wasn’t the best living condition, but it was his. At least the fire escape at his window lead to the roof so he could brood in peace.

Virgil hated how he didn’t trust in or want to be loved in fear that it’d disappear. He wrote about it often, pouring his emotions into poetry and eventually getting the courage to post them online.

He didn’t expect the love and praise he’d receive from it.

Virgil built a strong online community, often getting letters from people who empathized with his story and made them feel a little less lonely. He loved them all. He got advice letters, asking how he dealt with feeling lonely, how to survive after a soulmate died (which he couldn’t help but he could at least lead them to therapy), and what to do when your parents hated you.

He even built a strong relationship with another writer who wrote about losing love so often Virgil felt bad for the guy. The person told him how he lost both of his parents at a young age, and he lost his legal guardian to cancer. He had no luck finding his soulmate or anyone who would stick with him long. Virgil could at least understand that much. He tried his best to support the guy, and their friendship online was well known on Tumblr.

And then at once, his world came crashing down.

The store Virgil worked at started cutting back their employees, as they were going bankrupt. Virgil was thankful he saved money on the side, but it would only keep his apartment for three months minimum. He dropped his internet service, losing the community he worked so hard to build. He cut back on meals, barely getting 500 calories a day, to try for at least one more month of shelter while he searched for a job.

Virgil was losing time, and no one wanted to give him any of theirs.

That’s what had him standing on the ledge of his apartment building, ready to leap into taking back control of his life. He watched the busy traffic below him, his stomach backflipping. The thrill of being up high when he was younger now made him heavy with fear. His foot teetered over the edge, and Virgil squeezed his eyes tight.

Just do it. Come on.

“Hey-”

The soft voice nearly pushed him over the edge. Virgil’s head twisted around. A boy about his age stood with his hands held up in defense, maybe a few feet away.

“Stay away from me,” Virgil hissed.

“Okay,” he replied, “I’ll stay here as long as you stay there. Sound good?”

Virgil’s eyes searched him for any tricks, but he decided to trust him.

“My name is Thomas,” he continued. “I live in the apartment next to you. I think you knocked on my wall when I was singing at 3 am one time?”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I remember you. Don’t you sleep?”

“I have insomnia, so it’s kind of hard. Sometimes singing puts me out, and sometimes it doesn’t. What about you? You have any problems sleeping?”

“Nightmares,” Virgil replied.

“Wanna talk about them?” Thomas asked. “I could help, maybe? I know a pretty cool therapist who works at the coffee shop down the street. He may specialize in soulmark studies, but he’s a great guy, and I’m sure he could help.”

Virgil snuffed. “There’s no help in the world that could fix me.”

I’m too broken.

Thomas shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked away. The lost look in his eyes nearly kicked Virgil in the stomach. He hated seeing people feel helpless.

“Look,” Virgil continued. “You seem like a cool guy, and I wouldn’t want you to get mixed up with me, so why don’t you go back to your room and leave me alone.”

Thomas set his jaw. He started walking toward Virgil.

“H-hey! You said if-”

“I know what I said,” Thomas replied. He stood far away from Virgil and climbed onto the ledge as well. Virgil’s heart pounded in his chest. What was this guy doing?

“Get down!” Virgil yelled.

Thomas took in a deep breath. “Why?”

“Because!” Virgil spoke, but he couldn’t think of a good reason. “Just, don’t.”

“But why?” Thomas’s brown eyes glanced over at him, a sad smile on his face. “My life’s pretty unimportant. No one would miss me either, so if you jump, I might as well too.”

Virgil’s stomach twisted. This was a trick, wasn’t it? He wouldn’t really jump… would he? Virgil swallowed. What a dirty trick indeed. Stupid reverse psychology. Stupid doubt. Stupid will to protect others from suffering the way he did. Two could play this game.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Virgil replied. “You get down, and then I’ll get down too, okay?”

Thomas weighed his options for a moment and nodded his head. “You first.”

Virgil growled deep in his throat. Still, even if he did leave, he could always come back and try again later. But he couldn’t jump knowing this guy’s life was going with him.

“Okay,” Virgil said and stepped back onto the building’s roof again. “Okay, I’m down. Now you.”

Thomas turned. His foot slipped, and Virgil rushed forward. His hand caught a sweaty palm, and he grabbed onto Thomas’s other free hand. The traffic sounded louder than the pulse in Virgil’s ears.

“Hold on,” Virgil spoke as he struggled to pull Thomas up. Thomas’s feet scraped against the brick as he tried to help. Eventually, the two of them collapsed onto the building’s roof. Virgil stared at the sky and took in deep breaths. His heart pounded and shook his body.

“Thanks,” Thomas said as he turned his head to smile at Virgil.

“What was that?!” Virgil snapped. “You almost got yourself killed.” I wasn’t worth that.

“Yeah,” Thomas replied too nonchalantly for Virgil’s liking. “Good thing you were here to catch me.”

The two ended up staying in the same room that night, too shaken to trust the other by themselves. Virgil found himself staying night after night, keeping an eye on Thomas. Keeping some sort of purpose he never expected to have.

After a week, Thomas approached him and asked if he’d split rent for their room.

“I don’t have anything to pay you with,” Virgil replied and looked away.

“You know,” Thomas spoke. “My employer at the coffee shop is looking for help. It’s a library too, so it’ll be quiet, something that might be good for your anxiety. Plus, Logan is pretty good at putting his employees first, so if you need a break, he’d be glad to give it to you when you need it. What do you say?”

Virgil weighed his options. On one hand, it sounded like a nice opportunity. He could get back on his feet. But what if it ended up like his last job? He couldn’t face a second blunder like that, and he had no doubt Thomas wouldn’t be able to afford his company.

The ledge was always there though.

Still, Virgil nodded. He agreed to meet this Logan the next morning before the rush came in, and Thomas said he’d even put a good word in for him. Virgil was thankful, even if he didn’t feel he deserved it. A little normalcy, no matter how little, would be nice.

He’d do anything to feel a little less broken in this life.

The Illuminated AU Master List

#my fics #illuminated fics

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zxtsubxu-moved-blog · 8 years ago

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No one sent this in but I wanna do it anyways-

Playlist for Naegi and Sayaka’s relationship aka Naegi being Salty™

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing - Set it Off

Beware, beware, be skeptical Of their smiles, their smiles of plated gold Deceit so natural But a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning

Tell me how you're sleeping easy How you're only thinking of yourself Show me how you justify Telling all your lies like second nature Listen, mark my words: one day (one day) You will pay, you will pay Karma's gonna come collect your debt Aware, aware, you stalk your prey With criminal mentality You sink your teeth into the people you depend on Infecting everyone, you're quite the problem Fee-fi-fo-fum, you better run and hide I smell the blood of a petty little coward Jack, be lethal, Jack, be slick Jill will leave you lonely dying in a filthy ditch

I’d Rather Drown - Set it Off

Thanks for treating me like every boy you meet So please come in and take a seat Here's the part when I learn, and you will teach On how to treat people like a piece of meat I want a genuine, not a replica Lethal medicine, a pin to the cornea A sight for sore eyes While other guys consume the lie, I'll run and hide No doors exist on my fortress The only entrance is the one I bear You're nothing more than a temptress I fell victim to a heartless snare Burn the bitch down I never will cross that bridge again I cannot trust you easily Or think that I'm the only one I never let people in, and I have you to remind me why So baby burn the bitch down I never will cross that bridge again I'd rather drown

I Don’t Love You - My Chemical Romance

Well, after all the blood that you still owe Another dollar's just another blow So fix your eyes and get up Better get up While you can Whoa, whoa When you go Would you even turn to say, "I don't love you Like I did Yesterday."

Let It Burn - Red

I watch the city burn These passions slowly smoldering A lesson never learned Only violence Is your world just a broken promise? Is your love just a drop of rain? Will we all just burn like fire? Are you still there? Tell me now... ...can you stand the pain? How long will you hide your face? How long will you be afraid? Are you afraid? How long will you play this game? Will you fight or will you walk away? How long will you let it burn? Let it burn Let it burn

#A Terrible Catastrophe; Played by a Symphony || Audio

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lev0112358 · 5 years ago

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Can we please stop quoting Rev. Dr. King out of context to justify rioting? If you haven't read or watched his speech, "The Other America" and are just sharing that single sentence because it's Martin Luther King saying something that seems relevant to today, stop. Go read or watch. He's providing a REASON, he's not saying it's desirable, good, productive, or in any way helpful. In fact, in the immediately preceding text he says exactly the opposite. And anyway, if he actually thought rioting was an effective tactic, does Rev. Dr. King REALLY seem like the kind of person who would sit it out? Because he did just that. Willing to get beaten and jailed for protesting, but find me one picture of him taking part in a riot and I'll cede the whole argument.

His point is that riots are inevitable when the voices of oppressed peoples go unheard despite repeated calls for change and for their needs to be met. And like him, I'm refusing to condemn either the riots or the rioters. Full stop. Who among us has shown the leadership to address their concerns? Who has listened? Who has acted? I don't what else the people in the streets could possibly be doing right now. Ironically, though, it's probably one of the safest places for a black person to be right now.

My real point in this is just to make some observations about some of the things that I see a lot of white folks doing in the name of ally-ship that are pretty troubling to me. Now I don't really claim to know the first thing about all this, so I'll invite any discussion on it (assuming anyone on facebook reads this far). These are just things I've been trying to process over the last few days that don't quite sit right in my own heart, that deceitful and wicked organ.

- Not too long ago we had a word we used to describe a bunch of white people getting around to passively watch a black man's murder. Can we please stop sharing traumatizing videos of black people being humiliated, tortured, and killed and then using those videos as a segue into broadcasting how brokenhearted, outraged, incredulous, etc. we are? Our private outrage isn't an excuse for sharing another person's humiliation, suffering, and death millions of times. Especially not without the consent of him or his family, who had to relive his final moments who-knows-how-many times so that strangers could relieve themselves of rage over some misplaced sense of decency. And don't tell me it's spreading awareness. There are other ways. And anyone who has been paying attention the last 30 years is already aware. They will believe you if you describe it. Let's not call laziness just.

- I think one of the parts of white privilege we don't explore much is how to translate the subtleties of white power structures. Maybe that's because we don't spend a lot of time thinking about our privilege as white folks, let alone how it's constructed and protected. Hell, maybe this isn't necessary, maybe black folks and poc can already see it. But I've been especially disappointed at how many white folks show up to these protests and/or riots and partake in the looting and/or destruction of property. I understand that riots are much more nuanced than they at first appear (that rioters almost never attack libraries, for example, but tend to focus on institutions that represent economically, politically, or socially oppressive ideologies), but those white people have got to know that it's black faces that are going to show up on the news. Participating, furthering, or even instigating (if the reports are true) rioting hurts the cause for equality. White people get to go home anonymously afterwords. But in a very real and direct sense, a riot CANNOT be separated from the extrajudicial murder. They are part of the same system. No matter the motivation for rioting - even WITH a good motive, which they DO have! - we have got to be clear, as Dr. King was, that riots are SELF-DEFEATING. Rioting fuels the narrative that black people are violent and dangerous and that black people in groups are lawless, savage gangs because it is almost a foregone conclusion that poc will be the ones the media broadcasts on the nightly news. DO NOT hear me saying that I believe this is true. But it is the narrative, even if it is a lie. And that narrative, when it has examples it can point to, is the narrative cops turn to when they use the "I feared for my life" defense. In other words, when white people start riots at protests for racial equality, the system survives, white people go home, and black people pick up the tab. If we want to explain why riots happen, great. Go for it. But if any of us are or know someone who is going to these rallies and inciting or fanning violence, I think we've got to confront that behavior.

- Have you forgiven Derek Chauvin? If your cry for justice requires a victim, requires blood, then you are crying out for vengeance, not justice. Don't confuse the two. Don't equivocate. Calls for vengeance leaves the system in place. Systems of violence, systems of oppression, dehumanize both the oppressor and the oppressed. We have a system in place that put Derek Chauvin and George Floyd together in a situation that a true "justice" system should have prevented from even being a probability. No matter who Derek Chauvin was or appears to us now to be, the role he played in the death of George Floyd was a ROLE crafted by a SYSTEM, a role that put him in a position to make decisions no one should even have access to, nor the power to execute. And he was at the intersection of several different systems at the same time.

I don't say this in any way to suggest that what he allegedly did (I believe in presuming a man's innocence until proven guilty in a court of law) was not wrong, or that he may even have known he was in the process of taking a man's life, or even less to mitigate the severity of what he did. Exactly the opposite. It's because of the severity of this act that I say it is as close to an imperative as possible that we forgive Derek Chauvin. Not because he is innocent, otherwise it would not be forgiveness. Because forgiving him breaks the system that NEEDS vengeance to exist. That is the very same system that Chauvin invoked in the murder of George Floyd. The system that says "this person doesn't deserve..." because I/We say so.

We’ve done nothing noble in demanding vengeance. Even beasts understand vengeance. The noble, the human thing, is to enlarge the heart and begin to see how a murderer is also a victim. They have victimized themself by denying themselves access to the only person who could look them in the eyes and say “I forgive you for what you have done to me.” I hope someone in Floyd’s family finds the courage and a strong enough love some somewhere beyond the realm of human understanding and can offer Chauvin that forgiveness on behalf of George Floyd. Imagine what a powerful statment that would make, what a loving message, what a testament that another world IS indeed possible.

I realize, of course, I can't ask anyone to agree with me on this. Not only is it such a wildly "fringe" viewpoint that I'm sure I must look eccentric at best or heartless at worst, it's also something every person needs to work out for themselves. We rarely feel more righteous than we are presented with someone who has done something that can almost universally be recognized as evil. And that's our right - to privately entertain the thought that someone else's evil absolves us of our own. But that's the system that got George Floyd killed and I've not heard evidence to the contrary. I hope everyone will at least take the time to consider whether they can forgive him. For OUR sake as much or more than for his.

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