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ignrance · 8 months ago

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everything there is to know about charlotte wilson .

application :

savannah smith . she + her . cis - woman . › spotted at the met steps , charlotte “charlie” wilson , most likely listening to helena by my chemical romance with their airpods pro . the twenty - six year old gained quite a reputation , known to be -frustrating yet +irresistible to anyone who knows them . you'll easily spot them when you hear about the static feedback of a microphone when you sing in it a bit too loud , the clinking chains of a bike riding down a hill at a speed that’s faster than you anticipated , the sound of conversation that hushes into faint murmurs when you walk into a room & screaming into your pillow even though no one’s around to hear it anyways , followed by dior’s poison girl . latest nepoupdates article talks about another one bites the dust : charlotte wilson photographed still dressed in last night’s clothes and leaving yet another hotel room after a long night out , but i guess any reputation is good reputation .

statistics :

name : charlotte " charlie " evangeline wilson birthday : september 25th birthplace : houston , texas age : twenty - six occupation : singer - songwriter ( hayley williams / paramore cc ) , performer , somewhat of a youtube personality on the side

career :

i miss you by blink - 182 cover , video that sent her soaring to virality , uploaded in 2014

decode & i caught myself , debut ep , released in 2016

all we know is falling , debut album , released in 2017

riot ! , sophomore album , released in 2019

took a hiatus in 2020 to focus on school for a while

riot ! tour from 2021 leading into the first half 2022

took a break for the second half of 2022 and first half of 2023

currently writing / recording her next album , brand new eyes , since fall of last year , of which playing god will be the lead single ( to release some time this spring )

past :

tldr : just a girl having fun , comes from the carter family who are a bunch of tech moguls ( women owned , of course ) and basically her family is split because her mom decided to marry / start a family with a rock star instead of marrying someone of more “ notable “ stature like a CEO or someone like that . charlie has one brother , she herself was an accident but that doesn’t mean they loved her any less , she grew up spending most of her childhood on tour with her dad where she learned to play guitar when she was young and hasn’t really put it down since . started living like a normal person when she was thirteen , went to school did the whole nine yards but when she was sixteen she posted a cover of one of her dad’s songs on her youtube channel and litrally went viral overnight . had a bunch of record deals shoved in her face but didn’t want them because she was young and scared so she just kept making music on her own . went to college , studied finance , got a nine to five and then wanted to rip her hair out so she quit and making music and fucking around became her full time job .

you’re a happy accident , emphasis on both the happy and the accident . your mom comes from tech royalty , CRTR ( pronounced carter ) leading the pack in technological innovation ever since the 80s , a long line of strong smart women that would soon be torn apart only because your mother chose love over money . she falls in love with the man who would become your father , a rockstar ( think a travis barker of sorts ) who’s mostly exaggerated reputation was one that precedes him , and naturally your grandparents hate him for it . it completely tears apart your family , carter stocks tanking along with the family image when the public comes to find out that one of melissa carter’s darling daughters has gotten herself pregnant before she married , and in turn getting exiled from the line of succession .

it’s impossible to not fall in love with music . the first half of your life you grow up in a tour bus , surrounded by lots of love and sounds, earmuffs covering your tiny ears as your watch your dad from the side of the stage . any and all free time spent insufferably banging around on drums , watching your parents and their friends try not to laugh as you force them to listen to the new sequence of arrhythmic patterns you’ve managed to stitch together and call a song . when you’re nine you pick up a guitar for the first time and it just feels . . . right . the strap rests so comfortably around your shoulders , your fingers so perfectly attuned to the weight of the neck in your hand ⸻ from then , you’ve never looked back . free guitar lessons had to be one of your favorite perks that came with having a rockstar for a dad , by the time you’re twelve you have at least half of their ten year discography ingrained into your hand by muscle memory , so much though that sometimes ( but only if you’ve done all your homework and chores AND have been extra nice to your brother ) he lets you come on stage and play it with them .

at thirteen tour is over , and you and your family have to adjust to living a ‘ normal life ‘ , you move to LA , close to your dad’s work and far enough away from your mother’s family that you’re not forced into the displeasure of seeing them too often , even if they don’t want to see their daughter they certainly want to see you , likely secretly holding onto hope that you’ll be able to restore integrity to your side of the family ( spoiler alert : that doesn’t end well ) . you’re not sure if you love your grandparents or if you’re simply appreciative of them , their money is part of the reason you get to live the way that you live , their name plastered along the sides of multiple buildings giving you a free ticket to any prep school you want , any college you want ⸻ any life you want , if you play your cards right .

you start making your own music when you’re sixteen . it’s nothing crazy , an acoustic song here , a guitar arrangement there , you don’t really mean for it to be another other than a silly way to pass your time until a video of you covering one of your dad’s songs , i miss you ( blink - 182 ) , goes completely viral . it’s kind of scary actually , how your entire life you think you’ve known the music industry inside and out but really you don’t . no one could have prepared you for how many sleazy ceos and producers would come out of the woodworks , trying to poach you for less than you’re worth until your mom takes the liberty as stepping in as your manager . she keeps your head on the ground , makes sure you focus on the music ( and school ) before anything else , completely unwilling to let her daughter fall into fame so young .

begrudgingly , you promise your family that you’ll get a degree before any of this spirals completely out of your control . you honestly think you might like life better the way that other people do it , go to college , get a job , work that job for fifty years until you retire and spend the rest of your life in a retirement home in the florida keys . a life away from the chaos , a life that was normal . you study finance and economics and college and you’re shockingly pretty good at it , maybe it’s the unpredictability of the stock market that gives you that fix of adrenaline instead of the fast paced life you were born into . you get your degree , get a job at a highrise in manhattan , working nine to five , staring at excel sheets for so long that most days you have a migraine before lunch . is this really what you thought life was supposed to be about ? that doesn’t last much longer than a month , with your father’s help you sign one of the many record deals that’s been shoved in your face over the last few years and you quit your job within the same week .

throughout the next few years you live life the way you really want . you make music , you stay out late , you party , you drink , you dance , you have fun . you don’t think it’s a bad thing but the media seems to want to jump at the chance to make you some sort of villain , photos of you doing stupid shit constantly plastered over tabloids and gossip websites , even once alleged to be a homewrecker after they catch you trying to sneak out the side door of someone’s house with your clothes on crooked ( he was just a friend but she was definitely feeding into the rumors just for the laugh ) . your music is a hit , first studio album , brand new eyes , climbing the billboard hot 100 where it peaked at 6 on the domestic charts and 2 on the top rock albums chart , solidifying your name and your sound as one of the new up and coming faces of alternative rock .

misc. info

she rides her bike everywhere she can , it’s a red beach cruiser with a little basket on the front for all of her Things

she has a cat!! a russian gray named helena and that is her baby fr

her signature hair color is RED !!! sometimes it’ll be black or brown but when it’s red that’s how you know something Real is about to happen

#( introduction )#did not proof read this that's my business

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dameronology · 4 years ago

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that’s all {din djarin x reader}

(i’m reposting this bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags and it was stressing me out)

summary: you’d saved din djarin from himself before. now, with the pain of losing his kid, you’re about to do it all over again. (kinda based on find me here by hayley williams)

warnings: this is...flangst. fluff and angst. swearing. mentions of depression but it’s also a bit ✨positive✨

this is just me trying to be the emotional janitor to...that. i’ve tried to keep it as gender neutral as possible but some of the conversation might imply an afab reader but hopefully it’s vague to be completely objective!!

- jazz

anyways i know i already said it but !! spoilers !! spoilers !! spoilers !!

p.s spot the titanic reference

Grogu was tiny but the whole he left in your lives was massive.

You always knew you were going to have to give him up - hell, that had been the job in the first place - but you hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. He wasn’t your kid but at the same he completely and entirely was. You’d never expected your first parenting experience to be with a tiny green Jedi but at the same time, you wouldn’t have had it any other way. The next few months were going to be hard; accepting that he wasn’t yours to keep and that he was in a better place was guaranteed to be a long process. It would be worth it in the end but the initial pain was bordering on unbearable.

Din was better at hiding it than you. Admittedly, he did have a thick beskar layer to shield his emotions and pain from the outside world but he couldn’t hide it from you; never from you. Even behind the metal, you could read him like a book. It was a product of spending every waking minute together (his overprotective doing, not yours) and in return, he had learnt every habit and every quirk of yours. He sometimes cursed your ability to read him, especially when it lead to you saying things like you did not just tilt your helmet at me like that, Din Djarin.

He’d been quieter in the days since Luke Skywalker had taken the kid - quieter than usual, at least. Din was already a pretty taciturn person; compared to how he was with other people, he practically spoke your ear off but since you’d landed back on Nevarro, he’d completely kept to himself. It was painful to watch, seeing him rise at the crack of dawn to take a bounty, only to return in the evening with a few more bruises than he’d had that morning. You wanted to say something to do something that would make him snap back to reality, but this was probably his grieving process and you had to respect that. Or, you had to at least try to.

That was, until, it felt like Din was killing both you and him; working himself to the point of exhaustion, barely sleeping and refusing to even acknowledge Greef or Cara. You could deal with him being angsty. You could deal with him grieving. You couldn’t, however, deal with him ignoring you. You had literally vowed to go through all your bad times together and Din Djarin was nothing if not a man of his word. He knew it. You knew it too - and you’d be damned if you’d let him forget it.

It was on a cold - at least by Nevarro standards - morning that you decided it was time to show him some tough love. The Mandalorian had decided to hole out on one of Karga’s old ships that morning, claiming that he wanted to fix it. You were no engineering genius, but given that the old jet’s wings had fallen off, you could see it was past the point of no return and that Din had just been looking for an excuse. He was good at that these days.

‘Din!’ You called. The bay doors were open, but the ship itself was dark and dusty. Tinkering, my ass. As expected, there was no reply. ‘Din! Don’t ignore me.’

Silence.

‘Please?’

You grumbled to yourself, walking further inside the dimly lit ship. Tiny specs of dust were floating in the streams of thin light, leading your path further and further towards the cockpit. Who ever it had belonged it, it pre-dated the Republic, let alone the Empire or new order. You tried to resist the urge to cough, instead choosing to focus on your mission: hunting down the Mandalorian. The tables really had turned, considering he was very rarely the prey.

‘I was talking to Karga.’ You continued - as far as you knew, you were talking to thin air, but you liked your chances. ‘He offered me a bounty puck for...Corellia, is it? For that big, bad guy we didn’t catch last year. You know the one that nearly killed me?’

There was a crash from the cockpit, and you grinned to yourself. It was a little unethical to scare the man out of hiding with your bullshit, but you were getting desperate.

‘I figured it would be good to get out a bit, try and distract myself, you know?’ You continued. ‘So I was gonna borrow a ship and head out there tomorrow-’

‘- like hell you’re doing that on your own.’

A six foot mountain of beskar suddenly stepped out from the darkness. Normally, that would have been enough to scare anyone, but not you. You’d married that six foot mountain of beskar. That probably gave you more guts than anyone in the damn galaxy -- until they found out he wasn’t actually that terrifying. Not many people would have taken the Mandalorian seriously if they knew he enjoyed having his hair played with.

You held your hands up in the air, stretching out your fingers to show that there was no puck in sight.

‘You lied.’ Din grunted.

‘And you were ignoring me.’ You shot back. ‘’S going on?’

‘I told you. I was working on the ship-’

‘- nope.’ You cut him off. ‘Try again.’

‘Karga asked me to fix it-’

‘- Still no!’ You snapped. ‘We gonna go three for three or are you gonna finally pull your head out your ass and stop lying to me, Din?’

There wasn’t a single person in the galaxy who dared speak back to the Mandalorian - except you. That was what had made him fall for you in the first place. It was like you couldn’t even see the beskar. You’d always seen him as Din, and never as the Mandalorian, or a warrior. You’d made it clear from the day you met that you wouldn’t take any bullshit from anyone, him included, and he’d always respected that.

‘You have been holing yourself away for weeks.’ You continued. ‘I know it’s hard but you have to accept it. Grogu wasn’t ours to keep - he never was.’

Din didn’t response, instead dropping his gaze down to the floor.’

‘Hey.’ You put a finger at the base of the helmet, tilting his head back up to look at you. ‘Look at me. Talk to me.’

‘I miss him.’ He stated; short and blunt. Fitting, really. ‘And it hurts.’

‘I get that.’ You gently placed your hands on either side of his helmet, fingers splaying out over the cold metal. ‘But it’s better to hurt together. Can I?’

Din nodded, signalling that it was okay for you to take it off. You gently tugged at the helmet, momentarily breaking away from him to place it beside you. It was a relief to see his face after so many weeks of having the beskar between you; the soft brown eyes and slightly crooked smile that met you on the other side felt like home. You could have stared at him forever if the galaxy wasn’t so fucking demanding of your presence.

You’d spent far too long on the other side of the beskar, waiting for him to let you in. And now that you’d got him, now that you’d promised yourselves to one another forever? You weren’t going to let it happen again.

You gently pushed back a few tufts of brown hair, offering him a sad smile. ‘You know we made the right decision, yeah?’

He nodded, leaning into your touch as your hands carded through his hair. ‘I know.’

‘So you gotta stop beating yourself up, baby.’ You stressed. ‘Stop shutting people out - stop shutting me out. I know we don’t have the kid anymore but we are still a family.’

‘I lost the ship. I lost the kid.’ Din quietly spoke. ‘I’m just worried that-’

‘- I’m not going anywhere.’ You shook your head, knowing what he was going to say before the words even left his mouth. ‘Even if you paid me. You are stuck with me, okay? Cursed with me till the day I keel over and die.’

Finally, Din smiled. He looked you dead in the eye and he smiled, eyes creasing at the side as he peered down at you, eventually tightening his arms around your waist. He held your head to his chest, ungloved hand gently clutching you as he rested his chin on your hair. The first time he’d clung onto you like this had been after a rough mission; neither of you had been sure if he was going to make it back and when he did, the first thing he did was pull you into his arms and you stayed there for what felt like hours. That was when Din realised for the first time that he loved you - and now, after weeks of isolating himself and shutting you out, this didn’t feel completely different from that. It was just that this time, it was less of a realisation of more of a reminder.

‘I didn’t expect it to be this bad.’ Din quietly admitted.

‘I know.’ You whispered back, voice slightly muffled by his chest. ‘But pain is only temporary. Dark times pass and we’ll learn to look back on this and enjoy the memories. They won’t always be tainted.’

He’d been in a dark place when he’d met you. It was like he’d been treading water, waiting for the riptides to take him, to stake their claim and remind him of his mortality, to remind him that not even the bravest people can forfeit their ability to hurt. He tried. Maker, he had tried. The icy and emotionless impression he gave to strangers wasn’t an accident. It was a survival mechanism; a defense mechanism. One that you’d chosen to ignore. You’d saved him in every way a person could be saved.

Just as the waves were pulling him under, you’d dragged him out; dragged him to the shore and reminded him that pain was merely part of being human. Most importantly, you’d called his attention to the fact that no matter how much beskar he wore or how impenetrable he acted, that he couldn’t avoid being one. He could run away from bounty hunters and Imperials and the thousands of enemies he’d made but the fact of mortality was always hot on his tail.

Now, you were pulling him up for air all over again.

Eventually, pain stopped being a reminder of his humanity and instead, it was replaced by his love for you. His ability to feel things for you. You’d saved him then and now, you were helping him come up for air all over again. Being human didn’t always mean to hurt - it could just as much mean to love.

‘I’ve got you, okay?’ You tightened your grip on him, eyes meeting his. ‘Whatever you need.’

‘You.’ Din replied. ‘I need you. That’s all.’

a/n: ok i realised i published an identical but slightly different imagine to this in october but...clearly i have a type and that type is imagines where the mandalorian confesses that you’re the only thing he needs because i eat that shit up. consume it whole. i am telling you. i have no regrets. my content might is predictable but HELL at least u can rely on something in these wild times❤️

#din djarin x reader #din djarin imagine #din djarin x you #mandalorian x you #mandalorian x reader #mandalorian imagine #mandalorian fan fiction #din djarin fan fiction #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars fluff #din djarin fluff #mandalorian fluff #mandalorian spoilers #mandalorian season 2 spoilers

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jerepars · 3 years ago

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Ape Dos Mil Extended Chapter Notes

6 / 9 Pure Love

Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile and the dashboard). The story is posted here. Direct link to this chapter is here.

As it turned out, when James had to go dark for 48 hours, it pushed Teresa deeper into the cave. James sat in a hotel room on the other side of town while Teresa bought a hotel. James looked into Isidro Navarro while Teresa got ready to make her pitch to the guy and expand her business to Europe. While she dined, James was on the wrong side of the day.

When I first introduced lyrics from Glassjaw’s “Ape Dos Mil” into the story in the second chapter, I mentioned it was the lyrics and mood of the song overall that inspired the story. This paragraph is borrows from the main verse of the song:

Yeah, it's over You can bet in mid October I will still be ranting 'bout most early May Yeah, he's a winner He's a goddamn sinner While he dines I'm on the wrong side of the day And I said, "I don't understand why I'm fumbling after" You're the reason i cannot forget this season Or the letter when you first referred to it

She was going to go her own way, make all the deals, gain more more more. James had to be down for that not just because he was in love with her, but because he had a higher purpose—thanks to the universe—when it came to Teresa. But James wished she didn’t go around ignoring all the signs of danger. He wished she didn’t walk around like nobody was going to break her heart or like she could elude death. Hadn’t she learned, losing Tony, that the #1 special on the menu in the underworld was breaking hearts, one way or another?

There’s a Mac Miller song, “My Favorite Part” with these words: You walk around so clueless to it all. Like nobody gonna break your heart. It'll be alright babe, see, me, I got you covered. I'm gon' be your lover, you might be the one.

So the line in the paragraph about queenpin Teresa walking around like nobody was going to break her heart is a reference to that. There’s also a line in the song that goes, The universe couldn’t keep us apart--why would it even try? Very soulmate-y but different in that for Jeresa it is because of the universe they are soulmates.

But nothing moved Teresa. She didn’t let up. She wasn’t going to confess to using, since she was going out of her way to hide it. She didn’t own up to the responsibility of being targeted and putting them all in danger unnecessarily because she had to have Europe.

The first line of this paragraph is sort of a reference to the album Still Nothing Moves You by Ceremony.

Teresa was screaming, to feel the pressure in her throat, to drown out the noise in her head, when she took to the neatly pressed blazers along the back of the closet. She ripped as many off the hangers as would go, letting the different shades of white pool at her feet on the carpet. The jewelry station was next—earrings, necklaces, and rings ripping into her hands before she decided there were too many for a few handfuls, picking up the entire velvet drawer insert tray and dumping it to the side, fully enraged.

When she swung her arm around, Teresa caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length three-way mirror. Her breath caught in her throat. She saw herself, and there, over her shoulder, was herself—the girl from Culiacán.

“You forgot the most important thing is survival. You have to get out of here,” the girl pleaded. “You have to go. Run.”

So, uh, I changed a lot from canon. In 5x07, the scene cuts soon after Teresa yells “Fuuuuuuuuuck!” and throws her phone. In the next scene of Teresa, she’s in the sitting area of her room doing coke, and when she looks up at the mirror across from her, that’s when she seems old Teresa in flannel.

I had this scene planned out in my head before 5x07 aired and I always thought, when Teresa found out Boaz killed George, she would react violently and destroy her closet. So here in the story, Teresa is still inside her closet when old Teresa shows up.

“I’m not leaving without them,” Teresa told off the girl standing behind her in the too big flannel.

A reply never came but when Teresa looked back in the mirror, the girl was still standing there with terror in her eyes.

“I’m not leaving,” Teresa vowed.

The girl watched her. Teresa closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was the cocaine talking, the two big hits she’d taken while already upset. She knew that. But the girl remained, watching Teresa in silence.

In 5x07, Teresa has this conversation with Avi. But if she’s shut herself in her closet, then this conversation becomes a face-off with her former self. I think I like that better, actually.

It also eliminates the whole exchange with Avi saying James ordered for the plane to be ready and that Teresa should get out of the country immediately. After everything they’ve been through I don’t buy that James would take it upon himself to make that decision for her, regardless of how worried and protective he is. Sorry not sorry, canon, but that just doesn’t make sense for these characters.

Teresa wasn’t sure if she sat there for minutes or hours. She paid no attention to how much light was streaming in through the window. In silence, the tears flowed and brought her back down to earth. She only knew a significant amount of time had passed when the white noise stopped ringing in her ears and a familiar burning feeling took hold in her chest.

That was the universe’s doing. It meant James was back.

She heard indistinct chatter from outside the closet in the main room. She listened closer. There was James’ gravelly voice, then a pause, followed by Pote, low and gruff. They exchanged words and then came a third voice, higher in pitch with a familiar Texas Southern drawl—Kelly Anne.

Teresa sighed. They were back. She’d never been so thankful for the hurt in her chest.

More changes to canon. James gets to Kelly Anne and Pote before Boaz and makes sure they get back to the safe house.

Here’s the thing. I hate the whole kidnapping plot of 5x08 and think it’s unnecessary. Much of the episode is spent on Pote grunting and yelling nonsensically, making lame threats. And what happens? Pote doesn’t save the day. Kelly Anne saves herself. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that Teresa calls Boaz and tells him she’ll give him the business (and she was not bluffing, by the way) as long as he lets Kelly Anne go.

Omg. The action of 5x08 is fine. We get to see James in green. But the actual story...the plot of it...what the fuck is the point? The majority of the episode is wasted on Kote (the season is pretty much #Kote of the South at this point) when really it should focus on Teresa, and on the Castel/Devon/Kostya stuff.

So yeah. I said hell no, unlike canon I refuse to let Kote take over in my story. The queenpin storyline gets abandoned completely in canon with no proper resolution for how Teresa gets back to herself. It’s like she goes from the queenpin, caring about nothing but the business, then suddenly remembers her true personality and is the old Teresa again.

And for what? All because of the kidnapping plot? No. Just no. I couldn’t do it.

Eliminating the KA’s kidnapping doesn’t eliminate the Boaz problem or the Kostya problem or the Devon problem. So I axed it.

She’d said the same less than a week ago in Berlin, looking over the city skyline. But this time it had no bite and sting.

There’s a song by Defeater called “The Bite and Sting” and the phrase in the second sentence above comes from that title. If for whatever reason you decide to listen to it, there’s a line in the song that goes We ain’t seen no Germans for days, because Defeater’s music is conceptual and tells interrelated stories over the span of their albums. The EP that “The Bite and Sting” is on, Lost Ground, is about a black WWII veteran. The song is about being in the war and that’s why the line I mentioned is there. Kind of ironic, because I was not thinking about the fact that Teresa said to James “say it” while they were in Germany.

Anyway, that was a longwinded explanation just to say: the context of the reference and the way the phrase is used in the sentence are not related.

Self-preservation had always been key for James’ survival, and over and over he threw it away for her. So his words hurt because they were honest, because they pointed out the mistakes she’d made when it came to him. But Teresa admired James for standing up for himself and showing his backbone. He was there for her—they were in this together—but he wouldn’t allow himself to be used. She had to prove herself, to somehow make amends. And she loved him for it, to be given the opportunity.

Because beyond striking the balance with herself, Teresa knew that if she wanted the pure love only soulmates who were lucky enough to find each other and chose to be together could have—not just tough love—then the days of shutting James out had to come to an end as well.

In the notes for Good Luck/Bad Days (a completely separate and unrelated story) I mentioned that one of the songs I ended up referencing, “Pure Love” by Hayley Williams was actually meant to be used in this story. I think pieces of the song fit better lyrically in Good Luck/Bad Days, but conceptually (are those different? I feel like they are different) it fits better here. So. That’s where the chapter title comes from.

#je repars notes

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jakeperalta · 4 years ago

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Hi. So I noticed something interesting about Taylor's albums last night and kinda my ranking. So I knew Taylor since her debut album when I heard Teardrops but I didnt fully get into her until about when I was 12 and Fearless came out. Up until 1989, all the stuff she released was when I was in high school, and 1989 was released right after I graduated. This could be a reason why i dont usually listen to her old albums anymore and just pick my fav songs from the album..idk. The thing is, I always felt like I related to Taylor cuz she was the weird girl in high school outsider and she always wrote about boys and breakups, but as time went on..I couldnt really relate but I still had a crush I guess so kinda. But then she switched to pop, and the music was just vibes and kinda about her journey so I could relate it to her mostly, instead of myself..and I haven't liked anyone in forever. So 1989 was about finding herself..then Rep was about her reputation.. and Lover was also her and Joe. Then she released Folklore and I was hoping for stuff to relate to...Lover was a very hard sad period in my life but it made me feel better in a way..but now I hoped for stuff to relate to which is why I loved Taylor in the first place. Folklore wasnt that, but I still loved the stories and I guess creating my own to make it fit somewhat. However besides Evermore and Long Story Short, I cant do that at all with Evermore..and it's kinda back to breakup stuff that I dont relate to at all so idk. I guess the point is, I figured out why I dont really revisit her old music cuz it reminds me of specific times in my life..why I seemed to enjoy her pop albums more at the time..cuz i had nothing as difficult going on in my life..and why it took me so long to love Folklore. Evermore is complicated..I like it, but I guess it doesnt have a lot of favorites for me ..its easy to just play but I guess would have more skips or for a certain mood. It reminds me of Red in that way. It makes a lot more sense to me to skip sad songs than any of her pop stuff..so Rep has no skips for me lol but I guess that's just me. Now I'm kinda in this weird phase where I only like certain sad songs or I'm always looking for stuff that has meaning to me, but I also enjoy pop music I guess. Realizing this, now I dont really know what I would want next from Taylor..more pop or more songwriting..cuz I loved Folklore now but not Evermore as much. Some people say Evermore is poppier and she was able to combine pop with this kind of songwriting..but idk why cuz it's more country to me. I dont see how she could have this kinda lyrics or style if she ever went back to pop, cuz I kinda thought it was just cuz of the pandemic, but who knows.I guess I just want lyrics that are more relatable or can be about anything..not a fan of some specific lyrics unless it's a story. An example of this and music I like every song is Hayley William's newest album Flowers for Vases and anything by Best Coast and Soccer Mommy. This is an example of slow sad, alternative music I wanted or was expecting Folklore to be. Sorry this is so all over the place..I guess it's just my thoughts and how it changed over time, but also what her career will be like going forward but I'll always love her no matter what.

yeah i think it’s totally natural that we relate to music differently depending where we’re at in life and come to associate certain albums with specific time periods, whether positively or negatively. i feel similarly about 1989 and identifying it more with her. i think with more upbeat pop music we automatically focus less on the lyrics anyway and then i tend to associate the songs a lot more with her than identifying them with myself the way i do some of her stuff - for me that was a pretty bad time so i just sort of got absorbed into her whole story about like being in new york, finding herself etc. it’s nice to have more fun happy albums as a distraction in bad times but also nice to feel like she’s putting into words how you feel (which she does so well!). i think the style of writing in folklore and especially evermore doesn’t really do that in the same way as her earlier stuff. for me currently i guess i’m in more of a phase where i don’t feel the need to relate as much which is why i’m enjoying folklore and evermore a lot, but in the past and inevitably again in the future i’ll be listening to taylor really wanting to get that sort of connection from it and will probably end up going back to other albums (depending what it is i want to relate to).

it’s so hard to predict what she’ll do next! i do agree with you that evermore leans more country than pop and i can definitely see her doing more pop but i don’t know how that would necessarily mesh with this recent writing style, whereas country does probably work better because it’s more songwriting based. overall i’m always a fan of slower/more stripped back music from any artist (which is why for me rep has some songs i absolutely love but also more skips than others!) but at the same time it would be nice to get more upbeat stuff again!

#taylor swift #Anonymous #answered

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thomas-mvller · 4 years ago

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Tag games x 283129

Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)

Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!

Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))

Alright, here we go:

1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3

I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!

///

2) “Get to know me” tag

Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3

Name: Cloud

Birthday: sometime in november

Zodiac Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)

Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes

Favorite colors: black, red and teal

Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o

Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode

Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂

Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂

Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries

Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂

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3) Ten songs playlist tag

Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:

art-i-ficial by x-ray spex

sunny afternoon by the kinks

desire lines by lush

paper cuts by incubus

pure love by hayley williams

spirit by bauhaus

no one knows by screaming trees

let’s love by suho

all we need is a dream by cheap trick

cosmonauts by fiona apple

bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)

I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂

///

4) “Core aesthetic” tag

Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3

rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up

i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂

ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications

ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!

///

Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3

rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.

if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂

///

6) “bold what applies” tag

Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3

rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people

- Appearance

I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards

- Hobbies and interests

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

- Aesthetic

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

- Miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

///

my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3

How old are you?: 24

Surgeries?: one

Tattoos?: none yet ://

Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂

Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂

Ice skated?: nope

Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope

Ridden in an ambulance?: nope

Skipped school?: a handful of times

Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours

Broken bones?: nope

Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂

Last text from?: my mom

Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi

Favorite pie?: haven’t had one

Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper

Favorite season?: autumn

Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive

Favorite color?: black, red and teal

Sunset or sunrise?: both!

Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?

Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?

///

8) “find your match” tag game

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point

Rules:

Take the test

Reblog this post with what type you got

Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)

Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!

///

9) “get to know me tag”

Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3

nickname: cloud zodiac: scorpio height: 5′4″ / 1.65 last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet last thing I googled: block site extension favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8) lucky numbers: don’t think i have one dream job: whatever gives me stability what am I wearing: pajamas favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c can I play an instrument: nope favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8) random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????

///

MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS?????????

10)

Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face

Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing

WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words

EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally

Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂

/////////////

if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!

Stay safe everyone :D

#ask games #yaay!#FINALLY #THE GUILT........ GONE #well this was fun

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condemnthem · 4 years ago

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i was sent testimony from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. speaking with others involved i can confirm this testimony is credible. this backs up claims others have made about ludo, and shows further his use of “mental illness” as a weapon.

My Testimonial

I’ve been off rp for a little while, but when I heard about this, my first thought was that I have to add additional validity to the things being said about Damien/Ludo. Luckily, I did not receive the worst of it because I shut that shit down almost immediately and Damien has proven to be a scared little chihuahua who acts big but recoils as soon as he’s given a piece of his own bullshit. I’m sure he’ll know exactly who I am, and the only reason I won’t post this publicly is because I honestly do not wish to deal with him harassing any of my socials.

I was in that former RPG with Damien, and if anything, I wanted to shut all assumptions and lies down. Prior to joining, I’d heard plenty of shit regarding said RPG, and after Damien’s departure, I’d come to learn that the people who talk shit about it are just whiny children who are angry they weren’t exceptions to the rules clearly posted.

When I signed the waitlist, Damien approached me with a secret sister role via messages. He came off as very nice, and I was still figuring my character out, so I thought it would be even nicer to come in with an established connection. He connected me to all the right people to talk to, and I was pretty impressed with the welcoming atmosphere right off the bat. He stated the only thing that was set in stone was 1) her place of birth and 2) her profession, and 3) that she was his long lost sister, and that anything else (storyline, additional relationships, playby) were all completely up to me. I don’t like filling roles because I hate being told what to do creative-wise, but he seemed to be pretty open-minded minus trying to sway me away from my playby choices with ugly tattooed chicks.

The first couple of weeks were okay. I realized there were a few people in the RPG that I’d known for a while, and when they realized what my role entailed, they warned me not to let Damien control me, because it was what he did with other people as well as LI’s and that was why certain people hated him within the group. I’d also been informed that he had been banned and snuck back into the group, and it had taken O (I’ll say O for Owner and L for the LI Damien later gaslighted who is now with O) some time before realizing it was him, but let him stay because despite outside opinion by pissy former members, O is actually pretty reasonable.

I tend to be a very bendy person, and don’t like upsetting people around me, so when Damien first started getting pissy if I didn’t answer within two minutes, I tried to be nice and apologize with whatever excuse I had. But I also have a limit when I am being hounded constantly for attention when I had enough to deal with in my real life. I was also aware that one of his LI’s (also a taken role) had left because of his annoying neediness, and that the LI he was with (who I’d become best friends with) was dealing with the same annoying hounding for attention. She tried to be nice about it to not hurt his feelings, and didn’t show me receipts, but the story had become pretty commonplace at that point. I’d also been warned about his need for attention and lack of boundaries. I made it very clear on many occasions that I hate talking about rl, and frankly do not care about what anyone else is dealing with irl because I’m constantly dealing with my own shit. I ALSO suffer from the same disorder as Damien and it has never occurred to me to use that excuse for shitty behavior. If I felt the need to dissociate, I simply disappeared rather than taking it out on others around me.

I really tried to make that role work for me because the character was all mine and I loved her, and mused her pretty hard. Damien started attempting to control my attempts at changing playbys by stating they didn’t look like him (fyi, Hayley Williams, Hannah Pixie, and Dua Lipa don’t look like Yungblud either). He’d get annoyed if I wasn’t around to do blast activities with him. My last straw was when I took a one week hiatus for some stuff I was dealing with irl and was only really speaking to someone I had an almost-LI ship with. Damien CAME at me, asking why I was ignoring him for this person and I lost it, stating that I was on hiatus and didn’t owe him any of my fucking time, and that I hate being hounded for attention. He immediately backed down like the pussy he really is when he realized he couldn’t control me, and apologized saying he has that disorder and abandonment issues. And I very nicely said I didn’t care about that, because it’s none of my business, and that I suffered from the same mental disorder and didn’t take it out on people as a result because I’m an adult.

I decided to leave the group and come back as another character. That was when he was dating L, the person who came forward a few times in the posts below. L and I have some basic stuff in common (musicals, whatever), and we’d fan girl over them in statuses, and Damien would clearly be very pissy about it. When I left the group again, he blocked me everywhere, and then when he saw I was returning yet again, he messaged me saying he was excited and that he was sorry for deleting me because he was “being petty and immature.” I acted like it wasn’t a big deal because I try to be civil with group members to foster a healthy atmosphere, but I wanted to avoid him at all costs because he’s a toxic person. When I approached him with a storyline idea, he said he was capped (he’s never capped because he wants to rope everyone in on his bullshit, but I assumed it was because he secretly hated me, which I was totally cool with because it meant I didn’t have to talk to him) and a few weeks later, he was kicked from the group.

I was still with RPG when he was booted, and everyone of the things the Owner said below is valid. I’d been told by more than one person that Damien would give them shit for something as simple as liking statuses and would try to polarize people from other members of the group. His obsession with staying in that group despite hating it is honestly the dumbest shit ever, and the fact that he allegedly stated for an LI shows how pathetic he really is. But truly, he’d snuck back in despite being banned, so what does that say about him?

He started getting pissy because he wasn’t allowed to do shit that were clearly stated as being against the rules. He kept adding nonsensical, impossible storylines to Damien to focus all the drama on himself. When I joined the first time, Damien was just a baker who’d been abandoned by his mother, and had a serial killer father. By the time he left, he had like, 3 long-lost siblings, was apparently involved in sex trafficking, spent some years in a psych ward, and was also a semi-popular musician despite being confined to the RPG’s town. O is honestly a very understanding owner, but refuses to be taken advantage of, and Damien didn’t like that.

But the catalyst was his harassment of someone via Snapchat for simply liking O’s status or something of that nature. She approached him with this information, and gave him a chance to explain his side, but he avoided her for quite some time (because, as I stated, he’s a little bitch) and when she finally gave him an ultimatum, he came at her stating that she was a shitty owner and everyone hated her, etc. etc. and trying his darned best to make it his mic-drop moment when really he was being an irrational idiot. He was really just mad that O didn’t let him do whatever the hell he wanted, and made it seem like that made her a tyrant. Imagine being in a group and signing rules that have made it work for several years at this point, only to think you are above them.

His current LI in his RPG was a former member of this RPG as his sister role after I left and I’d confided in her the things I’d dealt with, and she seemed to agree that he WAS controlling. Funny that despite this, she chose to follow suit (likely being manipulated by him) and join Ludo’s group anyway. When he made his current group, it was also no secret that he’d give people shit for not leaving RPG for his, despite all the bullshit he spews about being drama-free and not talking poorly about other groups.

I’m happy I never gave Damien my rl information, but I’d seen receipts of him harassing people on rl social media on more than one occasion. The most he did was try to give me a sample of his sub-par music that I didn’t listen to because, as I stated, real life conversation makes me cringe. Every one of the things said below share a common narrative, and I don’t know how anyone can fall for Damien’s bullshit to this day, but whatever.

Damien, do better and stop blaming your issues on your trauma. I’ve tried to become a better person IN SPITE of mine. The way you gaslight and use people is disgusting, and I think it displays issues beyond what life as dealt you.

p.s. I’m sorry if this is kind of all over the place, I sent it via mobile and didn’t look back to fix any typos and such.

xoxo, Someone who didn’t fall for his bullshit. Cheers.

#testimony #ludo #you're good! thank you so much for this testimony #and thank you for sharing your story

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vintagebandpics · 6 years ago

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Hi people haven’t posted on this blog since sometime in 2017 probably. This is mostly due to my own laziness and growing out of having my life revolve around the people on this blog but I finally got logged on with my desktop so I feel like I can make a proper post! so in celebration I’m just gonna go ahead and make an update on all the regulars on this blog and see what they’re doing (spoiler: not much)

Brendon! at the Disco

2018 has probably been the most successful year that Panic! at the Disco has seen. Panic!, of course, being mostly Brendon. This year they lost two members, Dallon and Kenneth, Dallon leaving to focus on his new band, IDK and Kenneth for….. other reasons. (Trigger warning on that link.) On the lighter side of things, they released the album Pray For the Wicked, which debuted at #1 on the Billboards 200 albums charts. proud of them honestly....

Brendon has also gone on to regularly do twitch streams of him playing Fortnite, appeared as a guest judge on The Voice, and polluting Snapchat with ads of him speaking up about his friends at State Farm. At least he’s making money. Getting bread. Or whatever.

Pete Wentz (and crew)

In January of this year, Fall Out Boy released Mania which also debuted at number 1, their fourth record to do so. It was also nominated for a grammy (though they lost to Greta Van Fleet, a band almost universally regarded as god-awful). they haven’t done much this year aside from announcing a few festival shows, and have been featured on a posthumously released track from Lil Peep. pete himself has been (suspiciously) quiet, but has been posting tweets about butterflies recently. I dont know what that means. are fall out boy soon going full mariah? one can only hope

Paramore

my forever favorite person in the world, aka Hayley Williams has been taking an extended social media break for her mental health, or something, only occasionally appearing to promote her hair dye brand Good Dye Young, which recently began selling in some Sally’s Beauty stores and even Sephora. she also recently appeared on stage with Kacey Musgraves to sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. it was so good. i miss her a lot but its fine. taylor is still silent as ever. he literally has two tweets on his account. zac stays promoting his solo side project HALFNOISE (which is actually pretty great.) paramore as a unit hasnt done anything in months. i kinda feel like they wont release another record WHICH I HOPE ISNT TRUE but after all the shit that went down during the production of after laughter...... whom knows.

William Beckett

will was accused of abuse by his wife and he said she was the one to abuse him. kinda went silent everywhere ever since, and no one really knows what happened. rip

Gabe Saporta and Squad

after the end of Cobra in 2015, gabe went on to co-found his own company with mike carden managing artists. billboard recently did a really great and eye opening profile on him. he has went on record to say a cobra reunion is the last thing on his mind. vicky t has a solo career and recently released a music video. ill let you draw your own opinion on it.

Ryan Ross

back on his bullshit. he did recently have a song with z-berg and in the video he had THE WORST insta e-boy type earring. and so many rings. hes the worst type of LA boy. he hasnt done anything since but did tell alt press that he was planning on writing and recording music in 2019. (i dont really want to link alt press. just take my word for it.) anyway, we’ll see if thats true. we’ve been lied to before.

My Chemical Romance

dead. will stay dead. stop making up rumors about their comeback. stop sending them to me. theyre dead and ITS FINE!!!!!! anyway. gerard most recently has had mad success when netflix adapted his comic series the umbrella academy. frank has a new record coming out in may. ray is a Dad. mikey is about to have another baby. i didnt have the energy to look into their 300 previous drummers for their updates. im sorry.

that concludes our journey. it unfortunately wasn’t that interesting, but thats why we stay focused on pre-2010 bandom. thanks for continuing to love this blog even as it sits unupdated for literally years at a time. i dont know what im going to do with it but im glad yall continue to love it ❣️

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harryandmolly · 6 years ago

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i could write it better than you ever felt it - two

Summary: fuck growing up. this is freedom, this is life, this is youth -- 2007 Warped Tour style.

Warnings: Language, a lot of tongue

Word count: 5k

Valentina forgets, just briefly, why the fuck she agreed to this around the time she unloads the 30th box from the truck.

And then the gates open.

Val’s never been to Disney World despite the fact that she and her family have lived in Florida all her life. Her parents never thought of it as a suitable vacation or activity for their children’s growing minds. But she imagines this is what it looks like, feels like when the gates of the Magic Kingdom open in the morning.

She’s watching from afar when they start letting people in. Swarms of teens and young adults with multicolored hair and vibrant graphic tees pour in searching out solace and togetherness. They’ll find it here, she’s sure. She always did.

The first bands were on at 11:30am. She’s camped out at her now fully functional merch tent and the initial door opening rush has ceased. She’s officially back in the saddle, and officially exhausted.

Her feet are propped up on the table and her sunglasses are drawn low down her nose as she surveys the area and tells herself she’s not looking for that guy, the one she saw during load-in. The one with the legs.

A hand clamps down over her eyes and her instincts tell her to drop her feet and squeal. A low rumbling laugh falls over her shoulder. Her racing heart settles.

“Alex, you’re a prick.”

And there he is. All 6’1”, 130 pounds of him. Alex Gaskarth, lead singer of All Time Low, her second favorite goofball.

She looks over her shoulder at him and grins despite her grating words. He takes his cue to step around the table and present himself to her. He’s wearing a smirk and a douchey white snapback. He lifts his thick dark eyebrows.

“But I’m your prick,” he reminds her. She shakes her head and stands. He holds out his long, gangly arms for her to wrap herself up in.

She sways them back and forth and lands a friendly kiss on his cheek. “I can’t believe it took you this long to come visit. I half expected the bus would run over you when we pulled in here this morning.”

“Following you around the venue like a puppy is so 2005,” he chuckles, alluding to the not-so-secret crush he harbored pretty famously on her during her last fall tour with Streets. Despite the potential for awkwardness, Alex and Val remained friends. She even wrote with him sometimes when he was in the Miami area.

She claps him on the back and releases him. “What time are you on? Hurley.com, right?”

He grins proudly, rocking back on his heels. “Yeah, can you believe it? Fuckin’ Hurley.com! We’re on at 4 today.”

She bobs her head. “That’s a good slot. Long enough after lunch that people will be looking around for a set to catch.”

“Exactly. Rian’s out with the posterboard now walking the line.”

Val tossed her head back with a laugh. Walking the line was a time-honored tradition at Warped Tour for smaller bands. They designate members to walk around the grounds with a posterboard announcing their stage and set time. It’s a duty no one particularly likes because it’s hot and a little humiliating but the ATL boys always did it with gusto. Val’s pretty sure it had more to do with meeting girls than with the pride of convincing potential fans to come catch their set.

“I don’t miss that shit,” she admits.

He shoots her a look. “You must miss the rest of it, though. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“Psychoanalyzing me already, Gaskarth? Buy me a drink first.”

She gently backs him off with her sharp wit. The truth is, Alex knows more about her than she’d probably care to realize. He’s perceptive as hell, which makes him an amazing songwriter. But here, at the merch table, where she can feel the heavily lined eyes of 17-year-olds staring at them curiously, she doesn’t much feel like getting into her personal life. Especially since she knows he has the ear of Raf.

“I will definitely buy you a drink at the barbecue tonight!” he offers with a glint in his eye.

“The booze is free at the barbecue.”

“That’s perfect, free drinks are my favorite kind to buy. I gotta bounce, I’ll see you tonight, kid.”

He bumps her fist with his and jogs off, holding the saggy ass of his skinny jeans up with one hand as he waves at a giggling group of fans.

When the smell of his Axe body spray and sweat fades, the watchful eyes remain. Val is used to them, had gotten good at ignoring them, but she’s a little out of practice.

They feel sharper than she remembers. She blinks hard, feeling the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She swallows uncomfortably and reaches for a water bottle.

Despite the 50/50 male to female ratio of attendance at Warped Tour and the general understanding that women are more a part of the scene than ever before, female band members, especially female drummers, are not widely accepted. She was bothered by it for a time, unsure how anyone could mistake her drive to write and make music as a way for her to sleep with band and crew. She kept everyone at arm’s length, desperate to keep from gaining a reputation. But it never mattered. She got one anyway.

Val shoots a glance at the gaggle of teen girls in Delia’s jeans and Paramore t-shirts. They pretend to be doing anything but gossiping about her. She turns her attention back to her chipping navy nail polish and smiles. Some things never change.

Shawn pulls the fabric of his t-shirt from where it clings to his abs and pulls a face.

“I’m fuckin’ drenched,” he mumbles. Seth nods, squinting against the sun. They’ve just come off their first set playing to about seven people from the Smartpunk stage.

“California is hot,” Francis whines. Shawn beans him with a plastic water bottle. Francis grabs it out of the dust and throws it back, but it goes wide when he gets distracted by something behind Shawn.

Shawn turns his head to look. Through the straggling crowd, he sees Raf and Val Moreno at the Streets of Gold merch tent looking like the casual rock gods they are. Shawn’s smile is shy and cornered on either side by a blush.

“Should we go say hi?” murmurs Vince, their guitar and drum tech.

Shawn winces. “Well we shouldn’t stand here and strategize about it, that’s fucking weird.”

But they do stand there for another minute or two, quietly hoping Raf will spot them and wave them over so they feel like the kids getting invited to sit at the cool lunch table. But he’s embroiled in what looks like a heated discussion with his sister, so they slouch off for a break under the merch tent with Dan and his battery operated fans.

Shawn’s a little relieved. He’s not sure he can be around either Moreno twin without making an ass of himself. He knows Raf, yes, they’ve been first openers on more recent Streets shows when they’ve come through Toronto, but that doesn’t make him any less of a total fucking dweeb around him, given how long he’s been a Streets fan. And Val, Val he’s never met and probably never should. Shawn’s not bad around girls but he has a funny feeling he’d go full idiot motor-mouth if he got to look deep into the soulful brown eyes of Valentina Moreno. Maybe he can go the whole summer without talking to her? Is that possible?

He contemplates the likelihood under the tent with his eyes closed. He hears some female giggling and looks up. There are about six 14-year-old girls staring at them shyly.

“Hey, Shawn!” one of them greets, shoved forward by the others to be their mouthpiece despite the shakiness in her voice.

Shawn beams and stands, looming over them. “Hey, guys! Did you catch the set earlier?”

The leader of the group looks annoyed. “No, only Carly did,” she gestures to a petite Latina girl behind her who looks horrified that Shawn Mendes knows her name now, “We were stuck at soccer camp until noon and couldn’t get here.”

Shawn ducks slightly to seem less large and intimidating. He looks around a girl’s pink hair to catch Carly’s eye. “Did you have fun?”

Carly blinks and clears her throat. Her friends look awe-struck. “Yes. Yeah, you guys were great.”

Shawn bobs his head. “Thank you. You guys wanna take a picture?”

They agree and hand him a little pink Razr. They gather around him as he squats partially to fit them all in the frame. He turns the phone around and expertly positions it to snap the photo. With hugs and a couple purchased t-shirts later, they’re off to bask in the glow.

“Shawn Mendes: setting teenage loins on fire since 1988.”

Shawn smirks at Francis. “Are you jealous about the 14-year-olds, Frank? Do we need to have a talk?”

The band guffaws. Francis’s face goes flat. “Fuck off, you know I love older women.”

“I do,” Shawn chuckles, shaking his head.

“This year is the year I marry Hayley Williams,” Francis reminds them all. Shawn tips his head back and lets his eyes shut again, resting up before the first barbecue of the tour.

“This is the year I fuck Bigfoot,” Seth chirps.

It’s the last thing Shawn remembers hearing before he drifts off in a nice post-show nap.

Val can’t really explains the bubble of nerves she feels as she sits in the front lounge of the Streets bus with her make up bag. She’s freshly showered and applying a cat eye when Raf steps out of the bunk area with a resigned smile.

“You look pretty,” he comments half-heartedly.

“Don’t sound so bummed about it,” she chuckles, sparing him a glance as she raises her eyeliner wand with a steady hand.

“I’m not. Sorry. I’m just… I’m sorry about earlier. I was being weird,” Raf mumbles, collapsing into the booth seat across the table from her.

Val gamely lowers her hand to focus on him. She sweeps a wave of almost too shiny stick-straight hair over her shoulder and regards him carefully. “It’s ok.”

“It’s not. It’s not your shit. And I always make it your shit,” he sighs.

Val bites into her lower lip, flipping through her lip gloss options. After a moment, she looks up at him. “It’s just… it’s been a couple years, Raf, I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Raf swallows and Val feels his embarrassment in her gut like it’s hers. She winces.

“I don’t know why I still can’t be around her. I feel like such a fucking kid,” he rasps. He nervously adjusts the Taking Back Sunday snapback on his dark curls and huffs.

“It’s not like there’s a rule. You and Bea, it was fuckin’ complicated. And it was so hot and cold and on and off for a long time. You’re not a robot, you can’t turn it off because you want to. And even if she pretends she can, she can’t.”

He looks up. “Did she say something to you?”

“Jesus Christ, Raf, stop. I’m talking to you now as your sister, not as Bea’s friend. I cannot be your informant or your go-between. We’re not doing that again.”

Raf held up his hands. “Right. Yes. I’m sorry. Old habits. Cool. We’re good.”

Raf stands and heads for the door without another word. Val opens her mouth to stop him but his long legs carry him faster than her brain can come up with something comforting to say. She wrinkles her nose and pouts at the magnifying mirror.

With any luck, she’d get her hands on enough Jack Daniels not to be worrying about keeping 15 yards between her brother and his sometimes-girlfriend. But if she wants any booze at all, she’d better leave now.

She follows stragglers from the bus grounds to where they’ve set up the grills and stereos. There’s something romantic about wading through trampled grass, following bonfire smoke and pop-punk to get to where she wants to be. And when she arrives, she’s welcomed with open arms and open containers of booze.

The New Found Glory guys and Bea pounce on her first, doling out hugs and swigs of gin. Val feels her heart pounding against Ryan Key of Yellowcard’s chest as she hugs him because she’ll never be fully over that little crush. She flips off the Streets band and crew as they holler at her from a stack of strategically placed hay bales. They’re surrounded by a younger band she doesn’t recognize.

She gathers a plate of food, high fives Kevin Lyman and snags a beer before she strolls over to join her family. As she stands over them, she sees a familiar face.

“Val, these are the Forefront guys. Guys, this is my sister Val,” Raf introduces, pointing out Francis, Bobby, Seth, Vince, Carter and Shawn.

Val slides on a smooth grin and plops down next to Shawn, Blue Jays skateboarding boy from this morning. Because when life hands you lemons.

“Hi,” she murmurs, fluttering her eyelashes at him when his eyes go wide. He chokes slightly on a bite of hot dog and mumbles “hi” through a mouthful of bread.

She’s undeterred. From this close, she can see the little freckles on the base of his neck and the way his sideburns are curly like the rest of his hair. It’s refreshing – curls aren’t a thing in the scene. It makes him stand out. That and the foot of height he has on anyone that comes near him.

She’s heard of Forefront from Raf. She knows some of their music. They opened a few shows after her tenure as Streets’ drummer, so her familiarity is limited. She likes his voice, though. It’s the kind of voice that makes you want to close your eyes and live in it for a while, let it take you somewhere. She has half a mind to close her eyes and just listen to him talk now.

But he’s gone quiet. She wonders if maybe she threw him off by planting right next to him. Val knows as both a confident woman and a female scene drummer she can be an intimidating presence. She doesn’t so much mind that, but it does throw off her game sometimes.

She drinks a little harder. He does the same. As he does, his body, previously turned away and closed off from her, opens up. He starts looking over at her when she laughs at something Francis said or when she makes her sly cracks that have the whole group roaring. Just once or twice she catches him staring just a little too long. If their faces weren’t bronzed out by the light of the fire, she’d catch his heavy blush.

Some of the group breaks off until it’s Francis, Shawn, Val and Naveen sitting around listening to Francis blabber over blink-182’s Take Off Your Pants And Jacket in the background. Shawn and Val are both picking at straw from a hay bale when the song changes to First Date.

Their heads shoot up like meercats. Val looks at Shawn with a grin. He goes noticeably pink at noticing the same song she has.

“I love Take Off Your Pants,” she confesses, “It was like, a turning point album for me.”

Shawn nods eagerly, tossing his straw aside and licking his lips. She watches the black ring bob distractingly. “Totally. God, Stay Together For the Kids? So fucking good.”

“Oh my god, legendary,” she agrees, pressing her lips into a gentle smile.

He gets his first good look at her for the night. He’s been trying to keep his eyes down, trying not to be weird, but she’s a little magnetic.

He notices her long, rounded fingernails and wonders if she wore them that long when she was still drumming. He wonders if she straightens her dark hair or if it’s that shiny all on its own. He looks at the fullness of her lips and imagines what flavor her lipgloss is. He stops himself when he realizes he’s thinking about how her flared hips would feel under his hands when she’s dancing to Beverly Hills by Weezer.

Now, though, since they’re talking, he has invitation to look at her. She’s a classic kind of beauty with a soft round face, deep, dark eyes and cupid’s bow-shaped lips. She’s kinda tall for a girl at 5’8” but still petite enough to make you wonder how she hits those drums so hard. Or, used to.

She’s beautiful. She’s been beautiful for years. He knows because he’s been a Streets fan since he saw them by happenstance at a little club in Toronto when he was a moody 14-year-old. They had only just gotten signed and were opening for Bayside at the time. He remembers quirking his eyebrows when she took the stage, that little hint of a smirk on her face, that look of “just you watch.”

She plays hard. She’s a damn good drummer. Naveen is a decent replacement, but Val Moreno was special. She is special. And she’s pulling on his hand.

“C’mon, Mendes, I need a refill,” she announces, tugging on him as she turns toward the tables of booze. His eyes fall to the snug back pockets of her hiphuggers. He licks his lips again and follows willingly.

“What can I make you?” he offers gallantly, holding his arms out to the bottles of booze.

Val’s eyebrows lift as she leans against a lamppost. “What is this, “Cocktail?””

Shawn grins at the reference and ducks his head. “I’m a bartender when we’re not on tour. Try me.”

This time Val’s the one licking her lips at the implication. Trying him doesn’t sound like a bad way to spend time.

“Whiskey sour,” she requests with a nod. He beams at the proffered challenge and reaches for a fresh solo cup, expertly whipping up her drink the way he makes them at The Copper Bar back home in Toronto.

He hands it to her with a raised eyebrow. She takes a sip, watching him as he watches her. She approves.

“That’s good. You know your way around a bottle.”

“I do what I can,” he says without a hint of false modesty. Her heart smacks against her ribs. She fights to soothe it as he leads her not back toward their friends but around the perimeter of the barbecue.

“So. First day. You shitting yourself yet?” she asks.

Shawn laughs and adjusts the backwards cap on his head nervously. She blinks and thinks of Raf for a flash of a second.

“Today was rough,” he admits, “We’ve been opening for some cool bands so we’ve had a lot of kids to play for recently. When they’re not trapped in front of you, when they can just walk past your stage to go catch Pennywise on main, I mean yeah, it’s disheartening.”

Val knows the feeling well but gets the sense the sage older sister vibe wouldn’t be appropriate here given how not subtly he’s brushing their hands together as they walk.

“I actually heard people talking about your set today,” she says. He lights up. She brightens up right with him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Some girls at my table said you were playing a keyboard. They acted like they’d never seen one before.”

Shawn shrugs. “I like the keyboard. Feels a little elevated sometimes. It’s different.”

Val slugs back another sip of whiskey and notices how light she feels. She hopes if she starts to float away he’ll catch her.

They make another turn around the perimeter and their cups are empty by the time they get there so they refill. By the time they come back again, Shawn is stumbling lazily, holding Val’s hand high as she twirls toward the table to grab a beer. She’s singing along, and not at all badly, to Pardon Me by Weezer. He watches her with a close-mouthed smile and sparkling eyes and he’s half in love and the other half is three sheets to the wind.

When they reach the table, she drops his hand and before he can feel dejected, she hands him a beer and drags him away from the rabble and the music and the cloud of weed and cheap booze toward the buses. It’s not subtle, it’s public, people are definitely taking note of who’s skulking off with who, and Val seems to pay it no mind. Shawn swings his head back to look at what they’re leaving. He avoids Raf’s watchful gaze and instead stares at Francis who looks a little impressed and a little fucking flabbergasted.

“Do you like touring, Shawn?” she asks, continuing to drag him by the hand like she knows exactly where they’re going. He’s pretty sure she doesn’t.

“I love touring,” he says honestly, hiccupping over the last word. She giggles and turns, walking backwards up the hill with a beer in one hand and his hand in the other. He wants to memorize this moment.

Val Moreno isn’t just looking at him. She doesn’t just know his name. She’s dragging him up a hill to god knows where with beers and it occurs to him there’s no bus call tonight because they’re only driving to Ventura in the morning. What the fuck is going on.

She’s plopping into cross-legged position on a patch of mud. He notices that she doesn’t seem to do much very gracefully, other than hit the drums. He lowers next to her and she releases his hand.

“I like touring sometimes. Other times it makes me… crazy,” she confides, narrowing her eyes at the fairgrounds below being broken down by venue staff. She blinks slowly. He watches her wet her lips and sip her beer.

“It can be a lot,” he agrees softly, unsure of how to answer. He finds himself wanting to be helpful to her in some way, in whatever way she might need.

He gets like this around girls sometimes. He wants to be whatever they want him to be.

She ignores his confused glance and drops her cryptic topic. Instead, she stares out at the floodlights painting the grounds pale colors against the charcoal southern California sky.

“Do you miss drumming?” he whispers.

She doesn’t blink, doesn’t hesitate. “Every day.”

He’s quiet for another minute. “Why did you stop?”

She looks at him warmly. He feels it down to his toes. She puts her beer down and turns to face him, shuffling between his bent knees. She plants her manicured hands on the tears in his black jeans and looks him over carefully. He feels himself go a little hard against his thigh under her study.

“Val?” he whispers.

“Hmm?” she hums, looking up from his impressive arms to his even more impressive face.

“You gonna kiss me?” he croaks, his mouth going dry.

Valentina grins wide. “You’re goddamn right I am.”

She doesn’t so much kiss him as maul him. She launches into his body, securing her hands by his where they’re planted behind him to hold them up. She plunders his lips, sucking his lower lip into her mouth, teasing the piercing to make him moan. She licks hungrily into his mouth. He pushes off his hands to pull himself up right and hold her tight against him, wanting to feel her chest against his, see if their hearts were pounding in time, if they were as in synch as their lips.

She sinks her fingers into his hair and tugs. His body tightens along with his grip on her. He whimpers loud into her mouth, sucking gently at her tongue. She cards her fingers through his hair like she’s desperate for something but he’s not sure what it could be because he’s given her everything he has in this kiss. He bites down on her lower lip when she makes to pull away to his neck.

She tastes like whiskey and beer and her hair is impossibly softer than it looks as he plays with the ends, the fingers of his other hand flirting with the hem of her shirt. She wiggles in his arms until his fingertips nudge underneath. His hands wander up over the perfect caramel skin of her back, over the band of her lacy bra, brushing the downy hairs on the nape of her neck. He thinks about lifting her arms and pulling off her tee but he resists, dropping a hand down to slide into her back pocket instead.

She gasps a little into his mouth at his teasing squeeze. She nips at his lips playfully, giggling into the kiss in a way she hasn’t with anyone in a long time. She knows she’s drunk, they both are, but this feels like its own intoxication.

She pulls back slightly to breathe, tucking her hair behind her ears. Shawn’s lips are swollen and his pupils are blown out. She flicks gently at his bottom lip with her tongue, enjoying the way his breathing hitches whenever she uses her tongue on him. She pecks at his lips, wriggling back into his hand as he experimentally massages her ass through her skinny jeans.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he hisses, grunting when she drops her lips to the freckles she noticed on his neck earlier.

Val smiles against the gently tanned skin, sinking her teeth in to hear him yelp.

“Oh, fucking Christ,” he mutters, gathering her in closer, unwilling to move his hands from her ass.

“Wanna leave a mark,” she murmurs, tonguing his throat. He nods without hesitation.

“Please, fuck, yes,” he rasps, already picturing how it’ll look in the mirror tomorrow morning, how long it might last on his sensitive skin.

Val nibbles and sucks like she’s got a formula in place and maybe she does but he definitely doesn’t care. It feels fucking good. It feels even better, somehow, when she leans back to survey her work and smiles. She likes claiming him.

“So sexy, Shawn,” she whispers into his lips through another sloppy, open-mouthed kiss. He groans in agreement. Her teeth bump up against his piercing and she pulls back to lick at it playfully.

“This is sexy, too,” she comments, pecking at the corner of his mouth, feeling the enamel dig into her lip.

“Yeah?” he pants, blinking his eyes open to see her looking at him with a Cheshire cat smile and hooded lids. He licks the taste of her off his lower lip.

“I like piercings,” she tells him, tracing the sharp line of his jaw with her finger. It quivers under her touch. He keeps his eyes level with hers.

“What… what else do you like?” he nearly gasps. Her eyebrows lift.

“You wanna know what I like, Shawny?”

The low tremor of his voice has him nodding eagerly. He squeezes her ass again for emphasis. “Yeah.”

“I like your hands on my ass. And I like your tongue in my mouth,” she replies smoothly, hooking her fingers back into his curls and tilting his head to stroke her tongue against his.

He moans loud, obscenely, and tips back into the dirt with her on top of him. Her weight is comforting somehow, and the motion kicks up a breeze through her hair, sending a distinctly citrusy scent at him to overwhelm him further.

He hears himself speaking but isn’t sure why he feels the need to, especially since he’s literally talking into her mouth. “You smell good.”

She giggles and their teeth clash and Shawn feels a shiver rip up his back. It’s so casually intimate, feels couple-y and sweet, it makes Shawn a little dizzy. He grunts and tries not to rut into her like a teenager since she’s just lying on top of him and not making any moves to grind against him or take his clothes off. Which he’s fine with, he can totally handle himself. The raging hard-on in his cage-like jeans tells him otherwise, but fuck it. When’s he going to have this chance again?

Val likes feeling him solid and warm underneath her, between her and the briny-smelling dirt. She’s just interested in kissing him, in exploring the way their lips fit together and the noises he makes when she flicks at the tip of his tongue or scratches at the curls on the back of his neck. He’s not pushing her either, which is nice. He’s not yanking at her shirt or shoving his hands down her pants. He’s making her feel like he’ll take what he can get from her when she offers it. That’s kinda nice.

The flood lights go out below them. The party is over. The venue is broken down. They both jerk upright when the world around them goes absolutely dark.

Val pants. Shawn sits up with her between his knees. He groans.

“How are we going to get back? We can’t see anything.”

Val winces. “Yeah, bad planning,” She hops up and takes his hand, yanking him to his feet, “C’mon, baby steps.”

They do get back down the hill to where the buses are. It’s not easy, and they both fall a couple times, and by the time they reach the bottom they’re both certainly more sober. He walks her to her bus and swings her hand playfully, feeling like a kid dropping his date off and wondering who’s watching them from the windows as he kisses her goodnight. She gives him one last little peck on his lip ring before sending him away and crawling into her bunk.

Taglist: @smallerinfinities @the-claire-bitch-project @stillinskislydia @achinglyshawn @infiniteshawn @alone-in-madness @alone-in-madness @singanddreamanyway @accioalena @randi-eve

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fan fic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fan fiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes fluff #punk!shawn #warped tour shawn

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thisislakewood · 6 years ago

Photo

→ IN CHARACTER INFORMATION

Character Name: Reina Ashford

Characters Age: 36

Faceclaim Choice: Sophia Bush

Gender and Pronouns: Female, She/her

Birthplace: Los Angeles, CA

Birthday: August 6th, 1982

Occupation: Evidence Technician for Lakewood PD

Family: Reyes Family

Position: Drug mule/Driver for the Castro Cartel

→ BIOGRAPHY

TW: Drug usage, drug mention, death

The Ashford family, descendants hailing from England, Ireland, Italy, and Scottland, following their dreams to the so-called Land of Opportunity. Roots that stuck and grew from California where William and Hayley Ashford, two individuals that had met in Los Angeles, married. A doctor and his financial adviser wife that earned enough money to be comfortable, just enough to get by. Love that brought their first daughter into the world–Reina. Emerald eyes that sparkled like stars, expressive brows in a perpetual knitted state as she tried to make sense of the world, and a contagious smile that lit up her entire face. Reina was a happy child, entertained easily, curious about everything, and daring to the point it drove her parents crazy with worry. Every tree needed to be climbed, every jump needed to be higher, every limit needed to be broken. Eventually, William and Hayley, unbeknownst to Reina’s infant mind–decided to make their way to San Antonio, Texas and decided to continue their lineage when a job opportunity presented itself. Dreams frowned upon by the Ashford’s who believed in sticking together, hence the star-crossed lovers suggestion for William and Hayley.

Reina’s reckless behavior that seemed to electrify upon the arrival of her younger sister years later. Attention distracted from her, Reina chose to use it to get into shenanigans, small pranks that caused laughter and eye rolls at school. Two parents that loved their children endlessly, the girls grew up together happy and content, never without anything negative their pretty little heads needed to worry about. A natural social butterfly, school was easy for Rei–she got along with everyone, blended in, excelled where her didn’t, the shadow tailing behind the brainy kindhearted soul that mirrored her looks. It always seemed like her sister was one step ahead, and in most ways it pushed Rei to be more competitive too. In fact, the girl gradually became even more vocal and blunt with her truths–sarcastic, witty, exuberant. She had a knack for drawing attention, and as time rolled by it was suggested she pursue theater, marketing, anything that put her face out there in the world.

On the eve of Reina’s eighteenth birthday, rain poured, as though alerting the world with the sense of foreboding. Demanding, ever so, she wanted to go to a party with friends, claiming dinner with her parents was childish and boring. Compromise then, dinner and then the drop-off, with curfew at 11pm. Snippy and sulking all through the meal, Reina never once lightened up as the journey to her party began and rain poured heavier, obscuring the vision. Argumentative, a horrid attitude that never once affected her parents as they chatted casually with their bratty daughter. As William was about to pull off to the side of the road, blinding lights, and a deafening sound that still haunts Reina to this very day. She woke up on the paved road, just as the paramedics arrived and wheeled them to the hospital. She questioned until her voice ran horse, Their father dead at the scene, her sister unconscious but going to pull through and in a daze, Reina watched the doctors resuscitate their mother five times. Machines hooked up to Hayley’s lifeless body, and Reina made the final call to not resuscitate. The first adult decision she made at midnight on her eighteenth birthday. Since that day, Reina changed–that reckless behavior sunk in, that daredevil attitude released from the fear she once held onto. Yet the guilt never once eased from it’s grip on her heart. Responsible. Reina felt that way over her sister and for forcing them to live without their parents. It was her fault, entirely, for being selfish, and perhaps the reason why it drew a rift between sisters. The guilt became a shield in hopes of preventing herself from hurting her sister further. hey’d tried, yes, to make her feel pitied, everyone that she knew and had known her late parents. Her sister exuded more strength than she, but it took one person to say the wrong thing and Reina slamming their head onto a table that people took her seriously. She was a force to be reckoned with. A tomboyish nature settled in her bones then–she had to toughen up too in order to get through life. Any attempts to change her physical appearance never made her feel any better. Since her parents had died Reina simply felt numb. Perhaps it was that numbness that had settled and the idealism of living in her parents image that drew her and her sister even farther apart. With her the death of her parents’ plaguing the back of her mind, money, power, none of it mattered to Reina. Her focus was driven on living her life in the best way possible, to go after what she wanted by any means necessary. The working world was her oyster for the young girl–dealing drugs, running sketchy errands, bagging groceries…any and all of it to make ends meet. In her own way, Reina was working hard to make sure her sister was taken care of. No one had forced the responsibility onto her, but she shouldered it anyway. And with that came a desire to hone her focus. Adderall offered as a quick pick-me-up. From then on Reina took it every chance she got. The focus, the amount of work she got done–it was an addiction she succumbed to, and kept secret from everyone else. It was all for her sister, right? In a way, Adderall was helping her be her best self. Somewhere between her drug induced focus and lulls of sobriety, Reina had lost her connection with her sister, noticing how she was an outsider when the two were together. She blamed the death of their parents for the rift that divided them, unable to see that she was in fact the one that was pushing the last of her blood away. She had to be the one to help this family not fall apart, and decided to at a distance. Her sister wanted to go to school, and if Reina hadn’t been popping pills, she would’ve broken from the stress of it all right then and there. With a one-track mind for her own future, Reina knew she had to learn how to take care of herself too, along with her sister,and have it continue to succeed. College, a blur, graduating with a marketing degree, Reina used her charm and goal-oriented mindset to make her way through the ranks and eventually landed a job as a marketing manager. Charm that caught the eye of her superior. An unintentional thing Reina hadn’t meant to do, or maybe she did–the man was loaded, the business passed down from grandfather, to son, and then to himself. Liam O’Connor, Irish, equally charming, and a with a sense of humor that could keep up with Reina’s own. A game of cat and mouse that eventually intertwined into a relationship, then an engagement. Reina thanked her lucky stars that she’d found the solution to all of her problems, and with her marriage, this could be the way to help give her sister the life she wanted too. But fate would rear it’s ugly head and shatter that illusion. Reina had been working when she got the call–like a bomb went off, her ears were ringing, the noise of the office barely audible, the only clear voice the one on the other end of the line. The body of her fiance had been found. Suicide, they told her, which didn’t make an ounce of sense to Reina. Evidently, the company had been bankrupt, and he had begun committing fraud. Everything was lost for her then, her chance at happiness, her chance for her sister’s, everything was gone in the blink of an eye. She wanted to focus, needed to, out of pills, Reina sought something stronger, something to numb the pain. Cocaine was a hell of a drug, easily obtainable, easily hidden. Reina turned to the night life to forget, to let the long nights fade away and she slept heavily during the day before doing it all over again.

One particular night out, Reina met a group from a place called Lakewood, a place easily forgotten about as she pounded the drinks and took the lines one by one until she blacked out. In the hard light of morning with a pounding headache, Reina awoke in an empty hotel room, left without her wallet and a dead cellphone on her person…in, you guessed it, Lakewood, Texas. About to bolt, someone returned, their face not registering in the black out from the night, but they knew her extremely well from her drunken truths and what she’d done throughout the night for them on multiple dares. An offer to help her, a chance for a new life, a chance to start over. And with that, more to help her forget and move on from the life that had left her with nothing. A bold and fearless personality that could help them greatly. The Castro cartel, a mule, and with the right training and classes, an Evidence Technician for the police in Lakewood. Their person to get rid of whatever could link them to their crimes. A chance to do something interesting with her life instead of being forced to take care of another. What appealed to Reina most was the chance to leave everything behind, and naturally, she took it. Her entire life had been comprised of doing what was best for her and her sister. This was as though life were handing her a silver lining. She deserved to be alone, right? Her sister deserved a life without her, didn’t she? Eight years she’s been in Lakewood, eight years she’s enjoyed her new life and embraced herself for who she truly is.

→ PERSONALITY SUMMARY

+ : Energetic, straightforward, big-hearted. - : Headstrong, impatient, arrogant.

#sophia bush #sophia bush fc #mob rp #gang rp #crime rp #taken #reyes cartel

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stargleeksil-blog · 7 years ago

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Criminal Minds s05e03 “Reckoner” review - or more aptly named,

Episode 03 – Reckoner

Good morning everyone! Well, it’s morning for me here as I’m writing this. Anyway. Had an awful morning, because when you go to sleep, it’s hot AF, but when you wake up it’s cold AF and I’m sick, and I’m dumb, so I didn’t sleep in something warm … and it sucks right now because I’m feeling the aftermath … fuck.

Let’s hope I can take care of myself enough today to get rid of this shit because I need to get back to work on Friday.

Let’s see what happens.

Uh oh, something’s not right. I don’t like this.

It’s morning. The sun is barely out. Give me a break, would ya?

Oh boy.

That did not end well for this lady.

Oh god. Too bloody. Fuck.

Aw, Penelope got access to the marshals’ camera and keeps tabs on Jack for Aaron. So cute!

Wait. They’re moving them to a halfway house? Oh boy.

So, Hayley couldn’t help herself and called her mom, so they have to move them for their own good. Oh dear.

(Side note: always put maple syrup in your oatmeal, best sweetener in the world)

Oh god, it’s his birthday. Oh god, I can’t cry this early. Fuck you, Criminal Minds, you amazing show, you.

Wait, Rossi wants to stay behind on a case that has them going to his hometown? Why?

And I knew Rossi was from the New York area, but Long Island? Damn.

Why wouldn’t Hotch less Rossi step down?

“One in the heart, one in the head – same as Vanderwaal.”

Yikes. That’s not good.

Ew, the third victim’s genitals were missing? Ew.

“You told me you were cleared to travel, you lied.”

“Naughty boy.”

“Uh, no, I didn’t. I am a doctor, so technically, it wasn’t a lie.”

“What was it, then?”

“Um …”

“Second opinion.”

“Hmm. You’re my bitch now.”

Oh god. I’m dead, I’m totally dead.

Wait. So this entire thing is about a hit list? Oh jeez.

Fuck.

Blaise Pascal: “Justice without force is powerless. Force without justice is tyrannical.”

Wow. Powerful stuff.

“Well, then we need to figure out what each act of mutilation means to the unsub.”

Oh jeez.

“Or to the victim.”

Oh lordy.

Oh, they found the wife of the wacko who had his penis and balls removed.

Oh fuck, she saw the asshole saw off her husband’s hand? Oh god. This is sick.

Ha, snooping poodle needs to keep his paws off.

“We’ve been getting to know Heather Vanderwaal.”

Yikes.

“I can’t tell you her favorite Beatle, but I can tell you she was living la vida unhappy.”

Wait what?

“Her ex-husband took her daughter Allison out of school mid-term. After that, Heather cut a check for $5,000 to a place called Lewis, Bell & Peters six days ago.”

“Law firm?”

“Family law.”

Well, hello.

Wait, so her new husband had a naked photo of her daughter on his phone? Oh my god.

Wait, why is she saying her daughter is a liar? That’s not nice. No wonder her ex took the kid away.

“Hmm.”

What did my baby find?

“Ballistics can’t match the bullets to a gun.”

Wait what?

“There’s only one explanation for that.”

And I would love for you to give it to me. Not you, Rossi, Derek.

Wait, he was using a zip gun? The equivalent of a shiv? Damn.

Yup, a hit man.

“What about the postmortem mutilation?” “A contract sometimes includes extras.”

Ew.

“I may be able to hit on some old contacts, but I’ll need to do it alone.”

Wait, what?

“Contacts?”

I’m curious too.

“Do we want to know?”

“Best not.”

Oh god, I’m dead.

Hahahahahahaha turns out Rossi may have dealt with the mob before he joined the department of justice? Oh god, I love this show so freaking much.

I love this dude! He plays an Irish barman in Castle, too. XD

“You’re either a dead man or a cop, which one is it?”

“Right now I’m just an old friend.”

Ha, I love how calm he is.

William Sadler!!!!! Oh my god, I love this man so much. Such a good actor.

“I try this damn puzzle every morning. Never gets easier.”

“Crater creator.”

“You know, I work with a kid who can solve this whole thing in five minutes.”

“He must be smarter than both of us.”

“That’s for sure.”

Damn straight my poodle is smarter than you two.

“For a smart guy, your coming here was a real dumb move.” Hahaha oh dear.

“I got something here that might help us with…”

“Technically, we have something here that might help with that.”

Oh poodle, starving to be a part of the team. I love you so much!

“Bill Levington was involved in a serial rape case, all involving minors, and it never went to trail.”

Yikes.

“A former social worker …”

“… attained said former status when she was fired from the DCFs for gross negligence. I one of her cases, a seven-year-old boy starved to death.”

Oh my god, Penelope just looking at Spencer going, boy, what are you doing here? You’re interrupting my work! How can I impress hot stuff like this?

“If all the victims were indicated in crimes against children, then we’ve found a connection.”

Hells yeah.

“On it.”

I’m so in love with the two of them.

“Some laws are just plain unjust.”

And that justifies smuggling in Cuban cigars?

Not a smoker, so I can’t really say what the difference is, but as someone who appreciates originals, I can somewhat understand.

Bosola. Sounds dangerous.

“Mr. Sandweiss, Allison is the victim here.”

Yup, no need to yell at your kid, dummy. Maybe that’s the reason she acts out.

“Why didn’t you tell your mom?”

Oh god, so the kid didn’t want her mom’s husband to die because he touched her and her dad said he’d kill anyone who laid a hand on her? Oh god. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, albeit sweet.

Jacobean tragedy called The Duchess of Malfi. Hmm. Haven’t heard of that.

Sounds intriguing. (Just went on Wikipedia, yeah, I’m that much of a nerd)

The therapist told her she was acting out because she was craving attention? Oh god.

So he did report the sexual abuse?

I’m confused here.

So because the daughter didn’t want to testify, it was closed? Oh god. And it happens every day, so sad.

“Does that make you want to even the odds?”

What?

I love it when Derek is staring down someone, it’s like – do your best, man.

Crap. He isn’t their guy.

So he set up a meeting with Bosola.

“If he smells a fed, I’m gonna end up like the duchess.”

“Now, that would be a tragedy.”

Oh damn. That was amazing writing!!!! And acting, of course.

Holy crap, I cannot emphasize how much I love this show.

“I’d rather do time than see you become a rat and help out the feds.”

I like this Sean, I mean, I don’t like that he’s a crook, but I like his loyalty.

Wait. He’s using extra money that isn’t there to keep surveillance in case Foyet is watching him? What the fuck?

So they called Rossi to check up on Hotch, and he told them:

“An attack against you is an attack against all of us.”

Oh god, I love my team of superheroes so much.

“Hey, that kid – the, uh, smart one – I could use a little help.”

Oh god, I’m dying here at how Reid is preening.

“Reid?”

“Reid here.”

Oh boy.

“Crossword question. Ten letters. Crater creator.”

My poodle is puzzled.

“Arctangent.”

Boom.

Schooled.

“Did you get that?”

“Damn, she’s smart.”

Hahaha, oh god, I love this season XD

Well, fuck. Guess Ray is going to end up like the duchess after all.

Shit. Ray called Bosola, so he had seven hours to prepare. Fuck.

“I think he was here before we arrived.”

No shit.

Uh oh, this Dan Patton is in danger. Whoever he is.

“I’ve concentrated on the last three cases. They’ve left the freshest e-prints.”

“Great.”

“Not really. Over 100,000 cases pass through Long Island court.”

“Who had eyes on those files?”

“Literally hundreds and hundreds of people.”

Oh dear.

“Change track. Focus on the enforcer Mob-related trials on Long Island the last ten years. We’re looking for a hitman.”

“Okay, there are 93 mob trials in the last ten years.”

Oh dear.

“Put aside any trials that resulted in a conviction. Weed out mistrials and arraignments.”

“Nineteen.”

Getting there.

“Were any of those on trial suspected of being hitmen or enforcers?”

Reid: “Three.”

Penelope: “Whoa, this totally slipped the net.”

Bingo!

“Judge Schuller?”

Wait. He knows him? Oh dear.

“He was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has six months to live.”

“And that’s when the killing started.”

Oh dear.

Wait. The judge came to them? Why?

I don’t like this.

Tough guy in the house

“You know we have to advise you of your rights.”

And yet he waived them? Why?

“So you don’t deny any of this?”

Wait, what?

“Ray Finnegan was a friend of mine.”

“Ray Finnegan was a criminal. You should choose your friends more wisely.”

Damn.

“It must have really thrown you off when Ray showed up at Emma’s funeral.”

Wait, this judge doesn’t know Rossi?

“You have absolutely no idea who I am, do you?”

Oh boy.

Wait. That dumbass told them they had two suspects? Oh boy.

“He came here to stall.”

And he just wants to get out of there?

“Why? So Bosola can go and carry on whatever it is you asked him to do? No.”

“You call him and you end this.”

You better listen to my baby.

Oh god, Rossi is goading him. I love it.

“Is that what started all this insanity? Emma’s death?”

Boom.

“So … you do have a list?”

Ha, he just confessed. I love Morgan.

“Uh oh, we’ve got gobs of two-way traffic going on, which means someone is trying to bounce us out.”

And you’re not gonna let him, are you, babe?

“Anything less than $10,000 keeps the IRS off your trail.”

“I know that, too.”

Oh my god, someone should put those two together in more scenes. I’m dead.

Dead, you hear me?

“Someone who is suffering from too many brainiacs in the high-tech kitchen just bounced us out.”

I love you, Garcia!

Shit. Dan Patton is the dude who killed Emma with his car. Fuck.

“Is that why his photo’s not here? You’re saving the best for last?”

Oh dear.

Wait. Is he implying he slept with Emma back in Manhattan a few years ago? Oh boy.

I love how Derek’s like, for real, dude? There’s no way. Wait, maybe he did?

Ha. I love Shemar’s expressive face.

Fuck. He found Patton.

“What kind of man are you, judge?”

Ha, try to get out of that.

“What about your sins?” “I got cancer for mine.”

Seriously?

And Patton is already dead. Oh boy.

He’s got another death planned. Oh dear.

“Wait a minute. What? I can’t hear you. Speak up.”

Yup. Or shut up the assholes.

“Hotch, what a minute. What?”

“I lied.”

“What?”

Oh god, what?

Shit. He hired Bosola to kill him last. Fuck.

“Everybody down!”

My puppy protecting everybody.

Aw, my cuties comforting one another.

My sleeping puppy!

“When I first met Emma, I knew I would love her for the rest of my life.”

“We were twelve years old.”

Oh my god, my heart.

“She always said we were doomed to be star-crossed lovers, destined to wonder what might have been.”

“I never slept with her, you know.”

Wait, what?

“That wasn’t true, what I said to Schuller.”

“That was just to get under his skin, knock him off his game.”

Oh my god, I love Rossi so damn much.

“I should have married her, though.”

Oh honey.

“When I left the marines, I was recruited by the bureau, spent a few years on the streets, got involved with starting the BAU … and before I knew it, a lifetime had gone by.”

“I missed a life with Emma because I became obsessed with the chase. With the hunt.”

“Dave, he’s threatening my family.”

“And we’ll get Foyet, Aaron.”

“Then, what’s your point?”

Oh you thick-headed dumdum.

“You have a family.”

“When all this is over, what are you gonna do to make sure you’re not a lonely guy wondering why you let the purest thing in your life get away?”

I love Rossi so damn much.

And I did warn you guys this season’s reviews are going to be long.

Sorry.

What’s this? Why are they showing us a golf club? I don’t get it.

Oh shit. Sean totally killed Bosola! Oh my god! That was amazing!

Abraham Lincoln: “I have always found that mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice.”

And that’s why Abe’s the man.

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babylon-bitch · 7 years ago

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Just Friends ~ Goodbye (part 67)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

***

Harper’s P.O.V.

Slamming my car door closed, and locking it, holding my hoodie close to me as it’s raining and really windy. A storm is brewing in the sky, a few leaves floating around, the sky a dark shade of grey, and water flowing down the road.

I’m at Michael’s house to say goodbye to everyone, my flight leaves in a few hours, and I didn’t want to say goodbye through text.

I haven’t really spoken to Luke since what happened the other day, we texted a little last night, and that’s it.

We didn’t kiss, we nearly did, but then I came back to reality and realized what we were about to do, then I jumped away from him, running my hand over my face, and thought about what just happened. Luke had the same reaction as me, eyes wide, not knowing what we were doing.

We talked for a little before Luke got a text from his mum, and I’ve never been more greatful for her.

Neither of us brought up what happened last night, but we didn’t seem rocky, we just joked around and asked what each other are doing. So from what I can tell, we’re on good terms.

Knocking on the door, I watch the sky as I wait for someone to open up.

“My favourite person!” Michael exclaims as he opens the door.

“My favourite person also!” I smile at him and give him a short, half assed hug.

“Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.”

“It’s early, I’m cold, and a little wet, cry me a river.” I reply and head up the stairs.

“It’s 11:30.” He deadpans.

“I didn’t get much sleep.” I tell him and walk into Michael’s room.

“Hi.” Maddie and Erika speak in unison.

“Hey.” Calum waves as I sit down next to Cal on Michael’s bed.

“It’s just Luke and Ash to come now.” Michael breathes as he walks in, sitting down on his desk chair.

“Who came first?” I ask.

“Maddie and Erika.”

“When’s the wedding?” Calum questions.

“We haven’t really set a date, we’ve done some planning and stuff, but I think we’re going to wait a while.” Maddie answers.

“Fair enough?” He nods.

“When do you think you’ll have it?” Michael questions.

“Uh in like 2 years or something.” Erika says, and Maddie intertwined their hands.

“Need me a partner like that.” I say.

“You’ve got one.” Calum smirks and I glare at him.

“No I don’t.”

“I can be him.” Michael saves me.

“Eat shit, Hood.” I flip him off.

“Eat shit, Hood.” He imitates my voice.

“I hate you.” I pout.

“Cool story.” He responds and I roll my eyes, looking out the window, watching the droplets race each other. Seeing cars go by every now and then, water splashing the pavement as they go by. I would hate to be walking, I almost did, but then I became lazy and took the car, but I took the right choice by the looks of it.

“You look like you’re in a sad music video.” A voice interrupts my daydream. Turning to my left I see Luke and Ashton, well Ashton is talking to Michael, and Luke’s paying attention to me.

“Hey.” I greet.

“What’s on your mind?” He questions, sitting next to me.

“Nothing.” I shake my head.

“You sure?”

“Yeah? What makes you think I’ve got something going on?” I look up at him.

“You just were zoned out for a while, and it seemed like something was up with you.” Luke explains.

“Well nothing major comes to mind.” I shrug.

“Good.” He purses his lips.

“Anything up with you?”

“Nothing new.” He says and I nod, leaning my head back the wall.

“You’re so short.” Luke comments after a while.

“What? No I’m not.” I defend myself.

“Harper, your legs just about reach the end of the bed.”

“It’s a big bed.” I reply. “Well you’re so big.”

“You know it.” He winks at me and I roll my eyes.

“I’m not short, I’m 5"5, and that’s one inch taller than the average.”

“You’re still short.”

“No I’m not.” I claim.

“Look at these cute little short arms.” He teases and picks my arm up.

“Mean.” I huff.

“Yeah but your my little shorty.” He tells me and I look at him unamused.

“You’re so annoying.” I groan and push his arm.

“Yeah but you’ll miss it when you’re gone.” He sends me a smug smile.

“Maybe, maybe not, depends if you send me memes or not.”

“Like salt bae??”

“No, good memes.”

“Did you just disrespect him?” Luke questions holding a hand to his heart and I nod. “Have you seen the way he handles that meat? Have you seen how he sprinkles salt?”

“Yeah, and it’s dry, it was funny for a few days.”

“Have you seen salt bae?” He shakes my shoulders and I laugh.

“Really? Right in front of my salad?” I question and he facepalms.

“When you pieces of trash are finished, I’m gonna go wave a metal pole outside.” Maddie grabs are attention.

“What?” We both question.

“You talking about memes was doing my head in.” She explains.

“Maddie please, this is a private conversation.” I hold my hand up to her. “So moral of the story, only send me good memes, if at all.”

“Fucking bitch.” She mutters and as soon as she finishes the power goes off.

“If I could see you right now, I would hit you.” I reply. You can still see a little bit, but because it’s so cloudy it makes everything really dark, plus Michael has part of his curtain closed.

“Is anyone scared of storms?” Calum asks.

“No.” We all say.

“I hope my flight isn’t delayed.” I sigh.

“You could always drive.” Erika speaks.

“Yes Erika, I’m going to drive all the way from Sydney to Sheffield.” I sarcastically reply.

“I swear there hasn’t been a storm in ages.” Ashton points out.

“Yeah.” I agree.

“Maybe because you haven’t been in Australia?” Erika informs.

“And it’s just turning summer.” Maddie adds.

“Geez you guys are moody today.” Luke comments.

“Rule number one, don’t point it out.” I inform him. “You should know this.”

“What?” He raises an eyebrow.

“We’re on our period.”

“At the same time?” Ashton asks.

“Yeah, it’s called syncing up.” Maddie explains,

“Are you on your period?” Calum asks me.

“No.”

“Then h-”

“You don’t choose to sync up, it’s just natural.” I explain.

“This is gross.” Michael shudders.

“It’s just nature.” I tell him.

“I still get nightmares from when you were on yours.” Luke jokes.

“What do you mean were? I still get it.”

“Whatever, but you used to snap at me all the time, get me to get you food, and I didn’t even get anything out of it.”

“I gave you my love!” I pout.

“For what I did, I think I deserved more.“

“Rude.” I huff.

“What do we do now?” Michael asks.

“Uh, I don’t know.” Calum shrugs.

Helpful.

“We could go out or something.” Ashton suggests.

“Where?” Luke asks.

“Your guys’ houses might have power.” Michael suggests.

“I’ll text my mum.” I announce and pull my phone out.

“What’s your background?” Erika questions.

“Hayley Williams.” I show her.

“Oh my God, same.” She laughs and shows her one to me.

“What? Why don’t you have one of me?” Maddie asks.

“Sorry, babe, but Hayley is my one and only.”

“Same.” I raise my hand.

“My one is of you.” Maddie huffs and folds her arms.

I carry on with my task of texting my mum, and leaning my head on Luke’s shoulder as I wait do her to reply, listening to the harsh patter of rain on the windows, lighting lighting up the room every now and then, and thunder rumbling around.

“My house has power.” I tell everyone.

“I don’t really know what we’re gonna do at your house that we can’t do here, but hey.” Erika shrugs and gets up.

“There’s a difference, believe me.” Luke says and gets up. I whine and put my hand out for him to help me up, Luke rolls his eyes but takes my hand anyway and helps me up.

We all walk downstairs and I put the hood of my hoodie up as we’re by the door. “I’m so not ready for this.” Maddie mumbles rubbing her hands together.

“Who’s car are we taking?” Calum questions.

“Well we gotta take my car, let’s just split.” I explain.

“Can I drive?” Erika pipes up.

“You don’t have a car here.” Ashton points out the obvious.

“But I can drive your car.” She gives him puppy dog eyes.

“Why? Can’t you just be a passenger?” He asks.

“Please Ashton, I haven’t driven in ages, I’ll clean it for you at some point.” She bribes.

My phone starts to make a noise and everyone looks at me, pulling my phone out I see I have a facetime call with Blake.

“I’m going in my car whilst you figure this out.” I mumble and open the door, my converse stepping in many puddles on the way.

Unlocking my car, as I get closer, and open the door, left in out a sigh of relief once I’m safe out of the rain.

“Hey.” I say as I answer it.

“Hey, are you busy?” He questions, not looking at me.

“Not really, just waiting for my friends and stuff.” I answer.

“Cool, when you coming home?” He asks, looking at me.

“Well my flight is tonight, but there is a huge storm going on, so it might be delayed.”

“But you’re planning on coming home tonight.” He asks for confirmation.

“Yeah, should, why?”

“I was just checking because I didn’t know when you were coming home.” He tells me and I readjust my phone.

“Alright, do you want to meet up when I get back.” I question as I watch the others rush out the door, Calum and Luke doing a quick jog.

“Yeah sure, when are you supposed to get back?” He asks as he does something on his laptop.

Calum opens the passanger side of the door and sits down, Luke following his actions but in the back behind me.

“Late afternoon or something.” I answer as Michael and strangely Ashton enter the car.

“Alright, I think we’re going over to Juliet’s house for the evening.” Blake explains as I begin to pull out of my parking spot. “I can meet you at your house, or you at mine, whatever is easiest.”

“Probably easier if you come to me and then Tori, Izzy, you, and I can all go over at the same time.” I reply, placing my phone in my lap as it’s easier to focus on driving.

“Okay cool, hope you have a safe flight, and I hope it doesn’t get delayed, see you tomorrow.”

“Alright, I’ll text you when I land.”

“Okay, oh any boy troubles?” He smirks.

“Goodbye, Blake.” I sigh with a laugh.

“Bye, speak soon.” He laughs and ends the call.

I plug my phone in so I can put some music on as we’re at a stop sign. “Any song requests?”

“Play some My Chemical Romance.” Michael requests, and I nod putting one of their albums on shuffle.

“Why are you here, Ash?” I question, looking behind me.

“Do you want me to leave? Do you want me to leave so I have to walk in the rain?” He asks.

“No it’s just, you have a car.” I laugh. “Of your own.”

“Erika wanted to drive, and she said she’d clean my car so I said yeah, because I haven’t done it in over a year.”

“Why’d she want to drive? She has her own car.”

“I don’t get it either but I’ve not been a passanger in a while.”

“You were on tour.”

“Your point?”

I roll my eyes, ands put my focus on my driving, spotting Ashton’s car a couple cars in front of us.

After a little while we hit some traffic, and I’m stuck right by the spot where the ‘accident’ occurred.

It’s weird to see how far I’ve come from that place, it was quite a few months ago now, and I’ve made some progress. I still get these little bursts of sadness every now and then, I’ll be in the kitchen making some dinner for myself late at night, when a little cloud comes over my head, while I’m stirring pasta. At first I’m like where the fuck did you come from? But then I start thinking and it gets worse, a little ball builds up in my chest and my stomach feels weird, overall I just feel uncomfortable.

All night I feel like that until I drift off to sleep, then in the morning I feel alright, sometimes it clings on in the morning, but it’s so different to what I was feeling just last month.

Last month I felt like that all day and all night, as well as it being 10x worse.

I don’t know if it’s caused by just one person, everyone I’m around, being away from the bad habits I had back in England, or just being home. Maybe it’s a combination of it all, but I’ve improved, and I hope I can stay like this.

I see the boys thinking the same thing when I look in the mirror. I really need to change this because I don’t want my last day with these guys to be sad.

“Are you guys gonna visit me when I’m in England?” I ask.

“I mean…” Calum trails off and I glare at him.

“I think we should at least try to.” Ashton agrees.

“I said I’d visit you.” Luke speaks up.

“Then it would make sense if we all go.” Michael says.

“When do you get a break?” Calum questions.

“Um nothing until Christmas.” I shrug and move forward as the traffic starts clearing up.

“Why don’t we visit you like next month or something?” Michael suggests.

“How about early December because I’m really busy through out November.” I tell them.

“Yeah that could work.” Luke nods.

“What about the girls?” Calum asks.

“Erika has uni doesn’t she?” I sigh.

“I mean you’re gonna see her in like 3 weeks after, it’s not too big of a deal.” Luke points out.

“I’m still gonna feel bad.”

“You’re coming back?” Ashton questions.

“Yeah, after Christmas.” I confirm as I turn the corner, sliding around a bit because of the wet. “Shit.” I mutter.

“What?” Michael asks.

“Did you not feel that?” Luke and I say in unison.

“What?” He repeats.

“We were sliding around a little.” I tell him as I drive cautiously round the roundabout.

“So we’re definitely going to England in early December?” Ashton asks.

“Pretty sure.” Calum nods.

“Cool.”

“What date?” Luke questions.

“What are you going to be there for?"

"To see you of course.” Michael says confused.

“Yeah but like do you want to party and stuff or just chill? Because my friend Cody and his girlfriend are hosting a party.”

“Could be fun.” Calum replies.

“That’s on the 8th.”

“Why don’t we fly out on like the 4th or 5th?” Michael suggests.

“Cool, I guess we’ll tell you when we book our flight.” Ashton purses his lips.

“By the way, I’ve only got one spare bedroom, so you can fight about who’s getting it.” I inform and pull the hand break up.

***

Putting my leather jacket on as I jog down the stairs, seeing everyone in the lounge, chatting and laughing.

“Hey, are you ready to go?” My dad asks as I walk in the kitchen.

“Uh yeah I think so, I’ve just gotta go say goodbye.” I answer as I look through the cupboard for a snack.

“Okay, you’ve got around 10 minutes, just gotta wait for your brothers to finish packing.” He sighs as I pick out a couple chocolate bars to put in my bag.

“Alright, I’m gonna go say goodbye.” I smile at him and walk out the kitchen and towards the living room, leaning on the door frame.

“Geez you got a stash.” Michael laughs as he sees the chocolate in my hand.

“Shut up.” I chuckle and place them on the table in the hallway.

“Who’s your dealer?” Maddie questions.

“Cadbury.” I joke.

This is so bittersweet.

I know I’m gonna see them soon enough, but it’s still sad.

I hear one of my brothers clunk down the stairs with his suitcase, and once he’s on the bottom floor I see it’s Angus. He pushes my shoulder as he goes past, and I flip him off.

“Looks like it’s time to say goodbye.” I quietly sigh.

“I guess it is.” Erika mumbles and begins to get up.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders briefly before we pull away. “I’ll see you after Christmas.” Erika says.

“Yeah, I promise I’ll call you and stuff all the time.” I promise.

“Bye, I’ll talk to you soon.” She gives me a small smile and walks back to where she was.

“My turn.” Maddie raises her hand and she gives me a short hug.

“How are you gonna cope without me?"

"Easier than it sounds.” She shrugs. “Bye, Harper.”

“Bye, Maddie.” Repeat and she stands next to Erika.

“Now, don’t get too drunk without me, you’re usually my buddy in that.” Calum smirks as he approaches me.

“Yeah, I’ll try not to.” I smile up at him, then wrap my arms around his torso, his follow in suit.

“We’ve got time to catch up on though soon.” Calum replies.

“I am not looking forward to that hangover.” I grimace and he laughs.

“See you soon.” He gives me a smile and stands next to Erika.

“Ashton!” I over exaggerate my tone.

“Harper!” He mocks.

“I can’t wait for you to visit me and critic my life choices.” I tell him.

“You know it.” He chuckles and gives me a hug and we say our goodbyes.

“It’s time.” Michael announces.

“It’s not like I’m dying, Michael.” I inform.

“Well last time you disappeared off the face of the earth.” He points out.

“I promise to speak to you regularly.”

“You better.” He sends me a warning look and I give him a hug and say what I want to say.

“I’m gonna miss you.” Luke mumbles as he stands in front of me.

“I’m gonna miss you too.” I copy his tone.

“But we’ll see each other soon enough.” He reassures and runs his hand down my arm.

“Yeah.” I nod and wrap my arms around his waist.

“Text me or call me when you get home.” He requests, running his hand down my back.

I pull back from him slightly, looking up at him, my eyes slightly filling with tears. “Don’t cry babygirl.” He pouts and wipes away the small tear that is falling.

I briefly look at his lips, and then back at his eyes, then give him one last hug, before we part.

“I love you guys.”

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rovingsolitarything · 5 years ago

Text

Daily Draw

21/04/12

Focus of query:

What do I need to know today?

Card:

Six of Wands (Reversed)

First impressions:

Failure, lack of success, enemies, disappointment, let down, don’t rest on your laurels, being observed, perhaps you don’t feel like you deserve the praise you’ve been given, or it may be that you’re not coming across as well as you hope. Do you feel like a fraud? Is the act/fanfare worth it? Maybe that doesn’t fit the mood right now. Think about whether there’s a need for the showing off flashiness, and please don’t beat the poor dead horse. Don’t be surprised if you fall on your ass or accidentally smash a plate in front of everyone today, and don’t get anywhere near your high horse.

Guided reading:

Apprehension, fear, enemy at the gate, treachery, disloyalty, self-doubt, lack of recognition, punishment

Reflection:

Perhaps it’s time to stop being so dependent on external validation and attention. I for one am definitely guilty of relying on my reputation and needing a lot of reassurance at times. Trust in your gifts and know that they will lead you on the right path to success in time. Try to notice anything that might be causing a lack of self confidence right now, and be mindful not to pay so much attention to your ‘audience’. What other people think is not as important as your own sense of self. If you trust in your own willpower and strength, that energy could bring triumph, and you might not feel so needy or insecure. My deck is sending a reminder that people will notice your achievements whether or not you celebrate them publicly. Stay focused on your goals and what you can do to reach them, and be mindful of where true opposition lies; there are many reasons someone might be watching you, and some may be bad - but only some. Are you worrying needlessly or feeling taken for granted? The cards want you to know that it’s ok, your time to shine might not be now but that doesn’t mean it won’t come - as the saying goes, everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame. There’s no need to rush it, and it’s probably best to keep things low-key for now anyway. Aren’t you getting tired of the stares?

You will watch the Starlink satellites go over your house with your family; as you turn your head up to see the streaks in the sky, you will know that what you see is below you, and the world will start to slip away. It will look like a meteor shower. It will feel like the end of the Earth. It won’t be either, simply a feat of engineering. Your feet are on the ground. Nothing to be jealous or frightened of; just watch.

- CJ

#six of wands #six #wands #tarot #smith-waite #21/04/20 #it’s my best friend’s birthday today #i haven’t seen her since she moved away #and i do feel guilty/disloyal that i can’t celebrate with her #maybe this is it?#but let’s be real #with my deck’s sense of humour it’s the starlink thing

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dameronology · 4 years ago

Text

the come and go {obi-wan x reader} - two

back to you

in this chapter: several months after leaving the temple, you’re beginning to make a name for yourself outside of being a jedi. when a job takes you back to coruscant, your curiosity gets the better of you and you end up slipping right back into the grips of obi-wan kenobi

warnings: implied smut, swearing

the song for this chapter is why we ever by hayley williams! i hope you enjoy :D

- jamie

The galaxy beyond the four walls of the Jedi Temple was much darker than you realised.

You could handle it - of course you could handle it. You had the wit and the determination to make the galaxy your bitch if you tried hard enough. Having witnessed enough atrocities in your time as a Jedi, you’d grown a thick skin and learnt to deal with even the toughest of times. Even now, without your lightsaber, you could handle it. You could handle anything.

You’d been to Yavin. You’d been to Tatooine. You’d been to Naboo. Heck, you’d been to any planet with less-than-stellar cantinas, any planet where gang members and the scum of the galaxy frequented. Your combat skills that you’d learnt in your training were useful for doing their dirty work - 500 credits here for chasing up a debt, 500 there for beating up a guy who slept with another’s wife. It wasn’t solid work nor was it legal work - but it paid the bills and it was a good go between until you’d found your true calling.

It felt like Obi-Wan Kenobi was your true calling. Every time something good happened, you wanted to call him and tell him. Every time you felt like the galaxy was chewing you up and spitting you out whole, you wanted him to hold you in your arms and hold you till you were better. But you couldn’t. He was back at the Temple in Coruscant and you were on the other side of the galaxy, as far from as you’d ever been. You could certainly feel the distance now. Being far away from him was the only proven way to weaken your Force connection - or at least you were trying to convince yourself of it.

You eventually settled on Corellia - settled was a strong word, actually. You rented a small apartment in a high-rise tower block, intending it only to be for a few weeks until you’d worked out what you were doing. Your future had become a lot more uncertain now - until a few months ago, you weren’t convinced you’d ever have the courage to leave. You’d certainly thought about it (all the time in fact, assuming you weren’t daydreaming about a certain Jedi) but you didn’t think you’d ever do it.

Meanwhile, life in Coruscant went on. Things were practically the same as they had been before you left - just much quieter. There was no-one to yell at the Council or stomp around or to slam doors. Your quarters were now left empty and Obi-Wan felt his chest tighten slightly whenever he walked past them.

He had a lot of regrets. He regretted not letting you have your way with Kit’s killer. He regretted telling you to separate your emotions from your work. He regretted not convincing you to stay - or maybe he regretted not going with you. Above all, however, he regretted letting himself think that you were a permanent fixture in his life; that someone as fleeting and evanescent as you would ever stay in a place as restrictive as the Jedi temple. Obi-Wan didn’t know if you were a free soul or a lost soul. Either way, you were gone.

Almost seven months to the day that you left, you ended up taking a job that would lead you to Coruscant. That hadn’t been part of the original plan but the person whom you were tailing for unpaid debts had fled Corellia and you needed this pay out. Your rent wasn’t cheap and jobs were far and few. If you had to hitch a lift to your former home planet to catch the guy and get your wages, you were willing.

Besides, it wasn’t like anyone would recognise you. You were in downtown Coruscant, surrounded by the sort of cantinas and motels that nobody from the Jedi temple would ever willingly go near. The people you used to know remembered you in your neat robes and with your lightsaber; your hair was longer now, more unruly and tied back off of your face. Despite wearing your kyber crystal on a chain around your neck, the weapon was long deserted.

You followed the man to a small bar - it was closer to the temple than you were comfortable with but you’d come this far. He was sitting a few booths away from you, engaged in conversation with a woman who you were almost certain was being paid for her time. You were closely watching him, your cold beer resting in one hand and the other gently tapping against the table.

This wasn’t good for your Force connection - no, this was bad. A catastrophe, in fact, because you could feel Obi-Wan Kenobi the minute you stepped onto the planet and you knew you were in trouble. But your need to finish the job outweighed that - you had to live and you had to eat. You’d ignored your feelings for seven months; how hard could a few more hours be?

Hard. Very fucking hard indeed.

The temptation to up and ditch the job was almost overwhelming. You were so close to him - an hour's walk from the temple at most, less if you could find a speed bike. What if you just went to check on him? You didn’t even have to talk to him. You just wanted to see him, to make sure that he was okay and -

Stop, dammit.

You couldn’t. You shouldn’t. You wouldn’t.

Unless -

-No.

But just a tiny peak?

Yeah, let’s go with that.

It wasn’t like it was hard. Your Force connection was still achingly strong, even seven months after you left this planet. All it took was you thinking of him and you could feel his emotions, clear as the day you had left him.

You regretted it the minute you did it - his feelings were clear and strong; pure and put together, as they always had been. The only time you could recall them being jumbled was during the first month or two of your relationship; after that, they were crystal clear and bright as day - filled with love and lust-

-Wait. Love.

As far as Obi-Wan was concerned, you were miles away. Worlds away, in fact. It had been seven months and there was no way his feelings for you were still that strong. Equally, how likely was it that they were feelings for someone else? Which was worse? You weren’t sure. It wasn’t any of your business anyways, you were no longer together. You were here to focus on the mission, not on your Jedi. The Jedi. He wasn’t yours anymore.

But letting go wasn’t your strong point.

That’s exactly why you were standing outside of the Jedi temple fifty-seven minutes later, heart pounding in your chest and fists balled up into your palms; your target back at the bar was long forgotten and so was the payment. This was more important.

You didn’t know where Obi-Wan was. The temple was big but more to the point, you couldn’t go inside to check. All you could do was reach out via Force connection and hope - pray - that he would pick up on it, that he would feel you.

‘What are you doing here?’

A small gasp escaped your lips when a warm hand touched your shoulder. You spun around on your heel, eyes widening.

(That solved that problem at least).

It was Obi-Wan Kenobi in all his bearded glory, looking as wonderful as ever - perhaps a little more tired but still undeniably handsome. His hair was a little longer, a few strands falling at the front into his blue eyes. Your natural reaction was to reach forward to push them back, a gesture that was all-too-familiar for both of you. The only thing that stopped you was the presence of a woman on his arm.

‘Obi-Wan.’ You hadn’t said his name in months. It felt alien on your lips. ‘I - hi.’

For a split second, you thought he might have purposefully sought you out; that he’d felt your connection and tried to follow it. It wasn’t a far-fetched thought either; it was quite literally what you had done.

But then you realised that you stood in front of the entrance to the Temple; if there was somewhere where you were going to cross paths, this was it. The chances of him being because of you were much lower than him being here simply because.

‘What are you doing here?’ Obi-Wan asked.

Don’t falter. You’d made it this far.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you quirked your eyebrow and gave him a small smile. ‘It’s nice to see you too.’

Was he angry that you were here? Mad, because you’d rocked up after all these months without so much as a warning or a message?

Obi-Wan had initially doubted himself when he’d felt your presence back on Coruscant. He’d told himself he was simply imagining it, that it was a figment of his grieving. But it was you. You were here, stood outside the temple, your forehead littered with beads of sweat as you panted to try and catch your breath. The lights of the building reflected off of your glistening skin, illuminating you in a golden glow; the same light you’d been cast under the first time he realised he had feelings for you.

He couldn’t find the words. What the hell was he meant to say? It was a moment he hadn’t stopped thinking about for the last seven months, but now that you were, stood in front of him in all your sarcastic beauty he’d lost the ability to talk. It wasn’t the first time you’d done that to him.

‘He asked you a question.’ The woman - whose presence you noted, but put a pin in for later - cleared her throat.

You broke your gaze with Obi-Wan, eyes falling to her. She was a tall woman - blonde and boney with a sort of skeletal grace. She was wearing an intricately decorated dress, clearly something to imply that she was in a position grandeur. It made you take a look at your own torn jeans and muddy boots, making you feel as though she were the Queen and you were simply the jester of her court. Fucking brilliant.

‘Work.’ You simply replied, eyes barely leaving her form as they trailed it up and down. ‘I had a spare moment and I had to see you, Obi. I know turning up after seven months of nothing is fucked up, and I know-’

‘- this isn’t a conversation we should have out here.’ The Jedi cut you off. ‘I’m happy to see you. I really am - you just caught me at a bad time.’

‘Right.’ You murmured. ‘Who’s your pal?’

‘Satine Kryze. Duchess of Mandalore.’ The woman stuck her hand out for you to shake. You simply looked at it, giving her a curt nod.

You didn’t like her. You didn’t like her one bit - maybe it was because she was clinging onto the arm of the man you loved most in the galaxy. Maybe it was the way she looked at you with pity, nose turned up at the sky as if to say what a poor little girl. It was probably irrational to make your mind up about her so soon.

But rationality had never been your strong point.

‘Nice to meet you.’ You replied.

You knew exactly who she was. She was the leader of Mandalore, a high-ranking politician and the first woman that Obi-Wan Kenobi had ever been in love with.

‘I’ve heard lots about you.’ Satine replied.

‘I’ve heard nothing about you.’ You smiled.

Obi-Wan glanced between the two of you, wondering how such venom could be hidden in such polite words. God, women could be fucking terrifying.

‘Just...wait.’ He stepped forward, the cogs and gears in his brain finally accepting that this was reality and not an odd pipe dream. ‘Give me ten minutes - wait here and we’ll talk. Please?’

‘Right.’ You nodded. ‘It was nice to meet you, Sabine.’

Fifteen minutes later, you were perched on the end of Obi-Wan’s bed as he paced in front of you. His room was still quintessentially the same - a little emptier now that you’d cleared all your things out - but it was still warm and familiar. The temptation to fall back into his bed and fall asleep was bordering on overwhelming.

‘You can’t turn up after seven months and be so rude and so jealous and to royalty no less - are you even listening to me?’

Truthfully speaking, you’d just been watching his mouth move. His words had simply gone in one ear and out the other, floating off into the air, never to be heard or acknowledged. Your brain still hadn’t processed the fact that he was here, that he was standing right in front of you. Everything you’d wanted over the last few months was right here.

You were the closest you’d been since you left - yet, between the presence of the Duchess and Obi-Wan’s sudden iciness towards you, you’d never felt further apart. You’d preferred being on the other side of the galaxy to this because being together physically but apart emotionally was fucking with your head, sending you into overdrive and wondering if leaving the Order had been a good idea at all.

What if you’d just stayed? What if you’d just sucked it up and swallowed your pride for Obi-Wan?

‘No.’ You shook your head. ‘I’m not.’

‘You are so frustrating.’ He declared, running a hand through his hair. It was a little bit longer now.

‘Yeah, we covered that quite well.’ You reasoned. ‘I wasn’t even going to come here. I was here for work-’

‘-work?’

‘That’s something for another time.’ You replied, before standing up to step closer to him. ‘I wasn’t even going to think about you but I could feel how close you were and I thought if I just reached out for a moment that it wouldn’t hurt but it did. It really fucking hurt.’

‘I knew you were here the minute you arrived.’ Obi-Wan admitted. ‘You came at the worst time.’

‘Look around.’ You flailed your arms over-dramatically. ‘No time is a good time right now.’

‘So why did you come here?’

‘This is going to sound so fucking ridiculous but I could feel through the Force that you were...you know. With someone else.’

‘That was I what?’ It was his turn to take a step closer to you now.

‘In love.’ You gulped. ‘Now I see why - Satine is here. She was your first love and it makes sense.’

‘Oh, darling.’ Obi-Wan reached out a hand, letting it gently ghost against the side of your cheek for a moment. They were soft - perhaps a little calloused from years on the job. ‘You’ve got it all wrong.’

‘I literally saw you with my eyes!’ You reminded him. ‘You and her, canoodling.’

‘Satine is here on business.’ He explained. ‘She’s still quite fond of me but I am not in love with her.’

‘That’s worst, then!’ You swatted his hand away. ‘You’re in love with somebody else and flouncing with around-’

‘- it’s you, you idiot!’ He cut you off. ‘I’m still in love with you. That’s what you were feeling. My love for you.’

Oh. Well that certainly complicated things.

You dropped your arms to your side, mouth forming an O-shape. This was not an eventuality you had prepared for. The whole way over here, you’d been preparing yourself for the worst; for seeing your man with somebody else. You never anticipated the fact that you might have been the source of his love.

‘But I hurt you.’ You murmured. ‘I packed my shit and I left and I hurt you, Obi.’

‘I know.’ He replied. ‘I have not stopped thinking about you. I have not stopped wondering about you or daydreaming about you or hoping that you would come back.’

Your eyes fell to the floor. ‘Why?’

‘Because it’s you.’ He gave your hand a light squeeze. ‘You’re stupid and you’re brash and you’re wreckless - not to mention rude to people you’ve just met - but it’s you. That’s the only way I can possibly explain it and that doesn’t even scratch the surface.’

‘So you love me and not Satine?’

‘What’s your problem with Satine?’

‘Don’t act like you wouldn’t take issue with my first ever love suddenly rocking up on my arm.’ You muttered.

‘Why would I take issue with myself?’

That was when Obi-Wan finally kissed you, any or all fucks about the past, present and future having gone out the window. So what if you had spent the better part of half a year trying to move on? So what if you swore you would never do this again?

‘I love you.’ You murmured against his lips, hands gently playing with his hair.

Saying it was a bad idea, because you were supposed to be leaving again in the morning. You had a whole new life on Corellia - a job, an apartment - but your old one was dragging you back. It had sunk it’s claws into you and yanked you into the past, right back into the irresistibly warm arms of one Obi-Wan Kenobi.

(And right back into his bed as well).

You woke up the next morning practically on top of the Jedi. You were strewn across him; chest to chest, skin to skin. He had one arm wrapped around your back, hands clutching onto you as though you could have slipped away again at any moment. His chin was resting on top of your head, your face buried in the crook of his neck.

For a split second, you thought that you were dreaming. The moment was too perfect; there was a cool breeze blowing the curtains back, the morning glow of the Coruscant sunrise streaming through the window and casting Obi-Wan in an almost angelic glow. Fitting.

Last night was the best night of your life.

(It was also the biggest mistake of your life.)

Would it have been inhumane to slip from his grip now - to sneak out the temple and hitch a lift from the port back to Corellia? You could have left last night as the perfect goodbye. The final chapter in the story of you and Obi-Wan. There would be no sequel; just a closed book with a heartbreaking but hauntingly realistic ending.

‘Good morning.’ Obi-Wan mumbled into your hair.

No, you couldn’t leave. Not now. Maybe not ever.

‘Good morning indeed.’ You peeked up at him from your position on his chest, offering him a sleepy smile. He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand, body untensing slightly when he realised it was still early. ‘You got somewhere to be, Kenobi?’

‘Satine is leaving today.’ He replied, large hand softly pushing back a few strands of your hair. ‘I promised I’d have breakfast with her.’

‘She does know that you’re not together, right?’ You asked.

‘She knows.’ He nodded. ‘I suppose I should ask you the same about us.’

You sat up, pulling the sheet over your torso as you did. You wanted to answer the question with an enthusiastic yes, to forget about the last few months and just continue as you had - but it wouldn’t work. You couldn’t come back to Coruscant and you certainly couldn’t come back to the Temple. Everything that made you break-up in the first place still existed; you’d just chosen to ignore it for the sake of one night.

‘You know the answer to that question.’ You murmured.

‘I don’t think I do.’ Obi-Wan softly replied.

‘I...I can’t come back here.’ Dropping back against the headboard, you let your eyes wander up to the ceiling.

If you did come back, if you gave up everything - your dreams of exploring the galaxy, dreams of finding your place outside of this godforsaken Jedi order - then you’d forever kick yourself for it. You were a lot of things but you were never going to be the girl who strayed away from her own choices in pursuit of a guy...even if he was the greatest one in the universe. At the same time, however, you would always kick yourself for walking away from him.

You’d tried to turn your back on him, to walk away - and given how you’d woken up naked in his bed, you could see for yourself how well that had gone. Terribly. Awfully. It probably couldn’t have gone worse if you tried but at the same time, you weren’t sure if it could have gone better.

You didn’t know who was in charge of this stuff - in charge of fate and love and destiny. Was it a higher power? The maker of the universe? An all-knowing, ominous son-of-a-bitch who decided that you were going to have it hard? Whoever they were, you were convinced of one thing: they were a huge fucking moron for sending you tripping and falling back into the arms of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

‘We could try.’ Obi-Wan murmured. ‘We should try.’

‘How?’ You tilted your head to face him. ‘How could we possibly do that?’

‘We’d find a way.’ He replied. ‘You have a way of bending the rules - of bending reality - to get what you want.’

‘Why should we have to...bend reality to get what we want?’ You asked quietly. ‘Just talking about it is exhausting.’

You stood up from the mattress, wrapping the sheet around your waist as you did. The white material fell around your feet as they hit the floor, traipsing across the ground as you fumbled about to find your clothes. The sooner you got dressed and got out, the less time Obi-Wan had to convince you to stay.

‘You didn’t come all this way to Coruscant for a one night stand.’ You heard his feet on the floor as he followed you to the other side of the room, forcing you to turn and look at him.

‘I don’t know why I came to Coruscant.’ You replied. ‘I was so afraid of you being in love with someone else that I forgot all the reasons why you shouldn’t be in love with me.’

‘I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t love you.’ His words were soft, barely a whisper and you could feel them more than you could hear them, gently floating through the air like butterflies against your cold skin.

‘I’m stubborn-’

‘- passionate-’

‘- and rude-’

‘ - fiery-’

‘- and impulsive-’

‘- spontaneous.’

You lightly whacked him in the shoulder. ‘Stop doing that!’

‘If you saw yourself the way I saw you then you would understand why I want this to work.’ Obi-Wan softly ran his hands down your arms, intertwining your fingers. ‘And I know you want to give the whole I need to work out who I am speech but...have you ever considered that you might be able to work it out on Coruscant?’

‘Say if I did stay.’ You said. ‘How would it work? I can’t live here. Mace Windu would drop kick me out the window if he saw me.’

‘You could get an apartment.’

‘I can’t afford an apartment.’

‘We could get an apartment. I’ll pay half, you pay half.’

‘I can’t get a job here.’

‘There are plenty of jobs here. It’s Coruscant.’

Obi-Wan was smart - quick-thinking, responding to every one of your concerns with something that made a painful amount of sense. His words were fast, almost like bullets from a gun that blew a hole in any reason you had.

Damn him for making so much fucking sense.

It couldn't have hurt to try. You weren’t staying because of him - you were staying because Coruscant had a lot to offer. You’d initially left in such a rush that you hadn’t considered what else the city had to offer. You could give it a chance - give him a chance.

‘What about the code?’ You asked. ‘It was okay back then because I was breaking it too but now-’

‘- I’ll meet you halfway.’ He gave your hands a light squeeze. ‘You leave Corellia for me and I’ll disregard the code for you.’

‘...I guess that’s fair.’

‘So you’ll do it?’ Obi-Wan sounded almost as though he were in disbelief.

‘I’ll make you a deal.’ You said. ‘I’ll stay here for two months. Explore my options and my relationship with you - and if it isn’t working then we call it a day. No more Force connection. No more checking in on each other.’

‘And if it goes well?’

‘Then I’m all in.’

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