#anyam

[go-bac]

[abs0luteb4stard]

I'm sure I have little value to anyone except my mom and dad. And my dad is gone forever. After that last one, my mom, - I will have no value to anyone.

I only carry on in my father's good faith with a lifelong wounded spirit because he'd want me to keep trying.

I feel like one day it's possible I'll leave my mom in favor of my suicidal ideation. Then she'll be alone.

I don't want that. But it is my one big fear. Among the rest..

I may hold out and continue this cursed fucking life. Maybe she'll die first, old old age 105 years old, if we're lucky. Butt after that I don't feel like there's any guarantee that I might live another day or a year or 10 years.

I'll really have nobody then. None of our extend family are any good. Or friends in my age group. I like them, but there's no connections in my life like my parents. Nobody that will listen to my humor or laugh at things. Or hug me for real.

My parents are my soulmates in that sense. Nobody has ever really understood me or cared for me or given me the benefit of the doubt. Truest Unconditional Love.

I've tried so hard to find natural closeness. They're often empty or forced. At worst they take advantage of me. Or they don't respect boundaries. Or they judge me. Or abandon me.

The future is a lonely place for me with half-friendships and careless idiots. There's a few people I like, but they're far away or have better social and self independence abilities. Or different lives that I am not something that fits into. Even for a visit every few weeks or months or at all.

[abs0luteb4stard]

I dunno how that brings him comfort or a kind of peace. I guess I've never given a shit enough about that wide of a scope that parents die and everyone will experience that. Or about people I've never known or will ever know. And whom don't give a shit about.

He took her death in a good healthy way i guess. Or a different way. He's also successful and seemingly well adjusted person. I'm glad for him.

But mine weighs heavy on me. The next 15-20 years will be scary uncertain. when my mom goes where does that leave me?.

I'll be anxious every minute until then. Afterwards i might not be around much longer. I don't have anyone else besides my parents.

--

I wrote this comment a month before my mom's uterus cancer diagnosis. It's an aggressive type. Even if treatment goes good, the prognosis is poor.

There's not exactly a long term. Statistically it's 5 years. We decided we're going to try to beat that best we can.

You can't imagine my shock seeing this in My drafts and realizing that my timetable got cut so drastically in a matter of days.

I'll never find that closure Andrew Garfield has. I still haven't found it with my dad's death from dementia.

-

MY ADVICE: Do not leave anything unsaid. Don't wait until their deathbed to say things.

Tell your parents everything you've ever felt, or hurt, or loved. Be uncomfortably candid. Tell them everything they comes to mind. Do it while they're alive and cognitive abilities are still there. Have deep levels of conversation. You don't need a confessional, be open and deep with your parents, even as an adult, if you're able and they're those kind of people.

It will make your lives and spirits so much more complete.

Andrew Garfield about grief

[affluenzafm]

you know you love me.

Meet ANYA MACPHERSON, or if you read the Anti Grapevine, LOVER GIRL. She is a 23 year old SOCIALITE/UP AND COMING MUSICIAN, that currently resides in UPPER EAST SIDE. She is known around the city for her PERSONABLE & IMPULSIVE demeanor, but they may be hiding something… SHE’S AN ESCORT FOR A-LIST CELEBRITIES.

NESSA BARRETT, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER

If there’s anything Anya’s good at, it’s lying. Truthfully, her efforts to conceal her lack of spendable income or access to designer clothes could rival that of Anna Delvey. Her parent’s splurged to put her into a fancy Manhattan private school as a kid, hoping to give their daughter a chance at an Ivy League. Those efforts were noble, but it quickly became apparent that her keds and homemade lunch wasn’t going to cut it with this crowd. If she wanted to fit in, she had to be part of her classmates' world — Whether she could afford it or not. What started as sewing designer labels into thrifted clothes turned into sneaking out of Bergdorf Goodman with a bag full of stolen Gucci. Through the years, she's figured out a foolproof way to maintain a certain image of herself; Whether it's getting money from selling feet pics or carefully snatching a man's wallet at valet -- Anya's done well to keep up the charade. She's secured her place among the Social Elite, attending exclusive parties and sitting front row at Fashion Week without anyone questioning if she can truly afford any of this… Or if her IOU's and loans will eventually run out.

it's all about who you know.

ELI GOLDSWORTHY. friends with benefits. Anya and Eli’s relationship is the epitome of chaotic comfort. After meeting at a party and bonding over a few reckless choices in the bathroom, they’ve developed a no-strings-attached arrangement that’s equal parts messy and convenient. Whenever loneliness strikes, they know exactly who to call, finding solace in fleeting moments tangled in each other’s sheets. There’s no pressure, no expectations—just an unspoken agreement to fill the voids in their lives, even if it’s only temporary.

SAV BHANDARI. ex-boyfriend. Anya and Sav were the picture-perfect high school sweethearts. However, their relationship took a dark turn during senior year, after a false pregnancy scandal. Their breakup was public and painful, with friends taking sides and their once-perfect relationship unraveling in front of everyone. Now, they barely speak, both haunted by what could have been if things had been different.

FIONA COYNE. party friend. Having met through Holly J, Anya and Fiona found common ground quickly — Their shared ability to keep a party going. The two are a bit of a bad influence on one another, enabling the destructive habits they’ve picked up along the way: Coke, booze, with anything and everything in between. It’s not uncommon for the two to be spotted out well after the bars have closed.

this character is taken.

[figurecollection]

Miko Mikogami 1/8 Scale by MegaHouse, from Animal Detective Kuruminzoo

[gaiakoraidon]

I just found out that Riko Mikogami from Anyamal Tantei Kiruminzoo and Nodoka Hanadera/Cure Grace from Pretty Cure's Healin Good season have the same voice actress and I'm just flipping out over here out of happiness.

[lammienade]

[doggirlsotd]

Today’s dog girl of the day is Nagisa Mikogami from Anyamal Tantei Kiruminzoo!

[im-the-antonymph-of-your-mom]

this kids' anime episode about cats going into heat really caught me off guard a couple times

[go-bac]

Nausicaa from the Valley of the Wind. She is a bit of a tomboy, has a love for nature and adventures, and is dedicated to the people she cares about.

[abs0luteb4stard]

I swear if my mom wasn't here, or if she died. And If I didn't have a duty to take care of her through this chemotherapy.

I would probably just kill myself.

I have nothing else worthwhile to live for. Nobody is around me. My friends are spread to the wind or insufferable to be around. And I have nothing but anxieties socially and every other way. A constant and consistent hopelessness.

I'm always going to be a fringe person. Trying to be part of some group but not fitting in.

I'm really not interested in the future. You just get lonelier, you get old and sick and then die anyway.

Some people have a sense of ambition or goal I never felt that. I just felt crushed by that responsibility to myself. In aspects of living I have extreme difficulty with. Socializing, working, etc.

I'm only holding on for my mom. Because nobody else on the earth would give me a sense of unconditional acceptance and love than my parents. And I'm already one parent short as of last year.

The only "goal" I can even see is a morbid one. That is killing myself after my mom is gone.

I just don't want to live even now. But I keep going out of spite and to help my mom, so that a parent doesn't have to know what it is to lose a child before they die.

Otherwise I would end it earlier.

And what is perversely painful is I've told her this before.

[megamidevice]

Mikogami Riko • Anyamal Tantei Kiruminzoo Excellent Model (1/8) by MegaHouse

[pengrajintas2]

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[pabriktas5]

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#PabrikTasAnyam

[pabriktas3]

Vendor, 0818-0958-4233 Pabrik Tas Anyam

Vendor, 0818-0958-4233 Pabrik Tas Anyam

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Pabrik Tas Anyam

#PabrikTasAnyam

[pabriktas4]

Produsen, 081809584233 Pabrik Tas Anyam

Produsen, 081809584233 Pabrik Tas Anyam

Pabrik Tas - Pesan tas seminar, ransel, sling bag, koper, fashion, promosi, souvenir, custom, kerja, kurir, goodie bag, kanvas, sablon, sekolah, travel bag, dompet, pouch, mika, handbag, coverbag, trolley. PT. Arkana Putra Barokah: 0818-0958-4233. Order delivery, sampel diantar ke lokasi.

Pabrik Tas Anyam

#PabrikTasAnyam