#anyway FUCK simone all my homies hate simone

[maratsbathtub]

And here comes Simone Evrard with a steel wooden chair!!!

this is what I wish had happened...

[misanthropologymajor]

Red October

With the UK Phillies game incoming, I've been thinking about how the 141 would react to a Phillies Girl (tm) as a part of the crew

in case someone else who is really into the Phillies is also into COD x reader fanfiction. I think I may be the only member of my target audience wc: 430

"Baseball season in a different time zone than your team is cruel and unusual punishment"

It wasn't entirely fair to say they hadn't noticed your fondness towards the Phillies

It was that none of them could have ever understood how deep Phillies fans cared about the Fightins'

God help them when your "Chase fucking Utley" brought your team across the pond

"Wait, hen, what are all of those numbers?"

Leaning on Johnny while explaining just how statistics-heavy baseball is- "That one's their batting average. It's how many times they make a base hit divided by how many times they go up to the plate." He doesn't get how you keep track of them all

"Simon, if you're awake anyway, would you help me set up my VPN so I can get the game?" "It's midnight, birdie." "So?" "You're gonna watch a two an' a half hour game now?" "Simon, it's the Phils!"

"What the actual fuck is that green thing?" "Garrick, I can't believe your tone with the Phanatic. He's the most perfect mascot on the planet." John walked in with that, laughing at the passion of your words and the zoomed-in picture of the awkward green mascot. "Dovie, didn' you say that about tha' orange one?" "Gritty and the Phanatic share that title. Fuck that Sixers dog, though." (Franklin the dog scares the shit out of me)

Getting tickets to the London Series, where they're even more confused by Mr and Miss Met. (fuck the mets all my homies hate the mets)

"But why are they baseballs? The whole thing is that they hit baseballs." "Gaz, I don't know. I try my best to avoid thinking about the Mets if at all possible." "Gaz, what do you have against American mascots?" "Cap, at least our mascots are discernable." "Gaz you're literally a Manchester fan, what the actual hell are Moonchester and Moonbeam supposed to be."

Loading them up in Phillies merch- totally for them and definitely not because you want more Phillies gear

"We're spending four hours of our leave today sitting in the sun watching an American sport in London." "Lt, this isn't for us." "Be grateful your gaiter and cap aren't bright red, Simon. I took mercy on you."

"Why is that grey-haired guy so special, Dovie?" "John! That's Chase Utley- he's literally the jersey you're wearing!" "Why's the Cap got the only old guy?" "I'm literally wearing a Kruk jersey. He's 63. Silverfox is only 45." "Dovie, you called him Silverfox!"

If they think the regular season is bad, they won't survive Red October (or Eagles Season... or Eagles Postseason)

[fauvestictragedy]

this isnt au stuff mb but im just so hyped someone is actually in the room fandom!!!! i recently just binged all 4 games (recently as in finished 4 like 30 minutes ago) bc of the summer sale making the bundle super cheap and it kills me how its story isnt more popular, especially for how old and iconic it is. i just wanted to say hi to a fellow room fan, and i would absolutely love to hear anything about your au you wanna share! have a good day!

Hello there, fellow fan.

Autism goes fucking insane man.

Something something random hyperfix on absolutely unspoken characters from the series: See, Dr. Beckett (his first name is Adam to me.)

The protagonist is actually just Trevor Pinerod, an old OC of mine, he just gets used as Tag because I could NOT be bothered to make a new character design. Anyways, as he is also a man with a medical degree, he’s homies with Beckett, and works with him, as the top doctor at a hospital, which Beckett now runs following what happened with Lucy Montfaucon. (fun fact: originally Trevor and Beckett were supposed to hate each other, but we got bored and now they are the best of friends. Take what you will with that. They be dropping the hardest lines of all time and oh my god they kill me ouuuuuugh)

Anyways, fun fact is that a lot of what I’m working with is built alongside @scylla-and-charybdis-posts and @balencia (Rose, and Deity.) !! We actually are just a few RPers who don’t know how we got here over the last two years.

Rose is responsible for a large portion of Dr. Beckett’s writing, and I just am the one who does the funny art. You’ll also occasionally see Rigby, Robert, or McAllister too, as I did designs for the last two like two days ago, and I just like Rigby. I also have Hirst, Montfaucon, Lucy, and Hydrus with designs, as well as Simon and A.S. Maggey has one but we actually know what she looks like 100% pretty much.

Anyways here’s your content. My asks are ALWAYS open for TR related thoughts, and I have a separate ask blog for my Pokémon AU!!

Thanks for reaching out man, I’m the only artist around the fandom 95% of the time, and I may be crazy but I gotta feed y’all one way or another.

- Les Fauves

[justsomeguy-cassavetes]

so rocco and his brothers is a film i watched and have some very strong opinions about

[beevean]

One thing that I never understood in Spirit of Justice is when Trucy is accused of Murder. Miles decides to give the affair to Nahyuta. A guy who HATES defense attorney, who will fight until the end for send a defendant to prison. He could have given the affair to Klavier or Simon (who have open minds and who would have knew that Trucy was innocent) but no "l going to let this savage guy being the prosecutor in a trial where the Phoenix's daugther is accused, good idea" WHY MILES?

(second part of my ask about Nahyuta) I said that he's a savage because of how he speaks to attorney, but also how he has triggered Athena"s trauma in PURPOSE (he knew what he did when he has triggered it). Really I never liked Nahyuta. I know that he had reasons but....he's so harsh and cruel with his words. =(

Wasn't established in SOJ that, after Miles fired all the corrupt prosecutors, he was left with very few people? That's why, in-game, Nahyuta has to travel back and forth two distant countries in the span of a few days. I guess Simon and Klavier have been particularly busy as well? And rip franziska of course, i hope you're having fun in the void of forgotten characters. maybe she's whipping gumshoe there.

Anyway, I genuinely believe Nahyuta was meant to be a much nicer person during development.

During Case 2 he's presented in a more human way. He's described as fair, as someone who can predict the flow of trials, as a gentle guy with a sharp tongue - almost like the male version of a yamato nadeshiko. Ema loves him and she insists he's so nice to her, off-screen of course (and this is the same woman who can't stand Klavier). He also gets his funnier lines here, such as "What's-a-crack-a-lackin' homie", implying his "quirk" would be the contrast between his holy appearance and the silly way he approaches Japanifornian culture.

Aaaaaaaand then all goes up in smoke when he becomes an annoying holier-than-thou "twist hero" who, aside from not shutting the hell up about how "putrid" we are and how much we will be punished in hell for doing our jobs, does lovely shit like deliberately putting the gallery against Athena (a girl he has absolutely no beef against, away from Ga'ran's eyes and ears - and that's not mentioning how Athena has specific trauma related to people turning against her in courtroom, something that has come up in a trial a year prior and therefore information easily accessible to the well-read Nahyuta) and insisting that a young girl is a ruthless murder not because he has decisive proof, but because he really wants to win against the putrid defense lawyers. The whole "can predict the flow of trials" thing? Never mentioned again, it just comes up as unfounded arrogance. Funny humanizing lines? Where? After Case 2 he is by far the unfunniest prosecutor in the series - even Manfred fucking von Karma had some stupid lines like "I set my pin number to 0001 because I'm number one"!

And yes, I know Nahyuta was ~secretly a good guy all along <3~ (although I doubt Edgeworth knew about his tragic backstory when he assigned him to Trucy's case), but you motherfucker, you stood aside and let hundreds of innocent people die, you tormented innocent girls in a country far away from your own, to protect your sister from a fate that you and your dad have shown to endure just fine? You can't come to me like "sorry for being mean for 2.5 cases but it was all a lie i swear :(", that's not remotely as compelling as other prosecutors actually evolving throughout the game. Do you think people would care about Edgeworth as much as they do now if it was revealed that von Karma forced him to be the Demon Prosecutor and he was secretly sad about it but still tried to send his childhood friend to the gallows? It's the fact that he starts out as earnestly believing his duty was to find guilty as many people as possible, and then changing his mind thanks to Phoenix' (i.e. the player's) help, that makes you feel so bad for his predicament at the end of the game!

tl;dr: i don't like nahyuta either.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Raphael and madzie!! please I will sell you my firstborn for some Raphael and madzie content. Like him babysitting and sleepovers and playing dress up and watching Disney movies together. Raphael wearing this tiara and him and madzie playing together. Baking and singing together, going on trips to the park together and Raphael just being so happy.-

-Like if you think about it they are technically cousins🤔 with the whole found family thing, Catarina and Magnus are siblings Raphael is Magnus’ son ergo madzie and Raphael are cousins but they still think of each other as siblings. Raphael is her big brother! Please🥺

ok anon i hope you know that you are literally my new favorite person in the whole wide world and this ask is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i will literally never shut the fuck up about raphael and madzie i will make this brotp a thing if it KILLS me just you watch

idk if id say they are technically cousins because i don’t know if catarina and magnus consider themselves siblings - definitely family for sure, but i get the feeling it’s more of a “generic” family feeling rather than a Specific Dynamic you know? but either way this is found family so it’s not like family tree/architecture is actually that stiff and matters that much, RAPHAEL IS MADZIE’S BIG BRO idc

and it’s literally canon that raphael is the best, most thoughtful, caring and dedicated older brother so like!!! honestly it’s what madzie deserves. she has a wonderful mom (two if you subscribe to dotarina raising madzie together <3) and underful uncles and a wonderful brother who is always on her side and would do anything for her, and that! is! fantastic! 

especially because like madzie is implied to be used to big families, since iris was going around making an army of warlocks basically lmao and like of course that was an abusive family dynamic but the point is that she was used to having siblings. but she was also implied to be the eldest and now she is the youngest! and she gets to have a nice big bro who takes care of her and plays with her and has her as a priority and i just 🥺🥺🥺

and god not to be a slut for raphael and rosa but i picture raphael just telling madzie all that he could about rosa?? you know??? he’s all like “you have an older sister too, you know? it’s a shame you never got to meet” and madzie kind of tilts her head and asks him to tell her about it. so raphael does. he sits down with her and shows her pictures of the both of them together from their childhood up until her death, and he tells her all the stories he possibly can. he says, “she would have loved you just as much as me. she always wanted to be someone’s older sister. said she wanted to take care of them like i take care of her” and madzie is all like “she sounds sweet. i wanted to know her, too” and raphael tears up slightly and he’s like “yeah. yeah. me too, cariño” and she hugs him

and like not to slut over this but i like to think that raphael teaches madzie about the monarch butterflies and día de los muertos and one day they are playing outside and a monarch lands on madzie?? and madzie calls it “rosa” and the butterfly is just flying over her head, alternating between her and raphael, for the whole afternoon? and raphael chokes up. fuck it all the legends are true, i love this alright

just like.... obviously raphael’s relationship with madzie is not some kind of substitute for his relationship with rosa, because madzie deserves better than that and no one can be rosa but rosa. raphael loves madzie for madzie, because she is sweet but fierce, extremely intelligent and with a playful/slightly mischievous (in a good way) side that is slowly blooming as time goes by and she heals from her abuse more and more. she is also good, endlessly caring, kind, compassionate, imaginative, affectionate. madzie is madzie and that’s all she needs to be. but the idea that raphael has someone to share rosa with, even if madzie obviously doesn’t feel about her the same way raphael did as they never met, but to bring her into this new family in a way... and let madzie knows that she also has another sibling looking out for her, even if from another plane... that’s nice and good food okay. and i think madzie would want to know about her, just like she tells raphael about her other siblings from when she lived with iris, even if they never got to be too close (cuz i doubt iris would risk letting them become very close and eventually realize her abuse and possibly rebel against her) 

maybe it’s madzie herself who brings it up, she asks raphael about the pictures in his home or about his “ave rosa” plaque 🥺 and he tells her about it and makes sure that she knows that he doesn’t love rosa more or less than he does madzie, just differently. they are both his little sisters no matter what

anyway! onto more rapha&madzie focused headcanons. first of all you are so correct about playing dress up and shit, raphael is a SIMP and a sucker for his lil sis so he absolutely will wear a tiara if she asks no questions asked. simon sees it one time and he doesn’t even consider making fun of him because raphael shoots him a glare that absolutely reads as “i double dare you, motherfucker”. not because uwu girly stuff just because he has this whole serious vibe and there he is with a tiara and tiny braids. we stan

also look i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, raphael absolutely learns how to handle black/kinky hair for madzie. he was used to doing rosa’s hair but that was very likely straight or just wavy hair. madzie’s hair texture is different and raphael makes it a point to learn everything he can about how to take care of it and make hairstyles that she might like and won’t hurt her, okay? and yes i know that madzie straightens her hair but i like to think that over time she stops. i kinda headcanon that one of the reasons she did it was to look closer to iris, plus just the fact that as a white abuser i doubt she exactly planted it on madzie to love her natural hair. but over time living with catarina and being closer to a mostly-poc family and seeing maia and other beautiful black women with their natural hair and/or afro hairstyles, she stops straightening it, and everyone encourages her, raphael included. he even uses that, like, “i’ve been learning how to do these hairstyles for you, you know” and he shows her some and she gets so excited about trying them and it’s great

(initially he has catarina’s supervision, because again black hair is important and even if raphael is a moc he’s still nonblack. but catarina trusts him and he’s always so careful and makes sure to always listen to what she says, asks questions and all but takes notes lmao, so it works) 

and baking!!! i mean look madzie is gonna be naturally prone to liking to bake, as a warlock and shit. and if regular kids already play with making potions, warlock kids are definitely even worse, especially because she does see catarina, dot, and magnus doing that all the time so it’s one of the things that she likes to mimick. and baking is basically potion making but edible and solid lmao. but like she loves it, mixing the batter, adding sprinkles, seeing as the textures change and the taste builds and stuff like that, you know? she’s definitely fascinated by it especially because she does it without magic and it’s just, wow, so cool to her?? and raphael as the cook that he is is more than happy to teach her, bake with her, and see her enthusiasm. raphael with oven mitts taking a batch of cookies out of the oven yall. i need a second

and like i absolutely subscribe to genius madzie because LOOK that girl is endlessly fucking smart and so intelligent especially for her age, not to mention powerful and observant and just, she’s brilliant. and with both catarina and magnus, huge nerd extraordinaires, and possibly maia because i like to pepper in the fact that maia and raphael are dating, she gets all the incentive she could possibly want to want to learn about both mundane science and magical theory

but in short like! raphael getting her those chemistry sets for kids, you know? where you have some recipes and you can mix up ingredients and they change color or otherwise change and shit? my friend had one of those when we were kids and my god i loved it so much, i was just fascinated. i think madzie definitely would love it, and raphael knows that she will, so he takes a whole day off for when he brings her this gift because he knows they will be playing all afternoon. and they do! she’s super excited about it and raphael as usual is all careful and teaching her how to do it properly without spilling and taking the measures appropriately and stuff. and it’s super sweet

initially they follow the recipes and raphael’s autistic ass is just delighted to do that, but madzie quickly starts doing some #improv, and again, because she is a genius, she quickly starts to figure out what each substance does. so she’s texting theories, trying out experimenting, seeing if she’s right, trying to asses her work? you know? basically literally a mini scientist using the scientific method and stuff and raphael is so proud of her and in awe of how smart she is and he tells her that she’s the smartest kid he’s ever met and kisses her forehead and she giggles and is just super excited?? 

also sometimes she asks raphael what he thinks and he’s just like “uhhh” because he has no idea lmao he’s just happy to see her do her thing and help her with the practical parts. and she giggles at him and she’s lowkey outraged but again, she’s just sweet and he loves her

i also 100% think it was madzie who figured out a potion to make raphael able to eat (oh look what is this fic that mentions that doing here) because FUCK mundane raphael all my homies hate mundane raphael, the heavenly fire made him a daylighter. and she could see how sad raphael was that he didn’t get to eat at all, especially because he clearly loved food and he always had this sort of longing when they were cooking together, you know? it also made her sad that he couldn’t try her cooking, and he was always telling her that to cook, you need to always taste what you’re making, and once she says “but you can’t do that” and he looked so sad she immediately felt bad about it, even if obviously it isn’t her fault

anyway my point is she knows how much this means for raphael and she wants him to be able to eat human food again, both for him and for herself. so she spends a long time studying vampire anatomy/digestive system, food properties, and magic, and she eventually figures out a potion that he can take before a meal that makes him able to eat. it goes slowly, initially he can only drink, but eventually she does figure out a way to make him eat anything and he just cries like a baby tbh. she is worried for a second but then he takes her in his arms and hugs her fiercely and peppers kisses on her face and says that this is one of the best things anyone’s ever done for him and that he’ll “forever be in her debt” or something that makes her laugh because raphael doesn’t owe her anything, he’s her brother. and he tears up all over again

of course that takes some years but they’re immortal so who cares. and catarina is SO proud of her little genius for that, too. raphael and maia include the potion as courtesy for any vampire who orders food at taki’s and share the recipe and it’s just a small revolution in the vampire world and madzie is already making history like hot damn. GENIUS MADZIE OKAY

but of course first and foremost she is a kid and deserves to be a kid, i just love her being naturally curious and interesting in researching and learning and stuff. but of course they also play a lot, and keep trying to out-cheat each other as she has magic and he has super abilities and the game becomes more seeing who can cheat the most and get away with it than anything else lol. and it’s its own brand of fun

also, raphael keeps trying to get madzie to eat healthy but the second he averts his eyes she’s like “abrakadabra this is now ice cream” and he’s SO frustrated. absolutely nothing can stop her from doing it. “if you eat these carrots i’ll buy you ice cream later”. guess what she can just turn it into ice cream now. your tactics are meaningless

also madzie playing dressing up! and she wants to be Stylish like her mom and her big bro and her uncle magnus but of course she’s a kid so her sense of style is essentially book magnus lmao but raphael 100% indulges her in all her endeavours and helps her make her outrageous outfits and shit. she likes colorful stuff as we’ve seen and he paints her nails and stuff. sometimes she makes herself mini suits mimicking or straight up matching raphael’s and raphael thinks it’s the cutest thing. especially when she like, imitates his blazer but keeps wearing a boa as well or something. aioudjsauihda i love kids and fashion can you tell

and she sometimes picks out clothes for him and guess what? raphael 100% wears them because it’s madzie and he is s o f t for her

and singing!!! and DANCING!!! there is no way raphael can’t dance no matter how hard he tries to pretend otherwise, and between him, dot, and magnus, madzie just loves to dance and becomes a great dancer in no time. raphael loves twirling her around. also him teaching her the jarabe tapatío you can’t tell me that she wouldn’t be all over that shit. the playing with the dress, the bright colors, dancing around the sombrero.... bitch she would love it. and they have so much fun doing their little improvised version of that and she claps and he has his hands behind his back and has the greatest smile on his face and she’s having so much fun

also raphael loves reading for her!!!! and eventually when they move away from reading books with pictures she starts creating her own “holograms” to illustrate the stories with magic, and raphael is so proud of her!! she’s just immensively creative and makes such beautiful illustrations for the stories and as raphael reads she changes around the setting she’s creating and it’s so fun and they both like it so much?? and she eventually falls asleep on his lap and he tucks her in and kisses her forehead and 🥺🥺

she also likes to paint and idk why but i have a feeling that raphael fucking sucks at painting, so that’s funny and he smiles and says that she has so much more talent than him... 

and every time they are together raphael has the hugest smile on, it just doesn’t leave his face for a second. especially when they are playing outside in the sun and he just so fucking happy and basking in the warmth and playing with her, you know? and as madzie grows older, talking and just chilling together as well? you know? he just loves her so much and his cheeks almost hurt by the end and just aaaaaaaaa they are the sibling dynamic we DESERVE and DEMAND 

[thesinglelogbridge]

QOAAD Thoughts

My sister and I usually read Shadowhunter books at the same time, and discuss it as we go. But this time she's been too busy to read it so I had to write all my thoughts down instead, and it was a very emotional experience for me. Please enjoy:

• Everytime Mark bows I nut

• Emma gots to RIP off julian's blood stained clothes in the sexiest way possible.

• If you were gonna get naked anyway, why did you both get into the shower wearing CLOTHES

• When Magnus puts the spell on Julian

• I have some very mixed feelings about the Jessa baby.

• Like on the one hand yay, but on the other hand Jem is gonna die, and Tessa basically cut off contact with her children and grandchildren when Will died and it was really hard and painful and she couldn't bear to see her children die and now she's gonna go through that all over again???

• Also how old are her eggs??

• She's gone through so many periods...

• Hot! Faerie! Threesome!

• Fuck okay Julian

• FUCK, OKAY JULIAN!!!

• Mark is so precious

• " I want to make it clear that I did not engineer the interruption of the harpyia demon," Mark said, "and was indeed eager to continue with our sexual congress." Ooh baby talk dirty to me

• Why would Magnus put that spell on Julian?? It seems very??? Ill advised?????

• Also like Damn, Julian, that's cold.

• Mark, Kieran and Cristina are definitely going to end up in a polyamorous relationship and I'm not mad at it.

• Those three are my fave characters.

• Tavvy hugging Kieran is wholesome tm

• As if Sebastian himself wasn't bad enough he had to go an leave an heir

• I kind of... like Ash??

• Listen, I didn't like City of Lost Souls that much, and I definitely don't like Sebastian and I'm not happy to be in a world where that whole mess is still going on.

• LIVVY!!!!! I MISSED YOU, BABE

• I don't get what the point of Thule is at all like a weird post apocalyptic interlude that doesn't seem to have a ton of bearing on actual plot.

• FUCK

• Cassandra Clare puts all the haters who call Clary selfish and dumb on blast.

• Post apocalyptic Tessa is making me very Emo

• Oof that's rough Diana just outed Diana.

• So as far as I can tell Cassie Clare confirmed the multiverse theory just so that they could get a second copy of a sword, and as a big screw you to anyone that hates Clary.

• I love that when Jace prays he's like, raziel, it's me ya homie, do me a solid.

• Imma be so mad if they break all parabati bonds

• Jace is psyched out of his mind that Kit wants a weapon, it's so cute. Also he for real salutes him and runs away to find him one.

• Sometimes I forget how much I love the OG characters.

• Please don't break the parabati bonds

• Ty trying to necromance Livia resolved quicker than I thought it would... a little too quick.

• Mark and Kieran are like we're going after Christina because of uhh.... traps!

• Oh no Ty baby what is you doing

• He needs some milk

• I swear to god Emma, if you destroy all parabati I'm gonna mcfreakin lose it.

• I love that Kieran just publically kisses both of them and everyone is like 👀

• Ragnor wearing a Ragnor lives t shirt: truly as iconic as they come.

• What the fuck and hell???

• WHAT THE FUCK????????

• Don't love this whole giant nephilim thing

• Jace: self described filthy pervert.

• Why would the cohort killing themselves be a bad thing????

• I love the mental image of Jace, Kieran and Simon playing their instruments together, especially because Jace probably mostly knows classical music, Kieran knows faerie folk songs exclusively, and Simon plays rock.

• Really?? I have to wait for The Wicked Powers for Kit and Ty to make up????

[vizhi0n]

Sundown - Part 1

YOOO IM BACK ON MAH BULLSHIT

(Before i go on, there is major spoilers for the Walking Dead season 8 Premier. If you haven’t seen it yet you should probs watch the ep before u read this)

Anyway in honor of last nights premier I decided to finally drag my ass back into self-insert Negan realm and write “reader/me/you getting trapped with Negan during the Sanctuary attack. Anywho this is just a brainless excuse to write smut and other wild shit so enjoy. 

If u wanna be tagged lemme know (this is gonna be a multi-chapter thing) And if u don’t wanna be tagged lemme kno. 

Homies:

@flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @lucifers-trash-stash @kellyn1604 @superprincesspea @genevievedarcygranger @hannibalssweaters @strangersangel9 @heartfulloffandoms @ladylorelitanyfanfiction @negans-network @crzcorgi @i-am-negan-trash @mypapawinchester @my-achilles–heel @jasoncrouse @rapsity @manawhaat @tolieboy @kijilinn (theres more but tumblr wouldn’t lemme tag em)

Rating: M Overall cause there’s gonna be smut later. Also Simon might make an appearance bc he is bae.

I could count the number of times I’d been a good Samaritan on one hand. I rarely ever went out of my way to help strangers in this hellscape of a world. That being said, I certainly wouldn’t go out of my way to help someone who had been a complete and utter assfuck to everyone around him, and had conspired behind our backs to get us to surrender during the most intense confrontation of our lives.

Yet when Gregory, limping, stumbled into me and practically tackled me, panting and nearly in tears, I stopped.

Any other time, I would have brushed him away. But this wasn’t “any other time.” Members of the Hilltop, Alexandria, and The Kingdom were making a hasty retreat as a massive horde of walkers, drawn towards us by Daryl, barreled down on the Sanctuary. I could hear both Rick and Ezekiel shouting for everyone to head towards the cars, but Gregory’s grip on my arm tightened.

“Help me.”

I had about three seconds to make a decision. The Saviors were firing at anything that moved — walkers, humans, it didn’t matter. Sucking in a breath I jerked Gregory behind cover, gun cradled against my chest. I could see our getaway vehicle just a few yards away.

Mistake number one: leaving Gregory closer to the vehicle. I could see the glint in his eyes as we remained pinned, the sound of gunfire deafening.

Hoe don’t do it.

He glanced over at me and I gave him the most caustic glare I possibly could, a glare that hopefully indicated that I wasn’t above putting a bullet in his leg and leaving him to rot. Nevertheless, before I had a chance to even shout or aim my weapon, he was gone, darting towards the armored car.

Oh. My. God.

A barrage of gunfire kept me from sprinting after him. I cursed, pressing myself against the concrete slab. I couldn’t see Rick or Maggie or Ezekiel — I could only see the undead, slowly bearing down on me. I heard the squeal of tires against asphalt as Gregory left without so much as a glance or a fucking wave.

I rolled to the side, not caring whether or not I got shot. A bullet to the brain was far better than becoming walker chow. I wasted two precious seconds trying to figure out where I was., and a half second grasping for my knife —

My knife was gone. The thick, curved blade had disappeared from my belt.

I had no idea if Gregory had somehow pickpocketed me — he had no idea how to even properly use a knife, but he certainly didn’t know that — or if I’d dropped it during the fight.

I was forced to shoulder past a walker, keeping my head ducked. I’d only see a layout of the Sanctuary once, but being in the midst of it was very, very different than studying it on a piece of paper.

A walker grasped at my shirt, but I tore away, nearly falling. I clutched my gun tight, but there were so many, he horde so thick in numbers it would have been impossible, albeit fruitless, to try and shoot.

I tried to the first door I saw. It was locked. Weaving and ducking my way towards the second door took a harrowing fifteen seconds. I kicked away a walker, relieved to find that the door handle moved. I fell forward and was dumped  onto carpet — I kicked the door shut from where I lay, abruptly cutting off the roar of the undead. All I heard now was a faint hum and my own ragged breathing.

“I hope you’ve got your shitting pants on.”

I recognized the voice immediately. For a split second I contemplated opening the door and leaping back out with the walkers. Being eaten alive wouldn’t last long, right? They’d eat my brains first. Or maybe my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see when they—

“You are about to shit your pants.”

I looked up. Negan stood above me, smiling despite the ludicrous situation we were both in. We locked gazes and he raised his eyebrows. He wasted no time in offering me a hand, Lucille clutched tightly in the other.

I didn’t take it. I stood on my own, keeping my eyes on his the entire time. The moment I began inching towards my gun, Negan kicked it away, where it skidded across the room and against the wall.

He’ll kill you.

You’re not going down without a fight.

I caught him off guard by lunging. He was a good half a foot taller than me. He was also broader, more muscular. I certainly was no linebacker, but I tacked him anyway. That smile on his face disappeared the moment his back hit the carpet. Lucille flew from his grip.

His gloved hand flew up and immediately pushed my face to the side. I grunted, boldly clamping my teeth down on one of his fingers. His bark of surprised pain was satisfying, though it didn’t last long. His opposite hand cuffed my cheek, easily overpowering me.

Now I was on the carpet, struggling as he pinned me down. I struggled, cursing, shrieking and trying to ensure that he didn’t get ahold of my wrist. I was vaguely aware of him saying something, probably demanding me to stop.

I wasn’t listening.

So, he reared back and delivered a solid left hook to my cheek. My head snapped to the side and my shouts stopped.

“Be fucking quiet! Do not make me hit you again, holy fuck,” Negan snarled. I didn’t look at him, keeping my cheek firmly planted against the ground. I could taste blood in my mouth. I went to speak, but Negan stopped me. “You are so fucking lucky that I didn’t just fucking kill you. I wasn’t going to, but goddamn…we’re in a fucked up situation here, and I would kindly appreciate if you calmed the fuck down.”

“Rick almost killed you out there. I saw it. Whatever you do to me, it won’t fucking hurt me,” I bared my teeth. “You have nothing to threaten me with.”

“Who the fuck said anything about threatening you? I mean, you clearly don’t give a fuck if you live or die, considering how you just took a huge fucking risk by jumping on me like that.”

He still had me pinned. We were both sucking in deep, gulping breaths. “I only jump on people I hate.”

“You hate me? You just fucking met me!”

“I know who you are. I saw what your people did — what they can do. Safe to say that you’re not know as the ‘best dude on Earth’ around these parts. Kind of why we attacked you.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I don’t care if you hate me. I’m your way out of here,” Negan leaned in closer, “And you’re my way out of here. That’s the fucking reality of it.”

“Says who?”

“Say’s those undead pricks outside. You stumbled in here on accident, right? I’m assuming this wasn’t a fucking suicide mission?”

“I can make it a suicide mission.”

“Wow. You really don’t fucking care about life then, do you?” Negan released my wrists, still straddling me to the carpet. He eased back a bit, rubbing his temple. “Shit. Maybe I should kill you.” 

“Do it.”

“Fuck, no. I’ve already gotten Lucille dirty enough.” 

I turned my head, looking at the bat in the corner. Negan rose, leaving me on the ground while he collected both Lucille and my assault rifle. I watched as he walked over, obviously limping. I saw a dark red patch on his thigh, but said nothing. He slung the gun over his shoulder before returning to stand over me, once again offering me his hand.

“Let’s try this shit again. If you attack me, I’ll kill you. And I mean that.”

Rolling my eyes, I took his hand and allowed him to pull me up. The moment I was standing I reached for my gun, but Negan reeled back.

“Hold up, princess.”

“Call me ‘princess’ again and I’ll rip your fucking nuts off,” I snapped. I made another move for the gun, and once again, Negan avoided my reaching arm.

“I said hold the fuck up. You’re not getting this gun back until I know that I can trust you. Besides, you won’t be needing it. Bullets aren’t going to get us out of here — not yet.”

I raised my hands in a placating gesture, trying to keep calm. That smug smirk on his face was pissing me off.  I said, “Fine. Whatever. So what’s the plan? How are we getting out?”

“No fucking clue. i was hoping you would know.”

Of all the people that could have gotten stuck…why did it have to be me? Why couldn’t it have been Gregory or, hell, Gabriel. At least a priest would have knowledge on patience.

But no. It was my skinny-ass, short self. Of all people God or fate or whatever could have chosen.

One way to look at it: you’re not locked in here with him, he’s locked in here with you.

Now prove it.

[kungfubreakfast]

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day my Kung Fu Breakfasters. On the one hand I hate this holiday because of the spend spend spend commercial appeal, on the other hand I am a proponent of all love. So today I choose to look past the obvious corruptions and share for you some love in the form of new sets!

Up first is some man love with my homie Balloonski! Balloonski and his main man Berk recently did a collab for the opening of Bloody Gums new pop-up shop at the new Think Tank Gallery space in Downtown Los Angeles. I got a chance to briefly stop by the opening but told Balloonski I wanted to come back to shoot the piece itself with virtually no one there, which I did (twice). The installation they made was epic and really fun to photograph.

From there we switch gears to a new muse: Tori Behave. Tori and I met on Instagram and had a mutual love of each other’s work. We decided to get together and almost had a failure of a day. I originally wanted to take Tori to the forest so we drove up to my main spot Switzer Falls. When we arrived we not only discovered the front gate was shut due to the government shutdown but the place was packed anyway because it was a holiday! We drove further up the road to a place I like but only wound up taking a few photos there because we realized it was freezing as fuck so high up in the mountains.

Rather than force the location I decided to relocate us to Devil’s Gate Dam. When we arrived at the Dam we encountered a construction crew there that told us we could not go to the part of the dam I normally shoot at. Not to be deterred we hiked along the trail for the shoot and finally hit our stride. Tori was an absolute blast to shoot with and so you’ll actually see a second set pop up with her further in the post.

Up next we have the return of my homegirl Nielah! Those following along might remember I met Nielah last year while out on a crazy art show/shooting adventure with Stephanie Monty. Stephanie and I were at a Superchief show where we ran in to Balloonski who we convinced to make a balloon outfit for Stephanie. Stephanie and I then saw Nielah walking past and adopted her as our friend, even incorporating her in the shoot. From there Nielah and I shot together in Downtown including another Balloonski outfit. This time we went full force hopping around more Downtown and getting in to all sorts of shenanigans including climbing a railroad crossing sign, getting in to a rail car, and someone once again winding up with some Balloonski action keeping our perfect record in tact.

Up next is a brand new mini set with my little monster friend May. This set is actually longer than a normal mini set but shorter than a full set so I’m not really sure what you call it. May and I made plans to hit up Bar Sinister’s new Wednesday night event but figured we might as well shoot some photos while we were at it. I took May to the Old LA Zoo in Griffith Park to start. From there we made our way to Hollywood and shot the bulk of the set inside of Bar Sinister. It was fun and we danced to goth music.

In keeping things spooky we have a new set with Sage Sin. Sage asked me if I’d like to go check out the rubble from the recent fires in Malibu. Its no secret that I love abandoned places, so I was all in. Sage and I found some amazing spots but kept getting yelled at by neighbors who told us we were being disrespectful and one guy even accused us of looting. I understood where they were coming from but my feeling has always been that if you can make something beautiful out of the tragedy that already exists you are doing your part to create balance. All of Sage’s looks were straight fire and despite the heaviness of the subject matter we had a really fascinating time.

It’s been raining in LA a lot recently so some shoots have really been greatly affected by what is possible on a rainy day. When Little Lotus and I originally made plans for this multi girl shoot with new muse Queerpunkfilipinx (try saying that three times fast) I think we were originally envisioning something in the forest. Instead Little Lotus suggested we go shoot at this dead mall in Orange County called The Source. The location made for a really interesting time including a graff wall and various areas of construction. The chemistry between the two muses was wonderful and we went with a fetishy fashion vibe to the whole thing.

I told you we had another set with Tori Behave! Tori and I had such a good time on our first shoot that she texted me a few days later and said, “Let’s shoot some porn”. I loved that she wanted to get down and dirty, but of course we kept things artsy and classy. I went down to her place in Long Beach for what turned in to a set all about self romance. We had a wonderful time and it’s nice to have something for Valentine’s Day that isn’t all about couples.

Of course it wouldn’t be a complete post with a new Cosmic Daughter set. I met up with Brittny Nicole for another shoot out in The Salton Sea. Normally I don’t like going to the same places with the same muses but I just don’t find that the case with The Cosmic One. The Salton Sea is one of my favorite areas and every time Brittny and I go out there I feel like we get something different. We started the shoot off in her room the night before shooting some new slime booty photos. The next morning we get up nice and early and headed to the desert. We hit up some cool old spots as well as finding some new ones. This was absolutely a killer shoot and make sure you check out some of the dope video clips we shot.

This next set is a really interesting one. Nielah invited me to an art show that she was co-producing called Bitter Tea LA. This was a new monthly pop-up event that included some huge paintings by Stephanie Monty. I also ran in to my old street art friend Sek, who’s girlfriend Eden Simone was playing. I also met a performer named Vero who only has one photo in the set but we vibed so well that we are going to shoot a set together next week. Besides the art and performances though I actually wound up shooting a whole mini set with new muse Sienna. Sienna is a friend of Stephanie Monty that I met at Stephanie’s Christmas Party back in December. Sienna mentioned being a fan of my work and wanting to shoot together in the future. I suggested we shoot a mini set at the show since she was looking baller in her outfit. Normally I don’t like to do a first time shoot with someone at a show but I figured why not and I’m glad I did.

And last but not least is a set that was a long time coming. The lovely Raven Leigh is the homegirl of my homegirl Phoenix Askani. Phoenix has been pushing for the two of us to shoot together for well over a year and we finally made it happen, even though Raven is moving to New Jersey in just a few months. Due to the move we weren’t sure when we’d be able to make the shoot happen but late last week I got a text saying she and her friend Kate Sara Christina had gotten cute dresses for The Grammys but somehow got boned on tickets. She asked if I was possibly free this past Monday to shoot with her, Kate, and the dresses and I just happened to be. The three of us had a killer time and the whole set had this beautiful romantic feel. There was a lot of laughs and groping and it was cold as fuck so please take your time to appreciate these warrior women. Raven and I are hoping to bust out a solo shoot before she moves and Kate and I already discussed shooting together again so please welcome both of these new muses to the Kung Fu Breakfast family. Please enjoy your Valentine’s Day no matter how you spend it!

[vizhi0n]

Sawney - Part 1

BACK ON MAH BULLSHIT

Anyway, this is a random Negan fic that I a’thunked up at like 1am. It starts about a month before Rick and co. discover the Saviors, and will go through the entirety of AOW. I’m still unsure of what the final pairing will end up being, but it heavily features Simon, Negan, and Arat. So yeah. 

Warnings: nothing for this chapter, but I will say that this fic is REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLY DARK. (everything from cannibalism to incest to rape/non con, torture, gore, and copious amounts of smut. All the fun stuff, ya know?) Anywho, enjoy this fuckfest. If you want to be tagged or untagged lemme know!

Homies: @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @i-am-negan-trash @kellyn1604 @crzcorgi @mypapawinchester @manawhaat @superprincesspea @kijilinn @jasoncrouse @negans-network @simons-thirst-squad @lucifers-trash-stash @ladylorelitanyfanfiction @genevievedarcygranger @hannibalssweaters @heartfulloffandoms @strangersangel9 @lovingzombiechaos @rickydillion @backseat-negan @wolfhart18 @gremlinfuck @my-achilles--heel

“I need you to tell me exactly how you fucking got here.”

Say nothing. Do nothing.

Desa hadn’t meant to veer off track. She’d left the Estate on foot, intending to grab a few supplies before returning. A large group of biters had ambushed her, driving her deep into the woods. From there she’d kept walking, and walking, and walking, until she hit asphalt.

Then she walked even more.

She’d gathered a bag full of canned foods, some ammo, seeds for planting, and cooking supplies. It was enough — more than she usually stumbled across while scavenging. Never before had she encountered something she considered “seriously life threatening” — save for a few heavy-set biters that just didn’t want to die — much less any other survivors. Scavengers were forbidden to interact with anyone outside the Estate, and if anything other than a biter were to approach…

Shoot on sight. Stab. Maim.

Desa had done just that. She’d slit a man’s throat. Stabbed a woman seven times and left her to die. She’d left their bodies to turn and rot.

“I’m not allowed to talk to you.”

“Not fucking ‘allowed’? Who the fuck told you that?” 

After gathering enough supplies, Desa had backtracked, attempting to find her way back to the Estate. She wasn’t as great of a navigator as some of the others. She relied heavily on maps and tree markers. But this time, the group of biters had pushed her too far. There were no tree markers in sight, just overgrown bushes and abandoned cars. The expanse continued until it opened up, revealing a building Desa had never seen before. And it was alive.

She could see the guards perched atop the balcony of the massive, humming factory. Another was down by the gate. And, chained to the fence like cattle, were biters. Dozens of them, some impaled on spikes, others legless and lying, reaching grubby, grimy arms at nothing.

Instincts had told her to ignore the place, leave it be and report it back. But curiosity won over and she’d ending up creeping along the edge of the trees, weaseling her way past the guards. The perimeter fence had a slight gap, and she’d managed to slide through with ease.

“You fucking stabbed one of my men. He’s in the fucking infirmary now because of you. So don’t think for one goddamn second that I’m going to let you off easy.”

She’d been caught snooping around storage, in the middle of stuffing her bag with food. A deep shout, followed by pounding feet had been her cue to run. She had, but not fast enough. There had been no time to learn the layout of this new community, and without ease, the man had cornered her. The moment he’d attempted to lay a hand on her, she’d drawn her knife, slashing away like a madwoman until she felt the blade sink deep into flesh.

Reinforcements had arrived shortly after. She’d been tackled, spat on, kicked and punched, before being dragged across the concrete and into the depths of the building. The injured man was carried off in the opposite direction, blood gushing from the jagged line of sliced, marred flesh right beneath his ribcage.

And now Desa sat, exposed and tied with her hands behind her back, weaponless, before the leader. He was a handsome man, tall and imposing with a seemingly permanent smile on his rugged face. It wasn’t a genuine smile. In fact, it made Desa uneasy the more she looked at it. Even more so than the barbed bat he had leaning against his chair.

“Still not going to say shit?”

“I’m not allowed to talk to you.”

“So you’re a fucking broken record. Or is that all you know how to fucking say?” the man sighed, easing back into his seat. One gloved hand came up to run down his face. “Shit. At least tell me your name.”

Desa gambled. Weighed her options. She had no doubt that this man was capable of killing her slowly, painfully. Possibly just as slowly and painfully as those back at the Estate.

“Desa.”

“That’s your fucking name? Desa?” the man raised his eyebrows. “That’s a fucking weird ass name. Well, Desa, I’m Negan. It’s a fucking goddamn pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Ne-gan,” Desa tested the name on her tongue, before clamping her mouth shut before she said something she’d regret. A million comments were swirling through her head, none of which were remotely friendly. After a long pause, she added, “I need to leave. You can take your stuff back. The stuff that I took.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re on, but you’re not going anywhere,” Negan growled. “Not until I find out where you came from, and who you are exactly. You’re going to fucking tell me everything, Desa.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Nothing? Do you have a group?” Negan’s face fell, and he stared, quizzical. “Are you…fucking settled somewhere?”

“My people don’t want any sort of diplomatic relations.”

“Better off alone, huh?”

“Yes. Not my policy but…it’s worked out for us.”

“Doesn’t seem to be fucking working out for you. If you want to be left the fuck alone, you shouldn’t have poked your nose where it didn’t belong,” Negan licked his lips, raising his bat to rest against his shoulder. “Listen, I’ll forgive your past fucking transgressions if you answer my questions. Honestly. No bullshitting, no swinging our dicks around like a bunch of immature fucking schoolboys. You can do that, right, Desa?”

“Will you untie me if I cooperate?”

“Fuck no. Not until I know you won’t try and fucking rip my throat out. I saw how you jumped on Gavin like that, and I’ll be the first to admit that it got my fucking dick hard as a rock. But I’m not taking any chances here.”

“You are afraid of me?”

“I’m not afraid, but I’m also not fucking stupid. You’re alive right now because I stopped Simon blowing your brains out the back of your head. He really, really wanted to pull that fucking trigger, and if you spout any more bullshit, I’ll indulge him.”

Desa cringed, lowering his gaze to the floor. When she lifted her eyes, the end of Negan’s bat was pointed inches from her nose. He snarled, “Now, let’s start again. Where’s your group?”

“We live at the Estate. It’s about two hours from here. It used to belong to some rich asshole before the end of the world.”

“What’s it like?”

“I’d like to keep that private.”

“What? You have some big, fucking secret you need to keep under wraps?” Negan snorted. “Remember what I said about bullshitting? Who sent you out scavenging. Who’s your leader?”

“There are two.”

Negan raised his eyebrows.

Desa said shakily, “Mother and Father. They own the house. They own me.”

Negan leaned back, lowering his bat. Long, dexterous fingers drummed against his thigh as he contemplated what to say. There was no reading his expressions. There was just that goddamn mischievous smile, and Desa hated it.

“Well write me down as fucking intrigued. You said it was about two hours from here?”

“By car, yes.”

“Fuckin’ A,” Negan stood, towering over Desa like a shadowy demon. “Because you’re going to take me there. Now.”

[vizhi0n]

Sawney - Part 2

Ehhh I is back. Sorry for such a late upload - it’s finals week for this quarter and I’ve been dyin, as well as swamped with other shit. But alas, here it is!

Part 1

Tagging le homies. (If you want to be tagged or untagged, let me know)

@i-am-negan-trash @lucifers-trash-stash @jasoncrouse @kellyn1604 @crzcorgi @superprincesspea @negans-network @ladylorelitanyfanfiction @genevievedarcygranger @kijilnn @backseat-negan @heartfulloffandoms @strangersangel9 @heartfulloffandoms @manawhaat @mypapawinchester @lovingzombiechaos @my-achilles-heel @gremlinfuck @wolfhart18 @rickydillion @simons-thirst-squad @embracetheapocalypsewithme @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash

Warnings: Negan’s potty mouth. Next chapter is when we get to explore my fucked up mind lmfao

Do it. It’s what Mother and Father instructed you to do. You sacrifice for the greater good of the group — your life isn’t any better than the common man’s. Everyone dies, eventually.

Desa had no weapon. The only real option was to do something rash so that Negan or his henchmen Simon would be forced to kill her.

When all else failed, you were to choose death. Those were Mother and Father’s words, their rules. But Desa couldn’t bring herself to obey them. Not while she was under Negan’s cold, scrutinizing gaze. It was as if he’d seen right through her from the start. The entire time they loaded up the trucks, Negan kept an eye on her, even when they began driving. Simon was in the front seat, hands on the steering wheel, while Negan had insisted that he sit next to Desa. She hadn’t objected — it wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. She didn’t like Negan being so close to her. She didn’t like anybody being so close to her.

“You said some rich asshole owned the house before?” Negan, his baseball bat resting in his lap, grinned. “Is there a pool? Maybe a jacuzzi or some shit like that?”

“Yes, but it’s empty.”

Negan huffed, looking disappointed but not surprised. He ran a gloved finger over the handle of the bat, murmuring, “Lucille doesn’t fucking like water, anyway.” 

Desa winced, eyes flickering towards the baseball bat. The way Negan was stroking it, staring down at the object almost lovingly, sent very, very odd vibes coursing throughout her entire body.

“You named that thing?”

“Fuck yeah I did. Lucille. Sorry for not properly introducing her to you earlier,” Negan winked. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

“…I guess.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. You’re awfully fucking shy, girl,” Negan clapped his hands together, and Desa jumped in alarm. “Loosen the fuck up! You’re still alive, aren’t you? That’s always something to smile about.”

“You’re optimistic.”

“I have to fucking be. Can’t be moping around all depressed and shit.” Negan replied. “It doesn’t fly. Not at fucking all.”

The car slowed, and Desa lifted her head. She saw Simon turned and smile back at her, pointing with his free hand at the massive, multi-million dollar mansion before them.

“I’m guessing this is it?”

Negan gave a whistle of appraisal. “Holy shit.”

The caravan came to a full stop. Desa couldn’t help the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, though it wasn’t caused by fear. It was caused by realization. The courtyard was empty, and she saw none of the guards. Mother and Father were typically out lounging in the sun, enjoying the fresh air.

Negan strolled right up to the wrought iron gate surrounding the perimeter of the mansion. About a dozen saviors stood, all armed and prepared to fire at a moments notice. Simon kept a firm grip on Desa, nails digging into her skin.

Negan wrapped a hand around the reinforced gate and shook it. The gate rattled, but did not budge. The noise was loud enough that someone had to have heard it.

Desa kept her head down. She didn’t want to give anything away. Not when the situation was so dire.

“Nobody’s home?” Negan glanced back at Desa, then at Simon. “Shit. Guess we should have fucking called first. You sure this is the right place?”

“It is,” Desa answered.

“You know what happens if you fucking lie to me?” Negan pointed his bat �� Lucille — at Desa, letting it linger. “There are — were — a lot of rich assholes before the world went to shit. This could be anyones place.”

“Those fences are reinforced to keep the biters out. The grass is cut. Hell, there’s a garden growing,” Desa mumbled. “This is it.”

“Then where the fuck, pray tell, is everyone?”

“I don’t know.”

Negan rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Desa could see him contemplating what to do — she was amazed he hadn’t just gone ahead and slaughtered her. His men were on a hair trigger, ready to fire. Shuffling from the woods caught everyones attention, most expecting it to be the residents of the Estate emerging from hiding.

It wasn’t.

“Take care of those,” Negan gestured to Simon and a few others. The biters shuffled from the underbrush, teeth snapping, gnawing on air. Simon went to make a movie but stopped, hand clutching the hilt of the knife in his belt.

That’s a lot of biters. A lot.

They came in a shuffling mass. The explosion of gunfire was deafening. Desa winced, letting out a cry and a Savior became victim to gnashing teeth.

“Negan, we need to go,” Simon called. “Before we’re overwhelmed—”

“I fucking see that, dipshit — grab the—”

Desa made a split second decision. In the back of her mind she recognized the sheer stupidity of her actions, but she didn’t have time to sketch out a well detailed plan. She just needed to get away and, if possible, drag Negan with her.

You know the protocol.

The moment Negan approached she reared back and kneed him in the crotch, hard. He grunted, and she saw Simon spin and raise his weapon. Before he could fire a shot and before Negan could fully grasp her actions, she wrenched Lucille away. Negan seemed more distressed at the loss of his bat than the potential injury Desa had caused to his nether regions.

That’s telling.

She ran like a bat out of hell. Bullets whizzed past her ears and she burst into the woods, hearing Negan’s frantic voice peppered with insults. The dense trees masked the sound of gunfire and screaming saviors, reducing it to a thrum.

Desa ran, arms pumping, Lucille clutched in her hand. She didn’t dare slow — she was smaller than Negan, faster, but she could hear him barreling through the forest after her like a raging bull. He was being carried by sheer rage and Desa was being carried by fear and determination. Both cancelled each other out.

After what seemed like eternity, when the sound of gunfire was only a light disturbance in the distance, Desa stopped and spun. A moment later Negan burst through the brush, face streaked with blood.

He’d drawn his knife — the thing was as long as Desa’s forearm. His composure hadn’t broken, and he still held that arrogant swagger. Except for now, he wasn’t being humorous or mocking. He was legitimately mad.

It’s a bat. Why does he care so much?

“That was a bad fucking move.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I regret it,” Desa panted. “And I’m not going to regret this, either.” 

A dark shape dropped from the trees above. Negan slashed at the masked figure, knife scraping through flesh. Both men went down in a tangle of limbs.

A groan prompted Desa to turn. A dead face with rotting teeth groped for her throat. With a cry of alarm she shouldered the biter, but the thing was far to big for her to move alone.

Shit. Shit, shit —

Negan and his attacker wrestled on the ground, both struggling for the bowie knife. Desa didn’t have time to observe or intervene. Her fingers curled tight around Lucille and she swung, bashing biters head in with a vicious cry.

The thing toppled. She lunged to assist in restraining Negan, but he’d already been rendered unconscious.

The masked figure stood, removing the bandana from around his mouth.

“That went well.”

“Is everyone okay? Is Jack okay?”

“Yeah,” Mason replied. It was good, seeing a familiar face. Especially one with a permanent smile. “Everyone’s fine. We’ve never had to use the sewer before, so it was a hassle getting everyone down there. Especially the kids.”

Especially Jack.

Desa’s brother hated smaller, smelly spaces. Despite the fact that she’d assisted countless others in making the tunnels as habitable as possible, the constant, raunchy odor would probably never go away.

“What are we doing with him?”

Mason glanced down at Negan’s unconscious form. For once, they’d break their rule. Mother and Father would want to meet him, for sure.

“Taking him back. We’re all in the tunnels right now — as soon as those guys are gone, we can start moving everyone back in.” 

“Did you guys have enough time to get everyone out?”

“We had ten minutes.. Allison was the one who saw the caravan and radioed it in.” 

Desa nodded. She shot a glance down at Negan, glancing around before gesturing for Mason to help her life the much heavier man.

“Mother and Father will be so proud of us,” Mason practically salivated at the concept. Desa said nothing, keeping a firm grip on Negan’s ankles. ‘“They won’t be able to say that we didn’t work. They won’t.”

“They never say that we don’t work.”

“They’ve said it about me. I’ve overheard them,” Mason said. “I probably shouldn't be repeating this, but I heard them one night say that—”

“Mason, please don’t.”

“I forget you’re not a gossiper.”

“I never have been.”

“I’ll keep quiet, then. Wouldn’t want to blab something out that I shouldn’t,” Mason chuckled, grunting as he heaved Negan upwards. They approached the entrance to the sewer, staring at the grated pipeline, overgrown with vines and poking from a hill in the ground. They only had to wait a brief moment — the on-duty guard revealed himself, peering between the bars.

“Is it safe to go back up?”

“Don’t know. We were busy with something else,” Desa jerked her chin down at Negan. “He’s the leader. And that caravan? That’s just the start.”

“Mother and Father have been anxious,” the man murmured. Desa could smell him from a yard away, and she suddenly had doubt about going into the concrete pipeline. “Mason, go back up and check if they’re gone. I want to get out of this hellhole as fast as possible. You, come with me.”

Mason nodded, bounding up the hill and out of sight. The sewer grate popped from its mooring and the man, whose named had escaped Desa, emerged and grasped hold of Negan, hoisting him up along with Desa’s assistance.

“Did Allison lure those walkers?”

“Of course she did. The little freak can practically command those things. I’d like a puff of whatever it is she’s smoking, but I’m scared I won’t come back the same.”

“If you want crazy, just wait until you meet this guy,” Desa shot a look at Negan as they hurried down the vacant, dim tunnel, feet splashing through the water. Desa could hear slight noises deeper within, and she beamed at the sounds of her people. “Just you wait.”