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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

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The latest draft chapter for Caramel Skin Under A Purple Rain

The infirmary wasn’t a fun place at the best of times. Keith’s instincts left his husband cranky and brooding, sitting in the corner of the room Lance was now occupying for the next few nights. Krolia was sitting in the visitors chair beside his bed, because unlike Keith, she could keep her temper. Poking had turned to prodding, prodding had turned to scans, scans had turned to an IV and a monitor strapped across his stomach. That led to Veronica interrupting their “family” moment, his sister now sitting on the end of his bed as she talked to their mother, angry that Kosmo had stolen the prime position. Kosmo listened to no one. He was his own wolf. He was his own wolf that was laying up along his side with his head on Lance’s shoulder. Veronica had tried scolding him, telling Lance to scold him, “ordering” Keith to evict him off the bed because it couldn’t possibly be good for him or the twins... She’d even tried sitting on the edge of the bed and forcing him off, nothing had worked. Lance was secretly glad it hadn’t. He’d missed his dopey wolf, and from the look of it, Kosmo had missed him too. “Lance, Mami wants to talk to you” Rising from her chair Krolia held her hand out for Veronica’s comms. Lance wasn’t able to move due to Kosmo, not that he wanted to move “Krolia, the call is for Lance” “I don’t see you moving to pass him your comms” It was as if two vipers were poised to attack each other. The look in their eyes sent a shiver down his spine. Veronica and Krolia were both strong willed women, that scared him in near equal parts. Narrowing her eyes at Kosmo, he cuddled his baby boy closer, knowing he was about to the object of her anger “How can I with that wolf there?” “Gracious. Here I thought both sides of the bed were accessible. Kosmo, you seemed to have grown larger than you appear” “I’m his brother” “Kosmo’s? I thought you were Lance’s older sister” As the invisible sparks flew, Lance kind of wished he was sulking in the corner with Keith. Veronica was scary enough without being provoked. Krolia had thoroughly burned his sister, cruelly if he was asked. Though, it was only cruel because he couldn’t laugh. His mother-in-law sounded as if she’d been part of the family for decades. “Veronica! Pass the comms to Krolia! I can’t see anything!” “You wanted to talk to Lance” “And I still do. Now pass the comm to Krolia. I know she’s grown up enough not be upset over a wolf” Ooooh. His mother was in fine form too. Veronica very nearly snapped her comms as she set her jaw and handed the device to Krolia with a cool glare. Ignoring her, Krolia smiled brightly as she settled back down. From where he was propped up, he could see his mother’s anxious face “Krolia! Dear, how is he?” “We’ve settled him in the infirmary for now. Minor hiccup with morning sickness. We’re going to run a series of allergy tests as he’s having trouble keeping things down. Simply precautionary. The twins are being monitored, but things are much as they were when we spoke. Only, he’s awake now” “Thank goodness. I’ve been wondering if I should come. But what can one dottering old lady do” “Now, now, Miriam. You look amazing. Five children and that figure...” His mother giggled. Honest to God, giggled. What the quiznak was going on here? “Krolia, we both know a few things are below the belt by now” “I refuse to believe it. I’ll pass you over to Lance now” “Thank you. I’m sorry about Veronica. Lord only knows where she gets her stubbornness from” From his Mami. Veronica’s stubbornness was one hundred per cent from their Mami “It’s perfectly fine, Miriam. Young pups have their moment” Veronica had no idea she’d just been called a baby. Lance sucking in his lips at the insult. Krolia knew he was struggling, so she threw in a wink. Laughter bubbled up as he took Veronica’s comms from Krolia. Personally, he didn’t think he needed all this fuss over morning sickness, but there was no stopping Krolia. Tilting the comms to his face, his mother set her face in “mum mode” “What did you do this time?” “Hi, Mami. I’m ok. Twins are great. Keith says hi” “Lance. You’re pregnant, you shouldn’t be picking fights” Nope. She was pissed. Her expression didn’t change the slightest “Mami, I wasn’t picking a fight. I was defending myself” “I’ve read. I’ve had Marco calling daily for updates. Your team wanted to storm Daibazaal and take you away from there. I bet you haven’t called poor Daehra, have you? Do they know who’s responsible yet?” “No, Mami. It’s complicated. I’ve been sleeping off the pod, and now Krolia is channeling you. The cast’s off my leg, knee all healed up” “And what if you didn’t have access to the pod? What if you were stuck healing the normal way? Did our Keith have his foot looked at? Don’t tell me you’ve both been neglecting your health” Lance rolled his eyes, swapping to Spanish simply because Keith didn’t know Spanish “Mami, he’s fine. Daehra fixed it right up. I’m ok too. Krolia suggested that I might have developed an allergy. I didn’t know that was a thing. I’m good. I’ve been out to talk to my therapist. I’m safe with Keith and Kosmo. I know you’re going to tell me to go back home, but I’m fine. Had a scan about half an hour ago, both twins still intact” “You need to be careful. Your health has been so fragile. I really do wish you’d consider coming back home. I worry for you, and for Keith” “I can’t Mami. The coalition is sending us on a publicity tour... I may have upset them” “Did they do this? Did they hurt you and my grand-babies? Do I need to talk to them? How many people have you upset?” Lance let out a sigh “Mami, if I started listing everyone who wanted me dead... it’s better you don’t think about that. I have some new twin scans to send you, or Krolia can of you message her. And tell Marco to call me if he wants to talk to me. I didn’t have a chance to call Daehra. The second Keith saw I was awake, it’s been one thing after another. They’ve put me on an anti-nausea thing...” Against his wishes. Keith didn’t even try to back him up. He was too busy being mad and glaring at all the medical staff “... Besides, they want me to stay here because of the pods” “Why must you get into so much trouble?” “I wasn’t getting into trouble when I was at the outpost” “Don’t give me that, Lance. The only thing that’s changed is that you cannot get away with things” “Hey! I’ve been on my best behaviour” “Says the man who hid from his mother that he could fall pregnant” “Of course I hide things from you. I don’t want you to worry any more than you have to” “Do not take that tone with me, Mijo. I am well aware I would probably faint on the spot if I knew half of what you did” “I was attacked going to the bathroom” “Why were you going to the bathroom alone?” “Because after 23ish years of existence, I know how to pee alone” “Why wasn’t Keith with you?” “Because he doesn’t need to hold my hand” “Obviously he does” “He was supposed to be getting his humanitarian award. He was on stage with Krolia. Mami, I want you to be careful. If this is related to Kre’el, they could go after you” “Do you believe it’s related?” Lance paused. No. He honestly didn’t... not that he knew exactly who was “I can’t say and that worries me” “We’ll be safe, Mijo. You stay safe. My heart couldn’t take it if I lost you” “Mami, I’m being safe... I am. This is all Krolia overreacting” “Krolia doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman who’d overreact. If you need me to come, I will” “No. No, Mami. It was a fight that got out of hand. And you know how I feel about the coalition” His mother sighed deeply. He may or may not have yelled at her more than once that he wanted nothing to do with them, and that they could shove their job offers where God’s light didn’t shine... “Mijo, if you’re not comfortable with this, then step back. You don’t have to turn yourself into a public spectacle” “I do, Mami. People need something to believe in. Allura gave her life for peace, and they’ve brought stability, even if I don’t agree with their methods. If they’re lost, then someone else is going to step up. I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing it for Keith and his dream of the Galra no longer being feared and hated. I’m doing this for our children. I’m so sick of it all, Mami. I didn’t go looking for this fight. I’m tired of my name being used to spread all these lies. I’m the useless and disgraced Paladin, and I’m sorry you’ve been caught up in it... we had a good run. 5 phoebs before it all went downhill” “Oh, Mijo. Is Keith there? Can I talk to him?” “If you’re going to dob me into him, I’d rather not. He’s been having a mental breakdown since everything happened. Everyone’s fussing way too much, and he’s not ok” “Someone has to fuss. Now put him on for me” Lance sighed to himself “Make the pregnant person do all the hard work...” “I am and I will. You brought this upon yourself” “Thanks, Mami. Nice to know you love me” “I do. We do. We all do” Lance raised an eyebrow “I would bet you GAC that Rachel isn’t rushing to tell me she loves me” His mother’s expression changed at his sister name. Rachel must now know he was pregnant and not pleased at all over the news “Rachel will when she’s calmed down. Now pass me over to Keith” “Keith, Mami wants to talk to you” Holding out the comms, Keith eyed it as if it was something toxic, mouthing at him “why me?”. At least, that’s what Lance thought he was mouthing. Waving the comms, his husband remained seated until Lance glared at him. Dragging himself up, Keith snatched the comms from him, stalking through the infirmary room then out the door “He does realise that’s my comms, doesn’t he?” Lance shrugged. Mami was a woman on a mission “It’s Mami. Do you want to tell her that she can’t talk to her favourite son?” “You’re the “prodigal son”. As long as you’re safe and well, it doesn’t matter how much you worry everyone around you” “And you’re acting like a bitch. I don’t know why we keep having this fight, V. I’m your brother. You know I didn’t pick this fight. You’re so much like Marco that it’s laughable. You both lash out when you’re worried, only making both of us feel shit. Yeah, I lied to you. I kept things from you. But that’s because I’m sick of being treated as anything other than normal. I get that I’m a freak, but you’re my big sister. I always knew you had my back. I’ve ruined and disappointed our family enough. I don’t even know why any of this happened. I don’t want to be in the news for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to live at my outpost and be left alone. Somewhere you screwed up little brother wouldn’t cause you any more embarrassment” Veronica pushes her glasses back up her nose “It’s not that! We were so close and you hid it from me. I thought you trusted me. I want you to come to me... I don’t want any of this for you either. But I don’t understand... I could have been there with you. I would have been there with you” “For which bit? There’s a lot that’s happened. I don’t want to always be calling when things have gone wrong. I can handle things when I’m alone, V. It’s when other people are involved that it becomes complicated” The machine behind him let out a series of beeps, both he and Veronica looking to Krolia for an explanation “Your blood pressure just rose. I think it’s best you both admit that you’ve each stuffed up, but that you each love each other and call it a day. Both of you should know better, you’re acting like a pair of pups” Lance ducked his head, Veronica was wearing an expression as if she’d been sucking on a lemon “Sorry, Mumma K. V, you should go. I’m ok. I’m hooked up to these machines, and all I’m gonna be doing is eating and drinking to see what I can keep down” He hadn’t kept down the ginger tea. The scent had made him more nauseous, the taste was like drinking battery acid, or how he imagined it would taste. Following up with food, the spread of bread, soup and fruit... He’d managed a little of the bread, the soup tasted wrong and the consistency of the fruit was hard and chewy. His gums started bleeding thanks to the fruit, Keith started panicking over the blood. Lance ended up choking on some space version of a pineapple chunk as Keith tried to fuss and baby him while he coughed painfully from the feeling of the fruit, Krolia saved him from his panicking husband and now they were here. There was some kind of condition that wasn’t simple morning sickness, Krolia was worried he had it, but Daehra hadn’t diagnosed him so he doubted that he did. Krolia trusted Daibazaal’s medics, Lance didn’t. Nonetheless, he was sure it was on the test list... A completely useless test list. He’d been in a pod. There wasn’t a whole lot that could possibly be wrong with him. A little nausea wasn’t going to kill him, all this was providing to be was a major stressor for Keith, which in turn was raising his own stress levels, because he feared for his husband “Krolia, can you tell Keith we need to talk. He might be hiding outside” “I expect he’s still talking to Miriam, but I will notify him. You get some rest. I’ll be back later and you better believe I’ll know if you haven’t” “I’m behaving. V, you can head off too. I’m fine. This is one huge overreaction” Veronica shot him a glare “Your health is nothing to be joked about. You need to be careful. And don’t think I’m not still upset over your seizures, let alone your pregnancy. You have far too many secrets and I’m going to get to the bottom of it all” “If keeping my secrets means having you hate me for the rest of my life, then I know what I’m choosing. I love you, V, but it’s better this way” “And you’re my brother. You’ve got to stop ending up here” “I know. Now go. Go make the most of your time with Acxa. We’re all about to get a whole lot busier” Veronica climbed off the end of the bed, she seemed as if she was going to hug him, but was disused by Kosmo’s hulking mass. Within a few ticks, both she and Krolia were gone and Lance finally had 5 ticks to himself to think. * Standing in the corridor beside Lance’s room, Keith had his back against the smooth grey stone as he stared down at Veronica’s comms. Miriam was worried about him. Mami was so worried about both of them that she’d asked Keith to bring Lance home to Cuba if he wasn’t coping, or if Keith felt he was no longer able to care for Lance. Anger bled into frustration, that bled into self annoyance. He was trying his best... but he was exhausted. His instincts were being stupid, and that apology he owed Lance seemed to be stuck in his throat. Lance suspected Krystaal of being behind everything that happened, leaving him quiznakking pissed that his husband could be so petty and jealous... the same feelings that Shiro and Lance’s new found closeness had spurred within him. He might be mad, but it was himself that he was mad at... and maybe a bit with Mami. Lance should have been safe to go to the bathroom alone. He should have been there to make sure he was. Not stuck on some stage he didn’t want to be on. They’d been spending so much time together, but... he didn’t know what he kept doing wrong. Lance was very clearly mad at him when they were back in their room... and Keith wasn’t sure why. His husband had finally woken after sleeping off the pod’s affects. He hadn’t said anything “wrong” that he could think of. The feelings in his heart were a kin to standing by the door to the principals office, only this time he had no idea what he’d done wrong. He hadn’t gotten into a fight. He hadn’t stolen anything, or acted out. He couldn’t help it that he didn’t understand... He was trying his best. Ignoring the slight grating noise that accompanied the door to Lance’s room sliding open, Keith could tell from the scents alone that it was Veronica and Krolia. Holding out Veronica’s comms, the device was taken from his hand. His sister-in-law not saying anything as she took it and left. Placing her hand on his hair, Krolia ruffled it lightly “You know he’s ok. He’s only here because of the allergy test, and the risk of that drug, impacting the twins. He said he wants to talk to you” About what? He didn’t want to talk if it only led to another fight... His instincts were exhausting. Keith wasn’t sure they wouldn’t flare. He’d screwed up royally by taking Lance from the infirmary in the first place... He wouldn’t be back in the infirmary only vargas after waking if he hadn’t been so hot headed “Maybe I should let him sleep?” “Get in there and talk to your husband already” Dragging his feet, Keith fought against his instincts as he headed back into the infirmary room. Lance was still cuddled into Kosmo, Kosmo’s tail thumping as he scratched under his chin “Mum said you wanted to talk?” Lance nodded, stopping his scratches as he did. Huffing as it was the end of the world, Kosmo slumped down like he knew that scratches had to come to end so his two humans could talk “Yeah. You going to hide in the corner again? It looks like a nice corner” Keith glanced to the corner he’d been “hiding” in, it was a pretty nice corner... “Babe, come on. I’m joking. Here, Kosmo’s claimed this side but I’ve got space up here and I thought we could talk” His instincts said “Yes!”, his feet however said “no”. The best he could manage was an awkward shuffling of his feet. Lance biting his lip before he shook his head, forcing a fake smile to his lips. Fuck... if that wasn’t a kick in the heart. He hated that smile with all the power of the burning sun... or suns... every single sun they’d ever passed “It’s ok. I thought we should talk, but if you want to go then that’s okay. I’m going to be here a few days, so whenever’s fine” “I fucked up. I couldn’t handle you being in here. I took you back to our room and now we’re back here, because I fucked up. I didn’t listen to you. I laughed in your face when you got that letter and I didn’t listen. You were seriously shaken, and I thought it was one of your nightmares. You were scared and I shot you down. Every time I shot you down. You said this was a possibility, and I should have listened. No wonder you went and talked to Shiro. It’s my fault that you ended up in here. Mami’s probably right. I told her I’d protect you, and instead you’re back here again because I thought I was doing the right thing taking you back to our room. I didn’t want you in here with other people. What if you’d lost the twins. That would have been my fault. You could have been killed, and I was up on that stage. Fuck, Lance, I don’t know what to do. Your health’s all over the place. Someone wants to hurt you. You’re pregnant and I keep losing my temper. I’ve got no idea what to do. We’ve got to go on this tour. You’re pregnant. We’ve got twins on the way. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You have no idea how much blood there was. I don’t even understand how you’re still pregnant. I don’t understand any of this pregnancy things. How do you suddenly have allergies? Have you always had allergies? Do the twins have allergies?” The more Keith spoke, the faster the words came out. He was deaf to most of it, speaking out of fear. Word vomiting out of fear. Word after word turning into a jumble as messy and tangled as his emotions. He had no idea what was up, or what was down. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears as he stumbled as if drunk, taking one step back and one to the side, he threw up, then promptly fainted on the spot. Scaring the absolute quiznak out of Lance as he did. * When Keith came too, he was seated in Lance’s lap. His face against his husband’s neck as Lance’s fingertips massaged his scalp. Wrinkling his face, his mouth tasted revolting. He didn’t remember how he’d ended up on the hard floor, but Lance was hushing him softly. Kissing his temple, Lance sighed softly against him “Hello, sleepy. Nice to have you back in the land of the conscious” “What happened?” “You pulled a “me”. Had a spectacular panic attack, then fainted. Krolia wasn’t too far away, Kosmo rounded her up. And we’ve been sitting here on the bed like this for the last varga or so” Keith groaned. He didn’t remember panicking... He didn’t really remember much after Lance smiled so horribly... they were on the bed? Then why was it so quiznakking hard? “Why does my mouth feel gross?” “You threw up. How do you feel? Are you tired? I didn’t want to move you until you woke up. Krolia left you to me, not that I mind” For his pregnant husband to have been sitting there for the last varga... it made him feel shitty... “You should have just sat me in the corner” “Nah. I wasn’t sure this would work, but it’s what you do for me, so I thought it’d help keep you grounded when you woke” Lance’s fingertips felt amazing against his head. Keith couldn’t deny his head didn’t feel weird... kind of empty, as if he was mentally drained and definitely disorientated “Thanks...” Nuzzling into his husband’s neck, Keith sighed softly. Kissing his temple again, Lance nuzzled him back “Pidge will be back soon, do you want to stay in my lap or lay beside me?” “Pidge?” “She came by while you were sleeping. Screamed and everything” “She screamed?” “She thought you were... straddling my lap for another reason” “Pidge thought you were...” “Yep” “Ugh. In the infirmary?” “Yep. Pretty much. She calmed down when she realised you weren’t actually moving and still had pants on. I told her you fell asleep. You’re probably exhausted from not just your attack, but looking after me too” “I’m fine” Lance laughed softly, though it wasn’t in humour “Babe, you’re not fine. I said we need to talk, and you panicked. It can wait though. It’s a crappy feeling when you’re coming out of an attack and you’re being made to think” “‘m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you” “It wasn’t your job to. Your job was to be on stage, not to worry about me. If anyone should be worrying, it’s me about you. Panic attacks are awful. I think it’d do you some good to talk to To’ral” “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to scare you” “You’re scared. I know you’re scared. You’re trapped in your head thinking things over and over. I do it too. Take a few deep breaths, and stay here. You saw the scans. The pod fixed the damage right up. Your pups are still safe and healthy, being monitored until the drug is out my system. You need to let yourself rest” “I’m still sorry” He was. He truly was sorry he’d ignored the signs out of a desperate need to believe that Kre’el was firmly behind them. He was truly sorry that Lance had been attacked. He was sorry that he’d taken his husband from the infirmary too soon, endangering Lance’s life, and that of their twins “It’s ok. It’s ok and I’m here. I’ve got you, Keith. I’ve got you” Keith remained curled into his husband until Pidge returned... with Hunk. Hunk seemed flustered, hanging in the background as Keith moved carefully from Lance’s lap to lay at his side. His arm wrapped around his husband with his head resting on his shoulder so he could see Pidge. Armed with her holopad, the previous green Paladin went to work tapping on the screen while Hunk moved to take the seat in the corner, his movies clumsy with nerves. The space felt awkward to him. Their friends felt like intruders. Lance’s stomach was wired up, evident from the wires snaked out from under his semi-risen gown. The blankets in his lap and his sweats giving him at least some level of modesty. “Keith, I can feel you glaring” Hugging him tighter, Lance snorted at Pidge’s comment. Keith felt stupid as quiznak as he hid behind his pregnant husband, but it wasn’t his fault he hardly felt like socialising “It’s kind of his thing, remember. Dark. Broody. Emo... You know, he hasn’t changed that much in the last decade. Did Krolia fill you in on my theory?” “For a dumbarse, you’re pretty smart. She sent me the data from the thermal cameras, and you were right. There was a second person at the scene. They cloaked themselves against the scanners, but they still left residual heat signatures on the door edge where they touched it. We weren’t looking for it, because of how your attacker moved, and the fact he was drugged before the attack. When he showed up shot in the head, that should have raised more red-flags, but I was busy worrying about your idiot arse. How did you end up back here?” “Allergies” Pidge wrinkled her nose “Thanks to a certain someone, I’ve been reading up on pregnancy. I didn’t even know you could develop allergies while pregnant. Have they told you what yet?” “What I’m allergic to? No. It’s a theory Krolia is forcing me to pursue in this stylish room. I have to say, I’m sick of hospitals” “I’m sick of you being in them. How are my minions? Still baking?” “Yep. Pod healed them right up. The minion carrier is also alright” “Excellent. I can’t have an army of minions without said minions. I still can’t believe you’re pregnant” “Surprise?” Pidge laughed as she continued to tap on her screen. Keith felt his instincts rile at Pidge’s teasing, nuzzling harder into Lance as he tried to squash them back down “I still have questions, but seeing you got your arse handed to you, I’ll play nice for now” “Nawww. Were you worried?” “Pffft. No. But if you do it again, you won’t have some secret gang after you” “Understood, Pigeon. What other news have you got for me? I’m so out of the loop that the loops falling asleep on me” Wrinkling her nose, Pidge shook her head “I don’t need to know whom does what bit to whom” “Coming from the woman who thought Keith and I were having sex here. Trust me...” Pidge covered her ears, Lance shutting up immediately “I said I’m sorry! You two already made babies so we know you can’t keep it in your pants” “You don’t have to take your pants off...” “I think I liked it better when you were in the pod!” Growling at Pidge, Lance jabbed him in the ribs. Keith didn’t appreciate the gesture. He knew Lance was no where near as comfortable with Pidge being there as he was acting. He knew that Hunk’s presence wasn’t welcomed either, and that his husband was simply playing the bigger man by not raising a fuss or making a scene. Technically he had no reason to be mad at the pair, especially when he hoped Lance would reconnect with them, but that didn’t mean they needed to do it while Lance was confined to the infirmary wing of the palace “Ignore him, Pidge. It’s a Galra thing. Are you coming on tour with us?” “Nope. New students are coming into the garrison for the start of the second semester. I’m not having one of them risk my experiments” “Gotta defend that lab of yours” “Yep. They forced me to take on a second assistant. They were useless. I mean, worse than you with the “techno-babble”. If it’s in my lab, that means you don’t touch it. Even if I let you touch it, it’s not alright. Let alone when they get it into their heads they have to clean my lab. Can’t a girl leave parts around without someone deciding that maybe “the floor should be cleared of all trip hazards”. Iverson suggested teaching, but how do you train monkeys who’s only enjoyment in life is ruining mine?” “Sucks to be you. You could branch out on your own” “Try telling my mother that. Hunk and Shay are going. Though from the sound of it, it’s mostly going to be Keith’s team, you guys, Krolia, Shiro and Curtis that actually visit wherever the coalitions decided. Sucks to be you” “Touché, gremlin. Think of all that tech we’re gonna see without you” “It hurts, but if it means not seeing you two being gross than I’ll survive” “You’re just jealous” Rolling her eyes, Pidge climbed out the of the visitors chair “No offence Keith, but Lance you’re the only person in the universe who’d marry him. You can keep him. And because I’m a great friend, I sent you the thermal recordings and related data. If you ever pull something like that again, I’m going to kick your arse myself” “Awwww, I knew you cared about me. Thanks for this, Pidge. It’d be nice to know who’s after me this time and why. At least space pirates have the decency to attack me for a reason” “Don’t think I won’t turn into one if you get hurt again” “That genuinely scares me” “I’ll come back and visit you again when Keith isn’t giving me death stares” “Ignore him. That’s what I do” Pidge laughed, behind him there was a scraping as Hunk climbed to his feet. Walking over to Pidge, he was nervously wringing his hands, his eyes flicking towards them before he opened his mouth and closed it, then following Pidge when she gave a wave and headed out. When the door closed behind them, Lance let out a sigh. The rigidity in his limbs loosening as he half rolled towards him. Tilting his head up, Keith stole a soft kiss from his husband, Lance closing his eyes as he tried to wrap his arms around him. Shifting to accomodate Lance’s stomach, they wound up nuzzling into each other’s cheeks, Lance’s voice a whisper “You ok, babe?” “I should be asking you that” “I’m getting there. I’m more worried about you right now” “I’m ok. Sorry about my instincts...” “I could smell your anger. I know you want to protect me, but we’re going to need to work this anger out” “I know... I’m sorry for making you so uncomfortable” “By knocking me up, or with your “cranky pants” scent?” “Either. Either. Both... I don’t know what I’m doing anymore” Choking softly on the emotions welling, Keith closed his eyes. This panic attack business really quiznakking sucked. He didn’t prefer Lance to be the one having the attack, but I felt out of his depths to handle his own. Kissing his cheek, Lance’s right hand found his left, interlacing their fingers together lightly “I don’t know what I’m doing either... I’m sorry for falling pregnant...” “Don’t... don’t apologise and don’t blame yourself. At the moment, these twins... they’re our future. I don’t want to keep fucking up” “We both fuck up semi-regularly. It’s kind of our thing. Technically we didn’t even know we were married” “But when I fuck up... you end up hurt. I’m so sick of you being hurt. I’m so sick of it. I’m sick of you crying. I’m sick of making you cry” “Shhh... You’re going to push yourself into another attack” Keith didn’t care if he did. He didn’t remember what he’d said to Lance, only that Lance was handling things too well which had to mean something else was on his mind so he was attempting to distract himself “Why can’t I get it right with you?” “That’s enough, babe” Lance’s voice was gentle yet firm, Keith wasn’t about to have him have the last word. He was too emotionally drained, speaking freely much like Lance did when he was tired “It’s... it’s all so complicated. When everyone’s around, they’re always there. I like it better when they aren’t” “It’s still hard to be around them... Hunk didn’t say a word. He’s probably revolted still... they’re supposed to be our friends. We have to try...” “I’m too tired to try” Keith was too tired to do much of anything. All he wanted was a world of their own. Where he could live up to his personal promise to protect his husband, no matter when or from whom... even the times he’d protected Lance from himself didn’t way on him the way this attack had “You don’t get to give up. It’s been a quiznakkingly awful return, but we’re ok. We’ll do this stupid tour. Then I want to go home. This exhaustion. I feel it all the time. The constant judging. The constant wondering if you’re doing the right thing. If you’ve said something stupid. Done the wrong thing. Wondering how messed up your head is. If they can see how scared and messed up you are about being around them” “Then why are you still here?” Lance’s sigh bordered on a groan “Because our marriage was falling apart. I was falling apart. I wanted to make it work with you, because for some unknown fucking reason I still love you. But if you ever, ever, treat me like you did, accusing me of cheating, making me feel like a whore, making me feel like a dirty disgusting vile thing for being too upset to tell you I needed to go see my therapist, I’m going to leave. I am going to leave and I won’t be coming back. I don’t blame you for taking me back to your room. The fact I’m here again isn’t your fault. I’m here because allergies are apparently a thing, like I told Pidge. I’m here because I’m a fucked up junkie and someone knows. They shot me up and it could still hurt our twins. That’s why I’m here. Now just shut up already and give me cuddles because you’re exhausted and I’m done with everyone that’s not you or Kosmo... or Krolia. Mumma K can stay. Shiro’s alright, so is Curtis. Everyone else, I’m done. The way people carry on, it’s like they’ve never met a pregnant person before. I’m so fucking done” Lance’s words were hardly comforting or soothing, something that didn’t match the intimacy of their position. His husband’s anger seemed to catch in his nose, and the way his voice didn’t waver was enough to tell Keith that Lance meant every word of it. It also told him it was better to “shut up” now, and let his husband’s anger fade rather than pushing or stepping on some unknown mine that would send them into another fight. The fact that Lance was threatening to leave tugged heavily on his heart. Maybe if he’d remained silent, his husband wouldn’t have snapped like this... although, he also supposed that Lance had reached the end of his emotional rope long before the incident and was finally putting his needs first instead of going along with everyone else’s plans and desires... but then again, Lance had asked about the planned coalition tour... so maybe that was what had set him off this time? Caused him to snap, because Pidge had laughed at the issue? His mind was no better than food goop in his head. Everything felt all blended together... too blended together for him to hope to part. Kissing his husband and telling him how much he loved him would simply be an insult if he was to do it now... but he didn’t know how to do any of this, or how things would proceed. Scrunching his eyes against the unwanted tears emotional exhaustion had caused, he clung to Lance for dear life, because, right now, what else could he do?

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

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CSUAPR prt 37 started

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