#anyone who has tried to cut their own dogs hair and failed knows they cant take my place

[atla-hcs-and-bakoda]

Bato’s Backstory

ok so this is gonna be long, buckle up. This is my personal interpretation of bato’s backstory, it likely makes no canonical or reasonable sense, but canon does not exist and i make the rules. this is purely self-indulgent crack-treated-seriously. This is what all the other hcs, unless stated otherwise, will be set in.

Note about Bato: in my interpretation of him, he has teal/cyan eyes and darker brown hair than in the show, his skin tone has not changed.

(unfortunately this is not a zukka au, just a bakoda one. bato’s backstory is kind of an au in my mind, so when i do ship zukka, its not in this au)

(the bold letters at the beginning of the paragraphs are for accessibility)

‘Present’ (only a few months after zuko’s coronation) ages: Hakoda & Bato - 41 Kya - 42 Iroh - 65 Ozai - 47

under the cut because oh boy this is long, sorry asdfghfd

So, our story begins in the fire nation, about 59 AG, Iroh is the 25 year old crown prince, and recently had a child with his wife, Minami, on the coldest day of winter. They named him Shui, and they, quite frankly, spoilt him with their love. Minami stayed in the castle while Iroh was at war, and always sang to Shui while putting his hair up or putting him to bed.

One day, when Shui was 9, Azulon decided to take his family to Ember Islands on vacation, like the royal family has been doing for generations. However, there was a bad storm, and the ship got thrown near the south. Little Shui followed Iroh onto the deck, and fell overboard when a big wave hit the other side of the boat, rocking it and making him fall.

The royal family and crew tried to save him, but the waves dragged him under, and once the storm cleared, he was presumed dead. Iroh and Minami mourned the loss of their first son, who died so young that he hardly got to live life at all. Ozai mourned to a minor extent, as he was 15 at the time and wasn’t as bad as he is in the present, but not for as long as Shui’s parents, or grandfather, did.

Meanwhile, in the southern water tribe, little 9 year old Hakoda was wandering down at the seaside with his father when he came across a young boy unconscious in the snow, the cold water nearly freezing him to death. His father hurried him back to the tribe with the young boy’s body. For days, Hakoda sat beside the bed, rarely moving from the spot, keeping watch on the mystery boy. And eventually, he woke up.

Hakoda introduced himself once the boy was fully awake, but when asked his name, the boy said “i...i don’t remember...” So, instead, Hakoda decided to pick a name for him; Bato. The boy agreed to the name, and after a week, got adopted by one of the tribesmen, a close friend of Hakoda’s father. After that, the two children were an unstoppable duo, they did many successful pranks on everyone, including Hakoda’s mother, Kanna.

However, every once in a while, Bato would blurt out something without thinking, and when questioned, wouldn’t be able to remember it at all. For instance, Bato and Hakoda were once watching the stars late at night, when Bato pointed at a constellation and called it Druk. Hakoda laughed, but Bato insisted that was its name. Hakoda asked where Bato learned that, since thats not what their tribe calls it, and Bato had no recollection of learning it.

(This continued well into teenagehood, when Bato realised at the ripe old age of 14 that he was, in fact, in love with his best friend. He didn’t come out for a long time, in fear of his tribe’s reaction. Deep down he knew they’d accept him with open arms, but his anxiety said otherwise.)

At 12, there was a fire nation raid while Bato was at the seaside, and he recognised both the ship and flag instantly despite not being told prior about the Southern Raiders. He ran to tell the chief, and thanks to his quick reaction, saved the tribe to a degree. Many waterbenders still died, however.

At 15, Bato and Hakoda went ice-dodging with their respective fathers- and eachother. Hakoda recieved the mark of the wise, and Bato recieved the mark of the brave.

One night at 15, they were cuddling in Hakoda’s bed (because thats what best friends do, of course. its cold, no other reason, totally not) when Hakoda noticed Bato’s eye color; Teal. not the regular water tribe blue, not a dark blue, or even a light blue, but pure Teal. Although hakoda would still argue to this day that bato’s eyes are cyan. When questioned about his eye color, Bato shrugged and brushed it off as an uncommon trait. But Hakoda realised nobody else in the tribe had cyan eyes, just blue.

Then, at 16, the boys got into a bad avalanche that resulted in Hakoda getting knocked out. Bato woke up hours later, and pulled his best friend out of the snow. He realised Hakoda wasnt breathing, and started to cry, taking his gloves off to cling to Hakoda and try feel the warmth of his pulse, to no avail. He closed his eyes and cried, when his hands lit on fire. When he realised what he just did, he put the flame out and made a plan, carrying Hakoda to the dog sled quite a bit from the avalanche, and set them on course for the tribe while he carefully lit his hands back on fire after a few attempts, and kept Hakoda warm. 

Just before they got to the tribe, Hakoda started breathing again, shallowly, and his father quickly took both of them to the healer when they arrived back. This time, it was Bato who sat beside the bed and waited for Hakoda to wake up, refusing to eat much until his friend woke up.

He never told anyone about his bending.

A few months later, Hakoda met and started dating Kya, and Bato’s heart broke. he was happy for hakoda, he really was, but deep down it still hurt him to see him with someone else.

At 20, Hakoda’s father went off to war.  At 22, Hakoda became Chief, and Bato became the second-in-command.

At 23, Hakoda proposed to Kya after like 20 failed attempts at carving a betrothal necklace. Bato’s heart broke a tiny bit more, but he ignored it to be happy for his friend. Bato had to sleep alone for the first time since he joined the southern water tribe, he didn’t sleep much when alone.

2 years later, at 25, Sokka was born, and Bato babysat him a lot when Hakoda and Kya were busy. Bato admittedly vented to baby sokka quite a bit, and showed him very minor firebending tricks he practiced during sleepless nights, which was most nights.

At 26, Katara was born, and Bato now babysat two little children, both of which he adored with all his heart. He himself is infertile, so Katara and Sokka were the closest thing he had to his own children.

Things went mostly peacefully for years, until 34, when Kya got killed. After the raid, Hakoda wouldnt eat for days at a time, completely depressed and exhausted. Bato would offer him small plates of food and sit with him, letting him vent or cry or whatever Hakoda needed to do to get the stress and pain out. He also looked after Sokka and Katara while Hakoda couldn’t, and usually slept next to Hakoda’s bed, watching over the chief, along with his kids, as both children were terrified to sleep by themselves, Hakoda was scared of losing them, and Bato couldn’t bare the thought of not keeping them safe.

After years of recovering, Hakoda eventually had to head out to war with the men of the tribe, Bato included. Bato’s heart broke watching Sokka beg to come with them, but he knew it was for the best.

3 months after leaving, Bato came out to Hakoda in the Chieftan’s private room in the boat, and Hakoda accepted him with open arms, and promised to not tell anyone until Bato was ready. Bato fell a lot more in love.

At 5 months, he started very carefully dropping hints to Hakoda that he likes him, slightly-too-friendly-to-be-platonic compliments, cuddling him in hakoda’s room “because its cold” (they were nowhere near cold climates), and other vaugely homoerotic stuff like that. All of it went over Hakoda’s head.

(At 6 months he straight up told Hakoda at night on the deck “Your my stars, Hakoda. Whenever i’m lost, you always bring me home.”, and Hakoda responded “Thanks Bato, I’m happy your my friend too.”, Bato stayed awake all night in utter disbelief. He still teases Hakoda about it.)

1 year after leaving, Bato realised he might not be as much of a guy as he thought he was. He silently decided to put that train of thoughts on hold until the war was over. (In his heart he knew the war would never be over until the fire nation won. especially with sozin’s comet only a year away and- he doesnt remember what sozin’s comet is.)

When his arm got burned, he burned the soldier right back with his good arm out of sight of everyone else, and managed to shove them overboard before the pain hit him. He’s always had a high pain tolerance.  After the fight ended, Hakoda carried Bato to the abbey, and they had a tearful goodbye, where Bato quietly confessed his love as Hakoda walked out the room. Hakoda thought about it until he saw Bato again.

When they reunited, Hakoda confessed his love back to Bato, and they kissed right in the open, it took a lot of self control for the other tribesmen to not cheer, they had known for literally forever, the only person in the tribe who didnt know bato was in love with hakoda was hakoda.

Somehow, it took until the war was over for Sokka and Katara to find out they had a step-dad. They already considered Bato to be their second dad, so not much exactly changed.

The day of Zuko’s coronation, Bato got talking with Iroh, and when the topic came to children, Iroh explained how both his sons were dead, one dying at 9 from a storm, and the other dying at 20 from war. When Iroh says his youngest (eldest?) son’s name, Shui, Bato remembers the storm, and Iroh notices Bato’s rare cyan eyes.

They have a nice reunion, although Bato has to sit down for a while to process all this and figure out his family tree. He decides not to tell Hakoda yet, but he does spend a while walking through the palace with Iroh and remembering parts of his early childhood. He cant bring himself to go into the room of firelord portraits.

A month after zuko’s coronation, he sits Hakoda down and explains that he’s a bender, and he’s apparently fire nation royalty. Hakoda gets temporarily mad, but eventually calms down and hugs Bato when his friend told him that his firebending saved both himself and hakoda, and that he would never be like his forefathers or uncle. Hakoda takes a while to fully accept it, but eventually warms up (heh) to the concept, and continues to use Bato as a personal space heater.

Two months after zuko’s coronation, he finally decides to tackle the “i’m not as much as a guy as i thought” issue, and he decides to go to Iroh and Toph for advice over tea, where Iroh suggests some wise stuff, but Toph simply explains what non-binary is, and suggests Bato may be Demiboy. (Although Bato prefers to call himself Demiguy, he doesnt like being called a boy) The Gender Crisis continues for about another week, and takes another half a month for him to come out to Hakoda. Bato was somewhat internally afraid he wouldnt be counted as one of the men, but Hakoda was overwhelmingly supportive, and admitted that he knew Bato wasn’t exactly cis, he just never knew the words to use.

Bato spends a while at the palace after the coronation to get his bearings on being half fire nation and a prince, he learns purple is a very good color on him.(Hakoda later jokes that it was foreshadowing for Bato realising he was enby, as he wasnt blue or red)

He bonds quite a bit with Zuko, Iroh, and Toph during his stay, but eventually goes back to the southern water tribe, the place he truly considers home. Although, he does go and visit the fire nation every once in a while. He even goes to Ember Islands and has a vacation day with both of his families.

After about two years, He finally makes a betrothal necklace for Hakoda, with the symbol of the water tribe on it and flames coming up from the waves, both of them totally cry happy tears when he proposes privately under the light of the aurora.

[gay-salt-amber]

Can we get a full story on Georgi and Jeans relationship? I think its really cute from the information you gave us and I wanna know more! - :D anon

Yes I sure can! Hope you like it :D

Love On The Ice

The ice rink. A figure skaters home away from home. Some go to the ice for training, some go there for fun, some go there to cry, some go there to rage, and some go there for love. This is no different for a 25 year old French skater named Jean Douce.

Jean pov-

Walking to the rink was something I always enjoy. Sure, my bag was kinda heavy at times and the walk may be long but it gave my legs some practice moving before I step foot onto the ice tonight. Todays competition was being held at my home rink in France, which is quite nerve racking, but I can't let that show. My coach said that this may be my chance to make it to a grand prix final, but I'm not so sure. We'll see when I get there I guess. As long as I try my best, then we'll be just fine.

When I finally made it to the rink, I looked up the sign 'Lilac Ice Rink' gave me a sign of comfort. I felt at home, I felt comfortable, I felt relaxed again. I opened the door gently before walking in, waving to the blonde behind the front desk, Ms. Joy, the woman who owned the place and someone I've known since I was little.

"Good luck out there!" She said with a smile

I gave a simple nod and went to the locker room to change, I didn't here anything before I entered, making me think not many people were there, 'Weird, I guess I am kind of early though.' I opened the door and sat my stuff down on the bench I looked over to see a face I hadn't seen before. The person had a pointy hair style, all of his hair was pointed infront of him, strange hair style but not bad. He was wearing a jacket over what I assumed was the outfit he was skating in tonight. I tried to read his jacket but the back of the chair covered it and I couldn't recognize the logo, curious, I walked up to say hi to him.

"Hi!" I greeted,

He put down what I recognized was blush and looked at me, "Hello, who are you?" I grabbed a chair, pulling it over and sitting down next to him, "I'm Jean."

"Are you skating tonight?" The black haired man asked

"Yes, I'm on the French team! What about you?"

"I'm on the Russian team."

"Ooo! Cool! What's your name?"

"Georgi."

I got up and held out my hand, "Well Georgi, I hope we get along."

He scoffed and shook my hand, "Good luck."

I smiled and walked back over to my bag and got out my outfit for the night, when I was putting it on, everything was fine until I remembered that it tied in the back. Unlike some people I know, I can't reach that far back. I turned my head and saw that Georgi was still here, I'll just ask him for help.

"Hey! Georgi!"

He turned around, "Hm?"

"Can you," I pointed to the ties, "Tie this for me?"

He rose to his feet and walked over, "Sure, but don't blame me if it looks awful."

I laughed, "Heh, I think it'll look fine, I mean, if you can make your face look so pretty, you can probably tie a knot pretty well too."

Georgi paused for a moment before going back to tying the knot, "Don't say stuff like that."

"Awh cmon! Its just a compliment!"

The cloth on my back tightened and the feeling of hands on his back left, "There its tied."

"Thanks!"

He grabbed his bag, waved and exited the locker room, the door slamming behind him.

'I think we'll get along well.'

A while later, Georgi pov-

I stood, leaning on the wall of the rink, deep in thought. Who was that Jean boy? All I know is that hes a skater from France. I want to know more about him, hes quite a nice boy and I think we'd get along well. I glanced over to where he was getting some last minute practice. His olive eyes sparkled as bright as a star, his skating wasn't the best I have ever seen by far but the passion he had was as obvious as the blue sky.

The only thing I could keep my eyes on was the cute brown haired boy, I spaced out from all of reality and I wouldn't have it any other way...

"Oi! Georgi! I'm talking to you!"

I turned to the voice to see coach Yakov behind me, "Oh sorry."

I cleared my throat before speaking, "Do you know anything about Jean? The boy over there?" I said, pointing to him.

"Ah, that's Jean Douce, hes a French skater."

"Well I know that much, anything else?"

"Well hes quite the amateur, I heard from his coach that hes only been to the second part of a figure skating contest once."

"Ah, I wonder why.."

"I heard he is married and has a kid so that's probably why, its hard to balance a family life and skating, anyone can tell you that."

Those words felt like a jab to the heart, "Oh.."

"Your going on last by the way, I wouldn't have it that way normally but, cant argue with the organizers."

I nodded and walked over to the bench to sit, grabbing my water-bottle from my side and taking a sip. While I was drinking I stole a glimpse at Jean who was now panting, head hanging down as he sat about 2 benches away from me. Why the world doesn't he have water? I sighed, 'Do I have to do everything for this boy now?' Wait that doesn't sound too bad.. I glanced at my water bottle which was still practically full and headed over to him.

I sat down by him, which caused him to instantly look over, "O-oh hi."

With a nod, I held my water-bottle out infront of him, "Here, I saw you didn't have one but your panting like a fucking dog so I figured you'd want some."

He grabbed it, his hand brushing against mine causing my heart rate to go up higher then what I am fairly certain is healthy. He smiled brightly, it was adorable and when I saw that on his face, I knew this was what they call love at first sight.

"So, I heard your married?" "Yes. I have a wife named Salem."

I was curious, I want to know more about her, "What's she like?"

"Heh, not great lately.."

"Mind telling me why?"

"She just doesn't approve of the fact that I do figure skating full time she thinks it wont make good money which is-"

"Bullshit" "Bullshit" We said in unison, we both let out a chuckle and Jean continued,

"Because of that I cant get as much practice in because I cant get the time away from her nagging to get out to the rink."

I looked at him, thinking, "I think I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"I'll help you with your routine."

His eyes widened at my words, "Don't you need to practice too?"

"I memorize my routines quite well, I think i'll be fine with coaching you."

"I have a coach already y'know?"

I scoffed, "Yeah and from what I saw she has no fucking idea what she's doing."

"I mean.. You're not wrong."

I stood and held out my hand, "So get up and lets head to the ice."

Jean grinned, putting my water-bottle down and grabbing my hand, "Alright!"

After the competition Jean pov-

Well.. I didn't make the cut, I guess I was right, heh. My score was 221, I was about 4 points behind the 3rd place winner who was a boy from America named Leo de la Iglesia. While I was getting changed in the locker room, Georgi was sitting down removing his makeup

"You're not very chatty.." He stated

"Heh, I guess I'm just upset about losing.. Good job on getting 2nd though!"

"For what its worth, I think you should have gotten third, Leo failed that one double axal so he shouldn't have had 225 points, you should have scored higher too, you landed everything."

I let out a dry chuckle, "Still my jumps weren't nearly as good."

"Still."

"Thanks, Georgi."

I stuffed my stuff into my bag and was about to leave when I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Hm? Did you need something?"

"Can I have your number?"

"Sure!"

He handed me his phone, I typed in my number and put in a contact name. "See you later, fée endormie" (Sleeping fairy)

Georgi's face looked as red as a cherry, his words were stammered too, "Y-yeah you too.."

I waved, closing the door to the locker room behind me. The walk back to the hotel was long, I wanted to be outside longer so I could think. Think about the cute Russian boy I met just a few minutes prior. Then I started to ask myself, 'This is so.. Wrong, what's wrong with me.. I am a married man, I shouldn't think things like this.' I sighed, letting those thoughts die. Those thoughts were replaced with more happy ones about Georgi and how the day went, 'Yeah.. we can think about the future later, day-dreaming never hurt anyone, right?'

About a month later-

I was relaxed on my bed. my wife was out at work and finishing up some school work. I am still going through collage since I had dropped out for a few years to help raise Akaashi. But now hes 17 and a third year at Fukurōdani Academy, a school here in Japan which my wife is the superintendent of. The work was nothing bad, I was about to type my last sentence before heading to the ice rink for practice when my phone buzzed with a message from Georgi

---------

Georgi: Hey, this may be sudden, but can you open your door?

Jean: Uhhh why?

Georgi: Cuz I'm outside and its cold!

Jean: Ok! I'm on my way!

---------

I ran faster then I ever had down the stairs, I thought I was going to fall and land on my face but luckily I didn't. I unlocked the door and opened it, revealing Georgi in a black jacket with matching pants. His hair was down, I have seen him with his hair down a lot but it was so cute that I couldn't help but blush at the sight.

"So what are you doing here?"

"I was in Japan and wanted to see you, simple as that."

A smile grew onto my face and we walked to my room where we sat on my bed, he read a book while I finished that last sentence of my paper, once I was done I turned to him and asked,

"Hey can you look over my essay for me?"

"Sure, give me the laptop."

I nodded and passed my laptop to him. It was a short paper but he seemed to take his time, I watched him add punctuation and such. He glanced at the citations at the bottom,

"Hey I think you forgot a citation." He said,

"Oh? I did? For what?"

"The County Tribune one, you used it in paragraph 4 right?"

"Oooh! I had an issue with that one! I tried to get the information but when I clicked the link I used, the domain was down, I just put down the article title and access date since my professor said that was fine."

"Oh, gotcha. But other then that I would say just fix some words, you used 'according to' with your textual evidence a lot so I would say change that."

"Alright, thanks! You sure know your stuff!"

"Yeah, I did really well in Language arts and Writing classes back when I was in school."

"Cool! I guess I'll have to ask for your help more~" I cooed

"Pfft, have fun with that." He snickered as he went back to his book

I kept looking for more words but I kept catching myself getting distracted, "Hey, what do you-"

Before I could say anything else I felt something on my neck, I moved my eyes down to the feeling and saw Georgi, biting my neck.

"G-Georgi?"

He pulled back instantly and scooted about a foot back, "Oh my god! I am so, so, so sorry!"

I smirked, "Do it again, Georgi."

"Isn't your wife going to be home soon?"

"She texted me earlier, she's going to a meeting in Paris, she'll be away for the next few days."

"And what about Ak-"

"Are you going to keep asking questions or are you going to do it again?"

The Russian boy let out a 'heh' and scooted forward, continuing what he was doing before. I smirked and didn't react, finishing up the paper. It was only about 2 minutes later when I heard a sad 'humph'

The mouth released my neck for a moment, "Hey.. Pay attention to me."

I let out a chuckle, turned off my laptop and put it on a side table. I turned around to face Georgi and put my arms around his waist, "There, I'm all yours now."

He placed a kiss on my lips, "Good."

Georgi's lips locked back on mine hungrily. This was the thing I wanted for months, no, this is the type of thing I've wanted my whole life and I never knew it before. God, please let this last forever.

He crawled closer to close the distance and put his knee between my legs, the feeling of having something to rub felt amazing and it caused me to whimper. The moment those whimpers became loud enough for Georgi to hear, I was pinned down with my hands above my head. He dipped his head down to whisper into my ear, "May I, my sweet baby prince?" Those words sent a shiver up my spine, "Yes, please.."

---Timeskip cuz its late and I am not awake enough to write smut--

"That was so good.." I said, panting while laying on Georgi's chest

The Russian skater let out a snort and ran his hands through my hair, "Was it now? Or do you just moan for more whenever you feel like it?"

"Heh."

"I love you." I whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

"I love you too baby."

I cuddled into his chest with a big grin, "Good." "Hey, question.."

"Hm?" I looked up at him, my chin still resting on his chest,

"How are we dealing with your wife? Y'know since you're my lover now."

"Meh, I'll think about that later. Now, let me sleep, you're really comfy."

"Heh sure."

"Also, leave your hair down more, its adorable."

"Sure, whatever you want dear."

"Okay, sleep soon, k?"

"K."

---Aaand its over! Thx for the ask!---

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

[phanchester]

gen z baudelaire children headcanons

violet baudelaire

- age: 16

- good at drawing

- cries in movies

- asexual af 

- called herself a lesbian for years until she started dating a boy lmao

- dating quigley quagmire

- doesnt define herself as a single sexuality so she just calls herself queer

- has an instagram account for aesthetic things and another account for weird selfies

- has a studyblr account as well 

- pretend shes organised but really is not

- loves dodie and tessa violet

- makes slimes and squishies and somehow all of them are perfect?? like the slime never sticks to anyone’s hands and get stretch a lot and the squishies just never break down

- is really bad at baking 

- tried to make klaus a birthday cake but failed and handed in slush

- she ended up buying cake from the local bakery but accidentally spelt klaus wrong so it read “happy birthday klauz”

- loves everything to do with japan but constantly denies the fact that shes a weeaboo

- dressed up as jiro from my hero academia one year

- obsessed with princess mononoke

- loves all the tech in tokyo

- listens to paramore religiously

- liked one direction when she was a lot younger and cringes about it

- used to have long hair but she cut it when she was 15 and now she has the bisexual haircut

- has a really good sense of fashion although she looks pretty in anything

- loves sherlock way too much for it to be healthy

- was obsessed with tom hiddleston in 2012

- got raped when she was 14

- still goes to therapy to repair all the broken things which came out of that

- very passionate about feminism and is pro-choice

- got called an sjw in public so she gave the man a whole rant about how her being raped ruined her entire life

- lead the tech box for the school musical in junior school despite these annoying teachers telling her she should be on stage with her pretty face

- gets cat-called in public which she absolutely hates but she just ignores them

- loves doing her own makeup

- people who dont know her call her the shy nerd but people who know her things shes insane

- resident IT kid at school

- knows for forever from dear evan hansen off by heart but refuses to listen to any more songs despite klaus’s protests

- really good at football and baseball

- super good at science

- loves everything to do with inventing (obviously lmao)

- dressed up as tinker bell when she was 4 and as annabeth chase when she was 12 for halloween

- good at sewing and making costumes

- made her own computer out of spare parts when her mother (beatrice) put screen time on her school laptop

- had an emo phase but constantly denies it

 klaus baudelaire

- age: 14

- a huge fanboy over practically everything except sports

- family thought he was gay for years, turns out he was a bi disaster

- peace-signs bisexual but also finger guns

- had a crush on isadora and quigley when they first met in seventh grade

-  now only has a crush on isadora and boy is oblivious to how lovestruck isadora is for him as well

- knows every starkid musical off by heart

- has a super popular tumblr blog with a hell lot of followers as well as an anti-onision side blog

- has probably every social media known to man

- rumours say that he even has a myspace account?? with this boy who knows

- hair is always messy no matter how many times beatrice tries to tame it

- always dresses up as harry potter for halloween because he looks exactly like the description

- obsessed with lord of the rings

- use to have a booktube but then deleted it a day after he posted a video 

- has mild anxiety and depression

- also sees a therapist (someone help these chirren they need help)

- memes and vines are his source of energy and without them he would probably die

- knows like every single vine somehow

- loves thomas sanders

- has a diverse set of subscriptions from really small but high quality youtubers to these huge popular ones

- once this random youtuber liked his reply on twitter and he actually flipped out

- has a crush on brendon urie (“i’d fuck that forehead any day” - actual quote by klaus baudelaire)

- skipped year 4 so he is one year younger than the people in his grade

- can eat until he dies

- was super small but then had a huge growth spurt so now hes a lot taller

- practically blind without his glasses

- once violet stole his glasses for a prank and klaus sat on the family cat

- the cat was thankful still breathing after the traumatizing experience but died the year after

- these events are not confirmed to be connected

- definitely a feminist and is super protective over his sister so he  a t t a c k s  anyone online who normalizes and tries to justify rape and/or pedophilia

- hated olaf from the second he met him

- super judgemental over people which he knows he needs to stop but he cant help it

- only person he didnt judge was lemony which beatrice took as a good sign when they first got together 

- hardly remember bertrand as he died when he was like 1 (and violet was 3) but from photos he knows that he was a good person

- loves croissants and meat pie

- actually really likes bread for some reason no one knows why but he just really likes bread

- good at every single subject except for pdhpe (or rather pe)

- running joke in the family that hes trash at sport

- actually likes the concepts of most school subjects but he hates some of his teachers (like his maths teacher and his geography teacher)

- has really trash handwriting

- has the weirdest search history known to man

- “im a writer” but never writes

sunny snicket 

- age: 4

- not at school yet but still super smart for her age

- klaus read the hobbit to her and she really enjoys it and wants to watch the movies (but beatrice wont let her because theyre rated m)

- lost her first tooth recently because she kept on wobbling it and just pulled it out

- never cries when she falls over or scratches herself or shit

- uses klaus as a chair and violet as a pillow

- once pulled all of beatrice’s flowers out from the garden to give to her

- beatrice got really mad at first but when sunny started crying and saying that she just wanted to give her mummy a present beatrice melted and brought sunny to the florist to buy flowers

- kept on asking how babies were made and didnt believe the stories she was being told so lemony just straight-up told her to shut her up and now she is traumatized

- watches movies which are way too old for her age

- loves baking with her mum and is very good at it (better than violet lmao)

- beatrice doesnt allow her near the oven so she constantly makes peanut-butter sandwiches

- suffice to say, the house is never out of peanut-butter sandwiches

- loves dogs

- has way too many toys to count

- wants a pet hamster, fish and/or sloth

- hates shoes so constantly walks around barefoot

- blames everything on her invisible snowman friend called ojo

- hates being called cute but really is adorable

- likes blueberry muffins and vanilla cupcakes

- never ties her shoelaces

- loves the incredibles

- really likes all frank sinatra songs

- has a pink radio which allows cds

- has lazy eye

- taking piano lessons but wants to learn the cello

- pretends to be a detective all the time

- tried to catch the monster under the bed so she could talk to it

- loves talking

- loves chinese food

- tries to write in cursive

- sings very loudly around the house

- always sneezes at least 5 times in a row

- scared of swallowing pills for medicine

- can quote child-friendly vines

- loves dressing up in dresses but hates makeup

- heard someone (probably kit) say “no shit sherlock” so says that on repeat under every circumstance

- finds writing capitals rs and 4s interesting so she has a notebook dedicated to that

- loves the mii and kahoot song (probably because of klaus)

- has an interest in sharp-toothed creatures like snakes, sharks and alligators

- pretends to have a british accent sometimes and its very cute

- hates her hair in pigtails

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 2 (Cont.)

Meanwhile...

A certain someone is having some flashbacks.

You’re going to see a lot of water symbolism around Kanade when Tsubasa is thinking about her. Feel free to use your imagination for that one.

“fuck yeah!”

“im so FUCKING MAD”

Hibiki’s B-Friend squad, known lovingly as the Anime Janai squad, ask Hibiki if she wants to go eat somewhere, which is the equivalent of asking a dog to play fetch. This is always guaranteed for a yes.

Unfortunately, she wants to look Responsible in front of her girlfriend. So she turns it down, with all the pain and gritted teeth anyone can muster in the most adorable fashion.

This is their running joke, and their aptitude for this is frightening. My theory is that they are passively the Gods of this world, and are perfectly aware that this is a work of fiction, but continue to live their lives gleefully to await the action that unfolds.

“i know bikki said no cause she luvs me and wants to be responsible but i wont lie i really wanted pancakes today”

More than you’ll ever know.

“you comin or what, we got pancakes ready, not that ill let you eat them. cause i ate them. all of em.”

“right i forgot- your opinion means jack diddly to me.”

And so she is arrested. Again. Sorta needlessly this time. I am pretty sure Tsubasa really just likes whipping out those handcuffs. Those things are like, comically huge. And that big buzzing noise is just funny.

“the test results are in! and you ARE the protagonist! whoops!”

“hey we’re gonna be relevant later right? i read the contract and we dont really get any lines until like next season and”

“speak another fucking word and i will rip your tongue out manually with my nails because i SWEAR to god i didnt do acting school for 15 years to blow this shot because of your bitching for fucks sa-”

They tell her aside from the first shock she’s fine but Hibiki ain’t having it. She wants to know why metal parts spring out of her like a bad Michael Bay movie.

“sit back. this is gonna be a long one.”

The show begins explaining the relics owned by each relic user, which so far have been two.

Sorry, my subs are broken. Tsubasa’s is Ame-no-Habakiri. Kanade’s, which is now Hibiki’s is Gungir. Relics are ancient technology from ancient times with ancient power capable of... ancient things. They use music and singing to activate. That’s all you really need to know. The relics are usually refined into amulets such as what Tsubasa wears, and they’re usually fragments of the original thing.

“all those years of karaoke are finally paying off”

Tsubasa points out, though, that using them isn’t as simple as singing a song and calling it a day.

You have to work hard to use them due to the nature of compatibility.

Hibiki asks the million dollar question. “I don’t have a relic, though.”

Naturally, she’s wrong. Back when Kanade accidentally impaled Hibiki, it left pieces of her relic embedded inside of her. This has been sitting there for years, and shockingly enough, no other doctor has noticed this and Hibiki has never felt any discomfort about this.

Tsubasa puts two and two together. Take a good look; this is the emotional equivalent of witnessing someone split an atom under a microscope.

The atom is officially split.

This is the face of someone who witnessed her girlfriend die to save a random person in her hands as she turned to dust, only to meet the survivor several years later and learn that she now owns the very thing that had her life saved in the first place, coming back to haunt her.

Naturally it’s not Hibiki’s fault but Tsubasa... let’s just say she could use a round of therapy or two. Or ten.

“i need to get her a pony.”

Hibiki, desperately wanting to cut the middleman of this needless growing angst between her and her girlfriend, keeps asking if she can tell someone about this. Literally just one person. They could probably just make whoever she wants to tell sign an NDA too, right?

“no”

Genjuro pulls the superhero secret identity motive. Others knowing means your friends and family may be at risk, since being a Symphogear is Serious Business.

“this is gonna suck”

Sam Reimi’s Spiderman strikes again.

Hibiki is successfully recruited into the 2nd Division ranks as a Symphogear, much to Tsubasa’s chagrin.

Sadbasa.

“cant believe she’s my teammate now to boot”

Hibiki tries to be nice and offers a friendly handshake, but unfortunately she hasn’t leveled their bonds enough to make it happen. Coincidentally, crisis strikes. It’s the Noise. It’s always the Noise.

Hibiki feels like joining Tsubasa, feeling as though she has a lot to prove. All of this has happened in the last 5-8 minutes.

“shes got guts, ill give her that”

An asskicking brews in the middle of the road. Tsubasa, naturally, fights like a pro. Hibiki... gets a good kick in.

It only pisses her off more. Tsubasa knows that Hibiki is using the gear wrong. There’s a fucking spear built into that thing, she thinks. You don’t need to fight hand-to-hand combat. What idiot would punch these things? I mean, I kick, but my kicks have swords on them. It’s not the same, damnit. It’s not the same!

Hibiki is a strange and special case. She has 0 idea she’s stepping into the shoes of someone else (or rather, a weak idea; she knows it belonged to someone else but she never genuinely met them), and she has no combat prowess and sorta fumbles everywhere. Tsubasa gets angrier because she’s projecting her own insecurities into Hibiki, because she thinks that Hibiki is trying to replace Kanade, when Hibiki is just trying to save lives, period. This is ironically what Kanade was inspired to do back when she was alive.

It’s one big case of emotional telephone that everyone is losing.

“fighting crime is fun!”

“MOOOOROOOOOOON”

Tsubasa fails her aspect of the trust fall, and thus Hibiki hurtles down to her doom unwittingly.

Solos the giant monster, like a True Gamer would.

Blows everything up, as stated in her contract. The explosions remind her of Kanade’s hair, you see. Big, red, and wild.

“did i do a good job? huh, tsubasa? did you see that kick? ive never kicked like that before! hey tsubasa! did i do good? was that good, tsubasa? this is my first time so i really dont know what im doing but i think that was good!”

“im not really good at stuff right now but i promise to improve and do better since i have literally only known combat for a few seconds, tops”

“...”

“you absolute motherfucker. first you show up to the concert me and my girlfriend hosted. your dumb ass doesn’t even LEAVE THE DAMN CONCERT HALL like everyone else did. it just stood and stared like an absolute moron, and my GIRLFRIEND had to SAVE YOUR DUMB ASS because your LACK OF BRAIN CELLS couldnt make your LEGS RUN. and she DIED FOR THAT. and now you not only come to the school I’M IN, to STALK ME for ANSWERS on WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED instead of MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE, you also WEAR MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND’S SUPERHERO OUTFIT, immediately MOVE IN TO GET IN HER POSITION, try to WORK WITH ME without knowing JACK SHIT about combat, and act as a GENERAL NUISIANCE SINCE DAY FUCKING ONE.”

“im going to fucking murder you.”

“hey wait okay maybe i did some mistakes but murder is not conducive to teamwork here okay lets just chill a moment and-”

It was at that moment that Tachibana Hibiki knew, she was in deep shit.

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

"Keith!" 

Slamming his bloody hands down against the castle wall, Keith didn't even head Shiro yelling his name. He was so angry and hurt that all he felt was pain, and the pain felt good. It felt real. It felt solid and it was what he needed. As far as he could remember, he and Lance had never fought like that, even before they were together. They'd never fought in a way that cut so deep. Even a knife to the heart would hurt less

"Keith, stop!"

Before his hands could hit the wall again, a strong arm wrapped around his waist and hefted him on his feet. Snarling and scratching at his captors arms, his heart was pounding so hard and loudly his head throbbed in response

"Krolia, help me with him"

"Let me go!"

"Keith"

"Let me the fuck go!"

As his bloody hands slipped from Shiro's arm, his mother grabbed his wrists. Howling in anger, he kicked out, hitting her in the stomach, but failing to dislodge her. If anything, her grip tightened

"Keith! Calm down!"

"Get off of me!"

"Krolia..."

"Don't let him go"

"I said get off!"

"What do we do? Do we get Lance?"

Lance. Yeah right. Like he would care. For some reason the thought of Lance caring was just about the funniest thing in the universe. Laughter bubbled up, and fell from his lips in a half twisted screech 

"You think Lance cares? Lance and I are over!"

"Keith, what do you mean? What happened?!"

"He wants to die! He never gave a shit about me or our kids! He just wants to fucking die!"

"That's not true..."

"Then why did fuck Lotor? Why did he fuck Shiro? You're the one who told me about it?! Why mum?! If he loved me..."

The crack that sounded as his mother slapped his face left him stunned. Spitting the blood from his mouth, he snarled at the woman

"He's the one who tried to break our bond. Guess what mum? Your son's a fucking failure! I couldn't even keep my own fated omega from wanting to fuck everyone else!"

"Keith, calm down. I'm sure there's an explanation"

"Yeah. That he never wanted me to begin with. He tried to tell me and I never fucking listened!"

"Shiro, get him out of here. I don't care where you take him. Keith, I am so beyond disappointed in you right now"

"Good! Walk away! Walk away and forget me like you did before! I never meant anything to you! I never meant anything to anyone"

Releasing her hold on his wrist, Krolia looked him up and down

"You need to cool your head before you say or do something you regret!"

"I regret ever being born!"

Shiro's arm tightened around his waist, the alpha beginning to walk down the hall. Even with one arm, he couldn't compete with the crushing hold around his waist. But at least it was pain, and pain was better than nothing at all.

 Carrying him into the training hall, Shiro threw him down on the mats. Pushing himself up, he launched himself at the alpha 

"When did you become her dog?"

Clumsy from blood loss and fatigue, the punch he threw at Shiro was easily dodge, and returned with a knee to his gut. Dropping to the floor, he coughed as his fingers tried to find purchase 

"Get up!"

"Fuck off!"

"Get up Keith!"

Looking up at Shiro, he spat towards him

"You've always liked looking down on us. Haven't you? Always acting like you're so much better than the rest of us"

Pushing himself up, he rolled his neck slowly as he shook his hands

"I'm so sick of you"

"At the moment, the feelings mutual"

Lashing out again, he roundhouse kicked Shiro as hard as he could. Catching his leg, Shiro flipped him, and Keith ended up face first on the mats again

"Get up Keith!"

"Why? You've already taken everything from me!"

"What? What have I taken from you? Lance? At the moment you aren't even fit to lick his shoes"

Scrambling up, he kept his stance low as he drove his shoulder into Shiro, sending them both toppling onto the floor

"How dare you say his name!? He's my mate!"

"Then why aren't you with him? Do you know how lonely he was without you? But you couldn't even call him! You didn't even help him with your own son's"

"He didn't want me!"

"Of course he did! You know Lance! He tries his hardest until he falls apart, but you know, he did so well when you were gone. He was eating, and dancing and smiling. Maybe you can't make him happy"

Grabbing Shiro by the collar, Keith straddled his lap. Lifting Shiro up, he slammed him down to the floor, over and over

"You stay the fuck away from him! You can't make him happy!"

"Of course I can't! You're the one he's in love with! You're the one he's been in love with since before he even admitted he was an omega! But all you did was kick him down. Then bam. He presented and suddenly he was your everything! Every time he chased after you, you had nothing nice to say, but he kept trying. That's what he does! And if he's picked a fight with you, then you know he's gotta have a quiznakking good reason for it!"

Releasing his hold on Shiro's collar, the alpha dropped to the floor with a groan 

"He wants to die"

"It's been a long time since Lance has wanted to die"

"He has a plan to save Pidge, but it means putting his own life at risk..."

Keith's anger dropped away, tears from and raced down his face. With a mournful howl he slid from Shiro's lap, so he kneeling beside him. Covering his face with his bloodied hands, he screamed into them. He didn't want Lance to die. He wanted his happy beautiful mate by his side. Climbing up from the floor, Shiro wrapped his arm around him, guiding him against his chest. It'd been so long that Keith had forgotten what it'd been like to be friends with Shiro. Rubbing his shoulder, Shiro buried his face in Keith's hair 

"It's just a plan. It's not reality. We're not going to do anything until we've all talked about it. Now, have you calmed down enough for me to look at your hands?"

"They're fine"

"They're bleeding"

"It's fine. I deserve this"

"I doubt Lance would be happy that you think that"

"You don't know what was said"

"No I don't. I know you still don't like me for what happened, but you can at least let me clean your hands up. You can't see Lance like this"

Sniffling, Keith nodded. He needed to see Lance and apologise. Even if his omega didn't want him anymore, he had to make sure he knew he was sorry.

 With both his hands cleaned up, Keith eyes his bruised and swollen knuckles. He was definitely going to be feeling it once the adrenaline coursing through him faded. It was a disgusting mess, and one he still felt he deserved. Shiro had wanted to bandage them, but he wouldn't let him. Some part of him still wanted Lance to know how much he'd hurt him, and his alpha was in complete agreement. Letting Shiro lead the way, they'd made their way to the kitchen. He didn't particularly want to see anyone, and being this close to Shiro was messing with his head. Keith honestly just wanted to find Lance, apologise and then take a long ride in Black, but that wasn't his things were going to play out.

 Entering the kitchen, Allura, Hunk and his mother was there. He couldn't deny he didn't feel both disappointed and relieved at Lance's absence 

"Have you cooled down?"

Nodding at his mother, he wrapped his arms around his waist in a very Lance way

"Good. Now come have something to eat. Allura and Hunk have been telling me about this plan Lance came up with"

"Where..."

Clearing his throat, Keith tried to rid the softness from his voice 

"Where's Lance?"

"He's in the games room with the pups. I'm making him something to eat when he wakes up"

Looking to the door, it was so tempting to flee 

"Keith, Lance told us about his plan. I know you don't like it, but if we figure out the finer details, we might be able to help Pidge"

"Did he tell you he's fine with dying?"

His tone was dripping with bitterness

"Keith, Lance doesn't want to die"

"You could have fooled me"

"He said so himself. He wants to live. He wants to be with you and the pups. Now sit down before you fall down"

Crossing to the empty stool, Keith sank down. Taking his hand, his mother laid it flat on the counter in front of them

"They're not as bad as I expected"

"I deserve it"

"Perhaps"

"I'll get you some ice for them"

"It's fine Allura. Let's just talk about what we're going to do"

"Hunk, Krolia and I have all been scanned for signs of infection, we're clean"

"That's something..."

"And as Lance was with you, you're both more than likely to be clean which means we just need to check Coran and Shiro"

"And then what?"

"We call Lotor. Even if he loans us a sample of pure quintessence, we should be able to lure the black goop from Pidge"

"How do we trap it?"

"We know Honerva trapped it before, using Altean technology..."

"She's not exactly going to help us"

"I know you don't want to hear it, but Lance did have a point. He has the  strongest Bayard of all us"

"I know he does. I also know he's likely to take a risk, even if there's a chance it won't pan out. I didn't mean to make it seem like Pidge isn't important, but we do need to think about everyone on this castle. Especially since we don't know what exactly caused the infection"

"See. That's all you had to say. You don't have to be so angry"

Shooting his mother a glare, he looked back down at his hand

"So we contact Lotor and get the sample. We also need to take the castle offworld so we don't risk the Olkari..."

"I can stay behind with the sample..."

"No you cant Allura. You're the only one who can fly the castle"

"Then I will"

"Mum..."

"No, I'm Galra. Even if I'm infected, I should be able to withstand long enough to notify you"

"How do we get Pidge out the pod and to the quintessence without putting anyone in danger"

Humming, Hunk suddenly slammed his hands down 

"Hunk?!"

"Pidge was rebuilding a sentry, or even better, if Lotor will lend us one, we don't need anyone physically on the castle. We get the sentry to handle the pure quintessence"

"We don't know what will happen to its systems. They might be overloaded by the power of the quintessence"

"If we use the container the quintessence is in, it won't even have to touch it. Or we can attach it to the sentry and have it move through the ship. If we can get it to the airlock, we can just flush it into space and destroy it out there with Voltron"

"Hunk, how confident are you with your reprogramming skills?"

"I'm not as good as Pidge, but with Matt's help..."

"So it comes down to Lotor..."

"He owes us a favour. If it wasn't for Lance, he'd still be stuck down in that rift with Shiro"

"Thanks"

"I didn't mean anything by it..."

"Lance said he felt like this would work. It was his "feeling" that lead us to Shiro and Lotor... I think we need to trust in this plan of his"

Keith swallowed as he nodded

"If someone has to stay behind, I'll do it. It's my job as the Black Paladin to protect our team"

"I could..."

"Shiro, you only have one arm. What happens if you need both of them?"

Snorting, Shiro shook his head 

"I still beat you with one arm, and you were verging on going feral"

"Keith, Buddy, you need to stop going feral when it comes to Lance"

"I can't help it. You know what was said"

"I do. And you both had valid points, and I know he was trying to push you away, but that doesn't make it ok"

"Do you think he's ok?"

"I think he's asleep, and I think if you wake him, it's not going to be pretty"

"He's going to yell at me again?"

"I'm going to yell at you"

"Allura, you and Shiro contact Lotor. Remind him about the rift if you have to. Mum, can I trust you to take a look at them work Pidge was doing without getting infected?"

"I don't plan on dying any time soon"

"I'll take that as a yes. Hunk..."

"Hunk will be here figuring out what to do with all these cookies"

"Thanks. I'm going to check in on Lance, and then Shiro, Coran and I will meet in the medical bay for our scans. Once they've come back clean, we'll send message to Matt, as well as to Ryner and inform her of what's happening here..."

"Don't forget dinner is mandatory"

"And it can wait until we've left Olkarion..."

"Keith... you can't mess with my food, man"

"I'm not messing with your food, I'm just delaying dinner a few vargas so we can get everything organised"

"Hunk, just call us when dinner is ready"

"Will do, Shiro"

 Parting from the others, Keith headed down to the games room alone. His mother had forced to him eat before letting him off, and the meal of cookies wasn't sitting well in his stomach. As the alpha walked, he tried to play out all the different conversations. Lance didn't want him to let him go, even if he had to yell at him, but yelling in front of the pups... he could not do that again. It was horrible and they didn't deserve to hear it.

 The door to the games room appeared far too soon for Keith's liking. The feeling in his stomach had only gotten worse and now it felt a thousand butterflies were trapped inside. One or two butterflies he could handle. When Lance laughed or smiled genuinely, they always seemed to pop up, but this... this wasn't a nice feeling at all. Placing his hand on the door pad, he nearly let out a laugh as the door opened, and the first thing he heard was a long snore. Lance was sleeping. He didn't have to worry about what he was going to say, because his mate was asleep and he was too much of a coward to wake him. Walking over to the bed, he sank down on the edge, examining Lance's sleeping face. He was pale, and exhausted, but there was a smile on his lips... one Keith chose to believe was for him. Letting his eyes roam his omegas form, he found Lance's jacket had hiked up to expose his hip and part of his snail trail. Reaching out, his fingers hovered over Lance's hip, before he finally shook his head, and pulled his mates jacket down for him. Even if he wanted to touch Lance, Lance probably didn't feel the same way anymore. With a heavy heart, he rose to his feet, gathering up as the closest blanket as he did. Laying it over Lance, he made sure his mates shoulders were covered, before finally crumbling slightly. Running his fingers over Lance's soft brown hair, he smiled at the running joke it'd become between them. They still hadn't cut each other's hair, and Lance's had hit they awkward not long, but too long to call short stage. Nuzzling his pillow in his sleep, Lance let out a sleepy huff

"Keith..."

It was like Keith had been shocked. Yanking his hand back, he stumbled away from the bed before fleeing. He wasn't ready to talk to Lance...

  *

Having carried out his duties, Keith left Allura and Hunk in the Kitchen. Lotor had agreed to help, but only because his soldiers were dropping like flies. The emperor had used much more graceful language, almost managing to make it sound like he actually cared about them. With everyone except Pidge having come back clear, Keith now found himself stuck waiting and it didn't sit well with him. He could go back to Lance, but that ran the risk of waking his mate. He didn't want to hear the words he was sure Lance would say, "It's over", two tiny words with so much weight behind them. Lance was supposed to be his for the rest of their lives, and a few doboshes of anger had ruined everything they'd built together. The morning had been so amazing, so how had they ended up like this... yes, once again, he was back to that. The fact that when Lance had woken up, it had been just them. Just Lance and Keith. Omega and Alpha. Not mum and dad, or Black and Red Paladin's. Just the two of them in their own little world. With a jumble of feelings and no real outlet, he headed to the training room. Even if he couldn't grip a blade or a gun, he could still work out... or just wander around aimlessly until he fell down from exhaustion.

 Keith was doing just that when the door to the training room opened, and a sobbing Allura rushed inside. In her arms were one of the pups... Why did Allura have him?! And why was she crying. Striding straight up to him, Allura was trembling badly as she tried to wipe the tears away with her left hand 

"Allura?"

"Keith, you should take him"

Half offering and half placing the pup in his arm, the screaming boy finally started to settle. It was really kind of hard to tell who was more upset 

"Allura, it's ok. Babies cry"

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath, but Keith caught a whiff of Lance's scent. His mate... his mate was devastated? No... it was more than that

"Allura, what happened?"

"I'm so sorry Keith..."

Grabbing her shoulder, his fingers dug into her suit

"Allura. Tell me what happened? What happened to Lance?"

"It's... it's not Lance. It's Kelance"

Snarling, he leant right in

"What happened to my son?"

"He's... he's infected"

Stumbling backwards, Keith sank down around Laneith as he tried to remember how to breathe. Kelance was infected? How? Why?

"Keith. Keith, he's alive. Lance seems to be ok, but they're putting Kelance in a pod"

"What do you mean Lance is ok?"

How could Lance be ok, when their son was dying?

"He doesn't seem to be infected"

"Where is he?"

Allura stared down at him

"Where is he?!"

Allura squeaked as he snapped at her

"In the pod room..."

"Get the castle off of Olkarion"

"Keith?"

"Get it off! I'm going to check on Lance"

"You can't... he might be carrying the black goop. He doesn't want Laneith near him"

He didn't want his own son? Was that just because of the infection or because he regretted giving birth to them? His anger and fear was robbing him of rational thought

"He's my mate!"

"Exactly! He's been with the pups. He could have been infected, and for all we know, Laneith might have too. The pups are always together, so we need to scan Laneith"

Cradling his son closer, Keith nuzzled into his chubby cheek. He felt physically sick knowing Laneith might... might die

"Right. Right... ok. Keith, is it safe to help you up, because I can feel the anger coming from you"

"I... just... let's get to the medical bay"

 Laneith really didn't like being scanned. His pup wriggled as he cried, as if trying to escape the small amount of warmth from the machine

"Keith, there's no sign of infection. I think Laneith is alright"

"Allura..."

"Look for yourself. He looks perfectly... human. I mean, if I'm reading these scans right, it's hard to tell because I only have experience really with full sized humans, and he's so tiny. I'm really sorry, I don't know why I am not able to be quiet"

"Allura, it's called relief. You're not able to be quiet because of your relief. Turn the machine off, I don't think he likes it too much"

Pulling Laneith's shirt over his chubby belly, Keith lifted him back into his hold. He was beyond relieved Laneith was alright, but Lance still needed to be scanned, and they still needed to save Kelance and Pidge... and maybe even Lance 

"I've got you. Shhh, it's alright now. Daddy's here"

"Do you think he's hungry? Is that why he's crying?"

"That would probably be part of it. He needs a nappy change too"

"The formula's in the cupboards. Shall I get it?"

"And the bottles. They need to be clean before we make the formula up. And nappies, I think there were some hidden away in here"

Would Laneith even take formula? They'd tried it before with no success, but maybe because he was older now?

"Lance insisted on keeping nappies in here, he made sure everything was stocked in case of an emergency"

Of course his mate did. Lance was an amazing mother, even on his bad days.

 From the medical room, they headed up to the Kitchen. Allura hovering as Keith went about changing Laneith. His son was somewhat calmer once his nappy had been changed, but even if his cries had quietened, he was definitely not happy

"You miss your brother and your mum, I know. I miss them too..."

"Keith, what can I do?"

"Can you sterilise the bottle and make the formula? The instructions are on the tin"

"I hope Hunk won't mind me using his kitchen"

"Allura, you're the queen. You own this castle. If anyone can use this kitchen without Hunk's supervision, it's you"

"Sometimes I forget"

How could you forget your the queen of an entire race!? Just because Allura was gentle and friendly to them all... and followed orders... ok, maybe he could see how it might on occasion slip her mind

"Allura... I don't know how to be a dad. Lance is so amazing at all of this. He's been amazing with the pups since he birthed them..."

Bustling through the kitchen, Keith could only stare down at Laneith 

"Keith, you're amazing too. You stayed with Lance as he birthed the pups, the first set of twins. You stayed with him, you held him as he cried and even though they were fathered by Shiro, you loved them like they were you own. You love your pups, and if you weren't a good dad, you wouldn't be worrying like this. You're a good person Keith. A good Paladin and a good partner to Lance. Try having some more faith in yourself"

"If only it was that easy. Lance never improved when he was with me. Yet a phoeb with Shiro and some how he's eating, sleeping and training. Maybe I shouldn't be his alpha..."

"If you keep this up, Shiro might just swoop in steal Lance away"

Keith growled at Allura's jab

"I'm joking. Lance was only trying so hard for you. Even if Shiro had feelings for Lance, it's Lance's choice and he chose you... I just put too much powder in the bottle?! Is that ok?"

"It should be fine... I don't see why not? We don't even know if he'll take it"

"Maybe we could put something sweet in it?"

"No, just the powder. Laneith, it's alright. Your Aunty Allura is making you a nice bottle right now"

Patting his son's back, Laneith's small fingers gripped his jacket. His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't imagine not having both boys, and Laneith... even if they were so tiny and ignorant to the world around them, Laneith was always with Kelance.

 Laneith really didn't like the bottle, his son firmly smooshing his lips together as Keith tried to feed him. Feeling like a failure, he tried to swallow down the lump of emotion in his throat. What was he going to do if Laneith wouldn't eat? 

"Please, you just have to try it. You'll like it, and I know you miss mummy, but you'll see him as soon as this is all over"

Still Laneith refused to take the bottle. Allura thought he could do this, but he couldn't

"Please Laneith... please, you need to eat?"

"Keith?"

Jerking his head up to look at Hunk, the alpha looked exhausted and concerned

"I... I can't get him to eat. What do I do?"

"Let me try"

Walking over to him, Hunk forced a smile as he lifted Laneith 

"Hello, I hear you're not eating"

"I thought perhaps we could sweeten the milk? Perhaps with that yellow bee syrup?"

"Allura, you can't give babies honey"

Taking the bottle from Keith, Hunk dripped a few drops of milk on his finger, before transferring it to another finger and placing that finger into Laneith's mouth as he went to cry out. Laneith's eyes widened in surprised before sucking on Hunk's finger

"How did you do that?"

"I borrowed Lance's baby book"

"Is... is Pidge?"

"No! No, no... no. I just wanted to know how to be a good uncle"

Hunk had probably read more of the book than he had. He'd read a few chapters, but for the most part, Lance would read out the paragraphs he found interesting, or point out diagrams with a bright red face. Squeezing a little more formula out, Hunk left it on the teat as he rubbed against Laneith's lips, until the pup finally began to drink. He didn't look impressed, but at least he was feeding. Sinking down, Keith let out a long breath

"Keith?"

"I was worried what to do if he didn't take the bottle"

"Well he is"

"Thank you Hunk. Just... thank you"

Hunk laughed, though it sounded slightly strained

"How's Lance?"

"Devastated. He doesn't know if he's infected, but Kelance definitely is. Is Laneith?"

"No. His scans were fine... I... I should go see Lance"

"You can't. He doesn't want anyone going near the pod room..."

"I can't leave him there, he's my mate"

"And he doesn't want anything happening to you or Laneith"

"What about clothes and food? And blankets?"

"Shiro's going to drop some at the pod room door for him"

"Shiro?"

"I ran into him in the hall on the way up. He's taken Coran with him"

It was Keith's job to look after Lance, not Coran

"I hope he doesn't take too long. Lance must be cold in his wet uniform"

"He stripped it off before I left. He's got his communicator though"

"That's good. He will be able to let us know if anything happens"

"Maybe I should go see him..."

"Keith, he doesn't want you to. Just focus on this plan and Laneith"

"Quiznak. Allura, did Lotor sign off?"

"Yes. He's suffered significant losses, and is loaning us a sample of the pure quintessence. He's agreed to meet with us two quintants out of Olkarion, in a section of space with nowhere the goop can go"

2 quintants? Seriously? Couldn't they just jump?

"It's the best he can do. With the rift collapsing in on its self, we can no longer open it. Quintessence has become a valuable commodity again"

"Great. You think they would have made the most of it while it was open"

"They couldn't get past the black goop..."

Keith resisted rolling his eyes at Allura. He knew full well that it was their fault the black entity was loose in the universe. Surely Pidge and Kelance being infected was karma for it.

  *

Unable to sleep, Keith rolled over. The space either side of him was too big, and too devoid of Lance. He hadn't even been able to apologise to his mate and he didn't like leaving things hanging like they were. Looking to Kelance's cot, he pushed himself up. Laneith had refused to settle when he'd placed him in his own cot, and it wasn't until he laid his son down in Kelance's that he'd finally slept. Careful not to be loud, Keith grabbed his communicator and Lance's favourite blanket, no longer caring if he was risking infection. He wanted to see Lance.

 The hallways of the castle were cold and empty as he made his way up to the pod room, though Keith had the feeling he was being watched, he didn't see a single soul. They'd all probably think him weak for not being able to sleep. It wasn't like Lance was on the other side of the universe, his mate was only floors above him. Pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders, he wished he'd at least bothered to put his boots on as his his feet were freezing.

 Arriving in front of the pod room, Keith took a deep breath before going to place his hand on the door pad panel, only instead of touching smooth glass, his hand met paper. Pulling his hand back, he half smiled at the note scrawled on the piece of paper in Lance's terrible handwriting

"Don't even think about it"

That was so Lance... thinking of everyone else and their welfare above his own. Readjusting his hold on the blanket again, Keith moved to sink down against the door, before knocking twice on it. It was only ticks before Lance called through to his communicator 

"Keith, was that you?"

"Maybe..."

"You're not supposed to be here"

"I know, but Lance... I didn't want to leave things like that"

"Keith, it was my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry"

"That's not playing fair. I came up here to apologise to you"

"You don't need to apologise"

"Yes i do. Baby, I love you so much. I don't want what was between us to end like this. I don't want to break up like that"

"Keith... you're my husband. We're bound to fight"

Keith had forgotten that the word "husband" existed, Lance was his mate. His omega... and his husband

"I might be your husband, but I never should have yelled it at you"

"Do you regret it? Falling in love with me?"

"My life might have been easier if I hadn't, but no. I don't regret you, or the pups"

Lance paused before replying 

"How's Laneith?"

"We got him to take a bottle. Well Hunk did, and his scans came back clean"

"What about your scans?"

"I'm ok. Lance, you might not be infected"

"And I might. I touch that black stuff. Kelance's mouth was full of it"

"I have no idea how it happened... he shouldn't have been infected. Laneith isn't infected"

"I was thinking you might have been right"

"I usually am"

"Ha ha. I mean. Pidge was placed into a pod, and the pups were in a pod. Maybe it got into the castle?"

"We've left Olkarion, and we'll be meeting Lotor in a couple of quintants..."

"So you're going with my plan?"

"It seems like it. Everyone except you, me, Kelance and Pidge are going to leave"

"Keith, you can't stay"

"I'm not leaving you here alone"

There was a thud against the pod room door, causing Keith to jump 

"Was that you? Did you just kick the door?"

"No. I hit it. Don't laugh at me, I'm sitting with my back against it and I'm mad at you"

"I'm not laughing. I'm sitting with my back against the door too. It's the closest I can be to you"

"Now who's not playing fair?"

"Don't look at me"

"It's your fault"

"No, it's your fault. You're the one who married me and bonded with me"

"You're the only one out here who would have me"

"We both know that's not true. You're beautiful and funny and I... I love you"

"I love you too. So what else has been happening?"

"Nothing. I couldn't sleep so I came to see you"

"I'm ok... I just... I just can't leave him"

"I know you can't..."

But apparently he could. He could leave Laneith sleeping so he could sneak off to see Lance. Letting out a long yawn, Lance mumbled an apology 

"I'm sorry. I'm just really tired"

"Then get some rest baby. We can't do anything until we see Lotor"

"Will you stay with me? I mean, will you stay on the line?"

"Yeah baby. I'm your husband, right?"

"Mmmm. My alpha. I love you, Keith"

"I love you too, Lance"

[lesberrian]

The Bloodborn Alchemist

chapter 1

Q waits outside the door as Roy and King Bradly talk. There weren’t any chairs so they had to sit on the ground. Not even a day out of the hospital and they have to wait on the ground to see what’s going to happen to them. Q didn’t tell anybody about the stone or what they could do because of it out of fear. They knew several people in the world wanted it for themselves. 

Moving their long, black hair off the ground and over their shoulder, they brush it with their fingers as it sits in their lap. Q can’t remember why, but they can’t get themselves to cut their hair for some reason. They would even fight at getting the bangs cuts and did it themselves, causing them to be slightly messy most of the time. As they brush out their hair and braid it, Q tries to hear what the two men are talking about.

Right after they had tied their ribbon around the braid, Mustang and King Bradley stepped out. King Bradley offered his hand to help them up.

“Thank you.” They said, staring dead at him. Looking over to Mustang, they wait for an explanation. 

“Seeing as you’re still young and with no where to go, I figured it would be the best choice to have you stay with someone until you can get back on your own feet." He l

looks back at King Bradley, "And… The conclusion is that you are staying with me."

Taking a moment to process it, Q stares at Mustang. 'I lost everyone I know and even the village is dead. I suppose I should be glad I have a place to stay.'

"Well?" The king asks with a smile on his face. "I'm hoping this is ok considering there's no one else you can stay with."

"I suppose it it's ok with Mr. Mustang." Q was tired, they just wanted to sleep. They knew what happened for them to be alive right now and up until they've been in a hospital every second for the past week.

"Then it's decided. Mustang, you will be the legal guardian of Q from now on." King Bradley patted them on their shoulder. "Well, I have other business to attend to so good night you two. Stay safe on the way back to Eastern."

Q watches silently as king Bradley walks down the hallway. Looking up at Musang, they ask jokingly, "So… does that make you my dad or something?"

"... Are you saying that's what you want to call me?"

"Are you saying you want me to call you that?"

"Alright, let's just go catch a train back to Eastern." He starts walking away. Q follows him and debates talking to him about the philosophers stone.

"When do you plan on becoming a state alchemist? Not many can transmute without a circle, even I have to use one." 

Q hesitates. "Im… curious if I can research something if I become one." 

"With a state alchemist title you can research just about anything with ease." He looks at them and sighs. "Don't tell me you're after the stone just like those brothers are."

"No, I'm not after it to speak. I have nothing to replace and frankly, bringing someone back even if I could, is selfish, I've learned first hand. I just want to know what would happen if someone had one as a heart."

Q watched his reaction carefully. As they stepped out of the government building, Roy glanced at them. "Are you referring to a homunculus by chance? You are aware those are myths, correct?"

"Those are created. Im… well, what if it was a human that was given a stone as their heart? I heard from someone when I was younger it happened before." Q sneezes because of the cold.

"Bless you," He says. "The person who told you that was lying, Q. Even though you're still a child you can't be that naive. Not if you want to be a state alchemist."

Q sighs, they were hoping that he would at least catch on slightly. "When we get to Eastern I want to explain what I'm trying to say. I can't do it with so many people here."

Roy thinks closely about what they said. 'Are they trying to say that they are one? That's impossible. I must be thinking too much into this.'

As they sit in the train on the way to Eastern, Roy tells them about the people on his team. For the most part, Q was only partially listening and was almost asleep. 

He only noticed when their head hit the window and were completely asleep.

"Get some sleep, god knows how long it's been since you've done so properly."

When they arrived at central, Roy woke them up and they left for his house. When they arrived to his house, Q sighed.

"So the thing I was talking about earlier," they sit on the couch. "What I was describing, was me."

Roy's eyes widened slightly. Q expected the shock and thought something to prove they dont want to kill him.

"I dont want to kill you, or anyone for that matter. All I know is that besides the alchemy the truth gave me-"

"The truth?"

"Oh, I suppose it makes sense you dont know about that. When I tried to bring Daniel back I saw this thing that called itself the truth. I cant explain it but it was horrifying."

"Okay, so this Truth thing turned you into this homunculus?" Roy propped his head on his hand.

"I think? I'm actually not to sure but from what I remember in my panic state is Mariah yelling about the stone and something about giving everything up. I don't remember anything else because of the pain I was in."

"Are you saying she gave up her life for you?"

"That's what I think happened. the part I dont like is that after that, the rest of the village was dead. I think the truth also took them…"

Roy sat in silence while Q thought about what else to say. They put their face in their hands and groaned. "I wish I could explain more. I just… don't really know what happened besides that. We tried to bring him back, I almost died, and then I woke up fully healed and she's dead. All that was explained to me was that I was now a human made homunculus."

Roy sat up straight. "Well, I suppose that was more than I was expecting when we sat down. I'm going to assume that this is to be kept secret, correct?"

"I don't like the way you're talking or the look on your face. Are you really trying to cut a deal with a child?" Q glares at him. They should've expected this from some of their research they did on state alchemists in the hospital. "You want to be the king, correct? I heard talking in the hospital."

The tension was so thick in the room that you would need more than a knife to cut through it. Neither of the two wanted to answer the other. Both wanted their way and didn't want to hear what the other has to say.

"You want me to help you in some way, don't you? I would rather not have to go through all that work just for a secret… but given the secret…" They sigh. They should have declined the offer or not told Mustang.

"Given the secret you don't have much of a choice. Besides, I'm not asking much. You are a child after all  like you said before." Roy laughs internally at how much Q was reading into this. He wonders if something like this has happened before. "All I ask is that you help me when the time comes. Maybe a few things along the way but it's not what you're thinking, Q. I'm not the man to hold a secret over someone's head to make them obey like a dog."

Q stares at him, 'I doubt that looking at that smug face. But I suppose I'd rather deal with you than Bradley.'

The tension was cleared up much more than before. Q still had their doubts about the man but decided that some doubts could be fixed over time. 

There's a moment of silence before Q decides to say anything. They knew their answer already but would rather wait to make it more dramatic. They had always done this, never wanting to give in right away. Now was no exception.

"Alright." They shrug. "It's this or killing you and that would be suspicious."

"Go ahead and try if you want, doubt you can."

Q deadpans at him. "I was joking. Besides, I want to know about your flame alchemy. I would understand if you had a lighter and created a larger fire with that, but you snap and it's there."

"I can't answer that. If everyone knew, then what use would I be? What I want to know is what kind of alchemy you practice."

"Well when you first met me I just finished with human transmutation but that clearly failed. But I really just stick to the normal stuff." Q thought for a second. During the period that passed from when they became a homunculus and when they were found, they discovered a few new things about themselves

Besides just immortality, they could control their blood. If they got cut and there was blood from that wound, it could be used as a weapon. They tested it out and it was just like alchemy. They would turn it into a sharp object and shoot it like bullets, and in theory if they lost a lot of blood could use it as something more.

Another thing they had was a skeleton that could pierce through their skin without pain and act like a shield. It was quite terrifying when they first saw themselves.

How could they use this while still appearing human? Q had an answer for at least one of them. "I can also manipulate my blood and use it as a weapon because of the iron in it."

"That's impossible. There's no way you can do that." Roy stared at the child in shock. If they were telling the truth then they really are to be feared. He hoped that they would continue to side with him.

"Well correct but no. I can't do that with alchemy but that's what I'll tell everyone else at least. That's another part of me being a homunculus."

That didn't make Roy feel any better. "Wait, but doesn't that mean to use it you must be hurt first? That doesn't sound like a good plan."

"You're correct once again, Mr.Mustang."

"Just call me Mustang, 'Mr.' makes me feel old."

"Okay, Mustang. You are correct about that but luckily for me, it's not just blood flowing out of my body. As long as it is still liquid I can use it."

"...My point still stands, Q. To use this you must first get hurt."

Q wants to roll their eyes but decides not to. "Yes, that's correct, but if I were to put my blood into jars I could use that instead of having to bleed in battle." They pause, "Unless I need more, that is."

Roy smiles softly, "You've got this all thought out, don't you, kid? Well I suppose I can't stop you if this is what you chose to do."

"I doubt you would try, Mustang."

"You do have a fair point, Q." He agrees. "Oh, by the way, can I ask why your name is Q?"

"I didn't really have a name as a kid, but when a lady took me in, she called me 'Q' because of all the questions I asked." They moved their bangs out of their face, "But mainly because of the q shaped scar on the corner of forehead."

"Well, that's one way to name a kid." Roy shrugs. "I don't have a room set up for you yet, the spare isn't really a room at the moment."

The spare bedroom was completely empty besides a few boxes of random things Roy didn't know what to do with.

"That's ok. I'm fine with just the couch." Q says. "When do you think I can become a state alchemist?"

"You just got out of the hospital, Q."

"Doesn't matter. I'm homunculus so I'm fine. I want to know when I can become one." 

Mustang sighs. The kid had just gotten out of the hospital after trying to bring someone from the dead and the first thing they wanted to do is work. He wonders if they're related. "Let's see what you can do first. You can apply in a month if I think you're able to."

"Deal." Q agrees. "So I'm training with the flame alchemist, how lucky of me."

Roy stands up. "Well if you want to stand a chance against me I suggest getting some sleep."

"Alright. Goodnight, Mustang." Q yawns leaning back on the couch. Being a homunculus, they don't need to sleep but it is something they tend to do

"Goodnight, Q." Roy turns off the light and walks to his room. closing his door, he sits at his desk with the phone.

Picking it up he calls the only person he can trust with this, Riza Hawkeye.

"Lieutenant, what do 15 year olds like?"

AHHHH IM SO GLAD I FINALLY GET TO WRITE THIS!!!! also pls exuse if the writing sucks bc I havent written in a while and my first chapter is never the best (I'm working on that tho!) AND I have to write on my phone bc my laptop broke :( THIS WONT STOP ME THO!!!!

[szopenhauer]

Last thing that made you go “aww!” probably a dog I saw 

Is a crow’s caw annoying to you? hmm... not usually, no

Do you enjoy jazz music? one song, when there’s another and more I get sick :x  

Do you like the topaz birthstone? no What are your thoughts on gas prices? I don’t drive so no idea  Are you an ass? can be Have you ever caught any fish while fishing before? I never went fishing nor want to Do you attend Mass? I listen to the mass online every Sunday even though it annoys me and I can’t focus much What was your favorite class in school? can’t decide, depends on the grade/school/teacher etc. Are you full of sass? I’m not Grav3yardgirl

Do you like razzamatazz ice cream? dunno what that is How often do you pass gas? in the morning - a lot, later - not at all unless I have a flare  Do you have a favorite mug/cup/glass? I use those that I like less because I am afraid I will break those I love lmfao Name anything you own that is made of brass. I don’t think I own anything like that even tho brass is cool, I hate copper tho Does your grass need to be cut right now? I like it long, atural *wink wink* Would you like to live in a castle? Why or why not? too much space to take - that’s unfair as some ppl are homeless and nautre should be more free, it’s also too much space to clean and... to get lost in lol

Do you own a car? What kind? I don’t as I already mentioned I don’t drive

Did you live far from your parents, or close by? I live with them, still

Is it easy or difficult for you to open a jar? depends

Tell us how you got one of your scars. fallen from a clothes horse on a piece of wood and scratched deeply my left leg, wound was full of splinters

Do you wish upon a star? it doesn’t work, I tried...

Have you ever smoked a cigar before? nope, just a cigarette and didn’t like it

Would you ever have boudoir photography taken of yourself? Why or why not? hmm...

Do you know how to play the guitar? If not, would you like to learn? tried and it’s not for me

Have you ever had caviar before? Did you like it? I wouldn’t try that, gross and expensive for such a small amount of food

How old were you when you had your first kiss? 18 or 19

Miss anyone right now? sure

Are there some songs you cant listen to because they remind you of someone? could say so

Have you ever cheated on a partner? nooo

Ever been cheated on? kind of

Do you have a friend who you think you’ll be best friends with forever? my dad I hope

Does it annoy you when you accidentally delete things? very

What`s a movie / book / TV show / band / whatever you highly recommend? I usually don’t recommend anything to anyone without knowing them and their taste first

Are you anticipating or dreading anything? some things both at the same time even

What`s the most annoying thing in the world? can’t choose only one thing

When did you last use one of those water slides you put on hills? never

What does your bedside lamp look like? I have a green night light, used to have a mushroom one but I can’t find a light bulb to replace 

What did you last take a photograph of? I took several today but the last one was of the wild flowers growing near my fence 

When was the last time you got really frustrated with technology? today, my camera didn’t want to cooperate, not even mentioning my computer and cellphone failing me constantly

What was the last funny thing someone said to you? I don’t remember what was last, I know I said some dry/daddy jokes/puns myself

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? I don’t remember but I know I do that differently than everybody else in my family 

Do you want to move to somewhere else? If so, where? badly, just my own apartment 

What’s your favourite picture of yourself as a child? hmm... dunno

Do you like your neighbours? some I hate

Does your room need to be cleaned? absolutely

Do you have a good relationship with your family? it’s complicated, depends on the family member, my father is my best friend tho

What is something people are surprised to hear about you? the truth? *shrug*

Do you hate any particular groups of people? yup but won’t list them in here

Do you fall up or down stairs usually? I don’t fall often enough to compare

Do you constantly break things? (By mistake or otherwise) luckily not

What was the last bug you saw? plenty of bugs this day

Are there any smells which make you feel nauseous? basically all of them make me feel nauseous

Do you have anything unusual in your bag? I suppose

What`s your favourite key on a keyboard? don’t think I have one, some I don’t use at all tho

Who`s your favourite character from The Simpsons? Or do you hate that show? Lisa I think

Have you ever had any friends who always tried to steal your things? sorta

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? maybe How do you make your money? I use my parents money for now :( sometimes I sell my belongings 

What color are your eyes? hazel?

How tall are you? 156 cm short

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? sleep

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? mom, besides eyes

How long does it take you to shower? about half an hour?

Are you flexible? in a weird way

Can you speak any other language than English? polish, a bit of russian and used to know Braille’a

What is the last letter of your middle name? I have no middle name, just confirmation one 

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?: yes

Are you scared of flying? not crashing but smells and noise and puking etc.

What do you sleep in? pajama Who was the last person you kissed? @muziasta​ 

What jewelry do you wear all the time? recently necklace I got from my gf

Is the last person you kissed older than you? younger, almost 2 months hahaha

Do you have a favorite item of clothing? I like most of my clothes

Last movie you saw in theaters? last time I was in cinema I still attend high school, not a fan of that place

What was last thing you drank? water

Are you left handed? am not

What is the last thing you thought about? lots of stuff

Do you want to get married & have children one day? I don’t want any kids!

What is the most recent gift you’ve been given? a mug Did I just roll my eyes out loud Is what you’re wearing comfortable? why not?

Did you leave the house today? twice

Are there bumper stickers on your car? if I had a car...

Are you watching tv right now? What? I didn’t watch TV for months

Do you have a job? not currently

Have you ever shot a gun? in middle school

What do your parents do for a living? my mom is retired and my dad is a guard

Have you ever had a pet that had babies? noooo

What color is the blanket on your bed? blue and yellow with sun and moon

What are your parent’s middle names? they don’t have those

Have you ever broken a bone? just my nose?

Do you wear lasses? nope

What color are they? -

Are you currently reading a book? finished one and didn’t start another yet

When did you last get your blood drawn? not that long time ago

How many contacts are in your phone? about 5

What things do you take with you everywhere? that’s personal

Do you know someone that is/was over 100 years old? nah

Do you own any rings? yeah

Could you list all 50 states? no way

What internet browser do you use? Opera

Do you know someone that’s missing a limb? there’s this guy that sometimes takes a bus with me and he has no leg but that’s all

Are you a bad person? possibly

What was the last swear you said? not sure which was last, I say way too many for my own good :x

Have you ever called the police on someone? not me but my parents, also fire department 

What is the most amount of pets you’ve had at one time? 2

When did you last check your email? last week

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? few times

How long is your hair? short

Do you lock your doors at night? of course

Does your bedroom have a lock? sadly not

How big is your bed? smol

Do you know someone that was murdered? not personally 

Do you know someone who’s pregnant not now

Do you wear a watch? no

How much jewelry do you own? too much for how often I wear it

Have you ever gotten x-rays? shitload 

Do you wear gloves in the winter? fingerless

Do you consider yourself smart? in a way, I might be

Are your teeth straight? they’re not 

Do you own a bike? push scooter but I plan to buy a bike of some sort this summer

Are you taller than your mom? I am :D

Have you ever been engaged? I have not

What, in your opinion, is the ugliest name? many are to me, especially those I relate to certain enemies

Have you ever come up with your own idea for an app? of a game 

Do you remember to put the caps back on your pens? what for? 

When’s the last time you sat on someone else’s lap? this week

Do you take naps often? once in a few months

Do you like to listen to rap? meh

Do you prefer gift wrap or gift bags? gift bags, gift paper annoys me and it’s worthless

What chore do you wish you could get done just by snapping your fingers? all of them? XD

Have you ever done tap dancing before? pretend

Have you ever felt trapped? always?...

Has a strap on your bag ever broken before? it started to so I changed it

Do you watch episode recaps, or skip ahead? skip

Do you know anyone who owns a Venus flytrap plant? my (now ex) friend wanted to, they’re interesting but you have to clean them and I’m not fond of picking up dead flies, yuk

Do you drink water out of the tap, or does it have to be bottled? bottled or I boil it

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

give me back my work!!!

"Keith!" 

Slamming his bloody hands down against the castle wall, Keith didn't even head Shiro yelling his name. He was so angry and hurt that all he felt was pain, and the pain felt good. It felt real. It felt solid and it was what he needed. As far as he could remember, he and Lance had never fought like that, even before they were together. They'd never fought in a way that cut so deep. Even a knife to the heart would hurt less

"Keith, stop!"

Before his hands could hit the wall again, a strong arm wrapped around his waist and hefted him on his feet. Snarling and scratching at his captors arms, his heart was pounding so hard and loudly his head throbbed in response

"Krolia, help me with him"

"Let me go!"

"Keith"

"Let me the fuck go!"

As his bloody hands slipped from Shiro's arm, his mother grabbed his wrists. Howling in anger, he kicked out, hitting her in the stomach, but failing to dislodge her. If anything, her grip tightened

"Keith! Calm down!"

"Get off of me!"

"Krolia..."

"Don't let him go"

"I said get off!"

"What do we do? Do we get Lance?"

Lance. Yeah right. Like he would care. For some reason the thought of Lance caring was just about the funniest thing in the universe. Laughter bubbled up, and fell from his lips in a half twisted screech 

"You think Lance cares? Lance and I are over!"

"Keith, what do you mean? What happened?!"

"He wants to die! He never gave a shit about me or our kids! He just wants to fucking die!"

"That's not true..."

"Then why did fuck Lotor? Why did he fuck Shiro? You're the one who told me about it?! Why mum?! If he loved me..."

The crack that sounded as his mother slapped his face left him stunned. Spitting the blood from his mouth, he snarled at the woman

"He's the one who tried to break our bond. Guess what mum? Your son's a fucking failure! I couldn't even keep my own fated omega from wanting to fuck everyone else!"

"Keith, calm down. I'm sure there's an explanation"

"Yeah. That he never wanted me to begin with. He tried to tell me and I never fucking listened!"

"Shiro, get him out of here. I don't care where you take him. Keith, I am so beyond disappointed in you right now"

"Good! Walk away! Walk away and forget me like you did before! I never meant anything to you! I never meant anything to anyone"

Releasing her hold on his wrist, Krolia looked him up and down

"You need to cool your head before you say or do something you regret!"

"I regret ever being born!"

Shiro's arm tightened around his waist, the alpha beginning to walk down the hall. Even with one arm, he couldn't compete with the crushing hold around his waist. But at least it was pain, and pain was better than nothing at all.

 Carrying him into the training hall, Shiro threw him down on the mats. Pushing himself up, he launched himself at the alpha 

"When did you become her dog?"

Clumsy from blood loss and fatigue, the punch he threw at Shiro was easily dodge, and returned with a knee to his gut. Dropping to the floor, he coughed as his fingers tried to find purchase 

"Get up!"

"Fuck off!"

"Get up Keith!"

Looking up at Shiro, he spat towards him

"You've always liked looking down on us. Haven't you? Always acting like you're so much better than the rest of us"

Pushing himself up, he rolled his neck slowly as he shook his hands

"I'm so sick of you"

"At the moment, the feelings mutual"

Lashing out again, he roundhouse kicked Shiro as hard as he could. Catching his leg, Shiro flipped him, and Keith ended up face first on the mats again

"Get up Keith!"

"Why? You've already taken everything from me!"

"What? What have I taken from you? Lance? At the moment you aren't even fit to lick his shoes"

Scrambling up, he kept his stance low as he drove his shoulder into Shiro, sending them both toppling onto the floor

"How dare you say his name!? He's my mate!"

"Then why aren't you with him? Do you know how lonely he was without you? But you couldn't even call him! You didn't even help him with your own son's"

"He didn't want me!"

"Of course he did! You know Lance! He tries his hardest until he falls apart, but you know, he did so well when you were gone. He was eating, and dancing and smiling. Maybe you can't make him happy"

Grabbing Shiro by the collar, Keith straddled his lap. Lifting Shiro up, he slammed him down to the floor, over and over

"You stay the fuck away from him! You can't make him happy!"

"Of course I can't! You're the one he's in love with! You're the one he's been in love with since before he even admitted he was an omega! But all you did was kick him down. Then bam. He presented and suddenly he was your everything! Every time he chased after you, you had nothing nice to say, but he kept trying. That's what he does! And if he's picked a fight with you, then you know he's gotta have a quiznakking good reason for it!"

Releasing his hold on Shiro's collar, the alpha dropped to the floor with a groan 

"He wants to die"

"It's been a long time since Lance has wanted to die"

"He has a plan to save Pidge, but it means putting his own life at risk..."

Keith's anger dropped away, tears from and raced down his face. With a mournful howl he slid from Shiro's lap, so he kneeling beside him. Covering his face with his bloodied hands, he screamed into them. He didn't want Lance to die. He wanted his happy beautiful mate by his side. Climbing up from the floor, Shiro wrapped his arm around him, guiding him against his chest. It'd been so long that Keith had forgotten what it'd been like to be friends with Shiro. Rubbing his shoulder, Shiro buried his face in Keith's hair 

"It's just a plan. It's not reality. We're not going to do anything until we've all talked about it. Now, have you calmed down enough for me to look at your hands?"

"They're fine"

"They're bleeding"

"It's fine. I deserve this"

"I doubt Lance would be happy that you think that"

"You don't know what was said"

"No I don't. I know you still don't like me for what happened, but you can at least let me clean your hands up. You can't see Lance like this"

Sniffling, Keith nodded. He needed to see Lance and apologise. Even if his omega didn't want him anymore, he had to make sure he knew he was sorry.

 With both his hands cleaned up, Keith eyes his bruised and swollen knuckles. He was definitely going to be feeling it once the adrenaline coursing through him faded. It was a disgusting mess, and one he still felt he deserved. Shiro had wanted to bandage them, but he wouldn't let him. Some part of him still wanted Lance to know how much he'd hurt him, and his alpha was in complete agreement. Letting Shiro lead the way, they'd made their way to the kitchen. He didn't particularly want to see anyone, and being this close to Shiro was messing with his head. Keith honestly just wanted to find Lance, apologise and then take a long ride in Black, but that wasn't his things were going to play out.

 Entering the kitchen, Allura, Hunk and his mother was there. He couldn't deny he didn't feel both disappointed and relieved at Lance's absence 

"Have you cooled down?"

Nodding at his mother, he wrapped his arms around his waist in a very Lance way

"Good. Now come have something to eat. Allura and Hunk have been telling me about this plan Lance came up with"

"Where..."

Clearing his throat, Keith tried to rid the softness from his voice 

"Where's Lance?"

"He's in the games room with the pups. I'm making him something to eat when he wakes up"

Looking to the door, it was so tempting to flee 

"Keith, Lance told us about his plan. I know you don't like it, but if we figure out the finer details, we might be able to help Pidge"

"Did he tell you he's fine with dying?"

His tone was dripping with bitterness

"Keith, Lance doesn't want to die"

"You could have fooled me"

"He said so himself. He wants to live. He wants to be with you and the pups. Now sit down before you fall down"

Crossing to the empty stool, Keith sank down. Taking his hand, his mother laid it flat on the counter in front of them

"They're not as bad as I expected"

"I deserve it"

"Perhaps"

"I'll get you some ice for them"

"It's fine Allura. Let's just talk about what we're going to do"

"Hunk, Krolia and I have all been scanned for signs of infection, we're clean"

"That's something..."

"And as Lance was with you, you're both more than likely to be clean which means we just need to check Coran and Shiro"

"And then what?"

"We call Lotor. Even if he loans us a sample of pure quintessence, we should be able to lure the black goop from Pidge"

"How do we trap it?"

"We know Honerva trapped it before, using Altean technology..."

"She's not exactly going to help us"

"I know you don't want to hear it, but Lance did have a point. He has the  strongest Bayard of all us"

"I know he does. I also know he's likely to take a risk, even if there's a chance it won't pan out. I didn't mean to make it seem like Pidge isn't important, but we do need to think about everyone on this castle. Especially since we don't know what exactly caused the infection"

"See. That's all you had to say. You don't have to be so angry"

Shooting his mother a glare, he looked back down at his hand

"So we contact Lotor and get the sample. We also need to take the castle offworld so we don't risk the Olkari..."

"I can stay behind with the sample..."

"No you cant Allura. You're the only one who can fly the castle"

"Then I will"

"Mum..."

"No, I'm Galra. Even if I'm infected, I should be able to withstand long enough to notify you"

"How do we get Pidge out the pod and to the quintessence without putting anyone in danger"

Humming, Hunk suddenly slammed his hands down 

"Hunk?!"

"Pidge was rebuilding a sentry, or even better, if Lotor will lend us one, we don't need anyone physically on the castle. We get the sentry to handle the pure quintessence"

"We don't know what will happen to its systems. They might be overloaded by the power of the quintessence"

"If we use the container the quintessence is in, it won't even have to touch it. Or we can attach it to the sentry and have it move through the ship. If we can get it to the airlock, we can just flush it into space and destroy it out there with Voltron"

"Hunk, how confident are you with your reprogramming skills?"

"I'm not as good as Pidge, but with Matt's help..."

"So it comes down to Lotor..."

"He owes us a favour. If it wasn't for Lance, he'd still be stuck down in that rift with Shiro"

"Thanks"

"I didn't mean anything by it..."

"Lance said he felt like this would work. It was his "feeling" that lead us to Shiro and Lotor... I think we need to trust in this plan of his"

Keith swallowed as he nodded

"If someone has to stay behind, I'll do it. It's my job as the Black Paladin to protect our team"

"I could..."

"Shiro, you only have one arm. What happens if you need both of them?"

Snorting, Shiro shook his head 

"I still beat you with one arm, and you were verging on going feral"

"Keith, Buddy, you need to stop going feral when it comes to Lance"

"I can't help it. You know what was said"

"I do. And you both had valid points, and I know he was trying to push you away, but that doesn't make it ok"

"Do you think he's ok?"

"I think he's asleep, and I think if you wake him, it's not going to be pretty"

"He's going to yell at me again?"

"I'm going to yell at you"

"Allura, you and Shiro contact Lotor. Remind him about the rift if you have to. Mum, can I trust you to take a look at them work Pidge was doing without getting infected?"

"I don't plan on dying any time soon"

"I'll take that as a yes. Hunk..."

"Hunk will be here figuring out what to do with all these cookies"

"Thanks. I'm going to check in on Lance, and then Shiro, Coran and I will meet in the medical bay for our scans. Once they've come back clean, we'll send message to Matt, as well as to Ryner and inform her of what's happening here..."

"Don't forget dinner is mandatory"

"And it can wait until we've left Olkarion..."

"Keith... you can't mess with my food, man"

"I'm not messing with your food, I'm just delaying dinner a few vargas so we can get everything organised"

"Hunk, just call us when dinner is ready"

"Will do, Shiro"

 Parting from the others, Keith headed down to the games room alone. His mother had forced to him eat before letting him off, and the meal of cookies wasn't sitting well in his stomach. As the alpha walked, he tried to play out all the different conversations. Lance didn't want him to let him go, even if he had to yell at him, but yelling in front of the pups... he could not do that again. It was horrible and they didn't deserve to hear it.

 The door to the games room appeared far too soon for Keith's liking. The feeling in his stomach had only gotten worse and now it felt a thousand butterflies were trapped inside. One or two butterflies he could handle. When Lance laughed or smiled genuinely, they always seemed to pop up, but this... this wasn't a nice feeling at all. Placing his hand on the door pad, he nearly let out a laugh as the door opened, and the first thing he heard was a long snore. Lance was sleeping. He didn't have to worry about what he was going to say, because his mate was asleep and he was too much of a coward to wake him. Walking over to the bed, he sank down on the edge, examining Lance's sleeping face. He was pale, and exhausted, but there was a smile on his lips... one Keith chose to believe was for him. Letting his eyes roam his omegas form, he found Lance's jacket had hiked up to expose his hip and part of his snail trail. Reaching out, his fingers hovered over Lance's hip, before he finally shook his head, and pulled his mates jacket down for him. Even if he wanted to touch Lance, Lance probably didn't feel the same way anymore. With a heavy heart, he rose to his feet, gathering up as the closest blanket as he did. Laying it over Lance, he made sure his mates shoulders were covered, before finally crumbling slightly. Running his fingers over Lance's soft brown hair, he smiled at the running joke it'd become between them. They still hadn't cut each other's hair, and Lance's had hit they awkward not long, but too long to call short stage. Nuzzling his pillow in his sleep, Lance let out a sleepy huff

"Keith..."

It was like Keith had been shocked. Yanking his hand back, he stumbled away from the bed before fleeing. He wasn't ready to talk to Lance...

  *

Having carried out his duties, Keith left Allura and Hunk in the Kitchen. Lotor had agreed to help, but only because his soldiers were dropping like flies. The emperor had used much more graceful language, almost managing to make it sound like he actually cared about them. With everyone except Pidge having come back clear, Keith now found himself stuck waiting and it didn't sit well with him. He could go back to Lance, but that ran the risk of waking his mate. He didn't want to hear the words he was sure Lance would say, "It's over", two tiny words with so much weight behind them. Lance was supposed to be his for the rest of their lives, and a few doboshes of anger had ruined everything they'd built together. The morning had been so amazing, so how had they ended up like this... yes, once again, he was back to that. The fact that when Lance had woken up, it had been just them. Just Lance and Keith. Omega and Alpha. Not mum and dad, or Black and Red Paladin's. Just the two of them in their own little world. With a jumble of feelings and no real outlet, he headed to the training room. Even if he couldn't grip a blade or a gun, he could still work out... or just wander around aimlessly until he fell down from exhaustion.

 Keith was doing just that when the door to the training room opened, and a sobbing Allura rushed inside. In her arms were one of the pups... Why did Allura have him?! And why was she crying. Striding straight up to him, Allura was trembling badly as she tried to wipe the tears away with her left hand 

"Allura?"

"Keith, you should take him"

Half offering and half placing the pup in his arm, the screaming boy finally started to settle. It was really kind of hard to tell who was more upset 

"Allura, it's ok. Babies cry"

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath, but Keith caught a whiff of Lance's scent. His mate... his mate was devastated? No... it was more than that

"Allura, what happened?"

"I'm so sorry Keith..."

Grabbing her shoulder, his fingers dug into her suit

"Allura. Tell me what happened? What happened to Lance?"

"It's... it's not Lance. It's Kelance"

Snarling, he leant right in

"What happened to my son?"

"He's... he's infected"

Stumbling backwards, Keith sank down around Laneith as he tried to remember how to breathe. Kelance was infected? How? Why?

"Keith. Keith, he's alive. Lance seems to be ok, but they're putting Kelance in a pod"

"What do you mean Lance is ok?"

How could Lance be ok, when their son was dying?

"He doesn't seem to be infected"

"Where is he?"

Allura stared down at him

"Where is he?!"

Allura squeaked as he snapped at her

"In the pod room..."

"Get the castle off of Olkarion"

"Keith?"

"Get it off! I'm going to check on Lance"

"You can't... he might be carrying the black goop. He doesn't want Laneith near him"

He didn't want his own son? Was that just because of the infection or because he regretted giving birth to them? His anger and fear was robbing him of rational thought

"He's my mate!"

"Exactly! He's been with the pups. He could have been infected, and for all we know, Laneith might have too. The pups are always together, so we need to scan Laneith"

Cradling his son closer, Keith nuzzled into his chubby cheek. He felt physically sick knowing Laneith might... might die

"Right. Right... ok. Keith, is it safe to help you up, because I can feel the anger coming from you"

"I... just... let's get to the medical bay"

 Laneith really didn't like being scanned. His pup wriggled as he cried, as if trying to escape the small amount of warmth from the machine

"Keith, there's no sign of infection. I think Laneith is alright"

"Allura..."

"Look for yourself. He looks perfectly... human. I mean, if I'm reading these scans right, it's hard to tell because I only have experience really with full sized humans, and he's so tiny. I'm really sorry, I don't know why I am not able to be quiet"

"Allura, it's called relief. You're not able to be quiet because of your relief. Turn the machine off, I don't think he likes it too much"

Pulling Laneith's shirt over his chubby belly, Keith lifted him back into his hold. He was beyond relieved Laneith was alright, but Lance still needed to be scanned, and they still needed to save Kelance and Pidge... and maybe even Lance 

"I've got you. Shhh, it's alright now. Daddy's here"

"Do you think he's hungry? Is that why he's crying?"

"That would probably be part of it. He needs a nappy change too"

"The formula's in the cupboards. Shall I get it?"

"And the bottles. They need to be clean before we make the formula up. And nappies, I think there were some hidden away in here"

Would Laneith even take formula? They'd tried it before with no success, but maybe because he was older now?

"Lance insisted on keeping nappies in here, he made sure everything was stocked in case of an emergency"

Of course his mate did. Lance was an amazing mother, even on his bad days.

 From the medical room, they headed up to the Kitchen. Allura hovering as Keith went about changing Laneith. His son was somewhat calmer once his nappy had been changed, but even if his cries had quietened, he was definitely not happy

"You miss your brother and your mum, I know. I miss them too..."

"Keith, what can I do?"

"Can you sterilise the bottle and make the formula? The instructions are on the tin"

"I hope Hunk won't mind me using his kitchen"

"Allura, you're the queen. You own this castle. If anyone can use this kitchen without Hunk's supervision, it's you"

"Sometimes I forget"

How could you forget your the queen of an entire race!? Just because Allura was gentle and friendly to them all... and followed orders... ok, maybe he could see how it might on occasion slip her mind

"Allura... I don't know how to be a dad. Lance is so amazing at all of this. He's been amazing with the pups since he birthed them..."

Bustling through the kitchen, Keith could only stare down at Laneith 

"Keith, you're amazing too. You stayed with Lance as he birthed the pups, the first set of twins. You stayed with him, you held him as he cried and even though they were fathered by Shiro, you loved them like they were you own. You love your pups, and if you weren't a good dad, you wouldn't be worrying like this. You're a good person Keith. A good Paladin and a good partner to Lance. Try having some more faith in yourself"

"If only it was that easy. Lance never improved when he was with me. Yet a phoeb with Shiro and some how he's eating, sleeping and training. Maybe I shouldn't be his alpha..."

"If you keep this up, Shiro might just swoop in steal Lance away"

Keith growled at Allura's jab

"I'm joking. Lance was only trying so hard for you. Even if Shiro had feelings for Lance, it's Lance's choice and he chose you... I just put too much powder in the bottle?! Is that ok?"

"It should be fine... I don't see why not? We don't even know if he'll take it"

"Maybe we could put something sweet in it?"

"No, just the powder. Laneith, it's alright. Your Aunty Allura is making you a nice bottle right now"

Patting his son's back, Laneith's small fingers gripped his jacket. His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't imagine not having both boys, and Laneith... even if they were so tiny and ignorant to the world around them, Laneith was always with Kelance.