#anya SPECIFICALLY SAID that she wants curly to open up

[an1muuarts]

au where curly vents to anya instead of jimmy of all people

[withercat1]

Some observations about Mouthwashing

Spoilers ahead!

Ok so this game has got me so hyperfixated that I’m using Tumblr for the first time in like a year just to keep a tab with the Mouthwashing hashtag open so I can refresh it throughout the day and see what people are posting. That and my tab full of Danny AOD gifs. Anyway.

So I wanted to share some things I’ve noticed because I haven’t seen anyone else mention them and I want to seem smart and observant.

First off is the name Curly. Like it’s kind of a weird name. It’s unclear whether this is his first or last name because the writing on his id card is so burned and so cursive. It is worth noting that Curly is an actual name, meaning “strong man” or “great strength”. What stands out to me though, is that Laika, the dog who was sent into space, was actually named Kudrayavka originally, which means “Little Curly” (and a little fun fact, Laika means “barker”). Thematically, both of these make sense. I don’t know which one was intentional, if either. It’s entirely possible Curly as a name is a reference, or just a name the devs liked.

Secondly, Anya’s design is based off of Shelley Duvall in The Shining, most recognizable to most people for the scene where she’s hiding in the bathroom while Johnny breaks down the door. That being her most iconic scene really reminds me of Anya’s deal with doors, being unable to lock the door to her quarters, and then locking herself in medical while the others try to get her out.

Thirdly, and the one I find most interesting, is one of the videos that plays on the tv after the storage room is opened. It’s about atoms, and states that atoms make up everything, like shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and cabbages, and kings. I don’t know if this video was chosen by the devs specifically for this quote, but for the purposes of my rambling I’m going to assume it was. This quote is a direct reference to The Walrus and the Carpenter, a poem by Lewis Carroll.

The poem is hyperlinked above (hopefully, Idrk how to use Tumblr), but I just want to post the segment that the quote from the video comes from.

“The time has come,' the Walrus said,

      To talk of many things:

Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —

      Of cabbages — and kings —

And why the sea is boiling hot —

      And whether pigs have wings.'”

To briefly summarize the whole poem, though I highly recommend reading it for yourself as well because it’s really good, the Walrus and the Carpenter come across a group of oysters and ask them to join them for a walk. The oysters do, and the Walrus and the Carpenter walk with then a bit, before finally stopping, where the lines above happen. Right after this, the oysters ask to take a break, and the Walrus and the Carpenter agree to let them have the break - because they plan on eating the oysters. “And why the sea is boiling hot,” I believe, refers to the oysters being boiled in order to prepare them for consumption.

The Walrus says he pities the oysters, and wipes his tears away, while actively partaking in the consumption of the oysters. The poem ends with a statement that all of the oysters have been devoured.

So! Let’s focus on the Walrus here. Someone who leads innocents astray, boils/cooks them, and then eats them, all the while crying about how awful it is while doing nothing to abstain from eating them. Sound familiar? Sound like that guy we all hate? Little bit! I don’t know if it was an intentional bit of symbolism or not, but it’s super big brained if it was.

That’s all for now but I’m sure I’ll think of some more things later. I love this game. If u made it this far I really appreciate it, feel free to comment and let me know what you think

Also let me know how to tag a post as spoilers properly, I seriously do not use this site

[goatschild]

i think “take responsibility” is meant to relate to all of the characters, not just Jimmy.

for Jimmy, there’s the obvious- he crashed the ship purposely but didn’t admit it, nor did he ever admit he did anything wrong at all. instead he chose to keep insisting that he’d fix everything

for Daisuke, it relates to his character in the form of him not wanting his parents to feel guilty for his death. He’s also one of the more notable connections to capitalism- his death demands that corporations “take responsibility” for what they forced upon such a young life.

for Swansea, he feels shame for not protecting Daisuke, and for not letting himself learn the lessons Daisuke could’ve taught him had he opened up a bit more. I think there’s more to be said, but i haven’t uncovered that yet

for Anya, i think her character as a whole represents the “responsibility” the game wants to be taken. she moves the plot forward by being a constant reminder to jimmy and also curly of what happens when responsibility *isnt* taken. but, also, on a smaller scale, Anya seems to feel guilt over being such a squeamish nurse, and over curly’s state of being (specifically how much she struggles giving him his pain meds)

for Curly, he failed to hold Jimmy responsible for what he did to Anya. he let his crew down and ultimately added to their demise. as the ship’s captain he also could represent the overbearing corporation and its affects on everyone’s lives. though his character is often received as the one telling Jimmy to take responsibility, that wasn’t how i saw it. i think he’s also faced with guilt, though he has more room to recognize where he went wrong than Jimmy ever did.

i think maybe i’d like Curly more if the fandom acknowledged where he went wrong. i think the game is not only commenting on the complexities of people but also on capitalism, and by ignoring how the message relates to each individual character, not just Jimmy, that theme of capitalistic greed is lost

[adripakoffee]

Hold on and let me yap about my goat Swansea rq (not rq, this is almost 2k words lol)

CW: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, MOUTHWASHING SPOILERS

I'm gonna use "probably" and "most likely" a lot in this because so much of this game is from Jimmy's perspective and he dgaf about Swansea until close to the end.

Okay, so Swansea is first and foremost, a very tired, very ragged mechanic who's probably pushing 60. He doesn't want to be on that ship. He doesn't want anything. He wants, at least at first, to just be done with this job and get paid. He respects Curly but he's annoyed by and dismissive of everyone else on the ship, especially Daisuke.

So much of Swansea's character is reliant on and paralleled to his relationship with Daisuke. When he meets Daisuke, Daisuke is happy and optimistic. He looks forward to things and tries to impress Swansea when Swansea doesn't want help.

The main reason Swansea doesn't like Daisuke ties into his alcohol abuse. Daisuke is always, at almost every point we see him pre Anya locking herself in medical, happy and energetic. Swansea hates this about him because that's a state of being he hasn't achieved, in his own words, in 15 years. He can't imagine being that happy while sober and it pisses him off. He's half jealous because of that and half jealous because Daisuke is young and has a long life ahead of him. Swansea does not like the life he built for himself while sober, but that's for later. Especially after they get laid off, the only one who has anything ahead of them was Daisuke. Swansea would have trouble getting another job both because of his age and because a lot of things on Earth were being automated.

Of course, after the crash, that jealousy becomes something else. Because Daisuke is the only one who has anything ahead of them, he's the only one whose life matters. Swansea loves his family, but he doesn't really like them. He's most likely worked with Pony Express the longest, so he knows they most likely won't be saved. They have one chance left, one cryopod for one person. He's saving it for Daisuke because Daisuke is only one with a chance.

Now bringing up Anya. I think it was 2 months in when Anya told him about Jimmy. Here I'd like to correct some things I said in other posts. In my Anya rant I said "He has the one last working cryo pod set aside for her specifically and refuses to let anyone into the room where it is." He felt bad for her, no doubt, but he probably doesn't actually do that. He, more likely, tells her "Hey, there's actually a crypod left. I'm saving it for Daisuke. It's not like either of us have things waiting on the other side of this." Swansea isn't responsible for Anya in the way Curly was. He respects her well enough as coworkers but they're not at all close. He doesn't feel any real need to put her in priority, especially with the dire situation at hand. I don't think he doesn't care, it's just not something he sees in his jurisdiction. And I'm not saying there's nothing he could've done. Had literally anyone at any point in the game killed Jimmy, a lot of problems would be fixed. But, unlike Curly, Swansea doesn't have as many options.

When they open the cargo hold and he starts drinking again, he rediscovers happiness. I'd actually like to apologize for something quickly. I made a short comic in which Swansea comforts Anya after she tells him about Jimmy (which he doesn't actually do, smh bro) and in the caption I had said "I love you sm Swansea I wish you weren't an alcoholic 😔" (It's also my most popular fanart on here and I'm very thankful for that ^^)

I don't blame Swansea for his alcoholism. It's an addiction just as much as anything else and no one should have to go through that. I personally though have had bad experiences with alcoholics and I'm generally uncomfortable around them. I definitely worded that caption poorly and I apologize for that, but I had meant it in an "I wish you were sober" way. I know that the caption had rubbed people the wrong way, so I wanted to apologize.

So Swansea is drunk and happy for the first time in fifteen years. Despite his intoxicated state, he still has his one goal and that's to save the last cryopod for Daisuke. He knows that's what he wants and he sticks to it. It's just him and the ax against the world. Eventually, Jimmy takes the ax to get the extra painkillers and the ax kinda just disappears for a while. Like I have no idea where it went but Swansea has it again by the time he offs Daisuke.

Speaking of which, Swansea kills Daisuke. Framing-wise it's probably my favorite scene in the game, like the breathing and Swansea's speech. Chat, I love this scene. Anyways, Jimmy offers Swansea a drink as a "peace offering." Swansea is never sober at this point in the game but even he can appreciate a good cocktail, especially when he's been slogging mouthwash for months. Honestly, he doesn't trust Jimmy like AT ALL at this point, but Daisuke helped him with the cocktail.

Swansea is kinda putting his hopes in Daisuke. Like obviously, he's placing hope in Daisuke's survival, but I think he's also seeing this optimistic, bright-eyed kid who's struggling as himself at the start of his sobrity. Daisuke said that the reason he got this job was because he was directionless in life. He had nothing to look forward to and no goals. The difference between him and Swansea is Daisuke's parents got the job for him and Swansea had to do it himself. So in that way he started to appreciate how happy Daisuke was, which is more reason to hate that he's there.

Swansea passes out from the cocktail and when he wakes up Anya is dead and Daisuke is in critical condition. Anya's gone which means they're out of a medic so that makes Daisuke's situation a lot worse. But because Jimmy used the Isopropyl to knock out Swansea, they're out of disinfectant. They have to use mouthwash which is established early on to have too much sugar to be disinfectant. So they kinda made it worse because Swansea and Jimmy are idiots who didn't listen to Anya. After a few hours of Daisuke slowly bleeding out, Swansea mercy kills him. it. looks. so. cool. During this speech, Swansea says something along the lines of "Stick a kid with a bunch of sad-sack adults and see what he learns. Bootstraps and all that." He really hates that Daisuke is here, it's just that the reason has changed. Before the crash, Curly and Daisuke were the only two who weren't like clinically depressed. After the crash, only Daisuke can find it in himself to stay optimistic, but even his faith is dwindling (Jimmy is optimistic too, but that's because he's crazy).

Right after that, he chases Jimmy around with the ax until Jimmy ties him up and shoots him. This is when Swansea lore drops about himself. He explains that he literally has not been happy or enjoyed his life in 15 years. He's done everything he's supposed to when it comes to leading a good, healthy life, but it's not at all fulfilling. He hates his job, he doesn't look forward to seeing his family, he just killed the last speck of joy on this metal space coffin, and he has nothing to live for. He's already fallen back into addiction so even if he got back to Earth, he'd ruin his life all over again. He'd be happy, but his life would be ruined. And then Jimmy shoots him.

Now here's a little health fact! Swansea was dying the whole game. People suffering from alcohol abuse often end up drinking Listerine when other alcoholic drinks aren't available. Now I'm just speculating and projecting, but Swansea is definitely a beer guy, that's his go-to. His tolerance suggests he was a craft kinda guy (which has an ABV between 5 and 10% (idk this is from memory)) or someone who drank a lot really quickly, but the mouthwash was 14% ethanol. That, in and of itself isn't the main problem, though it is noteworthy that he was already drinking more than usual. The main problem is that drinking mouthwash will absolutely destroy your stomach and intestinal linings. Mouthwash isn't just alcohol and flavoring, there's other chemicals in it too. On a good day, you'll get a nasty stomach ache, but you'll live. One to many though, and you are dead or in a coma. Like no joke that will kill you, especially if you drink a lot of it in such a short amount of time. That's why they keep saying "that stuff will kill you before anything else will," because it's actively killing them. Swansea probably knew this but he's prone to self-destruction so he probably didn't care. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that little health fact, I love reading medical journals ask me anything.

While writing this, I paused and started scrolling on tiktok and I saw a video where someone was complaining about the sudden villainization of Swansea in the fandom. I've literally seen nothing like this, but in the video they said one of the critiques people had of Swansea was that he was just as bad as Curly for not doing anything about Jimmy. That's insane, that is a batshit crazy take and I rebuke it. For one, Swansea was never Jim's friend. He never set people up to be victimized by Jimmy, he never enabled Jimmy's behavior or tried to comfort him when he was the problem. This was just a crazy thing to say, please learn to comprehend thing beyond the main text.

Um.. uh... conclusion paragraph, I love Swansea and I love to pretend he was more proactive against Jimmy for Anya's sake, but he wasn't so it's whatever he's not real anyway. I feel like this ended up being really long, like longer than the other two but idk.

Here's the link to the Anya rant and the Curly rants I also did, that I should probably edit upon further reflection

[pha-kyu]

I don't think Jimmy actually raped Anya

I know this is a controversial take and I'm open for discussion. But I recently played through Mouthwashing aware that there was some kind of SA. But when I finished the game I realized it mentioned nothing about Jimmy doing anything like that to Anya? All it said was that Jimmy and Anya did it and now she is pregnant. Which ofc Jimmy avoids responsibility of. For this to work, it kinda implies that Curly is more of an asshole than as presented. Because if Anya told him and he just did nothing about it that is just wrong on so many levels. And I have seen some people say that she told Swansea about it too which would imply he also did nothing. Though for this I am not sure because I didn't see it in the game as well. I have seen people say and it is even said on the wiki that Jimmy drugged Anya with a drink. Which makes no sense whatsoever. In order to get the ingredients needed to make the drink you needed the scanner. Which at the time Jimmy had no access to. On top of that, even if he did have the scanner he wouldn't be able to get any sweetener to cover the taste because Daisuke hid the only other packet. And to add to that Jimmy was surprised when Anya told him there were medical supplies in the hallway. So there was no way he could have known about that beforehand. And there was only one bottle to begin with of rubbing alcohol. Anya also acted pretty normal around him even while in private. She had no issues being around him and never made any attempts to get away from Jimmy specifically. She only started to act nervous when Jimmy started to lose it. Which is ofc valid. Her not wanting to do his evaluation doesn't mean it's because of rape. She didn't even say that exactly. To her, it was just a drag because Jimmy never took these seriously and always gave bullshit answers. I would be pretty annoyed too if I was just trying to do my job and the person wasn't cooperating with me. The thing about the rooms not having locks also doesn't mean as much as people think. That's a valid question to ask and it's also strange since bedrooms typically have locks. I think people are also forgetting that Jimmy and Anya have known each other for years. And everyone seemed to get along great before Jimmy let his jealousy take over. And Jimmy on top of that seemed to be pretty normal. So in a ship where they have no other ways to get off? I wouldn't be surprised if they turned to each even if it was just stress relief. Anya ofc prob would have preferred Curly. But he is way too busy with his duties to do that and not only that there is a weird power level at play there. With him being the captain and such. Daisuke is practically a kid and if he wasn't he was just introduced to the ship and hasn't had as much time to bond as everyone else. Swansea is... well Swansea (no offense.) So what other choice do you have besides Jimmy? Who at the time seemed like an okay guy? I don't know. I think in this case it's just the fandom trying to make a character much darker than they already are. Which you don't even need to do with a game like Mouthwashing. Jimmy is an asshole and was a huge fuck up don't get me wrong. I just don't think rape is on his list of the many wrongs he did.

[microwavedice]

Hello! Thanks for responding! Before my little comparison attempt here’s a quick disclaimer that I am not saying Curly is innocent, nor excusing him of his inaction. The entire Mouthwashing fandom has been frequently debating Curly and how he is not free of blame (heck it’s almost every text post here) but I was confused to see Swansea put in the same boat as Daisuke and Anya, when I saw him in game to be in a similarly morally grey area as Curly. Though just so everyone knows I love all four of the Mouthwashing characters! (Jimmy can burn in hell-) I mostly want to see more Swansea debate because I love the nuance in his character - how he stays at arms length and seems untrustworthy throughout the game but is actually ready to sacrifice himself for Daisuke, a mirror image of how Anya mentions he secretly loves cake at the surprise party when his distant and gruff attitude make it seem like he doesn’t! I want to explore all of the characters deeper complexities with the same thoroughness the community has shown to be capable of and I’d love to spark more debate about the less considered aspects so imma see if I can mirror what you’ve pointed out about Swansea with what I can gather of Curly’s side of things to compare!

When Curly learns of Anya’s situation they are still over one hundred days of space travel into the middle of nowhere, so from the moment Jimmy did it there were no space police around for Anya to call on and nowhere for them to land (probably terrifying). All of the rooms lock from the inside, so there’s nowhere Curly could have imprisoned Jimmy, though he could have probably used that nylon rope to restrain him somehow (only seems extreme if you don’t know what Jim did) though, in the same way, after learning about it Swansea could have done any of these things. He can clearly physically overpower Jimmy and take the code scanner which is as simple to use as a torch, rendering him and his self-proclaimed captain role obsolete and decidedly doing more harm than good. As for the next point, of course I’d argue that Anya is not safe at any point but to specifically address the sleeping, Jimmy never sees Anya asleep in her bed (as far as I can find) and her bed is always perfectly made, either showing her to be a meticulous person or (what I find more likely since every detail exists for a reason in this game) she sleeps elsewhere (likely in the medical bay since she asked about it specifically having locks in the Dead Pixel scene) away from Jimmy, since I doubt Anya would feel comfortable enough to sleep a foot away from him willingly (she could have moved her bed anywhere in the lobby, hell Swansea’s on the other side of the room! So why are all the rest bunched up like that??). Onto the next point, Jimmy unofficially appoints himself captain - the code scanner is not thumb print operated and the gun would be hard to conceal, also Swansea could snap him like a twig (top ten AUs) Jimmy wouldn’t stand a chance without the gun, so I don’t think Swansea was in any was threatened by Jimmy nor respected Jimmy enough to think his input was worth the harm. Diasuke’s death is bloody tragic, he lost his life for bright eyed naivety and even pushed through the broken vent to open the door, though neither him nor Anya survived (god this game is so sad but also so meaningful), in the moment Swansea seems to have been shocked to his core, complete shutdown. He says “it’s over. End of the fuckin’ line” and tells Jimmy to knock himself out with the cryopod, as if Daisuke’s death chipped away the last of his will to live on. Then, as Jimmy leaves to “fix everything” and “save everyone” with the ultimate friendship saving power of A Gun, a switch flips to the manic setting in the narrative and suddenly Swansea is furiously charging at Jimbo with the axe, a switch I attribute to him having taken that minute to process what Daisuke said about the cocktail, figuring out that Jimmy had yet again managed to manipulate someone into sacrificing themself for him to fulfil his hero complex, effectively having murdered our precious intern.

The start of this next paragraph implies that you thought Swansea factored Anya into his reason to get violent? Throughout the game, Swansea never takes much notice of Anya, calling her a “so-called nurse” and only bringing up the fact that she told him about it because Jimmy accused him of scheming, talking to her being involved in his paranoid list of potentially suspicious things Swansea’s done. Additionally, there’s a large difference in how Swansea and Curly held their inaction on Anya’s sexual assault: Swansea, in the same conversation that she told him, declined helping her, being a self aware and brutally honest foil to Jimmy’s emotional manipulation and inability to take responsibility for his choices and actions. The conversation ends with Anya saying “if that’s how it has to be” while crying, (probably due to offloading such a horrific topic, not necessarily because of Swansea’s response but it would certainly perpetuate her despair) indicating that Swansea has decided not to take action - at least not under their current circumstances. While he may have thought about it, Swansea was clearly not motivated to action by Jimmy’s sexual assault on Anya, as she told him 2 whole months before he decides to axe the bastard. Curly’s approach was almost the opposite situation, Swansea’s being that he already had reasons to dislike Jim, had plenty of time but wasn’t motivated to take action against him just by hearing about the SA, instead Curly had a trust of some kind with Jimmy (though Jimmy has shown to be very capable and prone to emotional manipulation as he did with Daisuke and Anya) but only had two days to come up with a plan, one being spent panicking about Anya potentially hurting herself with a gun and the second spent being blown to smithereens. There is no evidence, as well, within these two days that Anya was still sleeping in her quarters. There’s every chance that after telling Curly this and asking about the medical bay locks she decided to sleep in their until the crash (perhaps even after), since every lock is manual and locks from the inside she wouldn’t need to tell anyone in order to sleep in there. I don’t know what you mean Curly “helped Jimmy” after Anya told him? The only events after the Dead Pixel scene and before the crash are Curly searching for the gun, having Jimmy trying to push the sexual assault blame onto Curly in true Jimbo fashion, Jimmy then telling him “I’ll take care of it” and then Curly finding out that “it” was not in fact the child support. Anyhoo this is getting to be a really long post so I’ll wait to add anymore just in case anyone has any questions, cheers for reading! Sorry if I misspelt anything!

Hot take: Curly is more innocent than Swansea.

Mouthwashing fandom, who have shown to consistently disagree with this, what have I missed that makes you all unanimously excuse Swansea but debate Curly?

In short: Prove me wrong

[wandamaximoff12-blog]

Chapter 1: Temporary Avenger

Chapter 1: Temporary Avenger

Mallory’s POV

“Ell, I don't have time, OK? I gotta go,” I lied to my older brother. I just wanted to get away from this particular subject.

“OK, then just answer my question Mal and I'll let you leave. Why do you not want to live here with me?” Elliot Jackson, my older brother looked down at me. I could tell he was very annoyed with me, but was trying his hardest to keep his cool. I didn't know how to put into words how awful it was for me, a nineteen year old to have to share everything with my older brother who had earned it all with hard work and good judgement. His wife, his house, his money, I didn't need all of that. It was his.

“Because I hate having to rely on you for everything,” I said, not keeping eye contact and trying to slip away through the kitchen door.

“Relying on people is fine, Mal! Especially when they've looked after you your entire life!” Elliot shouted after me as I ran through the door.

“Not my entire life!” I hissed back at Elliott, not watching where I was going. I ran right into my very pregnant sister-in-law.

“Sorry, Anya, I was just leaving,” I said as I crossed the living room and grabbed the front door.

“Wait! Mal! Where're you going?” Elliott passed his worried looking wife and shut the door before I could leave.

“Away,” I snapped, pulling at the door Elliott was holding closed.

“Well, just know the bedroom upstairs will always be available to you even when the baby is born, OK?” Elliott said.

“Sure, Ell,” I sighed.

And then, being the stronger one, I yanked the door open, sending Elliott backwards.

“‘Bye,” I slammed the door behind me.

I had no idea where I was going. I just drove on. I needed a break from my overbearing brother. I loved Elliott, but ever since he married Anya he has been different and more protective and needy. He had always been those things, of course. But now more than ever. He is always asking me to stay at the house he had bought for him and his wife in Queens. But I had an apartment of my own, and I didn't want to live with my brother and his wife just because he wants to keep a closer eye on me. It seemed wrong that Elliot was the one to provide everything for me. Everything. And I was the one with superpowers. So why shouldn't I be the one protecting him? Because you're too weak and afraid, said a voice in the back of my head. It was true. I have always been afraid to use the powers I inherited from my father. I never wanted them in the first place. And if I’m pretending they don't exist, then Elliott is as well. That was the good thing about Elliott, he always knew what was best for me. He always knew what I wanted and needed him to do. I smiled and felt a great surge of affection for my brother who, despite the fact that his little sister has always been greater and more powerful, felt the need to protect me and somehow always knew what was right. I was now starting to feel guilty so I looked around for something to distract me from this unwanted emotion.

I have extremely thick and curly hair. It was jet black, waist length, and annoyed me greatly, though I learned to live with it. At the moment it was tied up in a high ponytail. It always seemed to be the thing that people noticed about me first. People had many words to describe it, and I was called “beautiful” on a regular basis because of it. But my hair wasn't my only attractive feature. I had bright blue eyes that looked rather unusual on my dark skin. This was because I was only half Puerto Rican, the bright blue eyes came from my father. I also had high cheekbones, and everything about my face seemed to compliment itself. Elliott has the same features that I do, but they don't look as attractive on a man for some reason. He was frequently called a “pretty boy��, but it didn't seem to bother him so much. He was alright with being the less powerful, less attractive sibling. And I never really knew why he was so OK with this and never seemed irritated that I seemed to get all the attention. Although, we were both adults now, and things such as who gets the most attention didn't really matter anymore. Suddenly, I got my wish that something would come to distract me from my unwanted thoughts, my phone started ringing. In an attempt to see who was calling and answer it depending on what the number said, I took my eyes off the road for a second and grabbed my phone out of my bag on the passenger seat. But suddenly, there was a loud squeak, and the car jumped. I jerked my head up to see what I had hit. I let out a breath of relief when I looked back and saw it was only a squirrel. Not being very fond of animals or wildlife in general, I drove away carelessly from the dead rodent which had blood gushing out of its split open side.

Holding my phone to the steering wheel, and keeping the road in my peripheral vision, I looked at my phone screen and gasped. Immediately, I pulled over on the side of the road and groaned. The phone kept ringing and I just let it ring. What does he want? I wondered, looking at the words “incoming call: Stark” on my phone. Last time I saw Tony Stark, it didn't end very well. And I left on very bad terms. Why would he be calling me now? I wondered if I just ignored him, if he wouldn't call again. So I clicked ignore on my phone and drove on towards my apartment, trying not to worry about it. Even though, in the back of my head I had a guess as to why Tony Stark would be calling me.

Once home, I collapsed on the sofa and rubbed my eyes. It had been a long day. Elliott had called me at 4:00am in a panic saying that Anya was going into labor. Turns out she wasn't, it was just a cramp, and Anya knew the baby wasn't coming but Elliott insisted on getting her to the hospital anyway. And I had been up the whole night on a mission for SHIELD which also turned out to be a false alarm. I was highly suspicious that everyone in my life wanted to make sure I got the least amount of sleep possible. Just then, my phone started ringing again. And when I looked at it I saw what I was expecting. It was Tony Stark again. After a lot of thinking in a span of about three seconds I decided I couldn't very well ignore him forever, and what was the worst that could happen? Tony Stark couldn't make me do anything I didn't want to, right?

“Stark,” I answered my phone.

“Jackson,” replied Tony Stark’s voice.

“What do you want?”

“It’s not what we want, it's what we need,” replied Tony.

I sighed. I knew what was coming, but I was going to act like I didn't until he asked me specifically. I noted the use of ‘we’.

“OK, then, what do you need? Get to the point,” I said impatiently.

“Oh, please you've got nothing better to do but listen,” said Tony carelessly.

Oh, really? We’re doing this now?

“And like you've got anything better to do then ask me favors,” I snapped.

There was silence. I heard whispers. And then,

“Miss Jackson, this is Steve Rogers,”

I pulled the phone away from my face quickly as if it had burned me. Captain America? Seriously? Underneath all my pride, indignation and fury, I was a little, tiny bit excited that I was on the phone with Captain America. Because, who wouldn't be?

“OK. So what is it that you guys want?” I said into the phone after recovering from my shock. I made sure I was more polite. I had no reason to dislike Captain America, right? “You guys” meaning obviously the team of elite superheroes, Earth's mightiest heroes, The Avengers.

“We want you. Rather, we need you,” said Cap.

“You must be pretty desperate then...” I said.

“We are. Loki is going to return, and we can't stop him alone. Did you see what happened to the city a couple days ago?”

“Yeah, kinda hard to miss,”

I thought back to an army of aliens invading the city lead by Loki, the God of mischief, brother of Thor, God of Thunder, who also happened to be on the Avengers. The Avengers did everything they could to minimize the amount of damage and casualties, but despite their best efforts, there was still a lot of damage. But Loki left, and his army followed him. They disappeared out of the city. The thought of him returning with his army while damage was still being repaired and people were still healing physically and emotionally was terrible. Not scary, though. I'm hardly ever scared.

“Well that's about to go down ten fold. And we were barely enough last time. We need someone else to help. Another hero,” Cap said delicately.

I refrained from snorting but said,

“hero? Oh, I'm not a hero,”

“That's a choice, Mallory. A choice you make,”

I was surprised at the harshness and pleading in his voice. They really did want me. No, they don't, I told myself. They only wanted my freakish powers. They didn't want all of me. It's a funny thing, I thought, Elliott only ever wanted me as a person, and the Avengers only wanted me as a witch. No one wanted the whole package. But you get the whole package anyway. Whether you wanted it or not, unfortunately.

I sighed. “What is it you want me to do exactly?”

“We want you to be an Avenger, and assist us in fighting in the next invasion,”

There was more whispering and talking on the other end but none of it was directed at me. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but then Cap came on again.

“Temporary Avenger,” he corrected himself.

I sighed again. I had already answered ‘no’ to this question twice. Once to Tony Stark, and once to Nick Fury. I wasn't sure why I was hesitating to do the same this time. Maybe it was because of the pleading in Cap’s voice. They really were in trouble. What would Elliott say? I thought. He would go along with whatever I wanted to do. As long as it wasn't too dangerous. But this is dangerous, I thought. But I wasn't afraid of the danger or the aliens or Loki. Then what are you afraid of?

“I’ll help you. I'll do what I can,” I said, shocking myself. What was I agreeing to?

“She says she'll do it,” whispered Cap to who I guessed was Tony.

“You're doing the right thing. SHIELD can bring you up to speed on everything. We have reason to believe the invasion is going to take place tomorrow. Are you prepared for that?” Cap said, and he didn't sound any more relaxed but very important.

“Sure, I've been through worse,” I replied.

After Cap hung up, I called Elliott and tried to remain calm as I told him what I had just done.

“OK, but Mal, why? Why would you agree to this? You've told them ‘no’ already, haven't you?” Elliott said, sounding panicky.

“Yeah, but this time it’s different,” I insisted quietly. Why was I so calm with this? “It sounded like they really needed me,”

“Well they obviously thought you were something that you're not. You're not some superhero!” Elliott said. “Wait, that sounded wrong. I meant that you're not a witch. You've never even used your powers intentionally have you?”

“Well.....” I wasn't sure how to answer that. I had used my powers intentionally many times. On missions for SHIELD, and for other reasons as well, reasons I’d never admit to Elliott.

Elliott sighed. “Mal, you're not supposed to,”

“That's a rule that you made up, Ell! Why shouldn't I? It's not like I can control it constantly!”

“Yes, a rule that I made up. For good reason. You know what people could do to you? People aren't going to love you the way they love Iron Man and Captain America. People will be afraid of you. And you're just gonna use your powers publicly when you have no idea what could happen? They could take you away, Mal! Don't you remember why-” Elliott stopped himself. But I knew what he was going to say.

“Elliott, I can't just pretend I can't do what I can. Sorry, but this feels like a chance. This feels like what I've been waiting for,”

And I knew I sounded crazy. And I didn't even understand it myself. But it did feel right to say yes. Well, it felt righter then to say no. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, and I dreaded having to spend any more time with Tony Stark. But I knew one thing, I really wasn't afraid. Because I hadn't been lying, I have been through worse.