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joonie-beanie · 4 months ago

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Hat Guy's ASMR Commissions: S Tier | [Scaramouche/Wanderer x Reader]

Summary: Subject: Your Commission For [Guided Masturbation Audio - 30 minute session] In which your asshole best friends order a commission from your favorite ASMR artist, and it's a lot more NSFW than you were expecting. "From this moment on, you’re going to follow my directions. I’d say “if you fail to, you’ll be punished” but we both know you’re probably just another people pleaser who will do whatever I say, as long as you know it will make me happy. But fair warning–I won’t be happy until you’re so fucked out you can’t speak a coherent word.” Content: Smut, Guided Masturbation, Toy Use, Name Calling, Degradation/Humiliation, fem!reader Word Count: 6.5k Note: this is kind of an untraditional smut, so just keep that in mind lol

“Sweetheart…you really need to find some way to relax.”

“I agree. If you don’t release your tension, it’ll do a number on your health.”

You really appreciate Lisa and Yae being so concerned for you, but…

“I know. It’s just…not that easy for me.”

By now, in theory, you should have figured out some better coping mechanisms and ways to destress, but alas.

Taking a book from the return bin, Lisa scans it, and then places it onto the go-back cart.

“Well, have you tried getting off?”

Her suggestion makes you jerk, your head swiveling as you glance around the library to see if anyone nearby has overheard. At your side, Yae giggles.

“Calm down…finals have just ended. No one is in the library anymore—they’re out partying.”

You sigh.

You suppose she’s right. The only reason you three are here is because Lisa is working the closing shift, and because Yae had insisted that you come along to the library with her to keep Lisa company.

“Traditional porn, a good adult novel, ASMR—all would be good options,” Lisa continues.

“I’m not really into porn right now, and I don’t think I have the bandwidth to focus on a book,” you say, resting your cheek in your palm. “As for ASMR…I’m not a big fan. I’ve really only discovered one creator that I like…”

“Oh?”

Now that piques their interest.

“What’s their name?”

“He goes by “Hat Guy” on twitter,” you tell them. “He mostly just…posts audio responses to dumb takes, or makes ASMR mocking other ASMR trends, but his voice is nice, and he has a small fan base…despite him kind of being a little shit.”

“How cute,” Lisa laughs while Yae pulls out her phone.

“Well, then…since it sounds like he doesn’t have any relaxing content, maybe you should just go home and take a nice bath. Did you ever use that bath bomb I got you for your birthday?”

“No,” you mumble sheepishly. At your side, Yae taps your knee.

“Lisa is right. Go home and have a bath. I’ll keep her company until she’s done.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“Are you sure…? I just got here like half an hour ago and now you want me to go home?”

“I just think some “you” time would be good,” she tells you with a smile. You pout your lips, but ultimately decide that…maybe she’s right.

“Fine, I’ll head home and rest, then.”

“Good girl,” Yae responds, patting your ass when you bend over to grab your backpack. You narrow your eyes at her, but aren’t truly mad.

“Be careful on your walk home~,” Lisa says as you start towards the exit. You wave at them both over your shoulder, and then leave the building.

A few seconds after your departure, Lisa turns to Yae.

“Alright, what did you find that you didn’t want Y/N to know about?”

Yae grins, loving that Lisa has already caught on.

“Look—”

She gets up from her seat and leans over to show Lisa her phone screen.

“I found Hat Guy’s twitter and saw that he’s accepting commissions, and look at one of the options~”

She points to something, and Lisa’s eyes hurriedly scan the text in front of her.

When she has finished reading, she grins.

“Oh, my…well, that’s certainly tempting.”

“I was thinking maybe we can give it to Y/N as a… “you survived finals! Use this to relax” type present. Since she’s always doing thoughtful things for us when we’re swamped.”

Lisa smiles, putting a thoughtful finger to her lips.

“I agree. She’s brought us so many cups of tea over the last few months. It’s the least we can do.”

“Good,” Yae says with a nod, immediately clicking on the commission link.

“She deserves a little…fun.”

Between the end of the previous semester, and the start of the new one, your University has generously given you a long weekend.

4 days, to be exact.

Most of this long weekend you spend doing the chores you’ve put off, and working a few shifts at your job.

It’s only by some grace that you end up with Sunday off. One final day to try and relax before classes begin tomorrow…

You do your best to make the most of it—mindlessly scrolling tiktok, folding some clothes, debating if you should order food out, and ultimately deciding against it, since you just went grocery shopping…

All in all, it’s a pretty mundane day.

…at least, until the icon for your email app appears at the top of your phone screen, and you swipe down the notification to see the title:

Subject: Your Commission For [Guided Masturbation Audio - 30 minute session]

Immediately, you freeze.

Surely, this is a spam email that’s somehow made it through the cracks. Because you definitely haven’t ordered such a thing.

Yet, despite your doubts at the validity of the email, you still click on it—wanting to read the contents before banishing it to your spam folder.

Dear Recipient,

Attached to this email is an mp3 file available for you to download. This file was requested and paid for by “Fox and Witch”, and is being sent to you directly at their request.

Please do not distribute this anywhere else on social media, as this is my copyrighted content.

If there is any issue with the quality of the file, please let me know.

Have fun.

-Hat Guy

Note:

Toys Needed = Dildo, Clitoral Vibrator or Wand

…you must have knocked your head on something earlier and are currently hallucinating.

Because there is NO WAY there’s an email from HAT GUY in your inbox. And that said email is for…for…

Well, you remember seeing a link on his profile about commissions, but you’d never clicked on it to see more than that. There’s no chance he’s out here telling people how to get off, though, right…?

With a warm face, you scan the email again. And then a third time.

You can only assume “Fox and Witch” are Yae and Lisa. And you did just tell them that you like Hat Guy’s content…

You bite your lip, staring at the mp3 file.

There’s just no way…

Hesitantly, you click on it.

“Hmph. You must be really desperate if your friends were willing to pay for a half hour of my time. Most people are satisfied with 10-15 minutes, but no…they knew you’d need longer than that.”

Oh…fuck.

Something in your tummy flips.

That’s him, alright.

You’ve never heard him talk like that before, but it’s definitely him…you could never mistake that haughty, belittling tone.

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, your gaze once again finding the title of the email.

Guided Masturbation.

If you’re not wrong, that means if you hit play, and keep listening, it’ll probably be a lot of Hat Guy telling you what to do…how to touch yourself.

Just thinking about such a thing makes more blood rush to your head—embarrassment blooming in your chest.

Sure, the idea of him bossing you around isn’t exactly unappealing. You’re sure he’d be…less than nice, and maybe even a little sadistic, and perhaps call you a few rude names, but—

You groan and place your phone face down on the table beside you.

“Nope, I can’t—I—”

Standing up from your couch, you trudge into your kitchen.

It’s dinner time—you need to make dinner.

You try to keep your thoughts from straying to your temporarily abandoned phone, and the email that’s sitting in your inbox—but it’s literally impossible.

Still, you manage to cook yourself a meal, and even partake in a little alcoholic drink. (Just because you’re treating yourself, and definitely not because you want to ease your nerves a bit.)

Once you’ve finished eating, you clean all your dishes, and then return to the couch. Your gaze strays to your phone, but you don’t pick it up—instead deciding to grab the TV remote.

You make it approximately 25 minutes into a movie before you can’t take it anymore.

Hitting the pause button, you throw the remote on the couch beside you and then snatch up your phone—alighting from the couch.

You grab your headphones on the way to your bedroom, and pop them into your ears only after you’ve gathered your dildo and vibrator.

Maybe this audio won’t be as hot as you’re assuming, and you’ll end up not wanting to touch yourself, but…better to have everything prepared just in case, right?

Taking a deep breath, you hit play.

The track restarts from the beginning.

“I also hear you’re quite the little masochist—but I could have assumed that, considering it’s me that you’re soaking your panties over. Just another slut who wants to be bullied, huh.”

You huff at his words, glaring at your phone screen.

Did Lisa and Yae tell him your kinks or something?? Those bitches.

“Well, you’re in luck, because from this moment on, you’re going to follow my directions. I’d say “if you fail to, you’ll be punished” but we both know you’re probably just another people pleaser who will do whatever I say, as long as you know it will make me happy.”

Dammit, why is he right—

“But fair warning—I won’t be happy until you’re so fucked out you can’t speak a coherent word.”

With a shaking finger, you pause the audio.

You hate to admit it, but his words—the way he’s speaking to you—is already making you wet.

You really, truly want him to bully you, and use you like a little toy.

So, guess that means you’re doing this.

Throwing any caution and shame to the wind, you hit the play button again.

“Now…where to begin? I always like to start with an inspection. Take off your clothes, but leave your panties on. I’m not going to bid your needy pussy any attention just yet.”

You obediently do as he says, stripping yourself of your clothing until you’re left only in your panties.

“It’s unfortunate I’m not there to survey those titties in person, so you’ll just have to feel them up for me. Go ahead and grope yourself. Take a minute and massage your chest…I want to see if you’ll get wet from that alone. Although, you’re probably wet already just from my voice, aren’t you, slut?”

You click your tongue at that last part, (hating that he’s right), but nonetheless bring your hands to your chest.

You cup your titties, and begin squeezing them—feeling the soft flesh beneath your fingers.

“Good, keep going—squeeze a little harder now. Ah…I bet your nipples want to be touched, huh? Start teasing them, then—just enough to get them hard. I’ll give you 10 seconds—that should be enough.”

For some reason, the challenge of accomplishing a task within a certain time limit makes your pussy throb, and very quickly, you move your pointer fingers over your nipples—rubbing them lightly, and coaxing them to a peak.

You’re ashamed to admit it, but they manage to get hard in the 10 second pause he gives you…

“Wow, look at that…what greedy titties you have—responding as I say, eager to be played with. Pinch your nipples and roll them between your fingers. Find the motion that feels best, and do it over and over again, until I tell you to stop.”

Resting your breasts in your palms, you pinch your nipples between your fingers—rolling and tugging them.

Your eyes flutter shut as you touch yourself, each purposeful little tweak of your nipples causing your spine to twitch, and your pussy to clench.

It’s been too long since you’ve touched yourself like this…

By the time Hat Guy’s voice fills your ears once more, your nipples have started to get sore.

“Okay, stop there. I bet your cunt has started quivering, but I hope you know it’ll still be a while before I give you the chance to cum…unless, you somehow managed to orgasm from playing with just your titties? If that’s the case, congratulations! You’re the most needy and pathetic whore I’ve played with. So pathetic that I’ll give you a pass, and won’t even punish you for cumming without permission.”

The thought of being able to cum from nipple play alone makes you feel even more aroused, much to your chagrin—

“Now, let’s inspect that dirty pussy of yours. Spread your legs, and pull your panties down to your knees. I want you to stare at the crotch of your panties and feel ashamed at the wet spot I know is there.”

Taking a deep breath, you hook your fingers around your panties and tug them down your thighs.

As you spread your feet apart, you end up staring at the crotch of your panties—your lips pressing together when you notice there is, indeed, a very noticeable wet spot.

“Next, bend over. As low as you can go, with your legs still apart. I want to see everything.”

Locking your fingers together, you hesitate for a brief second before you bend over—feeling a strain in your leg muscles as you hit the point where you can’t bend anymore.

In this position, you know that you’re on full display.

“Look at you, presenting yourself to me…you really don’t have any shame, do you? If I were there, I’d be grabbing you and forcing you open wider, but since I’m not, you can do it for me! Grab your ass cheeks with both hands, and spread.”

Breathing a little shakily, you do your best to reach behind you and spread yourself. You feel your asshole clench as you do so, and the involuntary action maddens you, considering Hat Guy’s next words are—

“Such a tight little hole…I bet it’s twitching.”

“Is it nervous, or hoping for an intrusion? Either way, anal is not the objective of today’s session, so let’s move back to your pussy. Go ahead and spread your folds with your hand. You have permission to bend over with your chest to your bed, if you feel your blood rushing to your head from bending down so low. And if you're not by your bed…where the fuck are you listening to this audio? In your car, or a bathroom stall? Pervert.”

That little quip at the end makes you smile, even as you stand up and move yourself to your bed.

You find it a little endearing how he’s bossing you around, but still managing to be somewhat considerate. You suppose maybe there is more to him than just being a brat on the internet.

Anyway—

Reaching one hand back between your legs, you slide your fingers between the folds of your pussy and spread them—opening yourself up as if he were there to inspect you.

“Now, rub your fingers at your entrance—feel how slick you’ve gotten…honestly, you should feel ashamed. Getting so wet for a no-face internet stranger.”

Sure, your panties were a little wet, but that doesn’t mean—

You move your fingers to your entrance—freezing at the amount of sticky arousal you feel.

You...honestly can’t remember the last time you’ve gotten this wet.

“Smear the slick around your pussy, and make sure to get your clit. That’s where we’re headed next.”

You do as he says, perhaps a smidge overly excited that you now seem to be entering the main course.

As your fingers ghost over your clit, your pussy shudders.

“Bet you just clenched in excitement, huh?”

How does he fucking know—?!

“I'll be nice and will let you use two fingers. Press the pads of your fingers to your clit, and start making circular motions. Slow. 1…2…3…just like that.”

Breathing deep, you begin rubbing your clit with your fingers—repeating his count in your head, and following his pace.

With each pass of your fingers, your walls squeeze tighter.

“You probably want to rush, or grind your hips on your fingers…but you shouldn't be acting so desperate just yet, so be a good girl and keep going.”

Huffing, you obey his command,

He goes silent for a few beats, really giving you a minute to continue hopelessly teasing yourself.

By the time he next speaks, a needy exhale is leaving your lips—heady arousal truly being to pool in your lower tummy.

“Now you can go faster. Rub your clit to the beat of your heart. I assume it's racing, so you should be moving your hand a bit faster than before.”

You haven’t really noticed before now, but your heart is certainly beating much faster than normal…

The steady, yet swift thump of your heart is felt throughout your body the more you focus on it, and you quickly adjust your pace.

A breathy little sigh leaves your lips—your brows pinching together.

You want to cum.

“I wonder if you're close already, just from your fingers on your clit…haha. If you are, remember—you don't get to cum until I say so. So if you're close to cumming, edge yourself. Get right to the edge of your orgasm, and then stop. I'll give you 10 seconds after that to collect yourself, but then you have to keep going.”

Oh, fuck…

You suppose you should have realized that edging might be part of the equation, especially during a 30 minute session.

And, unfortunately, the thought of edging yourself for him makes you even hornier—pushing you closer to your first climax—or, well, edge.

“I bet you're probably thinking that 10 seconds isn't very long…that when you start again, you'll still be right at the brink of your orgasm, and will have to keep edging over, and over…hah, well…that's your own fault for being so hopeless.”

“Now, I'll let you set the pace. Find the rhythm and motion against your clit that makes you feel the best…you're going to keep that up for 1 minute—and remember, no cumming.”

Dammit—

By now, your lips are fully parted—quick little breaths fanning in front of your face and warming the sheets of your mattress.

You don’t want to edge, you want to cum, but he won’t let you—

“Also, why don't you go ahead and count aloud? I assume you're in private, so it shouldn't be an issue to let out your voice. And if you're not, well…I guess people will get to hear what a debauched whore you are.”

If this were 10 minutes ago, you’d surely blush and hesitate to follow his command.

But now…now you’re a little closer to being the debauched whore he’s calling you.

“I'll count with you so you don't rush it. 60…59…58…57—”

With headphones in, you hear your own voice in your head—mingling with his.

His, unwavering, with a hint of mockery. Yours…quiet, and struggling to stay on beat.

You clit throbs beneath your fingers, and there’s a familiar flutter of your walls, despite your pussy currently being empty.

You’re getting close.

“I can only imagine how sinful you look right now…oh, right. Where was I? Hmm…let's just pick up from 30.”

Motherfucker—

You let your face drop into your sheets, your thighs tightening and knees shaking.

Fuck, you wanna cum. You know you can’t—know it’s not allowed yet, but—!

“5…4…3…2…1. Stop moving your hand.”

Perfect timing. Right at the edge of an orgasm—you pull your hand away.

You take a second to try and catch your breath while ignoring the unfulfilled ache between your legs.

“Your pussy must be throbbing, huh? Lucky for you, as your benevolent master, I’ll let you stuff it full. Grab your dildo and get on your bed on your knees.”

“Also, I assume you're soaked by now, but if not, and you need additional lubrication, use lube.”

You glance behind you at your dresser, where your bottle of lube sits, but ultimately don’t grab it.

By now, you’re sure you can do without.

Grabbing your dildo, you climb onto your bed, and obediently get on your knees.

“Now, sit up and position the dildo beneath you. Rub the head between your folds, and then settle it at your entrance.”

You do as he says—a shiver of excitement raking up your spine as the tip of your dildo unexpectedly flicks against your clit while you get it into position.

“I'm going to give you 3 seconds to take it fully inside of you…What? I did say we'll be stuffing you full, and with how needy you clearly are, I figured I'm doing you a favor by letting you take it all in!”

Oh. That’s—

“So, I'll count to three. Oh, and if your dildo is too big, and you're scared to sink down onto it all at once, well…that's your own fault for biting off more than you can chew. But, I'm sure that greedy pussy will take anything it can get.”

It will.

“Ready?”

You take a trembling breath.

“3, 2, 1—!”

In one swift motion, you spread your thighs and sink down onto the dildo.

When the head bumps against the deepest part of you, you can’t help but gasp—the sound positively lewd.

“Ahhh…fuck. You made a cute sound, didn't you? How precious…now you're stuffed to the brim with dick, as you should be.”

Yes, this is exactly how you’re meant to feel…just a little slut who will do anything to cum for him.

Yet, despite his harsh instructions, he seems to pause for a second, giving you a chance to acclimate to the intrusion.

How cute.

“Why don't we start slow…I want you to lift your hips until just the tip of the dildo is inside of you, and then grind back down on it. Up…and down…up—”

To aid in the motion, you place your hands flat on the mattress in front of you, and then begin moving your hips.

Up…and down…

Your walls clench around the dildo, practically begging for more, but the man currently using you as his personal toy clearly isn’t inclined to give you such a thing.

At least, not immediately.

If you had to guess, he makes you continue at this slow, teasing pace for at least 2 minutes—your muscles beginning to strain as you resist going any faster.

Then, his voice fills your ears once again. You nearly sigh with relief.

“I hope your thighs aren't burning yet, because now we're going to pick up the pace. Imagine the gallop of a horse's hooves. I want you to grind on each downbeat. No need to make big motions—just grind on your dildo how you'd grind your pussy on my cock if I was there.”

If he were here, you’d wanna grind on his dick until he’s moaning louder than you are—

“Fuck…”

Fingers curling into the sheets, you find your new rhythm—the sound of your wet pussy beginning to fill the quiet room outside your headphones.

Sweat starts to bead on your brow—the arousal inside of you searing hotter, and your muscles getting tighter.

“I wonder if you can cum from internal stimulation alone…try to find your g-spot if you haven't already. I want you to bully it with your dildo.”

You can practically hear the grin in his words.

Repositioning yourself, you find the angle that better allows you to rub that sensitive little spot inside you.

Almost immediately, a whine rips from your throat.

“Now…I'm going to issue you a challenge. I'll count down from 60 seconds again. During that 60 seconds, you're free to cum. So try your best, okay, slut?”

Please, you want to cum, but you don’t know if 60 seconds will be enough—

“60…59…58…”

Dammit—

With his challenge invigorating you, you continue messily grinding your hips.

Each pass of your dildo against your g-spot causes your pussy to shiver, and your thighs to shake—your orgasm creeping closer.

“33…32…31…”

A desperate sound slips past your lips, your eyebrows knitting together.

You want to cum.

You want to cum, but—

You drop down onto your dildo roughly, almost in a pouting manner.

You need more time.

As soon as your climax finally begins to build—your walls clenching down on your dildo—Hat Guy reaches the end of his countdown.

“3…2…1…so…did you cum? Either way, I'm sure your legs are shaking. I wouldn't doubt that your sheets are getting soiled by your arousal, either.”

“Well, whether you came or not, don't worry—there's still more opportunities to orgasm yet to come! That being said, set your dildo to the side, and grab your vibrator instead.”

Exhaling, you manage to lift up your hips, and your dildo slips out of you.

It flops onto your sheets, glistening with your arousal.

Your pussy mourns the loss.

Setting your dildo to the side, you grab your vibrator instead.

“You can go ahead and lay on your back. I'll give your knees a break…isn't that nice of me? You should say “thank you”.”

You clench your jaw as you roll onto your back, your eyes squinting at the ceiling.

There’s no way he’s serious, right? Counting is one thing, but thanking someone who isn’t here?

“Huh? Did you think that was just a suggestion? Go on.”

You wet your lips with your tongue.

“...thank you.”

There’s a brief second of silence, and then—

“...pfft, hahaha! If you actually did just say it aloud, you're more of an obedient people pleaser than I thought. What a precious little cock-sleeve.”

You want to punch him—

“Anyway, I haven't let you cum from your clit yet. I bet by now it's engorged and begging for attention…go ahead and put your vibrator on your clit. Turn it on low.”

The fact that even just touching your clit causes you to jolt proves that his words are correct.

Hitting the power button, you turn your vibrator on a low setting, and almost instantly—the orgasm that had started to fade away flares back to life.

“Good…I'll let you keep it there for a little while. Actually…I'm gonna go get some water. God knows how upset you'd be if my voice suddenly gave out and I couldn't give you permission to cum—”

You hear the sound of a chair being alighted from, and footsteps padding away from the mic.

“This little motherfucker—,” you pant, your chest heaving.

You gently rub your vibrator around your clit—hoping that doing so will help you delay the orgasm that’s building—but it’s impossible to avoid.

After another minute, you can’t put it off any longer.

Your body tenses, your pussy tightening, and—

You tear the vibrator away from your clit.

If he were here, you think you’d honestly start to beg him for mercy. Of course, you’re sure he’d say that’s practically your first true edge, and you’re just being a little baby, but still.

You start the countdown from 10 in your head, and once it’s done, put your vibrator back on your clit.

Your entire body jolts as the pleasure that had been denied snaps back to attention.

You’re gonna have to edge again—

“How are you holding out? Did you edge at all—just from the vibrator being on low? At the very least, I bet you're squirming and panting.”

“Now, listen closely. I'm going to make you an offer.”

If his offer involves you cumming, you’ll do whatever it takes.

“I'm going to let you cum with the vibrator still on low—assuming you can. This time I'll be generous and will give you 90 seconds, even. But here's the catch. At the end of this session, you will be cumming. So if your begging cunt blots out any logic in your brain, and you decide to cum now, and then feel it's “too much” later, well. That'll be your own fault. Even if you're overstimulated, you'll be cumming again, so choose wisely.”

“Either way, you need to keep the vibrator on your clit for another 90 seconds. You just need to decide if you're cumming or edging. Get ready. To spice it up, this time I'm not counting aloud—I'll just tell you when to stop. So if you're planning on cumming, try not to waste any time. Because if I say stop and you're right there, I doubt you’ll be very happy. Now, begin.”

Risking an overstimulated orgasm after this is a dangerous game, but—

You press the vibrator harder against your clit.

You need to cum—you don’t care about anything else right now.

Your free hand grabs at your breast—your toes curling, and your heart racing.

Your back arches off the bed, a symphony of miniscule whines and gasps falling from your lips.

Then, the tension inside of you reaches its limit, and snaps.

Your voice catches in your throat—your body spasming as waves of pleasure rock you.

You keep the vibrator on your clit to draw them out as long as you can, but after a few long beats, Hat Guy’s voice fills your ears once again.

“Stop—that's time. So…did you cum? I wish I could see the state of you…I bet you're starting to look all fucked out. We're already at the 20 minute mark, after all.”

You can’t believe it’s already been 20 minutes. Yet, at the same time, can’t believe you’re not already closer to the end.

“Now, I did say you'd be cumming again, so why don't you go ahead and put your vibe on high? Let's try and force it out of you.”

It’s fine…it’s totally fine.

Turning your vibrator on high will be totally fine.

You move the toy back to your clit and push the button until the vibrations are much more intense than before.

Almost immediately, heat rushes through your body—stemming from the still recovering nerve ending on your clit.

You’re over-sensitive. Fuck.

And yet…your pussy still flutters—your muscles tensing once again as another orgasm begins to build.

“Ahh, I bet you're squirming like a pathetic little worm. Is it too much? Do you want to beg me to let you stop?”

“Your toes are curling, aren't they? I wish I could hear you and see you panting like a bitch in heat. Should I throw you a bone? Would that satisfy that sad cunt of yours?”

You are writhing, and panting, and every other filthy thing he’s pegged you as. But—you don’t want to stop. You’re too far in now—your whole body shaking, and your breaths coming quick as the vibrator on your clit overwhelms you.

It’s overwhelming, but you can’t stop chasing that high. You—

“Actually…that's not a bad idea. Stop—now.”

Despite not wanting to, you immediately yank the toy away.

You hear yourself whining, unable to help it.

“Hopefully you didn't cum in the last 30 seconds. If so…whoops~”

You wish you could kick him.

“This final orgasm is going to be our grand finale, so we should really let the sparks fly. And maybe your juices, depending on how hard you cum.”

“Grab your dildo—shove it in.”

You scramble to grab it—your arm darting to the side to recover the dildo you’d discarded a short while ago.

As soon as you have it, you spread your legs and press the head at your entrance—stuffing it in without any preamble.

A pleasant sigh leaves you as that full feeling returns.

“You're going to fuck yourself with it—however fast or slow, I don't care. And at the same time, turn your vibrator back on high.”

You can tell where this is going, and you honestly think it may kill you, but you follow his instructions nonetheless.

Turning the vibrator on high, you place it back on your clit and then begin fucking yourself with the dildo.

Almost immediately, involuntary sounds slip out of you—your body writhing against the sheets.

The overwhelming strength of your vibrator on your clit now partnered with the messy rubbing of your dildo between your walls…you’re truly becoming the mess he promised to make you.

“Oh, and just so things don't end too soon, you need to hold out for at least one minute. I'll let you know once you have permission to cum.”

You hardly think it’s fair that he’s saying this now, considering you’ve already started fucking yourself, but even so, you want to listen—want to be a good girl who does what he says, and only cums when permitted.

Holding out for a whole minute when your cunt is already starting to spasm—your clit feeling like it’s on fire—is certainly going to be a challenge, though.

“You know…I bet if this were a live call, I'd be able to hear how wet your pussy is. You're probably gripping onto that dildo so tightly…as if it's a real cock that you're begging to properly breed you.”

If he were here you wonder how he’d fuck you. Certainly hard enough that you’d be able to hear the slap of his balls against your pussy—

“You must be panting, huh? So ready to cum…I wonder if you’d be obedient enough to cum when I say. Why don’t we try? We’re getting close to a minute, after all.”

Oh, fuck.

You’ve never cum on command before, but you want to for him.

“C’mon, princess, I know you can do it…keep going…get yourself right there—”

Your chest shudders, and tears blot your eyes.

You’re trying. Everything feels so hot.

The arousal in your tummy swells—tightening up, and searing your insides.

“Cum.”

A sob rips from your chest, and you grind your dildo against your g-spot one final time, before your body obeys, and releases.

With the vibrator on high, this orgasm is much more intense than the last.

Your breath catches, your spine curving, and your hand releases the dildo in favor of grabbing onto your sheets for dear life.

Despite the clamping of your pussy around the silicone cock, it still manages to slip out of you after a few seconds—flopping onto your mattress, and poking wetly against your ass.

When the pleasure on your clit starts to turn to pain—you finally tear the vibrator away. You turn it off, and weakly discard it onto the bed beside you.

Despite no longer having any toys in or on you, your cunt and clit continue to twitch with aftershocks.

You take a deep breath.

Hat Guy is still talking in your ears, but your brain is too scrambled to process what he’s saying. So, you just continue to lay there until his words sound more like words again.

“Alright, you must have cum by now. Take a minute to breathe. And when you’re done catching your breath, make sure you get up and go pee, and then get some water. Because I’m not about to be liable for any after-effects of this session.”

Despite being exhausted, you can’t help but quietly laugh.

“Good job making it through. I’m sure we’ll meet again soon…mostly because I’m sure you’ll be opening this file again to get off to, haha.”

“Later~”

The audio ends.

You lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Then, you roll onto your side, slowly get up, and head for the bathroom.

Can’t let Hat Guy be liable for you, after all.

The following morning, you wake up with sore muscles, and a determination to go and beat up Yae Miko and Lisa Minci about their “gift”.

Yeah, maybe you are a little less tense than before, and the stress that had been clinging to you after the end of the previous semester is now gone, but still. They deserve a good scolding.

First, however, you have to go to your 9AM lecture. After that, you’ll have time to run to the library.

Despite the soreness in your thighs, you manage to trek across campus and make it to your class with time to spare. You chose a seat somewhere in the middle, and then set your bag down in the chair beside you.

With nothing to work on yet, considering today’s the first day, you entertain yourself with social media apps on your phone as the lecture hall slowly continues filling up.

When there’s only a minute left before the class is set to start, there’s a tap on your shoulder.

Startled, realizing they’ve probably been trying to get your attention, you immediately take out one of your headphones. Before you can even turn to face them and apologize, they’re talking.

Except…the voice of the person beside you is…eerily familiar. Scratchy, attractive, and perhaps a little annoyed—

“Do you mind moving your bag? There aren’t very many seats left.”

Without saying a word, too stunned to speak, you reach over and move your bag to the floor at your feet. The man grunts, and takes a seat beside you.

As he pulls out his laptop, you finally build up the courage to look at him.

Dark hair and eyes to match…slim fingers, but veiny hands…a black shirt and oversized jacket—

“Do you need something?”

Oh, fuck—you’ve been openly staring.

Your eyes meet his for the first time, and you open your mouth, but no words come out. The beat of your heart starts to get faster.

He cocks an unimpressed eyebrow at you.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

This is just too much—there’s no fucking way this is happening—

Unfortunately, before you can finally pull it together and try to redeem yourself, your professor takes the podium at the head of the room.

“Class! Welcome! While it might be a little unconventional to start the semester out on this note, I just want you all to know in advance: this class will heavily rely on cooperation with others. There will be many team projects. In fact—the person you’re sharing a table with will be your project partner for the whole semester!”

…what.

Beside you, the man sighs—clearly unhappy to hear about there being group projects, or you being his partner, or both.

“Great, looks like we’re stuck together.”

“Yep…,” you mumble in response, the first word you’ve managed to speak since his arrival.

He obviously notices, because his lips pull into a teasing little grin, his eyes remaining trained on your still-speaking professor as he whisper—

“Oh, would you look at that? She speaks.”

Your pussy clenches.

Mhmm, yep!

You’re gonna go jump off a bridge.

#genshin smut #genshin x reader #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche smut #genshin impact x reader #wanderer x reader #bean fic #genshin fanfic

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avocad1s · 1 year ago

Text

About the Creator: Favoritism

Requested By: No one. Original Work.

CW: None?

Summary: Voiclines about your favoritism over certain characters.

Characters Included: Wanderer, Kazuha, Ei, Childe, Kamisato Ayato, Eula, Beidou

Note:

Wanderer: “I wonder time and time again why Their Grace favors me over anyone else despite all the bad things I’ve done. Perhaps they see some use in me that no one else has seen, or maybe they are waiting for me to drop my guard… why are you giving me that look Traveler… huh? You think I like being favored by the Creator? Well, who wouldn’t? They are the God of Gods and if they see usefulness in a pawn such as myself, then I will keep proving myself as worthy.”

Kazuha: I am forever grateful for my position with Their Grace. Even though I travel often, and they are constantly busy, we always make time to spend together. I like showing them the best views within Teyvat. I hope that one day they’ll agree to wander this beautiful world with me… ehem… I apologize, speaking about this with you has inspired me to write a new haiku about Their Grace.”

Ei: “You wish to know about my relationship with Their Grace? Well, they have been spending lots of time in Inazuma with me… they had promised to teach me how to cook. It hasn’t been successful yet, but I will keep trying just to see that smile on their face. I truly adore spending my time with them, I am learning how to be my own Archon rather than following in her footsteps… perhaps I have no reason to live in fear any longer.”

Childe: “Their Grace is the only God that is above Her Majesty. Despite what you think about the Fatui, we all still worship them comrade. Anytime Their Grace is in Snezhnaya, I always enjoy taking them ice fishing. I think the other Harbingers are a bit jealous of our closeness though. It doesn’t matter, as long as their eyes stay on me, then I’m happy.

Kamisato Ayato: “Hmm? My relationship with Their Grace is strictly professional… yes it is true that they spend lots of time at the Kamisato Estate but it because our discussions go late into the night and I wouldn’t dare send Their Grace away… huh? You wish to know what we discuss? Hehe… let’s change the subject, shall we..?”

Eula: “They are part of the very few who don’t judge me solely because of my clan. Their benevolence is like no other… hmm? What do you mean you saw the two of us at Good Hunter together? I was just showing them around Mondstadt, nothing else… Their Grace wishes to learn the Dance of Sacrifice… that’s the only reason we spend so much time together… why are you giving me that look? Hmph, vengeance will be mine!

Beidou: “Anytime Their Grace is on the Alcor we have an overwhelming amount of luck! We get so much treasure and never run into any storms in the middle of the ocean, I like to think of them as my good luck charm! The crew and I love having them on board, not to mention that they can hold their alcohol unlike anyone else I’ve met.. I wonder if they’re willing to be a permanent member on board… I’ll even make them co-captain if they desire.”

#genshin cult au #sagau #genshin cult #genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #sagau x reader #self aware genshin

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chris-hallelujah · 3 months ago

Text

English Love Affair | m.s.

Matt x fem!OC

Warnings: smut, oral (f receiving), pet names (baby, princess, etc.), p in v (protected), slight dom!Matt, foul language MINORS DNI

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first time writing a fanfic since like 2016 and my first time ever writing smut. Please let me know if it sucks. This is a song fic based on 'English Love Affair' by 5sos. I have not seen this done before for the triplets, however there are HUNDREDS of pieces out there so if someone has done this please let me know. All ideas are my own and I do not give anyone the right to post this to another platform or plagiarize my work.

The Sturniolo Triplets had just finished their final show of the international leg of their tour. In order to give the boys and their team a break from the constant go, go, go of tour, it was deemed best to let them stay in London for a few days before heading back to L.A.

Somehow Nick had heard about a local club, The Black Dog, that was the hot spot of the night. Laura encouraged them to go, make some connections with other creators, and celebrate the ending of tour.

Flashing their IDs to the bouncer at the door, they walked in immediately being hit with the night life atmosphere. Loud music blasted through various speakers, the bar was humid with a smell of alcohol and sweat.

Matt sat at a table with Chris across from him, flirting with some girl. Nick had made his way into the crowd of people dancing after he connected with some friends he knew. Chris and the girl shared whispers and giggles back and forth while Matt sipped on his root beer, scrolling through instagram on his phone.

It started on a weekend in May, I was looking for attention, needed intervention. Felt somebody looking at me. With a powder white complexion, feeling the connection.

A suspicious feeling came over Matt as he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked up from his phone and around the room, locking eyes with a gorgeous brunette a few feet away.

She stood leaning against the wall with a group of friends. A short gold dress hugged her curves like it was handmade for her. She took a sip from her drink and winked at him in the process. He felt his cheeks flush a bit and a smirk come across his face. The girl said something to her friends and began to make her way across the floor to the table. Chris glanced over at Matt and then followed his gaze. Seeing the approaching girl, Chris grabbed the hand of the girl he had been talking to, gave Matt an encouraging pat on the back of his shoulder and went to the dance floor.

By now the distance between Matt and the mystery girl had closed. She smirked and flirtatiously took his drink from him and took a sip. “Well hi there” Matt said with a slight chuckle, “I’m Matt.”

“Ella,” she said returning the drink to his hand, letting her fingers linger on his a bit longer than necessary. “An American boy, huh? What brings you here?” She asked her English accent coming through despite the loud music.

Oh, yea I’m actually famous and just got done touring. How was Matt supposed to explain his travels without sounding cocky? “Uh, I’m traveling with my brothers. They’re somewhere out there.” He gestured to the crowd of people on top of the color changing dance floor.

“And they’ve left you alone? How lucky am I.” Her confidence made her radiant in the best way. Not egotistical but she knew she looked good and she knew she wanted whatever Matt had to offer. She took a step closer to the barstool he was sitting on and leaned into his ear, “since we already swapped spit on your drink, how about we keep this party going?” Her breath tickling his ear. He felt his pants tighten and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Oh yea? And what is it that you suggest?” The tension between these two was buzzing.

Before I knew it, it was serious. Dragged me out the bar to the back seat of her car.

Her hand wrapped around his wrist and she led him out the door of the bar. A black SUV was parked not far from The Black Dog. Matt opened the back door and let Ella climb in before following after her. He pulled the door shut behind them and as he turned back he felt her lips smash into his. She was kissing him like he was the air she needed to breathe and Matt was in no way planning on stopping her. Her dress had rode up from all of the movement which gave Matt the perfect access to smack her ass. She let out a small whimper and buried her head into his neck as they both took a moment to catch their breath. "Let's go back to my place, yea?" she managed to get out, "I only had soda, I can drive." Matt nodded and helped her climb into the driver's seat before getting in the passenger himself. Surely Chris and Nick would be able to get back to the hotel down the street on their own.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next thing we were back at her place, a hideaway in Mayfair, all the great and good there.

The car pulled into her driveway and the duo quickly made their way inside, Matt's hand maintaining contact with Ella's waist. As soon as they crossed through the doorway, Matt spun her around and pressed her against the door. The lack of touch during the car ride was making them both hungrier for any sort of relief. Their tongues battled for dominance, hands exploring the other's body.

The story line was so ridiculous. Every single step had me begging for the next. Before I knew it, it was serious. Dragged me up the stairs and it wasn't ending there.

Ella pulled away and took Matt's wrist yet again. She led him up the stairwell and into a door at the far end of the hallway. They passed a few other doors on their way. "Do you have roommates?" he whispered, slowly becoming aware of the situation they were in and how crazy this may look to someone else.

Ella nodded, "Yes, Sophie and Emma. But they are with our other friends at the bar," she paused and checked the time on her phone, "They won't be home for a little while, don't worry." This was music to his ears.

"Fuckin' fantastic," he muttered against her lips. The bedroom floor turned into a mess of thrown clothes as they made their way to her bed. Matt laid her down and crawled on top of her. One hand grasped her boob as he kissed all over her chest, nipping and sucking, leaving purple marks. Ella's hands were digging into his back leaving red lines all over.

"Matt," she whined, "don't make me wait any longer, please!" He chuckled against her chest and began to pepper kisses down her stomach. He got level with the black, lacy underwear that was the only thing left on her body.

"What a shame, these are so pretty," he hummed before looping his finger underneath and ripping the fabric off. No, like, literally ripping them off. "I'll buy you new ones, whatever you want." He was already pussy whipped and nothing had even happened yet. He dove his face down and gave one lick from her hole up to her clit. She squealed and buried her fingers into the sheets, trying to find somewhere to put the energy that coursed through her. Matt's hands wrapped under her thighs to hold her steady. His tongue went to work with his nose brushing her clit with each movement. Ella was an absolute mess underneath him, moaning and crying out.

"oh my god!" she yelled, thankful that her roommates were gone. Matt was also thankful because the noises she was making were only turning him on more and more. He focused his tongue on her clit and inserted two fingers into her, pumping them slowly. The stretch burned so good as his fingers brushed the most sensitive spot inside of her. Her legs began to shake on Matt's shoulders. "I- I'm gonna-" she struggled to get words out.

Matt pulled away briefly using his thumb to replace where his tongue just was, "I know, baby, go ahead. Let me see how pretty you look when you cum." His mouth went back in between her legs. That comment was enough to send Ella over the edge. Her back arched and a string of profanities left her mouth with Matt's name in there a couple of times. He kept going, helping her ride out her high, only stopping when her legs fell limp next to him. Matt put his fingers in his mouth to clean them off as Ella tried to catch her breath. "Think you can keep going for me?" He asked. She nodded eagerly and pulled him back down into a kiss. Matt reached for his wallet on the bedside table and pulled out a condom, thankful that he packed one 'just in case.' He slipped his boxers off and ripped the wrapper open with his teeth. His breath caught in his throat as he applied the condom, finally having some sort of contact to his dick that has been hard for what felt like hours.

"Goddamn, Matt, I need you," Ella whispered in awe at his size. Matt made his way in between her legs and threw one over his shoulder. He slowly connected their bodies, trying to give her a chance to adjust. His head flew back as he let out a groan. Ella gasped as he entered her and she took a few deep breaths to relax the muscles in her body. "You're good, thank you for waiting," she said, giving him the go ahead he had been dying for. He began to thrust his hips into hers and interlocked one of their hands. She whimpered at the pleasure coursing through her and squeezed his hand.

"Holy shit, baby girl, you are killing me," Matt groaned looking down where their bodies connected. "You're doing so - fuck - so good." Ella began pulsing around his cock, approaching her second orgasm of the night. This was enough to get Matt to his peak. "Cum with me, princess." The room filled with Matt's groans and Ella's cries.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-two weeks later-

When the lights go out, she's all I ever think about, the picture burning in my brain, kissing in the rain. I can't forget, my English love affair. Today, I'm seven thousand miles away. The movie playing in my head of a king size bed means I can't forget my English love affair.

Matt had officially become unbearable to be around. Always catching an attitude with one of his brothers, hiding out in his room, and having no energy in their content. Not only did Nick and Chris notice it right away, but the fans were noticing it too.

'Has anyone noticed Matt seems off lately?'

'Matt has been in a weird mood since they got back from tour'

Matt laid in his bed scrolling through Ella's instagram. She had even posted pictures with her friends from the night they met so he had memories to look back on of her in that dress. His door swung open and Nick and Chris made their way in. "Do you know how to fucking knock?" Matt snapped.

"Alright, dude, what the hell is up with you?" Nick asked, ignoring the fact that they were clearly not welcome in Matt's room and making himself comfy in the desk chair.

"You just barged in here without fucking knocking! Maybe I just want some goddamn privacy and quiet for five fucking seconds!" Matt's voice began to get louder as he sat upright.

"Kid, you know you have been in a shitty mood since we got home. Is this about that chick in London?" Chris pried. Matt knew he couldn't lie to the people he cared for most. Even if he did, they would see straight through it.

"There was something about her - fuck - she's literally on the other side of the world. She's probably living her normal life and I'm stuck here not able to get her out of my head," Matt sighed. Sure, the two texted throughout the day, but surely she wasn't as down bad as he was, right?

"Listen, we wanna be here for you, dude. Cope how you need to cope. But we gotta figure something out for the vlogs, the fans are noticing and so is Laura. If this girl is truly something special, we want to help you figure it out," Chris said, as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Matt nodded, "You're right, I need to get my shit together. I'm sorry."

The brothers shared a productive conversation about Matt and his feelings and the vlogs before Chris and Nick left Matt back alone with his thoughts. He laid on the bed with his hands behind his bed, remembering how perfect his lips fit with Ella's. A buzz came from his phone on the bedside table. His hand reached over and brought the screen to his face. His mood lightened instantly seeing a text from none other than 'Ell <3' The message he read made his breath catch in his throat.

Call me crazy, but I just booked a flight to LA. I need to see you

#Spotify #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #songfic #matthew sturniolo #nicholas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo edit #let’s trip tour #fanfic #smut

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onceuponastory · 1 year ago

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artistic - bucky barnes x reader

Plot: After embarrassing herself in front of the very attractive artist, Y/N swears her night has gone from bad to worse. In fact, she couldn't be more wrong. Pairing: Artist!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Some swearing and a mention of alcohol. If I miss any triggers, please let me know! Notes: This is a part two to An Intriguing Stranger, which was based on a gif sent to me by @holacia3. Some people wanted Bucky's POV, so here it is! Read part one here!

As Y/N tries to think of something to say in response to the stranger's introduction, it's like time slows down. And the more time ticks by, the more Y/N wants the ground to open up and swallow her whole. And when she finally does speak, it's even worse. “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry.” Is what she was supposed to say. What she wanted to say. Instead, however, a mixture of words, of ‘sorry’ and ‘I had no idea who you were’ and ‘please don’t sue me’ comes out. More of a word vomit than a well thought out apology.

When James opens his mouth again, she expects him to curse her out, or even to actually sue her. Instead of a threat, though, she hears the complete opposite. Laughter. She raises a brow, curious about why he finds the situation funny, and what kind of artist would laugh at their work being criticised.

Honestly, Bucky wasn’t expecting to hear such a critique of his art tonight. And he definitely doesn’t mean to find it so funny. Or at least, he knows he probably shouldn’t. But after experiencing the perfectionism and fakeness of the art world, her brutal honesty is incredibly refreshing.

And it helps that she’s very cute too. In fact, he's never seen anyone like her ever before.

“Please, don’t feel the need to apologise. It’s totally fine.” He smiles. “That was my first real laugh of the night.” Y/N blinks in surprise, waiting for the other shoe to drop, the ‘but’ in his sentence to appear. And yet, it never comes, only adding to her confusion.

“What? But I just practically destroyed your life’s work!” To her surprise, he shrugs.

“Well, you were right, actually. My usual work is nothing like this. But unfortunately, it doesn’t pay the bills that well, and ‘isn’t the sort of work the galleries are looking for right now.’” He mocks, and Y/N stifles a laugh of her own. “One night it all reached a head, so I got very drunk on some wine and basically threw some paint at a canvas, like you guessed.” He nods. “And it definitely was a big fuck you to the art world and their standards.” He sighs, running another hand through his hair. “I didn’t even mean to submit it, but somehow I did, so I woke up the next morning to a bunch of emails and calls from a ton of galleries asking for the honour to display it.” He explains, before turning back to the painting. “I know it’s brought me a lot of success, but honestly? I hate this fucking thing.”

“So… no harm done?” Y/N asks awkwardly, and he smiles.

How does his smile make my stomach flutter so much?

“None at all. In fact, I admire your honesty.” He walks towards another painting, beckoning for her to follow with a move of his head. For a moment, Y/N holds back. Even though there’s no animosity between them both, surely there’s no way he actually wants to spend time with her?

Yet, he beckons her to follow him again once more, and Y/N’s feet start moving towards him before she can even think about it.

After all, surely this night can't go any worse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For most of the night, Y/N’s new artistic friend gives her a tour of the exhibition, occasionally commenting on the artwork and its creators. He also very quickly told her to call him Bucky instead of James, something which he insists only his close friends do. Despite how relieved she feels to be getting closer and closer to her new, extremely attractive artistic friend (especially since he isn't going to sue her), Y/N would be lying if she said this whole thing didn’t feel absolutely crazy, and that she still isn’t waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her, her chance at spending time with the attractive artist over before it even began.

But as Bucky leads her upstairs, into the fancy reception that only a few moments ago she was so sure she would not be attending, Y/N realises that she’s not going to complain about spending time with her handsome and charming companion. And with Bucky by her side, she feels more comfortable, less out of place. It feels like this is where she’s meant to be. By his side.

The room is busy, heaving with journalists and other artists. Yet, Bucky moves his hand to the small of her back, sending a shockwave throughout her entire body. He effortlessly guides her through the room, leading her straight to the bar.

After grabbing her a drink, Bucky leans against the bar, taking her all in. Y/N feels heat rising in her cheeks, and she grins. He really is an incredibly handsome man.

“You said you don’t paint like that usually, so what is your usual work, then?” She asks, trying and failing to limit her staring. Bucky chuckles.

“The usual boring stuff, landscapes, portraits….”

“That doesn’t sound boring. I do like that kind of art, actually.” Bucky looks over at her, smirking.

“You know, I’d like to paint you one day. I think you’d make a wonderful piece.” He muses. Y/N almost drops her glass in shock, her cheeks burning even deeper. Bucky grabs a napkin, scribbling something on it. “I need to go mingle, but here’s my number. If we ever get separated, or if you would like to be a model for me....” He trails off, grinning cheekily. “Just call me.” He places his hand on her shoulder, giving her one last smile and a wink before disappearing into the crowd.

As he fades out of sight, Y/N pulls out her phone, adding Bucky to her contacts.

She might just take him up on his offer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Please follow @onceuponastory-library and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

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indierpgnewsletter · 7 months ago

Text

Review: So You Want To Be A Game Master by Justin Alexander

I was reading Justin Alexander’s book So You Want To Be a Game Master this week and something very obvious sneaked up on me. When someone says a book is for “new GMs”, they’re going to have to imagine some kind of person when they say that. When you say “new GMs”, what do you imagine to be their past experiences, their wants, their needs?

Now this book has an answer to that question. But it’s answer that is inherited, rather than made. Because the book is essentially a kind of transmutation of the Alexandrian blog, from pixel to print, the intended reader of the book has to be pretty close to the blog’s primary readership. Which turns out to be primarily, people running D&D 5e, secondarily, people running similar trad games, and tertiaririrally, anyone else.

But the model of the GM that D&D 5e and similar-ish trad games propose is a specific one. You know the model but it’s worth expanding: world-creator, NPC-actor, story-starter, story-ender, rules-teacher, player-manager, pseudo-computer, and so on, and so on. I’m not a fan of this model. For one thing, I think it is too much. I don’t think anyone dreams of doing this much labour.

Ever since the hobby began, people have been trying to solve it. The two broad solutions have been: adventure modules and highly specific games. Adventure modules say, “We got you, boss. Here’s a bunch of work done already. Focus on the other stuff.” Highly specific games say, “We’re world, scenario, rules, everything, all wound up and ready to go. Just follow instructions. Add salt to taste.”

Even as the Alexandrian has a lot of content about “fixing” D&D modules like Descent into Avernus, neither of these two solutions are to be found in So You Want To Be A Game Master. Instead, the book primarily gives you two things: techniques and procedures for running specific modes of play (dungeons have a dungeon turn, raids have raid turns, mysteries have the node structure and the three clue rule) and advice on how to write and create your own play materials (creating dungeons, hexcrawls, and so on). I have no doubt a need is being met here. But focusing on these things presupposes that our conceptual new GM won’t be using the previously mentioned two solutions – modules or specific games. Why?

Maybe it’s because this imagined new GM really wants to write their own adventure material. Fair enough. I’m one of those people. Or I was, when I played 5e a lot. (Nowadays, I’ll do anything to avoid doing anything.) But this isn’t a book about writing per se – as in, it’s not about the act of imagination where your mind goes away and comes back with words. It’s mostly about how to structure the results of that creative act. It’s mostly giving you formats to follow.

So I think we come to the answer finally: This book imagines a new GM is someone who is running D&D 5e or some other un-opinionated game and wants structures to follow when they write their own adventures. There is other good stuff in there for other people but it’s limited: this is who will get the most out of this book.

(This first appeared on the Indie RPG Newsletter)

#indie rpg #ttrpg community #ttrpg design #ttrpg #game design

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laurfilijames · 2 months ago

Note

Hey, I just saw one of your asks you got and I want to say…

I’m sorry first of all… becuase WILL SHOULD PUT HER DICK INTO HER AS OFTEN AND HOWEVER HE WANTS! Because I’m pretty sure that everyone who writes fics with smut especially is a little whore, maybe a big one. (In a good way!”)

It’s your fanfic and I hope you never lose the fun of writing them because sometimes it would be such a no-go thing in real life but PEOPLE THATS WHY WE HAVE IT IN FANFICS!

Fanfic is like fairytale… and I’m still waiting for my prince to come on a pretty white horse and take me with him to his castle! But for real.. it’s amazing what you write and there are so many things in fics that aren’t close to real situations but that’s it! That’s the reason, the fun, the thing that we can put so much fantasy and our dirty little thoughts into.

“I think every writer deals with the insecurities of comparison and everything else that comes along with writing and sharing FOR FREE and at the end of the day, I am extremely proud of what I've done with this so I'm not about to sit back and apologize for not portraying things how you think they should've been or regret my creative decisions.”

THIS IS PERFECT! I’m glad you’re proud about your writing because you definitely can be! No one can tell you what to do or not do because it’s fiction and yours. You put all the love and all into it and it deserves so much love and appreciation — like you!

Maybe you didn’t need my opinion but here you have it! Hehe! I hope you have an amazing day/night!

Hiya!! 💗

You're entirely sweet and I appreciate you taking the time to send this to me! I am more than happy to receive your opinion because it's kind and thoughtful and even though we're essentially strangers or maybe "mutuals-in-laws" ? 🤣 you went out of your way to spread joy and reiterate all the good things fandom is about and set a prime example for others to follow!

I am most definitely a huge whore when it comes to all things Hunnam and have no shame in it hence why every single thing I've written for him includes smut! It's what I enjoy writing and despite the opinions of others, don't intend to stop any time soon.

I love your thoughts on waiting for your knight in shining armour riding in on a white horse to steal you away because that is exactly what fanfic is all about! We're indulging in filthy fantasies that likely would never ever happen in real life and that's half the fun, innit? (Not going to lie my vision is the same but...make it porn 🤣🤣 we don't even make it to the castle before things are happening. Cue porn music.)

At the end of the day, if we as the creators don't enjoy what we're doing, it's going to translate through our work and then what's the point? I refuse to change what I'm doing for anyone else; it's not for them and I share my work because as I said earlier, I'm proud of it and hope other people enjoy it too and if not- that's fine! Just don't come whine to me about it.

Now that I've rambled and forgotten half of what I wanted to say, I'll thank you for sending this in and being a bright light in an otherwise annoying situation. 💗 all the love to you!

#all the good outweighs the bad #asks

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longitudinalwaveme · 1 year ago

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So ummm… do you think you can do the other Rogue’s personality and fighting style?

You have done Golden Glider or the Original Trickster ( James Jesse). I’m having a bit of trouble with writing them. So I’d thought maybe I should do some practicing by doing a few short stories. Fixing anything I get wrong as I go along.😅

Sure!

Golden Glider (Lisa Snart): The Golden Glider, alias Lisa Snart, is somewhat difficult to explain insofar as her character has changed rather significantly over time. Lisa was originally very hard-edged and quite scary; more recent writers tend to make her a lot softer and nicer than she ever was under her creator, Cary Bates (who is, for my money, still the best Golden Glider writer to date, even though the last major story he wrote for her was published in the 1980s).

Lisa is, of course, the younger sister of Leonard Snart (alias Captain Cold). She appears to be about five to seven years younger than he is, and they shared the same rough upbringing under their violent alcoholic father. The two of them were extremely close as children and still have a fair amount of affection for one another as adults (one of the few modern additions to Lisa's character that I do like), but their relationship has become somewhat strained due to a variety of situational factors, including the fact that Leonard left Lisa behind with their father when he ran away from home (as he'd already started hanging out with a crowd he thought would be dangerous for her). Despite this, and her father's abuse, Lisa managed to become am Olympic-level figure skater. She toured the country with the Futura Ice Skating company and seemed to be very successful.

However, she was still connected to the underworld, and to the Rogues, through her devoted long-term boyfriend: Roscoe Dillon, better known as The Top. The comics don't go into great detail regarding how they met, but he somehow became her personal, private figure-skating coach (he taught her how to spin in ways not possible outside of comic books) and from that they became a very devoted couple. Roscoe actually followed her around the country in disguise and attended many of her skating performances. There's no indication that he ever involved Lisa in his life of crime before his death, which occurred as the result of the Flash's super speed clashing with his newly-acquired mental powers and giving him brain damage. Though Flash (specifically, Barry Allen) hadn't meant to kill Roscoe, he had inadvertently caused his death, and Lisa swore revenge, becoming the Golden Glider in order to punish the Flash for killing her lover. This fact is probably the single most important key to understanding the Golden Glider.

The Golden Glider is, quite frankly, one of the most formidable villains Flash has ever faced. She's intelligent, driven, determined, and utterly ruthless in her pursuit of revenge on the man she blames for the death of her lover. In her attempts to gain her revenge on Barry, she targeted his wife, Iris, and his parents, Nora and Henry Allen (this was before the backstory retcon that had Nora murdered by Reverse-Flash when Barry was a kid), and she was also able to deduce Barry's true identity, making her the first of the Rogues to pull off this hat trick. In her first appearance, Barry actually went so far as to compare her to "Batman--the avenger!", and the description is quite apt. Golden Glider is absolutely brilliant, and she's completely single-minded in her quest to make Barry Allen pay for the wrongs she believes he has done her. She was more than willing to allow Barry to kill her in order to obtain her revenge, and she at no point shows any fear of anyone. In her mind, she has nothing left to lose, and that makes her extremely dangerous. Lisa is not nice, and she is not in any way soft. When angered, she is cruel, vindictive, and cold-blooded, and this is what many modern writers seem to get wrong about her.

That being said, she does have a softer side. As mentioned, she is absolutely devoted to Roscoe, her boyfriend, and the two of them have a shockingly healthy and happy relationship (given that both of them are rather unstable supervillains). The two of them dote on each other and have a completely equal partnership, and neither of them ever expresses any doubt as to the loyalty and faithfulness of the other. Further, Lisa is generally fairly polite and friendly to those who don't provoke her wrath---notably, she was very fond of Wally West in spite of his relationship to Barry Allen. When Barry died, so did her hatred of the Flash, and the two of them actually worked quite well together on more than one occasion. And, of course, later writers (especially Geoff Johns) have made her close to her older brother Leonard as well.

Leonard and Lisa's relationship is, however, complicated by a few factors. Aside from his abandonment of her as a girl (which he clearly harbors a ton of guilt over), Leonard has mixed feelings about Lisa being a part of the Rogues. He doesn't really seem to want her involved in a life of crime (notably, in her very first appearance he tried to dissuade her from becoming a criminal), and on some level he also was reluctant to let a woman, any woman, into his boys' club. However, the single biggest issue between the siblings is Roscoe. Captain Cold hates the Top with a burning passion (and vice versa), and, since the two of them seemed to get along fairly well in their earliest team-ups together, this mutual dislike seems to stem from the fact that Roscoe started dating Leonard's little sister. Add in the fact that Roscoe sees Leonard as an uncultured boor and Leonard sees Roscoe as a stuck-up snob, and you have a recipe for constant conflict. We usually don't get to see much fallout from this (usually because one or both of the lovers have been dead for large portions of their canonical history), but if you're going to have Lisa, Len, and Roscoe in a story together, the tension between the three of them is going to be a major factor.

In addition to all of the above, Lisa is a very beautiful woman, and she knows it. She loves jewelry, makeup, and fancy clothes, and she is also very fond of attention from men (she is, in fact, a bit of a flirt). She's had a number of boyfriends (although only when Roscoe is dead), and she is quite willing to comment on the attractiveness of other men even when Roscoe is alive. (Roscoe, for his part, is utterly unbothered by this.)

Finally, it is worth noting that Len's perspective on Lisa is perhaps a bit skewed (something that is relevant given the fact that we often hear about her from his perspective). He sees her as being a lot sweeter, more innocent, and more passive than she really is, and I find that a lot of writers fall into the trap of taking this view of her as well. It makes sense for Len, who's probably always going to see his little sister through rose-tinted glasses, but there's a lot more to Lisa than being his sweet little sister (especially since she's nastier and scarier than he is!)

The Golden Glider's main gadgets are her ice skates. These gimmicked skates constantly produce sheets of ice that let her effectively skate through the air, and, as a champion figure skater, she is able to use them to great effect. (Captain Cold was the one who built them, though why he did this is a bit unclear. Maybe they were a birthday present for her?) Golden Glider is a ruthless and aggressive combatant, and, since weaponizing figure skating is an unconventional tactic to say the least, most opponents don't really know quite how to handle her. Golden Glider also invented her own series of jewel gadgets, which can do all sorts of things, including hypnotizing people, inducing illnesses, causing pain, and firing like ballistic weaponry. Like her brother and boyfriend, she has quite the inventive streak. She also frequently uses Rosoce's weaponized tops, and she seems to handle them every bit as well as he does. Finally, she is apparently a skilled lip-reader.

In the New 52, Lisa gained the ability to astral project and lost all of her tech-based weaponry. This is an interesting powerset in its own right, and wouldn't be at all incompatible with classic Lisa, but it is a relatively new thing and seems to have been at least partially phased out in recent times. The New 52 was also what gave us her relationship with the Mirror Master (Sam Scudder), which I like to pretend never happened since it was basically just a worse version of her relationship with the Top. That being said, a bit of flirting between Sam and Lisa would be perfectly all right (it's well within character for them both).

When working as part of a team, Lisa is a bit of a wild card. While she and Roscoe complimented each other perfectly, and she works well with Len, she's frequently pursuing her own agenda, and if the goals of the group come into conflict with it, she will chase her goal and abandon the group. Her tendency towards rage can also make her short-sighted and potentially unreliable. Still, she is a powerful asset to the team, and she can certainly work well with the other Rogues when she chooses to do so.

As a last bit of writing advice, it's important to note that Lisa had no criminal record prior to becoming the Golden Glider. She did not commit crimes with Roscoe before his (first) death, and she likewise didn't commit crimes alongside Len. Traditionally, neither one of them influenced her choice to become a villain at all, and the subsequent additions to the lore that suggest that Captain Cold substantially influenced her decision to become a criminal weaken the character (at least in my opinion).

Trickster I (James Jesse): The first Trickster, James Jesse (real name Giovanni Giuseppi) was the son of Italian tight rope walkers who traveled the country as the part of the very creatively-named Big Circus. (Different versions of his origin differ regarding what his parents were like, though the most recent version, which makes them outright abusive, is not the backstory I prefer for him.) He wanted to be a part of their act, but he was afraid of heights (or perhaps more accurately, of falling). To this end, he built himself a pair of shoes that used compressed air jets to let him walk on air. Now assured that he would never fall, he became the highlight of his family's tightrope act. He also loved to read, and was especially fond of books about his "reverse namesake" Jesse James...something that would inspire him when he grew bored of the circus and decided to seek out bigger thrills. Jesse James had robbed trains. James Jesse would do him one better and rob planes...as the Trickster!

James (as he generally calls himself) is a charming con-man with a silver tongue and the humor of an eight-year-old. He's energetic, cheerful, and always eager to put on a show or face a challenge. He isn't interested in money, or power, or revenge. What James craves is the excitement of matching wits with the Flash; the delight of outsmarting others; and the joys of generally being a mischievous scamp. As he himself puts it, he's "not a mean man", and has no interest in seriously hurting anyone; in his mind, crime is simply a grand game, and his general high spirits are a reflection of this. He's also one of the most moral and least malevolent Flash villains, and is one of the few to have never killed anyone in any capacity. Perhaps unsurprisingly, then, he is close friends with the now-reformed Rogue Pied Piper, and has himself reformed several times (partly out of fear for his immortal soul---he outsmarted the demon Neron twice)!

In spite of his apparent childishness, James is extremely intelligent. He's the best con artist in the DC Universe (he's outplayed Catwoman, no small feat), and he's very good at reading people. Further, he's an skilled inventor, having created a huge number of trick gadgets, including, but not limited to, boxing gloves, sneezing powder, itching powder, yo-yos, dart guns, hand puppets, rocking horses, surfboards, and rocket-powered tricycles. He uses these gadgets to do...well...pretty much whatever he feels like. Sometimes, he robs banks. Other times, he outwits mobsters, sends them to prison, and then donates their ill-gotten loot to charity. As his nome de guerre perhaps implies, you never quite know what you're going to get from the Trickster. Even his closest allies always have to be on their toes around him.

James also has a son, an eleven-year-old boy named Billy Hong, who has only made one appearance (in the Rogues: New Year's Evil). Billy is the conduit for a huge amount of godly power and is also an important religious figure in the fictional DC country of Zhutan. How James and Billy's mother, Mindy Hong, met each other and produced Billy isn't entirely clear, but I suspect that it may have happened while James was still with the circus. James and Mindy have a surprisingly good relationship with one another, and James would likely be quite fond of Billy, who inherited more than a little of his father's cleverness.

James is not, however, particularly fond of his successor, Axel Walker, who stole his gear and declared himself the new Trickster without James' permission. James does not like this more violent, less clever pretender to his title and has made that fact abundantly clear. James is also substantially more experienced than Axel and defeated him quite handily in their only proper fight. That being said, if you wanted to have them both as Rogues at the same time, there would be ways to work around their mutual hostility to one another (especially since Axel, on some level, does seem to have some respect for James' work and legacy).

James is a very sly, clever combatant. He's very good at getting his opponents to turn their own strength against themselves, and his wide variety of trick gadgets are quite formidable. His airwalker shoes also usually give him the advantage of the metaphorical high ground and enable him to launch attacks from directions that the Rogues' opponents might not be expecting. Further, they make him very difficult for most enemies to close in on, allowing him to stay at a distance from stronger opponents. That being said, if someone does manage to close that distance, James is usually put at a disadvantage, due to a noticeable glass jaw (he really can't take a punch)---but he may also use this apparent weakness as a ploy to disorient his opponents.

James works well with the other Rogues on heists, and his cleverness is a huge asset to the group. However, his ever-changing loyalties and his mischievous sense of humor mean that he can't always be relied upon to follow through on what his allies want him to do. Trickster by name and trickster by nature, James is always working his own angle---and woe betide anyone who forgets that.

It's also worth noting that comic James is neither a homicidal mass murderer (as seen in the two live-action Flash TV shows) nor suffering from psychosis (as seen in the Justice League cartoon). He's weird and flamboyant, but he's not particularly malevolent, and he doesn't suffer from any obvious mental illnesses.

The Top (Roscoe Dillon): The Top, alias Roscoe Dillon, is one of the most powerful and dangerous of the Rogues. His backstory is a bit hard to piece together thanks to limited information, but from what we can tell, he was a rather odd little boy who absolutely loved tops and played with them frequently. His parents were evidently cold and demanding, insisting that he honor the family name and demanding that he be perfect---or as near to it as he could get. Roscoe, of course, could not meet these demands, and seems to have been, to some extent, rejected by his parents because of this. Also not helping matters was a rather serious mental illness that was brewing in the wings. Comic books are notoriously bad at properly representing mental illness of any kind, and Roscoe is no exception, but if properly written he would probably suffer from a particularly severe case of Bipolar 1 disorder (as this is the closest match to the symptoms we see him canonically display).

What happened next is hard for me to work out. Roscoe is very intelligent, wants to be seen as educated and well-bred, and seems likely to have come from a much wealthier background than most of the other Rogues, but we do know that he was arrested at least twice prior to becoming the Top, and in one story he claimed that the streets of Brooklyn hadn't educated him well enough for him to run as president. (That particular story wrote the Top quite badly, so I'm inclined to discount that line, but the two arrests before he becomes the Top are harder to reconcile with the general sense I have of him being from an upper-class background---though admittedly, we don't know exactly what those arrests were for.) Regardless, at some point in his early adulthood, he suffered from what seems to have been an especially intense manic episode and properly began his costumed criminal career as the Top. He created a whole slew of weaponized tops, taught himself to spin in circles at super speed, and then went out to commit crimes. After some early success, he built an atomic grenade (which also spun like a top), and told the entire world that he would blow up half the globe with his grenade if he wasn't made king of the world. Roscoe himself, of course, would be safe on the other side of the planet when the bomb went off. (You can see why I question his sanity in this story....) Luckily, the Flash stopped this insane scheme of his, and after this he generally stuck to robberies (like the other Rogues).

At some point, he met and fell in love with Lisa (teaching her his spinning techniques in the process), and the two began a long romance that would extend beyond his first death. Ironically, this death occurred as the result of Roscoe's burgeoning mental powers. His newfound telekinesis (activated by all that spinning he taught himself to do, which allegedly increased his brainpower) did not react well to the Flash's super speed, and the backlash killed him, though not before he set up a bunch of bombs with which he intended to blow up Central City, a plot that was foiled by the joint effort of the Flash and the other Rogues, who didn't particularly want their home city to be blown to smithereens. Roscoe is far too fond of explosives.

But he wouldn't be gone for long. Roscoe, as it turned out, had also developed the power to return from the dead by possessing the bodies of the recently deceased, a trick he would pull several times (the most notable case of which occurred when he possessed the body of Barry's father, Henry Allen, whose heart had briefly stopped in a car crash). He would also have several more manic and depressive episodes, one of which was severe enough to induce long-lasting psychosis that took years to recover from. But recover he did, and he then attempted to wrest control of the Rogues from Captain Cold. This failed, and Cold executed him, but he's since spun his way out of the grave yet again.

With that very long and complicated backstory out of the way, we can now turn to Roscoe's actual personality. Roscoe is, not to put too fine a point on it, very difficult to get along with. He's arrogant, standoffish, ambitious, power-hungry, dismissive of others, and a bit of a snob. He looks down on the other Rogues as being unsophisticated and uneducated, and this naturally serves to make him rather unpopular with them. That being said, these traits do seem to wax and wane over time; he was actually very polite and friendly towards the other Rogues when he first joined the group, and it seems that his coldness towards them didn't come to the fore until after he started dating Lisa. This, in turn, caused friction with Len, and, combined with their vastly different personalities and life experiences, led to the mutual disdain the two men have for one another.

However, Roscoe displays none of these qualities with Lisa, his beloved girlfriend. With her he is polite, supportive, affectionate, loyal, and seemingly dazzled by her charms. He doesn't seem threatened by her potentially wandering eye or her many other boyfriends, and he is perfectly happy to have her working alongside him as an apparently equal partner-in-crime. In fact, she seems to be the only person in the world with whom he has successfully maintained a healthy relationship. Just how he managed this feat is beyond me, but Roscoe is actually an ideal boyfriend as far a supervillains go. It's also noteworthy that he seems to have very little interest in women other than Lisa (especially given the skirt-chasing habits of the other male Rogues); he has a one-track mind when it comes to romance and it's entirely focused on her.

The only thing that comes close to matching Lisa in Roscoe's affections are his beloved tops. His interest in tops is so intense, and so all-pervasive, that both @gorogues and I interpret it as an autistic special interest. He has been fascinated with them since childhood, reads and researches about them as an adult, builds hundreds of weaponized tops to aid him in his crimes, plays with them in prison, and literally dresses himself like a giant top. The word "top" also pervades his language; the number of stupid top puns he's made over the years is frankly astounding. The man loves tops.

This leads me into a not-strictly-canon but nevertheless important aspect of Roscoe's behavior. @gorogues and I are both on the autism spectrum, and, as the mention of his top fascination as a special interest suggests, we believe that Roscoe makes a lot of sense if you read him as being autistic. Indeed, in my fanfics I explicitly write him that way. It would explain his deep love of tops, his general awkwardness and utter inability to read social cues, his somewhat depressing habit of driving away the people he wants to be friends with because of his inability to understand how he's frustrating them, his rather odd speech patterns, and even his ability to spin himself as effectively as he does (some autistic people have a very high tolerance to dizziness, which would explain why he's so good at it). He isn't usually depicted as being sensitive to sensory stimulus such as lights or sound, but I often write him as being sensitive to noise and being rather touch-shy around most people. Similarly, he hasn't canonically been shown to engage in much stimming, but I do sometimes write him as rocking when stressed, and @gorogues usually portrays his spinning as a calming mechanism as well.

We also try to write his "comic book crazy" mental illness as bipolar 1 disorder (again, as noted above); researching the symptoms of that disorder might well be helpful in writing Roscoe in the midst of one of his episodes, which are so severe as to sometimes cause psychosis. (Both manic and depressive episodes can become psychotic.) It's also a good idea to write Roscoe at his most sympathetic when he's actively in the middle of one of his episodes, as this helps avoid the unfortunate implication that his mental illness is responsible for his criminality. Roscoe is not a good person....but he would be just as mentally ill if he had never become a criminal.

Roscoe is extremely intelligent, and, like many of the Rogues, is a talented inventor. He has created an enormous number of weaponized tops (blacklight tops, machine-gun tops, black-out tops, paralyzing tops, explosive tops, bolo tops, streamer-shooting tops, image-producing tops, sonic tops, and many more), and he was also somehow able to build a top-shaped satellite, stuff it full of money, and get it into orbit. He also appears to be well-read and is at least highly self-educated (which he will brag about to anyone who will listen, and anyone who won't).

Roscoe is apparently something of a wine connoisseur (a fact of which he is immensely proud), and I think we can assume that he, unlike the other Rogues, generally doesn't drink too much beer, as it doesn't fit with his upper-class attitude and ambitions. He also likes to discuss literature, and, in doing so, was able to form something of a bond with the equally bookish Weather Wizard (Marco "Mark" Mardon). He desperately wants to be seen as sophisticated, and it's probably no coincidence that his diction has become increasingly formal as he has become more ambitious and distanced from his fellow Rogues. He is one of the few Rogues who is probably unlikely to use slang or much improper grammar, and his florid speech patterns rub Captain Cold the wrong way.

The Top is a formidable opponent. In addition to his many weaponized tops, he is also a metahuman (the only consistent one amongst the Rogues). He has the ability to spin at speeds so high that he can outpace the Flash and deflect bullets, and, more dangerously still, he has impressive mental powers. His telekinesis is powerful enough to ripe spires off of buildings and levitate huge chunks of Earth, and, as if that wasn't enough, he also has the ability to induce vertigo in his opponents. With enough effort, he even has a limited ability to control and manipulate the minds of others (though since this power has only ever been used to justify a really stupid retcon, I generally downplay this particular ability substantially when I write him). Roscoe is, in short, overwhelmingly powerful, and, while his arrogance is a notable weakness, he is a very tough nut to crack---especially since he can also return from the dead.

The Top's ability to work in groups is variable. If he's mentally stable and not in a snit about anything, he is an incredibly powerful and useful member of the Rogues. He can work well with the group---the problem is that he often doesn't. He's notorious for offending his teammates, and equally notorious for deciding that he should take over the Rogues himself (in spite of the fact that he isn't particularly well-suited for leadership). This, naturally, can severely hamper the Rogues' ability to get things done. About the only person he can consistently be counted upon to work well with is his beloved Lisa, who is totally exempt from his usual arrogance and general inability to get along with people.

It's also worth noting that Roscoe, to some extent, prefers to work alone. In his mind, it's because he's better than everyone around him and is better off without them dragging him down, but in actuality, it's because he's frustrated by his inability to get along with the other Rogues and largely completely confused as to why they don't like him. It's rather lonely at the top.

Thanks for the ask! I hope this helps!

#flash rogues #golden glider #the top #the trickster #james jesse #flash comics #writing advice #dc comics

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stillness-in-green · 2 years ago

Text

On Riots and Resolutions (Part One)

So, I got, unsurprisingly, a lot of asks about the heteromorph riot mini-arc, both in terms of how it was presented in the story and how fandom (my own posts included) responded to it. In turn, this gave me a lot to research before I started shooting my mouth off about either topic, hence this being as late as it is. Thanks as always for your patience, everyone.

I had intended to make this one big ask round-up, but I ended up with a few offshoots that didn’t really fit as a response to anyone’s ask in particular, but nonetheless struck me as significant enough to share. Therefore, rather than having this be an unwieldy ask post/meta mashup, I’m going to split it into two parts.

The first post will use one specific ask, the one that really sent me into the weeds research-wise, as a springboard to talk about what cultural factors might have influenced Horikoshi’s writing decisions about the hospital attack, as well as some discussion of how the Western fanbase talks about heteromorphobia. I’ll be getting into that past the cut below; there will also be some links at the end for sources and further reading.

The second post—coming soon!—will contain all the rest of the asks, which are somewhat more scattershot in nature.

Both posts skew heavily towards meta analysis: they’ll be about Horikoshi’s context as a Japanese creator writing for Shonen Jump, and about how fans—myself included—have responded to the resulting material. Obviously there will still be some references to the actual events in the manga, but it isn’t the main focus. If you want my in-depth opinions on the sequence in question, you can find my very opinionated opinions in my chapter posts.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Discussion of real-life discrimination (racial and otherwise) both in Japan and elsewhere, the historical construction of race, and theoretical considerations about how the idea of race might have been impacted by the appearance of quirks in-universe. Also, some brief allusions to overwork in Japanese office culture and its impact on people’s ability to engage in/with activism.

On that note, if you haven’t seen me say so before, I’m white as white gets, and obviously writing from a U.S. perspective as well. I’ve done my best to do my reading and be respectful in my wording, and I did run everything past a non-white friend before posting, but please do let me know if you see anything offensive. Some of these topics are ones that I already know people of color have pretty divergent opinions on, though—I was following the fandom response to this arc quite closely!—so do be prepared to encounter some reads that may differ from your own.

Hit the jump!

So, this is the ask that I looked at and immediately thought, “Oh, I’m going to need to do significant reading before I even start thinking about a response to that.” Most significantly, I wanted to research what Japan, a famously homogenous country, even thinks of the idea of race. Do Japanese people conceptualize it the same way U.S. Americans do? If they view it differently, how does that view color what they think about race-based discrimination? How, in turn, might that have influenced Horikoshi’s writing, and how might a greater understanding of his (potential) lens affect our own interpretations?

Well, let’s take a look.

Horikoshi’s Context: Racism vs. Xenophobia, Protest Culture, and How To Fight Discrimination

Racism vs. Xenophobia

Having now done some reading, here’s a very key thing to keep in mind: the vast, vast majority of Japan does not actually think the country has an issue with race. Even the people who do talk about the discrimination faced by the country’s various minority groups almost universally do so in terms of xenophobia rather than racism.

For my purposes here, xenophobia can be understood to mean the fear and/or hatred of foreigners and foreign influence/culture. Racism, conversely, will be discussed mainly in the context of a) the belief in the idea of race as a fundamental determinant of human traits and capacities[1] and b) behaviors stemming from that belief, especially the notion of the inherent superiority or inferiority of races in comparison to one another. Note that this definition is distinct from the idea of ethnicity and ethnic discrimination; I’ll get into what distinguishes race and ethnicity in the Western fandom portion of this post.

Now, of course, outside the realm of analytical essays, all these issues overlap hugely. I’m going to be talking about them as relatively discrete issues for the purposes of considering the experiences of individual characters within Boku no Hero Academia, but certainly where you find one, you’re frequently likely to find the others.

That all said, let’s return to the idea that Japan doesn’t believe it has a racism problem.

The reason for that is complicated, and intensely historical, but what it boils down to is that there is a lot more to being viewed as “Japanese” than simply being born in Japan. The majority opinion in Japan is that being Japanese means having Japanese ancestry,[2] speaking the language fluently, understanding the culture, being a citizen, and so on. This very blurred view of race, ethnicity and nationality means that all sorts of things can “disqualify” someone from, as one researcher I read put it, “Japanese-ness.” And if one isn’t Japanese (e.g. because they have Korean ancestry or Ainu ethnicity or an American parent or whathaveyou), then, voila! Discrimination can’t be racism; it’s xenophobia.

Basically, the government’s official stance is that Japan is a homogenous country, so there are no racial minorities for them to be racially biased against. All those hafu and Zainichi Koreans and Okinawans and so forth? Well, they’re not really Japanese, so the discrimination they face is about nationality. Poor Japan is just so insular; its people don’t always know how to deal with outsiders. But it isn’t racism, because racism would mean Japanese people judging other Japanese people on the basis of race, like white Americans judge Black Americans on the basis of race! And Japan only has the one race, Japanese, so it just isn’t possible for them to be racist. Even people who go out of their way to study discrimination in Japan, writing academic papers and news articles, still tend to use this framing.

It took me a while to get my head around that fairly tortured logic, and I sometimes still lose the thread of it. Now, I can’t read Horikoshi’s mind, so I have no idea what he would say if asked, but let me take Rock Lock as an example. If he were a real dude living in real Japan, it wouldn’t matter that he has a perfectly standard Japanese name and was born in Tokushima Prefecture, nor that he speaks the language and understands the culture. He has obviously Black features, which would lead most of the people around him to assume that he has non-Japanese ancestry, and therefore that he isn’t “really” Japanese.[3] Ergo, the mistreatment would be considered xenophobia, not racism.

Consider, then, how that might impact Japanese heteromorphs. They speak the language, they’re born in the country, they understand the culture, they have Japanese ancestry, they’re citizens of Japan—it seems like they should check all the boxes, right? But they still don’t look “Japanese,” which makes it very probable that there are people who don’t think of them as really being Japanese. Indeed, the real anti-heteromorph hardliners are very explicit in thinking heteromorphs have something wrong with them in their very blood (see the invective spat at Shouji about his “dirty blood”), and as I said above, the wrong kind of blood is one of those things that can easily disqualify one from proper Japanese-ness.

Sidebar: I said I’d talk about this back when it happened, knowing it was going to have to wait for exactly the kind of research this whole post needed, so I’ll address it here: “Folks with human faces just don’t get it!” Regarding the Spinner fans leveling this accusation at Rock Lock, those guys have clearly internalized the view that, despite them being human, their facial features are not human. That’s a very obvious logical fallacy, but they wouldn’t believe it if they hadn’t been exposed to the view over a significant period of their lives, which in turn speaks to an ongoing issue with dehumanization of those with fully heteromorphic faces. I’ll point to characters that call heteromorphs by epithets like dog, lizard, frog-face, and so on as a clear demonstration of how that sort of rhetoric is widespread even among characters not otherwise portrayed as violent bigots. Further, while the evidence points to such language being viewed as somewhat rude, it’s not so objectionable that most people raise a stink over it. Of Shouji, Chief Tsuragamae, Spinner, Hawks, and every heteromorphic classmate that Bakugou has ever used an animal name on, only Spinner has ever protested. Every other case has featured the heteromorph quietly letting the word pass by.[4] When even Certified Good Boys like Iida and Deku don’t think to say a thing about Shouto and Bakugou’s choices in phrasing, only to protest their surly attitudes, it’s a strong indicator that this kind of language is well entrenched. All that said, is, “Human-faced people wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be judged by their appearances!” a fair thing to yell at a Black guy? Surely not. But that kind of intra-minority shortsightedness (however misguided it might be) can be a real thing, especially when peoples’ own circumstances have gotten so dire, so I don’t think it’s an unrealistic accusation for them to be written as making. That, of course, brings us to the matter of Horikoshi’s own intentions in said writing. Was he consciously writing the Spinner fans (and the rest of the mob by extension) as being blinkered by their own pain and lashing out at someone who probably does understand, better than a great many in his field would? Or did he think the Spinner fans were right (at least in that specific accusation, if not in the broader act of rioting)? Further, if he did think they were right, did he put Rock Lock in that position to be intentionally ironic, some sort of, “Oh, look, even minorities can discriminate against other minorities, wow, isn’t that such a profound observation?” gotcha? Or was having the target of the Spinner fans’ ire be Black entirely coincidental, the wince-worthy result of Horikoshi only having so many named Pro Heroes to spread around and Rock Lock being the one whose personality+power fit the needs of the scene best? Those questions come down to a) how aware Horikoshi is of what Takagi Ken would experience in real-life Japan, and b) whether he thinks that kind of racism(/xenophobia) still exists in his fantasy alternate future Japan. Unfortunately, we just don’t spend enough time with Rock Lock, Mirko, Class B’s Rin, and so forth to be able to gauge that with any accuracy. Like so much else about this plot, it feels much too specific to be accidental, but so tone-deaf that it’s hard to believe a thoughtful writer would do it on purpose.

Protest Culture in Japan

Something that struck me as I was researching this post and rereading the relevant chapters was that I never seem to hear very much about large-scale protests in Japan. There were certainly historical ones! I’ve touched on some examples of those before in my writing for this fandom, and I’ve seen enough anime to be aware of the infamous student protests of the late 60s. But I don’t see much about protests in modern-day Japan.

That’s not to say they don’t happen—they absolutely do, and I’m sure there are things I miss because it’s not like I have The Mainichi in a daily news feed or anything—but my image of Japan was that it’s not a country that has a very strong “protest culture,” if you will. I thought I should dig into that some, both to see if the impression was broadly correct, and for how the answers would reflect on this whole plotline.

Lo and behold, what I found was extremely telling.

To give a very brief summary, organized protests—by which I mean people with signs, mass gatherings outside government buildings, marches, that kind of thing—were indeed a bigger thing historically in Japan. However, a combination of factors meant that they fell drastically out of use and have only started to rebound within the last fifteen years or so.

Specifically, protest in the 60s and 70s had become very specifically associated in the public eye with the New Left, a radical group inspired by the New Left movement in the West to break away from the “Old Left” represented by Japan’s Communist and Socialist parties. Always prone to factionalism, the New Left eventually suffered several very public, very lethal, internal schisms and splashy scandals, all as they were also moving into terrorism—groups associated with the New Left were responsible for, among other incidents, two airplane hijackings and an airport attack that killed 26 people.[5]

One result of all this was that the people who had deeply believed in the cause were left very disillusioned, and those who had not supported it were left feeling even more justified in not having done so. In both cases, the idea of protest—which had not even been successful at achieving its aims, on top of everything else!—was left marred by this association.

Add onto that, the Bubble Economy was coming into full swing, so by most metrics, Japan was doing pretty well—there wasn’t much widespread push to change anything when people at large were thriving. And, yes, there was a measure of good old-fashioned government crackdown on the legality of the kinds of protest the New Left had been doing.

That was pretty much the state of affairs until the early aughts, when counter-culture movements started redefining what organized protest could look like, development that was pushed even farther along after the Fukushima nuclear disaster in 2011. Since then, protests have been gradually becoming more common; it’s still very much a movement in progress, though, and for a lot of people in Japan, old associations die hard.[6]

Notably, however, there are some places where organized protests never went away. To this day, Okinawa has strong movements calling for the return of Okinawan land that’s currently being used for U.S. military bases.[7] There was also considerable opposition from rural communities to a number of dam projects through the late 70s and on through the 90s. The classic anime using those dam protests as plot fodder is, of course, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, though so far as I can tell from some cursory research, the dam opposition group in Higurashi’s backstory was rather more successful than any real-life equivalent.

I trust it’s not difficult to draw the lines between those perceptions and Horikoshi’s depiction of the attack on the hospital: overly violent, led by extremists with suspect motives, and concerned with an issue that’s very pressing to people in rural communities while being largely invisible to people in big cities.

“Let sleeping dogs lie.”

In the course of my research, aside from all my findings detailed above, I did come across a quote that I wonder if influenced the resolution Horikoshi chose to write. It’s the Japanese proverb Neta ko wo okosuna, which translates to, “Don’t wake a sleeping baby.” Colloquially, the meaning is that if a problem is not currently being a problem, you shouldn’t stir it up by poking at it—our English equivalent would be, as the subheader says, “Let sleeping dogs lie.”

Other deployments as an adage aside, the context I’m most concerned with here is the way that it’s applied to burakumin discrimination (and how that, in turn, might reflect what Horikoshi thinks is the “right” way for characters to address heteromorphobia).

Basically, the idea is that if a discriminatory belief/set of practices is dying out, the best way to deal with what problems remain is to just—not talk about them. Because it’s no longer an everyday fact of life, children today aren’t going to know anything about burakumin or anti-burakumin discrimination unless they’re specifically taught. And so, the reasoning goes, if you simply don’t teach them, they will never learn.

Thus can discrimination be starved out of existence, or so people hope. Obviously, it is wildly flawed rhetoric to apply that adage to discrimination, because people who discriminate will teach discrimination to their children. Nonetheless, it’s a popular view in the mainstream, even one that was long endorsed by one of the biggest burakumin rights organizations, the Zenkairen.[8]

In that light, I wonder if we might consider it a possible influence in Horikoshi’s offered solution of, “Just be a Model Minority until all the problems go away.” We can see this attitude reflected not only in Shouji’s resolve and his final words to the crowd in Chapter 373, but also in his decision to constantly wear a mask to cover up the proof of his assault.

Shouji knows what people will think if they see a heteromorph covered in scars; the fear he wants to prevent is not only that of small children who might think his face is scary, but also that of adults who would see his wounds and fear that his experience made him vengeful. And so, it’s a conversation he just chooses to avoid instead. If people don’t know about it, they won’t believe they need to fear it.

Of course, one can’t help but suspect that the reason, “Don’t wake a sleeping baby,” is popular in the mainstream view is because it conveniently lets the majority culture avoid talking about uncomfortable topics. Japan notably has a huge cultural stigma about making people uncomfortable, so it’s easy for people who bristle when confronted with discrimination to point to the minority raising a stink as being the ones in the wrong. That, too, is reflected in Shouji’s horrible accusation that the heteromorphs’ own actions will put their movement back thirty years.

I don’t have a lot of neat conclusions to draw from all this. After all, you can’t just look at a bunch of polls of what any given group’s majority believes and then immediately assume that all members of the group are equally likely to believe the same. I do think it speaks well of Horikoshi that he seems to be at least enough aware of discrimination issues in Japan to include a new but eminently predictable form of discrimination in his work. If he, like many people in Japan, just believed that Japan didn’t have a discrimination problem at all, presumably he just wouldn’t have included heteromorphobia! The kegare bit in particular feels way too specific for Horikoshi to have tripped his way into it.

That said, all of the ways that he chose to address the problem speak to a woefully outdated viewpoint—that protest is ineffective and prone to violence, and that the best way to deal with discrimination is to starve it with silence. It’s incredibly striking that at no point in any of those chapters does anyone on the “right” side say that they’ll do anything about the problems facing heteromorphs. The onus is, apparently, entirely on the oppressed minority to present themselves as such paragons of humanity that the bigots will be too ashamed to try to hurt them—heteromorphs can neither fight back nor count on their government to do anything for them.

Even having read and relayed everything that I now have, I’m still hard-pressed to say that knowing all that context makes me feel any better about BNHA’s “answer” to the characters involved in the hospital attack.

Meanwhile...

The Fandom’s View: Well, Is It Racism?

As far as the wording the Western fanbase uses, I agree that people shouldn’t just call it racism, straight out. Heteromorphobia is a fictional construct that, for reasons of clarity and sensitivity, should not be conflated with an evil that people in real life, many of them readers of this very comic, suffer today.

That said, my experience is that most people who use the word racism in talking about heteromorphobia tend to add a qualifying adjective: “quirk racism,” “fantasy racism,” things like that. It’s following the broad TV Tropes-style short-handing of plot elements like heteromorphobia as Fantastic Racism. And that, unlike just calling it racism without further qualification, doesn’t bother me. Let me pose a thought exercise to get at why.

Race is a debunked concept insomuch as it refers to the scientific categorization of humans into neat little boxes based on their physical traits. In actuality, it’s a social construct, changeable based on the needs or biases of the people defining it.[9]

That said, people obviously still mean things when they use the word, particularly when the topic being discussed is racial discrimination. In that context, race as distinct from ethnicity or nationality refers to the observable, physical qualities a person has—the color of their skin, the color and texture of their hair, the expected range of their eye color, their facial structure, and so on—and what category (codified to justify imperialism and slavery) those traits would lead that person to be sorted into. A Black guy might be from the U.S. or France or Senegal—or Japan!—but he’s a Black guy, regardless, and any discrimination he faces based on those Black features is likewise going to be racism, regardless.

Conversely, nationality is obviously based in matters of nation—what country was one born in; what country is one a citizen of? Ethnicity is a much broader term that covers culture, socialization, language, the values one is taught, sometimes things like religion and traditional modes of dress—basically all intangible or, in the case of clothes or language/accent, adoptable things.

Obviously, bigots aren’t always drawing clean lines like that, and society, too, has been moving away from the idea of race as a valid categorizational tool. Insomuch as the concept still has a distinct meaning, however, that is the distinction: inborn, observable physical commonalities between different peoples that are distinct from other peoples; racism in this context is stereotyping and discrimination based on the belief in those traits.

That all said, how does that conception of race reconcile itself with heteromorphs? In the understood sense of what is denoted by “Asian,” would someone like Gang Orca be considered Asian? If he were vacationing in BNHA’s New York City, would anyone there assume he was Asian just by looking at him in a crowd? Someone like the Sludge Villain, who doesn’t even have a bipedal body arrangement, is an even more extreme case. Conversely, someone like Iida would still be easy to categorize.[10]

This gets you into questions that mirror discussion about racial discrimination in real life, like the idea of heteromorphs “passing” (the differences between a heteromorph like the Sludge Villain and one like Iida) or the ways in which some racial traits might be viewed as attractively “exotic”—especially in combination with other traits that more resemble those of the majority culture—while others are viewed as “ugly” (like how Hawks’ cool red angel wings have a far broader appeal than Spinner’s full-body scales).

Of course, the problem with saying people like the Sludge Villain and Gang Orca can’t be categorized as Asian because they don’t look Asian is that it begs the question of what race they would be considered. They don’t look like any existing human race, but they don’t much resemble each other, either: they both have recognizable eyes and teeth, and that’s about it. So if race is determined by one’s physical features and how much they align with those of a broader group, then how does one go about assigning that to a heteromorph?

Are heteromorphs considered a race entirely of their own, a sort of broad catch-all for anyone in quirk society who has permanent non-baseline[11]-human features? Or has the idea of “race” been largely cast aside because it’s too difficult to make fit the new humanity?[12] It’s a pertinent question in determining whether we could rightly call heteromorphobia a form of racism in and of itself, as opposed to a discrimination more like anti-burakumin sentiment (which, as I’ve discussed elsewhere, heteromorphobia also has markers of).

It is a pertinent question, but I don’t think Horikoshi will ever answer it. Indeed, thanks to the previously described way that Japan tends to conflate race, nationality, and ethnicity, I’d be surprised if he ever thought to raise the question to begin with!

That doesn’t mean that we can’t ask it, though! Given that race as a social tool stems from the need to justify discrimination and subjugation, how might the idea of race have changed in the BNHA setting as both quirks in general and heteromorphs specifically became more common? Would such obvious Others have sharpened the lines of division or blurred them? Is there a checkbox for Heteromorph on official forms that ask about Race/Ethnicity?[13] How much of a group identity do heteromorphs have, even ones who look very different from one another or hail from different countries? If it exists, how would that group identity be meaningfully distinguished from the idea of, say, a global Black community?

BNHA depicts a world that is still, over a hundred years later, trying to pick up the pieces from the advent of quirks, and heteromorphic discrimination is simply another aspect of that same ongoing development, so it would be no surprise to find all sorts of different answers to these questions. They would likely vary depending on a given culture’s view on how race differs or overlaps with ethnicity and nationality. Even heteromorphs who share a community might disagree; minority groups aren’t monoliths, after all!

Anyway, that’s all deeply suppositional and well beyond the level most readers of the series are likely thinking about re: heteromorphobia, so to reiterate, I don’t think the evidence is there to just call it racism without any further qualifications, so fans should probably not do that—be respectful of the shared community space and all!

Neither do I think the idea is entirely groundless, however, so I don’t begrudge people their “quirk racism”s and “fantasy racism”s. Plenty of people want to talk about the ways in which heteromorphobia resembles their own experiences with discrimination, so using shorthand that relates to those experiences rather than a made-up word that doesn’t express anything real, feels like a valid choice to me.

Look for Part 2 hopefully within the next 24 hours!

----------------- FOOTNOTES -----------------

1: Phrasing taken from the Merriam-Webster definition of racism.

2: When Japan incorporated Western ideas of race into its own understanding of the concept in the back half of the 19th century, it was largely interpreted to mean sharing a common blood, hence the huge importance of family line I have written about elsewhere when talking about e.g. the family registry (koseki) and the country’s chilly view on orphans. In that period, the concepts of race and nationality were both being refined in order to justify Western imperialism, a threat to which Japan responded by rapidly modernizing into an imperial power in its own right, complete with its own ugly cocktail of ethnonationalism.

3: And lest anyone think Japan is uniquely awful in this way, think about the way that people ask Asian minorities in the U.S. first where they’re from, and then where they’re “really from.”

4: There’s also a discussion to be had about Hawks using that language for himself, as well as looping the highly unamused-looking Tokoyami into it. It’s off-topic for this post, but suffice it to say that I don’t think we can ignore the glaring difference between Hawks’ upbringing and those of the other characters.

5: The Lod Airport massacre.

6: Oddly enough, it seems to be young people who are least likely to approve. Overworked, unable to risk their livelihoods in the current cutthroat job market, and deeply jaded by both of those facts, the younger end of Japan’s adult population seems to be more likely to express their issues online, rather than in person. One survey I read about suggested that belief in both the effectiveness and acceptability of organized protest increased with every age category, though in no cases was there a commanding majority in favor.

7: The numbers are telling: the islands of Okinawa Prefecture make up 0.6% of the nation’s landmass, yet 75% of the U.S. bases in Japan are located there.

8: It’s also fairly in line with a practice you sometimes see talked about in relation to media and big business in Japan when accused of using discriminatory language: word hunts, where the offending language is put on a list of forbidden verbiage so that people will stop complaining, but no further action is taken to address the offensive attitudes behind the words. Thus, the underlying problems continue to exist, setting the stage for future word hunts.

9: As, indeed, you saw when a bunch of people in Meiji-era Japan were figuring it out. They got the idea from Western trade partners, decided they didn’t like what those Western trade partners assumed about “the Asian race, ” and so invented a narrative whereby their race was Japanese, which was like a unique and special kind of Asian, better than all other Asians. Their Western trade partners, one assumes, went right on ahead with considering them as Asian.

10: This analysis assumes that if you took Horikoshi’s stylistic “filter” off of the cast, and asked what they would look like in a more realistic depiction, characters like, say, Present Mic would still read as Japanese despite the fact that he’s depicted as blond. There’s room for argument there, but that discussion is beyond the scope of this post.

11: “Baseline” is a term you will see me use a lot when I finally get that big Heteromorphobia In BNHA (No, It Didn’t Come Out of Nowhere) essay turned out.

12: If you think Re-Destro has any kind of point—and obviously I do—then it’d be a fair guess that humanity hasn’t gotten rid of the idea of race just yet. See that bit in Chapter 227 about society conforming to old ways of thinking even as humanity as a species has transcended that idea of normalcy.

13: Or Origins or Categories or whatever kind of language the local census/tax department/medical facilities/etc. are currently using. Japan does not actually ask this question on its official paperwork, for what it's worth.

------------------ REFERENCES ------------------

1: Sociology Compass, Volume 7 – The Social Construction of Race and Minorities in Japan

2: Vox.com – Japan's blackface problem: the country's bizarre, troubled relationship with race

3: Kana Yamamoto – The myth of “Nihonjinron”, homogeneity of Japan and its influence on the society

4: Hastings Constitutional Law Quarterly, Volume 45 – The History of Japanese Racism, Japanese American Redress, and the Dangers Associated with Government Regulation of Hate Speech

5: Carl Cassegård, Social Movement Studies – The recovery of protest in Japan: from the ‘ice age’ to the post-2011 movements

6: Nippon.com – Why Are Japanese Youth Distancing Themselves from Social Activism?

7: Thisjapaneselife.org – On Living In the Wrong Neighborhood in Japan

#bnha #heteromorph discrimination plot #stillness answers #my writing #bnha meta #cw: racism #bnha culture gap

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barbiegirldream · 1 year ago

Note

Hi Sally, little info on the French streamers of the qsmp because I am French.

Antoine Daniel is extremely well known in France and one of the og youtuber. He is always careful that his communities are far removed from right-wing movements. He absolutely does not need the qsmp.

The big French streamers are very close with each other and with female streamers because they are used to organizing big charity events together that last for days (for example Zevent).

If Bahera tells them that she was treated badly by Q or his community, I can see them dropping the qsmp more and more because they don't want anything to do with this type of fans. I mainly follow Antoine Daniel and Baghera (on their French content) but they are very respected among other French creators. I have already seen them in front of fans like those of qsmp (always american) and they have always been very vocal about the fact that this is not how we should act but to encourage their French fans to stay very far away from that and respond like adults on the internet. They always end up moving away from these crazy communities so as not to contaminate theirs. It doesn't surprise me that Baghera is gone, I fear the others will to if she tells them something or if their streams start to be touched by q's weird fans.

(sad, I was excited to see them with the American creators that I like)

Anyway, that was the French pov info dump.

Also, I've never found frenchs to be bullied on the internet, at most it would be dumb shit by American and brits but we make fun of the Brits the same way. Hearing Hasan shit on the French is fun and literally no harm is done, why would some Americans qsmp fans be offended on our behalf, it's like making fun of the Spanish, where is the harm? Sure I prefer to be made fun of from the British(we have history), than from white American because their anti-French sentiment started from the French government refusing to follow America in their war in Iraq (which is one of the few things I'm proud of from this country ) and America starting a French-hate campaign because of it (fun thing when you think of it) but that's whatever. It's irritating when 15y old American cry about "the French being made fun of" bouhou, poor them, I'm gonna protect anyone not talking English on the internet because they soooo need it"

... like, girl, learn about history and choose your battles (T＿T)

Anyway sorry for the long ask, I'm just rambling in your inbox as usual, haha

Love ~^3^~

My anti French sentiments are because I’m from Maine and we have a long standing beef with Quebec I think (funniest Wikipedia screenshot I have is like anti French sentiments worldwide) but it’s all jokes I don’t actually have a personal grudge against anyone from anywhere I don’t think you are the country you’re born in or it’s history just hate when people play dumb to their history.

Very good info thank you ! I should probably try watching some French CCs it might help me brush up on my French skills. Another question if you don’t mind me asking is how many people in Paris are likely to speak English at Twitchcon ?

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darling-i-read-it · 1 year ago

Text

Staring

Eli Ever(Cardale) x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: vicious/vengeful spoilers, eli literally killing people (nothing graphic), mentions of elis horrific backstory, angst, pining

Author’s Note: SHUT UP THIS WAS SO FUN. by the end of the duology I was so in love with eli, i cannot lie. I love victor as much as the next girl but damn i love an awful morally gray (morally black?) man. If anyone has any more request for either of these kings i would gladllyyyy write them <3 in the meantime i hope you enjoy this love!

Request: by anon, YOOOOO i read one of ur victor vale fics, and i am on my hands and knees bEGGING u to write for the villains duology more!! can i rq eli ever x reader where the reader isn't an EO but knew eli and victor in college? and the reader is working with victor against eli bc they don't agree w what eli's doing, and idk eli finds them or smth--sorry if that's too vague!! i am literally BEGGING for eli crumbs and pls include a lot of tension between reader and eli!! ur writing is stellar!!

Song: All I Need by Radiohead

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

Eli Cardale sat across from you at the table. You had your legs folded underneath you, tingling as they fell asleep. You had been here a long time. You could tell outside the window that the sun was starting to go down. The stained glass windows of the library were tricky like that, never quite revealing if it was as late as it seemed. Eli had his nose stuck in a book still. You wondered where Victor was, if he was studying somewhere.

“Are you done?” Eli questioned. Your head snapped back towards him. He was staring at you through the thick rims of his glasses. You smiled, shrugging.

“I’m getting sleepy,” you admitted. Eli nodded once, tucking his papers into his textbook.

“Is that code for you’re going to go find Victor?” There was a gentle edge to his voice, a slight jealous tinge. You shook your head, rubbing your eyes.

“Truly sleepy,” you promised. “I’ve been reading about boring things forever Eli. I can only do that for so long. You should share some of your brain power.” He shook his head.

Eli valued these afternoons with you. They were nice and peaceful. Life outside of these walls tended to be chaotic and with complications he could never quite grasp. In here, nothing had happened to him. It was just you and his books. He could spend forever with you and his books.

Despite the calmness of the moment, he felt the most emotion here.

“Plus, Victor is probably off studying.”

“Alright,” Eli huffed, though there was disbelief in it. You smiled as he put your things back in your book bag. You could probably make some shitty coffee back at the dorms and stay up a little bit longer. Make the day last past schoolwork. Maybe even catch up on some of your own reading endeavors. “Are we still meeting up tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yes sir,” you promised. “Same time, same place?”

“Yes ma’am.” You gave him a nod as you pushed your chair under the table. Eli started to leave. You followed close behind him. “Have you studied for the test in Givens' class tomorrow?”

“Enough.”

“That doesn’t sound like enough,” he admitted. You shrugged.

“What am I gonna learn in the next 12 hours that is actually gonna help me Eli?” He shook his head. He couldn’t believe you sometimes, though he enjoyed having you around. “You disagree.”

“We have different minds,” he said. The air was refreshing. You walked down the steps of the library, the sun hitting your face. It felt nice after being cooped up for so long. You passed other students, people cramming and holding large cups of caffeine. You weaved through them on the cobblestones back to the dorms.

“What does that mean?”

“It means we have different ways of learning,” he suggested. You grinned up at him. He looked particularly handsome this evening. You knew he always teased you about liking Victor more than him but it was Eli you had always been in love with. It would always be Eli. His stoicism, his mind, his understanding without you having to say anything.

“That’s not a bad thing,” you countered.

“Did I say it was?”

“You did not.” You lifted your leg dramatically as you started to go separate ways. “I’ll see you tomorrow Eli. Don’t work too hard.”

“You know me,” he called. There was a life in his voice he didn’t recognize when he was with you. You gave him a half wave, an adorable gesture, before walking the other way.

He watched the back of your head for a moment. Your hair bounced in the sunlight. You looked gorgeous this afternoon, particularly distracting. He watched you go like you were taking a piece of him with you. Eli and Victor had decided not to tell you about their experiments, for your safety. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He wanted to hear your thoughts and your comments and your reserves.

He had put his foot down. Victor was more likely to slip up than he was.

He still wanted to tell you.

You turned a corner and he lost you. He dropped his head down, imagining someone else seeing him standing alone, staring at a girl who didn’t once turn back to look at him.

“Tracking him has never been easy,” Mitch grumbled. He was sitting on the hotel bed. The adjoining door was open, allowing Dol to come and go as he pleased. Sydney and you had your own separate room from the boys, at Victor’s insistence.

“Well it’s never been so fucking hard,” you muttered. You looked out the window. Eli Cardale was out there somewhere, among the people and the cars. You had recently narrowed in on him to this city but been unable to get any closer. He was supposed to be obvious when you were close. “He’s killing people. What do you mean we can’t find him now that he’s so close?”

You looked over at Victor. He was standing at the computer. He had a look of contempt on his face. You had never seen so little life in Victor. He had always been the stoic type but never as much as Eli. Now, years after college, he was almost dead in the eyes.

“We need to split up.”

“And what? Scrape the streets to see if we find any rats?” you spat.

You were different too.

“He had typical haunts. We need to find an EO and narrow them down, knowing he’ll be around them.” Victor looked at Mitch. He nodded once, getting up to go to the computer. You were never quite sure how they were able to find people so quickly but you also could never understand how they couldn't find Eli. Victor walked over to you.

“We’ll find him,” he promised. His voice was hard. You looked over at him.

He looked so old. He looked weathered. He looked like a corpse. He had died.

Eli and Victor had never let you die. They never would, not even after everything happened. You were a human, just like Mitch, and you were stuck here in this purgatory between people who had been your closest friends.

After he got out of prison Victor sought you out. He knew that to find Eli he would have to find you first. He half hoped the two of you would be together, frolicking off into the sunset, like the ordeal had never happened. That isn’t what happened.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because he’s looking for us too.”

“Do you think he knows that I’m here?”

“I don’t think he ever lost you,” he said lowly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Eli liked having his eye on you. I don’t think he would’ve let you leave his peripheral vision if it wasn’t for me.”

“What a rebel.”

“Yes ma’am.” Dol walked into the room. He jumped up on Victor’s bed and did a couple circles before lying down with a huff. Sydney was awake. Victor looked back towards the dog, remembering he had a child to care for. “Do you want to go get food while Mitch looks?” He had a gentle tinge in his voice that he saved for you and Sydney. Those in this room were the closest thing he had to family, though he would never admit that.

“Sure. I need some fresh air anyway.” You cleared your throat and walked back, grabbing some money. “Want anything Mitch? Going to the deli next door.”

“I’m alright. Filled up on protein bars.” You rolled your eyes.

“Once a jock, always a jock,” you joked.

“I don’t think-”

“Just go with it Mitch. Vic?” He shook his head. He would rather wallow and die than ask for anything he could get himself. “Syd, I'm getting food!”

“Can you get me a sandwich?” she called from the other room.

“What kind?”

“Tuna fish!”

“Kay!” You opened the door and shut it behind you. The hotel was large but it was cheap. You were okay with the sketchy neighbors as long as no one asked questions. No one got into the elevator with you on your floor and you pushed the down button. You should’ve invited Sydney to come with you. She could use the fresh air too. Dol probably needed to go to the bathroom.

You thought about how you weren’t that far. You could go back up and grab them, that way you had some company and extra hands for the two sandwiches. Maybe they had dog treats for Dol. You always loved places that thought of that because of how often Dol was around.

The elevator opened on the second floor. You stepped aside, keeping your head down so you didn’t have to make eye contact. The man walked in and pushed the first floor. The elevator started to move again.

He pushed the emergency stop button, causing the elevator to come to a harsh stop. You stumbled forward, grabbing the railing beside you.

“Hey,” you said, annoyed. You glanced up at the floors that were highlighted at 2 still. You finally looked up at him. He was wearing a large black coat with a collar that covered the side of his face. “What the fuck?” you asked, louder this time. He tilted his head towards you so you could see his eye through the thick rimmed glasses.

Your mouth clamped shut.

“Eli?” When he turned around it was like no time had passed. His face looked exactly the same, exactly the man you sat across from at the library. His eyes were the only thing different, a little less life in them. He and Victor were more alike than either cared to admit.

The elevator felt too small. You were confined in a small space with someone you had carded as the villain of this story.

But it was Eli.

“I heard you were looking for me,” he said, quietly. His voice didn’t seem threatening. There was nothing there that felt wrong.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “You’re killing people.”

“They’re not people.” You narrowed your eyes at him. There was a difference. This was the Eli you had never seen, only heard about from Victor. “You…you’re people.” You looked up at him through your hair at him. Your eyes were big, doe eyed, he would say.

“You’re people too.” He shook his head. There was a sly smile on his face. He had orchestrated his moment, he had thought about the second you would leave and that it would be just you. He needed to see you before he saw anyone else. He stayed in this town to see you.

He was obsessed with Victor.

But if he knew love, it was you.

“I’m a God.”

“Then what is Victor? What’s Serena?” You could tell you hit a hard note with Serena.

“Serena’s no longer an issue.”

“She was an issue?” You watched each other for a moment. It was nice to be there with him, even if it hurt to know how different you were.

“She was an issue.”

“Then what is Victor?”

“Victor’s a defect.”

“What happened to you?” you asked him, borderline pleaded. You took a step forward and grabbed his hand. He looked down at it like it was a foreign object. He didn’t retreat.

You didn’t do it to manipulate him. You did it because you had to, because he was right there, before you had to touch him. “What did they do to you Eli?”

There was no way you could’ve known what they did to him but the question hit him where it would've hurt. It was a touchy subject. He had the sudden urge to hug you, to wrap his arms around you and engulf you in his embrace. To kiss you, to do what he never had the time to do when you were in college. He thought of Victor. He wondered if Victor was with you now, if his worst fear had finally come to fruition.

“Eli,” you whispered. His eyes had glossed over, lost in thought. He came back, staring at you, studying your face.

“They cut me open. They took parts of me out. They couldn’t kill me.” His voice had no emotion, like he was talking about the weather.

“I’m sorry.” You knew you should be using this time to convince him to change his ways. You didn’t have him for long. You should’ve been telling him that killing was never the answer and that no matter what happened to him, he should never be taking it out on others.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to do that.

Without warning, you wrapped your arms around him.

His natural reaction was to tense up. He assumed you were hugging him to manipulate him, to get to the buttons, to try and hurt him. Moments passed and you stayed there, head pressed against his chest. You made no ill efforts.

He wrapped his arms around you. He put his chin on your head. He closed his eyes.

Why couldn’t it have been like this forever?

Melancholy filled up the small space. It could never last like this. You had to go back to Victor and you both knew you would tell him that Eli had been here. There is nothing more special than a short lasting mutual agreement to set things aside to have some closure.

You let him go. Your hands lingered on him as long as you could.

“You have to go?” he questioned. The tinge of emotion was back in his voice.

“They’ll come looking for me,” you said quietly. The act of going back assured him some time to leave. You were trying to help him, even now, even after everything.

He nodded once. He pushed the elevator button to start moving again. It moved down slowly but not slow enough. You both faced the door. You linked your pinky with his, refusing to look at him.

When the door opened you let out a deep breath. He let you go. You missed his touch already. He walked out the elevator doors.

Without thinking you reached forward, stopping the doors from shutting.

“Eli!” He turned back around. His cold face was back, haunting you with the differences in time. You swallowed. “It was always you.”

His face softened.

The door shut. You watched him until they shut as he turned away from you. The elevator brought you back up to your floor. Like a zombie you walked down the hallway. You had forgotten your keycard and knocked on the door.

Mitch opened the door.

“Where’s the sandwiches?”

Behind him Victor stood, watching your face. He read your numb expression and raised his chin, hardening his face.

“Eli.”

#eli ever x reader #eli ever imagines #eli ever x fem!reader #vicious imagines #vicious book imagines #eli cardale x reader #eli cardale imagines #eli cardale x fem!reader

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rieindiegames · 2 years ago

Text

2022 An Introspection and A Look Ahead – Rie Indie Games

Happy New Year everyone!!! It’s that time of year again when I gasp, reflect, and prepare to surge forward another year! One of my resolutions is to have a more consistent presence on social media, so let’s start off the year with this! Since most of this post will be personal and long, I’ll place it under the read more.

First, I still have the same New Year Resolutions for 2023 as I did last year with two new additions! Those are: 1) Stream 2) Consistent social media presence 3) Successful and productive Dev Year 4) Take care of my health 5) Consume enjoyable content

Streaming!? You!?

Yes! Me! Those who are especially close to me, know I rarely like to game or enjoy content by myself these days. I derive a lot of my enjoyment from media in my downtime by experiencing it with others. I think that’s because as a developer; I spend a LOT of time alone at my desk doing things for hours on end that rarely involve others. And because of the nature of what I do for work at my 9-5, I have minimal contact with others.

It’s unfortunately easy for me to be consumed in my world and go for long periods alone. One of my biggest resolutions in 2022 was to work on that. Especially since it got to where I could count on my hands the number of times I contacted or saw loved ones. Even those who lived a 5-minute walk away from me. To any of you concerned, don’t worry. That aspect of me improved! I spent a lot of time with those who’d been silent supporting me, and my personal relationships benefited from it in a way that means more to me than I could write here. So, I wasn’t at my desk as persistently as I had been in 2020 and 2021, where, if you ask my close friends, lol… They noticed.

How does any of that come back to streaming? Well, I’d like to give more of myself to those I care about and keep that as an integral part of my life. Those who support my works and creative efforts are in that category too! I’ve always done small personal streams on Discord, but there are people who follow me who aren’t on discord, and I’ve always been interested in streaming content and process on a streamlined site for it.

So, segue, yeah, I have a twitch channel with branded graphics, emotes, and badges! And to break it in, I’m doing this! The date for the first stream is FEBRUARY 4TH, 2023 at 8AM PST! As for what we’ll be doing, I’ll let viewers vote. I like the idea of doing a “spin the wheel” type choice after adding a few recommended games to it.

Social Media and Consistency

This resolution will be the trickiest for me. I’m not “good” at social media, lol. I get so shy when it comes to shilling myself. However, perhaps I’ve had the wrong mindset about that? From other creators I’ve seen on SM platforms, it’s less about shilling and more about interacting with fans and just…having fun with it? For the longest, I’ve approached indie game development as this thing that should function like AAA gaming spaces in certain aspects. And I’ve thought that due to what I studied back in university. Tease me, okay, but I’ve had the late realization that no, that is not at all what anyone’s here for, lol! (And if you are, don’t be cheeky in the comments and tell me now. Shoo! Unless you’re trolling me. Then sure. Come.)

People engaged with me because they like my content, they like me, and they’re genuinely supporting me. I don’t have to be uptight and professional, as all the engagement comes from the joy of being here in this process together and the adventure of it. There is no need to agonize over the quality of social media posts. I can just have fun with it! Which…come on, that sounds so simple! But don’t you think the simple realizations in life at the ones that make you face palm!? Like, oh, you don’t like the film you’re watching? Well, you can turn it off and do something else! Like, oh, you don’t like that meal you received? You can send it back to the kitchen and order something else. Or not eat it!? GASP!!! I’m exaggerating now, lol. But recall the HDB principle! For those of you unfamiliar, I have this meme below saved on my PC that goes:

Now you know! HDB means Hit Da Bricks to me!!! If it sucks, leave! It’s 100% a meme, but I think the advice in it is solid depending on the situation as it reminds me of another post from the comic artist Randall Munroe?

Anyway, that’s enough being sentimental over that. What it comes down to is engagement and having fun. Genuinely and honestly. I don’t need to hum and haw so much, and I think that’s come out in my posts more recently.

Successful and productive Dev Year? IseKai Release?

Yes, please! I’m so ready to have it out! Why does the last 10% take 90% of the time? Turns out that saying was true. This is the release year. Come hell or high water. IseKai will be out this year. I’ve learned a lot during ICT’s development. About myself. About my skill set. The brand I would like to have going forward for my creative works. Unfortunately, when you think about that stuff, it’s a lot. Like… a LOT, especially when so much of it is new.

But the indie otome space is also incredibly niche and, honestly, hard on newer devs. There’s a whole mess of my thoughts I could share here, but I think it’s better to expend that effort elsewhere. I have a ton of worries and anxieties about releasing my first product. However, doesn’t everyone? That’s a natural part of the process. I won’t know what impact I’ve had until the entire game is just out there. There’s no sense in worrying about things that may not even happen or spending so much time in my head about it.

Do I have plans for after IseKai’s release?

Well, let’s talk about that once we’re there! Getting there is already consuming enough of me, lol. Will I still make games? Absolutely. You cannot be rid of me.

What does a successful and productive year look like? IseKai is released, I take a break to wind down with my loved ones, and then I’m back on the dev grind! Anything related to that falls into the aforementioned category.

Do I have any specific intentions going forward with my works? Totally! I’d really love to settle into being known for releasing products with narratives that are romantic, suspenseful, mature, thrilling, and enjoyable. That’s what I envision going forward. As a fun aside, I’d love to contribute more well-rounded yandere love interest media to the otome sphere. I’d like them to get less of a bad rap in my circle, haha.

Take care of my health

This one is a doozy… For those of you who don’t know, I had several health problems, two of which required surgery, in 2022. Many of these had been with me for a while and were exacerbated do to some stressful family drama I went through that started at the end of 2020, and worsened to its worst point in 2022. I really went through the wringer. My parent’s health took a sharp dive. Several of my siblings had life crises that I don’t feel comfortable detailing. Not a single one of my family members hasn’t had covid-19. And my husband could finally move in with me. Stress attacked me from pretty much every angle. I was hospitalized a few times. I’m still struggling with migraines, anemia, and vision problems, but things are gradually, slowly, improving.

All of those things are private for me. And since I’m taking all the steps to address those, I’m happy to leave it there.

Consume more content I enjoy

This is big too, lol. I was so busy doing pretty much everything that didn’t particularly pertain to downtime I could thoroughly enjoy. Since I always felt behind, it was like a never-ending game of catchup within my community, the broader gaming circle, and among my peers. I love discovering new games, devs, and projects but I want to take more time with it going forward! It’s a special thing to me, and I want to signpost more about everything I adore!

And that’s all! Wow! That was a lot to write. Hopefully, it’s faster to read. Once again, happy new year everyone!!! I adore you all, and thank you once again for all your support and love!

-Riri💜💜💜

#Personal #Answer #Update #year in review

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cloudofdarkness · 2 years ago

Text

I need your help

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning :Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: F/M

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types

Relationship: Amy Rose/Sonic the Hedgehog

Characters:

Sonic the Hedgehog

Amy Rose (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Miles "Tails" Prower

Additional Tags:

Comfort

Angst

Fluff

Language: English

No one can bottle up their feelings for too long, not even Sonic

Give a like and Fave here as well if you please!!

Okay, I need your help.

Please don’t tell anyone.

Amy stared down at her phone in silence, her fingers gently tracing the sides of her case as she read the two texts back over and over. She’d done it on her way over there, and who knew how long she’d been standing here in front of his front door. Sonic had never actually reached out to her about these things before, let alone anyone else. He wasn’t really someone who liked to willingly express negative emotions, so it shocked her to suddenly get such a text. Usually when something was wrong, it was played off as “Hey, you wanna go throw baseballs at glass bottles in the junkyard at three am because we’re both upset?” It wasn’t ever just..I need your help. That’s what worried her.

Gently, she knocked on the door, tucking her phone away in her shoulder bag and waiting for a moment to be answered. It took longer than she expected, already plunging her worry deeper than it already needed to be, and when he answered..He seemed perfectly normal. That might’ve actually weirded her out the most.

“Oh hey! You made it!” His usual cheery tone was there, but somewhere she heard a slight crack in his voice. He looked around her as if to make sure no one was following, before stepping back to invite her in. “Tails made cookies! He wanted to try this weird mint chip recipe he found, since we all know he’s crazy about mint. They’re actually not that bad! Just..not my thing. You can grab some if you want! He knows you’re coming by!”

He was..a bit too cheery for someone who’d texted her like he did. It’s not like it was his normal to text with periods and lowercase either. She knew that, everyone knew that. Something was up. And she figured it had something to do with him avoiding his feelings. She knew it was coming, that he’d get so close and then back out of it, but she’d crack him somehow, that’s what she was here for. She knew that’s what he wanted too. “Right. I’ll Ah..bring some home with me. Why don’t we catch up first? It’s been a good minute since I’ve hung out with anyone. I know you and Tails have been up to a lot~ wanna ramble about that?”

His ears perked up in interest as he turned on his heel toward her, leaning against the counter all casual like. “Well~ we met this cool gal, Tangle! She’s this lemur with a super long tail that’s almost like a hand! We hung out with her for awhile..oh! And Blaze is back! She wants to help with the resistance! Thought you’d be happy to know that~”

Amy had to keep her cheeks from flushing at the mention, before clearing her throat with a smile, going to sit back in one of the bar stool chairs. “I’ll make sure I keep an eye out for her~ Anyone else I should know about?”

“Oh yeah! This gal named Whisper! Silver’s all about her, and at first I didn’t really get her, but..she’s kinda like Shadow! She works with people she really trusts, even if at first she seems kinda cut off from everyone else!” He continued, already feeling a bit better just talking about new friends, though he knew it wouldn’t wholly stir the problem from his thoughts. “There was a couple other smaller things but~ not much from my end besides daily plane tests and explorin’ the countryside~ what about you?”

Amy simply laughed at this, playing with one of her bracelets before leaning against one of her arms. “Well..nothing as exciting as you, I’m sure..just resistance work and sometimes visiting Vanilla and Cream. She’s grown so much, it’s crazy! I work for so long sometimes, it really doesn’t hit me how long it’s actually been until I can feel my quills hitting my shoulders, you know?” She tried to lighten the mood, playing with her longer hair for added effect. There was something about her that just..made Sonic feel better than he was before. Even if it was just talking to her, she always managed to keep a positive attitude. How was she so good at that?

“Hey..Ames, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s on your mind?”

He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to ruin the small, happy reunion they were having..but he needed to know. “How do you..stay so positive all the time? I mean, you’re the leader of the resistance and yet you seem so unfazed by everything..like when you guys rescued me. Yeah, you were pretty emotional then but..it was only because you were worried about me. You never once seemed stressed that Eggman had taken over Mobius..and that you were at the head of all that.” He paused, noticing that she was avoiding his gaze now, her fingers tracing the patterned lines on the counter. “..I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that..I just-“

“No it’s okay.” She quickly interrupted him, her eyes falling down to her lap as her tracing slowed to a stop. “I guess you got me~ I..I’m not good with my own feelings. Probably because I’ve never had to deal with anything big before. I’ve never felt upset about anything significant. When I started the resistance..it was a simple thing to look for you. Just our friends and I hoping that you weren’t dead. And then months passed, things became more serious and..everything depended on my judgement. Every time we lost something, it was on me. Every time we lost someone? Me again. Every time..I’d write to myself, and when that wouldn’t work..I’d just..cry. I’d find somewhere that nobody else was, and I’d cry. Shadow left, Tails left..and I felt like I failed you. Even if you were dead, I couldn’t keep two of the most important people in your life safe. I didn’t even go after them..” her voice wavered at that last part, before she stopped, realizing there were tears dripping into her lap. She tried to wipe them away, before sighing softly. This wasn’t about her..but she felt like both of them needed to know this. “..I realize now that..what I felt then, that’s what you feel like every day. And I’m so sorry you have to carry that burden.”

Damnit. She really knew how to read people. He bet she could hear the cracking of his shell. He bet she knew he was going to break any minute now. Maybe that was okay, but he still wasn’t sure. He’d try to put this as delicately as he could. Gently, he took one of her hands, watching her head lift a little. “Remember when we first met? I saved you from Metal and you said I could stay with you because I was a stupid runaway kid not much older than you. And I said, sure but don’t get attached! And then your parents ended up spoiling me so much I stayed for almost a year? I think that was one of the best homes I’ve had.”

Amy nodded, a small smile coming to her face as she met his gaze with watery eyes. “Hah..yeah..and we would stay up all night watching corny movies and looking at cute boys. And you’d act like you hated school, but then saw how fun my classes were and tried to join in with me.” She earned a laugh with that one.

“Yeah well-! They weren’t normal classes! I’ve never met anyone who took five language classes and a chao caretaking class!” He tried to defend himself, pouting rather indignantly. “Besides that, they had cool PE games. And I totally kicked butt at every one! But..then I left for awhile..I met Tails and Knuckles..we all went on adventures..people started knowing my name..they started looking up to me, counting on me. And I became exactly what I’d ran away from.”

Amy noticed his voice fading again, watching as he sat back in the stool behind him, still leaning against the counter. “I became someone that gave orders..that..people would solely trust in just because I did a couple really cool things. It’s like..I know I’m fated to do great things, I know I’m connected to chaos and I’m super powerful, but I just..I wanna do all that and still be me. I don’t want people thinking that my word is law. I don’t wanna be the reason behind failure..I don’t want people sacrificing themselves for me. I’m just one guy.” He paused again, looking down to his hands, before clenching them into fists. “I sometimes wonder what the world would be like if I did die. Not that I want to..but I wonder. Sure, things would be awful..but they’d get better, right? Shadow’s just as good at saving the world as I am. Silver too..you’re an amazing leader, even if it’s stressful sometimes. So is Knuckles. Tails is practically following in my footsteps..it’s like..things would be okay without me. And I’m not just saying that because I think I don’t matter..I just want the world to know that they don’t always have to look to me. They can look inside themselves for judgement.”

When he finished, he realized how quiet the atmosphere had gotten, and he quickly grew nervous. “Sorry, I guess the deep feeling juice is really running its course.”

“Does it feel better?”

“Huh?”

Amy smiled, knowing she’d worked her magic on him. Not even Sonic could bottle up his emotions around her. “Talking about it with someone. Does it help?”

Ah shit..that’s what she was doing all along, wasn’t it?? He’d really gotten eased into this so easily! He simply scoffed, trying to play it off as a small blush came to his cheeks. What a sucker. “I guess it does~ ya really got me there, Ames~ remind me to get you back.”

Rolling her eyes, she hopped down from her stool, going over to hug him and hearing his playful groans of embarrassment. “No~! Not the gentle hugs~! I refuse to be this sappy!”

“Deal with it, punk. Because I’m staying like this for a good minute!! If you squirm, I’m only making it tighter!!” She teased back, before backing out of the hug with a giggle, she met his gaze for a moment, brushing back her quills before feeling herself being pulled back in. Her head rest against his chest, feeling his muzzle against the top of her head. “..Thanks, Amy. I really needed this.”

She gently hugged him back, her fingers brushing the spot between his back spikes just like how she knew he liked it. It was calm. It was nice. It was a small moment, before the kitchen door was kicked open by Tails, causing the both of them to frantically jump out of the embrace.

Tails simply eyed the two in confusion, before going to grab a soda bottle from the fridge. He grinned playfully to Sonic, earning a side eye from him before hurrying back to the door. “It’s nice to see you, Amy!”

“Tails..” Sonic spoke between his teeth, faking a smile as Tails cackled, shutting the door behind him before he could face the other’s wrath. He knew exactly what he’d done..

“..so. You wanna watch corny movies and talk about boys like old times?” Amy tried to stray from the awkward moment, gently squeezing his hand and causing him to revert his gaze.

“Totally.”

#eden writes #sonic the hedgehog #amy rose #miles tails prower #fanfic

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