#anybody else want to claw at everything they see while screaming ferally

[onlyswan]

WAKING UP THIS MORNING IS THE BIGGEST BLESSING OF MY LIFE JEON JUNGKOOK YOU ARE THE COOLEST SEXIEST MAN TO EVER GRACE THIS PLANET. MY GOD

[charlieism]

Only My Ashes Will See The Sea

Description:

Ethan, Lex and Hannah reunite in death.

Read on ao3!

Ethan was surrounded by darkness. Infinite, endless blackness; he’d say it stretched on as far as he could see, but as it was, it was so dark he didn’t even know if he was seeing, if his eyes were even truly open.

He couldn’t say how long he floated there for, searching for any glimpse of light. He didn’t know where he was, or where everyone else was, or what was happening. The last thing he remembered was Hannah, terrified and teary-eyed; he’d told her to run, his last coherent memory was just the panicked desperation with which he tried to get her to safety. He wondered if she was okay, if she’d gotten away from those psychos who—Jesus. Did they stab him? He remembered being punched in the face by the feral-looking man, and then a blinding pain in his stomach, sharper than anything he’d ever felt before. He told Hannah to run, then he was thrown to the floor and then it was a blur of pain and thuds and kicks, and then… then… then what?

It was hard to think about. It made his head hurt. He stopped thinking about the moments leading up to now, and focused instead on the chilling situation he was currently in.

The Blackness encompassed him, smothering him, drowning him, its emptiness beginning to drive any rational thoughts from his mind. There was just nothing here, this place felt like the total absence of everything. His mind began to fall into a spiral, panic and fear eating away at what felt like his very sanity. Ethan began to question if he was even alive, and the thought made him freak out even harder than before, despite a hidden part of him instinctively knowing the truth: he was dead. Ethan felt like he was hyperventilating, but there was no air in this empty space, and though he thrashed around he had no way of knowing if he was even actually moving. He couldn’t even see his hands. A scream built up in his chest, clawing its way up through his throat and swelling in his mouth. He could barely keep the shriek in; pure terror, anxiety and panic were working their way through his veins to make his voice louder, but a split second before he snapped and let it out a wisp of a voice floated through his mind.

Calm, it said.

The shock of it, of hearing sound after what felt like eons trapped in nothingness made Ethan swallow compulsively and blink hard. The darkness that came from squeezing his eyelids shut was indiscernible from the Black surrounding him.

“What?” he rasped, alert, ears practically pricked like a dog’s while he searched for another break in the maddening monotony of the void. There was no reply, no strange, other-worldly voice, but a memory pushed its way into the front of his mind. It was a happy memory, one of his happiest, really, and it was so recent it was a crystal clear picture in his mind. 

Hannah, putting on his old cap, her big brown eyes full of trust and awe when he swore to her it’d protect her from anything. He’d been so elated and amazed when she’d listened to him. Then Lex, posing on the steps out the back of Toy Zone, belting her dreams of being an actor in California while he pretended to roll a camera on her. She’d looked so happy up there, so hopeful that it had infected Ethan, made him believe they’d really make it out. The way Lex had smiled into their kiss afterwards, bubbling over with the sheer joy he so rarely saw from her, had made his heart skip a beat. Then there was Hannah, acting like a doofus and copying his smoking dance afterwards; it’d made him laugh on the inside, though he didn’t dare show it in front of Lex. God, he loved them. He loved them more than anybody else in the world; Lex made his heart feel warm and full and whole like nobody else he’d ever met. Ethan was completely and utterly devoted to her. And he loved Hannah, too. He had the urge to protect her like he was her own brother, or her dad, or whatever the hell that kid needed him to be. He’d do anything for her. He just wanted to look after them, his girls, so that Lex wouldn’t have to cry so much anymore and Hannah wouldn’t have to be scared all the time. California was going to fix all of that. They were all so excited to get there. They’d all been so hopeful.

The happy memories felt tinged with bittersweetness now, but they were still effective. The lingering excitement, joy and love he’d felt no-so-long ago (was it hours? Or days? The amount of time he felt he’d been kept in the Black seemed to be shrinking now that his mind wasn’t running on animalistic terror), was beating back the overwhelming anxiety he’d been feeling a minute ago. He focused on the memory of Lex’s laugh, of Hannah’s shy smile, of the happy glimmer in both of their eyes, and his panic retreated, shoved back by the memory of their joy. He’d done that. He’d made them hopeful, made them happy, promised them that things would get better until they believed it. Ethan thought he could feel tears building in his eyes, his sinuses burning, but he wasn’t sure. He thought about the way Lex laughed at him when he did something dumb, exactly the reaction he was always trying to provoke from her, and let out a small, wet laugh himself.

Black and White, the voice whispered eerily, and Ethan startled. Were his eyes closed now? He realised they were, and he cracked them open slowly. At first he could barely tell the difference between his eyes being open and shut, the Black around him as absolute as it had a few hysteric minutes ago. But then, as his eyes flickered around the infinite darkness, it began to lighten.

The change was hardly noticeable at first, the pitch-black void only lightening by a few degrees to a deep, dark grey, but it was enough. He gasped, shakily, and tears filled his eyes again, this time with relief. He didn’t know what was happening, but he knew that the penetrating darkness was becoming lighter and that was good enough for him. He focused on the memory of how tightly Lex had clung to him, wrapping her legs around his waist and laughing into his neck when he told them how much money they were going to make, when she realised they were really going to make it California, and the dim grey lightened even further. He thought of Hannah on a good day, how she smiled when he called her Banana and talked back to him in her own stilted way, and the world got brighter. He let himself feel how much he loved his girls, his family, the sheer force of his emotion overwhelming him even as tinged with worry, concern and grief as it was, and soon the Black turned completely to White. 

He was still floating, it was still infinite and all-encompassing and terrifying, but it was… safer, than the Black. It wasn’t driving him insane, it wasn’t smothering him, it wasn’t trapping him, it was just holding him in place. He was kind of... resting there, clinging to the thoughts of his family. At least here he could see, though the bright White of it all threatened to hurt his eyes with how it shone. His dark, worn leather jacket contrasted sharply with the colourless background, and he took comfort in its familiarity, hugging his arms around himself. Ethan simply stood and breathed for God-knows how long, readjusting to his setting. Well, standing didn’t seem entirely accurate (nothing felt solid here, not even the space beneath his feet), but nevertheless, it was an improvement to the Black.

It still wasn’t great, though

It was silent again, that strange, ethereal voice having disappeared. And he was still alone, lingering isolated in a boundless void. He tried to focus on the memories of Lex and Hannah again, and they came surprisingly easy in this place. Far easier than they had in the Black, at least. He was beginning to feel sane again, his mind less tortured.

And then, after an indeterminate amount of time, there was the faintest boom-crash noise that shook him from his stupor. He looked up, glancing around for the source of the noise, but the White remained as unfathomably blank as it had always been. And then, from behind him moments later, there was a voice. It was trembling and wavering, choked-up and terrified. It was heart-wrenchingly, achingly familiar.

“Ethan?” Lex’s voice warbled.

Ethan spun around so fast he was surprised he didn’t get whiplash, his plaid shirt twisting about his legs. Lex and Hannah stood a way away from him, holding each other, staring at him in shock. Their very presence made the White seem more solid, more like a real place, and the relief at seeing their figures there made him slump in on himself, a sharp exhale tearing its way out of him. Tears rose in his eyes, but this time he knew for sure he was almost crying because Lex and Hannah blurred and doubled in his vision.

“Lex! Hannah!” he yelled, and bolted towards them, feet hitting the White ground solidly and taking him swiftly towards his girls.

They stood in place, looking shocked until he got close enough to see the tears glimmering in their eyes. He stopped jarringly once he got that close, suddenly afraid they’d disappear like mist in the wind if he touched them.

“Are you guys really here?” he asked, voice shaking. The girls stared at him, Lex’s eyes roving up and down his body in panic while Hannah stared directly at his face, eyes wide and shiny. Then, all of a sudden Lex broke down, her face crumpling with gut-wrenching tears. Ethan inadvertently let out a wounded noise, reaching out for her.

“Ethan, you fucking died?” she sobbed.

“What?” he asked stupidly, then blinked and shook his head slightly, his worry about Lex overtaking his fear and current existential crisis. “I mean, yeah, I guess so, I think I got stabbed a while ago. But does that mean the two of you are dead?! Oh my God, are you two okay? How did you die?!” he asked rapid-fire, frantic. He finally got the guts to rest his hand on Lex’s arm and, to his staggering relief, she remained solid under his palm. Lex sobbed again, and released Hannah in order to wrap her arms tightly around Ethan’s waist and mash him into her, her face pressing into his chest and her tears soaking through his shirt. 

“I don’t know, dude, I think we got fucking nuked? Or hit by a meteor? I don’t know,” she cried. Ethan didn’t really know how to process the idea of fucking Hatchetfield getting nuked, so he shoved it to the back of his mind and focused instead on comforting his girlfriend. Hannah took a step back from them when Ethan curled around Lex, but neither of them noticed. Ethan wrapped an arm around his girlfriend’s back and brushed one hand gently through her hair, making soft, helpless noises at her.

“Hey, hey, babe, it’s okay!” he soothed, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head. Her grip tightened around him. “Shh, you’re alright. I’m alright. We’re all alright, okay? We’re all here together now. It’s alright,” he rambled, ducking his face down next to hers until she blinked her eyes open and sniffled, bringing her arm up to wipe away her tears with her sleeve. Unfortunately, Ethan had experience dealing with a crying Lex, though every time it occurred he fervently wished he’d never have to see her cry again, that she’d never be so sad again.

“You okay?” he murmured, rubbing his palms soothingly up and down her back, and she nodded shakily, taking a tiny step back and clinging onto his hand.

“Yeah,” she croaked. “Good as I can be considering I’m dead, I ‘spose. What about you?”

“I’m, well… I’m a lot better now that you two are here,” he admitted, before turning to the other girl. 

Ethan tried to summon up a brave smile for Hannah, not wanting to alarm her any more than what had already been done.

“What about you, then?” he inquired, grasping for some sense of familiarity. “What’s shakin’, Banana?” He stepped forward slightly and raised his arms for a hug.

Hannah took a step back.

Ethan froze.

“Hannah?” he asked quietly, surprised.

“Bad,” Hannah whispered after a beat, watching him warily, though she sounded confused. Ethan’s arms lowered, hurt. He exchanged a wide-eyed glance with Lex, who looked startled.

“What do you mean, Banana?” he asked, going for a cheerful tone, though it sounded shaky even to his own ears.

“Saw you, on the balcony. Wanted Wiggly. Bad double,” Hannah said, arms wrapping around herself. Ethan frowned.

“What? I haven’t seen you since, uh, the Cineplex, bud,” he replied, frowning slightly. “Are you sure it was me?” Hannah paused at that, assessing him, her eyes flickering up and down him and a crease furrowing her brow.

“...No?” she said stiltedly, sounding more confused than ever. Then she tilted her head as though she was listening to someone, and refocused on Ethan. “Not you, not Ethan... a double? You are... the real Ethan?” she asked. Ethan cocked his head, frowning in concern, but slowly nodded;

“Yeah, Banana,” he assured. “I’m the real Ethan, you know me.” He hesitantly made to step forward, but when Hannah leaned away he immediately stopped and retreated. Lex was staring at them both, but Ethan kept his gaze on Hannah. “It’s alright, Hannah. You’re safe,” he soothed. 

He didn’t know what she’d seen after he died, but it had obviously scared her and it obviously had something to do with him. Maybe she’d seen his body or something? He didn’t know, maybe he’d ask later, but right now he just wanted to reassure her. He hated seeing that scared look in her eyes. He waited patiently for a minute, tense silence falling over the three of them. Then very, very slowly, Hannah reached out and snagged his leather jacket between his fingers. She rubbed the material for a moment then looked him directly in the eyes, something she rarely did. Her brown eyes searched his blue ones intently, looking for something like a lie or a hint of mania, but when she found nothing her expression crumpled, much like Lex’s had minutes before.

“Ethan,” she cried, and barreled into him with a fierce hug. He froze, stunned, but his shock barely lasted a moment and he wrapped his arms around her in return, squeezing her softly.

““Hey, Banana,” he smiled. “Good to see you.”

“Missed you,” she sniffed.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, kiddo. I missed you too,” he sighed. Lex made an aw sound next to them, then wormed her way into the embrace. Ethan lifted an arm to box her in and pressed a kiss to her damp cheek. They stayed like that for a while, swaying together in their little group, and even though he was still surrounded by the vast White Ethan almost felt alive again.

“I love you guys,” he said softly, and they all separated slightly. It was an easy thing to say, in the face of death itself. He did love them, why bother hiding it? They already knew he loved them, of course, but he wanted to reiterate it. Lex smiled at him and leaned in for a soft kiss.

“We love you too, babe,” she said. He wrapped her in a side-hug and entwined his fingers with hers, while Hannah clung to Lex’s other hand, and they all stood in sombre, companionable silence for a bit. 

“What now?” Lex eventually asked. . “I don’t know,” Ethan admitted. “I don’t even know where we are. When I pictured death, I never really imagined this.”

“We’re in the White,” Hannah informed them. When Ethan focused on her he noticed she looked remarkably well-adjusted for a 10-year old girl who’d just died and found herself in some kind of alternate dimension.

“Yeah?” Lex encouraged, and Ethan realised she didn’t seem to be questioning it all that much either.

God, he was so fucking confused.

“I wish we were in California,” he sighed mournfully. Lex squeezed his hand, and when he looked at her she mustered a small, forlorn smile.

“It was a good dream,” she said. He nodded, but didn’t know how to reply.

“California has beaches,” Hannah said. Ethan raised an eyebrow at her.

“It sure does,” Lex agreed. Hannah frowned.

“Webby says…” she paused, frowning, and then looked up at them, big eyes bright. “California,” she said, and her eyelids fluttered shut. Lex and Ethan shared a bewildered look, but after a moment of silent conversation something else caught Ethan’s eye.

A way in front of them, the White was steadily turning blue. A picturesque, postcard perfect blue. And it was moving, swelling, gently rising and falling. And then the ground directly beneath them began to shift and crunch under their feet, turning golden and grainy. The space above them turned periwinkle blue and fluffy, cottony clouds appeared out of thin air to dot the sky, perfectly shaped as though they were born straight from a child’s imagination. Far, far above them the sun slipped out from behind one of those clouds, yellow and warm in the most delicious way.

Lex tilted her face upwards and closed her eyes, letting the light play upon her skin, a delighted smile lifting her the corners of her mouth. Ethan admired his girlfriend for a moment, taking in how peaceful she looked before following her lead and tilting his face to the sky, letting his eyes slide shut.

A cool, gentle wind began to ruffle its way through his dark curls, bringing with it the tang of salt and the joyous cry of seabirds. The crash of waves gently pounding against the sand had him open his eyes again, and he looked out at the paradise that had just been created. The ocean stretched for miles, as far as his eye could see, before disappearing into the horizon where its cool blue blended seamlessly with the sky. He’d never seen the ocean in real life before. He shifted, looking down, and watched soft golden sand spill over the toes of his black boots. He blinked against the sea breeze and watched the sunlight glitter off the crystalline water, and without truly intending to, he smiled. 

Ethan looked down at Hannah, who was only just reopening her eyes, and watched the astonishment and delight fill her features as she took in the view. 

“It’s heaven,” Lex breathed to his left.

“California,” Hannah agreed, and Ethan laughed, tipping his head back.

“No,” he said sincerely, “It’s something even better.” He squeezed their hands happily, and they squeezed back. The three of them stood in a line, holding hands on the paradisaical beach made just for them, and watched the ocean sparkle cheerily for the first time in their lives. And, Ethan realised, it finally felt like a happy ending.

I hope you enjoyed! Reblogs are very appreciated <3

[fireflysummers]

Mob Psycho 100 Fanfiction I Have Loved The Stars Too Fondly

Forced to live through his worst nightmare, Mob searches for the strength to overcome himself.

(Mob wins. But at what cost?)

Shigeo hasn't stopped screaming since Hanazawa called him back from the darkness. Although nobody could hear him, he screamed for them to run, begged them not to stand and fight.

(Nobody listens. He leaves them, broken in the rubble behind them. Familiar faces, people he had fought against, fought with...all united to stop him)

There had been a moment of hope when he saw the man--the President of Claw--descending on them to fight.  Whether out of anger or resentment, he'd thought for a brief moment that the man wouldn't hold back. That he could end this, once and for all, before anybody else got hurt.

But people change. He knows that better than anybody, and the disgraced leader of Claw was no different. Although he fights at full power, full of arrogance and pride...the man has a debt to pay.  Even as Shigeo struggles against himself, to contain his power for a fraction of a second, to give an opening that could end things...Suzuki Touchirou chooses to spare him.

After all this time, it seemed the lonely, bitter man was finally growing up.  Shigeo can't even fault him for that.

In the end, he flees, leaning heavily on the son who had despised him.

(It would not be so bad, to think that his words and his actions hadn't been for nothing. It would not be so bad if the cost of good deeds was his damnation.)

And then Ritsu is there.

He doesn't even see him coming, but he's suddenly there, standing directly in Shigeo's path.

There's terror in his little brother's eyes. He's not trying to hide it. Yet he stands stalwartly, trying to hide the tremble in his hands.

No matter how he begs and cries, his brother remains. No matter how he struggles to regain mastery of his powers, it's too much and he's too little.

Despair closes in, and still Shigeo struggles, refusing to stand idly while the world crumbles around him. Begging, pleading, even as his soul stretches and tears under the strain of trying to compare himself. As the threads of his very being begin to fray.

And suddenly, he remembers.

It always comes when he needs it most, the last stand against the darkness.  The strength of the soul he didn't realize he had.

100% Courage

Shigeo feels it come, the swelling power at his very core. Courage to stand for what is right. A power for protection, a power for saving others.  The only thing that he's ever wanted.

It's not enough, he knows, to reign in the massive, animalistic power, as raw and feral as the ancient world itself.  At the est of times, he used it to cap the power, the contain it, but now? The container is broken, and there is no way to capture it all.

And so he lets it go.

Shigeo's footsteps falter, then come to a stop a few inches from his younger brother. The bouquet hangs, barely intact, fingers curled loosely against the ragged celophane. An eerie stillness hangs in the air.

And then, as though the world had been holding its breath, it sighs. The power that Shigeo had amassed, returned to the earth around him.

It should have been an explosion, but it isn't. There's something gentle directing the massive flow of energy, pooling and restoring the mass of destruction left in its wake.  It isn't enough power to contain such massive energy. Perhaps no power on earth could contain it. But he could do this much. Shigeo knew he could.

Ritsu watches in wonder as cracked streets heal themselves, and building erect themselves from rubble. There is a creaking and groaning as the laws of entropy themselves are  reversed. And then his eyes return to the face of his brother, no longer twisted in an empty, feral similitude of the person he knows and loves.

Shigeo looks back, eyes gentle and calm and bright. His hair floats around him, suspended in the air in an ethereal way. Tears trace down his face, down his chin, a peaceful smile lingering on his lips.

"Nii-san," Ritsu breaths out, hesitating, still afraid to touch his brother. "Are you...are you all right? You're bleeding, what happened?"

"I did it, Ritsu." There's satisfaction in Shigeo's words, and they would have sound excited if he didn't already sound so, so tired. "I finally did it.  I was afraid I'd never master it...but I think I won, in the end."

"You...yes, you did, but do we need to go to the hospital, Shige?"

Shigeo's smile turns just a little bit sadder. "I don't think they can help me now, Ritsu."

Ritsu stares, uncomprehending.

"My vessel is broken, and I couldn't fix it. I managed to stop the power from exploding out of me, but....that's all." Mob hums, a bit to himself, "I think Hanazawa is still hurt. Will you...will you make sure that he's okay, Ritsu? And ah. You're friend, Shou. He was here too. And the 7th Division Claw members. And...Ritsu? Ritsu why are you crying?"

Ritsu is looking at the ground (unbroken) beneath his feet, fists clenched and tears streaming down his face. He grits his teeth, trying to control his shaking breath. It's a fight he loses, the words breaking out in broken sobs.

"Why are you so worried about other people!" he manages, "You should be worrying about yourself!"

"Oh. Ah.  I thought. Well. There's nothing you can do for me. There's nothing anybody can do for me." Slowly, as though moving through water, Shigeo reaches his arms forward, pulling his younger brother into a hug. Even then the movements are stiff, and it's up to Ritsu to hold him tight enough to hurt. Shigeo doesn't even flinch.

"I'm sorry Ritsu," he says.

He's out of time. He can feel the last swell of power fading, his soul itself stretching and fading like dying embers.

"Take care of mom and dad," Shigeo says, "And Master Reigen. Please. For me."

"I will," Ritsu mumbles, face buried in Shigeo's shoulder, "I'll make you proud, I promise."

"Thank you. I'm sorry."

And then everything comes to a grinding halt, the world reforming in the wake of a new power.  Shigeo recognizes it immediately, and doesn't try to fight it. Knows he doesn't stand a chance were he to try.

"I don't think that my body will be of any used to you, Mogami-san." The threads tying him to this world are snapping, one by one, but here, in the mind world, time crawls to a halt. Shigeo is so, so tired, but there is still business to attend to it seems.  "I don't have the power to stop you, though, anymore."

The shadow at the edge of his mind doesn't react, but it appears to glower at him. They remain that way, precious limited time slipping, slipping away.

"So you're really satisfied?" the grudge asks at length, aware that time is limited, "You're fine with just...vanishing now."

Shigeo hums without any real commitment, but that seems to anger the spirit more.

"Pathetic. After everything you've done coming to nothing, you're willing to just roll over and die," Mogami snarls, coming closer, a vibrant mass of wrathful energy.

"I did fight," Shigeo says simply, "I won. I think that's why I'm moving on, and I'm not trapped here like you."

"Just because I'm gone doeesn't mean that everything was pointless either, Mogami-san.  Maybe you're right, and that there's no real point to being born. But I think that just because something wasn't born with value, doesn't make it worthless.  I think...I was worth something, in the end. So. I'm not afraid."

Shigeo pauses. "I'm sorry I couldn't help too, in the end."

Mogami rears back, as though struck, then lunges forward as though to attack. Shigeo  doesn't flinch, doesn't try to move. There's not enough power in him left to fight this.

The blow never lands. Instead he feels Mogami's presence rear back, then vanish altogether.

With a sigh, Mob relaxes, expecting the mind scape to fade, and with it the last of his time.

But the mindscape doesn't fade, held together by another power beyond his own. There's somebody else with him  now, a familiar aura. But unlike Mogami's, this one is...comforting.

There's a man standing beside him, tall and dark, eying him with a shrewd, disapproving glance. Eventually, the man lifts a hand and places it on Shigeo's shoulder, solidifying the ethereal form that was beginning to fade entirely.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Shige-chan?" the man asks, annoyed aloofness disguising genuine concern.

Shigeo smiles. "I thought I told you I'd exorcise you, if you ever called me that again Dimple."

The man shrugs and grins, his human form so different from the spirit Shigeo had known, yet so much the same. "You'd be hard pressed to do that now. I've more or less moved on, whether or not I wanted it."

"I see," Shigeo says. He takes a step closer, leans forward, and gently rests his head against Dimple's chest. For a moment, the spirit stiffens, unsure of what to do with this, but eventually settles on rubbing soothing circles into Shigeo's back.

"I'm happy I got to see you again. I didn't get a chance to say thank you."

"What for the broccoli thing? I'm pretty sure I caused the whole trouble in the first place."

"No. More...in general. Thank you, for being my friend," Shigeo explains, "I'm glad that you're here now. I would probably get lost, trying to find my way to rest."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there."  Dimple pulls away from him then, hands on both of Shigeo's shoulders. "What's with this quitter talk? I didn't come all this way just to have you die on me."

"I don't have the power," the boy replies, and his voice is sad but still unafraid.

"I'm well aware." Dimple crosses his arms and scowls. "At the end of the day, it's always about you having enough power to save everybody else. It seems to me that it's about time that somebody repaid the favor."

Mob stares at him, uncomprehending.

Then he feels the aura gently sweeping through him--his physical body and mindscape, healing the cracks and rubble much like he had done to the city around him.  His ethereal form begins to solidify, grounded and gaining strength.

"Consider it a parting gift," Dimple says, taking a moment to ruffle Mob's hair.  The spirit's form is fading now.  "My thanks to you, for showing me the way. And for waiting so long to uphold my end of the deal to come home later."

"I'll see you later, partner.  But not too soon, you hear me?"

And then Dimple is gone.

His mind and soul and body are still fractured, Shigeo is sure of that.  But the way forward is clear now, and so he gathers what little strength he has left...and returns.

[sapphicalexaandra]

Back To Me (2/3)

Pairing: Jace/Alec

Rating: M

Summary: Jace and Alec have decided to stay separated. Will they ever find their way back to each other?

Izzy's in trouble, Jace is angry, and Alec struggles with a decision.

Notes:  Second chapter of the last installment of the ‘Strangers’ series, sequel of ‘We’re Not Lovers’ and ‘I Will Follow You Into The Dark’

Chapter 2: When i know that every minute you’ll be back to me

It was only right, ending up alone, walking in the cold night.

Because it wasn’t as if his realization meant that he could crawl back to Jace, throwing away all the reasons why he had let him go in the first place. It just meant that he would stop trying to fool himself into thinking that he could ever move on. He’d just keep loving Jace without ever being able to express it, as was already standard procedure.

Fortunately – no, very, very unfortunately – Alec was teared away from his problems when he suddenly heard a struggle going on in a back alley, punctuated by the tell-tale sounds of vampire growls.

He did see it as a welcome distraction at first…but only up until he saw that the person being surrounded by vampires was his own sister.

“Get away from her if you care about your lives!” he shouted, an arrow already having dissolved one of the attackers.

When Raphael Santiago also appeared, the space had already been cleared - vampires had too good a sense of self-preservation, which Alec would’ve rather they didn’t in that moment.

Alec quickly rushed to catch Izzy, who was a second away from falling.

“Iz, hey, it’s okay, they’re go-”

“NO!”

Izzy pushed on his chest so hard that she managed to free herself from his hold, as Alec stumbled backwards. His eyes widened, and only then did he see his sister.

Her skin was deadly pale, drops of sweat highlighting the unnatural luminescence, and her eyes were unfocused, as she tripped over her own feet, barely able to keep herself upright.

“I needed them! Go away!” she screamed at him, until she noticed Raphael, and she literally pounced on him, grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket. “Help. Me,” she begged, her voice nothing like Izzy’s.  

Alec had a hard time getting out of his shocked state, but when he did, he sprung forward, going to circle Izzy’s middle to drag her away from the vampire. “Iz, let him go, come away, what is going on…?”

“LET ME GO! LET ME GO!”

Fighting against a thrashing Izzy, Alec still managed to hear Raphael when he said, “It’s the yin fen. It’s a powerful drug, made of vampire venom…she’s hooked on it.”

Alec’s insides turned to ice, and Izzy took advantage of that to get out of his hold once more.

“NO! I NEED IT! IT’S…I NEED IT! YOU WON’T KEEP ME AWAY FROM IT!”

She leapt on Raphael again, but this time Alec was ready. He signaled Raphael with his eyes, right before swiftly taking out his stele and starting to trace a sleeping rune on Izzy’s neck as the vampire caught her in a deadly grip.

The rune’s effect was immediate, and she couldn’t even put up a fight before she was securely in Alec’s arm, unconscious.

Alec squared Raphael up and down. “Do you have anything to do with this?” he asked in a low tone, and he knew that Raphael sensed the danger behind his apparent calm.

“I swear it’s the first I see of this, I recognized the symptoms,” Raphael answered.

He didn’t bulk under Alec’s icy glare, so Alec nodded at him in the end. “Thank you. Don’t let it get out with anybody else. And do you know how she can get off it?”

Alec ran all the way back to the Institute, entering from the back door to sneak Izzy into her room without anyone noticing.

Once she was safely in her bed, Alec cleaned out the room of every single stele or hidden weapon, then he applied runes on every single entrance until they were entirely locked in, no one outside that could hear them. That should do it.

He should’ve seen it, he should’ve took notice of her, he should’ve investigated at the first sign…even if he could never have imagined any of this, how could he have been so caught up in his own personal drama while his sister got hooked on drugs?! He was not only the worst boyfriend, he was a failure as a big brother, too.

So when Izzy woke, he was ready for her to throw everything she had at him, as he would probably have to keep her from getting out against her will. It’d be messy, it’d be painful, but she needed to sweat it out, and he would be there for her through it all.

And it did take a long, long time before they stopped screaming, as she attacked him or every other object in the room.

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I NEED IT!”

“YOU DON’T NEED IT, IZ, YOU DON’T! WHY SHOULD YOU NEED IT?”

“IT HELPS ME!”

“IT DOES NOT! WHAT DOES IT NEED TO HELP YOU FOR?”

“FOR…THINGS! IT HELPS ME BE BETTER, BE STRONGER, MORE…PERFECT! NOTHING YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND!”

“YOU ARE THE BEST, STRONGEST PERSON I KNOW! NO DRUG COULD EVER COMPARE TO THAT!”

“MOM DOESN’T THINK SO!”

“Mom?!” Alec lowered his voice. “Is it about what…the demon made you say? You think you’re not the favorite?”

Izzy simply screamed and threw a chair across the floor, her eyes feral.

Alec sighed, something bleeding inside of him. “I know Mom is hard on us, on you especially. I know that the job we have can’t excuse it, but…I think Mom has been consumed by it, you know? She thought she needed to be hard to make herself pay off her debt to the Clave. I…but I’m sure she loves us. She loves you, Iz. I just think she’s too afraid to let herself show it.”

Izzy collapsed on the bed, hiding her face behind her hands, and Alec rushed towards her to hold her against his chest as she sobbed.

“I know it’s not much and you need to believe it yourself,” Alec told her softly, “but for me you don’t have one thing you need to change about yourself. I love you just the way you are, Iz.”

Izzy only cried harder. “I-I’m sorry. I d-don’t want to have to feel this way, b-but I don’t know w-what to do.”

Alec closed his eyes, holding her even tighter. “First, let’s get you off it, okay? Everything will look a lot better then…are you ready for it?”

“N-no. It b-burns! I don’t know if I c-can do it. I think I’m gonna d-die, if - if I could just have one last…”

“No, no more. I can’t let you, I’m sorry.” Izzy’s hands fisted around Alec’s already torn shirt, clawing at it even more. “And you won’t die. You are strong, and brave, and you will get through this. I know it.”

Izzy shook her head. “No, I’m not. Everyone thinks I am, but I-I’m not.”

Alec looked down at her head, buried into his chest. He threaded his fingers through her hair. “Of course everyone has their moments of weakness, and doubt, and fear…but it doesn’t mean that they’re not strong. I always admired you for how you faced everything coming at you headfirst, without ever compromising on who you were.” Unlike me.

Izzy didn’t respond, and she stayed silent for so long that Alec thought she had fallen asleep, until she spoke in a small voice, “M-mom is gonna kill me. She’s not gonna l-love me for this.”

Alec sighed. “Give her another chance, okay? If she says anything when you tell her, I will be by your side, always, but I want us all…to be a family.”

Izzy moved her head almost imperceptibly; Alec thought it was a nod, or at least that was what he hoped. Either way, he was finally able to help her into more comfortable clothes and into the bed without encountering any further resistance. Then he sat down next to her as she breathed uneasily against her pillow, shaken by uncontrollable tremors.

He didn’t want to ask, but he needed to. “Just tell me one thing. How?”

She shook for a few more minutes, before she could let the words out, “A-Aldertree. Gave it to me…to heal the demon wound.”

After that, she started throwing up, and Alec had to hold back her hair in the bathroom for the next hour. When it seemed like she was done, Alec reactivated her sleeping rune, to let her get some rest.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she sobbed in her pillow, her eyes already drooping.

“No, it’s not your fault. I…I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you before.”

But she was already asleep.

Alec quietly left the room, locking it behind himself, so that he could go change and…

Aldertree was out of his chair, slammed against the window with two hands around his throat, before he had even finished to greet Alec.

“Mr. Lightwood…I wouldn’t have…considered you one…for direct insubordination,” he strangled out, laughing as he chocked.

“I wouldn’t have considered you one for kicking my parabatai out and hooking my sister on a lethal drug,” Alec said, his anger vibrating loudly in the low sound of his voice.

As Aldertree’s eyes widened, Alec’s hands left his neck only to grab him by the lapels and slam him against another wall.

“I bet the Clave will be very happy to hear about it, and send you to a nice vacation on Wrangel Island,” Alec was still talking barely above a whisper, a few breaths away from Aldertree’s face.

“What…do you want?” Aldertree said back, his voice still strained.

“I call the shots from now on, if you know what’s good for you. And if I catch you threatening my family ever again…”

Aldertree nodded, and he slumped on the ground after Alec abruptly let him go.

“See you around, boss,” Alec said lightly as he left the office.

Alec went back to Izzy, who was thankfully still under the effect of the rune, and he let himself drop on the couch next to her bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

He was planning to hole the both of them up into Izzy’s room until she managed to shake the drug off, using as excuse that she had a very bad flu that she needed his assistance for…but finding himself with his little brother attached to his legs, complicated things a bit.

“Max! Mom? What are you doing here?”

“I’m about to get my first rune,” Max told him excitedly.

Maryse smiled down at him. “Yes. Alec, we’re here for the party and the ceremony. Since your father can’t get away from Idris, it’s on you organizing it for him.”

“Why is dad not coming?”

Maryse didn’t answer. “Where is Izzy?”

Alec stumbled for a solution, trying not to let it show that he was not very happy with his mother at the moment. When Izzy got better, she better be there for her daughter. “Mom, she’s…very sick. No, it’s better if you don’t go see her. I’m taking care of her and she doesn’t want to see anyone else. So, is it okay if we push it all back one week, at least? Eh, do you mind Max? I’m sure you want Izzy there, and she wouldn’t want to miss it…”

If that was solved, Alec still couldn’t spend his entire time with Izzy, if he wanted to do his job and not let Aldertree dictate things. He needed reinforcements.

“Jace, I need you,” he talked into the phone.

“Hey, what about? I’m kinda-”

“It’s Izzy, she’s not well. Please.”

At the sound of the familiar knock they had invented many years ago, Alec let Jace enter.

When Jace saw the state the room was in and the trembling ball huddled under the covers, his eyes widened almost to the size of his head. It was definitely not a nice sight, even if Alec had tried to clean up a bit.

“Yin fen. Aldertree got her hooked on it,” Alec told him. He suddenly felt very tired.  

“Yin fen? Aldertree? What the hell...and where is he?” Jace growled.

“Don’t worry, I already took care of him.”

Jace looked up at him. “You did? How, is he dead already?”

Alec gave a weak smile. Jace was only half joking, and he shared his sentiment all too well. “No. No need. I got him good, though. If he doesn’t want to face the Clave, he knows not to bother us anymore or boss us around.”

“So…the Institute’s back in your hands?”

“Yes.”

Jace smiled openly, until his eyes landed on Izzy again. “Go handle it then, I’ve got this.”

Alec swiftly wondered if he should tell Jace about Magnus…but he simply left the room.

When he got back, Izzy was snoozing on Jace’s lap, as the latter softly caressed her hair.

“You can come back, you know?” Alec told Jace when he was about to leave again. “You don’t need to stay at Magnus’s, Aldertree won’t dare say a word.”

“I’m not staying at Magnus’s anymore, I got a room somewhere else.”

Alec shrugged, as a reminder of his previous words.

“Yeah, I just…I’m not ready to come back yet. Call me when you need a switch, but I’ll be staying on my own for a while.”

Alec lowered his eyes. “Is it because…?”

“No, no, it’s not you. I just need some space…from everything, like I already told you.”

Alec reluctantly nodded. “Come back whenever you’re ready, then.”

Jace merely touched him on the shoulder in agreement, before going out. Alec sighed.

Izzy was still a mess, even if she had managed to hold in some food and her tremors had slightly eased. Alec prepared her a nice bubble bath, hoping that it would sooth her body, then he sat down on the floor next to the tub.

“How are you feeling?” he asked her.

“Like hell,” she shot back in a rough voice.

Alec snorted, far from amused. “Yeah.”

“But thank you, big bro, anyway,” she added more softly, “for everything you’re doing for me.”

“Shh, no need.”

“Yes, need. I don’t even want to think what would’ve happened if you hadn’t found me in that alley. At what point I would’ve gotten to before…”

“What matters is that you’re getting better now.”

Izzy let out a sound that Alec thought was a scoff. “It’s not gonna be over so easily, I’m afraid,” she admitted more quietly.

Alec sighed. “I know.” She most likely had more than a rough patch before her.

“Distract me, please,” she begged, her head slumped on the edge of the tub to look at him. “How did it go with Magnus, in the end? Was it good?” Her smirk was almost successful.

Alec looked at his wringing hands. “Didn’t happen.”

She paused. “Care to tell me why?”

“You know why.” She raised an eyebrow, clearly asking for more, and Alec rolled his eyes. “I just couldn’t do it. It didn’t…feel right. I…”

Izzy closed her eyes in understanding, and they fell silent.

“So, tell me…do you still love Jace?” she asked then.

Alec shrugged, refraining himself from saying duh. “I’ll always love Jace.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“I don’t know…I just don’t understand. This can only end up badly, yet you’re still both so stubbornly holding onto each other…”

“It’s not holding on. Hell, you don’t know how much I’ve let go, and it’s still not enough to…I can’t explain it, Iz. Not if you’ve never felt it.”

Izzy regarded him for a long while. “Alec, I’m sorry…it’s my fault, isn’t it? I convinced you to enter the parabatai bond with Jace…” Alec didn’t have the time to protest before she went on, “I just thought that you were being stupid for wanting something vague like love instead of the tangible, sacred, life-long bond that you could have, you know? But I’ve messed it up, haven’t I? I never thought it’d bring you so much pain, that it’d cause you so much trouble…”

“No, Iz, it’s not like that.” Alec tried to find the right words. “It wasn’t you, I would always make that same choice.” Alec looked directly at her. “It truly feels like the parabatai bond was always in our…destiny. And you know I’m not usually one for such sentimentalism, but when it comes to Jace I damn well am. I always felt that it was never either-or for us. It’s all or nothing. It’s our love that brought us to tie ourselves together for life, and without it, it would feel incomplete, you know? And our bond is raised by love to whole new levels…it’s amazing, Iz. I know we’ve never showed you, but it’s magic. And it’s not bad, there is nothing twisted about it…it’s beautiful. It’s a manifestation of us.”

Despite the fact that those words had been to try and make Izzy understand, Alec was still left to reflect on them just as well. He felt inundated all over again by feelings that he could do nothing about; his love for Jace, burning brighter and brighter every day, and the danger looming behind, threatening to squash it if it got any closer. Nothing would ever change, would it?

“Then go for it.”

Alec looked at Izzy with eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“I know what I said before, okay?” Izzy added, “But you’re right…something like this shouldn’t have to bow down to a stupid law. It’s too good to let it go. And Jace told me something similar, you know?”

“He…he did?” Alec didn’t know why he was so surprised, and touched by it.

“Yeah, he clearly feels the same way, about the bond being your destiny and all. Alec, just go for it.”

Alec’s hands were trembling, and he had to cross his arms over his chest to hold them in check. “We can’t. I can’t. After everything that’s happened, and could happen, I can’t throw away caution out of the window. I can’t lose you, or Jace, or our family, and if we’re found out I’m gonna lose it all.”

“You’ll be more careful, then! What happened with Hodge – yes, Jace told me – was just one incident.”

“That could happen again! There are still too many ways that…no, no, it can’t be done.” Alec closed his eyes, refusing to see the stern look Izzy was throwing at him.

“You want to live a life of regret?” When Alec didn’t give any sign of listening, Izzy sighed. “Fine. Do whatever you want. And I didn’t tell you all this to make you do anything anyway. I just want you to know that, whatever you decide, you don’t need to worry about me. You have my blessing.”

Izzy outstretched a hand, and Alec reluctantly held it.

That only felt like the next cruel joke.

Jace stared down at the sea of dead in front of him, caused by his own hand, and he was almost surprised that there existed a deeper rock bottom for him to reach. He had thought he had reached it many times already, after all…but no, there was always to dig.

When Alec entered the room, and started surveying the disaster with dread on his face, Jace wanted to find a shovel straight away.

“You did this. You activated the sword?” Alec asked in a stony voice, and Jace’s insides completely crumpled in on themselves even when he realized that he was addressing Clary, and not him.

“No, I…” Clary started, but Jace interrupted her.

“I did it. I thought…I was destroying it,” Jace admitted. He couldn’t tell how he sounded.

Alec looked at him then, and Jace saw as his expression turned softer, the one he always had when Jace was hurt and he was about to rush to comfort him. Jace couldn’t let him, not this time, not ever.

Sending a last look at the wreckage and at the three people surrounding him, Jace bolted out of the room.

“Jace!” he heard Alec call after him, but he ignored him, and kept running and running, until he was out of the Institute, screaming for Valentine’s name.

When he saw him…he pounced.

In the end, watching Valentine be taken away wasn’t as much of a relief as it should’ve been; because Valentine could tell him honestly that he loved him in the same breath that he revealed another one of the lies he had told Jace all his life. Valentine wasn’t his real father…and Jace didn’t know who he was anymore.

Jace could only start aimlessly wandering the corridors of the Institute, then. No ties and only death behind him.

But not entirely. Of course, another pair of feet was following him.

“Go away, Alec!” he called out.

“Jace, please, stop!”

Jace only quickened his pace. Alec did, too. Then Jace was running, and Alec was too.

The wooden panels had turned into a blur before a pair of arms managed to shoot around him, and Jace had to struggle to shake them off. They tumbled around the corridor, hitting every surface, wrestling and shouting at each other…but in the end, Jace lost all his fuel. When Alec crowded him against a wall, he let himself slump on the ground with a sound of defeat, bringing Alec down with him.

Twenty years of pain inflicted to him by someone who wasn’t even his real father couldn’t help but come out of him right then and there. For the first time in…ever, the tears didn’t want to be held in, and Jace was left sobbing and crying in Alec’s arms like a child. The child that he had never gotten to be.

“I’m angry because he tricked me all my life into thinking he was my father,” Jace shouted, landing a blow on Alec’s blades.

It was the next evening, and Alec had somehow convinced him to do this.

“Because he raised me as an experiment.”

Another blow that Alec parried.

“He taught me that love was a weakness, and made me scared to love anyone but him, the only one who could supposedly understand me.”

He twirled his blades and this time contact with Alec’s made sparks fly.

“He tortured me, lied and manipulated me more times than I can count, made me kill innocent people!”

Alec’s swords flew from his hands.

Jace stopped, breathing in and out, in and out. His head was dizzy, and he didn’t know if he felt better or worse.

“Okay. We can take a break,” Alec said. Jace would’ve taken it, and maybe he could’ve even managed to fling himself into Alec’s arms once more without encountering protests, but he was only afraid he’d start crying again.

“No, I’m not tired. Are you, old man?” Jace managed a smirk, and was glad to see that it caused a smile to appear on Alec’s face, too.

“Wanna go hand to hand?”

Jace didn’t know if Alec realized how many octaves his tone of voice had dropped, but Jace welcomed the shivers that that sent him all too eagerly.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

They were on the floor a moment later, and this time their wrestling had nothing of the defeat and desperation that it’d had the day before. Jace, even if he wasn’t better altogether, in that moment did let lighter, more soothing emotions in, having them flow through their bond until him and Alec burned brighter than all Jace’s past or present afflictions. Even if he had been skeptic, now Jace was grateful that Alec had convinced him to ‘unload’ like that.

“I’m angry because I don’t know where I come from or who I am,” Jace said, turning Alec’s grip around so that he could pin him on the floor.

“I’m angry because my life keeps being turned upside down every two days.”

Alec got free, and tried to pin him down, but Jace wrapped his legs around his neck to keep him at bay.

“And I’m angry at you.”

Alec stopped any movement, and looked down at Jace for a long minute. In the end, he simply nodded, mutely.

“I’m not exactly angry,” Jace felt the need to add, “I just…I’m tired of this. I’m tired of not being with you.” The one good thing in his life, being forcefully kept away from him for…reasons.

Alec bit his lip, and they must’ve both realized the position they were in, because Alec’s grip shook around Jace’s hand, hands that were not hanging far away from Jace’s crotch. Like Alec’s crotch wasn’t too far away from Jace’s…ass. Things were getting interesting…

“But isn’t Clary not your sister anymore? Don’t you want to get on that?”

Jace internally sighed. “And ruin what she has going on with Simon, you mean?”

“What, you really think that you’re so irresistible that she’d dump him as soon as she finds out that you’re not related?”

“You definitely cannot talk about finding me irresistible.”

Alec bit his lip even more. “Touché.”

Jace sighed openly now, before twisting his legs and managing to slam Alec on the ground.

“Have you not realized by now? I don’t want Clary, nor anybody else…” Alec managed to turn around, but Jace kept him in place, straddling him, his hands on Alec’s chest, a moment later, “that isn’t you.”

Jace grind down for emphasis, and Alec’s mouth opened wide, even though Alec didn’t let out any sound. Jace, instead, closed his eyes for a moment, shivering all over.

Then he simply let himself fall on his back right next to Alec, who in turn didn’t move a muscle.

“I think I won that one,” Jace quipped, even if he wasn’t feeling it. When Alec didn’t say anything, Jace just continued, “I know what we agreed on, okay? But I just hate it, I’m sick of pretending otherwise. It makes me sick thinking of you with someone else, that’s why I left Magnus’s place.”

Alec looked at him. “I’m not with Magnus anymore. I haven’t been for…weeks.”

“What?” Jace’s eyes shot out of his head. “Why am I just hearing this?!”

“We were busy, with Izzy, Max, Valentine and all. I didn’t think it worth mentioning, since…it doesn’t change much. We weren’t not together because of him.”

Jace huffed, turning his gaze on the sky to not keep looking at Alec. “Then why did you leave him?”

Alec paused for so long that Jace didn’t think he would answer him. “I couldn’t be with him. It just…it felt like cheating, all of it. I felt like I was cheating on you.”

Jace snorted this time, still not meeting Alec’s eyes. “You were not, okay? You can go back, don’t worry.”

He felt Alec shuffling, getting on his side to better face him. “I know it wasn’t technically true or rational, but that was how it felt. Jace, let’s face it, no matter what we say or agree on, we are always together. We’ve never not been together ever since we kissed the first time.”

Jace let one skeptical eye land on Alec. “Did you smoke anything recently?”

Alec rolled his eyes. “No. I’m serious. I know you get what I mean. Izzy told me what you told her about our bond.”

“Snitch.”

“After I told her something similar.”

“You did? You said that we were always meant to love each other, and that our parabatai bond was always meant to heighten that?”

“Yeah.”

Jace pondered that for a while, then he had to sigh again. “Yeah, I felt the same, about the cheating, even back when I was with Clary. And I couldn’t even get it up for the girls I tried to pick up at the bar.”

This time it was Alec’s turn to be skeptical. “No, that I don’t believe. I think you managed just fine this summer.”

“That was this summer. I was pissed and wanted to get back at you. It’s not like that, now, because I don’t want to hate you. I just want to love you.”

Alec laid on his back again, closing his eyes. “I know. Me, too.”

“Then what are we doing, Alec?”

Jace’s arm seemed to move on its own accord, inching closer to the hand Alec had on the floor. When Alec let him interlock their fingers together, a small flame of hope lit up in Jace.

“Jace, you’re my parabatai, but you’re also everything else. You’re everything to me, period,” Alec said in a solemn tone.

“So can we…?”

“Yes,” Alec turned his head towards him, and Jace’s face was breaking out into the biggest smile. “The only thing we can’t be is lovers, but yes, we’re together.”

Jace’s heart missed a beat, as Jace blinked, his face falling. “What? What do you mean? Like…platonically together, or something?”

Alec nodded. “It’s a thing that exists, right? I love you, and I’ll never want to be with anyone but you, but we can’t do…eros. You know we can’t risk it again.”

Jace sat up, suddenly feeling the cold of the ground, before he looked down at Alec. “And what does that mean, exactly? Like, can I kiss you?”

Alec swallowed down. “No.”

“Can I sleep in your room?”

Alec shook his head.

“Hold your hand?”

“Only when we’re alone.”

Jace let out a sound of exasperation, rising his eyes to the heavens. “Then what’s the fucking difference? It’s still a secret relationship that’ll get us in trouble no matter if we sleep together or not. At this point, why not go full on?”

Alec got upright as well, placing his elbows on his knees as he passed his hands through his hair, messing it up more than it already was. “At least this way we can more easily pull off that it’s just us being as close as any parabatai should be! Listen, Jace, I’m just trying to, to do some damage control here, cause I just can’t, I can’t lose…”

“I know, I know.” Jace placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder, his stomach clenching. “You’re right. And know that I do appreciate what you do, I love you for always trying to protect everyone, even if it’s so damn frustrating at times.” Jace took a deep breath. “Okay, fine, let’s have this new arrangement.”

When Alec smiled, relief and gratefulness clear on his face, Jace could only hug him as tight as he could, placing a kiss on his head without being stopped. He would do anything for this wonderful idiot.

At least, that one was to like a bit more than the other arrangement. Because it meant that Alec could live with himself, while still being with him. It meant that Alec was his again, and nobody else’s, ever. It meant that they could pass all the time they wanted together without having to try to move on from each other. It meant they could hold each other, and not let go, when they had a hard time living.